BW (Derby) “I always felt that children would be an automatic part of my life as I got older and more settled in my life. But now I am with a partner who has grown up children of his own. He doesn't want to start another young family. I feel torn as I love my partner and want to spend the rest of my life with him. What can I do?”
- Might there be alternative ways that would enable you to satisfy your desire for children? Some people find that working with children, even in a voluntary capacity helps a little. Other people find that by doing this it simply serves to reinforce their desire to have children of their own.
Therapist Susan’s reply: The decision about - Would your partner relax his firm stance if whether or not to have children can be he realised how much having your own an area of heartbreaking conflict in relachildren means to you? tionships. It is surprising how often couples - As his children are older is there the fail to discuss this major issue, often waiting until they are seriously involved in their re- potential for grandchildren with whom you lationship. Discovering each other's hopes could find some satisfaction and comfort? and dreams for the future, views on impor- Would you rather be childless and with tant matters like children should be an imhim than single and looking for a new portant part of learning about each other mate? as they develop a long-term relationship. But a relationship can come to an impor- If the answer to these questions is 'no' then there has to be a discussion about where tant crossroads when one person is found the relationship goes from here. Rememto be infertile or voices their lack of desire ber that if you do end your relationship to have children. The next step means that one person has to make a major compro- with him there is no guarantee that you will mise or walk away from the relationship in find another suitable partner, and if you do there is no guarantee that he would want order to try to find a solution elsewhere. children or that you would be able to Sadly, there is no straightforward answers have them. Unfortunately, children are not to this problem. There are some questions conceived just because we want them. that can help you clarify how you feel:
