SFTS February 2019 by Rochester Woman Online

SPECIAL

ALL NEW

SECTION

Because She Says So... DR. DEANNA KIMBREL

{ A LOOK AT OUR TEAM }

PUBLISHER EDITOR-IN CHIEF CREATIVE DIRECTOR/GRAPHIC DESIGN

Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Kelly Breuer

PHOTOGRAPHY

Christopher “Goodknews” Cardwell Devin Mack

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Regina Smith Gary Ariel Washington Shikeya Townsend Jessica Bain Jessica Lewis Yolanda Smilez Dr Kiki Michelle Mr Carlyle Williams Sheila Young Jamequa Abernathy Latiffany Anderson Renee Cobbs Hill Akilah Moore Tammy Reese

ADVERTISING SALES

Kelly Breuer

SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR

The Next Design

WEB DESIGN & MANAGEMENT

The Next Design

T T

ON OUR COVER

Dr Deanna Kimbrel was photographed by Christopher “Goodknews” Cardwell for the February/March Cover of Something 4the Sista’s.

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

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BECAUSE SHE SAYS SO... BY AUDREY AVIRETT I PHOTOS BY CHRISTOPHER :”GOODKNEWS” CARDWELL

Our beautiful cover feature this month in Something 4 the Sistas, Dr. Deanna Kimbrel is MUCH more than just a pretty face… She is the heart, soul, and brains behind the local boutique we have come to know and love – She Says So. This lovely boutique specializes in high quality attire and accessories for women of all shapes and sizes.

Deanna was born and raised in Rochester, NY. She has a Doctoral Degree in Management in Organizational Leadership, has been teaching an Online Communication and Business Course for 10 years, and also has an impressive background in retail, communication, and marketing. She started as an entrepreneur over 10 years ago, through selling items

She Says So began as a traditional boutique with a storefront location in the Rochester, NY area in 2009. As of 2015, the boutique has expanded to also offer an online presence. Their products have been purchased for everyday wear, formal occasions, and corporate events by people from all around the globe. One of their best tools to reach potential customers is through word of mouth from delighted and loyal customers – and HERE WE ARE! I decided to personally visit the website, and I instantly fell in love. Such great products for an amazing price! Her boutique is filled with items that can appeal to all women. And, I don’t know about you…but knowing a business carries sizes ranging from XS to 3X (and can special order when needed) makes me more opt to shop, come back, and tell my friends and family. Such an amazing shop HAS to be owned by someone pretty amazing, right? Well, keep reading to get to know the magnificent and inspiring Deanna. She is not only the owner of such a positive and successful boutique. She is also a mother, motivational speaker, advisor, friend, and a true inspiration to women everywhere.

high school in 3 years, and got accepted to the University of Buffalo with several scholarships. I was named one of Rochester’s Black Scholars – this was an honor not many of my peers received.” From there she went on to receive her Master’s Degree from RIT where she delivered her second child and thesis presentation on the same day! “My water broke during presentation my presentation!” Any woman who can deliver an important college presentation while in labor most certainly fits the description of a true HEROINE! Unfortunately, she lost her son’s father due to violence in 2015. She had to navigate through the special education system to ensure her son had a proper and quality education after experiencing PTSD due to the loss of his father at such a young age. “I homeschooled him for 5 months. Now he’s phasing out of special education and is doing very well.” Almost a year, to the day, Deanna lost a close family member due to depression and drug addiction...

at various hair salons throughout the city. One of her biggest accomplishments of all – becoming a mother 4 days before her 15th birthday, and barley out of 8th grade for the second time. “This is a point where I decide to set my priorities in life and pursue those relentlessly. I completed

Despite her struggles and heartache, she was still able to successfully run her store, complete her Doctorate, and raise two children as a single mother. “It took me 5 and a half years to complete my Doctorate with no breaks, despite several obstacles.” She further explained that her mother was her rock during her troubling times. “My mother was a key support in getting me through each tragedy and obstacle thrown my way. I also created a tool kit to get myself through tough times – which included off brand foods, a wig, nail polish (to do my own beauty services), and Netflix and Hulu after I disconnected my cable to cut out unnecessary expenses. This helped ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{{ COVER COVER STORY STORY STORY }} { COVER } “I just hope to keep building on great experiences and partnerships and seeing where my dreams will take me.”

unnecessary expenses. This helped me get through financially. I didn’t go out with friends for close to a year, and spent full days and nights at the library to complete my goals. This was also the point I decided to close my storefront and operate online only.” Strategically speaking, this seemed like the best decision for her business, given the fact that she sold products to people in almost every US state as well as Canada and the Netherlands through her online boutique. These were some of the key sacrifices she made to reach her goals and be where she is today. The message that she always likes to leave with people, “In the face of adversity, persistence is truly key!” She also currently works for a large local company as an Inclusion and Diversity Professional working to create environments nationally where people feel a sense of belonging in order to perform at 100% productivity. “Feeling excluded and undervalued is what led me to entrepreneurship. This same thing is also what made me want to get a Doctorate and be a driving focus toward equality in workplaces and where people do business. She enthusiastically explained she has a passion for connecting with people and inspiring through sharing her stories and experiences, “I’ve been a part of several events both locally and nationally. I’m always glad to partner up with other professionals through my work. I would have to say speaking to a group of young girls in Chicago through the Girls Who Code program last year about how to Slay Difficult Situations was one of my greatest memories.” Deanna further explained she finds inspiration in all of the women in her life, especially her mother. “There’s a lot of women I admire 34

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for their strength and resiliency. But there’s only been a few people I’ve had the chance to observe up-close and personal; on key personal has been my mother.” Deanna doesn’t believe in having regrets, she only believes there are lessons to be learned. “Everything happens for a reason. I think there’s always ups and downs. Being true

I’ve been through a lot to get to where I am today, and I know the sky is the limit.” Her family – most importantly her children are the driving motivation who fuels her passion to do her best in everything she does. “Don’t be afraid to take risk. Whether you win or lose, you’ve experienced something and have been given a chance to learn from that experience.” What makes her and her business stand out is the true care for customers and attention to detail. “Most customers tell me the items they purchase from me make them not only look good, but also feel wonderful.” Deanna has transformed her retail business to be MUCH MORE than JUST a boutique. She LOVES to empower women and share her knowledge with fellow dreamers to help them start their own retail businesses. “To me, there’s no competition, only growth and partnership.” She offers a variety of services and products through her website – www.sssboutique.com, including: business development for women interested in opening an online boutique, business and leadership consulting, and inspirational speaking for events. “I just hope to keep building on great experiences and partnerships and seeing where my dreams will take me.”

to yourself and your work is what matters the most.” Aside from obviously having a heart of gold, Deanna is tenacious and willing to weather any storm. “I am very ambitious, and I go after whatever it is that I want. I enjoy seeing other’s win. I consider myself an inner-city girl with a world-class swag.

So, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? You should head on over to her website, and get in touch. She would love to hear from you about your thoughts on this article, and she would be honored to help you look and feel beautiful. She has clothing, accessories, and inspirational words waiting just for you… Website(s): www.sssboutique.com Social Media Info: Linkedin: Deanna Kimbrel Phone Number: 585-414-2215 E-mail: deannankay@yahoo.com

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“Don’t be afraid to take risk. Whether you win or lose, you’ve experienced something and have been given a chance to learn from that experience.”

{ THE MARRIAGE CHRONICLES }

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{ THE MARRIAGE CHRONICLES }

WHY I CHOSE TO KEEP MY MARRIAGE A SECRET BY RENEE COBBS-HILL

I talked about how I met my husband and how we kept our marriage a secret for over two months before sharing the news with family and friends. There are numerous reasons why couples decide to elope and/ or keep their marriage a secret.

expecting my first child out of wedlock with my future husband, whom my family had barely met. I just simply wasn’t ready to drop a second bomb on them, like Hiroshima, that we were also already married. To fully

Take the former Cosby Shows star, Lisa Bonet, and music legend Lenny Kravitz, they eloped in 1987 on Lisa’s 20th birthday in Las Vegas during the height of her fame. Bonet again eloped to Game of Thrones star, Jason Momoa, the couple secretly married in November 2017, after 13 years together. Billionaire power couple Jay-Z and Beyoncé secretly married in April 2018 to escape the media For most couples the explanations vary. For my husband and I, we kept our marriage a secret because of me. I was terrified to tell my family I was married. I was the baby of the family for one, not to mention I was 20years-old and was out of high school only two years. I just built up the courage to tell my parents that I was

secretly gotten married. I think my mom was the most affected by the secret marriage because my brother was her first child and my brother had a lot going for himself. He was a straight A student all throughout school and was an undergrad student at University of Rochester. He was headed to Syracuse University College of Law. My mom wanted to make sure my brother stayed focused and she had an ideal woman for my brother, not to mention the relationship between my mother and his wife were complicated and not favorable.

understand why I didn’t want to tell my parents I was married, one would have to understand the history of it. My oldest brother secretly eloped in Canada of 1991 on my 11th birthday. It was a big shock to the family when it hit the fan that my brother had

Finding out that my brother had secretly gotten married was devastating to my mother. She missed out on these memorial moments, leading up to a wedding. I allowed for history to repeat itself. The thought of putting my mom through that again was heartbreaking. I wanted to get married but without ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ THE MARRIAGE CHRONICLES } “For my husband and I, we kept our marriage a secret because of me. I was terrified to tell my family I was married. I was the baby of the family for one, not to mention I was 20- years-old and was out of high school only two years.”

all the glitz and glamour. I didn’t want the big party and the stress that accompanies it. I wanted our day to be intimate and a celebration of young black love. I wanted it to be about us. His family didn’t really know me or had met me, and the same for my family, they didn’t really know him, so it was like why even create this big show when nobody knew each other. He wasn’t looking for a big show either, as both of us where lowkey and simple. We decided all we needed was a couple of rings, a couple of witnesses, and each other. I was interested in finding out other couples’ reasons for eloping or secretly marrying. Many couples who elope or secretly get married bypassing gaining anyone’s permission to do so. They don’t have the anxiety of someone speaking now and not holding their peace. For some, they don’t have to worry about breaking the bank, or the stress and anxiety of all the planning leading up to the day. Some simply don’t want any parts of tradition. Alex Williams pointed out in his research, the underlying reason for eloping is to not be bound by the wedding tradition. An example he used was couple Carry and Brian 42

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Provost. This couple decided they did not want the traditional wedding which caters to a big party which is in essence for the guests. Instead, this couple used a planner and still followed what a wedding usually is, but it was for the couple only. Carrie wanted beautiful memories including

she was. Although there is no solid statistics on the rate of elopement, according to Linda Waite, a University of Chicago Sociologist, “eloping is becoming an incedingly attractive option for many.” No matter how you do it getting married effects a lot of people. It is an individual choice as to how you want to get married. Traditionally, a wedding is a beautiful thing. It brings two families together. It symbolizes in some cases, children will follow. I don’t regret my choice to elope and I did what was right for me at the time. I stand by my decision. Williams, Alex. “Does Elopement Mean what it Once did, Elaborate Weddings Minus the Guest.” nytimes.com, The New York Times, 23 March 2012, https://www.nytimes. com/2012/03/25/fashion/ weddings/Eloping-Does-NotMean-What-It-Once-Did.html.

a dress, photographic memories and a video of the couple saying their vows. Whatever the reasons are for people eloping or secretly marrying, there is a long history. A case example I read about was John and Ann who eloped 80 years ago to escape an arranged marriage. Ann’s father arranged Ann’s marriage to a man 20 years older than

Jones, Kevin. “US Couples Elopement Results in 80 Years of Marriage”, catholicnewsagency. com, CAN, 23 March 2012, https://www. catholicnewsagency.com/news/conn-coupleselopement-results-in-80-years-of-marriage. HIBAW, Oliver and HREF and MAILTO. “Stressed out Americans Embrace Elopement”, abcnews.com, ABC News Internet Venture, 23 April 2002, https://abcnews.go.com/US/ story?id=91726.

{ THE MARRIAGE CHRONICLES }

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KURVIE KORNER }} {{ SHIFT+CONTROL

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{ WARRIOR CHICK CORNER }

REGINA DOYLE: PART 2 BY CHERYL L. KATES

In last month’s column, Something 4the Sista’s introduced you to Regina Doyle. A survivor. A warrior. We are not going to sugar coat things. Learning to face death, stare it right in the eye and defeat it is not a small task. Yet, this is what Regina Doyle faced in her struggle. She didn’t give up. She refused to lose hope. She went forward on faith and defeated the storm. Doing this is only half the battle. How do you pick up the pieces of your life? How do you go on living? How do you overcome the obstacles you now face? This is the second part of the battle. You survived, now you must master living after the storm. Regina had questions. No one had answers. How did the meningioma tumor invade her brain? What did she do to deserve this? How did God let this happen? Why her? Living life was not easy. Regina now felt as it she was submerged in a pool of water. The pain and agony she experienced was unbearable. She felt foggy and dizzy. She needed help to do even the simplest of her normal tasks she encountered in a day. Her mobility was compromised. The feelings of depression and vulnerability began to take over. She shares, “I hated that my children had to see me at my weakest. I considered myself an Alpha woman, an independent woman. I felt as if I

was “wonder mom”. Now, I am sick, feeble and helpless. I felt like no one understood what I was going through, so I felt alone. I thought of my mom Grace Smith, who died from breast cancer when she was at an early age. I always thought because I looked so

to think about it and all I have gone through. I was so depressed because life was passing me by. My family and friends would come and go. All I could do was weep because my life came to a complete stand still. I wanted my life back pre-tumor, pre-surgery. The incision alone depressed me. It was larger than I expected. The sharp pain shooting through it and the pressure was debilitating. I couldn’t hear out of my right ear. I think my expectations were higher than what they should be. My bald head would be exposed for months to prevent infection. This alone was very traumatic for me.

much like her, it would be me who inherited that gene out of her nine children. This thought bothered me for years, until I lived past the age that she died at 44. Look at me now, 45 with a brain tumor. I was devastated. I thought I was going to die. I am crying now because it makes me so emotional

I learned there is beauty behind the scars. I have learned through this journey, if you face your fears head on, embrace it and accept it, you will overcome it. I learned everyone will go through some type of life-changing experience and if you trust in God, he will allow you to find strength in the valley. He is always in control. Everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson to be learned from it. I learned to accept people for what they are. Meet them where they are at. We all love differently but the main goal is to love one another”. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ WARRIOR CHICK CORNER } “Learning to face death, stare it right in the eye and defeat it is not a small task. Yet, this is what Regina Doyle faced in her struggle.”

Regina climbed the first obstacle of her recovery. In 2018, her MRI showed no regrowth. This was a relief. However, there is data which indicates the form of cancer she suffered from does have the ability to return. Regina is not going to focus on that but rather trusting God and believing she Is completely healed. Regina attributes the support she received from her family as giving her the strength to overcome this. She says,“They are my special village and I am so honored and grateful to have them in my life. For all the beautiful women around the world, please be your best advocate when it comes to your health. You know your body better than anyone else. If you have symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, balance issues and blurred vision don’t ignore them. See your primary care doctor, it can save your life!”

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As indicted in last month’s spotlight Regina Doyle was the co-owner of Tru Beauty Hair Lounge. As a stylist for 25 years, Regina was accomplished,

the fact she created a bond with her clients. She strived to make all of her customers feel comfortable and well taken care of. As a result of her circumstances, Regina and her sister closed their business. Regina shares, “Although it was the right thing to do, I was devastated. I still grieve the fact that my salon closed. It is hard for me not to do what I love; however, God is showing me that I have more gifts I can use to help others and care for others. I truly miss cutting and styling my clients but trust me…I’ll be back! I am a survivor!”

successful and dedicated to serving her elite clientele of professional women. Her work was even featured in Essence magazine. Regina prided herself in

survived.

Tune in next month for Warrior Chicks, where Akilah will continue to bring you the stories of phenomenal women who

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{ I LOVE SMILEZ }

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET TO FIND YOUR SMILE AGAIN! BY YOLANDA SMILEZ

Welcome to the “I Love Smilez” column. The purpose of this column is to make you smile, by the end of every read! I hope here, you will find you can smile, even when things in your life are not going right. Keep this in mind, “No matter what happened before in life or what is happening now, you will smile again”. Renewing your mindset, will help you find your smile again. That is often hard to do, as we find ourselves keeping the same mindset that we are used to. Doing this, will keep you stuck. You will feel like a slave to any current situation contributing to the frown you’re currently displaying. Look in the mirror and say, “Give me my smile back”. This sounds simple but guess what, it does help. We cannot allow certain life situations such as: relationships, finances, careers, insecurities, etc., to interfere with our happiness. The list goes on-and -on. Don’t let these outside factors take your smile. When will you stop allowing things you can’t control steal your joy? I’m not saying you will not experience things which make you sad or feel down. Never shut out the different emotions but get the strength to find your way out of these emotions. Your mind controls your actions. If you find yourself always in the same situation and it’s not adding prosperity to your life,

it’s time to change your mindset to find your smile again. How do you do that? Let me tell you. Changing your mindset can be very challenging. How many times have you told yourself I’m going on a diet today but then found

yourself at fast-food burger spot? How many times have you received your paycheck on Friday, but your out of cash by Sunday? This is because you never took the time to learn how to budget or change your spending habits. Changing for the better will take time. There are days you will find strength. You will have days that you may fall a few times. It’s an old saying to remember, “It’s not how you fall, it’s how you get up”.

Get up with determination! Empower yourself! Stay consistent! Let go of things which are holding you back. Have yourself a mental garage sale. Take items out of your mind, that you have no use for or just are dwelling on. Get rid of the negative things and put out a sign that says, “Everything must go!” Think of the Angela Bassett character, Bernadine Harris in the movie,” Waiting to Exhale”. Everyone remembers the scene where set the car on fire and gave it all away! She cut her hair. These things are symbolic of shedding the old and beginning again. Destroy the things reminding you of pain, suffering, depression and grief. Get on the journey of finding your smile again. We can all do it. We just have to wake up one day and decide to put the mindset in motion. You control the key to your destiny. Just unlock it! My daughter was 9 months, when I found her on the couch not breathing. It was January 13th 19 years ago. I will never forget the day, the Doctor walked in the waiting room and advised us, “They did all they could do”. At that moment, I was hurting, with so much pain. I didn’t understand why God would do this. It wasn’t until I changed my mindset, I was able to understand God could not ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ I LOVE SMILEZ } “Get up with determination! Empower yourself! Stay consistent! Let go of things which are holding you back. Have yourself a mental garage sale.”

trust everyone with this type of pain and suffering. He gave me a tool to use in life, so whenever I’m facing a loss, I reminded myself I can lose everything and still make it. Obviously, the pain of losing my child never goes away but you find a way to live with it and go on. You must go on. It’s hard. You cannot change what happened. Life stops for no one. I used to prepare myself to be sad, on that day my daughter passed. It stayed that way for a while, until I changed my mindset. I found the strength to say,” I will not allow this day to steal my joy”. I will not allow the sadness to take over my thought process. I will celebrate my daughter, uplift and encourage others. Even when you feel like it’s all over, it’s not. You can get up again. Yes, it hurts. Healing will take time. Yes, it does, but you will be restored. Here’s a list of how to start changing your mindset to find your smile again.

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S TA RT W I T H S M A L L THINGS.

6. Go to social events which stimulate your mind, (Hint, comedy shows);

2. Make a bucket list;

7. Renew, refocus, and rebuild the inner you.

1. Create a vision board;

Change is hard, but it’s worth the sacrifice, when you’re on the journey of finding the greater you! Change your mindset to find your smile again! “No matter what you’ve overcome or are going through, you will smile again”.

3. Set small goals; 4. Take yourself on a weekend getaway once a month; 5. Read a new book;

Jo k e o f t h e month: I have 3 beautiful kids. I gave all my kids individual things to show them I love them. I gave them their own entire father. Forget toys, you got a whole family. They don’t have to share nothing. They have their own auntie, grandma, and cousins. I felt like Oprah, you get a father, you get a father and you get a father! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

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{ COLLECTIVE SOCIETY }

GAYE WILLIAMS BY JESSICA BAIN I PHOTOS BY CHRISTOPHER “GOODKNEWS” CARDWELL

Loud music, long Lines, and flashing lights are what some may say help make up a good night out. However, at the newest spot in town: MINQ Lounge located at; 398 west main street patrons will say: Live music, great Food and amazing vibes are what keeps them coming back. I got the opportunity to meet up and interview with owner Gaye Williams and here’s what she had say: Having successfully owned and operated various bars and night spots in the past, how has the market changed since you first became involved in the industry? What I have observed is that people have become increasingly concerned about where they can enjoy a night out without their safety being compromised given the propensity for troublesome incidents to occur at venues with late night hours. Here at Minq Lounge my husband and I pride ourselves on making sure that the safety of our consumers and staff comes first. We ensure this by maintaining a tight security team and setting a zero tolerance tone for violence. In what ways do you and your partner click and reinforce each other that contribute to the success of your business ventures? Are there any instances in which your opinions clash: I have learned through 18 years of marriage and 10 years in business partnership with my husband that in order to achieve success in both areas it takes trust, respect, and compromise. If you don’t share these three fundamental values 56

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neither your business nor your personal relationships will last. My husband and I have known each other for many years so we have a great understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. There are times when I would recommend an alternative response or action to a particular situation, but I know that he is more strongly suited in certain areas so I trust him to take the lead and he takes the same approach with me. This is essential to

the growth and sustainability of a business. You have to know who you are partnering with and share the same long term goals. I can confidently say that I know the areas in which my husband excels, I know what motivates him, I know his intentions, I know when he’s overwhelmed, I know I can trust him to make the best decisions for our business. It’s about our family and there is no other business partner that is going to care more about my family than my other half. Owning the hottest new lounge in the city is

definitely exciting, but it also has to require a huge amount of work. Describe how you’ve overcome any especially frustrating challenges as an owner. What are the coping mechanisms you find most effective in dealing with stress? It’s so exciting to hear those words! We have worked hard to achieve and maintain that reputation by providing great entertainment and a safe environment for our patrons. This has also been a stressful process as it requires a lot of time away from home as well as very strategic investment of both our financial resources and our time. I work full time throughout the week and my husband helps to care for his elderly parent. We also have a child at home who is working vigorously at his degree in Optical Engineering whilst working full time. We both have a lot on our hands outside of the business, but we try our best to make time for ourselves and for one another. It also helps that we have family and friends that love and support us and help to encourage us through the storms. How do you balance your time between home and the lounge? My husband and I commit to taking at least three trips a year together to escape from the everyday hustle and grind. We are planning to visit our daughter, son-in-law and grandson this week in Mississippi. It’s time like this away from work and with our family that brings us our greatest solace.

{ COLLECTIVE SOCIETY }

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“I have learned through 18 years of marriage and 10 years in business partnership with my husband that in order to achieve success in both areas it takes trust, respect, and compromise. If you don’t share these three fundamental values neither your business nor your personal relationships will last.”

{ COLLECTIVE SOCIETY } “Minq Lounge strives to offer a varied nightlife experience every night. We have excelled at providing the Rochester community with quality service and events that cater to a wider range of ages and backgrounds. ”

Have you noticed your kids taking any interest in following in Mom and Dad’s footsteps/becoming involved in the same industry? Both of our children have exceeded our expectations both academically and career wise. Our daughter has her MBA and recently launched Elegant Interiors by Jazlyn, her first venture in interior design and event planning. Our son is pursuing a degree in optical engineering and has just launched Williams Medical Transport. They have both inherited our passion for entrepreneurship. I don’t foresee them partaking in the bar industry as the night 60

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life has never interested them and they are true home bodies. As a woman operating a business in a widely male dominated market, have you faced any professional expectations that your male counterparts haven’t necessarily had to deal with? In this industry, do women have to put in extra work to be respected as much as males in the same positions? From my experience I find that as a woman in this industry to maintain a level of respect I have to maintain a demeanor of assertiveness and sometimes a more rigid persona.

What sets Minq Lounge apart from the competition? What was your vision for Minq when you first considered opening it? Minq Lounge strives to offer a varied nightlife experience every night. We have excelled at providing the Rochester community with quality service and events that cater to a wider range of ages and backgrounds. This includes spoken word events, live music performances, networking socials, celebratory events, hosting popular recording artists, pop, hip hop, salsa night. We have something for everyone, but most importantly you can just have a wonderful time and relax.

{ DR KIKI SPEAKS }

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{ DR KIKI SPEAKS }

KEEPING STRESS AT BAY BY DR. KIKI MICHELLE SINGLETARY-WILLIAMS

So, the holidays are over! Time to decompress with a huge exhale and move on through life, right? Still moving at a hectic pace, even if your feet haven’t moved from their stationary place? Well don’t feel like you are alone. It is called stress, a necessary element we must all have in life. Believe it or not, we must have stress in our lives in order to live healthy lives. The caveat is, how we respond to and control the stress, and this determines our overall health. The better educated you are in being able to recognize stress, the more successful you can become at thwarting the harmful side effects of stress.

society, pollution, crime, safety, education, and traffic. The side effects of stress can alter the human body and shake an individual at the core of their existence. The physical effects of uncontrolled stress

Many people know stress can affect their physical health. However, I’d like to bring awareness to the other facets in which our miraculous beings are affected by stress, the signs and symptoms and how to counter possible side effects. The mental, emotional, and spiritual sides of each person’s existence can alter the course of their being, when stress is not properly dealt with. First, what are some of your common stressors? In most of the classes I teach, common responses include: job/ career; health; death; having a child, starting a family or raising children; trauma or crisis, marriage, divorce or relationships; relocating, moving, or financial issues (including transportation unemployment or childcare); and loneliness, or time management. Then there are the everyday things found in

stress effect the person experiencing stress, it also affects how a person reacts when parenting. If you find yourself lashing out at your children and displaying irritability with children, it could be the result of stress. Becoming easily frustrated, flustered, angered and exhibiting poor problem solving, especially during a crisis, could be the result of stress. Neglecting children’s needs, as well as being in a chaotic home environment, or exhibiting continued forgetfulness and poor discipline, are also signals you are not dealing with stress in your life properly. Please keep in mind, the way you respond to stress, gives your children a front row seat and direction in how to do the same. If you cope with stress in a negative or destructive way, your children will learn those same bad habits. If you want your children to handle challenges well, you must do the same.

can sometimes include headaches, high blood pressure, a lowered immune system, stomach aches, muscle tension and exhaustion. The emotional and mental effects of stress may manifest as depression, anxiety, discouragement, hopelessness, helplessness, anger, lowered self-esteem and pessimism. Not only does

A few positive strategies I provide to clients include: journaling, talking it out, exercising, problem solving, confronting the issues, taking actions, getting advice, do something fun, prayer, and meditation. Negative coping strategies which should be avoided are: denial, ignoring the problem, rage, taking it out on others, isolating/withdrawing, abusing substances, over and under eating, passive aggressive behavior, and addiction. While it is easy to say avoid certain reactions, it becomes easier when ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ DR KIKI SPEAKS } “Believe it or not, we must have stress in our lives in order to live healthy lives. The caveat is, how we respond to and control the stress, and this determines our overall health.”

we are aware of what a negative cycle of stress looks like. THE FOUR STEPS INCLUDE: 1. Stressful event – “fight or flight”; 2. Reaction – negative coping; 3. Temporary Relief; 4. New Problem. If you do not know how to begin the process of positively coping with 64

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stress, start with mastering the skill of composure. The skill of composure requires self-control, self-discipline, knowledge of self, and the control of your thoughts and feelings. To adjust to positively coping with stress, you have to learn to manage the upsetting thoughts by producing calming thoughts. For every negative thought, you reframe those thoughts into something positive. Properly calming yourself includes proper deep breathing, thinking “this too shall pass” and making a conscience

decision to view the situation differently. We must all make a concerted effort to take responsibility for our actions and acknowledge and accept our feelings. Ultimately, the way to positively control stress, we must all control ourselves, and accept the reality that you can only control you. Only then, can we really help ourselves to live healthier stress-free lives.

{ IN STYLE WITH MR CARLYLE }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ IN STYLE WITH MR CARLYLE }

JUST SAY YES BY MR CARLYLE WILLIAMS

Yes, it’s that time! Wedding season is coming. Its time for planning that special day. Starting early is very important. Brides start checking off your list, book that special location now because you are not the only one looking for an awesome place for their wedding day. There are so many options available for weddings and receptions. Be Creative! Consider outdoor weddings in a rose garden, on a beach, or in a park. But make sure to look at the time of the year and consider those bad rainy seasons. Yes, it’s an awesome setting for weddings PLAN A DESTINATION WEDDING! Look at choosing to jump the broom away from your home town. It can be very exciting, although planning a wedding from a far will be work. Jamaica…Hawaii…St. Croix…What stunning wedding photos you will have to share and the unique wedding venue to spark a WOW Effect.

Having the family experience a wedding on a cruise ship will have an awesome back drop on the sea. More and more brides are being creative to invite family and friends to share their romantic wedding. Destination weddings typically mean a smaller wedding party. Which means less headaches or nightmares! Sometimes less is better, plus you are already there for a honeymoon get away. Spend your wedding night away from everyone else. Get a cottage on the beach or even a hide away on the ship. Planning is the key. SIMPLICITY!! Do a wedding website with a checklist. Budgeting all the way. Your groom can be helpful so don’t exclude him completely. Share in the joy of planning. Dresses for you and your bridesmaids don’t have to be long and boring. Hot and sexy is the “in” thing.

they choose to wear. The groom with his groomsmen are opting to wear suits instead of tuxedos. It is still formal just “cooler.” Even wear sneakers or no shoes at all. Especially on the beach for a beach wedding. I have even designed men suits with shorts for the groom and his groomsmen. Its ok to be bold and beautiful. Wait until you see our Bridal Gown with shorts (Call Mr. Carlyle for details) It is so hot!! Being unique is the key. Enjoy your Wedding Day. But remember 20 years later you will be looking back at those pictures and pulling up your videos of your wedding day. Smile, Cry, its OK, Just Say Yes! “In Style by Mr. Carlyle” (470) 418-7277 IG: IAMMRCARLYLE Email: mrcarlylew@yahoo.com

Brides are choosing to wear any color ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ RACE & SOCIETY }

RACE AND SOCIETY: SPECIAL REPORT BY CHERYL L. KATES

Racism is rooted in American society, since slavery and continues to be an issue even today in 2019. At this point, we are all familiar with “Black Lives Matter” and the on-going controversy of law enforcement and their interaction with the African-American community, which is not good. Innocent men are being gunned down by officers without justification. Victim’s families are being left wondering “Is there any such thing as justice in America? Here in Rochester, recently we encountered several issues involving race and the issues cannot continue to be swept aside. One would think as we have a very mixed local government, including an African-American Mayor, Rochester would be progressive on issues of race. The recent occurrences indicate we are not. Recently, we’ve seen issues regarding college students stealing and destroying a Frederick Douglas statute, and college students on social media using unfavorable race comments singing song lyrics. We’ve watched as reports of officers beating an African-American man surfaced and one of the officers was criminally charged for his actions. Nationally, our city was recently plagued with reports of a news reporter being accused of stating the word “coon” in a report referring to Frederick Douglas. The community was divided as to whether this was a simple mistake or racially motivated. Rochester’s Mayor, Lovely Warren called for the newsman to be fired. 68

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RWO took an initiative last month to try to address the issue where many AfricanAmerican women felt they had no voice in the local media by launching our new “Something for the Sistas” section in the magazine. In January 2019, also we held a special panel addressing the issues of “Race and Society”. Panelists included defense attorney and RWO editor, Cheryl L. Kates, RWO writer Renee Cobbs Hill

and Collegiate Professor Lucia Falsetti Guardino. This was held at the expo at JCC. The panel was a great experience where we were allowed to have “an intimate” discussion with the panel and also included audience participation. If a centralized theme to the discussion could be named, it is race plays into everything in society. While there may also be intervening characteristics such as poverty, resources of the community, gentrification etc., every topic we discussed could be reverted back to something about

race being a factor. It was beyond interesting to hear accounts from Renee growing up as a minority in the rural town of Sodus and her experiences and Cheryl’s attending Rochester City School District as a reverse minority as a Caucasian. Lucia added an interesting perspective by relaying an example of something which happened to one of her white student teachers’ who was accused of being racist after calling on a white child instead of an African-American one. An audience member shared a story of how when she was serving as the superintendent of an apartment building, she found herself in a position where African-American tenants accused her of “being for the man”. The landlord was white. She was in charge of the buildings and had to enforce the rules. Another audience member shared her views of how structural racism plays into systems and trickles down into almost every aspect of life. In discussing the current issues, a discussion was held about the recent state of Rochester politics and whether race played into the dealings of a local Judge and the “carpet bagger” accusations made about her successor. What was interesting in these discussions was although there were issues about wrong doings or rules being allegedly violated, it seemed that race could also be cited as a contributing factor either about media portrayal, enforcement and or how things

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ RACE & SOCIETY } “One would think as we have a very mixed local government, including an AfricanAmerican Mayor, Rochester would be progressive on issues of race. The recent occurrences indicate we are not.”

were being done. In closing, Renee shared a thought about the ability to eat healthy and how the big chain grocery stores do not have a large presence in poverty-stricken areas. The experience was one of growth and understanding. It was definitely the start of something great as when we talk about it, we learn about it. RWO SFTS writer Renee Cobbs Hill indicated when preparing to participate in the panel she was nervous. She was excited too. Usually, when a discussion regarding race comes about people have strong convictions in their views and it often does not go well and becomes counterproductive. In our experience, it was an intimate setting where the audience was able to join the discussion, so it allowed for a greater understanding of the issues people discussed and we were able to have a “conversation” as opposed to just panelists speaking their views. Renee indicates for her the most rewarding aspect of participating was how respectful, personal and candid the conversation was. Renee brought up an interesting point of view when she gave the example where she found it disturbing that low-income areas of the city where people may have transportation restrictions provide a lack of access to nutritious food in the corner stores etc. Larger grocery stores are found closer to the suburbs and this contributes to the people living in 70

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inner city areas to have restricted access to good food. She feels this contributes to the increased health issues of obesity, diabetes and uncontrolled blood pressure. This was a point of view any of us did not have awareness about. Lucia Falsetti Guardino also indicated she was “terrified” when first asked to participate.

She shared, “I am very uncomfortable discussing race publicly. People these days do not work at listening and understanding each other. This is a generalization of course, but we weren’t sure as to what kind of audience would attend. It was interesting the audience and the panelists shared the

same mindset regarding the issues. It was a nice discussion and it was edifying, but I walked away knowing that talking with like-minded people is not productive. We need to teach people of unlike minds to listen to each other with the goal of understanding. I really mean understanding each other not debating or convincing each other to think alike. This is very difficult but there are protocols available that we could put in place to accomplish this. To address race and society we need to engage in dialogue as I mentioned above. We need to create a forum of people who need to understand each other better”. In closing, as a society we need to come together and address the issues we are presented with. Racism is not okay. It is something we must confront head on and try to foster understanding. All people must be valued. Justice must mean something in a civil society. It can not be handed down differently when taking into consideration the characteristics of the individuals being judged. There should be no division offering benefits to some and detriments to others. It must be fair and equal to be justice. At the end of the day, we all as human beings bleed red blood. RWO looks forward to revisiting these issues and gaining further understanding in the future.

{ WOMEN { DR MAKING KIKI SPEAKS A DIFFERENCE } }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ WOMEN MAKING A DIFFERENCE }

JACKIE CAMPBELL BY JESSICA LEWIS I PHOTOS BY DEVIN MACK

Jackie Campbell is Director of ROC the Future, an alliance of leading Rochesterarea institutions and community partners working with the Rochester City School District to promote alignment of strategies, resources, and accountability for improving the academic achievement of Rochester’s children. ROC the Future, housed at The Children’s Agenda, is one of 70 StriveTogether national networks working to improve childhood outcomes, cradle-to-career.

the Black Women’s Leadership Forum, Parent Leadership Training Institute, and Facing Race = Embracing Equity, and other efforts supporting women and youth in the African American community, including the below listed affiliations: COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT

Before joining The Children’s Agenda, Jackie was employed by the City of Rochester for 28 years, primarily in the Department of Recreation and Youth Services, including 4 years as Assistant Commissioner. While there, she lead the department’s efforts as a funder and provider of youth development and asset-building programs, and youth employment for approximately 1,000 youth and their families each year. Jackie has an Associates, Bachelors and Master’s degrees in Business Administration and Management Science, and is a true believer in early education as well as life-long learning. A devoted wife of 36 years, she and her husband Michael are Co-Founders of North Star Rites of Passage, LLC, a consulting company providing Afrocentric programming to youth and families, including Rites of Passage for males and females, staff training in cultural responsive programming, and parenting skills training in the Strengthening the Black Family workshop series. As a strong advocate for parent and family engagement, Jackie is active in several community efforts, including

ACTIVITIES: - Racial Equity Justice Initiative, Steering Committee Member (2018) - Rochester Monroe Anti-Poverty Initiative, Steering Committee Member (2017 – present) - Sankofa Study Group (2017 – present) - The Black Agenda Group (2015 – present) - Cultural Brokers/Community Advisory

Council Advisement Team (2015 – present) - Black Male Achievement Coalition, Advisory Council (2014-2015) - National Association of Negro, Business & Professional Women’s Club, Genesee Valley Chapter, Member (2012 – 2015) - Facing Race=Embracing Equity (FREE), Youth Leadership Committee Co-Chair, (2013 – 2017) - Volunteer Elder, Determined Divas, Youth for Change/Pathways to Peace (2010 – 2015) - Trustee, University Preparatory Charter School for Young Men (2009 - 2012) - Pillars of Hope, Adult Role Model Program (2006 – present) - Black Women’s Leadership Forum, Co-Founder, Steering Committee Member (2005 - Present) - Liberty Partnership Program, MCC, Advisory Board Member (2003 2009) - Board Member, Threshold Center for Alternative Youth Services, Inc. (2005 - 2006) - Advisory Board Member, Invest In Me Youth Financial Literacy Program (2004 - 2005) - Board Member, Cornell Cooperative Extension (2002 - 2005) - Member, UR Strong Families/Strong Communities Advisory Council (2003 - 2004) - City of Rochester Black Heritage Committee (2001-2018; Chair, 2008-2015) - Alum, African-American Leadership Development Program - Class of 2001 - Curriculum & Evaluation Committees, (2002-2004); - Selection Committee (2004-2006) - Alum, Leadership Rochester - Class of 1997 - Selection Committee (2000-2002 and 2004-2005) - Member, Rochester West Indian Festival ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ WOMEN MAKING A DIFFERENCE } Jackie Campbell is Director of ROC the Future, an alliance of leading Rochesterarea institutions and community partners working with the Rochester City School District to promote alignment of strategies, resources, and accountability for improving the academic achievement of Rochester’s children.

Organization (RWIFO), Inc. (1990 - 2003) - Pageant Coordinator, RWIFO Miss Carifest Pageant (1994 - 2001) FACILITATOR/TRAINER: - North Star Rites of Passage, LLC, CoFounder, Facilitator & Trainer, 2014 – Present - Prime Time Sister Circle© - 2013 - Parent Leadership Training Institute (PLTI)© - 2012 (Facilitator & Civic Design Team) - Overcoming Adversity Among Black Women© – 2009 - Organizational Management Facilitation – 2008 - “Working It Out”, Youth Employment Curriculum© - 2008 - Effective Black Parenting Training Curriculum© – 2006 - Youth Empowerment Foundation - Rites of Passage Program – 2005 74

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- Mosaic Partnership / Youth Curriculum – 2004 FAITH ACTIVITIES: - Member, Immaculate Conception/St. Bridget’s Church (2010 - 2016) - Gospel Choir Member (2011 - 2016) - Member, St. Bridget’s Church (1992 – 2010) - Church Council Member (1995 - 1998 and 2006 - 2010) - Gospel Choir Member/Coordinator (1992 - 1996; 1998 - 2010) - Liturgical Committee, Chair (2005 - 2007) - Rites of Passage Program Coordinator (1995 - 1998; 2005) - Youth Ministry Coordinator (1997 - 2004) - Diocese of Rochester Pastoral Planning Team (1997 - 2005) AWARDS & RECOGNITIONS (2014 – PRESENT):

- Colgate/Crozer Divinity School - Black Student Caucus, Rev. Raymond Graves Award, 2019 - RCSD ROC Restorative “Being the One” Award, 2018 - Black Women’s Leadership Forum, “Doing the Work” Seasoned Sistah Award, 2017 - New Africa Cultural Center, Plate of Distinction (Couples) Award, 2016 - Rochester Area Black Journalist, Community Service Award, 2015 - Action for a Better Community, Inc., Signature Citizen of the Year Award, 2015 - Rochester A.B.O.V.E. Outstanding Leaders in the African American Community Award, 2014 - Teen Empowerment, Champion for Youth Leadership Award, 2014 - Alpha Kappa Alpha Everyday Hero Award, 2014

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ KAT LADY PRODUCTIONS }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ KAT LADY PRODUCTIONS }

THE POWER OF FASHION BY REGINA SMITH

2018 was an amazing and devasting year, all at the same time. 2019 is here and Katlady Productions© came in with a BIG BANG. Bring in the New Year, with beautiful people. from the old school! Katlady Productions© is best known for custom-made furs, “Mature Play” as we call it, fur bikinis. The first design was created in 2010, using an incredible mastery of skins of 100% fox fur. Greatly influenced by Walter, a good friend of mine. While others said to me, “That don’t make sense!”, Walter said “GO FOR IT”!!! Sometimes as an entrepreneur we must take risks and jump off that cliff. Fear can stop you from making your greatest accomplishment. When Katlady Productions© was created, the dream of a company of elegance for the mature was the underlying concept. My vision included a company where the seasoned person could be free to play around with fashion. One concept included experimenting with colors that reflects the personality of the customer. More often then not, we have stronger ideas later in life. Experience is a great skill to have. It allows us to know what we want and don’t want in Life. Most seasoned people in fashion, love colors and in 2019 that’s what HOTT. Trends come and go, but those iconic images featuring high fashion & furs will always be in style. When it comes to fashion, Katlady Productions© models maintain professionalism that is classy and graceful. These models come from all over the world, are all shapes and sizes, and from all walks of life. They come to SLAY the fashion runway with

elegance. The shapes of models’ bodies have changed deeply throughout the years. Now you must be more than a size 2 in the fashion industry all over the world. This is amazing, because all models are not a size 2. Katlady Productions© models are of all sizes from a size 0 & up. The diversity is exciting and amazing! One thing I realized is history repeats itself. I learned how to take inspiration from

others. I don’t care about what’s in trend. I make my own trend. I go with what I feel is good to me. A lot of times I have a dream or vision of fashion, fabric or furs, or something it could be in the middle of the day sitting on my deck or walking down the block. I get inspired. Recently, I’ve been into fur mature play all year around. I am really on this kick of trying to change the fashion world with class & elegance and mature models who are of all sizes. Sizes

matter. Yes! However, Love the size you are! Take care of yourself! The power we gave to fashion & size, the more ownership you take for yourselves. Stay true to you. You & only you. You will fall in love with yourself. Self-love is the key to happiness. Often, the fashion industry can put unattainable goals on people. Staying in your lane is always perfect. Katlady Productions© models are all over 21-years-of-age. As a matter of fact, some of our models are 70! Being fabulous and full of life is a life concept not a size or an age. However, we do work with the youth and do volunteer classes with them. Teaching self respect, self-love and etiquette are skills young people need to be successful in life. We SLAY, in every way on-and-off the runway. Shaking off all negative vibes! We love dominating the runway. Our style is phenomenal. We make a life-long impression with remarkable transformations. We always remember there is patience in fashion & beauty. These concepts are important to carry over in everyday life. Look at life as your creation. Leave a mark that is memorable. You control the pen. Now just write the story. Your story doesn’t end here. It is just beginning. 101 Fashion & Furs is the theme of 2019, taking what was, molding it into something not new but more of a reflection of creative minds. Lately, Katlady Productions© began promoting her fashion collection in the entertainment industry with the ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ KAT LADY PRODUCTIONS }

“Fashion, Film and Music Networking Mixer” at the Marriott hotel in Newark Liberty International Airport, as well as, the Fabulous Terrance on the Park in Queens, N.Y. What an amazing journey! It takes an amount of courage & willingness, with a great deal of commitment to pursue fashion at a mature age. Most of Katlady Productions© models discovered that even though they are older, their character and personality is different. Self-worth, along with independence shines 78

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through. We SLAY the runway every time. We all have that in common. There is a place for everyone in the fashion industry. The doors are definitely opening to be all inclusive.

Uniqueness is a rule we go by and have for years. Therefore, we stand out in the fashion world! Bold & beautiful and brave! This became a game changer in the fashion world, and it can do the same in your life.

Katlady Productions© is on fire! We speak up for ourselves in a graceful manner. We trust life is absolutely, as it is supposed to be. Another amazing stunning factor about Katlady Productions© & 101 Fashion & furs is that we all are so very talented. It is notable each of us bring flavor to each other.

{ AN ICONIC MOMENT }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ ICONIC MOMENT }

THE GOLDEN MOMENT BY GARY ARIEL WASHINGTON

PART ONE 5 STEPS OF PREPARATION A wise man once said in order to truly compete at the highest level, you must master the golden rule of the “6P’s.” You are probably wondering what exactly is the 6Ps? It’s “Prior planning, prevents piss poor performance.” Now you are probably thinking, “How you knew this already, right?” In life, everything we strive to accomplish must encompass all proper steps towards “the goal”. We assume the goal is to win or gain something. This golden rule is set up towards differentiating true athletes and the benchwarmers, especially in the competitive sport of PAGEANTRY! In the previous article, I shared with everyone the pageant backstory. Now it’s time you learn, how to prepare yourself to actually compete. This article will provide the skeleton, anyone can use to build the proper winning pageant package. When starting your preparation there are numerous factors one must consider towards your pageant. When you start this planning, I always suggest the “old school” method of getting a notebook, a pen set with various colors, and planner. I am a firm believer of writing everything down, over and over, will keep everything you are doing truly organized. It is also easy to take with you everywhere. In using your notebook, you want to take each “area of competition” you are competing in and list them out. I then suggest, you have a brainstorm session towards the overall budget for your package. As we know, pageantry is a super glamorous, but sadly it’s not a free competitive sport. Likewise, in creating the budget keep in mind how it affects all aspects towards your package. Whether you have a limit of $700 or $7000, ultimately whatever your

presenting, should be everything you want, the judges want, the audience will envy, worthy of the funds, and more importantly, lead you to the ICONIC MOMENT of winning the pageant. Along with your budget, don’t be afraid to ask for who will support! Trust me by budgeting potential sponsors who may donate momentarily or even host a benefit show/bake sale for you will come in handy! Keep track of all those who donated, properly add this to your budget, and remember to always publicly thank those whom helped you,

may it be family or businesses those shout outs are priceless. After your finished with the scariest part of the prep work by creating the budget, now you are ready to move on to step two, which is setting your mental preparation. Again, in every sport, there is a psychology each athlete uses which helps them play the game and to essentially win. This category ranges from studying the system, appearances, and walking/talent rehearsals. Don’t forget to add the mental prep if you actually win the crown, it is overwhelming. Speaking from experience, every pageant

I compete in it requires a unique level of mental toughness, and I adjust accordingly. Furthermore, you must master in a short time, how to articulate what YOU know, what YOU can bring to the crown, and how amazing YOU are in all categories. I am a firm believer that the more ease I gained was when I exhausted every part of the preparation. It will work for you too. Especially, after having worked on interview questions over and over, finally having a clean talent rehearsal, every garment is fitted, and my vision towards my reign! You must psych yourself up. Stay truest to who you are, and essentially do not crack under the pressure. Remember the more mentally strong you are, the better you are at handling any situation that may come up last minute. Lastly, for some of you out there who can’t relate to sports psychology, don’t be afraid to utilize your faith. Behind the glamour of pageantry can be stressful moments, Faith adds that added crutch and much needed support system while competing. Now that your head is screwed on, you are focused, we can then start what most pageant competitors least look forward to which is physical preparation. Yes, this is the moment we talk about exercise, gym membership & trainer, if the budget permits, and strengthen up all aspects of your physical presence. Realistically, 90% of pageantry will have either a swimsuit or fitness wear category and YOU have to show off the best version of you possible. The better physically you are, the stronger mentally you become while hopefully reducing the budget on getting you right for the stage. For each person this outline of prep, will vary depending due to the fact we all have different bodies, faces, vibes, etc… ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ AN ICONIC MOMENT } “A wise man once said in order to truly compete at the highest level, you must master the golden rule of the “6P’s.” You are probably wondering what exactly is the 6Ps? It’s “Prior planning, prevents piss poor performance.”

vary depending due to the fact we all have different bodies, faces, vibes, etc… vary depending due to the fact we all have different bodies, faces, vibes, etc… Ultimately this requires for a commitment to a personalized exercise program with proper diet plan. Depending on your budget allowance, you can hopefully either find free assistance or directly utilize personal training, dietitians, nutritionist, even a massage therapist for this category. Joining a gym is the standard form of practice but its not always everything you actually need. Don’t be afraid of unconventional methods of exercise, whether it’s a Spartan Race, rock-climbing, parkour, power walking, or working out at home anything that will empower and motivate you towards the best. You DO IT! Establish a realistic body goal, determine the cost, the time, and how far your willing to go to get it done. My biggest note is whatever you choose for your plan, be safe, smart, and knowledgeable about how to get it! Especially if weights and supplements are involved which can alter the plan in all aspects. Now after all that, what could be left to prep? Well for every pageant your going to need clothing to wear. Now, I will admit I stress out the most during wardrobe preparations because everything must fit the ideal message I want to convey. I also admit this is also my personal favorite section because fashion is wonderful and makes clear distinctions. There’s also bonding with many people in the process. When, I take to my notebook about this section, I usually come up with a theme for each round. Utilizing themes in your wardrobe prep allows cohesiveness, pushes you to think outside the box, and in essence presents you in the best light. Reminder whatever your theme is honestly for you! Keep in mind what you know the judges maybe looking for, can this idea work universally, and will it produce the best execution, you can show. Some themes you could explore are fashions of the decades, 82

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color explosion, patriotism, your favorite celebrity references, etc. A big part of the fun you will have in your prep is looking for your competitive wear.

100 pageant winners across the globe and I say that to mean I trust there credentials, I listen, and I have won 9 big pageants and competed in 8 national pageants .

Don’t be afraid to bargain hunt, utilizing layaway, going to every store trying on stuff, taking photos of all possibilities, and of course shopping online. When using online shopping, remind yourself of how much time you will need for arrival, fitting it properly, and adding those finishing touches. Again, in this section you don’t have to be the most fashionable or expensive, but you need to showcase what moments you can bring during the reign. Everyone always watches to see what titleholders wear, pageantry creates the trends you want to see. Remind yourself that the fit, styling, the accessories, hair to the under garments, must be in proper order. In the coming articles, I will go more in depth on the various section of pageantry fashion you may compete with and explain each of the expectations.

In return, as head coach of TEAM ICONS & I utilize the same strategies given to me mixed with 13 years of my knowledge, which in return earned a winning team. In this category specifically, you must find a coach who has the knowledge, competitive experience, and can tweak absolutely anything to make you better. Furthermore, don’t be afraid to have multiple coaches for certain categories or in general. As I stated earlier, it takes a village and having more than one Informed opinion is not always a bad idea. If you need the help, ask for it. A majority of coaches will in fact charge you for time & service, so budget accordingly. Also, reminder… not all coaches are the same, or use the same methods, so listen to your gut upon making this gut decision. Find the one who will invest in you on and off stage, the best coaches build a friendship through the mentorship.

Finally, the grand finale to your preparation may include hiring a coach to assist you on your journey. Pageantry is a sport but more importantly, a learning lesson and the best usually have a coach. I have no problem admitting that when I started professionally, I dived head first. Needless to say, I didn’t win anything, until I gained a coach to guide me to the goal. Much of what people think pageantry is just a solo game, when in fact it takes a team to really get some to the next level. I am fortunate enough to have gained coaching from legends Stacey MargulesGallagher, owner of One Step Ahead Pageantry Consulting & Kyle Ean Haggerty, director of the Miss Globe United States & World pageantry system. Both Stacey & Kyle, stay on top of all my pageant prep & success, not one detail goes by them. Between both my coaches, they have produced over

Well folks we made it through part one of proper preparation for a pageant. As we understand this preparation can be extremely stressful but needed when it matters most. Now you are learning what it truly takes to become a pageant professional. By setting up your plans this way, being honest with your intentions, and establishing realistic goals of investment in the financial, mental, physical, wardrobe, and coaching you will win any pageant. In my next article, we will explore part 2 of pageant preparation, specifically time management. Some compete monthly, while others compete once a year. I will help you find your ideal understanding of timing and the specifics of the checklist. Until next time, remember ICONIC MOMENTS are for those who want it, need it, and deserve it! Find your moment.

{ BEAUTY LIES WITHIN }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ BEAUTY LIES WITHIN }

FLAWLESS OF THE BODY BY SHEILA YOUNG

I always felt beautiful inside and out. When I was a small child. I remember having plenty of dreams and ideas of what my life would be. Of course, my dreams were inclusive of a big house with a white picket fence, being married with no kids. I wanted to be a lawyer or a hair stylist. I never realized my life would lead me into beauty of the body and ripping the runway, so elegantly, the way I do. Yes! I am a big woman model and I love it. I have the best of both worlds. As I stated in my previous article, I am a hair stylist, but I am also a model. In 2015, I started modeling, after helping Latiffany Anderson, owner of (Kurvie Kulture) and Director of the Kurvie Kulture Pageant, behind the scenes at Ms. Kurvie (with the 16-yearold contestants). I was introduced to Latiffany originally by Yolanda Smilez (Comedian). In 2016/17, I assisted again with the adult pageant. When 201718 pageant came along, I decided I belonged on the stage instead of behind the scenes and the rest is history. I knew I could be as flawless as these beautiful, big women, so I entered the pageant as a contestant. It was an awesome experience. I won “Mz. Congeniality”, in my

white beautiful dress. When my name was called, I didn’t move because I didn’t realize they were talking about me. Through that whole experience, I was nervous and shaking in my bones. I did it and I became great

every runway I could get on. Some modeling I volunteered, but a couple gigs, I was paid. Some were in the town of Rochester, NY and some I traveled. I also experienced photos shoots and participated with some great models and makeup artists. I’m proud to say my photos were featured in two magazines. These endeavors included working with many different people, but one of my favorites, is Rochester Woman Online. Being a model is not easy. It is not just having a pretty face and taking pictures. Everyone does not have the ability to rip the runway and be flawless at it. I learned so many different rules and regulations from being in this industry. I learned how to walk and use proper body tone. There are a lot of things you must be conscience of to perfect your craft.

at it. The quick changing of the clothes and being so open with your body in front of people gave me a whole new look on different bodies of women, skinny to plus size. We are all alike, except some have more skin then others. From 2017-2019, I’ve walked on

Modeling is not what it used to be, where all models are super skinny and tall. Now the “Kurvie Gals” are stepping in and taking over. You see, being a certain size does not make you less than the next skinny, pretty model. All women are beautiful. Once you master the skills required and develop your confidence to stand next to the skinny models, you earn your place on the run way.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

For those who don’t know, I am also a ‘shorty”. When you think about runway models, the traditional models are 5’9 and above. I’ve defied the odds and made a niche for myself in this glamorous world. I take pride in being a plus size “kurvie” model. One day, I now dream I could be on someone’s billboard and/or bus. Having my name and photo splattered all over the city or any city for that matter would be a blessing to me. I branched out and started networking. I am now traveling to different cities 86

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and states, trying to make a name for myself. In February 2019, you can catch me in NY Fashion Week, ripping the runway supporting the BIG GALS. If you don’t know me, check me out on Facebook (Sheila Young) and Instagram (Sheilayoung80). I realized through my experiences, being small does not make you pretty. Being YOU is what makes YOU beautiful, inside and out. I will leave

everyone with this. Look in the mirror daily, naked if you like. Tell yourself how magnificent God made you. Love every inch of your body, despite the size you are. Find the mindset to love yourself and think flawless of your body. You don’t have to be a model to be confident and know you are beautiful. All women should find that within yourself. You must love you and the rest will follow.

{ GLAM FACTS BY LADY A }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ GLAM FACTZ BY LADY A }

FOR THE LOVE OF MAKE-UP BY JAMEQUA ABERNATHY

Raise your hand, if you ever got caught playing dress up in your mom’s makeup as a child? I know I sure did. As a young girl, playing in makeup was every girl’s dream. I mean we want to look beautiful, just like the pretty woman on TV. In this issue of “Glam Factz”, I’m dishing out all the exclusive tips about makeup and the love women have for it!

so apparent, in our day and age. From having to have perfectly arched eyebrows, to having on the right shade of lipstick, makeup is a big part of everyday life, since the early 1900’s. Now here’s a fun fact, did you know a man, yes I said a

BEGINNER’S ONLY I always say, “A woman should never leave the house without at least some lipstick or lip gloss on”! From the different shades of foundation, to the right concealer, to the edgy bronzer, to the vibrant highlighter, to the soft blushes, to the colourful eyeshadow, to the dark eyeliner, to the perfect eyebrow pencil, to the fierce mascara, and let’s not forgot the bold lipstick These are just to name a few of the most popular makeup products out on the market today. If you don’t have one of these items in your collection, then I don’t know what you have. Makeup has taken the world by storm over the last couple of years. From Facebook, to Instagram, and even You Tube, makeup artists and or enthusiasts are what’s hot in the makeup community. There are all types of videos and tutorials to show you just how to achieve the “beat face” as they call it and so much more. Just try watching one video, I guarantee you will be a pro in no time. THE ART OF MAKEUP I once read “Beauty is about perception, and not about makeup”!(1) , This is

man, named Maurice Levy in 1915, invented the metal lipstick container (2)?. Even the style of the flapper, in the early 1900’s catered to the dark and smoky eye, with a bold vibrant red lip which in today’s time is a very popular makeup look to wear .

STYLES OF MAKEUP Who doesn’t love rocking their own style? Now a days, being a trend setter is the “it” factor to gaining more followers and or friends in the makeup community by the different types of looks you can achieve when wearing makeup. Like for example there is “Natural Makeup” better known as the everyday look. This look includes earth tones and pinks, a simple look that doesn’t require transforming how you look but enhancing, the natural features you already have. Then you have your “Evening Makeup” better known, as the sexy look. This look requires more bold colors such as greens, blues, blacks and purples. This look is great for date night or a night of with the girls showing just the right “pop” to make a statement. There is also something called the “Prom Makeup” better known as the “Coming Out” makeup. Now we all know how beautiful and how much we need to stand out at prom, so this look requires more sparkle like glitter to add that perfect shine to our funfilled day. We all know and dream about our “Big Day” and how beautiful we want to look, so our next makeup look would be the “Bridal Makeup” . I mean we have enough to think about on this day, so our makeup has to be on point. This look can be worn many different ways, like for instance natural or glamourous?

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It all depends on the bride. Fast forward to a more extreme out of the box look, and you’ll get the “Gothic Makeup”. This makeup look requires bold dark eyes and lips accompanied by clothing. Then you have “Celebrity Makeup” better known as the “show stopping, cameraready makeup”, and to get this look you must enhance your natural features by using high-end makeup products to hide facial features such as blemishes, scares, bags under the eyes, a big nose or even small lips. Last but not least, 90

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you have “Airbrush Makeup” this look gives you a clean finished look almost as if no one has applied make up. The make up is applied using an air brush application and is sprayed on. TIPS FOR MAKEUP LOVERS Just like food, makeup has an expirations date and if you don’t check your makeup to find out when that is, it could lead to bad skin conditions and issues. For example, did you know that makeup like foundation (the liquid kind) should be

tossed after six months of use or non-use and two years for powder foundation (because it ages). Foundation can develop bacteria, which if put on your face, can lead to breakouts and skin irritations or even infections. We all know how much we love our precious mascara tube, but did you know you’re supposed to toss it after three months.? The tube that mascara comes in holds so much bacteria because of its little brush. Isn’t that something.

{ GLAM FACTZ BY LADY A } “I always say, “A woman should never leave the house without at least some lipstick or lip gloss on!”

Eyeshadow has a longer toss time about two years. After sitting for too long, the pigmentation and discoloration of the eyeshadow goes away making it harder for you to see the actual colors. This goes for lipsticks and lip glosses as well, about two years.

let go from my job as a secretary, that my love for makeup would go in this direction. You can catch some of my tutorials and lives, even re- creations on my Facebook and Instagram pages,

So, I guess now, you’ll probably want to clean out your makeup bags huh, better safe than sorry. MY MAKEUP JOURNEY

(1) Aucoin, Kevyn et al.(1994). The Art of Makeup. Prion, Retrieved December 28, 2018, from https://www. goodreads.com

My love for makeup has grown since I was a little girl. I mean I’ve been doing makeup seriously for the last two years now and my skills have improved tremendously. My love for bright colors and lipsticks expanded my interest in the makeup world today making me a “free-lance” makeup artist and influencer. I remember playing with my dolls and drawing thicker eyebrows on them and using different color eyeshadows on them to give them some of the same exact looks I described to you in this very article. I never thought after being

I wear makeup because I love it. It’s just something about showing off my creative artistic side I was blessed with that helps me reach other women in and out of the makeup community to feel and want to look their best. I want to one day go back to school to become a certified esthetician so I can open up my own beauty parlor and continue to help women look their best.

(2) Ashley, Diana (2017). “History of Lipstick”. Retrieved December 28, 2018, from https://www. ashleydiana.com/thehistory-of-lipstick

Jeweled_by_Lady A. People often say that women who wear makeup wear it because they are trying to hide what they look like, but I don’t believe that to be true. Just ask some of my followers, ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ KURVIE KORNER }

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ KURVIE KORNER }

HOW TO AVOID THE BLUES DURING THE MONTH OF LOVE BY LATIFFANY ANDERSON

We all know February is the month of love. We are expected to feel the instant rainbows and butterflies as soon as the heart shape chocolate boxes hit the shelves. The sight of flowers and teddy bears are expected to induce immediate warm and fuzzy feelings. That all sounds amazing, and would be perfect if it were everyone’s reality. When you’re single, most of us dread the sight of those cute cards. Entering stores like Walmart and Target are constant reminders of the cute things we won’t receive, and an aggravating announcement of the day of love that we won’t have the opportunity to participate in. Don’t fret! I have 5 tips to make the month of love not only bearable, but truly enjoyable. I am a firm believer in self-love. Every type of love stems from how you feel about yourself. Your inner love shines brighter than any light. You have to give yourself the love you plan and desire to give someone else. Take a moment, and pamper yourself. Go buy a new outfit, make an extra appointment to your hair salon. Go get a manicure, or pedicure. Read a

book, drink wine, dance in the living room to your favorite song. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you glow. One of my own favorite things to do is to take bubble baths. It not only helps me relax,but it allows me a moment to clear my mind. This

will help with all the thoughts of the “Valentine’s Day Blues”. After you pamper yourself, plan a me -date. Me- dates are a fun opportunity to explore what you like, and truly get in touch with yourself. It’s as simple as treating yourself to a nice dinner. You can even go to a coffee shop

and order your favorite beverage. It doesn’t have to be expensive, the focus must be about you. My second tip is to plan a girl’s night. Communicate with your single friends and make concrete plans. “Galantine’s Day” is a very trendy date for women. It can be a wine and dessert night at your place or a night where you all get dressed up and go out. Galantine’s Day is about you and your friends pouring love onto each other. My third tip is to plan an unexpected date. Take time to examine your friendzone. Go through your inbox, DM’s and unanswered text messages. I’m sure there’s a person who is interested in you in your contact list. That person saw something in you, you may not have given them the time they deserve. Call that person, explore that possibility. You never know what spark may come, after all it is the month of love. My fourth tip is to spend time to in a different place. Change your normal routine, kueen switch it up. Your ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ KURVIE KORNER }

prince charming can’t find you, if you’re always locked up in the castle. If your routine is a continuous cycle of work, grocery shopping, church, and children’s activities, where are you going to be found? It would be nice if your knight in shining armor would come rescue you while your checking to see if avocados are ripe. But let’s be real, even though we may feel like it, we aren’t some damsel in distress and unfortunately this isn’t a 1900’s fairytale. You are a 20, 30, 40 plus something woman with deadlines, classes, kids and sometimes slight anxiety. I understand, you have goals to accomplish and the 94

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whole horse drawn carriage isn’t in your line of sight. However, if you change directions, even if its briefly, your future mate just might find you. My ultimate tip is to travel. This world is full of excitement, passion and yes of course love. Love is found in the most unexpected places. My personal past is proof of this. I met an unexpected love on a vacation. I suggest you pick a place and begin to prepare for your departure. Use the funds you would’ve spent on a Valentine’s Day gift and save it for a vacation. Nothing can eliminate the blues faster than a gassing up your car, hopping on a train, or flying

between the clouds. You never know who is waiting for you in different area code. Whether you are exploring self-love, travel, Galantine’s Day, unexpected dates or switching up your routine, you will experience a form of love. Do not approach February with a dreadful energy, instead embrace it with open arms.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

{ VISIONARY MINDS } BY TAMMY REESE

Faith AND THE Vision

KEEP THE

Shanique Lee Hair Stylist / Entrepreneur encourages others to walk in authenticity and live out their dreams. She states “Keep the faith and the vision.” As she has made hers, a reality. As a young girl Shanique would spend hours styling her Barbie dolls hair. A feminine, artsy creative, Shanique has always been drawn to the Fashion & Beauty Industry. She states, “Hairdressing just flows naturally.” She began her career as a Salon Assistant, in one of the top salons in her area. It was there were she would learn salon etiquette, and experience luxury beauty brands. Her career would then expand over the course of 4 years, before opening her very own Salon Boutique.

The Glam Room is located inside of Sola Salon Studios in Dewitt, NY. Specializing in Bridal, Fashion, Color & Style Techniques. Today, Shanique Lee has styled hair for prestigious events, weddings, and New York Fashion Week. She loves working behind the chair and servicing her clients at The Glam Room, Styled by Shanique. Lee is a inspiration to many women especially in the African American Community who strive to open their own business . Through her experience, she has advice she to share to make those dreams a reality:

and you still have to bounce back from difficulties. Everyday is not glamourous, but if you keep the faith, have a vision, it is easier to overcome the valleys. Don’t give up. You can do hard things.” Shanique Lee would like to thank all of the Salon owners and Stylists who have been apart of her journey. She accredits her success to her faith in God, family and her loyal clients who have always believed. Shanique Lee can be contacted at Email : TheGlamRoom.Studio32@ Gmail.Com Website: StyledbyShanique.Com

“Go for the gold, write it down and accomplish things. Remember, some days come with challenges, ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

Sharpe Fit is an Active Plus Size Clothing line that was founded in 2016. Sharpe Fit promotes the healthy lifestyle of a Curvy Woman, and getting Flawlessly Fit whether your in the gym, working out at home, or exercising outdoors. Sharpe Fit is more than a clothing line but a movement about accepting your curves and saying Eff the standards of society. The great thing about Sharpe Fit, is that it can be worn anywhere and you will look fabulous. To place an order Check out my IG and Facebook business page under Sharpe Collections. â&#x20AC;&#x153;BBWs make working out look good!â&#x20AC;?