Latest 7 Issue 314: 27 March - 2 April 2007

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3/23/07

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www.latest7.co.uk

latest

Cars The weekly listings and TV guide 27 March–2 April 2007 FREE

just the ticket make dates with the brighton festival our friend electra sweet talking with carmen

£22,990

£17,990 from tempest4cars see page 6

latest

masters of suspenders let’s do the time warp again

heavyweight bar bows out new contender to take over from Sumo

jobs highly paid professional positions stylist bliss see page 47

business telemarketers the telemarketing company see page 47

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latest 7 7 Cars

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11 Creative

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explosion

21 Food

The new Fiat Bravo demands an encore

8 Social diary

Country charm at Ockenden Manor

Hold on to your headgear – the festival frenzy is drawing near

22 Latest hot list

The Golden Handbag Show, reading Rebecca and AMetrlS in Brighton

Our top restaurants, cafés and bars

23 Recipe 9 What Katie says

A pasta dish from the all-new Food Bible

Reflecting on a binge-drinking Britain

24 Cinema 10 Eminemmylou

Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy on new film Old Joy

The Get Lost team’s poet hero

26 Music 10 Dani’s diary

The Great Escape and latest news

Current issues weighing on her mind

28 Foxy Mamma Malone 10 Backlash

Dating with a baby in tow isn’t easy

Never underestimate a quiet night in

28 Brighton Music Network 11 In depth

Behind the scenes of the music industry

Carmen Electra talks Playboy, panties and her new film I Want Candy

29 Nightlife Upcoming club nights and late bars

12 Celebcity Breakfast with Kylie and Jimmy Carr to host the Latest Festival Awards

13 Competitions

30 Gay The Official Gay Wedding Show

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31 Theatre

Bumper giveaway of books and DVDs

13 Crossword

The Rocky Horror Show and more

32 Brighton Festival

Test your knowledge in cryptic or quick

15 Cover feature

A preview of the festivities set for May

35 Events and kids

Brighton’s heavyweight bar Sumo opens its doors for the last time

Approaching events for Easter time

36 Art 16 Bare cheek

Sussex scenes at Crane Kalman

Spiritual matters with Reverend Hopkins

37 Latest listings 16 Stars

The hottest tickets for the week ahead

The moon’s in the stars this week

38 Reviews 17 Stand-up comedy

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Dance, music and Comic Relief

The art of a winning performance

39 Day-by-day listings guide 17 Marc the vet

Our complete guide to local events

Stray stories and the house cat

45 Venue directory 18 Fashion

Where to find local venues

How to update your look on a budget

46 Latest jobs 19 Health

Top positions with leading companies

Tips to cope when the pressure is on

48 Latest TV 20 Advertising feature Brighton pubs go Dutch for Grolsch

Complete television listings guide, must-see TV movies and Dani on TV

01273 818150 Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Finance Manager Sharon Caple Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Advertising Manager Kate Knight Website Manager Paul Burgess

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Production Assistant Zara Friend

Staff Writers Matt Chittock Craig Driver Katie Glass Miranda Glavin

Chief Sub-editor Wendy McAngus Senior Sub-editor Philippa Smith Sub-editors Ashley Bird Danny Bowman Hayley Carmichael Joe Curtin Billy Imrie Colette Meacher Designers Anand Day Peter Knight Jamie Powell Steve Sawyer

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Advertising Sales Rhoda Barker Emma Burton Administration Heather Holland Claire Peerless Stefan Reszczynski Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk

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You can start to feel it in the air.

No, not snow, not even spring. It’s altogether a more feverish feeling – yes it’s festival time approaching.

During May, Brighton turns into the Barcelona of Britain with festival goers, festival players and venues across the city charging the streets with creativity. And the lead up to May is just as exciting as the organisations take place.

We here at Latest have partnered with the following good people to bring you a variety of events.

We are the official media sponsor of the new venue Udderbelly, the big upside down cow about to graze at the Old Steine – look out for its distinctive purple hue and great events each night between 4 and 28 May. You can book tickets now on 01273 709709, and check out our unique Udderbelly coverage each week in Latest 7 plus the special Udderbelly brochure about to hit the streets very soon.

Now for the science bit. Three weeks, 240 venues, 560 events, 3199 start times – yes it’s the number one fringe, the Brighton Fringe 2007 running from 5 May until 28 May. This year the Brighton Fringe launched in its usual fantastic style at the Old Ship Hotel, with five rooms of entertainment from bands to theatre and Brighton’s top DJs. Over 1000 people attended the exclusive party including VIPs, press, venues, sponsors and, of course, the performers and artists. Each year the Brighton Fringe manages to smash the last, in size, success and profile.

Now with major sponsorship from Magners and playing host to the new venue (Udderbelly – said upside-down purple cow on the Old Steine), this year it is sure to knock the socks off all others and with a record number of events there is going to be something for everyone.

This May you could well find yourself extremely popular as everyone you know will want to be invited to the city! So pick up your brochure and check out the new-look website and book your tickets for the largest Arts Festival in England and get involved in your Fringe! Tickets are now on sale via the website www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk and at the Brighton Dome ticket office on New Road. Call 01273 709709.

There’s masses more, but that’s enough to tempt you with this week. Check out both Latest 7 and Latest Homes for your favourite columnists and features every Tuesday. And please write in to editorial@thelatest.co.uk to let us know your news and views. latest 7 3

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CARS

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CARS

Cars

Bravo, sir After seeing what the new Fiat Bravo has to offer, Simon Asphar demands an encore Following a consistently strong sales performance throughout 2006, Italian auto maker Fiat has confirmed its position as the fastest growing automotive brand in the UK, with annual sales of 58,831 units – up by over 64 percent year on year – in a market down by 3.9 percent over the same period. In percentage terms, the company’s 2006 market share stands at 2.51 percent, compared with 1.47 percent (35,828 units) the previous year.

Led by the huge success of the company’s stylish new Grande Punto, which went on sale here at the beginning of 2006 to widespread acclaim, Fiat’s performance in this sector of the market, has been particularly noteworthy, and despite a number of key product introductions from competitors, only Fiat’s Punto has exhibited dramatic growth – 140 percent year on year. Assisted by factors such as the steadily increasing penetration of its expanding Panda range, the forthcoming new Bravo should continue the success.

The new Fiat Bravo was presented to the international media in Rome earlier this year. It is going on sale throughout mainland Europe anytime now, and will become available in the UK this summer.

The new Bravo is aimed at becoming a benchmark in the most important segment of the European market. To achieve this goal, the Fiat Bravo has been designed and developed to embody both beauty and substance.

Developed by the Fiat Style Centre, the exterior design of the model is unmistakably Italian, unmistakably a bit Grande Punto, all of which is part of the development of the brand’s visual identity.

The new Bravo aims to arouse emotions at first glance, and it welcomes occupants with a

passenger compartment in which the quality of materials used and the attention to detail should prove another winner. The Bravo combines a compact five-door body with a remarkable amount of interior space and a loading capacity of 400 litres that tops its class.

”The new Bravo aims to arouse emotions at first glance” The Bravo also aims to be a car of substance, thanks to a wide range of technological features, and quality standards worthy of a higher class where safety, comfort and driving enjoyment are concerned. The Bravo is an agile car that is entertaining to drive in every situation, thanks in part to the wide choice of engines, which include the popular turbodiesel 1.9 MultiJets (120 and 150 bhp), the 90 bhp 1.4, and a new family of turbocharged T-JET petrol engines (120 and 150 bhp 1.4 turbo) that will be making their debut, combining low fuel consumption with outstanding performance. Also, importantly these days, the Bravo has just been awarded a

five star Euro NCAP crash safety rating, placing it at the top of its category for safety, with a total score of 33 points. This is an important accolade which, together with similar ratings given to the Grande Punto and Fiat Croma, is confirmation of the Italian auto maker’s commitment to all aspects of driver and passenger protection.

This remarkable safety performance has been made possible by the many sophisticated systems available with the new car. These include an array of passive safety systems, with two front airbags (the driver has a two-stage bag), two front side bags, two window bags and a knee airbag for the driver. In addition, there are three-point seat belts with pretensioners and load limiters, five head-restraints and Fiat’s FPS fire prevention system. Bodyshell elements such as the bonnet, door and dashboard cross-member also contribute to protecting the occupants.

A number of other components also play a part in passive safety, such as the seats and steering column, which have been designed bearing in mind their behaviour in a crash.

The new Bravo is therefore a car designed and built to attain the highest standards of safety and reliability. This guarantee of peace of mind is attracting growing public approval, as demonstrated by the 9,500 orders for the new car received to date in Italy, the 620,000 visitors who attended the recent ‘Open Doors’ initiative held by Fiat dealerships there, and the 350,000 web surfers taking part in the Quellichebravo blog. This remarkable reception bodes well for the car’s debuts in the main European markets. Watch out Ford, maybe this time the Italians have the right package. So to speak.

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LATESTDIARY

latestdiary With Tim Richardson

Collective reading City Reads 2007, Brighton and Hove’s annual collective read was launched to coincide with World Book Day on Thursday 1 March. This also kickstarted a three month city-wide celebration of Daphne du Maurier’s, Rebecca. With a theatrical start at the Jubilee Library in the afternoon, one of the key scenes from du Maurier’s gripping classic novel was recreated. Guests at the evening launch at Hotel du Vin, heard Rebecca readings and received a copy of the book. There was a very special guest appearance by Greta Scacchi.

Matthew Hellett with the visiting Italian delegates

Bellissimo On Thursday 15 March, Matthew Hellett was cooking up a storm for a group of delegates from AMetrIS, who are the Italian transnational partners of Equal Brighton and Hove. They were visiting Brighton and Hove to find out more about the city’s Equal project and to celebrate Matthew’s success at gaining his Level 1 NVQ, following a year of training at the 20/20 café based at Brighton General Hospital. Terry Roy, programme manager for the project stated: “Equal Brighton & Hove is all about helping those furthest from the labour market enter or re-enter employment. Creating a labour market which is open to all is important to the future success of Brighton and Hove and its residents. Matthew’s achievement is a perfect example of how the project and its partners are working to achieve this.”

Greta Scacchi

Scene from Rebecca

Handbagging Legendary drag queen and cabaret artist David Raven, aka Maisie Trollette, received a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Golden Handbag Show at the Metropole Hotel on Sunday 15 March.

International ventriloquist Paul Zerdin, who was originally introduced to Brighton audiences by David Raven, appeared at the Golden Handbag Show especially to give the surprise award to the entertainer. The Golden Handbag Show was a fundraiser for the AIDS Memorial Fund and Spectrum.

Photograph courtesy of Realbrighton.com

Alan Lugton (project manager, Care Co-Op), Matthew Hellett and Elizabeth Cameron (economic development & enterprise manager, Brighton & Hove City Council)

David Raven, James Ledward and Paul Zerdin 8 latest 7

If you have an event you would like featured please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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3/22/07

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KATIE’S COLUMN

What Katie says Katie finds boozey women embarrassing, but reckons things could be a lot worse

Demon drinkers?

I’ve never had much patience with girls who can’t hold their drink.

Coming, as I do, from a long line of proud alcoholics, and being brought up by a woman who could drink Charles Kennedy under the table, I’ve always cringed at those picture of women ‘binge drinkers’.

Watching women in their teens, twenties and beyond, staggering along the streets, showing off their G-strings, flashing their tits and hurling on pavements makes me more than a little nauseous.

Because, feminist as I am, as much as I’d like to uphold the right of all women to have fun any damn way they choose, it’s still a bit embarrassing when that way turns out to be by shagging someone on the roundabout at Palmeira Square while clutching a bottle of Babysham. Women who can’t drink are like men who can’t fight – it’s not that I don’t like

them, it’s just that they make the rest of us look a bit wussy.

Of course, there are times when I’ve had my own desperately awful drunken mishaps – that time I drank too much gin and threw up all over my new red top at the bar in the Jazz Rooms would have to be up there – but luckily I can count them on one hand.

“When the boys go on a binge-drinking mission, they don’t just heckle teenagers, they kick the hell out of them” Am I blessed with a strong constitution, or just the sensibility to say no when it’s clear I’ve had too much? Admittedly, it’s probably a matter of nature over nurture.

Image: Chris Ashfield

But, as much as I blush when ITV starts up their traditional ‘binge drinker’ show reel – a gaggle of girls crashing knickerless down West Street at 3am – those tittering tarts don’t get on my nerves half as much as the programme producers who choose to use them to illustrate the brief that Britain is a binge-drinking culture.

Yes, SOME women work damn hard all week and like to spend weekends going out on the lash as a bit of light relief. And yes, along the way SOME of them neck a Blue WKD too many and show off their bits, or worse still, flash ’a Britney’. But really, is that the worst that binge-drinking brings out in Britain?

No it ain’t.

When the boys go on a bingedrinking mission they don’t just heckle a few teenagers, they kick the hell out of them.

The majority of violent crimes, domestic violence and sexual assaults aren’t committed by giggling girls, but by men.

Drunken men are an infinitely more dangerous species than women. So why, when we’re being warned of the danger of our booze culture, are the examples we’re always given of lashed-up ladies?

Is it because, while a drunken man threatens violence and aggression, a drunken woman threatens so much more? She threatens the very base of an ideology that likes to keep the ’little ladies‘ in their place. She stands for women’s independence – financial, personal and sexual. She stands for the kind of fun that doesn’t require a man, and the kind of attitude that goes out to get it.

It’s hard to feel proud of womenkind when I watch girls pissing under the pier, staggering on their stilettos, pulling their micro-minis down and shivering in the wind. But frankly, given the choice between a bottle of Bolly and an outfit from New Look or being chained to a kitchen sink in my Burka, I know how I’d be spending my Saturday night.

Dear Katie Katie, You are wrong about David Cameron. I don’t like him any more than you seem to, but he has got the right to keep his past in the past and not have it dragged up all the time now. Anyway keep up the good work.

JR Dear Katie, What’s your problem with the Tory party?

I can’t be the only one to have noticed that your not liking them has turned into something of a theme, but have they really done anything bad enough to deserve your wrath?

Despite some people’s conceptions the Conservative Party have changed a lot over the years. Now, especially in Brighton, they are putting forward policies that are more forwardthinking and modern than their so called ’new’ counterparts.

Maybe you should try them – or at least some of their local policies – and you might find you like them.

Tory Boy Hi Katie, Your column is cool. It’s great for us girls to have someone telling it like it is.

I would really like to become a journalist too. Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?

Gemma

Comments, queries and general chitchat can be sent to: katie@thelatest.co.uk

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THE RHYME

Eminemmylou The UK’s first and only rap and spoken word column. This week with Get Lost

The Get Lost team know good poetry when they see it And write good lines like baby, air and light and albeit And you can read their words in their new magazine Get Lost Email angrysam@hammerandtongue.co.uk and get a copy in the post

Poet Heroes 2/264 Charles Bukowski 1920-1994 Unfortunately, on May the 21st 2006 the Get Lost editorial committee decided, for legal reasons, that it would be unable to re-produce any Charles Bukowski poems within Get Lost as part of the 2/264 poet hero section on Charles Bukowski.

This decision was made in the interests of the writers and the magazine as a whole and was the result of an unfortunate difficulty in contacting publishers who hold the rights to Bukowski’s work.

The poem, which would have been reprinted entitled: air and light and time and space which is 325 words and 32 lines long, 8 lines having one word or less, (6 having two words or equivalent) goes a bit like this: some person, presumably a woman (he calls the person baby twice), is saying how there has always been something that has stopped her writing like a job or a family or something; but now she has space and light and time to create.

Bukowski replies if you’re going to create you’ll do so if you are down a coal mine 16 hours a day, on welfare with 3 kids crippled or demented in an earthquake, under bombardment etc etc etc.

Then he says; (and this is the last five lines of the poem) “baby, air and light and space have nothing to do with it and don’t create anything except maybe a longer life to find new excuses for.”

Send rhymes and a pic to: eminemmylou@thelatest.co.uk

The backlash starts here Vicky Nangle on the social side of staying in I know it’s been said before – but to be honest I don’t think anyone paid any attention – but staying in is really and truly the new going out. Or so I would like to feel. There are an awful lot of fantastic and exciting events, concerts, shindigs and tête-à-têtes going on in our fair cities. So much in fact that it’s very easy to simply go out every single night of the week and never repeat yourself with the same show twice. There are whizzes to be watched and there are awesome things to go ‘Aww’ at, dances to make up and creatures to make out of the pebbles on the beach. It’s brilliant having so much on offer without having to travel for hours to get to where the action is. All you need is a creative mind and a sense of adventure. Brilliant. Truly loads of fun.

Except in order to fully appreciate all the wonders of every night’s shows it is necessary to stay in and sleep once in a while. Sleep is good and sleep is compulsory and a quiet night in with a DVD or catching up with EastEnders allows you to recoup your energies and also to appreciate the adventure of the ‘going outness’ all the more. So why is it seen as wrong to turn down an

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RELATIONSHIPS

Dani’s diary aged 19 Dani the “over-hormonal, yoyo-knickered teenage strumpet”* ponders the weighty issue of being too thin I weigh six stone five pounds. I am a size 4–6. And I hate it. I just wanted to clear up the fact that I am not one of those over obsessed skinny people. I have always been thin, always a size six, sometimes an eight and I liked it because I had boobs and a bum, but when I had the breakdown I lost a stone and a half and it has taken over six months for me to put five pounds on.

This is the problem – I can lose weight irritatingly easily but I can’t put it on. I realise I will have people spitting at the page telling me not to complain. But just like larger people feel unattractive, being really skinny makes me feel unattractive too. I mean, who would fancy a girl whose body looks like a boy’s?

For as long as I can remember, people have always questioned my eating habits with many sneakily trying to ask if I have a disorder. They all seem slightly disappointed when I say I don’t, then I promptly order a pizza just to prove it. So there – just had to say that really. Anybody with any tips for putting on weight (bear in mind I’m a veggie) please let me know.

It’s just so hard to feel sexy when you don’t recognise your own body. They are now making underwear for a fuller-figured woman that is really pretty and sexy and all that, but when I was trying to buy a bra that fitted properly

“If you wear a padded bra it’s obvious to everyone” I only had the choice of training bras or childish-looking ones. I could do the Kirsten Dunst and not wear a bra at all, but if I do that I really do look like a pre-pubescent girl. Sorry, this isn’t what anyone wants to read but it really does my head in.

There are so many things on the news and in the papers about girls desperately trying to be ridiculously thin and I am one of them, I have always been and I don’t like it. Grrrr, I wish there was some way I could drill it into all the heads of all the girls starving themselves to get so thin.

When you are this thin you can’t find clothes to fit; no matter what you wear you look like a child; if you attempt to wear a padded bra it’s obvious to everyone; you are more likely to have problems with your joints among other things; and no one fancies you. It’s horrible to think that young girls all over are admiring celebrities because of how little they weigh. Being stupidly thin will not make you feel happier about yourself. I think it’s important for people to talk about these things. If one person who reads this thinks twice about not eating something, I’ve proved that talking helps.

I find it offensive that people assume I have an eating disorder because I’m thin. I know I’m not the only thin person who feels that. So if so many of us naturally thin people find it disgusting that someone thinks we have a disorder, why would anyone choose to have one? *New Currents, January 2006

adventure once in a while simply because you’d like a ‘quiet night in’? Maybe it’s because nobody believes that’s really what you want.

But there’s nothing better, when you need it, than a quiet night in. Despite the frowns and accusations of being ‘boring’ those who do indulge in these QNIs, as they shall now be named, surely reap the benefit. They are more fun to be around as they did something different to everyone else last night, they have more energy and so can be truly captivating company as their minds are fed enough to think creatively, and most importantly – because they did what they really wanted to do and stayed in last night – you know they’re doing what they really want to do in going out with you tonight. That’s a true way to find out who your mates are.

“Why is it seen as wrong to turn down an adventure simply because you’d like a ‘quiet night in’?”

In fact, those in the know about QNIs have actually been a step ahead of the rest for sometime. A friend of mine who works very hard and plays very hard in the city takes a weekend off to a health spa about once every two months when she gets exhausted. Turns off her phone and disappears. She’s saved all of her QNIs into one weekend and then paid for the pleasure of doing nothing. Surly – as lush as being pampered sounds – it would be simpler and cheaper just to have a few QNIs along the way. It truly is the most indulgent adventure. And one I would highly recommend.

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INDEPTH

Electra dreams

It doesn’t show on your figure.

Well, I try not to overdo it. I try to control my craving but in London I would literally eat a box every night. I definitely had to work out after.

Latest 7 talks sex, shopping and raspberry sauce with Carmen Electra, star of new British comedy I Want Candy

Did you try a 99? It’s a flake with ice cream and raspberry sauce.

That sounds so good! I haven’t had one, but I’m coming back to England soon, so I’ll certainly have one.

So, Carmen, are you pleased with the way your film career is going? And what made you decide to do I Want Candy?

Definitely, I always feel blessed. Initially what got me excited about this movie was the script, it was so cleverly written with that great British sense of humour. There’s also something very sweet and vulnerable about the character of Candy, that’s why I like her.

What else did you like about England?

Top Shop! On my days off I would spend hours there. The prices are really good and you just find interesting stuff. The fashion in London is a lot different from the States. Even in a more affordable store it can be fun to find really cool designs for an inexpensive price. I also had to go to one of my all-time favourite designers, Vivienne Westwood and do some more high end shopping. I loved going around Camden Market, I bought a lot of really cool socks – just loads of fun, cute socks.

Do you think she’s a character after your own heart?

I don’t know. It’s sweet if people think so. I try to stay in touch with my vulnerability because I think there’s something really beautiful about being vulnerable and not being afraid of that.

You always seem to be very busy.

I like to stay busy, I think I’m a bit of a workaholic. As soon as I finish a project, I’m always excited about what to do next. I’m excited right now because I’m doing another workout DVD. When I get back to LA I am going to meet with the choreographer, sit down and talk over some ideas. The last one did so well and I’m happy and grateful for that.

It was a great team and we all made it happen.

“Posing nude for the first time is scary – you worry about what your family will think of you.”

Did you do any research before you started filming?

Not really. I remember getting a call from them saying they wanted my hair to be platinum blonde. I said ’okay, no problem’ and went to the hair salon. Then we went to the Hustler store off Sunset Strip in LA to pick up some little props – a cute pair of panties or anything

that would remind me of what Candy might wear. So that was fun.

What was your verdict of the platinum blonde look?

I love being a blonde, it was fun! But people didn’t react differently to me, they still treated me the same.

The filmmakers say that they wanted a star who was sexy, but could still provide family entertainment. Is that how you think of yourself?

I always aim for what feels right and at times that means taking risks. I might be something sexy and then do Cheaper By The Dozen 2.

From project to project it just depends on what it means to me.

‘I Want Candy’ is showing at Cineworld now.

What was the biggest chance you have taken in your career?

I would say it was in the beginning of my career when I posed for Playboy.

It can be very scary the first time you pose nude. Every time I get nervous at first – you’re waiting to see what your family’s reaction will be and stuff like that. It was a wonderful experience and I’m glad I went ahead and did it.

What was it like filming the movie in England?

It was great. I got to see Massive Attack, who are one of my favourite bands.

I also got the chance to eat Flakes every single night. I would eat a complete box of them! They’re my favourite candy so I was in heaven. I love chocolate and I love sweets in general.

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3/21/07

1:08 PM

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AROUNDTOWN

sponsored by

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Carr-nival king Jimmy Carr to host the 2007 Latest Festival Awards Fantastic news for the 2007 Latest Festival Awards, which will be making a welcome return to the city on 28 May. Now in its third year, this year’s show will be bigger and better than ever before, and will even have a genuine celebrity host for the evening – none other than acclaimed comic Jimmy Carr.

The Latest Festival Awards were set up to recognise and applaud the very best events, music, art and comedy from the Brighton Festival and Festival Fringe. The 2007 awards show itself will take place on the Old Steine, in the unique surroundings of the Udderbelly, a giant purple tent in the shape of an upside-down cow (which I have no doubt will turn quite a few heads during the Festival – even in Brighton!).

As I will be going along on the night, I promise to bring you exclusive gossip on the proceedings. Watch this space!

March was both a good month and a bad month for Sussex-based celebrity Katie Price. On Mothering Sunday, the former glamour model came top in a poll of celebrity mums, beating off the likes of Kate Moss, Heather Mills, and Jade Goody.

Yes, the woman once more associated with boobies than babies, was voted Celebrity Mum of The Year in a poll conducted by mail order catalogue Grattan. Katie, aka Jordan, already has two children, and is currently pregnant with the third, so chances are she’ll be in the running for the title again next year!

Unfortunately, as we all know, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. The following week, in yet another poll, Katie’s recent duet with hubbie Peter Andre was voted one of the most embarrassing records of all time. You may remember that the lovebirds have recorded a whole album of duets, and even released Aladdin love-song ‘A Whole New World’ for Children In Need.

The poll to find the most cringeworthy CD was carried out by eBay among its Brighton customers. Peter and Katie were only beaten to the top spot by David Hasselhoff’s ‘Hooked on a Feeling’.

We should be so lucky I hear that Bill’s Produce Store, one of Brighton’s most popular eateries, recently found themselves graced with the company of an A-list star, when pop royalty Kylie Minogue stopped by for breakfast.

According to my spotter, a fellow diner who had just popped in for some eggs Benedict, Kylie seemed happy and chatty as she tucked into a hearty meal with friends. We all know that young Miss Minogue’s had a rough time of it of late, so it’s good to hear her life’s getting back on track.

And as for my spotter, who got to see the Aussie singer in the flesh, you really are so lucky… lucky, lucky, lucky!

Dial U for Ulrika Swedish TV presenter Ulrika Jonsson was recently spied taking a constitutional in the Seven Dials area. My spotter tells me that, despite it being quite early in the morning, blonde bombshell Ulrika looked bright eyed and bushy tailed, and was dressed immaculately. Thanks to Jess Stephens from Hanover for that little gem.

Comedy celebrity anagram of the week: Kylie Minogue = “I like ‘em young!”

Spotted Legendary football pundit Jimmy Hill, enjoying a spot of Sunday lunch in the New Inn out at Hurstpierpoint. The sports commentator, best known for his prominent chin, lives in the West Sussex village, and can often be seen popping down to his local for a quiet pint.

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Mixed blessings

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555 www.jb-pr.com

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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3/22/07

5:02 PM

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COMPETITIONSXWORD

In it to win it

latestcrossword

solutions on page 28

Get your hands on these great giveaways!

Lewis DVD The popular Inspector Morse character finally has his own spin-off series, which is available now from ITV DVD. This new DVD features the feature length episode which made the show ITV’s highest rating drama of 2006. Own the entire series to date and see behind the scenes in a fantastic featurette. We have two copies to give away. See below for entry details.

Idiocracy DVD New to DVD from Twentieth Century Fox, we have two copies of this outrageous sci-fi comedy starring Luke Wilson, where dumb meets dumber. Joe and Rita agree to be guinea pigs in a government science experiment to see if humans can live in hibernation. Long forgotten, they awake in the year 2505 to find themselves in a world where stupidity reigns. See below for entry details.

Sleepy Little Yoga book We have two copies of this fantastic new children’s book from Random House to give away.

Sleepy Little Yoga features night-time animals, including a cute bear cub, creating yoga poses for toddlers to copy for a peaceful night’s sleep.

Whether practising, or reading and sharing, every youngster can do with Sleepy Little Yoga. See

below for entry details.

Bigas Luna DVD collection Released this week is a collection of films from original filmmaker Bigas Luna. Hailing from Spain, Luna effectively blends humour and eroticism and this new collection features his well-known films Golden Balls (nothing to do with Becks), Jamon Jamon, The Tit And The Moon and The Ages Of Lulu. We have three copies to give away. See below for entry details. Entrants must be over 18.

Johanna DVD Tartan DVD presents Johanna, a bold and original film about a woman who awakes from a coma to find that she can heal people. This pleases the other patients but raises fear in the doctors and powers that be.

A remarkable Hungarian opera. To win one of three copies see below. Over 18s only.

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ACROSS

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ACROSS

8 Unexpected reward for a gentleman? (8) 9 With disfigurement there's a way to arouse terror (5) 10 “Dead cute” is a scholarly expression (8) 11 Get up and about with one leg (5) 14 Don’t go without a home for Porky (3) 16 Arrive at a place to wake up (4,2) 17 In conclusion, revive Ned with gin (6) 18 Novel creature has no tail (3) 20 Deceive man from Turkish capital (5) 24 Large growth in the hand? (4,4) 25 She's crazy in the morning (5) 26 Ever since Christ, getting out and about has been an adventure (8) 27 She’s in a terrible dither (5)

1 Frenchman leaves teacher a flower (5) 2 Haughty publicity man ends up half nude (5) 3 Credit me with a concoction of dairy produce (5) 4 Face the serpent, etcetera, differently (6) 6 Embrace expert with a cold broken heart (8) 7 The rite says one must have mercy somehow (8) 12 Wild place suitable for Othello? (8) 13 Businessman featured in French sea song (8) 14 The boy's composition is unfinished (3) 15 Sheep can be heard from the tree (3) 19 Please make arrangements to pass (6) 21 Anoint retreating livestock with eastern ingredient (5) 22 Having the right animal about makes money (5) 23 He has a point in wanting something to wear (5)

5 Garden tool (5) 8 Army rank (8) 9 Proverb (5) 10 Amphibian (8) 11 Heron (5) 14 Consumed (3) 16 Strain (6) 17 Sewing aid (6) 18 Unhappy (3) 20 Stable man (5) 24 The beginning (8) 25 Impressionist (5) 26 Combative (8) 27 Local regulation (5).

DOWN 1 Sharp (5) 2 West country city (5) 3 Precious stone (5) 4 Cruel pervert (6) 6 Lineage (8) 7 Sullenly (8) 12 Evermore (8) 13 Wheat particles (8) 14 Animal (3) 15 Finish (3) 19 Dexterous (6) 21 Sorcery (5) 22 Satellite of Saturn (5) 23 Combine (5).

Unheard Voices book Malorie Blackman’s collection of short stories and poems celebrates the 200th anniversary of the Abolition of the Slave Trade Act. This remarkable collection from Random House features an original story and foreword by Malorie Blackman. We have two copies to give away. See below

for entry details.

Count Duckula Series 2 DVD The popular vegetarian vampire duck is back on DVD in series two of the classic cartoon. Visit us online at www.latest7.co.uk to take part in our fantastic storyboard competition. Print off the Count Duckula comic strip on our site, and add your own captions and/or colour it in. Post your entry to us and the chosen two will win a copy of Count Duckula on DVD.

To enter, email competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the competition you are entering in the subject box. Don’t forget to leave your name and contact number and address. Alternatively, send a postcard entry to the address at the front of the magazine

To advertise call Kate on 01273 818150

Collection/delivery ordering service for

IKEA goods Tell us what you want, and we’ll deliver it. Simple as that.

No traffic. No queues. No rows. No hassle.

FEARLESS MIKE 01273 711166 As seen on TV.

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Ask about our flatpack assembly service We are an independent limited company and not part of the Ikea group.

For coverage in this magazine email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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000_LS314_Grolsch Advert

22/3/07

8:04 PM

Page 1

015_LS314_Sumo

3/21/07

1:20 PM

Page 1

COVERFEATURE

Sumo takes a final bow The end of an era, as this heavyweight bar closes its doors for the last time This Easter weekend will see Sumo on Middle Street open and close its doors for the final time. While this may not seem massively significant news in Brighton’s fickle and ever-changing social scene it really is something of an end of an era. Less than 18 months ago, virtually all the bars and pubs in Brighton and Hove closed at 11pm, the clubs mostly at 2am and you couldn’t get into any of them after 1am. It’s hard to believe how things have changed in the wake of the new licensing laws and how quickly we have got used to the new, Mediterranean-style latenight drinking culture.

Back in those thirsty days, Sumo was the only late night bar in the city, bridging the divide between the bar and club. Apart from a couple of rather dingy, barely legal, basement bars there was simply nowhere you could go for a drink after 11 if you didn’t fancy clubbing and didn’t have friends staying in a hotel where you could run up extortionate bills in their name for the sake of a few after-hours G&Ts. Having provided the blueprint for the late-night bar and club, of which there are now many excellent examples, the venue is now looking to the future, and Sumo intends to step gracefully out of the ring to make way for a new and exciting concept in the city’s drinking culture.

Sumo: The Lost Weekend Fittingly, Sumo doesn’t intend to bow out gracefully. Come and relive old times at the Sumo closing blowouts and party like it’s 1999 throughout the bank holiday weekend!

Thursday 5 April – De Puta Madre Yianni, Russ and lots of special guests kick start the lost weekend with the kind of marathon after-work drink that a bank holiday deserves. 6pm-6am, free entry Good Friday 6 April – The Get Down The closing backstreet block party with DJ Mike Panteli. 10pm-3am, £3 before midnight/£5 after Easter Saturday 7 April – Soul Lounge With the acclaimed Joe2grand (Mo Wax/Ultimate Dilemma) cutting up hip hop, R’n’B, soul and disco. 9pm-3am, free entry before 11pm/£3-£5 after Easter Sunday 8 April – Closing Party The closing chapter of The Lost Weekend. From 9pm ’til 3am Sumo bows out with a final blowout of epic proportions. Bringing together all the DJs who made Sumo the original after-hours venue, with a mashup of house, electro, funk, soul and R’n’B until the early hours. Then, after 3am the Hat club after-party sees out Sumo’s reign in their inimitable style. 9pm-3am, £5/free with a special VIP pass

Eastern Promise While Sumo bows out, a mysterious Oriental newcomer enters the fray As Sumo closes its doors for the last time, it paves the way for a rather sophisticated but mysterious as-yet-unnamed newcomer. Taking inspiration from the cultural diversity of the Orient and following themes of dark ebony and futuristic dazzling light, the venue will be a dramatic affair designed to make everyone feel like a VIP. The new venue will offer an array of sensory entertainment from the stylised luxury of the ground floor bar area to the neon city of the basement club.

Lighting will play a key role in this atmospheric bar. Upstairs will feature a myriad of subtly-lit booths and displays to set the mood, while downstairs will feature a unique 20ft futuristic sound-sensitive LED installation, designed and fitted by local lighting wizards, Showtec. This, combined with a new state-of-the-art sound system, accompanying up-to-the-minute DJs and live shows, will create a unique sound and light experience.

Oriental influences continue in the kitchens, with a unique and extensive Dim Sum menu on offer, along with other more traditional dishes.

The club’s operations manager Simon Woplin explains: “The venue really is going to be unique and exciting. We seek to cater to all tastes at all times: a place to meet, eat and socialise in the daytime and early evening, as well as a cool and classy bar and club, where you can listen to upfront live music or dance into the dawn at one of our exclusive after-hours events.

“As well as having a great drink, food and music line-up the club is also going to look and feel fantastic – a kind of contemporary Japanese retro, downtown Tokyo meets Mount Fuji.

“Both floors will have a selection of private booths that can seat up to 12 people at a time, these can be reserved and will have their own waitress service, a delicious Dim Sum menu and a 24 hour license that can be used when appropriate.

“In keeping with the contemporary-retro vibe the venue will play host to some of Brighton’s newest and oldest DJs, artists and producers ensuring that entertainment will be accessible to everyone whether you are a member of Brighton’s social dynasty or just looking for a new place to swing your Kimono.

“See you at the bar... mine’s an Asahi!” latest 7 15

016_LS314_cheeky/stars

3/21/07

1:29 PM

Page 2

ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

In & Out IN • Pace • Mrs Havelock Ellis • Picking your nose and chewing it, chewing it, chewing it • Talleyrand • Kids International

OUT • Hale • Eric Stoltz • The Blobbendales • Trimphone impersonation • The Gnome Mobile • Pope Pius VI • Mrs Bettison

Have your say Reverend Timothy Hopkins, Dean of St Rodney’s Church, Hove, speaks out on matters spiritual You know, in these days of rapid redevelopment, new-found affluence, mp3 players and internet chatrooms, this beloved city of ours has become a very different place. And what a welcome change it seems at first to the Brighton and Hove of yesteryear!

After all, there's no harm in there being a little extra money about the place, and all this technology certainly makes life easier. I, myself, am writing this very sermon upon an electronic laptop computer. Haven't the faintest idea how it works, of course, but it helps me help others.

But if you take the trouble to look a little more closely, beneath the city's glittering surface, you'll notice that there's something missing: a little thing I call community. I remember not so very long ago, in the days before Nintendo Wiis and new rave, when there was a certain warmth in people's dealings with one another. And this was reflected in the very streets of the city itself.

For example, in the old days, there were many local shops where one could pass the time of day, having a nice chat with the friendly proprietor (perhaps even over a free cup of tea!). And buy the local produce. In

Reverend Timothy Hopkins

sharp contrast, however, last Tuesday I had to buy my weekly groceries myself (as my housekeeper, Mrs Bettison, was, alas, in the hospital having an operation on her parts) at the local megamart. No friendly greeting was forthcoming as I entered the establishment, only the faint humming of impersonal machines, and when I attempted to hold a genial conversation about church attendance with a young man who was stacking tins of plum tomatoes, I was told in no uncertain terms to piss right off. And that, dear reader, was not all.

My simple, earnest request for the whereabouts of a packet of Rise and Shine powdered orange juice mix and a box of Dewitt's liver tablets was met with a look of blank incomprehension and a swift knee to the groin. Immediately afterwards I was escorted from the building by the security personnel and thrown down some steps – rather roughly, I thought.

Now, ask yourselves, wouldn't it have been better if, instead of all this unnecessary violence, I had been welcomed into the store with a cheery "Can I help you, sir?" and perhaps a lovely cup of tea?

STARS

Astral Angi ★ Your week ahead ★

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

BARDSLEY’S O R AC L E F I S H N C H I P S

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01273 681256

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19)

A love proposal is a strong possibility this week as Mercury trines luxuriantly with Venus. Best to learn how to kiss properly just in case this stuff is actually accurate.

You’re a protective and loyal soul.

Cancer is star of the week at Bardsley’s. Go to claim your special chip-supper-meal-deal-luck-bonanzalottery-funsize prize.

Do you really need premier psychic advice or Romany clairvoyance or astro readings? Nope! Live for the minute Libra – go to a library, take out a good book, go home to a nice tea.

Capricorns know to live for the century not the hour or the day. You’re cautious and like to save for a rainy day. Spend a bit at the new-look Bardsley’s. Dress: cocktail-styley

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Venus is in Taurus all week and guess what that means bulls? Yes, It’s wa-hey week, which is a euphemism for ‘go to Bardsley’s chip dating night – every Tuesday!’

The moon enters Leo this Tuesday at 5.05pm. You’ve got about two days and 657 minutes to stage a dramatic showdown with your loved ones and blame it on the planets.

What does the coming week have in store for Scorpios? Well, you will be having a nice holiday in Bermuda.

These stars are 100 percent accurate for at least one lucky Scorpio.

Neptune and Chiron spend the week in your sign. What’s Chiron you may ask? It’s a fairly newly discovered planet that rules weak spots and mumbo jumbo.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

The moon has been and gone from your sign this month, so you can relax Gemini. No teary emotional upheavals for you this week. Only beery ones

The moon enters Virgo on Friday in the early hours. You’re more intuitive than usual and can guess what you’re going to have for your tea. Potato scallops! (Only seven pence each.)

Jupiter, your lucky planet, is in your sunsign, so you’re incredibly lucky this week. Which is fortunate. Pluto your Disney planet is also about. Live for the second, Saggi.

Pisceans love mumbo jumbo, as opposed Chumbawumba. It’s tough being the last sign, you get the horoscope leftovers, as the astrologist keels over their ephemeris table.

16 latest 7

To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

017_LS314_stand-up/vets

3/23/07

9:36 AM

Page 2

STAND-UP COMEDY

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle has been working on the scary art of ’stagecraft’

I’ve not been writing much new material lately. The odd phrase or pondering, sure enough – it is true that the time I am at my most dangerous is when I’m drunk and articulate and when I said that (whilst being drunk and articulate) my mate told me to write it down. But apart from those few types of instance I’ve pretty much been concentrating on my delivery.

That ’stage skills’ thingamajig.

Getting up on stage tends to be the thing that most people are scared of when you mention stand-up. It’s not a performance genre known for its loving and attentive audiences and so the prospect can, quite naturally, put the willies up most people.

The thing is, once you’ve sorted out your basic set and learnt it – knowing it off by heart is very important otherwise you may come unravelled very fast – you can play around with your gags, with the words, with your gestures. In general, you can make it better. And that’s what I’ve been trying to do.

Of course, the difficulty with concentrating on performance is that it means you’ve got to perform, which brings us back to the very scary aspect of stand-up. But, to be honest, no time is as hair-raisingly terrifying as the first time you do it and, to be fair, if you ever lose that light-headed feeling completely you know you’ve probably just knackered yourself and are hallucinating that you’ve got a gig. Being nervous should keep you on your toes, not paralyse them, and the more your set becomes second nature to you, the more laughs you find in it that you never even thought of.

“Stand-up is not a performance genre known for its loving and attentive audiences” A glance over the shoulder here, an enthusiastic answer to a question you’ve put to yourself there, a random shimmy dance because you’ve forgotten what comes next and you’re winging your way through your act in a way that would have terrified you just a few months before. It all comes through practise, and the fact that I’ve still survived – and fooled my audience twice into thinking it was supposed to be that way when my set’s unravelled and re-organised itself in my head – makes me very pleased with myself. And aware that it mustn’t happen again. Getting smug really wouldn’t be the best reason for falling flat on my face.

So, now that I’ve got half a dozen gigs under my belt and I’m increasingly finding myself jumping around the stage like a sugar-fuelled monkey, it’s time to go back to that tricky writing bit, come up with new gags and let the scary stuff start all over again. And the thrills. And the flops. Hang on tight!

☺

Stand-up wisdom 34: “My dog died last week. I did receive one sympathetic letter. It was the letter ’R’.” Chris Pacey

image

Individual Images for Individual People

catcher T i m R i c h a r d s o n Freelance Photographer 01273 881832 07977 140002 www.image-catcher.co.uk tim.richardson@image-catcher.co.uk 32a Carlisle Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 4FS 17 latest 7

PETS

Marc the vet Paul O’Grady Show’s Marc Abraham wants you to help our feral feline friends

Have you ever wondered why there are so few stray cats around these days? Twenty years ago it was a very different story, with large groups scattered across the county. Since then Cat Welfare Sussex – a charity aiming to prevent cruelty at source – has provided assisted neutering of cats both domestic and feral and has all but stopped the spread of unwanted kittens.

The ability of feral (wild) cats to survive is phenomenal, and that’s where the problem begins. A feral colony will usually form when a domestic cat or cats have become lost or abandoned. Within a few days the cat will revert to its wild inner instincts, protecting itself by becoming furtive and wary. It will hunt by night, steal food wherever possible from rubbish bins, or even go as far as to enter people’s homes and pinch their pets’ food.

“A stray cat will revert to its wild inner instincts, protecting itself by becoming furtive and wary” Cat Welfare Sussex’s sheer dedication to catching and trapping over the years has meant that these large colonies have now gone. Their work now is more about prevention, protecting the cats’ environment and welfare. Without veterinary treatment, feral cats can carry dangerous diseases such as toxacara (roundworm) and ringworm that can be transmitted to man (these types of diseases are called zoonoses) and, of course, potentially deadly feline diseases such as cat flu, enteritis and feline aids which can be passed on to our domestic pets.

Cat Welfare Sussex also make sure no healthy cat is ever put to sleep; euthanasia is only used as a last resort to prevent suffering due to untreatable illness or injury.

Very young cats can make perfect pets but adults are usually relocated to rural locations such as stables, small-holdings, garden centres etc, where they exhibit their hunting skills to keep their new home rodent free and earn their keep in food and shelter. Finding homes is never easy, though, and the numbers of cats at Cat Welfare Sussex sadly always outweigh the amount of homes available. So if anyone reading this column lives out in the countryside and they could offer a home, or perhaps you know someone else that fits the bill, please contact the number below.

Personally I’m a big fan of Cat Welfare Sussex as I was invited to be their Patron last year. I must say, it’s certainly one of the worthiest charities around and I’m proud to be associated with them. So when you next sit quietly, watching your pet cat sleep contentedly by the fire, remember, she is sister to the fearless, feisty feral cat and her wildness is but a whisker away.

For more info contact Julie Hanson at Cat Welfare Sussex on 01273 423861

Any comments for Marc email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

Vote Marc in the Petplan Special Recognition Award The 2007 Petplan Special Recognition Award is looking for your votes to reward the work of first class vets in the media. It is a great way of saying thank you to those who bring a greater understanding of the animal world to the public and promote the health and welfare of our pets. To vote visit the link below before 2 April. Thank you.

http://www.petplan.co.uk/aboutpetplan/ vetawards/veterinaryawards2007.asp If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

018_LS314_fashion

3/22/07

6:49 PM

Page 2

FASHION

Impress for less

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Harriet Hoff on how to revamp your look on a budget Feeling a little poor after winter and trying to save up for your summer holiday? Fear not – here are some choice pickings to freshen up your wardrobe without breaking into your piggy-bank savings. Remember accessories are the key to fashion updates on the cheap.

1 Take one tunic dress or babydoll, something simple to start the look. This white dress is perfect to see you into summer. Dress, £34.99, River Island 2 Belts are big, big, big this season. Wear thinner belts up under your bust line for an edgy new empire-line look, but avoid if you are large chested. Stretch belt, £15, Accessorize 3 Bangles are great – cheap, fun and loads of them about. Horn stretch bangle, £25, and black resin bangle, £25, both EB by Erickson Beamon at Debenhams 4 Something light and pretty will look elegant around necklines. Yellow glass necklace, £10, Wallis 5 For more of a boho feel, try a charm necklace like this one from a selection at Debenhams.

6 Hot feet get happy in a pair of gold pumps. For added fashion appeal, get these ones with a bow. Bow pumps, £22, Faith 7 Fashionistas won’t be worth their fashion gold cards without a large sack bag this season.

White slouch bag, £30; jeans, £50, and blouse, £45, all Oasis 8 Top off all outfits with a big pair of glamour shades like these tortoiseshell ones.

Sunglasses, £55, French Connection

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019_LS314_health

3/21/07

4:58 PM

Page 1

HEALTH

See more health tips at wavemagazine.co.uk

Take it easy Feeling overworked and stressed? Miranda Glavin suggests you make the time and feel the benefits Tense muscles, heart racing, hyperventilating? Are you feeling light-headed or faint, persistently tired and waking up exhausted with aches and pains? Do you have difficulty sleeping or gritting your teeth at night? What about appetite problems, headaches, migraines or stomach upsets? Is your mind in a whirl, you can’t concentrate and constantly feel pressured? The good news is it’s unlikely you’re dying, but it’s more likely that you’re suffering from stress. The average worker will suffer some or all of these symptoms at some point in their life. More often than not, many become so common that they are an expected part of every-day living. But since every action, conscious or unconscious, uses stored energy, relaxation is mandatory for good health and peace of mind.

Without proper relaxation the body and mind become overworked and inefficient. Luckily there are simple techniques and therapies to reduce the effect a stressful situation can have.

A simple technique While many people can wind down with something as simple as listening to their favourite music or having a bath, others need something a little more directed. Furthermore, relaxation exercises need to address both the mind and body as, although having a relaxed body may not prevent a constant flow of anxiety-inducing thoughts, it’s a good basis for getting some control of them. A simple technique is to chose a quiet place and do some simple stretches. Sit or lie comfortably and breathe as slowly and deeply as you can. Now, working your way up gently tense, then relax each part of your body, one at a time. Think of a warm, heavy sensation and gently push distracting thoughts to the back of your mind. Try not to force relaxation, just enjoy the moment. Focus on the ‘now’ – your breathing and how calm you feel. Stay like this for about 20 minutes, then take some deep breaths and open your eyes, but stay sitting or lying for a few moments before you get up.

Additional support If you want to learn further ways of relaxing there are plenty of effective classes available that can teach you methods you can apply at home.

Yoga and meditation are two very effective methods. With meditation you focus your thoughts on one relaxing thing for a sustained period of time. This rests your mind by diverting it from thinking about the problems that have caused stress and addresses some of those stress reactions by slowing breathing and relaxing muscles. Yoga has a similar effect and since the mind is occupied with the positions, it is good for those who find straight meditation difficult. And of course touch being a very healing and effective relaxation tool for most people, there is nothing better than a full body or head, neck and shoulders massage.

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01273 777957 www.hairfoundation.co.uk If you would like to comment on this story please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

Health & fitness TUESDAY 27 Abs Blast With Martin. Fitforall, 6pm, £3 BE Pilates Mat Class Rehab/basic classes. 01273 273074 for info.

Back2Balance 5.45–6.45pm, & 7–8pm, £45 for six weeks Dharma, Dialogue and Meditation Bodhi Garden, Call Rory: 07739 556438, 7–9.30pm, £10 Hatha Yoga All levels. Info call Sandy: 01273 505433, Unit 4, 9.30–11.00am, £6 Hypnotherapy Free consultations with Peter J Hassell: smoking, anxiety & other issues. 07884 213 599 Iyengar Yoga All levels. Brighton Buddhist Centre. 1–2.15pm, £6/£4 Komaja’s Love Meditation Meditation and mantra singing. Komaja Centre, Hove. 7.30–9.30pm, donation Kundilini Yoga Holistic Health Clinic, 6.30 –8pm, £6 drop-in, £20 for 4.

Low Impact Aerobics Dean’s Leisure Centre.

8–9pm, £4 Pilates New six-week course starting today. Please book a place on 01273 722422. The Acupuncture Clinic, 6.45pm–7.45pm, £45 for six Restorative Yoga New class. The Acupuncture Clinic, 5.15pm–6.15pm, £7 Rev’s Up! Indoor Cycling Fun fitness session at Peacehaven Leisure Centre.

7.45pm (also Mon 7.45pm, Thu 6pm) £4.30 drop-in Yoga & Meditation All levels. Brighton Buddhist Centre. 10–11.30am. £6/£4, (Also same time Fridays)

WEDNESDAY 28 Abs and Backs Dean’s Leisure Centre.

8–8.20pm, £1 Aerobics Circuits Dean’s Leisure Centre. 7–8pm, £4 Baby Massage New course starts today. The Acupuncture Clinic, 1.45–2.45pm, £45 for five Dynamic Yoga Orchid Health. 8–9.30pm and Mondays 7–8.30pm, £5 Eight Treasures Qi Gong St Mary Magdalen Community Centre.

6.15–7.15pm, also same time Monday, £8 Hatha Yoga Brighton Buddhist Centre.

6–7.15pm, £6/£4 Shaolin Tai Qi – Rou Quan St Mary Magdalen Centre, also same time Monday.

7.15pm–8.15pm, £8, (£25 for all four classes at the centre) Sivananda Yoga Beg/int. Revitalise. Call Helen 07722 046865. 9.30–10.45am Yoga With Joanne. Coral Health and Fitness. 1.30pm, £3.50 Yoga Drop-in with Jackie Coulson.

Wendy Whatling School of Dance. 9.15–10.45am (also Thu 7.45–8.45pm) Yummymummys Fitforall, 10.30am, £4

THURSDAY 29 BE Pilates Semi-Private Matwork Classes With small apparatus, call Carla for info: 01273 273 074.

BE Pilates Studio, Westdene, 10.15am and 6.30pm, (also same time Mondays) £75 for six weeks.

Body Control Pilates Mixed & advanced classes.

Holistic Health Centre, 8–9.15pm, £60 for 6 weeks Brighton Jamyang Group Call Ian for info: 07758 150722, Bodhi Garden. 7.30pm suggested donation £5 Hip Hop/R’n’B Dance Class Peacehaven Leisure Centre.

8pm drop in, £4.30 Mindful Hatha Yoga With Taravajra, call 07985 314181 for more info.

Unit 4. 11.30–1pm Lunchtime Oasis Meditation Brighton Buddhist Centre.

1.15–1.45pm, £3/£2 Pilates The Acupuncture Clinic, 7.45–8.45pm, £45 for six Pilates Beginners mat-based class.

Pre-book with Francesca on 07958 204 211. Wendy Whatling School of Dance, 9.45-10.45am, £54 for 6 weeks Yoga With Jo. Fitforall, 7.15pm, £4

FRIDAY 30 Fitness Pilates 5-week course at Saltdean Community Centre.

9.30–10.30am and 11–12pm, call 01273 305827 to book Pole Dancing Class Fitforall, call for info, 6pm Sahaja Yoga Class Meditation. Info call Martin: 01273 202610. Brighthelm Centre. 7–9pm, free Tai Chi Peacehaven Leisure Centre.

7.30pm drop in, £4.30 Vini Yoga The Acupuncture Clinic.

9.30–10.30am, £7/£35 for six

SATURDAY 31 BE Pilates Mat Class Beg/Improvers. 01273 273074 for info. Coast Chiropractic.

10–11am & 11am–12pm, £45 for six weeks Iyengar Yoga Brighton Buddhist Centre.

9.30–10.45, £6/£4 Self Defence and Fitness Dorothy Stringer Sports Complex. Kids class 10-11am, adults 11am–12pm, (and Tuesdays kids class 6.30–7.30pm and adults 7.30–8.30pm.

Vinyasa Flow Yoga Info call Tara: 07866 255391.

Revitalise, 10.30am–12pm, £42 for 6 weeks/£8 drop-in

SUNDAY 1 Adult Tap Wendy Whatling. Beg: 7–8pm and intermediate 8–9pm Aquarobics Main pool, King Alfred.

10.30am–11.15am, £4.10 Hangover Spin Fitforall, 10am, £4

MONDAY 2 Chen Tai Chi All levels, Davigdor School.

6–7pm, £7. Info: 07799 097776 Fitness Pilates Drop-in class. Dean’s Leisure Centre. 7.30–8.30pm, £5, (also a 5-wk course Tue, 9.30–10.30 and 7.30–8.30pm) Flamenco Dance Beginners. The Dance Station. 7–8.15pm, £8.50 Hatha Yoga Weekly class. The Dharma School. Call 07986 850029.

5.30–6.45pm, £30 for 6 weeks Hatha Yoga (Scaravelli) Coral Health & Fitness. 12pm & 7.10pm, £3.50 Inspiring Yoga All levels. Holistic Health Clinic. 6.15–7.45pm, £7 Children’s Ki & Aikido Ages 8–13. Details call Pippa 07779 780103. Brighton Ki Centre. 5.15–6.15pm, £2.50 Kundalini Yoga For LGBT, Anahata Health Clinic. 7.45pm, £4/£5 Latino Mix With Marta, Fitforall, 6pm, £4

DIRECTORY The Acupuncture Clinic 143 Portland Road, Hove 01273 722422 All Saints Church Hall Eaton Road, Hove Ian Kendall: 07900 193230 www.ik-taichi.com Anahata Health Clinic 119–120 Edward Street, Kemp Town, 01273 698687f Back2Balance 35 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 206 868 BE Pilates Studio 121 Eldred Ave, Westdene Carla: 01273 273074 Bodhi Garden Centre 7 Ship St Gardens, Brighton Call Richard 07796 331167 Brighthelm Community Centre North Road, Brighton Brighton Buddhist Centre 17 Tichborne Street, Brighton 01273 772090 Brighton Ki Centre 12 Queens Square, Brighton Barry: 07854 389606 Brighton Natural Health Centre Regent Street, Brighton 01273 600010 Brighton Reiki Centre Viaduct Road, Brighton 07968 982136 Coast Chiropractic 198 Church Road, Hove, 01273 321144 Coral Health And Fitness Orchard Road, Hove 01273 731262 Cornerstone Community Centre Church Road, Hove The Dance Station Unit 4, 57 North Street, Portslade. 01273 419977 Davigdor Infants School Somerhill Road, Hove Bernie: 07799 097776 Dean’s Leisure Centre Longhill School Karen: 01273 305827 The Dharma School Ladies Mile Road, Patcham Diamond Way Buddhist Centre Montpelier Road, Brighton Ingrid: 07736 061108 Dorothy Stringer Sports Complex Loder Road, B’tn.

Info on 07895 066321.

Fitforall Unit 1, Portland Road Trading Estate, Hove, 01273 415515 Holistic Health Clinic 53 Beaconsfield Rd, Brighton 01273 696295 Johnson Page Healthcare Chiropractic & Medical Acupuncture, 15 Ship Street 01273 724777 King Alfred Leisure Centre Kingsway, Hove 01273 290290 Komaja Centre 21a Upper Market Street, Hove. Cela: 01273 771472 Leach Court Eastern Road, Brighton. Ian Kendall: 07900 193230 More Bar/Restaurant 98 Trafalger Street, Brighton 07717 584738 Patcham Community Centre Ladies Mile Road, Patcham Peacehaven Leisure Centre Greenwich Way, Peacehaven, East Sussex 01273 588858 Revitalise (Planet Janet) 86 Church Road, Hove 01273 738389 St Mary Magdalen Community Centre 55 Upper North St, Brighton, 01273 676992 Unit 4 20–26 Roundhill St, Brighton Wendy Whatling School of Dance Unit 11a Dyke Road Mews, Brighton. wendy whatling@btconnect.com

List for FREE in this section.

Email health events to editorial@thelatest.co.uk with the date, place, time and cost

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ADVERTISING FEATURE

Go green ‘Proost’ is Dutch for ‘cheers’. Raise a glass and say ‘proost’ as the Grolsch Green Light District returns to Brighton For the second year Brighton is set to go green, as the Grolsch Green Light District returns to top style bars across the city. From Saturday 24 March until Sunday 8 April, drinkers are invited to come and experience the unique Dutch-style atmosphere available in Brighton and enjoy continental table service, with waitresses on hand to serve greattasting Grolsch.

Over 3000 bar guides will be sent out showcasing all 23 bars involved in the Grolsch Green Light District, and each bar will be bathed in green light so customers will recognise the bars immediately. Mobile projection squads will be giving key city centre buildings the Grolsch green light treatment, beaming the iconic green light bulb. Also, look out for Green Light scooters which will be travelling around the city, trailed by illuminated billboards.

The Grolsch Green Light District encapsulates all of our favourite things about Dutch-style continental drinking: creating a fantastic buzz in great bars, friendly table service, a laid-back atmosphere and perfectly served Grolsch.

Proost!

For more information on the Green Light District and tips on how to best enjoy Grolsch, see www.grolsch.co.uk

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Participating bars are: • Bulldog • Chequers • Circus Circus • Dr Brightons • Font • Freemasons Tavern • Funky Buddha Lounge

• Great Eastern • Hare and Hounds • Hectors House • R Bar • Legends • Robin Hood • Saint James • Smugglers • Terraces Bar & Grill

• The Albert • The Alibi • The Aquarium • The Brunswick • The Office • The Pull & Pump • Volks Bar & Club

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD&DRINK

Country life Andrew Kay dines and sleeps in discreet style at the lovely Ockenden Manor in Cuckfield A mention of Brighton’s lack of Michelin accolades brought a flurry of letters about the few stars that Sussex does have.

One of which is for the dining room at Ockenden Manor in the pretty village of Cuckfield. Happy as ever to respond to readers, I packed an overnight bag and headed up the A23 to find out what does get starry notices.

At the edge of the village, signs direct you to the Manor. It was a late afternoon and the yellowing light made the roadside daffodils glow and the evergreens appear like deep chenille.

The hotel is housed in a historic building that, if Brighton Council’s planning office had anything to do with it could never exist, so many times has it been added to over the centuries. It really is picture-book pretty, and inside it was toasty-warm with a log fire in the hall and little evidence that it is a hotel but rather, a private country house. I liked that, it was like I was a guest in someone’s home.

‘‘Each ingredient played a part in this plated drama, but it was the pigeon ‘what dunnit’ – as good a dish as one can hope for’’ My room too had the same charm, quirky painted furniture, pretty pictures and amazing views. Sheets and blankets too, a pleasant change from duvet-clad home beds. I lounged around for an hour or so, then bathed and dressed for dinner, suit and tie no less as I was being joined by my colleague Lynne. Joined for dinner that is, I think her husband might have had something to say had it been more.

Downstairs, I soon found the tiny bar and waited. Before long she arrived and we had menus, wine lists, fabulous tapenade with parmesan shavings and toasts and a brace of G&Ts. The menu is exactly what you expect in stellar venues. By that I mean that it was short and offered mainly local and seasonal fare. I could have eaten almost anything on offer, and there was a tempting tasting menu, but I rather fancied a good old fashioned meal. I was not to be disappointed. We made our decisions, I ordered wine and we relaxed. When the time came, we were taken through to the lovely wood-panelled dining room where before long we had coffee cans of rich mushroom soup with a hint of truffle. I can’t be bothered trying to eat soup off a teaspoon, out of a cup, so I picked it up and drank it, far more satisfying I reckon.

Lynne started with a salad of Jerusalem artichoke with French beans, quail eggs and truffle. A jewelled plate arrived twinkling with fresh ingredients, soft poached eggs – a feat in themselves – and by no means mean. I hate parsimonious portions, even when the ingredients are expensive, but here the dish was plentiful.

So too was my salad of honey-roast pigeon with crisp apple beignets, foie gras parfait and confit beetroot. Each ingredient played a part in this

Sponsored by plated drama but it was the pigeon ‘what dunnit’ – as good a dish as one can hope for. I also loved the soft-centred apple beignets which were screamingly hot explosions of flavour.

Lynne was torn between guinea fowl and brill but finally settled on the fish, which arrived in a pretty arrangement with a langoustine velouté and sauce vierge, button mushrooms, purple sprouting broccoli and crispy slices of potato. She fell pretty silent as she tasted the parts and then enthused wildly.

I chose sweetbreads with truffled savoy cabbage, carrot agnolotti and a morel jus. It doesn’t come much better than this, the caramelised lobe of offal was intensely flavoured, creamily textured and deeply satisfying, the accompanying dishes a perfect foil. I too, enthused.

Lynne spotted a cheese trolley but finally had the chocolate fondant with walnut ice cream, well worth the 20-minute wait we were warned about. I had cheese and allowed the waiter to carve me a selection of his choosing. The clever chap chose well, too, with a nice selection from soft to almost fluid with plain water biscuits and grapes.

I drank a glass of Sangiovese with the pigeon as I thought the game would drown the excellent bottle of Sancerre Rosé that I had selected to match the brill and the sweetbreads. The entire experience goes to make what I assume is Michelin star quality.

After, we had coffee and petit fours in the lounge, almost alone.

Actually, I ate the petit fours single handedly – but Lynne did have a very naughty pud.

Next morning I feasted on a great cooked breakfast with delicious poached eggs and black pudding. The fresh orange juice was superb and the coffee good too. One night in heaven and the cares of the week had been blown away. I had a gentle stroll around the village, visited an excellent craft supply shop and reluctantly admitted that Ockenden Manor was not my private home.

Ockenden Manor, Ockenden Lane, Cuckfield 01444 416111 www.hshotels.co.uk

Passionate about property, fanatical about food 59 Church Road, Hove 01273 735237 www.callaways.co.uk

New Exciting Menus Dinner Menu (3 course) £25.00 Sunday to Thursday 6pm till close ~~~~~

Lunch Menu (2 course) £11.95 Sunday to Friday 12pm to 5pm Or choose from our à la Carte menu ~~~~~ Please visit our web site to view menus

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FOOD & DRINK

latest hot

The Gourmet Fish & Chip Company

The Terraces Bar, Grill and Dining Room

LIST

The Gourmet Fish and Chip Company at Brighton Marina has taken the dish into the 21st century. Diners can enjoy fantastic top-grade fish and chips in a trendy diner environment and even enjoy a beer while they wait for their takeaway order. Check out the gourmet fish platter and lunch-time specials. The restaurant is located on the ground-floor level of the waterfront and is open seven days a week. Fully licensed.

The Walk of Fame, 18 Waterfront, Brighton Marina, 01273 670701 www.gourmetfishandchipcompany.com

Terraces bar and grill offers customers a relaxed approach to drinking, eating and hospitality. The lower level is available for private parties, wedding receptions, corporate events, Christmas parties, formal dinners or product launches. Whatever you want, you can be sure of an experience as consistently satisfying as the breathtaking views across Brighton seafront.

Madeira Drive, Brighton, 01273 570526, www.the-terraces.co.uk

RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials.

BYO with no corkage charge, they’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

Blanch House The restaurant at Blanch House is an inhouse affair. All involved are dedicated to excellence in food, service and wines but with no pretensions. You can sit back and take pleasure in the relaxed atmosphere of dinner at your best friend’s house while enjoying innovative food, attentive and personal service, and superb wine and cocktail lists. The menu changes with the seasons and availability to ensure that only the freshest high-quality produce is used.

Meat, dairy products and other ingredients are locally sourced and organic where possible. Fish is from the local day boats when available.

17 Atlingworth Street, Brighton, 01273 603504, www.blanchhouse.co.uk

Café Belge Café Belge offers award-winning food (Café Belge Eastbourne received a gold star for food from the prestigious Harden’s Guide 2006) – 50 ways to eat a fresh mussel, salmon fishcakes, award-winning 12” wild boar and beer sausage, fresh sea bass, steak Béarnaise, Toblerone fondue, Belgian waffles – just to give you an insight into what to expect. They also stock more than 100 beers all served in their own glasses, from light and delicious fruit beers to Trapist Monk beers to Belgian Guinness as well as a fine wine list.

64 Kings Rd (corner of West St & seafront), 01273 733290, www.cafebelge.co.uk

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus, and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter a central open fire roars, in summer people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! With its daily evening menu at £10.50 weekdays and £14.50 Friday and Saturday.

A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6pm to 10pm for last orders. Available for all celebrations and party bookings with taylor-made menu to your needs including live entertainment.

12a New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 reservation@newsteinehotel.com www.newsteinehotel.com

Polar Bar East Polar Bar East is pleased to introduce their new Scottish-based winter menu. This is a style of food we southerners are not exactly familiar with, but Rob and Nolan from the Polar are confident it’s going to be a hit with not only the locals but also with new customers. It’s not surprising considering it’s tipped by celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey as the new food of 2007.

Yes, this so-called peasant food is growing in stature just as many other so called working-class foods have done during the recent years. Its nutritious and wholesome quantity assures that there’s a sense of home in this food. All the meat is supplied by the premium quality butchers Brampton’s of Kemp Town. What to expect – Scots beef, tatties, soups, stews and, of course, haggis. Prices start from £4.

8 St George’s Road, Kemp Town, Brighton, 01273 683334

Ruby Tate’s Situated at the heart of cosmopolitan Kemp Town, Ruby Tate’s oyster and champagne bar really is the pearl of Brighton. From moules marinière to lobster Thermidor, this is a paradise for seafood lovers. The restaurant’s stylish décor and trademark friendly service ensure that diners enjoy the gourmet food and fine champagne in a relaxed, informal atmosphere.

40 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 693251

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion, and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight plus a wine list that is full of treats without being expensive too. Make the most of the terrace while the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

GREEK Symposio Greek Taverna In a city with very few Greek eateries it’s great to find somewhere warm and inviting to indulge in some Greek food. From magnificent mezze to classic grilled meats, Symposio has a great taverna atmosphere and the lively style of the venue adds a great ambience to what can be a terrific party venue. Also fabulous for a romantic dinner, family outing or business meal. The moussaka is a must and also the deep red wine-soaked sausages and crisp calamari.

121 Western Road, Hove 01273 779474 www.ipanemarestaurants.com

INDIAN Nooris Indian Cuisine One of Brighton’s longest-standing Indian restaurants and justifiably so. Smart service and a menu that, as well as offering all our favourite dishes, has some interesting and unusual dishes on offer.

Great central location just off the seafront.

Portions are on the very generous side so order carefully. We have always been particularly impressed by the vegetarian menu, especially the malai kupta. Excellent breads and side dishes too. £6.95 for a twocourse meal and £11.95 for a three-course meal with wine.

70 Ship Street, Brighton 01273 329405

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent-value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Very popular with students and families with young children, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu that is utterly affordable with the company’s signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16–17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

LATIN AMERICAN Las Iguanas Brazilian cooking has come to town and with it all the fun of the caipirinha. Spicy, fun and inexpensive, this Latin newcomer is already proving popular, especially the two-for-one cocktail deals and an excellent £7 two-course lunch menu. Whacky interiors and a cool cocktail bar give the place a carnival feel all the time and the staff are friendly and fun too. If you don’t know what cachaca is, then it’s time to find out.

7–8 Jubilee Street, Brighton, 01273 573550, www.iguanas.co.uk

PREMIUM THAI TAKE AWAY Chokdee Possibly the first of its kind, this premium take-away offers fantastic-quality Thai food to your door if you use the home-delivery service or to take away if you are passing.

You can eat in too, as there is a stylish dining area. Counter service does away with additional service charges, so you can enjoy Thai food as often as you like without the fuss. At Chokdee it’s the food that’s the thing. Foodies – start the queue!

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove, 01273 720370, open every day (12pm–3pm and 5pm–11pm)

SOUTH EAST ASIAN Bali Brasserie Located in a 1960s mansion block, this very popular Indonesian-Malaysian restaurant has a rijsttafel buffet dining menu at £16.95 with a wide and generous range of dishes that are constantly replenished. There is also an à la carte menu. Nice original retro décor, bamboo and cane, pink and gilt, with lots of oriental puppets, jazz playing and a friendly atmosphere. Very Simon Templar.

Kingsway Court, First Avenue, Hove, 01273 323810, 12-2pm, 6.30-10.30pm (till 11pm Friday and Saturday)

SPANISH La Tapa De Oro This large upper room is home to great and authentic Spanish cooking. Tapas has been trendy for years but here the emphasis is on real Iberian food. Favourites include sweet slices of octopus on boiled potato slices dressed with olive oil, lovely ensalad Russe and great jamon Serrano. Informal and friendly, this is a great place for a romantic dinner, family outing, business meal or party.

123 Western Road, Hove 01273 779474 www.ipanemarestaurants.com

THAI Chokdee Offering quality Thai food in a café style, with a takeaway option, this is great for Hove commuters on their way home. An experienced team delivers hot and fiery, to mild and delicate dishes. Each is freshly made using authentic Thai ingredients. It serves a good selection of stir-fries and real Thai green and red curries, with excellent seafood and speciality fish. It is boldly decorated in dark browns and reds, which highlight the colourful diversity of Thai food. During the morning, go for teas and coffee, with lunch from 12 noon.

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove, 01273 720370, open every day, 12–3pm, 5–11pm

To have an entry in the latest hot list call 01273 818150 22 latest 7

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FOOD & DRINK Sawadee

The Eclipse

The Thai restaurant people love, for parties and celebrations and because they always give the best of times. And why not; this well-priced restaurant repeatedly pleases with dishes we have all grown to love, and some new ones too. We were impressed by the use of authentic ingredients such as pea aubergines where others use peas.

Lots of fish dishes too with bass and pomfret and a great sliced beef salad.

87 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 624233, www.sawadeethai.co.uk

A traditional community boozer with a prime location in Poets Corner, Hove. The lively public bar contains large-screen TVs with Sky Sports and Prem Plus and a leaguestandard pool table, while the saloon bar offers quality Harvey’s ales and comfortable seating. Freshly prepared lunchtime food is served daily. An exclusive function room is available for small parties or meetings.

33 Montgomery Street, Hove, 01273 272212

VEGETARIAN Revitalise (formerly Planet Janet) This popular and stylish Hove café restaurant offers delicious healthy hot and cold food in combination with being an excellent centre for therapies, treatments and classes. Healthy breakfasts, chunky sandwiches, soups, main meals, jacket potatoes and salads form the core of the menu. Freshly pressed fruit and vegetable juices in delicious revitalising combos, delicious fair-trade teas and coffee, vegan and gluten-free options. Open seven days a week, families welcome. You can eat for less than a fiver!

86 Church Road, Hove, 01273 738389, www.revitalise-u.com

BARS & PUBS The Bell This friendly, traditional pub reopened its doors at the end of last year after having undergone extensive refurbishment and is now under new ownership. Tucked away off Blatchington Road, it already has a name for itself for its great value food, freshly made every day from locally sourced products, including fantastic roasts on Sundays. The pub is child friendly and there’s often something extra going on, from quiz nights to live music. There’s also a function room available to hire. If that’s not enough, they also have happy hours every Monday to Friday from 4pm-7pm.

15-17 Belfast Street, Hove, 01273 770773

Blanch House

The Eagle Great atmosphere, warm welcome, good beer and above all, great food from this gastropub. Hearty, modern food inspired by global cuisine and sensibly priced – you won’t go home hungry or broke. Right in the heart of the North Laine, an excellent place for lunch or dinner. Voted Latest 7 Pub Of The Year.

125 Gloucester Road, Brighton, 01273 607765

Sophisticated cocktail chic at this stylish St James’s Street bar. Try one of the head barman’s innovative cocktails using unusual mixes and fresh herbs. Cool interiors and a warm and friendly atmosphere, which, for once in a city that worships youth, is not ageist.

St James’s Street, Kemp Town, Brighton, 01273 671119

The Greene Room This fantastic contemporary bar is found just above the Cricketers – the oldest pub in Brighton. The Greene Room plays host to a large cocktail and wine list to be enjoyed in a relaxed and comfortable environment.

Three adjoining rooms make it a perfect venue for gatherings and parties in the heart of Brighton. Available for private hire.

Above The Cricketers, Black Lion Street, Brighton, 01273 329472

The Hop Poles Great central pub with off-the-wall décor and a loyal clientele of the city’s fashionable best. A fantastic menu of wellpriced food means it gets very busy and seats are at a premium, even in winter on the heated terrace, so get there early.

Excellent free-range meat is specially sourced, while vegetarians are well catered for too.

13 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 710444

Koba Koba hosts a happy hour between 5pm and 7pm all week. Three bars over three floors with a dedicated team of mixologists. This venue stands as a flagship of quality in Brighton and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list and, of course, champagne for those special occasions or just the sheer love of it. The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. Live music on Thursdays, DJs on the weekend. For free K-list membership go to the website.

135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

The Food Bible Judith Wills Fully updated and revised, this is the third edition of The Food Bible, published

by Quadrille.

Nutrition expert Judith Wills guides us through our eating habits, giving advice on weight control and sorting fact from fiction about GM and organic foods.

Answering the top 20 questions on weight control, this book dispels myths and gives genuine helpful advice in a clear, no-nonsense fashion. Helpful sectioning and headings help you locate your topic of interest and there’s also an A-Z of food as medicine, pinpointing common health ailments such as cancer, diabetes and stress, and how our diet can help prevent illnesses.

A section on ‘Food For The Time Of Your Life’ looks at various life stages from infants to teens, pregnancy and the elderly. With meal options and great recipes to follow, this bible should definitely be a part of every household.

Zara Friend

Pasta with basil and ricotta Ingredients 150g (5oz) wholemeal spaghetti 1 teaspoon sea salt, plus more for cooking pasta 1 fresh, juicy garlic clove 2 tablespoons pine nuts 1 pack or pot (15g) fresh basil

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 1 tablespoon sunflower seeds 40g/11⁄2 oz ready-to-eat dried apricots, chopped 40g/11⁄2 oz young spinach or sorrel leaves 100g/31⁄2 oz ricotta cheese

1. Boil the pasta in a large pan of slightly salted water until just tender and then drain.

2. Meanwhile, using a pestle and mortar, crush the garlic with the sea salt until well combined. Add the pine nuts and blend again. Add most of the basil and crush, adding the olive oil until you have a rich sauce.

3. Toss the drained pasta with the basil sauce and all remaining ingredients while the pasta is still warm.

4. Serve garnished with the remaining basil leaves.

The Food Bible, by Judith Wills, out now from Quadrille Publishing, priced £12.99, ISBN-978-1-84400-443-0

Image: Quadrille Publishing LTD

The award-winning cocktail bar is located on the ground floor of the five-storey building and offers an eclectic range of superbly made cocktails. The owner, Chris Edwardes, has managed many renowned bars, restaurants and clubs in London, including the Groucho Club, The Pharmacy, as well as opening the Jazz Café, The Atlantic, and the Ge Club for Conran. His cocktail skills have been described as ’legendary’ by those in the know and with over 30 years’ experience in the industry it was only a matter of time before he opened his own quality venue.

17 Atlingworth Street, Brighton, 01273 603504, www.blanchhouse.co.uk

GinGin

What’s cooking this week?

Preston Park Tavern This stunning new gastro-pub is situated on Havelock Road in Fiveways. Fresh, locally sourced food is served seven days a week from the open-plan kitchen. A separate children’s menu is available in this totally non-smoking venue. It boasts a great range of real ales and lagers as well as a 17 bin wine list, all served by the glass or bottle.

88 Havelock Road, Brighton, 01273 542271

THE MOST ORIGINAL INDIAN CUISINE IN SUSSEX

The Shakespeare’s Head Set in the heart of Brighton’s city centre, this traditional back street pub offers something for everyone. Fresh food at lunchtime complements a wide variety of beers, ales and wines. For sport lovers the pub has a large screen TV showing Sky Sports and Prem Plus and a brand-new pool table. This central pub boasts a function room which can hired for exclusive use.

1 Spring Street, Brighton, 01273 204680

SPECIAL OFFER! Buy one main course, get the 2nd one FREE! Sunday–Thursday (Excluding Bank Holidays) Bring this advert or mention when booking 70/71 Ship Street, Brighton 01273 329405 / 747109 Offer valid until 30.04.07 Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer latest 7 23

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FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 27 300 (15) 11.30, 12.15, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00 AMAZING GRACE (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 5.15, 8.15 BECOMING JANE (PG) 2.30, 5.15 FACTORY GIRL (15) 9.00 HOT FUZZ (15) 11.30, 2.15, 5.15, 8.15, NORBIT (12A) 1.15, 3.30, 6.30, 8.45 PREMONITION (12A) 1.30, 3.45, 7.00 TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 4.30, 6.45 DIRECTOR’S CHAIR: THE HOST (15) 9.15

Wednesday 28 300 (15) 11.30, 12.15, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00 AMAZING GRACE (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 5.15, 8.15 BECOMING JANE (PG) 2.30, 5.15 FACTORY GIRL (15) 9.00 HOT FUZZ (15) 11.30, 2.15, 8.15, PREMONITION (12A) 1.30, 3.45, 7.00, 9.15 TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 4.30, 6.45 THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (18) 1.00, 3.00, 5.00, 7.00, 9.00

BECOMING JANE (PG) 11.00, 2.30, 5.15 FACTORY GIRL (15) 9.00 HOT FUZZ (15) 11.30, 2.15, 8.15, PREMONITION (12A) 1.30, 3.45, 7.00, 9.15 TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 4.30, 6.45 THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (18) 1.00, 3.00, 5.00, 7.00, 9.00 SENIOR SCREEN: STRANGER THAN FICTION (12A) 10.30am

Films showing Friday 30–Monday 2 300 (15) AMAZING GRACE (PG) BECOMING JANE (PG) FACTORY GIRL (15) HOT FUZZ (15) MR BEAN’S HOLIDAY (PG) PREMONITION (12A) TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (PG) THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (18) PLEASE CHECK WITH CINEMA BEFORE TRAVELLING

Thursday 29 300 (15) 11.30, 12.15, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00 AMAZING GRACE (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 5.15, 8.15

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 27

Saturday 31

AFTER THE WEDDING (15) 4.00, 9..00 THE FAMILY FRIEND (15) 1,30, 6.30

DAYS OF GLORY (12A) 6.00, 9.00 INTO GREAT SILENCE (U) 1.30 KIDS’ CLUB: PIPPI LONGSTOCKING (U) 11.00am

Wednesday 28 AFTER THE WEDDING (15) 11.00, 4.00, 9..00 THE FAMILY FRIEND (15) 1,30, 6.30

Sunday 1

AFTER THE WEDDING (15) 4.00, 9..00 THE FAMILY FRIEND (15) 1,30, 6.30

BAMAKO (PG) 6.30 DAYS OF GLORY (12A) 4.00, 9.00 REQUIEM (12A) 1.30 THE LIVES OF OTHERS (15) 10.30am

Friday 30

Monday 2

Thursday 29

BAMAKO (PG) 1.30, 6.30 DAYS OF GLORY (12A) 4.00, 9.00 LATE SHOW: PAN’S LABYRINTH (15) 11.30pm

BAMAKO (PG) 1.30 DAYS OF GLORY (12A) 4.00, 9.00 OLD JOY (15) 6.30 PLEASE CHECK WITH CINEMA BEFORE TRAVELLING

www.cineworld.co.uk

01273 818094 Tuesday 27

Thursday 29

300 (15) 12.40, 3.20, 6.00, 8.40 BECOMING JANE (PG) 12.20, 3.00, 5.40, 8.30 CATCH A FIRE (12A) 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 FACTORY GIRL (15) 12.15 GHOST RIDER (12A) 11.50 HOT FUZZ (15) 8.50 I WANT CANDY (15) 12.30, 2.50, 5.00, 7.10, 9.20 NORBIT (12A) 1.40, 4.05, 6.30, 9.00 OUTLAW (18) 2.15, 4.40, 7.05, 9.30 PREMONITION (12A) 11.40, 2.10, 4.30, 6.45, 9.10 SOME LIKE IT HOT (PG) 11.00am TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (PG) 1.30, 3.40, 6.20

300 (15) 12.40, 3.20, 6.00, 8.40 BECOMING JANE (PG) 12.20, 3.00, 5.40, 8.30 CATCH A FIRE (12A) 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 GHOST RIDER (12A) 11.50 HOT FUZZ (15) 8.50 I WANT CANDY (15) 12.30, 2.50, 5.00, 7.10, 9.20 NORBIT (12A) 1.40, 4.05, 6.30, 9.00 PREMONITION (12A) 11.40, 2.10, 4.30, 6.45, 9.10 TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (PG) 1.30, 3.40, 6.20 THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (18) 1.10, 3.30, 5.30, 7.30, 9.30

Wednesday 28

300 (15) BECOMING JANE (PG) CATCH A FIRE (12A) HOT FUZZ (15) MR BEAN’S HOLIDAY (PG) NORBIT (12A) PREMONITION (12A) TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (PG) THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (18)

300 (15) 12.40, 3.20, 6.00, 8.40 BECOMING JANE (PG) 12.20, 3.00, 5.40, 8.30 CATCH A FIRE (12A) 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 GHOST RIDER (12A) 11.50 HOT FUZZ (15) 8.50 I WANT CANDY (15) 12.30, 2.50, 5.00, 7.10, 9.20 NORBIT (12A) 1.40, 4.05, 6.30, 9.00 PREMONITION (12A) 11.40, 2.10, 4.30, 6.45, 9.10 TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (PG) 1.30, 3.40, 6.20 THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (18) 1.10, 3.30, 5.30, 7.30, 9.30

Worthing Cinema

01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk please call for times

Tues 27-29 NOTES ON A SCANDAL (15)

Fri 30–2 MEET THE ROBINSONS (U)

24 latest 7

Films showing Friday 30–Monday 2

PLEASE CHECK WITH CINEMA BEFORE TRAVELLING

Now showing...

A quick look at this week’s releases 300 (15) Dir: Zack Snyder Based on Frank Miller’s graphic comic about the 480 BC Battle of Thermopylae in which 300 Spartans fought against 100,000 Persians.

Pure cinematic, pixelated, homoeroticism. (3/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon After The Wedding (15) Dir: Susanne Bier This recent release from Denmark is a stylish portrayal of family politics, starring Mads Mikkelsen (last seen as Bond’s nemesis in Casino Royale). An example of a European film which mercifully avoids the usual clichés of art-house cinema. (4/5) Showing at Duke of York’s Becoming Jane (PG) Dir: Julian Jarrold An oddly saccharine biopic of Jane Austen focusing on her youth just prior to her literary fame. The script, littered with cloying melodrama, fails to do justice to the subject at hand. (2/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Notes On A Scandal (15) Dir: Richard Eyre Adapted from the superb novel this film about a teacher (Cate Blanchett) who enters into an affair with a pupil. Excellent performances from all with a raw display from Judi Dench. A desperate, ruthless story of love gone sour. (4/5) Showing at Worthing Cinema Old Joy (15) Dir: Kelly Reichardt This subtle film tells the story of two old friends, Kurt (Will Oldham aka Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy) and Mark, who reunite for a camping trip in the Cascade mountains. This a delicate examination of Bush-era Americana. (4/5) Showing at Duke of York’s Outlaw (18) Dir: Nick Love This gritty brute of a film follows Sean Bean as he returns from combat in Iraq. Coming off like The Daily Mail with added gore this is a thrilling but often nasty offering. (2/5) Showing at Cineworld

Catch A Fire (12A) Dir: Shawn Slovo A tough, wry drama about terrorism in South Africa. A policeman (Tim Robbins) and a young man carry out resistance attacks against the regime. (3/5) Showing at Cineworld

Pan’s Labyrinth (15) Dir: Guillermo Del Toro The final film in the Duke of York’s Guillermo Del Toro season. A young girl escapes into a fantasy world amidst the terrible reality of Franco’s Fascist Spain. A startling film full of wonder and poise. (4/5) Showing at Duke of York’s

Days Of Glory (12A) Dir: Rachid Bouchareb Excellent WWII drama about Algerian soldiers fighting for France. (4/5) Showing at Dukes of York’s

Pippi Longstocking (U) Dir: Paul Riley A rare screening of the film version of Astrid Lindgren’s series of books. (3/5) Showing at Duke of York’s

Factory Girl (15) Dir: George Hickenlooper Sienna Miller plays Edie Sedgwick while a ghoulish Guy Pearce plays Warhol in this PopArt drama. Ignore the glitz and seek out Ciao!

Manhattan for a better portrait of Edie. (3/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Premonition (12A) Dir: Mennan Yapo Sandra Bullock stars in this mildly diverting tale of a woman who foresees the death of her husband and is in a race to prevent it.

Painfully dull. (2/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Ghost Rider (12A) Dir: Mark Steven Johnson Nicholas Cage plays stunt motorcyclist Johnny Blaze who gives up his soul to become a vigilante in this Marvel comic adaptation. The execution is poor and the film feels dated and tired. (2/5) Showing at Cineworld

Requiem (12A) Dir: Hans-Christian Schmid German film about an epileptic girl who suffers a breakdown during her first year at university. (3/5) Showing at Duke of York’s

Hot Fuzz (15) Dir: Edgar Wright Superb new offering from the Shaun of the Dead crew. This time it’s the turn of the local bobby to get the comic actioner treatment.

The last half hour may falter but overall it’s a cut above the usual comic fare. (4/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Into Great Silence (U) Dir: Philip Gröning An extensive documentary of life inside the Grande Chartreuse, chief monastery of the reclusive Carthusian Order in France. (3/5) Showing at Duke of York’s Mr Bean’s Holiday (PG) Dir: Steve Benadalack Mr Bean’s latest cinematic caper. Although co-starring William Defoe, Atkinson is clearly in command. (4/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Norbit (12A) Dir: Brian Robbins This mad, chaotic and often excruciating comic farce stars Eddie Murphy in three roles.

A bit like Big Momma’s House with less laughs, this is frothy cinematic slush. (2/5) Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Some Like It Hot (U) Dir: Billy Wilder Comic classic starring Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis as cross-dressing jazz musicians on the run from the Mob. Marilyn Monroe shines in this near-perfect film. (5/5) Showing at Cineworld Stranger Than Fiction (12A) Dir: Marc Foster Will Ferrel gets surreal in this intelligent offbeat comedy as he begins to hear his own life being narrated. (4/5) Showing at Odeon The Family Friend (15) Dir: Paolo Sorrentino A Felliniesque film that tells the tale of an ageing loan shark who meddles in other people’s lives. Enjoyably idiosyncratic. (3/5) Showing at Duke of York’s The Host (15) Dir: Joon-Ho Bong South Korean monster fun with plenty of shocks and comic flare. (4/5) Showing at Odeon The Lives Of Others (15) Dir: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck Superb Oscar winner focusing on the horrifying system of observation in East Germany in the early 1980s. (4/5) Showing at Duke of York’s

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3/22/07

4:02 PM

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FILM

L7 lowdown The Prince of joy New releases reviewed

7 Selects

Bamako (PG) Director Abderrahmane Sissako This brave and inventive film is the latest from Heremakono director Sissako. In a poor area of Bamako, a court has been set up in the yard of a house. On trial are the World Bank and the IMF, who are facing proceedings brought against them

by African civil society for their disastrous political actions which have pushed most African countries into abject poverty. As the courtroom drama unfolds life goes on as children play, couples get married and women fetch water. While undoubtedly a film for all those beard-stroking, ecofriendly, global-conscious, wiserthan-thou folk, this remains a distinct and bold achievement.

Craig Driver Showing at Duke Of York’s

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (PG)

Amazing Grace (PG)

Director Michael Apted This odd little film follows the idealist William Wilberforce as he works his way through Parliament in 18th century England, endeavouring to end slavery in the empire. Ioan Gruffud plays Wilberforce with a distinct lack of charisma. Albert Finney and Michael Gambon add their reputations to the film and serve to make proceedings that bit more enjoyable. The problem with films that deal with the slave trade, as was the case with Spielberg’s Amistad, is that they are often confronted with a horror too large and too deeply felt for a mere two hours. Ignore this and read Toni Morrison’s Beloved instead.

Showing at Odeon

I Want Candy (15)

Director Stephen Surjik This shameless dirge of a film follows two lads from Leatherhead as they attempt to gain funding for their film project. Troubles and japes ensue as the only investor they can find insists on the film being a porn film starring the ‘worlds number one adult star’, Candy Fiveways (Carmen Electra). Surjik, who oddly directed Wayne’s World 2, injects a sweet and nervous energy into it but you can’t escape the feeling that movies like this are the reason the British Film Industry is perpetually on its knees begging for scraps.

Showing at Cineworld

Director Kevin Munroe Strange events are occurring in New York City, and the Turtles are needed more than ever, but Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo have become lost and wayward. With the city at stake, it’s up to Leonardo and Zen Master Splinter to restore unity and ninja discipline to the Turtles.

Patrick Stewart pops up as techindustrialist villain Max Winters as he assembles an army of ancient monsters to take over the world.

With a bold animated style this is an enjoyable but dated exercise.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Craig Driver talks to musical troubadour Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy about his new film Old Joy Given your musical commitments, how did you become involved with the making of Old Joy? It was just the director, Kelly Reichardt. I had done music for a movie for hers called Ode a while back, maybe four years or so ago. Then she called me and said this movie has a hot spring in it and she was thinking about shooting it in North Carolina even though the story was originally set in Oregan. She called me to ask if I knew of any good hot springs because she knew it was something I liked to find while on tour, good places to swim and, if possible, good hot soaks especially if they’re free.

We brainstormed, and I was like, “I don’t know if we have anything you’re looking for. Why don’t you just do it in Oregan?” In the course of that she asked me if I was interested in playing one of the parts. I said I would, especially because it felt an antithesis to the way acting seems to work in general. Actors are just the last thing that is thrown into the mix. There was one part I had in the Baby Jessica story where I played Baby Jessica’s dad – I think I got the part maybe 48 hours before we started shooting. You just walk in and say your lines, and no one gives a sh*t. They don’t care who you are or how you say things.

You say Old Joy felt like an “antithesis” to the usual shooting process. In what way was this more of a enjoyable experience?

Well with this, I was already cognisant of location scouting – and then I was there throughout the whole casting process. I had a chance to understand where it was coming from. I also knew Kelly was going to be working in a way I like to work, which is just like a full immersion process. Everybody goes there. Everybody’s basically on call. No rules.

Most movie sets, you pick up a piece of equipment to carry it down the hill they say, “No, no, no, you don’t need to do that.” Whereas with this it was, “Can you get that for me?” “Do ya think you could back that vehicle over here?” “That’s good. That’s cool.” The line between tasks is a semi-permeable membrane. That’s how I like making records, too.

Bringing people into a location, and just figuring, well, we’ll just see what happens there. There isn’t anything necessarily that any of us have done before that necessarily applies here. We just need to make sure we’re respectful of each other and there are some boundaries but also that those boundaries could be, y’know, discussed.

You’ve acted before in your life, even appearing one time in a KFC commercial. How do you feel about acting now that it seems to have taken a back seat to your music?

The main obstacle is how much interpersonal contact it demands. Like I want to spend time with a bunch of people I don’t respect? I’d rather teach preschool and spend time with people I have a lot in common with.

At least in the down time with making music you can have a great time with the people you’ve gotten together. I’ll never be able to say acting wasn’t important to me because it was just crucial for so long in terms of how I thought about the world, I guess. That fried chicken advert still runs on the local channels back home so I don’t think I’ll ever really escape it.

In Old Joy you’re required to urinate in a stream in one scene. Was it difficult exposing yourself in such a public manner?

No, it didn’t bother me really, not as much as memorising my lines. It was all natural. I didn’t really get stage fright. I just made sure I drank a lot and nature just kinda took its course.

Old Joy is showing at Duke of York’s

The Hills Have Eyes 2 (18)

Director Martin Weisz This unnecessary sequel to Alexandre Aja’s 2006 remake of the 1977 film, written by Wes Craven, is a bloated and deathly slick exercise in modern horror. The film follows several National Guard members as they fight for survival against the mutant people living in the New Mexico desert hills.

Gone is the knowing wit of Craven’s Scream trilogy and in comes the club of quick-fix commercialism. If you want a cheap and nasty thrill then by all means watch this bile. If not then seek out the original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or better still go and buy Suspiria.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy latest 7 25

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3/21/07

1:23 PM

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MUSIC

THE BIG GIG

THIS WEEK Kieran Hebden & Steve Reid For those who like to seek out something a little bit different, you couldn’t go far wrong with the interesting collaborative work of Steve Reid and Kieran Hebden. Making his recording debut on Martha & The Vandellas ‘Dancing In The Street’ in 1964 Reid has also worked with the likes of Miles Davis, Ornette Coleman, James Brown and Sun Ra. Meanwhile Hebden is a member of Fridge and also operates under his own moniker of Four Tet, releasing a string of critically acclaimed recordings over the past few years. Together they make other-worldly and progressive soundscapes that fuse earthy jazz-influenced drumming with sample-based collages of jazz, folk and soul textures. The result is a mesmerising and largely abstract musical conversation that was recorded live over two days and features no overdubs or edits!

Sat 31 Mar, Komedia, Brighton, 01273 647100

The Baghdaddies The Great Escape Three days, over 150 bands (including The Rakes, above) in over 15 venues.

One £35 ticket gets you in to see anything you fancy! It’s indie heaven…

17-19 May, various venues, Brighton, 01273 606312/325440

Latest 7’s Top 5 records Soulsavers It’s Not How Far You Fall, It’s The Way You Land (album V2) Clunky title can’t hide the fact that here is a genuinely hair-raising musical journey through the environs of bluesy country, hip hop, gospel and soul. Featuring the deeply gutteral vocals of Mark Lanegan, this is a powerful noise that sounds heavily like Portishead, DJ Krush and all those noir hip hop acts that came to dominate in the mid-90s. It’s righteous, haunting, redemptive and rather dark stuff.

Newcastle-based and veteran of the festival circuit, this crazy bad-assed brass-infused outfit pump out an eclectic fusion of rhythms and melodies plucked from around the world that are guaranteed to raise your spirits.

Balkan gypsy fundamentals are fused with Middle Eastern flavours, shades of klezmer and tango, jazz and reggae plus a touch of ska – all laced with funky dance grooves and blistering eastern brass harmonies. They’ve got a new album out soon.

Fri 30 Mar, Komedia, Brighton, 01273 647100

1

Jack Penate

Good Shoes Think Before You Speak (album Brille) Very punk and new wave influenced with hints of Wire married to a contemporary Arctic Monkey’s angular street poetry style but with more emphasis on the perennial issues concerning youthful confusion. Loads of catchy pop hooks permeate throughout.

Penate seems destined for big things this year, thanks to a strong pop sensibility, remarkable song craft, energetic gigs and a rabid fanbase. First single, ‘Second, Minute Or Hour’, was released on the respected Young Turks label late last year and sold out in a morning. Although limited to only 1,000 on vinyl (each copy also came with an original Polaroid of Jack), it quickly became more than an indie curiosity with Jo Whiley making it Single of the Week and Zane Lowe playing it more than 20 times within a month of its release! Not unlike a hyperactive Gene Vincent, Penate is obviously a fan of old school rock ’n’ roll, but it’s laced with a contemporary vibe.

Mon 2 Apr, The Engine Room, Brighton, 01273 328999

2

Your Code Name Is: Milo They Came From The Sun (album V2) Dense, rhythmic and sometimes rocking outfit who raise the stakes in the style of Jane’s Addiction, and sound not unlike Muse.

3

Magazine Real LIfe/Secondhand Daylight (album Virgin) Timely reissues for one of post-punks forgotten bands. Led by Howard Devoto, at their best they created sophisticated, epic and almost filmic soundscapes.

4

Bebel Gilberto Momento (album V2) Elegant, summery, easy-going and sparse collection of acoustic, samba, pop and bossa nova flavoured numbers.

5

Good Shoes A pop rock outfit from London, in their own words they play ‘danceable, shed-rehearsed guitar music’ that has garnered a rabid young following thanks to their strong, concise song observations of the harsh realistic tales of life. Blending perfect pop melodies with a fiercer, more ready rock ‘n’ roll, resulting in one of the most popular underground bands around. Given time, these young, beautiful lads will, no doubt, soon become a mainstream phenomenon.

Wed 28 March, Concorde 2, Brighton, 01273 673311

For music listings see our day-to-day guide starting on page 39 26 latest 7

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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3/21/07

1:24 PM

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MUSIC

BRIGHTON SCENE A weekly round-up of what’s happening in the local Brighton and Sussex music scene Ex-BIMM student Paul Steel (Sat 31 March, Pressure Point) has just released his debut single, ‘April & I’, part of a 27 minute opus that playfully tells the tale of a boy, his imaginary friend and the struggles of growing up. Steel’s lush Beach Boys harmonies, sophisticated arrangements, orchestral swells, deranged electronic dance and silly humour is a sound to behold. Also playing are Scottish three-piece The X-Certs (now BrightonPaul Steel based), who sound like a pissed-off fusion of The Cure Alice Russell with TM Duke and The Police with some howling distortion amid the gentler melodic moments.

One of the finest singers you’ll ever hear, Alice Russell (Sat 31 March, Concorde 2), belies her diminutive stature with a big, deep, soulful voice that would give Aretha herself a run for her money. She’s not just a belter though, often caressing a lyric until it’s like putty in her hands, and injecting real passion into her songs that vary between high tempo funk soul numbers to low-slung skanks.

Matt Cooper and Leader (Thurs 29 March, Pressure Point) have just come back from a little tour of Japan where they have secured a recording deal.

Formed in the summer of 2005, Leader Cooper, Loz Buckley, Tim Turner and Charlie Waygood play catchy guitar-based indie rock – boy/girl power-pop, quirky and witty rock and fuzz pop with big melodies where you can hear the influence of Weezer, Ash, Fountains of Wayne and Teenage Fanclub.

Recently featured in Observer Music Monthly as one to watch of the year, Martha Tilston (Mon 2 April, Greys) has been tirelessly promoting her youthful and spirited take on traditional folk to audiences throughout the country and beyond. Recently nominated for a BBC Radio 2 Martha Tilston Folk Award her recent album Of Milkmaids And Architects has been garnering critical acclaim for its cosy and uplifting mix of political and romantic idealism. Her tunes are all self-penned and she possesses a truly pure voice. The perfect candidate to carry the torch of traditional folk music, but in a contemporary way. She’ll be playing with her backing band The Woods, one of whom is Cate Ferris, an accomplished folk-jazz singersongwriter in her own right, who will be performing a solo set tonight too.

Send your music and news to Jeff Hemmings, Music Editor, Latest 7, Unit 1, Level 5, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH. Listen to Jeff and Megan Goodwin on Latest 7 on the Radio, Mon–Thu, 10pm–midnight, Juice 107.2FM or via www.latest7.co.uk/podcasts. Read and reply to his blog: www.latest7.co.uk/blogs

latest 7 on the radio Tune into Juice 107.2FM Monday to Thursday, 10pm to midnight, for the latest music, news, interviews, live sessions and gig information with Jeff Hemmings and Megan Goodwin

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

THE MONTH AHEAD Scott Matthews Throughout history, the Midlands has played an important part in shaping the history of rock, folk and popular music. Born and bred in Wolverhampton, Matthews acquired his first guitar at the tender age of seven, immersing himself in the music of such iconic figures as The Beatles, Bob Dylan, Led Zeppelin, Joni Mitchell, Marc Bolan and Joe Satriani.

Today, his unique fusion of folk/rock blues, combined with boyish good looks, a sexy Midlands accent, and that incredible voice, have all helped to propel him quickly to the upper echelons of the music industry, without having to toil away on the toilet circuit or break into much of a sweat.

Somebody saw his potential early – after signing a recording contract with independent label San Remo in 2004, Scott set about recording his debut album Passing Stranger, which was mastered by Ray Staff, the man responsible for classics such as Zeppelin’s Physical Graffiti and Bowie’s Hunky Dory.

Wed 4 April, Corn Exchange, Brighton, 01273 709709

Barenaked Ladies From Toronto, Canada, they made their mark back in 1991 with a self-produced, homemarketed five-song cassette (The Yellow Tape), which became the only indie release ever to go platinum in Canada’s history. Since then their hip cocktail of acoustic, rock, folk and jazz was underpinned with a pop sensibility and comic wit in hits such as ‘Be My Yoko Ono’ and ‘If I Had A Million Dollars’. Somewhat of a Canadian institution they have become stadium league rockers.

Thurs 5 April, Brighton Dome, 01273 709709

NOWBOOKING Lemar 7 Apr, Brighton Centre Hayseed Dixie 9 Apr, Komedia Terry Callier 12 Apr, Komedia The Horrors 11 Apr, Concorde 2 Cutting Crew 12 Apr, Komedia Sugababes 12 Apr, Brighton Centre The Osmonds, David Essex, David Cassidy, 13 April, Brighton Centre The Beat 13 Apr, Concorde 2 Loudon Wainwright III 14 Apr, Dome James Taylor 18 Apr, Brighton Dome The Skatalites 22 Apr, Komedia The Waterboys 22 Apr, Brighton Dome The Church 28 Apr, Concorde 2 One Night of Queen 28 Apr, Brighton Centre Deep Purple 29 Apr, Brighton Centre Australian Pink Floyd 30 Apr, B’ton Centre Jason Donovan 1 May, Brighton Dome Chris Difford 8 May, Komedia

The loveGods 10 May, Komedia Shooglenifty 11 May, Komedia The Great Escape 17-19 May, various venues in Brighton, www.escapegreat.com Willy Mason 18 May, Pavilion Theatre Tom McRae 20 May, Concorde 2 Mingus Big Band 23 May, Brighton Dome G4 24 May, Brighton Centre Ray Davies 26 May, Brighton Centre Girls Aloud 29 May, Brighton Centre Pet Shops Boys 30 May, Brighton Centre Manic Street Preachers 6 June, B’ton Dome Coco Rosie 12 June, Concorde 2 Allen Toussaint 15 June, Brighton Dome INXS 17 June, Brighton Dome Ronan Keating 21 June, Stanmer Park Blackmore’s Night 23 June, Brighton Dome Royal Philharmonic 24 June, Stanmer Park Don McLean 23 Oct, Brighton Centre

latest 7 27

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3/23/07

8:49 AM

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MUSIC&MALONE

Brighton Music Network Foxy Mamma Malone Lisa Holloway, BMN’s chief exec talks to Alice Friedl-Harris, regional development manager for Attitude is Everything Attitude is Everything promotes disability equality in the music industry and improves disabled people’s access to live music. They formed in 2000 in response to complaints from young disabled people who could not get access to music events, clubs and festivals. Music venues and the music industry in general were not aware of their obligations under the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA) so the project was set up to raise awareness and encourage venues to meet the DDA requirements.

Alice Friedl-Harris has recently been made regional development manager of Attitude is Everything. “We’re working in partnership with Mean Fiddler Music Group, Live Nation and Channelfly (who put on The Great Escape) among others,” she says. “We’re currently trying to branch out into the South East region to encourage more venues to sign up to our Disability Equality Training and our Charter of Best Practice.”

Attitude is Everything are recruiting six local disabled or deaf experienced disability equality trainers to deliver this training specialising in the music industry and local venues.“ There’ll be a particular focus on the Brighton Festival Fringe and The Great Escape festival. We hope to involve as many local venues as possible in becoming more inclusive.

The trainers need some experience of disability equality training but we’ll train them up on the Attitude brand of training,” says Friedl-Harris.

“They need to be passionate about music,” she adds. Asked what her specific role is she says: “I was taken on to get venues up to standard in their equality awareness. I’ll be approaching local venues, doing access audits to see what provision they have in place and trying to get them to sign up to disability equality training for their staff.”

“With lateral thinking lots can be done to make venues more accessible for people with disabilities” But Attitude is Everything is also about changing attitudes to disability, and encouraging and promoting inclusivity. They are trying to make the music industry wake up to this issue by putting on more disabled musicians at events, stewards at festivals, and employing disabled people in other industry jobs. “With lateral thinking there are lots of things that can be done to make venues more accessible,” explains Friedl-Harris. “All public premises should be made accessible by law.

There aren’t many law cases yet, but once there are more examples of venue owners being prosecuted or sanctions being taken against them, the owners will begin to take their responsibilities more seriously.”

Quite a few venues have signed up to Attitude is Everything’s charter, which provides benchmarks for venues to aspire to. “The charter gives guidance on what kind of adaptations and changes in policy we’d expect from a venue committed to disability equality. So far in Brighton we have the Dome and Concorde 2 as charter venues, and we need lots more.”

Asked if she enjoys the job, Friedl-Harris enthuses: “It’s a dream job for me, combining my two favourite things: promoting disability equality and socialising and clubbing.”

To find out more call 020 7388 2227, write to regional@artsline.org.uk or see www.attitudeiseverything.org.uk

Malone runs away from a suitor and this time it’s not the baby vomiting milk

After a teary afternoon, sporting a cold red snotty face, a gorgeous Asian Prince stopped me in the street while I was stomping home with the pram. “Can you spare 30 secs of your time out of your life?” Well, with those eyes mister I think why not, it can’t hurt, after all, I have no intention to sign up to the charity.

“We only need £2 a week,” he says. I tell him I can’t afford that, I’m a single mum! He looks shocked, “What? Is your ex crazy?” Nice line.

We chat, he tells me his mum is a single mum, his dad left when he was young, wanting nothing to do with him. Eventually he says, “I’d really like to take you for a drink after I finish.”

I don’t know what to say, so I start to say no, but he is very persistent. Thing is, I’ve got to feed the baby her banana-porridge mush soon. I call my friend. She reminds me you only live once, and after all

He says,“When will you call me?” I say, “When do you want me to call you?” But I just want him to hurry up, so I can run home with the runs!” it’s just a drink! So I go. I feed the baby in the café, and when he asks what I want to drink, I think, “Sod it, I’ll have a huge marshmallow hot chocolate – after all, you only live once!”

His mum is a childminder so he knows about babies, even taking over feeding the baby. Makes me feel like, “Wow there are guys who don’t mind if you have a kid.” God, I am so old fashioned! Maybe it’s me, who is judging me, and no one else!

Anyhoo he says, “You’re really into your music aren’t you? I prefer reading books.” He gets out Stalin and starts talking about Russian politics. I’m genuinely interested, but part of me can’t help but wonder if this is just his chat-up line, y’know, pretending to be cultured.

Suddenly I feel sick, I want to vomit on him. I feel faint, I need to go. I think I have the runs. I can’t tell him that, so I say I feel sick. Thing is I don’t have milk very often and I’m a bit allergic to it. He looks a bit hurt, so I say, it’s not him, I’m sick! He says, “When will you call me?” I say, “When do you want me to call you?” But I just want him to hurry up, so I can run home with the runs! He says, “Tonight!” He smiles. “I would have taken you to dinner…” He asks me out on Saturday, but I’m busy.

“Well, I could come back down tomorrow.” (He lives in London.) By this point I say OK, just to get rid of him. My guts are really rotten.

Thankfully my neighbour comes down and looks after the baby, while I lock myself in the bathroom. Just say no to milk! Later he texts, which I ignore, then he calls, but I don’t answer. It’s all too much! The boy wouldn’t give me time to breathe, never mind puke!

It’s rock ’n’ roll dating with a baby! I can’t believe it was me vomiting milk and not the baby, but hey, you only live once eh?

For comments and chit chat email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 85 ACROSS: 5 Catch 8 Surprise 9 Scare 10 Educated 11 Climb 14 Sty 16 Come to 17 Ending 18 New 20 Trick 24 Palm tree 25 Madam 26 Escapade 27 Edith.

DOWN: 1 Aster 2 Proud 3 Cream 4 Aspect 6 Accolade 7 Ceremony.

12 Moorland 13 Merchant 14 Son 15 Yew 19 Elapse 21 Smear 22 Groat 23 Beret.

Solution to Quick 85 ACROSS: 5 Spade 8 Corporal 9 Adage 10 Terrapin 11 Egret 14 Ate 16 Stress 17 Needle 18 Sad 20 Groom 24 Creation 25 Mimic 26 Militant 27 Bylaw.

DOWN: 1 Acute 2 Truro 3 Topaz 4 Sadist 6 Pedigree 7 Doggedly 12 Eternity 13 Semolina 14 Ass 15 End 19 Adroit 21 Magic 22 Titan 23 Unite. © Crossword Shop

28 latest 7

For coverage in this magazine email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

029_LS314_barsbarreview/clubs

3/23/07

9:30 AM

Page 3

BARS &CLUBS

THIS WEEK AND THE MONTH AHEAD ★Latest 7 welcomes summer at the Gemini Bar

The Klaxons @ Suicide Saloon Whether you fall at their feet or want to run them through with a serrated glowstick, indie combo the Klaxons are currently at the precise epicentre of what the NME still insists on calling ‘indie rave’, and riding high in the hit parade with their nice songs about unreadable Thomas Pynchon novels and, erm, hyperspace. Tonight they’ve left their guitars at home to play a DJ set at one of the city’s more debauched after parties, Suicide Saloon, where they'll be ravin’ and rockin’ in roughly equal measure.

Ocean Rooms, 1–2 Morley St, 3.30am–7am, 31 March, £7.50

Hell Yeah! @ Concorde 2 Rock ‘n’ roll eh? It’s a funny old beast. To paraphrase Mr James Murphy it only seems like yesterday that all the young pretenders had swapped their guitars for turntables, but now you can hardly move down the Music Exchange for young turks swapping them back. If you currently worship at the altar of emo, metal or punk you could do worse than visit this new soiree where DJ Reuben will be playing guitar based tunes until the man shuts them down. For those of you about to (alternative) rock, we salute you.

Madeira Drive, 30 March, 11pm–3am, £5/£4

You know summer time is nearly here when the seafront bars open up to the public. The Gemini Beach Bar is no exception, opening on 1 April for the summer months ahead. As Brighton’s largest and most popular seafront beer garden, Gemini offers a season of talented live music acts, and there’s space for everyone within the 500-seat open-air patio.

Soak up the sunshine as the weather warms up, and enjoy the views over the seafront as the sun sets. If it gets too chilly out, the inside bar offers shelter, with the upstairs available for private hire but mainly catering for any potential overspill in the evenings.

With delicious cocktail jugs on offer, there is no better venue in Brighton to sit and relax, and pretend you are on holiday in more exotic climes.

There’s also a larger selection of draught beers and ciders than ever, so make it down to the seaside from this coming Monday and welcome in summer in style.

Zara Friend Gemini Beach Bar is at 126–127 King’s Road Arches, Brighton seafront. For information please call 01273 327888 or see www.geminibrighton.co.uk

Obsession @ Beach With grime’s recent reintroduction of the bass bin’s lower registers to the masses, 2007 looks set to be the year when UK garage really makes a comeback. Leading the charge in Brighton this Friday will be Rampage and DJ EZ playing the best in hip hop, R‘n’B and (you've guessed it) garage.

171–181 King’s Rd Arches, 30 March, 10.30pm–4am, £8/£7

Stick It On @ The King and Queen Fans of music and booze (that’ll be just about everybody, then) will already have got tickets to Stick It On’s notorious Bank Holiday bash.

For the rest of you – what's not to like? On the day you can kick off with a stomach-lining barbecue courtesy of Reggae, Steady, Cook, be astonished at the verbal dexterity of Beardyman and dance away to a dozen newly minted superstar DJs. It’s what God had in mind when he designed Bank Holidays.

13 Marlborough Place, 8 April, 3pm–12am, £13

LATE NIGHT BARS

It’s past midnight, you’re still thirsty, but don’t want to go clubbing; here’s our guide to after-hours drinking Above Audio 10 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 606906 Sun–Thu, until 1am, Fri–Sat, until 2am Ancient Mariner 59 Rutland Road, Hove, 01273 570028, Sun–Thu, until 1am, Fri–Sat, until 2am Aqua Bar 23 Waterfront, Brighton Marina, 01273 819800, Sun–Thu, 11am–12am, Fri–Sat, 11am–2am Arc Bar 160 King’s Road Arches, Brighton, 01273 770505, Mon–Sun, until 2am Cosmopolitan Bar The Cosmopolitan Hotel, 29-31 New Steine, Marine Parade, Brighton, Mon–Thu, 4pm–12am, Fri 4pm–2am, Sat 3pm–2am, Sun 12pm–11.30pm Earth and Stars 46 Windsor Street, Brighton, 01273 722879, Sun–Thu, until 1am, Fri–Sat, til 2am The Fiddler’s Elbow 11 Boyce’s Street,Brighton, 01273 325850, Sun–Thu, until 2am, Fri–Sat, until 3am Fish Bowl 74 East Street, Brighton, 01273 777505, Sun–Wed, until 2am, Thu–Sat, until 3am The Freebutt 1 Phoenix Place, Brighton, 01273 603974, Sun–Thu, until 12am, Fri–Sat, until 1am The Globe 78 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 770685, Sun–Wed, until 2am, Thu–Sat, until 3am Grand Central 29-30 Surrey Street, Brighton, 01273 329086, Sun–Wed, until 12am, Thu–Sat, until 2am

The Hope 11-12 Queen’s Road, Brighton, 01273 325793, Sun–Wed, until 12am, Thu–Sat, until 2am The Joogleberry 14-17 Manchester Street, Brighton, 01273 687171, Mon–Sat, 11am–1am, Sunday until 12am Koba 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com.

Mon–Thu, until 5am, 24 hours over the weekend.

Rehab Bar Waterfront, Brighton Marina, 01273 675007, Sun–Thu, until 12am Riki Tik 18A Bond Street, Brighton, 01273 683844, until 3.30am Fri and Sat Saqqara 158 North Street, Brighton, 01273 779701, until 2am Sidewinder 65 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 608571, Sun–Thu, until 1am, Fri–Sat, until 2am Vanilla 73A Western Road, Hove, 01273 748182, Tue–Thu, 5.30pm–1.30am, Fri–Sat, 5pm–2.30am, Sun 12pm–1am, closed Mondays Western Front 11 Cranbourne Street, Brighton, 01273 725656, Sun–Wed, until 2am, Thu–Sat, until 3am Zoot Street Bar 8 Queen’s Road, Brighton, 087 1223 5776, Sun–Wed, 5pm–11pm, Thu–Sat, 5pm–1pm

For bar/club listings see our day-to-day guide starting on page 39 latest 7 29

028_LS314_gay

3/22/07

1:08 PM

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GAY

News

CHOICE Tue 27 Mar

Brighton Gay Wedding Show is go Plans for the official Gay Wedding Show in Brighton have been unveiled. Organisers hope that the 2007 show, on Sunday 25 November, will be the best yet. Sassy drag host Fonda Cox will be keeping guests entertained and there’ll be live performances from the seductive Chip Jenkins and the blues sound of Jo Paige. In hall two you will hear the buzz from three-piece band Alter Ego. Plus the usual services to make your special day, er, special.

Find out more at www.gayweddingshow.co.uk/brighton.htm

Gay artists wanted for show How many budding gay artists are there in this town? How much community talent is going unappreciated? A Brighton-based lesbian artist is looking for LGBT artists to take part in an upcoming exhibition to celebrate diversity

Pubs & bars

Amsterdam, 11 Marine Parade Bar, hotel, sauna and popular summer terrace. Food available every day. 01273 688825 www.amsterdam.uk.com Aquarium, 6 Steine Street Traditional backstreet boozer.

01273 605525 www.pleisure.com Barley Mow, 92 St George’s Road Mixed and friendly local in Kemp Town serving good food.

Nice outside terrace too.

01273 682259 Brighton Rocks, 6 Rock Place Fabulous, stylish bar and restaurant with outside decking. 01273 601139 Bulldog, 31 St James’s Street Landmark gay pub for 25 years.

Entertainment, happy hours.

01273 694097 www.bulldogbrighton.com Charles Street, 8 Marine Parade Huge swish café-bar serving food, has outside terrace, ’til 3am Fri/Sat. 01273 624091 www.charlesstreetbar.com Doctor Brighton’s 16–17 Kings Road Popular pub with huge vodka selection.

01273 328765 www.pleisure.com Fountain Inn High Street, Handcross Gay oasis in the countryside near Gatwick and very popular.

01444 400218 www.fountainpub.co.uk Jack Horner, 80 High Street, Worthing Worthing’s only gay pub. Some themed nights. 01903 236427

30 latest 7

Legends Bar Dance and Hotel 31-34 Marine Parade Recently re-opened after a multi-million refit.

Marine Tavern, 13 Broad Street Cosy, traditional and friendly boozer with real beer.

01273 681284 www.harlequin-brighton.co.uk Marlborough, 4 Princes Street Large pub popular with the girls, with a great theatre upstairs.

01273 570028 www.marlboroughtheatre.co.uk PV, 22 Upper North Street Great mixed pub with cool interior and regular live music.

01273 325491 www.thepv.co.uk Queens Arms, 7 George Street Opens 3pm every day with top cabaret and entertainment every night. 01273 696873 www.queensarmsbrighton.com R-Bar, 7 Marine Parade Open ’til 2am, Sun–Thu; 24 hours, Fri–Sun. 01273 608133 www.revenge.co.uk Revue Bar, 19 New Steine A stylish compact bar with a really friendly atmosphere.

01273 607456 Star Inn, 5–9 Manchester Street Menus every day, Sunday roasts. Live big screen sports.

01273 601450 www.starinnbrighton.com Vavoom, 31 Old Steine Video bar, right next door to Revenge. 01273 603010 www.vavoom.co.uk White Horse, 30 Camelford Street Friendly mixed local.

01273 603726 The Zone, 33 St James’s Street New men’s bar that’s just

through the visual arts. The exhibition will coincide with Brighton Pride in August and take place at a local gay pub. Artists are invited to submit all types of wall-mounted artwork for consideration. There are also possible opportunities for performance artists to appear at the opening event. If you're interested, email sample images of your work (jpg or pdf) to Robyn: redillon@ntlworld.com. Submissions deadline: Friday, 18 May 2007. Early submissions strongly encouraged.

Catalonian government fund gay porn The government of Catalonia has awarded a £10,000 grant to a local erotic filmmaker to encourage use of the native language.

Officials in the Spanish region say that Conrad Son's films are useful in spreading the Catalan dialect. Mr Son says that his films, which include lesbian sex scenes, are artistic.

opened, promising something a bit different for Brighton’s boys.

01273 626442

Clubs

Audio Hosts Sunday Sundae 10 Marine Parade Weekly chillout with occasional specials and drink promos.

01273 606906 Candy Bar, 129 St James’s Street UK’s only lesbian nightclub, ’til 3am, Fri/Sat. 01273 622424 www.thecandybar.co.uk Charles St Club, 8 Marine Parade Sleek club above Charles Street Bar, nightly promoters.

10pm–2am, 01273 624091 Harlequin, 43 Providence Place Bar/nightclub, cabaret/stripper, Fri/Sat nights. 9pm–4am, Fri/’Sat. 01273 620630 www.harlequin-brighton.co.uk Monkey, Brighton Gloucester, 27 Gloucester Place Every Saturday night. www.wildfruit.co.uk 01273 688011 Revenge, 32 Old Steine Huge two-floor club. 10pm-3am, Sun–Thu ’til 5am Fri/Sat till 6am www.revenge.co.uk Therapy @ Rehab Waterfront, Brighton Marina A weekly gay night at Brighton marina. Every Friday. A lovely stylish big bar!

V2, 5 Steine Street Open every night from 8pm till late. 01273 603010 Wildfruit, Creation, 78 West Street Usually once a month with themed nights. One for your calendar! www.wildfruit.co.uk

R-Bar 12pm-2am. Student night.

Selected drinks £2 all night. 5-9pm happy hour.

Dulcie Danger banging away upstairs with the fabulous Lollipop Girls hosting downstairs.

Door: £5 before 11, £7 after

Wed 28 Mar

Sat 31 Mar

Queens Arms 2:30-11:30pm. Food, wi-fi access and happy hour ’til 7pm. QA High School with Andy B + Cherry Poppins and Betty’s Cabaret Show from 9pm. Drinks promos.

The Gloucester 10.30pm-4am Monkey.

Brighton’s favourite DJs playing top tunes. NUS £5 all night, others £5 before 11/£7 before midnight/£9 after. Drinks promos

Thu 29 Mar

Sun 1 Apr

Charles Street Club 10.30pm-3am Religion.

Hosted by Mother Superior Joan Bond with DJs Richard Jones and Tony B on the decks. £4/£3 flyer. £2 drinks promos

Star Inn 12pm-11pm. Sunday lunches ’til 4pm then Bears Beer Bash with charity raffle and Big Bears Buffet

Fri 30 Mar

Marlborough 12pm-12am. Games social night from 6pm. Games, pool and tunes

Revenge 10.30pm-5am. Lollipop Vs Kinky Dangerous. DJ

Mon 2 Apr

3SIXTY is Brighton’s brightest monthly gay magazine with news, interviews, features and listings for the gay scene around Brighton and Hove.

April’s edition is out now. Pick up your free copy across the city.

You can also now download a full issue at www.3sixtymag.co.uk 3SIXTY T: 01273 570570 E: info@3sixtymag.co.uk

031_LS314_stage

3/21/07

3:26 PM

Page 1

STAGE

Let us spray Hip hop along to the Gardner Arts Centre for TAG... Me Vs. The City Following 2006’s sell-out shows, Jonzi D productions is back on the road with TAG… Me Vs. The City. Fusing essential elements of hip hop culture, TAG offers a window into the world of a brilliant but obsessive graffiti writer, exorcising his personal and creative demons in the only way he knows how.

Created and directed by hip hop theatre pioneer Jonzi D, TAG has a cast of six dancers exploring the physicality of graffiti lettering through collages of rap, breakdancing and body-popping. The audience is invited to identify with the graffiti writer as a person and to understand his obsession, as his work literally comes to life, illustrating snapshots of his earlier life.

TAG also features writing from performance poet John Berkavitch, beats and sound design by the legendary DJ Pogo (The En4cers, Block Party Breaks), an immense and impressive graffiti set courtesy of Sculptural Graffiti, dynamic onstage video animation from Ben Wachenje (the7Samurai), lighting design by Jonathan Samuels and costumes by Shirley Williams.

Also curator and host of Sadlers Wells’ annual festival Breakin’ Convention, unique artist Jonzi D is one of the most recognised faces of hip hop theatre, having already toured worldwide with the groundbreaking Lyrikal Fearta and Aeroplane Man. Gardner Arts Centre, 27–28 March, £12.50/£10.

Box Office 01273 685861 or online at www.gardnerarts.co.uk

Time warp The Rocky Horror Show pops up through yet another wormhole Offbeat comic genius Steve Pemberton stars alongside Olivier award-winning West End and Broadway star David Bedella in the hotly anticipated return of the Rocky Horror Show.

Having wowed both its die-hard devotees and those enjoying the quirky delights of the musical for the first time last year, this production is making a rapid return by popular demand. The show follows innocent sweethearts Brad and Janet on an adventure they’ll never forget. They encounter larger-than-life characters like the scandalous Frank N Furter, rippling Rocky and vivacious Magenta. The timeless songs include ‘Sweet Transvestite’, ‘Damn It Janet’, and of course, the pelvic-thrusting ‘Time Warp’.

Steve Pemberton is best known as one of The League Of Gentlemen comedy stars, who together have won the Perrier Award for comedy, a BAFTA and the Golden Rose Of Montreux award. Their acclaimed cult BBC2 TV show has run for three series and

spawned two live stage productions and a feature film, The League Of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse. Steve also appeared in the films Match Point (directed by Woody Allen), Lassie and The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. He is currently starring on ITV1 in the comedy Benidorm.

The colourful role of Frank N Furter will be played by David Bedella, whose unforgettable performance as Satan/Warm Up Man in Jerry Springer – The Opera was rewarded with an Olivier Award for ’best actor’ in 2004. Other notable stage work includes Hedwig And The Angry Inch, Jesus Christ Superstar and A Chorus Line. He is also well-known to TV viewers as surgeon Carlos Fashola in Holby City. So, fish out your stockings and sharpen your stilettos for the biggest and baddest musical around, but be warned, this show has rude bits!

Theatre Royal, New Road, Brighton, 2-7 April Mon-Thu eves 7.45pm, Fri and Sat 6pm and 9pm Tickets £32.50-£18 (bkg fee) Box Office 08700 606 650

What never?

Chalkfoot’s Never Ever After ends a tour at the Nightingale Theatre Chalkfoot’s refreshing new play for spring 2007 has been touring Kent and Sussex.

Commissioned with support from The Farnham Maltings, it is a heartwarming and topical new play by Ed Harris.

Never Ever After is set in 1999 and tells the story of Miles, a young man who has never quite grown up. Because he was bullied as a child, vulnerable Miles has been kept at home by his mother, Silva. She has raised him to believe that the world is a bizarre and magical place where wishes can come true, and Miles is

eagerly awaiting the 1999 eclipse: a time when he believes his greatest wish will be granted.

But real life is catching up fast with mother and son: Silva’s health is failing and a massive greenfield property development threatens to invade their isolated rural community. Can Harper, a young woman recently returned from London with her own problems, teach them both to face realilty?

The Nightingale Theatre, 29-30 Surrey Street, Brighton, Sun 1 April, 7.30pm, £8.50/£6.50. Box Office: Brighton Dome Ticket Office on 01273 709709 latest 7 31

032_033_LS314_festival

3/23/07

11:32 AM

Page 2

BRIGHTON FESTIVAL

Brought to book With tickets selling fast, it’s time to check out this year’s Brighton Festival programme and buy those tickets before they sell out If, like many people, you have already planned and booked your festival tickets for the 2007 season then well done and turn to the next page. If however, like so many others you are still undecided, then read on.

It would be fair to say that booking early is always essential for the most popular events each year and no doubt certain shows will already be sold out. Booking records are being broken already this year with an enormous pre-festival turnout at the boxoffice both in person and online. There are still plenty of things to see though, so here are a few highlights from what promises to be a festival to remember.

it all go horribly wrong? The National Theatre Of Ireland must seize its chance – a night to change the nation’s destiny. Rebels, faded stars, romantics and whores, all have their part to play in this compelling combination of theatre, farce and vaudeville.

Tue 8–Sat 12 May, 7.30pm, Theatre Royal Brighton

at New York’s Fez club for the past two decades. This is a unique opportunity to the hear the live sound that made Mingus the jazz legend that he is today.

Dizzy Gillespie All-Star Big-Band, Thurs 10 May, 8pm, Brighton Dome Mingus Big Band, Wed 23 May, 8pm, Brighton Dome

Futurology: A Global Revue Futurology poses the questions we are all asking about our planet’s future, but in an evening of theatre, cabaret, song, dance and ventriloquism. Brought to us by Suspect Culture and The National Theatre of Scotland with Brighton Festival the big question is posed in a sharp and satirical black comedy.

Sat 5–Thur 10 May, 8pm, Corn Exchange

Import Export – Les Ballets C de la B Pioneering Belgian dance company Les Ballets C de la B return this year with a UK premiere of their new work Import Export. This is a collaboration between dancer/choreographer Koen Augustijnen and counter tenor Steve Dugardin.

Using dance, performance, music, acrobatics and song the piece is an exploration of powerlessness in an increasingly aggressive world. Set to the baroque sounds of Charpentier and Clérambault played by the all-female Kirke string quartet with contemporary electronic soundscapes by Guy Van Nueten it promises to be an adventurous and highly charged performance, provocative and entertaining.

Sat 12–Tue 15 May, 8pm, Corn Exchange

Dublin By Lamplight Award-winning Irish ensemble The Corn Exchange theatre company, are bringing their acclaimed Dublin By Lamplight to the Theatre Royal. Using their unique style of commedia dell’arte this acclaimed production explores a whirlwind vision of the city in the 1904.

Amidst the filth of the city, the theatrical event of the century is about to explode or will 32 latest 7

Dizzy Gillespie and Charles Mingus big bands The eponymous originators of these two bands may long be gone but the legend of their music lives on. Dizzy Gillespie is revered as one of the greatest trumpeters of all time and a key architect of the move from swing music to bebop. But he is probably best remembered for his compositions and arrangements as leader of what must be one of the greatest jazz bands of all time. Formed in 1998, this ensemble performs his big band repertoire in classic and contemporary arrangements with a virtuoso 18-piece orchestra.

Charlie Mingus was without doubt at the head of the modern jazz movement. His reputation as a bassist, band leader and icon of the movement is beyond question. Now this 14-piece big band keep the legacy of his work alive and have done so

Czech National Symphony Orchestra This internationally acclaimed orchestra return to Brighton Festival for an evening of musical riches and their authentic easter european sounds.

Dvorak, Janceck, and Bruch with Chloe Hanslip playing violin and the Brighton Festival Chorus taking to the stage for an exuberant finale with Dvorak’s Te Deum.

Wed 9 May, 8pm, Brighton Dome

Dido & Aeneas 1700 Opera fans can look forward to a real treat with this newly discovered and re-compiled 1700 version of his 1680 masterpiece. Usually performed in the original, much shorter version, the recently discovered and restored later additions by John Eccles, with ambitious and colourful arrangements by Philip Picket and The New London Consort, have made this a full evening’s entertainment to be performed Proms-style in the Dome. Dido, the full-length opera promises to be the hit of 2007, that their L’Orfeo was in 2004.

Wed 16 May, 8pm, Brighton Dome

Vic Reeves – Me: Moir Loveable, cuddly and stark staring bonkers, Vic Reeves has invaded the collective heart of the nation with his off-the-wall, surreal and yet

Call 01273 709709 to book tickets or visit www.brightonfestival.org

032_033_LS314_festival

3/23/07

11:41 AM

Page 3

BRIGHTON FESTIVAL accessible humour. But where did it all come from? Reeves, nee Moir talks about his pre-celebrity life in the North from his new autobiography Me: Moir. Find out how a former pig farmer and part-time punk became a household name and one of the UK’s favourite comedians.

Wed 16 May, 7.30pm, Theatre Royal Brighton

26 Letters It wouldn’t be Brighton Festival without a strong literary presence and especially work for children of all ages. This year is no exception and the programme includes favourites for all ages and all generations – there’s a child in every one just waiting to be released. This year join top authors and illustrators in celebrating the world of children’s books.

Thur 17–Sun 20 May, various times and venues.

See programme or www.brightonfestival.org

Them With Tails Storytelling is also at the heart of this event, a family show by two very funny chaps indeed who promise fun and uproar as they tell tales and invent tales based around audience suggestions. Who knows what will happen?

Even the cast don’t.

Tue 8–Fri 11 May, 6pm; Sat 12 May, 11am and 3pm, The Old Market

Udderly fabulous Is it a cow? Is it a tent? No it’s The Udderbelly – Brighton Festival’s newest venue What’s that purple glow on the horizon? Is it an apparition? No, it’s a huge upside-down purple cow! Launched at Edinburgh Fringe 2006, the 396-seat performance venue – Udderbelly – will visit Brighton Festival for the first time this coming May. The height of 7 1⁄2 elephants, 4 double-decker buses or 14 cows all stood on top of each other, the cow will be grazing the pastures of the Old Steine with two bars, resident artists the Caesar Twins and an eclectic programme of comedy, theatre, music and children’s shows programmed by Brighton Festival Fringe.

“The cow will be grazing the pastures of the Old Steine, with two bars and an eclectic programme” The Udderbelly will also host the Brighton Festival Club, which will be open from Sunday to Wednesday 10.30pm–12.30am and Thursday to Saturday 10.30pm–2am.

However these timings may change as Charlie Wood (director of Udderbelly) and Jane McMorrow (Brighton Festival Producer)

Funding the fun Brighton Festival announces national media partner and special late night train Brighton Festival relies on the support of its funders, sponsors and supporters to continue to present an inspirational programme of events. Our local audience is well aware of the festival – over 60 percent of last year’s festival goers came from BN1, BN2 and BN3.

However, it’s vital we continue to attract and increase visitors, both for the festival and for the prosperity of local business.

So in 2007 the Brighton Festival has entered into two new major partnerships to help

develop this audience. The Guardian is the national media sponsor for this year’s Brighton Festival. The relationship comprises an extensive advertising campaign, bringing the festival content to readers across the world.

Marc Sands, marketing director of Guardian News and Media, says: “The Brighton Festival has a great reputation for innovation, energy and entertainment. It’s a great fit for our brand.”

A major three-year partnership has also been announced with Southern, which includes

Call 01273 709709 to book tickets or visit www.brightonfestival.org

are currently working towards extending the opening hours. The Brighton Festival Club is free to everyone attending the festival.

Clubcards will be available with all tickets and will admit the cardholder plus one guest at any time. Alternatively you can show a ticket from that day’s event for admittance.

sponsorship as well as an impressive amount of advertising. Alongside this Southern will introduce a brand-new Festival Night Train, fast from Brighton to London. It will leave Brighton at 23.19, stopping only at East Croydon and Clapham Junction before arriving at London Victoria just after midnight. This means that audiences will be in time to make connections for the last Tubes from Victoria.

Brighton Festival has in the past five years carved a niche for itself as an innovative, forward-thinking festival that understands the importance of its relationship with its local and visiting audiences. These strategic partnerships form part of Brighton Festival’s commitment to this plan.

latest 7 33

034_LS314_stagelistings

3/21/07

3:03 PM

Page 2

STAGE

THEATRE LISTINGS

From Tuesday 27 March to Monday 23 April 2007

You Don’t Need To Know That Comic mayhem as a man wakes up to find a policeman at the end of his bed. Did he really commit a crime he can’t recall?

•Tue 17 Apr, 7.45pm, please call for prices

KOMEDIA, BRIGHTON BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Lucy By Ed Harris. Lucy washes up on the island of Britneygrad, to be met by conjoined twins. Ridicule, romance and cannibalism are thrown into the mix – this is a comic assault on scandal.

•Mon 2-Tue 3 Apr, 7.45pm, £7.50/£5.50 Once A Catholic By Mary O’Malley. Hilarious comedy about life in a London Convent in the 1950s.

•Wed 4-Thu 5 Apr, 7.45pm, ££7.50/£5.50 Musical In A Week: The Dreamer Music theatre for friends and family of the children who have taken part in this week-long workshop to create today’s performance.

•Sat 14 Apr, 3pm, £3 adults/£1 children

The Unexpected Guest, Eastbourne Devonshire Park Theatre

BRIGHTON LITTLE THEATRE 01273 777748 www.the-little.co.uk The Real Thing A mixed-up story about Henry, a playwright married to Charlotte who has the lead role in his latest play about adultery. Her co-star is Max married to actress Anne, but Henry and Anne are in love! Is it real or just another play?

•Tue 27-Sat 31 Mar, 7.45pm, £7.50

THE CAPITOL, HORSHAM 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Calamity Jane The tale of the larger than life heroine from Deadwood City, with songs and adventures, not forgetting the Windy City. See the transformation of the rough and tough Jane into a lovely lady in this classic story.

•Tue 27 Mar-Sat 31 Mar, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm matinee Sat 31 March. Please call for prices An Evening With... Julian Clary Leaving the make-up and sequins behind, Julian Clary reveals all in this intimate show, filled with Clary’s wit and charm, which has captivated audiences for 20 years.

•Sun 15 April, 8pm, £20 Rainbow Live Children’s television favourites Bungle, Zippy and George are back in an allnew live show, with fun and frolics appealing to all ages.

•Thu 12 Apr, 2pm, £8

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Kaleidoscope Students from Bourne primary school present a vibrant show of dance and gymnastics and music themed around colour.

•Tue 27 Mar, 7pm, £5 Sweet Charity A tender and poignant tale of a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve.

Presented by Eastbourne’s’ Rattonians, this classic New York musical features songs including ’Hey, Big Spender.’ Ticket price includes a free programme and £1 donation to Cancer Research.

•Wed 11-Sat 14 Apr, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm matinees Thu and Sat, £14/£12/£10/£8.50 (matinees - £10 all seats) The Goodies Still Rule OK! A laughter-filled evening with clips, sketches and reminiscences of the legendary Goodies. With Tim BrookeTaylor and Graeme Garden live on stage.

•Sun 15 Apr, 7.30pm, £19.50/£17.50 Swan Lake On Ice Miss Dancing On Ice already? Don’t miss the Imperial Ice Stars performing to Tchaikovsky’s glorious music in this spectacular skating show.

•Tue 17–Sat 21 Apr, 7.30pm, plus Wed, Thu and Sat 2.30pm, £25/£22.50/£20/£18 Tue–Thu eve and Sat mat, £22.50/£20/£18/£16 Wed and Thu mat, £26.50/£24.50/£22.50/£20 Fri and Sat eves

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk 34 latest 7

The Unexpected Guest The Agatha Christie Theatre Company are back with a new production. A man lost in the fog stumbles across a home, but seeking refuge, he comes across a murder. Compelling, and filled with suspense, an enticing ‘whodunnit’ mystery.

•Tue 27 to Sat 31 Mar, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £18/£16/£13.50 Mon–Thu eves, £19.50/£17.50/£13.50 Fri and Sat eves, £13.50 Wed and Sat mats.

September Tide Based on Daphne Du Maurier’s classic story about a widow who rejects marriage proposals but finds herself falling for her daughter’s new husband.

•Mon 2–Sat 7 Apr, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat matinees 2.30pm, £18/£16/£13.50 Mon–Thu eves, £19.50/£17.50/£13.50 Fri and Sat eves, £13.50, Wed and Sat matinees.

Perfect Pitch Fantastic observational comedy about a couple who find the perfect place to pitch their caravan until the neighbours from hell turn up to shatter the peace!

•Mon 9–Sat 14 Apr, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat matinees 2.30pm, £18/£16/£13.50 Mon–Thu eves, £19.50/£17.50/£13.50 Fri and Sat eves, £13.50 Wed and Sat matinees Dead Funny Terry Johnson’s award-winning comedy about relationships and sex therapy. A wife struggles when her husband seems more interested in running the ’Dead Funny Society.’

•Mon 16–Sat 21 Apr, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat matinees 2.30pm, £18/£16/£13.50 Mon–Thu eves, £19.50/£17.50/£13.50 Fri and Sat eves, £13.50 Wed and Sat matinees

EASTBOURNE: WINTER GARDEN 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk We’ll Meet Again Back by popular demand, singers, comedians and musicians recall great wartime entertainment with the likes of Bing Crosby and Vera Lynn.

•Tue 3 Apr, 2.30pm, £11 Rainbow Fish Fun show for children aged 3–7 with song, music and puppetry to create a funny underwater adventure for all the family.

•Mon 23 Apr, 1.30pm, £4.50, £2 baby tickets

01273 647100 www.komedia.co.uk You Don’t Need To Know That... Comic mayhem as a man wakes up to find a policeman at the end of his bed. Did he really commit a crime he can’t recall?

•Wed 28 Mar, 8pm, £10/£8 The Magic Sandals Enchanting theatre for children about Hualachi, who is sent to deliver an important message by the almighty Emperor of Ancient Peru. A tale about the colourful characters he meets on the way with puppetry, music and a pair of magic sandals.

•Sun 1 Apr, ages 3–8, 2pm, £6/£5 The Improvability Drive The Maydays present an improv show, based on audience suggestions. Book early as tickets sell fast.

•Fri 6 Apr, 9pm, £7/£6 The Little Mermaid Story-tellers Flotsam and Jetsam invite you under the sea to experience the adventures of The Little Mermaid who falls in love with a human prince and, desperate to meet him, makes a deal with the sea witch.

Kids show (ages 4+) •Sun 22 Apr, please call for start time, £5/£6

MARLBOROUGH THEATRE, BRIGHTON 07782 278521 www.marlboroughtheatre.co.uk The Maydays: When The Script Hits The Fan Improvised show inspired by the audience with no script, props or safety net!

•Sat 31 Mar, 8pm, £6 Scratch Night Comedy, dance and spoken word where the audience is invited to give new artists feedback on their performance!

•Sun 15 Apr, 8pm, £5

NEW VENTURE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk Double Bill: The Interview/Agape’s Excess A hilarious black comedy set in an office followed by a play exploring the dark side of relationships.

•Tue 27–Sat 31 Mar, 7.45pm (Tue–Sat) 2.30pm Sun, no performance Mon

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 702563 www.nightingaletheatre.co.uk Never Ever After A new play by Ed Harris about a mother who makes up a fantasy world for her son who has learning disabilities to protect him from the real world. But it’s not long before the real world begins to catch up.

•Sun 1 April, 7.30pm Tickets available from www.brightonticketshop.com/01273 709709

THEATRE ROYAL, BRIGHTON 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal

WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Sailor, Beware! Albert Tuffnell is weary that his fiancee will turn out like her Mother when they are married. Add to that, she has plans for them to move just three doors away from her!

Watch Albert look for a solution to his woes with mishaps and confusion along the way.

•Tue 27–Sat 31 Mar, 7.30pm, 2pm Wed and Sat, £12.50.

Blood Brothers The hit West End Musical comes to Worthing telling the story of twin boys separated at birth who are then reunited by fate and a dark secret, kept by their mother.

•Mon 2–Sat 14 Apr, 7.30pm, 2pm Wed and Sat, £28/£26.50, Mon–Thu eve and Sat mat, £29.50/£28 Fri–Sat eve, £24.50/£22.50 Wed mat.

September Tide Daphne du Maurier’s bestselling book is adapted for the stage .A story of passion and romance, as a widowed woman finds herself falling for her daughter’s new husband.

•Tue 17–Sat 21 Apr, 7.30pm, 2pm Wed and Sat, please call for prices.

The Lesson Presented by the Icarus Collective.

Exploring the tutor–pupil relationship. When the pupil displeases the tutor we begin to see a different side in this mix of light, classroom farce and chilling drama. (Note: Contains scenes of a violent nature) •Mon 23 Apr, 7.30pm, £12.50

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE

GARDNER ARTS CENTRE, BRIGHTON 01273 685861 www.gardnerarts.co.uk Tag... Me Vs The City Hip-hop theatre production with a cast of six dancers exploring the physicality of graffiti art lettering through a collage of rap, breakdancing and body–popping.

A life size graffiti set and on–stage video animation. For ages 12+ •Tue 27–Wed 28 Mar £12.50/£10

THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Black Compelling drama of passion and revenge set in Edwardian England. Was Cressida really widowed by design, as her daughter Emily believes? Surreal and increasingly sinister events unfold.

•Fri 30–Sat 31 Mar, please call for times and prices

Tracy Beaker Based on the popular books and children’s television series, Tracy Beaker explodes on stage in this new show with music for all the family. Discover the touching and funny world according to Tracy Beaker.

•Tue 27–Sun 31 Mar, 7pm Tue and Fri, 1.30pm and 6.30pm Wed and Thu, 12pm and 5pm Sat, £16 adults, £10 children Rocky Horror Show Following a recordbreaking sell-out run in the West End, the Rocky Horror Show returns with its raunchy rock’n’roll party. Put on the fishnets and stilettos and join Frank and the gang for an unforgettable night.

•Mon 2–Sat 7 April, Mon 2 Apr, 7.45pm Tue–Thu, 6pm and 9pm Fri and Sat, £29.50/£26.50/£23.50/£18 Mon–Thu eve and Sat early. £24/£20 Fri early, £32.50/£29.50/£25.50, £20 Fri and Sat eves.

The New Statesman Hilarious political and sexual shenanigans in this all-new show starring comedy favourite Rik Mayall.

•Mon 9–Sat 14 April, 7.45pm, plus 2.30 matinee Thu and Sat. £26/£23/£19/£16 Mon–Thu eves and Sat mat, £20/£16 Thu mat, £27/£24/£20/£17 Fri and Sat eves Bargain Black comedy about a man who makes a deal with Mother Teresa of Calcutta, only for his body to be found floating in the Atlantic three years later.

•Mon 16–Sat 21 April, 7.45pm, plus 2.30 matinee Thu and Sat. £25/£23/£19/£16 Mon–Thu eves and Sat mat, £19/£16 Thu mat, £26/£24/£20/£17 Fri and Sat eves Pam Am Join Pam Am – A-list air hostess to the stars (including Elton John) in this special one-night show •Sat 22 April, 7.30pm, £17.50

You Don’t Need To Know That, Komedia

01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk The Big Ballet A unique ballet ensemble of 20 with each weighing no less than 220 pounds.

Proving that grace and elegance is not linked to ’thin.’ Sets out to challenge social standards.

•Tue 27 Mar, 7.30pm, £18.50/£16.50 Seussical The Musical Taking the popular Cat In The Hat character and presenting an all-new delightful musical show from Anyone4Theatre?.

•Fri 30 Mar, 7.30pm, please call for prices The Fox Factor – Starring Basil Brush Spectacular show for all the family with the popular character Basil Brush. Comedy, mayhem and laughs, plus special guests.

•Thu 5 Apr, 2.30pm and 6pm, £12 The Spirit Of Broadway – A Star-Spangled Celebration High energy show with lavish costumes and hit songs from the likes of Grease, Chicago and Cats.

•Tue 17 Apr, 8pm, £19/£17/£15 We’ll Meet Again Relive the spirit of the 1940s in this show paying tribute to Vera Lynn, Bing Crosby and more.

•Wed 18 Apr, 2pm, £10

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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KIDS

Bunny tales

EVENTS

THIS WEEK’S PREVIEWS

Zara Friend discovers some fun alternatives to chocolate eggs for children this Easter time

Image: Roger Wilmshurst

Christmas seems like it’s barely over and we’re quickly approaching the next holiday for over indulging – Easter, when the chocolate eggs are out in force. But if you want an alternative to chocolate eggs, there are great Easter-themed gifts for kids and adults alike that will stop you from reaching for the chocolate.

Spottiswoode Trading offer a traditional Easter treat with a beautiful handcrafted cotton basket with rabbit family (see below). Soft and adorable, these pink and cream bunnies are also available in blue (£19.95, see www.spottiswoodetrading.com) Keeping to the theme of soft and adorable Easter animals, Flair have released Funky Chicks (www.flairplc.co.uk). Nestled in the palm of your hand, they tweet, they sing and rock, tweeting a random chorus for whoever picks them up.

Good news for kids (and collectors of the popular Sylvanian Families) is the relaunch of the original Grey Rabbit Babblebroook Family this Easter, first released twenty years ago. The new collection features the brother and sister characters who have never been released in the UK before. Join the queue! (For stockists visit www.flairplc.co.uk or call 0845 456 1775).

For more cuddly bunnies, chicks and lambs, the Trudi line from Mumbo Jumbo toys (www.mumbojumbotoys.com) are gorgeous, plush Easter friends made from the finest materials.

So experience a different Easter this year, with some themed gifts and smaller eggs to indulge in. Kids – and their teeth – will love you for it.

An Introduction To Birdsong Head into British summertime exploring the sounds of top British songsters. We don’t mean another series of The X Factor, but the language of birds, with the Sussex Wildlife Trust at Woods Mill near Henfield this Friday 30 March.

This special three-week course (two more get-togethers in May) is designed for beginners and bird enthusiasts alike. Bird expert Mike Russell leads the way, with an introduction held indoors on why birds sing and the differences between their songs and calls.

Then, it’s out to nature, with a walk through the nature reserve at Woods Mills. A complex but enjoyable event, this is a great opportunity to identify birds through their song, from the common song thrush and wren to summer visitors such as the reed warbler.

A truly unique and insightful learning experience for all.

An Introduction To Birdsong with the Sussex Wildlife Trust. Places are limited so pre-booking on 01273 497561 is essential. Route 100 (Compass Bus) stops outside Woods Mill, near Henfield.

Friday 30 March, 9.30–1.30pm, (also 11 and 25 May)

George Street Farmers’ Market If you haven’t yet made it down to George Street’s monthly Farmers’ Market, don’t miss the chance this Saturday 31 March.

Promoting the local small-scale producer, the market offers the best in locally sourced (eliminating food miles!) produce that’s also environmentally friendly.

With cheeses, organic wines, chutneys, jams and more, this is a perfect chance to stock up while supporting our local farmers.

George Street Farmers’ Market, is at George Street, Hove on Saturday 31 March, from 10am–3pm.

To feature in kids email editorial@thelatest.co.uk 12,000 students attend the University of Sussex.

The only way to reach these potential clients is through the University of Sussex Students’ Union.

The badger is the Students’ Union’s tabloid newspaper, published every Thursday and read by 84% of students*.

The pulse, our termly magazine, has been awarded the best UK Student Magazine twice by The Guardian and Independent newspapers.

To advertise in either publication, phone the USSU marketing team on 01273 678151 or email ussu-marketing@sussex.ac.uk * Student Lifestyle Questionnaire 2002

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

UPCOMING HIGHLIGHTS Easter Tango Tea Dance The second of the new Tango Tea Dances takes place on Easter Sunday (8 April) at The Hanbury Club in Kemp Town.

Newly refurbished, and owned by the couple who own the Blanch House, guests can enjoy a one hour tango taster workshop – a fun introduction into the sensual art of Tango.

This is followed by a dance to the traditional sounds of Suzy Vegas, a chance to show off your newly taught moves on the black lacquer dance floor. An unusual treat for Easter, bring along loved ones and dance the afternoon away and enjoy afternoon tea with smoked salmon sandwiches.

Tango Tea Dance, Sunday 8 April, The Hanbury Club, St George’s Road, Kemp Town, pre-book on 01273 605789. 2pm–5pm, tickets are £10 each, afternoon tea and sandwiches is £6.95 Zara Friend latest 7 35

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ART

See more at latest-art.co.uk Open Brief Over 50 images from 14 photographers who were chosen from hundreds of entries to last year’s North Laine Photography Essence of Brighton and Hove competition. Until 31 Mar, Mon-Sat 10.15am-5.45pm, Sun 1.15am-3.45pm

John Holloway – Cold Coombes Snow With Animal Tracks

O CONTEMPORARY Trafalgar Street, Brighton 01273 698500 Mixed Show Mixed collection of painting, sculpture, photography and limited-edition signed prints by artists including David Hockney, Tracey Emin, and Takashi Murakami. Until 30 Mar, Tue-Fri 10am-5.30pm, Sat 10am-6pm, Sun 12am-5pm D*face: Eyecons The notorious urban artist was part of the revolutionary 11 Spring Street event in New York that attracted a lot of attention. He’ll be exhibiting one of the iconic images from that event along with new subverted icons. 31 Mar-6 May, Tue-Fri 10am5.30pm, Sat 10am-6pm, Sun 12am-5pm

PAINTING POTTERY CAFE

Grand Parade, Brighton 01273 643101 Drawing Upon Drawing: 50 Years of Illustrating by John Vernon Lord Major retrospective of this illustrator whose work graces books, magazines and advertising media. Until 5 May, Mon-Sat 10am-5pm

WORTHING MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY Chapel Road, Worthing 01903 221448 Luke Dickinson Sensual stone carvings.

Until 23 Jun Tues-Sat, 10am-5pm Water, Water Everywhere 40 treasures from the museum’s stores that explore watery themes. Until 16 Jun, Tues-Sat 10am-5pm

D*Face: Cli-Che @ O Contemporary

PHOENIX GALLERY

Acclaimed photographers Fay Godwin, Linda McCartney, John Holloway, Steve Pyke, Bruce Rae and Tim Hall are exhibiting some of their stunning work documenting the changing Sussex landscape.

Fay Godwin is an acclaimed landscape photographer – she has been the subject of TV’s South Bank Show and her work has consistently been political in nature, in particular criticising environmental damage and access restrictions forced upon the land.

The late Linda McCartney was better known as a photographer (and wife) of rock stars and pop idols, but this extremely accomplished lenswoman also devoted much of her time to highlighting environmental dangers.

Steve Pyke is a well-known commercial portrait photographer, but he has also produced quietly striking landscape images, including a commissioned project called South Downs Way. John Holloway is a South Downs specialist, while Tim Hall’s work focuses on the natural environment, as well as signifying human interaction with the landscape.

Scenes of Sussex: Where The Hills Meet The Sea, Crane Kalman, Brighton, until 1 May

Waterloo Place, Brighton 01273 603700 Taking Off! Rocket Artists Group New work by this group consisting of eight artists with learning disabilities who have been working in collaboration with University Of Brighton students. Until 21 April, Tue-Sat 11am-5pm

ROYAL PAVILION Royal Pavilion Gardens, Brighton 01273 290900 Stig Evans Artist in residence at the Pavilion, he’s been working with the Pavilion’s conservation department, looking into the history of the building’s painted decorative schemes. A series of his works inspired by the

ART LISTINGS 5 Bartholomew’s, Brighton 01273 774222 Showcase of original artwork from emerging, creative talent, as well as more established artists. Mon-Sat 10am-6pm, Sun 11am-5pm

UNIVERSITY OF BRIGHTON GALLERY

North Road, Brighton 01273 628952 Fusion – Reaction – Effect Influenced by Pollock and Dali, Silas Wager uses music to inspire his works of digital manipualtion. Until 31 March, Mon-Sat 10am-6pm

Hills and high water

ART AT FIVE

project are being exhibited. Until 26 Apr, MonSun 10am-5.15pm (hours until end March)

Concealment Exploring the work of 16 artists whose pieces centre on the creation of secret worlds or the exposure of hidden facts and images. Until 15 April, Mon-Sun 10am-6pm

GARDNER ARTS CENTRE BRIGHTON MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY Church Street, Brighton 01273 290200 Alice Maher: Natural Artifice Major exhibition for this multi-disciplinary artist. Using sculpture, installation, drawing and photography, she creates unsettling pieces that trigger emotional responses, and which are often drawn from myth and folklore. Until 9 Apr

CHALK GALLERY North Street, Lewes 01273 474477 21 professional artists from across all media.

Featured artist is Miranda Ellis and her exotic and colourful landscapes. Mon-Sun 10am-5pm

CRANE KALMAN BRIGHTON Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 697096 Scenes of Sussex: Where The Hills Meet The Sea Featuring six superb photographers including Fay Godwin, Tim Hall, John Holloway, Linda McCartney, Steve Pyke and Bruce Rae. Until 1 May, Mon-Sat 10am-6pm, Sun 10.30am-4.30pm

University of Sussex, Falmer 01273 685681 Will Nash: The Footprint Project Collaboration between sculptor Will Nash and everyday users of Stanmer Park. The project observes the park as a living network of pathways. 2000 maps of the park, designed by Nash, were distributed to visitors who were asked to mark their route aorund it. This raw material was then used for a new body of sculptures and prints by Nash. Until 31 Mar, Mon-Sat, 10am-6pm and during evening performances in the theatre

GEORGE STREET GALLERY George Street, Brighton 01273 681852 Mr Wilkinson Affordable abstract speed paintings – explosive, masculine, full of potent energy. Until 31 March, Tue-Sat 10am-3pm

HOVE MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY New Church Road, Hove 01273 290200 Jacqueline Yu-Fan Li Delicate ceramics inspired by a sense of space. Until 15 Apr, Wed-Sat 11.30am-5pm, Sun 2-5pm

DE LA WARR PAVILION

NORTH LAINE PHOTOGRAPHY GALLERY

Marina, Bexhill on Sea 01424 229111 A Secret Service: Art, Compulsion,

Upstairs, Snooper’s Paradise, Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 686506

If you would like an event listed, please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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LISTINGS

YOUR COMPLETE LISTINGS GUIDE STARTS HERE

latestlistings The hottest tickets for the week ahead 27 Mar–2 Apr ★MUSIC The Fall

With two Brighton gigs and yet another album, the workaholic Mark E Smith is back with another new band. Somehow he manages to sound largely the same after all these years.

Old Market, Hove, Thursday 29 March, 7.30pm, and Pavilion Theatre, Brighton, Saturday 31 March, 8pm, both SOLD OUT

★THEATRE

The Maydays Present: When The Script Hits The Fan Highly respected improv comedy show taking cues from the audience and turning them into belly laughs before your very eyes.

Book early to avoid disappointment.

The Marlborough Theatre, Brighton, Saturday 31 March, 8pm, £6

★THEATRE Tracy Beaker

The Fall

★MUSIC Faithless

Rollo, Sister Bliss and Maxi Jazz roll into town for another evening of euphoric ambient tinged dance music with a message.

Brighton Centre, Tuesday 27 March, 6.30pm, £25

Most children and parents will be familiar with Jacqueline Wilson’s book The Story of Tracy Beaker or the CBBC TV show of the same name. This musical version brings the touching, funny and beautifully observed world of Tracy Beaker to the stage.

Theatre Royal, Brighton, Tuesday 27–Saturday 31 March, times vary, £16 adults, £14 children

★MUSIC

The BlueHearts The best in UK Americana from fine local talents. The Blue Hearts showcase their unique brand of swamp country music. A specially recorded new single will be given away free to everyone in the audience.

Joogleberry, Brighton, Friday 30 March, 8pm, £7

★COMEDY

Comic Boom!

The usual quality mix of a known headliner – in this case Simon Evans – and new comics breaking through on to the scene. Followed by a boogie.

Komedia, Brighton, Wednesday 28 March, 8pm, £7.50/£5.50

Comic Boom

★COMEDY

Comic Baby Boom Tonight the theatre's filled to the rafters with laughter as some of Brighton’s leading new comics from the Jill Edwards advanced Comedy Workshop come together in two packed shows compered by 2005 Funny Women finalist Julie Jepson. With six acts in each show you’re guaranteed a midweek bargain.

The Marlborough Theatre, Brighton, Thursday 29 March, 7.30pm/9pm, £6/£5

Faithless

For venue details see page 45 latest 7 37

038_LS314_reviews

3/23/07

12:40 PM

Need a music video making or a gig filmed?

Page 2

Under review Recent shows with a sprinkling of home-grown talent

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Comic Relief Preview The Marlborough is intimate and cosy, and home to tons of new talent. So I was really excited to hear Vicky Nangle had organised a comic relief gig bursting with new talent fresh out of Jill Edwards’ wonderful comedy course – the mentor of Jimmy and Liz Carr. Six shiny new faces, with rosy red cheeks (and noses) donated their hilarious efforts to this serious cause.

Felicity ‘Always Smiling’ Venton, Graham ‘The Rampant Rabbit of Comedy’ Standing and Sha ‘Party Animal’ Wylie, served up some comedy delights for starters, complemented in the second half with stories from Chris Pacey’s quirky knights.

Vicky Nangle blew us away with her smoking comedy and Netty Wendt’s comedy was as dry as her hair. Lee Hume glued it all together with his witty compering. If you get to see these guys do it, before they get too big to fit in the Marlborough!

Marlborough Theatre, 11 March ✌✌✌✌✌ Bill Smith and Adele Zizi James Morrison

James Morrison It seemed as if all of James Morrison’s Sussex fans had packed the Dome for his concert.

Most seemed to know every word, were terrible singers and standing right behind us!

Fortunately we were not disappointed as he was great. His Danish backing band were in danger at times of slightly drowning out his distinctive voice, but he performed all of his recent and new material, and the Dome proved the perfect venue for him. He is a rising star and an award winner to boot – clearly for good reason.

The Dome, 8 March ✌✌✌✌

the emotion of impending doom.

And that was just the first half.

After the intermission the affectionately titled Punk Theatre set in a long-form style of improvisation whereby everything on stage is fused together seamlessly. Not even David Lynch could have written the off-the-wall hilarity that followed on from this premise. The Maydays are proving sharper now than ever before.

Revel in bewildered awe.

The Sanctuary, 11 March ✌✌✌✌✌ Mark David

Lynne Edwards

Mayday Punk Theatre It has been a three-year climb to prominence for The Maydays, Brighton’s hottest improvisational comedy troupe. They served up a familiar repertoire of comic endowments, culminating in an explosive hip-hop musical number set in a Lithuanian DIY store with

Richard Alston Dance Company If you’re someone who makes pictures in your head when you listen to music, this is dance for you. Journeying through Heiner Goebbels, Marais and Joplin, Alston’s dancers created beautiful soundscapes which were truly sublime at the moment the music stopped – when you could hear the puffs, the pants, the footfalls – before the dancers all rushed together, shadow puppets in freefall.

Brighton Dome, 1 March ✌✌✌✌ Colette Meacher

Club Chat Noir This established regular night of 20s and 30s gypsy jazz swing has been wowing audiences with its mix of brilliant live bands and DJs, contributing to an upbeat atmosphere where prewar dancing and dress styles are encouraged, though not obligatory!

Resident band The Hot Club of Belleville are inspired by the great masters of manouche, Django Reinhardt and Stephane Grappelli of Le Hot Club de France, while guests for this show, the legendary Fridge Magnets’ jazz swing sound brought with it a guest appearance by an 82-yearold local jazz singer!

Sussex Arts Club, 8 March ✌✌✌✌ Jeff Hemmings

Fridge Magnets

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tuesday 27 Live music Avro Trio Latin jazz. Arthouse, 8.30pm, free Canterbury Jazz Pilgrims Mid-Sussex jazz Club. Martlets Hall, Burgess Hill, 8pm, £6 Chevron + Bela Emerson + Gus Garside Spirit of Gravity night of experimental electronica. Marlborough Theatre, 8.30pm, £4/£3 The Electric Cinema + Daze One + Sour Jane + I Might Be Disco Marrying the grandeur of New Order with the fragile precision of Prefab Sprout, The Electric Cinema have a new album just out which was inspired by a desire to create a soundtrack for some 1970s super-eight film footage. 14+ ages show.

Pressure Point, 7.30pm, £4 Faithless Rollo, Sister Bliss and Maxi Jazz roll into town for another evening of euphoric ambient tinged dance music with a message.

Brighton Centre, 6.30pm, £25 I Was A Cub Scout + Data.Select.Party + Furthest Drive Home Very young Brighton/Nottingham based electro duo who are releasing some interesting slices of lo-fi punky dance music for the disaffected indie dancefloor. Hope, 8pm, £5 Malcolm Middleton + Sophie + Strike The Colours Malcolm Middleton found fame as the member of Arab Strap commonly credited with ‘most things musical’. Now signed to Full Time Hobby the multi-instrumentalist marries selfdeprecating lyrics with dancing, luminous melodies as heard on his new album A Brighter Beat. Audio, 7pm, £8.50 Open Mic Brunswick, 8pm, free Richard Walters + support Young singersongwriter who writes fragile, acoustic songs.

Formerly of Shifty Disco label band Theremin, and collaborator with Bernard Butler.

Joogleberry, 8pm, £5 Thirteen Senses + Luke Toms Slowly progressing epic indie band with new album out 2 April. Toms is in the mould of Mika – playful, production heavy piano led music that appears overly fussy to some, brilliantly clever to others.Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £11

Bars and clubs

Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access, and happy hour ’til 7pm. Spice up your life! The fabulous Spice hosts her own karaoke show from 9pm.

2.30–11.30pm R-Bar Student night. Selected drinks £2 all night. 12pm–2am Revenge Student night. Drinks from £1.50.

NUS free all night/others free before 11 then £3, 10.30pm–3am Star Inn Food 12–3pm and 6–9pm.

11am–12am Vavoom Happy hour ’til 6pm. Open till 4am V2 club Music videos upstairs and karaoke downstairs until 12am. 10pm–late The Zone open 1pm–12am

Theatre The Big Ballet A unique ballet ensemble of 20, with each weighing no less than 220 pounds.

Proving that grace and elegance is not linked to ‘thin’, this sets out to challenge social standards. Worthing Pavilion Theatre. 7.30pm, £18.50/£16.50 Calamity Jane The tale of the larger than life heroine from Deadwood City, with songs and adventures, not forgetting the Windy City. See the transformation of the rough and tough Jane into a lovely lady in this classic story. The Capitol, Horsham. 7.30pm. Please call for prices.

Double Bill: The Interview/Agape’s Excess A hilarious black comedy set in an office followed by a play exploring the dark side of relationships. New Venture Theatre. 7.45pm, £8.50/£7.50 Kaleidoscope Students from Bourne primary school present a vibrant show of dance, gymnastics and music themed around colour.

Eastbourne Congress Theatre, 7pm, £5 The Real Thing A mixed-up story about Henry, a playwright married to Charlotte who has the lead role in his latest play about adultery. Her co-star is Max married to actress Anne, but Henry and Anne are in love! Is it real or just another play?

Brighton Little Theatre. 7.45pm, £7.50 Sailor, Beware! Albert Tuffnell is weary that

Belgrave Executive Cars his fiancee will turn out like her Mother when they are married. Add to that, she has plans for them to move just three doors away from her!

Watch Albert look for a solution to his woes with mishaps and confusion along the way.

Worthing Connaught Theatre. 7.30pm, £12.50.

Tag... Me Vs The City Hip-hop theatre production with a cast of six dancers exploring the physicality of graffiti art lettering through a collage of rap, breakdancing and body–popping.

With a lifesize graffiti set and onstage video animation. For ages 12+. Gardner Arts Centre £12.50/£10 Tracy Beaker Based on the popular books and children’s television series, Tracy Beaker explodes on stage in this new show with music for all the family. Discover the touching and funny world according to Tracy Beaker. Theatre Royal. 7pm, £16 adults, £10 children The Unexpected Guest The Agatha Christie Theatre Company are back with a new production. A man lost in the fog stumbles across a home, but seeking refuge, he comes across a murder. Compelling and filled with suspense, an enticing ‘whodunnit’ mystery.

Eastbourne Devonshire Park Theatre, 7.45pm £18/£16/£13.50

Business or Pleasure Corporate Hospitality Business Contracts Airports & Seaports Sporting Events Theatre Trips Pre-Booking Only Executive service at affordable prices Please contact us on

Tel: 01273 507798 Mob: 07973 324389

Family and friends Drop In And Draw Handle some museum artefacts and then do some independent observational drawings from what you have seen. For anyone who loves to draw.

Use charcoals, pastels, pencils or felt tips!

Brighton Museum. 3.30–4.30pm, free Greyhound Racing Enjoy an evening at the races with friends – place a bet or watch the action with a meal in the Skyline Restaurant.

Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium.

01273 204601. Evening race – please call to confirm time. £4 Will Hutton Will Hutton reads from – and presents – his new book Writing On The Wall – China And The West In The 21st Century. The Old Market, 6.30pm, £6 (includes glass of wine)

Faithless @ Brighton Centre, 6.30pm

Above Audio Late bar, until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar, until 1am Arc Bar ‘Expelled’. A night for students who just wanna have fun. Music from every genre.

10.30pm-3am, £1 before 10.30pm/£2 after Belushi’s Hush: Vodka/mixer and selected pints only £1.25. 8pm–2am, free Caroline Of Brunswick Quiz with a difference: plasticine and drawing rounds.

8.30pm, £1 Cosmopolitan Bar Open house – hang out at your new favourite local.

The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar, until 2am The Fishbowl Late bar, until 2am The Globe Late bar, until 2am The Joogleberry Late bar 11am–1pm Koba Late bar, until 5am Hare & Hounds Free pool Providence Curry and pint night with drink promos and table football. From 6pm Suga Qube Industry night – bar workers/door staff’s night off. Free

Gay Amsterdam 11am–11pm. Food served up to 8pm. Sauna 3pm–4am Aquarium 12pm–11pm Brighton Oasis Sauna. 12pm–12am Bright ’n’ beautiful Sauna. 12pm–10pm Bulldog 11am–2am Candy Bar 9pm–2am Charles Street Bar 12pm–11pm Legends Bar 11am–5am Legends Dance 11pm–4am, free Marine Tavern Nat’s quiz night 9pm.

12pm–12am Marlborough 12pm–12am

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wednesday 28 Tag... Me Vs The City, Gardner Arts Centre

Live music

COMING SOON 1st FLOOR COCKTAIL BAR

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FREEMASONS 38-39 WESTERN RD, HOVE

Email us for invites to our launch party info@thefreemasonstavern.com

Aled Jones Child star who’s gone on to release 16 hugely successful albums, as well as embark on a career in broadcasting. Pavilion Theatre, 7.30pm, £22.50/£19.50 Amberjack Jazz trio. Brunswick, 8pm, £5 Anemo + Your Army + Lazybaby + Extravagatron Weekly showcase of local bands. Portland, 7.30pm, £3 Children Of Voodoo + MC Cashback Experimental rock vs future hip hop, with DJ Randy Andy. Hope, 8pm, £4/£3 Dalia Singer-songwriter. Cella, 7.30pm, £5 Good Shoes + Vincent Vincent & The Villains New-wave influenced with hints of Wire married to a contemporary Arctic Monkey’s angular street poetry style but with more emphasis on the perennial issues concerning youthful confusion. Concorde 2, 7pm, £7.50 Hats On + Yesterday’s Child + The Dry Heat Local indie bands. Pav Tav, 8pm, free The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Open Mic Arthouse, 8.30pm, free Mad 3 Evening of alternative Japanese music, this time with wacky psycho-rockers Mad 3 headlining. Prince Albert, 7pm, £5/£4 Milton Circle of Friends acoustic night.

Cosmopolitan Bar, 8.30pm, free Rosalita + The Unmentionables + Imola White Noise rock night. Pressure Point, 8pm, £4/£3 Tudo Bem! Brazilian samba funk, from bossa nova to samba-rock, by this UK-bsaed group of Brazilians (and one Englishman!) Joogleberry, 8pm, £4 Westlife Stupendously successsful Irish band with a bagful of classic-sounding tunes.

Brighton Centre, 6.30pm, £29.50

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar. Until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar. Until 1am Arc Bar Don’t Tell Ya Mum And Dad. A night of proper grown up dance music. Hectic and eclectic mixture of electro, indie and more.

10pm til late, £3 (£2 NUS) The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar. Until 2am The Fishbowl Late bar. Until 2am The Globe Late bar. Until 2am The Joogleberry Late bar. 12pm–1am The Juggler Bar Quiz night – general and themed rounds. Prizes available. 8.30pm Koba Late bar. Until 5am Suga Qube Funk, soul and rare groove. Free

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Amsterdam Food served up to 8pm. 11am–11pm Aquarium 12–11pm Brighton Oasis Sauna. Noon–12am Bright ’n’ Beautiful 12pm–10pm Charles Street Bar 12pm–11pm Marine Tavern 12pm–12am Marlborough Quiz at 8.30pm. Prizes for winners. 12pm–12am Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour till 7pm. 2.30–11:30pm R-Bar Go Double Baby. From 9pm, any double just £1 extra. 12pm–2am Revenge Strut your stuff at 1970s heaven. £2 before 11pm, £3 after. Free entry if dressed to theme. Selected drinks just £1.50.

10.30pm–3am Star Inn Food 12–3pm and 6–9pm.

12pm–12am Vavoom Happy hour till 6pm. Your choice videos. Open till 4am V2 Club Music videos upstairs and karaoke downstairs until 12am. 10pm–late

Theatre Calamity Jane The tale of the larger-than-life heroine from Deadwood City, with songs and adventures, not forgetting The Windy City. See

the transformation of the rough-and-tough Jane into a lovely lady in this classic story. The Capitol, Horsham. 7.30pm, £14/£13 Double Bill: The Interview/ Agape’s Excess A hilarious black comedy set in an office followed by a play exploring the dark side of relationships. New Venture Theatre, 7.45pm, £7 The Real Thing A mixed-up story about Henry, a playwright married to Charlotte, who has the lead role in his latest play about adultery. Her co-star is Max married to actress Anne, but Henry and Anne are in love! But is it real or just another play?

Brighton Little Theatre, 7.45pm, £7.50 Sailor, Beware! Albert Tuffnell is wary that his fiancée will turn out like her mother when they are married. Add to that, she has plans for them to move to just three doors away from her mother! Watch Albert look for a solution to his woes with mishaps and confusion along the way. Worthing Connaught Theatre, 2pm and 7.30pm, £11.50–£20 Tag... Me Vs The City Hip-hop theatre production with a cast of six dancers exploring the physicality of graffiti art lettering through a collage of rap, break dancing and bodypopping.

A life-size graffiti set and on-stage video animation. For ages 12+. Gardner Arts Centre, £12.50/£10 Tracy Beaker Based on the popular books and children’s television series, Tracy Beaker explodes on stage in this new show with music for all the family. Discover the touching and funny world according to Tracy Beaker. Theatre Royal, 1.30 and 6.30pm, £16 adults, £14 children The Unexpected Guest The Agatha Christie Theatre Company are back with a new production. A man lost in the fog stumbles

across a home, but seeking refuge, he comes across a murder. Compelling and filled with suspense, an enticing whodunnit mystery.

Eastbourne Devonshire Park Theatre, 2.30pm and 7.45pm, £18/£16/£13.50, mat £13.50 You Don’t Need To Know That... Comedy and drama collide in this play about an ordinary man who wakes up to find a police inspector by his bed, accusing him of a crime he doesn’t quite know about… Komedia. 8pm, £10/£8

Comedy Comic Boom! Komedia, 8pm, £7.50/£5.50

Family and friends Greyhound Racing Afternoon races at the popular Hove venue. Relax in the Sprinters bar or eat at the trackside grill or The Skyline Restaurant which offers a perfect view of the racing. Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium.

Please call 01273 204601 to confirm details Pots Of Paint For ages 2–5. Storytelling, a museum expedition, and handling of some museum objects based around the theme of paints!Hove Museum, 1–2.30pm, £4.50 Seattle Hotel Grapevine Club An informal look at the world of wine, explored with Henry Butler of Butler’s Wine Cellar. In this evening’s event Henry will match carefully selected wines to most people’s favourite food – chocolate (specifically the locally grown Montezuma’s chocolate). Cafe Paradiso, Hotel Seattle, Brighton Marina. Please call 01273 679799 for more details.

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thursday 29 Live music Are You Taking The Mic? Original performers only, no covers for this open mic night. Register by emailing andersdmoney@yahoo.co.uk.

Providence, 8pm, free Electric Jam Session Portland, 9pm, free The Fall + Guests Back with yet another album is the workaholic Mark E Smith with yet another new band. Somehow, he manages to sound largely the same… Old Market, 7.30pm, SOLD OUT Foster & Allen Popular Irish duo who have recorded 18 albums together. Pavilion Theatre, Worthing, 8pm, £17.50/£15 Ghost Of A Thousand + Angels Cry + Saving Aimee My Club. With three local bands and the Girl On Girl DJs. This gig is going to be filmed for Ghost Of A Thousand’s new single. Concorde 2, 7pm, £2 Go Lem System Soundtrack for summer by these mates of Manu Chao (who guested on the last album). It is Spanish latino reggae exuding serious brass grooves, bass riffs, skankin’ guitar and mellifluous vocals. Komedia, 9pm, £10/8 End of Level Baddie + Telly + Leader + Little Trophy Cable Club night including indie buzz rockers Leader led by Matt Cooper. They’ve just released their debut album Lucky. Pressure Point, 8pm, £4/£3 Left Hand Red + Boy Patient + Squaare Punk Dancing Local indie bands. Pav Tav, 8pm, free The loveGods Yes, they’re back after relocating to France. First gig in over a year in Brighton.

Sussex Arts Club, 8pm, £tbc Open Night Lewes Folk Club open mic night.

Royal Oak, Lewes, 8pm, free Tatunka Jazz funk band. Arthouse, 8.30pm, free Westlife Stupendously successsful Irish band with a bagful of classic-sounding tunes.

Brighton Centre, 6.30pm, £29.50

drinks. 10.30pm–3am, £2 Star Inn Food served 12–3pm/6-–8pm.

12pm–midnight Vavoom Thirsty Thursday. Music videos all night long. Till 4am V2 Club Music videos upstairs and karaoke downstairs until 1am. Karaoke till midnight.

10pm–late The Zone 1pm–12am

Theatre Calamity Jane The tale of the larger-than-life heroine from Deadwood City, with songs and adventures, not forgetting The Windy City. See the transformation of the rough-and-tough Jane into a lovely lady in this classic story. The Capitol, Horsham, 7.30pm, £14/£13 Double Bill: The Interview/ Agape’s Excess A hilarious black comedy set in an office followed by a play exploring the dark side of relationships. New Venture Theatre, 7.45pm, £7 The Real Thing A mixed-up story about Henry, a playwright married to Charlotte who has the lead role in his latest play about adultery. Her co-star is Max married to actress Anne, but Henry and Anne are in love. Is it real or just another play?

Brighton Little Theatre, 7.45pm, £7.50 Sailor, Beware! Albert Tuffnell is weary that his fiancée will turn out like her mother when they are married. Add to that, she has plans for them to move to just three doors away from her mother! Watch Albert look for a solution to his woes with mishaps and confusion along the way. Worthing Connaught Theatre, 7.30pm, £15–£20 Tracy Beaker Based on the popular books and children’s television series, Tracy Beaker explodes on stage in this new show with music for all the family. Discover the touching and

funny world according to Tracy Beaker. Theatre Royal. 1.30 and 6.30pm, £16 adults, £14 children The Unexpected Guest The Agatha Christie Theatre Company are back with a new production: A man lost in the fog stumbles across a home, but seeking refuge, he comes across a murder.Compelling and filled with suspense, an enticing whodunnit mystery.

Eastbourne Devonshire Park Theatre, 7.45pm £18/£16/£13.50

Comedy Comic Baby Boom Tonight the theatre's filled to the rafters with laughter as some of Brighton's leading new act comics from the Jill Edwards Comedy Workshop (advanced) come together in two packed shows, both compered by 2005 Funny Women finalist Julie Jepson. Six acts in each show. Midweek bargain. The Marborough Theatre, 7.30pm & 9pm, £6/£5 Clapped Out Comedy With headlining comedy from Perrier Award nominee Howard Read, and more than able support from Lloyd Langford, Arnab Chanda, Stuart Black and Roisin Le Bourhis this has something to make everybody laugh. Joogleberry Playhouse, 7.30pm, £8/£7

Family and friends Art and Craft Classes For children aged 18 months to five years old. A fun weekly arts and craft class, letting youngsters explore their creativity. Malling Community Centre, Lewes.

For more info/to book please call 01273 488616.

Greyhound Racing A great night out with friends at the races. Relax in the restaurant or bar and enjoy all the racing action. Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium, evening race, please call 01273 204601to confirm details

The Fall + Guests, Old Market, 7.30pm, SOLD OUT

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar. Until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar. Until 1am Arc Bar Late night bar Bar Bamboogy Live DJs. 8pm–2am, free Belushi’s Rock bar, £1.50 vodka/mix and selected pints £2. 8pm–2am, free Cosmopolitan Bar Spinner stays on. If the DJ’s good enough to stay on, let them know! If not, vote them off. 7.30pm start, free The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar. Until 2am The Fishbowl Late bar. Until 3am The Globe Late bar. Until 3am The Joogleberry Late bar. 11am–1pm Koba Late bar. Until 5am Suga Qube Weekend warm-up with soulful and funky house. 9pm–2am, free Western Front Late bar. until 3am

Gay Amsterdam Food served up to 8pm. Sauna 3pm–4am. 11am–11pm Aquarium 12–11pm Brighton Oasis Sauna 12pm–12am Bright’n’Beautiful Sauna 12–10pm Bulldog 11am–2am Candy Bar 9pm–2am, free Charles Street Club £2 drinks promos.

10.30pm–3am, £4/£3 with flyer Harlequin 8pm–2am, free Legends Bar 11am–5am Legends Dance 11pm–4am, free Marine Tavern Man Trap. 12pm–12am.

Marlborough Free pool 6pm onwards.

12pm–12am The PV 12pm–12am Queens Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour till 7pm.

R-Bar 5-9pm happy hour. 12pm-2am Revenge Manzone is back by popular demand!

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friday 30 Schla La Las + Gloria Cycles + Tom Burton, Audio, 7.30pm

Dulcie Danger banging away upstairs with the fabulous Lollipop Girls hosting downstairs.

10.30pm-5am, £5 before 11pm, £7 after.

Rehab Therapy. 9pm-4am Star Inn Food 12pm-3pm and 6pm-9pm.

11am-1am Vavoom Bar Boyz. Promos till 6pm and when certain tracks play. Dance music videos all night Open ’til 6am.

V2 club open 10pm-late. Music videos upstairs and karaoke downstairs until 12am. Members free.

The Zone 1pm–midnight

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ABBA Gold Tribute act. Hove Centre, 7.30pm, £15.50/14.50 The Al Brown Band Up and coming young soul funk singer in the mould of Joss Stone.

Brunswick, 8pm, £3 The Baghdaddies A Balkan Beats special with these blistering eastern brass harmonies and foot-tapping high-energy dancefloor grooves inspired by the Roma wedding and brass band music of the Balkans, fused with calypso, jazz, punk and much more. Plus Balkan Beats DJs. Komedia, 8.30pm, £8/£6 The BlueHearts Founded in 1988 by Bob Powell and Mark Horse, the band has developed over time into a country-flavoured pop band.

Joogleberry, 8pm, £7 Cathryn Craig and Brian Willoughby A partnership which began in Nashville seven years ago, Willoughby was previously known as the lead guitarist for The Strawbs while Craig is a well known session vocalist and solo artist in her own right. Anchor Inn, Barcombe, 8pm, £10 The Damo And Ace Show Juice FM’s rock slags present a night of live local rock bands.

With DJ Neil By Mouth. Providence, 8pm, £1 Eclipse + Gabriela Rosa + Clare Norburn Whirling movement, dark storytelling and vibrant music from Spanish instrumental group aided by the flamenco dancer Gabriela Rosa and soprano Clare Norburn, who is co-founder of the Brighton Early Music festival. St George’s Church, 8pm, £20-£6 Gooferdust Kick ass jazz blues. Arthouse, 8.30pm, free Kate Williams Quartet Brighton Jazz Club.

Sussex Arts Club, 8pm, £10/£8 The Late Greats + Swimming Jangly guitars, spirited abandon and incessant melodies from this Brighton signed act. The Engine Room, 8pm, £5 Led Zep Too Tribute act. Portland, 9.30pm, £3 Matty Eeles Soul, jazz singer. Three & Ten, 8pm, free Nick Stuart and Shauna Parker Country music duo. Neptune, 8.30pm, free Richard Grainger Traditional folk singer and guitarist. The Beachcomber, Seaford, 8.15pm, £tbc Schla La Las + Gloria Cycles + Tom Burton Sparse, sassy, all-girl, stilted oddball pop/doowop from this trendier-than-thou London

group signed to Truck Records. Brighton’s Gloria Cycles have just etched a nice deal with A&G Records so look out for some deserved exposure for their uplifting and rhythmic twisted pop.

Audio, 7.30pm, £5

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar, until 2am Ali Cats Bar Flow – electro, breaks and booty bass. 8pm–12am, free Ancient Mariner Late bar, until 2am Aqua Bar 70s, 80s and 90s hits, 9pm–2am, free Arc Bar ’Candy’: R’n’B, soul, rap and ragga £5 before 12am/more after. 10.30pm-4am Belushi’s Madness: sexy chart cheese and club classics. £2 selected drinks until midnight.

10pm-3am The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar, until 3am The Fishbowl Late bar, until 2am The Globe Late bar, until 3am The Joogleberry Late bar 11am–1pm Koba 24 hour bar!

Riki Tik Late bar, until 3.30am Suga Qube Evening Mass: sexy, soulful house, 9pm-late.

Western Front Late bar until 3am

Gay Amsterdam Sauna: 3pm-6am. 11am–5am Aquarium 12pm-1am Brighton Oasis Sauna open 24 hours!

Bright ’n’ Beautiful Sauna 12pm-10pm Bulldog 11am-late Candy Bar 9pm-late Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheesy, camp tracks from 10.30pm with DJs Ruby Roo and Connie Conway.

Charles Street Club 10.30pm-3am, £5 Harlequin 9pm-4am, free Legends Bar 11am-5am Legends Dance 11pm-4am, £5 Marine Tavern 12pm-12am.

Marlborough Live DJ playing some top ’choons’ from 9pm. 12pm-2am Queen’s Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour ’til 7pm. 2.30pm–1am R–Bar Official Lollipop warm–up, 5–9pm happy hour. 12pm–12am Revenge Lollipop Vs Kinky Dangerous. DJ

Black Compelling drama of passion and revenge set in Edwardian England. Was Cressida really widowed by design, as her daughter Emily believes? Surreal and increasingly sinister events unfold. The Hawth, Crawley. Please call for times and prices Calamity Jane The tale of the larger than life heroine from Deadwood City, with songs and adventures, not forgetting the Windy City.

See the transformation of the rough and tough Jane into a lovely lady in this classic story.

The Capitol, Horsham. 7.30pm. Please call for prices Double Bill: The Interview/ Agape’s Excess A hilarious black comedy set in an office followed by a play exploring the dark side of relationships. New Venture Theatre, 7.45pm, £8.50/£7.50 The Real Thing A mixed-up story about Henry, a playwright married to Charlotte who has the lead role in his latest play about adultery. Her co-star is Max, married to actress Anne, but Henry and Anne are in love! Is it real or just another play?

Brighton Little Theatre, 7.45pm, £7.50 Sailor, Beware! Albert Tuffnell is wary that his fiancee will turn out like her mother when they are married. She even has plans for them to move just three doors away from her!

Watch Albert look for a solution to his woes with mishaps and confusion along the way.

Worthing Connaught Theatre, 7.30pm, £12.50.

Seussical The Musical Taking the popular Cat In The Hat character and presenting an allnew delightful musical show from Anyone4Theatre?. Worthing Pavilion Theatre, 7.30pm, please call for prices.

Tracy Beaker Based on the popular books and children’s television series, Tracy Beaker explodes on stage in this new show with music for all the family. Discover the touching and funny world according to Tracy Beaker. Theatre Royal, 7pm, £16 adults, £10 children The Unexpected Guest The Agatha Christie Theatre Company are back with a new production. A man lost in the fog stumbles across a home, but seeking refuge, he comes across a murder. Compelling and filled with suspense, an enticing ’whodunnit’ mystery.

Eastbourne Devonshire Park Theatre, 7.45pm £19.50/£17.50/£13.50

Comedy Rabbit In The Headlights Popular monthly collection of the South East’s new acts and new material from more established acts. Book early to avoid disappointment. The Marlborough Theatre, 8pm, £5 Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club The very talented Rufus Hound MCs you through tonight’s fantastic line-up of Dave Hadingham, Dougie Dunlop and Brian Higgins. Komedia, 7.30pm, £12/£10

Family & Friends Spring Has Sprung For ages 2–5. Storytelling, a museum expedition, and the handling of some museum objects based around a theme. Booth Museum, 10.30am–12pm, £4.50

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saturday 31 Live music Alice Russell featuring TM Duke Full band outing for this wonderfully deep and expressive soul singer who releases material with the local Tru Thoughts label. Concorde 2, 7pm, £10 The Cordwood Daggers + The Western Aces A Brighton Rumble Hillbilly special headlined by the authentic early rock’n’roll and rockabilly sounds of London’s reverb heavy Cordwood Daggers. The Engine Room, 11pm, £7/£5 The Fall + Pope Joan Back with yet another album and yet another new band is the workaholic Mark E Smith. Somehow, he manages to sound largely the same. (Also playing 29 March at Old Market). Brighton.

Pavilion Theatre, 7.30pm, £16.50 Feast Of Fiddles Thirteen strong group of quality musicians that includes drummer Dave Mattacks (Fairport Convention) and fiddlers Phil Beer (Show Of Hands), Chris Leslie (Fairport Convention), Joe Broughton (The Albion Band) and Peter Knight (Steeleye Span). Pavilion, Hailsham, 7.30pm, £18.50 Fridge Magnets Marvellous retro jazz from the 20s-50s from this alternative Brighton band.

Brunswick, 8pm, £3 Kablamo Fun-filled rock. Hare And Hounds, 9pm, free Kemal Kusabbi Kwintet Five-piece funk ensemble playing originals and covers.

Influenced by the late 70s and early 80s London jazz funk and soul scene, and the music of Grover Washington and The Crusaders.

Joogleberry, 8pm, £7 Kieran Hebden and Steve Reid Together Kieran Hebden (otherwise known as Four Tet) and veteran Motown drummer Reid make a refreshing ethnic-electronic soundscape that takes in hip hop, lush samples and a neoclassical beauty, as can be heard on their marvellous new album, Tongues, released on the Domino label. Komedia, 8.30pm, £10.50 Mean Poppa Lean + The Super Lamb Bananas + Ed Meme & The Forms Headliners are a superb high-voltage, vintage funk type outfit. A ’rock funktacular’ night.

Providence, 8pm, £1 Paul Steel + X-Certs + The Blueskies Brighton singer-songwriter with debut single out, ’April & I’. This harrmony-rich singing pianoplayer is currently in LA mixing his debut album with Tony Koffer of Kooks and Fratellis fame.

Pressure Point, 8pm, £5 Russell Watson Very ’now’ opera performer, singing classics old and new. Brighton Centre, 7.30pm, £50-£20 Soul Reality Good-time funk, soul and psychedelic grooves from this quality collective of jamming musicians. Cella, 7.30pm, £6

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar, until 2am Ali Cats Bar Uni-Fi. Nu-skool and old-skool breaks. 8pm–12am, free Ancient Mariner Late bar, until 2am Aqua Bar Resident DJ 9pm–2am, free Arc Bar ’Holdup’: Brighton’s favourite Indie night.10pm–4am, £5 Belushi’s Utopia. 80s classics and club anthems. £2 selected drinks until midnight.

10pm-3am Caroline Of Brunswick Alternative 80s night 9pm-1am, free The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar, until 3am The Fishbowl Late bar, until 3am The Globe Late bar, until 3am The Joogleberry Late bar 11am–1pm Koba 24 hour bar!

Riki Tik Late bar, until 3.30am Western Front Late bar until 3am

Amsterdam Sauna 3pm-4am. 11am-2am.

Aquarium 12pm-11pm.

Theatre Black Compelling drama of passion and revenge set in Edwardian England. Was Cressida really widowed by design, as her daughter Emily believes? Surreal and increasingly sinister events unfold. The Hawth, Crawley. Please call for times and prices Calamity Jane The tale of the larger than life heroine from Deadwood City, with songs and adventures , not forgetting the Windy City. See the transformation of the rough and tough Jane into a lovely lady in this classic story. The Capitol, Horsham. 2.30pm and 7.30pm. Please call for prices.

Double Bill: The Interview/ Agape’s Excess A hilarious black comedy set in an office followed by a play exploring the dark side of relationships. New Venture Theatre, 7.45pm, £8.50/£7.50 The Real Thing A mixed-up story about Henry, a playwright married to Charlotte who has the lead role in his latest play about adultery. Her co-star is Max married to actress Anne, but Henry and Anne are in love! Is it real or just another play?Brighton Little Theatre, 7.45pm, £7.50 Sailor, Beware! Albert Tuffnell is wary that his fiancee will turn out like her Mother when they are married. She even has plans for them to move just three doors away from her! Watch Albert look for a solution to his woes with

mishaps and confusion along the way. Worthing Connaught Theatre. 2pm and 7.30pm, £12.50.

Tracy Beaker Based on the popular books and children’s television series, Tracy Beaker explodes on stage in this new show with music for all the family. Discover the touching and funny world according to Tracy Beaker. Theatre Royal. 12 and 5pm, £16 adults, £10 children The Unexpected Guest The Agatha Christie Theatre Company are back with a new production. A man lost in the fog stumbles across a home, but seeking refuge, he comes across a murder. Compelling and filled with suspense, an enticing ’whodunnit’ mystery.

Eastbourne Devonshire Park Theatre, 2.30pm and 7.45pm £19.50/£17.50/£13.50, mat: £13.50

Comedy The Maydays Present: When The Script Hits The Fan Highly respected improv comedy show, taking its cues from the audience and turning them into belly laughs before your very eyes. Book early to avoid disappointment. The Marlborough Theatre, 8pm, £6 Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club The very talented Rufus Hound MCs you through tonight’s fantastic line-up of Dave Hadingham, Dougie Dunlop and Brian Higgins. Komedia, 7pm and 10.30pm, £16

Family and friends George Street Farmers Market Monthly meet at the popular Hove location, promoting small-scale, local and environmentally friendly producers, with a fantastic organic range. George Street, Hove, 10am–3pm Inner Spirit Holistic Fayre Discover more about holistic therapies in this Fayre and pamper day for all the family. Also, stalls sell goods including books, jewellery and more.

Worthing Pavilion Theatre 10.30am–4.30pm, £3 adults, £1.50 OAPS, children go free Papermaking Workshop Explore the craft of

Do you suffer from back pain or stress?

papermaking. An event for adults at Worthing Museum. Book early on 01903 221448. Worthing Museum, 10am–4pm, £17.50

Physiotherapy & Osteopathy

includes materials, tea and coffee Poetry Workshop With Brendan Cleary.

Informal workshop to help improve your poetry through group discussion, appraisal and writing exercises. Pre-booking essential

Traditional holistic treatments for back pain, joint aches & stress.

on 01273 571700. Brighton Writers’ Centre, 49 Grand Parade. 10am–1pm, £15/£14 Spring Flower Show With the Worthing Horticultural Society. Offington Park Church Hall, more info: 01903 260925, 2pm–4.30pm Worthing Thunder Basketball Basketball

action as Worthing Thunder compete in the play-off quarter finals. Worthing Leisure Centre,

Suzanna Daw BSc (Hons) Reg. Physiotherapist & Chris Swain BSc (Hons) Reg. Osteopath

01903 507899, 8pm, doors open 7pm, £6/£4/family ticket of 2 adults and 2 children £16

Ring today for an examination:

01273 71 12 44

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Brighton Oasis Sauna 12pm-7am Bright’n’Beautiful Sauna 12-10pm Bulldog 11am-late.

Charles Street Bar 12pm-late.

Charles Street Club 11pm-3am, £3 The Gloucester Monkey. Brighton’s favourite DJs playing some top tunes. 10pm-4am, NUS £5 all night, others £5 before 11pm/£7 before midnight/£9 after. Drinks promos.

Harlequin 9pm-4am, free before 11pm/£2 before 12/£5 after Legends Bar Pre-Ignition.11am-5am.

Legends Dance Ignition. 11pm-4am.

Marine Tavern 12pm-12am.

Marlborough Live DJ playing some top ’choons’ from 9pm. 12pm-2am The PV 12pm-1am.

Queens Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour ’til 7pm. Info: www.queensarmsbrighton.com R-Bar Open 24hrs! Pop videos all night. Great food all day. Discount tickets for Revenge available.

Revenge Downstairs: Queercarnage with DJs Dusty O and Nik C. All drinks £2 before 12.

10:30pm-6am, free before 11pm/£5 before 12am/£7 after 12am/£3 after 3am. NUS £3.

Star Inn Food 12pm-6pm. Proud To Bear night 9pm. 11am-1am Vavoom open ’til 6am.

V2 Club open from 10pm-late. Karaoke until midnight. Members get free entry.

The Zone 1pm-12am

Call Kate

818150 latest 7 43

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sunday 01

mon 02 Live music Ben Griffith + Oddur + Dan Sumner The face of the latest Ford Zetec Climate campaign! Plus ex-Lamb guitarist Oddur. Joogleberry, 8pm, free Jack Penate + The Barker Band + Adele.

Engine Room, 8pm, £5 Martha Tilston And The Woods + Ferris Brighton-based folk artist, daughter of Steve, making inroads into the national consciousness thanks to her deftly arranged originals, a fine voice and a hard work ethic. Greys, 8pm, £5 RocksKool Six bands, all young musicians who have been learning through the excellent RocksKool project. Pressure Point, 7pm, £2 Spend the day with the kids out in the Sussex countryside, exploring the Seven Sisters Country Park

Enjoy the KOBA ‘Happy hour’ Two cocktails for the price of one between 5-7pm every day in the front bar. Apply for free K-list membership at wwww.kobauk.com

Functions rooms available for all kinds of parties of 10-190 guests Free venue hire Sunday – Thursday contact info@kobauk.com or call Tel: 01273 720059

135 Western Road, Brighton BN1 2LA www.kobauk.com

Live music Acoustic Jam Session Weekly chilled evening of acoustic jamming with PA. Portland, 8pm, free Ben Richards + My Prime Evil + Emily Go Slow Pav Tav, 8pm, free Milky T + Lil’ Lost Lou + Onions For Eyes + F&P Anti-folk, tweecore, lo-fi, DIY evening.

Hope, 7.30pm, free Multi Purpose Chemical Engine Room, 7pm, £4 Paris Biancco + Steal Back Your Life + Adhora + Go Johnny Go Best of Brighton Bands competition. Pressure Point, 8pm, £1 The Porchlight Smokers Country rock and Americana. Neptune, 8.30pm, free Symeon Cosburn And His Band Satin-voiced interpreter of jazz standards and modern classics in a poppy style. The Capitol, 8pm, £8/£6

Bars and clubs

EXCITING NEW ROUTES AT BRIGHTON’S CLIMBING WALL!

Above Audio Late bar, until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar, until 1am Cosmopolitan Bar The Full Moon pub quiz and Sunday roasts. Roasts from 1–6pm, quiz starts 7.30pm The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar, until 2am The Globe Late bar, until 2am Joogleberry Late bar, until 12am Koba 24 hour bar!

Suga Qube Carry-On Sunday, free

YOUNG PEOPLE AND ADULTS GROUPS

Gay

Youth and Community • Schools and Colleges • Birthday Parties • Corporate Special events • Regular kids clubs Equipment provided • Qualified Instruction

Bulldog 11am-2am.

Candy Bar Kalabash mish-mash. 9pm-morning, £2 Charles Street Bar Sunday lunches. 12-10.30pm Legends Bar 3pm: Lizzy Drip. 11am-5am Legends Dance Embrace.11pm-4am, free entry Marine tavern 12pm-12am Marlborough Sunday mega-roast lunches 12-7pm plus live acoustic music at 6pm.

Open 12pm-12am The PV ’The Conversation Killers’ from 6pm.

Open 12-11pm Queens Arms Super Sunday! Cabaret with Lady Imelda at 5.15pm then Betty’s Karaoke Show. Open 2:30-11pm R-Bar Cabaret with Sandra on stage at 4.30pm.

6-9pm happy hour. Open until 2am Revenge All pints £2. 10.30pm-3am, £2 before midnight then £3 Star Inn Sunday lunches 12-4pm then Bears’ Beer Bash! 12pm-late Vavoom chill out music videos all day. Open ’ til 3am

INDIVIDUAL CLIMBERS!!

Novices: £15 for two and a half hours instruction in basic climbing techniques and safety (contact us for dates and times)

Experienced: Open session every Tuesday 6-10pm and Thursday 7-10pm. Equipment hire available

The Rock Court is at Stanley Deason Leisure Centre Wilson Avenue, Brighton CONTACT US FOR DETAILS OF OUR REGULAR KIDS CLUBS AND OTHER AVAILABILITY

Theatre 01273 681058 info@aultd.org www.aultd.org 64 Edward Street Brighton BN2 0JR In partnership with Brighton and Hove Council

44 latest 7

The Magic Sandals Enchanting theatre for children about Hualachi, who is sent to deliver an important message by the almighty Emperor

of Ancient Peru. A tale about the colourful characters he meets on the way with puppetry, music and a pair of magic sandals. Komedia, ages 3–8, 2pm, £6/£5 Never Ever After A new play by Ed Harris about a Mother who makes up a fantasy world for her son who has learning disabilities – to protect him from the real world. But it’s not long before the real world begins to catch up.

Nightingale Theatre, 7.30pm, £8.50 (Tickets available from www.brightonticketshop.com or 01273 709709)

Comedy Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Don’t let the weekend end. Dave Hadingham, Dougie Dunlop and Ed Petrie bring on the laughs.

MC-ing is the ever-entertaining Stephen Grant.

Komedia, 8pm, £9/£6 Bent Double Gay-friendly monthly mirth, with the fantastic line-up of Kitty Flanagan, Jade The Folk Singer and the always on-form Liz Carr.

Compered by the brilliant Zoe Lyons. Komedia, 7.30pm, £9.50/£7.50 Sidesplitters Check out this regular mixture of established and new acts, with the opener and headliner bookending quality new local acts.

The Providence, 8pm, £4

Family and friends Car Boot Sale Summer is on its way when the car boot sales start. Every Sunday from now, no stalls before 12.30pm. Plumpton Racecourse, £10 vans/£8 cars, 50p adults entry Greyhound Racing Afternoon races at the popular Hove venue. Relax in the Sprinters bar or eat at the trackside grill or The Skyline Restaurant which offers a perfect view of the racing. Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium. 01273 204601. Please call to confirm time. Free Shall I Be Mother? Burlesque afternoon tea party featuring an array of fan dancers, singers and burlesque artistes, all washed down with the finest in tea, cakes and champagne.

Sussex Arts Club, 2.30pm, £22 South Downs Video And Film Makers Take part in The Albany Challenge – a film competition for 12 local video clubs. All welcome to come along. Ferring Village Hall Ferring, 2.30pm, £4 adults, children go free Seven Sisters Country Park Spend the day with the kids out in the Sussex countryside, exploring the Seven Sisters Country Park.

Sussex Wildlife Trust are also taking bookings for an Easter event this Tuesday 3 April where children aged 7-11 can enjoy exploring the forests, some arty craft making and egg decorating in time for Easter! Meet at the Pump Barn (behind the Visitors Centre). Seven Sisters. (Pre-booking for Tue 3 essential on 01273 497561, £3 adults, £4 children, family ticket £12, 10.30am–1pm)

Bars and clubs Above Audio Late bar, until 1am Ancient Mariner Late bar, until 1am Belushis Eccentric, eclectic and mostly electric.

9pm–2am, £2 selected drinks. £2 entry Cosmopolitan Bar Parlour Games: Have a drink and play some games. Bring your own games or choose from the selection at the bar The Fiddler’s Elbow Late bar, until 2am The Fishbowl Late bar, until 2am The Globe Late bar, until 2am The Joogleberry Late bar 11am–1pm Koba Late bar until 5am Suga Qube 2-4-1 on cocktails, 5pm–2am

Gay Bulldog 11am-2am Candy Bar Shibby Shabblers. 10pm-2am. £3/£2 Charles Street Bar 12-11pm Charles Street Club Studio 150. With DJs Luke Smith and Ali K. 10.30pm-3am, £1.50 entry, drinks from £1.50 Honeybar Afterhours. 3am-early, £6 wristband entry (available from Wild Fruit)/more on the door Legends Bar 11am-5am Legends Dance Mojo. 11pm-4am, free.

Marine Tavern Elsie’s Chillout. 12pm-12am Marlborough Student social night from 6pm.

Games, pool and tunes. 12pm-12am The PV 5-7pm deals on selected drinks.

12pm-12am Queens Arms Food, wi-fi access and happy hour ’til 7pm. 9pm: Betty’s Hot Pot Karaoke Show. 2:30pm-11:30pm R-Bar Miss Jason’s Madhouse at 9.30pm. Food 12-8pm. Happy hours 5-9pm. £2 pints 9pm-2am.

12pm-2am Revenge Boogaloo Stu’s Shinky Shonky.

Free entry and all drinks £2. 10.30pm-3am Star Inn Food served 12-3pm and 6-9pm.

11am-11pm.

Vavoom open ’til 4am The Zone 1pm-12am

Theatre Blood Brothers The hit West End musical telling the story of twin boys separated at birth who are then reunited by fate and a dark secret. Worthing Connaught Theatre. 7.30pm, £28/£26.50 Rocky Horror Show Put on the fishnets and stilettos and join Frank and the gang for an unforgettable night. Theatre Royal. 7.45pm £26.50/£23.50/£18 September Tide Based on Daphne Du Maurier’s classic story about a widow who rejects marriage proposals but falls for her daughter’s new husband. Eastbourne Devonshire Park. 7.45pm, £18/£16/13.50

Family and friends Cinderella Hear the magical story of Cinderella in the hand-painted William IV room of the Pavilion. Interactive storytelling event. Royal Pavilion, 2pm, 3pm & 4pm, free with admission

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A-Z venue directory Brighton and Hove Ali Cats 80 East Street, Brighton 01273 220902 Amsterdam 11 Marine Parade 01273 688825 www.amsterdam.uk.com Aqua 23 Waterfront Brighton Marina 01273 819800 Aquarium 6 Steine Street, Brighton 01273 605525 www.pleisure.com Arc 160 Kings Road Arches 01273 770505 Arthouse Gallery 10 Western Road, Hove 01273 770083 Audio 10 Marine Parade 01273 606906 www.audiobrighton.com Bar Bamboogy 78 West Street, Brighton www.creationbrighton.com Barley Mow 92 St George’s Road 01273 682259 The Beach 171–181 Kings Road Arches, Brighton 01273 722272 Belushi’s 10-12 Grand Junction Road, Brighton 01273 202035 Brighton Centre Kings Road, Brighton 0870 900 9100 www.brightoncentre.co.uk Brighton College Eastern Road www.brightoncollege.net Brighton Dome 29 New Road, Brighton 01273 709709 www.brighton-dome.org.uk Brighton Gloucester 27 Gloucester Place 01273 688011 Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium Nevill Road, Hove 01273 204601 www.trap6.com/hove Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 290900 Brighton Peace & Environment Centre Brighton Ecocentre, 39–41 Surrey Street 01273 766610 Brighton Rocks 6 Rock Place 01273 601139 Brighton Women’s Centre 72 High Street, Brighton 01273 698036 The Brunswick 1 Holland Road, Hove 01273 733984 Bulldog, 31 St James’s Street 01273 696996 www.bulldogbrighton.com Candy Bar 129 St James’s Street 01273 622424 www.thecandybar.co.uk Caroline of Brunswick 39 Ditchling Road, Brighton 01273 624434 Casablanca Middle Street, Brighton 01273 321817 Cella at Sanctuary Café 51–55 Brunswick St East, Hove 01273 770006 Charles Street Bar & Club 8 Marine Parade 01273 624091 www.charlesstreetbar.com Cineworld Brighton Marina Village 01273 818094 www.cineworld.co.uk Clair Hall Perrymount Road, Haywards Heath 01444 455440 Concorde 2 Madeira Drive, Brighton 01273 673311 www.concorde2.co.uk Core Club 12–15 King’s Road, Brighton 01273 326848 Cornerstone Community Centre Church Road, Hove 01273 327757 Cosmopolitan Bar 29-31 New Steine 01273 682461 The Cowley Club 12 London Road, Brighton 01273 696104 www.cowleyclub.org.uk Creation 78 West Street, Brighton 01273 321628 www.creationbrighton.com Doctor Brighton’s 16–17 Kings Road 01273 328765 www.pleisure.com Duke of York’s Picturehouse Preston Circus, Brighton 01273 626261 www.picturehouses.co.uk Education Room Brighton Pavilion 01273 296971 Engine Room 5 Preston Street, Brighton 01273 728999 www.engineroomclub.com Enigma 10 Ship Street, Brighton 01273 328439 www.theenigmabrighton.co.uk The Fishbowl 74 East Street 01273 777505 Fitzherberts 25 New Road 01273 682401 Freebutt 1 Phoenix Place 01273 603974 Freemasons 38 Western Road, Hove 01273 732043 Funky Buddha Lounge 169–170 Kings Road Arches, Brighton 01273 725541 Gap Club 61a Western Road, Hove 0844 999 6349 Gardner Arts Centre, University of Sussex campus, Falmer 01273 685861 www.gardnerarts.co.uk The George 5 Trafalgar Street, Brighton 01273 681055 The Greys 105 Southover Street, Brighton 01273 680734 The Hanbury Club 83 St George’s Road, Brighton 01273 605789 Hare & Hounds 75 London Road, Brighton 01273 681163 Harlequin 43 Providence Place, Brighton 01273 620630 www.harlequin-brighton.co.uk

Hobgoblin 31 York Place, Brighton 01273 602519 Honeyclub 214 Kings Road Arches, 01273 202807 www.thehoneyclub.co.uk The Hope 10–12 Queen’s Road, Brighton 01273 325793 Hove Museum & Art Gallery 194 Church Road, Hove 01273 290200 Hove Town Hall, Norton Road, Hove 0870 900 9100 www.brighton-hove.gov.uk Jazz Place 10 Ship Street, Brighton 01273 328439 www.thejazzplacebrighton.co.uk Joogleberry Playhouse 14–17 Manchester Street, Brighton 01273 687171 www.joogleberry.com Juggler Bar 21 Western Road, Hove 01273 724195 King and Queen 13 Marlborough Place, Brighton 01273 606207 Komedia Gardner Street, Brighton 01273 647100 www.komedia.co.uk Koo Klub 10 Pool Valley, Brighton 01273 888000 www.kooklub.co.uk Lo Lounge 106 Kings Road, Brighton 01273 715077 Marlborough Bar & Theatre 4 Princes Street, Brighton 07782 278521 www.marlboroughtheatre.co.uk Marine Tavern 13 Broad Street, Brighton 01273 681284 www.harlequin-brighton.co.uk Mint Meeting House Lane 0871 2072 088 Mojo’s Bar & Restaurant 103 North Road, Brighton 01273 622522 New Madeira Hotel 19-23 Marine Parade, Brighton 01273 698331 New Venture Theatre Bedford Place 01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk Ocean Rooms 1–2 Morley Street, Brighton 01273 699069 Odeon Cinema West Street, Brighton 0871 224 4007 www.odeon.co.uk Ohso Social 250a Kings Road Arches, Brighton 01273 746067 The Old Market Upper Market Street, Hove 01273 736222 www.theoldmarket.co.uk

Comprehensive list of venues to complement our listings

V2 5 Steine Street, Brighton 01273 609672 Vanilla Bar 73a Western Road, Hove 01273 748182 Vavoom 31 Old Steine, Brighton 01273 603010 Volks The Colonnade, 3 Madeira Drive, Brighton 01273 682828 www.volksclub.co.uk Western Front Near Churchill Square, Brighton 01273 725656 White Horse 30 Camelford Street, Brighton 01273 603726 Wild Fruit @ Creation, 78 West Street, Brighton www.wildfruit.co.uk The Zap Kings Road Arches, Brighton 01273 202407 Zoot Street Bar Queens Road, Brighton 01273 737770 The Zone 33 St James’s Street, Brighton 01273 626442

Around Sussex The Anchor Inn Anchor Lane, Barcombe 01273 400414 www.anchorinnandboating.co.uk Ashdown Forest Broadstone car park, second left from Wychcross Assembly Hall Connaught Theatre Pavilion Theatre, Union Place, Worthing 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk The Black Horse High Street, Findon, Worthing 01903 872301 Bluebell Railway Sheffield Park Station, East Sussex 01825 720800 Café Blue Pevensey Road, Eastbourne 07834 405675 The Capitol North Street, Horsham 01403 750220 Chichester Festival Theatre Oaklands Park 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Clair Hall Perrymount Road, Haywards Heath 01444 455440 Congress Theatre Carlisle Road, Eastbourne 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Devonshire Park Theatre Compton Street, Eastbourne 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

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Fountain Inn High Street, Handcross 01444 400218 www.fountainpub.co.uk

The Park Crescent Pub 39 Park Crescent Terrace, Brighton 01273 604993 Pavilion Tavern 7–8 Castle Square, Brighton 0844 999 6331 Penthouse (above the Freebutt), 1 Phoenix Place, Brighton 01273 603 974 Pintxo People 95-99 Western Road, Brighton 01273 732323 www.pintxopeople.co.uk Portland Rock Bar 153 Portland Road, Hove 01273 383840 www.portlandrockbar.co.uk Po Na Na Unit 2, 75-79 East Street, Brighton 01273 777904 www.ponana.com Pressure Point 33 Richmond Place, Brighton 01273 702333 www.pressurepoint.me.uk Preston Manor Preston Drove, Brighton 01273 292770 Prestonville Arms 64 Hamilton Road, Brighton 01273 701007 Prince Albert 48 Trafalgar Street, Brighton 01273 730499 The Providence 130 Western Road, Hove 01273 727822 PV 22 Upper North Street, Brighton 01273 325491 www.thepv.co.uk

The Half Brick 221 Brighton Road, Worthing 01903 234196 The Hawth Hawth Avenue, Crawley 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Horsham Folk Club The Normandy Centre, Denne Road, Horsham 01306 875653 www.horshamfolkclub.co.uk

Queen’s Arms 7 George Street, Brighton 01273 696873

United Reformed Church Clinton Place, corner of Broad Street, Seaford

R-Bar 7 Marine Parade, Brighton 01273 608133 www.revenge.co.uk Red Roaster Café 1d St James’s Street, Brighton 01273 686668 Rehab Brighton Marina 01273 675007 www.rehabbrighton.com Rendezvous Casino Brighton Marina 01273 605602 www.rendezvouscasino.com Revenge 32 Old Steine, Brighton 01273 606064 www.revenge.co.uk Revue Bar 19 New Steine, Brighton 01273 607456 Riki Tik 18a Bond Street, Brighton 01273 683844

Winter Garden Theatre Compton Street, Eastbourne 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Worthing Museum & Art Gallery Chapel Road, Worthing 01903 221140 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Worthing Connaught Theatre Union Place, Worthing 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Worthing Pavilion Theatre Marine Parade, Worthing 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

Jack Horner 80 High Street, Worthing 01903 236427 Malling Community Centre Spences Lane, Lewes 01273 477931 www.mallingcommunitycentre.com Martlets Martlets Hall, Civic Way, Burgess Hill 01444 242888 Royal Hippodrome Theatre 108 Seaside Road, Eastbourne 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Royal Oak Station Street, Lewes 01273 478124 St Thomas à Beckett Church Hall Cliffe High Street, Lewes

Saqqara 158 North Street, Brighton 01273 779701 Sky Bar 54-55 Meeting House Lane, Brighton www.skybarbrighton.com Star Inn 5–9 Manchester Street, Brighton 01273 601450 Suga Qube 5 Castle Square 01273 770246 Sumo 9–12 Middle Street 01273 749465 Sussex Arts Club 7 Ship Street 01273 778020 Theatre Royal New Road 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal

latest 7 45

046_LS314_Job Ads

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JOBS

TINGLEY’S E S T A T E

EXPERIENCED PROPERTY MANAGER REQUIRED Priors are an independent practice committed to providing a first class, professional service in the management of residential properties, mainly in Brighton & Hove.

To complement our existing hard-working team we require an experienced property manager who is seeking a challenging but satisfying position with responsibility.

CAN YOU ANSWER YES TO THE FOLLOWING? • Minimum of 5 years’ experience • Good knowledge of building construction and leasehold legislation • A mature approach in dealing with a wide variety of people • A methodical approach to problem solving • The ability to communicate clearly, impartially but concisely If so and you are looking for a secure position with a firm of ARMA and RICS standing, please write to me with your CV. Philip G Wilford BA FRICS Priors 90 Western Road Hove BN3 1GG email: management@wmprior.co.uk

A G E N T S

Sales Negotiator Required for Dyke Road office Established independant Estate Agents require a highly motivated individual to join the successful team at the Dyke road office.

Applicants should ideally have some experience in either estate agency or similar customer focused sales environment.

Applicant should be enthusiastic, professional and of smart appearance and hold a clean driving licence.

Apply with CV to: Ralph Tingley 46 Church Road, Hove BN3 2FN E-mail: ralph@tingleys.co.uk Tel: 01273 778844

Residential property www.oakleyproperty.com

3 North Road, Brighton 01273 688881 Full property listings and 360º virtual tours at www.oakleyproperty.com

ESTATE AGENT/ NEGOTIATOR Due to the outstanding success of our Residential Sales Office we are seeking yet another Estate Agent/Negotiator to join our highly professional team in our new flagship office in the heart of the city.

They must have a full driving licence and while being part of a team, have the ability to work on their own initiative.

Salary package will be commensurate with experience and previous in Estate Agency.

CV please to: Trish Parker, 3 North Road, Brighton, BN1 1YA or apply in strictest confidence to Graham Bull on 01273 688881.

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JOBS

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Countrywide Residential Lettings Lettings Negotiator – Brighton Due to our continued success, we currently have a vacancy for Lettings Negotiator at our Brighton city centre branch.

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Assistant wanted Assistant wanted for busy PR Office in North Laine. Must be computer literate, have a good telephone manner and a keen interest in the media would be an advantage.

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Saturday Viewings Guide – Brighton We currently require a Saturday’s Viewing Guide to work 9.00am–4.00pm. Additional holiday cover may be available.

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latest jobs 47

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latestTV

Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Footballers Wives Five Life, 28 March This programme almost created the term WAG and now, because of programmes like this and the constant media coverage showing the reallife WAGS, many girls all over the country believe the title almost makes you royalty. Consequently the aspirations of many young girls has been influenced by a programme mostly featuring sex, tits and arse, and where all the characters are named after places or alcoholic drinks.

Which is nice. And Channel Five are showing it again!

Now I should admit it, I have only ever watched a couple of these, which isn’t really a good thing for a TV writer person like me to admit, but you have to let me off for not knowing the plot given the nature of the programme.

So here is what has happened up until now (it’s not really brain surgery to work this out). Frank is in a coma, the blonde lady with the hard face is having nightmares because she is clearly the reason he is in the coma. So she goes to see him to try and sort it out. Chardonnay obviously had some problems and she’s cut off her hair, so now her mother-in-law is giving her more problems because she doesn’t look as good for the footballer husband. Darren had an affair and his wife is leaving him. Sorry it’s not the most in-depth synopsis, but I tried my best. I mean, with a script as imaginative as this it’s hard to concentrate and keep my eyes and mind on the telly!

When they were assembling the cast for this, do you think they put an ad in the local paper asking for really common London lads and women who think they are proper posh, like? It’s like watching a really bad puppet show where all the characters are made from wood.

After watching this I am so totally confused as to why any girl would ever want to be a WAG, as it seems all you do is get angry at your cheating husband and get your hair done to try and get him to shag you instead of some other tart! Which makes it hardly surprising that the only people I’ve ever heard talk about this programme like it’s good viewing are the girls in their tracksuit bottoms who sit at the back of the bus with their mobiles playing music.

Anyway, Tania asks the creepy nurse who is looking after the comatose Frank to come round for dinner to pick her brain, as Tania obviously doesn’t want Frank to wake up! But the creepy nurse is feeling herself up with Frank’s hands so she isn’t willing to tell too much. Like I said: thrilling stuff!

Films on TV This week’s must-see movies

TUESDAY 27

SATURDAY 31

Amelie ★★★★★ (1999, More4, 10pm. Dir Alexander Payne) Sweet-natured film about a sweetnatured girl spreading a little happiness around Paris as she goes by. Surprised when a little happiness comes her way in return, this was the enchanting vehicle that first brought future A-lister Audrey Tautou to our screens. Lovely.

Victoria Nangle

About Schmidt ★★★★✩

WEDNESDAY 28 The Dead Pool ★★★★✩ (1988, Five, 9pm. Dir buddy Van Horn ) Dirty Harry returns to the cinematic fray, and this time he’s really cross.

There’s a bad taste contest out on the street with criminals out to kill celebrities – including our star after his previous escapade in the first movie. Only one man to stop it and that’s Clint Eastwood in archbackside- kicking mode.

VN

THURSDAY 29 Clash of the Titans ★★★★✩ (1981, TCM, 5.10pm. Dir Desmond Davis) Class mythic tale starring Harry Hamlin as Perseus, the witless instigator of one heck of a barney between his dad Zeus – king of the gods (played by Larry Olivier – naturally) and Zeus’ missus Hera.

With nostalgic effects, true love and real heroes, you can’t get much better with afternoon telly.

VN

FRIDAY 30 Million Dollar Baby ★★★★✩ (2004, Sky Movies1, 12.25am.

Dir Clint Eastwood) What starts off as a Rocky style examination of how past-it boxing champ (Clint Eastwood) tutors a hard-working wannabe (Hilary Swank) takes a poignant turn when unexpected events overtake the character’s lives. Fine story-telling with an acute understanding of sports movie pathos.

Matt Chittock

Natural Born Killers ★★★★✩ (1994, Film Four, 10.50pm.

Dir Oliver Stone) It caused a furore on release – and some 12 years on Oliver Stone’s jet black serial killer satire is still shocking laughter in the dark. Woody Harrelson buried the ghost of Cheers forever as the serial murderer turned bona fide media star visibly revelling in the movie’s violent image overload.

MC

48 latest 7

27 Mar – 2 Apr

(2001, Channel 4, 9.05pm.

Dir Alexander Payne) Jack Nicholson plays it successfully low-key as an ex-Insurance salesman on a desperate search for meaning as he sets off on a road trip to Denver to dissuade his daughter from marrying the wrong man. Funny and deeply affecting, it’s one of Jack’s best, most believable roles.

MC

Love + Hate ★★★★✩ (2005, BBC2, 10.35pm. Dir Dominic Savage) Proof that love knows no racial bounds, this smart update of Romeo And Juliet places the star cross’d protagonists in a racist Northern town where everyone knows everyone else’s business. Strangely overlooked by audiences, it’s a real British classic told with wit and economy.

MC

SUNDAY 1 ★★✩✩✩ (1998, BBC2, 1.15am. Dir Michael Martin) Largely unfunny blaxploitation caper comedy in which a pair of hood ne’er do wells scam a job lot of mobile phones and manage to annoy both the police and local drug dealers at the same time. Along the way there’s stoner comedy, horny OAPs and Snoop Doggy Dogg.

MC

I Got the Hook Up

MONDAY 2 Raging Bull ★★★★✩ (1980, Five, 11pm. Dir Martin Scorcese) Despite being acclaimed as one of the great movies of the Eighties, this violent biopioc of prize pugulist Jake LaMotta is difficult viewing. Robert DeNiro plays him as a monster eaten up by jealousy, rage and sexual insecurity, unable to keep his relationship or his career afloat. As support Joe Pesci is wonderful as Jake’s brother, balancing an ugly, but deeply moral movie.

MC Fighting talk: Raging Bull, Mon , Five 11pm

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3/21/07

5:44 PM

Page 1

tuesday 27 Horizon BBC2, 9pm Professor Lesley Regan has just turned 50, but rather than simply throw a massive party she’s turned her scientific eye to the world of make-up. She wants to create her very own experimentally-proven beauty cabinet, looking closely at her own age spots, wrinkles and broken veins for inspiration.

Half Ton Hospital: Tonight Special ITV1, 9pm New York. The place of high fashion, Sex And The City and the bagel. And the Half Ton Hospital.

Yes, if you weigh over 30 stones, this is the place for you, and it’s the place a lot of these patients have come to in order to make a last ditch bid at a normal life.

Touching and alarming.

Skins E4, 10.30pm All good things come to an end, and such is the way with Skins.

These very adult teenagers brought to you by the letter ‘E’ and the writers of Shameless are now letting the most interesting character – Sid – come to the fore as he finally tells Cassie how he feels. Not the best move. Not a good move in any sense at all.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Abolition Of The Slave Trade: National Service Of Commemoration 1.00pm BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Maya And Miguel 3.45 The Likeaballs 4.00 50/50 4.30 The Slammer 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am CBeebies 9.25 9.45 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Primary History 10.50 Primary Geography: Portrait Of Europe 11.10 Star Trek: The Next Generation 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Something Special 1.20 Primary Geography 1.30 Making A Meal Of It 2.00 Escape To The Country 3.00 Through The Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 3.00 Daily Cooks 4.00 Poirot 5.00 Soapstar Superchef

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Friends 8.00 Just Shoot Me (x2) 9.00 Frasier 9.30 My Crazy Life 10.00 Hardeep Does Religion 10.30 Gay To Z 11.00 My Big Gay Prom 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Proud Parents 12.40 FILM: The Eve Of Saint Mark (1944) 2.25 A Place In The Sun 3.30 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Franny’s Feet 6.35 The Clangers 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.30 Little Princess 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 The Diet Doctors: Top To Toe 1.30 Russell Grant’s Postcards 1.40 FILM: Reasons Of The Heart (1996) 3.30 FILM: The Last Dance (2000) 5.30 Five News

6.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Cricket World Cup Special 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.00 Cricket World Cup Special 1.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 11.00 Euro Tour Golf 12.00am Sports Unlimited 1.00 Euro Tour Golf

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 Real Story: What Happened Next? How cuts in rubbish collection could lead to a plague of rats. A pied piper just might work! Or not.

7.30 EastEnders Stella encourages Ben to stand up to the bullies, but is it the right advice? Ooh – the wicked step-mother will be giving him apples next, just you watch.

8.00 Holby City The police grill Faye about what happened to her husband back in Dubai. Patsy Kensit’s luck with husbands hasn’t changed since Emmerdale then.

9.00 Life On Mars As heroin hits the streets of Manchester for the first time, CID and DCI Hunt want culprits for the smuggling, the dealing and ensuing violence. Right guv!

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 ONE Life Ricky Tomlinson sets out to get justice for himself and others who were imprisoned in 1973 for the first national building strike.

There’s more to him than ‘arse’.

11.15 Cricket World Cup Highlights 12.15am FILM: True Confessions (1981) 2.05 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.50 Seaside Rescue 3.20 An Island Parish 3.50 Dr Alice Roberts:Don’t Die Young 4.20 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

6.00 Eggheads Not a new kind of protein-rich shampoo – a quiz show.

Really.

6.30 A Taste Of My Life Griff Rhys Jones and Nigel find themselves out of their depth when Griff’s daughter challenges them to make sushi from scratch. Ha ha hee hee.

7.00 Sleep Clinic 7.30 Are We There Yet? In the final part, John Ware says the maths don’t add up on air travel. Light bulbs in the north, or an Easyjet flight to Faro?

Yikes!

8.00 The Underdog Show Another doggy duo will exit the competition eliminated by a trio of professional judges and the viewers. Ahhh.

9.00 Horizon See highlights.

9.50 New Forest Adders Doc set in the New Forest, where all six of the UK’s reptile species live together. The leader of the pack has to be the infamous adder and the film offers a rare insight into its life.

10.00 The Underdog Show: Results Another duo will be leaving.

10.30 Newsnight Jeremy Paxman.

‘Nuff said.

11.20 World Swimming Championships 12.10am Taken 1.35 Malcolm In The Middle 2.00 All About Me 3.00 Spit Game 3.30 Elephant Boy 4.00 GCSE Bitesize

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Zak warns Shadrach off. Like he’ll ever listen.

7.30 Focus The friends and lawyers of a Sussex law student being held in Guantanamo, without charge and without trial, discuss the reasons why this is a dreadful case of mistaken identity. Scary stuff.

8.00 Cops With Cameras D’ya see what it is? It’s police officers... with cameras. So you can see what happens to police officers... with cameras. Like, wow!

9.00 Half Ton Hospital: Tonight Special See highlights.

10.00 Marbella Belles New Belle Louise Truelove moved to Spain a year ago after her boyfriend left her for a 53-year-old grandmother. She now works as a patient co-ordinator at a plastic surgery clinic and feels breasts all day. A most bizarre set-up.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 Real Crime: The Evil World Of Marc Dutroux More than ten years after the paedophile Marc Dutroux was jailed for the kidnap, imprisonment, rape, torture and murder of terrified young girls, questions about the case remain.

12.00am ITV Play: Glitterball 3.40 Covers Forever 4.35 The Jules And Lulu Show 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks OB and Max attempt to come up with another business idea, but it’s Tom who’s the brains.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 Selling Houses Abroad Property expert Andrew Winter gives British homeowners advice.

9.00 Get Your Act Together With Harvey Goldsmith Series following legendary Live 8 promoter Harvey Goldsmith as he attempts to help struggling entertainment acts revive their careers. Harvey’s first project is singer and actress Samantha Mumba.

10.00 Kidnapped Knapp and King figure out the name of the suspect and race to find them. Leopold’s grandfather is willing to do anything to get him back. ‘Anything’ being the key word in that sentence.

11.40 The Crippendales Doc following a wheelchair-bound man’s efforts to create Britain’s first troupe of disabled male strippers. The show scooped Best International Documentary at the New York Independent Film Festival in 2006.

12.10am PartyPoker.com Poker Nations Cup 1.15 KOTV Classics 2.10 Freesports On 4: The Roxy Jam 2.35 World Cup Skiing 3.30 Velux 5 Oceans Ultimate Solo Challenge 4.00 - 5.45 Educational programmes

6.00 Home And Away Drew realises that he still has feelings for Belle.

6.30 Everybody Hates Chris 7.00 Five News 7.15 The Singing Estate: What Happened Next? Twelve months ago, conductor Ivor Setterfield transformed 40 residents of Oxford’s Blackbird Leys estate into a choir fit to perform at the Royal Albert Hall.

What has happened to the members of the choir one year on?

8.00 Being Ten Lighthearted, one-off doc exploring the notion of and experiences associated with ‘tenness’. Double figures meant so much at that age. Bless.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Grissom finds the answer to the mysterious minatures of the serial killer. Whe-hey!

10.00 CSI: Miami Ryan Wolfe is attacked and seriously injured while investigating the murder of a distraught soon-to-be ex-wife, and there is no shortage of suspects.

11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit A grade-school student is accused of killing one of his classmates, but the investigation uncovers a drugs ring which uses children as pawns.

12.00am Arrest And Trial (x2) 12.50 NBA Action 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Race And Rally UK 4.55 World Supercross Championship

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 High Altitude 8.00 Wild Spirits 8.30 World Motor Sport 11.00 Golf Special 4.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 Euro Tour Golf 6.00 LIVE Golf Special 11.00 Poker: William Hill Grand Prix 2.00am 360 Surfing

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Speedway: Elite League 11.00 Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Wild Spirits 12.30 Conference Football 2.00 High Altitude 2.30 Speedway: Elite League 4.30 360 Surfing 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Spirit Of Yachting: Rolex Farr 40 World Champs 7.30 LIVE Greyhounds 10.00 Kick Boxing: Real Clash Of The Champions 11.00 Rally Fever 12.00am World Motor Sport 2.30 Kick Boxing: Real Clash Of The Champions

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

9.00am USA Under The Knife 10.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Revelations 1.00 Angel 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Jake 2.0 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 6.00 Stargate Atlantis 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Battlestar Galactica 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am USA Under The Knife 1.00 Red Light Girls

7.00pm Honey We’re Killing The Kids Revisited 7.30 Help! My Dog’s As Fat As Me 8.00 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 8.30 The Real Hustle 9.00 F*** Off I’m Small 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Ideal 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 F*** Off I’m Small 12.40am Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 1.10 Ideal 1.40 The Real Hustle

7.00pm Wainwright’s Walks 7.30 All Mod Cons 8.00 The World 8.30 Never Mind The Full Stops 9.00 The Day Today 9.30 The League Of Gentlemen 10.00 Life On Mars 11.00 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 11.30 These Young People Revisited 12.30am Wainwright’s Walks 1.00 Never Mind The Full Stops

11.10am Judge Judy 12.30pm Coronation Street 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.10 Judge Judy 6.30 American Idol (x2) 9.00 WAGs Boutique 10.00 FILM: The Scorpion King (2002) 11.55 FILM: The Mummy (1999)

12.25pm Robin Of Sherwood 1.35 Lovejoy 2.40 Never The Twain 3.10 Home To Roost 3.40 Movies Now 3.50 Cagney And Lacey 4.50 Quantum Leap 5.50 Due South 6.50 Lovejoy 8.00 The Bill: Killer On The Run 9.00 Northern Lights 10.00 Inspector Wexford: From Doon With Death 12.00am Lovejoy

2.00pm Switched 2.30 One Tree Hill 3.30 Smallville 4.30 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The OC 10.00 Get Your Act Together: The Showdown 10.30 Skins.

See highlights. 11.35 Scrubs (x2) 12.35am The War At Home

1.05pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 FILM: Pork Chop Hill (1959) 5.55 3 Minute Wonder (x2) 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 10.00 FILM: Amelie (2001) 12.15am NYPD Blue

1.00pm Will & Grace (x2) 2.00 Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 The Real Extras 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Outrageous Fortune 11.00 CSI Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 New Most Haunted 2.00 Threat Matrix

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

3.00pm My Family 3.40 Porridge 4.20 Dinnerladies 5.00 The Bill (x2) 7.00 Porridge 7.40 Open All Hours 8.20 My Family 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.35 Absolutely Fabulous 11.15 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 12.50am Absolutely Fabulous 1.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 2.05 Holby City (x2)

2.00pm Frasier (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 10.35 South Park (x2) 11.35 The World Stands Up (x2) 12.35am Sex And The City

5.00pm How It’s Made 5.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 World’s Biggest Airliner: Delivering The Airbus A380 10.00 World’s Lost Tribes 11.00 Crimes That Shook The World 12.00am Mythbusters

7.00am La Femme Nikita 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00am FILM: The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension (1984) 1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Thirst (1998) 4.45 FILM: Descent (2005) 6.40 FILM: Capricorn One (1978) 9.00 Medium (x7) 4.00am Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World

1.25pm Frog And Wombat (1998) 3.00 Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005) 4.35 Because Of Winn-Dixie (2005) 6.25 Kicking And Screaming (2005) 9.45 Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005) 11.25 The Machinist (2004) 1.10am Rapid Fire (1992) 2.50 Beavis And Butt-Head Do America (1996) 4.15 By Dawn’s Early Light (2000)

8.40am The Journey (1959) 11.00 Anchors Aweigh (1945) 1.25pm Moonfleet (1955) 3.00 The Honeymoon Machine (1961) 4.35 The Law And Jake Wade (1958) 6.15 The Bad And The Beautiful (1952) 8.25 Offset: Michael Douglas 9.00 Coma (1978) 11.10 2010 (1984) 1.25am The Cross Of Lorraine (1943)

10.25am The Long Road Home (1990) 12.10pm His And Her Christmas (2005) 1.40 Vanity Fair (2004) 4.00 Jungle 2 Jungle (1997) 6.00 The Long Road Home (1990) 7.45 Sky Movies Special 8.00 Derailed (2005) 10.00 Saw II (2005) 11.40 Before Sunset (2004) 1.05am Twin Town (1997) 2.50 Drop Dead Fred (1991)

3.00pm Boomerang (1947) 4.40 Oliver Twist (1948) 7.00 A Matter Of Life And Death (1946) 9.00 The Long Good Friday (1980) 11.10 Bound (1997) Cult heist movie starring Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon as lovers hell bent on getting the good life. 1.15am South Central LA (1992)

050_LS314_TV_Wed

3/21/07

6:03 PM

Page 1

wednesday 28 The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm It’s back. Heh heh. Watch the candidates jostle for pole position in Sir Alan Sugar’s lengthy job interview process, as he divides them into teams and sets them tasks to push their buttons and try their talents. Hear the excuses fly when he calls them into the boardroom and asks them “What went wrong?”. Fun, fun, fun.

PartyPoker.com European Open III Five, 11.50pm It’s easy to get hypnotised by this game. Watch it hand-by-hand and soon you’re willing ‘the flop’ for your favourite, and rubbing your lucky rabbit’s foot to help.

But, unlike gawping at 24-hour Big Brother footage, this really has some exciting action.

Without a wine bottle in sight.

Charlie Brooker’s Screen Wipe BBC4, 10.30pm Caustic, but darn it this man is funny, as his biting wit clamps down hard and chews a few clumps out of recent goggle box offerings. Not one to suffer fools gladly but very articulate as to what type of fool he’s come across this time, this low budget offering is a gem in the schedule.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Maya And Miguel 3.45 The Likeaballs 4.00 50/50 4.30 The Slammer 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am – 9.25 CBeebies 9.45 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Star Trek: The Next Generation 11.15 The Flying Gardener 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm Crawshaw’s Watercolour Cruise 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Making A Meal Of It 2.30 Escape To The Country 3.00 Through The Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 3.00 Daily Cooks 4.00 Poirot 5.00 Soapstar Superchef

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me (x2) 9.00 Frasier 9.30 My Crazy Life 10.00 Hardeep Does Family 10.30 Gay To Z 11.00 Mum’s Gone Gay 11.35 Sex, Lies And Soaps 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 FILM: Bullwhip (1958) 2.00 Room For Improvement 2.25 A Place In The Sun 3.30 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Franny’s Feet 6.35 The Clangers 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.30 Little Princess 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 The Diet Doctors Inside And Out 1.30 FILM: External Affairs (1999) 3.30 FILM: Columbo: Uneasy Lies The Crown (1990) 5.30 Five News

6.00am Euro Tour Golf 7.00 WWE Heat 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Euro Tour Golf 10.00 Poker: William Hill Grand Prix 1.00pm Cricket World Cup 2.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup 7.00 LIVE International Football 11.00 Boots N All 12.00am Trans World Sport 1.00 International Football

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 Seaside Rescue A French trawler becomes ensnared on rocks, but the worry is that it’s not treasure on board, but bombs. Zowey!

7.30 Watchdog Nicky Campbell looks sternly at some bad consumer guys and girls. Grr. 8.00 Holby City Lola’s battle in AAU causes her to clash with Thandie and Ric. As his ex-wife she must be used to that by now.

9.00 The Apprentice Candidates compete for the position of apprentice to multi-millionaire Alan Sugar. See highlights.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws The midweek Lottery draws.

10.40 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from the Euro 2008 qualifiers. England travel to Barcelona’s Olympic stadium to face Andorra, who have only won one competitive fixture in their history.

11.25 Two Weddings And A Bar Mitzvah Documentary which lifts the lid on the world of kosher catering.

12.00am Cricket World Cup Highlights 1.05 Sign Zone: Jimmy’s Diaries 1.35 The Retreat 2.35 A Very English Village 3.25 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan has the questions in this quiz show.

Do you have the answers?

6.30 A Taste Of My Life Star of American hit medical drama ER, Alex Kingston goes back in time reminiscing about her Germanic roots, the days that she, Ralph Fiennes and Simon Russell Beale would dine out as the ‘Quorum’.

7.00 Bill Oddie Goes Wild Bill goes in search of elusive otters on Dartmoor, one of England’s last truly wild places. Fierce otters, obviously.

7.30 Match Of The Day Live Gabby Logan presents live coverage of Scotland’s Euro 2008 qualifier against world champions Italy in Bari.

Scotland have made an encouraging start to their qualifying campaign but face their toughest test yet in only the second match in charge for new manager Alex McLeish.

10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Adrian Chiles grills the newly-fired candidate from The Apprentice in front of a studio audience.

10.30 Newsnight Jeremy Paxman introduces comprehensive coverage of today’s important national and international news stories.

11.20 World Swimming Championships 12.10am Taken 1.35 Joins BBC News 24 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: GCSE Bitesize (x2)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jimmy, Carl and Scarlett slowly start to bond. Ahh. One big back-biting family.

7.30 Coronation Street It’s Tracy’s big moment - but can she hold it together in the witness box? Claire’s secret is exposed in court. Quelle drama!

8.00 The Bill Stuart and Mickey are called to the scene of an arson attack and a suspicious death. They question one of the neighbours – the mention of whose name seems to rattle Heaton. Now watch him shake and roll.

9.00 Blue Murder Janine and Richard investigate two missing men and evidence of foul play at a crematorium. They have a killer and a victim – but which is which? As detectives maybe some detecting would be in order.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Harry Hill crams this week’s must-see TV into another 30 minutes of awardwinning telly, featuring previews of The Real Extras, Freaky Eaters and Horizon: My Pet Dinosaur.

11.30 Carmen Electra’s Orange Playlist 12.00am ITV Play: Glitterball 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Calvin has got bad news for Justin: he wants him out.

Calvin breaks the news to Sonny and Sasha but Justin overhears everything. The clever money’s not on a quiet departure.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 Relocation, Relocation London couple Max and Pia Patte want to leave the smog and find a quirky new home in Oxfordshire, Wiltshire or Hampshire, as well as buying a house in her native Sweden.

However, their budget only stretches to £300,000. Hmm. 9.00 Grand Designs Andrew and Lowri Davies set out to build an environmentally friendly farmhouse in rural Wales. They opted for some state-of-the-art experimental building materials but their budget spiraled out of control. Easily done.

10.00 Desperate Housewives Mike tries hypnotherapy to remember the night of Monique’s death.

11.05 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 12.05am The Charlotte Church Show 12.55 My Name Is Earl 1.25 The War At Home (x2) 2.25 The Osbournes (x2) 3.15 Bob And Margaret 3.40 The Jamie Kennedy Experiment 4.05 Wild Things 4.55 The Insider 5.25 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Drew asks Belle if she wants to give their relationship another shot. After canoodling with her Mum. Yeah, right.

6.30 Everybody Hates Chris We don’t. He’s great.

7.00 Five News 7.15 Lemur Island Mating season arrives and the males compete to woo the females. Similar to Brighton, but without Pimm’s jugs at Gemini’s.

8.00 Child In A Million This final programme follows the story of two children suffering from very different conditions: Jessica, a teenage girl with a rare reflex disorder; and newly born Joshua, who will die if he does not undergo heart surgery.

9.00 FILM: The Dead Pool (1988) Starring Clint Eastwood, Liam Neeson, Michael Currie and Jim Carrey. Action drama in which `Dirty’ Harry Callahan returns to investigate an underground betting ring in which the participants gamble on the deaths of prominent San Francisco citizens.

10.50 Disorderly Conduct US documentary series featuring footage of real-life car crashes, drug busts and high-speed pursuits.

11.50 PartyPoker.com European Open III See highlights.

1.20am NHL Ice Hockey 3.30 Football Argentina 5.10 A1 Grand Prix Action

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 High Altitude 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 High Altitude 9.30 Spirit Of Yachting: Rolex Farr 40 World Champs 10.00 Rally Fever 11.00 Golf Special 4.00pm Euro Tour Golf 5.00 Irish Greyhound Racing 5.30 Total Rugby 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 Boots N All 7.30 LIVE Football: Euro 2008 Qualifier 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool (x2) 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 European Tour Weekly 1.00 Poker: William Hill Grand Prix

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Kick Boxing: Real Clash Of The Champions 1.00 Rally Fever 2.00 Poker: William Hill Grand Prix 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Euro Tour Golf 8.00 LIVE Football: Euro 2008 Qualifier 10.00 Motor Sport 11.00 Max Power 12.00am Irish Greyhound Racing 12.30 Watersports World 1.30 Motor Sport

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

9.00am USA Under The Knife 10.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Revelations 1.00 Angel 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Jake 2.0 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 6.00 Stargate Atlantis 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 The Dresden Files 10.00 Lost 11.00 Cold Case (x2) 1.00am Stargate Atlantis 1.50 Angry Britain

7.00pm Spendaholics Saved My Life 8.00 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 8.30 Conning The Conmen 9.00 My Man Boobs And Me 10.00 Ideal 10.30 Sound 11.00 The 34 Stone Teenager: Six Months On 11.55 My Man Boobs And Me 12.55am Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 1.25 Britain’s Tallest Man 2.25 American Dad (x2)

7.00pm Planet Earth 8.00 The World 8.30 All Mod Cons 9.00 Racism: A History 10.00 Hotel 10.30 Charlie Brooker’s Screen Wipe. See highlights. 11.00 TVs Black Pioneers 12.00am Racism: A History 1.00 Charlie Brooker’s Screen Wipe 1.30 TVs Black Pioneers 2.30 Racism: A History

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 Airline USA 5.45 Judge Judy 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Builders From Hell 9.00 FILM: The Mummy (1999) 11.25 Coronation Street 11.55 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 2.25am Comedy Cuts

12.20pm Robin Of Sherwood 1.30 Lovejoy 2.35 Never The Twain 3.05 Tales Of The Unexpected 3.40 Film File 3.50 Cagney And Lacey 4.50 Quantum Leap 5.50 Due South 6.50 Lovejoy 7.55 Bramwell 9.00 The Jasper Carrott Show 9.30 Entrusted 11.30 Lovejoy 12.35am Heartbeat 1.35 Anna Lee

1.00pm Carmen Electra’s Music Selector 2.00 Switched 2.30 One Tree Hill 3.30 Smallville 4.30 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Miss Match 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 12.55 Smallville

4.00pm FILM: This Island Earth (1955) 5.45 3 Minute Wonder (x4) 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Britain’s Worst Weather 10.00 Grand Designs: Trade Secrets 10.30 Time Team Special 11.35 NYPD Blue 12.35am The Daily Show

11.00am Charmed (x2) 1.00pm Will & Grace (x2) 2.00 Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

3.00pm My Family 3.40 Porridge 4.20 Dinnerladies 5.00 The Bill (x2) 7.00 Porridge 7.40 Open All Hours 8.20 My Family 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.35 Absolutely Fabulous 11.15 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 12.45am Absolutely Fabulous 1.25 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 2.00 Holby City (x2)

4.00pm King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond: The Last Laugh 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 10.00 Lee Evans Live - Different Planet Tour 11.30 The World Stands Up (x2) 12.30am South Park (x2)

4.00pm Global Garage 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper Special 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 10.00 Big Machines 11.00 Lobstermen: Jeopardy At Sea 12.00am Mythbusters

6.00am Andromeda 7.00 La Femme Nikita 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 FILM: Combustion (2004) 1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Bedazzled (2000) 5.00 FILM: Jason And The Argonauts (1963) 7.10 FILM: Disappearance (2002) 9.00 Heroes 10.00 (x6) 4.00am Star Trek

1.30pm The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe (2005) 4.00 The 6th Man (1997) 6.00 Smokey And The Bandit II (1980) 8.00 The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe (2005) 10.25 Dragon Dynasty (2006) 12.00am The Terminal (2004) 2.15 Twilight (1998)

7.00am Little Women (1933) 8.55 That Forsyte Woman (1949) 11.00 A Day At The Races (1937) 12.55pm The Teahouse Of The August Moon (1956) 3.00 The Loved One (1965) 5.10 Gigi (1958) 7.10 Hearts Of The West (1975) 9.00 Get Carter (1971) 11.10 The Power (1968) 1.15am The Outrage (1964)

8.05am Blessings (2003) 10.05 Miracle On The 17th Green (1999) 12.00pm The Karate Kid (1984) 2.10 Blessings (2003) 4.00 Miracle On The 17th Green (1999) 5.50 The Karate Kid (1984) 8.00 Meet The Fockers (2004) 10.00 Alien Resurrection (1997) 11.50 The Village (2004) 1.40am Vampire In Brooklyn (1995)

3.00pm Campbell’s Kingdom (1958) 5.10 13 Rue Madeleine (1946) 7.00 A Shot In The Dark (1964) 9.00 The Italian Job (2003) 11.05 Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels (1998) The British gangster film that made Mr Madonna’s name – sorry Guy Ritchie’s – takes an outing. 1.10am Pusher (1996)

051_LS314_TV_Thu

3/21/07

5:45 PM

Page 1

thursday 29 Mummy’s War Channel 4, 9pm Many years ago there was a conflict British troops were involved in that wasn’t in Iraq.

No, really. You may remember a couple of islands called the Falklands. Carol Thatcher certainly does as it was under her mother’s rule that the war came about. So she’s going there to find out more. Very interesting.

Shark Five, 10pm James Woods is trying to do for lawyers what Hugh Laurie did for doctors in House. Except this bad tempered man hasn’t got a gammy leg. He’s got a teenage daughter. This week he tries to build bridges with the police, who understandably don’t like him as the man who previously freed loads of their crims. Tricky.

Supernatural ITV2, 11.30pm Sam and Dean fight baddie demons. That’s what they’ve been trained to do and what they’re good at. And fighting each other, but that’s just brother stuff.

Something not on their resumés has been calling up demons and making deals with them. ‘Less brutal, more brain’ has never been their forté. They’ll learn.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Maya And Miguel 3.45 The Likeaballs 4.00 50/50 4.30 The Slammer 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am – 9.25 CBeebies 9.45 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Look And Read 10.50 Primary Geography: Using The Land (x2) 11.10 English Express 11.40 Seasonal Snapshots 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Animal Park 1.30 Making A Meal Of It 2.00 Escape To The Country 3.00 Through The Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 3.00 Daily Cooks 4.00 Poirot 5.00 Soapstar Superchef

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me (x2) 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Make Me A Grown Up 10.00 Hardeep Does Pets 10.30 Gay To Z 11.00 Coming Out To Class 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Proud Parents 12.40 FILM: Johnny Come Lately (1943) 2.25 A Place In The Sun 3.30 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Boots N All 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Boots N All 10.00 Cricket World Cup 11.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Cricket World Cup 2.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 11.00 Guinness Rugby Club 12.30am FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Darts: Premier League 4.30 Close

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 Mission Africa Presenter Nick Knowles crashes head first from the roof of a land rover, seriously injuring himself and leaving the whole project hanging in the balance. Blimey!

7.30 EastEnders A desperate Dawn resorts to drastic deeds. Try saying that six times fast when you’re inebriated!

8.00 Waterloo Road Lorna gets to the heart of a persistent truant’s real problem and Jack has the chips stacked against him in the final interviews for the permanent headship. Life in the trenches of education.

9.00 Hotel Babylon Tony ignores Charlie’s good advice over choice of limo suppliers and things get steamy when Rebecca and Charlie cook for everyone to celebrate Christmas... in February. Saucy!

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 Question Time Topical debate from Bath, chaired by David Dimbleby 11.35 This Week 12.20am World Swimming Championships 1.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.55 Blair: The Inside Story 2.55 Moira Stuart In Search Of Wilberforce 3.55 Sleep Clinic 4.25 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

6.00 Eggheads You’ve just got back from work, your brain wants to stop – but no! It’s time to quiz!

6.30 A Taste Of My Life Nigel Slater hosts a chat show which explores the lives and loves of celebrities through their personal experiences of food.

7.00 My Life As A Child 7.30 Rick Stein’s Food Heroes: Another Helping Freshly caught flounder from South Wales, Cumbrian goat’s cheese, air-dried ham and steak and seaweed pie.

8.00 Hairy Bikers Ride Again The Hairy Bikers travel through the Cardamom Hills high up into tea country, where the Raj still lingers.

Dettol just won’t shift it.

8.30 It’s Not Easy Being Green It’s harder turning purple.

9.00 Fear, Stress And Anger Julie starts to lose the plot as she thinks she’s starting the menopause and that her life is now over and she might as well die. Sounds like Shakespeare with writer’s block.

9.30 Dead Ringers Topical sketches.

10.00 The Graham Norton Show Graham Norton’s view of the world.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Desi DNA Asian arts and lifestyle magazine.

11.50 Cricket World Cup Highlights 12.50am Joins BBC News 24 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: GCSE Bitesize Revision: French (x2)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale In desperation, Marlon agrees to Eli’s plan. That’s always a bad place to be when agreeing to anything.

7.30 Cathedral Cities Hannah ScottJoynt learns about the art of campanology with the Guildford Cathedral Bell Ringers.

8.00 The Bill Roger and Lewis investigate a stabbing of a gang member, and Lewis is surprised to bump into his estranged cousin Dominic – who denies any involvement. Straight up, cop.

9.00 Happy Birthday Elton! Elton John celebrates his birthday in style with a spectacular live concert at Madison Square Garden. Also featuring Jim Carrey, Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne, Scissor Sisters, Tom Ford, Bono, Ricky Gervais, David and Victoria Beckham, Matt Lucas and David Walliams, Billy Connolly, Celine Dion, Kylie Minogue and Paul McCartney. Kate Thornton presents red carpet coverage.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 Meridian Soccer Night 11.30 The Way We Were Today’s programme looks at the good old school days.

12.00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4.10 Make Me Perfect 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Franny’s Feet 6.35 The Clangers 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.30 Little Princess 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 The Diet Doctors Inside And Out 1.30 Russell Grant’s Postcards 1.45 FILM: Submarine Command (1951) 3.25 Five News Update 3.30 FILM: Evel (2004) 5.30 Five News 6.00 Home And Away Sally discovers the truth about Rocco and the boys. Dangerous knowledge.

6.30 Everybody Hates Chris When Chris gets an F in maths on his report card, he resorts to desperate measures to hide the bad grade from his parents.

7.00 Five News 7.15 How Not To Decorate Justin and Colin take a shabby threebedroom semi in Letchworth, home to a family of seven, and completely transform it using only their formidable powers of decoration and design. And a large team of builders.

8.00 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 2 House Doctor Ann Maurice oversees a contest to choose a top new interior-design talent.

9.00 House US hospital drama about a maverick, anti-social New Jersey doctor. House and the team treat a young boy who believes he has been the subject of alien experimentation.

10.00 Shark See highlights.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Grissom is called to a murder of a 17-year-old in a casino penthouse.

12.00am Football Night 1.00 French Football - Le Championnat 1.50 Football Argentina 3.20 Football Argentina Highlights 4.10 Boxing: Fight Of The Week 5.10 Indy Car

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Warren has given Justin a place to stay. Bad boys together. Ahh. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 A Place In The Sun Amanda Lamb helps the Hoburn family choose between a stone cottage in Crete and the more practical charms of a new apartment.

8.30 Chaos At The Chateau The hotel’s opening is delayed by the painters being behind schedule - but that doesn’t stop the guests turning up on time. ‘Wet Paint’ signs galore.

9.00 Mummy’s War See highlights.

10.00 Wedding Belles Featurelength comedy written by novelist Irvine Welsh and screenwriter Dean Cavanagh, following four childhood friends as they prepare for one of their weddings. Based in Edinburgh, the women are all battling their own personal demons and, as the wedding draws near, their lives are thrown into turmoil through a series of unexpected and heartbreaking revelations.

12.00am The Granton Star Cause 12.45 Red Bull Music Academy: Melbourne 1.20 Once Upon A Time In Iran 2.50 3 Minute Wonder: 2.55 Animal Farm 3.55 Do You Want To Live Forever?

5.25 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 High Altitude 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 High Altitude 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 International Football 12.00pm Boots N All 1.00 Motor Sport 2.00 International Football 4.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 Guinness Rugby Club 7.30 LIVE Darts: Premier League 11.00 High Altitude 11.30 NBA Action 12.00am Golf Night 2.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Motor Sport 9.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool (x2) 11.00 Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 High Altitude 1.30 European Tour Golf 3.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 4.00 Motor Sport 5.00 WWE Heat 6.00 WWE Special 7.00 Golf Night 9.00 WWE Late Night Raw 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Special 1.00 NBA Action 1.30 Netball: Super League 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

9.00am USA Under The Knife 10.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Revelations 1.00 Angel 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Jake 2.0 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 6.00 Stargate Atlantis 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case (x2) 12.00am USA Under The Knife 1.00 Stargate Atlantis 1.50 Very Worst...Sports Disasters

7.00pm Spendaholics Saved My Life 8.00 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 8.30 Rush Hour 9.00 F*** Off I’m A Hairy Woman 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle 11.00 Conning The Conmen 11.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.30am F*** Off I’m A Hairy Woman

7.00pm Sounds Of The Sixties 7.10 The Avengers 8.00 The World 8.30 The Waiting Room 9.00 Roots Remembered 10.30 Screamers: Storyville 12.00am Roots Remembered 1.30 The Waiting Room 2.00 Screamers: Storyville 3.30 The Waiting Room 4.00 Close

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 Airline USA 5.45 Judge Judy 7.00 Smallville 8.00 WAGs Boutique 9.00 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 11.30 Supernatural.

See highlights. 12.30am Comedy Cuts 1.00 FILM: Life (1999)

12.30pm Robin Of Sherwood 1.30 Lovejoy 2.40 Never The Twain 3.10 Tales Of The Unexpected 3.45 Movies Now 3.55 Cagney And Lacey 4.55 Quantum Leap 5.55 Due South 6.55 Lovejoy 8.00 The Two Ronnies 9.00 The Wyvern Mystery 10.20 Hack 11.20 Lovejoy 12.25am Heartbeat

2.05pm Switched 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.35 Smallville 4.30 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 ER 10.00 Sex In Court 10.30 FILM: She’s All That (1999) 12.25am Scrubs (x2) 1.20 Smallville 2.15 Sex In Court 2.40 Switched 3.00 The War At Home

4.00pm FILM: Scaramouche (1952) 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 Grand Designs: Trade Secrets 10.35 Without A Trace 11.35 NYPD Blue 12.35am The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 1.00 Countdown

11.00am Charmed (x2) 1.00pm Will & Grace (x2) 2.00 Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Boston Legal

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

3.00pm My Family 3.40 Porridge 4.20 Dinnerladies 5.00 The Bill (x2) 7.00 Porridge 7.40 Open All Hours 8.20 My Family 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.30 Absolutely Fabulous 11.10 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 12.30am Absolutely Fabulous 1.10 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 1.50 Room 101

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 10.35 South Park (x2) 11.35 The World Stands Up (x2) 12.35am Sex And The City

4.00pm Global Garage Bangla Bangers 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 My Shocking Story 10.00 World’s Lost Tribes 11.00 Extreme Medical Stories 12.00am Mythbusters

6.00am Andromeda 7.00 La Femme Nikita 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 Peter Benchley’s The Beast 1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Jason And The Argonauts (1963) 5.10 FILM: Loch Ness (1996) 7.10 Peter Benchley’s The Beast 9.00 A Town Called Eureka 10.00 Medium (x6)

8.45am Red Sneakers (2002) 10.45 Buddy (1997) 12.20pm Robin Hood: Men In Tights (1993) 2.20 Project: Alf (1996) 4.00 Red Sneakers (2002) 6.00 Robin Hood: Men In Tights (1993) 8.00 Monster-in-Law (2005) 10.00 Two For The Money (2005) 12.05am Bad Santa (2003) 1.50 Lords Of Dogtown (2005)

6.50am Humoresque (1946) 8.55 Yolanda And The Thief (1945) 11.00 Flight Command (1940) 1.10pm Penelope (1966) 3.00 Your Choice 5.10 Clash Of The Titans (1981) 7.15 Torpedo Run (1958) 9.00 Your Choice 10.40 Some Came Running (1958) 1.05am Bataan (1943) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Today We Live (1933)

10.40am Danny, The Champion Of The World (1989) 12.20pm The Karate Kid Part II (1986) 2.20 The Duke (1999) 4.00 Danny, The Champion Of The World (1989) 6.00 The Karate Kid Part II (1986) 8.00 Executive Decision (1996) 10.15 Face/Off (1997) 12.35am Excess Baggage (1997)

3.00pm Three Secrets (1950) 4.55 The People That Time Forgot (1977) 6.50 Eye Of The Needle (1981) 9.00 Zoolander (2001) Ben Stiller introduces the mainstream to the himbo, as he takes the world of male modelling by comedic storm. 10.40 City Of God (2002) 1.10am Thief (1981)

052_LS314_TV_Fri

3/21/07

6:02 PM

Page 1

friday 30 The U.S. Vs John Lennon BBC2, 11.35pm David Leaf and John Scheinfeld reassess the US government’s reaction to peace protester and part-time pop star John Lennon’s timely move to New York in the 1970s. An interesting documentary, but it’s difficult to believe that the drug-addled star was as much of a political threat as the film makes out.

South By Southwest Festival 2007 Channel 4, 12.40am The British record industry decamps to Texas every March for this indie showcase/music exec knees up. In amongst all the backslapping and demo swapping there are also some great acts. Tonight Channel 4 gives us appearances from Lily Allen, Jamie T and The Gossip.

New Horizons: The Alternative Society BBC4, 10pm Vintage 1971 documentary filmed in and around Notting Hill and Portobello Road where the flower-powered ‘yoof’ used to hang out and talk up the revolution. Features appearances

by Caroline Coon and Richard Neville, before they sold out to the Man (boo!).

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Maya And Miguel 3.45 The Likeaballs 4.00 50/50 4.30 Underdogs 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Fimbles 6.25 The Story Makers 6.35 Balamory 7.00 Astro Boy 7.25 Newsround 7.30 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 7.45 Underdogs 8.15 ChuckleVision 8.30 Tommy Zoom 8.40 Numberjacks 9.00 Nina And The Neurons 9.15 Lunar Jim 9.25 Me Too! 9.45 Home Movies 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Primary Geography (x3) 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.30 Making A Meal Of It 2.00 Escape To The Country 3.00 Through The Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 Eggheads 6.30 A Taste Of My Life Brenda Blethyn talks with fondness about growing up as one of nine children in a time of rationing, and she affectionately remembers a chaotic and happy household.

7.00 Get Your Life In Order! The Money Programme takes a look at modern servants.

7.30 Open Gardens 8.00 Christine’s Garden It’s late Spring and one of the busiest times of year for horticulturalist Christine Walkden.

8.30 Gardeners’ World It’s time to get going with planting around the Berryfields pond which was completely redone at the end of last year.

9.00 Anatomy Of A Crime: Conspiracy To Murder Documentary revealing the inner workings of the criminal justice system.

10.00 Have I Got Old News For You Comedy news quiz.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 The U.S. Vs John Lennon See highlights.

1.10am World Swimming Championships Sharron Davies introduces action from the FINA World Championships in Melbourne.

2.00 Taken 3.25 Star Trek (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 3.00 Daily Cooks 4.00 Poirot 5.00 Soapstar Superchef

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me (x2) 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Make Me A Grown Up 10.00 Hardeep Does Drinking 10.30 Gay To Z 11.00 Crip On A Trip 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Seaside Secrets 12.45 FILM: Invitation To A Gunfighter (1964) 2.25 A Place In The Sun 3.30 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Franny’s Feet 6.40 The Clangers 6.50 Hi-5 7.25 The Beeps 7.35 Little Princess 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Titch 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 The Diet Doctors Inside And Out 1.30 Russell Grant’s Postcards 1.40 FILM: Two Mothers For Zachary (1996) 3.40 FILM: Hidden Places (2006) 5.30 Five News

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Guinness Rugby Club 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 ATP Tennis 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Cricket World Cup 11.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Cricket World Cup 2.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 11.00 Soccer AM’s All Sports Show 12.00am Premier League Preview 12.30 Football League 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Soccer AM’s All Sports Show 5.00 Premier League Preview 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Meridian Tonight Local news magazine. Including Meridian weather.

6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather The latest national and international news.

7.00 Emmerdale A guilt-ridden Marlon goes ahead with the robbery.

Jasmine is torn over Sarah’s death.

Hari and Gray decide to buy a horse.

7.30 Coronation Street Deirdre takes the stand – but can she lie for her daughter? Janice takes exception to Underworld’s latest recruits.

Leanne winds up Liam about his new house.

8.00 Britain’s Unluckiest Homes: Tonight From cliff erosion to medieval taxes, home owners reveal how unforeseen disasters have turned their dream properties into expensive nightmares.

8.30 A Touch Of Frost Detective drama with David Jason.

10.30 ITV News; Weather The latest national and international news, plus national weather.

Including local news programmes.

11.00 WAGs Boutique June Sarpong referees the two teams of footballing fashionistas.

12.00am ITV Play: Make Your Play ITV’s interactive game show/revenue generator.

4.10 60 Minute Makeover 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Lisa is failing her gym classes, so she applies for extra credit by joining various Pee Wee leagues.

6.30 Hollyoaks Darren blackmails Steph into helping him organise a dubious charity night at The Dog. 7.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.30 The Insider Martin Bell argues that it is time to enshrine in legislation soldiers’ rights.

8.00 The Galaxy British Book Awards Highlights from the glitziest awards ceremony in the book calendar.

9.00 Ugly Betty Just as Daniel is about to pop the question, Betty throws doubt on Sofia’s intentions.

10.00 The Charlotte Church Show Charlotte is joined in the studio by Doctor Who and Torchwood star John Barrowman.

10.50 Balls Of Steel The Pain Men go back to school to receive the cane.

11.35 Transmission With T-Mobile 12.40am South By Southwest Festival 2007 See highlights.

1.30 4 Music: The JD Set Presents: Love Is All 1.45 4 Music: 4Play 2.00 Goalissimo!

3.00 KOTV 3.30 Trans World Sport 4.20 Dispatches: Cameron: Toff At The Top 5.15 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Kit returns and reveals that she is pregnant with Kim’s baby. It emerges that Ash has a wife and children. Rocco stabs Sally.

6.30 Everybody Hates Chris Chris’s beloved grandfather dies while paying a visit to Rochelle and the family, and the extended family comes to town to pay their respects.

7.00 Five News National and international news with Helen Fospero.

7.30 Gordon Brown Meets The Ten-Year-Olds An audience of kids from across the country will put Gordon Brown on the spot when they quiz him about issues close to their hearts. Hosted by Kirsty Young.

8.00 The Ten Demandments 9.00 I Blame The Spice Girls: The Monster Quiz Of The Decade Special one-off game show to celebrate the tenth anniversary of Five.

10.30 Most Shocking Celebrity Moments Of The Decade 12.30am Prison Break Michael’s escape plan is in danger of being derailed, Lincoln and LJ are in danger, Kellerman does his best to get information on Sara, and T-Bag resolves to wreak vengeance on Geary.

1.30 NASCAR Nextel Cup 2.20 World Supercross Grand Prix 3.10 A1 Grand Prix 3.45 Indy Car Series

6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 WWE Special 10.00 Guinness Rugby Club 11.30 Trans World Sport 12.30pm Darts: Premier League 4.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 Soccer AM’s All Sports Show 7.00 Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Football League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Dubai International Carnival: Dubai World Cup Preview 12.30 Gillette World Sport 1.00 Golf Night 5.00 Wild Spirits 5.30 High Altitude

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather Regional news magazine.

7.00 A Question Of Sport Sports quiz hosted by Sue Barker with regular captains Ally McCoist and Matt Dawson.

7.30 Inside Out Climatologist David Viner journeys across England in search of the best and worst places to live.

8.00 EastEnders Stella’s manipulation of Ben increases. Rob realises his true feelings for Dawn.

Max buys himself some time by sending Stacey on holiday.

8.30 Weakest Link: Dr Who Special Anne Robinson presents a special Dr Who-themed edition of the quick-fire general knowledge quiz.

9.20 The Vicar Of Dibley The villagers decide to give up something they love for Lent.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Guests include Ricky Gervais, Gareth Gates and John Travolta.

11.35 Cricket World Cup Highlights 12.35am FILM: The Cat And The Canary (1978) Comedy thriller about a woman whose vast inheritance makes her the target of a mysterious killer.

2.15 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Darts: Premier League 11.00 Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Race World 1.00 High Altitude 1.30 European Tour Golf 3.30 NBA Action 4.00 High Altitude 4.30 Dubai International Racing Carnival Preview 5.00 LIVE European Rugby: Heineken Challenge Cup (x2) 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 European Rugby: Heineken Challenge Cup (x2)

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

9.00am USA Under The Knife 10.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Revelations 1.00 Angel 2.00 Jake 2.0 (x2) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 6.00 Stargate Atlantis 7.00 The Simpsons (x3) 8.30 Crash Test Dummies 9.00 FILM: Michael (1996) 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am USA Under The Knife 1.00 Stargate Atlantis

7.00pm Spendaholics Saved My Life 8.00 Doctor Who 9.00 Football Gaffes Galore 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 11.35 Jonathan Ross’s Japanorama 12.05am Ideal 12.35 Family Guy (x2) 1.20 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 2.20 Freaky Eaters

7.00pm Haydn: String Quartet In G Major, Opus 54 (x2) 8.00 The World 8.30 Sounds Of The 60s 9.00 Originals: Hawkwind - Do Not Panic 10.00 New Horizons. See highlights.

10.30 Never Mind The Full Stops 11.00 The Avengers 11.50 Originals: Hawkwind - Do Not Panic 12.50am Roots Remembered

12.30pm Coronation Street 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 Airline USA 5.45 Judge Judy 7.00 Smallville 8.00 ITV At The Movies 8.30 American Idol (x2) 10.00 Sally Morgan: Star Psychic 11.00 Coronation Street 11.30 FILM: Life (1999)

7.15pm Peak Practice 8.15 Ironside 9.20 Quincy, ME 10.20 Quantum Leap 11.25 Cagney And Lacey 12.25pm Robin Of Sherwood 1.30 Lovejoy 3.40 Film File 3.50 Cagney And Lacey 4.55 Quantum Leap 5.55 Due South 6.55 Lovejoy 8.00 Dandelion Dead 10.10 FILM: Still Of The Night (1982) 12.00am Lovejoy

2.00pm Switched 2.30 One Tree Hill 3.30 Smallville 4.30 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 Peep Show 10.00 Kidnapped 11.40 Scrubs (x2) 12.40am The War At Home 1.10 Smallville 2.00 Switched 2.25 Kidnapped

1.05pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 ER (x2) 4.00 FILM: Above Us The Waves (1956) 5.55 3 Minute Wonder (x2) 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Without A Trace 10.00 The Closer 11.00 Live From Abbey Road 12.00am NYPD Blue

10.00am Bewitched (x2) 11.00 Charmed (x2) 1.00pm Will & Grace (x2) 2.00 Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 Close To Home 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

1.40pm Keeping Up Appearances 2.20 Open All Hours 3.00 My Family 3.40 Porridge 4.20 Dinnerladies 5.00 The Bill (x2) 7.00 Open All Hours 7.40 Porridge 8.20 My Family 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.20 EuroMillions: Boom Bang A Bang 10.30 FILM: Pulp Fiction (1994) 1.25am The Vicar Of Dibley

2.00pm Frasier (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 South Park (x8) 1.00am Badly Dubbed Porn 1.30 Drawn Together (x4) 3.30 Linc’s 4.00 South Park (x2)

5.00pm How It’s Made 5.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Mythbusters 10.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 11.00 World’s Biggest Airliner: Delivering The Airbus A380 12.00am Mythbusters Specials 1.00 Most Evil

6.00am Andromeda 7.00 La Femme Nikita 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 Peter Benchley’s The Beast 1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Loch Ness (1996) 4.50 FILM: Capricorn One (1978) 7.10 Peter Benchley’s The Beast 9.00 Medium (x7) 4.00am Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World

12.10pm Racing Stripes (2005) 2.00 The Beautician And The Beast (1997) 4.00 The Second Jungle Book Mowgli And Baloo (1997) 5.45 Racing Stripes (2005) 7.45 UK Top 10 8.00 The Constant Gardener (2005) 10.15 Sin City (2005) 12.25am Million Dollar Baby (2004) 2.40 Undiscovered (2005)

9.10am Where The Boys Are (1960) 11.00 The Great Lie (1941) 12.55pm Boys’ Night Out (1962) 3.00 It’s Always Fair Weather (1955) 4.50 The Wonderful World Of The Brothers Grimm (1962) 7.10 Dodge City (1939) 9.00 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) 11.35 The Last Run (1971) 1.25am Savage Messiah (1972)

12.20pm Ernest Saves Christmas (1988) 1.55 Sugar Creek Gang: Teacher Trouble (2005) 3.05 Christy: Choices Of The Heart (2001) 6.00 The Karate Kid III (1989) 8.00 Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) 9.45 US Top 10 10.00 The Hills Have Eyes (2006) 11.55 Cursed (2005) 1.35am Internal Affairs (1990)

3.00pm A Letter To Three Wives (1949) 5.10 Prince Valiant (1954) 7.05 Heaven Can Wait (1978) 9.00 East Is East (1999) acclaimed British comedy. 10.50 Natural Born Killers (1994) Ultraviolent serial killer satire from Oliver Stone.

1.10am Amelie (2001) Winsome romantic French fantasy.

053_LS314_TV_Sat 31 Mar.qxd

23/3/07

10:27 AM

Page 1

saturday 31 Doctor Who BBC1, 7pm It was always a no-brainer that the good doctor was going to return to prime time, even with Billie Piper’s defection to ITV period drama and West End ‘acting’. Reloaded with a fresh sidekick (with proper snogging promised) hopefully it should retain the family audience that execs so slaver over.

The Dame Edna Treatment ITV1, 9.55pm With post-Graham Norton camp a Saturday night staple, is there room for another quaint old queen in the schedules? ITV seem to think so, and have invested heavily in an update of this aged schtick. Tonight’s willing victims are B-list actor Alec Baldwin and crooner Engelbert Humperdink.

The Comedian’s Comedian E4, 9pm Professional irritant Jimmy Carr presents a countdown of the top 50 US and UK comedians of all time, as voted by over 300 writers, producers and performers, all of whom should be able to spot a good laff when they see one. Contributers include Bob Mortimer, Mike Myers and Jackie Mason.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 A Taste Of My Life 12.00pm BBC News; Weather 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 World Swimming Championships 2.15 Rugby League: Challenge Cup 4.30 Final Score 5.25 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5.45 All New Just For Laughs

6.00am Teletubbies 6.30 Balamory 6.50 Step Inside 7.00 Batfink 7.05 Arthur 7.30 The Underdog Show On CBBC 8.00 Watch My Chops 8.15 Mona The Vampire 8.30 Stitch Up 9.00 Hider In The House 10.00 The Underdog Show 10.30 Time Warp Trio 10.50 Secret Show 11.00 Krypto The Superdog 11.30 Fairly Odd Parents 11.45 Sportsround 12.00pm See Hear 12.45 Coast 12.55 FILM: Stardust: The Bette Davis Story (2006) 2.25 FILM: Now, Voyager (1942) 4.20 Animal Park 5.05 Meerkat Manor (x2) 5.55 FILM: The Man Who Never Was (1956) 7.35 The Culture Show A topical series featuring the best arts and culture stories of the week.

8.25 A Tribute To John Inman Wendy Richard presents a tribute to the late John Inman, with contributions from fellow actors and collaborators, including Melvyn Hayes, Rula Lenska and Barry Howard. Followed by a special repeat of Are You Being Served - Front Page Story in which John Inman plays Mr Humphries who becomes editor of the staff in-house magazine and organises a beauty contest.

9.05 FILM: The Quiet American (2002) Acclaimed drama in which the comfortable life of a British journalist in pre-war Vietnam is threatened by the growing violence, and by a young American aid worker’s interest in his mistress. Stars Michael Caine as the thoughtful lead.

10.35 FILM: Love + Hate (2005) A gritty love story set across the racial frontline in a town in northern England.

12.00am The Grumpy Guide To Design Nowadays everything has to be ‘designer’ - and designers and all things designer have taken over the world. If you don’t know your Philippe Starck from your postmodernism, this is the programme for you. Featuring the usual grumps.

12.30 The Culture Show 1.20 FILM: Naqoyqatsi (2002)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.35 Bel’s Boys 9.50 Tricky Quickies 9.55 Art Attack 10.20 The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers 10.30 Drake And Josh 11.00 King Arthur’s Disasters 11.30 CITV Meets The Robinsons 12.00pm Saturday Cooks 1.30 ITV News; Weather 1.35 Meridian News And Weather 1.40 FILM: Doctor Dolittle (1967) 4.20 Creature Comforts 4.30 Meridian News And Weather 4.45 ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5.00 All New You’ve Been Framed! 5.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Goalissimo! 8.00 The Morning Line 8.50 Friends 9.20 Musicool 10.25 Popworld 11.15 High School Dance 12.20pm Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12.55 Shipwrecked 2007: Battle Of The Islands 2.00 Channel 4 Racing From Newcastle And Kempton Park 4.10 Location, Location, Location 4.45 Deal Or No Deal Classic 5.35 Monarchy With David Starkey

6.00am Sunrise 6.55 Franklin 7.25 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 7.35 Little Princess 7.55 Make Way For Noddy 8.10 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs (x2) 8.40 Rupert Bear 8.50 Rupert Bear 9.05 Ebb And Flo 9.10 Peppa Pig 9.20 Fifi And The Flowertots 9.35 Jane And The Dragon 10.05 The Gadget Show 10.55 World’s Strongest Man 12.00pm Built For The Kill 12.30 FILM: Paint Your Wagon (1969) 3.25 FILM: Kundun (1997) 5.50 FILM: Terms Of Endearment (1983)

6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 Premier League Preview 7.00 Soccer AM’s All Sports Show 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.30 LIVE European Rugby. Coverage from the quarter-finals of the Heineken Cup, as 2004 winners Wasps take on last year’s semi-finalists Leinster at Adams Park. 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x5) 5.45am Sky Sports Classics

6.00 FILM: Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets (2002) The second instalment of boy wizard Harry Potter’s adventures at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, based on the novel by JK Rowling. A mysterious elf tells Harry to expect trouble during his second year at Hogwarts, but nothing can prepare him for trees that fight back, flying cars, spiders that talk and deadly warnings written in blood on the walls of the school.

8.50 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Ten contestants compete in the fastest finger first round for a place in the hot seat, and the chance to walk away with the top prize of one million pounds.

9.55 The Dame Edna Treatment See highlights.

10.55 ITV News; Weather The latest national and international news, plus national weather.

11.10 FILM: Me, Myself And Irene (2000) Anarchic comedy about a Rhode Island state trooper with a split personality who falls in love with the woman he is supposed to be escorting to New York for questioning.

1.15am ITV Play: Make Your Play Catch the interactive game show where you can win big.

3.50 Don’t Move, Improve (x2) 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.35 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.05 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls Former Special Forces adventurer Bear Grylls demonstrates how to survive in the world’s most extreme environments.

8.05 Bremner, Bird And Fortune Topical satirical comedy from impressionist Rory Bremner and regular collaborators John Bird and John Fortune.

9.05 FILM: About Schmidt (2001) .

A retired man struggles to find meaning in his life when his wife dies in this bleak, black comedy. He embarks on a journey to make peace with his daughter and unburdens his thoughts in letters to an African boy whom he sponsors. Starring Jack Nicholson in one of his best roles as an older actor.

11.25 FILM: Batman (1989) Dark, brooding interpretation of the story of Gotham City’s Caped Crusader – alter ego of millionaire Bruce Wayne – and his battle with the evil Joker.

Directed by Tim Burton with an unlikely Michael Keaton as Batman and Jack Nicholson (again) as his nemesis.

1.45am FILM: They (2002) 3.15 Last Train 3.20 Pyromania 4.20 The Medici: Godfathers Of The Renaissance 5.20 Countdown

8.00 Five News National and international news with Helen Fospero.

8.10 NCIS The team come up against the jurisdiction of the FBI, as they try and protect a high-profile naval officer from the attentions of an Al Qaeda cell.

9.05 CSI: NY After a night of heavy partying, two underage girls make the reckless decision to drive home. En route, the girls get in an accident in which one of them dies instantaneously. The other is sent to hospital – where she is smothered to death. The CSI team unravels the sordid case and arrives at a shocking discovery.

10.05 Law And Order Was the athlete driven to committing the crime by his steroid-dealing chauffeur?

11.05 Grey’s Anatomy Cristina and Preston have philosophical differences over a young boy who needs a heart transplant but doesn’t seem to want it.

12.05am Grey’s Anatomy Izzie appears to be getting over Alex as she shares definite chemistry with a male heart patient. George treats a young teenage hermaphrodite.

1.00 The Dead Zone (x2) 2.35 Alias 3.55 The Gadget Show 4.40 Russell Grant’s Postcards (x2) 5.10 Wildlife SOS

6.15 The National Lottery People’s Quiz Myleene meets a swimming team in Birmingham, while Kate looks for quiz show talent in a Belfast hospital.

7.00 Doctor Who When Martha Jones finds herself on the moon, she meets a mysterious stranger called the Doctor, and her life will never be the same again. See highlights.

7.45 Any Dream Will Do 8.45 The National Lottery People’s Quiz The tour of the UK is over and Jamie rings 48 quizzers to tell them they are through to the next round.

Plus, the National Lottery numbers are revealed.

9.05 Casualty It’s life or death as Stitch gambles on Guppy’s ability to make decisions. Sam arrives late for work, with a mystery woman on his arm.

9.55 BBC News; Weather BBC News; Weather.

10.15 Match Of The Day Highlights from eight Premiership games, including Watford v Chelsea, Manchester United v Blackburn Rovers and Liverpool v Arsenal.

11.35 Cricket World Cup Highlights 12.35am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Guests include Ricky Gervais, Gareth Gates and John Travolta.

1.40 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 Football League 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Max Power 10.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 12.00pm LIVE European Rugby: Heineken Cup. Live coverage of the quarter-final between Bath and Bristol at the Recreation Ground.

2.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 11.00 Sailing: Alinghi - On The Defender’s Road 2003 To 2007 12.00am European Rugby 3.00 Sailing: Alinghi - On The Defender’s Road 2003 To 2007 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 Race World

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Friday Fight Night 9.00 Racing News 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Golf Night 9.00 WW Wrestlemania Preview 9.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 10.30 LIVE Golf Night 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 3.00 WWE Special 4.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 4.30 Spanish Football

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

8.00am Transformers: Armada 8.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 9.30 Crash Test Dummies 10.00 Stargate SG-1 (x8) 6.00pm FILM: Michael (1996) 8.00 Cold Case 9.00 Bones 10.00 24 11.00 Nip/Tuck 12.05am Toughest Pubs In Britain 1.05 Angry Britain 2.00 Uncut! Naked In Westminster

7.00pm The Real Hustle (x2) 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.25 Top Gear 9.25 Little Britain 9.55 The Most Annoying Pop Songs...We Hate To Love 12.25am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.55 Two Pints Outtakes 1.25 Ideal 1.55 Rush Hour 2.25 The Real Hustle 2.55 Two Pints Of Lager

7.00pm Birdland: April In Paris 7.05 Medical Mavericks 8.05 Art Of Eternity 9.05 Abdication: A Very British Coup 10.05 The Screenwipe Guide To TV 10.35 FILM: Memories Of Murder (2003) 12.45am Medical Mavericks 1.45 Art Of Eternity 2.45 Abdication: A Very British Coup 3.45 The Screenwipe Guide To TV

12.10pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2.35 Holiday Showdown 3.35 Australian Princess 4.35 ITV At The Movies 5.05 Smallville (x3) 7.50 Australian Princess 8.50 FILM: Back To The Future (1985) 11.00 FILM: US Marshals (1998) 12.40am Test Drive My Girlfriend 1.10 ITV Play: Make Your Play

10.05am The Cosby Mysteries 11.05 Only When I Laugh (x2) 12.15pm Jeeves And Wooster (x2) 2.25 FILM: Calamity Jane (1953) 4.30 The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 5.40 Goodnight Sweetheart 6.20 Kavanagh QC 8.00 Inspector Morse 10.05 Taggart: Skin Deep 12.10am The Bill: Dead Men Don’t Tell Lies

2.00pm 4Music Presents...

2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 5.55 The Simple Life: Interns 6.25 Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 6.55 Shipwrecked 2007: Battle Of The Islands 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The Comedian’s Comedian. See highlights.

12.00am Transmission 1.05 4Music Presents...

9.00am Velux 5 Oceans 9.30 A Place In The Sun 10.00 Time Team (x3) 12.55pm Grand Designs (x4) 5.15 Grand Designs Revisited 6.25 Snowmail 6.30 FILM: The Sons Of Katie Elder (1965) 8.45 Time Team Special (x2) 10.55 Tony Robinson: Me And My Mum 12.00am The Closer (x2)

12.00pm The Amazing Race 1.00 The Bachelor USA 2.00 Will & Grace (x2) 3.00 Charmed (x4) 7.00 America’s Next Top Model 8.00 The X Files 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Haunting Evidence (x2) 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Most Haunted 1.00 Outrageous Fortune

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

5.00pm Last Of The Summer Wine 5.40 Keeping Up Appearances (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 Only Fools And Horses 8.20 My Family 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.10 FILM: The Mexican (2001) 12.30am FILM: Vertical Limit (2000) 2.50 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross (x2) 4.40 Baywatch

9.00am Everybody Loves Raymond (x22) 8.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 FILM: The Odd Couple II (1998) 11.45 Badly Dubbed Porn 12.15am Naked And Funny 12.45 Sexy Cam (x2) 1.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 2.30 RendezView (x2) 3.30 Linc’s 4.00 Ally McBeal

4.00pm World’s Biggest Airliner: Delivering The Airbus A380 5.00 The Worst Jobs In History 6.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 World’s Biggest Airliner: Testing The Airbus A380 10.00 My Shocking Story 11.00 The FBI Files 12.00am Mythbusters

6.00am Robot Wars: The Sixth Wars (x2) 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 Psychic Detectives 11.30 Star Trek (x4) 3.30 FILM: Combustion (2004) 5.20 FILM: Descent (2005) 7.10 FILM: Bedazzled (2000) 9.00 FILM: Tank Girl (1995) 11.00 Heroes 12.00am FILM: Femalien (1996) 1.55 FILM: Python (2000)

12.40pm Mary, Mother Of Jesus (1999) 2.20 The Librarian: Quest For The Spear (2004) 4.00 Bean (1997) 5.30 Three Men And A Little Lady (1990) 7.30 Sky Movies News 8.00 Casanova (2005) 10.00 Doom (2005) 11.50 Casanova (2005) 1.55am Chill Factor (1999) 3.40 All Men Are Mortal (1995)

9.10am The Trouble With Girls (1969) 11.00 The Stratton Story (1949) 12.55pm The Glass Bottom Boat (1966) 3.00 The Band Wagon (1953) 5.05 The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 7.00 Butterfield 8 (1960) 9.00 The Dirty Dozen (1967) 11.45 The Year Of Living Dangerously (1982) 1.55am Freaks (1932)

1.00pm Elvis: The Early Years (2005) 2.30 The Legend Of Zorro (2005) 4.40 The Sponge Bob Square Pants Movie (2004) 6.10 One Fine Day (1996) 8.00 Wedding Crashers (2005) 10.00 The Legend Of Zorro (2005) 12.15am Domino (2005) 2.25 Phantom Of The Opera (2004) 4.50 MXP: Most Xtreme Primate (2003)

3.00pm A Bell For Adano (1945) 5.05 Oliver Twist (1948) 7.15 The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) 9.00 Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World (2003) Swashbuckling adventure. 11.30 Nightwatch (1994) 1.25am The Sugarland Express (1974) Thriller from Steven Spielberg.

054_LS314_TV_Sun 1 Apr.qxd

3/23/07

11:02 AM

Page 1

sunday 1 Louis Theroux: The Most Hated Family In America BBC2, 9pm Louis Theroux struggles to come to terms with the infamous Phelps family from Kansas, who make themselves popular by picketing the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq as a protest against America’s tolerance of homosexuality. Should be a good target for Louis’ wit.

Wedding Belles Channel 4, 11.50pm A feature-length treat from cult novelist Irvine Welsh following four childhood friends based in Edinburgh as they prepare for a wedding. All the women are battling their personal demons and, as the big day approaches, their lives are thrown into turmoil through a series of unexpected, heartbreaking revelations.

Mark Lawson Talks to Nicholas Craig BBC4, 10pm Say what you like about the Beeb’s wobbly-jowled doyenne of the arts, but he’s always up for a good spoof. Tonight he talks to Nicholas Craig (Nigel Planer’s comedy luvvie creation) about his glittering career as both a mentor to younger actors and a star in his own right.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 Sunday AM 10.00 Heaven And Earth With Gloria Hunniford 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm BBC News; Weather 12.05 Cash In The Attic 12.50 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 1.20 Keeping Up Appearances 1.50 Diagnosis Murder 2.35 EastEnders 4.25 Sherlock Holmes And The Baker Street Irregulars 5.25 Star Portraits With Rolf Harris 5.55 Points Of View

6.00am Teletubbies 6.30 Balamory 6.50 Step Inside 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Legend Of The Dragon 7.30 Smile 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Hong Kong Rugby Sevens 12.30pm Cycling: World Track Championships 1.45 World Swimming Championships 2.30 Rugby League: Challenge Cup 4.30 Cycling: World Track Championships

6.00am GMTV 9.55 Curious George 10.10 Pocoyo 10.15 Jim Jam And Sunny 10.30 The Championship 11.30 The Sunday Edition With Andrew Rawnsley And Andrea Catherwood 12.30pm Meridian News And Weather 12.35 American Idol 1.35 American Idol 2.05 FILM: Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) 3.40 FILM: The ‘Burbs (1989) 5.30 Whatever Happened To Gareth Gates?

6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 Trans World Sport 7.25 Velux 5 Oceans Ultimate Solo Challenge 7.55 World Cup Skiing 8.50 Popworld 9.35 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.15pm Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12.50 Musicool 1.50 Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search For The Next Pussycat Doll 2.55 The OC 3.55 Ugly Betty 4.55 Deal Or No Deal 5.45 Time Team

6.10 Songs Of Praise At the start of Holy Week, Pam Rhodes talks to artists and musicians, including Tim Rice, to discover how the dramatic story of Jesus’s last week on earth has inspired music and theatre, from the Oberammergau Passion Play to Jesus Christ Superstar.

6.45 Antiques Roadshow 7.35 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8.00 Play It Again Series that follows six public figures as they pursue their dreams of becoming musicians, capturing the trials and tribulations they face during the process and watching how they fare as they dedicate themselves to a rigorous musical regime of lessons, practising and public performances.

9.00 Castaway 10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather BBC News; Regional News; Weather.

10.20 Extras He needs a reliable and experienced PR guru to save his career. Enter Darren Lamb, his agent.

10.50 3lbs Dr Hanson suggests surgery for a young girl’s seizures.

11.30 The Sky At Night 12.00am Cricket World Cup Highlights 1.05 Sign Zone: Holby City 2.05 Antiques Roadshow 2.55 Bill’s Food Cookery 3.20 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

6.10 Natural World Owen Newman and Amanda Barrett’s documentary about the lives of cheetahs, leopards, servals, caracals and lions.

7.00 Wild Dive: Channel Islands Nature documentary looking underwater in the Channel Islands..

7.10 Meerkat Manor (x2) Wildlife documentary series looking at the lives and loves of a group of Meerkats.

8.00 The Best Of Top Gear A selection of the best episodes from the motoring show, featuring Richard Hammond, James May and the irrepressible Jeremy Clarkson.

9.00 Louis Theroux: The Most Hated Family In America See highlights.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents highlights and analysis of the Premiership match between Tottenham and Reading at White Hart Lane.

10.45 Graham Norton Uncut Graham Norton presents a show focusing on people, trends, stories and the aspects of celebrity news in the last week.

11.30 Dragons’ Den Evan Davis presents the final episode of the pitchers’ paradise. Who will tame the dragons?

12.30am Family Guy Anarchic US animation. After a nasty scare, Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy.

1.15 FILM: I Got The Hook Up (1998)

6.30 Meridian News And Weather Latest regional news and weather.

6.45 ITV News; Weather The latest national and international news, plus national weather.

7.00 Emmerdale Victoria discovers that Jack was accused of causing Sarah’s death.

7.30 Coronation Street Tracy disowns a devastated Deirdre. Claire makes an enemy of her new friend and Dev gets some stick over golf and girls.

8.00 The Royal Goodwin returns to England with Nkeshi, but his plans for her future face some opposition.

A singing superstar requires a hospital stay but Frankie almost loses his job when the paparazzi catch them in flagrante.

9.00 Persuasion A classic adaptation of Jane Austen’s novel.

11.00 ITV News; Weather 11.15 Michael Nicholson: Back To The Falklands Former ITN foreign correspondent Michael Nicholson returns to the Falklands twenty years after travelling with the British task force to report on the war against Argentina.

12.20am The Moral Of The Story Panel show.

12.50 British Touring Cars 1.15 ITV Play: Glitterball 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.40 Shipwrecked 2007: Battle Of The Islands Ella, the winner of the T4 wildcard competition, arrives in the South Pacific. Shark Will tries to persuade new friend Ben to return to Shark Island with him.

7.40 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

8.00 Celebrity Wife Swap A special celebrity edition of the reality programme in which people swap their partners, children and homes for a short period. Debbie McGee, wife of magician Paul Daniels, swaps places with outspoken radio presenter Vanessa Feltz.

9.00 Dark Roots: The Anna Nicole Smith Story A look at the story of the recently deceased model who stood to inherit millions, but died from her penchant for extensive drug abuse.

10.00 FILM: Austin Powers In Goldmember (2001) Spy spoof sequel starring Mike Myers in multiple roles.

11.45 Robbie Williams Shorts First of two short films inspired by Robbie Williams’s music.

11.50 Wedding Belles Drama from the pen of Irvine Welsh. See highlights.

1.50am Honeymoon 2.25 Fat Beauty Contest 3.25 The Medici: Godfathers Of The Renaissance (x2) 5.25 Countdown

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Franny’s Feet 6.40 Sailor Sid 6.45 The Clangers 6.55 Franklin 7.20 Sunny Patch Friends 7.30 Little Princess 7.45 Noddy 8.05 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.35 Rupert (x2) 9.05 Peppa Pig 9.15 Fifi And The Flowertots 9.30 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Property Developing Abroad 11.00 Build A New Life In The Country 12.00pm Divine Designs 12.30 News 12.40 FILM: The Mouse That Roared (1959) 2.15 FILM: The War Of The Worlds (1953) 3.50 FILM: Genghis Khan (1965) 6.10 Five News And Sport The latest national and international headlines with Asha Tanna.

6.20 FILM: George Of The Jungle (1997) Starring Brendan Fraser, Leslie Mann, Thomas Church, John Cleese, Holland Taylor, Richard Roundtree, John Perry, Greg Cruttwell and Abraham Benrubi. Family comedy in which a clumsy jungle savage rescues a beautiful explorer from a rampant lion, and promptly falls in love with her. After he attempts every form of jungle courtship, she eventually relents and takes him to San Francisco, where the disasterprone savage hits the streets.

8.00 Grey’s Anatomy Meredith and Cristina lie to each other about their relationships. George is given an unpleasant task. Alex learns the results of his exam resits.

9.00 Grey’s Anatomy More medical action.

10.00 FILM: A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) A hideously disfigured killer stalks teenagers in their dreams – in revenge for his lynching at the hands of their parents.

11.55 NCAA College Basketball Andre Alleyne presents coverage of the NCAA College Basketball tournament from the USA. 12.40am Major League Baseball 4.15 101 Greatest Knockouts 4.45 Boxing Classic 5.35 Motorsport Mundial

6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 10.00 Jimmy Hill’s Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 12.30pm LIVE Football: Johnstone’s Paints Trophy. Live coverage from the final of the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy, as Bristol Rovers take on Doncaster Rovers at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, kick-off 1.00pm. 3.30 Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 Football League Review 8.00 LIVE Live Spanish Football 10.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 10.30 WWE Late Night Heat 11.30 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 12.00am Ford Football Special 1.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 2.00 Football League Review 3.00 Spanish Football

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Spanish Football 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Sailing: Alinghi - On The Defender’s Road 2003 To 2007 10.00 Cricket World Cup 11.00 Rally Fever 12.00pm Sailing: Alinghi - On The Defender’s Road 2003 To 2007 1.00 Cricket World Cup 2.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup. Live coverage from the Super Eights stage of the 2007 Cricket World Cup 8.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup 11.00 European Rugby Special 12.30am Golf Night

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 WWE Special 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Heat 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Fishing: Bass Fishing 12.30pm Live European Rugby 5.30 Wild Spirits 6.00 WWE Experience 7.00 LIVE Golf Night 11.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 1.30am Sailing: Alinghi - On The Defender’s Road 2003 To 2007 2.30 Gillette World Sport

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

9.00am Futurama (x2) 10.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer 11.00 WWE: Experience 12.00pm Stargate SG-1 (x4) 4.00 The Simpsons (x8) 8.00 Dream Team 9.00 24 10.00 Lost 11.00 Rescue Me 12.00am The Dresden Files 1.00 Battlestar Galactica 1.50 Very Worst... 2.40 Best Of Angel

7.00pm Doctor Who (x2) 8.45 Doctor Who Confidential 9.00 How Young Can I Get? 10.00 Castaway Exposed 10.55 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.00am How Young Can I Get? 12.55 Torchwood 1.45 Football Gaffes Galore 2.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm War Stories 9.00 How To Be Science Fiction 10.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Nicholas Craig. See highlights. 11.00 Roots Remembered 12.30am Mark Lawson Talks To Nicholas Craig. 1.30 Cooking In The Danger Zone 2.00 The Waiting Room 2.30 Living With The Future

11.25am FILM: Back To The Future (1985) 1.40pm Emmerdale Omnibus 4.30 Coronation Street Omnibus 7.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 7.30 American Idol (x2) 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 FILM: The Bourne Identity (2002) 12.15am Coronation Street 12.45 Melanie C’s Orange Playlist 1.15 ITV Play: Glitterball

12.15pm Kavanagh QC 1.55 Inspector Morse 4.00 British Touring Cars Championship 5.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 6.30 Jane Austen... Behind The Scenes 7.30 Inside The Actors Studio 9.30 Happy Birthday Elton! 11.00 Jane Austen... Behind The Scenes 12.00am The Vice 1.05 Chancer (x2)

2.10pm Popworld 3.00 Young, Sexy And... Royal 4.00 Friends (x2) 5.00 Switched Up! 6.00 The OC 7.00 Friends (x2) 8.00 Ugly Betty 9.00 Celebrity Wife Swap: The Aftermath 9.30 ER 10.30 Desperate Housewives 11.30 Porn: A Family Business 12.05am Porn: A Family Business 12.40 My Name Is Earl

3.10pm The Galaxy British Book Awards 4.15 FILM: Appointment In London (1953) 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Bremner, Bird And Fortune 8.00 The West Wing 9.00 Secret Millionaire 10.00 Bodyshock: Curse Of The Mermaid 11.05 Father Ted (x2) 12.10am The Unseen Spike Milligan 1.10 Close

3.00pm FILM: A Little Princess (1995) 5.00 Will & Grace (x2) 6.00 Top Chef 7.00 The Real Extras 8.00 Extreme: Celebrity Surgery 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Most Haunted 1.00 The Real Extras 2.00 FILM: Sometimes They Come Back (1991)

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

12.35pm Only Fools And Horses (x4) 6.00 Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em 7.00 Open All Hours (x2) 8.20 Fawlty Towers 9.00 Dalziel And Pascoe 10.55 Only Fools And Horses 12.00am Open All Hours 12.40 Fawlty Towers 1.25 Dalziel And Pascoe 3.05 Room 101 3.40 Holby City 4.40 Holby City 5.35 Neighbours

12.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x18) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Comedy Store (x3) 11.30 Edinburgh And Beyond 12.30am Badly Dubbed Porn 1.00 Naked And Funny 1.30 Drawn Together (x4) 3.30 Linc’s 4.00 South Park (x2) 5.00 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life In Film (x2) 5.10 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2)

4.00pm Danger! Air Travel 5.00 Aircrash Unsolved: The Mystery Of Helios 522 6.00 Sinking Of An Aircraft Carrier 7.00 Engineering The World Rally 8.00 Big Machines 9.00 World’s Biggest Airliner: Delivering The Airbus A380 10.00 World’s Lost Tribes 11.00 Mythbusters (x2) 1.00 Iceman: Hunt For A Killer

2.15pm FILM: Thirst (1998) 3.50 FILM: Solar Attack (2005) 5.40 FILM: Stargate (1994) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 Medium 10.00 Heroes 11.00 FILM: Night Of The Living Dead (1990) 12.35am FILM: Night Of The Living Dead (1968) 2.25 FILM: Phantom Force (2004) 4.00 The Outer Limits (x2)

12.30pm Falsely Accused (1993) 2.10 The Sandlot 2 (2005) 4.00 Star Wars: Episode II - Attack Of The Clones (2002) 6.25 Desperate Rescue: The Cathy Mahone Story (1993) 8.00 The 40-Year Old Virgin (2005) 10.00 Running Scared (2005) 12.05am Enduring Love (2004) 1.50 Pacific Heights

11.00am The Unsinkable Molly Brown (1964) 1.25pm Cabin In The Cotton (1932) 3.00 Cat On A Hot Tin Roof (1958) 5.00 Go West (1940) 6.50 Mogambo (1953) 9.00 Klute (1971) 11.10 Cannery Row (1982) 1.25am The Younger Brothers (1949) 2.55 Julie (1956) 4.40 Teleshopping

1.10pm Elvis: The Early Years (2005) 2.50 Good Burger (1997) 4.30 Wing And A Prayer (1998) 6.10 Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2004) 8.00 The New World (2005) 10.15 Mr & Mrs Smith (2005) 12.15am Turbulence II: Fear Of Flying (1999) 2.00 Wanted (1998)

1.00pm Carrington VC (1954) 3.00 13 Rue Madeleine (1946) 5.00 The Straight Story (1999) Cute road drama from David Lynch. 7.05 Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978) 9.00 Monsoon Wedding (2001) 11.10 Secretary (2002) Kinky drama.

1.15am The Hard Word (2002)

055_LS314_TV_Mon 2 Apr.qxd

23/3/07

10:30 AM

Page 1

monday 2 Dispatches: Undercover Prisoner Channel 4, 8pm Hard-hitting documentary examining the state of Britain’s prison system. The team go undercover inside one of the country’s most controversial open jails to see what life is like.

Discovering serious security problems, the programme asks whether the system is working.

The Gadget Show Five, 7.15pm It’s a gamer’s paradise tonight as Jason and Suzi pit a PC against the three consoles of the moment – the PS3, the Nintendo Wii and the XBox 360. So which one should late adopters splash their cash on? Meanwhile Jon tests mini MP3 players in the gym and investigates how Microsoft is creating 3D maps of Britain.

Greg Dyke On Lord Reith BBC4, 10pm Former BBC director general Greg Dyke gives his verdict on Lord Reith, founder and first director general of the BBC. Through family, secretaries and friends he discovers unexpected appetites behind the public service stalwart. But what would Reith make of the Beeb’s current output?

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Car Booty 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News And Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Diagnosis Murder 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.25 Lazytown 3.50 The Likeaballs 4.00 50/50 4.30 SMart 5.00 Totally Doctor Who 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Fimbles 6.25 The Story Makers 6.35 Balamory 7.00 In The Night Garden 7.30 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 7.45 Tommy Zoom 8.00 Do Something Different 8.45 Arthur 9.10 Mona The Vampire 9.35 Watch My Chops 10.00 Best Of Friends 10.30 Living It 11.00 FILM: Alvin And The Chipmunks Meet The Wolfman (2000) 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 Animal Park 2.00 Escape To The Country 3.00 Through The Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders 3.00 Daily Cooks 4.00 Poirot 5.00 Soapstar Superchef

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 8.55 The OC 9.55 Friends (x2) 10.55 Musicool 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Seaside Secrets 12.45 FILM: A Challenge For Robin Hood (1967) 2.25 Life Begins Again 3.30 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Football League Review 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Cricket World Cup 9.00 Football League Review 10.00 Cricket World Cup 11.00 Ford Football Special 12.30pm Super Sunday: The Last Word 1.00 Cricket World Cup 2.00 LIVE Cricket World Cup (x2) 11.00 Sky Sports Classics 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30am Ford Monday Night Football 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 You’re On Sky Sports

6.00 Eggheads 6.30 Great British Menu Fourteen of the nation’s top chefs compete to convince the French that we can match them in gastronomic prowess.

7.00 The Trees That Made Britain On the apple trail, Tony is embroiled in an ancient fiery custom and Jon runs the gauntlet with pigs.

7.30 Nation On Film 8.00 University Challenge Student quiz hosted by Jeremy Paxman. In the first of the semifinals, the University of Manchester competes against the University of Durham.

8.30 Return To Lullingstone Castle It’s a bitter winter and a savage frost lays waste to the garden.

9.00 Timewatch Documentary about the bombing of troopships at Fitzroy Inlet during the Falklands conflict in 1982.

9.50 Seal Sanctuary Pam Ferris narrates this documentary about the largest great seal colony in England, on the Farne Islands off the Northumberland coast.

10.00 Mock The Week Panel comedy show.

10.30 Newsnight Coverage of the day’s top news stories.

11.20 The Hunt For Middle England Is Middle England a Daily Mail cliché, or the backbone of Britain?

12.50am BBC News 24 2.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision (x2)

6.00 Meridian Tonight Local news magazine. Including Meridian weather.

6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather The latest national and international news.

7.00 Emmerdale Hari uses company cash to pay for the horse and Jo promises never to tell a soul about the truth behind Sarah’s death.

7.30 Coronation Street The jury are back with a verdict – but what will it be? Leanne tries to wind-up Liam – and it works!

8.00 Tonight With Trevor McDonald Headline-making investigations and exclusive interviews, with Trevor McDonald and the Tonight team look behind the news..

8.30 Coronation Street There’s shock as Tracy hears the jury’s verdict. Sarah tells Gail that David’s been lying.

9.00 Mobile The person responsible for the death of Maurice Sloan’s family is finally identified.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 The Dame Edna Treatment 12.00am Champions League Weekly Trevor Harris and Dave Beckett preview this week’s quarterfinal, first-leg ties.

12.30 ITV Play: Glitterball 4.05 ITV At Reading 2005 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News .

6.00am Tickle, Patch And Friends 6.25 Franny’s Feet 6.40 The Clangers 6.50 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.35 Little Princess 7.50 Make Way For Noddy 8.05 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Old Bear Stories 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Five News 12.00pm Home And Away 12.30 The Diet Doctors Inside And Out 1.30 Russell Grant’s Postcards 1.45 FILM: Murder Ahoy (1964) 3.35 Five News Update 3.40 FILM: Mystery Woman: Wild West Mystery (2006) 5.30 News 6.00 Home And Away Sally’s life hangs in the balance after being stabbed by Rocco. Kit struggles to come to terms with Kim’s bombshell.

6.30 Everybody Hates Chris The daily beatings at his school have Chris wanting to change schools.

7.00 Five News National and international news with Kirsty Young.

7.15 The Gadget Show See highlights.

8.00 Mega Flood: Perfect Disaster Could the same thing happen to London that happened in New Orleans? Five dramatises a disaster in the capital.

9.00 Tourettes On The Job: Hidden Lives Documentary about people who have had to overcome Tourette syndrome in order to succeed in the workplace.

10.00 Prison Break Sara fights back and manages to escape from Kellerman. Bellick becomes a suspect in the murder of Roy Gear.

11.00 FILM: Raging Bull (1980) Vivid, realistic and compelling portrait of Italian-American middleweight boxer Jake LaMotta, who struggles to the top of his profession before slipping back down again. Starring Robert De Niro in a career-defining role.

1.25am USPGA Golf 2.15 NASCAR Nextel Cup 3.05 NHL Ice Hockey 5.35 Race And Rally UK

6.00 BBC News And Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather Regional news magazine.

7.00 Orangutan Diary Michaela Strachan and Steve Leonard present a series featuring orphaned and rescued orangutans in Borneo.

7.30 Shopping The Supermarkets Sally Magnusson presents a series about Britain’s supermarkets.

8.00 EastEnders Stella uses her power over Ben to get exactly what she wants.

8.30 Panorama Investigation into how the deaths in Corfu in October 2006 of British children has raised serious doubts about the travel industry’s safety standards.

9.00 Crimewatch Nick Ross and Fiona Bruce appeal for help in solving crimes.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10.35 Crimewatch Update Updates on cases featured in tonight’s programmes.

10.45 Sleep Clinic Documentary looking at how insomnia is treated in a top clinic.

11.15 Cricket World Cup Highlights 12.15am FILM: Tai-Pan (1986) 2.20 Sign Zone: Holby City 3.20 Top Gear 4.20 Mission Africa 4.50 Joins BBC News 24 5.00 Cricket World Cup Highlights

6.00 The Simpsons When Homer is accused of sexual harassment, he goes on public access TV to try to clear his name.

6.30 Hollyoaks Zoe faces a huge dilemma when she discovers she may have obtained a place at a New York film school, only for Will to ask her to move in with him.

7.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Busker Symphony Are buskers public spirited or a downright nuisance?

8.00 Dispatches: Undercover Prisoner See highlights.

9.00 Animal Farm The series switches its attention to genetics.

10.00 ER Kovac is jealous when Abby gives too much attention to a patient.

11.05 Red Hot Chili Peppers: Video Exclusive 11.10 The Sopranos Perry Annunziata takes over as Tony’s bodyguard and driver.

12.20am Robbie Williams Shorts Second of two short films inspired by Robbie Williams’s music.

12.25 4 Music: Live From Abbey Road 1.25 4 Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers: Video Exclusive 1.30 4 Music: Transmission With TMobile 2.30 FILM: Return To Paradise (1998) 4.20 The Medici: Godfathers Of The Renaissance 5.20 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 High Altitude 7.00 Aerobics Oz Style 7.30 European Rugby Special 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 European Rugby Special 12.30pm Sailing: Alinghi – On The Defender’s Road 2003 To 2007 1.30 Spanish Football 3.30 Ford Football Special 5.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 5.30 Football League Review 6.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.30 LIVE Ford Monday Night Football 10.15 You’re On Sky Sports 11.45 Speedway: Elite League 1.45am World Motor Sport 4.15 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Sailing: Alinghi – On The Defender’s Road 2003 To 2007 9.00 The Premiership Years 11.00 Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Masters Football: Scottish Masters 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Sailing: America’s Cup 7.30 LIVE Speedway: Elite League 9.30 Sailing: America’s Cup 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Heat 2.00 WWE Late Night Raw

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.30pm Futurama 2.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 3.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 6.00 Stargate Atlantis 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Corkscrewed 10.00 Premiership’s Greatest Foreign Players 12.00am Cold Case 1.00 Stargate Atlantis 1.50 Naked In Blackpool

7.00pm Castaway 8.00 Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 8.30 Help! My Dog’s As Fat As Me 9.00 Baby Faced Body Builders 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Rush Hour 11.00 Jonathan Ross’s Japanorama 11.30 American Dad (x2) 12.15am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm Lord Reith Looks Back 8.00 The World 8.30 The Sky At Night 9.00 Wainwright: The Man Who Loved The Lakes 10.00 Greg Dyke On Lord Reith.

See highlights. 11.00 Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy 11.40 Face To Face 12.10am Greg Dyke On Lord Reith 1.10 The Sky At Night

3.25pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 Airline USA 5.45 Judge Judy 7.00 Whatever Happened To Gareth Gates? 8.00 Weather From Hell 9.00 FILM: The Bourne Identity (2002) 11.15 Coronation Street (x2) 12.15am FILM: The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

11.20am Cagney And Lacey 12.25pm Robin Of Sherwood 1.30 Lovejoy 2.35 Never The Twain 3.10 Tales Of The Unexpected 3.45 Film File 3.50 Cagney And Lacey 4.55 Quantum Leap 5.55 Due South 6.55 Lovejoy 8.00 The Bill: Dead Men Don’t Tell Lies 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Rose And Maloney 11.00 Bad Girls

3.35pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.30 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The War At Home 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 FILM: The Brady Bunch Movie (1995) 10.40 Celebrity Wife Swap 11.45 Celebrity Wife Swap: The Aftermath 12.15am Scrubs (x2)

4.00pm FILM: When Eight Bells Toll (1971) 5.45 3 Minute Wonder: Beside The Seaside 5.50 3 Minute Wonder: Second Lives (x3) 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Mummy’s War 11.00 Shrink Rap

11.00am Charmed (x2) 1.00pm Will & Grace (x2) 2.00 Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Missing 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The X Files 8.00 Top Chef 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am The X Files 1.00 America’s Next Top Model

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies 1 Sky Movies 2 Film4

TCM

12.00pm Doctor Who 1.00 Miss Marple 3.10 Dalziel And Pascoe 5.00 The A-Team 6.00 Doctor Who 7.00 Open All Hours (x3) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.05 One Foot In The Grave (x2) 11.25 Men Behaving Badly (x2) 12.45am One Foot In The Grave (x2) 2.05 Have I Got 2001 For You

2.00pm Frasier (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Less Than Perfect (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 That 70s Show (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 10.35 South Park 11.05 South Park 11.35 The World Stands Up

1.00pm Deadliest Catch 2.00 The FBI Files 3.00 Forensic Detectives 4.00 Time Team 5.00 How It’s Made (x2) 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 American Chopper 10.00 Engineering The World Rally 11.00 Salvage Squad 12.00am Mythbusters

1.00pm Star Trek 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 FILM: Solar Attack (2005) 5.00 Scariest Places On Earth 6.00 The Lost World 7.00 Roswell 8.00 Tru Calling 9.00 Medium 10.00 Heroes 11.00 FILM: The I Inside (2003) 12.50am FILM: Python (2000) 2.45 Watch The Skies 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World

4.00pm Kangaroo Jack: G’Day USA! (2004) 5.30 The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe (2005) 8.00 Batman Begins (2005) 10.25 A History Of Violence (2005) 12.05am Breakdown (1997) 1.40 Ice (1998) 3.15 The Alamo (2004) 5.35 Suzanne’s Diary For Nicholas (2005)

8.45am The Yellow RollsRoyce (1965) 11.00 Brigadoon (1954) 1.00pm It Started With A Kiss (1959) 3.00 The Philadelphia Story (1940) 5.05 The Merry Widow (1952) 7.10 Torpedo Run (1958) 9.00 Fearless (1993) 11.15 Shaft In Africa (1973) 1.10am Brotherly Love (1969) 3.10 Son Of A Gunfighter (1966)

11.25am Air Bud 2 (1998) 1.00pm Howard... A New Breed Of Hero (1986) 2.55 Christy: Return To Cutter Gap (2001) 4.30 Air Bud 2 (1998) 6.10 Howard... A New Breed Of Hero (1986) 8.00 Memoirs Of A Geisha (2005) 10.25 School For Seduction (2004) 12.15am Closer (2004) 2.05 Melinda And Melinda (2004)

1.00pm Campbell’s Kingdom (1958) 3.05 Boomerang (1947) 4.55 On Moonlight Bay (1951) 6.50 A Room With A View (1986) Period drama. 9.00 O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) 11.00 Trainspotting (1996) Seminal smack drama.

12.50am Sunshine Special 1.00 Nightwatch (1994)