FAMILY
teens aloud! your teen, translated
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR
T H E T E E N A G E Y E A R S — just
the words can evoke question marks and eye-rolls … from parents and teens alike! Similar to the “Terrible Two’s,” teen development is marked by the desire to experiment with new things, new experiences, and to test boundaries. The main task facing both age groups is the same: kids must pull away from parents and begin to assert their independence. This can be complicated, especially since teens are beginning to make decisions about things that have real consequences. In an effort to help narrow the gap, here are a few tips from the American Psychological Association (www.apa.org) on communicating with your teen:
KEEP EMOTIONS IN CHECK. Even the most even-tempered person can lose their temper with their teen. Keep conversations calm, cool, and collected. You’re setting the example so if things get too heated, take a break. Teach and practice calming techniques within your family.
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BE PRESENT, LISTEN, AND ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS. “Why?” and “How?” and opinion-based questions are conversation gold for teens. Kids are more likely to be open with their parents if they don’t feel pressured to share information but to offer it on their own during honest discussions.
DON’T BE A DICTATOR. While pushing boundaries is natural for teenagers, hearing your practical explanation for the rules you set for them will help them understand things on a more mature level. “Because I said so” is not effective with teenagers.
VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS. It is often a parent’s default to try and solve problems for their kids or somehow mitigate their disappointments. Instead of trying to provide solutions, tell your teen you understand … be empathetic and supportive. (And that does not mean regaling them with a story on how you handled something similar in your youth!) Let them emote and strategize on how to handle things.
OFFER PRAISE. Parents tend to praise children more when they are little, but adolescents need reinforcements and accolades just as much, if not more. Teens may act like they’re too cool to care about what their parents think, but they need to hear your approval.
COMPILED BY LESLIE OGLE
CARVE OUT ONEON-ONE TIME. Whether it’s cooking, hiking, crafts, or sports take time with your teen to just hang out and have fun—without talking about anything personal. It’s important for kids to know that they can be around you and share positive experiences without “parental prying.” There are times to be a parent and times to be a pal! w
