50 Shades of Paid Magazine - January 2017 Issue

JANUARY 2017 | ISSUE NO. 13 COMPLIMENTARY

50 Shades of Paid

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PHOTOGRAPHY DISCLAIMER The photographs of Dee Hill, Maja Lewis and Kadena Tate-Simon appearing in this magazine are the property of Dee Hill Photography and the actual models represented. They are protected under U.S. Copyright Laws, and are not to be downloaded or reproduced in anyway without the written permission of Dee Hill Photography. http://www.DeeHillPhotography.com JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 2

Editor's Note Happy New Year!

This year, give yourself permission to indulge in self-care.

Buy yourself flowers.

Serve yourself a delicious breakfast in bed.

Shower yourself with compliments, kindness and compassion.

Surround yourself with loving and supportive family, friends and colleagues.

Spend some time alone. Remember that alone does not mean lonely.

Be Your Own Beloved.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

3 | 50 SHADES OF PAID • JANUARY 2017

50 SHADES OF PAID ISSUE 13

EDITOR IN CHIEF Kadena Tate-Simon

MANAGING EDITOR Frenetta Tate

LAYOUT EDITOR Karena Simon

PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR All photographs used with the permission of Dee Hill, http://www.DeeHillPhotography.com

HAIR AND MAKEUP Vivienne Vermuth, http://www.makeupartbyvivienne.com

it’s an honor and a blessing to share this information with you.

Thank You for joining me on this journey.

For more information and exclusive digital content, head over to www.50ShadesofPaid.com

CONTENTS 6 7

THREE WORDS - KADENA TATE-SIMON http://www.KadenaTate.com A YEAR IN REVIEW: GEMS FROM 2016 - SANDI AMORIM http://www.SandiAmorim.com

15

10 WAYS TO ANSWER THE QUESTION, “CAN I PICK YOUR BRAIN OVER COFFEE?” - ALEXANDRA FRANZEN http://www.AlexandraFranzen.com

19

TO BE AN INSPIRING LEADER, CULTIVATE THIS MOST IMPORTANT SKILL - JULIE DALEY http://www.UnabashedlyFemale.com

24

WORK YOUR VISION - OTITI JASMINE

29

THE COURAGE TO BE ALONE

http://www.OtitiJasmine.com

- KADENA TATE-SIMON http://www.KadenaTate.com

35

BUSINESS TUTORIAL - "PERMISSION TO MONETIZE" - KADENA TATE-SIMON http://www.KadenaTate.com

One of my New Year's traditions is to select 3 words that reflect my deepest intentions for the

Three Words

coming year.

These are not resolutions, but words that embody the desired experiences I'm inviting into my life in 2017. My three words are ease, delight and

http://www.KadenaTate.com

multiply.

My desire is also that we give ourselves permission to usher in 2017 with actions that allow us to live lives filled with love, gratitude, joy, peace and prosperity.

Thank you for reading and sharing this magazine.

It is an honor to support you, the introverted woman who is ready to learn more, package her expertise, earn more and serve more people.

Sandi Amorim Master Coach | Writer | Facilitator | Igniting revolution from the inside out. http://www.SandiAmorim.com

A Year in Review: gems from 2016

BY SANDI AMORIM

Every year at this time I review my journals as I complete the year and make space for what’s next.

2016 was a year of growth and satisfaction, as well as challenge and grief. Writing these notes to myself was an opportunity to acknowledge it all.

I share these 108 insights with my deepest wish that they resonate and remind us all that even the most challenging times have gems.

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 8

PART 2

A Year in Review: gems from 2016 1. Truth communicates through the body. Pay attention.

16. Your willingness to risk leads to change.

2. Freedom is always calling.

17. The truth is usually right in front of you.

3. Obligation kills joy.

18. Your core desired feelings are beacons.

4. Write yourself a permission slip to do whatever the hell

19. Chaos always accompanies change.

you want.

20. Be involved in a way that feels good.

5. Whisper good things to yourself before bed.

21. Let go of what no longer serves you.

6. Your words create your world.

22. There’s no substitute for doing the work.

7. Life is reciprocal. Pay attention to what you put out.

23. You are the source of your own aliveness.

8. Expansion is inevitable.

24. Get over your need for instant gratification.

9. Splurging now and then is necessary.

25. Vibrate how you feel.

10. Celebrate the future before it happens.

26. Blocks are temporary; don’t make them mean 11. Your preferences create your reality.

anything.

12. Pay attention to the details.

27. Your desires come from the part of you connected to your soul.

13. You can be as big as you want.

28. Liberation requires courage and heart.

14. Practice displaces procrastination.

29. Forgive yourself and move on.

15. It’s not luck when you earn it.

30. Practice what you love.

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PART 3

A Year in Review: gems from 2016 31. Don’t be afraid to burn bright.

46. Change your mind.

32. Listen for resonance.

47. Make more promises to yourself.

33. Walk away from drama.

48. Your comfort zone is made up.

34. Make choices that feel good.

49. Face what you’re most afraid of.

35. You really have no idea what you’re capable of.

50. You’ll find evidence for anything you believe.

36. Turn down the noise and you’ll hear something new.

51. The truth is not out there; it’s in you.

37. The more you tell your new story, the more real it

52. Your integrity doesn’t depend on others.

becomes.

53. Explore your darkness.

38. When possibilities flow, surf.

54. Focus on what is real and true.

39. Trust the healing.

55. Take the first step and the path will light up under 40. Surrender to the fire that burns inside.

your feet.

41. Intention must be followed by action for change to

56. What you feel inside creates what you see outside.

occur.

57. Action without alignment makes no difference.

42. Be on your own side cheering madly.

58. Circle what you want before you claim it.

43. Include everything.

59. What you think is in the way is actually the way.

44. Start over. Again.

60. Everyone has a story but you’re only responsible for 45. Become a light for others.

your own.

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PART 4

A Year in Review: gems from 2016 61. See the future but take action in the present.

76. Trust the arrow you already shot.

62. Comfort yourself as you would a beloved.

77. Nothing is ever just one thing.

63. Create from love and service.

78. Hang out in the questions.

64. Wake up to claim your freedom.

79. Release yourself from your own expectations.

65. Schedule what nourishes you.

80. Tell more stories of things going well.

66. Always go with the better-feeling thought.

81. Being flexible is an act of self-compassion.

67. There are as many ways to sparkle as there are stars.

82. Notice all the blessings.

68. Become as fierce about your future as you’ve been

83. Readiness attracts opportunity.

tolerant about your fears.

84. What you did yesterday doesn’t matter as much as 69. Light and dark are non-negotiable.

what you do next.

70. Devotion trumps resolution.

85. Slow down to complete more.

71. Your future is in the vision.

86. Put yourself first, always.

72. Remember your roots.

86. Do the work, keep the faith.

73. Reflection is not always exact.

87. Life is an art and a practice.

74. Do what you need to do to feel better.

88. You are a creator.

75. Feel your intentions before taking action.

89. Schedule what’s meaningful.

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PART 5

A Year in Review: gems from 2016

BY SANDI AMORIM

90. Circumstances are fuel.

100. The answer is always simpler than you think.

91. Cleanse from the inside out.

101. Let your grief take the time it takes.

92. Honour your rhythms.

102. Challenges are opportunities to realign.

93. Quiet your mind to see clearly.

103. Your attention is a resource; use it wisely.

94. Anything worthwhile takes practice.

104. Stop pretending you’re fearless.

95. Momentum is up to you.

105. Face your fear and create what you want.

96. Call on your angels in spite of your doubts.

106. You can’t create a positive outcome from a negative state.

97. Make yourself heard.

107. Be unapologetic about who you are.

98. Spirituality is your devotion to spirit.

108.There’s no blueprint to creating a life you 99. Self-care is an aspect of self-compassion.

love.

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 12

Sandi Amorim is a Master Coach, creator of The 100 Day Promise, and bestselling author.

She has spent twenty years studying what makes us tick, what keeps us stuck and most importantly, what helps us thrive.

A seasoned professional in the field of coaching, Sandi is trained in Solution Focused Coaching, NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP), PSYCH-K, and Accelerated Evolution.

She spent the first decade of her career focused on psychology, leadership, and neuroscience-based bodies of work, but after an intense wake-up call at 49, she made a promise to herself to create - and live - a life she loved.

She is masterful at breaking down and dissolving outworn toxic patterns and beliefs. A warrior for love and freedom, she will channel Kali and lead a searchand-destroy mission for what’s no longer working, forging a new path for a truly desired life.

Her expertise causes the past to lose its grip, clarity appears, and acting from a place of love and freedom becomes a natural expression. She has worked with hundreds of women one-on-one, as well as in group formats, online programs, live workshops and international retreats.

In 2014, she worked closely with Danielle LaPorte, leading the first Desire Map workshops in the world.

Discovering her core desired feelings ignited her passion and she became a fiery advocate for women to reclaim their power and make feeling good a priority.

Core Desired Feelings: Spacious | Cherished | Free http://www.SandiAmorim.com

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 13

Schedule Your Portrait Session With Dee Hill Today!

I get the luxury of making clients feel great, both from behind the chair and through the art of photography. While the beauty of and good feeling from their great hair styles doesn’t last forever, my portraits will make the smile a lot over the years.

Clients can even pass these works of art down to the next generations.

Celebrating Creativity with Dee Hill | http://www.50shadesofpaid.com/deehill/ Dee Hill Photography, http://www.DeeHillPhotography.com Hair and Makeup Vivienne Vermuth, http://www.makeupartbyvivienne.com Cover Model: Kadena Tate Model on this page: Maja Lewis

10 ways to answer the question, “Can I pick your brain over coffee?”

BY ALEXANDRA FRANZEN http://www.AlexandraFranzen.com

“Hey! I like what you’re doing in the world. I want to do something like that, too. Could I pick your brain over coffee?”

It’s an innocent inquiry.

It’s driven by a desire to learn, grow and do better.

But for many people, being on the receiving end of this particular question (“Can I pick your brain?”) can create feelings of guilt, stress and resentment.

You want to say “Yes”.

After all, you’re a decent person.

You want to be helpful and share what you know.

But if you say “Yes” to this person, then that means you have to say “Yes” to the next person… and the next… and

15 | 50 SHADES OF PAID • JANUARY 2017

so on… and soon?

PART 2

10 ways to answer the question, “Can I pick your brain over coffee?”

You won’t have any time or energy left to do your own

So that’s how I’m going to respond.

work — or hit your own goals.

Like this: Instead, you’ll be running a 24/7 Free Advice Factory for Wayward Souls.

Hey!

Is there a graceful solution to this predicament?

Many thanks for writing.

Yes.

It’s wonderful that you want to write a book. Nothing feels better than getting to that final line, on the final page, and

The key is to answer the question you WISH they were

knowing, “I did it!”

asking.

I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, because my Not the question they are ACTUALLY asking.

schedule is a bit over-full these days, but I want to share a terrific resource with you:

Here’s an example: It’s a book that I really love called Think Like A Publisher. A Let’s say somebody writes to me and says:

must-read for aspiring authors!

Hey Alex! You’ve written some books. I want to write a

Also, if you’re looking for a place where you can connect with

book, too. Could I pick your brain over coffee?

fellow writers, bounce ideas around and get support, I would recommend checking out this online community.

The question I WISH they were asking is: I hope both of these resources are helpful to you.

Hey Alex! I want to write a book. Could you recommend ONE resource that might help me to get started?

Be well & happy writing!

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 16

PART 3

10 ways to answer the question, “Can I pick your brain over coffee?”

Notice how I offered some wonderful resources —

8. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but please

without saying “Yes!” to the coffee invitation.

know that I am rooting for your success. If you give me your mailing address, I’d be happy to pop a little postcard into the

Try it out! Here are 10 more variations to help you

mail with some encouraging words…”

answer the dreaded “Can I pick your brain?” question… gracefully.

9. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I have a proposition for you…”

1. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I want to share a resource with you…”

10. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I hold a monthly meet-up right here in our fair city. Come on by, if

2. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I want

you like. I’d love to connect with you then & there.”

to share one piece of advice with you…”

(Obviously, you don’t literally have to say “I’m going to 3. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but if you’d

decline your coffee date invitation” in every instance —

like to book me for some coaching / consulting, here’s how to

that part is often implied.)

do that…”

And that’s it!

4. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but here’s someone else that you should definitely hire…”

When somebody asks you to do something you don’t want to do (like give free advice over coffee), try to

5. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but I’d love

answer the question you WISH they were asking.

to answer your question on my blog / advice column…”

Offer something valuable and helpful — just not the 6. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but if you

exact thing they’re requesting.

make a donation to my favorite charity & forward me the receipt, I’d be happy to answer your three biggest questions

This protects your time and energy, while still allowing

via email…”

you to be gracious and generous.

7. “I’m going to decline your coffee date invitation, but here’s

Everybody wins.

a blog post that I wrote about this EXACT topic…”

Their heart is happy and full.

And your brain… can go mercifully un-picked.

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 17

50 Ways To Say “You’re Awesome.”

50 Ways To Say “You’re Awesome” is an illustrated book about the power of gratitude.

Because we all need to say “thank you” more often.

Alexandra Franzen came up with the concept & wrote the text.

The wonderful Rebecca Pollock (http://rebeccapollock.com) did the drawings.

It’s an adorable, colorful book for kids and grown-ups, too.

It also has the world’s cutest theme song & trailer! https://vimeo.com/78198796 Hardcover. 112 pages.

Buy on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/50-Ways-Say-Youre-Awesome/dp/1402285663

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 18

To Be an Inspiring Leader, Cultivate This Most Important Skill

“…desire for expression lies deep at the heart of the invisible world. All our inner life and intimacy of soul longs to find an outer mirror. It longs for a form in which it can be seen, felt, and touched. The body is the mirror where the secret world of the soul comes to expression.” ~ John O’Donohue I remember seeing the advertisement for a teacher training. It was 2002 and I had just come through a tough period in my life. I’d graduated from Stanford just a year prior and had made some fumbling attempts to find work, applying to jobs half-heartedly.

http://www.unabashedlyfemale.com

It was a year of feeling unmoored like I had no idea where I was going. Nothing seemed to capture my attention or fuel any desire in me.

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 19

PART 2

To Be an Inspiring Leader, Cultivate This Most Important Skill Looking back, I suppose I was depressed on one level,

Over these years, I’ve worked with many people who (at

but more than that I was in-between lives. I’d lost my

first) were convinced they weren’t creative. Convinced.

dear husband. I’d finished a huge goal of finally getting

After the very first exercise I offer, they could no longer

my degree. I’d become a grandmother. And, I knew I

claim to lack this native ability.

didn’t want to go back into the work I had done before – the world of banking and information technology.

We’ve been taught to believe creativity equals artistic

Nothing had captured my desire until I saw this

talent, so much so that many of us are dying inside, our

advertisement.

inner world becoming harsh and dry because this elemental need is going unmet. It is an absolute need we

The teacher training was to teach ‘Creativity in Business’,

have as human beings, yet our current culture does not

a course that was offered for twenty-five years at the

honor this need, and in fact, can make it very hard to

Stanford Business School. The word Creativity jumped

meet it.

out at me. It sent shivers of aliveness through my body – even a tinge of joy.

The thing is, though, WE are the culture. We can change the culture by changing how we are about creativity, not

The business part was okay. There wasn’t much there,

only within ourselves but also in how we honor it in

but Creativity? Oh, yes!

others.

I signed up that day and my new line of work was

When we criticize, judge, and devalue one’s creative

launched – even though it would be some time before I

expression, including our own, we are stifling this

had a sense of what the work was to be.

expression. When we do this, we kill access to the source of innovation and leadership we need to be successful in

Since that day fourteen years ago, my work has changed

our own lives, as well as that which we need as a culture

and morphed in many ways. As my new life unfolded,

to make the great strides we must make in these times.

my work followed suit.

Creativity is the source of innovation and authentic But, this word, Creativity. I’ve come to know it as

leadership, and its expression is a deep source of joy.

something that is as natural as breathing. We are hardwired, and perhaps soft-wired, too, to create. It’s in our

Our creativity IS life’s desire to live beyond itself.

cells. It’s in our soul. It is the nature of life.

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 20

PART 3

To Be an Inspiring Leader, Cultivate This Most Important Skill If you are in a position of leadership where you influence

Soul IS the source of our creativity, and soul is intimate. It

and help craft work culture, pay attention to how free

longs to be seen and touched. And it longs to touch. But,

people feel to express themselves creatively.

it will shrink back from harsh criticism.

Creativity is what they do when they don’t know an

Trust, respect, and deep listening go a long way to

answer to a question being posed or a problem to be

encourage expression – both in yourself and in others.

solved. It’s how they navigate difficult conversations and relationships. It’s how they collaborate with others.

Taking it one step deeper, knowing this need to express is at the heart of life can bring you closer to knowing and

Do they feel free to share ideas without fearing judgment

feeling this impulse within yourself. And when you do,

and criticism? Or are they silenced before the deep

you can trust in the same capacity in others.

answer can come? These are all rich opportunities for one’s soul to come forth, but soul won’t when the fear of

This is one of the most important leadership skills you

judgment and criticism shuts things down.

can cultivate – the ability to foster a culture that encourages and supports creative expression both

And, yes, outside of work, the same holds true. Notice

within yourself and in everyone you interact with.

how your home ‘culture’ supports creative expression. Is there a sense of possibility and discovery when things

The secret to doing so? Trusting that the “desire for

aren’t known, or is there a fear of the unknown and a

expression lies deep at the heart of the invisible world”.

tightness about making mistakes? And, if you are a parent, how might you consciously encourage this need

And to do that, we must trust in the invisible, inner life of

for soul’s expression in your children?

soul itself.

When you come to know you are creative, truly creative,

Remember how I felt when I saw the word Creativity?

you no longer fear the unknown in a way that shuts

ALIVE. I felt alive. That was soul speaking to me after a

down your capacity for expression. Fear might always be

year of dark wandering.

there, lurking on the sidelines, but creative confidence allows us to be in the place of “I don’t know” with a faith

Ultimately, that is what we really want – to feel alive. So

and trust in your ability to bring something forth into

beautifully alive.

form.

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 21

19

Julie Daley

Julie Daley is an educator, writer, consultant, and leadership coach who has led hundreds of people from all walks of life to awaken the soul–the source of true creative expression within.

Julie guides individuals from around the world in discovering and uncovering their true nature as creative human beings.

She speaks about and offers one-on-one coaching, courses and consulting in creativity and innovation, compassion and vulnerability and authentic feminine leadership.

She has worked with corporations on Creativity in Business and teaches Creativity and Leadership at Stanford University Continuing Studies.

Julie believes we each have a blessing to give, and as women, a deeply instinctive, creative force that emits power beyond measure.

You can read some of her recent writing about life and grief on her blog, Unabashedly Female. http://www.unabashedlyfemale.com

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 22

Awaken Your Authenticity!

http://www.unabashedlyfemale.com/landing/bestof/

http://www.unabashedlyfemale.com/2012/04/25/awaken-thewild-a-7-day-virtual-sensual-immersion-from-molokai/

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 23

Work Your Vision

I’m a big fan of having a vision, setting intentions, writing down goals, making a plan, and all that good stuff. Give me a blank journal page and a black pen and watch me dream my little heart out!

However.

http://www.OtitiJasmine.com

We can get so caught up in the planning and dreaming stage that we never cross over to executing all the good stuff we’re planning.

Raise your hand if you’ve got projects and ideas that sounded great on paper but never happened because you never got around to it. *raises hand slowly*

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 24 Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/search/teacup?photo=15YDf39RIVc

PART 2

Work Your Vision Been there, done that, got the broken dreams to

Unless you’re living a fully maximised life where

prove it. We gotta move past the mental

all your visions & dreams are blooming into

gymnastics and make some strides in real time,

being simultaneously (please tell me your secret

y’all.

if so), there’s something you’re sitting on that needs your immediate attention.

Visioning & affirming are great, but it’s the raw sweat of sustained effort that births visions &

You’ve written your plan. Crafted your manifesto.

dreams.

Customised bulletproof affirmations to make your positivity skyrocket. Sketched countless

Did you get that?

mind maps to get the perfect visual representation of your dreams.

Visioning & affirming are great, but it’s the raw sweat of sustained effort that births visions &

Bravo, you have a starting point. Now what?

dreams.

Work your vision, lovely.

Where do you need to move on that gig you’ve been sitting on?

Having an audacious dream is not enough —children want to be astronauts, but do you see

Maybe it’s a book you’re aching to write but

NASA putting any kids in space? You have to

you’re hesitant to get that raw and vulnerable.

prepare and grow into your dream or you’ll never be able to pull it off.

Maybe it’s the foundation you’ve been tweaking on paper and waiting to get everything just right before you dive in.

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 25 Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/@beautycocktailsgirltalk?photo=vemyr8H8TSc

PART 3

Work Your Vision Crafting a bold vision is only the first step, not your final destination. Bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be with solid, sustainable action. Keep at it until the ethereal becomes real. Your ideas will never become tangible if you don’t nurture them, so work it!

And just in case you think I have it all together while writing to you from lofty heights, we’re in this together. This is a call to action for you and I so we can live our dreams into being.

I have projects to roll out the door so I can grow, and the longer I wait, the more my enthusiasm wanes until I lose my spark. Taking too long kills my mojo and more dreams than I care to count.

I can’t be the only one dealing with this, so what’s the solution?

It’s not about jumping from one half-baked idea to the next, but fully developing what you’ve got on your plate.

Start with the basics: What do you need to begin? What’s the smallest thing you can do to move forward today? Do you need a team or support system?

How can you get the help you need?

As soon as you identify your answers, work. your. vision. Your desires will not fall down from the sky with zero effort on your part—where’s the growth and triumph in that?

You have to till your soil, plant your seeds, tend them, be a good steward, then you can have the glorious garden of your visions and dreams as reality, not fantasy.

Don’t let your beautiful dreams go to waste. Take the time to act on what you dream up so you’re not trapped in the frustration of having a ton of great ideas and not being able to do anything with them.

Fulfillment and joy are on the other side of your determination and action; gird your loins and step your game up.

Where do you need to work your vision today?

JANUARY 2017 • 50 SHADES OF PAID | 26

Otiti Jasmine

Hello! I’m Otiti, a blogger and copywriter. I’m fascinated by joy, creativity, self-love, and well-being.

I believe in the joy and power of being a creatively nourished woman, and I’m here to spark them in you.

Let’s explore the things that fill you up with love, joy, desire, and power. http://www.OtitiJasmine.com

ELEVATE! AUSTIN, TX What is it?

BEVERLY BIEHL KADENA TATE

ELEVATE is a two day intensive about how to double, triple or quadruple your business profits in one year.

What are we going to do exactly?

Create your 2017 Income Road Map (vision and action), working side-by-side with talented and committed female entrepreneurs doing the same.

Is this event for men, women or both?

This Event is for Women Only so do let your girlfriends know.

When is it?

January 14th and 15th, 2017 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. both days

KADENA TATE

Where is it happening?

Orange CoWorking In the HEB Shopping Center @ Slaughter/Manchaca 2110 W. Slaughter Ln #160 Austin TX 78748 http://www.orangecoworking.com Food, beverage and accommodation are at your expense.

Kadena Tate and Beverly Biehl would like to proudly recognize and express appreciation for our Queen Bee sponsor "Poo~Pourri®". Please take a moment to visit and shop at http://www.poopourri.com. Thank you.

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The Courage to Be Alone

We often confuse being alone with being lonely because

BY KADENA TATE-SIMON

ourselves into oblivion so we don’t have to face one simple

http://www.KadenaTate.com

we haven’t learned how to be alone. We think we always need something or someone as a buffer between us & our deepest thoughts.

We trawl the Internet, eat, shop, have sex, or numb truth: We’re afraid to be alone.

What’s the cost of this fear?

For starters, you’re rarely in the present moment by yourself. There’s always something going on to take up space and keep you busy so you don’t have to face yourself−your wounds, fears, gifts, power, and light. You fill the hours and days of your life with “stuff” and wonder why you still feel so empty inside.

29 | 50 SHADES OF PAID • JANUARY 2017 Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/?photo=SLxbEMVNeqI

The Courage To Be Alone Secondly, you can’t truly grow or evolve without the

PART 2

Even if you’re packing some extra pounds.

courage to be alone.

Even if you’re at a crossroads and don’t know which way Dark nights of the soul force you to your knees and strip

to turn.

away the layers of noise insulating you from your truth: You want to shine but you’re afraid to; after all, what will

Even if you can’t remember why you’re supposed to care

people think?

about your business or dream in the first place.

Here’s the thing, though−hiding from yourself only keeps

There’s an art to being alone by choice.

you stuck and lethargic.

You can transform your relationship to solitude with You can’t live your dreams or dare to prosper if you can’t

these 3 steps:

face yourself, warts & all.

Embrace mindfulness.

You CANNOT do your great work if you’re unwilling to get up close and personal with your heart, desires, and

Whether or not you meditate in lotus position every day,

bullshit excuses.

mindfulness is a key step in learning to be alone.

Yes, you won’t transcend your excuses until you

Bringing your awareness to your breath, energy, and

recognize them for what they are and crush them

mind-set shows you when you’re present in the moment

anyway.

or checked out and unconscious.

The courage to be alone is the courage to face your raw,

When you’re present in the moment, you’re living in the

vulnerable truths and accept them as they are without

Now, not the past or future.

making yourself wrong for any or all of them.

You’re open to your needs, wants, and desires right now, It’s the courage to accept yourself as you are even as you

and you’re able to determine if they’re aiding or

inch closer to who you yearn to be.

hindering your intentions for yourself.

It’s knowing that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you are enough.

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The Courage To Be Alone

PART 3

In other words, you’re more aware of what’s going on in

If you feel energized or uplifted by something, can you

your head and how it’s playing out in your life.

weave more of it into your life?

When you make the connection between your thoughts

This isn’t about looking or feeling a certain way−it’s about

and reality, you start figuring out how to change the

showing up for every moment of your life and not letting

chronic negative thoughts into positive ones so you can

loneliness or lethargy eat up any more of your time.

live a happier, brighter life.

Know the difference between feeling lonely and Doing this takes courage because you have to face what’s

being alone.

holding you back and brainstorm ways to transmute it into light.

When you’re lonely, you crave stimulation, companionship, support, and love. You’re looking for

Being mindful is a moment-by-moment practice. You

external sources to feed your hunger & fill you up inside.

have to remind yourself that it’s OK to be awake and aware, to feel what you feel, and to want what you want.

As I’m sure you know, other things and people can only take you so far−they can’t fill you up as robustly as being

You won’t get very far if you keep judging yourself for

alone can.

every little thing and feeling you should be thinner, prettier, richer, or whatever else is rattling around in your

How often have you felt utterly alone even when you’re

head.

in a crowded room or surrounded by friends?

True transformation occurs when you don’t lie to

When you’re alone, you’re in communion with yourself.

yourself, tear yourself down, or wait for someone/thing

You boldly face your thoughts and desires, and you’re

to come and save you.

not afraid to explore or imagine having what you want.

Mindfulness is simply paying attention to your breath,

You’ve found a healthy, sustainable way to process your

thoughts, how you feel in your body, and why you’re

thoughts, desires, and feelings so you’re on top of your

doing whatever you’re doing.

game more often than you’re off it.

If you feel weighed down or depleted by something, can

And most importantly, you’ve learned to enjoy your own

you delegate it or at least limit your exposure to it?

company and make peace with your vulnerabilities.

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The Courage To Be Alone

PART 4

Learning to be alone means you’re able to tap into the

Freeing yourself to express your deepest truths frees you

love you have for yourself and feel it so you can fill up

to live your fullest, most vibrant life.

your empty spaces with it.

Are you up for it?

It means you refuse to succumb to grasping loneliness and you feel grounded in yourself whether you’re alone

Freely expressing yourself also helps you design a

on a mountaintop or in a crowded ballroom.

lifestyle that nourishes you and keeps you glowing. It’s hard not to beam with bonhomie when you know what

Build a daily self-expression practice.

you want, where you’re headed, and why you’re headed there.

Sometimes we feel lonely because we don’t know who we really are, what we really want, or where we truly

Exploring your desires & intentions helps you craft a

belong.

container to live out those desires & intentions. You make yourself a compass to guide you & keep you

We flit from one thing to the next, searching here, there,

pointed towards your North Star.

and everywhere for the answer to our heart’s cry.

Who doesn’t want some of that, right?

When you express yourself daily, you figure out who you are and what you’re about.

Being alone is courageous and oh so totally worth it.

Learning to be fully present in each moment is a sure

You piece together the rich mosaic of your needs, wants,

way to enhance your daily life and make you feel light on

deepest desires, and the best ways to feed them.

your feet.

You discover what lights you up, turns you on, and

Embracing mindfulness, knowing the difference between

makes you feel like you can do anything.

feeling lonely and being alone, and expressing yourself daily prep you to enjoy being alone and growing from it.

You discover your Voice, message, and big Why. How will you transform your relationship to being alone?

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WELCOME I’ve been noticing a huge trend in my coaching these days.

A trend around granting permission to myself.

A trend around asking my clients to give themselves permission to become a 6, 7 or 8 figure earner.

Why? Because the world needs profitable female-owned businesses.

Why? We understand that connection leads to collaboration which leads to stronger communities.

Perhaps you've been trying to figure out how to monetize your business.

OR Perhaps you've been trying to figure out how to double, triple or quadruple your business profits.

Either way, it is much easier to begin the process when you are clear about exactly how much money you need.

Without a clear idea of how much money you need to handle your personal and professional expenses, it becomes rather challenging to achieve your desired goals.

Maybe in the past when asked "How much money do you need?" You may have responded with an amount that is "just enough". You might not realize that this response is a form of self-sabotage because 9 times out of 10, you will end up with "not enough".

The intention of this workbook is to help you figure out exactly how much money you want and need to create a lifestyle that feels good to you. The 2nd intention is to invite you to give yourself the permission to honor those desires.

Copyright 2016. Kadena Tate Intl. All Rights Reserved. http://www.KadenaTate.com

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PERSONAL BUDGET Directions: Write in the total amount of your personal and professional expenses.

The add up all pages. Breathe. Trust that God never gives you a vision without the provision.

You want/need the money for?

Month __________

Church (Tithe) Charitable Giving Personal Savings Rent and/or Mortgage Homeowners and/or Renters Insurance Utilities (Gas, electric, water, trash) Telephone Food Health Insurance Automobile + Gas Auto Insurance TOTAL Copyright 2016. Kadena Tate Intl. All Rights Reserved. http://www.KadenaTate.com

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PERSONAL BUDGET You want/need the money for?

Month __________

Parking fees and tolls Personal Loans Credit Card Debt Postage and Delivery Health (Personal trainer, Nutritionist, Chef) Image (Hair, Skin, Nails, Makeup, Wardrobe) Child Care, Nanny, etc. Housekeeper, Maid, Landscaper, etc.

Concierge (Errand runner, driver, travel agent, etc.)

Vacation, Travel Expenses Entertainment

TOTAL

Copyright 2016. Kadena Tate Intl. All Rights Reserved. http://www.KadenaTate.com

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BUSINESS BUDGET You want/need the money for?

Month __________

Small Business Loans Accountant + Book-keeper Meeting Payroll Hiring New Staff Paying Vendors and Suppliers Affiliate Commissions Payroll Taxes Business Taxes Insurance (Worker’s Compensation, Liability, etc.)

Office rent or mortgage Building Licenses and Permits Equipment TOTAL

Copyright 2016. Kadena Tate Intl. All Rights Reserved. http://www.KadenaTate.com

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BUSINESS BUDGET You want/need the money for?

Month __________

Security Janitorial Repair and Maintenance Business Coach, Acting Coach, Voice Coach, Etiquette Coach, etc.

Mastermind and/or Membership Programs Continuing Education Business Licenses, Dues and Subscriptions Legal team (Small Business Attorney, Intellectual Property Attorney) Project Management team (Virtual assistant, On-the-ground assistant, etc.)

Visual Team (Photography, Videography, Graphic Designer, Web Designer, etc.)

Writing Team (Copywriter, Editor, Content creator, Content producer) Creative (Artist, Illustrator, Musician, Poet) Website Expenses (Design, Development, Hosting, Maintenance) TOTAL

Copyright 2016. Kadena Tate Intl. All Rights Reserved. http://www.KadenaTate.com

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BUSINESS BUDGET You want/need the money for?

Month __________

Marketing Expenses for an Existing Product Creation of a New Product Production of a New Product Manufacturing of a New Product Promotion of a New Product Distribution of a New Product Publishing Website Maintenance Printing of Marketing Collateral Event Management Business Travel Expenses Business Uniforms Laundry, Dry Cleaning, Upkeep of Uniforms TOTAL

Copyright 2016. Kadena Tate Intl. All Rights Reserved. http://www.KadenaTate.com

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REFLECTION Once you know the amount, you are invited to take a moment to reflect upon the following: a. What’s the current state of your finances?

b. What could change about Your Thoughts, Attitude and Beliefs that would improve your financial situation?

c. What ACTION step could you take TODAY to move you towards your total budget amount?

Copyright 2016. Kadena Tate Intl. All Rights Reserved. http://www.KadenaTate.com

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CONCLUSION Please remember that clarity leads to confidence. Confidence leads to courage.

Courage leads to connection. Connection leads to compensation.

Therefore, I'd like you to make a conscious choice right now to give yourself the permission to earn $ _____________________. Whatever you desire to earn on a daily, weekly, monthly or annual basis. Here is your permission slip:

Wishing you all the best , Kadena Copyright 2016. Kadena Tate Intl. All Rights Reserved. http://www.KadenaTate.com

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