Gather the Fragments

ANISHKA KING ON LOSING HER FIRSTBORN SON

ANDRIKA MOSS ON PERFORMANCE ARTS AND INTIMACY WITH GOD

GATHER THE FRAGMENTS

JOY FULL CONVERSATIONS MINISTER MARION HALL'S LIFE AFTER DANCEHALL MUSIC

MIN DAVONIA WILLIAMS, FROM YOUNG MOTHER TO MENTOR VOL. 1 | JANUARY 2021

Welcome

Fragments are incomplete sentences. Fragments are also parts of something broken off, detached from a whole. Whatever lens you use, fragments are symbols of unfulfillment and reminders that a thing is no longer fit for use in its purposed form.

Though we may be tempted to discard these broken pieces, I hear faith saying no. There is still use for what is left over.

John the Apostle records a miraculous story where Jesus, Jewish Rabbi and God’s beloved son, shares food with thousands of hungry people at an outdoor retreat. It is intriguing that Jesus instructs His disciples to “gather up the fragments that remain, so that nothing is lost.”

In the Amplified Bible: “Gather up now the fragments (the broken pieces that are left over), so that nothing may be lost and wasted.”

If circumstances have left you feeling broken in pieces, you are not forgotten. As you read this magazine, I pray that you will feel empowered to view your journey through a new frame. Our contributors invite you into their personal lives. They share past brokenness, vulnerability, confusion, imperfection or insecurity in hopes that you will be encouraged. They share advice born of experience so that you increase in wisdom. I am grateful for every contribution to this magazine and I hope that you are blessed.

Look at what appears to be ashes in your hands and see potential for beauty.

May God empower you to reach into your open field and gather the fragments.

Petura C. Burrows

Thank you for joining us.

SO WHEN THEY WERE FILLED, [JESUS] SAID TO HIS DISCIPLES, “GATHER THE FRAGMENTS THAT REMAIN, SO THAT NOTHING IS LOST.” – John 6:12

About the cover: May you continue to build your life in this new year being inspired by a Japanese artform called kintsugi or kintsukuroi. Here, broken pottery is repaired with gold—founded on a principle that an item can be even more beautiful having been broken and restored.

CONTENTS & CONTRIBUTORS Andrika Moss is the founder and director of Royalty Dance Co. and developing institute, Royalty Global Training Institute (RGTI). She is a member of Bahamas Faith Ministries International, where she serves on the Movements of Heaven Dance Team. Andrika has completed her Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management / Administration at the University of the Bahamas. Visit Andrika’s blog to learn about her outlook on life: Heavenly Whispers of Peace

Anishka King is married to Danson King and has one son, Aidan. She is an avid reader who enjoys poetry, fitness and gardening. Anishka has a special love for photography; you will often find her with a camera ready to capture nature scenes. Anishka works in the banking industry and resides on Cat Island, The Bahamas.

Katherine Kehoe is a Film and Television Production Writing graduate of Humber College and Professional Writing graduate of York University in Toronto, Canada. She was a finalist of CBC’s “Stories of Belonging” contest in 2014. She believes that it is God who gives us artistic talents and that when we align our vision with His power anything is possible.

Liz Voce and her husband, Jaret, own Agape Christian Marketplace in Toronto, Ontario. They opened the store in 2014, shortly after having their first daughter. Liz enjoys reading, walking their goldendoodle, Tipper, and spending time with family. She is continuously eager to learn more about who God is and what He means to her as a believer.

Min Davonia Williams lives by the scripture “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” She has become one of the top leaders in a reputable health and wellness company in The Bahamas. She is an ordained minister and leader of the praise team and youth ministry at Commonwealth Baptist Church in Nassau, The Bahamas. Davonia is married to Deacon Jochlano and they are blessed with three handsome sons - Steven, Steffon, and Jaheim.

Lana Wilkinson a single, Jesus-loving, hope-bringing, giant-slaying, atmosphere changer from the small town of Lagrange, Ohio. She is passionate about inspiring, mentoring, serving and loving others. She enjoyed fostering children over the past six years and currently work as a paraprofessional with autistic students. Lana’s life is a living testimony, filled with countless highs and lows--all to the glory of God. Tarran Knowles is an ISSA-certified personal trainer, ISSA-certified nutrition coach and IFBB-Elite Pro athlete who lives by the philosophy “God. Goals. Guts”. Tarran runs a multifaceted fitness brand that empowers clients to adopt a #Chase and #IWillICanIMust mentality. He believes that his life’s purpose is to inspire others towards better health and wellness. Tarran resides in Nassau, The Bahamas, where he works in the banking industry and builds @tkthabrand.

Rev George Sukhdeo has been in Christian ministry for the past 40 years and has been a Professional Christian Counsellor and Life Coach for the past 24 years. He is an ordained minister with the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada and graduated from Christian Bible College in North Carolina with a Master’s of Ministry in Christian Counselling and BA in Theology. He is the CEO of Emerge Christian Counselling Inc in Brampton, Ontario. Rev Sukhdeo has been blessed in marriage for more than 48 years, with three children and five grandchildren.

Vanessa C Carpenter is a Provisional Psychotherapist, Life and Mindset Strategist, and an International Student Mental Health Consultant with an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Graduate Certificate in Forensic Child Psychology. She is presently a PhD candidate studying Applied Psychology in Chongqing, China. Vanessa’s research encompasses the areas of loneliness, self-esteem, personality, mental illness stigma, anxiety and COVID-19-related stress. She utilizes courage, compassion, dignity and various therapeutic modalities to formulate an enthusiastic and proactive approach to wellness. To unwind, Vanessa loves brewing loose-leaf tea and painting abstract art.

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Losing Dakari Anishka King

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Support for Parents After Infant Loss TEARS Foundation

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Finding Your Way Christian Counselling Services

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Bringing Home Harmony Rev George Sukhdeo

of Forgiveness 13 Worthy Vanessa Carpenter Waltz of Love 15 AAndrika Moss

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Joyful Conversations with Minister Marion Hall

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This is Her Story This is Her Song Katherine Kehoe

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Driven To Destiny Minister Davonia Williams

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Letting Go of Toxic Relationships One Layer at a Time Lana Wilkinson

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Underneath The Makeup A Book Review

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Recommended Reading Liz Voce

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Building a Strong Core Tarran Knowles

Purity Strategy 28 The A Book Excerpt

Losing Dakari

“My story is not one of bravery; its purpose is to educate others. As Christians, we are entitled to grieve like others even though we are portrayed to have the fairy tale life that always has a happy ending. Living life after losing Dakari was not easy. How do you tell yourself daily that you are not a failure? How do you walk as a Christian believing that God did not hear your cry for healing? I had achieved almost everything in my life, only to fail at bringing forth a healthy, living child,” says Anishka King.”

Eleven years ago, Anishka lost her firstborn, Dakari Danson Akia King.

4 | Losing Dakari

A

t 8:10 am on February 13, 2009, I was rushed into the operating room for an emergency C-section. Lying there in anticipation, I listened for the cry that all mothers long to hear. In and out of consciousness, for a brief moment at about 8:37am, I saw his face. The tiniest thing he was; 6 months premature, at one pound and 12 ounces. He was rushed into an incubator to be tended to by nurses awaiting his arrival. Unlike the happy parents that celebrated the life of a healthy child, I celebrated the precious life that would leave us all fighting for survival.

I was determined every day for almost two weeks as I struggled along with my husband Danny to the Intensive Care Unit to deliver breast milk, diapers and clothing for our newborn. I did not heed the warnings about how overexertion could break the stitches from my C-section. I persisted through the pain and willed myself to walk the sloping hill of the hospital though I saw blood on my bandages.

“Silently, I thanked God for my blessings and the strength every day to make it through this experience even though the pain of having a sick child was unbearable�

My husband and I shared each moment together with Dakari, watching his little body fight jaundice which impacts most premature babies. We watched the thrusts of his stomach as the oxygen pumping through tall green tanks assisted him with his breathing. We waited for clearance to take him home as pediatricians and medical students came in to observe the rare case visiting the hospital. Silently, I thanked God for my blessings and the strength every day to make it through this experience even though the pain of having a sick child was unbearable. To me he looked normal. We held him as if he was a perfect gift we had been given. We looked upon him knowing that if things took a turn for the worse we had been given the opportunity to share his precious life.

As tiny as his hands were, he latched on to his father’s finger when Danny touched him.

I want to remember him as the bundle of joy he was even though we never took him home with us.

NEWLYWEDS: Anishka and Danny as newlyweds in August 2008

Losing Dakari | 5

SINGLE UMBILICAL ARTERY It was as if Dakari was given a death sentence long before he was born. For my husband and I, being newlyweds in August 2008, expecting a baby was a life’s dream! We wanted to take every possible precaution to ensure that we had the safest pregnancy and delivery. My doctor gave us What to Expect When You're Expecting and other literature to help us on our journey to parenthood. We were elated. We scheduled upcoming prenatal visits and were on our way to ensuring that all necessary preparations for delivery were made. We left the doctor’s office with the anticipation of welcoming our new bundle in the months ahead.

However, a safe pregnancy was the last thing to happen for us.

Soon, everything made me feel nauseous. Every scent became unbearable. I lost sleep at night. I was unable to sustain food and water. Morning and evening, I hung over the toilet vomiting everything that I’d consumed. I told Danny that something did not feel right and he sought every medical and non-traditional method to make my pregnancy comfortable. At nights he would rest on my stomach to have talks with the baby.

My worries for my baby increased as I was going through that first trimester. My stress levels heightened. There were times when I found myself constantly rubbing my stomach to ensure that Dakari was moving within the confines of my womb. I was supposed to be a safe haven in which my baby was being incubated.

My pregnancy took a downward turn in the second trimester.

Sitting in the chair at my doctor’s office with my husband after a routine ultrasound, I looked at my doctor’s face and knew instantly that something was wrong.

with a definite need to have a C-section. Myriad emotions swept over me. I found myself with tears falling loosely from my eyes. I could feel my husband massaging my back. His quiet “It’s going to be okay” was not assuring, because I had already determined that my body was failing my unborn child.

As if the doctor knew my thoughts, he said, “You have done nothing wrong.”

I did not wish at that time to play the blame game, but I did anyway. Why me? I struggled with this unanswered question as we left the doctor’s office. I got home and sat in the silence of my bedroom and talked to God. I asked Him for strength. I chose not to curse God because I did everything that I believed was right. I waited until I was married to have my child. Danny and I actually wanted a child. We watched single women carelessly giving birth to healthy children and now my first pregnancy was filled with an onslaught of complications. I was angry.

I felt that somehow Danny blamed me for not being able to go through this pregnancy as other mother’s could. I was still vomiting all food and drink. The progression of my hypertension ensued, along with many visits I had to undergo to other pediatric heart surgeons to monitor my unborn child. I couldn’t be as active as I wanted to be while tending to my husband’s needs. He didn’t say that I was not fulfilling my wifely duties, but I felt that I was a failure. I failed my husband. I failed myself. But my primary failure was in knowing that Dakari might not live.

If he did survive, he would have risks of kidney failure or other birth effects.

“Mr and Mrs King, it seems as if we are faced with one of the rarest cases that we have encountered here in this country,” he announced solemnly.

With a blank stare on my face and fists tightly clenched, I found myself silently panicking. I thought, I have done something wrong to endanger my child.

The diagnosis was Single Umbilical Artery (SUA). Only two vessels (one vein and one artery) were in the umbilical cord compared to the three vessels (two arteries and one vein) that would be present in a healthy pregnancy. Dakari was also affected by Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR), a low birth weight condition possibly brought on by me being diagnosed with gestational hypertension. Additionally, insufficient fluid in my amniotic sac required that I increase my water intake and do daily fetal kick counts to detect Dakari’s movements.

Immediately, I felt all the color drain from my face. In that moment, my pregnancy status went from normal to high risk,

6 | Losing Dakari

DAKARI: “Who would imagine the fight that this little one endured?”

PASSING The dreaded call came at night.

“Mr and Mrs King, we think you should come to the hospital,” said the ICU nurse.

We did just that for not one but two nights. The first night, the doctors advised us that Dakari had developed pneumonia. The second night, we got the call that he had passed away. He was gone. Along with him, all of my emotions drained from me. My husband embraced me but neither his tears nor mine fell then.

In silence we drove to the hospital. Zombie-like we entered the room where Dakari lay swaddled in a blanket, in a tiny incubator. Someone told us to sit and asked if I wanted to hold him for the last time. I did.

Danny left the room unbeknownst to me. I caressed Dakari’s little hands and feet with everything left in me and that was when the tears poured. I wept. He was actually gone - our firstborn child, Dakari Danson Akia. He lay there in peaceful sleep. Who would imagine the fight that this little one endured?

Danny’s strength for both of us at the time always encouraged me. It was made known to me months later that while I sat with Dakari for the last time, Danny slipped silently from the room to tell our family of our son’s passing.

I knew that Danny grieved, but he internalized his grief. I lived so much of my life being the strength for others that I couldn’t console him, because I was unable to console myself.

I almost drowned in the loneliness. I felt like no one was there with me. I had restless nights where I would cry myself to sleep.

I cringed at the sight of other mothers and their infants. I didn’t envy the life of others, but my maternal instinct kept longing for the child that I once held. I felt that only I was missing my baby.

COUNTING BLESSINGS Eventually, I discovered a strength that I did not know existed.

It was necessary to forgive myself for allowing thoughts of personal failure to overpower the precious parental memories given to me, even though Dakari’s life was short-lived. I realized that an ability to accept comfort from others would have helped me greatly back then. However, I was of no help to myself or to anyone around me.

Picking up the pieces in my strained marriage required that my husband and I renew communication with each other and really be in tune with God. We expounded our hurts and lived to improve where we both failed. We prayed. There were times when we prayed together and other times when we prayed in our own corners. We relied on the prayers of family during moments when we felt that we could not pray for ourselves. We gave each other time and eventually we became the friends that we were before our son’s passing.

The days moved along, and my life was made stronger because of the death of our child. Dakari taught me that even in desert experiences, we must not only trust God but trust the people that he has placed around us to help bear our burdens. As Christians, we should never believe that we would go through life being untouched by things, situations or people that test our faith in God. As God promises, he will be with us always, even in the trying times.

Our life moved on but it did so in unbelievably cold silence.

Intimacy was challenging. It was a constant reminder of the death of our child.

Did anyone reach out to extend condolences? Definitely.

Everyone assumed that I was okay because death is a normal occurrence in life. I was even told by some people that being young, just 27 years old then, I would be able to have other children. Those simple words were meant as encouragement. However, they came across in the most heartless form even though I knew that it should not have been interpreted that way. I allowed myself to sink deeper into an abyss of emptiness. I could not share my feelings. I could not write about it. I could not do anything.

MOTHER: Anishka and her mother, Pandora King

My difficult moments became a memory when we found out in December 2009 that I was pregnant with our second child.

Today, we have a healthy, energetic son who we know did not come to replace our firstborn. He came to remind us daily of the blessings we are given as parents.

Losing Dakari | 7

Support For Parents After Infant Loss

By The TEARS International Bahamas Chapter

L

osing a child at any age is the hardest thing in the world. But when that occurs during early miscarriage, stillbirth or even when the child is an infant, many bereaved mother’s biggest struggle is to make known that we will forever be that child’s mother. And for this reason, TEARS International Bahamas Chapter exists.

We believe that every child’s life deserves to be honoured and memorialized in accordance with the grieving parents’ wishes. We are committed to helping bereaved parents with this experience.

TERMINOLOGY Fetal Death: the intrauterine death of a fetus at any gestational age Perinatal Death: a death around the time of delivery, includes both fetal deaths and neonatal deaths.

Neonatal Death: a death during the first 28 days of life (0-27 days) Infant Death: the loss of a child up to 1 year od.

TEARS want all families to know that they are not alone and that there can be HOPE after the loss of your precious baby. Many of our volunteers have experienced the loss of a child, so we are fully committed to compassionately providing you with the tools needed on your journey of healing.

Ways to Heal IN HOSPITAL Take Photos with your baby Name your baby Get hand and foot prints Read & Sing to your baby

AT HOME

Have a ceremony for your baby Talk about your baby.

Journal/Write about your loss Join TEARS Support

Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID): The death of an infant younger than one year of age that occurs suddenly and unexpectedly. A full investigation is done to determine the cause of these deaths and diagnoses can include infection, suffocation caused by ingestion, entrapment or accidental suffocation or strangulation in bed, metabolic diseases, cardiac arrhythmias, trauma (accidental or non-accidental) and SIDS.

How to Support Your Friend

SIDS: a category of SUID in which the death of an infant under one year old cannot be explained even after a full investigation that includes a complete autopsy, examination of the death scene, and review of the clinical history.

For more information about The TEARS International Bahamas Chapter, please visit https://thetearsfoundation.org/bahamas/ or email bahamasproject@ thetearsfoundation.org .The Bahamas Chapter is an affiliate of The TEARS Foundation, an international organization that seeks to compassionately lift a financial burden from families who have lost a child by providing funds to assist with the cost of burial or cremation services. They also offer parents comprehensive bereavement care in the form of grief support groups and peer companions. Find your local Chapter.

Take Action! Bring Meals, help with their Children, Feed the dog, Clean the house, Do laundry, etc.

Talk with them about their baby and use their baby name.

Stay away from clichés like, “Everything happens for a reason”, or “At least you have other children”.

Listen and Listen some more.

Value their baby. Recognize anniversary dates and acknowledge the family at those times.

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When finding your way following a stillbirth or death of an infant child, recognize that: • You are grieving a significant loss – a loss which is often invisible to others.

• Your grief may include crying, feelings of helplessness, loss of hope, loss of interest in daily activities, loss of appetite, or difficulty with concentration.

• You may also struggle with feelings of guilt or blame – feeling that somehow you were responsible.

• You may find it difficult to be around other families with a baby or young child.

• You may feel angry – with others or yourself.

• It may be difficult to return home and face the preparations you made for the baby’s arrival.

• Your marriage may be affected as you and your partner grieve in different ways.

• You may find that your faith life has been rocked and you may be angry or upset with God, asking, “Why me?”

• Even if the pregnancy was unplanned, you will encounter grief.

Take care of yourself by: • Seeking support that is meaningful to you. Not everyone grieves in the same way.

• Finding ways to express your loss such as talking with others, journaling, and/or prayer.

• Accessing resources such as groups, counselling services, or meeting with your pastor to assist with your grief.

• Engaging with your partner for mutual care and support as you recover from this loss.

• Recognizing and accepting that family or friends may not understand your feelings and perhaps make insensitive comments.

• Acknowledging your feelings about your grief to God and asking for help to accept this loss.

If you have other children, let them know about this loss and support them with their questions and feelings. Be sensitive to their stage of development as this information may not be appropriate for young children. Some couples find it helpful to remember their deceased child in a specific way, such as through pictures, a special plant in a garden, a diary, or a candle.

While it may be difficult, do your best to love yourself and recall all the ways that God loves you.

Christian Counselling Services is a Toronto-based community of professionals offering counselling and psychotherapy services for people who are searching help with psychological, emotional and /or spiritual healing, growth and change. Their goal is to work in partnership with you by exploring the issues and challenges which are disrupting or constricting your ability to enjoy greater fullness of life. Find out more about their services by visiting 2 Carlton Street, Suite 1009, Toronto, ON M5B 1J3, calling 416-489-3350 or logging on to http://www.christiancounsellingservices.com.

Finding Your Way | 9

Bringing Harmony Home Let’s go deeper into God’s word with Rev George Sukhedo, author of Preparing for and Fostering Harmony in Marriage.

This interactive Bible Study focuses on the wife’s role in nurturing a healthier marriage.

A wife can make or break a man and her marriage. She must take care in how she lives, as commanded by Paul in Ephesians 5:15-16: So then, be very careful how you live. Don’t live like foolish people but like wise people. Make the most of your opportunities because these are evil days.

(GW) A wise wife will be sure to maintain a right relationship with God and with your husbands and guard against people of evil influence. Paul warns believers in 1 Corinthians 15:33: Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

(NASB) Even your family or best friends can lead you in the wrong direction and create havoc in your marriage if their influence is not godly.

With God’s help, you can discover your God-given responsibility in marriage. This means recognizing that: 1. You should support and help your husband. Don’t try to rule him, manipulate him, or act on evil influences as Eve did in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 3:6: “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was delightful to look at, and a tree to be desired in order to make one wise and insightful, she took some of its fruit and ate it; and she also gave some to her husband with her, and he ate.” (AMP)

2. While God designated your husband as the ‘general manager’ of the home, your husband can only function with you, a good chief administrator.

3. God designated the wife as the helper and not as a replica of her husband.

You are meant to complement him and assist him in his duties. Genesis 2:18: God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion. (MSG)

whether he is right or wrong.

• Accept his thoughts and feelings and help him to overcome the negative ones. This is an act of love and makes your marriage stronger!

• Accept him despite his failures and help him rise from defeat. Do not criticize, nag him, or compare him with other men. That emasculates him and corrupts his potential and self-image.

4. You can and will fulfill God’s design through dependence on His guidance and power. John 15:5: I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (NIV)

Love is unconditional sacrifice. Make your husband a priority in the following ways:

Upon accepting God’s design for marriage, there are other responsibilities to remember. You should love, support, and respect your husband.

• Be available in terms of time and energy.

HOW TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND Titus 2:4 …train the younger women to love their husbands. (NIV) Love is an attitude of unconditional acceptance, expressed like this: • Accept your husband as flawed. Don’t only accept him when you judge his actions as right, but accept him based on his value as God’s gift to you—

• Give him quality time, listen to him, talk to him, and encourage his wholesome pursuits.

• Give him physical attention, as we see in Solomon 7: 10-12: I belong to my lover and his desire is for me. Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages.

Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love. (NIV) Here, the wife invites her husband to spend quality time together at both the end and beginning of the day.

“You cannot complete and compete” Reflection: How can you show love to your husband? ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________

HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR HUSBAND Proverbs 31:10-12: A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (NIV) These verses mention a wife of ‘noble character’ not just a wife.

When you support your husband, you complete the marital relationship.

• You cannot complete the marital relationship and bring harmony to the home if you are being competitive. Proverbs 21:9: Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging wife. (MSG) Proverbs 12:4-5: A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones. The plans of the godly are just; the advice of the wicked is treacherous. (NLT) • Wives should support and encourage their husbands, rather than make demands, criticize or condemn them.

In the scriptures, God calls this support ‘submission’. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:21-23: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (NIV)The

It is, however, a form of surrender. Submission means to work united with your husband.

You are not alone in being called to submission, though. vvvThe phrase, submit to one another, is very clear in Ephesians 5:21. This means that both mates must submit to each other, considering God’s will in every situation.

After telling both husband and wife to submit to each other, Paul then turns his attention to the wife, specifically: “submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord.” This is not an exhortation, but a command. It is not something that can be adhered to or ignored based on your feelings. What does submission look like in your daily life?

First, your husband must be following after God’s heart.

Then, when making decisions, there must be diligent dialogue between you and your husband. Don’t hesitate to consult the appropriate outside parties if professional or spiritual wisdom is needed. If you and your husband do not come to an agreement after following all of those steps, then you must submit to your husband’s decision. Make it clear that you disagree, but will submit to his leadership.

We often misunderstand submission. So it bears repeating that submission does not mean stupidity or inferiority, loss of identity, blind obedience, or allowing your husband to violate the law or to be physically or emotionally abusive to you.

However, submission does mean:

“Submission is not blind obedience”

• Responding to your husband with your eyes always on God’s design for marriage.

• Yielding to your husband as he submits to God. • Respectfully sharing your opinions, wisdom, and knowledge.

word submit does not mean that you are inferior, stupid, or that you will lose your identity. Submission, in the biblical sense, is not blind obedience.

• Empowering your husband to lead by encouraging godly initiatives.

Bringing Home Harmony | 11

Reflection: What does submission look like in your daily marriage life? __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________

HOW TO RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND Ephesians 5:33: However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.] (AMPC) The biblical meaning of respect is to voluntarily lift up another person for special consideration and treatment. Respecting your husband involves understanding and appreciating him not as a perfect person but as God’s gift to you. When he fails or falls short, show him that you still admire and appreciate him.

Reflection: How can you show respect for your husband? ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________

IN SUMMARY Becoming a helper to your husband involves two basic responsibilities: 1. Begin with an attitude of faith and trust in God. 2. Make a decision of your will, along with faith and patience.

With this attitude, the wife has done her part in bringing harmony into the marriage, bringing harmony home.

No one can berate and beat us up better than ourselves. Why is it that we can offer others second, third, tenth, or what seems like a million more chances, but we cannot offer the same to ourselves? If Jesus, in all his divine perfection, can forgive us repeatedly for the mistakes we make, who are we to not be able to forgive our imperfect selves for imperfect deeds?

Worthy of Your Own

ForgivEness Vanessa Carpenter explains what self-forgiveness looks like.

W

hen we experience hurt from others, we tend to develop tunnel vision and view life and circumstances only from a negative and self-centred point of view--making forgiveness a challenge. When that hurt comes from within, it makes forgiveness that much more difficult. We can find self-love exclamations and affirmations everywhere and repeat them, yet we prove we don’t really love ourselves when we cannot forgive ourselves. Part of selflove is being able to forgive ourselves for things we regret doing.

So, how do we accomplish this? How can we handle and conquer the little voice in our heads that whispers, with malice, the notion that we are unworthy of our own forgiveness?

There is a tendency in all of us to hold ourselves more accountable than we do others. Perhaps we think that we must remember the mistake so that we don’t forget and repeat it again. However, when God forgives us, the Bible states that He remembers our sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34).

This does not mean that God forgets, but because He forgives us, He chooses not to remember the sin anymore. He won’t remind us of our sin after He has forgiven us of it. He forgives everyone who believes in Jesus Christ and has a relationship with Him.

Forgiving yourself is not about forgetting.

It is about not bringing the offence to your mind, in negative ways. Forgiving yourself means letting go of the offence you are holding against yourself so that you can move forward with God and in life. If God has moved forward, shouldn’t we do the same? To continue to ruminate on our mistakes opposes Philippians 4:8 which tells us to dwell on whatever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and admirable.

Unforgiveness is not on that list.

Proverbs 16:25 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death”. The energy it takes to harbour anger, hatred, and resentment towards ourselves is exhausting. Every bit of energy we attend to dwelling on regrets, robs us of the energy we could use to become the person God wants us to be. Forgiving ourselves does not erase the mistake, it does not justify our mistake, and it is not a sign of weakness.

Forgiveness is a decision that takes courage and strength, and it provides an opportunity to become a victor instead of remaining a victim of our own mistakes.

Unforgiveness is also a form of pride.

Whenever we establish a higher set of standards for ourselves over others, that is pride. When we can find it within ourselves to forgive others, but not ourselves, we are inadvertently saying that we are less capable of making a poor decision than others.

We are somehow wiser, more insightful, more careful than others, and therefore, we are without excuse and should not forgive ourselves. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall”. Not forgiving yourself will bring self-destruction, but forgiveness will bring peace.

Forgiving ourselves is also important for those around us. It is a well-known fact that hurting people hurt others. The longer we avoid forgiving ourselves, the more negative we will become, and therefore, the more likely we are to hurt others. The reality is that we cannot change what has happened. The mistake has already been made. However, we can make a different choice from the present onwards. Forgiving ourselves will change the direction of our lives. It will allow us to live as God intended us (His children) to live.

Forgiveness is an extremely difficult process. The enemy has a sneaky way to whisper negative thoughts into our minds, and sometimes we truly believe his lies! We must hold onto the promises of God and His Word, to overcome those negative thoughts and feelings.

When we begin to ruminate on the sins we have committed and the enemy tries to make us feel that we are unable to be forgiven because we have done too much for God to forgive, we should remember

Worthy of Your Own Forgiveness | 13

1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you” and Psalm 103:10-11: “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear Him.” We can forgive ourselves because God has forgiven us.

We should not hold hatred in our hearts towards ourselves and our mistakes because “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). We, who are saved, should not condemn ourselves, because Christ has redeemed us. We can live in peace and victory in Christ. Unforgiveness, on the other hand, dims that hope and light. Think about it for a moment. The Apostle Paul tells us that “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17). If we continue to condemn ourselves after receiving the grace and forgiveness of Christ, aren’t we, in a way, denying the faith and the work that Christ came to the Earth to do, to save us from our sins (Hebrews 6:6)? In no way am I condemning any of us when I say this.

I know how difficult it can be to forgive yourself and not remind yourself later about the mistake, ruminate on it and wonder if you are really forgiven. Sometimes when we have trouble forgiving ourselves it is because we feel that God hasn’t really forgiven us. When I feel like this, I remind myself that God has already gone to Calvary and forgiven me of ALL the sins/mistakes I have or will ever make and that He had decided to give His life for mine before the foundation of the world was ever set. I remind myself that He loves me and will never leave me, and I don’t have to believe the lies of the enemy. He is already defeated; he just hasn’t come to grips with that reality yet.

Forgiveness takes practice; reminding ourselves, verbally, that we can forgive ourselves because Christ has forgiven us first. Sometimes we need to say it aloud to ourselves every day, or even every hour, until we begin to believe it. And when that little voice comes into our minds trying to convince us that we are not forgiven by God and so we can’t possibly forgive ourselves, we can run to God and reflect on His promises and Grace and release all guilt or shame and rest in the forgiveness of God which will then lead to us to completely forgive ourselves.

To throw off that guilt and shame and make things right in our lives (especially if our mistake has hurt someone else) we must ask for forgiveness and then allow the healing process to begin. When we begin to think of the mistake, we can mentally wrap it in a ball of good thoughts and feelings and throw it away. Scientists have found that those who have difficulty forgiving are more likely to experience heart attacks, depression and high blood pressure, as well as other health issues. We want to live healthy, fulfilling lives and forgiving ourselves is a way to be mentally and even physically healthy.

Six Steps to Forgiving Yourself by Dr Everett Worthington Step 1: Receive God’s Forgiveness.

First, make things right with what you consider sacred. For many, that will be with God. But others might feel they have offended humanity or offended nature.

Step 2: Repair Relationships.

If you’ve hurt people, try to pick up the pieces. Even if you’ve done what feels like unrepairable damage, you can pay it forward so that perhaps others won’t experience fallout from your acts. When my brother committed suicide after discovering the battered body of our mother, I felt that, as a psychologist, I had let him down. I couldn’t bring him back or undo my failures, but I could help his surviving wife manage their finances. I did, and it made a lot of difference.

Step 3: Rethink Ruminations.

Sometimes regret and remorse dominate us because we are feeling a bit perfectionistic. We can rethink those unrealistic assumptions.

Then, to create more personal peace, follow these three steps.

Step 4: REACH Emotional Self-Forgiveness.

Apply to yourself the steps to REACH Forgiveness.

Step 5: Rebuild Self-Acceptance.

Accept yourself as someone flawed but precious. Often talking with someone is the key.

Step 6: Resolve to Live Virtuously.

Make up your mind not to make the same mistakes again.

14 | Worthy of Your Own Forgiveness

HOW TO ATTACK GUILT, SHAME AND UNFORGIVENESS Forgiving ourselves is not a neverending good day/bad day situation. At some point we will arrive at a turning point. Mistakes should be taken as lessons learned and not as selfcondemnation. We all make mistakes and forgiving ourselves is as close as we will come to a reset button. It’s ok to reset. It’s ok to forgive yourself.

Below is a checklist to reference when those feelings of guilt, shame and unforgiveness arise. Try it! Though forgiveness won’t be easy; it will definitely be worth it!

Acknowledge your mistake. Denial is not your friend, so take responsibility for your actions.

Process your feelings. Whether they are positive or negative, acknowledge your feelings so that you can do something about them.

Be compassionate and empathetic towards yourself. Give yourself a break and a chance to become a better person as you learn from the mistake.

Remind yourself that you are not the sum of your mistakes. Life is not perfect, and neither are you. You are still breathing, which means that you still have an opportunity to do better and be better.

Separate your self-worth from your past mistakes. You are not what you did in the past. Your identity is not rooted in your mistakes; no matter what society may try to get you to believe.

Write a new chapter in your story. You can choose to ruminate on your past mistakes or you can choose to write a new chapter in your life’s story, where you learn from your mistakes and use it to benefit yourself and others.

FREE WORKBOOK “Moving Forward: Six Steps to Forgiving Yourself and Breaking Free from the Past” Download @ http://www. evworthington-forgiveness.com/diyworkbooks

e v o L f o z t l a AW

"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He causes me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze." Psalm 18:32-34 NIV “I realize that whenever I cease from striving to be perfect in my own strength, shift my gaze on God’s love and listen closely, I see Jesus and hear His sweet voice beckoning me to join Him in a waltz of love, where my cares disappear and I experience Heaven on Earth. I believe that He is beckoning us– his bride – to run, dance, prance, sing and fly with Him throughout a wide opened space in this new era, to build with Him a lasting legacy, to advance with purpose,” says Andrika Moss.

In 2013, I got the opportunity to tour Atlanta, Georgia with the Bahamas National Youth Choir as a guest dancer.

But the world’s stage was not as exciting as I’d expected. People applauded because our performances were well done. However, after each performance, I still felt unfulfilled, empty in my heart and captive to a fear that confined me to needing man’s approval. I quickly realized that the world’s stage was not for me.

Andrika shares how her love for performing arts propelled her to passionately pursue an intimate relationship with Jesus.

D

ancing was all I knew. It was my safe place for a season. At the age of five, I gave my life to the Lord and dreamt of becoming a prima ballerina on the world’s stage. At the age of seven, my parents placed me in the children’s dance ministry at church. At the age of twelve, they enrolled me in a Christian ballet school. Soon, my ballet instructor hired me to begin teaching dance classes on weekends.

“COME” is an orignal performance

by Andrika to commemorate her waltz of love.

Watch now at facebook.com/joyfullmedia

There was a higher approval and applause that I desired. So I set off to discover the One whom my heart longed to please. I embarked on a journey to pursue a more intimate relationship with Jesus. Little did I know, I was in for a bumpy ride.

Stepping Out In 2014, I won the national award for dance at the Bahamas National Arts Festival. I stood on the stage and danced for Jesus to a song by Christy Nockels that later became my life’s story: “Though I’m small I’ll still be standing in the storm; I’ll grow up strong and beautiful all for Your Splendor Lord”.

During that phase of my journey, I did not know who I was. I was empty on the inside and searching for meaning in my life. I felt so small and insignificant as I battled with fear and anxiety. My dance during that season was presented to Jesus with the little revelation of His love I held in my heart. I worked so hard during this season to perform for the approval of both God and my audience. I felt disconnected and distant from Jesus as I danced, and I would constantly beat myself up for not feeling good enough after dancing a solo.

I felt like I was losing ground in every facet of my life. Nothing seemed to be working out for me during this season.

Yes, God was talking to me a whole lot about new beginnings, but it felt like my life was falling apart.

Andrika performs during the 2013 Bahamas National Youth Choir Tour

I was my worst critique, yet I still answered His call, without hesitation. I longed to dance with my eyes fixed on Jesus, but I was so distracted by the idea of wooing the crowd with my extensions and graceful moves. My heart was still longing for deeper intimacy with Jesus.

Perfecting my Posture In 2015, as personal trials and warfare heightened, God began to give me new, creative choreographies for Royalty Dance Company, a company he led me to launch soon after my return from the Atlanta tour. God birthed in me the vision for Royalty’s first dance production, Spring Forth, based on Isaiah 43:19: “Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

In 2016, the production came to fruition, with 450 guests in attendance. The atmosphere was charged with God’s presence and my eyes were opened to another dimension of His love and faithfulness. My confidence in God and in my gift of dance increased. Life was beginning to brighten up for me. I also started a prophetic blog where I shared the revelations I discovered while on my journey to pursuing Jesus. My creativity was blooming and choreography flowed with ease. There was such a heavy grace for me to create in this time. I realized that my vision from God was being defined in that season. And I constantly prayed for His perfect will to be done in my life.

I had just graduated from university with a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Management & Administration and I was so sure my life would immediately spring forth into a great new start in my purpose, as God had promised. I would meet the man of my dreams, get married and together we would pursue our Godordained purpose. My life immediately after university was no fairy tale based on the world’s standards. I found myself in waiting – jobless, feeling unqualified, inadequate and afraid. I longed to fulfill the urgency of purpose in my heart, but I did not know how to muster up the courage to begin to build the vision God had revealed to me. I was afraid of what others would think if I dared to step out in faith, to begin.

I suddenly became more aware of my insecurities and fears. Anxiety quietly surfaced in my heart and I suddenly felt like I was running out of time.

Next, what I feared most happened; my passion for dance was lost. Dancing suddenly became a mundane activity for me that drained the remaining joy that was left in my heart. My business plans were no longer taking off as I had planned. I did not understand what was occurring in my life in 2017, but I had a hope in my heart that never died.

It was the deep yearning for more of God that kept me waking up each morning and pushing myself to get out of bed at 10 am to seek Him. Some mornings I did not feel like getting out of bed to face the day, but His heavenly whispers of peace would ring in my heart each morning, beckoning me to join Him on another adventure.

For a while I stared despairingly at the four walls of my bedroom, uncertain about where God would lead me next.

If I am to be honest, I doubted at times that God would lead me out of that trying season. But I knew deep in my heart that this too would pass because I was familiar with the hand of God drawing me out of deep waters. I knew He would come through.

Letting the Space Breathe I spent my days meeting with God and writing down all He would share with me from His word and through visions. I was getting stronger in Holy Spirit. I began waking up earlier each morning to meet with Him. Amidst the fear of failure, I encountered love like never before. God was breaking down my walls of confidence and security in temporary things and desires, to rebuild in my heart a firm foundation of His truth. I began to realize that my life was not actually falling apart, but falling into right alignment with God’s perfect will, as I had prayed for.

Each new day, I would have a new vision of Jesus asking me to dance with Him. He taught me a new dance. It was a dance of intimacy. I learned to move with Him and trust His leadership. I grew stronger in the faith and more in love with Him during this time. I discovered my true identity and purpose in Christ.

After each dance with Jesus, I would write in my journal all that He spoke to me as we moved. I started looking toward the future with great hope. My eyes were opened to true love and my creativity and passion for dancing was restored in a new way. I began to encounter joy unspeakable and the tangible presence of God as I danced with Him daily. I began to experience Heaven on Earth, right from my bedroom.

Leading versus Following By 2017, I began to lose ground in my confidence. I knew that I was designed for fluidity of movement and creativity, but somehow my life was at a standstill.

The river of creativity was not flowing as before. I began striving to create and my confidence in what I held so dear to my heart, my gift of dance, was slowly dissipating. I wasn’t just losing ground in my confidence in my gift of dance;

16 | A Waltz of Love

Andrika and Royalty Dance Company during 2016 Spring Forth Production

I learned how to dance the dance of victory in the face of adversity and disappointment. I was no longer dancing to perform to obtain the approval of man.

I was now dancing for an audience of one, Jesus. I knew I was loved by Him and He smiled on me; I knew He wanted to move through me to reach others.

Throughout the remainder of 2017 into 2018, God continued this process of interrupting my plans and breaking down my walls of the old season to give me a new beginning.

In September of 2018, I felt a major shift in my heart; Jesus officially laid His firm foundation of truth and love in my heart.

My vision from God expanded and I began to rest in His love and promises.

Taking Big Steps It wasn’t until I began to release the old Soon, I began to take His love into the and truly believe God and take Him at His marketplace. I was so filled with His love word that my eyes were opened to see that I shared it with everyone that I came the new way He had paved for me out in contact with. I was beginning to see of the wilderness, as He promised. God others from His perspective and I began instructed me to dust off the dreams I had to feel the burden of His heart for His placed on the shelf of adversity and to try beloved bride. I was no longer afraid to again, this time, His way. He said that it speak up because I realized that Jesus was time to build. longed to reach His lost and hurting bride. I was hesitant at first but not so much Fear of man, anxiety and insecurities afraid this time because I was confident began to fall away from my heart as I that He was with me and would never dived deeper into His word. I learned that leave. I began to experience Matthew this process was all about God erupting 6:33. Door after door began to swing my heart with love for me to be a blessing open and God began adding His blessings to others. to my life because of His goodness as I sought Him first. I received a job The year 2017 was also the year that opportunity that I did not feel qualified God birthed in me the vision for The to obtain, but God made it happen. I also Royalty Global Prophetic Arts Conference officially launched a business that year: under the theme, “Revealing Heaven on “Spring Forth School of The Arts” under Earth: A New Era of Kingdom Arts.” This “Royalty Global”. conference marked a new day for many of us who joined together to encounter God through dance.

Moving from the Centre In 2020, amidst the global COVID-19 pandemic, I find myself in a familiar space of communion with Jesus, only this time, we are going deeper. During this season, Jesus is instructing me to come away from the noise, sit at His feet and learn from Him. He also instructed me to leave behind the ministry and school I was leading, for a season, to follow Him. My obedience to leave behind what is familiar and comfortable has led me to develop deeper intimacy with Jesus and receive from His heart a greater sense of His vision and purpose for my life.

My dance has shifted to a place of greater confidence and fluidity. I now dance from a place of knowing without a doubt that He loves and approves of me.

I’m discovering what it really means to fall in love with Jesus and for Him to become my first love. He re-introduced Himself to me as a friend and I encounter Him in a new and refreshing way each day. Everything He revealed to me in previous seasons of waiting on Him, I now experience in a tangible way in this season. He is revealing many treasures and secrets of what is to come.

I know that this is only the beginning of unraveling a beautiful love adventure with the Bridegroom. Our waltz continues.

"Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense." Song of Solomon 4:6 NIV

A Waltz of Love | 17

CONVERSATIONS MARION HALL, formerly Lady Saw, traded the dancehall stage and explicit lyrics for the pulpit and sermons. Since making that life change in 2015, she has released two gospel albums, helped to restore vulnerable women through Marion Hall Ministry, and began a church in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Minister Hall spoke to Joy Full about life and ministry.

JOY FULL: After experiencing multiple rapes, molestation and physical abuse, how can you pick up the pieces of that broken life?

MINISTER MARION HALL: Because I’ve tried everything else. I’ve tried man. I’ve tried money. The fame was there. The popularity was there. The friends was there. They were socalled friends because when I took on Christ, I start see people disappearing, shedding off like you have some clothes on you just shedding off. They just disappear.

JF: You were a successful Grammy-award winning artist. Do you ever desire to return to that time in your life?

MMH: It’s not like I’m perfect, but now I’m walking really on the straight line. I ain’t playing with God. When you look at what God has taken you through—all the mess—you can’t go back. I think I was at the edge of hell about to go in and God just came and got me. You try this. You try that. But it never worked. And when you try Jesus, then that’s when it works. When the Bible say, ‘oh taste and see that the Lord is good’ and you get a taste, you don’t need anything else.

This walk is so sweet because you can trust God and you know that God will never leave you or forsake you. He is your rewarder because you diligently seek Him. The joy of the Lord, I realize, that it’s really my strength. So, when I have Christ, I’m not lacking anything. I don’t feel down or depressed.

I’m always up and ready, up and running because there is something about Jesus, something about taking on Christ that kept me. There is something about God that I just want more.

I don’t want to go back to where I’m coming from. Where I’m coming from caused me disgrace. I almost lost my sanity when I was over on that side. You have people who they do anything to tear you down and then they bring you down to a certain level that’s not you. Even though you on the stage singing all these things, in real life, that is not you. I just can’t go back!

JF: Speaking of not going back, what’s your advice for women who feel like their past is too public or too raunchy for restoration and recovery?

MMH: I think they need to google me. Some people have to see where I’m coming from, who I was before. God don’t care about your nastiness. God don’t care about your past. God beautify the meek with salvation. When God see that you give up everything else and come to him, there’s no shame in your game anymore.

It doesn’t matter what you used to do.

When I took on Christ, they gave me one week. They gave me one month before going back to be Lady Saw. They will judge you but remember who you go in that church for. What people say out of their mouth that is their business. Many are the affliction of the righteous man, but God take him through alla dem. And God tell you that you gonna be afflicted, talked about, people gone do all kind of things, people gone judge you.

But when the day of reckoning comes, who will be sitting in the judgement seat? I sure it’s not them. I sure we all have to answer to God when that day of judgement comes. So do not allow people in church—all this sanctified, purified Christians—to stop you from going to church.

I did a show at the back of that prison when I was Lady Saw. But then I heard Him clearly say, no, the women’s prison.

The next thing I love about God is when he has me laying hands on people and people getting delivered, people throwing up, people speaking in tongues, people falling over. I barely touch them and they’re just falling like papers. When I went to Antigua and I was laying hands. Oh Lord, it was something to behold. I heard when the devil say to me, “Look how powerful you are.

Look how the people are falling.” But then I heard a voice say, “Focus.” Just subtle like that. What the devil was trying to do was distract me, for me to think it was me.

After everything was done, I said, you know this reminds me of when Jesus was walking on the water and Simon Peter said, “If it’s you Lord, let me come.” Jesus said to come but somehow Simon Peter start sinking. I put myself right there. If I took my mind off God, then no more deliverance would be done.

JF: Moving from dancehall, you are now singing a different tune—gospel—and teaching God’s word. What does success look like for you now?

MMH: You know something, I just want to please God. I just want to know that when that day comes, He’ll say, “Well done my faithful servant.” It’s not even about me. You know, when I preach on my Facebook Live, sometimes I have 80,000 people watching. There’s a lot of people come and they try to push me backwards. You have the demons who come because the devil assign them to my page. You have even artists from dancehall come and they try to distract me, but there’s no powers that can distract me because I was called by the Lord and not by man.

For me, success is just pleasing God and doing what God wants me to do.

JF: What’s next for Minister Marion Hall?

JF: What has been the most rewarding part of becoming a Christian and a minister?

MMH: The most rewarding for me becoming a Christian is when the Lord have me to prophecy; when you hear Him speak clearly and He tells you what to say and do. I’ll be on stage and the Lord starts talking to me and telling me what to tell the people in the audience. The first time was when I got saved and He sent me out to a lady of the night. He gave me her name. He showed me the street and I found her. Another time he showed me a prison and I said, yes Lord, I know where that is.

MMH: I’m planning to release another album. God gave me everything and it’s deep. What I notice is that each year I grow, each album is something better than the one before. This album is just so much deeper than the first one and the second one.

Find Minister Marion Hall on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MinisterMarionHall/

"The joy of the Lord, I realize, that it’s really my strength. So, when I have Christ, I’m not lacking anything. I don’t feel down or depressed. I’m always up and ready, up and running because there is something about Jesus, something about taking on Christ that kept me. There is something about God that I just want more. I don’t want to go back to where I’m coming from."

THIS IS HER STORY. By Katherine Tria Kehoe THIS IS HER SONG.

R

RACHEL Di Fonzo singing with her church's choir for Easter

achel Di Fonzo has a melodic voice that melts like honey in tea. Her voice immediately makes me feel calm and centered. A song she leads, “I Wish That This Could Always Be” is perfect to listen to when you need to wind down and feel inspired to meditate. It speaks of a spring day, new beginnings, blue skies, and the moment of bliss in prayer when you feel completely connected to God and wish that the moment would never end. These lyrics about a moment forever, though written by someone else, is true for Rachel’s life and ministry. They describe the feeling she gets when fully connected and committed to her relationship with Christ. They also have the power to change and shape others by allowing us to experience how she feels about her faith through music. This is synchronicity in song that defies all borders and time, and brings you to a place where you experience the power of God’s love.

Now more than ever we need praise music to uplift our spirits and bring us closer to our inner peace and serenity with God. The world we live in in 2020 has asked us to sacrifice many freedoms including how we worship at church. Online praise has been a source of comfort for many and has proven that the power of music and prayer can exist outside the walls of a church. Though our current situation is causing churches to rethink how we operate our ministries, one thing that has remained the same is our love for music. As a form of meditation, it also allows us to be closer to our communities and loved ones.

A committed mother and talented singer, Rachel is allowing her God-given talents to shine in her community by sharing the gift of her voice. Rachel is a Roman Catholic with seven sons, ranging in age from 18-30 who are serious about their faith. For 12 years, she homeschooled her youngest sons all while balancing the demands of her church community. She comes from a musical family and has sung at church either in a choir or a cantor for more than forty years. Rachel’s preferred place to sing has always been church.

20 | This Is Her Story, This Is Her Song

Listen to Rachel sing "I Wish That This Could Always Be" soundcloud.com/joyfullmedia

Women have a vital role to play in ministry and can make a difference by using their own God-given gifts to inspire others. Ministry work can be both challenging and rewarding, especially while balancing motherhood. A ministry thrives and survives on the passion of its members and their ability to give their time and efforts to growing together spiritually. Artists especially have a calling to showcase their talents in a positive way, along with the other roles that define our identity.

Rachel was born in England. She is half Welsh, half English, and Italian by marriage. She considers her home to be Canada, the country she loves, but calls England and Italy home as well. At home, Rachel and her family enjoy a nice blend of English/Italian cuisine and traditions.

When asked about singing challenges, Rachel said, “My biggest challenge has always been my nerves. If I am asked to sing at a place outside of my comfort zone—the particular time and congregation I always sing at—I become very nervous and look for ways to escape from this, such as having somebody sing with me.

“I have come to realize that this nervousness is actually caused by pride— my desire to have people think well of my singing. This is a humbling realization. I hope one day to be able to overcome this pride, but I haven’t done it yet.

“My other challenge is that I am not a trained singer. I have a natural voice and that can make some of the pieces I would like to sing out of my scope.”

Rachel’s daily routine begins with prayer, reading scripture, and having what she calls an “unstructured prayer conversation with God”. Although she has a busy schedule, she finds the time to offer her daily tasks and activities to God to receive grace.

While Rachel is at church, she makes sure that her performance is for God and not herself, that everything she does is for the glory of God. “God is generous in his giving and we can be generous in return by using our gifts and talents to glorify him and benefit others. I believe also that it gives God pleasure when we do this,” said Rachel.

Rachel is still singing at church, although COVID-19 has impacted the process: “For the past few years, I have had the blessing of singing with a dear friend of mine every week at Mass.

She is a really fine singer and a wonderful person. Now, of course, due to the virus, we are restricted and I am back to singing alone. I was able to return to some singing in July, but not as much as I would normally be doing.

“My blessings have increased in other ways. I have three wonderful daughtersin-law, one granddaughter, one grandson and a second granddaughter expected soon. My sons are working in good jobs, with just one still in medical school. The little ones are the joy of my husband's and my life. God is good.”

Rachel also shared her vision for the future: “I hope to keep singing for many years and I look forward to my middle son, a fine singer, taking over from me at church.”

Rachel is an inspiring mother and singer whose favourite scripture speaks a lot about her testimony and belief in keeping a strong faith and positive attitude: “For I am convinced that death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38 NIV)

Driven to Destiny A PK’s Journey to Identity and Purpose

By Minister Davonia Williams

“

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why,” said Mark Twain. I believe that truer words have never been spoken. When you are born, there is hope that greatness has just entered into the world. When you finally realize why you are born, that hope of greatness can be transformed into reality.

I grew up in a Christian home with very loving and caring parents who became pastors when I was just three years old.

Ministry was all I knew. Growing up as a PK (Preacher’s Kid) shaped most of who I was and directed the way I acted and carried myself, but I had no clue who I really was or what I was placed on this earth to do.

Aside from being lost about my true identity, I vaguely remember an incident that not only hurt my feelings but shattered my self-image at an incredibly young age. At about 8 years old, I was not befriended by a little girl whom society would possibly class as beautiful. Her long hair and lighter complexion made me feel like I was not pretty enough.

Now, as I look throughout society today, I can identify so many women that are walking around with shattered images of themselves because of incidents in their past.

As women, we tend to devalue ourselves and sell ourselves short when we are unaware of our self-worth and have not been taught to love ourselves. Some may argue that love for self cannot be taught, but I beg to differ. If young girls are taught to love themselves in spite of what they view as their flaws we would have a world, a church, a society filled with confident, empowered women.

Growing up, I was always told that as the pastor’s daughter persons were watching me. I needed to be a good example, which meant that I had to live up to everyone’s expectations of me. However, I fell from grace, according to society’s standard, when I had two children out of wedlock by the age of 23. I was not just defined by being a PK but now I was defined by my failures.

I had let everyone down, including myself, and the stigma that PKs are the worst, seemed to now become my reality. I was not only battling self-esteem issues and failure, but I still had no clue who I was.

As I look back on what I endured during that time of my life, I remember so many persons that passed judgment and spoke negatively. They never took the time to talk with me or minister to me. However, I do remember my mother fighting for me, speaking life to me and ministering to my brokenness. I remember her speaking what she wanted to see in me and not what she saw at that time, even though she was in pain herself. As persons gossiped about me, they were talked about my mom and my dad who they ultimately felt were at fault for my actions.

In the midst of the turmoil though, our pain had purpose and our difficulty was driving us to destiny. Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” No matter how bleak things looked I could attest to the fact that God had a way of turning things around for our good.

At the age of 30, I remember looking into the mirror and for the first time in my life loving the person looking back at me.

During this time of self-actualization, I was prompted to host a young women’s retreat for the young women of my church as a time to not only pour into them but also to listen to their hearts.

This retreat proved to be helpful to many young women who look forward to this event each year.

I was so overwhelmed at how God used me to impact the lives of these young women, not knowing that he was not done with me yet. Two years later, both my mother and I were given the mandate to host a conference called “Mother Me” where we shared our personal testimonies as mother and daughter to women from a wide cross-section of The Bahamas.

The entire conference was based on the scripture in Titus 2:3-5, where the older women are admonished to live exemplary lives and teach the younger women how they are to live. We saw where young women were not fully living up to their potential and the older women were not taking the time to teach them. Hence the need for a “Mother Me” conference.

I discovered that it was only when I found myself that I was able to really live. I know that my journey has only just begun. I intend to learn everything that I can and help as many persons as I can as I continue my trek of fulfilling my Godgiven purpose because I KNOW WHO I AM!!

A few years earlier, I had totally committed my life to the Lord; no compromise, no ‘one foot in and one foot out’ syndrome. I was all in for God. In order for me to get to the place where I loved me, I found out that I had to fall in love with God and realize that I was fearfully and wonderfully made and special to Him. I had to endure the process of detoxing my life, getting rid of all the negative in my life and embracing the positive. I had to realize that there was something great that God had for me to do and I had to make the choice to go after it.

MOTHER ME: Minister Davonia Williams and her mother, Elder Vernita Josey

LETTING GO OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS…

A & Q

“I physically left a relationship that I felt was unhealthy for me, but my mind still feels stuck in the past. It is hard to let go, especially of the guilt and shame that I wasted time once again. How do I get free of that emotional pain?”

LANA WILKINSON: Freedom comes when we give situations completely to God and stop trying to take them back, fix them, or figure them out ourselves.

That isn't always easy when our hearts are broken or our minds aren't mature.

I have learned that healing is often achieved through a process, like an onion peeled back one layer at a time. Physically leaving a toxic relationship won't erase your mental pain. Knowing and believing what God’s Word says about you, your circumstances and your promises, and then speaking those truths—even when you don't feel like it—closes those toxic doors in your life and opens doors to healing, understanding and power.

When I went through my divorce, I thought I was literally going to die. I was covered in hives, couldn't eat, couldn't get out of bed, and was filled with crippling heartache and fear.

I had physically left the marriage, but the devil still stirred up havoc in my mind.

My mind had no boundaries set, no firm foundation of knowledge, and it wasn't renewed daily to stay in perfect peace and fight the battles before me. The Word of God says that there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3), so I took time to grieve, to mourn and to feel and embrace the pain.

Then the time to peel another layer came. I filled my head and heart with God’s Word and with praise and worship.

I started intentionally speaking His promises over myself, my life, and my circumstances. Things in my life and in my heart began to change. Eventually, my feelings caught up to what I was speaking and believing, and my life changed. I was able to have peace regardless of my circumstances. I was able to love myself and love others.

Shame, fear and doubt had no authority to take over my thoughts and control me.

We have been given authority to take thoughts captive. We are able to cast our anxieties on God. We have already been given freedom; we just need to learn how to walk in it and do so intentionally.

Pain is a disguised gift that can cause you to grow and give you purpose and promise if you choose to peel back the layers. God always gives us a choice. He can give you your blessing through the heaviest of burdens and use all those broken pieces to create something more beautiful than you could ever imagine…if you just give the pieces to Him.

REMEMBER TO SPEAK GOD’S WORD For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12 AMP Q&A (Questions & Advice) is a column based on Romans 14:19. Here, we build up one another through godly, practical advice and share our personal experiences to lead others to spiritual maturity.

…one layer at a time

Letting Go of Toxic Relationships | 23

UNDERNEATH THE MAKEUP A Journey from Despair to Hope

L

ynn Terez Davis-Nixon, acclaimed Bahamian actress and theatrical producer, bravely steps onto the writing stage and leaves herself vulnerable to a glaring public spotlight.

Her debut memoir, “Underneath the Makeup”, is intimate and reminiscent of a powerful monologue—done with precision and awareness. It’s the kind of work that first elicits emotion then selfreflection.

Terez opens with a childhood memory that shaped her perspective on life and then takes readers through her adolescence and young adulthood. Each chapter reveals emotional hurdles— depression, insecurity, rejection, betrayal—that she overcomes. At each stage, the author’s use of figurative language and imagery makes the storytelling easily relatable.

Terez is taking us on her “journey from despair to hope”, but we can’t be inactive passengers along for the gossip.

Throughout the memoir, she pauses to challenge readers to examine perspectives on several topics like beauty standards and holiness. I can appreciate books that force me to do work.

And I appreciate authors who are unafraid and unashamed to show their flaws.

Often, memoirs are like social media posts that reveal only the author’s good virtues or spin embarrassing moments in ways that make them attractive. Terez takes a risk in that “Underneath the Makeup” is so candid. For example, she reveals her pride in a new relationship, a moment of anger, and naivety in love. I believe that such openness makes her more endearing and her memoir even more authentic.

The imprint that this 106-page memoir has left on me is evident in the number of checkmarks made to acknowledge truths worth adopting and affirmations written in the margin to cosign the author’s faith.

24 | Underneath The Makeup

RECOMMENDED READING Three books to inspire women

By Liz Voce

A WOMAN AFTER GOD’S OWN HEART

by Elizabeth George (Harvest House Publishers) I have personally read this book and found it to be a wonderful read. As a woman, wife, and mother, it has specific, biblically based directions and practical steps for deepening one’s relationship with God and honouring the relationships He has blessed us with.

From the publisher: “Elizabeth George shares God's Word and woman-to-woman practical wisdom on how you can pursue God's priorities by putting God first in your day, your heart, and your life; improving your relationships with family and friends; building a strong bond with your husband; raising your children to follow Jesus and make right choices; and growing in your service to others.”

AUDACIOUS

by Beth Moore (B&H Publishing Group) Moore is a world-renowned women’s author, but she felt that her 30 years of ministry was missing one key component. We are meant to live a life with passion and purpose, and Moore brings to light what we are missing.

From the publisher: “Audacious is a deep dive into the message that has compelled Beth Moore to serve women around the globe. Glancing over the years of ministry behind her and strengthening her resolve to the call before her, she came to the realization that her vision for women was incomplete. It lacked something they were aching for. Something Jesus was longing for. Beth identifies that missing link by digging through Scripture, unearthing life experiences, and spotlighting a turning point with the capacity to infuse any life with holy passion and purpose. What was missing? Well, let's just say, it's audacious and it's for all of us. And it's the path to the life you were born to live.”

HANDS FREE LIFE: 9 Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better and Loving More

by Rachel Macy Stafford (Zondervan) Again, have read this book, and it has absolutely changed my outlook on relationships, and in particular, how I interact with my daughter. Stafford openly discusses her struggles with control and perfection, baring her heart and hiding nothing. Her heart wrenching confessions will have you nodding in agreement and wiping away a few tears. I would highly recommend this book to anyone with younger children (infant to teens) as an encouragement to disconnect in order to reconnect.

From the publisher: “In Hands Free Life bestselling author and popular blogger Rachel Macy Stafford (the Hands Free Mama) reveals the daily habits and practices that can help us all to live more fulfilled lives and protect our relationships with those we love. Parents, singles, women, and men---everyone needs the sanity and peace of a Hands Free Life.”

Recommended Reading | 25

BUILDING A STRONG CORE

By Tarran Knowles

A

s the skull is to the brain, so is the core to your vital organs. I say this because the core is made up of protective muscles in the torso that provide you with stability, mobility, and functionality. We tend to think that the core is simply for aesthetics and we often negate its actual purpose for the body. I believe that when we understand why a strong core is important, we will be better motivated to maintain the healthy nutrition and fitness routine that is necessary for core strength.

3 BENEFITS OF A STRONG CORE • Improves balance and stability. Core exercises train the muscles in your pelvis, lower back, hips, and abdomen to work together. This results in better balance and stability and makes daily activities such as running, walking, and sitting much easier.

• Eliminates back pain. A body that is aligned and upright will make you less prone to back pain. Your core is at the centre of your body and therefore supports your entire body, especially your neck and back. If your core is not strengthened, other structures of your back will have to work harder to support the body. This leads to muscle strain and back pain.

• Improves posture. Good posture reduces wear and tear on your spine. It allows you to breathe deeply, making it easier for oxygen to travel through your muscles so they contract. Good posture makes it easier for you to stand and be seated comfortably for long periods of time. Good posture helps to keep your body aligned, eliminates back pain, and increases your overall exercise output.

As a wellness and health coach, strengthening your core is one of my primary focuses. Basically, we look at the core as the foundation of the body which ties everything back to the centre of your performance. A question that I often hear is, “How can I get rid of unwanted belly fat?” My cliché response is always, “Abs are made in the kitchen.” This simply means that a balanced diet and healthy nutrition is key. With that being said, healthy nutrition all boils down to prepping planning and the execution of a clean meal regimen.

4 CLEAN EATING TIPS • Opt for smaller portioned meals.

• Be mindful of liquid calories (sodas, fruit juices, alcohol, etc).

• Focus on eating more clean carbs (sweet potatoes, broccoli, oats, etc).

• Limit your intake of processed and fast foods.

I know all of this may sound difficult, but once you get into the routine and adapt to the change you will realize that building a strong core has become a new lifestyle. I must inform you that there is no magic pill, no cheat sheet, nor an easy way out in attaining this goal of a strong core, but the results will be worth it.

*Consult your doctor or healthcare professional before starting this or any other fitness program to determine if it is appropriate for your unique physical needs.

26 | Building A Strong Core

4 of my go-to core exercises Planks are one of the top core exercises out there. Planks focus on the full scope .

1 of the core. I recommend doing 4 sets of 30-second planks.

Mountain Climbers focus on the lower abdomen but also key in on mechanics .

2 and functionality. Do 4 sets of 45-second mountain climbers.

Twisters mainly focuses on shaping the waistline and the core stability. Do 4 sets of 25 repetitions (1 full rotation being 1 repetition).

3.

focus on the upper abdomen and is also a good stretch 4. Old-school Crunches mechanism. I do 4 sets of 20 repetitions.

There are a lot core exercises out there, but these four can be used as a starting point and will be a staple as you continue strengthening your core. For a core blast, I recommend doing the four exercises as one routine.

At this point, we could go on about the scientific verbiage of how many and what muscles the core is comprised of. But that is another topic for another day. The focus here is to highlight the importance of a strong core, and we have covered those bases.

Through all of this, remember Romans 8:28: “all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to his purpose.�

Building A Strong Core | 27

An excerpt from...

The Purity Strategy

“

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”

- 1 Peter 5:8-9

Satan is strategic in his tactics; therefore, we must be strategic as well. He uses strategies to plan your downfall, and you need to use strategies for your victory. Satan waits for the right time; he waits until you are most vulnerable to lure you into sin. The enemy does not want you to live by the principles of the word because he is afraid that you will walk in your true purpose and become a menace to his kingdom.

You can have what the word of God promises but you have to remain alert and do what the word says. Being alerts means you are watchful. You will sense an attack, or an error from a mile away if you are alert. If you are not alert, then attacks could sneak up on you and wreak havoc in your life. Be in tune with the Holy Spirit; He is our protector and our guide, when danger is approaching, He will send you a signal. Your connection with God is of utmost importance, so stay connected; stay alert.

Have you ever been in a season where you were mentally and emotionally tired of being beat down by the pressures of life? I had no fight left in me and I decided to stay in the mess I was in. I felt like God had forgotten about me, forgotten the things He had promised me. I lost my hope. I lost belief in God and in myself because of disappointment after disappointment.

Though I did not fully understand it then, I know now that God was trying to build up my character. I missed the purpose of that season because I was caught up on being temporarily satisfied. In your most uncomfortable state, God is doing His greatest work.

Understand that your discomfort is the birth passage to your purpose. Too often we are caught up on how we feel and constantly complain because our situation is not working out how we want it to.

Focus is especially required in tough seasons. What you focus on makes the difference in the outcome. Focus on what God is trying to do in your life rather than focusing on the dissatisfaction you feel or the disappointments you have been facing. Many times the disappointments are intentional methods that God uses to show us that we need to focus more on Him. That we need to rely more on Him rather than our own abilities or the abilities of mere humans. Inevitably, what you focus on is what you become. Your mindset constructs the tone for your environment and your current state of being. Therefore, you have the power to change your reaction to your circumstances by adjusting your focus. Are you fighting your battles with the sword of the spirit or are you succumbing to the flesh?

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

- Philippians 4:8 Now is the time for us to run after a lifestyle of purity and holiness; now is the time to stand firm in your beliefs and free yourself from all fleshly activities.

The Purity Strategy is a self-help guide for women on a journey to wholeness.

We often hear about why we need to live a life of purity and how important it is.

What we don’t hear about is “how“ this can be done. Anadescha learned how to live a life of purity after navigating through life’s experiences. This included purity of the mind, body, and spirit. The Purity Strategy explores how to use strategic methods in your life to combat the fleshly desires that contaminate your spirit. In The Purity Strategy, Anadescha shares how she grew from drowning in impurity, to having a renewed heart and mind in Christ.

Anadescha Johnson Author, The Purity Strategy

Excerpted from The Purity Strategy by Anadescha Johnson. Copyright 2019 by Anadescha Johnson. All right reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the author

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