Lorraine (London) asks “My mother is elderly and since Dad died three years ago, she has been struggling to maintain the family home. I have been trying to persuade her to downsize to something more manageable. Have you any suggestions?” Therapist Susan’s reply: Timing is an important part of these delicate situations. Your mother may understandably not want to accept the fact that she is less capable than she once was. And missing your father, her husband of many years, will no doubt provide an added emotional wrench for her. Moving from the home they shared will entail leaving behind familiar surroundings, the reassurance and comfort of where they lived together, with the additional stress of having to start again somewhere new and on her own. Here are some thoughts on the subject: - Ask your friends and contacts and discover if they have elderly relatives who have moved into retirement or rest homes. Find out what their experiences have been. They may be willing to meet and chat with your mother to share their thoughts and advice.
- Talk with her to find out what her concerns are. She may have fears that you can allay. Many people are concerned at the prospect of leaving their neighbours and familiar surroundings and then ending up lonely and alone. Reassure her that many retirement apartments have entertainment programmes, some have social committees that organize talks, trips, coffee mornings and regular events for the residents. - If she is down-sizing to a retirement apartment go through her finances and reassure her that she will have enough capital to furnish her new home and make it comfortable. Discuss her expenses and let her know what she will be able to afford if she moves somewhere smaller; she may fancy the idea of holidays or a new car. - Visit several potential places and obtain information in advance with which to answer her questions and be clear as to what a move may entail: service charges, car parking spaces, access to the garden for example. Some places provide a communal laundry area which is allocated on a rota basis, or there may be a guest suite which residents can book when they have visitors to stay.
