Latest 7: Issue 385 12-18 August 2008

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

12 – 18 August 2008

FREE WEEKLY

★ jobs ★ cars ★ news ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

don’t look down director james marsh on his new documentory man on a wire

staging a classic alison steadman stars in alan bennett’s enjoy

hometown heroes back with a bite, and a new album, levellers are still top of their game

page 31

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Contents

Welcome

★ latest jobs 5

If you’re planning to leave your home in the next week, you’re in the right place. We have details of everything that’s anything happening in Brighton and Hove.

This weekend it’s time for the Loop Festival, Brighton’s up-and-coming music and digital art festival which takes place on Saturday in Victoria Gardens. For details see the music and club listings on page 30. One of the headliners will be Canadian band Holy F**k – read Nick Aldwinckle’s interview with front man Graham Walsh in music news on page 27.

One of the most exciting forthcoming Sussex gigs is The Levellers at Arundel Castle next weekend. Music editor Jeff Hemmings has talked to lead vocalist Mark Chadwick (p31). Also in music news (p27), find out when former Suede singer Brett Anderson is coming to Brighton.

Many of us enjoyed going to Pride festival 2008 – for pictures, see Tim Richardson’s Social Diary (p6) or turn to Alison’s column (p7) to find out how she got on, how she managed to smash her phone and, more importantly, did she master the ShePee? A new club opens in Brighton this week – Ghetto is taking over the premises of the Candy Bar. Find out more in Latest Gay (p32).

On the same page, columnist Will has been on the trail of his ex, to find out if he was responsible for the boy turning straight.

The sensational Man On Wire – the film about Phillipe Petit’s unbelievable tightrope walk between the Twin Towers – is showing in Brighton this week. Read our review with movie director James Marsh on page 25.

Vicky Nangle has been talking to awardwinning comedian Josie Long, hear what she had to say on page 22.

In news, the Peacehaven sewage plant has been approved (p12) and Phil Mills reports on a senior political figure who had a job whipped away from him at the eleventh hour (p11).

Andrew has been eating at Chapel Down vineyards (p18) and WriteClub’s John Davies has been pouring over two novels with a missing person at their core (p22).

Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon, our satirical writers, have the lowdown on which local celebrities enjoy a stuffing (p10).

In her column, Dani tells bullies to hang their heads in shame (p8) while in the TV section Dani wonders what makes ordinarysized people expose themselves to possible prime time public humiliation in an attempt to lose weight (p34).

In our jobs section (p5) you can read about the best local opportunities, or see www.thelatest.co.uk for all our recent jobs online.

Don’t forget to flip over the magazine for Latest Homes to get some great deals on property, including ten pages of the most exciting new homes developments, plus over a hundred pages of properties to buy and rent.

★ latest listings 21–41

5 Fantastic opportunities with the hottest local firms

21 Reviews and listings index Did we laugh out loud? Is that good?

★ latest upfront 6–10 6 Pictures from Pride 2008 and prizegiving at the University of Brighton

6 Win horror, crime and kids’ DVDs 7 Alison tries to adopt a lesbian at Pride 8 Dani’s diary: no more bullying 9 Celeb city: Big Brother stars spotted

22 Comedy Victoria interviews award-winning comedian Josie Long

22 Books Two local novels well worth a read

23 Stage Alan Bennett’s moving classic Enjoy

24 Film Make a date at the cinema: Craig Driver highlights the best on the big screen

10 Bare cheek: Who likes a stuffing?

26 Art

★ latest news 11–13

26 Kids and Events

11 Phil Mills: Ken Bodfish banned

27 Music

French sculptor Vincent Mauger Zippos Circus and Brunswick Festival

from leading the South Downs

12 News round up of the week 13 Letters and sports: Dani wins hearts, and the Premiership kicks off

★ latest lifestyle 14–20

Holy F**k, Brett Anderson and Jeff Hemmings’ verdict on recent releases Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

14

40

30 Clubs and music listings Dozens of great summer nights out to choose from

14 Model city: Sandra is busy.

14 North Laine – one of the city’s best districts

16 Beauty: the secret to luscious lips and a luxury health retreat

18 Food: Andrew enjoys superb food and wine at Chapel Down vineyard

19 Hot list: The best cafés and

31 Cover story Brighton legends The Levellers from 1988 to next weekend’s gig

32 Gay Ghetto comes to town, plus Will wonders if he will ever go straight

34 Television Another weight loss programme?

Dani is bored already. With listings

restaurants around the city

26 21 18 01273

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Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Editor Rachel Pegg

Business Director Angi Mariani

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Website Manager Paul Burgess

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Staff Writers Craig Driver Dani Winch Designers Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Faye Perriam Steve Sawyer Sub Editors Joe Curtin Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Sophie Longhurst Marie Viviani Administration Claire Peerless Sara Henfridsson

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

31

25

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor latest 7 3

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8/7/08

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latest

jobs

Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

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LATESTDIARY

COMPETITIONS

latestdiary

IN IT TO WIN IT

With Tim Richardson

Fantastic new prizes to win!

Brighton Pride 2008

Princess Aurora – DVD

This year’s parade promised to be one of the most colourful and flamboyant yet, with up to 50 different entries that represented countries and cities from across the globe. The heavens had opened as the parade assembled at Madeira Drive before moving through the streets towards Preston Park. Even with the weather slightly on the damp side in the morning, the streets were still jam-packed and by the time the parade had reached its destination at Preston Park, the rain had subsided and the party atmosphere moved into full swing.

For more Pride pictures go to http://web.mac.com/tim.richardson11/ImageCatcher/Events/Pages/Pride_in_Brighton_%26_Hove_2008.html

Don’t mistake this for the Disney princess outing Sleeping Beauty. They may share the same name but this new film from Tartan is a chilling tale of murder and justice. Jung Sun-jung's young daughter is murdered, leaving Jung traumatised. Rather than grieving like a normal person, Jung sets about punishing a series of apparently random yet unpleasant people who she feels have wronged society. As the police close in on her and the real reasons for the killing spree become clear. This is a film that will keep you guessing until the very last scene. To be in with a chance of winning one of five copies, tell us: What is the name of the Demon Barber recently played by Johnny Depp, who sought bloody revenge after years in exile for a crime he didn’t commit? See below for entry details.

Entrants must be aged 18 or over.

Spider Forest – DVD Tartan Video have another new release for those who love a good murder investigation. Murder She Wrote this is not, with horror thrills coming thick and fast.

Following the gruesome death of a man and woman in a cabin in the woods, the victims are discovered by Kang (Gam Woo-Sung.) Kang begins to track down the murderer, but is hit by a car in the process! Before one can exclaim a Homer Simpson style ‘Doh!’, Kang awakens in hospital to find himself a prime suspect in the murder of the couple in the cabin! As a murder investigation ensues, Kang begins to realise it’s what he cannot remember from that fateful evening that holds the key to clearing his name. To be in with a chance of winning one of five copies of this new DVD, tell us: What was the name of the 1990 horror/comedy directed by Frank Marshall, based on a fear of spiders? See below for entry details. Entrants must be aged 18 or over.

Atlantic City – DVD

Student prizes On Monday 28 July, award-winning students with their families, tutors and sponsors gathered at the University of Brighton’s School of Environment and Technology for a prize giving ceremony. The prizes were awarded to students who had studied within the sectors of Built Environment and Civil Engineering. 23 prizes were awarded to Level 1, Level 2 and Final Year students who studied Built Environment and Civil Engineering. The prize for Best Conservation and Design Project was sponsored by The Hove Civic Society and awarded by Ian Crossman.

Dr Hamid Isfahany, Patrick Palmer, Heather Reddall (Best Student Architectural Technology), Jon OrrellDr Phil Ashton, Della Madgwick, Maria Lempida (Institution of Civil Engineers Student Prize), Giles Ings (DRP Architects)

6 latest 7

Network release Louis Malle’s poignant but sweet tale of a decaying city and the dreams of the deviant characters that reside in it on DVD and we have three copies up for grabs. Hollywood legend Burt Lancaster stars as Lou, an ageing, deluded, small-time crook who scrapes a living running numbers for the mob. His life takes an interesting turn when he encounters a young cocaine dealer who attempts to sell the wares he stole from some heavyweight gangsters. The film also stars Susan Sarandon – who is eager to learn in order to make way for a better life. This BAFTA winning and Academy Award nominated film is not to be missed. To win, tell us: Which character did Susan Sarandon play in the hit film Thelma and Louise? See below for entry details.

ZoomStarz – CD One for kids who love to sing and dance – all of us really then. If you love a round of karaoke or never miss an episode of The X Factor, this new CD from Polydor is for you. Recorded for children, by children, ZoomStarz has the biggest pop hits that will have everybody singing along. ZoomStarz features fun renditions of famous tracks including: ‘Umbrella’ (originally by Rihanna), ‘Shine’ (Take That), ‘Call The Shots’ (Girls Aloud) and ‘We’re All In This Together.’ This is one that will keep the kids occupied for the rest of the summer holiday! We have five copies of this new CD to give away. To be in with a chance of bagging a copy, tell us: Which Disney smash hit musical does the track ‘We’re All In This Together’ come from? See below for entry details.

To be in with a chance of winning, email: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the title of the prize you wish to win in the subject box. Leave your answer to the question in the body of the email, along with your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Monday 25 August 2008.

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ALISON’SCOLUMN

See more at thelatest.co.uk

What Alison did Alison Swann can’t hear ringing in her ears as Pride wraps up for another year

“I have a theory that mobile phone networks don’t actually have any problem with connecting all those drunken people trying to call their mates”

Call me…

And so the post-Pride wound licking continues. The green tea is flowing and I am wondering just how much the repair of my mysteriously smashed-up mobile phone is going to set me back?

My phone got broken! When the hell did that happen? Was it when I was licking beer off my best gay boys’ oh-so-smooth chests in the middle of the Popstarz tent? Was it when I was lying in a sea of ladies asking if I could adopt a lesbian? I had one in particular in mind, who doesn’t actually have a mummy, and who I have known for many years – so much so that she does actually call me ‘mummy’. Anyway, as far as I can remember, she seemed quite up for the idea.

Was it when I swerved the Portaloo, instead nipping into the bushes behind Wild Fruit, where a collective wee was taking place and, in the middle, a group of people were sitting – yes, sitting – on the ground chatting. What the hell was all that about? Were they blind? I know people like to chat in toilets, but actually sitting in what was effectively the toilet? Where was the pride in that?

Or was it later on when I actually made it to a women’s urinal and was being instructed in the fine art of the vertical lady-weeing with the use of a ‘ShePee’? Did I get my lovely phone out to snap a picture of the row of leaning lesbians cocked up over the urinals proudly pushing out their paper pee-pee performers? I have no idea. Although, I do remember that a friend of mine was feeling under pressure to perform and was most upset at not being able to partake of the facilities. It is a mystery, and I can only hope that the evidence of my undoubted misdemeanours are not hastily making their way down the wire of fire to Facebook fame.

Phone usage at Pride is a rapidly abandoned activity, hence my lack of knowledge as to when the fatal blow was dealt. You start the day with high hopes. “Oh yes, dear friend, I will see you by the clock tower at two. Of course I’ll be there! If not, then just give me a text or a ring and we’ll find each other.“ After a fruitless hour or so of effing and blinding your way through the long grass, said phone is abandoned into your bag/pocket and you throw yourself into the pit of anarchy that envelops all of Preston Park. It’s the same every year.

I now have a theory that mobile phone networks don’t actually have

any problem with connecting all those zillions of drunken people trying to call their mates. It’s all part of a bigger plan to make us all switch our phones off for one day and just run into the crowd to see who you might meet without your beeping little friend that guides your every move for the other 364 days of the year.

Maybe that’s why it’s such good fun, all bets are off and who knows who you’re going to bump into. I’ll bet that’s what happened to my phone: some bastard bumped into me.

Comments, queries and general chitchat can be sent to: letters@thelatest.co.uk

latestcrossword Cryptic 156 ACROSS 1 Spaniard’s woman comes from the Dover area (6) 4 Doctor has wild convulsions in heaps of snow (6) 9 Apparition caused by famine trouble at police HQ (13) 10 One of a type of dog with no tail (5) 11 Pawl made for Mr Atkins to pursue vermin (7) 12 Get behind strangely obese queen (5) 13 The way a quarrel can be formidable (5) 18 Organise a Rolls-Royce [banger with front and back missing] (7) 20 Measure of cloth that is made for woman (5) 21 Nessie’s lesson in silence (13) 22 Hate components of French exam (6) 23 New nudes about turn! About turn! (6)

solutions on page 32

Quick 156 DOWN 1 Boat man meets god in Greece (6) 2 Confront Simon about religious type (13) 3 Umpire commonly goes to huge ends to find a way to locate fugitive (7) 5 Respond to stimulus to perform again? (5) 6 Terrible loch where terrorism is organised (13) 7 Boy soldiers take in a piece of music (6) 8 Car found in short street with drinkers about (5) 14 One’s art interpreted as disloyalty (7) 15 Prohibited musicians? (6) 16 Under fifty? Always use something to apply force (5) 17 Let novice relieve dunce (6) 19 Eden’s unusual requirements (5)

ACROSS 1 System (6) 4 Lifted (6) 9 New date (13) 10 Shirk (5) 11 Getting by labour (7) 12 Bosses (5) 13 Sorcery (5) 18 Raised bank (7) 20 Liquid measure (5) 21 Unsuitability (13) 22 Breathed sharply (6) 23 Alcoholic drink (6)

DOWN 1 Small shield (6) 2 Lacking personality (13) 3 Sue (7) 5 On the move (5) 6 Particulars (13) 7 Excessive fondness (6) 8 Sang in high voice (5) 14 Gain (7) 15 Cord (6) 16 Worth (5) 17 Remained (6) 19 Woman (5)

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RYHME

Eminemmylou Hi, I’m Eminemmylou, throwin’ lyrics at you.

This week with Felipe Hewlett

Why I’m Still Single Teach me to banter in dungarees and rupees, not for me.

If alive, I would like to see Conchita again, from Madrid, across the Biscay sea.

And I would like to tell that when she enquired of me in Brighton, “Felipe, do you love me?”

I perhaps should have replied with an emphatic ‘Si’.

Back to Basics I think most human beings need love, bed And perhaps a roof overhead?

Send rhymes and a pic to: eminemmylou@thelatest.co.uk For more rhymes check out myspace.com/eminemmylou

EMOTIONS

Dani’s diary Dani considers bullying in this day and age and realises that bullies will suffer for it too It is quite widely known among these few lines of words on this page every week that I dislike people who believe themselves to be better than others because of: a) Their wage packet. b) Their place of birth. c) The size of their car. d) The successfulness of their children. e) They are higher up in a company than you. f) They are thinner. g) Fatter. h) Or more attractive. i) Because they are older than you.

The two biggest things you will do in your life are taking your first breath and taking your last. During that first breath we are all the same.

And after that last breath, when we are lined up, we are all the same.

What depicts true greatness is modesty.

Those historic people we now see as great generally didn’t do too well in life. And I find those of us who have to spend our time putting others down generally do so because it makes us feel bigger.

All the way from childhood to adult life each and every one of us will witness this happening. Either because we are one of the little ones being loomed over or because we were one of the ones pushing everyone else down to get the feeling we are above them.

“You’d have thought with the efforts to secure equality bullying would be a thing of the past” The trouble is, that this never really works. When push comes to shove and you are laying in bed one night, all these little things will come back to haunt you.

Just as you start to doze off to sleep – when you are in that fragile period between awake and asleep, when the room starts to spin just ever so slightly – you will suddenly get a little memory spring into your head.

And for the first time you will feel ashamed about something you did.

That night is the night all the little people spend their hours waiting for. Because it happens to all of us. Whether it’s an embarrassing moment, a time you feel upset about or an experience that left you shaken, you all get the sleep-time monster. There is no use denying it because we all do.

It’s just that you would have thought that by now, with all the efforts made to secure fairness and equality among all colours, sexes, sexual orientations, those less-abled and those overly so that bullying would be simply a thing of the past. But unfortunately it isn’t. Many of us still experience bullying from either the firing line or the sideline. And more of us than we think cause it.

To be perfectly honest – I think at some point we all bully someone on some level. The difference is whether we recognise it or not. Those who feel they are doing nothing wrong are the people causing the problem. They will also be the ones suffering terribly from the sleeptime monster and denying it ferociously. Those who realise they have done wrong and deal with it get to move on. And those who have not yet had a sleep-time monster: look at all you have to look forward to.

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8 latest 7

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AROUNDTOWN

sponsored by

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

No Fatboy burial Norman’s not behind the Mercury nomination, BB slebs out at Pride and Dermot been shopping Burial revealed There was much talk last week as to whether or not Mercury Prize nominee Burial was in fact Norman Cook aka Fatboy Slim. The artist, who has up until now remained anonymous, last week posted up his real name – Will Bevan and a photo on his Myspace account. He is currently riding high in the charts with his second album Untrue and is the favourite to claim the hallowed Mercury Prize. His post reads: “Hi, for a while there’s been some talk about who I am, but it’s not a big deal I wanted to be unknown because I just want it to be all about the tunes. Over the last year the unknown thing become an issue so I’m not into it any more. I’m a low-key person and I just want to make some tunes, nothing else. My names Will Bevan, I’m from South London, I’m keeping my head down and just going to finish my next album. There’s going to be a 12”, maybe in the next few weeks too, with four tunes, hope you like it. I’ll try put a tune up later, sorry for any rubbish tunes I made in the past, I’ll make up for it a big big thank you to anyone who ever supported me, liked my tunes or sent me messages, it means the world to me. Big up everyone, take care, Will (Burial).

Jungle Pride

Dermot’s posh totty

Another year and Pride came and went. Despite the drizzle the celebrities were ‘out‘ in force at the now world famous event. 2008 didn’t disappoint as King of the Jungle, Christopher Biggins, left his native London to attend, with his ever attentive boyfriend. Biggins made sure he was fed and watered before hotfooting to Preston Park. He was seen dining on finest lobster and crustacea at English’s in the Lanes.

I am told he couldn’t keep his eyes of a rather fit, dark-haired body builder sitting at the next table!

Alice Rivers-Cripps, owner of the Bond Street boutique got the shock of her life last week. She took a call from hunky TV presenter Dermot O'Leary, who wanted to make a private appointment to come to her shop, Posh Totty! Dermot was in fact shopping for his girlfriend and had a bit of a spend up it seems. He nearly bought half the shop, buying two handbags, some dresses, cardigans, a black candle, some necklaces and two mirrors. He then treated Alice to a glass of wine at Pizza Express – that is the sort of customer I want Alice! If you want to look at some of the designs at Posh Totty, then log on to www.poshtottydesigns.com

Pride mates Also in the same field but not spotted together ‘allegedly‘ were ex-Big Brother 7 housemates Nikki and Pete. Nikki attended with friends and made the most all the many fairground rides, while Pete was hanging out in the Popstarz tent (the place to be this year I’m told). Nikki and Pete famously got together in the house and then Pete went on to win, the cynical amongst you might have thought that it was all a publicity stunt. Let’s face it, two celebrities together are seriously more bankable than one! The couple spilt as predicted. Nikki now writes a weekly column for OK! Whilst Pete got engaged to Brighton girl Cherry.

Les and Frankie on the town Spotted Les Dennis drinking a pint in the Hop Poles pub in the Lanes and Frankie from new girl band, The Saturdays, at Las Iguanas.

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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8/7/08

3:51 PM

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ONLY JOKING!

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Spotted

Sage and onion or thyme and parsley?

“Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.” So sang comically differently heighted 1960s folk-rockfolk double act Simon and Garfunkel in the song ‘Scarborough Fair’, from the album which was also called Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme. But what’s the best stuffing to shove up the rectum of a plucked fowl before sticking it in the oven at gas mark 6 for 20 minutes per pound – traditional sage and onion, or very slightly less traditional thyme and parsley? We asked some local celebrities for their opinions.

With 9th century Greek missionary brothers and joint inventors of the Cyrillic alphabet, St Cyril and St Methodius

Leo Sayer “Sage and onion.”

Nick Cave “Sage and onion. No – thyme and parsley. No, no – definitely sage and onion. Oh strewth! It’s no good. I just can’t decide. It’s like trying to choose between my own children or something.”

Patsy Palmer “Sage and onion.”

In & Out IN

OUT

• Sky Magazine

• Lupercal

• The phrase ‘handbags at dawn’

• Golf ball typewriters

• Cops and Robbersons

• Shackleton’s high seat chairs

• Arranging your CDs by Christian name rather than surname a la Andy’s Records

• Writing the names of famous people in the ‘This book is the property of…’ slip of paper affixed to the front of your school text books

• Euro-scepticism

• Psychoderelict

Astral Angi ★Finding truth in the stars★

Jordan “Prawn cocktail Discos mixed up with crushed Wotsits.”

Norman Cook “I feast every night upon roasted swan, stuffed with venison, sweetbreads, lark’s tongues, and almonds, brought from the Holy Land, while a jester dances for my amusement and my enemies rot in the oubliette ‘neath my feet. Whaha-ha! More mead! ”

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

Simon Fanshawe “I’m afraid we’re a bit stuffing obsessed at chez Fanshawe: sage and onion, thyme and parsley, apricot and apple – anything goes. Stuffed peppers, stuffed marrow, even stuffed tomatoes! At my parties we make a game of preparing the food, with each guest having to stuff as much as he can in one minute. The loser is himself stuffed with a traditional chestnut and bacon mix, while all present pour scorn upon him. A ‘roast’ in the American sense of the word maybe!”

Steven Berkoff “As a young actor I rejected stuffing in all its forms, and insisted on having my roast chicken or turkey unsullied and unadorned, accompanied merely by a couple of roast potatoes and perhaps some carrots. Then one day, while I was filming A Clockwork Orange the director, Stanley Kubrick, called me over. ‘I’ve noticed the way you’ve been eating your roast dinners, Steve,’ he said. He then reached into the pocket of the windbreaker he habitually wore and pulled out a small dish, containing little spheres of stuffing. ‘Stuffing doesn’t have to be inside the meat,’ the great man went on. ‘It can be cooked separately – like this.’ He insisted I try a piece, and I was hooked. Although Kubrick never spoke to me again, I’ve him to thank (or blame!) for the fact that I am today a slavish devotee of stuffing, getting through several dozen platefuls of the stuff a day, with thyme and parsley being a particular favourite! ” David Van Day “I tried to make my own stuffin’ out of apples, straw, and some old motor oil what I found in the barn. But when I tried to stuff the turkey he pecked me in the private parts and flew out of the kitchen window. I won’t be tryin’ that again, I can tell you.”

Next week: would you rather be kicked in the knackers once by a man weighing 35 stone or 35 times by a man weighing one stone?

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LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

Time to pick yourself out of this quagmire of gloom. Start with your wardrobe, apply the ‘ time I wore this’ rule. If over a year ago send it to Oxfam. Fashion tip: knitted swimwear.

Cancer can get away with anything when it comes to fashion, at least that’s what they think. Really cool Cancer is borrowing Gemini’s clothes. Fashion tip: dungarees. If Meryl can…

Smart Librans know how to put on the style – black, black and more black. It works too so never change. It also helps us to avoid you in a crowd.

Fashion tip: bespoke corsetry.

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

A make-do-and-mend mentality can make Capricorns the astral fashion outcasts. You must learn to differentiate between vintage and garbage. Fashion tip: buy new clothes.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taurean bold manners can be moderated by the wearing of soft colours. Colour is as influential as the planets, so it’s baby blue and pink for you. Fashion tip: pastel lederhosen.

Leo’s fashion sense is a constant worry to all those around them.

Flamboyant knitwear should be avoided at all costs, and anything yellow. Fashion tip: boob tubes.

Rebels, all Scorpios are distinctive dressers, bless ’em. Beware imitators though: wolves in cheap clothing and the fashion police who do not understand. Fashion tip: balaclavas.

The world’s fashion hippies like to wear what they please and the result can be scary. Too much colour, to many frills, too… Well, just too much.

Fashion tip: try school outfitters.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Gemini has a tendency towards uniforms, taking comfort in looking like everyone else. It’s an economical path but be brave and step off the high street. Fashion tip: anything in latex.

Whoever said that you look good in white was taking the… Carry on and it will be ‘Always the bridesmaid…’ Get a life, buy yourself something bright red. Fashion tip: see-through fabric.

The cosy world of Sagis may seem all bedsocks and cardies but beneath that Crimplene exterior beats a heart of Lycra – if that doesn’t worry you then nothing will. Fashion tip: rain-mates.

Good old Pisces can get away with almost everything providing their weight does not balloon from eating to many fish suppers at Bardsley’s.

Fashion tip: fishnet stockings.

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To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

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8/7/08

12:11 PM

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LATESTNEWS Phil Mills reports on the 11th-hour rejection of the selected candidate for the chair of the South Downs Joint Committee

Party politics?

The former Labour leader of Brighton and Hove City Council and favourite to take over as head of the South Downs management team has had the job snatched away by what critics say is party politics. Ken Bodfish OBE was recommended by a selection group as the best candidate to become new chairman of the South Downs Joint Committee (SDJC) which oversees the conservation and development of the Downs.

But his appointment was rejected at the 11th hour after the Conservative leaders of East Sussex, West Sussex, and Hampshire county councils, and Brighton and Hove City Council jointly wrote a letter to members of the SDJC urging them not to approve the appointment.

The committee apparently bowed to the pressure and the post, formerly held by ex-Mid Sussex MP Lord Renton, is now up for grabs again.

Some committee members reacted angrily to what they see as armtwisting political interference, and insiders believe this was a case of Labour-bashing at a time when Gordon Brown’s party is at an all-time low ebb. Others think the councils want a chairman they think would be more willing to allow mineral exploration on the Downs and would oppose the government’s plan to turn the Downs, from Beachy Head through the Sussex Downs to East Hampshire, into the South Downs National Park. The government is expected to announce its decision on the park plan early next year.

“The selection group had voted 5-0 in favour of Mr Bodfish who was council leader for six years” The confidential letter was signed by the four Tory council leaders: Mary Mears (Brighton and Hove), Peter Jones (East Sussex), Ken Thornber (Hampshire) and Henry Smith (West Sussex). Latest 7 has obtained a copy of the letter, dated July 4, 2008, and sent from Peter Jones’s office in Lewes. It urges members to reject Mr Bodfish and warns of possible financial consequences of ignoring their request.

The four leaders reminded the members that their councils: “Make a significant financial contribution to the committee,” which will run the Downs until a national park authority is created. Sussex councils oppose the park plan and want to maintain control over the land, arguing they have successfully conserved and managed it for many years.

In their letter, the council leaders said the next few years would be crucial for the future of the Downs and that issues surrounding the national park proposal would require a chairman, “Who has the total confidence of all partners on the committee”. It continued: “Although we recognise Ken made a significant contribution to political life in the past we do not believe he is the right person to lead the committee through the difficult times that lie ahead.”

The SDJC responded by voting 20-18 not to endorse the selection group’s recommendation to appoint Mr Bodfish.

Some committee members from different political persuasions expressed anger.

One member, who asked not to be named, said: “The councils have sought to circumvent the Lord Nolan report which calls for open and transparent procedures in local government.”

Another apologised to Mr Bodfish, adding “I am horrified at the treatment handed to Ken – it has shades of Mugabe elections about it.

“Now I hear that approaches have been made to a former aide to Mrs Thatcher and a couple of leading Tory councillors to take on the job. What happened to a fair selection process? Natural England, the largest funder of the SDJC, is unhappy at party politics interfering in this manner.”

The members said Mr Bodfish was “head and shoulders” better than the other candidates.

The selection group had voted 5-0 (with one abstention) in favour of Mr Bodfish who was Brighton and Hove council leader for six years until 2006 and lost his Queens Park seat the following year. He became chairman of the Sussex Partnership NHS Trust (mental health) but left the post after just a year.

The members said it was his record on conservation issues and his political impartiality that made him favourite. One said: “He was on East Sussex council and backed the purchase of Ashdown Forest, and he was city council leader when it purchased the lease of cottages and land at Stanmer Park. He was also a vice chairman of the SDJC but stood down due to time constraints, and he was founding member of the original Sussex Downs Conservation Board.”

Mr Bodfish said: “I am very disappointed that what appears to be parochial party politics has interfered with conserving the South Downs.

My record on conservation was confirmed by the selection committee which, I understand, decided I was their clear choice.

“My only interest is that the protection of the Downs should continue. This is clearly popular in our area and is of regional and national importance.”

But Mr Jones, East Sussex council leader, stood by his and his fellow council leaders' view: “We did not think Ken was appropriate to be chairman. He does not have a democratic mandate and we were not encouraged by the fact he resigned from the mental health trust.

“I like Ken and we get on well, but we had to ask: ‘Is he the right person for this type of important job?’” A new chairman of the SDJC is expected to be appointed in November.

Police: Pride a success These boys in blue high-kicked their way along the parade route for Pride 2008. The real boys/girls in blue later declared Pride a success, and one reason was that officers had to deal with only a handful of crimes.

All police leave was cancelled for the event but there were just 19 arrests, mainly for drug offences but three for “low level” homophobic incidents, including verbal insults.

More than 50 tonnes of rubbish was collected along the route by council workers but the city was quickly

cleaned up and the park was handed back to the council as good as new.

Organisers are looking after mobile phones, handbags, purses, credit cards, keys and the single passport that were found afterwards. If they remain unclaimed, they will be handed over to the police. Call 01273 775939.

A council spokeswoman added: “The one or two small bags of white powder that were found won’t be available for collection. They will be destroyed.”

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8/8/08

11:40 AM

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LATESTNEWS

news summary

7 days of headlines

A TV company is looking for men and women willing to try dating four bachelors from around the world. The four men will be brought to Brighton to spend a month looking for love from the end of August. The programme will air on BBC3. Contact researcher Ayesha Tariq on 020 7202 2460 or ayeshatariq@ objectiveproductions.com Campaigners from Brighton spent a week at a climate camp protesting against government inaction on climate change.

Among the group to travel to Kent early this month were opponents to the incinerator which East Sussex County Council and Brighton and Hove City Council want to build at North Quay, Newhaven.

Sewage works approved An application to build a sewage works in Peacehaven has been approved. Work is expected to begin on the controversial ‘Poohaven’ plant in the autumn, but protesters have vowed to battle on.

John Hodgson, of Peacehaven Residents Opposed to Urban Development (Proud), said: “The next stage is to take the fight to the Secretary of State. First we have to get her to call it in and look at all the evidence again.’

East Sussex County Council’s planning committee voted four to three to approve the plans by Southern Water last week. The proposal will be passed to Hazel Blears, Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, for approval.

Southern Water argues that the £300million works at Lower Hoddern Farm is essential to

treat 95million litres of waste water produced every day by people from Peacehaven to Hove.

Project director Damon Elliott said: “We welcome East Sussex County Council’s support of our scheme proposals, which would bring unprecedented environmental improvements to this important stretch of the south coast.

We have done all we can to ensure the new treatment works blends in with its downland surroundings and are committed to working with the local community to ensure they specifically benefit.”

The area is among the last in Europe not to meet environmental quality standards, but the plant will not use the latest ultraviolet technology.

Protest meeting, Peacehaven Meridian Centre, Tuesday 19 August, 7.30pm.

Latest 7

NEWS

Dozens of school pupils were left waiting for their SAT results.

Local and national results for Key Stage 3 exams, usually taken by children aged 13 or 14 in Year 9, were not expected until today (Tues 12 August). Primary schools were also kept waiting for Key Stage 2 results, taken mainly by Year 6, aged ten or eleven.

Play in the park

Hospice garden A children’s hospice is working to install a meadow garden for families to remember loved ones in beautiful surroundings. By the end of September the garden should be planted and ready to enjoy at Chestnut Tree House, near Arundel, the only children’s hospice in Sussex.

Designer Clare Matthews plans to include seating areas, statues, water features and sensory planting. Located to the rear of the hospice, the garden will have its own entrance so families can come and go as they wish.

Spokeswoman Janet Parsons said: “We hope that families and visitors to Chestnut Tree House will enjoy this beautiful garden and that it will provide a special place to remember those children and young people who have sadly died.”

The garden has been sponsored by The Greenfingers Appeal, the charity of the gardening industry, which is currently working to improve gardens at children’s hospices across the country.

Day of fun held in Hove Park to celebrate National Play Day Hundreds of children and their families enjoyed free fun in Hove Park on Wednesday 6 August to celebrate National Play Day. The mayor, Garry Peltzer Dunn, opened the day, which included a climbing wall, activities in the Children and Young People’s Trust’s new play bus and games on the Soccerena mobile sports pitch.

“We are delighted to offer children this day of fun in a safe and friendly environment” he said.

There was the chance for children to have their faces painted, read stories, take part in open-air science lessons and laugh along with Mr Pineapplehead.

The day was just one of the highlights of the council’s Entertainments in the Park season organised by the play service.

Visit its website at www.brightonhove.gov.uk/fis or call 01273 293545 for the full schedule.

A young visitor enjoys the metal maze at the National Play Day

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If you would like to comment on these stories please email news@thelatest.co.uk

013_LS385_letters/sport

8/7/08

4:27 PM

Page 1

LATESTSPORT

Letters

Send your comments to letters@thelatest.co.uk

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sports Bunker

Kick off Latest Sport’s Joe Curtin gets his Mystic Meg hat on and looks at what the new season might hold

Brother bother Come April/May and tuning into E4 (usually my channel of choice) becomes a daunting experience. No longer can I search for a sedentary dose of Friends with the reckless abandon of an autumn-time me, rather I nervously channel hop towards my destination with the trepidation of a very nervous thing. Why? I cannot stand Big Brother. Even a second of drivel from Davina sends jarring shudders down my spine causing problems that a chiropractic wizard would be hard-pressed to remove.

A mere glimpse of this year’s inane housemates may finish me off, I kid thee not. All of this would be bearable if the thing was relegated to the wee small hours, but the program sprawls across E4 like some gluttonous ape. Worse news still is I think it’s breeding. Every day its offspring are spotted in their multitudes, defiling the once great hours of seven till nine: ‘Big Brother’s Little Brother’; ‘Big Brother’s Big Mouth’; ‘Big Brother’s Mouthy Little Brother’s Mother’.

Methinks things are teetering dangerously close to the ridiculous.

Worryingly, my friends actually ‘enjoy’ the programme, so support in the form of Dani’s article was inspirational, life changing even. Her views on Big Brother are ones with which I am in almost complete accord. I say almost because while she does a pretty fine job of criticising the series, parts remain unscathed and I am worried that like some vampiric creature of old the entity will reform by moonlight, unless crushed completely. Therefore a call to arms, a rally of the faithful: come all ye non-lovers of Big Brother, we must speak up – together, we can make E4 great again!

Luke Nicholson

Loving mamma I just wanted to say how much I enjoy Malone’s articles in Latest Homes. She is so funny and so on the ball. Her writing always makes me laugh out loud! Please say thanks to her.

Regards, Chris Jewell

So, the Premier League season is about to start on Saturday, and the XXIX Olympiad began on Friday.

One is an event enjoyed around the world by millions, although tainted by cheating, politicking and the whiff of corruption, taking place in a world far removed and alien. And the other is the Olympics in Beijing.

Yes, the long wait is over. The annual circus of football returns to town bringing with it intense drama, tears, joy, clowns and performing animals. And that’s just Newcastle United. As we know, last season ended with Manchester United as Champions and European Champions League winners, Portsmouth as FA Cup winners, Tottenham winning something regardless of what digit the year ended in, and English clubs dominating Europe.

There was the usual allegations of player impropriety towards women arrests for drink driving and Joey Barton.

Fernando Torres and Robbie Keane link up together.

Arsenal were conspicuous by their absence in the transfer market once again and you have to think that this season won’t end in anything other than more disappointment for them. Their North London neighbours, however, have bought well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Juande Ramos and his troops cause some real surprises this term and add to their League Cup. Blackburn and Aston Villa have the ever-reliable Hughes and O’Neill at their helms and will do well again. Roy Keane will eat half his new signings.

Things will be fairly much the same as last season. The big boys will dominate and the new faces will struggle. Richard Scudamore, after seeing Journey to the Centre of the Earth, will call for a 40th game to be played at the planet’s core. It will, he will claim, “bring the game to a new audience“. Players will make as many column inches

“Players will make as many column inches for their off-the-pitch antics as for those on the field” This season begins with the champions ravaged by injuries and the Iberian slave too scared to face Fergie – sorry, I mean also suffering from an injury. (It’s worth speculating as to what will last longer: the season or the Ronaldo/United/Real ménage à trois, and does anyone actually care anymore.) Chelsea have a new World Cup-winning manager and Liverpool have bought well.

It will be interesting to see how

for their off-the-pitch antics as for those on the field.

However, the beauty of football, as with life, is its unpredictability. So with that in mind I’m off down to Ladbrokes (oh the irony in the second syllable of that noun) to put the Bunker’s budget on Spurs for a top-four finish. They will be the surprise package of the season.

Whatever your team, good luck for the coming nine months.

Goodies galore Dear Latest Homes, Just to say thank you from my sister and me for the lovely prizes we have received in the post, and keep up the good work. We both enjoy Latest Homes and look forward to Tuesdays.

Yours sincerely, Mrs M K Steer

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

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014_LS385_model city

8/7/08

11:37 AM

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STYLE

NORTHLAINE

Model city Sandra Omo has a hectic schedule – and is loving it that way I have been very busy these days. The casting calls have been unending, and the jobs flooding in. I have barely had time to read, visit friends or, at times, pick up my phone. I have accumulated this long list of things to do and, as I look at it today, I realise that the only input for the past week is more things to do. However, today has been the busiest of my days so far, with one job booked, and three castings to attend.

As I leave home and make my way to the job I have been booked for, a commercial for Walkers, I am still half asleep as it is not even 6am yet. I arrive at location at exactly seven but have no time for breakfast as I had to go into make-up and wardrobe immediately.

When shooting finally kicked off, the only thing I could pay attention to, although I did my job excellently, was an empty stomach singing me different music to dance to.

However, breakfast was not the only thing I missed as I also missed leaving early. By the time I realised this, I was over half an hour overdue. If I were going for an open casting, I would have minded little, but being that all my castings for the day happened to be closed ones, I had only one option: to make my appointed time slot as missing any of the casting was not an option for me. I wanted them all, and the fact that I have been successful at every casting I have attended lately made me even more confident and hungry for these ones.

“As I make my way to the job, an ad for Walkers, I am still half asleep as it is not even 6am” The first casting, the maiden edition of Couture Africa in September, went well. I did not have to wait for a confirmation call as the judges told me straight away I am in.

The second audition had absolutely nothing to do with fashion. I had curiously applied for Wogan’s Total Recall because I wanted to test my general knowledge and, of course, win lots of money. My application did catch their attention as they called me for a telephone interview and invited me to today’s audition.

It was hectic with questions and answers.

How did I do? Are you asking me? I do not know – they will inform me.

Nonetheless, I was proud to have got that far out of the thousands that applied, plus I had another casting, for a fashion show, to look forward to.

This casting did not go as I planned. Unlike the others where I had success and fun I cannot say the same about this as I arrived extremely late. In fact, I thought I would not make it by the time I left the second audition at 7pm. However, I did, and when I arrived the judges were just packing up. I was able to convince them to let me give it a go. “I have had a hectic day”, I said, “and I have come this far because I want to be a part of this and I want to at least give it a shot”.

They let me, and I did. Were they impressed? Yes. Will they call me back? I do not know but I am expectant as I begin to weigh up my chances of bagging those last two jobs.

As I return to home, I am exhausted but my excitement has no boundaries. I wish the whole year would be like this for me: I would rather return home every night at the point of passing out due to too many jobs than to not have enough. This is the only time, for me, where working can never be too much.

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Northern charm For a spot of fine dining, pampering and retail therapy, Brighton’s unique North Laine is the place to visit When you’ve tired of the indoor malls, or just can’t bear the thought of facing it on a Saturday, discover the charm of Brighton’s bustling North Laine. A unique shopping experience in itself, the North Laine is a treasure trove with hidden gems around every corner.

A convenient location, minutes from Brighton Station and easily accessible from the seafront, the North Laine is what Brighton’s about. If you’re visiting the city, haven’t been here for a while, or work around the corner, there’s always something new to discover in the ever-growing North Laine area.

A place for individual style, lazy lunches and browsing, creative types will love the craft and fabric shops, bead shop and more. Art lovers will find stunning pieces of work, unique prints and frames for their art down at Art Republic on bohemian Bond Street.

Likewise, those who appreciate fine furnishings will not want to miss what’s on offer at Villa and Hut. Here you will find unique furniture to become the centre focus of any room and the envy of your guests. At the moment, Villa and Hut have great offers on furniture that will remind you of your summer away long after you’ve unpacked your suitcase.

If your hair’s a little frazzled after being out in the sun, or you just crave a new look to see you through the rest of August, a visit to North Laine Hair Company is on the agenda. Here, you will be left in the capable hands of the creative team and get a gorgeous new haircut and colour.

A typical day out like this in the North Laine will leave you inspired and rejuvenated. There is so much to find, whether it’s knick-knack gifts or ordering in a whole new piece of furniture. There are plenty of cafés at which to refuel and shopping here means you can still enjoy the (hopefully) sunny weather.

Browse, buy, eat and then hit the beach. A culturally diverse city like ours is there to be enjoyed and the rich history and diversity of experience available in the North Laine is there to be grabbed. What are you waiting for? That outfit, with an extra special Brighton twist, isn’t going to buy itself you know!

015_LS385_ads

8/7/08

12:10 PM

Page 1

creative team extensions all aspects of colouring ÂŁ10 off your next visit voucher must be produced Valid during August 2008 not to be used in conjunction with any other offer not valid on Saturdays or on product purchases one voucher per person

north laine hair company, 53 gardner street, brighton, bn1 1un

01273 607057 www.northlainehairco.com latest 7 15

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8/6/08

3:28 PM

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BEAUTY 2

Hot lips Tried and tested: Latest 7 finds the products that will leave your lips gorgeous all summer long In the summer, we protect our skin with suncream, often leaving our lips exposed.

Whether it’s in sunny Spain or the drizzly UK, there are plenty of lip care products with SPF protection. Traditional vaseline is great in the winter, but can be a melted pot in the height of summer. Here, we try and test the latest products in lip care, ranking them in order of best results. The outcome? Moisturised and simply irresistible lips. We try so you can buy...

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Neom Organic Multi Balm – Tender Loving Care with sweet orange and ginger, £12, 14g, available from www.neomorganics.com, Selfridges, London and mail order on 0870 460 4677. We say: “A lovely blend of natural oils and organic ingredients help create this luxurious and silky lip balm. Beautifully light and unwaxy. Immediately my lips felt soft and silky after use. Virtually no fragrance.”

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Jemma Kidd Make-up School – Ultimate Lipcare Protect & Plump SPF12 – £8, 3.5ml, available from Boots nationwide, 08450 708 090. We say: “Gorgeous girly pink packaging makes this a great lippy to be seen with! The new rose shade gives a natural colour, without a sticky gloss, but not as moisturised as I would like – finding myself applying lip balm on top of the colour. There’s SPF12 protection and lips were left looking fuller with its plumping balm.”

3

Lavera Sun Sensitiv SPF15 Lip Balm – £3.95, 4.5g, available locally from The Dolphin House Shop, New Road, Brighton and www.lavera.co.uk We say: “This felt waxy upon application, making me have to spend more time making sure the stuff was on and less inclined towards frequent re-application. “

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Burts Bees Beeswax Lip Balm – £3.49, 8.5g, available locally from The Dolphin House Shop, New Road, Brighton and www.myburtsbees.co.uk. We say: “I liked the idea of a beeswax product made of natural ingredients, but the peppermint oil made this a bit zingy for me. Good if you want a lip balm with zest.”

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017_LS385_health

8/7/08

1:13 PM

Page 1

HEALTH

FEET AT 30 THE DRIVE, HOVE FEET offer chiropody and reflexology treatments. FEET practioners are fully qualified with BSC Hons in podiatry, fully state and HPC registered and members of the chiropody society.

Chiropody A chiropody treatment can involve cutting of toenails, removal of hard skin and corns, treatment of veruccae or ingrowing toenails.

An appointment lasts approximately 40 minutes and begins with a footbath and ends with a relaxing foot massage. All kinds of foot problems can be treated, or if you ‘just‘ want your feet tidied up, and a pedicure ‘just‘ is not enough, you need chiropody.

Bare your sole Zara Baker says its time to give your feet a little attention and make sure they are in good health An often neglected part of the body, our feet are also one of the busiest, put through the wars on a daily basis. In the summer, we are likely to think more about foot care as we dare to expose our toes in the latest flip flops. But the amount of neglect is still high, with feet often being named the least favourite body part of the body, and quite simply can turn some people right off. Well, summer is the perfect time to turn your attention back to your feet. Ensure they are in optimum condition and they will look good and be healthy. It’s time to turn the phobia around and make good of the support you stand on.

It may be a simple case of washing your feet every day. For others, a visit to a chiropodist may be required. They are experienced in treating all kinds of foot-related problems such as verrucas, athlete’s foot or even toenail cutting. We may think it’s the elderly who visit chiropodists, but many people choose to leave their toes in their safe hands. Cutting the toenails too short or too low at the sides can cause pain and problems like an ingrown toenail. Be sure to cut straight across to avoid this.

The summer presents many new problems for feet including the spread of infections such as verrucas and athlete’s foot. Athlete’s foot is called this for the reason that it mainly affects those who live in trainers, which become sweaty in the the warmer weather and swimmers whose skin is often waterlogged. To avoid athlete’s foot, wash your feet daily and dry them properly. If you use moisturisers, avoid applying this between the toes. Keep feet as dry as possible and wear properly fitting shoes. Having your toes squashed together in sandals is a recipe for disaster.

A more irritating problem is that of verrucas and warts. You would be extremely lucky to avoid ever having one in your life as they are easily passed on, especially on hard floors such as swimming pool areas and changing rooms where you walk barefoot. This viral infection can be painful and spread easily. A proper treatment may take many visits to a chiropodist but the freedom of having infection-free feet is worth it.

Once clear, give your feet a little TLC and pampering. This will keep them in optimum condition and frequent inspection will help identify future problems. Reflexology sandals are a great way to promote health.

In reflexology, feet are regarded as the gateway to our wellbeing. These sandals are embedded with natural stones, giving comfort and support according to the foot massage theory of traditonal Chinese medicine.

For more on Reflexology Sandals see www.healthy-step.com

Reflexology A treatment using reflex pressure points on the foot and ankle.

These pressure points represent all areas of the body. Small crystals in the foot are broken down and dispersed using thumb pressure. This rebalances, relaxes and energises all areas of the body.

Call Wendy Dumelow Tel: 07767 009300 www.sussextravelclinic.com

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Simpler massage with the NEW Chinese self-massage shoes (home use).

Great introductory offer for all Latest Homes readers at £22! (Limited offer only!) www.healthy-step.com/homesoffer.html or 07989917426 Deeper relaxation and easier long term health care Foot massage/Reflexology is a very popular modern health care! In your foot, there are many reflex- points that, when massaged (with your own weight on the shoes), you are able to reach all parts of the body.

Apart from providing the deep relaxation, this is also a great way to correct different problems you may be having physically, because you are able to pinpoint different organs etc.

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018_LS385_food

8/6/08

3:23 PM

Page 2

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD&DRINK

Up at Chapel Down Andrew Kay is vined and dined by Chapel Down and Richard Phillips Taking a day off work to amble across the border into Kent seemed like a very attractive idea, especially with a lunch cooked by Richard Phillips at the end of the drive. I set off early to avoid the heat and arrived at Chapel Down vineyards, near Tenterden, with time to spare. Kindly someone pointed me to the shady herb garden where, trusty laptop in hand, I managed to pen a few lines, before heading in for lunch.

It was a press event, so I was not the only hungry journo’ present, but I was the fattest.

I think that gave me true credibility as a food writer, who – after all – would trust a thin one?

“What a tart, silky smooth, sophisticated – sexy even” Chapel Down has rapidly become one of the greatest exponents of English wine and I was excited that we would be tasting several of their own. It was even more fun that they had chosen a classic wine to sit alongside each of the English choices for comparison. Before I go on to the food I would unreservedly say that at every stage the English wines stood up to that comparison, with honour. In particular a red, which surprised us all – both for flavour and for price – coming in at a mere third of the price of the old world alternative.

Richard Phillips has made a name for himself as a TV chef as well as being Michelin Starred, but today he was forgoing the heady world of daytime broadcasting to cook our lunch, and cook he did.

We started with a garden pea soup, laced with flakes of ham hock and broad beans, with a crisp shard of cured bacon on top. Yum! It needs no more words than that.

Next a marinated beetroot carpaccio with Stonegate goats cheese mousse and poached quails eggs. You can serve me beetroot any way you choose, this was pretty but punchy, dainty but totally satisfying and the tiny eggs were perfectly poached, no mean feat. The Chapel Down Bacchus Reserve was delicious and worked perfectly.

For the fish course their Pinot Blanc beat a serious Gewurztraminer hands down. And what a dish, crab risotto with pan fried scallops and a crab sauce, all I might add sourced from nearby Rye. The risotto was creamy, nutty and liberally laced with crab meat, the scallops had been fleetingly introduced to a hot pan and the sauce had that sexy muskynes that makes crab so much better than lobster.

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Next came slow-cooked belly pork. Belly pork is today’s lamb shank but seldom cooked as well as this perfect cube of tender meat. Good pork depends on sweet fat and here the balance was perfect. Show me lean pork and I will wager that it will be dry and tasteless. Mr Phillips can also cook crackling. The accompaniments were delicious, a lovely apple and some tip-top braised cabbage, with smoked bacon that matched the red, which by now I was only able to sniff and sip once – as I was driving.

By this point were a jolly band of diners but our spirits rose even further when out waiter brought out tiny glass preserving jars filled with a sorbet made from the vineyard’s excellent pink English Rose. A wine so popular that they will very soon have sold out of the current making, months ahead of the new wine coming into stock.

What we were being treated to was a slow amble through the a la carte menu with portions that the chef described as being small but frankly were as generous as some notable restaurants where they seem to think that they are feeding dollies.

Pudding was the one point where we made a choice. Treacle tart with lime clotted cream, bitter chocolate tart with milk ice-cream or British cheese. The milk ice cream attracted me and I was very glad it had.

What a tart, silky smooth, sophisticated – sexy even. The ice cream cool and old-fashioned and a small spoon of strawberry salad proved that there are ways of eating them that are as good as just plain with cream.

The restaurant is a joint venture between Chapel Down and the chef and their former food offering has been totally revamped. It is now a sophisticated modern dining room with a glorious terrace overlooking the vines, a chilled bar with witty ‘tailored’ armchairs, and a lovely private dining room with glazed doors overlooking the heat of the kitchen.

Dining at the chef’s table, as we did, can be arranged at a variety of prices and differing menus. Lunch is an inexpensive affair with set priced menus to suit most pockets. What I am trying to say is that this place does not have to cost an arm and leg, but, should you wish to push the boat out, they will be more than happy to accommodate your journey.

It took me around 90 minutes to get there, not bad on a summer’s morning and I would happily do it again and again if the food is going to this good all the time. In fact I may well head over with the tent very soon and do lunch or dinner. And then I wouldn’t just sip at their delicious wines, but enjoy them fully too.

Richard Phillips at Chapel Down, Tenterden Vineyard, Small Hythe, Tenterden, Kent, TN30 7NG 01580 761616, www.richardphillipsatchapeldown.co.uk

Santiago

Beachfront Hispanic Restaurant 143/144 Kings Road Arches, Brighton

01273 710031 www.santiagorestaurant.biz If you would like to comment on this story please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

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latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials.

They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty home-cooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list.

In the winter, a central open fire roars.

In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive.

Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555, www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter.

1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222 www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

Santiago Restaurant Nestled between the two piers, Santiago Restaurant offers quality food and friendly service in this fantastic location on Brighton beach. Occupying former fisherman’s arches and boasting three of the historic, original arched windows, the first floor indoor restaurant gives a cosy and intimate dining experience. Now serving an exciting new menu of modern European dishes with a Hispanic influence and delicious homemade desserts. On sunny days, enjoy watching the world go by while dining on their sun terrace overlooking the beach, or in the evening come and relax in the indoor restaurant where every table has a sea view.

143-144 Kings Road Arches, Brighton Beach 01273 710031 www.santiagorestaurant.biz

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life.

An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321 www.gars.co.uk

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Not as expensive as you might think! A tempting à la carte and Xpress lunch is available all week. A ‘Plat du Jour’, at £9.45 including a drink, is the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank.

Relaxed alfresco dining is available in the garden; a sunny afternoon could not be better spent. Enjoy the ‘Early Frog’ from 67pm; a three-course meal at £13.95 is really the best value for your money! The true character of this delightful restaurant comes hopping to life in the evenings, and the mouthwatering menu is a comprehensive choice of the finest French cuisine. Children and families always welcome.

119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders.

10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic à la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like coq au vin and côte de bœuf for two.

Locally sourced produce includes freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive Anglo-French farmhouse cheeseboard.

There is also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as tarte aux pommes and crème brulée. Enjoy the south-facing sun terrace with the brasserie lunch menu, Tuesday-Sunday 12-6pm, including croque madame, tarte a l’ognion, moules marinières and more.

And with a delicious French Sunday roast, this is true entente cordiale.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

INDIAN Chaula’s “The food of India, not just Indian food.”

New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi

kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes!

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London.

There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart. Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian. For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.”

48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the

Home café

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150 latest 7 19

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LATESTHOTLIST

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Koba

THAI Chokdee A premium takeaway and informal eaterie next to Hove Station where you can enjoy real Thai cooking. Chokdee serves a variety of popular Thai dishes, including tom yum soup, pad thai (stir-fried noodles) favourite red and green curries and a range of freshly stir-fried dishes, with vegetarian options.

There’s a selection of home-made starters priced from £3.95. A plate of mixed starters is good value at £8.95 and includes chicken satay, Thai fishcakes, mini spring rolls and mee krob noodles. Main courses include a good selection of vegetarian, duck and seafood dishes, and are made to each individual order using authentic Thai ingredients such as holy basil, kaffir lime leaves and galangal, coconut milk and chillis. Chokdee is licensed, with wines, saké and Thai beers. Open Monday to Saturday, for lunch and in the evening.

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 720370 www.chokdeethai.co.uk

Sabai The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us. Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list. Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand. Come and enjoy – or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”!

165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030 www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Sawadee The Thai restaurant that people love for parties and celebrations because they always give the best of times. And why not, as this well-priced restaurant pleases repeatedly with dishes we have all grown to love, and new ones too. We were impressed by the use of authentic ingredients, such as pea aubergines where others use peas. Lots of fish dishes too with bass and pomfret and a great sliced beef salad.

87 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 624233, www.sawadeethai.co.uk

COFFEE SHOPS Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries.

A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’.

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Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax.

Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. MonFri 8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm.

Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti.

Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and free WIFI. Now open late Thur/Fri/Sat offering free aperitivos with any bottle of wine and 2-4-1 cocktails from 5–7pm. Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stones’ throw away from Brighton Station.

Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890, www.mokshacaffe.com

ANDREW KAY

Home café Home …. By the arch at Queens Park, serves long, lazy brunches, delicious lunches and homemade cakes and treats.

From pancake stacks dripping in maple syrup to eggs Benedict and locally roasted espresso coffee. If you've missed lunch or are in need of a late breakfast, we always have something to tempt you at Home. It's all in our name …… At Home you will receive a warm welcome and quality homemade food sourced locally. We have a fully licensed bar, and make a killer bloody Mary, the perfect accompaniment to any brunch. Private parties catered for daytime and evening.

Open seven days a week 10am– 5pm 32 Egremont Place, Brighton, BN2 OGA, 01273 674456 www.homebrighton.co.uk

BARS Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out.

To book your private party, reserve your guestlist or to run through some ideas please contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

LITE… …it may seem like an oxymoron but this is a fabulous new way of promoting your food in Latest 7 From a simple sandwich to a full fine dining experience, we would like to offer you a new and exciting opportunity to promote your business with coverage from Brighton’s favourite restaurant writer Andrew Kay. For full details of this exciting new advertorial opportunity call Marie on 01273 818150 x102

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

12 – 18 August

Under review Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Pacey. Maureen Younger kept the pace up in the sweltering heat, firing off the sharp and funny observations of a woman no longer in her 20s. Mark Steel stepped up, part grumpy old man, part passionate storyteller with a delivery happily betraying his wealth of experience entertaining the masses.

Closing was a quieter Tony Cowards and a fresh and original Clint Edwards, leaving us wanting more. All strung lovingly together by the always top value Dan Mitchell.

Funny Farm at The Farm Tavern, 28 July ✌✌✌✌

Holland, Hume And Someone Else Reminiscent of many comedy partnerships – noticeably Sesame Street’s Burt and Ernie or Laurel and Hardy, with one taking charge and the other injecting a sense of mischief – Holland and Hume have an easy and fun partnership kicking off the show.

Sharing the stage and setting up the night they gently hint at the humour to come, including a great game of audience Top Trumps. Julie Jepson was their guest for the night, and was as amusing as ever, although the quiet audience dampened her impact somewhat.

Then came Holland, who had good material but didn’t engage with the audience enough to bring us out of our heated stupor.

Finally Hume, who brought a fresh energy to the stage and an easy humour. Nice.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 27 July ✌✌✌

Victoria Nangle

Mark Steel

Summer End-Of-Term Bonanza, featuring Mark Steel A season of Edinburgh previews at the Funny Farm came to an end with a bang as six comics gathered to entertain, not the least being educator and revolutionary Mark Steel down to try out his latest material.

The evening kicked off with the easy banter and fun of Chris Martin (no relation to Coldplay), swiftly followed by local Chris

Victoria Nangle

Enjoy p23

22 Comedy Josie Long interviewed, all the listings

Mother/Son Jeffrey Solomon’s one-hand, tworole performance is a breathtaking and tear-jerking affair that deals with coming out, parenthood and AIDS. Beautifully crafted dialogue, convincing characterisation and skilfully simplistic staging had the audience swooping from hysterical highs to sobbing lows as his gay son opened up to his controlling mother. Moving stuff that although set some time back has a poignancy today.

The Marlborough Theatre, 30 July ✌✌✌✌

22 Books Exploring the theme of the missing, plus listings

23 Stage Alan Bennett’s classic Enjoy, plus listings

24 Film James Marsh on his documentary: Man on a Wire, plus listings

Andrew Kay

26 Kids & Events Zippo’s in town; Business start-up exhibition

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK Holland and Hume

She Stoops To Conquer Building on their reputation for excellent outdoor theatre, this year Incisor took the brave step of tackling a Restoration comedy.

Sarah Mann who runs the company bravely made her own adaptation too, a risk that paid off brilliantly as her clever relocation to Brighton and Hove gave her many opportunities for local humour.

She also played a brilliant part as the delightfully gauche Mrs Hardcastle.

An excellent company working with the barest of settings kept us entertained and amused as the light faded and we all enjoyed picnics and a few drinks. Laurie Jameson as as the loutish buffoon Tony Lumpkin made an impressive debut, balancing naughtiness with total charm. Once again a brilliant Incisor production.

Incisor Theatre, St Ann’s Well Gardens, Hove, 1 August

✌✌✌✌

Andrew Kay

26 Art

Brighton Pride 2008 There might have been rain on the parade, but that sure didn’t dampen the spirits of the tens of thousands of people lining the streets to watch the floats (this year themed as Pride Around the World and very creatively interpreted by the drag queens who excelled in donning international costumes and looking as stunning as ever).

By mid-afternoon the sun was out and so was everyone: gay, straight, whatever. All were there to celebrate the diversity and inclusivity of the city. Once again, Brighton pulled it off.

Brighton and Preston Park, 2 August ✌✌✌ Alison Swann

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

Vincent Mauger at Fabrica, plus listings

27 Music Holy F*ck prepare for Loop. plus listings

30 Music & Club Listings and Audio’s fourth birthday reviewed

32 Gay Will Tells is stalking ex-gays and all the listings

34 Television Dani’s concerned about a new reality TV show, plus 7 days of listings

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STAND-UP COMEDY&BOOKS

A laughing matter

Write club

For Victoria Nangle, catches up with if.comedy winner Josie Long before her escape to Edinburgh

Trying Is Good by Josie Long is out on DVD now, released by Real Talent

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “They say Sony make the best hi-fis. I think that’s just a stereotype.” Steve Nelson

COMEDYLISTINGS

Thursday 14

Saturday 16

Coalition Comedy Club Mid-week comedy from David Hadignham, Adrian Poynton and Darren Ruddle, MC'd by Rufus Hound. Brighton Coalition, 8pm, £8.

Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Classic comedy from David Hadingham, Sean Percival and classic headliner Jeff Innocent. Compered by the delectable Rufus Hound. Komedia, 7pm & 10.30pm, £16.50.

Friday 15 Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Classic comedy from David Hadingham, Sean Percival and classic headliner Jeff Innocent. Compered by the delectable Rufus Hound. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.50/10.

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Sunday 17 Jimmy Jones Known for his impeccable comedic timing and honest performances, Jimmy has enjoyed international stardom for his adults’ only gigs. Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 7:45pm, £13/14.50.

➧ For full listings go to latest7.co.uk/listings

“Half of life is disappearance,“ says the so-called shamanic poet David Whyte, drawing attention to the fact that a huge amount of our life disappears like the lumps of past reality eaten by Stephen King’s Langoliers in the TV drama of the same name. In fact, David, 100 per cent of life disappears including us. Now there’s a sobering thought for a summer’s day.

Missing seems to have been a recurrent theme in this column and the Langoliers Susanna Jones came to mind more than once reading these remarkable books by authors with Brighton connections: The Missing Person’s Guide to Love by Susanna Jones and Bethan Roberts’ The Pools.

What is especially admirable is that they are great reads – easy to follow and digest at one level, but rewarding in the depth and layering of story and meaning. Both offer reflections of contemporary society and the treachery of the individual mind, unshackled from restraint, unreliably juggling the competing pressures of growth, compassion, lust and ambition. It’s the French Revolution all over again in smalltown UK. In Bethan Robert’s The Pools, the missing person is an attractive young man, the only child of Kathryn and Howard. The first scene in the book depicts the effects of loss, the way it demoralises, reduces life to the survived moment. It demonstrates and conclusively that when it comes to writing, ‘less is more’.

In Susanna Jones’ The Missing Person’s Guide to Love, the very first chapter features Maggie starting to write, but there’s an air of menace and unnatural intervention, a delay wanted by the writer, by any writer, at that moment of exquisite anticipation before pen hits paper, finger hits keyboard, when the whole beauty of the completed work is comprehended in a bubble. The phone rings and Maggie answers to a silence ‘a tightly held breath’, and Maggie knows that ‘the person crouching in the void was female.’ There’s an M. R. James quality to the way the ghost of this story infects everything.

The characters in Susanna’s novel exist with a fragile, poignant tentativeness, as if about to fade back into the blank page. In Bethan’s the character are real, disconcertingly, sexily so.

Both books are good on meanness, that particularly English trait of suburban England where lives are reduced to very basic elements, not much happens, boredom rules, young people are treated like intruders and war is never far away.

These novels have intriguing parallels, as if in some way mining the same seam. They circle a geographic focus to do with water – a reservoir in Susanna’s book, the local pools in Bethan’s. Both involve birds (turkeys for Bethan, ducks for Susanna), some form of transgression and peregrinations around the suburbs. Both feature mothers who can’t cope, inadequate fathers who call their wives ‘Mum’ and loads of unresolved longing. They are novels of gender shift, role loss and reversal, and encoded plaints. They are the best type of stories that live within you, ferment and call you back. When you re-read the first page, like every great story, they seem to contain an essence of the whole story in every paragraph.

Reading Groups: If you would like to discuss the book and have a visit from Susanna, contact c.elworthy@macmillan.co.uk.

Coming up…

Wednesday 13 August 8.30pm Komedia £20 Henry Rollins – a Legendary Spoken Word Set From Grammy Winning Multitasker Singer songwriter, spoken word artist, author, actor and publisher.

Thursday 14 August 8.30pm Komedia £8/6 The Hat: Modern Day Fables, Myths & Tales From Maverick Innovators.

Friday 15 August, 6pm, Borders Brighton, free. Samurai, Sushi and Swords – evening presented by Chris Bradford to celebrate publication of his new book Young Samurai

Photo: Kate Eshelby

Josie Long, if.comedy Best Newcomer 2006, scriptwriter of Skins, recommended comic by Stephen Grant, Daniel Kitson, Stewart Lee and many more is sitting in her garden having a think. Not about her first DVD that’s just been released, but about her next show. The one she’s taking to Edinburgh. She’s already on the move forward. It’s called All The Planet’s Wonders.

“I quite like that I called it about one planet and there are actually bits about loads of planets in there. I find that funny,” smiles Ms Long as she explains about all of the fascinating facts she mined for it. But back to the DVD. “I had a deal,” she explains. “They came and filmed my shows and as and when I was ready they would release it. I was really proud of that show. I just thought it would be really great to have a permanent record of it. You know?” Anyone who saw the show knows. It sold out in Brighton earlier this year and her honest, gentle humour gathered even more fans. Asked how she’d describe her humour she ponders.

“Genuine and... heartfelt.” She’s a thoughtful lady, considering each word before she says it, correcting any she’s not sure of. Asked if she has any advice for aspiring comics, she’s encouraging: “You’ve just got to do it.

Really, you should gig every night. I don’t think stand-up is a stepping stone. You have to really love it. You have to do what you think is really funny.” And that’s something that’s clear with Josie. The bouncer of comedy, if it ain’t got a giggle it’s not coming in the set. Seeing her perform it’s obvious that all of her stories and jokes amuse her just as much as they amuse us, still managing not to appear in any way vain or overly selfimportant. It’s like she’s sharing some of her favourite sweets with you.

I asked her if it was different for female comedians, but she insists that on the circuit it’s not. Only when it comes to panel shows and TV appearances does any discrimination possibly come to light, perpetuating the question about the number of female comics. We get cut off midflow, as my time is up. One minute later I get a call through from Josie. “Sorry about that.“ Josie’s called up just to say ‘goodbye’ properly. Not only funny but genuinely a lovely lady. What a class act.

John Davies enjoys novels by local writers who explore the mysteries of missing

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STAGE

Enjoyment Alison Steadman stars in a classic Alan Bennett comedy Alan Bennett is without question one of Britain’s most loved and brilliant playwrights. Enjoy is a rarely performed gem by one of theatre’s greatest observers of the English way of life.

Written in 1980, Alan Bennett set this dark comedy in his home town of Leeds, where an ageing couple are living in the city’s last back-to-back.

With the demolition of the area in progress, Wilf and Connie are soon to be rehoused in a brand new maisonette – with a waste disposal unit and non-slip vinyl flooring. When a sociologist comes to observe them in their daily life, normality takes a decidedly atypical turn.

Mam tries to show the ‘observer’ that they are acting completely normally, while clearly not. She brings out the best china, an act brutally exposed by Dad. But this simple act of not doing what they normally do hides the fact that they really are an unusual family.

Everyone in the play isn’t what they first appear to be and that makes the whole experience thrilling and completely unpredictable. The whole production is laced with memorable Bennett one liners and numerous laugh out loud moments. But like all classic Bennett, one minute you’re laughing and the next you’re gasping in shock.

With a cast of fifteen extraordinary characters and a stunning visual denouement, Enjoy promises to be an absolute theatrical treat.

Alison Steadman is one of our best loved and most prolific actresses.

On stage, she created the role of the monstrous Beverly in Mike Leigh’s Abigail’s Party and starred in The Rise and Fall of Little Voice, for which she won an Olivier Award. Her films include Shirley Valentine, Clockwise and A Private Function, and Mike Leigh’s Life Is Sweet and Topsy Turvy. Television work includes Fat Friends, Selling Hitler, The Singing Detective, The Caucasian Chalk Circle and Pride and Prejudice. Most recent appearances include The Worst Week of My Life, Gavin and Stacey and Fanny Hill.

David Troughton is one of our most experienced classical actors whose numerous credits for the RSC and National Theatre range from Henry IV to Hook in Peter Pan. His face is well known on television being seen in New Tricks, Dr Who, Midsomer Murders, A Very Pecular Practice and Born and Bred to name but a few.

Enjoy, Theatre Royal, New Road, Brighton, Mon 22–Sat 27 September Eves 7.45pm Thurs & Sat mat 2.30pm Box Office 08700 606 650 (bkg fee) www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal

STAGELISTINGS

Tues 12 August to Sat 27 September BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Yesterday World premiere combining daring athleticism, intimate tenderness and playful choreography.

• 2 Sept, 8pm, £15/£12.50/£10 students

CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Meredith Willson’s The Music Man American musical classic starring Brian Conley.

• 14–16, 18–20, 26–27 and 30 Aug, Call for times £12–£36.

Six Characters in Search of an Author Luigi Pirandello’s probing drama.

• 12, plus 16, 20–21 and 23 Aug. Call for show times, £25.

Collaboration A composer and writer embark on an artistic partnership. Minerva Theatre.

• 13, 15, 18–19, 22, 26–28 and 30 Aug. Call for times and £.

Taking Sides By Ronald Harwood – to complement Collaboration.

• 13, & 15, 19, 22, 27–30 Aug. Call for show times and £

The Circle The conflict of romance versus responsibility, set in 1921 Dorset.

• 13, 21–23, 28–29 Aug, call for times and £ Toad of Toad Hole • 12–16 Aug SOLD OUT Six Characters in Search of... Themselves • 23 Aug, 11am, £5/3 Festival Cabarets • 29 Aug, call for times and £.

Calendar Girls • 5– 6, also 8–13, 15–20, 22–27 Sept, £11–£33, 7.30pm, (7pm 16) plus 2pm mat 13, 18, 20, 25, 27 Sept.

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Fiddler on the Roof Starring Joe McGann.

• 12–16 Aug, 7.30pm, Thu & Sat mat 2.30pm, £17.50–£28.50 That’ll Be The Day Classic 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s hits combined with feel-good comedy.

• 17 Aug, 7.30pm, £17–£20 Magic of the Dance • 20–23 Aug, 7.30pm, & Sat mat 2.30pm,

If you would like to comment on these stories please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

£12.50–£24.50 Puccini Tosca • 5 Sept, 7.30pm, £18–£30 Bizet Carmen • 6 & 7 Sept, 7.30pm Sat, 3pm Sun, £18–£30 Rockin’ On Heaven’s Door • 8 Sept, 7.30pm, £18/16

Abba Gold – Live • 22–23 Aug, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Sat, £9–£20 Noises Off • 4–13 Sept, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm matinee Sat, £16–£26

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE

01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Deadly Game Camille Dargus battles her way to a better life from humble beginnings.

• 12–16 Aug, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed & 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22 Boogie Pete Pete from CBeebies • 14–16 and 21–23 Aug, 10.30am & 1.30pm Thu & Fri, 10.30am & 12.30pm Sat, £9.50 Private Lives • 19–23 Aug, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed & 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk See How They Run Classic war-time farce.

• 12–16 Aug, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50 The Business Of Murder • 18–23 Aug, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50 Daisy Pulls It Off • 25–30 Aug 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50 Absurd Person Singular • 2–6 Sept, 7.45pm, Wed, Thu & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13–£19.50

THEATRE ROYAL 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal All You Need Is Love Magical tour of 1960s Beatlmania. Plus, all the music and outfits from Sonny and Cher, The Rolling Stone and more.

• 12–16 Aug, 7.45pm & 2.30pm Thu & Sat, £12–£23

WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Magic of the Dance Irish dance phenonemon.

•12–16 Aug, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm mat Wed and Sat, £17–£24 •17 Aug, 7.45pm, 7.45pm, £14.50/13 The Motown Show •Thu 21 August, 7.45pm, £17/15 Five Star Swing •Thu 28 August, 7.45pm, £tbc One Night In Vegas •Sun 31 August, 7.45pm, £16/15

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FILM 1himself. Following the recent death of his own daughter www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 12

Thursday 14

ANGUS, THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING (12A) 11.00, 1.30, 4.00 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 3.30, 4.30, 7.15, 8.00, 8.45 THE FOX AND THE CHILD (U) 10.00 MAKE IT HAPPEN (PG) 1.45, 4.00 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 11.30, 2.00, 5.00, 6.30, 8.00, 9.15 THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (12A) 11.00, 12.15, 1.45, 3.00, 4.30, 5.45, 7.15, 8.30 SPACE CHIMPS (U) 10.00, 11.45 SPEED RACER (PG) 10.30 WALL-E (U) 10.40, 1.15, 3.45, 6.15 THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (15) 9.00

ANGUS, THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING (12A) 11.00, 1.30, 4.00 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 3.30, 4.30, 7.15, 8.00, 8.45 THE FOX AND THE CHILD (U) 10.00 MAKE IT HAPPEN (PG) 1.45, 4.00 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 11.30, 2.00, 5.00, 6.30, 8.00, 9.15 THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (12A) 11.15, 12.15, 3.00, 4.45, 5.45, 7.30, 8.30 SPACE CHIMPS (U) 10.00, 11.45 SPEED RACER (PG) 10.30 WALL-E (U) 10.40, 1.15, 3.45, 6.15 WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS (12A) 10.30 THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (15) 6.30, 9.00

Wednesday 13 ANGUS, THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING (12A) 11.00, 1.30, 4.00 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 3.30, 4.30, 7.15, 8.00, 8.45 THE FOX AND THE CHILD (U) 10.00 MAKE IT HAPPEN (PG) 1.45, 4.00 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 11.30, 2.00, 5.00, 6.30, 8.00, 9.15 THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (12A) 11.15, 12.15, 3.00, 4.45, 5.45, 7.30, 8.30 SPACE CHIMPS (U) 10.00, 11.45 SPEED RACER (PG) 10.30 WALL-E (U) 10.40, 1.15, 3.45, 6.15 THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (15) 6.30, 9.00

ANGUS, THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING (12A) THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) MAKE IT HAPPEN (PG) MAMMA MIA! (PG) THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (12A) THE X FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (15) STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS (PG) WILD CHILD (12A) YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN (12A) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILMS/TIMES

01273 626261 Tuesday 12

Saturday 16

SFO. MADAMA BUTTERFLY 6.00 MAN ON WIRE (12A) 1.30, 3.30, 9.30

THE BANISHMENT (12A) 1.30, 6.00, 9.15 ROUTES (PG) 4.30 STEP UP 2: THE STREETS (PG) 11.00

MAN ON WIRE (12A) 11.00, 2.30, 4.30, 6.30, 8.30

Sunday 17

Thursday 14 MAN ON WIRE (12A) 2.30, 4.30, 6.30, 8.30

THE BANISHMENT (12A) 12.45, 6.15, 9.30 ROH: ROMEO AND JULIET 3.30

Friday 15

Monday 18 THE BANISHMENT (12A) 1.45, 5.00, 8.15

THE BANISHMENT (12A) 1.45, 5.00, 8.15

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 12 ANGUS, THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING (12A) 10.15 ACCIDENTAL HUSBAND (12A) 11.00 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 12.30, 1.55, 3.55, 5.30, 7.30, 9.00 MAKE IT HAPPEN (PG) 11.50, 2.15, 4.30 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 11.40, 2.30, 5.15, 6.30, 8.00, 9.15, 10.35 THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (12A) 11.00, 12.10, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 7.45, 8.45, 10.30 THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (15) 6.45, 9.30 WALL-E (U) 10.50, 12.20, 1.30, 3.10, 4.00, 5.50, 8.30

Wednesday 13 ABBA THE MOVIE (ONE DAY SPECIAL) (PG) 11.30, 1.45, 4.00, 6.15, 8.30 ANGUS, THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING (12A) 10.15 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 12.30, 1.55, 3.55, 5.30, 7.30, 9.00 MAKE IT HAPPEN (PG) 11.50, 2.15, 4.30 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 11.40, 2.30, 5.15, 6.30, 8.00, 9.15, 10.35 THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (12A) 11.00, 12.10, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 7.45, 8.45, 10.30

SPACE CHIMPS (U) 10.05, 12.00 WALL-E (U) 12.20, 3.10, 5.50 THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (15) 6.45, 9.30

Thursday 14 ANGUS, THONGS AND PERFECT SNOGGING (12A) 10.15 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 12.30, 1.55, 3.55, 5.30, 7.30, 9.00 MAKE IT HAPPEN (PG) 11.50, 2.15, 4.30 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 11.40, 2.30, 5.15, 6.30, 8.00, 9.15 THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (12A) 11.00, 12.10, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 7.45, 8.45 SPACE CHIMPS (U) 10.05, 12.00 WALL-E (U) 10.50, 12.20, 1.30, 3.10, 4.00, 5.50, 8.30 THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (15) 6.45, 9.30

Films showing Friday 15–Monday 18 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (12A) STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS (PG) WILD CHILD (12A) YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN (12A) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

WORTHING CINEMA 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Tues 12 –Thurs 14 August

Tues 12 –Mon 18 August

THE EDGE OF LOVE (15) 3.00

MAMMA MIA! (PG) 5.00 (Mon), 5.30 (Tues-Thurs), 7.45 (Mon), 9.30 (Fri, Sat)

Tues 12 –Thurs 14 August WALL-E (U), 12.30

Tues 12 –Thurs 14 August THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 8.00

24 latest 7

New releases reviewed

Films showing Friday 15-Monday 18

www.picturehouses.co.uk

Wednesday 13

L7 lowdown

Fri 15 – Mon 18 Aug WILD CHILD (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 7.00

Sat 16 Aug RATATOUILLE (U) 10.15

The Banishment (12A) Director: Andrei Zvyaguintsev Russian director Zvyaguintsev follows up his excellent 2003 effort The Return with this hypnotic story of a marriage tested to its limits. Based on a William Saroyan novel the film follows a young couple and their family as they relocate to the country from the city. When an unforeseen

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (PG) Dir: Dave Filoni George Lucas may have opted out of directing duties on this animated tiein/cash-in to his galactic Magnum opus but his once-great now dollarfixated mitts are all over this film. The story picks up as the Clone Wars sweep through the galaxy. This time round the Jedi Knights, ably lead by Anakin Skywalker find themselves on a mission that brings them face-toface with Jabba the Hutt. Intended as an introduction to a forthcoming TV series this is exciting but contrived sci-fi hoopla.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

7 Selects

confession sets off a series of tragic events love, compassion, and trust are tested. Shot with a subtle but unnerving candour, Konstantin Lavronenko and Maria Bonnevie are superb as the couple in strife. As a whole it’s hypnotic,complex,affecting.

Showing at Duke of York’s.

Craig Driver

shipped off to a strict English boarding school. Ex-Nancy Drew Emma Roberts takes the lead in a film that despite her worst efforts remains entirely nauseating. Things get all pouty and clichéd as Poppy falls for the local schoolboy hunk, makes the greatest friends of her life, dyes her hair, and finally, with a vomit inducing propensity for egotism, finds her ‘real’ self. Don’t even get me started on Nick Frost’s cameo…

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld, Worthing

The Love Guru (12A)

Dir: Marco Schnabel Mike Myers return from the animated wilderness of Shrek to write and star in this mystic, groin-obsessed, comedy spoof. Myers plays Pitka, an American raised abroad and trained in the mystical arts of love, who returns to the States to seek his fortune as a bearded self-help guru. Joining him in this calamity are serial dullard Jessica Alba and stud-u-like popstar Justin Timberlake. Verne Troyer aka Mini-Me adds a final death knell to the once enviable comedic potential of the versatile Myers.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Wild Child (12A) Dir: Nick Moore This trashy little glamour puss of a film follows Malibu brat Poppy as she is

You Don’t Mess With The Zohan (12A)

Dir: Dennis Dugan Adam Sandler dons a daft wig and dafter accent in this flawed comedy.

Sandler plays an ex-Israeli soldier who fakes his death in order to realise his dream of being a New York hairdresser. Sandler usual attributes are present and correct: perennial twit Rob Schneider in a supporting role, John Turturro as a deadpan cohort, corny plot devices and slushy ending. If it wasn’t for Sandler’s comic energy this would be beyond trivial.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Craig Driver

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FILMFILM

Word on the wire Latest 7 talks to director James Marsh, about his new documentary Man on Wire How was it working with Philippe Petit?

The very first thing Philippe said to me was “I have the mind of a criminal.” He then went on to show me how he could kill a man with a copy of People magazine and, before we parted, he picked my pocket. Here was an extraordinary individual who viewed the world in a unique way. Not least, from heights and views that no other man has ever seen. He really is a unique individual.

What attracted you to the project?

It is really the oldest story there is. It’s the story of a hero going on a journey, or quest, to test himself and achieve a seemingly impossible objective. As a teenage wirewalker in France, before the World Trade Center was even constructed, Philippe was dreaming up a reckless scheme to break in to those un-built towers, rig a wire between them and to dance on that wire, 1350 feet above the ground.

Each one of these tasks looked impossible and the last one seemed like a death wish.

In fact it was quite the opposite – as his girlfriend Annie points out in the film: “He couldn’t go on living if he didn’t try to conquer those towers… It was as if they had been built specifically for him.” I set out to make a film that would be a definitive account of this mythical quest so I hadn’t anticipated that it would become a fundamentally human drama that, amongst other things, turned out to be a comedy of errors, a love story, a story about friendship and its limits and a satire on authority and arbitrary rules.

How was it weaving the narrative and personal recollections together?

The richness of the narrative comes from

A quick look at what’s on this week

Mamma Mia! (PG) Dir: Phyllida Lloyd A young woman searches for her real father whilst singing along to Dancing Queen, Mamma Mia and other hits by Swedish

The film also seems to work as an urbane document of a period in American history damned by politicians and civil uncertainty.

Well, inevitably, the film also portrays New York and America in a bygone era. The Watergate crisis reached its dramatic climax in the very same week that Philippe walked between the towers and Nixon resigned the day after Philippe’s adventure. In 1974, New York was clearly a dirtier, more lawless and more dangerous city than it is now. It was an era of sleaze, adult film cinemas, muggings and civic corruption. And yet in this era of zero tolerance, it is hard to imagine the present police officers, judges and politicians of the city reacting to Philippe’s criminal activities in the way they did in 1974. Back then, they applauded him for his exploits. Even harder to imagine now is a group of French speaking Bohemians breezing through JFK airport with suitcases containing shackles, ropes, knives and a bow and arrow (!), but then in the words of Jean Francois: “It may have been illegal…but it wasn’t wicked or mean.”

Philippe himself, with his endless capacity for self-dramatisation and his inability to sit down. The recollections from his oldest friend Jean-Louis and his former lover Annie are no less dramatic and surprisingly candid about the conflict and antagonisms that their adventure generated. Other contributors gleefully own up to a whole raft of illegal activities and concede more painfully their fears for Philippe’s life and their loss of faith in the enterprise. But for those that made it to the top of the towers with Philippe, the words of his trusted

Also showing…

The Dark Knight (12A) Dir: Christopher Nolan The only real contender for Indy’s crown of most anticipated blockbuster this year is, of course, the return of Mr Bruce Wayne, A.K.A Batman. Christopher Nolan returns to helm the sequel to his stunning super-hero reboot Batman begins with Heath Ledger creeping out Christian Bale, in the role he’ll be remembered for as none other than Batman’s arch-nemesis The Joker. A stellar cast bolsters proceedings with Michael Caine as butler Alfred, Aaron Eckhart as conflicted D.A Harvey Dent, Gary Oldman as Chief Gordon and Maggie Gyllenhaal as love interest Rachel Dawes. Ledger’s tipped for an Oscar for his haunting turn in the role rumoured to have pushed him over the edge before his tragic demise, so expect queues around the block for this classy comic-book adaptation.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Worthing

accomplice Jean Francois provide a kind of moral for us all: “Of course, we all knew that he could fall…we may have thought it but we didn’t believe it.”

super-troopers Abba. Meryl Streep plays the kookie mum with Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgård and Pierce Brosnan potential dads.

The long-running and ever-popular stage musical finally makes its way onto the big screen in exuberant, highly acclaimed style.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon & Worthing The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (12A) Dir: Rob Cohen It might be argued that what with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’s long-awaited emergence earlier this summer, the time’s just right for another installment of this Indy-esque series. Brendan Fraser returns as adventurer Rick O’Connell, as does John Hannah as his cliche bumbling Brit brother-in-law. This time round, however, original director Stephen Sommers has jumped ship, replaced strangely by the director of The Fast and the Furious, and the action’s transported to China. Martial arts king Jet Li replaces Arnold Vosloo’s Egyptian baddie as ancient Chinese Emperor Qin, set on ruining the O’Connell family’s holiday.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Wall*E (U) Dir: Andrew Stanton Pixar hit paydirt again with this lovingly rendered cross between 70s eco-sci-fi Silent Running and E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial. The CGI animation giants could have easily opted for another re-run of the cutesy Toy Story formula, but instead go for this admittedly still cutesy, but ultimately meditative love story. Ben Burtt voices the titular cleaning robot (though there’s barely a word) charged with sorting out a polluted Earth after humanity’s jumped ship.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Worthing

The X-Files: I Want To Believe (15) Dir: Chris Carter Ten years after the last big-screen outing of Mulder and Scully, David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson and creator Chris Carter return for this spin off from the cult classic nineties sci-fi TV series. This time round has more in common with the show’s more horrific moments than The X Files: Fight The Future’s conspiracy thriller focus. Oddly, Billy Connolly (yes that Billy Connolly) and rapper Xzibit turn up in support roles alongside fan favourite Walter Skinner, played with usual aplomb by Mitch Pileggi.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Nick Aldwinckle

Wall*E

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KIDS&EVENTS

ART

EVENTSHIGHLIGHTS

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk

✹

Zippos Circus The circus comes to Hove Lawns with a Spanish twist this week. Expect flamenco, Falabella Spanish ponies, Pepino the gentle clown and more, entertaining all ages. Señor Norman Barrett, the in imitable Ringmaster Extraordinaire will be returning with ‘los periquitos’ –his beloved cheeky budgies in Spanish guise, all presented under the roof of th Big Top. Grab your ticket to the flamboyant fiesta!

Zippos Circus on Hove Lawns, by King Alfred Leisure Centre, Thursday 14– Tuesday 26 August, 3pm and 7pm, (7pm only on 14 Aug, 3pm only on 26 Aug) £6–£20, on-site Box Office e9am to 8.30pm, or Dial A Seat on 0871 210 2100. www.zipposcircus.co.uk

The Undercroft The Undercroft is the first British commission undertaken by prolific sculptor Vincent Mauger. Made from everyday DIY materials The Undercroft complements the elaborate internal architecture of the gallery, a deconsecrated church in the heart of Brighton. Using bold, simple latticework Mauger has created an enchanting blend of fractal landscape and architectural folly.

Over the past year Mauger, who lives and works in Nantes, France, has had his work shown by several European galleries. The Undercroft is his first solo show in the UK. Vincent mauger: The Undercroft, Fabrica, Duke Street, Brighton, until 25 August

Brunswick Festival The 27th Brunswick Festival comes to Brunswick Square this Saturday 16 and Sunday 17 August, with a whole host of free activities for all the family. There will be live music, bric-a-brac & craft stalls to browse around and great food to enjoy. Events start at 12pm on the Saturday and run until 6pm both days.

The 27th Brunswick Festival, Saturday 16 and Sunday 17 August, Brunswick Square, Hove, 12pm–6pm.

Business Start Up and New Business Exhibition Hove Business Association are holding a special event this September for people in Sussex thinking of starting up their own business. The event will showcase products and services to help inspire individuals who are keen to set up on their own, or have recently done so. Free business seminars will be held throughout the day with speakers including Roger French OBE (Managing director of Brighton & Hove Buses).

The first 500 visitors at the show will receive an Eco business takeaway bag packed with plenty of business freebies. Free visitor registration is open online. Don’t miss out on this launch pad for your business.

Saturday 20 September, The Hove Centre, Hove Town Hall, Norton Road, Hove, 10am–4pm, info@eventshba.co.uk, www.eventshba.co.uk

EVENTSLISTINGS

Tuesday 12

Thursday 14

Bead Extravaganza With artist Sue Davies.

Hove Museum & Art Gallery, 10:30am–12:30pm, £7.50.

Pom Pom Make pom poms, tassels and knitted pieces. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 11am- 4pm, £7.

Zippos Circus Set to a Spanish beat. Tapas, flamenco dancing, Pepino the gentle clown and more.. Runs until Tuesday 26 August.

Hove Lawns, £6-20. On-site box office 9am–8.30pm, www.zipposcircus.co.uk

Build Your Bear Forget going shopping build your own bear in this two-day summer workshop. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 11am- 4pm, £15.

Circus Circus Magic shows, juggling and plate-spinning workshops – part of Wacky Wednesdays. Brighton Marina, free.

26 latest 7

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Chinese Whispers: Chinoiserie in Britain 1650–1930 ‘Chinese Whispers’ tells three centuries of stories through rare and iconic objects.

Until 2 Nov On the Pull Explore love and attraction, tender romance and the call of the wild through music, film, paintings, pottery and postcards.

Until 31 Aug

Crane Kalman 38 Kensington Gardens, Brighton, 01273 697096 Jeff Divine: Surfing’s Golden Age: The 70s Kodachromes Images from the golden age of surfing. Until 31 August, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10:30am–4:30pm

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-Sea 01424 229111 Nathan Coley Solo show from this Turner Prize shortlisted artist, exploring our relationship to political borders and limitations, religious frontiers and ideals.

Until 21 September, Mon–Sun 10am–6pm

Permanent Gallery Friday 15

Wednesday 13

Dye Another Day Bring items made from natural fabrics. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 11am- 4pm, £7

20 Bedford Place, Brighton Pentimenti Graduates and staff of the Royal College of Art 2008 course. Until 31 August, Thurs, Fri & Sun 1pm–6pm, Sat 11am-6pm

Saturday 16

Impure

Brunswick Festival Live music, bric-a-brac & craft stalls, great food and a host of activities.

Brunswick Square, 12pm–6:30pm, free.

13 Ship Street Gardens New ‘erotic’ gallery next to erotic boutique ‘She Said featuring over 40 local, national and

To feature in kids email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

ART LISTINGS

international erotic artists including Jamie McCartney, Ray Leaning, Romany Mark Bruce, Eve Poland and Pearl Bates.

Until 31 August, Mon–Sat, 10am-6pm

Ink_d Gallery 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Adam Watkins Come visit Watkins’ eyewatering world of low-brow surrealism.

Fabrica 40 Duke Street, Brighton, 01273 778646 Vincent Mauger: The Undercroft Made from everyday DIY materials Mauger’s work compliments the elaborate internal architecture of the gallery, a deconsecrated church.

Until 25 August, Wed–Sat 11.30am–5.30pm, Sun 2–5.30pm

Phoenix Gallery 10-14 Waterloo Place, Brighton, 01273 603700 Tectonic Traces With work by Joshua Uvieghara, Dagmara Rudkin, Paul Senior, David Parker, Trevor Simmons, Marion Charles.

Until 30 August, Tues-Sat 11am-5pm

University Of Brighton Grand Parade, Brighton, 01273 643010 3rd Dimension An exhibition of cutting-edge 3D Street Art sculpture.

Ken Garland Photography exhibition of foreign matter found on a remote beach in County Donegal.

Until 3 September, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

To feature in our art listings, email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

NEWS Sweet Sweet Lies

An unholy racket Toronto electro-rockers Holy F*ck return to Brighton, proving swearing is both big and clever. Nick Aldwinckle met frontman Graham Walsh

Out of the Ordinary This family-orientated festival is back for a second year, focusing equally on education, healing and education. Out of the Ordinary also features an interesting line-up of talks and workshops by renowned speakers on ancient, scared and forbidden language. Promoting sustainable living, the festival climaxes with the alignment (using ancient techniques) of the stone circle to the equinox full moon. There’s also plenty of live music with the likes of Katharine Blake, Drookit Dogs, Damn Dirty Humans, Bruise, The Burlettes, Andrea Magee and Sweet Sweet Lies performing on the Radio Reverb stage. www.outoftheordinaryfestival.com JH

Brunswick Festival Speaking of child-friendly festivals, this event in the heart of Brighton is made possible through the efforts of a small team of local residents and volunteers. There’s a plethora of activities, stalls and events taking place over the 15-17 August weekend. Live music is served by The Real Music Club on the Friday with The Shoestrung, The LayLanas and Judge Trev playing live. On Saturday 16 and Sunday 17 there will be more live music plus dance, street theatre, circus skills and much more.

JH

One Love Last chance for tickets for this inaugural festival at The Observatory Arts Arena, Herstmonceux Castle Estate. Celebrating the 30th anniversary of Bob Marley’s historic One Love concert in Kingston, Jamaica, this three day festival features some of the finest dub and reggae artists and DJs from around the world. www.onelovefestival.co.uk JH

Returning for a second year to Brighton’s Victoria Gardens, Loop is a one-day festival celebrating live electronic music. This year’s event is headlined by electro-popsters New Young Pony Club, Aussie disco-rockers Cut Copy, folktronica maverick Adem and dancefloor improvisers The Bays. Also playing are acclaimed instrumental rock/dance crossover kings Holy F*ck. Frontman Graham Walsh took time out of rehearsals for the band’s European tour to speak to Latest 7.

How was your recent Brighton show?

I love being by the sea and Brighton’s got a really good feel to it with all the cool little shops and everything. No offence to other cities in the UK, but Brighton’s one of our favourite places there. It was one of the band’s birthday and we had a great show there. We felt people responded really well to our music.

What was the ethos behind forming the band?

It was just an experiment and a way to have fun.

We had all been in other bands and we just came together to write really interesting songs and make really interesting sounds. Pushing our sonic boundaries, I guess, and trying to come up with something without programming a laptop.

How was it being up for Canada’s Polaris Prize?

Oh, it felt great! It’s great to be recognised by anybody, but this panel particularly was great. To be just in the top forty or so albums for this prize would have been amazing, but then to be shortlisted in the top ten albums was really unexpected. I’m glad this stupid name hasn’t held us back and the judges have just liked our music.

The sounds on the record aren’t sampled and looped. How does this translate live?

Live, we have a full band. Myself and Brian have a tabletop covered in random junk, from film splicers to knives, we can make electronic noises with and the other guys have bass guitar and drums.

Why is Canadian music so fashionable now?

I don’t know. There’s always been good music from Canada, but it’s just that a worldwide audience hadn’t really noticed. It probably took just one or two bands to make it big for people to start listening to Canadian bands more.

How would you describe your music?

It’s difficult to categorise. I guess we’re kind of electronic rock but we’re often placed in the electronica or dance categories. Still, we are from a rock background. Our previous bands were all influenced by heavy music and bands like Black Sabbath so we kind of fall in between the two.

What next?

After this tour, we’re doing a UK tour in October!

The touring’s getting a bit hectic but we’re writing new material as we go. We try it live; our sound constantly evolves, so it will be interesting.

Loop, Saturday 16 August, Victoria Gardens

UPCOMING GIGS

Brett Anderson After the relative failure of The Tears, the former frontman of Suede goes solo for this new tour.

Monday 29 September, St George’s Church, www.seetickets.com

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

Henry Rollins 13 August, Komedia Loop Festival 16 August, Victoria Gardens Martha Reeves 18 August, Concorde 2 One Night Only 21 August, Concorde 2 Beachdown Festival 22-25 August, Brighton Blow Monkeys 9 September, Komedia Bad Manners 15 September, Concorde 2 Van Morrison 19 Sept, Dome British Sea Power 2 October, Corn Exchange Sam Sparro 3 October, Corn Exchange Art Garfunkel 6 October, Dome Seasick Steve 7 October, Dome Michael Bolton 6 October, Brighton Centre Stephen Stills 10 October, Brighton Centre Moody Blues 11 October, Brighton Centre Cajun Dance Party 13 October, Concorde 2 Does It Offend You 20 October, Concorde 2

Dr John 21 October, Dome The Hoosiers 25 October, Brighton Centre Level 42 30 October, Dome Hot Chip 5 November, Dome Motorhead 6 November, Dome Scouting For Girls 3 Nov, Brighton Centre Alphabeat 3 November, Concorde 2 Mercury Rev 11 Nov, Dome Katie Melua 11 November, Brighton Centre Cardiacs 17 November, Komedia Nouvelle Vague 24 November, Corn Exchange Will Young 4 December, Dome Human League 5 December, Brighton Centre Neville Staple 6 December, Concorde 2 Jools Holland 6 December, Brighton Centre Status Quo 12 December, Brighton Centre Maddy Prior 15 December, Hove Centre

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CLUBS

MUSIC The Hat

Revenge of Shinobi + Sooks Revenge of Shinobi are one of Brighton’s very best bands.

Ignore their stupid, video-game inspired name and go see these arty rockers. Think of a mixture of Foals math yelping, Sonic Youth guitar meanderings and Joy Division atmospherics and you’re somewhere near this glorious mess of sound.

Tuesday 12 August, Prince Albert Henry Rollins That rarest of things, a living legend, Hank stops off on his latest spoken word tour. One of the music industry’s most articulate men, his live shows are an unpredictable feast of political rants, rock anecdotes and deadpan satire.

Wednesday 13 August, Komedia

Transformer New wave disco outfit who make highly danceable, hard groovin’ sounds with plenty of bleeps and belches to keep the techno orientated happy. Think Daft Punk meets LCD. Playing as a part of the Loop Late strand (after parties for Loop Festival), this one also features the fantastic Andy Weatherall, a man who on his day can make music seem the brilliantly sublime thing it should always be.

Saturday 16 August, Coalition Gadjo + Tragic Roundabout Based in Barcelona but with an international cast, Gadjo are favourites on the European festival circuit, thanks to their infectious balkan, swing and ska brew. The sort of band at home busking on the streets as they are playing clubs. Brighton’s notorious Tragic Roundabout have been at it since ‘92. It’s their punked up folk ska klezmer mash up that does it...

Thursday 14 August, Concorde 2 Martha Reeves & The Vandellas One of the greats of the Motown era, the group accumulated plenty of hits during the heyday before fizzling out and splitting in ‘72.

Unbelievably they are playing Concorde 2 in what should be a fascinating experience.

‘Dancing In The Streets’ anyone?

Monday 18 August, Concorde 2

Jaime Pettit partied like an Olympian at Audio’s fourth birthday We rolled in to be met by a a generic scene from a Western. Ah well there’s leg room, I thought. Until we emerged into the micro-climate of the smoking terrace, where it was like a post-Olympic beach party. Packing heat like the Italian Mafia, heaters blared out as men hung about in mini shorts and girls in sports tops. We even copped an eyeful of one of Brighton’s epic-haired celebs and his imitation ‘Skins’ following bargaining with the bouncer! Proof that no matter how in demand the venue and how much “we know who you are“, “I’m pot nissed honest“ is not evidence enough for entry! Audio is just too-cool-forceleb-school and we salute it!

Downstairs’ rent-a-crowd had arrived, as Funk D’void injected a little electronic soul. I hit the bar for essential H2O where the barman proved that even the modern man cannot work the Speedos! I only hope he trains in a different water supply to the one I drank from. Blink and you're suddenly in the midst of a breakdance circle, I jerked my arms a little and evacuated. Fast. I finally understood the retro Olympic theme. I would have looked more glamorous in head-to-toe sweatbands than the 'sweating like a racehorse’ look! The pay-off was awesome, it was like a night within a night. An exotic beach bar on the terrace followed by a basement mash up, satisfying to all the senses with side shows, techno and house.

Knocks all those jelly and ice cream birthdays off the podium.

Youth in Colour + Jacobs Stories + Kyte Rarely is there such a lush line-up than this combo of Manchester/Brighton electro-folk folk Youth In Colour and the sterling support of Brightonian industrial balladeer Jacobs Stories. What’s cinematic and stunning on record gains a life of its own in the live arena.

Wednesday 13 August, Concorde 2 The Hat Comprising of a vocalscratching singing drummer, a trombone wielding double bassist, a maverick storytelling guitarist and a multi instrumentalist with a world of children’s toys, The Hat mix pop hooks, gospel style harmonies and cinematic live music. In this very special show, The Hat present a Martha Reeves

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Escape to a paradise villa on the Costa del Sol for a catered break with luxury, peace and beauty. Large garden, pool, 3 minutes drive to beach. Golf, all sports. Great venue for weddings, reunions, etc. Sleeps up to 15.

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Excludes Bank Holidays and Saturday evenings.

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

Photos by: Rob DeBanks@Audio

Cold War Kids When indie bands claim they have soul, it’s usually just a half-hearted attempt at showing they’ve got ‘range’, but these Long Beach kids are the real deal.

Brilliantly emotional rock (but definitely not ‘emo’) with stunningly distinctive vocals make this a gig not to be missed.

Tuesday 12 August, Concorde 2

taster of their new theatre show, as well as a full live set.

Thursday 14 August, Komedia

Jaime ‘til dawn

029_LS385 music_reviews jeff

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MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases Retro-cool, eh? What ever happened to the here and now? Aspirations for creating something that resonates with our hopes and fears for the future? In the case of Kitty, Daisy & Lewis, it’s a desire to hark back and appropriate 100 per cent the early sounds of primitive rock’n’roll, right down to the exact equipment and techniques used to make records of that era. The fact that it’s three siblings from London makes it all the more attractive. A freaky sideshow or a sublime artistic statement? Truly, I’ve no idea…

The young folk revival has been one of the more attractive features of the last couple of years, as intelligent young men and women, armed with acoustic guitars, stories and other folk instrumentation also evoke the spirit of a bygone era, but transplant it to the modern era. Along with Johnny Flynn there’s the magnificent Noah & The Whale spearheading the movement; their Peaceful, The World Lays Me Down is one of the records of the year.

It’s an inventive, melody-driven work featuring the songwriting talents of frontman Charlie Fink. More indie than folk, this is still an extremely thoughtful, yet playful, work.

Formed from Blood Brothers and Pretty Girls Make Graves, American band Jaguar Love have melodicised their hardcore tendencies with frontman Johnny Whitney honing his glam-style vocals à la Marc Bolan and any number of hairy 70s rockers. Take Me To The Sea is full of great ideas, some realised, others a bit of a mess.

Celebrating 20 years in the biz this year, Brighton’s The Levellers remain a bit of an anomaly – massively successful and still a hugely popular live band, they are still criminally ignored by much of the mainstream media. The reason would seem to be an inability to come to terms with a truly underground band who continue to speak frankly about social and political issues as evidenced by their new album Letters From The Underground. A bit angrier than of late, this is a real return to form, with a stripped back feel, and some fine songs.

After their recent headline show at London’s G.A.Y club night, the release of Pandemonium: The Singles Collection by Swedish popsters BWO (or Bodies Without Organs) is somewhat timely. Camper than Mika, Freddie Mercury and Barbra Streisand in a hot tub, this collection of eighteen Europop ‘classics’ from the mind of one Alexander Bard isn’t as grating as it first seems. Unashamedly inspired by eighties new romantic bands, though patchy (with some frankly horrible moments), there are some decent sub-A-ha tracks to delay this collections journey to the bin.

Keeping up the Europop vibe, we have Italian-French electro-rockers Pirate Robot Midget’s latest single ‘It’s My Beat Now’. With a heavy dose of glitchy digital noise, this is a wholly classier affair than BWO. Mixing only slightly clunky rap with a bassline so deep it’s practically underground, this blend of fashionable dance and industrial-sized rock is a great introduction to this bizarrely-named outfit.

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7 Or hear the full chart with Jeff on Radio Reverb, 97.2fm every Tuesday 4-6pm/12-2am Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10

★ 1 Tenek – State Of Mind ★ 2 Jaybee – Sweet Savage 3 Caramel Jack – Curtain 4 sMs – I’m Sorry Dave 5 Portslade – Girls and Boys 6 Cakeboy – Damage featuring Frances Law 7 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 8 Loc E – Chemical Romance 9 sMs – Airport dreaming 10 The Woo!worths – Konichiwa (dem oh) All change at the top this week, as the Depeche Mode-style, cyber-gothery of Tenek’s ‘State of Mind’ hits number one. Meanwhile, Jaybee’s classily mournful electro-lament ‘Sweet Savage’ knocks Caramel Jack down to three. The experimental weirdness of sMs and Portslade’s quality Blur cover complete this best-ever top five line-up.

11 My Fabric Changes 12 Death Cabaret Forlorn Hope 13 Sweet Sweet Lies My Overrated Girlfriend 14 Guerrilla Audio Another Life 15 Ghostbirds Little Scars 16 ThePrjctMyhm FreeForAll 17 Electralounge South Of Normal 18 Django Spears No Limit 19 Millsy Poop Song 20 Lisa Osbourne Grounded 21 Kidda vs. Beastie Boys Triple Trouble 22 Friday Night Hero Outside 23 Eminemmylou The Way I Am 24 The Mighty Rivals Morning Sky (Demo) 25 BangBangBang!

This Way/That Way

26 Lithurgy The Scourge 27 Eminemmylou, Legs MC & co.

Missing (Where Are You?) 28 Abstrakt & Buzz Devil To Pay 29 Digitalis No Control 30 Legs MC Push 31 Sherlock Bones The Ugly Bugs Balls 32 Shona Foster Be Bold 33 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 34 DATES Thief 35 Leo Altarelli See It Now 36 Project Lumino Sun 37 The Miserable Rich Over and Over (Hot Chip cover) 38 Heavyman Tomb Kreator Vs. Heavyman 39 James Self, Otter of the Universe Godfather Material 40 This Mono Galaxy Accusations Fly

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For complete listings go to latest7.co.uk

MUSIC& CLUBLISTINGS 12 – 18 Aug Tuesday 12 Live Music Cold War Kids Brilliantly soulful downbeat indie kids from Long Beach, USA. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £12.50 Sooks + Revenge of Shinobi Ignore the dire name: the art-rocking Revenge of Shinobi are one of the best bands Brighton has to offer. See them NOW. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc Bars and clubs Audio Snide. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm2am, £3/2 Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £4/3 Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and emo mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £2/1 Po Na Na Tap. Go urban with bassline, hip hop and R'n'B. 11pm–4am, £5/4 Tru Cherry Drop. Student night with club anthems, classic house, R'n'B and drinks promos. 10:30pm–2:30am, £2/1 Water Margin International Student Party.

Drinks promos all night. 10pm–5am, £5/3

Wednesday 13 Live Music Bombay Bicycle Club North London indie rockers embark on their first headline tour.

Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm, £tbc Flipside Rockabilly bands and DJs. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc Henry Rollins (spoken word) Not live music, but still a damned essential rant from the former Black Flag and Rollins Band frontman. Komedia, 8:30pm, £20 The Legendary Bee's Mouth Open Mic Open mic night, of course. Bee's Mouth, 8:30pm, free Le Petit Chat Noir: The Lost Sock Club 30s and 40s swing as part of 'World Music Wednesdays'. Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry Playhouse), 8pm, £7/5 The Stanley Blacks + The Special Ks + Mascara The Hope, 7:30pm, £4 Youth in Colour + Jacobs Stories + Kyte Manc/Brightonian lush electro-folk with support from the similarly beautiful-sounding Jacobs Stories. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £6 Bars and clubs Audio Supercharged. Mid weeks break session with Superstyle Deluxe and Adsorb. 10pm, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest for All Stars wearing Rock/indie fans.

10:30pm–3am, free

Thursday 14 Live Music Deadbeat Descendant Garage rock locals take over the Albert. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc The Diego Parada Duo Guitar duo playing traditional gypsy songs by the Ferret dynasty and Parker, Monk and other classics. The Pelham Arms, 8pm, free The Hat Oddball Brightonian hip-hop-storytelling combo. Komedia, 8:30pm, £8/6 Bars and clubs Arc Dynamite Boogaloo. Cabaret capers and outrageous stage games. 10pm–3am, £3/1 Audio Mad for it. Brighton's legendary indie night. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1.50 Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM's Paul Hilyer plays house and dance anthems.

10:30pm–3am, £3/1 Po Na Na Off the Wall. Funk, soul and Motown from the 50s to present day. 10pm–3am, £2 Water Margin Artrocker. Where experimental electro hooks up with live indie. 8pm–3am, £5/3

Friday 15 Live Music The Blue Amigos Blues night with terribly named band playing acoustic blues, jazz and swing. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free Charalambides Veterans of Houston ambient folk. Prince Albert, 8pm, £5 Club Chat Noir: + Hot Club de Belleville + Minton's Playhouse + DJ Mike The Mic Gypsy and 1920s swing night with live bands 30 latest 7

and DJ. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £9/7 Deuce presents Phoenix Williams Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 8pm, £5/4 Gadjo + Tragic Roundabout + Fat 45 Tenpiece ska and Cuban party band, supported by popular locals. Komedia, 7pm, £10 Guided by Lights Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free Helen Arnold Harp soloist. Part of the 'Summer Music at St Mary's' festival. St Mary de Haura, 7:30pm, free Jasbo featuring Mark Bassey A Brighton Jazz Club event Komedia, 8pm, £8/6 The King Mob + Yokoko + Les Valentine Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc The Sex Pistols Experience + 84mm + My Favourite Pornstar + Us and Them Probably very few Bloc Party fans at this show. Concorde 2, 7pm, £9 This Is Elvis Anniversary of the Death of Elvis show Elvis tribute act. Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry Playhouse), 8pm, £12 Bars and clubs Arc Sweet and Dandy. Sixties night.

11pm–3am, £3 Audio Loop Loud. Square Roots sessions bring the cream of Dubstep DJs to the coast.

11pm–4am, £tbc Concorde 2 Super Dub Pressure. Feat Benga and Plastician. 11pm–4am, £10/8 Digital Stone Love. 101% maximum indie rock ‘n’roll with DJ and live bands. 11pm–3am, £6/5 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin' rock alternative for eyeliner'd up boys and girls in PVC. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Esca LuvMeLuvUBack. Soul Electrofunk & Breaks with DJ Simon Bate. 9pm–2am, free Funky Buddha Lounge Thank funk it's Friday.

Start the weekend with Sean Quinn's party tunes. Feel the Magic. 10pm–3am, £7 Funky Fish Funky Fish Club. Soul, Funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Dabruck and Klein. Masters of European, American, Russian and Asian venues from basement bubbles to rammed open air gigs, they finally skip the waters to the UK. Spinning a fine selection of Electronica and house, be sure not to miss these music junkies.

10:30pm–4am, £10/6 Komedia Born Bad. Delinquent rhythms, red hot rockabilly, 50s rock'n'roll, 6T's garage and girl groups, surf, sleaze and exotica. Wild and sexy.

11pm–3am, £6/5 Ocean Rooms Somewhere in the Universe There must be something better than Man. Henron plays his usual frenzy with Justice, Daft Punk, MSTRKRFT, and MIA. 10pm, £8/7 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock 'n' Roll mayhem sploshed together with beer, indie anthems and punk. 10:30pm–3am, £4/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Tru Club Generation. Three rooms with commercial dance, R'n'B and dollops of cheesey 80s and 70s hits. 10pm–3am, £10/8 Volks Formula. Bringing south London's finest D'n'B label Cutterz Choice. With DJs Bengal, Mark S, Benny Page, and Bryan G plus MCs Fearless, Junior Red and Double J. 10pm, £8/5 Water Margin B-Side. Tech and filthy electro with Tiger Lily and Paul My Fingah. 2am, £5

Fulborn Teversham, Hereldeduke, Jape, Micachu, Nostalgia 77 Octet, Planning To Rock, Primary 1, Skull Juice, The Shoes, Transformer, Turbowolf. Victoria Gardens, Brighton, 12pm, £25 Loop Late: Daedalus + aka Barakas + Me & You+ Nostalgia 77 + Hint Post-Loop night with the best electronic label Tru Thoughts has to offer. Komedia, 10:30pm, £9 Playgroup's Loop After-Party: Transformer + DFace + Prjct Mhym Free post-Loop event with local electro heroes Transformer. Hectors House, 10pm, free Supper Club: Cuatro Monos 50s style Cuban 'son' music, with danzon, mambo, rumba, cha cha cha.Hanbury Club,7pm, £7–10 The UK Beach Boys Beach Boys tribute, obviously. Worthing Assembly Hall, 7:45pm, £13/15 Tom Bell Organ recital as part of 'Summer Music at St Mary's' festival. St Mary de Haura, 7:30pm, free Too Darn Hot: Rocking and Rhythm 30s/40s swing band- party like it's 1939! Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry Playhouse), 8pm, £5 Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up. Unpretentious indie night.

10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio Summer of Love. Still celebrating twenty years of dance with a summer of free parties to cram your diary. 10pm–3am, free.

Audio Loop Late. The week's work is paid off with a party til dawn attitude supplied by Schtumm! 3am–7am, £tbc Concorde 2 The Slackers Convention 6th Birthday. Beats, Bass & Party Nonsense for the Discerning Underachiever! Get an ear loada Body Snatchers in the Mainroom with Slackers DJs and guests In the Bar. 11pm, £10/8 Digital Junkbox presents... with Paulo Mojo and Majic Johnson. 11pm–4am, £8–£12 Engine Rooms Classic Rock. Classic rock and metal fest from AC/DC to Zeppelin and more.

11pm–3am, £5 Esca Esca Saturdays. Deep, Sexy, Funky, Grooves with DJ Andy G. 9pm–2am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice FM's Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house with guests. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 Ocean Rooms Loop late festival afterparty with Styleslut. Whilst the Line-up its to be confirmed we have this ugly info from Ocean's desk to keep you plugged in: Styleslut is a monster. Go to our underground lifestyle blog at thestyleslut.com. Then go to myspace.com to see when the monster is having a party. Soon you'll be able to wear the monsters clothes, listen to it's music and eventually have it's little monster babies. Stay tuned. 11pm–8am, £10 Pavilion Tavern Mod for it. Park up your Vespa for The Who, Kinks and more. 10pm–2am, £5/4 Tru Glitterbaby. Mainstream chart tunes boshed out over three rooms. 10pm–3am, £10/7 Volks Insurgence Vs Technical Science. Trance and house with Abs, as hard as it gets this weekend at Volks with Squelcher, Shift-e and Tony Blight spinning trax in the Insurgence room and The scientist and Housepervert creating monster sound in the Technical science room.

Followed by: Brighton Sounds ‘After Party’. Old skool jungle/ D'n'B/Reggae and Dubstep until 8am. 11pm–5am, £6/5 Water Margin Logo. Future heroes to world famous DJs spin house tunes til Dawn.

3am–8am, £7/5

Saturday 16 Live Music Absolute Live Unsigned Auditions Auditions for bands to play the local live night. Prince Albert, 12pm, £tbc Club Meow: Meow Meows + guest The regular night hosted by these local ska types.

Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc The Detonators + Sonny Reggae night with live bands. Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free Loop Festival The one day electronic music festival returns for a second year. This time round, headlined by New Young Pony Club, Holy F*ck, Adem, Four Tet, Midfield General and Peggy Sue and the Pirates Adem, Holy Fuck, New Young Pony Club, Four Tet, Midfield General, These New Puritans and Peggy Sue and The Pictures. With Caribou,Casper C,

Bombay Bicycle Club, Wednesday 13th, Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm

The Neptune, 8:30pm, free.

XYZ Unsigned Four unsigned bands, as voted for by XYZ magazine readers, plus a panel of industry experts. Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm, £3 Bars and clubs Honey Club Sundelicious. Knockin siesta Sundays into the past, Lee Garrett and Salerno play house & soulful beats.10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change the Frequency.

Tipping out the box of the unpredictable music jigsaw, Stephen Jarvis boshes out all things diverse from Radiohead, Madlib, National Forest and Playgroup. 8pm, free.

Monday 18 Live Music Martha Reeves and The Vandellas Legendary Motown stars play an extremely rare show to celebrate the Concorde's birthday!

Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £25 The Death Set + The Lovvers Nottingham hardcore types The Lovvers visit the seaside.

Prince Albert, 8pm, £tb

Sunday 17 Live Music Absolute Live Unsigned Auditions Auditions for the live band showcase Prince Albert, 12pm, £tbc Doll and The Kicks Popular local indie popsters. Sidewinder, 7pm, free Summer Roast 'n' Jazz: Guests TBC Sunday roast and some nice jazz. What could be better?

Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry Playhouse), 12:30pm, £10 inc full roast dinner.

Sunday Swing Jazz Sunday afternoon jazz for the perfect chillout. The Bristol Bar, 2pm, free.

Sussex Jazz Orchestra Ten-piece jazz, classical and modern musical collective.

Hare & Hounds, 4pm, free.

Tom Walker Acoustic rock and blues night.

Bars and clubs Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge.

Presenting a fresh urban night with DJ’s Outbreak, Rudeben & DJ Dubl. Breaking out the best Old Skool Garage, R&B, Hip Hop, Bashment & Swing. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco and indie with drinks £1.50 all night. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. Student friendly cocktail of funk, reggae, indie and pop.

10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Volks Strictly Reggae. Dancehall, bashment, roots and revival. 10pm, £4.50/3.50 Music by Nick Aldwinckle Clubs and Bars by Jaime Pettit

➧ Please check with venues before travelling. See latest7.co.uk/venues

031_LS385 Levellers

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COVERSTORY

Levellers Brighton’s most successful band are currently celebrating 20 years in the business with a new album. Jeff Hemmings spoke with Mark Chadwick Let’s start with the basics: The Levellers are a popular English rock band influenced by punk and traditional English music. They are based in Brighton, where they were founded in 1988. There are several stories about how they got their name: The Levellers, a radically democratic faction of Oliver Cromwell's New Model Army; or as a reference to ‘The Level‘, a flat open space near where members of the band used to live in Brighton; or simply, according to guitarist, Simon Friend, a word they chose from a dictionary. Strongly interested and outspoken about Green anarchism issues the band have built up a strong and devoted fanbase, despite being nearly universally ignored by mainstream critics. They continue to tour extensively around Britain and Europe and are just about to release a new album Letters From The Underground. Oh, and they’ve had eight top 20 singles and three top five albums including their number one, Zeitgeist. So, how did it all begin?

“It started in the Eagle pub in the North Laine. Then, it was a punk rockers and crusties hangout and that’s where I met Jeremy (Cunningham, bassist and artist for the band) and we decided to form a band. It started very quickly after that; we played the Richmond (now the Pressure Point) seven weeks later. By our second gig they were queuing around the block,” says Mark. “People got into it really quickly; we started playing the student union circuit that paid for our equipment. We did everything ourselves – printed our own Tshirts, made our own cassettes, designed everything and carried on that DIY ethic from the very beginning.“ Even though The Levellers have had proper record deals in the past they’ve pretty much steered an independent course over the years – now they’ve got their own festival (Beautiful Days); release records on their own label; record in their own studios (Metway) and have a very solid team behind them to keep the band on course.

Have they come full circle? “I suppose so, but things have grown. At the beginning it was purposeful to do it DIY because we came from the 80s, from that punk rock DIY ethic, which has disappeared until recently, but is re-emerging now as people realise it’s the best way to do things. If you want something done well, do it yourself!“ advises Mark a Brightonian through and through – his dad and grandfather both coming from here.

As a band The Levellers have remained constant in their line-up since the early ‘90s, with the addition of Matt Savage (keyboards) a few years ago being the only change. “It’s always been a collaborative effort, the band. The egalitarian structure has helped us survive all this time, spread the money equally and share the responsibility,” says Mark. The Levellers are also well-known in Brighton for The Metway, which is not only their office and recording base, but is also home to many creative businesses.

“Writing spaces, artists and other strange companies – I don’t know what they get up to!” says Mark. “When we started there wasn’t really anywhere to rehearse except Grapevine and people’s front rooms, and recording was virtually impossible. So when we had the opportunity to put something back we took it. We still do free sessions for bands via The Metway Sessions.“ What’s changed musically in Brighton over the years? “Not much, it’s always been busy. When I was a kiddie there were thousands of bands and a lot more venues than there are now. There were loads of rock and glam type bands – Hanoi Rocks and Iggy Pop type bands. Now it’s really diverse, there a real wealth of talent; there’s some bands who should be a lot more famous than they are now in my opinion. I think we got in at the right time.

If we started now, I think we could forget about it, get a job instead!”

“As well as performing to over 100,000 people each year they play around 20 to 30 festivals around Europe each year”

As well as performing to over 100,000 people each year they play around 20 to 30 festivals around Europe each year and since 2003 they’ve organised their own festival, ‘Beautiful Days‘. “That was basically my idea, to set up a festival that was people-friendly rather than just extorting cash out of them at every available opportunity,” says Mark. It’s all about no queues, beautiful surroundings, cheap beer and brilliant bands. We’ve also made it child-friendly (most of the band have families now) and that gets rid of any scary and violent elements.” With a settled capacity of 12,500 the festival sells out earlier and earlier each year and, of course, provides an opportunity for the band to do what they do best.

“We open the festival every year with an acoustic show and finish it off on the Sunday night. We always give our live shows 110 per cent, based on pure enthusiasm, and wanting to get it right every time”, says Mark, revealing another key reason as to the continued popularity and longevity of the band.

The Levellers have also just produced their best album for many years, Letters From The Underground, that sees them still firing on all cylinders and in no way hints at any resting on laurels. “It’s a proper Levellers album; live sounding, stripped back and a little more political, a little bit angrier,” says Mark. “We don’t bang on about politics though, because we are essentially a rock’n’roll band. But we are a politically conscious band, right from the start social and environmental issues concerned us.

Things that concern people now we were talking about 20 years ago.

“The album is a snapshot of stories about what it’s like to live in the western world, particularly the UK – vignettes of lives, experiences, social and political experiences, love, life and alienation.”

Are you busy? “Always busy, that’s the way we like it. Otherwise the grass grows under our feet, and we don’t want that!“ Letters From Underground is out now. The Levellers play Arundel Castle with Seth Lakeman, Nick Harper and 3 Daft Monkeys on Friday 22 August For tickets – IML Concerts: 01603 660444 or in person at the Arundel Castle ticket box office.

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LATESTGAY

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Brighton’s only weekly gay guide

William Tells

NEWS

Will Harris thinks sexuality is very much about fluidity It was to be expected. When my ex-boyfriend contacted me out of the blue, after six years, it was bound to throw up a lot of emotions. What I wasn’t expecting was that in the time we’d been apart, he’d got married to a Japanese X-Ray technician who – for all her knowledge of the workings of human anatomy – was still missing one vital statistic herself. Or she should have been, if Alex was still as gay as he’d been when he was flinging me around the bedroom.

“I like your wife,” I typed into Facebook. “Is she your something borrowed?” Nothing. For three days I waited, checking my profile at every opportunity and getting increasingly anxious about the lack of response. I’d thought I was being cheeky and rakish, but perhaps – now he’d gone straight – Alex’s sense of humour had gone the way of his Kylie CDs. Then, on the fourth day, he replied, putting to rest any worries I had that he’d changed beyond all recognition. “Nope,” he said. “Something new.” Her name was Yuki, and they’d met while travelling the Inca Trail a couple of years before; they became friends, then more than friends and finally, after much soul searching, he decided to make an honest woman of her.

Ghetto Brighton Ghetto Brighton opens this week in the former home of the Candy Bar. Run by the people behind Popstarz, Miss-shapes and other London clubs, Ghetto will host club nights for ‘gay boys, girls and their cool straight friends.‘ Candy nights will continue to be held at the venue in St James's Street, along with Popstarz, Wigout and Miss-shapes.

Kim Lucas, owner of the Candy Bar, said the difficult decision had to be made after nine years in Brighton due to the economic climate and the smoking ban.

She said: The venue will be in the capable hands of our good friend Tommy from Popstarz/Ghetto and many of our great Candy girls, best nights and DJs shall be remaining. After a brief refurbishment, Tommy and his Ghetto team will be adding to the mix to give you a stunning weekly club that intends to inject some new alternative blood into the Brighton scene and above all gives you reason to be excited again!

“We would like to take this opportunity to personally thank all the people who have supported Candy Bar Brighton and given us many good times by the seaside."

The Candy girls are also no longer at their London home in Carlisle Street and are on tour at various venues round Soho. Ms Lucas said she is searching for a permanent venue in Soho. www.myspace.com/candygirlsontour, see gay listings for details of Ghetto events.

Charity art exhibition Love Without Borders an art exhibition with work by 25 local and international artists opens this week.

The show will benefit Allsorts, the Brighton-based project supporting young people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered or unsure.

The charity will receive 30 per cent of all proceeds to develop youth workshops in Brighton.

The works on display will come from Venezuela, Chile, San Francisco, New York, London and Brighton.

The show is organised by

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Brighton artist Erin Burns, originally from San Francisco.

It takes place at BLANK studios gallery, 108 North Street Portslade on 16–17 August and 22–23 August.

“What was it that caused this epiphany and turned my gay ex into an ex-gay?”

But how honest was Alex being? He’d identified as a gay man for the last seven years of his life and now, just because he’d taken some glamazon up the Amazon, he expected everyone to believe he’d returned a changed man. So what was it that caused this epiphany and turned my gay ex into an ex-gay? More to the point, if he could do it, what was stopping the rest of us?

When I looked online for others who identified as ex-gay, I was surprised by how many there are out there. Okay, so a lot of them are of the Hellfire and Brimstone persuasion (very few of whom, I notice, are able to grasp even rudimentary punctuation), but there were others too; people who’d simply woke up one day and decided they didn’t want to be gay any more.

Then I remembered Danica, a beautiful little drum‘n’bass head I met at a rave when I was 21. We shared a few confused snogs in the Funky Buddha, and were even in the process of sharing a taxi back to my place when she made it pull over and puked out of the door. Looking back on it now, I consider this to be a sign from on high that it just wasn’t to be (although, to be fair, it was most likely the drugs).

So maybe human sexuality really is more fluid than anyone gives it credit for. I’m happy for Alex, that he found a girl he loved so much he was able to change his whole way of life. And I’m happy for Yuki, that she didn’t let preconceptions about Alex’s sexuality stand in the way of loving him.

But you know what I’m most happy about? That for all those ex-gays who leave the village, there’s plenty more sexy straight men coming back the other way. And I’m not going anywhere.

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 156 ACROSS: 1 Senora 4 Drifts 9 Manifestation 10 Among 11 Ratchet 12 After 13 Stiff 18 Arrange 20 Ellie 21 Noiselessness 22 Detest 23 Unused DOWN: 1 Sampan 2 Nonconformist 3 Refugee 5 React 6 Frightfulness 7 Sonata 8 Astra 14 Treason 15 Banned 16 Lever 17 Leased 19 Needs Solution to Quick 156 ACROSS: 1 Tactic 4 Raised 9 Reappointment 10 Evade 11 Earning 12 Studs 13 Magic 18 Terrace 20 Quart 21 Ineligibility 22 Gasped 23 Pernod DOWN: 1 Target 2 Characterless 3 Implead 5 Astir 6 Specification 7 Dotage 8 Piped 14 Acquire 15 String 16 Merit 17 Stayed 19 Alice © Crossword Shop

If you have a story for Latest Gay pages please email news@thelatest.co.uk

033_LS385_gay listings

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GAY

For full listings & venues go to latest7.co.uk

GAYLISTINGS 12 – 18 August Tuesday 12 Amsterdam GBF Lunch. Indulge in a two-course meal and half a bottle of wine for just £14 per person and mingle with other gay professionals.

2:30pm–5pm, free.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mill's Music Night. With Uncle Ben's quiz night from 9pm.

Bar open 12pm.

Brighton Tavern City of Brighton Gay Men's Chorus. Bar open 12pm, free.

Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Relaxed, friendly bar and smoking/sun terrace. 11am–5am, free.

R-Bar Shoot me Baby. Grab a free shot of Corky or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy bought!

12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Flashback. The best 80s nostalgic tunes from Lady P and Two-Foot. 10:30pm–3am, £2/NUS free.

Wednesday 13 The Basement (below Legends) Play. with DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house.

11pm–4am, free.

Legends Relax – It’s Wednesday. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Prince Regent Swimming Pool Out to Swim South. 8:30pm, £4 per session, 20 annual. entertainment and chart pop and R'n'B. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. R-Bar Cocktail Club. The lavish cocktail living on lemonade money with BOGOF all night!

12pm–2am, Free.

Revenge pop!SEXY. Expect live on stage Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar open 12pm–11pm.

Thursday 14 Arc Dynamite Boogaloo. Cabaret capers and outrageous stage games. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1.

The Basement Eddie K's Jukebox. 11pm–4am.

Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. Hosted by Mother Superior Joan Bond with Tony B and Mikalis. 10pm, £4/3.

Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) With big plans to deliver an eclectic mix of nights, come check out the refurb and celebrate the arrival of Ghetto. 8.30pm, £4 inc goodie bag.

Queen's Arms Lucky Dip Karaoke. hosted by Betty Swollocks. 12pm–11:30pm, free.

R-Bar I can't wait for the Weekend to Begin!.

Dulcie Danger sets the marker for the weekend with funked up soulful and uplifting house.

9:30pm, free.

Revenge Girls on Top. Fabulously trashy weekly lesbian night with DJ Smiffy. 10:30pm–4am, free b4 11:30 with passes, 4/5 after.

tunes from Stewart T. Upstairs, find funky vocal house with DJ Hollie and guests. 10:30pm–5am, free b4 11/£5 b4 12/£7 after.

Star Inn The Return of Friday Bears inc... with guest DJs playing uplifting funky house and pop remixes. 8pm–1am, free.

Saturday 16 Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Cabaret with Deborah D'Arcy. The delightful Deborah D'Arcy makes a welcome return. 9pm, free.

The Basement Ignition. DJ Peter Castle whips up a cocktail of House and dance anthems.

11pm–4am, free b4 midnight, £5 after.

Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Wig Out. Soho’s infamous pop party lands for some unserious mayhem. £free before 9.30pm, £4 after.

Legends Pre-ignition. Open all day for a chilled out drink. From 7pm, get ready to let the sparks fly with DJ sounds. 11am–5am, free.

The PV at The Jury's Out Saturday Music and Madness!. Some of the best duets in Brighton live from 4pm, then The PV's own DJ's take to their decks at 9pm. Bar open 12pm, free.

Queen's Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin.

Vocalists, comedians and drag (3:30–5:30pm).

Then party with Kamp Kevin til 12. Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free.

R-Bar Kinky – The Early Session. Stretch out ready for Kinky Dangerous with new boy on the block Jozzie O playing funky house. 9pm, free.

Revenge Kinky Dangerous. with party tunes downstairs and Dulcie Danger and cohorts dolling out dangerous house above.

10:30pm–5am, £5 b4 midnight/7 after.

Star Inn Bear Essentials. DJ Charlie. Bar Open 12pm–1am, free.

Sunday 17 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. Traditional roasts (12–5:30pm) and relaxing Sunday vibes, with a cabaret twist! With Connie Conway from 8pm.

Audio Sunday Sundae. Delve in to a unique blend of old skool house and pop classics served up by DJs Richard Jones, Diablo and Kate Wildblood. 6pm, £3/4/5.

The Basement Embrace. with G.A.Y DJ Nick Shepherdson. 11pm–3:30am, free.

Charles Street Bar Casino Royale. Cocktails and cards, everything but the flash Aston! (bring your own?) 12pm–11pm, free.

Legends Sunday Cabaret with Cassidy Connors.

3:15pm. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Friday 15

Monday 18

Amsterdam The Jazz Lounge. with Wesley Sebastian. Relax and unwind to the unique sound of soulful swing and intimate jazz. 9pm.

The Basement Celebration. DJs Steve Lush and Alex Baker play girly pop and handbag tracks. 11pm–4am, free b4 midnight, £4 after.

Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Popstarz.

London's legendary indie night takes residency in Brighton, with alternative and underground hits. £free before 9.30pm, £4 after.

Queen's Arms Andy B's Camp Attack. Cabaret and games. Bar open 12pm–1am, free.

R-Bar Ssh...We're having a Secret Disco. Kate Wildblood and Queen Josephine spin their unique blend of soulful funky house. Bar open 12pm–7am, free.

Revenge Lollipop and House of Diva. Top pop

Amsterdam The Monday Musical. Gimmie gimmie gimmie a musical, some popcorn and a drink from the bar! Bar open 11am.

The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Let DJ Steve Lush whisk you back with his classic floorfillers. 11pm–4am free.

Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks spanning the last 4 decades with drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50.

Ghetto Shibby Shabblers. DJs Pookie and Crackwhore. £1.50 pints and vodka mix.

10pm–2am, £3/2 NUS. Legends Dave Lynn and friends. A hysterical night of cabaret with Dave Lynn and friends, 9:30pm. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Queen's Arms Cherry Poppins Karaoke Show. plus drinks promos, 9pm. Bar open 12pm.

Ghetto (formerly Candy Bar)

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online for details

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latestTV

Dani on TV

What’s hot on the box

Films on TV

Wenesdays, 9pm, Living TV Another diet show, hurrah! (Hint of sarcasm there if you hadn’t gathered.) The ‘difference’ with this one is that it is like Strictly Come Dancing although the people competing are not celebrities but overweight people wanting to lose weight on a TV show as opposed to eating right and exercising.

The thing that puts me off this programme is that the people involved are not really all that fat (I suppose they can’t be, seeing as they have to attempt lifts with professionals). But ho hum, I suppose you have to make do.

So you get to watch people learn a new dance each week, you get to see them socialise, and there is also a love story between two of the contestants which is sweet. Will one get voted off and have to leave the other? That would make it interesting. But – possibly best of all – you frequently get to see the contestants in skin-tight Lycra body suits. Why do they make these people do this? They are clearly uncomfortable with their bodies so why make them put on those horrible suits? And then stand week after week to be filmed?

“Is there some law that if you dance and appear on television then you have to be orange?”

SATURDAY 16

The Quiet American ★★★✩✩

The World Is Not Enough

(2002, BBC1, 10.35pm. Dir Phillip Noyce) With a backdrop of the Vietnam War, Michael Caine has set up shop and has a reasonably good life as a veteran reporter living with his Vietnamese mistress. Enter boyish Brendan Fraser in a catalyst-type role and watch it all change.

★★★✩✩ (1999, ITV1, 9.30pm. Dir Michael Apted) Brosnan’s penultimate donning of the dinner jacket is the usual fare of big bangs and one-liners. Time to save Sophie Marceau from a deranged nopain-feeling Robert Carlyle all set to blow up the world with a nuclear bomb. Shaken not stirred.

WEDNESDAY 13

A Hard Day’s Night ★★★★★

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★★★✩✩ (2001, BBC3, 9pm. Dir Simon West) Angelina Jolie takes up the guise of the most appreciated avatar in recent history, donning the shorts, the guns and the plait. Racing for relics before the baddies get them – who include a rather dapper pre-Bond Daniel Craig – this is silly high-budget highly entertaining stuff. Just don’t expect any archaeological pearls of wisdom.

THURSDAY 14 Picnic At Hanging Rock

★★★★✩ (1975, Film4, 3.10pm. Dir Peter Weir) Just in time for Weir’s latest DVD release of the film, this is the tale that was rumoured to be true – but wasn’t – and scared movie goers more than any big-budget gore-fest. The tale of a group of Victorian girls that disappeared while on a picnic with their school mistress in Australia is disturbing, but all the better for it.

FRIDAY 15 The Grudge ★★★✩✩ (2004, ITV2, 11pm.

Dir Takashi Shimizu) After the success of the American version of Ring it was all-out on Asian horror flicks with American actors.

Case in point here, employing the director from the original Japanese cult classic was a shot of wisdom, combined with a fresh-from-Buffy Sarah Michelle Gellar as the lead in this haunted house tale with a twist.

Diabolique ★★✩✩✩ (1996, BBC1, 11.20pm.

Dir Jeremiah S Chechik) A remake of the classic 1955 French thriller, this time starring Sharon Stone and Isabelle Adjani as the wife and mistress conspiring against their wayward spouse, Chazz Palminteri.

Wonderful twists but obviously not as good as the original. Bien sur.

(1964, BBC2, 11.45pm. Dir Richard Lester) A must for any Beatles fans. This has the Fab Four young and kooky, keeping an eye out for Paul’s mischievous grandad – a star turn from Steptoe’s Wilfrid Brambell – and an album full of classic 60s tunes.

Compulsively entertaining stuff.

SUNDAY 17 The Great St Trinian’s Train Robbery ★★★✩✩ (1966, ITV1, 2pm.

Dir Sidney Gilliat and Frank Launder) In colour, but still carting out George Cole as ‘Flash’ Harry, although having unfortunately said goodbye to Alastair Sims’ headmistress, this sees the raggle-taggle of half-wild girls in yet another caper. Not as good as earlier visits to the madhouse but still a good Sunday afternoon’s fare.

MONDAY 18 Grosse Pointe Blank ★★★★★ (1997, BBC1, 11.05pm.

Dir George Armitage) Delightful tale of John Cusack’s hitman going back to his home town to combine a hit job with his high-school reunion. With fellow hitman Dan Aykroyd not far behind, and highschool sweetheart Minnie Driver proving alluring, this is a quality, quirky film. Top notch.

The Grudge, Friday 15, ITV2, 11pm

© 2004 Columbia Pictures

And there is generally always one contestant who doesn’t really like doing it, which is irritating because they must know what they are in for, so why apply? I hope Julian is still in this when you watch it (which after reading this I doubt). He is one of the professionals, and my God is he scary! If he came gyrating towards me on a dark night I would run as fast as my little legs would carry me!

And if scary Julian isn’t frightening enough the tango’d skin colour of the others will scare you (or make you giggle slightly as it did me). On what planet does that look good? Is there some law that if you dance and appear on television then you have to be orange? Or is it some grading thing that the more professional you get the less orange you need to be? Somebody tell me please!

I take my hat off to these people – there is no way I would go on telly in order to lose weight. I think it is very brave. But I don’t think they are that big in the first place. The women on the show look the average size for a UK woman. Not the average size of an overweight woman, just an average woman. It’s a bit disheartening really. The women on the show are really pretty and are worrying about their appearance to the point where they feel the need to go on telly and ask for help. They need a confidence class, not a dance lesson.

Movies on the box this week

TUESDAY 12

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Diet on the Dancefloor

12 – 18 August

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tuesday 12 Don’t Blame The Builder Channel 4, 8pm Brand new series in which building expert Jeff Howell mediates between builders and peeved home owners over unfinished work. Kicking it off is Hampstead couple Vicky and Richard who have waited a year for an extension that was quoted as taking twelve weeks. Gotta be a reason. Time to sit down calmly.

CSI: Miami Five, 9pm After the big hoo-hah of last week’s series launch it’s time for a bit of regular CSI without speed boats or mystery DNA revelations involving staff members. There are regular people who need the CSI team’s help, most especially an innocent teenage swimming star turned into an internet pin-up by her stalkers. Naughty stalkers.

Dixon Of Dock Green BBC4, 9pm and 9.30pm Fed up with strung out coppers spending too much time undercover, swearing at the public and being spread too thin with too little resources? Time for a trip down memory lane as Jack Warner steps up as PC George Dixon, who tonight sees the DC getting a little closer to Dixon Jnr and then takes a trip to Paris.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Olympic Breakfast 9.00 Olympics 2008 12.00pm BBC News 12.30 South East Today; Weather 12.45 Olympics 2008 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Children’s television 9.00 Raven 9.25 The Owl 9.30 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 10.00 Get 100 10.30 Cash In The Attic 11.15 Bargain Hunt 12.00pm Olympic Swimming: Beijing 2008 12.45 Double Agents 1.15 Diagnosis Murder 2.00 Murder, She Wrote 2.45 Flog It! 3.15 Finley The Fire Engine 3.25 Arthur 3.50 Skunk Fu 4.05 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.35 Roman Mysteries 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Olympic Gymnastics: Beijing 2008

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Inspector Morse 5.00 Goldenballs

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Medical Investigation 3.10 FILM: The Waiting Game (1998) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 The Premiership Years 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30pm Speedway 2.30 Big League Weekend 4.00 LIVE Pro40 League 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Countdown To The Ryder Cup 2008 10.30 The Premiership Years 12.30am Carling Cup Football 2.00 Countdown To The Ryder Cup 2008 2.30 The Premiership Years 4.30 Carling Cup Football

6.00 Battle Of The Brains Sounds like cool animation of big pink squelchy stuff with Gladiator-style Q-tips bashing each other. Actually simply a quiz.

6.30 Eggheads No Humpty, simply more quizzing.

7.00 Grow Your Own Veg! Plantswoman Carol Klein explores the fascinating world of peas and beans – the legumes. Natural green stuff, without sneezes!

7.30 Return To... The Cruise Jane McDonald and the cast of The Cruise look back at the 1998 hit.

8.00 Jimmy Doherty’s Farming Heroes Jimmy visits the Highlands of Scotland where scenery is spectacular, but the farming is tough.

9.00 Maestro Eight famous amateurs with a passion for classical music do battle for the chance to conduct the BBC Concert Orchestra at the worldfamous Proms in the Park. Jane Asher, David Soul, Goldie, Blur bassist Alex James, broadcasters Katie Derham and Peter Snow, and comic Sue Perkins and Bradley Walsh compete to be the Maestro.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Equator Documentary series.

12.20am Sign Zone: Jimmy Doherty’s Farming Heroes 1.20 Sign Zone: Hadrian 2.20 Timewatch: Hadrian’s Wall 3.10 Celebrity MasterChef 4.10 Joins BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Diane discovers that a dull character in Rodney’s book is based on her. Talk about low self-esteem.

8.00 Crash Scene Investigators Following Devon and Cornwall police’s dedicated team of accident investigators, whose aim is to discover the cause of every serious crash on the region’s roads.

9.00 Doc Martin Disastrous consequences result when Doc Martin urges the village chemist to remove her neck collar. Danny has a surprise in store for Louisa, though she herself is more inclined to spend the evening with the Doc. Love triangles on the dales. It’s Wuthering Heights all over again.

10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.40 Kingdom Peter decides to let Simon face the consequences of his actions, after Simon is arrested on suspicion of identity fraud. Peter represents a pregnant woman attempting to trace her partner for child support payments.

11.40 Carling Cup Highlights 12.25am Bingo Night Live 1.25 Heist 2.15 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.10am The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.25 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.55 Big Brother 9.00 Friends 9.30 Friends 10.00 McFly’s Postcard From T4 On The Beach 10.15 Friends 10.45 The Sugababes’ Postcard From T4 On The Beach 11.00 Beauty And The Geek 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Will And Grace 1.00 Desperate Housewives 1.55 Desperate Housewives 2.45 Countdown 3.30 A Place By The Sea 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Richard And Judy 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Frankie demands to know the truth about Jack’s staged death, but a nervous Darren is more worried about whether she will have the body exhumed. Tangled webs etc.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Bright Young Wonders 8.00 Don’t Blame The Builder See highlights.

9.00 The Secret Millionaire Successful businesswoman and mother-of-two Kavita Oberoi heads to Ladywood, Birmingham, an area whose unemployment and teenage pregnancy figures are among the highest in the country. Tears and cheques a go-go.

10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the past 24 hours in the BB house.

11.05 Tonightly Comedy entertainment show.

11.35 Reaper Things turn sour when Sam’s grandmother accuses him of being evil. Shhh! It’s a secret.

12.35am 4 Music: Vintage V 12.40 Bennetts British Superbike Championship 1.35 Bullrun: Cops, Cars And Superstars 2.00 FIA GT Championship 2.30 KOTV 3.00 Big Brother Live 4.20 The British Formula 3 International Series 4.50 FIVB Beach Volleyball 5.40 British Triathlon Grand Prix

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The Games Today Highlights from the fourth day of action at the Beijing Olympics, introduced by Gabby Logan.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Linden makes it his mission to help the Korean couple and their twins, but will Jayne stand in his way? Joseph’s sister turns up at Holby, keen to plan his wedding, but Faye is seriously questioning their future together. Make up your mind, love.

9.00 Bonekickers Gillian risks everything – her reputation, friendship and even her life – on a quest for her deepest obsession, the greatest sword in history. Is she heading the way of Mummy dearest?

Obsession with sharp pointy things is not healthy for anyone.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 FILM: The Quiet American (2002) Starring Michael Caine, Brendan Fraser, Do Thi Hai Yen. Thriller drama. In pre-war Vietnam, a jaded journalist leads a relatively undisturbed existence until the arrival of a young American aid worker. Dirty rotten scoundrel.

12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Joins BBC News 2.50 Olympics 2008

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 7.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 Highland Emergency A helicopter crew rescue a critically ill diver; police struggle to cope with a crashed lorry; and the night shift are in a search to find two lost boys.

Peter Pan is no longer a suspect.

8.00 Margaret The Tabloid Princess: Revealed In the 1950s, the Queen’s sister became the glamorous face of royalty, hounded for her controversial affairs and notorious lifestyle. The press fascination with Margaret led to the birth of paparazzi photography.

9.00 CSI: Miami See highlights.

10.00 CSI: NY Stella and Lindsay probe the death of a model who was apparently electrocuted in a giant martini glass. Now that’s a death with a twist. Copyright Chris Pacey.

11.00 Law And Order: SVU The discovery of a beaten infant leads Stabler and Cragen on a search for the attacker who may be a paedophile.

12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 European Drag Racing 1.25 IndyCar 2.15 Race And Rally UK 2.40 Motorsport Mundial 3.05 NHRA Drag Racing 4.20 Rolex Grand Am 5.10 Everybody Hates Chris 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Fishing: Thinking Tackle 9.00 Pipeline Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 World Motor Sport 12.30pm The Premiership Years 2.30 World Motor Sport 5.00 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 5.30 Golf: Challenge Tour 6.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 7.00 Countdown To The Ryder Cup 2008 7.30 LIVE Carling Cup Football 10.00 Poker: European Ladies Championship 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 2.00 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 2.30 Golf: Challenge Tour

Sky Sports 3 6.30am British Carp Angling Championships 7.30 Golf 9.00 Bowls 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Wild Spirits 12.30 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Pipeline Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Bowls 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 LIVE Pro40 League 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 12.00am Bowls 2.00 Football Asia

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Relic Hunter 2.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Futurama 5.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Stargate Continuum 10.00 FILM: Double Jeopardy (1999) 12.05am Road Wars (x2) 1.55 Weeds 2.30 Uncut! Reps In Ibiza

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 FILM: Armageddon (1998) 10.20 How Not To Live Your Life 10.50 Family Guy (x2) 11.40 I’m Kylie’s Body Double 12.40am Make My Body Younger 1.35 How Not To Live Your Life 2.05 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 2.35 I’m Kylie’s Body Double

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Pop Go The Sixties 7.35 Batman 8.00 1908 The First True Olympics 9.00 Dixon Of Dock Green (x2) See highlights. 10.00 Call The Cops 11.00 Our Hidden Lives 12.15am The Thirties In Colour 1.15 Our Hidden Lives 2.30 Call The Cops

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 9.00 FILM: Nine Months (1995) 11.05 FILM: Get Shorty (1995) 1.05am The Black Donnellys 2.05 Teleshopping

1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 Pie In The Sky 3.15 On The Buses (x2) 4.20 Missing Persons 5.20 Only When I Laugh 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Home To Roost (x2) 8.00 Pie In The Sky 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 Taggart 11.35 Home To Roost (x2) 12.40am Maigret 1.35 Tales Of The Unexpected (x2)

9.45am One Tree Hill 10.40 Smallville 11.35 Gilmore Girls 12.30pm One Tree Hill 1.20 Big Brother 2.20 Big Brother: Live 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Smallville (x2) 11.00 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 11.30 Big Brother: Live

1.50pm ER 2.50 Hill Street Blues 3.50 Time Team 4.50 Relocation, Relocation Updates 5.55 Selling Houses (x2) 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Lost Boys 11.40 Third Watch 12.40am True Stories: Lost Boys

2.00pm Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Diet On The Dancefloor 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Private Practice 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Ghost Hunters

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Open All Hours 5.40 My Family 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.10 The Good Life 10.50 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.10am The Two Ronnies

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Grumpy Old Women 11.50 South Park (x2) 12.50am Badly Dubbed Porn (x2)

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How Do They Do It? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Survivorman 10.00 How Not To Become Shark Bait 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Unsolved Murders

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Firestorm: Last Stand At Yellowstone (2006) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Quantum Leap 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Angel 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: The Fog (1980) 11.50 Heroes (x2) 1.50am Medium 3.00 Angel 4.00 The Lost World

2.00pm Hail The Conquering Hero (1944) 3.45 Billion Dollar Brain (1967) 5.45 Steptoe And Son (1972) 7.30 Hondo (1953) 9.00 The Night Of The Hunter (1955) 10.45 Barbarella (1968) 12.30am 35mm 1.00 The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner (1962) 2.50 Look Back In Anger (1958)

9.00am The Horseman On The Roof (1995) 11.20 Water (2005) 1.20pm Them (2005) 2.45 Shooting Fish (1997) 4.40 Better Luck Tomorrow (2003) 6.25 Tube Tales (1999) 8.00 Water (2005) 10.00 Nil By Mouth (1997) 12.10am Ong-Bak (2004) 2.15 Indie Close-Up 2.50 Shooting Fish (1997)

1.00pm The Man In The Iron Mask (1977) 3.05 The Cat Returns (2002) 4.35 Escape To Athena (1979) 6.50 Del Toro On Hellboy II. The acclaimed direcotr talks about his latest forray into fantasy. 7.00 Heaven Can Wait (1978) 9.00 The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 11.40 Time Bandits (1981) 1.55am Jassy (1947)

7.00am Battleground (1949) 9.05 Something Of Value (1957) 11.05 For Me And My Gal (1942) 1.00pm Martin Chuzzlewit 3.00 Beau Brummell (1954) 5.00 The Walking Stick (1970) 6.50 Logan’s Run (1976) 9.00 Westworld (1973) 10.35 Lolita (1962) 1.25am Marlowe (1969) 3.05 Bridge To The Sun (1961)

Classics

Indie

036_LS385_TV_Wed

8/5/08

5:11 PM

Page 1

wednesday 13 Trinny and Susannah Undress The Nation ITV1, 9pm With 45 per cent of UK women a size 16 or above, the scaled up versions of a 10 are just not cutting the mustard and many are left with ill-fitting pig’s ears from the fashion industry. Fear not – T&S are here to redress the balance and give the retailers a jolly good talking to. Hoorah!

The Edinburgh Festival Show BBC2, 10pm Lauren Laverne presents highlights from the Festival and Fringe in the Scottish capital, including Tracey Emin’s retrospective exhibition and various weird and wonderful shows from the city. Spot the stars of tomorrow and the ridiculous of today.

Spooks: Code 9 BBC3, 11.20pm and 12.10am Miss the launch of this much anticipated spy spin-off? Do not fret. Here’s your chance to catch the first two episodes back to back for your delectation and catch-up. Set in 2013, after London evacuated following a nuclear bomb, six new MI5 recruits are chomping at the bit to put the world to rights.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Olympic Breakfast 9.00 Olympics 2008 12.00pm BBC News 12.30 South East Today; Weather 12.45 Olympics 2008 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Raven 9.25 The Owl 9.30 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 10.00 Get 100 10.30 Cash In The Attic 11.15 Bargain Hunt 12.00pm Olympic Swimming: Beijing 2008 12.45 Double Agents 1.15 Diagnosis Murder 2.00 Murder, She Wrote 2.45 Flog It! 3.15 Finley The Fire Engine 3.25 Arthur 3.50 Skunk Fu 4.05 Young Dracula 4.35 Serious Ocean 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Olympic Tennis: Beijing 2008

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Inspector Morse 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.10 Friends 9.45 Friends 10.15 Kelly Rowland’s Postcard From T4 On The Beach 10.30 Friends 11.00 Beauty And The Geek 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Will And Grace 1.00 Desperate Housewives 1.55 Desperate Housewives 2.45 Countdown 3.30 A Place By The Sea 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Medical Investigation 3.10 FILM: Straight From The Heart (2003) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Countdown To The Ryder Cup 9.30 The Premiership Years 11.30 Carling Cup 1.00pm Countdown To The Ryder Cup 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 Carling Cup 3.30 Countdown To The Ryder Cup 4.00 LIVE Pro40 League 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 The Premiership Years 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Carling Cup 2.00 The Premiership Years 4.00 Carling Cup 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quiz show hosted by Paddy O’Connell.

6.30 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz.

7.00 Return To... The Cruise 7.30 Des Lynam: Sport Mastermind 8.00 Francesco’s Mediterranean Voyage Francesco da Mosto enters Turkish waters and the Strait of the Dardanelles, gateway to the east.

8.30 Francesco’s Mediterranean Voyage A final celebration aboard the Black Swan with its longsuffering crew brings Francesco’s journey to an end.

9.00 House Of Saddam It is the mid 90s. Weapons inspectors and UN sanctions threaten to crush Iraq.

However, a still more painful crisis faces Saddam. Treachery from within: as members of the regime, from his very family, turn against him.

10.00 The Edinburgh Festival Show See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Long Way Round Ewan and Charley drive on the Road of Bones where they come to a wide river, half iced over, whose bridge has collapsed 12.20am Des Lynam: Sport Mastermind 12.50 Sign Zone: Tribal Wives 1.50 Cooking In The Danger Zone 2.50 Mum’s The Business 3.20 DIY SOS 3.50 Rogue Restaurants 4.20 Joins BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Edna thwarts Pearl’s bid to muscle in on her quilt making. It’s a cut-throat business is patchwork.

7.30 Coronation Street Steve is left to suffer as Michelle goes out on the pull. WHat’s a lovely place like this doing with a girl like you? That right?

8.00 The Bill While chasing a joy rider, Millie and Nate lose the thief and find the body of Vikki Miller in the boot of the car. At the scene, Eddie tells them that it looks like a possible sex attack. Crikey!

9.00 Trinny & Susannah Undress The Nation See highlights.

10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.40 Six Degrees Steven and Laura take a step in the right direction, Carlos and Mae rekindle a lost flame, and Damian and Whitney continue to deal with the stress and pressures of their new boss, Ray. No ‘Ray of light’ here then?

11.40 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show Sketch show starring Katy Brand.

This week Kate Winslet takes her dogs for a walk, and Beyonce performs with Shakira.

12.10am Bingo Night Live 1.10 Winter Solstice 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Frankie feels guilty about Jack’s death and decides to tell Kris the truth about his father. Calvin is tormented by the video clip of him buying drugs from Nige and vows to put a stop to Warren’s threats.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Bright Young Wonders 8.00 Embarrassing Illnesses Patients in today’s show are suffering from piles, athlete’s foot, inverted nipples, excessive gas and skin tags.

Dr Jessen persuades Moseley Rugby Club to examine themselves for testicular cancer. Bit of ball play.

8.30 How Clean Is Your House?

Kim and Aggie revisit pensioner Pat Crothers’ flat to see if she has kept to her cleaning regime or slipped back into bad habits. Was she a nun?

9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the past 24 hours in the BB house.

10.00 Dangerous Jobs For Girls Three women travel to Australia to work on a trawler in the treacherous waters of the Southern Ocean.

11.05 Tonightly Comedy entertainment show.

11.35 Coming Up: And Kill Them Series of original dramas.

12.10am The Shooting Party 12.40 4 Music: Vintage V 12.45 4 Music: Road To V 2008 1.00 Big Brother Live 4.25 St Elsewhere 5.10 Richard And Judy

6.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies Over at Chessington Zoo, a mate arrives for the females in the gorilla enclosure - but do the ladies fancy him? Bit of gorilla poetry and they’ll be putty in his hands.

7.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 Massive Speed Chris Barrie turns his attention to motorcycles, tracing their evolution from the classic Rudge Multi of 1914, to the modern-day superbike.

8.00 Britain’s Strongest Man Athletes from England, Scotland and Wales compete across a range of disciplines in the second stage of Britain’s Strongest Man 2008.

9.00 Rory & Paddy’s Great British Adventure Comedians Rory McGrath and Paddy McGuinness travel the UK in a camper van in search of strange sporting events. Their first stop is Gloucestershire, where they take part in the famous cheese rolling race.

10.00 Banged Up Abroad Dramadoc series telling the gripping real-life stories of travellers who find themselves incarcerated overseas.

11.05 CCTV Cities Series revealing real-life footage of urban crime.

12.05am PartyPoker.com World Open IV 1.35 Major League Baseball 4.45 Football On Five 5.10 Everybody Hates Chris 5.35 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The Games Today China has gone to bed, but Gabby Logan and the Games Today are wide awake with the best of the action, stories, analysis and interviews on the fifth day of the Games.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Lost Land Of The Jaguar Series combining stunning wildlife with high octane adventure as a team of explorers search the depths of the last great unspoilt jungle on the planet.

9.00 Who Do You Think You Are? Patsy Kensit’s late father was a villain, deeply involved with London’s most notorious gangsters of the 1960s, the Krays and the Richardsons.

Patsy embarks on an investigation into her father’s murky past, wanting to understand the roots of his criminality and to discover how far back ‘the family trade’ goes.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws 10.45 The Visit Comedy set in the visiting room of HMP Radford.

11.15 The Tudors Lavish historical drama taking a fresh look at the life of Henry VIII. 12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Joins BBC News 2.50 Olympics 2008

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 Pipeline Adventures 9.30 Motor Racing: Caterham Tour 10.00 World Pool Masters 11.00 Poker: European Ladies Championship 1.00pm Heritage Grand Touring Car Challenge: HGTCC - Snetterton 1.30 Pool: World Pool Masters 2.30 Poker: European Ladies Championship 4.30 Countdown To The Ryder Cup 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 LIVE Carling Cup Football 10.15 Boots ‘n’ All 11.15 NFL - Total Access 12.15am Total Rugby 12.45 European Tour Weekly 1.15 Poker: European Ladies Championship 3.15 Sports Unlimited

Sky Sports 3 10.30am Golf: Challenge Tour 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 Pipeline Adventures 2.30 Heritage Grand Touring Car Challenge: HGTCC Snetterton 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 LIVE Pro40 League 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Tenpin Bowling: World Masters 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Trans World Sport

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Relic Hunter 2.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Futurama 5.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics US 9.00 FILM: Double Jeopardy (1999) 11.05 Ross Kemp On Gangs 12.05am Road Wars 1.05 Street Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Olympic Football 9.00 FILM: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.20 Spooks: Code 9 (x2). See highlights .12.55am How Not To Live Your Life 1.25 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor 1.55 Jamelia: Whose Hair Is It Anyway?

2.55 Spooks: Code 9

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Pop Go The Sixties 7.35 Batman 8.00 Black Power Salute 9.00 A Very British Olympics 10.00 Flying - Confessions Of A Free Woman: Storyville 12.00am Coal House 12.30 A Very British Olympics 1.30 Black Power Salute 2.00 Flying - Confessions Of A Free Woman: Storyville

1.00pm Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 9.00 FILM: Get Shorty (1995) 11.05 Coronation Street 11.35 FILM: Be Cool (2005) 1.50am Teleshopping

3.15pm On The Buses (x2) 4.20 Missing Persons 5.20 Only When I Laugh 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Drama Trails: The Vice To Prime Suspect 10.00 Lewis 12.00am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.05 Maigret 2.00 Tales Of The Unexpected (x2)

9.45am One Tree Hill 10.40 Smallville 11.35 Gilmore Girls 12.30pm One Tree Hill 1.20 Big Brother 2.20 Big Brother: Live 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer (x2) 11.05 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 11.35 Big Brother: Live

1.50pm ER 2.50 Hill Street Blues 3.50 Time Team 4.50 Relocation, Relocation 5.55 Selling Houses (x2) 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Father Ted 9.30 Back To You 10.00 The IT Crowd 10.35 TV Heaven, Telly Hell 11.05 Heather Mills: What Really Happened? 12.10am Third Watch 1.10 Father Ted

2.00pm Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Private Practice 9.00 Diet On The Dancefloor 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 Diet On The Dancefloor

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.00pm Doctor Who 5.00 Open All Hours 5.40 My Family 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.05 The Good Life 10.45 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.25 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.05am The Two Ronnies

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Grumpy Old Women 11.50 Stacked (x2) 12.50am Badly Dubbed Porn (x2) 1.50 Sexy Cam

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How Do They Do It? 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 Elite Forces 10.00 Days That Shook The World 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Unsolved Murders

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Terminal Error (2001) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.00 Quantum Leap 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Angel 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 11.50 Heroes (x2) 1.50am Medium 3.00 Stephen King’s The Stand

1.20pm Saturday Night And Sunday Morning (1960) 3.00 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 5.00 Road To Morocco (1942) 6.25 35mm 7.00 Teacher’s Pet (1958) 9.00 The Spy Who Came In From The Cold (1965) 10.55 Patton (1970) 1.45am Cahill, United States Marshal (1973)

9.00am Indie Close-Up 9.30 Babel (2006) 11.55 Brotherhood (2004) 2.25pm Indie Close-Up 2.55 Cyrano De Bergerac (1990) 5.20 Tell No One (2006) 7.35 Babel (2006) 10.00 Hard Candy (2006) 11.50 Suicide Kings (1997) 1.40am Body Count (1997) 3.10 Hard Candy (2006)

1.00pm The Silver Fleet (1943) 2.50 Nausicaa: Valley Of The Wind (1984) 5.10 The Tall Men (1955) 7.30 The Animal (2001) Mediocre comedy of Rob Schneider connecting to his animla organ transplants.

9.00 Men Of Honor (2000) 11.25 Once Upon A Time In The Midlands (2002) 1.25am 8 Women (2002)

7.25am Johnny Eager (1942) 9.35 The Alphabet Murders (1965) 11.10 The Miniver Story (1950) 1.00pm Martin Chuzzlewit 3.00 The Yellow Rolls-Royce (1965) 5.10 Soylent Green (1973) 6.55 Mogambo (1953) 9.00 Pat Garrett And Billy The Kid (1973) 11.20 Bullitt (1968) 1.25am A Very Private Affair (1962)

Classics

Indie

037_LS385_TV_Thu

8/5/08

5:13 PM

Page 1

thursday 14 Ken Dodd’s Comedy Heroes Five, 8pm Kicking off this new three-part series exploring the inspiration behind some of Britain’s bestloved comics is good old Mr Tickling Stick himself, Ken Dodd.

Talking about his favourite comedians from the past and the present, it’s a time for a warhorse of the comedic craft to highlight the best. Excellent.

My Name is Earl Channel 4, 10.45pm Earl discovers that making up for all the bad things he did to women changes Billie’s behaviour for the better, so with typical aplomb he sets about attempting to right the biggest wrong he ever did to a woman.

Might this have something to do with his delightful ex?

Regardless, Billie’s not chuffed.

Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA More4, 9pm It’s not just us Brits that can balls things up in the culinary business department, oh no. Ramsay jets over Stateside to deliver his special brand of kitchen diplomacy to the owner of the Seascape restaurant in Long Island. first things first – time for a clean up. Mucky puppies.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Olympic Breakfast 9.00 Olympics 2008 12.00pm BBC News 12.30 South East Today; Weather 12.45 Olympics 2008 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Raven 9.25 The Owl 9.30 The Revenge Files of Alistair Fury 10.00 Get 100 10.30 Cash in the Attic 11.15 Bargain Hunt 12.00pm Olympic Swimming: Beijing 2008 12.45 Double Agents 1.15 Diagnosis Murder 2.00 Murder, She Wrote 2.45 Flog It! 3.15 Finley the Fire Engine 3.25 Arthur 3.50 Skunk Fu 4.05 Best of Friends 4.35 Hider in the House 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Olympic Table Tennis: Beijing 2008

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News and Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Inspector Morse 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Friends 9.45 Friends 10.15 The Shipwrecked Postcard from T4 on the Beach 10.30 Friends 11.00 Beauty and the Geek 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Will and Grace 1.00 Desperate Housewives 1.50 Desperate Housewives 2.45 Countdown 3.30 A Place by the Sea 4.30 Come Dine with Me 5.00 Richard and Judy

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Medical Investigation 3.10 FILM: Hostile Advances: The Kerry Ellison Story (1996) 5.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The Games Today Gabby Logan looks back at key events and stories with action, analysis, interviews and guests.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Max discovers something intriguing about Jack’s past, and Ronnie’s concerned about Archie’s influence over Peggy.

8.30 Rogue Restaurants The team go undercover in two Indian restaurants in London. They find rodent droppings in food preparation areas as well as cloths and sponges covered in millions of bacteria, and see uncovered pots of curry sitting around on kitchen floors. Maybe they’ll find a rat called Basil.

9.00 Traffic Cops A speeding car has careered off the road and, incredibly, into the roof of a house before coming to rest upside down. Every Bond stuntman will wish it was him.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 FILM: On A Clear Day (2005) Starring Peter Mullan, Brenda Blethyn. Comedy drama about a Glasgow shipbuilder who struggles to regain his pride when he is laid off after decades working on the docks.

12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Joins BBC News 1.50 Olympics 2008

6.00 Battle of the Brains Einstein vs Hawkins would be good.

Unfortunately it’s just a regular quiz.

6.30 Eggheads It’s quiz time!

7.00 Who do you Think you Are? Series in which celebrities trace their ancestry.

8.00 Would Like to Meet Again 8.30 Dr Alice Roberts: Don’t Die Young Nearly nine million people in the UK suffer from some form of hearing loss. Dr Alice Roberts she discovers how loud noise can cause irretrievable damage to our ears. Drummers beware!

9.00 Mock the Week Host Dara O’Briain is joined by regulars Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, Russell Howard and Andy Parsons with guests David Mitchell and Adam Hills.

9.30 Lab Rats Chaotic sitcom.

Can Alex prove his dad has really found Captain Scott’s diary? Maybe.

10.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks Comedy pop quiz with Simon Amstell, Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Edinburgh Festival Show More from the Fest ‘n’ Fringe.

12.05am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12.35 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 1.20 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.50 John Barrowman: The Making of Me 2.50 River Police 3.20 Countryfile 4.15 Celebrity MasterChef 4.45 Joins BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Pearl turns on the emotional blackmail in the quilt war.

It’s darning needles at dawn.

7.30 Coastal Ways A portrait of Chichester harbour on the Sussex coast.

8.00 The Bill Working undercover as a dockyard worker, Max keeps Pete Monks and Tom Harris under surveillance as they attempt to steal DVD players. Jack decides to arrest the pair. But just as his team are about to move into action, Intelligence Officer Karen Lacy arrives. New plans then?

9.00 Harley Street Martha and Robert face one of their most challenging cases to date – one in which life and death really does rest in their hands. And Ekkow helps a patient come to terms with her facial injury.

10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.40 The Way We Were A trip down memory lane with the south’s favourite celebrities.

11.10 Inside Crime 11.40 The Goodwood Festival of Speed 12.10am Bingo Night Live 1.10 Motorsport UK 1.35 Winter Solstice 3.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks A shady Warren ups the ante and insists he needs to see Calvin at the Loft. When Calvin goes there, he finds Warren and Nige arguing violently.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Bright Young Wonders 8.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix Gok battles four label-loving fashionistas to prove a fabulous wardrobe does not have to cost a fortune, using his budget of £800 to create four autumnal outfits.

He also goes shopping with Jamelia in her hometown of Birmingham, and reveals who will be crowned Street Style Icon of the Year. ‘Scuse, but since when was £800 not a lot of moolah? Budget – pah!

9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the past 24 hours in the BB house.

10.00 The Charlotte Church Show Guests include boxer Ricky Hatton, and singer Beth Rowley.

10.45 My Name is Earl See highlights.

11.15 Tonightly Comedy entertainment show.

11.45 The Kevin Bishop Show Fast-paced sketch show.

12.15am The Shooting Party 12.50 4 Music: Vintage V 12.55 4 Music: Ibiza Rocks 1.25 4 Music: Road to V 2008 1.35 Big Brother Live 4.05 FILM: Marjorie Morningstar (1958)

6.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies At Bristol Zoo, a baby gorilla has an emergency check-up and Raz the lemur is weaned onto solids.

7.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 How do They do It? Robert Llewellyn takes a ride in a stunt plane and learns how to turn liquid plastic into contact lenses.

8.00 Ken Dodd’s Comedy Heroes See highlights.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector Alex Polizzi takes on one of her toughest cases yet as she attempts to convince a reluctant owner to clear out her hopelessly cluttered guesthouse in Folkestone. Surely everyone loves a holiday with Miss Faversham. Really?

10.00 Grey’s Anatomy Addison runs away from her problems; Cristina gets cold feet; and Meredith bonds with her father. Bless.

11.05 My Strange Brain Documentary series exploring unusual neurological conditions. This instalment focuses on four people who suffer from brain disorders that have weakened their grip on reality, blurring the boundaries between fact and fiction.

12.05am Quiz Call 4.00 Major League Soccer 4.45 Nick’s Quest 5.10 Everybody Hates Chris 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Boots ‘n’ All 10.00 European Tour Weekly 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.30pm Total Rugby 1.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.30 Carling Cup 3.00 Total Rugby 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Barclays Premier League World 6.30 Cesc Fabregas Show 7.00 It’s a Wonderful Run from Giggs! 8.00 Sir Alex: the Frost Interview 9.00 Premier League Years 11.00 Premier League Team of the Season 12.30am LIVE NFL 4.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 Race World

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 Pipeline Adventures 9.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 10.00 Total Rugby 10.30 LIVE Cricket 6.30pm ATP Tennis Magazine 7.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 ATP Tennis Magazine 10.00 LIVE Sky Poker Five O 12.00am Barclays Premier League World 12.30 It’s a Wonderful Run from Giggs! 1.30 Sir Alex: the Frost Interview 2.30 Premier League Years 4.30 Premier League Team of the Season

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Clipper Round the World Race 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 Premier League Years 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Clipper Round the World Race 12.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Pipeline Adventures 2.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 3.00 Premier League Years 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 WWE Special 7.00 The Dogs 7.30 LIVE Rugby League 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am WWE Special 1.30 Rugby League 3.30 The Dogs 4.00 Poker

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Relic Hunter 2.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Futurama 5.30 Malcolm in the Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 Bones 10.00 Mums who Leave Their Kids 11.00 Road Wars (x2) 1.00am Street Wars 1.50 Weeds 2.25 Miami Uncovered

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Real Hustle Las Vegas (x2) 9.00 Britain’s Really Disgusting Foods 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Britain’s Really Disgusting Foods 12.45am The Real Hustle Las Vegas (x2) 1.45 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Proms on Four 2008: Barenboim and WestEastern Divan 9.20 The Third Programme: High Culture for All 10.00 Maestro 11.30 BBC Four Sessions: John Cale 12.30am Real Life on Mars 1.30 The Third Programme: High Culture for All 2.10 Proms on Four 2008

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story 8.00 Trinny & Susannah Undress The Nation 9.00 FILM: Be Cool (2005) 11.15 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl (x2) 12.15am 101 Sexiest Celebrity Bodies 1.15 Teleshopping

3.15pm On the Buses (x2) 4.25 Missing Persons 5.25 Only When I Laugh 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Kavanagh QC 11.35 FILM: Freebie And The Bean (1974) 1.45am Tales of the Unexpected (x3) 3.10 Upstairs, Downstairs

12.30pm One Tree Hill 1.20 Big Brother 2.20 Big Brother: Live 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 My Name is Earl (x2) 10.00 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 10.35 Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong 11.25 E4 Comedy (x2) 11.55 Big Brother: Live

1.50pm ER 2.50 Hill Street Blues 3.50 Time Team 4.50 Relocation, Relocation 5.55 Selling Houses (x2) 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. See highlights. 10.00 Without a Trace (x2) 12.00am Third Watch 1.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA

2.00pm Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will and Grace (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Ibiza 2008 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Will and Grace (x2) 2.00 Ibiza 2008

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.00pm Doctor Who 5.00 Open All Hours 5.40 My Family 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 Last of the Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.05 The Good Life 10.45 A Bit of Fry and Laurie 11.25 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12.05am The Two Ronnies

4.00pm The King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Grumpy Old Women 11.50 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 12.50am Badly Dubbed Porn (x2) 1.50 Sexy Cam

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How it’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 My Shocking Story 9.00 Real ER: The Bronx 10.00 Deranged Killers 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Unsolved Murders

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Sub Zero (2005) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Quantum Leap 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Angel 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 12.30am Heroes (x2) 2.30 Ghost Stories 3.00 Angel 4.00 The Lost World

10.40am Barefoot In The Park (1967) 12.30pm The Great Moment (1944) 1.55 The Nutty Professor (1963) 3.45 12 Angry Men (1957) 5.25 A Touch Of Larceny (1959) 7.00 Sabrina (1954) 9.00 Roman Holiday (1953) 11.00 The Nutty Professor (1963) 1.00am Barefoot In The Park (1967)

10.40am The Tango Lesson (1997) 12.25pm Fire (1996) 2.20 Days Of Glory (2005) 4.25 Wilde (1997) 6.25 The Last Mogul: Life And Times Of Lew Wasserman (2005) 8.05 Stranger Than Fiction (2006) 10.00 The Lives Of Others (2006) 12.20am Indie Close-Up 12.50 The Tango Lesson (1997)

1.00pm Jassy (1947) 3.10 Picnic At Hanging Rock (1975) 5.25 The Nutcracker (1993) 7.20 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 9.00 Braveheart (1995) 12.15am Shaft (2000) They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother...

– shut your mouth! – I'm talkin’ ‘bout Shaft. Starring Samuel L Jackson. 2.05 The Puffy Chair (2005)

7.10am The Strawberry Blonde (1941) 8.55 Escape From Fort Bravo (1953) 10.45 The Three Musketeers (1948) 1.00pm Clarissa 3.00 Ten Thousand Bedrooms (1957) 5.05 Come Fly With Me (1963) 6.55 The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954) 9.00 Fame (1980) 11.20 Demon Seed (1977) 1.00am Wild Rovers (1971)

Classics

Indie

038_LS385_TV_Fri

8/5/08

5:12 PM

Page 1

friday 15 The Murder of Billie-Jo: Sion Jenkins’ Story Channel 4, 7.35pm It was a news story that shook the nation at the time – lovely 13-year-old Billie-Jo missing and then murdered, and then her foster father Sion Jenkins convicted of her killing. And then that conviction quashed. Anoop Pandhal follows Jenkins as he prepares to publish his own story.

QI BBC2, 10pm This isn’t the kind of quiz where you expect to get most of the questions right, nor where you expect the contestants to either.

With the emphasis on learning and chaired by Stephen Fry, who gives extra points for information that is ‘quite interesting’, this is fun, comedic and highly entertaining. And a bit snugly.

America’s Got Talent ITV2, 9pm It’s the finale, with Hasselhoff’s hair at its finest, Morgan’s tongue at its slimiest and Osbourne’s heart at her biggest. Regardless of what they say, it’s down to the American public to pick a winner and down to us to sit back, do nothing and watch the tears flow.

Next superstar or next chip wrapper? Only time will tell.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Olympic Breakfast 9.00 Olympics 2008 12.00pm BBC News 12.30 South East Today; Weather 12.45 Olympics 2008 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Raven 9.25 The Owl 9.30 The Revenge Files of Alistair Fury 10.00 Get 100 10.30 Cash in the Attic 11.15 Bargain Hunt 12.00pm Olympic Athletics: Beijing 2008 12.45 Double Agents 1.15 Diagnosis Murder 2.00 Murder, She Wrote 2.45 Flog It! 3.15 Finley the Fire Engine 3.25 Arthur 3.50 Uncle Max 4.05 Best of Friends 4.35 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Olympic Gymnastics: Beijing 2008

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News and Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Inspector Morse 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.10 Friends 9.45 Friends 10.15 Sam Sparro’s Postcards From T4 On The Beach 10.30 Friends 11.00 Beauty And The Geek 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Will And Grace 1.00 Desperate Housewives 1.50 Desperate Housewives 2.45 Countdown 3.30 A Place By The Sea 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Medical Investigation 3.10 FILM: The Baby Dance (1998) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The Games Today The best of the action on day seven.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders The Jacksons pull together when they have to make a big decision about Wellard, and Ronnie’s attempts to get back at Archie lead her to question her life in Walford.

8.30 DIY SOS Paul and Pauline Whitehouse have six kids, but ran out of bedrooms as the family grew and decided to turn their garage into a kitchen – only to run out of cash. Time for the BBC license fee to help out.

9.00 Would I Lie to You? Comedy panel show.

9.30 The Armstrong and Miller Show Sketch show.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Comedy Connections A look at Rab C Nesbitt, the sitcom about the life of a Glaswegian working-class philosopher.

11.15 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.20 FILM: Diabolique (1996) Starring Sharon Stone, Isabelle Adjani, Chazz Palminteri. Suspense thriller based on the classic 1955 French film.

1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Joins BBC News

6.00 Battle of the Brains Quiz show hosted by Paddy O’Connell.

6.30 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz.

7.00 The Real Monarch of the Glen In 2003, multi-millionaire Paul Lister bought a 23,000-acre traditional Highland sporting estate in Sutherland. His idea is to return Alladale to the animals that roamed there centuries ago. Och aye.

7.30 Return to... the Cruise 8.00 Gardeners’ World At Berryfields, Carol shows us in detail some of her favourite plants, while Joe prepares his allotment for when he goes on holiday.

9.00 The Tudors Lavish historical drama. With Anne Boleyn finally to be crowned his queen, Henry ignores the splits within his court and kingdom as he awaits the male heir she has promised him.

9.50 Coast 10.00 QI See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 BBC Four Sessions Van Morrison showcases tracks from albums including ‘Keep it Simple’, ‘Magic Time’ and ‘Vanlose Stairway’.

12.00am Star Trek: the Next Generation (x2) 1.35 Britain from Above (x2) 3.05 Francesco’s Mediterranean Voyage (x2) 4.05 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 4.50 Joins BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Viv becomes convinced that her only option is to go on the run – but Donna begs her to stay and face the trial. Listen to Officer Don, love.

7.30 Coronation Street Steve gives Michelle an ultimatum. Tina gets her own back on David the stalker.

Dangerous move, that.

8.00 Tiger Island Chris Packham narrates this series which follows the day-to-day life at the Isle of Wight Tiger Sanctuary. On the Isle of Wight, the oldest tiger at the zoo, Czar, is in need of some therapy.

Aren’t we all, dearie?

8.30 Coronation Street Teresa has trouble adding her secret ingredient.

What is it – philosopher’s stone?

9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot The impeccable Belgian detective tackles another case. At Richard Abernathie’s funeral his niece, Cora, suggests he was probably murdered.

The next day Cora is murdered herself. Poirot interrogates the family to find her killer. Bit late for that, but a nice thought.

11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.45 Bingo Night Live 12.50am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime 1.45 FILM: Angel Heart (1987) 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.00 CITV: Jim Jam and Sunny (x5)

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 HollyoaksCalvin comes home from having his stab wounds attended to in hospital to find himself being fussed over by Carmel. Tina gets a bit too close to comfort when she helps out with baby Max. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 The Murder Of Billie-Jo: Sion Jenkins’ Story See highlights.

8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Jonnie and Jasmine help a Bolton couple decide between a weekend home in Manchester and a holiday home in southern Spain. Livin’ large, innit?

9.00 Big Brother Davina McCall announces the results live and direct into the house.

10.00 The Kevin Bishop Show The impressionist presents a fast-paced sketch show.

10.35 Big Brother The evicted housemate leaves the house and is interviewed by the McCall.

11.10 Tonightly Comedy entertainment show.

11.40 Coming Up: Emo Original drama from emerging filmmaker China Moo-Young. Vincent.

12.10am 4 Music: T-Mobile Transmission 1.10 Bullrun: Cops, Cars And Superstars 1.40 Big Brother Live 4.15 Goalissimo!

5.10 Trans World Sport

6.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies Wildlife documentary series profiling breeding programmes in zoos across the UK. 7.00 Five News 7.30 Brits who Made the Modern World The documentary series looking at the untold stories of British scientific innovations focuses on the creation of the Harrier jump jet.

8.00 Superstars Athletes from a range of disciplines compete against each other in a series of sporting challenges.

9.00 NCIS The discovery of three bodies stuffed into barrels shocks Ducky as he realises he knows who they are. Not the Stooges?!

10.00 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit Police attempt to trace a Chinese woman who abandoned her two children in an apartment.

When evidence emerges that she is being held prisoner by a ruthless gang, Stabler enlists the help of the woman’s sister to infiltrate the close-knit Chinese community.

11.00 Law and Order When a body is found outside the Chinese Consulate, Briscoe and Green suspect a political suicide. Only when forensics confirm it was murder does the case get complicated.

12.00am Quiz Call 4.30 Lemur Island 5.10 Everybody Hates 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 The Dogs 10.00 Pipeline Adventures 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.30pm Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Rugby League 3.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 Big League Weekend 6.30 Off the Bar 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Big League Weekend 11.00 Off the Bar 11.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 12.00am Super League 2.00 Big League Weekend 3.00 Off the Bar 3.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.00 Premier League Years

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 WWE Special 10.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 10.30 LIVE Cricket 6.30pm Pipeline Adventures 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 Gillette World Sport 10.00 Tight Lines 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Golf Night 2.00 NFL – Total Access 3.00 Super League 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 Heritage Grand Touring Car Challenge: HGTCC – Snetterton

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Close 6.30 Irish Showjumping Premier Series 7.00 The Dogs 7.30 British Motocross 8.30 Rugby League 10.30 Barclays Premier League World 11.00 It’s a Wonderful Run from Giggs! 12.00pm Sir Alex: the Frost Interview 1.00 Premier League Years 3.00 Premier League Team of the Season 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 NFL 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Bottom Line 1.00 Heritage Grand Touring Car Challenge: Snetterton 1.30 Rugby Union: Currie Cup 3.30 Pipeline Adventures 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 Off the Bar 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Relic Hunter 2.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Futurama 5.30 Malcolm in the Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 Stargate Continuum 11.00 Street Wars 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Weeds 2.25 Miami Uncovered 3.20 Brainiac: Science Abuse

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Olympic Football: Beijing 2008 9.00 Goals Galore 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (x2) 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am How Not to Live Your Life 12.40 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor 1.15 Goals Galore 2.15 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 LIVE Proms on Four 2008: Boulez and the BBC Symphony Orchestra 9.30 A Seaside Parish 10.00 The Verve at Glastonbury 2008 11.00 Black Power Salute 12.00am The Avengers (x2) 1.40 The Verve at Glastonbury 2008 2.40 Proms on Four 2008 4.40 Close

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Xtra Factor: One Year On 9.00 America’s Got Talent Finale. See highlight 11.00 FILM: The Grudge (2004) 12.50am Coronation Street (x2) 1.50 Bionic Woman 2.35 Teleshopping

12.05pm The Wonder Years (x2) 1.10 Heartbeat 2.10 Wycliffe 3.15 On the Buses (x2) 4.20 Missing Persons 5.20 Only When I Laugh 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.55 Wycliffe 9.00 FILM: Freebie And The Bean (1974) 11.15 FILM: Lorenzo’s Oil (1992) 1.55am Tales of the Unexpected (x2)

11.35am Gilmore Girls 12.30pm One Tree Hill 1.20 Big Brother 2.20 Big Brother: Live 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x2) 9.00 Celebrity Wife Swap 10.05 Gok’s Fashion Fix 11.10 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 11.40 Big Brother: Live

3.50pm Time Team 4.50 Relocation, Relocation 5.55 Selling Houses (x2) 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 The Real Knights of the Round Table: A Time Team Special 10.00 FILM: The Road To Guantanamo (2006) 11.55 Live from Abbey Road 1.00am All You Need is Love

2.00pm Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will and Grace (x2) 8.00 Nothing to Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Will and Grace (x2) 2.00 Nothing to Declare (x2)

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.05pm Doctor Who 5.05 Open All Hours 5.45 My Family 6.25 The Good Life 7.00 Last of the Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools and Horses 10.05 The Good Life 10.40 French and Saunders 11.20 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12.00am The Two Ronnies

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Grumpy Old Holidays 11.50 Stacked 12.20am Stacked 12.50 Badly Dubbed Porn (x2)

1.00pm The FBI Files 2.00 Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How it’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 Crime Scene Australia 9.00 Deranged Killers 10.00 A Haunting 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Unsolved Murders

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.00 The Making of Tin Man 6.30 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 9.00 Heroes (x2) 11.00 FILM: The Faculty (1998) 1.00am FILM: Lightspeed (2006) 3.00 Angel 4.00 The Lost World

12.00pm Dead Heat On A Merry-Go-Round (1966) 1.50 35mm 2.25 California (1946) 4.05 Tarantula (1955) 5.30 The Miracle Of Morgan’s Creek (1944) 7.10 To Catch A Thief (1955) 9.00 The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 10.45 The Killers (1964) 12.25am Dead Heat On A Merry-Go-Round (1966)

10.30am New Police Story (2004) 12.35pm Shooting Fish (1997) 2.35 Indie Close-Up 3.05 L’enfant (2005) 4.50 Tube Tales (1999) 6.30 Best (1999) 8.30 The Page Turner (2006) 10.00 Shooting Fish (1997) 11.55 Warrior King (2005) 1.50am New Police Story (2004)

1.00pm 13 Rue Madeleine (1946) 2.50 Rio Grande (1950) 4.50 That Riviera Touch (1966) 6.40 Del Toro On Hellboy II 6.50 Picnic At Hanging Rock (1975) Creepy Aussie flick. 9.00 Little Nicky (2000) 10.35 Frightfest Festival Preview 10.45 KM31 (2007) 12.45am Frailty (2000) 2.40 Dance Party, USA (2006)

9.10am Stand By For Action (1942) 11.05 The People Against O’Hara (1951) 1.00pm Clarissa 3.00 The Tender Trap (1955) 5.00 Hot Millions (1968) 7.00 The Honeymoon Machine (1961) 8.30 The Screening Room 9.00 Reckless (1984) 10.40 Hell Is For Heroes (1962) 12.25am Guns For San Sebastian (1968)

Classics

Indie

039_LS385_TV_Sat

8/8/08

11:05 AM

Page 1

saturday 16 Coast BBC2, 6pm Here’s the Beeb at its best, documenting the world outside your living room. This week it’s the ancient coastal home of the Venerable Bede, the genius monk who wrote the first history of England. Also learn about the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge and its odd connection with the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

X Factor ITV, 7.30pm It’s back and this is the best bit – watching in horror as the end of the pier freakshow gets its day in the sun. Girl’s Aloud’s Cheryl Cole replaces Mrs Osbourne on the judging panel. Will she be nice?

Who cares. Not Mr Cowell and his sticky millions. Tune in for the inevitable one-legged harpiscord player and his dog.

Watching the Russians BBC4, 7pm Beginning with the rise of Russophobia in Victorian Britain, former MI5 director general Stella Rimington explores our love-hate relationship with Russia over the past 150 years. The journey takes her to the East End of London on the trail of Russian revolutionaries. Fascinating and insightful TV.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Olympic Breakfast 8.20 Olympics 2008 4.30pm Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.30 The Games Today

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Tikkabilla 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Watch My Chops 7.15 Trollz 7.35 Zombie Hotel 8.00 Only In America 8.30 Secret Show 8.45 Secret Show 8.55 Bernard 9.00 Help! Teach Is Coming To Stay 10.00 50/50 10.30 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 10.35 The Slammer 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Eliot Kid 11.45 Sportsround 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Coast 1.05 Animal Park 2.05 FILM: El Cid (1961) 5.00 Britain From Above 6.00 Coast See highlights 7.00 BBC Proms 2008 Investigating the art of conducting and showcasing the work of two of the greatest living conductors, both appearing at this year’s Proms – Pierre Boulez and Daniel Barenboim.

8.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom.

9.00 Have I Got Old News For You Comedy quiz show with guest host Des Lynam and captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. Guest panellists are economist and journalist Evan Davis and comic actor David Mitchell.

9.30 Mock The Week Two teams of comedians take a satirical swipe at the news and world events.

10.00 Pop Britannia 11.00 Comedy Connections Series charting the history of some of our best comedy shows 11.40 Weatherview Detailed weather forecast.

11.45 FILM: A Hard Day’s Night (1964) Starring John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr, Wilfrid Brambell and Norman Rossington. 1960s story of 36 hours in the lives of the Beatles as they travel to a TV show. The film uses a variety of cinematographic styles including documentary, surrealism and neo-realism to create one of the milestone pictures of the decade.

1.10am Arrested Development 1.35 Arrested Development

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Jim Jam And Sunny 9.40 Captain Mack 9.55 Captain Mack 10.10 Supernormal 10.25 Drake And Josh 10.50 Coronation Street Omnibus 1.05pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.20 ITV News And Weather 1.30 Meridian News And Weather 1.35 FILM: Murder, She Wrote: A Story To Die For (2000) 3.15 Best Ever Worst Auditions 3 4.15 Meridian News And Weather 4.30 ITV News And Weather 4.45 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001)

6.05am Making It 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Goalissimo!

8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 T-Mobile Transmission 9.25 Je Suis Un Rock Star 9.55 Big Brother 10.55 Big Brother 11.30 Friends 11.55 Reaper 12.55pm Will Young: Video Exclusive 1.00 Scrubs (x2) 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.20 The Battle Of Britain

7.35 Franny’s Feet 7.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.05 Little Princess 8.20 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 8.35 The Mr. Men Show 8.55 The Mr. Men Show 9.10 Rupert Bear 9.20 Animal Families 9.30 The Secret Of Eel Island 9.45 Mio Mao 10.00 Britain’s Strongest Man 11.00 Monster Moves 12.00pm Megastructures 1.00 FILM: Asterix And Obelix Take On Caesar (1999) 3.05 FILM: Jackie Chan’s Gorgeous (1999) 4.55 FILM: Fools Rush In (1997)

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Big League Weekend 8.00 Off The Bar 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports! 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (52) 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

Award-winning comedian Harry Hill presents more humorous clips as zany animals, crazy teenagers and portaloo misadventures feature highly in the nation’s funniest home videos.

7.30 The X Factor See highlights 8.30 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Coronation Street Special The first pair to face Chris are Samia Smith and Jennie McAlpine, also known as Maria and Fiz on the street. They are followed by soap veterans Sally Whittaker, who has played Sally for over 20 years, and Michael Starke, who first found fame as Sinbad in Brookside, and now plays Jerry.

9.30 FILM: The World Is Not Enough (1999) Starring Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau, Robert Carlyle, Robbie Coltrane and Judi Dench. Suave British secret agent James Bond is embroiled in an allaction race to defuse an international power struggle as the world’s oil supply hangs in the balance.

10.30 ITV News and Weather 10.45 FILM: The World Is Not Enough Continues 12.10am Benidorm 12.35 Benidorm 1.00 Bingo Night Live 2.00 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: 2.55 FILM: Kid Galahad (1962) 4.30 ITV Nightscreen.

5.00 CITV:

6.45 Channel 4 News 7.15 FILM: Porridge (1979) Starring Ronnie Barker, Richard Beckinsale, Fulton Mackay, Brian Wilde, Peter Vaughan and Daniel Peacock. Screen version of the classic television comedy about the habitual prison inmate Norman Stanley Fletcher and his cellmate Lennie Godber. When the pair stumble on an escape plan during a celebrities-against-prisoners football match, they are forced to take part in the escape – but they then find themselves having to break back in.

9.00 Big Brother Highlights .

10.00 Lee Evans XL Tour 2005 Live Stand-up comedian Lee Evans returns with his record-breaking XL Tour Live.

When Lee hit the road in 2005, he set out on what would become the UK’s biggest ever comedy tour, playing to over 250,000 fans in 35 cities. This show was recorded in front of 4,500 fans in Cardiff, with routines on satellite navigation, porters in hotels and romantic bathtime encounters.

11.10 V Festival 2008 Saturday night highlights of V Festival 2008, The Kooks and The Pigeon Detectives.

1.15am Alex And Her Arsetruck Short drama exploring the pyschology of sexual jealousy.

1.35 Big Brother Live 4.25 St Elsewhere 5.10 Salvage Squad

6.55 Five News and Sport 7.05 Superstars Athletes from a range of disciplines compete against each other in a series of sporting challenges.

7.55 NCIS When a missing lance corporal is found dead in a vacant house, the team discover that his body was buried in the back garden and then exhumed.

8.50 NCIS The team investigates the shooting of a marine and the kidnapping of his daughter. Meanwhile, McGee and Tony are stunned by Abby’s Halloween costume.

9.50 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. Police probe the murder of a married couple in a seedy hotel room.

Evidence indicates that the couple’s young daughter is missing, and a fiery preacher with a criminal past may be involved.

10.50 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Goren and Eames investigate an abusive patriarch who caused the death of his wife and three sons.

11.50 Women Who Kill Series documenting the harrowing stories of female killers.

12.20am Quiz Call Quiz show 4.30 Lemur Island 5.10 Everybody Hates Chris 5.35 Everybody Hates Chris

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 LIVE Rugby Union 8.30 LIVE Rugby Union 10.30 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 2.30pm LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 6.30 Gillette World Sport 7.00 LIVE Super League 9.30 Golf Night 11.30 Gillette World Sport 12.00am Super League 2.00 Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 3.30 SummerSlam Preview 4.00 You’re On Sky Sports!

4.55 U Can Do It 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.15 Last Choir Standing Myleene Klass and Nick Knowles host the search for Britain’s best choir. The final five choirs perform in the second live knockout show.

7.30 The National Lottery: This Time Tomorrow Tess Daly hosts.

8.20 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries Nathaniel Parker and Sharon Small team up as the unlikely pairing of aristocratic Inspector Thomas Lynley and down-to-earth Detective Sergeant Barbara Havers to investigate a series of murders.

9.50 Last Choir Standing Results Myleene Klass and Nick Knowles host the search for Britain’s best choir. The remaining five choirs discover their fate as the result of the public phone vote is revealed. The three choirs with the most votes are safely through to the semi-final, while the bottom two must battle it out in a sing-off to save their skin. Award-winning mezzosoprano Katherine Jenkins gives a guest performance.

10.15 BBC News National and international news; weather.

10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from the day’s eight Premier League fixtures, including Hull City v Fulham, Stoke v Bolton and West Brom v Arsenal.

11.50 Joins BBC News 12.10am Olympics 2008 l.

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 WWE Special 9.00 WWE Smackdown 11.00 WWE The Bottom Line 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 SummerSlam Preview 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 LIVE Speedway 9.00 Gillette World Sport 9.30 SummerSlam Preview 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 SummerSlam Preview 2.30 Speedway 5.30 SummerSlam Preview

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

3.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Gladiators: SemiFinals 7.00 The Simpsons 7.30 Futurama (x2) 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Street Wars 12.00am Inside: Prison Tactical 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 The Villa

7.00pm Olympic Football: Men’s Quarter-Finals 8.00 Top Gear 9.05 FILM: Armageddon (1998) 11.25 Family Guy (x2) 12.10am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 1.10 How Not To Live Your Life 1.40 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor 2.10 Britain’s Really Disgusting Foods (x2) 3.10 How Not To Live Your Life

7.00pm Watching The Russians 8.00 Sleepers 9.30 The Real Life On Mars 10.30 Return To Lonesome Dove 11.55 Return To Lonesome Dove 1.15am The Verve At Glastonbury 2008 2.15 Watching The Russians 3.15 The Real Life On Mars 4.15 Close

2.20pm America’s Got Talent Finale 4.20 The X Factor Final Results 5.25 Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story 6.30 Xtra Factor: One Year On 7.30 Holiday Homes From Hell 8.30 Xtra Factor 9.30 The Passions Of...Girls Aloud 10.30 FILM: The Grudge (2004) 12.20am The X Factor 1.20 Xtra Factor

8.20am Quincy, ME (x2) 10.20 PD James: Death Of An Expert Witness 11.25 PD James: Death Of An Expert Witness 12.30pm FILM: Meteor (1979) 2.35 Wycliffe 3.45 Kavanagh QC 5.20 Inspector Morse 7.20 Cadfael 9.00 Taggart 10.30 Ain’t Misbehavin’ 12.45am Kavanagh QC 2.10 Cagney And Lacey (x2)

10.35am Dark Angel 11.30 Roswell 12.25pm Big Brother: Live 1.55 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.25 Friends (x23) 5.55 Big Brother 7.00 Big Brother 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 FILM: She’s All That (1999) 10.55 Big Brother’s Diary Room Uncut 12.00am Big Brother: Live

12.40pm Time Team 1.40 FILM: Hell And High Water (1954) 3.40 Grand Designs 4.40 Grand Designs Revisited 5.45 Grand Designs 6.50 Grand Designs Revisited 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Low Winter Sun (x2) 12.00am The West Wing 1.00 Grand Designs 2.00 Grand Designs Revisited

11.00am Charmed 12.00pm Diet On The Dancefloor (x5) 5.00 The Jerry Springer Show (x4) 7.00 Make Me A Supermodel US 8.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 9.00 Ibiza 2008 10.00 Hotel Babylon 11.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.05am Charmed 1.00 Kath And Kim (x2)

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.20pm The Vicar Of Dibley (x4) 3.00 The Vicar Of Dibley Story 4.20 The Vicar Of Dibley (x8) 9.55 FILM: Starship Troopers (1997) 12.15am Jonathan Creek 1.35 Doctor Who 2.20 Close Up 2.30 The Blue Planet (x3) 5.00 Close Up 5.10 Dallas

3.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 4.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 5.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x3) 7.30 Scrubs 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 9.00 Scrubs 9.30 Everybody Hates Chris 10.00 The World Stands Up (x5) 12.30 Lee Evans Live In Scotland 2.00 Linc’s

12.00pm Deadliest Catch (x3) 3.00 Storm Chasers (x2) 5.00 Man Made Marvels China 6.00 Mega Builders 7.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 8.00 How It’s Made (x2) 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Crime Museum UK With Martin Kemp (x2) 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.10pm The Making Of Tin Man 12.50 FILM: Sub Zero (2005) 2.40 FILM: Terminal Error (2001) 4.20 Peter Benchley’s The Beast 6.10 Peter Benchley’s The Beast 8.10 FILM: Mammoth (2006) 10.00 FILM: John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998) 12.00am FILM: They Live (1988) 1.50 FILM: Creature (2004)

12.35pm The Phantom Of The Opera (1943) 2.20 Samson And Delilah (1949) 4.35 Doctor Dolittle (1967) 7.05 Sunset Boulevard (1950) 9.00 Demetrius And The Gladiators (1954) 10.45 Samson And Delilah (1949) 12.55am Julius Caesar (1970) 3.00 Sunset Boulevard (1950)

9.00am The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 11.35 The Host (2006) 1.50pm The Escapist (2001) 3.35 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 5.20 The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 7.50 The Host (2006) 9.55 Ong-Bak (2004) 11.45 The Escapist (2001) 1.20am Love Me If You Dare (2003) 3.05 Ong-Bak (2004)

1.00pm The Brady Bunch Movie (1995) 2.40 The Tall Men (1955) 5.00 The African Queen (1951) 7.00 The Return Of The Musketeers (1989) 9.00 Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) 10.45 The Cell (2000) 12.45am They (2002) 2.20 Mr Nice Guy (1997) 4.00 Close

1.00pm Goodbye Mr Chips (1939) 3.00 Jailhouse Rock (1957) 4.45 Operation Crossbow (1965) 6.50 2010 (1984) 9.00 Children Of A Lesser God (1986) 11.15 The Screening Room 11.45 The Girl And The General (1967) 1.40am Period Of Adjustment (1962) 3.40 Bonnie Scotland (1935) 5.00 The Clock (1945)

Classics

Indie

040_LS385_TV_Sun

8/8/08

10:27 AM

Page 1

sunday 17 Pacific Abyss BBC1, 8pm The first in an exciting new underwater wildlife series. Kate Humble sails across the Pacific with a team of top natural history filmmakers and deep water marine biologists. Kate dives to some of the most intact shipwrecks left by World War II, and drama unfolds as they find new species in the depths.

The Perfect Vagina Channel 4, 10pm Lisa Rogers investigates why an increasing number of women in the UK are undergoing vaginal cosmetic surgery. Lisa attempts to discover why vaginal cosmetic surgery on the NHS has doubled in this country over the past five years and increased 300 per cent in the private sector.

Coal House BBC4, 7pm Deep in the Welsh Valleys three families give up their 21st century creature comforts and travel back to face the hardships of life in 1927. For the men, things are not getting any easier at the pit.

The mams and children enjoy Hallowe’en, but the expense has left the families on the verge of the financial precipice.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Olympic Breakfast 8.20 Olympics 2008 4.45pm Lifeline 4.55 Songs Of Praise 5.30 Keeping Up Appearances

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Tikkabilla 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Legend Of The Dragon 7.25 The Batman 7.45 Best Of Friends 8.15 Raven – The Secret Temple 8.40 SMart 9.40 Match Of The Day 11.00 Countryfile 11.55 Weather For The Week Ahead 12.00pm BBC News 12.05 Animal Park 12.35 Coast 12.45 Moto GP: Round 12 – Brno 2.00 EastEnders Omnibus 3.30 Murder, She Wrote 4.15 Flog It! 4.45 Olympic Gymnastics: Beijing 2008

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Championship 10.25 Captain Mack 10.40 Finger Tips 10.55 Art Attack 11.20 Drake And Josh 11.50 ITV News And Weather 11.55 Meridian News And Weather 12.00pm The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 1.00 The X Factor 2.00 FILM: The Great St Trinian’s Train Robbery (1966) 3.50 FILM: Carry On Cleo (1965) 5.30 The Unforgettable Joan Sims

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Trans World Sport 7.55 The Silverstone Classic 8.50 Friends 9.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.00pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 1.00 Friends 1.30 Big Brother’s Diary Room Uncut 2.35 V Festival 2008 4.10 Friends 4.40 The Simpsons 5.10 The Simpsons 5.45 V Festival 2008

6.00am – 9.10 Childrens’ television 9.10 Animal Families 9.25 George Shrinks 10.00 Fifth Gear 11.00 Highland Emergency 11.30 Highland Emergency 12.00pm Big, Bigger, Biggest 1.05 FILM: Chances Are (1989) 3.05 FILM: Steel (1997) 4.55 FILM: Envy (2004)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE NASCAR: 3M Performance 400 10.30 Ford Football Special 12.00am Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.30 Golf Night 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.30 Polo 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine Mervyn is deeply in love with ‘Her’ at the pizza takeaway, but he lacks the courage to tell her. He then makes the mistake of letting Entwistle and Alvin bring them together.

6.30 BBC News National and international news, Weather.

7.00 The Games Today Live from the Bird’s Nest Stadium, Gabby Logan looks back on day nine of the 2008 Olympics.

8.00 Pacific Abyss See highlights 9.00 Britain From Above Andrew Marr goes on a journey to discover how some of the greenest landscapes in the British Isles were in fact shaped and moulded by human hands down the centuries.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 Almost Famous Alex Zane introduces clips of some of the early embarrassing moments in many a celebrity’s fledgling career, including Simon Cowell, Pete Doherty, the Spice Girls and Ant and Dec. 11.15 FILM: Scenes Of A Sexual Nature (2006) Starring Holly Aird, Eileen Atkins, Hugh Bonneville, Tom Hardy, Douglas Hodge and Ewan McGregor. The romantic and erotic trials and tribulations of a handful of couples, set one sunny afternoon on Hampstead Heath.

12.45am Weatherview 12.50 Joins BBC News 1.50 Olympics 2008 Live

6.00 Earth: The Power Of The Planet Dr Iain Stewart reveals the forces that shaped the Earth’s development. Ice has carved out landscapes and shaped human evolution. Now it could cause the destruction of our civilisation.

7.00 Dragons’ Den Brian James aims to do for men’s underpants what the push-up has done for women’s bras.

8.00 Top Gear The presenters embark on a quest to find the finest driving road in the world.

9.00 Long Way Round Documentary showing the preparation and planning of Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman’s famous motorbike journey.

10.00 Britain From Above Archive footage to show the dramatic transformation of Britain’s cities, landscape and industry. .

10.30 Match Of The Day 2 11.30 FILM: In Too Deep (1999) Crime thriller about a confident young cop who constructs a criminal identity in order to infiltrate a drugs ring.

However, as he becomes closer to the ruthless crime lord known as `God’, he starts to see him as a sympathetic character, a family man and loyal friend, despite his violence.

1.05am Sign Zone: Lost Land Of The Jaguar 2.05 Holby City 3.00 Celebrity MasterChef .

4.00 The Super League Show 4.30 Joins BBC News

6.00 Country Lives Chris Beardshaw meets people who share a passion for their local countryside. Today, he goes on a tree hunt with the UK’s tree registrar, and discovers surviving elm trees in Bedfordshire.

6.30 Meridian News And Weather Local news and weather.

6.45 ITV News and Weather 7.00 Heartbeat Joe and Rachel try to uncover a drug-smuggling ring, and Gina makes a new friend in her antenatal class.

8.00 Midsomer Murders The death of wealthy aristocrat Sir Freddy Butler brings Barnaby and Jones to the privileged surroundings of Haddington Hall. Rumours abound and the presence of his two ex-wives raises suspicions. When his will disappears and his lawyer is killed, the detectives close in on his family.

10.00 ITV News and Weather 10.20 TV’s Naughtiest Blunders Join Neil Morrissey for more risque outtakes and unbleeped bloopers.

11.20 A Match Made In Heaven Documentary series that goes behind the scenes in three of the most popular religious dating agencies.

11.50 Vicars’ Wives Series following the busy lives of three clergy wives from the South Coast.

12.20am 60 Minute Makeover 2.05 Nancherrow 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.45 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.00 Make Me A Christian Three-part series following a group of volunteers from the Leeds area as they give up their normal lives and attempt to live as devout Christians for three weeks. The diverse bunch include a middle-class family, a shopaholic, an atheist, a lesbian, a young Catholic and a Muslim schoolteacher. This week, a committed virgin teaches a cohabiting couple to resist sexual temptation, and the whole group spends a night helping the homeless.

8.00 Wife Swap A couple on benefits swaps places with a busy working family. Mum Wioletta looks after husband Tony, who cannot play with his children or work due to an injury.

Meanwhile, Suzanne and Paul keep their children busy with a meticulous schedule of sport and music lessons.

9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the past 24 hours in the Big Brother house.

10.00 The Perfect Vagina 11.10 V Festival 2008 Highlights from the V Festival, including a performance from The Verve at Hylands Park.

1.10am Big Brother Live 4.20 Make Me A Christian 5.20 St Elsewhere

6.45 Five News And Sport The latest national and international headlines.

7.00 Rory and Paddy’s Great British Adventure Comedians Rory McGrath and Paddy McGuinness travel the UK in a camper van in search of strange sporting events. Their first stop is Gloucestershire, where they take part in the world-famous cheese rolling race. In the Cotswolds, Paddy tries his hand at river football, while Rory heads to Cambridge to get a crash course in tiddlywinks.

8.00 FILM: Hellboy (2004) Starring Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, John Hurt and Rupert Evans.

Fantasy action adventure based on the cult comic book.

10.15 FILM: White Chicks (2004) Gender-bending comedy following two disgraced FBI agents who are intent on catching a devious millionaire. In order to carry out their mission, the pair disguise themselves as ditzy white socialites, the Wilson sisters.

12.20am The Hellboy Story A behind-the-scenes look at the making of the film ‘Hellboy’.

12.55 Major League Baseball 4.20 ITU Triathlon 5.10 Everybody Hates Chris 5.35 Everybody Hates Chris

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Seamaster Sailing 6.30 Tri-Nations Rugby Union 9.00 Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 10.30 Max Power 11.30 Seamaster Sailing 12.00pm Live European Tour Golf 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 America’s Game 6.00 Watersports World 7.00 Seamaster Sailing 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 Watersports World 10.30 Gillette World Sport 11.00 America’s Game 12.00am Max Power 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Super League 8.00 WWE Special 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 SummerSlam Preview 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm TriNations Rugby Union 2.30 Heritage Grand Touring Car Challenge: HGTCC - Snetterton 3.00 Seamaster Sailing 4.00 WWE Special 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 SummerSlam Preview 6.30 WWE: Afterburn 7.30 SummerSlam Preview 8.00 WWE Special 9.00 WWE Experience 10.00 SummerSlam Preview 10.30 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.30 WWE Vintage Collection 12.30am SummerSlam Preview 1.00 NASCAR 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Tenpin Bowling: World Masters 5.00 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

2.30pm Shark Mountain 3.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 4.30 Futurama (x3) 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Gladiators: SemiFinals 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 FILM: Happy Gilmore (1996) 10.45 Gladiators: Semi-Finals 11.45 Road Wars 12.45am Street Wars 1.40 The Villa 2.30 Mile High

7.00pm Football Gaffes Galore 7.10 FILM: Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life (2003) 9.00 Spooks: Code 9 9.50 Family Guy (x2) 10.35 How Not To Live Your Life 11.05 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor 11.35 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.35 Spooks: Code 9 1.25 How Not To Live Your Life

7.00pm Coal House. See highlights.

7.30 Proms On Four 2008: Beethoven’s Mass In C 10.00 Call The Cops 11.00 FILM: Educating Rita (1983) 12.45am Call The Cops 1.45 Proms On Four 2008: Beethoven’s Mass In C 4.15 Close

10.50am America’s Got Talent Finale 12.50pm Emmerdale Omnibus 3.35 Coronation Street Omnibus 6.00 America’s Got Talent Finale 8.00 The X Factor 9.00 Xtra Factor 10.00 FILM: American Pie (1999) 11.50 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl 12.20am Secret Diary Of A Call Girl 12.50 Xtra Factor

11.40am Dempsey And Makepeace 12.40pm FILM: The Triumph (2006) 2.35 Inspector Morse 4.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 7.00 Dempsey And Makepeace 8.00 Ain’t Misbehavin’ 10.20 FILM: The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) 12.20am Dempsey And Makepeace 1.20 Cider With Rosie

12.30pm FILM: Time Bandits (1981) 2.40 Big Brother: Live 3.45 Big Brother 4.50 Friends (x3) 6.25 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Wife Swap: The Aftermath 9.30 How To Look Good Naked 10.00 Big Brother’s Diary Room Uncut 11.00 Shameless 12.10am Big Brother: Live

1.40pm The Coach Trip (x5) 4.30 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie At Home 7.55 Willie’s Wonky Chocolate Factory 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 10.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 Father Ted 12.15am Brass Eye 12.45 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

1.00pm The Steve Wilkos Show 1.55 Maury (x4) 5.30 The Jerry Springer Show 6.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 7.00 Exposed: Girls Aloud 8.00 Diet On The Dancefloor 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Charmed 1.00 Kath And Kim (x2)

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

8.10am Murder, She Wrote 9.10 Robin Hood (x2) 11.10 The Vicar Of Dibley Story 12.30pm The Vicar Of Dibley (x9) 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 FILM: A Beautiful Mind (2001) 12.50am Robin Hood 1.55 New Adventures Of Old Christine 2.15 The Blue Planet (x3) 4.45 Dallas 5.35 Neighbours

9.00am Everybody Loves Raymond (x24) 9.00 Scrubs 9.30 Everybody Hates Chris 10.00 Lee Evans: Wired And Wonderful 12.15am Shortcuts Shuffle 12.25 The Nathan Caton Show 12.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (x9) 5.00 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life In Film 5.05 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2)

12.00pm Elite Forces (x5) 5.00 Hot Rod Apprentice: Hard Shine 6.00 How Stuff’s Made (x2) 7.00 Elite Forces 8.00 Survivorman 9.00 Real ER: The Bronx 10.00 Deranged Killers 11.00 A Haunting 12.00am North Mission Road 12.30 Suburban Secrets 1.00 Crimes That Shook The World

12.10pm FILM: Solar Attack (2005) 2.00 FILM: Firestorm: Last Stand At Yellowstone (2006) 3.50 FILM: Haunted (1995) 5.50 Thunderbirds (x2) 8.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero?

9.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero? 10.00 Heroes 11.00 Heroes 12.00am FILM: Mimic: Sentinel (2003) 1.30 Medium

1.00pm The Desperate Hours (1955) 3.00 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 4.50 The Top 10 Show 5.05 Breakfast At Tiffany’s (1961) 7.00 Mr Hobbs Takes A Vacation (1962) 9.00 The Egyptian (1954) 11.20 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 1.10am The Desperate Hours (1955)

11.20am Them (2005) 3.10pm Seven Swords (2005) 5.35 Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006) 7.10 Indie Close-Up 7.40 The Lives Of Others (2006) 10.00 Running With Scissors (2006) 12.05am The Road To Wellville (1994) 2.10 Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006)

1.00pm Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (2004) 3.00 The Man In The Iron Mask (1977) 5.00 Escape To Athena (1979) 7.15 Carry On Doctor (1968) 9.00 Mean Girls (2004) 10.45 Blade II (2002) 12.55am One Missed Call (2003) 3.10 Close

11.10am To Have And Have Not (1944) 1.00pm Madame Bovary (1949) 3.00 Viva Las Vegas (1964) 4.35 The Yearling (1946) 6.55 All The Fine Young Cannibals (1960) 9.00 Plenty (1985) 11.20 The GoBetween (1970) 1.30am Bad Day At Black Rock (1955) 2.55 Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

Classics

Indie

041_LS385_TV_Mon

8/8/08

12:23 PM

Page 1

monday 18 The Man Who Cycled The World BBC1, 10.35pm The inside story of Mark Beaumont’s attempt to smash the Guinness World Record for cycling round the world. In August 2007 the 24-year-old Scot left Paris at the start of an 18,000 mile journey covering 100 miles a day, one of the greatest endurance challenges in history.

Superhuman: Genius ITV1, 9pm Thirteen-year-old Akiane has been painting since she was four and sells her pictures for huge sums of money. Kim Peek from Salt Lake City has memorised over 12,000 books in his lifetime and inspired the Tom Cruise film Rain Man. Forget memorising them, most people would struggle to read 12 books a year.

Chambre Hardman and the Lost City of Liverpool BBC4, 7.30pm Liverpool has much to be proud of – but will this themed night let it hold its head high or generate a sneer from this side of the Watford Gap? Starting with a documentary in which John Peel examines the life and career of Scouse photographer Edward Chambre Hardman, it looks promising.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Olympic Breakfast 9.00 Olympics 2008 12.00pm BBC News 12.30 South East Today; Weather 12.45 Olympics 2008 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00-8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Watch My Chops 8.10 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.30 Hider In The House 9.30 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 10.00 Get 100 10.30 Evacuation 11.00 Cash In The Attic 12.00pm Olympic Gymnastics 12.45 Diagnosis Murder 1.30 Murder, She Wrote 2.15 Flog It! 3.00 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.25 Arthur 3.50 Skunk Fu 4.00 Bernard 4.05 Roar 4.30 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.35 Grange Hill 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Olympic Gymnastics 6.00 Battle Of The Brains Fancy feeling inferior?

6.30 Eggheads General knowledge quiz hosted by Dermot Murnaghan.

7.00 Return To… Lakesiders 7.30 Return To… Lakesiders 8.00 University Challenge Selwyn College, Cambridge take on the students of St Anne’s College, Oxford.

8.30 The Hairy Bakers Hairy Bikers, Dave Myers and Simon King search Britain for the perfect loaf.

9.00 Dragons’ Den Neil and Laura Westwood’s Magic Whiteboard reveal a statically charged plastic sheet which they think will eradicate the traditional flipchart. How is that different from a normal whiteboard?

10.00 Would I Lie To You? Comedy panel show, with Angus Deayton.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis.

11.20 The Homecoming – Alexander Solzhenitsyn’s Return To Russia Following the author, who died earlier this month, on his return home to Russia in 1994 after 20 years of enforced exile in America.

12.55am Ellery Queen Author and amateur detective Ellery Queen attempts to solve another murder.

1.45 Sign Zone: Making The Olympic Dream 2.30 House Of Saddam. With Igal Naor as the dictator 3.30 : Dr Alice Roberts: Don’t Die Young. Health documentary series.

4.00 Joins BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News and Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Inspector Morse 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs 7.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Friends 10.00 Big Brother’s Diary Room Uncut 11.00 Beauty And The Geek 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Will And Grace 1.00 Desperate Housewives. 2.45 Gok’s Fashion Fix 3.45 Countdown 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Richard And Judy

6.00-8.00am Children’s television.

8.00 Mio Mao 8.05 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Little Princess 8.50 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Medical Investigation 3.10 FILM: Heart Full Of Rain (1997) 5.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather News and weather.

7.00 Emmerdale Jamie gives Viv a makeover before her court appearance. It worked for Winona…

7.30 Coronation Street Molly tries to hide her loss from Tyrone as she and Auntie Pam frantically search through the pickle jars for the engagement ring. Smelly fingers.

8.00 Carry On Clamping: Tonight Ginny Buckley reports on legislation which aims to crack down on overzealous clamping. Ooh matron.

8.30 Coronation Street Tony’s determination reaches new lows.

Pam makes deals to get Molly’s ring.

9.00 Superhuman: Genius See highlights.

10.00 News At Ten And Weather .

10.40 FILM: Cradle 2 The Grave (2002) Starring Jet Li, DMX and Mark Dacascos. Action thriller. The head of a crime syndicate forms an alliance with a special agent from Taiwan when the criminal’s daughter is kidnapped after a diamond heist.

12.35am British Touring Car Championship Highlights Highlights of the eighth meeting in this season’s MSA British Touring Car Championship from Knockhill.

1.25 Nightwatch.2.20 Nightwatch.

3.15 Moving Day. 3.40 Moving Day. Gavin Lowe.4.00 ITV Nightscreen.

5.30 ITV Early Morning News.

6.00 The Simpsons Homer receives a mysterious invitation from his criminal mother. But the police are on to her. With Glenn Close.

6.30 Hollyoaks Haunted by memories of killing Nige, Calvin is stunned when Warren suggests they should get rid of the evidence as soon as possible. Why not let it linger till the police come?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Bright Young Wonders A showcase of 15 upcoming presenters.

8.00 The Genius Of Charles Darwin Last episode. Richard Dawkins meets creationsts, scientists and the Archbishop of Canterbury.

9.00 Kevin McCloud And The Big Town Plan Kevin McCloud follows a community-led regeneration scheme in a former mining town in Yorkshire.

10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the past 24 hours.

11.05 Tonightly Satirical comedy entertainment show.

11.40 FILM: Dead Man’s Shoes (2002) Starring Paddy Considine, Tony Kebell and Gary Stretch. Revenge thriller with spaghetti Western overtones despite its Derbyshire setting. A returning soldier searches a bleak town for the truth about what happened to his retarded brother.

1.15am Big Brother Live 4.25 FILM: The Final Test (1953) Genial comedy about a cricketing father and son.

6.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies With Michaela Strachan. Danaca the giraffe begins the longest labour in Woburn Safari Park’s history.

7.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 Extraordinary Animals A radical scientific project is allowing humans and dolphins to communicate on a new level. Facebook?

8.00 Fifth Gear Vicki ButlerHenderson spends a day at the Brooklands Motoring Festival with Lewis Hamilton. Jason Plato checks out the latest Porsche’s 911 GT2.

9.00 Before They Were Stars: Greatest TV Moments With Steve Coogan on The Krypton Factor, Dominic Monaghan on Hetty Wainthropp Investigates and Cat Deeley models lingerie on Kilroy.

11.00 FILM: Brubaker (1980) Starring Robert Redford, Yaphet Kotto and Jane Alexander.. An unorthodox warden is appointed to a notoriously brutal prison in an attempt to improve conditions. To expose the atrocities, he disguises himself as a prisoner.

1.25am Disorderly Conduct 2.25 NASCAR: Sprint Cup US motor racing.

3.15 USPGA Golf Action.

4.05 Golf: The Challenge. 4.30 FIM World Motocross Championship.

5.10 Everybody Hates Chris. Sitcom.

5.35 Neighbours. Steve pleads guilty to manslaughter.

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x4) 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 NASCAR: 3M Performance 400 1.00pm Ford Football Special 2.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.00 NASCAR: 3M Performance 400 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 You’re On Sky Sports!

11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 2.00 Big League Weekend 3.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.30 You’re On Sky Sports!

6.00 BBC News National and international news; weather.

6.30 South East Today; Weather Local news and weather.

7.00 The Games Today Day 10.

How have our canoeists got on? Of course you care, they’re British.

7.57 BBC News And Regional News National and regional news.

8.00 EastEnders Tamwar blames himself when trouble hits Masala Masood. Pesky trouble always packs a punch.

8.30 Panorama The NHS postcode lottery that forced Terry Pratchett to pay for his Alzheimer’s medication.

9.00 New Tricks As Brian Lane struggles to control his desire to drink, he finds refuge in a commune at the centre of an investigation into the death of a student.

10.00 BBC News National, international news.

10.25 South East Today; Weather Local news, sport and weather.

10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The Man Who Cycled The World See highlights.

11.05 FILM: Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) Black comedy as hitman John Cusack returns to his school reunion and teenage sweetheart Minnie Driver – but can she love a killer?

12.50am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast.

12.55 Joins BBC News 1.50 Olympics 2008

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 10.30 Pipeline Adventures 11.00 Seamaster Sailing 11.30 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 12.00pm Golf Night 2.00 Seamaster Sailing 2.30 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 3.00 Seamaster Sailing 3.30 Golf Night 5.30 Pipeline Adventures 6.00 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows 7.00 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 7.30 World Motor Sport 10.00 Fishing: Thinking Tackle 11.00 Speedway 1.00am Trilby Golf Tour 3.00 World Motor Sport 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Polo 8.00 Powerlifting 9.00 Women’s Pool 10.00 Women’s Pool 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Women’s Pool 1.00 Women’s Pool 2.00 Pipeline Adventures 2.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 3.00 Women’s Pool 4.00 Women’s Pool 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Showjumping 8.00 Trilby Golf Tour 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows 5.15 Close Rachel Pegg

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Relic Hunter 2.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 4.00 Gladiators Ready! The Gladiators Story 5.00 Gladiators: Semi-Finals 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 The Premiership’s 50 Greatest Goals 10.30 FILM: Ring Of Death (2008) 12.10am Street Wars 1.10 Road Wars Half Hours

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Olympic Football: Women’s Semi-Finals 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 Little Britain 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Spooks: Code 9 11.20 Family Guy (x2) 12.05am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 1.05 Spooks: Code 9

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Chambre Hardman And The Lost City Of Liverpool. 8.00 Passport To Liverpool 8.50 The Golden Vision 10.05 Life On Mars 11.05 FILM: Gumshoe (1971) 12.25am Stuart Sutcliffe: The Lost Beatle 1.25 Rock Family Trees (x2) 3.05 Stuart Sutcliffe: The Lost Beatle 4.05 Close

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Airline 8.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.00 FILM: American Pie (1999) 10.50 Coronation Street (x2) 11.50 FILM: X2 (2003) 2.20am Teleshopping 5.20 ITV2 Nightscreen

12.40pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 2.55 On The Buses 3.30 Ain’t Misbehavin’ 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.50 Wycliffe 9.00 Profiling...

Ian Rankin 10.00 Rebus 11.30 Profiling... Ian Rankin 12.30am Super Sleuths: Poirot 1.25 Maigret 2.20 Tales Of The Unexpected

12.30pm One Tree Hill 1.20 Big Brother 2.20 Big Brother: Live 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 FILM: She’s All That (1999) 11.55 Big Brother 12.00am Big Brother: Live

1.00pm Deal Or No Deal 1.50 ER 2.50 Hill Street Blues 3.50 Time Team 4.50 Relocation, Relocation 5.55 Selling Houses (x2) 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 First Cut: Being Maxine Carr 9.00 Half Ton Mum 10.05 The Smallest People In The World 11.10 Without A Trace 12.10am Third Watch

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 Make Me A Supermodel US 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Ghost Whisperer

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.00pm Doctor Who 5.00 Open All Hours 5.40 My Family 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.05 The Good Life 10.45 French And Saunders 11.25 Two Pints Of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12.00am The Two Ronnies

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Grumpy Old Holidays 11.50 Two And A Half Men 12.20am Rules Of Engagement

1.00pm The FBI Files 2.00 Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How Do They Do It? 8.00 American Chopper (x2) 10.00 Hot Rod Apprentice: Hard Shine 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Unsolved Murders

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Haunted (1995) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Quantum Leap 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Angel 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Ogre (2008) 11.40 FILM: Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) 1.30am Medium 2.30 Ghost Stories 3.00 Angel

3.25pm Barefoot In The Park (1967) 5.15 Funeral In Berlin (1966) 7.00 Billion Dollar Brain (1967) 9.00 Requiem For A Heavyweight (1962) 10.30 The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner (1962) 12.15am Requiem For A Heavyweight (1962)

9.00am Days Of Glory (2005) 11.10 Shooting Fish (1997) 1.10pm Better Luck Tomorrow (2003) 2.55 Cinema Paradiso (1988) 5.50 Syriana (2005) 8.00 Shooting Fish (1997) 10.00 I Want You (1998) 11.30 Nil

By Mouth (1997) 1.50am Indie Close-Up 2.20 Dad Savage (1998)

1.00pm The Silver Fleet (1943) 2.45 The Wolves Of Willoughby Chase (1989) 4.35 Fathom (1967) 6.30 I Am Sam (2001) 9.00 Men Of Honor (2000) 11.25 Dawn Of The Dead (2004) 1.20am The Entity (1983) 3.50 Close

8.45am 42nd Street (1933) 10.25 They Died With Their Boots On (1941) 1.00pm Wives And Daughters 3.00 Young Cassidy (1965) 5.00 Les Girls (1957) 7.05 It Happened At The World’s Fair (1963) 9.00 Stardust (1975) 11.00 Night Digger (1971) 1.00am The Sea Hawk (1940) 3.10 Tortilla Flat (1942)

Classics

Indie