Latest 7 312: 13-19 March 2007

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Cars The weekly listings and TV guide 13–19 March 2007 FREE

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highly paid professional positions online business manager up to £45k see page 46

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contents 19 Reviews

A new class for the Alpha Romeo

The Asylum Monologues, Bonnie Prince Billy, Bless, Jamie T and more

6 Social diary See who was at the hot events

21 Health Tips for shifting that extra weight

7 What Katie says Katie winds down with a trip to the spa

22 Food Feeling the heat at Spiceland

Latest Cars

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Hundreds of quality cars for sale every week with Tempest4cars See page 4

8 Eminemmylou Our top restaurants, cafés and bars

8 Dani’s diary Taking off her rose-coloured glasses to see a very different Brighton

9 Fashion

24 Food and drink A guide to fine cheese and wine

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25 Seven days to live

Essential buys for evening glamour

9 Grand competition

Plan the week ahead

26 Cinema

Getting hitched? Win a night’s stay at The De Vere Grand, plus the news on their upcoming wedding fair

Local listings, reviews and Pier Pasolini

28 Music Music news and BMN

10 Celebcity Dame Edna fancies the Pavilion and Heather Mills angers a disabled group

11 Bare cheek

30 Competitions Borat, Most Haunted and Mr Bean

30 Hip hop

What’s in, star spotting and reminiscing about Brighton’s London Road

Chatting with Longusto of Swampfoot

31 Nightlife 11 Stars

Upcoming club nights and late bars

Questions and answers in the stars

32 Gay 12 Stand-up comedy

Latest pink news and nightlife events

This Friday is The Big One

33 Theatre 12 Marc the vet

The Brighton Festival 2007 season

The legend of the mad March hare

36 Events & kids 13 Shopping

Comedy for kids and Red Nose Day

Johnny Rocket’s Pearl D’Conquistador collection at Jeremy Hoye

37 Art

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John Vernon Lord’s illustrations

15 Mothers’ Day 38 Day-by-day listings guide Comprehensive guide to local events

17 Beauty The best skincare gifts for mum

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45 Latest jobs Top jobs and business news

18 Foxy Mamma Malone Sleep-training the baby, but there’s still an early wake-up call

48 Latest TV Complete television listings guide and TV movies

18 Crossword Cryptic or quick? The choice is yours

01273 818150 Business Director Angi Mariani Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Finance Manager Sharon Caple Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Advertising Manager Kate Knight Website Manager Paul Burgess

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Production Assistant Zara Friend

Staff Writers Matt Chittock Craig Driver Katie Glass Miranda Glavin

Chief Sub-editor Wendy McAngus Senior Sub-editor Philippa Smith Sub-editors Ashley Bird Hayley Carmichael Joe Curtin Elaine Fox Colette Meacher Designers Anand Day Peter Knight Jamie Powell Steve Sawyer

Advertising Sales Rhoda Barker Emma Burton Administration Heather Holland Claire Peerless Stefan Reszczynski Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk

All the best columnists: Jo Brooks, Katie, Dani, Eminemmylou, Marc the vet, Andrew Kay, Victoria Nangle, Cheeky Boys, Mamma Malone, and Miranda Glavin See pages 6–22

Latest Listings The Brighton, Hove and Sussex day-by-day guide to what’s on and highlights of music, nightlife, film, art, comedy, stage and other events See pages 25–44

The best highly paid jobs every week See pages 45–47

Latest TV

latest tv

Editor Bill Smith

Latest 7 Upfront

Latest Jobs

latest jobs

Shopping buys and days out sorted

latest listings latest 7 upfront

23 Latest hot list

The Ipswich Two-step rap

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The best-loved TV guide in the world… probably! Your complete inimitable guide to what’s on TV this week, plus the best films and Dani’s unique take on what’s on See pages 48–55

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CARS

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Romeo, oh Romeo Simon Asphar falls truly, madly, deeply in love with the classy new Alfa Romeo Spider Spring is in the air, lambs are frolicking, trout are grazing – or should that be the other way around? Anyway, you get the picture: it’s time to think of budding beauty, freedom, and pleasure.

A new Alfa then? Perfect. The new Alfa Spider, the latest open-topped Alfa Romeo in the company’s outstanding legacy of iconic convertibles, has just gone on sale in the UK. Derived from Giorgetto Giugiaro’s multiple award-winning Alfa Brera design, the new Alfa Spider was developed by Pininfarina in collaboration with Alfa Romeo Centro Stile.

Winner of the Cabrio of the Year award at the 2006 Geneva Motorshow, the new Alfa Spider combines superlative engineering with the outstanding performance and handling characteristics appropriate to the pedigree of one of the world’s most famous sporting marques.

Four versions of the new Alfa Spider, priced from £25,995 on-the-road, are available from launch, with a choice of two petrol powerplants: a 2.2 litre 185 bhp 4-cylinder unit, and a 3.2 litre 260 bhp V6; together with Alfa Romeo’s widely acclaimed 2.4 litre 20V 200 bhp MultiJet (JTDM) turbodiesel Sharing platform and components with the Alfa Brera, on an identical wheelbase, the suspension of the new Alfa Spider combines a proven high double wishbone system at the front with a sophisticated multilink rear configuration. The combination promotes smooth, accurate steering response,

exceptional stability and controllability – even when close to adhesion limits – and first class body control allied to remarkable comfort over all road surface conditions. The Alfa Spider offers direct, lively and responsive speed-sensitive power assisted steering.

”You don’t need to justify buying an Alfa – it just feels right. And boy, does it look right too!”

The Alfa Spider is fitted with a fully automatic, double-layer fabric roof which may be retracted via a single dashboard mounted control switch in less than 25 seconds. A separate dedicated roof storage compartment ensures that the Alfa Spider’s generous stowage capacity is not compromised. The luggage compartment offers a 200 litre capacity – 36 per cent more than the previous Alfa Spider – even with the roof folded away. The storage compartment is concealed beneath a flush-fitting body panel incorporating aerodynamic blisters which adopt the profile of individual, driver and passenger roll-over bars. A transparent wind break installed between the roll-over bars significantly reduces air turbulence within the passenger compartment during highspeed driving.

Driver-orientated ergonomics, superior passenger comfort and lavish standard equipment levels are fundamental to the

interior design of the new convertible. The Alfa Spider offers one, extremely generous, standard equipment specification across the model range, including many features only available as expensive options on rival models, including automatic ‘Dual Zone’ climate control, cruise control, ‘Follow-Me-Home’ headlights, rear parking sensors, a multifunction display and trip computer, fog lights, 17” spoked alloy wheels and an RDS 6speaker stereo radio with CD player. A leather interior is standard on 3.2 V6 versions.

As with all Alfa Romeos, the interior of the new two-seat Alfa Spider convertible is focused on the driver’s immediate surroundings, which have been designed with an emphasis on ergonomic functionality. A height adjustable driver’s seat allied to a rake and reach adjustable, leather-clad steering wheel guarantees a perfect driving position for the widest possible cross-section of customers.

Sales of ‘H’ segment vehicles – sports cars – have more than doubled in Europe over the last 10 years to almost 400,000 units, of which half have been soft-topped models. Unusually, the more northerly the market, the higher the demand amongst European women for convertibles, and in Britain, almost 50 per cent of convertible buyers are women. But man, woman or baboon, you don’t ever really need to justify buying an Alfa – just get behind the wheel for a test drive and all the above info fades away – it just feels right. And boy, does it look right too!

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LATESTDIARY

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Golden gala I’m a Dragon, what are you? If you’re a Pig, this is a lucky year for you, as this is the Year of the Golden Pig. Traditional Chinese New Year was being celebrated at Hove Town Hall on Sunday 25 February 2007 in the presence of Mayor Mr David Smith. You could mark this event, and at the same time enjoy a day of colourful culture and breathtaking shows from The China Guizhou Song and Dance Ensemble. Stands galore lined the walls of the Great Hall, selling anything from traditional and local art and some tasty Chinese food.

With Tim Richardson

Laser beaming Brighton Laser Clinic on Marine Parade have celebrated two successful years. They have also recently undergone a facelift and launched Jan Marini peel treatments and skincare. In honour of these achievements, on 22 February guests were able to view a number of treatment demonstrations and have a Q&A session with nurses and therapists. For more information see www.brightonlaserclinic.co.uk Lee Harrison (Jan Marini trainer)

Mrs Man, Mayor David Smith and Sophie Mak

Louisa S L Yuen (Oriental Arts, Chinese Brush Painters Society) and Wilma Shaw (Chinese Brush Painters Society)

Amy Brooks (Clydesdale Bank) and Lee Harrison (Jan Marini trainer)

Hayley Vincent (massage therapist)

Music park munch A food and drinks reception was held to introduce Brighton’s newest summer music event, ‘Music Park 2007’, which takes place within the stunning grounds of Stanmer Park from the 21–24 June 2007. Confirmed acts so far are Ronan Keating, support from X Factor sensation Andy Abraham and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Glorious food was laid out at Stanmer House on Tuesday 27 February 2007 to celebrate this news. Music Park VIP Hospitality was also announced with delicious samples from the menus that will be available on each of the four days.

For more information see www.themusicpark.co.uk

David Van Day and Rebecca Eglin (VIP Hospitality)

Wendy Walton (GM Stanmer House) and Andrew Kay (Latest Homes)

Bill Murray (MD, Murray Media) and Danielle Collins (Fender Musical Instruments (GBI)

Phil Grab, Samantha Holland (Stanmer House) and Glenn Mishon (Mishon Mackay)

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If you have an event you would like featured please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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KATIE’S COLUMN

What Katie says Katie experiences an unfamiliar sensation at a health resort…

Spa-ing match I walk into the forest, picking my way through the mud in white, fluffy slippers, like an escapee from the madhouse.

Red arrows painted on tree trunks lead the way through the wilderness. Ten minutes and two arrows later I am bored.

“I don't know what to do…”

I whine to the puddles. If a columnist whines in the forest and no one can hear, does she make a sound? I stop following the arrows.

When I find my way out of the forest, I kill the rest of the day trying to get high on spa water and Pilates. By the time it hits five o’clock, I have exhausted myself by lounging around in the pool area, sweating in the spa

Katie’s picks It's March now, which is as good a time as any to abandon your over-optimistic New Year's resolutions for once and all, and treat yourself to a grand old night out. And what better place to drown your sorrows and shake your ass than the Joogleberry Playhouse – officially my new favourite venue of 2007!

Among their diverse and multitalented offerings (check out their website www.joogleberry.com for more information), may I draw your attention to the sensational Big Hand.

They've opened the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, they've played a private party for Tim Burton, all the while headlining any venue from a high society fashion party to a hippy peace camp.

They've got kudos. They've got cool (if ridiculous) names: 'Lolo' and 'Pabs', Luke 'Black Elk' Martin and Phil 'Is He On Drugs?'

Ramsay. and they've got a killer combination of “heartbreaking harmonies”, cult status and their own unique brand of Zorbic music.

Joogleberry, Thursday 22 March 2007, 01273 571400 doors 8pm, show 9pm, £5

“If a columnist whines in the forest and no one can hear, does she make a sound?”

Five incredible courses later I'm necking another brandy and feeling warmly delighted with myself. The couples at the tables besides me have long bored of each other, and their small talk has dried up to the occasional, hushed mumble. Julie, on the other hand, is still hilarious company.

Stuffed, sedated and spa'd to perfection, I shrink off to my room and throw myself onto a pile of cushions, on the high, huge and fluffy comfort of my fresh double bed.

Propping myself up, Julie under the covers (in hardback only) and a cuppa at my side, I suddenly feel rather odd. Am I ill?

This is weird, and a bit unnerving. I check my temperature, feel my stomach, but there's no signs of any outward issues.

What the…?

The feeling becomes oddly familiar as it starts to settle over me. I remember it now, and the queasiness dies down. This, I recall, is what it feels like to relax.

The Kurt Geiger ‘Bellissima’, £179, stockist number 0845 257 2571 www.kurtgeiger.com Image: Chris Ashfield

The night before I leave for Champneys health resort two really bad things happen: First, my mother, who I'm sweetly treating to the break, is mysteriously struck by illness and can't come. I will have to go it alone.

Second, my flatmate points out that this being a health retreat, I will probably be served on a diet of rabbit food and rye bread – but it's too late to buy bickies.

So the next day, when I catch the train to the countryside, I am friendless and food-less, and feeling less than optimistic.

When, just over an hour later, we pull up to a pretty period house, nestled against the woods and surrounded by swathes of lush green fields, my spirits start to perk up a bit. Maybe things won't be so bad after all? Even if my now signal-less mobile is making me feel nervous again.

There's no doubt about it, Champney's is stunning. It turns out the food is a brilliant buffet of indulgent delights – from smoked salmon to fajitas.

The grounds spread for miles, and include everything from assault courses to acupuncture, swimming pools to spa baths. The only thing they haven't got is internet access – which ominously goes down the day I arrive.

No phone. No internet.

An hour after settling into my suite, emerging in my obligatory dressing gown and slippers (which all guests are given to wear) and checking out the facilities, I wonder, what the hell am I supposed to do?

and falling asleep by the fireplace. I'm impressed by my resourcefulness for amusing myself, and also at avoiding the odd looks the other guests are giving me. Since most of the guests are couples twice my age, I do look provocatively like an eccentric young millionaire or a celebrity in detox.

The effect is enforced in the evening when I realise I will have to sit through the five course dinner – on my own! I pull on my fishnet hold ups (waste of time those were) and grab my book: Julie Burchill's Guardian columns. In the dinning room people try to catch my eye or the cover of my book, I coyly angle both away.

Comments, queries and general chitchat can be sent to: katie@thelatest.co.uk

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THE RHYME

Eminemmylou throwin’ lyrics at you!

The UK’s first and only rap and spoken word column.

Rap shoot-outs at the Railway Inn in Ipswich Town Serial killer besmirched the place, what’s going down?

It’s like Ipswich, Suffolk is now Mexico or Harlem I’m putting the record straight, it’s not a scary town Everywhere’s bloody scary!!

The Ipswich Two-step Meet you down the Cornhill a quarter to eleven Discuss the game before we lose nine nil Mike and Heather, better late than never Let’s drink and go we’ll meet back here again Football was sad, but the beer is good here I’m going to wash my tears away Mick and Mo are singing and I feel like dancing Doing the two-step, the Ipswich way Shortcut from the footie, through Christchurch Park Saw Woodsy and Martian and Myroulla too They’re coming later bringing stories of Dallen We’ll get happy teasing two by two Dallen’s bought a bungalow in Bungay In loads of debt, he’s laid it with lino Hey where’s Bunny, he’s making lots of money I thought he was a communist, well now we know After the tavern, we’re off to Felixstowe Jump in Smithy’s wagon, heading for the sea Running through dunes, around Martello Towers Is there a better place to be?

RELATIONSHIPS

Dani’s diary aged 19 Dani the “over-hormonal, yoyo-knickered teenage strumpet”* finds it hard to escape Brighton for a weekend away One more week done, lived bearably. Trying to organise my life without knowing where I want it to go or where I want to be. It’s weird, having gone from having all the opportunities anyone could ask for at my feet to being able to have them again but being too scared to. I’m bored of feeling like this, I’m bored of writing about it, I’m bored of living it, I’m bored of people telling me that things won’t happen overnight. So I suppose I should change that and stop writing about it. Done! Okay…

So. My boyfriend’s dad won a weekend break in a really nice hotel, and gave it to my boyfriend and me, which is great. It’s a big old manor house, which means I can spend the weekend pretending I’m in a period drama and proving to my imaginary audience that I would have made a far better Elizabeth Bennett than Keira Knightly. Other than that, the weekend away will also give me and my boyfriend a chance to grab some time on our own. As that rarely happens.

It’s weird being with someone who lives in a house full of other people, because you end up dating all of them. Even when we do go out, we can’t walk four feet without bumping into someone we know.

When you live in Brighton and you’re in love the combination can be great, but you soon realise that you’re basically dating the city as well as your partner. The only differences being that you can’t really have sex with the city, unless you have a bike with a loose saddle and a street full of cobbled speed bumps. You can’t talk to Brighton, although I have never seen a place where so many people chat idly to empty space, so you could say that you can have a pretty one-sided discussion with our fair town. You can’t go out for the evening with a place, but many of us spend our time going out in this place as it’s always there. You can never escape Brighton. You can try, but if you go somewhere else and someone asks you where you’re from and you say ‘Brighton’, chances are they’ll want to talk to you about how cool it is here.

Nearly everyone I know who lives here wants to leave and everyone I know who doesn’t wants to move here Brighton is only cool if you have either just moved down, are visiting or lived here when you where younger. Having to live and work here makes it just another ordinary place. Except you can’t walk 50 yards without collecting 100 flyers here. Nearly everyone I know who lives here wants to leave and everyone I know who doesn’t wants to move here. Nothing that exciting happens here. But nothing really exciting happens anywhere. We have to make our own excitement and Brighton is the best place for that. Every little thing here is seen as Breaking News. A new restaurant opens and all the magazines cover it. Brad Pitt sneezes, accidentally says Brighton and everyone wants to live here. Chris Eubank drives along the seafront in his ridiculous car and everyone stops to look.

So what? It’s not like we haven’t seen it before! Brighton fills you with false hope of going somewhere from here but very few people actually do! The trick is to make it big somewhere else and then move here. To trick us average folk into believing we have a chance!

Send rhymes and a pic to: eminemmylou@thelatest.co.uk

KNOW ANY GOBBY GIRLS? Calling all British female MC's – ITV's Ladette To Lady is looking for applicants for the 3rd series of its popular programme.

Would you like the opportunity to experience a 1950's style finishing school where you are taught all the ways of how to be a proper lady?

Are you constantly in trainers and jeans or are you always out partying?

We need confident girls who are genuinely interested in becoming more ladylike.The last two series' of Ladette To Lady have had a very similar type of girl and we are looking to expand this variety in Eggleston Hall.

For more info about the programme or to chat about applying please give me a call on 020 7013 4365, or you can email me at bill.mohin@rdfmedia.com. Be quick though, we are looking to cast the programme very soon.

*New Currents, January 2006

12,000 students attend the University of Sussex.

The only way to reach these potential clients is through the University of Sussex Student Union.

The Badger is the Student Union’s tabloid newspaper, published every Thursday and read by 84% of students*.

The Pulse, our termly magazine, has been awarded the best UK Student Magazine twice by The Guardian and Independent newspapers.

To advertise in either publication, phone the USSU marketing team on 01273 678151 or email ussu-marketing@sussex.ac.uk * Student Lifestyle Questionnaire 2002

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FASHION

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Hot stuff As the weather warms up, Harriet Hoff reveals the fashions to strutt your stuff in during a spring night out Time for a bit of glamour, a night out with the girls and some fun to see in spring. Get your hair done, paint your nails and slick on your glossiest red lipstick; that is once you’ve cruised round the local shops for some glamorous hot-to-trot threads. See you out on the town!

1 Black is back (well, it never went away in my book... or wardrobe), this devoré black-and-beige 60s-style tunic dress will look fab over a pair of bright tights or leggings. Dress, £65, Wallis 2 Metallic is perfect for adding a touch of glamour to your wardrobe.

This silk satin tunic will look amazing over a pair of dark skinny jeans or keep the 1960s vibe going and wear with capri pants. J by Jasper Conran tunic, £60, Debenhams 3 Black capri pants will last you all the way from spring to autumn, and are really flattering with heels or flats on taller girls. Capri pants, £35, Wallis 4 Towering heels are all the rage which is oh-so fantastic for us vertically challenged. These cork platforms are super cute and will look amazing with capri pants. Heels, £55, Faith 5 Accessories are all about size this season, the size being big, and the bigger the better. Pile on the bangles like this yellow wooden one. Bangle, £8 Accessorize 6 If it’s not a big bag for the day, then it has to be a sparkly or metallic clutch for evening glamour.

Butterfly by Mathew Williamson beaded clutch, £50, Debenhams 7 Now don’t get carried away with all this talk of springtime fashion and go rushing out in a flimsy top and heels – get yourself a cute cover up to keep off the Brighton chill. Four-pocket navy coat, £140, French Connection

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Prize competition

Grand do

If you have recently got engaged in the last year or are planning your wedding, enter our competition to win a night at The Grand! Just let us know the name of the personal wedding planner at The Grand by sending an email with your answer, name, address, the date of your wedding and a contact telephone number to competitions@thelatest.co.uk and put ‘Grand Weddings’ in the subject box.

Please note that the prize is for a one-night stay, bed and breakfast only and is valid during Sunday – Friday only, subject to availability. Your details may be shared with a third party at De Vere. If you do not wish to receive promotional material or have your details shared, please state in your email.

The Grand offers a dream setting for your wedding A white palace overlooking the sea, a famous and fashionable hotel for over 140 years. Where else could be more memorable than The De Vere Grand, Brighton, to spend your wedding day?

From a lavish ceremony to an intimate gathering, The Grand offers a range of options to make everything perfect for your special day. All of their magnificent rooms are licensed to hold a civil ceremony, so as well as being ideal venues for receptions and celebrations, they’re also an excellent setting if you’re looking for an alternative to a church ceremony.

On Sunday 25 March, The Grand opens it’s doors to all couples getting wed, at their bi-annual A Grand Spring Wedding Fayre. It’s the perfect chance to experience the hotel and see some of the function rooms dressed for weddings and ceremonies. The doors open at 10am, with two fashion shows by Walk-in Wardrobe at 12pm and 2pm, while Chris Copsey will host the event. There will be plenty of exhibitor stands from florists to cake designers, with great ideas for you to take away with you. Jen Ormond, the personal wedding planner, will be on hand all day to show rooms and have an informal discussion with you about your wedding. Any couples who book a wedding at the fair will receive a complimentary overnight stay and menu tasting.

A Grand Spring Wedding Fayre, The De Vere Grand, King’s Road, Brighton. Call 01273 224300 or see www.brightongrand.co.uk latest 7 9

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3/7/07

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AROUNDTOWN

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Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Brighton Tigers on ice The development of an Olympic-sized ice rink at Black Rock will see the return of the legendary Tigers

I’d never been to an ice hockey game before, so I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. What followed was 100 minutes of possibly the most exciting, high-octane and occasionally brutal sport I think I’ve ever seen.

Unfortunately, on the night, the Servettes lost in a very close encounter to SC Bern, but the atmosphere was absolutely electric. The thousands of fans cheered their sides on for the entirety of the game.

Take my word for it, folks: when ice hockey comes to Brighton, it is going to be HUGE! Post match, I managed to grab a quick photo with Chris and the Servettes’ mascot, an enormous bald eagle called Sherkin. I was quite scared that she was going to rip my face off with her gigantic beak, but Chris was there to reassure me, and the birdie was good as gold.

I also managed to fit in a celeb spot while I was rinkside (despite being in a foreign country!): Phil Collins’ estranged wife Orianne Cevey, absolutely stunning in a Geneve-Servette jersey that looked about ten sizes too big for her petite frame. The couple, of course, had a home together on the banks of Lake Geneva before their separation in March last year.

Personally, having seen in Geneva how fantastic ice hockey can be for a community, I can’t wait for the Brighton Tigers to return. And I’m sure, when they do, we won’t give them a frosty reception!

Mobile Mills angers disable group Here’s a juicy titbit for you… Further to last week’s news that Hoveresident Heather Mills will be appearing on US show Dancing with The Stars, the Brighton & Hove Federation of Disabled People has expressed outrage that she still retains the blue badge that allows her to park in disabled spaces!

Jo with Orianne

This week, I have some very good news indeed for all you sports fans out there. You would be advised, in the near future, to get your skates on, as legendary ice hockey team the Brighton Tigers will be making their grand return to the city after a forty year absence.

For those of you who don’t know, the Brighton Tigers were Brighton’s very own professional ice hockey team, and one of the best sides in the whole country. These guys were big news between 1935 and 1965, when the closure of the Brighton Sports Stadium led to the Tigers’ dissolution.

Now, with the imminent creation of the Brighton International Arena down at Black Rock – which will boast two Olympic size ice rinks – it has been announced that the Brighton Tigers will once again take to the ice upon the arena’s completion, bigger and better than ever.

I recently took an introductory ice hockey trip to Geneva with David Pople, Chairman of the BIA. David has been advised by ice hockey aficionado Chris McSorley, owner and coach of the GeneveJo, Chris McSorley Servette, over the return of the and Sherkin the eagle Tigers. We met Chris in the opulent surroundings of the Mandarin Oriental hotel, where we were staying with the compliments of the hotel owner Marco Torriani, whose father – in conclusive proof that we are, indeed, living in a very small world – used to play for the Brighton Tigers!

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Aussie TV royal eyes up our Pav Dame Edna As some of you may know, the monarchy left our beautiful old Royal Pavilion for the last time in 1845, and it was shortly after sold by the Government to the people of Brighton. But now I hear that an esteemed member of TV royalty has announced her plans to move in to the extravagant palace… and TV might be quite an appropriate word…

In a recent interview, housewife superstar Dame Edna Everage made the following comments: “Oh, I adore Brighton! I have a lot of fans down there and I am hoping that the Brighton Pavilion could become my home. There is a chance that I may be purchasing it. I could just see that old palace suiting me down to the ground.”

Remember, you heard it here first!

Comedy celebrity anagram of the week: Michael Portillo = “A cool, limp Hitler”

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555 www.jb-pr.com

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

In & Out IN • The Chippendales • Sir Ralph Halpern • Waking up with the house on fire • Singing, “Butterkist!

Butterkist! Rah! Rah! Rah!” upon being awarded the Nobel prize for literature • Cattle rustling

OUT • Ian McGregor • Terrorvision • Waking up with the house on fire • Being desperate for a pee • Pegging

Spotted with ee cummings “and so of course i told him i wasn’t going in there again the goddamn sonofabitch and he said fine and i said fine and so i went in there again you know – the little place where they do the tall coffees and the rinky-dink cakes with the candyass cherries on top on trafalgar street and you’ll never guess go on then i’ll tell you there with his finger up his nose i saw dean gaffney.”

I remember…

London Road might be the sort of incredibly depressing dump even a tramp would think twice about walking down these days, but what was it like 70 years ago? Gladys Arrowsmith, 89, reminisces…

“My first job was on London Road – at Himmler’s Bakery, where Blockbuster is now. I started there in 1930 when I was 12. I was a ‘pie tin girl’, greasing pie tins from seven in the morning until eight at night, seven days a week for the princely sum of sixpence a month! Of course, in those days you could buy a Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost for a shilling, so in real terms I was actually a billionaire.

“London Road might be the sort of incredibly depressing dump even a tramp would think twice about walking down these days, but 70 years ago it was ever so gay and charming, with rows and rows of lovely shops like Chelsea Girl, Linney’s, Andy’s Records, Rumbelow’s, Dillon’s, Tie Rack and Games Workshop.

“One thing that hasn’t changed much is the Open Market, which has stood where it is for a very long time. Now, people think it’s called the Open Market because it’s not covered, but that’s not the case at all. It was called the Open Market because all the stallholders were actually conducting open relationships; they were all having sex with each other’s husbands and wives. Oh yes – they knew how to have fun in them days.

A lot of famous people used to come down to the market to see all this carrying on – Ivor Novello, the Mitford sisters, Holly Johnson from Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Ron Jeremy, that fat bloke who used to be sidekick to Julian Clary, Drooper from The Banana Splits…

“I’m very sad to see the old Co-op go, because that’s where I bought my wedding dress. I remember it like it were yesterday – I stood an age waiting to be served and it was rubbish when I got it. Fell apart as I was walking up the aisle. It’s always been dire that place. They should have closed it down decades ago. I hope they demolish the bastard.

“Of course there was one watering hole everyone used to go to in those days – The Hobgoblin. Every Bank Holiday, we’d all put on our Sunday best, neck another handful of pills and go down to Bust The Box on a Bank Holiday to get absolutely pissed on Strongbow. I once got so drunk I went home with three sailors. I must’ve been hammered cause I went downhill skiing on two of ’em, while the other took me up the…” (continued on page 98)

STARS

Astral Angi ★ Your week ahead ★

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

BARDSLEY’S O R AC L E F I S H N C H I P S

22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19)

The stars this week are brought to you

by The Ladies’ Oracle forecast. Shall you soon be courted Aries? It is prudent not to reckon upon it.

How many husbands shall you have Cancer? And will they be young with nice teeth? Love will be a paradise and you will not be a toothless maid.

Shall you go on many long voyages Libra? Yes, one a year at the time of Lammas. Take care not to be worn out by storm-tossed seas.

What is the person that you are thinking about doing now Capricorn?

He is on a series of mini-breaks with another but will return by Easter.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

The person you are so glad to see, do they think of you, Taurus? Yes! Some pretend friend will try to calumniate you but your ruin is not certain.

May you hope to receive a fortune Leo? That depends on your prudence, but you have a dozen rich rellies who henceforth shall smile upon you.

Ought you to take the first step towards reconciliation? Yes, your merit goes before you, and the majority are awaiting your words of peace.

Shall you receive any unexpected property? Yes! It will be a good source of income should you tend it with care and not let it fall to ruin.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

You shall have several adventures by land and seven by sea, and envious bystanders will have neither teeth, nor hair and will be gouty.

Shall you soon receive the news that you are expecting Virgo? When time is as ripe as the seasons will the news of frequent calms approach.

Ought you to oppose the projects of your husband Saggi? It depends. If you forsake the pleasures of the world, will you regret it?

Ought you to follow the advice given you? That would be a clergyman’s step. Take a rocker and a roller’s step – ask Roy at Bardsley’s.

To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

latest 7 11

012_LS312_stand-up/vets

3/7/07

11:53 AM

Page 2

STAND-UP COMEDY

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle says go forth and find entertainment. It’ll be on every corner this Red Nose Day This Friday is Comic Relief’s Red Nose Day. It’s not like this is likely to be news to any of you at this point, but, rather than dread it like a nasty telethon that steals your favourite Friday night telly, this is a wicked opportunity for creative entertainment. No, I’m not trying to convince you to stay in on a Friday – God forbid! I’m pointing out this is the charity event inextricably linked into comedy – you know, the ha ha stuff – and as such sets the challenge to everybody looking to raise money to think of some way of doing it no one else has ever thought of. And hence we get the most brilliant creativity cropping up all around the cities, with Mega Jenga competing with regular stand-up gigs.

One-off fantastic ideas of hilarity – get it where you can find it – are popping up all over the shop asking you to spend your hard-earned hard cash on a great wheeze, which sort of turns your entire city into one big fairground. Stalls and whizz bangs at every corner, cunningly disguised as pubs. Well, East Sussex has never been accused of lacking in the pub department. Such a thing would never be allowed. But with this abundance of drinking holes they really are the central social hub of every street, so all you need to do is wander to the next corner to find the next Red Nose pretty lights.

“One-off fantastic ideas of hilarity are popping up all over the shop asking you to spend your hard-earned hard cash on a great wheeze” The extra cunning wheeze from this, the big secret and the clever subterfuge, is that this leaves these small venues, aka pubs, with an entertainment licence and a taste for the punters and a good show. An excellent opportunity for new comedy nights to crop up. Only last week the Easy Bar by Churchill Square in Brighton started a brand spanking new stand-up comedy night with some top-quality new talent, and more pubs seem to be making enquiries to follow suit. With appetites fully whetted

by Red Nose Day comic crowds, and hopefully a hugely stupendous amount of money raised, maybe we’ll be left with fledgling clubs cropping up in the random reaches of cities, towns and villages around East Sussex. Much easier than trying to think of new zany ideas each week.

And when they do crop up, give them a chance to find their feet. With new bookers trying to find quality acts that won’t cost the earth so you can enjoy a cheap funny night out things can sometimes go awry. So take advantage of a pub crawl preview. Check ‘em out this Friday and see what tickles your local proprietors’ funny bone. If you like it, it might just become a regular outing.

☺

Stand-up wisdom 32: “War teaches America where other countries are.” Phil Nichol

image

Individual Images for Individual People

catcher T i m R i c h a r d s o n Freelance Photographer 01273 881832 07977 140002 www.image-catcher.co.uk tim.richardson@image-catcher.co.uk 32a Carlisle Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 4FS 12 latest 7

PETS

Marc the vet Paul O’Grady Show’s Marc Abraham asks just how mad is a March hare?

Although not commonly used in today’s language, we have all heard the expression ‘as mad as a March hare’, but what does it mean? The phrase is thought to have been in use since the 16th century but is most famously linked to Lewis Carroll’s children’s classic Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

It is thought the brown hare was introduced into the UK by the Romans and today it can be found throughout most of Britain. A solitary animal, living in open grassland or arable habitats, easily distinguishable from the smaller rabbit by its size, longer limbs and black-tipped ears.

The phrase ‘mad as a March hare’ relates to the odd or eccentric behaviour displayed by hares during the breeding season. The image of a crazed hare rampaging around the countryside in March is the result of popular belief rather than scientific fact. The brown hare’s breeding season is prolonged, lasting from February through to September and during this period adult hares can be seen ‘boxing’ with one another.

“The image of a crazed hare rampaging around is the result of popular belief, not scientific fact” The common misconception is that they are males fighting over the affections of a female, when in fact this ‘mad’ behaviour often occurs as a result of females fending off over-amorous males and can occur any time in the breeding season.

Despite this seemingly aggressive courtship display, the female will give birth to three litters with three to four young in each litter, every season. The newborns are known as leverets. The female gives birth to her young in the open, returning after sunset each day to suckle them for a few minutes until they are fully weaned at six weeks old.

Regardless of this ability to produce significant offspring the brown hare is not as common as it used to be. The 1960s and 1970s saw a massive decline in the population as a result of intensive agricultural practices and changes in cropping regimes, resulting in the removal of important food sources at vital times of the year. The adult hare is also vulnerable to persecution through shooting, poaching and coursing, and leverets are at risk of attack from predators such as foxes.

As a result of this decline the brown hare has been designated a priority species in the UK Biodiversity Action Plan which aims to maintain and expand existing populations in the UK. Here in Sussex we are fortunate to have breeding pairs of hares both in East and West Sussex ranging from Pagham Harbour in the west through to Rye Harbour in the east. Sussex Wildlife Trust would like to build a better picture of how the hare is faring and identify the range of its distribution in the county. So if you spot a hare while out and about in the countryside, do get in touch with the Sussex Mammal Recording Group.

To report your sightings call 01273 497521 or email pennygreen@sussexwt.org.uk. For further information on brown hares ring WildCall on 01273 494777. Thanks to Sussex Wildlife Trust for helping me compile this column.

Any comments for Marc email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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013_LS312_jeremy

3/8/07

5:51 PM

Page 3

SHOPPING

Rocket man Johnny Rocket is in-store this month at Jeremy Hoye, and we take a look at Jeremy’s Tulip range New this month in the Jeremy Hoye store is the edgy designer Johnny Rocket, with his latest collection Pearl D’Conquistador. Johnny is well known for his funky work which embraces a spirit of adventure and tradition. His work has been recognised by many in the fashion industry, and has led to several high profile catwalk collaborations including Gucci, Alexander McQueen and Julien Macdonald.

Johnny is the twelfth designer to feature work in Jeremy’s store.

Pearl D’Conquistador is a dark, alluring and gothic collection. The range includes a feminine twist on Johnny’s signature Rocket skull, using peacock and black pearls with delicate drops of fine chain to create a sophisticated statement. The necklace shown costs £137.50, a mere snip for a bit of rock ‘n’ roll meets Pirates of the Caribbean! Get yourself down to Jeremy’s shop to take a look at this range – it’s not for the faint-hearted, but it will appeal to a broad range of tastes and is accessible to both men and women.

Johnny’s work currently features in two London exhibitions. Harrods celebrate the electric guitar with ‘Harrods Rocks’, its hosting of the ‘Born to Rock – The Life And Times Of The Electric Guitar 1931-2007’, Europe’s largest guitar exhibition, where you can see the customised, silver, Swarovski crystal Fender guitar designed by Johnny. Over the years Johnny has made a number of tour pieces for Kylie Minogue’s live shows which can now be found on display at the Kylie Exhibition at the V&A Museum.

Also newly launched this season at Jeremy Hoye is the Tulip collection, perfect for that

Tulip earrings

springtime gift or marriage proposal. Tulip is an incredibly elegant and contemporary collection.

The range includes silver stud and drop earrings set with a selection of semiprecious stones including garnet, amethyst, moonstone and blue topaz. Prices start from £65, so why not treat yourself, a friend or loved one? If it’s bridal jewellery you’re searching for, Jeremy’s shop is a treasure trove of perfect and well priced ideas and the Tulip range is one of them.

Hot on the heels of such looks being unveiled at trendsetting fashion weeks across the world, you can also find longer length Tulip necklaces, ideal for that everyday ‘layered’ look, as well as for a dressier style for an evening out.

As with all Jeremy’s handmade designs, each piece is unique and the Tulip engagement rings are just this. Individually selected diamonds are mounted in beautiful, sculpted leaves which twirl around the stone; this setting really does show off the diamond and optimises the ‘sparkle’ factor. And of course you’ll be the envy of all your friends!

Rings can be designed in 18 carat white, yellow, or rose gold and platinum. If you are looking for a very modern take on the

engagement ring, pass by the shop and browse the black or pink diamond variations in the Tulip range. Jeremy is also always available by appointment to discuss bespoke designs in this range and across his other collections.

Jeremy Hoye, 22a Ship Street, Brighton.

Call 0845 094 3175 or see www.jeremy-hoye.co.uk

Tulip black diamond ring

latest 7 13

014_LS312_OldGarMini

14 latest 7

3/7/07

12:31 PM

Page 1

015_LS312_Mothers Day Feature

3/8/07

6:01 PM

Page 1

MOTHERS’ DAY

Treating

Mum

This Mothering Sunday make her day with a special gift that shows how much you appreciate her

Gardner Arts Centre Kindertransport (Fri 23–Sat 24 March, 8pm) Special offer for Mothers’ Day: take your mother to see the play for half price A powerful and moving play about secrets, leaving home and motherdaughter relationships from the Shared Experience company.

Between 1938 and the outbreak of war, almost 10,000 children, most of them Jewish, were sent by their parents from Germany to Britain. Nineyear-old Eva ends up in Manchester, changes her name and tries to bury all memories of her previous life.

It is only when her own daughter discovers some old letters in the attic that Eva is forced to confront the truth about her past.

Winner of the 1992 Verity Bargate Award, this moving and powerful play by Diane Samuels receives a timely major revival directed by Polly Teale, winner of the 2003 Evening Standard award for best director.

“Samuels has written the best play about the pain and passion of mother-daughter relationships.” The Guardian “Shared Experience is one of the most distinctive theatre companies in the land. Those who have seen the company are unlikely to forget its thrilling productions.” Daily Telegraph Special offer Buy one full-price ticket for £14 and bring your mother for just £7! Simply quote ‘Latest Mother’s’ Day offer’ when booking.

Offer available on Saturday 24 March and on new bookings only. The offer is subject to availability.

Gardner Arts Centre, University of Sussex Campus, Falmer, Brighton.

Call 01273 685861 or see www.gardnerarts.co.uk

mini artworks For all the love and warmth she gives all year round, say thank you to your mum this Mother’s Day with mini artworks. Let her know you are thinking of her with a personalised piece of artwork. Once you have selected your favourite image, it can be turned into any size artwork you like. There is also an extensive library of images to choose from; the choices available to you are in abundance. Friendly and helpful advice is on offer, so if you would like help in choosing your image you can take all your favourites along with you. mini artworks, 35 North Road, Brighton. Call 01273 673888, email enquiries@miniartworks.co.uk or see www.miniartworks.co.uk

Brighton Laser Clinic Of course your mum is beautiful to you, but she may be fed up with the way she looks these days. Perhaps when she looks in the mirror in the morning, those familiar lines from nose to mouth make her look older than she feels. Or when she frowns, maybe the oncefine lines between her eyebrows are getting deeper. Or maybe when she’s all done up to go out and puts her lippy on, she sometimes wishes her lips were just a little plumper…

If she has ever mentioned these things to you then she might like to try Restylane (www.restylane.com) or Sculptra (www.sculptra.com). These extremely safe and effective dermal fillers have been used worldwide for years. They are biocompatible, so no patch test is required, and are completely biodegradable lasting four to six months.

At Brighton Laser Clinic, only highly qualified nurses with years of experience carry out this treatment. Please call to speak to one of the nurses and to book a free, no-obligation consultation.

Brighton Laser Clinic, 56a Marine Parade, Brighton. Call 01273 686869 or see www.brightonlaserclinic.co.uk

The Old Ship Hotel We all like to treat our mothers on Mothering Sunday – and traditional afternoon tea remains one of the favourite treats. But where can you go? Choosing that perfect location is not always easy. However, one such place is the Old Ship Hotel, Brighton’s oldest and most traditional establishment. With full afternoon tea at only £9.50, it’s an afternoon of extravagance at an everyday price.

The Old Ship offers a selection of lounge areas, each with their own unique atmosphere; some offer sea views, while others possess a more intimate feel. Full afternoon tea consists of finger sandwiches, scones with jam and clotted cream and a selection of homemade cakes and a choice of teas, coffee or fruit juice. Afternoon tea gift vouchers are also available.

The Old Ship Hotel, Kings Road, Brighton. Call 01273 329001, email oldship@paramounthotels.co.uk or see www.paramount-hotels.co.uk/oldship latest 7 15

015_LS312_Mothers Day Feature

3/8/07

5:26 PM

Page 2

MOTHERS’ DAY

The Pier It’s the day that your mum must be spoilt and be given special gifts to cherish from her offspring – you! So this Mothers’ Day, The Pier has been inspired by the East with cherry blossom print vases, £10–£25, sculptured into kimono dress shapes. To complement these unique vases, add a potted water lily, £2 each.

The Pier, 16-17 North Street, Brighton. Call 01273 737799 or see www.pier.co.uk

Beauty Works Baroque Jewellery

Indulge your mum for Mother’s Day with a Jessica Deluxe Zen Spa Pedicure including free midi polish, £32.50, or Hot Stone Massage from £35. Gift vouchers available for any treatment or value.

Beautyworks, 2 Burlington Parade, Burlington Gardens, Portslade. Call 01273 420198 or see www.beautyworks.net

Want to put a twinkle in your mum’s eye this Mothers’ Day? Then make her feel extra special with a gift voucher for a unique piece of jewellery from Baroque Bespoke Jewellery.

Baroque Bespoke Jewellery, 9 Union Street, Brighton. Call 01273 777003 or see www.baroquejewellery.com

Healthcare Commission Registered Fully Qualified and Experienced Nurses

Indigo Roses Organic, ethically sourced and simply divine, these exquisite silk gift boxes from Willow Beauty make the perfect gift and leave you with an absolutely clear conscience for only £22.

Indigo Roses, 15 Brighton Place, Brighton. Call 01273 732255 or see www.indigoroses.com 16 latest 7

017_LS312_beauty

3/7/07

10:34 AM

Page 1

BEAUTY

Thanks, mum Unsure of what to buy this Mother’s Day? Show Mum you care with these great skincare sets and products to pamper and indulge in. Compiled by Zara Friend Burt’s Bees Marshmallow Vanishing Créme, £16, available from www.burtsbees.bathandunwind.com Light and silky cream that tones and soothes the skin, vanishing immediately and smells like sweet ambrosia Weleda Iris Day Cream, £6.40, 30ml, available from www.weleda.co.uk or call 0115 9448222 For intensive care that protects against the elements

Spa NK Seaweed Body Polish, £25, 200ml Available from www.spacenk.com Or call 0208 740 2085 A foaming and exfoliating cleanser to make you feel gorgeous

Shedonism Deeply Hydrating Butter Cream, £25, 250ml A butter cream that turns into a luxurious oil on contact, leaving your skin as soft as silk Shedonism Intensely Bubbling Bath Syrup, £20, 200ml Transform your bath into a bubbling lagoon paradise or apply to a wash cloth in the shower

Lomi Lomi Relaxing Treatment Set, £13.50 (3 x 150ml) Available from www.thesanctuary.co.uk Contains bath soufflé, relaxing spreadable scrub and relaxing body butter

Organic Skincare Gift Boxes, from £6 to £50 Order online at www.beingorganic.com or call 0800 234 6407.

Great choice of gifts delivered right to your door

Weleda Wild Rose Body Wash, £6.95, 200ml Available from www.weleda.co.uk Call 0115 9448222 Harmonises and nourishes

Space NK Laughter Body Scrub, £25, 400g Available from www.spacenk.com Or call 0208 740 2085 Packed with sea salt moisturisers, ideally used twice a week Spiezia Women’s 100% Organic Body Oil, £22, 100ml, available in Harvey Nichols and various stockists nationwide Call 0870 850 851 for a free brochure Order online at www.spieziaorganics.com The nutritious organic oils leave skin velvety smooth, softened and toned

Liz Earle – The Pampering Weekend Kit, £42.75. Available by mail on 01983 813913 www.lizearle.com Perfect for creating a home spa – complete with candlelight – offering pure luxury for the face and body

Seboni Luxury hand Butter, £10, 45g, available from Allders, Croydon and Boswells of Oxford Ltd, Oxford Street, London www.seboni.com Leaves hands soft and moisturised without feeling greasy

The Sanctuary Spa Gift Voucher Experience Prices start from £43 Visit www.thesanctuary.co.uk Call 0870 7703350 Treat your Mum at The Sanctuary Spa, Covent Garden, with a choice of relaxing spa treatments

Liz Earle – The Ultimate Hamper, £138 Available by mail on 01983 813913 www.lizearle.com The best selection of face and bodycare wrapped up in a single gorgeous set

Dr Hauschka Limited Edition Beauty Boxes, £25, from The Dolphin House Shop, 15 New Road, Brighton, 01273 721720 Designed by top celebrities for charity, these great gift sets include organic goodies from the Dr Hauschka range latest 7 17

018_LS312_Molly/xword

3/8/07

1:45 PM

Page 2

MAMMAMALONE&CROSSWORD

Foxy Mamma Malone

latestcrossword

solutions on page 47

Malone and her baby endure a dark night of the soul There is always a pay off for having a really good time. Having kids is one of them! Ha! One thing that new parents always ask other new parents is: “Does he sleep through the night?”. At six months old, I’m afraid, er, no. I thought this was normal until the midwife looked appalled and said I needed to make sure I stop the feeds through the night. Okayee. A month ago she said, “If the baby is hungry then feed her,” but now it’s “Don’t feed her”. Make your mind up!

So, off I trotted to buy a load of books by experts on sleep training. Using these books as my guide, I tried a few weeks of watering-down the night-time formula feeds until they were nearly non-existent. That worked to a point; I got her down to one feed a night until the only option was to let her ‘cry it out’. ‘Noooo!’ I hear you shout. Well, I don’t care, I’m sick of the crying! Actually, to be fair, the baby doesn’t really cry except for when she’s tired or I’m late with a feed. Or when I start singing Razorlight tunes. But the baby does ‘whinny’, a sound which sort of says, ‘Eehh eeeh, I want something, I want something, I don’t know what, eeeh eeh, just get it quick, eeh ehhh.’ It’s just a nondescript, non-direct whinge, basically. Now, at night this ‘whinnying’ slowly cranks up to full blown crying if I’m not out of my bed and by the cot armed with milk within a five-minute window.

“She was crying and confused as I had taught her that every time she awoke in the night I fed her” Anyhooo, I would like to sleep more than four hours at a time (which is what I have been doing for the past six months) so I decided to let her ‘cry it out’. According to the sleep clinics you should check on them after five, then ten, then every 15 minutes. I felt awful. I kept re-reading the book every time I felt guilty, reminding myself that I needed to sleep properly to be able to care for her. It said in the book that if I buckled, it would actually make it worse as I’d be rewarding the baby for crying, teaching her that however long she cried for I would come eventually. I checked on her every 15 minutes. She was crying and confused as I had taught her that every time she awoke in the night I fed her! Poor thing. It took an hour, but eventually she fell asleep, exhausted! No wonder she wasn’t feeding as much in the day. It was hard but it did only really take one bad night. The next night she cried for ten minutes and she hasn’t cried for food since. Thank gawd!

Wooohoooo! I get to sleep all night! But there is always a pay off for a good time: yes she ‘sleeps through the night’, but she wakes at 6am every morning ready for the day! Grrrrrrrr!

For comments and chit chat email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

Cryptic 83

9

Quick 83

ACROSS

DOWN

ACROSS

1 Transport by vehicle gets one in a fury (8) 5 Man abandons bird with elegance (4) 9 Improper pleas become void (5) 10 Ban Frenchman with degree while crazy monster is about (7) 11 The tyrant's vessel? (12) 13 It's worthless putting a very loud question to the doctor (6) 14 Seek vindication in Heaven, George (6) 17 Average tax can dispose of a great excess (12) 20 Shoulder-piece worn by Eastern Saint and French follower (7) 21 Motionless one attracts errant seabird (5) 22 Support new drinks (4) 23 Big boy is in the descendant (8)

1 After 100, being ancient is a common complaint (4) 2 Unwrap parcel – I will make one that's identical (7) 3 I dine late with FBI to be easily recognised (12) 4 I’m leaving Tim with an estimate about people invited (6) 6 Be severe if Roger starts spreading the drug around (5) 7 Man from Casino writes about our ramshackle jetty (8) 8 A shortened version is shown by the BBC (12) 12 Lazy water encourages inactivity (8) 15 Mixed-up uncle has you and me at heart (7) 16 Jest at Mr Lawrence right after the Prohibition (6) 18 Maria’s other half – a god – has a head-piece (5) 19 Memo says: go back to school (4)

1 Touching (8) 5 Surface matter (4) 9 Make pictures (5) 10 Middle section of Earth (7) 11 Beyond reckoning (12) 13 Brook (6) 14 Dental coating (6) 17 Person one knows slightly (12) 20 Copying device (7) 21 Scots landowner (5) 22 Standard (4) 23 Gas (8)

DOWN 1 Religious leader (4) 2 Less stout (7) 3 Excess (12) 4 Whole (6) 6 Ascend (5) 7 With expert skill (8) 8 Place of entertainment (7,5) 12 Killer (8) 15 Instrument of motion (7) 16 Leg ring (6) 18 Strange (5) 19 Cutting tool (4)

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18 latest 7

019_LS312_reviews

3/7/07

11:48 AM

Page 1

REVIEWS

Under review Recent shows with a sprinkling of homegrown talent Daniel Kitson Daniel Kitson is what stand-up comedy can and should be. His gags are hidden in such an incredibly relaxed conversational style, that you only know they are there because you are laughing so hard. But he is not one for surreal meanderings; rather he analyses the truths of everyday life and through talking about friends, family and fireworks finds the sublime in the mundane. Despite his awkward outsider pose he concludes by talking about love in a way that has the couples in the audience cuddling up together. Wonderful.

Brighton Dome, Mon 26 Feb ✌✌✌✌✌ James Holland Howling Bells Howling Bells started their UK tour in Brighton, and took the stage having just stepped off the 24-hour flight from their native Australia. If jetlag was an issue, it certainly didn’t show. Not that it would matter; their power lies not in battering the crowd with power chords and aggression, but in seducing them with their elegantly crafted, catchy and vaguely sinister indie-pop. And it’s something classy frontwoman Juanita Stein and her bandmates pull off with ease. Highlights included ‘Setting Sun’ and new single ‘Low Happening’, but it’s the fullness and complexity of the whole set that left the audience bewitched.

Concorde 2, Sat 24 Feb ✌✌✌✌ Mark Dishman Bless A priest produces a stage show with three of Britain’s most nefarious criminals in the lead roles to demonstrate the power of religion and art to rehabilitate even the most evil of souls. By watching this perfomance, the audience consequently becomes part of the play – quite literally – when the prisoners, who aren’t as rehabilitated as the priest thinks, leap into the auditorium. When kept under control, they re-enact the stories of some of Christianity’s most famous saints, including the tragic tale of John the Baptist told through the medium of contemporary dance. Hilarious physical comedy from Spymonkey once again.

Spymonkey @ Gardner Arts Centre, 24 Feb ✌✌✌✌ Joe Curtin Bonnie Prince Billy First UK tour for four years for this king of the underground alt-country scene. Sporting a big unkempt beard, Will Oldham was a much perkier and upbeat soul this time around, which was probably due to him having a band to play with.

Although they sounded under-rehearsed at times, they played a spirited set of oldies and songs from the recent album The Letting Go. As usual, the venue’s reverberating acoustics didn’t help to define the songs as heard on record, but tonight, the chattering Oldham was in no mood to let that deflate his uplifting spirit.

Corn Exchange, 12 Feb ✌✌✌✌ Jeff Hemmings Jamie T Going to see Jamie-T after purchasing his eagerly-awaited debut album, Panic Prevention, was a much better prospect then spending time crying into a drink due to the lack of Valentine’s cards! Just after 8.30pm, Jamie took to the stage, said his welcome and bang! proceeded to play a punkier, punchier set than the album promises, even motivating a po-go frenzy within the crowd. Interacting like a seasoned pro, he talked about getting black bogies in London followed by a well-deserved rant about Jeremy Kyle. It was then time for the singalong ‘If You Got the Money’ – and there wasn’t a closed mouth in the house.

Audio, 14 Feb ✌✌✌✌ Dave Richtor

Asylum Monologues Detention is like a huge grave except you are alive. We are treated like animals: I was handcuffed to see the doctor. They took me through 15 locked doors to put me in a cell at Yarls Wood Detention Centre. I was pushed naked into the van. Laughed at by male officers. Manhandled by male officers. Taken to Colnbrook Detention Centre near Heathrow.

There was a camera in the toilets. I did not think people would not believe me when I got here and told them that my people had been killed and I had been tortured. These are real words spoken by totally innocent people in the UK, as recounted in Asylum Monologues. I’m fairly liberal but I was shocked. We say “It can’t happen here” but it already does every day. The national press whip up fears about asylum seekers, almost all totally false. Did you know for instance, that only one in every 200 incomers to the UK is an asylum seeker? Did you know that asylum seekers mainly come from Iraq, Somalia, Afghanistan, Iran and Zimbabwe, the very countries which you’d think we would be glad to rescue people from? Did you know that asylum seekers are not allowed to work and that they get £40.22 per week? Did you know that most asylum seekers have no knowledge that there’s a benefit system in the country, before they get here?

This play seeks to bust the myths surrounding asylum seekers. The truth is: people who have been tortured or whose families have been murdered, come here. We don’t believe them, we treat them like criminals. We don’t pay them enough to live. We don’t allow them to work and many of them become destitute. They’re also put into detention centres where they are not cared for by kind people but locked up like animals. Anyone remember Germany in the 30s?!

Sonja Linden’s play was watched by a full house with people queuing down the road at the Chapel Royal in Brighton – so people do care. And this was no boring worthy production. This was riveting theatre, brilliantly written and acted, simple but superb and true. It must come back to Brighton. To misquote Woody Allen: “What do you think of civilisation in the UK? – I think it would be a very good idea!”

For more information, check out www.iceandfire.co.uk www.iceandfire.co.uk/actorsforrefugees Or ring Christine Bacon 0207 3775299 if you are an actor and can help the project.

Also contact Brighton Voices in Exile: bvie@hotmail.co.uk www.refugee-action.org.uk Chapel Royal, Friday, February 23rd

To advertise here to over 100,000 people Call Kate on

01273 818150 and find out how effective and inexpensive it is to promote your business latest 7 19

020_LS312_HanBeCoHa

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Colonic Hydrotherapy is now available at The Hanover Clinic with Alison McDonald R.C.T (M.A.R.C.H.) The Hanover Clinic offers tranquil surroundings with private parking.

Alison McDonald is a fully qualified, experienced and professionally registered therapist providing a holistic approach.

For more information or to book an appointment please phone:

01273 692867 or 07976 260728 The Hanover Clinic 19A Hanover Crescent, Brighton, East Sussex BN2 9SB

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HEALTH

Leaner limbs Want to shift that extra weight you’re still carrying from Christmas? Miranda Glavin has a few ideas While proper nutrition goes a long way to ensuring your body runs smoothly, leading a sedentary lifestyle will inevitably result in weight gain.

Alternatively you may end up a TOFI (thin on the outside fat on the inside) where although you look thin your internal organs are covered in a layer of fat. Not only does exercising keep your body in good shape it also improves your brain function. So with all these benefits all you have to do is find the right type for you.

Why do it?

Exercises are generally grouped into three types depending on the overall effect they have on the human body. Flexibility exercises such as stretching (like that found in yoga poses) improve the range of motion of muscles and joints, aerobic exercises such as walking and running focus on increasing cardiovascular endurance and anaerobic exercises such as weight training, functional training or sprinting increase short-term muscle strength. The best kind of workout will include some of all three – for example 20 minutes running at the gym, 20 minutes weights and a half hour yoga class. But this can be spread over several sessions and there are many forms to chose from – from cycling to dancing to martial arts, exercise classes and even housework!

Pros and cons A regular exercise routine both prevents certain diseases – such as heart disease, cardiovascular disease and Type 2 diabetes – and obesity. Exercise also ensures your current and long term state of health is tip top - from lung capacity and muscle strength to brain power. It does this by increasing the blood and oxygen flow to the brain, increasing growth factors that help create new nerve cells and increasing chemicals in the brain that help cognition. By ensuring you breathe deeply during physical exercise you help the body to increase its maximum lung capacity and oxygen uptake. This results in greater cardiac efficiency, since the heart has to do less work to oxygenate the muscles, and there is also increased muscular efficiency through greater blood flow.

You wouldn't jump out of a plane without the right equipment and no training. Likewise a new exercise routine should be accompanied by the right shoes and – if you haven't been active in a while – the OK from your doctor. This will prevent any major negative results associated with a new fitness routine. Many people also start exercising hoping to shift the fat from one specific area.

Unfortunately this isn't possible, but all surplus fat will go in time with a dedicated routine.

Finally, ensure you rest those muscles – at least a day between workouts –.this will give the muscles time to relax and prevent injury. This way you’ll continue to enjoy a new, fitter, you.

wave Reach over 100,000 health-conscious readers across London and the Southeast with Wave, the region’s only free glossy mind, body, soul monthly.

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01273 818160 If you would like to comment on this story please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

See more health tips at wavemagazine.co.uk

Health & fitness TUESDAY 13 Abs Blast With Martin. Fitforall, 6pm, £3 BE Pilates Mat Class Beg/Improvers. 01273 273074 for info. Back2Balance.

5.45–6.45pm, & 7–8pm, £45 for six weeks Children’s Kung Fu Ages 7–11. Cornerstone Community Centre. 4–5pm, £4 Flamenco Dance Lower/Int. The Dance Station. 8.15–9.15pm, £8.50 Hypnotherapy Free consultations with Peter J Hassell: smoking, anxiety & other issues. 07884 213 599 Komaja’s Love Meditation Meditation and mantra singing. Komaja Centre, Hove. 7.30–9.30pm, £donation Kundilini Yoga Holistic Health Clinic, 6.30 –8pm, £6 drop-in, £20 for 4.

Low Impact Aerobics Dean’s Leisure Centre.

8–9pm, £4 Rev’s Up! Indoor Cycling Fun fitness session at Peacehaven Leisure Centre.

7.45pm (also Mon 7.45pm, Thu 6pm) £4.30 drop-in Tai Chi and Qi Gong The Acupuncture Clinic.

8–10pm, £7 Yoga and Meditation All levels. Brighton Buddhist Centre. 10–11.30am. £6/£4, (Also same time Fridays)

WEDNESDAY 14 Abs And Backs Dean’s Leisure Centre.

8–8.20pm, £1 Aerobics Circuits Dean’s Leisure Centre. 7–8pm, £4 Eight Treasures Qi Gong St Mary Magdalen Community Centre.

6.15–7.15pm, also same time Monday, £8 Ki and Aikido Basics Bob: 01273 323315. Brighton Ki Centre. 7–9pm, £6 Low Impact Aerobics Dean’s Leisure Centre.

8–9pm, £4 Meditation Introduction Brighton Buddhist Centre.

1–2pm & 7.30–9.30pm, donation Morning Soto Zen Meditation Call for info: 01273 682974.

7.30–8.30am, Bodhi Garden, suggested donation £5 Shaolin Tai Qi – Rou Quan St Mary Magdalen Centre, also same time Monday.

7.15pm–8.15pm, £8, (£25 for all four classes at the centre) Sivananda Yoga Beg/int. Revitalise. Call Helen 07722 046865. 9.30–10.45am Yoga With Joanne. Coral Health and Fitness. 1.30pm, £3.50 Yummymummys Fitforall, 10.30am, £4

THURSDAY 15 Body Control Pilates Mixed and advanced classes.

Holistic Health Centre, 8–9.15pm, £60 for 6 weeks Brighton Jamyang Group Call Ian for info: 07758 150722, Bodhi Garden. 7.30pm suggested donation £5 Egyptian Belly Dancing Drop-in work out class.

Wendy Whatling. 11–12pm Hatha Yoga Patcham Comm Centre. 07986 850029. 9.45–11.15am, £6 Hip Hop/R’nB Dance Class Peacehaven Leisure Centre.

8pm drop in, £4.30 Mindful Hatha Yoga With Taravajra, call 07985 314181 for more info.

Unit 4. 11.30–1pm

Pilates Beginners mat-based class.

Pre-book with Francesca on 07958 204 211. Wendy Whatling School of Dance, 9.45-10.45am, £54 for 6 weeks Yoga With Jo. Fitforall, 7.15pm, £4

FRIDAY 16 Early Morning Yoga Brighton Buddhist Centre.

8–9am, £5/£3 Fitness Pilates 5-week course at Saltdean Community Centre.

9.30–10.30am and 11–12pm, call 01273 305827 to book Pole Dancing Class Fitforall, call for info, 6pm Sivananda Yoga Beg/int with Kelly: 07828 829965, Revitalise.

9.30–10.45am, £6 or £30 for 6 Tai Chi Peacehaven Leisure Centre.

7.30pm drop in, £4.30 Vajrasati Yoga The Acupuncture Clinic.

6.30pm–8pm, £6/£5

SATURDAY 17 BE Pilates Mat Class Beg/Improvers. 01273 273074 for info. Coast Chiropractic.

10–11am & 11am–12pm, £45 for six weeks Coretastic!

With James. Fitforall, 10am, £4 Children’s Ki and Aikido For ages 4–7. Brighton Ki Centre, call Bob for info: 01273 323315. 9–9.45am, £2.50 Hatha Yoga (Scaravelli) 90-minute class. Coral Health and Fitness.12pm, £4.50 Iyengar Yoga Brighton Buddhist Centre.

9.30–10.45, £6/£4 Self Defence and Fitness Dorothy Stringer Sports Complex. Kids class 10-11am, adults 11am–12pm, (and Tuesdays kids class 6.30–7.30pm and adults 7.30–8.30pm).

SUNDAY 18 Aquarobics Main pool, King Alfred Centre. 10.30–11.15am, £4.10 Hangover Spin Fitforall, 10am, £4 Women’s Yoga The Acupuncture Clinic. £40 for 6 classes. 11am–12.15pm.

MONDAY 19 Chen Tai Chi All levels, Davigdor School.

6–7pm, £7. Info: 07799 097776 Fitness Pilates Drop-in class. Dean’s Leisure Centre. 7.30–8.30pm, £5, (also a 5-wk course Tue, 9.30–10.30 and 7.30–8.30pm) Flamenco Dance Beginners. The Dance Station. 7–8.15pm, £8.50 Hatha Yoga Weekly class. The Dharma School. Call 07986 850029.

5.30–6.45pm, £30 for 6 weeks Hatha Yoga (Scaravelli) Coral Health And Fitness.

12pm and 7.10pm, £3.50 Inspiring Yoga All levels. Holistic Health Clinic. 6.15–7.45pm, £7 Children’s Ki and Aikido Ages 8–13. Details call Pippa 07779 780103. Brighton Ki Centre. 5.15–6.15pm, £2.50 Kundalini Yoga For LGBT, Anahata Health Clinic. 7.45pm, £4/£5 Latino Mix With Marta. Fitforall, 6pm, £4 Legs, Bums And Tums Dean’s Leisure Centre. £4, 5.30–6.30pm and 6.30–7.30pm Scaravelli Inspired Yoga With Peta Trousdell at Unit 4.

Call 01273 846722 for more info. 10–11.30am Tai Chi Chuan Class More info: 07900 193230. All Saints Church Hall, 8pm, £5 Womens Yoga (Scaravelli)

The Acupuncture Clinic.

6.30–8pm, £9 drop-in,£32 for 4

DIRECTORY The Acupuncture Clinic 143 Portland Road, Hove 01273 722422 All Saints Church Hall Eaton Road, Hove Ian Kendall: 07900 193230 www.ik-taichi.com Anahata Health Clinic 119–120 Edward Street, Kemp Town, 01273 698687 Back2Balance 35 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 206 868 Bodhi Garden Centre 7 Ship St Gardens, Brighton Call Richard 07796 331167 Brighthelm Community Centre North Road, Brighton Brighton Buddhist Centre 17 Tichborne Street, Brighton 01273 772090 Brighton Ki Centre 12 Queens Square, Brighton Barry: 07854 389606 Brighton Natural Health Centre Regent Street, Brighton 01273 600010 Brighton Reiki Centre Viaduct Road, Brighton 07968 982136 Coast Chiropractic 198 Church Road, Hove, 01273 321144 Coral Health And Fitness Orchard Road, Hove 01273 731262 Cornerstone Community Centre Church Road, Hove The Dance Station Unit 4, 57 North Street, Portslade. 01273 419977 Davigdor Infants School Somerhill Road, Hove Bernie: 07799 097776 Dean’s Leisure Centre Longhill School Karen: 01273 305827 The Dharma School Ladies Mile Road, Patcham Diamond Way Buddhist Centre Montpelier Road, Brighton Ingrid: 07736 061108 Dorothy Stringer Sports Complex Loder Road, B’tn.

Info on 07895 066321.

Fitforall Unit 1, Portland Road Trading Estate, Hove, 01273 415515 Holistic Health Clinic 53 Beaconsfield Rd, Brighton 01273 696295 Johnson Page Healthcare Chiropractic & Medical Acupuncture, 15 Ship Street 01273 724777 King Alfred Leisure Centre Kingsway, Hove 01273 290290 Komaja Centre 21a Upper Market Street, Hove. Cela: 01273 771472 Leach Court Eastern Road, Brighton. Ian Kendall: 07900 193230 More Bar/Restaurant 98 Trafalger Street, Brighton 07717 584738 Patcham Community Centre Ladies Mile Road, Patcham Peacehaven Leisure Centre Greenwich Way, Peacehaven, East Sussex 01273 588858 Revitalise (Planet Janet) 86 Church Road, Hove 01273 738389 St Mary Magdalen Community Centre 55 Upper North St, Brighton, 01273 676992 Unit 4 20–26 Roundhill St, Brighton Wendy Whatling School of Dance Unit 11a Dyke Road Mews, Brighton. wendywhat ling@btconnect.com

List for FREE in this section.

Email health events to editorial@thelatest.co.uk with the date, place, time and cost

latest 7 21

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD&DRINK

Oopsy dosai Andrew Kay feels the heat but not the cost at Spice Land in Croydon I have never really worried about reviewing far afield in this space. From what readers tell me, they are happy to hear about restaurants some distance away, and in the food survey that we ran last year a surprisingly high number of you said you would drive over 50 miles in the pursuit of good food.

Which is why I am going to tell you about a restaurant in Croydon. I had to be in London to give a lecture at Kingston University. Afterwards I knew that, without local knowledge, I would struggle to find a local restaurant that would thrill me, and I was certainly in no mood for any of the plethora of chain joints that confronted me. I hopped in the car and headed for Croydon where I knew that the large Asian community was bound to throw up a good range of ethnic eateries. I had seen before southern Indian on offer and, unlike the provinces, Indian restaurants here advertise their regional diversity.

Eventually I spotted Spice Land. It was a shiny, glowing, café-style restaurant with Melamine tables and chrome chairs and that eerie blue light that is so popular but makes your food look odd. What drew me though was the promise of Sri Lankan and southern Indian dishes.

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Cheers Look what landed on my desk this month I’m not going to lie, this job has its perquisites (thank you Cheeky Boys), and this month a parcel arrived containing three rather nice bottles.

A bottle of Piper Heidsieck is always welcome (it’s never too early for champagne), and this award-winning stuff went down a treat simply chilled. Look out for the new Jaime Hayon-designed champagne essentials too, created to match the rich red branding, and also for the individual-sized bottles that come complete with a straw!

Second out of the box was Galliano. Now, no cocktail cabinet should be without this classy yellow vanilla and aniseed liqueur – it’s an essential ingredient in so many classic cocktails – but I have now discovered that on a couple of cubes of ice it makes a rather good digestif.

Finally there was a bottle of Passoá, a liqueur made with passion fruit. Not an essential is my verdict, but not half bad. I added a shot to a screwdriver and it gave it a carnival feel.

A splash over a pavlova with passion fruit and raspberries was a far better result and the pink colour was a real hit.

Passionate about property, fanatical about food 59 Church Road, Hove 01273 735237 www.callaways.co.uk

‘‘It was a shiny, glowing, café-style restaurant with Melamine tables and that eerie blue light that is so popular but makes your food look odd’’ The front area was packed with lads in uniform grey trakkies and hoodies. It could have been intimidating but I braved a path through and they were ever so polite. I needed a beer and one arrived in a trice. The menu was complex in that it was clearly designed for people who knew what the dishes were, and not for thrill-seeking interlopers.

I simply asked for explanations, and got them. The ‘thair vadai’ was thankfully the dish that I know as dahi vadai, lentil doughnuts in yoghurt with spices and salad. These came peppered with torn curry leaves and were huge. Still, I polished them off as they are a real favourite of mine.

I added a portion of chicken tikka – I really wanted prawns but they had sold out. What arrived from the starter menu was huge, way bigger than a Brighton-and-Hove main course, six fat chunks of excellent succulent and sizzling orange meat, dotted with charred bits. I’m afraid it was too big for me to finish.

That, in part, could be to do with my mutton masala dosai. I love dosais because the process of fermenting pounded rice and lentils overnight gives them a delicious and slightly malty note. This one came stuffed with tender hunks of mutton and soft spicy potato and was gargantuan. The helpful waiter asked me how spicy I would like it and I suggested medium, which it was. Well, medium to hot really.

It arrived on a silver charger on which there were also three types of chutney, a green coconut paste that was fairly mild, a red paste that was devilishly hot and a sweet and fiery dry coconut dressing which was amazing. There was also a bowl of sambar. Sambar is a spicy gravy, in this case with fat slices of dried birds-eye chilli lurking menacingly in its depths. The lager downed I ordered a mango lassi to finish – a drink and a pudding all in one.

So how much for this feast? Sit down, it was £11.90. Yes, under twelve quid for a massive meal and a pint of decent lager. I nearly fell off my chair. The dosai was only £3.50, the tikka £3, the thair vadai £1.50, so £8 for food and £3.90 on drinks. I left a massive tip because the service was great, the food brilliant and the price quite frankly extraordinary. On the way back to the car I wept at the knowledge that I cannot eat like this close to home.

Spiceland, 212 London Road, Croydon, 0208 667 1700 22 latest 7

New Exciting Menus Dinner Menu (3 course) £25.00 Sunday to Thursday 6pm till close ~~~~~

Lunch Menu (2 course) £11.95 Sunday to Friday 12pm to 5pm Or choose from our à la Carte menu ~~~~~ Please visit our web site to view menus

023-024_LS312_HOTLIST

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FOOD & DRINK

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials.

BYO with no corkage charge, they’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

Blanch House The restaurant at Blanch House is an inhouse affair. All involved are dedicated to excellence in food, service and wines but with no pretensions. You can sit back and take pleasure in the relaxed atmosphere of dinner at your best friend’s house while enjoying innovative food, attentive and personal service, and superb wine and cocktail lists. The menu changes with the seasons and availability to ensure that only the freshest high-quality produce is used.

Meat, dairy products and other ingredients are locally sourced and organic where possible. Fish is from the local day boats when available.

17 Atlingworth Street, Brighton, 01273 603504, www.blanchhouse.co.uk

The Gourmet Fish & Chip Company

The Terraces Bar, Grill and Dining Room

The Gourmet Fish and Chip Company at Brighton Marina has taken the dish into the 21st century. Diners can enjoy fantastic top-grade fish and chips in a trendy diner environment and even enjoy a beer while they wait for their takeaway order. Check out the gourmet fish platter and lunch-time specials. The restaurant is located on the ground-floor level of the waterfront and is open seven days a week. Fully licensed.

The Walk of Fame, 18 Waterfront, Brighton Marina, 01273 670701 www.gourmetfishandchipcompany.com

Terraces bar and grill offers customers a relaxed approach to drinking, eating and hospitality. The lower level is available for private parties, wedding receptions, corporate events, Christmas parties, formal dinners or product launches. Whatever you want, you can be sure of an experience as consistently satisfying as the breathtaking views across Brighton seafront.

Madeira Drive, Brighton, 01273 570526, www.the-terraces.co.uk

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! With its daily evening menu at £10.50 weekdays and £14.50 Friday and Saturday.

A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6pm to 10pm for last orders. Available for all celebrations and party bookings with taylor-made menu to your needs including live entertainment.

12a New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 reservation@newsteinehotel.com www.newsteinehotel.com

Polar Bar East Polar Bar East is pleased to introduce their new Scottish-based winter menu. This is a style of food we southerners are not exactly familiar with, but Rob and Nolan from the Polar are confident it’s going to be a hit with not only the locals but also with new customers. It’s not surprising considering it’s tipped by celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey as the new food of 2007.

Yes, this so-called peasant food is growing in stature just as many other so called working-class foods have done during the recent years. Its nutritious and wholesome quantity assures that there’s a sense of home in this food. All the meat is supplied by the premium quality butchers Brampton’s of Kemp Town. What to expect – Scots beef, tatties, soups, stews and, of course, haggis. Prices start from £4.

8 St George’s Road, Kemp Town, Brighton, 01273 683334

Café Belge

Ruby Tate’s

Café Belge offers award-winning food (Café Belge Eastbourne received a gold star for food from the prestigious Harden’s Guide 2006) – 50 ways to eat a fresh mussel, salmon fishcakes, award-winning 12” wild boar and beer sausage, fresh sea bass, steak Béarnaise, Toblerone fondue, Belgian waffles – just to give you an insight into what to expect. They also stock more than 100 beers all served in their own glasses, from light and delicious fruit beers to Trapist Monk beers to Belgian Guinness as well as a fine wine list.

64 Kings Rd (corner of West St & seafront), 01273 733290, www.cafebelge.co.uk

Situated at the heart of cosmopolitan Kemp Town, Ruby Tate’s oyster and champagne bar really is the pearl of Brighton. From moules marinière to lobster Thermidor, this is a paradise for seafood lovers. The restaurant’s stylish décor and trademark friendly service ensure that diners enjoy the gourmet food and fine champagne in a relaxed, informal atmosphere.

40 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 693251

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus, and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter a central open fire roars, in summer people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion, and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight plus a wine list that is full of treats without being expensive too. Make the most of the terrace while the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

INDIAN Nooris Indian Cuisine One of Brighton’s longest-standing Indian restaurants and justifiably so. Smart service and a menu that, as well as offering all our favourite dishes, has some interesting and unusual dishes on offer.

Great central location just off the seafront.

Portions are on the very generous side so order carefully. We have always been particularly impressed by the vegetarian menu, especially the malai kupta. Excellent breads and side dishes too. £6.95 for a twocourse meal and £11.95 for a three-course meal with wine.

70 Ship Street, Brighton 01273 329405

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent-value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Very popular with students and families with young children, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu that is utterly affordable with the company’s signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16–17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

LATIN AMERICAN Las Iguanas Brazilian cooking has come to town and with it all the fun of the caipirinha. Spicy, fun and inexpensive, this Latin newcomer is already proving popular, especially the two-for-one cocktail deals and an excellent £7 two-course lunch menu. Whacky interiors and a cool cocktail bar give the place a carnival feel all the time and the staff are friendly and fun too. If you don’t know what cachaca is, then it’s time to find out.

7–8 Jubilee Street, Brighton, 01273 573550, www.iguanas.co.uk

PREMIUM THAI TAKE AWAY Chokdee Possibly the first of its kind, this premium take-away offers fantastic-quality Thai food to your door if you use the homedelivery service or to take away if you are passing. You can eat in too, as there is a stylish dining area. Counter service does away with additional service charges, so you can enjoy Thai food as often as you like without the fuss. At Chokdee it’s the food that’s the thing. Foodies – start the queue!

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove, 01273 720370, open every day (12pm–3pm and 5pm–11pm)

SOUTH EAST ASIAN Bali Brasserie Located in a 1960s mansion block, this very popular Indonesian-Malaysian restaurant has a rijsttafel buffet dining menu at £16.95 with a wide and generous range of dishes that are constantly replenished. There is also an à la carte menu. Nice original retro décor, bamboo and cane, pink and gilt, with lots of oriental puppets, jazz playing rather than pop and a friendly atmosphere. Very Simon Templar.

KIngsway Court, First Avenue, Hove, 01273 323810, 12-2pm, 6.30-10.30pm (till 11pm Friday and Saturday)

Melati This newly refurbished restaurant and bar has a touch of class about it and serves delicious Indonesian, Malaysian and Singaporean food and bar snacks. The owners bring their successful formula from their restaurant in the West End of London and the long list of authentic dishes on the menu leaves you spoilt for choice.

Corner of Lansdowne Place and Western Road, Hove, 01273 775565

THAI Chokdee Offering quality Thai food in a café style, with a takeaway option as well, this restaurant is great news for Hove commuters on their way home. An experienced team delivers hot and fiery, to mild and delicate dishes. Each order is freshly made using authentic Thai ingredients. It serves a good selection of stir-fries and real Thai green and red curries, with excellent seafood and speciality fish dishes. Newly refurbished, it is boldly decorated in dark browns and reds, which highlight the colourful diversity of Thai food. During the morning, go for teas and coffee, with lunch from 12 noon.

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove, 01273 720370, open every day, 12–3pm, 5– 11pm

Sawadee The Thai restaurant people love, for parties and celebrations and because they always give the best of times. And why not; this well-priced restaurant repeatedly pleases with dishes we have all grown to love, and some new ones too. We were impressed by the use of authentic ingredients such as pea aubergines where others use peas.

Lots of fish dishes too with bass and pomfret and a great sliced beef salad.

87 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 624233, www.sawadeethai.co.uk

To have an entry in the latest hot list call 01273 818150 latest 7 23

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FOOD & DRINK VEGETARIAN Iydea Vegetarian Cafeteria If it’s a great value, fresh, tasty and quick lunch you’re after, you’ve found it! This new express vegetarian cafeteria dishes up a tasty selection of homemade, fresh, healthy world food at great prices. With its refreshingly bright, clean, simple interior and all the freshly prepared food on display for you to choose from, this new gem is going to be a food lovers’ hit for sure 17 Kensington Gardens, North Laine, Brighton, 01273 667992

Revitalise (formerly Planet Janet) This popular and stylish Hove café restaurant offers delicious healthy hot and cold food in combination with being an excellent centre for therapies, treatments and classes. Healthy breakfasts, chunky sandwiches, soups, main meals, jacket potatoes and salads form the core of the menu. Freshly pressed fruit and vegetable juices in delicious revitalising combos, delicious fair-trade teas and coffee, vegan and gluten-free options. Open seven days a week, families welcome. You can eat for less than a fiver!

86 Church Road, Hove, 01273 738389, www.revitalise-u.com

BARS & PUBS The Bell This friendly, traditional pub reopened its doors at the end of last year after having undergone extensive refurbishment and is now under new ownership. Tucked away off Blatchington Road, it already has a name for itself for its great value food, freshly made every day from locally sourced products, including fantastic roasts on Sundays. The pub is child friendly and there’s often something extra going on from quiz nights to live music. There’s also a function room available to hire. If that’s not enough, they also have a three-hour happy hour every Monday to Friday from 4pm-7pm.

15-17 Belfast Street, Hove, 01273 770773

Blanch House The award-winning cocktail bar is located on the ground floor of the five-storey building and offers an eclectic range of superbly made cocktails. The owner, Chris Edwardes, has managed many renowned bars, restaurants and clubs in London, including the Groucho Club, The Pharmacy, as well as opening the Jazz Café, The Atlantic, and the Ge Club for Conran. His cocktail skills have been described as ’legendary’ by those in the know and with over 30 years’ experience in the industry it was only a matter of time before he opened his own quality venue.

17 Atlingworth Street, Brighton, 01273 603504, www.blanchhouse.co.uk

The Eclipse A traditional community boozer with a prime location in Poets Corner, Hove. The lively public bar contains large-screen TVs with Sky Sports and Prem Plus and a leaguestandard pool table, while the saloon bar offers quality Harvey’s ales and comfortable seating. Freshly prepared lunchtime food is served daily. An exclusive function room is available for small parties or meetings.

33 Montgomery Street, Hove, 01273 272212

GinGin Sophisticated cocktail chic at this stylish St James’s Street bar. Try one of the head barman’s innovative cocktails using unusual mixes and fresh herbs. Cool interiors and a warm and friendly atmosphere, which, for once in a city that worships youth, is not ageist.

St James’s Street, Kemp Town, Brighton, 01273 671119

The Greene Room This fantastic contemporary bar is found just above the Cricketers – the oldest pub in Brighton. The Greene Room plays host to a large cocktail and wine list to be enjoyed in a relaxed and comfortable environment.

Three adjoining rooms make it a perfect venue for gatherings and parties in the heart of Brighton. Available for private hire.

Above The Cricketers, Black Lion Street, Brighton, 01273 329472

The Hop Poles Great central pub with off-the-wall décor and a loyal clientele of the city’s fashionable best. A fantastic menu of wellpriced food means it gets very busy and seats are at a premium, even in winter on the heated terrace, so get there early.

Excellent free-range meat is specially sourced, while vegetarians are well catered for too.

13 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 710444

Koba Koba hosts a happy hour between 5pm and 7pm all week. Three bars over three floors with a dedicated team of mixologists. This venue stands as a flagship of quality in Brighton and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list and, of course, champagne for those special occasions or just the sheer love of it. The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. Live music on Thursdays, DJs on the weekend. For free K-list membership go to the website.

135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

Preston Park Tavern This stunning new gastro-pub is situated on Havelock Road in Fiveways. Fresh, locally sourced food is served seven days a week from the open-plan kitchen. A separate children’s menu is available in this totally non-smoking venue. It boasts a great range of real ales and lagers as well as a 17 bin wine list, all served by the glass or bottle.

88 Havelock Road, Brighton, 01273 542271

The Eagle

The Shakespeare’s Head

Great atmosphere, warm welcome, good beer and above all, great food from this gastropub. Hearty, modern food inspired by global cuisine and sensibly priced – you won’t go home hungry or broke. Right in the heart of the North Laine, an excellent place for lunch or dinner. Voted Latest 7 Pub Of The Year.

125 Gloucester Road, Brighton, 01273 607765

Set in the heart of Brighton’s city centre, this traditional back street pub offers something for everyone. Fresh food at lunchtime complements a wide variety of beers, ales and wines. For sport lovers the pub has a large screen TV showing Sky Sports and Prem Plus and a brand-new pool table. This central pub boasts a function room which can hired for exclusive use.

1 Spring Street, Brighton, 01273 204680

To have an entry in the latest hot list call 01273 818150 24 latest 7

What’s cooking this week?

The Cheesemonger’s Tales Of People And Places, Cheeses And Wines Arthur Cunynghame Cheesemonger and wine merchant Arthur Cunynghame takes us on a virtual tasting tour in this delightful read, exploring cheese dairies and vineyards, with a unique insight provided by his 30 years’ experience.

While many of us may serve cheese and wine for friends, how many actually find the right balance between the cheese and the wine? Their strength and flavour should always be equal without one overpowering the other. Keeping this in mind, Cunynghame offers a fantastic guide to serving different cheeses and wines, along with the essentials of a good serving. This includes a cheeseboard, good knives and accompanying pickles and chutneys – a personal favourite find of Cunynghame’s being mandarin marmalade and Celtic Promise.

Discover the tastes of France and Italy, as experienced on the author’s travels, ending with ‘The Quintessential British Cheese.’

A guide that no cheese lover should be without!

Zara Friend

Wines to go with cheeses Hard mild cheeses such as Wensleydale and Cheshire go well with many white wines such as a Sancerre, Pinot Blanc and Chardonnay; and light, fruity reds such as Beaujolais or other Gamay wines.

Hard mature cheeses such as Cheddar and Gruyére go well with fuller whites such as Viognier or Gewurztraminer, sweet whites such as a Quart de Chaume or medium reds such as a bold Cabernet Franc, Merlot or Cabernet Sauvignon.

Soft cheeses such as Brie de Meaux and Camembert are especially good with Red Burgundies or other Pinot Noir wines, Cabernet Franc wines from the Loire like Chinon and the lighter fortified wines such as a ten year old Tawny Port.

Blue cheeses such as Stilton, Fourme d’Ambert, Gorgonzola and Roquefort find natural partners in most sweet wines especially Sauternes, full bodied reds such as Barlo, and fortified wines, especially Vintage Port.

For more, see The Cheesemonger’s Tales Of People And Places, Cheeses And Wines,

by Arthur Cunynghame. Out now by Loose Chippings Books, priced £14.99 ISBN-978-0-9554-217-09

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LISTINGS

YOUR COMPLETE LISTINGS GUIDE STARTS HERE

latestlistings This week and the month ahead

7 days to live ★Stand-up

13:03:07

★Stand-up

★Music

Martin Simpson

Mark Little – Defending The Caveman The Aussie with Sussex roots, previously known as Joe Mangel in Neighbours, gives us a take on modern sexual politics.

Pavilion Theatre, Worthing, Thursday 15 March, 8pm, £18.50/£16.50

★Theatre

Twice Musician of the Year at the BBC Folk Awards, this supreme acoustic guitarist is an immaculate interpreter of traditional music and song from Europe and the American South.

Hailsham Pavilion, Saturday 17 March, 7.30pm, £16.50

★Stand-up Dan Clark – The Day I Lost My iPod Trademark neurosis, off-beat observations and heartfelt love songs from the musically sound comic.

Komedia, Sunday 18 March, 7.30pm, £10/£8

Funnyhaha Acclaimed comic Julie Jepson's monthly collection of comics congregate in the Joogleberry. This time it's the turn of Kevin Precious, Gavin Hanmer, Maddie Bridgett and Amanda Severn (above).

Joogleberry Playhouse, Monday 19 March, 7.30pm, £5

★Music

★Music

The Play What I Wrote

Towers of London

The West End’s celebration of Britain’s greatest double act, Morecambe And Wise, by Hamish McColl, Sean Foley and Eddie Braben. Now infamous for its guest stars, who have included Roger Moore, Ewan McGregor and Kylie Minogue.

Connaught Theatre, Worthing, Thu 15 – Sat17 March, 7.30pm (Sat mat 2pm), £19–£12.50

Hair-brained punks who play a dirge-like punk metal. Donny Tourette lasted 48 hours in Celebrity Big Brother before escaping, and they seem to court trouble and controversy wherever they go. Notoriously messy, immature rock’n’roll morals pervade this wretched lot, so lock up your daughters and throw away the key!

Concorde 2, Monday 19 March, 7.30pm, £8

Ian Shaw Best Jazz Vocalist winner at the BBC Jazz Awards 2004, Shaw is currently promoting a soon-to-bereleased jazz album of Joni Mitchell songs Drawn To All Things, his most ambitious yet.

Joogleberry, Sunday 18 March, doors open 8.00pm, £10/£8

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FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 13

Thursday 15

BECOMING JANE (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 CHARLOTTE’S WEB (U) 1.00, 3.30 GHOST RIDER (12A) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 HOT FUZZ (15) 11.30, 2.15, 5.15, 8.15, MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) 6.00, 8.30 NORBIT (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 OUTLAW (18) 11.45, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.20 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 6.30 THE NUMBER 23 (15) 12.30, 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 DIRECTOR’S CHAIR: LITTLE CHILDREN (15) 8.50

BECOMING JANE (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 CHARLOTTE’S WEB (U) 1.00, 3.30 GHOST RIDER (12A) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 HOT FUZZ (15) 11.30, 2.15, 5.15, 8.15, MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) 6.00, 8.30 NORBIT (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 OUTLAW (18) 11.45, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.20 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 6.30, 9.00 THE NUMBER 23 (15) 12.30, 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 SENIOR SCREEN: LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (15) 10.30am

Wednesday 14 BECOMING JANE (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 CHARLOTTE’S WEB (U) 1.00, 3.30 GHOST RIDER (12A) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 HOT FUZZ (15) 11.30, 2.15, 5.15, 8.15, MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) 6.00, 8.30 NORBIT (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 OUTLAW (18) 11.45, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.20 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 9.00 THE NUMBER 23 (15) 12.30, 3.15, 6.00, 8.30

Films showing Friday 16–Monday 19 BECOMING JANE (PG) CHARLOTTE’S WEB (U) GHOST RIDER (12A) HOT FUZZ (15) MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) NORBIT (12A) OUTLAW (15) THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) THE NUMBER 23 (15) PLEASE CHECK WITH CINEMA FOR CONFIRMATION OF FILMS SHOWING FROM FRIDAY

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 13

Saturday 17

INLAND EMPIRE (15) 1.30, 4.45, 8.30

HOT FUZZ (15) 4.00, 9.00 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1,30, 6.30 KID’S CLUB: NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM (PG) 11.00am

Wednesday 14 BIG SCREAM: STRANGER THAN FICTION (12A) 11.00am INLAND EMPIRE (15) 1.30, 4.45, 8.30

Sunday 18

INLAND EMPIRE (15) 1.30, 4.45, 8.30

HOT FUZZ (15) 4.00, 9.00 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1,30, 6.30

Friday 16

Monday 19

Thursday 15

HOT FUZZ (15) 4.00, 9.00 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1,30, 6.30 LATE SHOW: CRONOS (18) 11.00pm

HOT FUZZ (15) 4.00, 9.00 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1,30, 6.30

www.cineworld.co.uk

01273 818094 Tuesday 13

Thursday 15

ARTHUR AND THE INVISIBLES (U) 12.00 BECOMING JANE (PG) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 CHARLOTTE’S WEB (U) 1.45, 4.00 GHOST RIDER (12A) 11.20, 1.50, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 HOT FUZZ (15) 12.40, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) 11.50, 2.15, 4.30 NORBIT (12A)11.10, 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 NOTES ON A SCANDAL (15) 6.30, 8.50 OUTLAW (18) 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.40 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1.00, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 THE NUMBER 23 (15) 7.00, 9.30 THE PRESTIGE (12A) 11.00am

ARTHUR AND THE INVISIBLES (U) 12.00 BECOMING JANE (PG) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 GHOST RIDER (12A) 11.20, 1.50, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 HOT FUZZ (15) 12.40, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) 11.50, 2.15, 4.30 NORBIT (12A)11.10, 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 NOTES ON A SCANDAL (15) 6.30, 8.50 OUTLAW (18) 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.40 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1.00, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 THE NUMBER 23 (15) 7.00, 9.30

Wednesday 14 ARTHUR AND THE INVISIBLES (U) 12.00 BECOMING JANE (PG) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 CHARLOTTE’S WEB (U) 11.30, 1.45, 4.00 GHOST RIDER (12A) 11.20, 1.50, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 HOT FUZZ (15) 12.40, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) 11.50, 2.15, 4.30 NORBIT (12A)11.10, 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 NOTES ON A SCANDAL (15) 6.30, 8.50 OUTLAW (18) 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.40 THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) 1.00, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 THE NUMBER 23 (15) 7.00, 9.30

Worthing Cinema

01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk please call for times

Tues 13–20 BECOMING JANE (PG)

Wed 13–14 BABEL (15)

Sun 18–20 MISS POTTER (PG)

26 latest 7

Films showing Friday 16–Monday 19 ARTHUR AND THE INVISIBLES (U) BECOMING JANE (PG) GHOST RIDER (12A) HOT FUZZ (15) MUSIC AND LYRICS (PG) NORBIT (12A) NOTES ON A SCANDAL (15) OUTLAW (18) THE ILLUSIONIST (PG) THE NUMBER 23 (15) PLEASE CHECK WITH CINEMA FOR CONFIRMATION OF FILMS SHOWING FROM FRIDAY

Also showing...

A quick look at all this week’s releases Arthur And The Invisibles (U) Dir: Luc Besson French maverick Besson finally loses it with this lavish but flawed kiddies’ flick telling the story of elves and humans living in harmony with nature. Sentimental and occasionally trite this is a poor addition to an already bloated collection of work by Besson. (2/5) Showing at Cineworld Babel (15) Dir: Alejandro González Iñárritu The new film from Amores Perros director Iñárritu follows three seemingly separate stories of tragedy, love and death. Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett may bring some Hollywood glitz but it’s the relative unknowns Mohamed Akhzam and Rinko Kikuchi who shine the brightest. It may not have cleaned up at the recent Oscar ceremony but it’s exceptional cinema nonetheless. (4/5) Showing at Worthing Cinema from 13 March Charlotte’s Web (U) Dir: Gary Winick A new adaptation of EB White’s classic story sees Dakota Fanning (of War Of The Worlds fame) star alongside the voice talents of Julia Roberts and Oprah Winfrey. A faithful rendering but sickly sweet. (3/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Ghost Rider (12A) Dir: Mark Steven Johnson Another Marvel big screen adaptation; another sloppy mess. Nicholas Cage plays stunt motorcyclist Johnny Blaze who gives up his soul to become a hellblazing vigilante in a battle against Blackheart, the son of Satan. It may indeed be big, brash and bold but it’s also blatantly been in production hell for some time and feels dated and tired. (2/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Hot Fuzz (15) Dir: Edgar Wright Superb new offering from the Shaun of the Dead crew. This time it’s the turn of the local bobby to get the comic actioner treatment.

The last half hour may struggle to sustain the initial brilliance displayed but this is still a cut above the usual comic fare. Essential viewing for all. (4/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Inland Empire (15) Dir: David Lynch The new film from Lynch finds him in playful mood as he recounts the tale of actress Laura Dern who plays an actress playing an actress.

Confusion is everywhere but so too is beauty, invention, and an oddly subtle comic touch.

Lynch may have carved out his own chaotic niche but with Inland Empire he seems to have found a new and fragrant path. (4/5) Showing at Duke of Yorks Little Children (15) Dir: Todd Field A much overlooked gem, Little Children tells the story of a group of young married couples living in suburbia amidst a backdrop of infidelity, betrayal and lust. Kate Winslet may be the A-lister but it’s Patrick Wilson who steals the show. (3/5) Showing at Odeon on 13 March Little Miss Sunshine (15) Dir: Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris One of the sweetest films to come out for a while, this classic ensemble piece follows a dysfunctional family as they take their daughter to a beauty pageant. The script is tight and wry, as are the pitch perfect performances from Steve Carroll and Oscar winner Alan Arkin. Greg Kinnear as the loser Dad is superb while ten year old Abigail Breslin manages to avoid cloying sentimentality and deliver a truly touching

performance. Only the cruelest of cynics would dare to frown. (4/5) Showing at Odeon on 15 March Miss Potter (PG) Dir: Chris Noonan A soft centred biopic of children’s author Beatrix Potter. Renée Zellweger plays Potter with another pristine English accent. Ewan McGregor, with a truly impressive moustache, stars as Potter’s love interest. while the ever dependable Emily Watson adds a touch of class as the forgotten wife. Despite the central performances the script is slushy and the sentiment cloying. (2/5) Showing at Worthing Cinema from 18 March Music And Lyrics (PG) Dir: Marc Lawrence Hugh Grant plays a struggling songwriter who enlists the help of Drew Barrymore to write a pop song. Trite, crude, and embarrassing, this is a new low for the dapper Grant. Less a film and more an opportunity to parade the insensible and vain machinations of modern Hollywood. (2/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Night At The Museum (PG) Dir: Shawn Levy This joyfully bloated film follows security guard Ben Stiller, who accidentally unleashes a curse that brings the Natural History Museum – dinosaurs and all – to life.

Crammed in among the special effects are Dick Van Dyke, Robin Williams, Steve Coogan, and Ricky Gervais. A wilfully dumb indulgence that deserves a hearty bite. (3/5) Showing at Duke of Yorks on 17 March Notes On A Scandal (15) Dir: Richard Eyre Adapted from the superb Zoe Heller novel this film tells the story of wispy, hippy-ish teacher Cate Blanchett who enters into an affair with a 15-year-old pupil. Excellent performances from all, with a brittle and raw display from Judi Dench. At times genuinely unnerving this is a desperate and ruthless display of love gone sour. (4/5) Showing at Cineworld Stranger Than Fiction (12A) Dir: Marc Forster An IRS auditor (Will Ferrel) suddenly finds himself the subject of narration only he can hear. Emma Thompson plays the author unwittingly dictating Ferrell’s life while a suitably craggy Dustin Hoffman plays his shrink. The script from Zach Helm is refreshingly inventive and brings a gentle humour to an often surprising film. (4/5) Showing at Duke of Yorks on 14 March The Prestige (12A) Dir: Christopher Nolan This lavish tale of two feuding magicians in turn of the century England is an odd but effective follow up to Batman Begins for wellrespected director Nolan. Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale pull the rabbits out of the hat as the rival magicians while Michael Caine and David Bowie deliver a much needed injection of experience. The script may twist and turn but this still remains a deft display of cinematic nerve. (3/5) Showing at Cineworld on 13 March The Number 23 (15) Dir: Joel Schumacher Paranoia gets the MTV treatment in this visually flashy thriller. Jim Carrey takes on another serious role, playing a man who becomes obsessed with the number 23.

The premise may be quirky and interesting but the film remains a trashy example of Schumacher’s wildly egotistical and debauched world view. (2/5) howing at Cineworld and Odeon

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FILM

L7 lowdown The prince of pain New releases reviewed

The Illusionist (PG)

7 Selects

Director Neil Burger Set in turn-of-the-century Vienna, a magician, played by Edward Norton, uses his abilities to secure the love of a woman far above his social standing. Much like the recent The Prestige, the film uses historical setting to add a sway of authenticity and intrigue to proceedings. Paul Giamatti adds able support alongside Jessica Biel. It is Rufus Sewell, though, who steals the show with his pantomime villain performance as Crown Prince Leopold. Adapted from Steven Millhauser’s short story Eisenheim The Illusionist this is a lavish and enjoyable treat.

Craig Driver Showing at Duke of Yorks, Cineworld, and Odeon

Norbit (12A)

Becoming Jane (PG)

Director Julian Jarrold An oddly saccharine biopic of Jane Austen that chooses to focus on her youth just prior to her literary fame.

The Devil Wears Prada star Anne Hathaway struggles to bring any conviction to the role of a young Austen and the script, littered with sentiment and cloying melodrama, fails to do justice to the life and literature of Austen. An able and experienced supporting cast of Dame Maggie Smith, Julie Walters and James McAvoy add some degree of authenticity but still fail to create anything more than a feeble portrait of a literary great.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing Cinema

Cronos (18)

Director Guillermo Del Toro This first full length feature film from Hellboy and Pan’s Labyrinth director Del Toro is a brash and sometimes grotesque film. It tells the story of an alchemist who, in 1535, builds an extraordinary mechanism encapsulated into a small golden device. The invention, designed to convey eternal life to its owner, survives its maker until 1997 when it finds its way to an antiquarian. Part vampire horror and part philosophical thriller, this is the first of three films being shown at Duke of Yorks in a Del Toro season celebrating the Mexican director.

Showing at Duke of Yorks on 16 March

Director Brian Robbins Being perhaps the sole reason Eddie Murphy didn’t win the coveted Best Support Actor award at the recent Oscars, this is a mad and chaotic comic mess. Murphy plays three different characters including an extremely obese woman and her nerdy beau to be. Coming off like Big Momma’s House only, dare I say it, with less laughs, this is unadulterated cinematic slush. The fact that Murphy can double this up with his truly impressive performance in Dreamgirls makes you question the merit of his decision making process. Loud, fat, crude and vile, this is cinema at its most wasteful and indulgent.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Outlaw (18)

Garth Twa looks back over the career and life of famed Italian director Pier Paolo Pasolini

On 2 November, 1975, after having completed his final movie Salo, Or The 120 Nights of Sodom, Pier Paolo Pasolini was found brutally mutilated in a vacant lot, having been repeatedly run over by his own car.

A hustler named Pino ‘The Frog’ Pelosi was tried for the murder. It was dismissed as an S&M tryst, one that involved sodomy and a large piece of wood, that had gone wrong. At the trial, the defence lawyer said, in essence, ‘This was the man who made Salo. He deserved to die.’

Pasolini was denounced, imprisoned, and his films were banned.

A radical homosexual, Marxist, and fiercely atheist, every film he made was political and deeply personal. ‘Either I’ll kill the world or the world will kill me,’ as one of his characters says. His early films show his NeoRealist roots. The slum milieu of Accattone and Mama Roma (1962) and his use of largely non-professional actors reflect his devotion to the sub-proletariat and his disgust for the bourgeoisie. ‘Everything the bourgeoisie do is sh*t,’ he wrote; ‘a member of the bourgeoisie, whatever he does, is wrong.’

In Teorema (1968) a mysterious Christ-like figure played by Terrence Stamp insinuates himself into a bourgeois family and has sex with the entire family, including the maid, destroying their middle-class complacency (the son becomes an action painter, the maid begins to levitate and is eventually buried alive, and the father disappears up the side of a smoking volcano). The film was seized for obscenity at Venice Film Festival. La Ricotta, part of Ro.Go.Pa.G (1963), is a film about an unemployed worker working as an extra in a crucifixion movie (Orson Welles played the director) who steals food from the set to feed his family. He overdoses on ricotta and actually dies on the cross while the producer is entertaining upper class guests at a banquet. Pasolini was arrested for blasphemy. In Porcile (1969), Pasolini dealt with the lives of two ex-Nazi businessmen, one who has a son who can only make love to pigs, and is eventually eaten by them. This is intercut with episodes about cannibals in the 15th century, which climaxes with the cannibals being fed to dogs.

In the late 1960s, he turned to fable and myth, achieving his greatest success with The Trilogy of Life: Decameron (1971), Canterbury Tales (1972), and Arabian Nights (1974), where he celebrates human sexuality as a means of undermining middle-class values. These were bawdy, lewd and rife with nymphomaniac nuns and lingering close-ups on bulges in leather thongs. They even spawned a mini-genre of cheap knock-offs, including such titles as Decameron Sinners, Hot Nights of Decameron, and A Million and One Nights of Boccaccio and Canterbury. His masterpiece however, is Salo. Based on the work of de Sade and transplanted into the puppet regime of Mussolini at the end of WW II, it is a brutal and horrific excoriation of fascism and consumerism. Salo is notorious for its sensational aspects, banquets of human faeces, an orgy of degradation, flesh as meat, but Pasolini’s true genius – and the film’s true horror – lies in his ability to make the most morally and physically reprehensible behaviour mundane. It remains Pasolini’s most complete display.

Pino The Frog recently recanted his confession. There was no sodomy, with or without a large piece of wood. He said he was forced to confess, that his family would be killed if he did not. Bertolucci, who worked as an assistant on Accattone, always maintained that it had been a political assassination: ‘The fact is that by killing him, they gagged him. As if someone had decided to shut him up forever.’ Any filmmaker worth killing is a filmmaker worth exploring.

The Pasolini Boxset: Vol. 1 is out now from Tartan Video Pasolini on set

Director Nick Love From the man behind the thuggish charm of Football Factory and The Business comes this new Nick Love film. A group of people who feel betrayed by their government and let down by their police force form a modern-day outlaw posse in order to right what they see as the wrongs of society. A suitably gruff Sean Bean heads up the vigilante group while Love regular Danny Dyer adds some cheeky wit and a beardy Bob Hoskins pops up as an informant. This is sensationalist cinema that relies on the current political climate in order to sell tickets. Crass but effective.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon latest 7 27

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3/7/07

10:28 AM

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MUSIC

THE BIG GIG

THIS WEEK Electric Six The band formed in 1996 in Detroit and was initially known as The Wildbunch, eventually dropping that name due to pressure from the Bristol trip hop collection of the same name (who, of course, went on to become Massive Attack). Part of the scene that produced acts such as White Stripes, their highenergy trashy mix of disco, synth pop, glam and arena rock came to fruition with the unexpected success of Danger! High Voltage.

Subsequent single ‘Gay Bar’ was also a smash. Since then, they have struggled to maintain the momentum despite a couple of excellent albums.

Tues 13 Mar, Engine Room, Brighton, 01273 728999

Bromheads Jacket

Mingus Big Band The 14-piece Mingus Big Band keeps alive the legacy of Charles Mingus, one of jazz music’s true pioneers. This show is part of Brighton Festival.

Wed 23 May, Brighton Dome, 01273 709709

Latest 7’s Top 5 records The Rakes Ten New Messages (album V2) Outstanding second album from these Brighton-based kids. Full of energising indie rock tunes with an understated and sometimes playful approach. While the previous album expressed themes of working life, mundane routines and escapism, the new album is a much more rounded, mature and literate affair.

Melodic punk and new wave sounds of yesteryear are blindingly apparent, but there are some interesting diversions including Suspicious Eyes which brings vocalists Laura Marlin, Phil Morais and rapper Raxstar into the fray, performing on this overtly political tune.

1

The Sounds Dying To Say This To You (album Korova) Re-release for this Swedish new-wave influenced outfit with a sexy lead singer, synth-driven tunes and spiky lyrics. Stupid but infectious.

2

Dub Pistols Speakers and Tweeters (album Sunday Best) Return to the fray for this dub punk, rock ’n’ roll duo, who have enlisted the help of Rodney P Blade, Terry Hall and various friends to make an album full of electro beats, tweaks and dubtastic feats.

3

Babylon’s Burning: The Rough & Ready Rise of Punk-Rawk Various (album Sanctuary) A thorough and essential history of US and UK pre-punk and the phenomenon of punk itself, including a few tasty live recordings by some of the biggest names including Sex Pistols, The Damned and Dr Feelgood.

4

Steve Hillage Green (album Virgin) The quintessential hippie and still plying his trade with System 7, has his legendary back catalogue re-released including this gem from 1978.

5

A three-piece from Sheffield, they have a similar style musically and lyrically to local contemporaries such as Arctic Monkeys and Milburn – weaving tales of the highs and lows of everyday life, but told in an engaging storytelling manner by main man Tim Hampton, as can be heard on their last album Dits From the Commuter Belt.

Occasionally harder, heavier and more distorted than their peers, theirs is a raw early punk/American hardcore sound, but with plenty of amusing lyrics.

Thurs 15 Mar, Concorde 2, Brighton, 01273 673311

Geno Washington You should all know by now that Dexys Midnight Runners’ ‘Geno’ hit was about this man, one of the hardest-working pensioners on the circuit! Originally he came over as part of the US Air Force, and after persuading Georgie Fame to give him a spot, he quickly established himself as one of the most successful soul acts in the UK, releasing two of the biggest-selling albums of the 1960s, both live recordings. His style?

Well, the beat is insistent, Geno can’t stop imploring the audience to get on down, and the crowd go crazy for his distinctive brand of high energy, and very groovy soul music.

We have Dexys to thank for his revival, as by the 1970s he had pretty much given up with music. Now he’s constantly recording, putting out new material and generally having a wail of a time.

Fri 16 Mar, Komedia, Brighton, 01273 647100

The Sounds Swedish glam new wavers who have achieved a considerable degree of success and celebrity in Sweden and America, but still trying to break the UK market. Why is that? Well, they don’t shy away from going for the groin in exploiting lead singer Myra Inversson’s rampant sexuality and long legs, and their videos are exercises in 80s vanity and visual romps. yes we loved Duran Duran but there was a certain cheesiness in there. That’s all we want – a bit more humour and sophistication to go with our cheesy smut. That’s all!

Mon 19 Mar, Pressure Point, Brighton, 01273 702333

For music listings see our day-to-day guide starting on page 38 28 latest 7

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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3/8/07

12:27 PM

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MUSIC

BRIGHTON SCENE

THE MONTH AHEAD

A weekly round-up of what’s happening in the local Brighton and Sussex music scene Kingsomniac

After a couple of self-released singles, The Mojo Fins (Thurs 15 Mar, Sussex Arts Club) have upped the ante by signing to the local Amazon Records label, who will be releasing ‘Pinata Face’ in April. This atmospheric, melodic four-piece have a nice nu-folk sound. Also on the bill are Sooks and the infectiously cheeky La Frange.

The Mojo Fins Four-piece band Kingsomniac (Tues 13 Mar, Joogleberry) are a brilliant live band, taking their cue The Bobby McGee’s from the frenetic rhythms of punkfunk, and distilling it via The Strokes.

Upbeat, humorous and very good indeed. New stuff is in the pipeline, as are record label deals. Also on the bill are the self-proclaimed Pink Floyd meets The Cure four-piece Educated Animals.

Either you love ’em or hate ’em – The Bobby McGee’s (Fri 16 March, The Hope) unleash their insidious brand of hilarious tweecore that carries a sheath knife among the instrumentation; a sample lyric from ‘Please Don’t Dump Me’ is “I will hunt you down, and kill you in your bed”. Jimmy, G RO55 and Tallulah (gosh!) play ukulele, melodica, double bass, balalaika, xylophone, jews harp and much else besides.

Also on this bill for local fanzines The New Wave of Cut & Paste night are other lo-fi, anti-folk and generally weird gems like The Unicorns!?, David House and The Cut-Offs.

Expect a single on Rob da Bank’s Sunday Best label any day soon from The Hat (Thurs 15 March, Brunswick), an inventive and invigorating four piece who have built up a large following here in Brighton. Comprising a vocal-scratching drummer, a trombone-wielding double bassist, a storytelling guitarist and a multi-instrumentalist with a world of children’s toys at his disposal, they mix stories with pop hooks, gospel style harmonies and cinematic live music.

Send your music and news to Jeff Hemmings, Music Editor, Latest 7, Unit 1, Level 5, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH. Listen to Jeff and Megan Goodwin on Latest 7 on the Radio, Mon–Thu, 10pm–midnight, Juice 107.2FM or via www.latest7.co.uk/podcasts. Read and reply to his blog: www.latest7.co.uk/blogs

latest 7 on the radio Tune into Juice 107.2FM Monday to Thursday, 10pm to midnight, for the latest music, news, interviews, live sessions and gig information with Jeff Hemmings and Megan Goodwin

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

Bryan Ferry Oh, yes. The arch 1970s glam crooner has gone back to one of his first loves – Bob Dylan. His new album Dylanesque is a collection of some of his favourite Zimmerman songs, including ‘Tom Thumb’s Blues’, ‘Positively 4th Street’, and ‘The Times They Are A-Changin’’, all performed rock solidly and with a few interesting changes in tempo. In a way, he’s come full circle because his first ever hit as a solo artist back in 1973 (in those days, like now, he had a concurrent solo career alongside Roxy Music) was Dylan’s ‘A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall’.

Still immaculately coiffeured and groomed he is infamous for his meticulous preparations whether in the studio or at home, and despite a wayward son or two (Otis, who was heavily involved in the pro fox-hunting movement of recent times) and experiencing a horrific attempted hijacking episode on a plane a few years ago, Ferry is back, looking good, and sounding great.

Tues 20 Mar, Brighton Dome, 01273 709709

My Chemical Romance Massively popular, and somewhat controversial, these American theatrical hardcore punks, led by the Germanic blond boy looks of Gerard Way, are named after an Irvine Welsh novel Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance.

Formed in the aftermath of the Twin Towers attack (which Gerard witnessed), the band built up a following through free downloads, MySpace and other social networking sites, backed up with three albums, the latest of which The Black Parade, made number two in the American Billboard charts.

Influenced by British rock (Queen, Iron Maiden and Pink Floyd) and American punk, their heavy use of horror and comic-book imagery has seen them being criticised for negativity and dourness to such an extent that Kerrang! recently voted them the Best Band and the Worst band of 2006!

Wed 21 March, Brighton Centre, 0870 9009100

NOWBOOKING Bryan Ferry 20 Mar, Brighton Dome Steve Winwood 21 Mar, Concorde 2 My Chemical Romance 21 Mar, B’ton Centre Faithless 27 Mar, Brighton Centre Westlife 28 and 29 Mar, Brighton Centre Kieran Hebden & Steve Reid 31 Mar, Komedia The Fall 31 Mar, Pavilion Theatre Scott Matthews 4 Apr, Brighton Dome Barenaked Ladies 5 Apr, Brighton Dome Lemar 7 Apr, Brighton Centre Hayseed Dixie 9 Apr, Komedia Terry Callier 12 Apr, Komedia Midlake, 12 Apr, Concorde 2 Sugababes 12 Apr, Brighton Centre The Osmonds, David Essex, David Cassidy 13 April, Brighton Centre Loudon Wainwright III 14 Apr, Dome James Taylor 18 Apr, Brighton Dome The Skatalites 22 Apr, Komedia

The Waterboys 22 Apr, Brighton Dome The Church 28 Apr, Concorde 2 One Night of Queen 28 Apr, Brighton Centre Deep Purple 29 Apr, Brighton Centre Australian Pink Floyd 30 Apr, B’ton Centre Jason Donovan 1 May, Brighton Dome Chris Difford 8 May, Komedia The loveGods 10 May, Komedia The Great Escape 17-19 May, various venues in Brighton, www.escapegreat.com Willy Mason 18 May, Pavilion Theatre Ray Davies 26 May, Brighton Centre G4 24 May, Brighton Centre Girls Aloud 29 May, Brighton Centre Manic Street Preachers 6 June, B’ton Dome Allen Toussaint 15 June, Brighton Dome INXS 17 June, Brighton Dome Ronan Keating 21 June, Stanmer Park Blackmore’s Night 23 June, Brighton

latest 7 29

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3/8/07

11:50 AM

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HIPHOP

Robin Matheou’s

In it to win it

Mic socialites

New releases, classic comedy and chilling stories – get your hands on these great prize giveaways!

Please introduce yourself…

Borat DVD Now available to buy and rent on DVD from Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment is Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan – but you’ll be forgiven for not remembering the whole film title! Starring Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G to most!) this hilarious comedy is not to be missed. Funnier than the cinema outing, the DVD is packed with extras including deleted scenes, publicity tour footage and more!

Hello people, this is Longusto.

Born and bred as a yellow-bellied Lincolnite, now residing in sunny Brighton and loving every minute of life by the seaside!

To be in with a chance of winning one of two copies send an email to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with Borat in the subject box. Please nclude your name and contact details. Entrants must be aged over 15.

As a rapper, what attracted you to Brighton?

T-shirt goody bags

Well, I could talk about the unbelievably high standard of musicians down here and how I wanted to expand myself both as a person and an artist; but if the truth be told, someone told me it was the gay capital of the country so I figured there must be a higher ratio of single women who were on the lookout for stunningly attractive men such as myself, so I packed my bags.

How does the scene differ to Lincoln's?

Lincoln didn’t really have a hiphop scene. In Lincoln there’s only a handful of people doing hip hop, and even then they’re not doing anything very often.

My mates were more into different music; house and whatnot, whereas now I am surrounded by people who like doing what I like doing.

Tell us about Swampfoot...

Swampfoot was formed six years ago by myself and Weaver – one of the best producers in the country. We started making tracks together and they sounded good, so we made some more. Then our mates brought their skills to the table – Dimes on the decks, Dr Badfunk the human beatbox extraordinaire, Mani providing his smooth vocal melodies and MC Bones as hypeman. We’ve done loads of shows, and setting up a bit of a mini tour for later in the year, which no doubt will hit the road in 2008 if our previous organisational skills are anything to go by! It all gets a bit harder when you’re 200 miles apart; long-distance relationships take a lot more work.

Didn’t you have an album out recently?

We did indeed, titled This Way And That. We haven’t released it fully yet – that’s what we’ll be pushing on our tour – but it’s available from our websites or from iTunes, so everyone should go buy a copy after they’ve finished reading this. Truly, do it. It’s the best album in the world, ever.

Any interesting collaborations in the pipeline?

Yeah, I’ve had my begging bowl out when it comes to collabs. A few nice people have taken pity on me, or maybe it’s just that they’re too scared to say no. Either way, it’s all going on the mixtape I’m working on while I’m down here, which I’m calling Back In The Bad Books.

Crossing a palm near you this year or next…

What are your plans for this year?

Carrying on writing, working and getting wasted, pretty much the same plan as the past ten years. Only difference now is that I’ve got a clean slate to tarnish.

For more info visit: www.myspace.com/longusto; www.myspace.com/swampfoot and www.swampfoot.co.uk

30 latest 7

Brighton-based student entertainment and lifestyle website lastbroadcast.co.uk offers free music downloads, along with loads of great features for students, such as drinking games and the latest trailers and music videos.

Latest 7 have teamed up with Last Broadcast to give away two goody bags, each containing five T-shirts (Massive Attack, Jackass, Placebo, Richard Ashcroft and Nerina Pallot)!

To be in with a chance of winning, email competitions@thelatest.co.uk with LastBroadcast in the subject box. Please include your contact details.

Fallen Angel DVD A stirring new drama from ITV DVD, Fallen Angel reinvents the crime genre in the UK, with sets to rival the most lavish of US dramas. An epic trilogy starring Charles Dance and Emilia Fox, Fallen Angel delves into the dark mind of a female serial killer.

To win one of two copies, email competitions@thelatest.co.uk with Fallen Angel in the subject box. Please include your contact details.

Penmarric DVD The complete classic BBC drama series is released on DVD Monday 19 March and we have two copies to give away!

Witness the drama that riveted millions in the 1970s, which follow a story of love, greed and ambition and is based on the best-selling novel by Susan Howatch.

To be in with a chance of winning one of two copies, just send an email to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with Penmarric in the subject box along with your contact number and address.

Most Haunted series 6 & 7 DVD The popular series returns to DVD, with episodes featuring popular DJ Scott Mills treading the boards of the supernatural in series six and favourite Corrie stars exploring the spooky goings-on in the street in series seven.

To win one of three copies, email competitions@thelatest.co.uk with Most Haunted in the subject box. Please include your contact details. Entrants must be 15 or over.

Mr Bean Vol 4 DVD Rowan Atkinson returns to cinemas on 30 March as the popular character of Mr Bean in Mr Bean’s Holiday. It’s the official film of Comic Relief 2007 and to celebrate we have a beantastic giveaway with the newly released Mr Bean Volume 4 DVD, a collection of three classic episodes of the TV series Do It Yourself Mr Bean, Back To School Mr Bean and Tee Off Mr Bean.

To win one of two copies on DVD, email competitions@thelatest.co.uk with Mr Bean in the subject box.

Please include your name and address.

For coverage in this magazine email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

© 2007 Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment LLC. All Rights Reserved

This week I’m talking to Longusto of Northern hip-hop crew Swampfoot about his move to Brighton and being really handsome…

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3/8/07

11:51 AM

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BARS &CLUBS

THIS WEEK AND THE MONTH AHEAD 22nd Birthday @ The Zap If there’s one thing promoters love, it’s an anniversary. Two years on? Door takings down? Looks like it’s time for another birthday. But the Zap is different. A true original that’s just as likely to be name-checked by Hanif Kureishi as Bobby Gillespie, it’s been central to Brighton’s nightlife for nearly a quarter of a century now. Tonight is history in the making, so turn up for a selection of DJs old and new and raise a glowstick to the grand old Queen of Brighton clubbing. Gawd bless you ma’am.

16 March, £15/14

Ben Watt @ Stompa Phunk A goth noodler turned deep houser, converted after seeing the strobe lights via a globe-straddling remix of Missing, Ben Watt is set to take on Audio this Saturday. Now that the world in general has come around to deep house (except it’s now called minimal – do try to keep up) there’s no better time to watch one of the skinniest DJs in the universe knock out some twitchy jacking house – no doubt delving into his Buzzin’ Fly back catalogue for some exclusive rerubs...

17 March, £8/7

Da Do Ron Ron @ Sussex Arts Club Sisters are doing it for themselves yet again at this soon-to-be-legendary femme-tastic throw down featuring the best retro tunes from the likes of Diana Ross upwards. More than your average 60s soiree, this is a chance to twirl on the SAC dancefloor to some of the best femalefronted music on the planet. And no we don’t mean Girls Aloud.

17 March, £6/5

ETCH Live @ Concorde 2 OK, so it’s more of a gig than a club night – but to be honest, indie label Tru Thoughts are so steeped in the city’s club culture it’d be pretty churlish to make the distinction. Emanating the kind of warm, soulful vibes that many thought were made illegal after 1975, Alice Russell is a formidable front woman performing party-starting blues and funk that’ll force you to move your feet. DJ support comes from Robert Luis, while those seeking later thrills should stick around and enhance the fuzzy glow with breaks from Supercharged.

31 March, £12

★ Latest 7 goes for a drink at the Saltdean Tavern After moving away from the small coastal town of Newhaven to Hove, Brighton Marina and Saltdean are the places I meet with my nearest and dearest from Newhaven, as it’s the middle ground for us travelwise.

That’s not to mean we would meet in the middle of nowhere just because it happened to suit us both in getting there – Saltdean and the marina are ideal with their variety of bars and restaurants. Calmer than the middle of Brighton, meeting up for a drink after work is easy at The Spanish Lady (off the mini roundabout heading to Saltdean shops) and The Saltdean Tavern (found behind Saltdean Lido off the main road).

With a large free car-park, Saltdean Tavern is easily accessible and extremely spacious. Once inside the main doors, the long bar lays directly ahead with seating off to both sides.

With large individual comfy chairs to sink into, the vast pub is a great place to meet for a chat or for a group night out. A weekly quiz night is also held there and a delicious menu sits on each table, tempting you to the tasty puddings on offer and the great value carvery. Bright, cheerful and spacious, plus great value gives the Saltdean Tavern two deserved thumbs up.

Zara Friend The Saltdean Tavern, Saltdean Park Road, Saltdean BN2 8SP, 01273 304614

LATE NIGHT BARS

It’s past midnight, you’re still thirsty, but don’t want to go clubbing; here’s our guide to after-hours drinking Above Audio •10 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 606906 Sun–Thu until 1am, Fri–Sat until 2am Ancient Mariner •59 Rutland Road, Hove, 01273 570028, Sun–Thu until 1am, Fri–Sat until 2am Aqua Bar •23 Waterfront, Brighton Marina, 01273 819800, Sun–Thu 11am–12am, Fri–Sat 11am–2am Arc Bar •160 Kings Road Arches, Brighton, 01273 770505, Mon–Sun until 2am Cosmopolitan Bar •The Cosmopolitan Hotel, 29-31 New Steine, Marine Parade, Brighton, Mon–Thu 4pm–12am, Fri 4pm–2am, Sat 3pm–2am, Sun 12pm–11.30pm Earth and Stars •46 Windsor Street, Brighton, 01273 722879, Sun–Thu till 1am, Fri–Sat till 2am The Fiddler’s Elbow •11 Boyce’s Street, Brighton, 01273 325850 Sun–Thu until 2am, Fri–Sat until 3am Fish Bowl •74 East Street, Brighton, 01273 777505, Sun–Wed until 2am, Thu–Sat until 3am The Freebutt •1 Phoenix Place, Brighton, 01273 603974, Sun–Thu until 12am, Fri–Sat until 1am The Globe •78 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 770685, Sun–Wed until 2am, Thu–Sat until 3am Grand Central •29-30 Surrey Street, Brighton, 01273 329086, Sun–Wed until 12am, Thu–Sat until 2am

The Hope •11-12 Queens Road, Brighton, 01273 325793, Sun–Wed until 12am, Thu–Sat until 2am Koba •135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059,www.kobauk.com. Mon–Thu until 5am, 24 hours over the weekend Rehab Bar •Waterfront, Brighton Marina, 01273 675007, Sun–Thu until 12am Riki Tik •18A Bond Street, Brighton, 01273 683844, Fri and Sat until 3.30am Saqqara •158 North Street, Brighton, 01273 779701, until 2am Sidewinder •65 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 608571, Sun–Thu until 1am, Fri–Sat until 2am Vanilla •73A Western Road, Hove, 01273 748182, Tue–Thu 5.30pm–1.30am, Fri–Sat 5pm–2.30am, Sun 12pm–1am, closed Mondays Western Front •11 Cranbourne Street, Brighton, 01273 725656, Sun–Wed until 2am, Thu–Sat until 3am Zoot Street Bar •8 Queens Road, Brighton, 087 1223 5776, Sun–Wed 5pm–11pm, Thu–Sat 5pm–1pm

For bar/club listings and venue details see our day-to-day guide starting on page 38 latest 7 31

032_LS312_gay

3/7/07

2:15 PM

Page 2

GAY

Pink news

“We hoped that we had the ability to remain independent,” said Simon Rushton, acting chair of BBP. “But funding is so tight and although we were doing lots of fundraising, lots of other organisations are fundraising as well.” BBP says that it hopes its services will be absorbed into the services of other charities and the NHS.

English as a foreign, and gay, language A school for gay students wanting to learn English is opening up in Soho this month.

‘English in London’s Soho’ in Old Compton Street will offer adult English as a Foreign Language course (EFL) with a gay flavour.

“Travelling abroad to learn a new language can be quite daunting and the school will mean that gay students will feel more comfortable knowing that they can learn in a gay-friendly environment and meet other gay students,” says Andy Cossey, principal of the new school. Lessons structured around different topics like film, music, media and lifestyle will reflect gay contributions.

HIV support charity closes Brighton Body Positive, a charity that supports people affected by HIV, has closed. Trustees of the charity are blaming a lack of cash for the sudden closure, which has surprised users of the charity's services.

Pubs & bars Amsterdam, 11 Marine Parade Bar, hotel, sauna and popular summer terrace. Food available every day. 01273 688825 www.amsterdam.uk.com Aquarium, 6 Steine Street Traditional backstreet boozer.

01273 605525 www.pleisure.com Barley Mow, 92 St George’s Road Mixed and friendly local in Kemp Town serving good food.

Nice outside terrace too.

01273 682259 Brighton Rocks, 6 Rock Place Fabulous, stylish bar and restaurant with outside decking. 01273 601139 Bulldog, 31 St James’s Street Landmark gay pub for 25 years.

Entertainment, happy hours.

01273 694097 www.bulldogbrighton.com Charles Street, 8 Marine Parade Huge swish café-bar serving food, has outside terrace, ’til 3am Fri/Sat. 01273 624091 www.charlesstreetbar.com Doctor Brighton’s 16–17 Kings Road Popular pub with huge vodka selection.

01273 328765 www.pleisure.com Fountain Inn High Street, Handcross Gay oasis in the countryside near Gatwick and very popular.

01444 400218 www.fountainpub.co.uk Jack Horner, 80 High Street, Worthing Worthing’s only gay pub. Some themed nights. 01903 236427

32 latest 7

US defence admits to ‘gay bomb’ The US Defence Department has admitted it planned to develop a weapon that would turn men gay. The bomb, proposed in 1994, would have contained ‘gay conversion chemicals’ and affect sexual behaviour. Gay groups are calling the idea “homophobic and offensive”.

Legends Bar Dance and Hotel 31-34 Marine Parade Recently re-opened after a multi-million refit.

opened, promising something a bit different for Brighton’s boys.

01273 626442

Marine Tavern, 13 Broad Street Cosy, traditional and friendly boozer with real beer.

01273 681284 www.harlequin-brighton.co.uk

Audio Hosts Sunday Sundae 10 Marine Parade Weekly chillout with occasional specials and drink promos.

01273 606906

Marlborough, 4 Princes Street Large pub popular with the girls, with a great theatre upstairs.

01273 570028 www.marlboroughtheatre.co.uk PV, 22 Upper North Street Great mixed pub with cool interior and regular live music.

01273 325491 www.thepv.co.uk Queens Arms, 7 George Street Opens 3pm every day with top cabaret and entertainment every night. 01273 696873 www.queensarmsbrighton.com R-Bar, 7 Marine Parade Open till 2am, Sun–Thu; 24 hours, Fri–Sun. 01273 608133 www.revenge.co.uk Revue Bar, 19 New Steine A stylish compact bar with a really friendly atmosphere.

01273 607456 Star Inn, 5–9 Manchester Street Menus every day, Sunday roasts. Live big screen sports.

01273 601450 www.starinnbrighton.com Vavoom, 31 Old Steine Video bar, right next door to Revenge. 01273 603010 www.vavoom.co.uk White Horse, 30 Camelford Street Friendly mixed local.

01273 603726 The Zone, 33 St James’s Street New men’s bar that’s just

Clubs

Candy Bar, 129 St James’s Street UK’s only lesbian nightclub, till 3am, Fri/Sat. 01273 622424 www.thecandybar.co.uk Charles St Club, 8 Marine Parade Sleek club above Charles Street Bar, nightly promoters.

10pm–2am, 01273 624091 Harlequin, 43 Providence Place Bar/nightclub, cabaret/stripper, Fri/Sat nights. 9pm–4am, Fri/’Sat. 01273 620630 www.harlequin-brighton.co.uk Monkey, Brighton Gloucester, 27 Gloucester Place Every Saturday night. www.wildfruit.co.uk 01273 688011 Revenge, 32 Old Steine Huge two-floor club. 10pm-3am, Sun–Thu till 5am Fri/Sat till 6am www.revenge.co.uk Therapy @ Rehab Waterfront, Brighton Marina A weekly gay night at Brighton marina. Every Friday. A lovely stylish big bar!

V2, 5 Steine Street Open every night from 8pm till late. 01273 603010 Wildfruit, Creation, 78 West Street Usually once a month with themed nights. Certainly one for your calendar! w.wildfruit.co.uk

CHOICE Tue 13 Mar

Fri 16 Mar

Queens Arms 2:30-11:30pm. Food, wi fi access and happy hour till 7pm. Spice up your life!

The fabulous spice hosts her own karaoke show from 9pm

Star Inn 11am-11pm. Friday Bears Inc from 9pm. Guest DJ.

Wed 14 Mar Revenge 10.30pm-3am. Strut your stuff at 70s heaven. Door: £2 b4 11, £3 after. Free entry if dressed to theme.

Selected drinks just £1.50.

Thu 15 Mar Queens Arms 2.30-11.30pm. Food, wi fi access and happy hour till 7pm. 8pm-late: Andy’s Annual 30th Birthday Bash with cabaret from drag with No Name, Raychel Harvey-Jones and Betty Swallocks. Spirits + mixers £2 between 8-9pm.

Sat 17 Mar Harlequin 9pm-4am Sophie on stage.

Free b4 11pm, £2 b4 midnight, £5 after midnight.

Free passes from The Marine Tavern, Queens Arms and The Zone.

Sun 18 Mar Marlborough 12pm-12am. Sunday mega-roast lunches 127pm plus live music from Andrea 3-5pm.

Mon 19 Mar R-Bar 12pm-2am. Miss Jason’s Madhouse @ 9.30pm.

Food 12pm-8pm. Happy hours 5-9pm. £2 pints 9pm-2am.

3SIXTY is Brighton’s brightest monthly gay magazine with news, interviews, features and listings for the gay scene around Brighton and Hove.

March’s edition is out now. Pick up your free copy across the city.

You can also now download a full issue at www.3sixtymag.co.uk 3SIXTY T: 01273 570570 E: info@3sixtymag.co.uk

Fantastic pub lunches For more information about how you can promote your pub in our forthcoming fantastic pub lunches feature, call Kate on 01273 818150

033_LS312_stage

3/8/07

11:55 AM

Page 1

STAGE

Festive Great theatre and opera in the Brighton Festival 2007 season

Approaching my 21st Brighton Festival I am thrilled to see that the drama and opera offerings are stronger than ever. I love the Festival and the diversity of the programme.

Each year always throws up a major high spot and in recent years I have been stunned on several occasions by site-specific works, notably Underground which took place in a reversed Theatre Royal.

So when presented with this year’s programme I was thrilled to find that the whole concept of site-specific performances has been seized upon. My eyes are first drawn to Genet and The Maids in a new translation and staging

by Neil Bartlett. Bartlett is up there as one of the most exciting and innovative theatre creatives of the last 30 years, and to be having this world premiere production is a major coup for the festival and for the city. The Maids is a dark tale set behind the scenes in a hotel. Genet based his play on the infamous Papin sisters, Lea and Christine, who brutally murdered their employer and her daughter in Le Mans, France, in 1933.

Solange and Claire, the two housemaids, construct sadomasochistic rituals about her death when madame is away. More than just author-director, Bartlett adds an udeniable extra dimension to everything he touches.

Harold Pinter holds a similar position in British theatre in terms of prominence and The New World Order, his play about power and democracy, will be staged in the cells beneath and the council chamber above in Brighton’s old Town Hall. Stripping back the conventional theatre production of this play, the company hope to take Pinter back to his ‘muscular roots’.

The Maids, 11 May 2007 to 26 May 2007 at 9.15pm, Old Ship Hotel, £15 Most excitingly there is to be a promenade performance of Verdi’s La Traviata by the extraordinary Ensemble Musica a Palazzo. As their title might suggest, this will take place, by very special and extraordinary permission, in The Royal Pavilion. The company, drawn from the famous La Fenice theatre in Venice perform an intimate version of this tragic romance accompanied by a string trio and piano. Given the small nature of the venue these could easily become the hottest tickets in the festival.

La Traviata, Ensemble Musica a Palazzo, 5 May 2007 to 10 May 2007 at 7.30pm, Royal Pavilion, £45 More excellent opera too, this time at the Dome where a semi-staged version of Dido and Aeneas by Henry Purcell will take place.

This new production includes previously lost material that was included in the 1700 commercial expansion of the original 1680s version. The new production will reinstate Dido and Aeneas as a full-length opera and the orchestra will play on period instruments in this prom-style production in the Dome.

Dido & Aeneas 1700, Philip Pickett with New London Consort, 16 May 2007 at 8.00pm, Concert Hall, Tickets £25, £20, £15, proms £7.50

Across the way at The Theatre Royal there’s more Purcell to be had in another world premiere production of King Arthur. This time fully staged, the setting has been moved to the First World War and great things are expected from Armonico Consort who last year thrilled with their Fairy Queen complete with lunatic and lunar acrobatics.

King Arthur – Armonico Consort, 17 May 2007 at 7.30pm, Theatre Royal Brighton, £22.50, £15, £10, £5 The same company will also be giving us their Magic Flute in a production styled on the jungle imagery of Henri Rousseau and using once more their signature high-wire antics and puppetry. The Magic Flute was Mozart’s first venture into commercial theatre, a bit like him writing Guys and Dolls, so there should be plenty of room for width and invention which is no doubt what you will get with a new translation by Kit Hesketh-Harvey.

The Magic Flute – The Armonico Consort, 18 May 2007 to 19 May 2007 at 7.30pm, Theatre Royal, Brighton, £26, £22, £18, £15, £6.

The Brighton Festival runs from 5–27 May, for full details of programme pick up a brochure or log on to www.brightonfestival.org, or ring the box office on 01273 709709

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THEATRE LISTINGS

From Tuesday 13 March to Monday 9 April 2007 BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org The Wandering Minstrels Present Jane Eyre – A Musical Drama 19th century Charlotte Bronte drama about Jane Eyre, a spirited woman orphaned at a young age. Jane becomes governess of Thornfield Hall and falls in love with the master of the house, but there’s a dark secret from his past. A story of revenge, passion, love and repression.

•Thu 15 to Sat 17 Mar, 7.30pm (plus 2.30pm Sat), £11/£10 (Thu/Sat mat) £12.50/£11.50 (Fri/Sat eve) St George And The Dragon An epic adventure about a baby born with birthmarks of a cross and a dragon. Growing up, he is possessed of unusual powers and has one quest – to slay a dragon.

•Fri 16 to Sat 17 Mar, 7pm (plus 2pm Sat), £12.50/£10 (under 16s £7), family ticket £35 (2 adults and 2 children) William Shakespeare’s The Tempest Four plays by William Shakespeare performed over four consecutive nights, presented by students in their final year of Performing Arts at Sussex Downs College. Pavilion Theatre.

•Tue 20 Mar, 7pm (doors 6.15pm) £6/£3 William Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night The second night of four William Shakespeare plays.

Pavilion Theatre.

•Wed 21 Mar, 7pm (doors 6.15pm), £6/£3 William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream The third night of four performances by students at Sussex Downs College. Pavilion Theatre.

•Thu 22 Mar, 7pm (doors 6.15pm) £6/£3 William Shakespeare’s Hamlet The final Shakespeare play performed by students at Sussex Downs College. Pavilion Theatre.

•Fri 23 Mar, 7pm (doors 6.15pm) £6/£3

BRIGHTON LITTLE THEATRE 01273 777748 www.the-little.co.uk The Real Thing A mixed-up story about Henry, a playwright married to Charlotte who has the lead role in his latest play about adultery. Her co-star is Max married to actress Anne, but Henry and Anne are in love! Is it real or just another play?

•Tue 27–Sat 31 Mar, 7.45pm, £7.50

•Thu 22–Sat 24 Mar, 8pm (and 2.30pm Sat) £17/£15 (mat £14)

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Southern FM’s Be Your Best Rock Challenge 2007 Around 800 students from local schools compete in the annual Rock Challenge, displaying creativity, art and imagination.

•Tue 13 Mar, 7pm, £9 New Towner Charitable Trust Concert Ronnie Corbett returns to his Eastbourne roots to headline in this charity concert featuring orchestra, choir, dancing and musical theatre.

Proceeds to go to Eastbourne’s new Art Gallery and Cultural Centre.

•Wed 14 Mar, 7pm, £12 Defending The Caveman Broadway’s longestrunning solo play comes to Eastbourne. An hysterical look at men and women and why the battle of the sexes continues. With Neighbours star Mark Little.

•Sat 17 Mar, 8pm, £17.50/£15.50 Make Way For Noddy And Friends Children’s theatre with Noddy, Big Ears and friends. Noddy is planning to make Googleberry muffins for a party but naughty goblins plan on ruining the day, and there’s a mystery to solve with Mr Plod, the policeman. Ideal for 2–6 year olds.

•Sat 17 Mar, 2pm, £10.50 adults/£9.50 children London Philharmonic Orchestra Stunning performance at the Congress with Joseph Wolf (conductor) and Pieter Wispelwey (cello) •Sun 18 Mar, 7.30pm, £27.50/£23/£21/£18/£11 Le Grande Cirque Captivating and spellbinding show. See this breathtaking production featuring top artistes from around the globe.

•Wed 21–Sun 25 Mar, 7.30pm with Thurs, Sat & Sun mats 2.30pm £26/£24/£22/£20 (Fri, Sat & Sun eves) £24.50/£22.50/£20/£17.50 Wed & Thu eves, Sat & Sun mats, £19.50/£17.50 Thu mat Russian Cossack State Dance Company Direct from Moscow, a show filled with energy and passion performed to a real orchestra.

•Mon 26 Mar, 7.30pm, £21/£19.50/£18 Kaleidoscope Students from Bourne primary school present a vibrant show of dance and gymnastics and music themed around colour.

•Tue27 Mar, 7pm, £5

THE CAPITOL, HORSHAM 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Oleanna Notorious for dividing audiences, this play tells the story of an American student who confronts her university professor. A compelling tale which questions the purpose of education and the fine line between teacher and pupil.

•Wed 14 Mar, 8pm, £10 Shakespeare 4 Kidz: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Three stories interweave, linked together by the mischievous Puck. A fun-filled musical adaptation for children.

•Thu 15 Mar, 10.30am, 1.30pm Shakespeare 4 Kidz: The Tempest A storm, a shipwreck and an enchanted island – perfect for those studying Shakespeare at Key Stage 2 & 3.

•Fri 16 Mar, 10.30am, 1.30pm, £13, under 16s £8 (one teacher for every 10 children) Gilbert & Sullivan The totally traditional style of Gilbert and Sullivan, with something from all the full-length operas.

•Sun 18 Mar (please call for times and prices) Big Ballet A ballet of weighty elegance and adorable humour – classical and modern pieces performed by dancers each weighing no less than 220 lb. A surprising and thrilling show.

•Tue 20 Mar (please call for times and prices) The Play What I Wrote A celebration of Britain’s greatest double act, Morecambe and Wise. Hamish has written an epic play set in the French Revolution but Sean wants them to continue with their double act. Can they compromise?

but connected by one painting. Strong language.

•Thu 22 Mar, please call for show times and prices Black Widow Compelling drama of passion and revenge set in Edwardian England. Was Cressida really widowed by design, as her daughter Emily believes? Surreal and increasingly sinister events unfold...

•Fri 30–Sat 31 March, please call for times and prices

GARDNER ARTS CENTRE, BRIGHTON 01273 685861 www.gardnerarts.co.uk 118: The Birthday Tour Legendary theatre company People Show present a promenade performance with live music, beauty tales, multimedia imagery and deception. Ages 16+ •Tue 13–Wed 14 Mar, 8pm, £16/£14 Henri Oguike Dance Company A mixed bill of expansive dancing and intuitive choreography.

Ages 11+.

•Tue 20 Mar, 8pm, £14/£12 Kinder Transport Moving and powerful play about nine-year old Eva who moves to Manchester on the outbreak of World War II, changes her name and buries memories of her past life, but the past resurfaces when her own daughter discovers letters locked in the attic.

Ages 12+ •Fri 23–Sat 24 Mar, 8pm, £14/£12 Tag... Me Vs The City Hip-hop theatre production with a cast of six dancers exploring the physicality of graffiti art lettering through a collage of rap, break dancing and body–popping.

A life size graffiti set and on–stage video animation. For ages 12+ •Tue 27–Wed 28 Mar £12.50/£10

THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Caught In 1609, while on the run for killing a man, Caravaggio paints a glorious nativity. Fast forward to 1969 and the Mafia steal the piece.

A tale of two dark, violent lives centuries apart

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

KOMEDIA, BRIGHTON 01273 647100 www.komedia.co.uk Litte Red... You Know Who Puppetry and song in this children’s adventure based on the traditional tale of Litte Red Riding Hood. 4–7 yrs •Sun 18 Mar, 2pm, £6/£5 Caught Part love story, part thriller: in 1609, while on the run for killing a man, Caravaggio paints a glorious nativity. Fast forward to 1969 and the Mafia steal the piece. A tale of two dark, violent lives centuries apart but connected by one painting.

•Tue 20–Wed 21 Mar, 8pm, £10/£8 Tom Thumb A scary ogre head, flying fiery houses and a portable forest – this is a tale about being afraid – performed entirely on a kitchen table with the wee wonder Tom Thumb.

•Sun 25 Mar, ages 6+, 2pm, £6 You Don’t Need To Know That... Comedy and drama collide in this play about an ordinary man who wakes up to find a Police Inspector by his bed, accusing him of a crime he doesn’t quite know about....

•Wed 28 Mar, 8pm, £10/£8 The Magic Sandals Enchanting theatre for children about Hualachi, who is sent to deliver an important message by the almighty Emperor of Ancient Peru. A tale about the colourful characters he meets on the way with puppetry, music and a pair of magic sandals.

•Sun 1 Apr, ages 3–8, 2pm, £6/£5 The Improvability Drive The Maydays present a show of improv show based on audience suggestions. Book early as tickets sell fast.

•Fri 6 Apr, 9pm, £7/£6

MARLBOROUGH THEATRE, BRIGHTON 07782 278521 www.marlboroughtheatre.co.uk Slap This run is dedicated to the memory of Phil Starr.

•Wed 14 Mar–Sat 17 Mar, 8pm, £6/£5 The Maydays Longform Class Showcase One-act improvised play inspired by the audience.

•Thu 22 Mar, 8pm, £5 The Maydays: When The Script Hits The Fan Improvised show inspired by the audience wih no script, props or safety net!

•Sat 31 Mar, 8pm, £6

NEW VENTURE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk Double Bill: The Interview/ Agape’s Excess A hilarious black comedy set in an office followed by a play exploring the dark side of relationships.

•Sat 24–Sat 31 Mar, 7.45pm (Tue–Sat), 2.30pm Sun, no performance Mon

THEATRE ROYAL, BRIGHTON 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Hay Fever Sparkling comedy masterpiece direct from the West End. Please call for more details.

•Tue 13–Sat 17 Mar, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu and Sat. £24/£22/£18/£15 (Tue–Thu eve and Sat mat), £18/£15 (Thu mat), £25/£23/£19/£16 Fri & Sat eves French Without Tears Young Englishmen in the French Riviera find learning French easier than understanding women. Stylish revival of the touching 1930s comedy.

•Tue 20–Sat 24 Mar, 7.45pm and 2.30pm Thu & Sat, £23/£21/£18/£15 (Tue–Thu eve, Sat mat) £18/£15 Thu mat, £24/£22/£19/£16 Fri & Sat eves Sing-Along-A-Abba The Swedish bands hits performed live on stage with a special screen displaying the words for the audience to join in too! A party bag for everyone, fancy dress, Dancing Queen competition and great music.

•Sun 25 Mar, 7.30pm, £17 Tracy Beaker Based on the popular books and children’s television series, Tracy Beaker explodes on stage in this new show with music for all the family. Discover the touching and funny world according to Tracy Beaker.

•Tue 27–Sun 31 Mar, 7pm Tue and Fri, 1.30pm and 6.30pm Wed and Thu, 12pm and 5pm Sat, £16 adults, £10 children Rocky Horror Show Following a recordbreaking sell-out tour in the West End, the Rocky Horror show returns with its raunchy rock’n’roll. Put on the fishnets and stilettos and join Frank and the gang for an unforgettable night.

•Mon 2–Sat 7 April, Mon 2 Apr, 7.45pm Tue–Thu, 6pm and 9pm Fri and Sat, £29.50, £26.50, £23.50, £18 Mon–Thu eve and Sat early. £24/£20 Fri early, £32.50, £29.50, £25.50, £20 Fri and Sat eves.

WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk London’s Favourite Comedy Hit: The Play What I Wrote West End celebration of Britain’s greatest double act Morcambe and Wise.

Hamish has written a play but Sean wants to continue their double act. – so why not with a tribute to Morecambe and Wise? With a surprise guest star.

•Thu 15 –Sat 17 Mar, 7.30pm, 2pm Saturday, £17/15.50/£12.50. Fri & Sat eve: £19/17.50/£14.50 Sailor, Beware! Albert Tuffnell is weary that his fiancee will turn out like her Mother when they are married. Add to that, she has plans for them to move to just three doors away from her Mother! Watch Albert look for a solution to his woes with mishaps and confusion along the way.

•Tue 27–Sat 31 Mar, 7.30pm, 2pm Wed and Sat, £12.50.

Blood Brothers – The International Triumph The hit West End musical comes to Worthing telling the story of twin boys separated at birth who are then reunited by fate and a dark secret kept by their mother.

•Mon 2–Sat 14 Apr, 7.30pm, 2pm Wed and Sat,£28/£26.50 Mon–Thu eve & Sat mat, £29.50/£28 Fri–Sat eve, £24.50/£22.50 Wed mat.

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Moscow Ballet – La Classique Present: Don Quixote The colour and passion of Spain is brought to life in this spectacular ballet.

•Wed 14 Mar, 7.30pm, £18.50/£16.50/£13.50 Defending The Caveman A hysterically funny look at the battle of the sexes with Mark Little returning in the starring role.

•Thu 15 Mar, 8pm, £18.50/£16.50 St Patrick’s Day With Flash Company The Pavilion Theatre is transformed into the biggest Irish pub on the South Coast. The 11th year of this popular fundraising event, with proceeds going to Worthing Churches Homeless Project.

•Sat 17 Mar, 8pm, £10 Gigi Worthing Light Opera Company present a fantastic show featuring the tracks ‘I Remember It Well’, ‘Thank Heaven For Little Girls’ and ‘The Night They Invented Champagne’.

•Wed 21–Sat 24 Mar, 7.30pm plus Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £10.50/9.50/£8.50 Russian Cossack State Dance Company Direct from Moscow, with 50 dancers, musicians and singers – a dynamic production packed with energy and excitement.

•Sun 25 Mar, 7.30pm, £21/£19.50/£18 The Big Ballet A unique ballet ensemble of 20 with each weighing no less than 220 pounds.

Proving that grace and elegance is not linked to ‘thin.’ Sets out to challenge social standards.

•Tue 27 Mar, 7.30pm, £16.50/£18.50 Seussical The Musical Taking the popular Cat in a Hat character and presenting an all-new delightful musical show from Anyone4Theatre?

•Fri 30 Mar, 7.30pm, please call for prices The Fox Factor – Starring Basil Brush Spectacular show for all the family with the popular character Basil Brush. Comedy, mayhem and laughs plus special guests.

•Thu 5 Apr, 2.30pm & 6pm, £12 latest 7 35

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Stand-up for kids Comedy Club 4 Kids at Komedia hits the spot, writes Candy MacNamara My comedy friend Vicky said I should take my kids to the Comedy Club 4 Kids at Komedia. Billed as stand-up comedy without the naughty bits, I decided to give it a go with four kids, aged 9-11, on a Saturday lunchtime. Now, this age group isn't easily entertained. They have sophisticated tastes and expectations, combined with a short attention span. This looked like a general problem with an audience who were noisy, even by comedy standards. Much chattering, shouting, rustling and munching was going on – and that was just the parents.

Vicky was right; I loved it, my kids loved it, their friend loved it.

Yes, the audience continued to be noisy but the energetic compere, Matt Kirshen, was absolutely brilliant at handling a crowd whose main idea of heckling was to go to the toilet – a lot. He maintained the discipline of the set while clearly in touch with his inner ten-year old.

Matt held it all together, keeping energy levels up even after a first act whose characters were slightly at odds with the audience. I don’t advise jokes about DSS offices or Brighton characters for an audience of pre-teens – though they listened politely enough until Matt bounded back on to charm and amuse with his mad stories. There was an interval – got to keep up with all that toilet-going – with the (major) bonus of free soft drinks.

Headliner Stu Goldsmith finished off with a set which hit the spot perfectly. Intelligent, laugh-out-loud stand up at the right level for the audience and quite frankly, eye candy to boot. Highly recommended but book early.

Comedy Club 4 Kids, Saturday 6 April, 2pm, Komedia.

There is also a Comedy Academy 4 Kids at Komedia.

Stuart Goldsmith

THIS WEEK’S PREVIEWS The Muller Big Art Project for Comic Relief This year’s Red Nose Day theme is ‘The Big One’ and this Wednesday 14 March presents a chance to see The Muller Big Art Project in Trafalgar Square.

As one of the official sponsors for this year’s Comic Relief, Muller have teamed up with art guru and popular TV presenter Mark Speight to create this special event.

Mark and the team will create a giant painting made up of 54 smaller canvases. Members of the public will complete 20 of these on the day in exchange for a small donation. The others will be pre-painted by a number of TV and Radio personalities, newspapers, local schools and art colleges.

Mark Speight urges crowds to come along saying: “Please come and support the event, help raise money for Comc Relief and have ‘pots’ of fun at the same time!”

See the giant painting pieced together to reveal the final picture and take part in other activities including Muller fairground stalls, caricaturists and music.

The Muller Big Art Project For Comic Relief, Trafalgar Square, London, Wednesday 14 March, 10am–3pm

Mothering Sunday Show Mum you care this Mother’s Day (Sunday 18 March) with a creative day at Brighton Museum. Fun for children of all ages, this a is a chance to say thanks to Mum, by making cards, gifts and wrapping paper in this free drop-in session.

There’s no need to worry about making a mess in the art room so get creative, get messy and make a unique gift for your mum.

Mothering Sunday, Sunday 18 March, Brighton Museum, 2–4.30pm, free drop-in.

Call for more info on 01273 292797

UPCOMING HIGHLIGHTS

Matt Kirshen

To feature in kids email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

Easter at Arundel Castle

A Happy, Hassle-Free Boogie does the trick every time.

Friday 23rd March The Old Market, Hove 7.30pm – 11.30pm. Perfect.

‘Bloody brilliant’ – A Happy Woman

Mother Funkers 01273 555334 Old Market Box Office 01273 736222 www.mother-funkers.com MF is sponsored by Latest 7 and Healys Solicitors 36 latest 7

Step back in time at Arundel Castle as visitors are transported to a medieval battle to be held below the castle walls on Sunday 8 and Monday 9 April.

Join award-winning re-enactment group Raven Tor as they recreate life at Arundel in the late 1400s, during the War of the Roses.

Fully armoured knights will collide in a fantastic tournament and there’s also the chance to see daily life of the 1400s as characters make armour, cook, weave and fletch (make arrows) using tools they would have had available to them in that time. Visitors can watch demonstrations and ask questions, witnessing history set against the background of historic Arundel Castle.

What’s more, the event is included in the normal admission price to the castle, making it a great value Easter treat for everyone in the family to enjoy.

Easter at Arundel Castle, Sunday 8 and Monday 9 April. For further information contact Arundel Castle on 01903 882173 or visit www.arundelcastle.org or email info@arundelcastle.org Zara Friend

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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ART

See more at latest-art.co.uk aorund it. This raw material was then used for a new body of sculptures and prints by Nash. Until 31 Mar, Mon-Sat, 10am–6pm and during evening performances in the theatre

GEORGE STREET GALLERY George Street, Brighton 01273 681852 Mr Wilkinson Affordable abstract speed paintings – explosive, masculine, full of potent energy. Until 31 March, Tues-Sat 10am–3pm

HOVE MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY New Church Road, Hove 01273 290200 Jacqueline Yu-Fan Li Delicate ceramics inspired by a sense of space. Until 15 Apr, Wed–Sat 11.30am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

PAINTING POTTERY CAFE North Road, Brighton 01273 628952 Fusion – Reaction – Effect Influenced by Pollock and Dali, Silas Wager uses music to inspire his works of digital manipualtion. Until 31 March, Mon-Sat 10am–6pm

PERMANENT GALLERY 20 Bedford Place, Brighton roundabout roundabout charts the gradual disintegration of a character (inspired by Willie Loman of Death of a Salesman) developed by Annis Joslin and Cavan Clerkin during evenings off, staying in a roadside motel. Through their improvised mini-video experiments an intimate portrait emerges. Until 25 March, Thurs, Fri & Sun 1–6pm, Sat 11am-6pm

IO GALLERY Sydney Street, Brighton 01273 671212 Richard Hearn Exhibition of paintings. Until 26 March, Mon-Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 11am-5pm

NORTH LAINE PHOTOGRAPHY GALLERY Upstairs Snooper’s Paradise, Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 686506 Roger Bamber Retrospective of this great photographer’s quirky, and brilliantly composed snapshots of contemporary Britain. Mon–Sat 10.15am–5.45pm, Sun 1.15am–3.45pm

Drawing upon drawing The work of John Vernon Lord is being celebrated in a major retrospective.

Best known for illustrating the children’s classic The Giant Jam Sandwich (1972) and for his 330 illustrations for The Nonsense Verse of Edward Lear (1984), he is also a prolific contributor to many magazines and advertising media, which often enabled him to fully express his considerable range and interests including poetry, myths, legends, sagas and epics.

His most recent book is an illustrated edition of Lewis Carroll’s The Hunting of the Shark. He was Professor of Illustration at the University of Brighton until 1999, and is now Professor Emeritus. The accompanying book Drawing Upon Drawing features an introduction by Quentin Blake.

John Vernon Lord: Drawing upon Drawing, 17 March-5 May, University of Brighton Gallery

Trafalgar Street, Brighton 01273 698500 Mixed Show Mixed collection of painting, sculpture, photography and limited-edition signed prints by artists including David Hockney, Tracey Emin, and Takashi Murakami. Until 30 Mar, Tue-Fri 10am–5.30pm, Sat 10am-6pm, Sun 12am–5pm

ORANGE ROW Orange Row, Brighton 01273 541852 Artists at Orange Row Local artists exhibit their work at the newly launched Orange Row units in Brighton’s North Laine. 10/11 & 17/18 Mar, 11am–5pm

Royal Pavilion Gardens, Brighton 01273 290900 Stig Evans Artist in Residence at the Pavilion, he’s been working with the Pavilion’s Conservation Department, looking into the history of the building’s painted decorative schemes. A series of his works inspired by the project are being exhibited. Until 26 Apr, MonSun 10am–5.15pm (hours until end March)

UNIVERSITY OF BRIGHTON GALLERY Grand Parade, Brighton 01273 643101 Drawing Upon Drawing: 50 Years of Illustrating by John Vernon Lord Major retrospective of this illustrator whose work graces books, magazines and advertising media. 17 Mar-5 May, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

WORTHING MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY Chapel Road, Worthing 01903 221448 Luke Dickinson Sensual stone carvings.

Until 23 Jun Tues–Sat, 10am–5pm Water, Water Everywhere 40 treasures from the museum’s stores that explore watery themes. Until 16 Jun, Tues–Sat 10am–5pm

ART LISTINGS Getty Images Gallery, Crane Kalman, Brighton

O CONTEMPORARY

ROYAL PAVILION

Alice Maher: Natural Artifice Major exhibition for this multi-disciplinary artist. Using sculpture, installation, drawing and photography, she creates unsettling pieces that trigger emotional responses, and which are often drawn from myth and folklore. Until 9 Apr Unearthing Our Past: Brighton and Hove Archaeological Society 1906–2006 Illustrating the work of the society by looking at its local excavations Until 25 Mar, Tue–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

CHALK GALLERY North Street, Lewes 01273 474477 21 professional artists from across all media.

Featured artist is Miranda Ellis and her exotic and colourful landscapes. Mon–Sun 10am–5pm

CRANE KALMAN BRIGHTON

ART AT FIVE 5 Bartholomew’s, Brighton 01273 774222 Showcase of original artwork from emerging, creative talent, as well as more established artists. Mon-Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 11am-5pm

BLANCH HOUSE 17 Atlingworth Street, Brighton 01273 603504 David Flindall Photographic study of De La Warr Pavilion in Bexhill-on-Sea, shot entirely at night. Until 19 March

Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 697096 Getty Images Gallery Selecion of images from the world’s largest photographic archive (40 million+) – a fascinating glimpse into the last century. Until 18 March, Mon-Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10.30am-4.30pm

DE LA WARR PAVILION Marina, Bexhill on Sea 01424 229111 A Secret Service: Art, Compulsion, Concealment Exploring the work of 16 artists whose work centre on the creation of secret worlds or the exposure of hidden facts and images. Until 15 April, Mon-Sun 10am–6pm

GARDNER ARTS CENTRE BRIGHTON MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY Church Street, Brighton 01273 290200 Sir Frank Brangwyn Revered artist whose etchings used strong light and shade and was often an homage to work and the working man and woman Until 25 March

University of Sussex, Falmer 01273 685681 Will Nash: The Footprint Project Collaboration between sculptor Will Nash and everyday users of Stanmer Park. The project observes the park as a living network of pathways. 2000 maps of the park, designed by Nash, were distributed to visitors who were asked to mark their route

If you would like an event listed, please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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Enjoy the KOBA ‘Happy hour’ Two cocktails for the price of one between 5-7pm every day in the front bar. Apply for free K-list membership at wwww.kobauk.com

Functions rooms available for all kinds of parties of 10-190 guests Free venue hire Sunday – Thursday contact info@kobauk.com or call Tel: 01273 720059

135 Western Road, Brighton BN1 2LA www.kobauk.com

8 WEEK COURSE IN SAMBA AND AFRO DANCE STARTED MONDAY 5TH MARCH £60 PER COURSE 7-8 AFRO, 8-9 SAMBA BRIGHTHELM COMMUNITY CENTRE, NORTH ROAD

DROP IN ON THURSDAYS 12.30-1.30 AFRO 1.30-2.30 SAMBA ACT, ROCK PLACE. ST JAMES STREET FOR MORE INFO CONTACT CASSANDRA OR EDILBERTO 07868 647 020

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A-Z venue directory Brighton and Hove Ali Cats 80 East Street, Brighton 01273 220902 Amsterdam 11 Marine Parade 01273 688825 www.amsterdam.uk.com Aqua 23 Waterfront Brighton Marina 01273 819800 Aquarium 6 Steine Street, Brighton 01273 605525 www.pleisure.com Arc 160 Kings Road Arches 01273 770505 Arthouse Gallery 10 Western Road, Hove 01273 770083 Audio 10 Marine Parade 01273 606906 www.audiobrighton.com Bar Bamboogy 78 West Street, Brighton www.creationbrighton.com Barley Mow 92 St George’s Road 01273 682259 The Beach 171–181 Kings Road Arches, Brighton 01273 722272 Belushi’s 10-12 Grand Junction Road, Brighton 01273 202035 Brighton Centre Kings Road, Brighton 0870 900 9100 www.brightoncentre.co.uk Brighton College Eastern Road www.brightoncollege.net Brighton Dome 29 New Road, Brighton 01273 709709 www.brighton-dome.org.uk Brighton Gloucester 27 Gloucester Place 01273 688011 Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium Nevill Road, Hove 01273 204601 www.trap6.com/hove Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 290900 Brighton Peace & Environment Centre Brighton Ecocentre, 39–41 Surrey Street 01273 766610 Brighton Rocks 6 Rock Place 01273 601139 Brighton Women’s Centre 72 High Street, Brighton 01273 698036 The Brunswick 1 Holland Road, Hove 01273 733984 Bulldog, 31 St James’s Street 01273 696996 www.bulldogbrighton.com Candy Bar 129 St James’s Street 01273 622424 www.thecandybar.co.uk Caroline of Brunswick 39 Ditchling Road, Brighton 01273 624434 Casablanca Middle Street, Brighton 01273 321817 Cella at Sanctuary Café 51–55 Brunswick St East, Hove 01273 770006 Charles Street Bar & Club 8 Marine Parade 01273 624091 www.charlesstreetbar.com Cineworld Brighton Marina Village 01273 818094 www.cineworld.co.uk Clair Hall Perrymount Road, Haywards Heath 01444 455440 Concorde 2 Madeira Drive, Brighton 01273 673311 www.concorde2.co.uk Core Club 12–15 King’s Road, Brighton 01273 326848 Cornerstone Community Centre Church Road, Hove 01273 327757 Cosmopolitan Bar 29-31 New Steine 01273 682461 The Cowley Club 12 London Road, Brighton 01273 696104 www.cowleyclub.org.uk Creation 78 West Street, Brighton 01273 321628 www.creationbrighton.com Doctor Brighton’s 16–17 Kings Road 01273 328765 www.pleisure.com Duke of York’s Picturehouse Preston Circus, Brighton 01273 626261 www.picturehouses.co.uk Education Room Brighton Pavilion 01273 296971 Engine Room 5 Preston Street, Brighton 01273 728999 www.engineroomclub.com Enigma 10 Ship Street, Brighton 01273 328439 www.theenigmabrighton.co.uk The Fishbowl 74 East Street 01273 777505 Fitzherberts 25 New Road 01273 682401 Freebutt 1 Phoenix Place 01273 603974 Freemasons 38 Western Road, Hove 01273 732043 Funky Buddha Lounge 169–170 Kings Road Arches, Brighton 01273 725541 Gap Club 61a Western Road, Hove 0844 999 6349 Gardner Arts Centre, University of Sussex campus, Falmer 01273 685861 www.gardnerarts.co.uk The George 5 Trafalgar Street, Brighton 01273 681055 The Greys 105 Southover Street, Brighton 01273 680734 Hare & Hounds 75 London Road, Brighton 01273 681163 Harlequin 43 Providence Place, Brighton 01273 620630 www.harlequin-brighton.co.uk Hobgoblin 31 York Place, Brighton 01273 602519

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Honeyclub 214 Kings Road Arches, 01273 202807 www.thehoneyclub.co.uk The Hope 10–12 Queen’s Road, Brighton 01273 325793 Hove Museum & Art Gallery 194 Church Road, Hove 01273 290200 Hove Town Hall, Norton Road, Hove 0870 900 9100 www.brighton-hove.gov.uk Jazz Place 10 Ship Street, Brighton 01273 328439 www.thejazzplacebrighton.co.uk Joogleberry Playhouse 14–17 Manchester Street, Brighton 01273 687171 www.joogleberry.com Juggler Bar 21 Western Road, Hove 01273 724195 Komedia Gardner Street, Brighton 01273 647100 www.komedia.co.uk Koo Klub 10 Pool Valley, Brighton 01273 888000 www.kooklub.co.uk Marlborough Bar & Theatre 4 Princes Street, Brighton 07782 278521 www.marlboroughtheatre.co.uk Marine Tavern 13 Broad Street, Brighton 01273 681284 www.harlequin-brighton.co.uk Mint Meeting House Lane 0871 2072 088 Mojo’s Bar & Restaurant 103 North Road, Brighton 01273 622522 New Madeira Hotel 19-23 Marine Parade, Brighton 01273 698331 New Venture Theatre Bedford Place 01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk Ocean Rooms 1–2 Morley Street, Brighton 01273 699069 Odeon Cinema West Street, Brighton 0871 224 4007 www.odeon.co.uk Ohso Social 250a Kings Road Arches, Brighton 01273 746067 The Old Market Upper Market Street, Hove 01273 736222 www.theoldmarket.co.uk

Comprehensive list of venues to complement our listings

Western Front near Churchill Square, Brighton 01273 725656 White Horse 30 Camelford Street, Brighton 01273 603726 Wild Fruit @ Creation, 78 West Street, Brighton www.wildfruit.co.uk The Zap Kings Road Arches, Brighton 01273 202407 Zoot Street Bar Queens Road, Brighton 01273 737770 The Zone 33 St James’s Street, Brighton 01273 626442

Around Sussex The Anchor Inn Anchor Lane, Barcombe 01273 400414 www.anchorinnandboating.co.uk Ashdown Forest Broadstone car park, second left from Wychcross Assembly Hall Connaught Theatre Pavilion Theatre, Union Place, Worthing 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk The Black Horse High Street, Findon, Worthing 01903 872301 Bluebell Railway Sheffield Park Station, East Sussex 01825 720800 Café Blue Pevensey Road, Eastbourne 07834 405675 The Capitol North Street, Horsham 01403 750220 Chichester Festival Theatre Oaklands Park 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Clair Hall Perrymount Road, Haywards Heath 01444 455440 Congress Theatre Carlisle Road, Eastbourne 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Devonshire Park Theatre Compton Street, Eastbourne 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Eastbourne Theatres Compton Street Eastbourne 01323 412000

The Park Crescent Pub 39 Park Crescent Terrace, Brighton 01273 604993 Pavilion Tavern 7–8 Castle Square, Brighton 0844 999 6331 Penthouse (above the Freebutt), 1 Phoenix Place, Brighton 01273 603 974 Pintxo People 95-99 Western Road, Brighton 01273 732323 www.pintxopeople.co.uk Portland Rock Bar 153 Portland Road, Hove 01273 383840 www.portlandrockbar.co.uk Po Na Na Unit 2, 75-79 East Street, Brighton 01273 777904 www.ponana.com Pressure Point 33 Richmond Place, Brighton 01273 702333 www.pressurepoint.me.uk Preston Manor Preston Drove, Brighton 01273 292770 Prestonville Arms 64 Hamilton Road, Brighton 01273 701007 Prince Albert 48 Trafalgar Street, Brighton 01273 730499 The Providence 130 Western Road, Hove 01273 727822 PV 22 Upper North Street, Brighton 01273 325491 www.thepv.co.uk

Fountain Inn High Street, Handcross 01444 400218 www.fountainpub.co.uk

Queen’s Arms 7 George Street, Brighton 01273 696873

St Thomas à Beckett Church Hall Cliffe High Street, Lewes

R-Bar 7 Marine Parade, Brighton 01273 608133 www.revenge.co.uk Red Roaster Café 1d St James’s Street, Brighton 01273 686668 Rehab Brighton Marina 01273 675007 www.rehabbrighton.com Rendezvous Casino Brighton Marina 01273 605602 www.rendezvouscasino.com Revenge 32 Old Steine, Brighton 01273 606064 www.revenge.co.uk Revue Bar 19 New Steine, Brighton 01273 607456 Riki Tik 18a Bond Street, Brighton 01273 683844

United Reformed Church Clinton Place, corner of Broad Street, Seaford

Saqqara 158 North Street, Brighton 01273 779701 Sky Bar 54-55 Meeting House Lane, Brighton www.skybarbrighton.com Star Inn 5–9 Manchester Street, Brighton 01273 601450 Suga Qube 5 Castle Square 01273 770246 Sumo 9–12 Middle Street 01273 749465 Sussex Arts Club 7 Ship Street 01273 778020 Theatre Royal New Road 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal V2 5 Steine Street, Brighton 01273 609672 Vanilla Bar 73a Western Road, Hove 01273 748182 Vavoom 31 Old Steine, Brighton 01273 603010 Volks The Colonnade, 3 Madeira Drive, Brighton 01273 682828 www.volksclub.co.uk

The Half Brick 221 Brighton Road, Worthing 01903 234196 The Hawth Hawth Avenue, Crawley 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Horsham Folk Club The Normandy Centre, Denne Road, Horsham 01306 875653 www.horshamfolkclub.co.uk Jack Horner 80 High Street, Worthing 01903 236427 Malling Community Centre Spences Lane, Lewes 01273 477931 www.mallingcommunitycentre.com Martlets Martlets Hall, Civic Way, Burgess Hill 01444 242888 Royal Hippodrome Theatre 108 Seaside Road, Eastbourne 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Royal Oak Station Street, Lewes 01273 478124

Winter Garden Theatre Compton Street, Eastbourne 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Worthing Museum & Art Gallery Chapel Road, Worthing 01903 221140 Worthing Connaught Theatre Union Place, Worthing 01903 206206 Worthing Pavilion Theatre Marine Parade, Worthing 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

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tuesday 13 Electric Six, Engine Rooms, 7.30pm

Belgrave Executive Cars promos and table football. From 6pm Suga Qube Industry night – bar workers/door staff’s night off. Free The Zap Funkylicious. Funky house anthems.

10pm–3am, free

Gay Amsterdam 11am–11pm. Food served up to 8pm. Sauna 3pm–4am Aquarium 12pm–11pm.

Brighton Oasis Sauna. 12pm–12am Bright ’n’ beautiful Sauna. 12pm–10pm Bulldog 11am–2am Candy Bar 9pm–2am Charles Street Bar 12pm–11pm Legends Bar 11am–5am Legends Dance 11pm–4am, free Marine Tavern Nat’s quiz night 9pm.

12pm–12am Marlborough LGBT social. 12pm–12am Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access, and happy hour till 7pm. Spice up your life! The fabulous spice hosts her own karaoke show from 9pm.

2.30–11.30pm R–Bar Student night. Selected drinks £2 all night. 12pm–2am Revenge Student night. Drinks from £1.50.

NUS free all night/others free before 11 then £3, 10.30pm–3am Star Inn Food 12–3pm and 6–9pm. 11am–12am Vavoom Happy hour till 6pm. Open till 4am V2 club Music videos upstairs and karaoke downstairs until 12am. 10pm–late

Business or Pleasure Corporate Hospitality Business Contracts Airports & Seaports Sporting Events Theatre Trips Pre-Booking Only Executive service at affordable prices Please contact us on

Tel: 01273 507798 Mob: 07973 324389

Theatre

Live music

Bars and clubs

Acoustic open mic Singer-songwriter evening Zoot, 8pm, £5 Electric Six Detroit enigmas who stormed the charts a few years back with Gay Bar. Dick Valentine leads his band of merry punk underground pranksters. Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £10 SOLD OUT Freerider + The Belgrave Scandal + Pitch Invasion Fractured and fragmented downbeat country and acoustic music from this cult American.Pressure Point, 8pm, £4/£3 Kingsomniac + Educated Animals + Lazy Baby Four-piece Brighton band who are fast gaining interest in their upbeat punk-funk influenced sounds. They also have a sense of humour. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £5 Live acoustic music Sky Bar, 8pm, free My Luminaries + Stolen Monkey Pavement influenced outfit from Reading. Hope, 8pm, £5 Open mic Black Horse, 9pm, free Open mic The Brunswick, 8pm, free three plus one Jazz jamming.Arthouse, 8.30pm, free

Above Audio Late bar, until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar, until 1am Audio Snide. Indie. 10-2am, £2 Arc Expelled. Student mash up.

10.30pm–3.30am, £2/1 Belushi’s HusH: vodka/mix and selected pints only £1.25. 8pm–2am, free Caroline Of Brunswick Quiz with a difference: plasticine and drawing rounds.8.30pm, £1 Casablanca Tequila Tuesday Cheap shots.

10.30pm–late, free Cosmopolitan Bar Open house – hang out at your new favourite local Creation Beatcrush. Who’s who line-up from across the breaks spectrum. 9pm–3am The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar, until 2am The Fishbowl Late bar, until 2am The Globe Late bar, until 2am Koba Late bar, until 5am Hare & Hounds Free pool Po Na Na Pop R’n’B action. 10.30pm–3am, £5 Providence Curry & pint night with drink

118: The Birthday Tour Legendary theatre company People Show present a promenade performance with live music, beauty tales, multimedia imagery and deception. Ages 16+.

Gardner Arts Centre, 8pm, £16/£14 Blonde Bombshells Of 1943 A warm and witty musical play with live swing band performances of 1940s classics. Eastbourne Devonshire Park, 7.45pm, £19.50/£17.50/£14.50 Hay Fever Sparkling comedy masterpiece direct from the West End. Theatre Royal Brighton, 7.45pm, £24/£22/£18/£15 The Magical World Of Variety Entertainment with a talented cast including Mike Lancaster, Gary Richard, Georgia Lee and Rebecca Liotta.

Eastbourne Royal Hippodrome, 2.30pm, 8.15pm, £15/£14 ReelinandaRockin’ In its fifth year with new songs, new routines and new names. With Dave Berry, Dave Dee and more. Worthing Pavilion Theatre, 7.30pm, £17.50/£15.50 Southern FM’s Be Your Best Rock Challenge 2007 Around 800 students from local schools compete in the annual Rock Challenge, displaying creativity, art and imagination. Eastbourne’s Congress Theatre.

7pm, £9

Family and friends British Art Course Event for ages 14+.

Worthing Museum. Pre-booking required on 01903 221448, 10am–12.30pm Drop In And Draw Handle some museum artefacts and then do some independent observational drawings from what you have seen. For anyone who loves to draw. Use charcoals, pastels, pencils or felt tips.

Brighton Museum, 3.30–4.30pm, free drop in Greyhound racing Enjoy an evening at the races with friends – place a bet or watch the action with a meal in the Skyline Restaurant.

Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium, please call to confirm time, £4

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wednesday 14 Barclay James Harvest, Hove Centre, 7pm

Live music Anxiety + support Weekly ‘Circle Of Friends’ acoustic sets from talented local musicians.

Cosmopolitan Bar, 8pm, free Barclay James Harvest featuring Les Holyroyd This is one of three versions of this British melodic prog rock band who first came to notice back in the 60s. They still have a huge fanbase, particularly on the continent. Hove Centre, 7pm, £20 BIMMSTOCK Featuring artists and musicians from Brighton Institute Of Modern Music.

Komedia, 8pm, £4 Decoder + Your Army + Move Zig Pav Tav, 8pm, free Flamenco Tapas, sangria, live music and dancing. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £4 Inarchy + Steel Back Your Life + The XCerts + Secondsmile A White Noise rock night. Pressure Point, 8pm, £4/£3 John Crampton Heavy blues with a Tom Waits and John Hammond vibe. No food available at this gig. Wednesday night is now gig night at the Mint Leaf cafe. Mint, 7.30pm, free The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Weekly open mic. Arthouse, 8pm, free Limon Y Sentimiento Latino Cuban jazz Brunswick, 8pm, £3 Open Mic London Unity, 9pm, free Wednesday Night Originals New bands night. Portland, 9pm, £tbc

Bars and clubs

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Above Audio Late bar until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar until 1am Arc Don’t Tell Ya Mum and Dad. Proper dance tunes. 10pm-2am, £3 Audio Supercharged. Breaks and beats. 10pm2am £4/£2 The Beach Born in the 80s. Eighties tunes.

10pm-late. £3/80p Casablanca Fun-ki Disco. Funky Sounds 10pmlate £2/£1/free Creation Pure Students. Stude-friendly tunes. £tbc Engine Room AM. Rock and indie.12-2am, free The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar until 2am The Fishbowl Late bar until 2am Funky Buddha Lounge Sabotage. Indie rock stylings. 10.30pm-3am, £2 The Globe Late bar until 2am Gloucester The Pit. Rock and metal. £3/£2 10pm-2am The Juggler Bar quiz night – general and themed rounds. Prizes available. 8.30pm Koba Late bar until 5am Ocean Rooms She Likes Parties. New-wave indie. 10pm-late £4/£3/£1.50 Penthouse Sounds From The Satellite Russian Disco. £9pm-late, free Suga Qube Funk, soul and rare groove. Free Volks Playgroup. Country to dark dub. £5/£4 10pm-3am The Zap Touch. R’n’B plus hip hop. £3/£2, 10.30pm-late

Gay Amsterdam 11am-11pm. Food served up to 8pm.

Aquarium 12-11pm.

Brighton Oasis Sauna noon-12am Bright ’n’ Beautiful 12pm-10pm Charles Street Bar 12pm-11pm Marine Tavern 12pm-12am Marlborough Quiz – 8:30pm. Prizes for winners. 12pm-12am Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour ’til 7pm. Andy B plus Davina Sparkle from 9pm. 2.30-11:30pm R-Bar Go double baby from 9pm, any double just £1 extra. 12pm-2am

Revenge Strut your stuff at 1970s heaven. £2 before 11pm, £3 after. Free entry if dressed to theme. Selected drinks just £1.50. 10.30pm-3am Star Inn Food 12-3pm and 6-9pm. 12pm-12am Vavoom Happy hour ‘til 6pm. Your choice videos. Open ‘til 4am V2 Club Music videos upstairs and karaoke downstairs until 12am. 10pm-late.

Theatre 118: The Birthday Tour Legendary theatre company People Show present a promenade performance with live music, beauty tales, multimedia imagery and deception. Ages 16+.

Gardner Arts Centre, 8pm, £16/£14 Blonde Bombshells Of 1943 A warm and witty musical play with live swing band performances of 1940s classics. Devonshire Park, 2.30pm/7.45pm, £19.50/£17.50/£14.50, mat: £14.50 Hay Fever Sparkling comedy masterpiece direct from the West End. Please call for more details.

Theatre Royal, 7.45pm, £24/£22/£18/£15 Oleanna Notorious for dividing audiences, this play tells the story of an American student who confronts her university professor. A compelling tale forcing us to question the purpose of education and the fine line between teacher and pupil. The Capitol, Horsham. 8pm, £10 New Towner Charitable Trust Concert Ronnie Corbett returns to his Eastbourne roots to headline this charity concert featuring orchestra, choir, dancing and musical theatre.

Proceeds to go to Eastbourne’s new Art Gallery and Cultural Centre. Eastbourne Congress Theatre, 7pm, £12 The Magical World Of Variety Entertainment with a talented cast including Mike Lancaster,

Gary Richard, Georgia Lee and Rebecca Liotta.

Eastbourne Royal Hippodrome, 2.30pm/8.15pm, £15/£14 Slap This run is dedicated to the memory of Phil Starr. Marlborough Theatre, 8pm, £6/£5 Moscow Ballet – La Classique Present: Don Quixote The colour and passion of Spain is brought to life in this spectacular ballet.

Worthing Pavilion Theatre, 7.30pm, £18.50/£16.50/£13.50

Family and friends Flamenco Enjoyable evening of dancing and music with tapas and sangria. Joogleberry, 14–17 Manchester Street, Brighton. 8pm, £4 Greyhound Racing Afternoon races at the popular Hove venue. Relax in the Sprinters bar or eat at the trackside grill or The Skyline Restaurant which offers a perfect view of the racing. Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium.

01273 204601. Please call to confirm time.

Evening £4. Afternoon free.

The Muller Big Art Project for Comic Relief This year’s theme for Red Nose Day is ‘the big one’ – TV presenter Mark Speight will be creating a giant painting in London’s Trafalgar Square so why not jump on the train and lend your support. Other entertainment includes fairground stalls, music and caricaturists.

Trafalgar Square, London, 10am–3pm Sussex History Course Adult event (14+). A chance to learn about local history. Pre-booking required on 01903 221448. Worthing Museum.

2–4.30pm Toy Town Early years session for 2–5 year olds.

Storytime, art activities and museum expedition based around the theme of toy town! Hove Museum. 1–2.30pm, £4.50

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thursday 15 Live music Are You Taking The Mic? Open mic night.

Prizes to be won. No covers, just originals. To register to play: andersdmoney@yahoo.co.uk.

Providence, 8pm, free Bromheads Jacket + The Yell + Heels Catch Fire Heavy indie-riffing Sheffield band who are looking good to continue their upsurge of 2006. The Yell are also from Sheffield while Brighton’s Heels Catch Fire ply their trade in melodic, driving new wave and indie.Concorde 2, 8pm, £8 Electric Jam Session Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, free The Hat Expect a single on Rob da Bank’s Sunday Best label any day soon from this inventive and invigorating four piece.

Comprising a singing drummer, a trombonewielding double bassist, a storytelling guitarist and a multi-instrumentalist with a world of children’s toys at his disposal, they mix stories with pop hooks, gospel style harmonies and cinematic live music The Brunswick, 7pm, £5 Ian Price Trio Hard driving sax jazz. Arthouse, 8.30pm, free Joey Nightmare + Republic Of Heaven + The Grams Three up and coming local indie rock bands. Pav Tav, 01273 770083, 8pm, free Kiss Forever Long live those American glam rockers! Assembly Hall, Worthing, 8pm, £13/£11 Left Hand Red + Boxer + The Critical + Mike Lord Cable Club night. Pressure Point, 8pm, £4/£3 Mama Hoochie Bang + Gordian Knot + Secret Fool Three bands as part of Holler!, a new night of live music. Enigma, 10pm, £3 Mojo Fins + Sooks + La Frange The Fins will be celebrating the release of their new single 'Pinata Face' on Amazon Records.

Sussex Arts Club, 8pm, £3 Open Mic Fitzherberts, 8.30pm, free Open Mic Hobgoblin, 8.30pm, free Open Mic Freemasons, 8pm, free Open Mic For original music makers. Sign up by 8pm on the night. Cella, 8pm, £4 Puscha Superb indie rockers playing as part of the All Turn Native monthly night with DJ Digitalis spinning alternative music of the last 30 years. Prince Albert, 8pm, £2 Racc-oo-oon + Towering Breaker + A Middle Sex Crazy hyphenated band whose music moves through blissed-out mantras and free jazz to primitive psyche punk. Towering Breaker use loops and industrial atmospherics to induce an improvisational screech, while A Middle Sex are a Manchester improvisational band. All mad as jelly beans.The Hope, 8pm, £tbc Rock Night Weekly rock bands with resident Zevicon and guests. Belushi’s, 9pm, free Ruderalis MC/producer Shakes, turntablist DJ Scally and MC Tobes are Ruderalis. Together they make political tunes with a party vibe, and are influenced by hip hop, reggae and alt-rock.

Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £5 Superstars Of Country Featuring big names from the world of country, salutin’ and acelebratin’ country and western music. Hove Centre, 8pm, £15 Tom Spiers Scottish traditional songs, unaccompanied and with fiddle. Royal Oak, Lewes, 8pm, £4 The Velvet Lounge Ohso Social, 8pm, free

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar until 1am Arc Dance Like A Dickhead. DJs and bands.

10pm-2am, free Audio Dynamite Boogaloo. Legendary pop/kitsch night. 10-2am, £4/£3

Bar Bamboogy Live DJs. 8pm–2am, free Belushi’s Rock Bar £1.50 vodka/mix and selected pints £2. 8pm–2am, free Casablanca Sambation. Sunny Brazilian flavours. 9.30pm-2am, £2/£1 Cosmopolitan Bar Spinner Stays On – If the DJ’s good enough to stay on, let them know! If not, vote them off. 7.30pm start, free Creation Floorfillers. Anthems. £2/90p Brighton Gloucester Mad For It. Indie. £3/£1.50 10pm-2am Engine Room Rock Brighton. Live rock £3/£1.50 The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar until 2am The Fishbowl Late bar until 3am Funky Buddha Lounge Warm Your Soul.

Classic soul and funk. 9pm-3am, £2/free The Globe Late bar until 3am Honeyclub Contagious. Classic house £4/£2 10pm-late Koba Late bar until 5am Pav Tav Sharp Kidz. Indie tunes. £3/£1 10pmlate Po Na Na Back In The Day. Old skool hip hop. 10pm-2am, £3 Suga Qube Weekend warm-up with soulful and funky house. 9pm–2am, free Volks Aba Shanti. Heavyweight dub. 10-3am, £6/£5 Western Front Late bar until 3am The Zap Chopper Choons. Kitsch and cool tunes. 10-3am, £4/free for NUS

The Hat, The Brunswick, 7pm

Gay Amsterdam Food served up to 8pm. Sauna 3pm-4am. 11am-11pm Aquarium 12-11pm Brighton Oasis Sauna 12pm-12am Bright’n’Beautiful Sauna 12-10pm Bulldog 11am-2am Candy Bar 9pm-2am, free Charles Street Club Religion. Hosted by Mother Superior Joan Bond with DJs Richard Jones and Tony B on the decks. £2 drinks promos. 10.30pm-3am, £4/£3 with flyer Harlequin 8pm-2am, free Legends Bar 11am-5am Legends Dance 11pm-4am, free Marine Tavern Man Trap. 12pm-12am.

Marlborough Free pool 6pm onwards.

12pm–12am The PV Vocktail v clittails: 6-9pm. 12pm-12am Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour ’til 7pm. 8pm-late: Andy’s annual 30th birthday bash with cabaret from Drag With No Name, Raychel Harvey-Jones and Betty Swallocks. Spirits + mixers £2 between 8 and 9pm.

R-Bar Cabaret with Maisie Trollette and John Bruzon at 9:30pm. 5-9pm happy hour. 12pm-2am Revenge Manzone is back by popular demand!

Strictly men only. Stripper from midnight.

10.30pm–3am, £2 entry and £2 drinks Star Inn Food served 12-3pm/6-8pm. 8.30pm: Big Dave’s quiz + buffet. 12pm-midnight Vavoom Thirsty Thursday, open till 4am. Music videos all night long.

V2 Club Music videos upstairs and karaoke downstairs until 1am. Karaoke ‘til midnight.

10pm-late The Zone 1pm-12am

Theatre Blonde Bombshells Of 1943 A warm and witty musical play with live swing band performances of 1940s classics. Devonshire Park. 2.30pm/7.45pm, £14.50 mat, £20.50/£19/£14.50 Hay Fever Sparkling comedy masterpiece direct from the West End. Please call for more details.

Theatre Royal. 7.45pm, £25/£23/£19/£16 Slap This run is dedicated to the memory of Phil Starr. Marlborough Theatre, 8pm, £6/£5 Shakespeare 4 Kidz: The Tempest A storm, a shipwreck and an enchanted island – perfect for those studying Shakespeare at Key Stage 2 and 3. The Capitol, Horsham. 10.30am/1.30pm, £13/£8 St George And The Dragon An epic adventure about a baby born with birthmarks of a cross and a dragon. Growing up, he is possessed of unusual powers and has one quest – to slay a dragon. Brighton Dome, 7pm, £12.50/£10/£7 (family ticket £35) The Wandering Minstrels Present Jane Eyre – A Musical Drama The 19th century Charlotte Bronte drama about Jane Eyre, a sprited woman orphaned at a young age. Jane becomes governess of Thornfield Hall and falls in love with the master of the house, but there’s a dark secret from his past. A story of revenge, passion, love and repression. Brighton Dome.

7.30pm, £12.50/£11.50 The Play What I Wrote West End celebration of Britain’s greatest double act, Morecombe and Wise. Hamish has written a play but Sean wants to continue with their double act. Sean suggests they perform a Morecombe and Wise tribute in the hope that Hamish will come round.

With a surprise guest star. Worthing Connaught Theatre, 7.30pm, £19/£17/£14.50

Comedy Mark Little – Defending The Caveman The Australian with Sussex roots previously known as Joe Mangle in Neighbours gives us his take on modern sexual politics. Pavilion Theatre, Worthing, 8pm, £18.50/£16.50

Family and friends 2, 4, 6, 8 Legs A world of learning awaits at Booth Museum, with art activities and storytelling based around a different theme each week. Ages 2–5. Booth Museum, 10.30am–12pm, £4.50.

Art and Craft Classes for children aged 18 months to five years old. A fun weekly arts and craft clas, letting youngsters explore their creativity. Malling Community Centre, Lewes.

For more info/to book please call 01273 488616.

Greyhound Racing A great night out with friends at the races. Relax in the restaurant or bar and enjoy all the racing action. 01273 204601. Evening race – please call to confirm time. £4 Stiletto Fit Taster Polestars launch Stiletto Fit – the ultimate high heel work out with a one-off free taster event today at different venues.

Check out the website www.polestars.net for its Brighton location and discover the fun side to fitness with Polestars. An event for women aged 18 and over. 7.30–8.30pm

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friday 16 Live music

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Chair massage Holistic and Aromatherapy massage Reflexology Open 7 days a week – 11am till 9pm 28 Elder Place, Brighton, BN1 4GF (Off London Road, opposite London Road car park) 01273 690096

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818150 42 latest 7

The Bachelors Back in ‘64 these Irishmen actually had more top tens than The Beatles.

Billing themselves as the original boy band, The Bachelors continue to woo the ladies.

Martlets Hall, Burgess Hill, 8pm, £10/£8 Big Pettos Folk night with glorious harmonies.The Beachcomber, Seaford Folk Club, time and £tbc The Bobby McGees + Dave House + The Cut-Offs + Unicorn Choice?! Local fanzine The New Wave Of Cut & Paste present this evening of lo-fi, tweecore, punk and anti-folk.

The Hope, 7.30pm, £4 Citizens Of Waste + Fish Brothers The biggest drinking band in Brighton (which is saying something) get their slot in first so that there is plenty of quaffing time. A Comic Relief gig. Providence, 8pm, £1 Dirty Vendetta + Mamma Hoochie Bang + Driven To Collision 14+ ages show. Pressure Point, 7.30pm, £4/£3 The Fold + Zoox Local and long running folk rock band.Brunswick, 8pm, £3 Geno Washington and The Ram Jam Band Originally based in the UK as part of the army back in the 60s he persuaded Georgie Fame to give him a slot and he has never looked back.

His high energy brand of sweet soul music with a funk additive is always a hit live. Komedia, 7pm, £15 Goofer Dust Good-time, juke-joint, downhome harp-drenched blues that draws upon John Lee Hooker, Tom Waits and G. Love styles.

Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £6 The Grits Live jazz and bluesy funk. Arthouse, 8.30pm, free Jason Webley + guests Cella, 7.30pm, £tbc Keller Williams One-man acoustic virtuoso who calls his music ‘solo, acoustic, jazzfunk reggae technograss. His ninth album Dream was released last month. Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £7 The Low Lows + Treecreeper Loud and beautiful soundscapes from The Low Lows. A Gilded Palace Of Sin gig. Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £6 Nick and Tracey Jane Los Albertos bassman and wonderful reggae-tinged voice join forces.

Mint, 7.30pm, free Roland Chadwick Australian guitar wizard.

Neptune, 8.30pm, free Tom Cawley’s Curios Brighton Jazz Club event. 'Young Musician Of The Year', Tom plays with Acoustic Ladyland, Charlie Watts' Tentet, Dave O'Higgins and Gwyneth Herbert. His own groups have played residencies at Ronnie Scott's and at the Blue Note Club, New York.

Curios have just launched their debut album Hidden. Sussex Arts Club, 7.30pm, £10/£8 Un:Plugged Open mic night. Every style welcome. Contact Reuben on 01444 415738 or arrive at 7pm on the night to book a slot. Clair Hall, Haywards Heath, 7.30pm, free

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar until 2am Ali Cats Bar Flow – electro, breaks and booty bass. 8pm–12am, free Ancient Mariner Late bar until 2am Aqua Bar 70s, 80s and 90s hits, 9pm–2am, free Arc Candy. Hip hop, soul and ragga with Pit Bull. 10.30pm–4am, £8/£5 Audio Step Up. Funk, soul and breaks with TM Juke. 10pm–4am, £8/£7 Beach Sugar Pop. Classics and party anthems.

10.30pm-3am, £3/free Belushi’s Madness. Sexy chart cheese and club classics. £2 selected drinks until midnight.

10pm–3am Casablanca Mirror Ball. Funky disco. 10.30pm3am, £6/£5/£4 Concorde 2 Insight Dynamiks. Minimal, acid

and electro. 12-5am, £10 Creation Glitter Baby. R’n’B and house.

9.30pm-3am, £6/£4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Goth, industrial and indie. 11pm-3am, £5/£4 The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar until 3am The Fishbowl Late bar until 2am Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk It’s Friday.

Feel the funk. 10pm-3.30am £8/£6 The Globe Late bar until 3am Gloucester Kick Out The Jams. Indie. 10.30pm2am, £4/£3 Honeyclub Honey. Sexy house with ATFC. 10pm-3am, £8/£5 Koba 24 hour bar!

Komedia Born Bad. Psyche, garage and rock ’n’ roll action. 11pm-3am £6/£5 Lo Lounge The House Sessions. Quality house with regular guests. 10pm-3am, £5 Ocean Rooms Rebel Beats. Underground beats. 11pm-4am, £5 Pav Tav Rip It Up. Indie anthems. 10pm-2am, £4/£3 Riki Tik Late bar until 3.30am Suga Qube Evening mass: Sexy, soulful house, 9pm–late, free.

Sussex Arts Club Jango Spears. DJs and bands. 10.30pm-2am, £tbc Western Front Late bar until 3am The Zap 22nd Birthday Celebration with favourite DJs old and new. £15/£12 10pm-late

Gay Amsterdam Sauna: 3pm–6am. 11am–5am Aquarium 12pm–1am Brighton Oasis Sauna open 24 hours!

Bright ’n’ Beautiful Sauna 12pm–10pm Bulldog 11am–late Candy Bar Pop Rocks vs Booty Call. 9pm–late Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheesy, camp tracks from 10.30pm with DJs Ruby Roo and Connie Conway.

Charles Street Club Revo. New funky electro club night with DJ Tom Logan 10.30pm–3am, £5 Harlequin Mad March Lair. Fetish lounge club in association with Vinylla. £10 Legends Bar 11am–5am.

Legends Dance 11pm–4am, £5 Marine Tavern 12pm–12am.

Marlborough Live DJ playing some top choons from 9pm. 12pm–2am Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour ’til 7pm. Andy B’s Camp Attack with Babs and Katie. 2.30pm–1am R–Bar Official Lollipop warm–up, 5–9pm happy hour. 12pm–12am Revenge St. Patrick’s Day Lollipop vs Kinky Dangerous. DJ Dulcie Danger banging away The Bobby McGees, The Hope, 7.30pm

upstairs with the fabulous lollipop girls hosting downstairs. £5 before 11, £7 after.

Rehab Therapy. 9pm–4am Star Inn Food 12pm–3pm and 6pm-9pm.

Vavoom Bar Boyz. Promos till 6pm and when certain tracks play. Dance music videos all night Open ‘til 6am.

V2 Club Disco Inferno. Tracks from 1960s to 2000s. 10pm–late, members free The Zone 1pm–midnight

Theatre Blonde Bombshells Of 1943 A warm and witty musical play with live swing band performances of 1940s classics. Devonshire Park, Eastbourne. 7.45pm, £20.50/£19/£14.50 Hay Fever Sparkling comedy masterpiece direct from the West End. Please call for more details.

Theatre Royal. 7.45pm, £25/£23/£19/£16 Slap This run is dedicated to the memory of Phil Starr. Marlborough Theatre, 8pm, £6/£5 Shakespeare 4 Kidz: The Tempest A storm, a shipwreck and an enchanted island – perfect for those studying Shakespeare at Key Stage 2 and 3. The Capitol, Horsham. 10.30am/1.30pm, £13/£8 St George And The Dragon An epic adventure about a baby born with birthmarks of a cross and a dragon. Growing up, he is possessed of unusual powers and has one quest – to slay a dragon. Brighton Dome, 7pm, £12.50/£10/£7 (family ticket £35) The Wandering Minstrels Present Jane Eyre – A Musical Drama The 19th century Charlotte Bronte drama about Jane Eyre, a spirited woman orphaned at a young age. Jane becomes governess of Thornfield Hall and falls in love with the master of the house, but there’s a dark secret from his past. A story of revenge, passion, love and repression. Brighton Dome.

7.30pm, £12.50/£11.50 The Play What I Wrote West End celebration of Britain’s greatest double act, Morecambe and Wise. Hamish has written a play but Sean wants to continue with their double act. Sean suggests they perform a Morecambe and Wise tribute in the hope that Hamish will come round.

With a surprise guest star. Worthing Connaught Theatre, 7.30pm, £19/£17/£14.50

Comedy Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Cracking open the weekend with comedy from Michael Mee, Ian Stone and Dominic Frisby. It's a triple topper with three brilliant acts, compered by Rufus Hound. Komedia, 7.30pm, £12/£10

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saturday 17 Funky Buddha Lounge Unkool. After hours action with Senor Mick. 3pm-8am, £3 The Globe Late bar until 3am Gloucester Monkey. The Wild Fruit folks’ Saturday nighter. 10pm-4am, £9/£7/£5 Honey Club Seven Sins. Funky big room house with Oliver Lang. 10.30pm-5am, £12/£7 Jazz Place Street Jazz. Uplifting funk and Afro.

10.30pm-2am, £6/£5 Koba 24 hour bar!

New Madeira Hotel Funky Fish Club. Funk, soul and jazz. £4 before 11pm/£5 after Ocean Rooms Pimpbitchdisko. Cut and paste dancefloor action. 11pm-4am, £5 Ocean Rooms Electro DJs. 4am-early, £5 Pressure Point Kings Hi-Fi. 12-4am £6 Pav Tav Mod For It. Mod action. £5/£4 Riki Tik Late bar until 3.30am Sussex Arts Club Da Doo Ron Ron. 60s girly action a go-go! 10pm-2am, £5 Volks Guilt. Tough house and electro. 11pm4am, £8/£6 Western Front Late bar until 3am Zap Junkbox. Funky electro. 11pm-4am, £10/£8 St George And The Dragon, Brighton Dome, 2pm & 7.30pm

Live music All Jigged Out St Patrick’s special with this five-piece celtic folk band. Komedia, 7pm, £12/£10 Gabby Young + guests Cella, 7.30pm, £5 Lunchtime Jazz Komedia, 12.45pm, free The Magic Number Easy going Gypsy jazz and swing, led by Tony Lewis and featuring members of The Hat and Los Albertos.

Joogleberry, 8pm, £7 Martin Simpson + Danny Smith and Jonas Graile Twice Musician Of The Year at the BBC Folk Awards, this supreme acoustic guitarist is an immaculate interpreter of traditional music and song from Europe and the American South.

Pavilion, Hailsham, 7.30pm, £16.50 Myna Morgan Mint, 7.30pm, free The Parody + Sean Taylor Plus DJ Neil By Mouth. Providence, 8pm, £1 The Pilgrims + support St Patrick’s Day special. Brunswick, 8.30pm, £3 Revenge Of Shinobi + Cove + Yukki + Everyone To The Anderson Pressure Point, 8pm, £4

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar, until 2am Ali Cats Bar Uni-Fi. Nu-skool and old-skool breaks, 8pm–12am, free Ancient Mariner Late bar until 2am Aqua Bar Resident DJ 9pm–2am, free Audio Stompa Phunk. Underground house with Ben Watt. 11pm-4am, £tbc Arc Hold Up! Popular indie night with regular special guests. 10pm-4am, £5 Beach Fever. Disco and funk. 10.30-4am, £10/£8 Belushi’s Utopia. 80s classics and club anthems. £2 selected drinks until midnight.

10pm–3am Caroline Of Brunswick Alternative 80s night 9pm–1am, free Casablanca Get Fresh. Dancefloor Latino.

10.30pm-4am, £7/£6/£5 Concorde 2 Roots Garden. Reggae and dub from Vibronics. 11pm-4am, £7 Core Club Mo Money. Hip hop with Bill Blast.

10pm-4am, £8/£6 Engine Rooms Classic Rock. Tunes from ACDC to the ’Stones. 11pm-3am, £5 The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar until 3am The Fishbowl Late bar until 3am Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Soulful and funky tunes. 10pm-3am, £10/£7

Gay Amsterdam 11am-2am. Sauna 3pm-4am Aquarium 12pm-11pm.

Brighton Oasis Sauna 12pm-7am Bright’n’Beautiful Sauna 12pm-10pm Bulldog 11am-late.

Candy Bar St. Patrick’s day girl/boy auction.

8pm-morning. £3 before 10/£5 after.

Charles Street Bar 12pm-late.

Charles Street Club Nervous twitch by Shibby Shabblers with live performances. 10.30pm3am, £5.

The Gloucester Monkey. Brighton’s favourite DJs playing some top tunes.10.30pm-4am, NUS £5 all night, others £5 before 11pm/£7 before midnight/£9 after. Drinks promos.

Harlequin 10.30pm: Sophie on stage. 9pm4am, free before 11pm/£2 before 12/£5 after Legends Bar Pre-ignition.11am-5am. Legends Dance Ignition. 11pm-4am.

Marine Tavern 12pm-12am.

Marlborough 9pm: live DJ playing some top choons. 12pm-2am The PV DJ Dubbledee from 9pm. 12pm-1am.

Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour ’til 7pm. 9pm: Julie Glitter’s karaoke party.

2:30pm-1am. Info: www.queensarmsbrighton.com R-Bar open 24hrs! Pop videos all night. Great food all day. Discount tickets for Revenge available.

Revenge Downstairs: Queercarnage with DJs Dusty O and Nik C. Upstairs: DJ Richard Jones.

All drinks £2 before 12. 10:30pm-6am Free before 11pm, £5 before 12am, £7 after 12am and £3 after 3am. NUS £3.

Star Inn Food 12pm-6pm. Proud To Bear night 9pm. 11am-1am Vavoom open ‘til 6am. Tonight: St. Patrick’s’ theme with free shots, promos and dance videos all night. Free drink if you drag up!

V2 Club open from 10pm-late. St. Patrick’s party continues with pole dancing contest. Karaoke until midnight. Members get free entry.

The Zone 1pm-12am.

Theatre Blonde Bombshells Of 1943 A warm and witty musical play with live swing band performances of 1940s classics. Devonshire Park, Eastbourne. 2:30pm/7.45pm, prices from £14.50 Hay Fever Sparkling comedy masterpiece direct from the West End. Please call for more details.

Theatre Royal, 2.30pm/7.45pm, £24/£22/£18/£15 mat, £25/£23/£19/£16 eve.

The Play What I Wrote West End celebration of Britain’s greatest double act, Morecombe and

Wise. Hamish has written a play but Sean wants to continue with their double act. Sean suggests they perform a Morecombe and Wise tribute in the hope that Hamish will come round.

With a surprise guest star. Worthing Connaught Theatre. 2pm/7.30pm, £17.50/£15.50/£12.50 mat. £19/£17.50/£14.50 eve.

Make Way For Noddy And Friends Children’s theatre with Noddy, Big Ears and friends. Noddy is planning to make Googleberry muffins for a party but naughty goblins plan on ruining the day, and there’s a mystery to solve with Mr Plod, the policeman. Ideal for 2–6 year olds.

Eastbourne Congress Theatre. 2pm, £10.50/£9.50 Slap This run is dedicated to the memory of Phil Starr. Marlborough Theatre, 8pm, £6/£5 St George And The Dragon An epic adventure about a baby born with birthmarks of a cross and a dragon. Growing up, he is possessed of unusual powers and has one quest – to slay a dragon. Brighton Dome. 2pm/7.30pm. £12.50/£10/£7, family ticket £35 The Wandering Minstrels Present Jane Eyre – A Musical Drama The 19th century Charlotte Bronte drama about Jane Eyre, a spirited woman orphaned at a young age. Jane becomes governess of Thornfield Hall and falls in love with the master of the house, but there’s a dark secret from his past. A story of revenge, passion, love and repression. Brighton Dome.

2.30pm/7.30pm, £11/£10 mat, £12.50/£11.50 eve. Worthing Pavilion Theatre. 8pm, £10 St Patrick’s Day With Flash Company The Pavilion Theatre is transformed into the biggest Irish pub on the South Coast. The 11th year of this popular fundraising event, with proceeds going to Worthing Churches Homeless Project.

Comedy Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Continuing the weekend with comedy from Michael Mee, Ian Stone and Dominic Frisby it's a triple topper with three brilliant acts, compered by Rufus Hound. Komedia, 7pm and 10.30pm, £16 Mark Little – Defending The Caveman The Australian with Sussex roots previously known as Joe Mangle in Neighbours gives us his take on modern sexual politics. Congress Theatre, Eastbourne, 8pm, £17.50/£15.50

Family and friends The Art Of Clay Use clay to make your own artwork under the guidance of Jacqueline Li. Ages 8+. Hove Museum, 2.30–4.30pm, £7 Brilliant Bag Day Drop-in and pick up a special bag of fun and games to play around the museum. Plus, some arty activities. Hove Museum, 1–5pm, free drop-in, all ages.

City Reads Coffee Morning Free readings at libraries across Sussex and the chance to share thoughts on Daphne Du Maurier’s best-seller Rebecca. Actress Peta Taylor brings the novel to life reading selected extracts. Saltdean Library, 11am.

Greyhound Racing Enjoy a night at with friends at Hove’s popular Coral Greyhound Stadium. Please contact the venue to confirm race times: 01273 204601.

Luke Dickinson A visual presentation and talk from the resident artist. Places limited!

Worthing Museum. Price includes refreshments.01903 221448. 11am–12pm, £3 Worthing Thunder Basketball action the whole family can enjoy as Worthing Thunder take on the Northampton Neptunes. With music and entertainment provided by Splash FM DJ John Roberts. 01903 507889. Worthing Leisure Centre, 8pm, £6/£4, family ticket of two adults and two children: £16.

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sunday 18 Live music Acoustic Jam Session Portland, 9pm, free Ian Shaw Best Jazz Vocalist winner at the BBC Jazz Awards 2004, Shaw has just released a jazz album of Joni Mitchell songs and which features Claire Martin, Guy Barker, Nigel Hitchcock and Lea De Laria. A Mother’s Day special. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £10/£8 Joss Peach Jazz Duo With Amberjack member. Brunswick, 3pm, free Kiju Tango Direct from Buenos Aires, Funyi Tango Trio are a classical tango formation with bandoneon (Norberto Vogel), guitar (Alejo Carames) and doublebass (Nicanor Suarez), and watch the tango dancers! Sussex Arts Club, 6.30pm, £10/£9 (workshop 4-6.15pm, £15) Large Number Ann Shelton’s (formerly of Add N to X) new band. Using theremins, moogs, KORG MS20s, and all sorts of weird and wonderful things, they have garnered an audience of avant garde lovers. Part of Boogaloo Stu’s Calvacade of Pop club night.

Po Na Na, 10pm, £3.50 The Legacy Engine Room, 7.30pm, £4 Michael Berk Songwriter promoting new CD Unashamedly Questionable. The Neptune Inn, 8.30pm, free Nelson King + Summer Born Wild Acoustic blues style á la Ben Harper and Jack Johnson from this Brighton-based musician.

Clair Hall (studio), Haywards Heath, 8pm, £8/£7 Ocean Delay + Rachel Taylor-Beales + Ferris Pav Tav, 8pm, free SJ Haywood + guests Cella, 7.30pm, £5 Song & Dance Night Horsham Folk Club.

Horsham Folk Club, The Normandy Centre, Horsham, 8pm The Stirring + The Reveals + Alex Gigante Best of Brighton bands competition sponsored

by Badlands Guitar. Pressure Point, 8pm, £1

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar, until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar, until 1am Cosmopolitan Bar The Full Moon pub quiz and Sunday roasts. Quiz starts 7.30pm, roasts from 1–6pm The Fishbowl Gone Fishing. Jazz, reggae and soul sounds. 6pm, free The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar, until 2am The Globe Late bar, until 2am Honey Club Sundelicious. Funky techno. £3/£1 11pm-4am Koba 24-hour bar.

Koo Klub Cash Queen. Sexy Sunday soiree.

10.30pm–3am, £7/£5 Po Na Na Cavalcade of Pop! Non-stop pop. £3 10–late Suga Qube Carry-on Sunday, free Zap Sunday School. Funky tribal house.

10pm–late, £4

Gay Amsterdam Sauna 3pm-5am. 11am–12.30am.

Aquarium 12pm-11pm.

Audio Sunday Sundae. 9pm–late, £4 before 10, £6 after.

Brighton Oasis Sauna 12pm–12am.

Bulldog 11am–2am.

Candy Bar Sirens. 9pm-3am, £5/£3.50.

Charles Street Bar 12pm-10.30pm.

Koo Klub Cash Queen. On-off winter special with deejays Mick Fuller, Dulcie Danger and special guests. 10.30pm-3am, £5 before 11, £7 after, £4 with special pass before 11.30pm.

Legends Bar 11am-5am. 3pm.

Trashville Tennesee.

Legends Dance Embrace. 11pm–4am, free.

Marine tavern 12pm–12am.

Marlborough Scratch Special! Six performers

44 latest 7

needed to try out new material with an audience. Feedback guaranteed! 8pm.

The PV Live music 6pm. 12pm–11pm.

Queen’s Arms Super Sunday! Cabaret with Dave Lynn at 5.15pm, then Betty’s karaoke show. 2.30pm–11pm R-Bar Cabaret on stage at 4.30pm, happy hour 6–9pm. Till 2am.

Revenge All pints £2. 10.30pm–3am. £2 before midnight then £3.

Star Inn Sunday lunches till 4pm then bears’ beer bash with charity raffle & big bears’ buffet!

Noon–11pm Vavoom Chill out music videos all day. Till 3am The Zone 1pm-12am.

Comedy Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Michael Mee, Aaron Counter and Colin Owens make sure your weekend ends with a comedic bang, with extra funny gunpowder from MC Stephen Grant. Komedia, 8pm, £9/£6 students Dan Clark – The Day I Lost My iPod Trademark neurosis, off-beat observations and heartfelt love songs from the musically sound comic. Komedia, 7.30pm, £10/£8 Sidesplitters Jim Grant headlines, with an opening set from Jonny Fluffypunk and fantastic support from new acts Maddie Bridgett and Gareth Richards, a great night should be had by all. The Providence, 8pm, £4

Theatre Gilbert & Sullivan Totally traditional Gilbert and Sullivan, with something from all the full-length operas.The Capitol, Horsham. 7.30pm, £15.

Litte Red... You Know Who Puppetry and song in this children’s adventure based on the traditional tale of Litte Red Riding Hood. 4–7 years. Komedia, 2pm, £6/£5 London Philharmonic Orchestra Stunning performance at the Congress with Joseph Wolf (conductor) and Pieter Wispelwey (cello).

Eastbourne Congress Theatre, 3pm, £27.50/£23/£21/£18/£11

Family and friends Bishopstone and the Tide Miller Five mile (3 hour) downland walk, with leader Terry, around Bishopstone near Seaford, returning through Tide Mills, the last of the Ouse Valley circular walks. Meet at the carpark at the west end of Seaford seafront. All ages welcome.

For more details please call 01273 481654.

10.30am, free.

Mother’s Day Cream Tea Enjoy Mother’s Day with a difference, with cream tea on board a special train at Bluebell Railway.

See www.bluebell-railway.co.uk or call 01825 720801 for more info or to reserve a place.

Mothering Sunday Family event – help the kids create Mother’s Day gifts, cards and wrapping paper, without worrying about making a mess! Brighton Museum, 2–4.30pm, free drop-in for all ages, Preston Manor Ghost Tour Family tour around historic Preston Manor, unravelling some spooky stories. All ages welcome.

2.15pm–3.15pm and 3.30pm–4.30pm, £6.50 adults, £3.50 children Rodmell and Breaky Bottom – A Walk For Wellbeing A five mile walk, with leader Louise Gorst, meeting at the Abergavenny Arms’ car park in Rodmell.

Relaxing is the focus of the walk, taking in the scenic downland countryside. Visit www.soulsandsouls.co.uk for more details on this and other walks. 2pm, £4.

mon 19 Live music Groanbox Boys Foot-stompin’ accordion and guitar/banjo-based old time American folk and blues duo. Greys, 8.30pm, £7 The Sounds + Under The Influence Of Giants + Low vs Diamonds Triple bill of new indie with the Swedish headliners making waves with their sharp new wave and punk-influenced sexy songs. Low vs Diamonds are an American epic indie band big on drowsy atmospherics but with sure-footed melodicism.

Pressure Point, 8pm, £7 Towers of London Punks who play a dirge-like punk glam. Notorious messy, old school type morals pervade this wretched lot. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £8

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar, until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar, until 1am Belushi’s Eccentric, Eclectic And Mostly Electric. £2 selected drinks. 9pm–2am, £2 Beach We Love 90s. Tunes from way back when. 10.30pm–3am, £2/90p Casablanca Now That’s What I Call The Eighties. 10.30pm–3am, free Cosmopolitan Bar Parlour Games. Have a drink and play some games. Bring your own or choose from a selection at the bar The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar, until 2am The Fishbowl Late bar, until 2am The Globe Late bar, until 2am Honey Club Stardust vs Corrosion. Cheese and rock double header. 11pm–4am, £4.50/1.50 Koba Late bar until 5am Suga Qube 2-for-one on cocktails, 5pm–2am Volks Tip Top presents Strictly Reggae.

Dancehall, bashment and roots. 10pm–late £4.50/3.50

Gay Amsterdam Food served up to 8pm. Sauna 3pm–4am. 11am–11pm.

Aquarium 12pm–11pm.

Brighton Oasis Sauna. 12pm–12am Bright’n’Beautiful Sauna. 12pm–10pm Bulldog 11am–2am.

Candy Bar Shibby Shabblers. 10pm–2am.

Charles Street Bar 12pm–11pm Charles Street Club Studio 150. With deejays Luke Smith & Ali K. Drinks from £1.50.

10.30pm–3am, £1.50 Legends Bar 11am–5am.

Legends Dance Mojo. 11pm–4am, free Marine Tavern Elsie’s Chill, 12pm–12am Marlborough Games social night from 6pm.

Games, pool & tunes. 12pm–12am.

The PV 12pm–12am.

Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour till 7pm. Cassidy’s Climax, 9pm – a new way to start the week. 2.30pm–11.30pm.

R-Bar Food 12–8pm and happy hours 5–9. Miss Jason’s Madhouse at 9.30pm. 12pm–2am Revenge Boogaloo Stu’s Shinky Shonky.

Free entry all night and all drinks just £2.

10.30pm–3am.

Star Inn Food served 12–3pm & 6–9pm.

11am–12am.

Vavoom Till 4am.

The Zone 1pm–12am.

Comedy Funnyhaha Acclaimed comic Julie Jepson's monthly collection of congregated comedians.

This time it's the turn of Kevin Precious, Gavin Hanmer, Maddie Bridgett and Amanda Severn.

Joogleberry Playhouse, 7.30pm, £5

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JOBS

latest

jobs The write stuff Paula O’Shea, managing director of The Journalist Works, offers a foot in the door of production journalism “Production journalism can be one of the most rewarding jobs in the business. You are responsible for giving your publication its final look and feel. You write the headlines, design the page, check the facts and make sure the copy is fair, balanced and within the law.

“No two days are the same. You’ll be working on reports about everyone from heroes to villains and features on celebrities to the man in the street. It’s all about everyday life but it’s far from routine.

“Above all it’s an important editorial job – and those with the right skills for it are in demand.

“With over 25 years in print, radio, national television journalism and

journalism education, I know how to deliver the skills the industry needs. I successfully established and ran the Brighton Centre for Journalism at City College Brighton and Hove, and launched the BA in Sport Journalism at the University of Brighton.

“My new training company, The Journalist Works, offers top-flight training from some of the best talent in the industry. Our courses arm students with the sub-editing and production skills newspapers, magazines and websites really want. Based at the offices of a busy daily newspaper in Brighton, students are immersed in a real journalistic environment from day one and have plenty of opportunities for work experience throughout the course.

“You’ll be working on reports about everyone from heroes to villains and features on celebrities to the man in the street” “Most importantly, our courses are accredited by the National Centre for the Training of Journalists (NCTJ) and successful students leave with an NCTJ Diploma in Production Journalism – the industry gold standard.

What’s more, we provide quality training at a price students can afford in a time frame that delivers the goods soundly but as quickly as possible.

“You could be a university graduate, a sixthform leaver or simply looking for a change in career. But if you’re interested in words and have a flair for page design you could have what it takes to carve out an exciting new career in production journalism.

“Our one day introductory courses will start on Monday April 16 and a 12 week diploma in production journalism starts on Monday April 23.

Further courses will follow in October and January 2008.”

To find out more visit our website at www.thejournalistworks.co.uk, call us on 01273 324351 or email us info@thejournalistworks.co.uk.

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PA SECRETARY Are you self-motivated with a proactive approach that thrives on new challenges, loves being kept busy and relishes any opportunity to use your initiative?

An opportunity has arisen for a PA for the two directors of City Property Developments based in Hove.This is an excellent position for someone who has some property background and looking to work in an exciting, diverse and challenging role.

This role requires excellent organisational and computer skills, an ability to work on your own initiative and can be offered with flexible working hours to suit your needs if required.

If you think you are the person we are looking for to support the ongoing success of our property development business then please apply with your CV and a covering letter to: City Property Developments, FAO Steven Sparks, Studio 157, Sackville Road, Hove, East Sussex, BN3 3HD or email steven@citydevelopments.net If you would like any further information then please do not hesitate to call us on 01273 744100.

Sales Negotiator

Crawley

Family run company looking to recruit two sales negotiators. You should have a basic knowledge of the property industry with a view to progress through your own training courses and achieve your goals! Growth of the company is likely over the next two years so the sky’s the limit!

Property Manager

West Sussex

We are currently looking to recruit an experienced property manager preferably with block property man exp. You should be able to demonstrate a good understanding of all maintenance, accounting and legal knowledge. Relevant qualifications will be looked upon advantageously.

Assistant Manager

Brighton

Successful candidate should have a proven track record and very high conversion rates winning instructions. If you consider yourself top of your league then call us immediately!

Part-Time Secretary

Woodingdean

You should have a good background within an administration or secretarial capacity, with copy typing skills (45+wpm), good telephone manner and an ability to prioritise work. The role will require you having good attention to detail and being well presented.

Covering East & West Sussex, Kent, Surrey & Hampshire

everyone has a price on their head

to maximize your potential call us now on:

0845 130 1188 fax 0845 130 1189

email enquiries@lca-jobs.com

To get your recruitment event or business CV listed email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

web www.lca-jobs.com

latest jobs 45

046_LS312_Job ads

3/7/07

4:44 PM

Page 2

JOBS & BUSINESS

catering services international 37 Ship St, Brighton BN1 1AB Tel 01273 774475 Fax 01273 774417

Recruiting for the following permanent positions Catering Recruitment Consultant – Brighton £NEG Assistant Catering Manager – Brighton £25,000 Head Chef – Brighton £25,000 Sous Chef – West Sussex £22,000 Pub Management Couples – Sussex £NEG

JOIN THE REVOLUTION! The friendliest agency in town needs you!

Reliable Chefs/Cooks/GA’s/Silver Service/ Waiting/Bar/Housekeeping Staff.

Come forth and register at Catering Services International Stacey or Kathryn on 01273 774475 Email – bright@catserv.co.uk Web – www.cateringinternational.eu

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46 latest jobs

hundreds of jobs every week...

047_LS312_Job Ads

3/7/07

3:56 PM

Page 1

JOBS & BUSINESS

Sales Executive required for busy advertising dept You will be required to offer support to the Sales Director in maintaining existing clients of Latest Homes and developing new areas of advertising revenue within the magazine group. Advertising sales experience would be an advantage.

You should possess the following skills: • Energetic and enthusiastic approach • Experience in face to face sales/negotiations • Ability to work on own initiative and be highly motivated • Be extremely organised and used to deadlines • Possess excellent customer service skills Apply by emailing your CV and covering letter to claire@thelatest.co.uk. For an informal discussion, please contact Lynne Edwards on 01273 818150

Latest Homes Ltd Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH 01273 818150 www.thelatest.co.uk

latest homes

Do you measure up?

Sales & Design Consultant Competitive salary, company car, uncapped incentive payments

At Shutterly Fabulous, we deliver a level of customer care, product quality and shutter installation expertise that is second to none. Our customers agree, which is why we're growing and looking for an enthusiastic and committed Sales and Design Consultant to join our Brighton based team.

Travelling throughout the South East, you'll manage your own time to follow up on sales enquiries that come into our Sales team. You'll visit customers in their homes providing design advice, measuring for installation and providing the level of service that Shutterly Fabulous customers have come to expect.

Ideally, you'll have a track record in customer-focused sales with the ability to manage your own time in a fast-paced, and sometimes pressurised environment. The confidence to present and interpret ideas whilst providing accurate design plans is also essential.

To apply please e-mail your CV to hello@shutterlyfabulous.com or send your CV with a covering letter to Mark Carter, Shutterly Fabulous Ltd, 18a Clermont Road, Brighton BN1 6SG. To find out more about Shutterly Fabulous visit www.shutterlyfabulous.com Closing date: Monday, 19th March 2007

NEGOTIATOR – BRIGHTON AREA An opportunity has arisen for a negotiator at our busy city centre office.

The successful candidate must have a clean drivers’ licence, be enthusiastic, motivated and target driven. A competitive salary is offered. Experience in estate agency preferred but not essential.

To apply please send your CV to Paul Kendrick Kendrick Property Services 152 Edward Street, Brighton BN2 OJG or email paul@kendrickpropertyservices.co.uk

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 83 ACROSS: 1 Carriage 5 Chic 9 Lapse 10 Embargo 11 Dictatorship 13 Draffy 14 Avenge 17 Extravagance 20 Epaulet 21 Inert 22 Seat 23 Grandson.

DOWN: 1 Cold 2 Replica 3 Identifiable 4 Guests 6 Harsh 7 Croupier 8 Abbreviation 12 Idleness 15 Nucleus 16 Banter 18 Tiara 19 Eton.

Solution to Quick 83 ACROSS: 1 Pathetic 5 Scum 9 Paint 10 Tropics 11 Incalculable 13 Stream 14 Enamel 17 Acquaintance 20 Stencil 21 Laird 22 Norm 23 Ethylene.

DOWN: 1 Pope 2 Thinner 3 Extravagance 4 Intact 6 Climb 7 Masterly 8 Bowling alley 12 Assassin 15 Machine 16 Anklet 18 Queer 19 Adze. © Crossword Shop

...to advertise call our sales team on 01273 818150

latest jobs 47

048_LS312_TVIntro

3/9/07

8:22 AM

Page 2

latestTV

Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

The Singing Estate Channel Five, 13 March, 7.15pm Ivor is a renowned composer, and for some reason he decides it would be fun to go to a run-down estate and turn a group of its residents into a choir good enough to perform in front of 5,000 people at the Royal Albert Hall.

There is only two weeks until the concert and no one seems to have practised so Ivor is worried. He has to choose a soloist for one of the songs and he decides a man called Bobby might be right for the job.

Bobby’s family have different ideas as singing with the choir has meant he is no longer spending so much time with his wife and two young children.

Colin, who wanted the solo Bobby was given, has found another way to take centre stage. He is a songwriter and singer and has decided to rewrite one of his reggae songs to make it classical! Bless him, you can’t help but giggle slightly; it does look and sound like a comedy sketch.

As the concert looms closer Ivor becomes more and more nervous for his choir that never really seems to improve. Before performing at the Albert Hall the choir are putting on a community concert for their friends and families. And you would have thought that with two performances coming up the members would want to try slightly harder.

With a matter of hours until the community concert the choir are pulling it together, but will it be too little too late? Get ready to feel nervous!

NCIS Channel Five, 16 March, 9pm Another American murder investigation drama series. Think CSI with a different cast! This episode starts with a dead person – surprise! Three models are living in an army base sort of place for a reality TV show. One of the girls is missing and one of the other girls sees her hanging from a barrier fence. Her body is taken away for an autopsy and it’s found that she had taken too many drugs, run into the fence, had a fit and died.

But, the NCIS keep investigating because (bet you can’t guess) there must be more to the story. So the team of the over-confident attractive male, the quietly beautiful sarcastic sidekick, the (supposedly) attractive older man boss looking for a date and the big big boss lady with nice suits and a bit of a problem, all try and solve the mystery.

How do you decide what murder investigation programme to watch?

This one, one that is pretty much exactly the same or a different one with the same sort of characters? The only difference with this one is that the girl who works in the lab is a Goth. You see, the thing I don’t like about all these American crime scene shows is that the victims are always models or just weird. Compare that to something like Midsomer Murders where the victim was the wife of the vicar and the murderer was the gardener, and every scene is shot somewhere with lovely scenery and crappy little jokes that make it just so British. I’m not knocking it if you like this programme, I can understand why, they can become quite addictive!

Films on TV This week’s must-see movies

TUESDAY 13

SATURDAY 17

10 Things I Hate About You

Emma ★★★★✩ (1996, BBC2, 7.35pm. Dir Douglas McGrath) Gwyneth Paltrow knocked her career into high gear as Jane Austen’s arch bitch for this smart adaptation of the English Lit favourite. Taking in the lead character’s strengths as well as her irritating self-delusion makes the audience more sympathetic to the action, creating a smart, modern spin on a witty novel.

MC

★★★★★ (1999, ITV2, 10pm. Dir Gil Junger) Retelling old Bill’s classic comedy Taming Of The Shrew, teen movie style, Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles star with added support from Third Rock’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Goes to show that with a good cast and an excellent script there can be good teen movies. No really, they do exist, and this sharp movie is the proof.

Victoria Nangle

WEDNESDAY 14 Pretty Woman ★★★ (1990, ITV2, 9pm. Dir Garry Marshall) It’s the same old story: boy meets whore, boy leases whore for the week and then whore gets cross because she’s not treated like a princess.

Saccharine sweet at times, this romcom vehicle for Julia Roberts and Richard Gere is as if a John Hughes film had grown up and started hanging out with the wrong crowd.

VN

THURSDAY 15 Goodfellas ★★★★★ (1990, Channel 4, 10pm.

Dir Martin Scorsese) “As far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a gangster.” So begins what’s for many the classic gangster flick featuring Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci as murderous wise guys taking newby Ray Liotta under their wing. Grimly good fun, with an excellent 1970s soundtrack.

Matt Chittock

FRIDAY 16 Reversal of Fortune ★★★✩✩ (1990, ITV3, 10.10pm. Dir Barbet Schroeder) Jeremy Irons is deliciously inscrutable as Claus von Bulow, the real-life aristo who was tried for the sensational murder of his wealthy wife back in the 1980s. Part documentary, part satire on the perversions of the rich and famous it’s a classy movie roughly adapted from the best-selling book.

MC

Alien ★★★★✩ (1979, Film4, 10.45pm. Dir Ridley Scott) Ultramodern creature feature meets old-fashioned haunted house horror for a mould-breaking sci-fi flick that still holds some shocks for contemporary audiences. Sigourney Weaver goes great guns as a bitch who bites back while HR Geiger’s production design mixes the biological with the fantastical to horrific effect.

MC

48 latest 7

13–19 Mar

Donnie Brasco ★★★✩✩ (1997, Channel 4, 11.40pm.

Dir Mike Newell) More Mafia action starring Al Pacino as an ageing hit man who takes young pretender Johnny Depp under his wing, unaware that he’s actually an undercover agent. No Goodfellas, by any means, but still worth staying up for.

MC

SUNDAY 18 Not Another Teen Movie

★★★✩✩ (1998, Five, 10pm. Dir Joel Gallen) Spirited but hit-and-miss spoof of the best teen efforts from the past 20 years based around a gossamer-thin plot with a dim sportsman trying to transform an ugly girl into a prom queen. Watch out for parodies of She’s All That, The Breakfast Club, Risky Business and American Pie. MC

MONDAY 19 8 Women ★★★★✩ (2001, Film 4, 1.40am. Dir François Ozon) Outstanding French director François Ozon gathers his favourite movie divas together and has fun with the result in this playful piece of camp featuring a bevy of Gallic girls including Ludivine Sagnier and Emmanuelle Béart implicated in a murder mystery. Don’t expect much else except good looks and the odd song and dance number – but it’s still a lovely bit of fluff.

MC

It’s a family affair, Goodfellas, Thurs, Channel 4, 10pm

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tuesday 13 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy BBC1, 7pm It’s a good thing Comic Relief is doing Fame Academy. If it weren’t for these sporadic celeb encounters, the dusty old institution could disappear altogether. There are six celebs left in the competition. Vote to save a starving child, or just vote to watch a celeb cry.

Kidnapped Channel 4, 10pm It’s this drama about a posh kid who gets kidnapped, right? 15year-old Leopold (yes, that really is his name cos he’s posh, geddit?) is grabbed on his way to school with his bodyguard (yes, he’s really that posh). His father Conrad Cain (alliterative name means you’re either in Superman or posh) needs help. Clever.

I Love 1997 BBC4, 7.10pm Isn’t it grand when nostalgia telly focuses barely a decade behind you? With it seeming like yesterday, Melinda Messenger reminisces on the Teletubbies, the introduction of the docusoap and the cinema debut of the heroine a million women swore never to become – Bridget Jones.

Aren’t you glad it’s now?

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Beat The Bailiff 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 How To Live Longer 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Arthur 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4.30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On CBBC 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Story Makers 6.40 Balamory 7.00 Astro Boy 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Shaun The Sheep 7.45 Fame Academy 8.15 Chucklevision 8.30 Brum 8.40 Tweenies 9.00 Doodle Do 9.20 Lunar Jim 9.30 Something Special 9.45 Numberjacks 10.00 Nina & The Neurons 10.15 Underground Ernie 10.30 History 10.50 Geography 11.10 Star Trek 12.00pm Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coming To England 1.20 Geography 1.30 Badminton 2.15 A Taste Of My Life 2.45 Castle In The Country 3.15 Sudo-Q 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 Eggheads Amateur quizzers take on pro know-it-alls.

6.30 A Taste Of My Life Nigel Slater hosts a chat show which explores the lives and loves of celebrities through their personal experiences of food.

Torchwood star John Barrowman is Nigel’s guest lovin’ that banana cake.

7.00 Sleep Clinic The team treat Lindsey, who’s in denial about the weird ear-splitting noise she makes in her sleep, driving her family mad.

Part girl, part bat.

7.30 Are We There Yet? How buses are becoming endangered species.

8.00 Rick Stein’s Food Heroes A gastronomic tour of Britain as Rick Stein and Chalky continue their culinary quest.

8.30 Masterchef Goes Large The three finalists are on a cooking adventure of a lifetime.

Extreme cheffing!

9.00 Horizon Series exploring topical scientific issues.

9.50 Eagle Valley 10.00 The Money Programme 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Stephen Fry: The Secret Life Of The Manic Depressive Stephen Fry explores the world of manic depression.

12.25am Taken 1.50 The Witness (x2) 2.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 4.00 Dancing On Ice Exclusive 4.30 Poirot 5.30 Dale’s Supermarket Sweep

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Friends 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 The Morning Line 9.30 The KNTV Show 10.00 Power To The People 10.30 Engineering At The Cutting Edge 11.00 School Of Hard Knocks 11.30 How Sport Shook Up The World 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Will & Grace 1.00 Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Old Bear Stories 6.35 Bird Bath 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 1.35 FILM: Broken Lullaby (1994) 3.35 Five News Update 3.40 FILM: Never Say Never: The Deidre Hall Story (1995) 5.30 Five News 6.00 Home And Away Kim and Rachel find themselves making a life-changing decision. They’re joining NASA? 6.30 Everybody Hates Chris 7.00 Five News 7.15 The Singing Estate Ivor arranges for the choir to sing at a community concert for their friends and family. But learning five extra songs in a fortnight is proving a tall order for some.

8.00 Bermuda Triangle: The True Story Documentary investigating the so-called Bermuda Triangle, an area of the Atlantic Ocean that has inexplicably claimed ships, planes and lives for centuries. Spooky.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Twins who are unaware of each other’s existence are murdered in different parts of town. Sounds like a job for Grissom.

10.00 CSI: Miami Horatio and the team race against time to find out who is trying to frame Horatio for the murder of a woman he has been dating.

11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit 12.05am The FBI Files 1.05 NBA Action 4.10 Motorsport Mundial 4.35 Race And Rally UK 5.00 World Supercross Grand Prix

6.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Cricket World Cup Preview 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.00 Conference Football 12.30pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 11.00 Revista De La Liga 12.00am Football League 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 You’re On Sky Sports

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy Hosted by Patrick Kielty and Claudia Winkleman. See highlights.

8.00 EastEnders Ben puts his trust in Stella but is this a mistake?

8.30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy It’s results time. Take that evil grin off your face!

9.00 Life On Mars When the body of a beautiful young woman is found in wasteland, DCI Gene Hunt fears a serial killer he thought he’d sent down in the late 1960s may still be at large. The past haunts... the past.

Or something.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 ONE Life Doc about the Marine Support Unit, 80 police officers in ten speedboats who patrol a 50 mile stretch of the River Thames. Splash!

11.15 Cricket World Cup 2007 12.15am FILM: Stark Raving Mad (2002) Heist comedy.

1.55 Sign Zone: Seaside Rescue 2.25 An Island Parish 2.55 Dr Alice Roberts: Don’t Die Young 3.25 Gene Detectives 4.10 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup 2007

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Matthew convinces the brothers to unite. Unite to kill each other more like.

7.30 Cops With Cameras New, high-octane series in which miniature cameras fitted to police uniforms take you to the heart of the action. Hmm. Cheap much?

8.30 The Truth About Ethical Food: Tonight Shoppers pay a premium for food marketed as ethical or organic produce, but should we always believe what it says on the label?

Jonathan Maitland explains it all.

9.00 Fallen Angel The reason for the kidnap leads Wendy to cast her mind back to 1979. Five-year-old Rosemary’s life is in upheaval due to the arrival of her grandfather at the vicarage. When one of the family commits suicide, Wendy flees Rossington knowing too well that there is more behind the death than first meets the eye.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 F1: Chasing The Dream Lots and lots and LOTS of nee-eeeeEEEE-owwww. Cool.

12.00am ITV Play: Glitterball 3.40 Down Under Forever 4.35 The Jules And Lulu Show 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Nancy wants to clear Becca’s name, Jake’s unsure.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Heavy Petting 8.00 It’s Me Or The Dog – Crufts Competition Special Turning three unruly dogs into Crufts competitors in just six months. Grr. 9.00 Bodyshock At just 7 years old Jambik is four foot three inches tall and weighs 16 stone – and no-one knows why. British doctor Ian Campbell, an expert on obesity, visits Jambik.

10.00 Kidnapped See highlights.

11.40 The Charlotte Church Show 12.30am Cheltenham Festival 1.00 My Name Is Earl 1.25 The War At Home (x2) 2.15 The Osbournes (x2) 3.00 Bob And Margaret 3.25 The Jamie Kennedy Experiment 3.50 School Disco 4.00 Lisa Looks Back 4.15 When The Romans Came To Wales 4.30 All Change 4.50 Number Crew 5.00 Animated World Faiths 5.15 Just Write 5.30 Puzzle Maths 5.45 More Adventures From The Writing House

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 High Altitude 8.00 Conference Football 9.30 World Motor Sport 12.00pm Max Power 1.00 Wild Spirits 1.30 World Motor Sport 4.00 Conference Football 5.30 Spirit Of Yachting: Sardinia Rolex Cup 6.00 High Altitude 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE Football League 10.15 You’re On Sky Sports 11.15 Poker: William Hill Grand Prix 1.15am European Seniors Tour Golf

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Racing News 11.30 Aerobics Oz Style 12.00pm Fishing: Bass Fishing 1.00 Triathlon 2.00 High Altitude 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing 4.00 Triathlon 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Rally Fever 8.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 9.00 High Altitude 9.30 Spirit Of Yachting: Sardinia Rolex Cup 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.00am Rally Fever 1.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living TV

12.00pm The 4400 1.00 Angel 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Jake 2.0 4.00 Stargate SG1 (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate SG-1 9.00 Battlestar Galactica 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Eye Of The Storm 12.30 Eye Of The Storm II

7.00pm Help! My Dog’s As Fat As Me 7.30 Match Of The Day Special: UNICEF Friendly 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 11.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 12.00am Family Guy 12.20 American Dad 12.45 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours

7.00pm Volcano Stories: Montserrat 7.10 I Love 1997. See highlights 8.00 The World 8.30 Never Mind The Full Stops 9.00 The Day Today 9.30 The League Of Gentlemen 10.00 Life On Mars 11.00 The Car’s The Star (x2) 11.40 Panorama Revisited 12.40am Never Mind The Full Stops

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.10 Judge Judy 6.00 American Idol (x3) 9.00 WAGs Boutique 10.00 FILM: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) 11.55 FILM: Pretty Woman (1990) 2.15am ITV Play: Glitterball

1.35pm Lovejoy 2.45 Is It Legal? 3.15 Home To Roost 3.45 The Rockford Files 4.50 Quantum Leap 5.50 Due South 6.50 Robin Of Sherwood 8.00 The Bill 9.00 Best Of ITV Talk: 50 Years Of Classic Conversation 10.30 Fallen Angel... Behind The Scenes 11.30 Rising Damp 12.00am Lovejoy

2.30pm One Tree Hill 3.30 Smallville 4.30 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The OC 10.00 Skins 11.00 Faking It Burlesque Special 12.20am Scrubs (x2) 1.15 Smallville 2.05 Skins 3.05 Faking It

4.05pm FILM: The 39 Steps (1959) 6.00 3 Minute Wonder 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: K19: The Widowmaker (2001) 11.25 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 11.55 Six Feet Under

2.00pm Mad About You (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 The Real Extras 9.00 Most Haunted 10.00 Outrageous Fortune 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Most Haunted 2.00 The L Word

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

3.40pm Porridge 4.20 My Family 5.00 The Bill (x2) 7.00 Open All Hours 7.40 Porridge 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 Blackadder Goes Forth 11.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.20am Blackadder Goes Forth

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 10.35 South Park (x2) 11.35 Comedy Store 12.05am The World Stands Up

5.30pm Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Deadliest Catch 10.00 Everest: Beyond The Limit 11.00 Crimes That Shook The World 12.00am Mythbusters 1.00 Guilty Or Innocent?

11.00am FILM: Disappearance (2002) 1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992) 4.35 FILM: The Fifth Element (1997) 7.10 FILM: Tron (1982) 9.00 FILM: Superman III (1983) 11.30 Medium 12.20am FILM: Night Of The Comet (1984)

8.50am Medicine Man (1992) 10.50 Duma (2005) 12.50pm Madagascar (2005) 2.25 In The Beginning (2000) 4.00 Duma (2005) 6.00 Medicine Man (1992) 8.00 Madagascar (2005) 9.30 XXx2: The Next Level (2005) 11.15 Commando (1985) 12.50am Stealing Beauty (1996)

11.00am The Pirate (1948) 12.55pm Brass Target (1978) 3.00 Till The Clouds Roll By (1946) 5.30 Hotel Paradiso (1966) 7.15 Take Me Out To The Ball Game (1949) 9.00 Ride The High Country (1962) 10.45 Whose Life Is It Anyway?

(1981) 1.00am Battleground (1949)

11.00am Sky High (2005) 12.40pm Hockey Mom (2004) 2.20 Miracle On The 17th Green (1999) 4.00 Deep Family Secrets (1997) 5.40 UK Top 10 6.00 Sky High (2005) 8.00 Memoirs Of A Geisha (2005) 10.25 Crash (2004) 12.20am Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994) 2.30 The Cure (1997)

3.00pm The Spanish Gardener (1956) 4.50 Blithe Spirit (1945) Noel Coward story on a couple haunted comedically by the dead first wife. 6.50 The Triumph Of Love (2002) 9.00 Just Married (2003) 10.45 Ghost Dog: The Way Of The Samurai (1999) 12.55am 8 Women (2002)

050_LS312_TV_Wed

3/8/07

5:04 PM

Page 1

wednesday 14 Vodka’s My Poison BBC2, 7pm No turn of phrase here or crafty guilt trip regarding alcohol, across Russia quite literally thousands of people have been poisoned and hundreds have died from spiked vodka. It’s nasty!

John Sweeney travels to Pskov – a city so badly affected a state of emergency has been declared – and gets poisoned. Nasty.

Grand Designs Channel 4, 9pm Chris Miller and his missus Sze Liu Laine know their tiny East London flat is too small for their family. But what’s a gang to do living in London? We all know property is mega expensive in the capital. And here’s the cunning part – these wiley home hunters plan to create their dream home on a houseboat. Clever bunnies.

Tight Spot: Lift BBC4, 10.30pm The Beeb is continuing its support of all that is new and comedic in this one-off comedy about four ill-fitting people stuck together in a lift. With the hassled businessman clashing with an excess of jolly on one side and a mega-phobic teenager on the other, this promises to be a compact half hour.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Beat The Bailiff 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 How To Live Longer 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Arthur 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4.30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On CBBC 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Story Makers 6.40 Balamory 7.00 Astro Boy 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Shaun The Sheep 7.45 Fame Academy 8.15 Chucklevision 8.30 Brum 8.40 Tweenies 9.00 Doodle Do 9.20 Lunar Jim 9.30 Something Special 9.45 Numberjacks 10.00 Nina & The Neurons 10.15 Underground Ernie 10.30 Star Trek 11.15 Small Town Gardens 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00pm Downsize Me 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Flying Gardener 2.15 A Taste Of My Life 2.45 Castle In The Country 3.15 Sudo-Q 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 Eggheads Smart alec questions for know-it-all contestants.

6.30 A Taste Of My Life Miranda Richardson gives a rare interview.

7.00 Vodka’s My Poison See highlights.

7.50 A Wild Yorkshire River A personal portrait by naturalist Brian Moreland of Wensleydale’s river Ure in North Yorkshire.

8.00 Masterchef Goes Large Today the finalists get to cook where no amateurs have catered before – at a state dinner for the British and Irish Prime Ministers at Number 10 Downing Street.

8.30 Masterchef Goes Large A three-course meal at the Savoy for eight of the world’s best chefs. Keep your prize – this is too scary!

9.00 Party Animals Danny urges Jo to seek counselling for her escalating drink problem. Surly it’s an asset in politics.

9.50 Don’t Watch That Watch This! Satirical pastiche.

10.00 The Grumpy Guide To… 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Time Shift: Parallel Worlds – A User’s Guide 12.20am Taken 1.45 Dragons’ Den: Best Of 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: GCSE Bitesize Revision 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Physical Education

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 4.00 Dancing On Ice Exclusive 4.30 Poirot 5.30 Dale’s Supermarket Sweep

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Friends 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Cheltenham Morning Line 9.30 The KNTV Show 10.00 Power To The People 10.30 Engineering At The Cutting Edge 11.00 School Of Hard Knocks 11.30 How Sport Shook Up The World 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Will & Grace 1.00 Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Old Bear Stories 6.35 Bird Bath 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 1.30 FILM: Jack Reed: Badge Of Honor (1993) 3.30 FILM: Columbo Goes To College (1991) 5.30 Five News 6.00 Home And Away Martha is shocked when Ash’s dark side is exposed. Rude boy!

6.30 Everybody Hates Chris 7.00 Five News 7.15 Lemur Island Wildlife series following the lives of two warring troops of ring-tailed lemurs in Madagascar. No Treaty of Versaille on the horizon here.

8.00 Child In A Million Series of documentaries exploring rare medical conditions and pioneering treatments at one of the most famous children’s hospitals in the world – London’s Great Ormond Street. Home of all Lost Boys.

9.00 FILM: Before You Go (2002) Starring Julie Walters, Tom Wilkinson, John Hannah, Joanne Whalley and Victoria Hamilton.

Emotional drama.

10.55 Britain’s Fattest Teenager: Hidden Lives Doc about Britain’s fattest teenager, Jonathan Wallace.

In this film Jonathan has a gastric bypass operation – but for it to work, he needs to change his lifestyle completely: not easy in his home town of Hartlepool, where fast food restaurants abound.

12.00am PartyPoker.com European Open III 1.30 NHL Ice Hockey 3.55 Boxing Classic 4.45 Football Argentina

6.00am You’re On Sky Sports 7.00 WWE Heat 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.00 Cricket World Cup 11.00 Revista De La Liga 12.00pm Football League 1.30 Poker: William Hill Grand Prix 3.30 Revista De La Liga 4.30 Football League 6.00 Boots N All 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 11.00 Boots N All 12.00am European Tour Weekly 12.30 Total Rugby 1.00 Ford Football Special 3.00 Boots N All

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy A masterclass from Lemar razzle dazzles the students as the winner’s crown gets more tantalising by the second.

8.00 Watchdog Does a watchdog actually do anything more than simply watch? Does it bark?

8.30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy Five students, four places.

Tears, hugs and tuning.

9.00 New Street Law Jack and Laura have to put personal feelings aside when they represent a man accused of raping his daughter ten years ago. No quiet speeding tickets then.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 The National Lottery: Midweek Draws 10.40 It’s A Mad World This Comic Relief doc provides an insight into the day-to-day lives of people with mental health problems. There’s a lot of it about.

11.25 Cricket World Cup 2007 12.25am FILM: Morons From Outer Space (1985) 2.00 Sign Zone: Jimmy’s Diaries 2.30 The Madness Of Modern Families 3.00 A Very English Village 3.50 Gene Detectives 4.35 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup 2007

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Pearl rails at Len for putting Edna first again. It’s a pensioners’ love triangle I tell you!

7.30 Coronation Street Serious doubts begin to grow in Deirdre’s mind about Tracy’s story. Dur! How long have you known your daughter for and why do you still believe a word that comes out of her mouth?

8.00 UEFA Cup Knockout: Tottenham Hotspur V Sporting Braga Matt Smith presents live coverage from White Hart Lane of Tottenham’s knock-out round, second leg against Portuguese club Sporting Braga. Spurs will be hoping to win again at home and qualify for the quarter-finals of the competition. With commentary by Jon Champion and Jim Beglin, expert analysis from Andy Townsend and Robbie Earle, and pitchside reports from Gabriel Clarke.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 Benidorm The Garveys head to the beach.

11.35 Lily Allen’s Orange Playlist 12.00am ITV Play: Glitterball 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Jacqui and Aleksander are to be interviewed by an immigration official but neither of them are prepared. No Green Card snapshots here then.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Heavy Petting 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Revisited After living in a caravan in Cumbria, the Smalleys needed K&P’s help in finding a suitable home within this expensive region. A year after moving into their converted barn, have the family adapted to their new life and how is their hot tub business faring?

9.00 Grand Designs See highlights.

10.00 Desperate Housewives Julie and Austin seek Edie’s consent to buy birth control pills. ‘Cos Edie’s all about responsibility.

11.05 Boyz To Men Doc following ten 11-year-old black boys on a month-long summer camp to the University of West Indies.

12.05am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 12.40 Goalissimo!

1.40 KOTV 2.10 World Cup Skiing 4.05 Trans World Sport 5.00 Postmodern Pastimes 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Inuk

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 High Altitude 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 High Altitude 9.30 Spirit Of Yachting: Sardinia Rolex Cup 10.00 Poker: William Hill Grand Prix 12.00pm Cricket World Cup 1.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 10.00 Total Rugby 10.30 European Tour Weekly 11.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool (x2) 1.00am Poker: William Hill Grand Prix

Sky Sports 3 9.00am European Seniors Tour Golf 10.00 Rally Fever 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 2.00 High Altitude 2.30 Spirit Of Yachting: Sardinia Rolex Cup 3.00 Rally Fever 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 360 Surfing 7.30 European Tour Weekly 8.00 Boots N All 9.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool (x2) 11.00 High Altitude 11.30 Wild Spirits 12.00am Trans World Sport 1.00 Max Power

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living TV

12.00pm The 4400 1.00 Angel 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Jake 2.0 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Atlantis 9.00 The Dresden Files 10.00 Lost 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Eye Of The Storm (x2) 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Uncut!

The Villa

8.00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 8.30 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 9.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 10.00 Freaky Eaters: Addicted To Chocolate 11.00 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 11.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm Teletubbies 7.30 Vets In Practice 8.00 The World 8.30 All Mod Cons 9.00 Are We Having Fun Yet? 10.00 Hotel 10.30 Tight Spot: Lift. See highlights. 11.00 Hotel 11.30 Are We Having Fun Yet? 12.30am Tight Spot: Lift 1.00 Proms On Four 2006 3.15 Are We Having Fun Yet?

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 Airline USA 5.45 Judge Judy 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Australian Princess 9.00 FILM: Pretty Woman (1990) 11.25 Coronation Street 11.55 Al Murray’s Happy Hour 12.55am Comedy Cuts

12.20pm Jeeves And Wooster 1.30 Lovejoy 2.30 Is It Legal? 3.05 Home To Roost 3.40 Film File 3.45 The Rockford Files 4.45 Quantum Leap 5.45 Due South 6.45 Robin Of Sherwood 7.55 Bramwell 9.00 The Jasper Carrott Show 9.30 Cider With Rosie 11.40 Lovejoy 12.40am Heartbeat

2.30pm One Tree Hill 3.30 Smallville 4.30 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x2) 8.30 Kylie Showgirl Homecoming Tour 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 Kylie Showgirl Homecoming Tour 3.25 Desperate Housewives

6.05pm Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Britain’s Worst Weather 10.00 Grand Designs: Trade Secrets 10.35 The Perfect Home 11.35 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 12.05am Six Feet Under

2.00pm Mad About You (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

4.20pm My Family 5.00 The Bill (x2) 7.00 Open All Hours 7.40 Porridge 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 One Foot In The Grave 11.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.20am One Foot In The Grave 1.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme

4.00pm King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 10.35 South Park (x2) 11.35 Comedy Store 12.05am The World Stands Up 12.35 Sex And The City

4.00pm Deadliest Catch 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 10.00 Really Big Things 11.00 World’s Deadliest Season 12.00am Mythbusters

1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Ground Zero (2000) 4.50 FILM: Landspeed (2001) 6.40 FILM: Superman III (1983) 9.00 Heroes 10.00 FILM: Big (1988) 12.00am FILM: Emmanuelle’s Private Collection: Sexual Spells (2005) 1.50 FILM: My Stepmother Is An Alien (1988) 4.00 Star Trek

9.50am Phantom Below (2004) 11.30 Killer Flood (2003) 1.10pm Snow Wonder (2005) 2.45 Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) 4.30 Phantom Below (2004) 6.15 Killer Flood (2003) 8.00 Batman Begins (2005) 10.20 Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) 12.00am K-9 (1989) 1.45 Without A Paddle (2004)

9.05am Green Mansions (1959) 11.00 Dinner At Eight (1933) 1.00pm Young Bess (1953) 3.00 Mr Skeffington (1944) 5.20 Ride, Vaquero!

(1953) 7.05 Forbidden Planet (1956) 9.00 Code Name: Emerald (1985) 10.50 Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo (1944) 1.20am Brewster McCloud (1970)

2.15pm Ernest Saves Christmas (1988) 4.00 Born Champion (1998) 6.00 The Family Stone (2005) 8.00 Hood Rat (2001) 9.45 Outlaw Special 10.00 Gridlock’d (1997) 11.35 Cellular (2004) 1.20am Vampire In Brooklyn (1995) 3.05 We Don’t Live Here Anymore (2004)

3.00pm A Man Called Peter (1955) 5.20 The Maverick Queen (1956) 7.00 Project X (1987) 9.00 Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World (2003) Epic tale with Russell Crowe. 11.30 My Name Is Joe (1997) 1.30am A Generation (1955)

051_LS312_TV_Thur

3/8/07

5:19 PM

Page 1

thursday 15 Masterchef Goes Large BBC2, 8pm It’s the grand final. After all these mouthwatering weeks, it’s now time to see who wears the chef’s big white hat of mastery. Except it couldn’t be that easy. The final three still have to cook in Paris at two and three Michelin star restaurants and then come back and do their best-ever scrummies for the judges. Hungry yet?

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm Alan Sugar gets to assess the worth of ten celebs, including Rupert Everett, Piers Morgan, Danny Baker, Trinny Woodall and Maureen Lipman. Divided into two teams the contestants have to use their contacts to raise money for Comic Relief. Not many followers in this lot though.

Conning The Conmen BBC3, 11pm Getting members of the public to jump through hoops can get a little worrying, but these public members are baddies so it’s all right. Getting a supposed expert on hair loss to treat a bald dwarf and a hairless dog, and making a drug dealer supply a six year old’s birthday party are just some examples of the hilarity. Hmm.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Beat The Bailiff 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 How To Live Longer 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Arthur 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4.30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On CBBC 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6am Fimbles 6.20 Story Makers 6.40 Balamory 7.00 Astro Boy 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Shaun The Sheep 7.45 Fame Academy 8.15 Chucklevision 8.30 Brum 8.40 Tweenies 9.00 Doodle Do 9.20 Lunar Jim 9.30 Something Special 9.45 Numberjacks 10.00 Nina & The Neurons 10.15 Underground Ernie 10.30 Look & Read 10.50 Words & Pictures 11.00 Geography 11.10 English Express 11.40 Seasonal Snapshots 12pm Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Family Xchange 1.45 Animal Park 2.15 A Taste Of My Life 2.45 Castle In The Country 3.15 Sudo-Q 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 4.00 Dancing On Ice Exclusive 4.30 Poirot 5.30 Dale’s Supermarket Sweep

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Friends 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Cheltenham Morning Line 9.30 The KNTV Show 10.00 Power To The People 10.30 Engineering At The Cutting Edge 11.00 Preachers To Be 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Will & Grace 1.00 Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Old Bear Stories 6.35 Bird Bath 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 1.30 FILM: Spies, Lies & Naked Thighs (1988) 3.30 FILM: Mercy Mission: The Rescue Of Flight 771 (1993) 5.30 Five News

6.00am European Tour Weekly 6.30 LIVE Euro Tour Golf 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Boots N All 11.00 Cricket World Cup (x2) 1.00pm LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 11.00 Football League Review 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Guinness Rugby Club 2.00 Football League Review 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy Four students compete for the final two places. Sod the charity – they want to win now!

8.00 EastEnders Max keeps Stacey sweet with dreams of their future together. On Jerry Springer.

8.30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy Watch the smiles stuck on the contestants’ faces with superglue.

Is your favourite still in the running?

9.00 Comic Relief Does The Apprentice See highlights.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 Question Time Topical debate chaired by David Dimbleby.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil and his resident helpers Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott.

12.20am Cricket World Cup 2007 Manish Bhasin presents action from the ICC Cricket World Cup 2007.

Highlights of Zimbabwe v Ireland in Jamaica and Sri Lanka v Bermuda in Trinidad.

1.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.55 Blair: The Inside Story 2.55 Sleep Clinic 3.25 When Love Comes To Town 3.55 Gene Detectives 4.40 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup 2007

6.00 Eggheads Keep on quizzing in the free world.

6.30 A Taste Of My Life Richard Briers tells about growing up in ‘genteel poverty’.

7.00 My Life As A Child Gemma (10) from Somerset only sees her dad for four months each year. Josh (11) from West Sussex doesn’t know when he’ll see his dad next. These are their stories.

7.30 How To Watch Wildlife Bill Oddie gives advice on how to watch wildlife. With eyes.

8.00 Masterchef Goes Large See highlights.

9.00 Fear, Stress And Anger Julie’s boss at the town hall retires, so she is in line for becoming head of planning on the town council. She asks Martin and their daughters to help her campaign for the post. Big mistake. Huge.

9.30 Dead Ringers Topical sketch show.

10.00 The Graham Norton Show Graham’s perspective on stuff.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Desi DNA Asian arts and lifestyle magazine.

11.50 A Seaside Parish 12.20am Taken 1.50 Dragons’ Den: Best Of 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: GCSE Bitesize Revision 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lisa is livid that Zak conspired with Rosemary against her. Samson is very sick in hospital and it’s meningitis. Carl and Chas get back together. Billy moves back in with Edna.

7.30 UEFA Cup Knockout: Newcastle V AZ Alkmaar Matt Smith presents live coverage from Holland of Newcastle’s knockout round, second-leg game against AZ Alkmaar. The Magpies are unbeaten in all five UEFA Cup away games this season, winning four of them and conceding only one goal.

With commentary by Peter Drury and Jim Beglin, expert analysis from Andy Townsend and Robbie Earle, and pitchside reports from Gabriel Clarke.

9.45 TV’s Naughtiest Blunders Neil Morrissey introduces more hilarious moments and X-rated outtakes from some of telly’s favourite stars. Oh, how our sides ached.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 Meridian Soccer Night 11.30 The Last Word 12.00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4.10 Make Me Perfect 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Zak and Kris are worried about an upset Jessica, who retreats to her room after phoning home. Now you’re worried, eh?

Beastly boys.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Heavy Petting 8.00 10 Years Younger Stylist Nicky Hambleton-Jones presents an extreme makeover series. Warwick mum Siobhan Wirdman suffers from excess hair, sagging skin and weak rotting teeth. Can the team turn her around? Resist that urge for a cheap jibe. You’re worth more than that.

9.00 Life After Death This emotional film follows the lives of a group of people who all suddenly lost their partners in their early thirties. Talking frankly and openly about death, the widowed ensemble find humour in adversity.

10.00 FILM: Goodfellas (1990) Starring Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci, Lorraine Bracco and Samuel L Jackson. Oscar-winning gangster epic.

12.40am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 1.10 4 Music: O2 Wireless Festival 2.15 FILM: Jakob The Liar (1999) 4.15 Dispatches: Charles: The Meddling Prince 5.05 Scrappy Races

6.00 Home And Away Peter and Amanda surrender to temptation.

Does Amanda know there are other things you can do with temptation?

No, really.

6.30 Everybody Hates Chris 7.00 Five News 7.15 Animal Attraction: Ultimate Seducers The final programme in Five’s Animal Attraction series, this week looks at the art of seduction.

Fluff those feathers, baby!

8.00 Mind The Fat Documentary in which four clinically overweight children struggling at school take part in a groundbreaking experiment, changing what they eat and testing their brainpower.

9.00 50 Shocking Facts About Your Food This entertaining doc reveals what really goes into bargain bangers, how seafood could be radioactive, and what happens to British kids on fast food diets.

10.30 Extraordinary People: The Twins Who Share A Body The remarkable story of Abby and Brittany Hensel, the world’s only known dicephalus conjoined twins.

11.35 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Forensic drama.

12.35am Football Night 1.25 Quiz Call 4.00 Football Argentina 4.50 Dutch Football

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 High Altitude 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Cricket World Cup 10.00 Ford Football Special 12.00pm Euro Tour Golf 3.00 Total Rugby 3.30 Wild Spirits 4.00 Boots N All 5.00 Guinness Rugby Club 6.30 Football League Review 7.30 LIVE Darts: Premier League 11.00 Race World 12.00am Golf Night 2.30 Race World

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE Experience 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool (x2) 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Ford Football Special 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 WWE Heat 6.00 Race World 7.00 NBA Action 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 Darts: Premier League

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living TV

12.00pm The 4400 1.00 Angel 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Jake 2.0 4.00 Stargate SG1 (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Bones 10.00 Rescue Me 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Eye Of The Storm (x2) 1.00 Sport Uncovered 1.50 Uncut! The Villa 2.40 The 4400 3.30 Tru Calling

8.00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 8.30 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 9.00 The Roadkill Chef 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle 11.00 Conning The Conmen. See highlights.

11.30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 12.00am Castaway

7.00pm Wainwright’s Walks 7.30 Tomorrow’s World: Genetics Special 8.00 The World 8.30 The Waiting Room 9.00 Are We Having Fun Yet? 10.00 Tight Spot: Lift 10.30 Operation Good Guys 11.00 Little Dieter Needs To Fly: Storyville 12.10am Are We Having Fun Yet?

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 Airline USA 5.45 Judge Judy 7.00 Smallville 8.00 WAGs Boutique 9.00 FILM: Runaway Bride (1999) 11.10 Supernatural 12.10am Comedy Cuts

2.35pm Is It Legal? 3.10 Home To Roost 3.40 Movies Now 3.50 The Rockford Files 4.55 Quantum Leap 5.55 Due South 6.55 Robin Of Sherwood 8.00 Pie In The Sky 9.00 The Woman In White 10.25 Hack 11.25 Lovejoy 12.30am Heartbeat 1.30 Cribb 2.30 Robin Of Sherwood

4.30pm Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 ER 10.00 Skins 11.00 FILM: Van Wilder: Party Liaison (2002) 12.50am Scrubs (x2) 1.50 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.30 Skins

6.05pm Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 Grand Designs: Trade Secrets 10.35 Without A Trace 11.35 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 12.00am Six Feet Under

12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Will & Grace (x2) 2.00 Mad About You (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 Get A Life 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Boston Legal

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

5.00pm The Bill 6.00 The Bill 7.00 Open All Hours 7.40 Porridge 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 I’m Alan Partridge 11.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.20am I’m Alan Partridge 1.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme

5.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 10.35 South Park (x2) 11.35 Comedy Store 12.05am The World Stands Up 12.35 Sex And The City 1.10 South Park

4.00pm Deadliest Catch 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 My Shocking Story 10.00 Deadliest Catch 11.00 Extreme Medical Stories 12.00am Mythbusters

5.00pm FILM: Inferno (2001) 7.00 FILM: The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension (1984) 9.00 A Town Called Eureka 10.00 FILM: My Stepmother Is An Alien (1988) 12.00am FILM: Emmanuelle’s Private Collection: Sex Lives Of Ghosts

2.05pm Houseguest (1995) 4.00 Here Comes The Son (1996) 5.40 Return Of The Jedi (1983) 8.00 Elizabethtown (2005) 10.10 Maximum Risk (1996) 11.55 The Forgotten (2004) 1.40am Churchill – The Hollywood Years (2004) 3.10 Soul Food (1998)

8.45am Jumbo (1962) 11.00 The Sea Hawk (1940) 1.25pm Valley Of The Kings (1954) 3.00 Les Girls (1957) 5.05 Kiss Me Kate (1953) 7.05 Welcome To Hard Times (1967) 9.00 Poltergeist (1982) 11.05 Guns For San Sebastian (1968) 1.10am The Charge Of The Light Brigade (1936)

12.50pm Jingle All The Way (1996) 2.30 Freddie As FRO7 (1992) 4.00 The Duke (1999) 5.45 Indie On Sky Movies 6.05 Felicity: An American Girl Adventure (2005) 8.00 Air Force One (1997) 10.10 Courage Under Fire (1996) 12.10am Phantom Of The Opera (2004) 2.35 Lean On Me (1989)

3.00pm Storm Over The Nile (1955) 5.15 The Malta Story (1953) 7.15 High Anxiety (1977) 9.00 Speed (1994) A speeding bus with only Sandra Bullock at the wheel and Keanu Reeves to foil evil Dennis Hopper.

Imagine the pitch. 11.10 Frailty (2000) 1.05am Kanal (1956)

052_LS312_TV_ Fri

3/8/07

5:17 PM

Page 1

friday 16 Comic Relief: The Big One BBC1, 7pm Set your cynicism aside and reach for the phones as Lenny Henry and Fearne Cotton present an evening of hit‘n’miss comedy for an incredibly good cause.

Stars include Girls Aloud, Russell Brand, and Kate Moss doing a special turn as Vicky Pollard’s sister. At least she won’t need to buy a red nose.

NCIS Five, 9pm Five’s dyslexic-unfriendly American detective show continues to rollick along nicely, providing perfect entertainment for anyone stuck inside on Friday night. This evening a supermodel is murdered during the filming of a naval reality show. There are three suspects, but which one did the deed?

All Mod Cons BBC4, 8.30pm Have your colour charts at the ready for the show that looks at changing fashions in home design over the last 50 years and the emergence of a nation of amateur designers. Tonight, it’s a look at the reaction to Edwardian gloom and the way the government promoted new design to fund the postwar boom.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Beat The Bailiff 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 Live Longer 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Director’s Debut: Baby Boom 2.50 Sarah Parish 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Arthur 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4.30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On CBBC 5.00 Gina’s Laughing Gear 5.30 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.20am Story Makers 6.40 Balamory 7.00 Astro Boy 7.30 Shaun The Sheep 7.45 Fame Academy 8.15 Chucklevision 8.30 Brum 8.40 Tweenies 9.00 Doodle Do 9.20 Lunar Jim 9.30 Something Special 9.45 Numberjacks 10.15 Jackanory 10.30 Razzledazzle 10.50 Words And Pictures 11.00 Starship 11.20 Focus 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.30 Animal Park 2.45 Castle In The Country 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 4.00 Dancing On Ice Exclusive 4.30 Poirot 5.30 Dale’s Supermarket Sweep

6.05am Grabbit The Rabbit 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Friends 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 The Morning Line 9.30 The KNTV Show 10.00 Power To The People 10.30 Engineering At The Cutting Edge 11.00 Preachers To Be 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Will & Grace 1.00 Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Old Bear Stories 6.35 Bird Bath 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 1.35 FILM: What Kind Of Mother Are You? (1996) 3.35 Five News Update 3.40 FILM: Love Comes Softly (2003) 5.30 News

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 LIVE Euro Tour Golf 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Football League Review 11.00 Cricket World Cup 12.00pm Cricket World Cup 1.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 10.00 Soccer AM’s All Sports Show 11.00 Premier League Preview 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Super League 1.30 Premier League Preview 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Soccer AM’s All Sports Show 5.00 Premier League Preview 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather Regional news magazine.

7.00 Comic Relief: The Big One A host of stars get together to raise money for good causes in the Beeb’s regular charity bash. See highlights.

7.30 Inside Out It’s the best time of year for beachcombing, and the show investigates what you can find.

8.00 Comic Relief: The Big One More charidee fun including Lenny Henry and Fearne Cotton presenting music from Girls Aloud v Sugababes plus a very special Mr Bean.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 Comic Relief: The Big One Alan Sugar reveals who’s been sacked from the team of celebrity apprentices. Plus sketches from Catherine Tate, Ricky Gervais as never seen before, and Jonathan Ross and Kate Moss appear in Little Britain Live.

3.05am Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup 2007

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz in which teams from all over the UK battle to beat the formidable Eggheads.

6.30 A Taste Of My Life Actress Vanessa Redgrave reminisces over the food of her youth and the pressures of growing up in within a performing family.

7.00 Lemurs Of Madagascar 7.30 Open Gardens 8.00 A New Year At Kew Alan Titchmarsh narrates a series that goes behind the scenes at the Royal Botanic Gardens in Kew. 8.30 Gardeners’ World It’s the first programme of a new series, and Gardeners’ World is in its 40th year.

9.00 Moira Stuart In Search Of Wilberforce In this personal journey, across three continents, Moira Stuart follows the crusade of a man said to have abolished Britain’s trade in human cargo.

10.00 Top Gear Of The Pops 10.35 Newsnight Coverage of the day’s news stories.

11.05 Newsnight Review Round table arts discussion.

11.40 Cricket World Cup 2007 Manish Bhasin presents action from the ICC Cricket World Cup 2007.

12.40am Star Trek (x2) 2.20 Malcolm In The Middle

6.00 Meridian Tonight Local news.

Including Meridian weather.

6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather The latest national and international news.

7.00 Emmerdale Rural soap shenanigans. Jack tells Diane of his fears that Daz is getting too close to Billy.

7.30 Coronation Street Northern soap action. A tense Tracy lashes out at Deirdre. How far will she go?

8.00 A Touch Of Frost Frost is held at gunpoint by a teenage drugs dealer.

10.00 Florida Beached: Tonight Mike Nicholson investigates trouble in the sunshine state as the show counts the cost of the property crash.

10.30 ITV News; Weather National and international news, plus weather.

Including local news.

11.00 Al Murray’s Happy Hour Spoof chat show. The genial pub landlord opens his doors for the final time this series and extends a welcome to X Factor judge Louis Walsh and model Penny Lancaster.

12.00am ITV Play: Make Your Play ITV’s new interactive game show with nightly cash prizes of up to £50,000.

2.20 F1: Australian Grand Prix 4.20 60 Minute Makeover 5.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Mayor Quimby’s nephew Freddy is falsely accused of assaulting a butler.

6.30 Hollyoaks Tony finally declares his true feelings.

7.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.30 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 7.35 The Insider: Unmarried Parents Scandal Vanessa LloydPlatt argues for a change in the law to afford co-habiting couples the same rights as married ones.

8.00 Ugly Betty Daniel has a sudden change of heart.

9.00 Ugly Betty The day after Thanksgiving is no holiday for Betty.

10.00 Ugly Betty Amanda is after Betty’s job.

11.05 Balls Of Steel The Annoying Devil goes for a ride.

11.50 Muse: Video Exclusive 11.55 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 12.30am 4 Music: The Magic Numbers Cover Story 12.45 4 Music: JD Set 1.00 4 Music: O2 Wireless Festival 2006 T 2.05 4 Music: 4Play: The Rumble Strips 2.20 4 Music: Muse 2.25 World Cup Snowboard 4.15 Life After Death 5.10 Scrappy Races

6.00 Home And Away Leah is stunned when she uncovers Peter’s affair.

6.30 Everybody Hates Chris When Julius and Rochelle decide to have a `date night’, they hire a babysitter to watch the kids.

7.00 Five News National and international news with Helen Fospero.

7.30 Mean Machines Featuring some of the world’s biggest and fastest trucks, including fire-fighting trucks.

8.00 The Dark Side Of Hippos Documentary about the creatures usually seen as fat, jolly vegetarians but which in truth are actually far from it.

9.00 NCIS US ‘tec series.

See highlights.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Detective Goren matches wits and moves with a paranoid but murderous chess grandmaster.

11.00 Size Matters – Celebrities On The Scales This documentary takes a witty look at superstars and their battles with the bulge, the paparazzi and a media industry obsessed with their weight.

12.00am Prison Break Acclaimed US drama. Michael approaches Mahone’s ex-wife and gleans some useful information.

1.00 Quiz Call 5.35 Wildlife SOS

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 High Altitude 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Cricket World Cup 10.00 Guinness Rugby Club 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00pm Euro Tour Golf 3.00 ATP Tennis 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Football League Review 5.00 Premier League Preview 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Soccer AM’s All Sports Show 7.00 Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Football League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Golf Night 2.30 Super League 4.00 Football League 5.30 High Altitude

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE Raw 9.00 High Altitude 9.30 ATP Tennis 10.00 Race World 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics Oz Style 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Football League Review 2.00 High Altitude 2.30 NBA Action 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 Race World 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Football League 2.30 Premier League Preview 3.00 High Altitude 3.30 Gillette World Sport 4.00 Race World 5.00 Watersports World

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living TV

12.00pm The 4400 1.00 Angel 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Jake 2.0 4.00 Stargate SG1 (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x3) 8.30 Crash Test Dummies 9.00 FILM: Gattaca (1997) 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Eye Of The Storm (x2) 1.00 Street Wars 1.50 Uncut!

The Villa

7.00pm Doctor Who Confidential 7.30 Doctor Who 8.15 Doctor Who 9.00 FILM: Fight Club (1999) 11.15 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.15am Family Guy 12.35 Family Guy 1.00 Comedy Specials: Moonmonkeys 1.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

7.00pm Top Of The Pops 8.00 The World 8.30 All Mod Cons. See highlights.

9.00 Celtic Connections 10.00 Hotel 10.30 Folk Hibernia At The BBC. Folk music. 11.30 Folk Hibernia 1.00am Never Mind The Full Stops 1.30 Celtic Connections 2.30 Proms On Four 2006

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 Airline USA 5.45 Judge Judy 7.00 Smallville 8.00 American Idol (x2) 10.30 Haunted Homes 11.30 Coronation Street 12.00am ITV At The Movies 12.30 Test Drive My Girlfriend

5.50pm Due South 6.50 Robin Of Sherwood 8.00 Another Audience With Dame Edna Everage 9.00 Tales Of The Unexpected 9.35 Tales Of The Unexpected 10.10 FILM: Reversal Of Fortune (1990) 12.20am Lovejoy 1.25 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Fallen Curtain

4.30pm Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 Peep Show 10.00 Kidnapped 11.45 Scrubs (x2) 12.40am Smallville: Superman The Early Years 1.30 The War At Home

6.00pm 3 Minute Wonder: Beside The Seaside 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Without A Trace 10.00 The Closer 11.00 Live From Abbey Road 12.05am The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

3.00pm Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model: What The Divas Are Doing Now 7.00 The X Files 8.00 Close To Home 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Criminal Minds

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

3.00pm Open All Hours 3.40 Porridge 4.20 My Family 5.00 The Bill (x2) 7.00 Open All Hours 7.40 Porridge 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 EuroMillions: Boom Bang A Bang 10.30 FILM: Blue Streak (1999) 12.30am The Royle Family

4.00pm King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Celebrity Death Match 10.30 South Park 11.00 South Park 11.30 Comedy Store 12.00am The World Stands Up

5.30pm Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 Everest: Beyond The Limit 9.00 Mythbusters 10.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 11.00 The Executioners 12.00am Mythbusters 1.00 Most Evil 2.00 Forensic Detectives

1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Lightning: Bolts Of Destruction (2003) 5.00 FILM: Tornado Warning (2002) 7.00 FILM: Big (1988) 9.00 FILM: Tron (1982) 11.50 FILM: Weird Science (1985) 12.40am Erotic Misadventures Of The Invisible Man 2.30 Heroes

2.10pm Taken Away (1996) 4.00 The Adventures Of Ragtime (1998) 5.50 Star Wars (1977) 8.00 Red Eye (2005) 9.30 Starship Troopers (1997) 11.45 Crimson Force (2005) 1.20am United States Of Leland (2004) 3.10 Being Julia (2004) 5.00 A Time To Decide (2001)

12.55pm The Tender Trap (1955) 3.00 The Sandpiper (1965) 5.20 No Guts, No Glory: 75 Years Of Blockbusters 6.20 Objective, Burma! (1945) 9.00 The Shining (1980) 11.40 The Outriders (1950) 1.25am I Am A Fugitive From A Chain Gang (1932) 3.00 Teleshopping

12.55pm Miracle On 34th Street (1994) 2.55 Can’t Be Heaven (1998) 4.35 The Sign Of Four (2001) 6.05 US Top 10 6.20 Fat Albert (2004) 8.00 Volcano (1997) 9.45 Four Brothers (2005) 11.40 Bulletproof (1996) 1.15am Painkiller Jane (2005) 2.55 Twin Town (1997)

3.00pm The Wicked Lady (1945) 5.00 Marjorie Morningstar (1958) 7.25 The Animal (2001) 9.00 Birthday Girl (2001). Dark comedy starring Nicole Kidman as a mail-order bride. 10.45 Alien (1979) Classic sci-fi shocker set in deep space. 1.00am Ashes And Diamonds (1958)

053_LS312_TV_Sat

3/8/07

5:34 PM

Page 1

saturday 17 Dancing On Ice: The Final ITV1, 6.30pm After the ITV phone in fiasco this was threatened to be off screen permanently. Sadly, we were not so lucky. So it’s the final, and the three remaining skating partnerships take to the ice and to the air to win the hearts of the voting public and the praise of the judges. And make lots of dosh for ITV.

Born Survivor: Bear Grylls Channel 4, 7.30pm The premise is enticing if somewhat unlikely- parachuting into extreme environments with nought but a bottle of water, a watch and a knife. As a former Special Forces adventurer Bear clearly knows what he's doing and is an engaging presenter, but it only goes to prove the rest of us wouldn't have a chance in hell.

Nip/Tuck Sky1, 11pm Following the playground fight of Branson vs Murdoch many will have found Sky 1 to have mysteriously vanished from their screens. So to those of you still with Sky packages think of us less fortunate ones who will not bear witness to Sean and Julia's faces as they learn Matt's married and expecting a child.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Bill’s Food 12.00pm BBC News; Weather 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Six Nations Rugby 3.20 Six Nations Rugby 5.20 Six Nations Rugby

6.00am Balamory 6.20 Tweenies 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Roar 7.55 Arthur 8.10 Lizzie McGuire 8.30 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 9.00 Hider In The House 10.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 10.30 Time Warp Trio 10.50 Secret Show 11.00 Krypto The Superdog 11.30 The Fairly Odd Parents 11.45 Sportsround 12.00pm See Hear 12.30 Flying Gardener 12.45 Film 2007 1.15 Jane Austen Documentary 1.45 Monk 2.30 FILM: The Majestic (2001) 4.55 Final Score 5.20 Meerkat Manor 5.45 Meerkat Manor 6.10 TOTP 2 Featuring classics from The Proclaimers, Beverly Knight, Thin Lizzy, Style Council, Propaganda, Rachel Sweet, and Dolly Parton with Kenny Rogers.

6.45 Natural World Documentary about a family of swamp cats, extraordinary lions that live in the Okavango river delta in Africa.

7.35 FILM: Emma (1996) Starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Toni Collette, Alan Cumming, Ewan McGregor, Jeremy Northam, Greta Scacchi, Juliet Stevenson, Polly Walker, Sophie Thompson, James Cosmo and Phyllida Law. Pompously successful adaptation of the Jane Austen classic about a privileged young woman’s misguided attempts at matchmaking.

Emma Woodhouse is a pretty and clever woman but, having never been in love herself, is naive about matters of the heart. So when she takes under her wing the rather plain Harriet, her efforts - despite her best intentions - are doomed to failure. If you like Jane Austen then this will delight, otherwise stay well clear.

9.30 Wagner’s Ring: Gotterdammerung From the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden, Michael Portillo introduces the final work of Wagner’s epic Ring cycle, Gotterdammerung - the Twilight of the Gods.

2.30am FILM: Terror 3.55 Close

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.35 Bel’s Boys 9.50 Tricky Quickies 9.55 Art Attack 10.20 Drake And Josh 10.50 Coastal Kitchen 11.20 Saturday Cooks 12.50pm ITV News; Weather 12.55 Meridian News And Weather 1.00 American Idol 3.00 American Idol 3.30 F1: Australian Grand Prix Qualifying 5.00 Meridian News And Weather 5.15 ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5.30 New You’ve Been Framed!

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Goalissimo! 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Friends 9.25 Musicool 10.25 Popworld 11.15 Friends 11.45 Mika: Video Exclusive 11.50 Friends 12.25pm Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12.55 Shipwrecked 2007: Battle Of The Islands 2.00 Channel 4 Racing From Uttoxeter, Wetherby, Newcastle And Lingfield Park 4.10 Let The Music Play: The Barry White Story 5.10 Deal Or No Deal Classic

6.00am Sunrise 6.55 Franklin 7.25 Miss Spider’s 7.35 Peppa Pig 7.45 Sailor Sid 7.50 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Harry (x2) 8.30 Rupert Bear 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Jane & The Dragon 9.30 Don’t Blame The Koalas 10.00 No Girls Allowed 11.00 Xcalibur 11.30 Aliens Among Us 11.45 The Gadget Show 12.40pm FILM: Ride Clear Of Diablo (1954) 2.15 FILM: Baby Bedlam (2000) 3.55 FILM: Flash (1998) 5.45 FILM: Don Quixote (1999)

6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 Premier League Preview 7.00 Soccer AM’s All Sports Show 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.45 LIVE Super League 7.55 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x4) 4.15am Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 6.30 Dancing On Ice: The Final See highlights.

7.50 Primeval When a lion at the local zoo is eaten, Cutter and the team face their most deadly threat yet - a predator with seemingly supernatural powers.

8.50 Dancing On Ice: The Final Skate Off 9.40 The Dame Edna Treatment As with Neighbours, us Brits just can’t get enough of our Aussie offerings.

Hence Dame Edna Everage is back with her brand new chat show, welcoming stressed out superstars and celebrities to her high class and exclusive resort centre for that special Dame Edna Treatment.

10.40 ITV News; Weather 10.55 FILM: Stakeout (1987) Lighthearted thriller about a pair of detectives who are assigned to capture an escaped killer and set about watching the convict’s girlfriend’s house in the hope that he will return to her. The situation is complicated as one of the cops falls in love with the woman when he plants a bug in her apartment while pretending to be a telephone repairman.

1.00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 1.25 Don’t Move, Improve 2.00 F1 Grand Prix 5.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Monarchy With David Starkey Dr David Starkey presents a complete history of the British monarchy down the ages. Here he examines the consequences for Normans and English alike following the Battle of Hastings and the Norman Conquest.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls See highlights.

8.30 Bremner, Bird And Fortune 9.30 FILM: Patriot Games (1992) Taut action thriller in which an ex-CIA agent and his family are targeted by a vengeful Irish terrorist.

11.40 FILM: Donnie Brasco (1997) Starring Al Pacino, Johnny Depp, Michael Madsen, Bruno Kirby, James Russo and Anne Heche. Drama about an ageing hit man who takes a young gangster under his wing - unaware that he is actually an FBI agent. Oops.

2.00am Mika: Video Exclusive Falsetto, sub Freddie Mercury belts it out.

2.05 FILM: Harry, He’s Here To Help (2000) Dark acerbic comedy about a man who inveigles his way into a harassed family’s vacation by suggesting to the husband that they went to school together. Turns out all’s not as it seems. Funny that.

4.10 God Is Green 5.10 Scrappy Races Rally

7.30 Eurovision: Making Your Mind Up Songs are performed by Liz McClarnon, Brian Harvey, Big Brovaz, Scooch, Cyndi, and Hawkins and Brown.What a choice.

8.30 The National Lottery: Saturday Draws 8.40 Casualty Cyd is haunted by the death of a patient and begins to believe the girl’s spirit is warning her about a child in danger.

9.30 Eurovision: Making Your Mind Up Terry Wogan and Fearne Cotton host the culmination of this evening’s show to pick the UK a winner for this year’s Eurovision Song Contest in Helsinki.

10.00 BBC News; Weather 10.25 Match Of The Day Highlights of all of Saturday’s Premiership games, with Manchester United looking for three points at home to Bolton to help them in their title quest, Chelsea taking on Sheffield United at Stamford Bridge, West Ham meeting Blackburn at Ewood Park and Manchester City facing a trip to Middlesbrough.

11.45 Cricket World Cup Highlights 12.45am FILM: Nirvana (1987) 2.20 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

8.25 Five News And Sport 8.40 NCIS A rape and murder case has striking resemblances to one ten years ago when the killer, who was never caught, left a note saying he would be back.

9.30 CSI:NY When a young woman dressed from head-to-toe in blue is found dead in the subway after a rave party, Mac is summoned from a night at the opera to process the scene. That last pill probably wasn’t a good idea then.

10.30 Law And Order A tale of revenge.

11.30 Grey’s Anatomy Brand new medical drama following Meredith Grey and her fellow first year interns as they try to cope with the demands of life both inside and outside the hectic hospital. Derek and Addison’s disagreements become professional when their close friends have a medical crisis.

12.30am Grey’s Anatomy Izzie plans a big Thanksgiving dinner at Meredith’s but it remains to be seen how many guests will actually show up. Meredith treats a patient who has been in a vegetative state for 16 years.

1.30 Quiz Call 5.35 Wildlife SOS

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Euro Tour Golf 9.00 Gillette World Sport 9.30 Spirit Of Yachting: Sardinia Rolex Cup 10.00 Max Power 11.00 Cricket World Cup (x2) 1.00pm LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 11.00 Super League 12.30am Wild Spirits 1.00 Big Fight Special Live 5.00 High Altitude 5.30 Wild Spirits

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Spirit Of Yachting: Sardinia Rolex Cup 7.00 Cricket World Cup 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Racing News 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 Friday Fight Night 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Max Power 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Wild Spirits 8.30 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 Rugby Union: Super 14 4.00 Rugby Union: Super 14

Miranda Glavin

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living TV

11.00am Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 12.00pm Stargate SG-1 (x4) 4.00 Futurama (x7) 8.00 Project Catwalk 9.00 Bones 10.00 24 11.00 Nip/Tuck See highlights 12.00am Sport Uncovered 1.00 Street Wars 1.55 Uncut! Naked In Westminster 2.50 Marc Salem: Out Of His Mind 3.40 Footballers’ Pads

7.00pm Kick Ass In A Crisis 7.30 Top Gear 8.30 The Real Hustle 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 FILM: Fight Club (1999) 11.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.40am Comedy Specials: Be More Ethnic 1.10 The Real Hustle 1.40 Kick Ass In A Crisis 2.10 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm Celtic Connections 8.00 1997: The Year In Chat 9.00 1997: The Year On TV 10.00 FILM: Aaltra (2004) 11.30 The Great Hunger: The Life And Songs Of Shane MacGowan 12.30am Folk Hibernia 2.00 Celtic Connections 3.00 1997: The Year In Chat 4.00 Close

5.05pm Smallville (x2) 7.05 Australian Princess 8.05 Dancing On Ice: Defrosted 8.50 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 9.25 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.55 Dancing On Ice: Defrosted Results 10.25 FILM: Richie Rich (1994) 12.20am Dancing On Ice: The Final 1.40 Dancing On Ice: The Final Skate Off

12.05pm Is It Legal? 12.35 Jeeves And Wooster (x2) 2.50 Rising Damp 3.20 FILM: What About Bob? (1991) 5.15 Primeval ...

Behind The Scenes 6.20 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Front Seat 7.25 Goodnight Sweetheart 8.00 Kavanagh QC 9.40 Taggart 12.25am Inspector Wexford: Road Rage

2.30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 5.55 The Simple Life: Interns 6.25 Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 6.55 Shipwrecked 2007: Battle Of The Islands 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00am Ricky Gervais: Politics

12.55pm Grand Designs Revisited (x4) 5.15 Grand Designs Abroad 6.25 Snowmail 6.30 FILM: The Silent Enemy (1958) 8.30 Time Team Special 9.35 Time Team Special: Pugin The God Of Gothic 10.35 The Great Global Warming Swindle 12.15am GBH 1.15 Close

12.00pm The Amazing Race 1.00 The Bachelor USA 2.00 Will & Grace (x2) 3.00 Charmed (x4) 7.00 Will & Grace (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 Most Haunted 10.00 Outrageous Fortune 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Most Haunted 1.00 Outrageous Fortune

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

1.20pm Columbo 3.00 Dinnerladies 3.40 Only Fools And Horses 4.20 My Family 5.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 5.40 Keeping Up Appearances (x2) 7.00 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 8.20 The Vicar Of Dibley 9.00 Jonathan Creek (x2) 11.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme 12.00am The Office

2.00pm Frasier (x2) 3.00 Becker (x2) 4.00 Frasier (x2) 5.00 Becker (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 8.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Jason Byrne: Out Of The Box 11.10 The World Stands Up 11.40 Stop You’re Killing Me 12.55am Badly Dubbed Porn

12.00pm The 50 Stone Man 1.00 Salvage Squad (x3) 4.00 Mythbusters 5.00 The Worst Jobs In History 6.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 American Chopper Special 9.00 Big Machines 10.00 My Shocking Story 11.00 The FBI Files 12.00am Mythbusters 1.00 Unsolved History

5.10pm FILM: The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension (1984) 7.10 FILM: Spaceballs (1987) 9.00 FILM: Weird Science (1985) 10.50 Heroes 11.50 Erotic Misadventures Of The Invisible Man 1.45am FILM: Omen III: The Final Conflict (1981) 4.00 The Outer Limits (x2)

1.00pm The Secret Of NIMH (1982) 2.25 The Clinic (2004) 4.00 Gold Diggers: The Secret Of Bear Mountain (1995) 5.40 Dreamer (2005) 7.30 Sky Movies News 8.00 Two For The Money (2005) 10.10 Sin City (2005) 12.20am Two For The Money (2005) 2.30 Swimming Upstream (2003)

12.55pm The Philadelphia Story (1940) 3.00 Mogambo (1953) 5.10 The Maltese Falcon (1941) 7.00 Directed

By John Ford 9.00 How The West Was Won (1962) 11.45 Children Of The Damned (1964) 1.25am The Subterraneans (1960) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Green Dolphin Street (1947)

12.05pm Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005) 2.05 Fantastic Four (2005) 4.00 The Prince And Me (2004) 6.00 Jungle 2 Jungle (1997) 8.00 Fantastic Four (2005) 10.00 Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005) 11.55 Clueless (1995) 1.35am Excess Baggage (1997) Silverstone post Clueless,

3.00pm The Guinea Pig (1948) 4.50 Blithe Spirit (1945) 6.50 The Land Girls (1998) 9.00 Just Married (2003) And soon to divorce, 10.45 Ghosts Of Mars (2001) Uterally ridiculous but somehow compelling John Carpenter nonsense.

12.35am Kontroll (2003) 3.00 Close

054_LS312_TV_Sun

3/8/07

6:21 PM

Page 1

sunday 18 Diving With Whales BBC2, 6.40pm World champion freediver Tanya Streeter plunges into the greatest whale-watching spectacle on the planet. For only a few weeks each year, humpbacks migrate to a remote corner of the Caribbean to flirt, fight and give birth. Tanya can hold her breath for over six minutes, but diving with whales is obviously not without its risks.

Extras BBC1, 10.20pm It’s great when ‘the establishment’ proves it has a sense of humour. Background artist Andy Millman has finally got his big break. He’s trying to make a classy sitcom that will stand the test of time, but the BBC have different ideas - they’re more interested in silly wigs and chasing ratings. Spot on.

Freaky Eaters: Addicted To Chocolate BBC3, 7pm Geordie lass Rachel has a deep, dark secret - she binge-eats on chocolates. Awash with shame she consults a nutritionist and a psychological coach who help her get it out in the open. Will they cure her in four weeks? Or will the chocolate dig its heels in? Well at least it's not crystal meth.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 Sunday AM 10.00 Heaven And Earth With Gloria Hunniford 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash In The Attic 2.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 2.25 Keeping Up Appearances 2.55 EastEnders 4.25 Lifeline 4.35 When Love Comes To Town 5.05 Songs Of Praise 5.45 BBC News; Regional News; Weather

6.00am Balamory 6.20 Tweenies 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 The Batman 7.30 Smile 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 A Taste Of My Life 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 FILM: Cinderella (1997) 2.25 FILM: The Thirty-Nine Steps (1978) 4.05 FILM: The Enemy Below (1957) 5.40 Masterchef Goes Large

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 9.35 Feodor 9.45 Curious George 9.55 Pocoyo 10.05 Jim Jam And Sunny 10.20 Jim Jam And Sunny 10.30 The Championship 11.30 The Sunday Edition With Andrew Rawnsley And Andrea Catherwood 12.25pm Meridian News And Weather 12.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.00 Dancing On Ice: The Final 2.20 Dancing On Ice: The Final Skate Off 3.10 Primeval 4.10 F1 Grand Prix

6.10am The Hoobs 6.30 Trans World Sport 7.30 Velux 5 Oceans 8.00 World Cup Skiing 8.55 Popworld 9.45 Hollyoaks 12.15pm Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12.45 Musicool 1.50 Beauty And The Geek 2.55 Beauty And The Geek 3.55 The OC 4.55 Deal Or No Deal 5.45 Time Team

6.00am Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.00 Jimmy Hill’s Sunday Supplement 10.00 Goals On Sunday 11.30 LIVE Football League 1.30pm Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 Football League Review 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Football League Review 1.00 Spanish Football 3.00 Close

6.30 Meridian News And Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Val is furious.

7.30 Coronation Street Tension grows between the Platts and their new neighbours.

8.00 Wild At Heart Du Plessis regains consciousness and returns home. Danny is plagued by nightmares of the lion attack. Sarah fears that he’s suffering a breakdown and considers their future at Leopard’s Den. But Danny proves that he’s still a wildlife vet on a game capture and finally conquers his demons. Du Plessis plucks up courage and asks Caroline to marry him.

9.00 Mansfield Park More Jane Austen this time an adaptation of the novel considered her worst. For die hard Austen fans only and masochists.

11.00 ITV News; Weather 11.15 F1: Australian Grand Prix Highlights Steve Rider presents action from the Albert Park circuit in Melbourne - the first Grand Prix of the season.

12.15am The Moral Of The Story 12.40 ITV Play: Glitterball 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.40 Shipwrecked 2007: Battle Of The Islands The motley crew of chav rich youngsters continue to size each other up.

7.40 Channel 4 News 8.00 100 Greatest Stand-Ups A countdown of the British public’s favourite live comedians, featuring archive performances and interviews with performers, colleagues, writers, comedy club owners, directors and agents.

12.00am Live From Abbey Road With appearances from Ray LaMontagne, The Zutons, the excellent Sean Colvin and Nerina Pallot.

1.05 Shockwaves NME Awards 2007 Presented by the lovely Lauren Laverne, and with backstage interviews from Alex Zane. Expect swearing, bloodshed and the occasional musical moment.

2.40 FILM: Holy Matrimony (1994) Fish-out-of-water comedy drama set in an Amish-like community. After a robbery, a young couple are pursued by the authorities and find sanctuary in the isolated religious community where the young man grew up. When he is killed, the young woman finds that the community’s laws demand that she must marry her dead husband’s brother, who in this case happens to be twelve years old. Eh? 4.15 Wild Things 5.00 Scrappy Races Rally

6.00am Tickle 6.25 Old Bear Stories 6.35 Sailor Sid 6.45 Bird Bath 6.55 Franklin 7.20 Miss Spider’s 7.30 Bottle Top Bill 7.45 Noddy 8.00 Harry (x2) 8.30 Rupert Bear (x2) 9.00 Jane & The Dragon 9.30 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 10.00 Round The Twist 10.30 A Different Life 11.00 Billie11.30 RAD: The Groms Tour The Baltics 12.00pm Rooted 12.35 Divine Designs 1.05 Built For The Kill 1.35 FILM: The Devil’s Brigade (1968) 4.05 FILM: Ghost Dad (1990) 5.35 Five News And Sport 5.45 FILM: Bicentennial Man (1999) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy Meredith is mortified when her one night stand shows up at the hospital suffering from a priapism. Well she is one hot lady.

9.00 Grey’s Anatomy Cristina has little sympathy for prison inmate, Constance (special guest star Rosanna Arquette), who jeopardises her own health in order to escape solitary confinement.

10.00 FILM: Not Another Teen Movie (2001) AKA an all too easy opportunity to make a quick buck.

Starring Chyler Leigh, Chris Evans, Jaime Pressly, Eric Olsen and Mia Kirshner. Comedy spoof of teen high school movies from the last 20 years, in which a dim sportsman vows to transform an ugly girl into the prom queen. Parodied films include She’s All That, The Breakfast Club, Risky Business and American Pie. 11.40 World’s Wildest Police Videos Including a ten-year-old boy who steals a car and the women who break through a liquor store window to steal bottles of alcohol.

12.40am Sunshine Tour Golf 1.30 Sunshine Tour Golf The Sunshine Tour moves on to the Caribbean.

2.20 Rolex Grand Am 3.10 Motorsport Mundial 3.35 Football Argentina 4.30 Dutch Football

6.10 Antiques Roadshow Michael comes Sussex way to Wakehurst Place for some evaluations.

7.00 Rough Diamond Drama series set in the horseracing world of rural southern Ireland. Moira’s in danger of bankruptcy, but Aidan has a plan.

8.00 Casualty 8.50 Comic Relief 9.00 Castaway A group of Brits are taken as far away as it’s possible to go from their lives in the UK, as they learn to survive on an island off the New Zealand coast. Danny Wallace meets the castaways and reviews their week on the island.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News 10.20 Extras See highlights.

10.50 3lbs A soldier wounded in Iraq suffers a stroke, which leads to paralysis in his left arm. Even worse, the man believes the arm doesn’t belong to him, but rather to a fellow soldier who died.

11.30 Cricket World Cup Highlights 12.30am FILM: Dead Heat (2002) Action drama about a 35-year-old retired cop who is persuaded to buy a racehorse by his half-brother. Then almost inevitably the mafia get involved.

2.10 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 3.00 Bill’s Food 3.25 Gene Detectives 4.10 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

6.40 Diving With Whales See highlights.

7.10 Meerkat Manor 7.35 Meerkat Manor 8.00 Jeremy Clarkson: Greatest Raid Of All Time Jeremy Clarkson tells the story of what has been called ‘the original Mission Impossible’ - the audacious commando raid on the German occupied dry dock at St Nazaire in France on March 28th 1942.

9.00 The Trap - What Happened To Our Dreams Of Freedom Telling the story of how in the 1990s politicians from both right and left tried to apply an idea of freedom modelled on the freedom of the market. Behind it was a scientific model of people as rational, calculating beings whose behaviour could be predicted by numbers. Surprisingly it didn’t work.

10.00 Kombat Opera Presents Manorama Special is presented by David Andies (Hugh Dennis), reporting from a Friday night out in Nottingham.

10.30 Match Of The Day 2 11.30 Graham Norton Uncut Is back.

12.15am Rugby Rugby action.

12.40 Dragons’ Den 1.40 Family Guy 2.05 Family Guy 2.25 FILM: Persecution (1974) Spooky feline goings on.

4.00 Close

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Euro Tour Golf 9.00 Big Fight Special 11.00 Cricket World Cup (x2) 1.00pm LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 10.00 Big Fight Special 12.00am Golf Night 2.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Cricket World Cup (x2) 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Heat 11.00 Seamaster Sailing 11.30 Big Fight Special 1.30pm LIVE Rugby Union (x2) 6.00 Gillette World Sport 6.30 WWE Experience 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.00 WWE Heat 12.00am US Superbikes Championship 1.00 Seamaster Sailing 1.30 Rugby Union 2.30 Close

Miranda Glavin

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living TV

12.00pm Robot Wars Extreme 1.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation (x2) 3.00 Stargate Atlantis 4.00 Project Catwalk 5.00 The Simpsons (x6) 8.00 Dream Team 9.00 24 10.00 Lost 11.00 Rescue Me 12.00am The Dresden Files 1.00 Battlestar Galactica 1.50 Uncut! Best Unseen Ads (x2) 2.40 Best Of Angel

7.00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted To Chocolate. See highlights. 8.00 FILM: The Recruit (2003) 9.50 BBC3 Outtakes 2006 10.00 Castaway Exposed 11.00 Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 11.45 Two Pints Of Lager (x2) 12.45am Castaway Exposed 1.40 Torchwood 2.30 Two Pints Of Lager (x2)

7.00pm The Cinema Show: Rock & Roll Camera - The Great British Pop Movie 8.00 Under Night Streets 8.20 Underground Ernie 8.35 Doctor Who 9.00 Underground: Arena 10.00 Design Classics 10.25 Metro-land 11.15 40 Minutes 11.55 Underground: Arena 12.55am Are We Having Fun Yet?

10.10am Harry Hill’s TV Burp 10.40 Smallville 11.40 Emmerdale Omnibus 2.25pm FILM: Richie Rich (1994) 4.05 Coronation Street Omnibus 6.30 American Idol (x2) 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 FILM: Gone In 60 Seconds (2000) 12.15am Coronation Street 12.45 Test Drive My Girlfriend 1.15 ITV Play

2.00pm Film File 2.10 Cagney And Lacey 4.10 Primeval ... Behind The Scenes 5.15 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 5.20 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 6.30 Wild At Heart... Behind The Scenes 7.30 The Jewel In The Crown (x2) 9.50 FILM: Out Of Africa (1985) 12.50am The Vice 1.50 A Woman’s Guide To Adultery

8.00am E4 Music’s A List 9.00 Our Showbiz Mates 10.00 Who Is The New? 2.05pm Popworld 2.55 Playing It Straight 4.00 Friends (x2) 5.00 Switched Up! 6.00 The OC 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 ER 10.00 Desperate Housewives 11.00 Skins 12.00am My Name Is Earl 12.30 Playing It Straight

9.00am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 1.00pm Codex 2.05 Time Team 3.05 The 100 Greatest War Films 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Bremner, Bird And Fortune 8.00 The West Wing 9.00 Secret Millionaire 10.00 Bodyshock: The Boy Who Gave Birth To His Twin 11.05 Father Ted (x2) 12.10am Les Dawson’s Lost Diaries

1.00pm The Bachelor USA 2.00 Dharma And Greg (x2) 3.00 FILM: Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003) 5.00 Will & Grace (x2) 6.00 Top Chef 7.00 The Real Extras 8.00 Get A Life 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Most Haunted 1.00 The Real Extras

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

12.35pm Only Fools And Horses 1.40 Open All Hours 2.20 Open All Hours 3.00 Porridge (x2) 4.20 Only Fools And Horses 5.05 FILM: Carry On Jack (1963) 6.55 The Story Of Only Fools And Horses (x2) 9.00 Dalziel And Pascoe 10.55 The Story Of Only Fools And Horses 12.20am Gimme Gimme Gimme (x3)

12.00pm Frasier (x2) 1.00 Becker (x2) 2.00 Frasier (x2) 3.00 Becker (x2) 4.00 Frasier (x2) 5.00 Becker (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Ed Byrne: Pedantic And Whimsical 11.15 The World Stands Up 11.45 Ardal O’Hanlon Live 1.05am Badly Dubbed Porn

1.00pm World’s Deadliest Season (x3) 4.00 The Exodus Decoded 6.00 King Tut’s Mystery Tomb Opened 7.00 Engineering The World’s Rally 8.00 Campervan Crisis 8.30 Beetle Crisis 9.00 Deadliest Catch 10.00 Everest: Beyond The Limit 11.00 Mythbusters (x2) 1.00am Brinks-Mat: The Greatest Heist

12.30pm FILM: Ground Zero (2000) 2.20 FILM: The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension (1984) 4.20 FILM: Spaceballs (1987) 6.10 FILM: Tron (1982) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 Medium 10.00 Heroes 11.00 FILM: Omen III: The Final Conflict (1981) 1.10am FILM: Night Of The Comet (1984)

10.55am House Arrest (1996) 12.50pm Judas (2004) 2.25 Shark Tale (2004) 4.00 Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005) 5.55 House Arrest (1996) 8.00 The Longest Yard (2005) 10.00 A History Of Violence (2005) 11.40 Obsessed (2002) 1.15am Running Cool (1993) 3.05 The Price Of Love (1995) 4.40 Kid Cop (1996)

7.25am The Prodigal (1955) 9.20 My Favourite Year (1982) 11.00 They Were Expendable (1945) 1.25pm Vengeance Valley (1951) 3.00 The Wings Of Eagles (1957) 5.00 Never So Few (1959) 7.20 Viva Las Vegas (1964) 9.00 The Searchers (1956) 11.10 Directed By John Ford 1.25am Demon Seed (1977)

12.20pm Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement (2004) 2.20 Vice Versa (1988) 4.00 March Of The Penguins (2005) 5.30 Sky Movies Special 5.50 Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement (2004) 8.00 The Ice Storm (1997) 10.00 Constantine (2005) 12.00am Alexander (2004) 2.55 Jade (1995)

3.00pm The Maverick Queen (1956) 4.45 Storm Over The Nile (1955) 6.50 The Pink Panther (1963) 9.00 Dogma (1999) 11.25 Very Bad Things (1998) You know how it is; one teeny murder and things suddenly spiral out of control.1.20am The Sugarland Express (1974) 3.40 Close

055_LS312_TV_Mon

3/8/07

6:26 PM

Page 1

monday 19 Dispatches: When Did You Last Beat Your Wife?

Channel 4, 8pm How effective is the current government policy and funding set aside to tackle domestic violence? Since it remains the biggest killer of women under 44 in the UK, clearly not enough.

Here they try out innovative video footage which police hope will help secure more convictions.

Last Flight To Kuwait BBC2, 11.20pm A nightmare plane ride if ever there was one. On 1st August 1990 a British Airways jumbo jet destined for the Far East landed at Kuwait City. Instead of a quick stop over as the plane landed, Saddam’s forces invaded Kuwait, holding the plane and taking the crew and passengers hostage. But why did the plane fly into danger?

Abi Titmuss: A Modern Day Morality Tale E4, 11.10pm A how to for all aspiring WAGS, page three girls and general low talent fame seekers. Abi Titmuss, went from poorly-paid hospital nurse to millionaire tabloid mainstay in just two years and you can too with the help of peroxide, plastic and a laissez faire attitude to keeping your legs and mouth shut.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Maya And Miguel 3.45 The Likeaballs 4.00 Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4.30 The Slammer 5.00 Best Of Friends: Sports Relief Special 5.30 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Story Makers 6.35 Balamory 7.00 Astro Boy 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Even Stevens 7.50 Batfink 8.00 Cramp Twins 8.15 ChuckleVision 8.30 Come Outside 8.45 Underground Ernie 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.15 Higgledy House 9.30 Big Cook 9.50 Doodle Do 10.10 Bill & Ben 10.20 Charlie & Lola 10.30 Watch 10.45 Words & Pictures 11.00 Maths Challenge (x2) 11.30 Shakespeare: The Animated Tales 12.00pm Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 What? 1.15 Something Special 1.30 Animal Park 2.15 Escape 3.15 Sudo-Q 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 3.00 Daily Cooks 4.00 Poirot 5.00 Soapstar Superchef

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Friends 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Just Shoot Me 9.00 Frasier 9.30 My Crazy Life 10.00 That’ll Teach ‘Em 11.00 How To Dump Your Mates 11.30 Don’t Make Me Angry 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 FILM: Saboteur (1942) 2.25 A Place In The Sun 3.30 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Football League Review 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Cricket World Cup (x2) 10.00 Football League Review 11.00 Cricket World Cup (x2) 1.00pm LIVE Cricket: World Cup (x2) 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 12.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Speedway: Elite League 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 You’re On Sky Sports 5.30 Close

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 Mission Africa Fifteen trainees attempt to build a game reserve in Kenya in six weeks.

7.30 Holiday 2007 Laurence is in Bangkok for a celebration of all things Far Eastern.

8.00 EastEnders Honey finds out some shocking news.

8.30 Panorama Stella Moore’s daughter Tania was brutally murdered by the man who stalked her relentlessly for 14 months, the police failing to act.

9.00 Whistleblower 10.00 BBC News; Regional News 10.35 Sleep Clinic The team treat snorer and sleep apnoeac David, who stops breathing 40 times an hour and whose his wife sleeps in a separate room because of his snores.

11.05 Cricket World Cup Highlights 12.05am FILM: Mr Majestyk (1974) Fast-paced action thriller about a Vietnam veteran, now a melon farmer, who incurs the wrath of the local Mob when he foils a jailbreak attempt by one of their men.

1.50 Sign Zone: Does Africa Need Ade... Edmondson?

2.30 Sign Zone: Top Gear 3.30 Gene Detectives 4.15 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

6.00 Eggheads 6.30 A Taste Of My Life Actress Julia Sawalha talks about her earliest childhood memories of food and The Press Gang.

7.00 The Trees That Made Britain How trees have been central to Britain’s political, artistic and economic life.

7.30 The Nation On Film 8.00 University Challenge 8.30 Return To Lullingstone Castle Documentary chronicling the ongoing struggle of Tom Hart Dyke and his parents Guy and Sarah, as they attempt to secure the future of their 700-year-old family home.

9.00 Anatomy Of A Crime 10.00 Ideal 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Last Flight To Kuwait See Highlights.

12.50am Tribes Of The Amazon Documentary which takes a journey deep into the Amazon to investigate the future for the hundreds of tribes still living in the rainforest.

1.20 Joins BBC News 24 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel: Deutsch Plus 17-20 Beginners’ 3.00 BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel: Deutsch Plus 2 4.00 BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel: Make German Your Business 1 And 2

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Border Wars: Tonight Home Office whistle-blower Steve Moxon believes Britain is buckling under the burden of mass migration, while former Labour MP Oona King claims the foreign influx is keeping the country afloat.

8.30 Coronation Street 9.00 Mobile A gangster is shot dead while talking on his mobile, then two phone masts are blown up – is there a connection? Police start receiving disturbing messages to the effect that mobile phones are the instruments of Beelzebub and anyone using one is a legitimate target. But who’s behind the series of brutal and spectacular crimes and why? Could it be Eddie Doig? He blames his job as a mobile phone engineer at Corsoncom for causing his brain tumour and now he wants someone to pay. I told you so Vodafone.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 The Dame Edna Treatment 12.00am UEFA Champions League 12.30 ITV Play: Glitterball 4.05 ITV At Reading 2005 Iron Maiden, Queens of the Stone Age, Graham Coxon, and Dropkick Murphys. I was there, it was good.

5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Old Bear Stories 6.35 Bird Bath 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.30 Little Princess 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Funky Valley 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 1.35 FILM: Perry Mason: The Case Of The Sinister Spirit (1987) 3.40 Five News Update 3.45 FILM: Jane Doe: Till Death Do Us Part (2005) 5.30 Five News 6.00 Home And Away 6.30 Everybody Hates Chris While Julius and Rochelle go shopping for a new TV, Chris has to take his warring siblings to the laundromat.

7.00 Five News 7.15 The Gadget Show 8.00 The Perfect Disaster: Super Tornado A documentary series in which expert scientific testimony and stunning CGI visuals combine to create the most realistic perfect storms imaginable.

9.00 Ten Kids And Counting Documentary about families with ten or more children. Among the stories featured are that of 25-year-old Kelly, who has six children with her partner Aubrey and also cares for his seven children from his previous marriage.

10.00 Prison Break Lincoln and LJ are liberated by some mysterious rescuers.

11.00 FILM: Species II (1998) After becoming the first person on Mars, astronaut Patrick Ross is infected with spores of alien DNA, resulting in a dangerously inflamed libido and an outbreak of alien offspring.

12.40am USPGA Golf 1.30 NASCAR Nextel Cup 2.20 French Football 3.10 Now Is The Time: Night Of Combat – Kick Boxing 4.00 Boxing: Fight Of The Week 5.10 Ironman South Africa

6.00 The Simpsons When Grampa Simpson and Mr Burns fall in love with the same woman, Bart steps in to help out his grandfather.

6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: City Of Cranes Series of short films taking a look at the constantly evolving state of London’s skyline.

8.00 Dispatches: When Did You Last Beat Your Wife? See Highlights.

9.00 Animal Farm Olivia Judson and Giles Coren present a look behind the headlines at the rapid advances being made in the scientific world, from genetic modification to cloning.

10.00 ER 11.05 The Sopranos In Tony’s absence, AJ becomes increasingly difficult for Carmela to control.

12.15am 4 Music: Live From Abbey Road Craaaaiiiiig David.

1.20 World Cup Skiing 3.10 Postmodern Pastimes 3.25 The Insider: Unmarried Parents 3.50 3 Minute Wonder: War Torn 4.00 Lisa Looks Back 4.15 When The Romans Came To Wales 4.30 All Change 4.50 Number Crew 5.00 Animated World Faiths 5.15 Just Write 5.30 Puzzle Maths 5.45 More Adventures

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 High Altitude 8.00 Ford Football Special 9.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 10.00 Golf Night 12.30pm Ford Football Special 2.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Football League Review 6.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.30 LIVE Speedway: Elite League 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing 11.00 Fishing: Carpfest 2006 12.00am World Motor Sport 2.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Tennis: ATP Masters 10.00 US Superbikes Championship 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics Oz Style 12.00pm Tennis: ATP Masters 2.00 High Altitude 2.30 Golf Night 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Seamaster Sailing 7.30 World Motor Sport 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Late Night Raw 3.15 Close

Miranda Glavin

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living TV

12.00pm The 4400 1.00 Angel 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Jake 2.0 4.00 Stargate SG1 (x2) 6.00 Stargate Atlantis 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 The Real Shilpa Shetty 10.00 The Final 24 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Inside Britain’s Fattest Man 1.00 Uncut! Naked In Westminster 1.50 Uncut!

The Villa

7.00pm Castaway 8.00 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 8.30 Help! My Dog’s As Fat As Me 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 Tittybangbang2 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Rush Hour 11.00 Jonathan Ross’s Japanorama 11.30 American Dad (x2) 12.15am Castaway: The Last 24 Hours

7.00pm The Extraordinary Equiano 8.00 The World 8.30 Wainwright’s Walks 9.00 Tales From The Front Room 10.00 Tight Spot: The Lift 10.30 Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy 11.15 Wainwright’s Walks 11.45 Tales From The Front Room 12.45am Are We Having Fun Yet? 1.45 Wainwright’s Walks

4.30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 Airline USA 5.45 Judge Judy 6.40 Movies Now 6.50 Dancing On Ice: The Final 8.10 Dancing On Ice: The Final Skate Off 9.00 FILM: Gone In 60 Seconds (2000) 11.15 Haunted Homes 12.15am Coronation Street (x2) 1.15 FILM: Election (1999) 3.00 ITV Play: Glitterball

12.25pm Robin Of Sherwood 1.35 Lovejoy 2.40 Is It Legal? 3.15 Home To Roost 3.50 Film File 4.00 Cagney And Lacey 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Due South 7.00 Robin Of Sherwood 8.00 Rising Damp (x2) 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Rose And Maloney 11.00 Bad Girls 12.05am Lovejoy

4.30pm Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Boys On The Side (1995) 11.10 Abi Titmuss: A Modern Day Morality Tale 12.15am Scrubs 12.50 Scrubs 1.15 Smallville: Superman The Early Years

4.00pm FILM: Lost (1955) 5.45 3 Minute Wonder: Second Lives (x4) 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 The Last Days Of The Raj 11.40 NYPD Blue 12.35am The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Will & Grace (x2) 2.00 Mad About You (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 Top Chef 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am The X Files 1.00 America’s Next Top Model

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

2.20pm The Good Life 3.00 My Family 3.40 Porridge 4.20 Dinnerladies 5.00 The Bill 6.00 The Bill 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 Porridge 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 The Office 11.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.20am The Office

4.00pm King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 10.35 South Park 11.05 South Park 11.35 The World Stands Up 12.05am The World Stands Up

4.00pm The Garage 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Everest: Beyond The Limit 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 American Chopper 10.00 Engineering The World’s Rally 11.00 Salvage Squad 12.00am Mythbusters

1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Inferno (2001) 5.05 FILM: Ground Zero (2000) 7.00 V 9.00 Medium 10.00 Heroes 11.00 FILM: Entrapment (1999) 1.10am FILM: Judgement Day (1999) 3.00 Scariest Places On Earth 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World

12.55pm Falsely Accused (1993) 2.30 Driven To Succeed (2003) 4.00 Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride (2005) 5.30 Michael (1996) 7.30 Sky Movies News 8.00 The Empire Strikes Back (1980) 10.10 Hitch (2005) 12.15am Monster-in-Law (2005) 2.00 Locusts (2005) 3.35 Being Julia (2004)

1.00pm Lady L (1965) 3.00 Goodbye Mr Chips (1939) 5.10 Raintree County (1957) 8.25 Offset: Michael Caine 9.00 The Shooting Party (1984) 10.55 Operation Crossbow (1965) 1.05am Period Of Adjustment (1962) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Seven Hills Of Rome (1958)

11.55am Christmas With The Kranks (2004) 1.40pm Magical Legend Of The Leprechauns (1999) 4.40 Lenny The Wonder Dog (2004) 6.20 Force Of Impact (2005) 8.00 Walk The Line (2005) 10.20 Hotel Rwanda (2004) 12.25am My Cousin Vinny (1992) 2.30 I Heart Huckabees (2004) 4.20 Force Of Impact (2005)

3.00pm The Iron Petticoat (1956) 4.55 Julia (1977) 7.15 High Anxiety (1977) 9.00 Collateral (2004) 11.15 Thief (1981) 1.40am 8 Women (2002) 4.00 Close