Latest Seven: Issue 409 Feb 3 - Feb 9

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1/30/09

3:13 PM

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 3 – 9 February 2009

FREE WEEKLY

tom cruise talks about his daring new role in valkyrie and the lessons of history ed byrne on religion, barack, and the international language of comedy

sensuous in seattle share a romantic meal at the marina just for you round up of gorgeous valentine’s gifts

andy bell on the release of erasure’s definitive collection

win! win! win! valentine’s goodies, including tickets to see andy abraham

power of love make valentine’s day one to remember with jeremy hoye

page 15

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Contents

Welcome

★latest upfront 5–11

If you’re in love, Valentine’s is one of the most romantic days of the year. This issue brings you a fabulous gift guides, including the latest jewellery from Brighton designer Jeremy Hoye (p15).

Even if you’re single, this year Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday which means at least you can go out with your friends.

Why not enter our competition to win Andy Abraham tickets (p6) or flick through our listings section for something to do that doesn’t involve hearts and flowers (p22)?

If you’re in need of a bit of pampering, Champneys is giving away a luxury break for two to a Latest reader, turn to page 21.

There’s a new series of Roary the Racing Car, the much-loved children’s TV show, starting this week and we have some fabulous Roarythemed prizes to give away. Turn to the kids section (p27), where you can also find out how to enroll your child in the Brighton Academy of Performing Arts.

Theatre Royal Brighton is going comedy mad next week, with performances from Stephen K Amos, our own Seann Walsh, Marcus Brigstocke, Phill Jupitus and the rather wonderful Ed Byrne, who has been interviewed by Victoria Nangle this week (p11).

From next week we have a new books writer at Latest. John Davies has left to pursue other projects but Write Club will keep on running as he has passed the mantle to local poet John O’Donoghue. To find out more about our new John, read my review of his moving and sometimes shocking autobiography (p27).

Haven’t heard a bad word about Barack Obama yet? Folk musician Frank Turner is a bit more cynical than most and not a big fan of politicians, turn to music news to hear his thoughts (p28).

There’s a few changes in the Latest Music chart this week. Don’t forget to upload your tracks to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart and every time you listen to your favourites, you push them further up the top 40.

It is ten years since the horrific bombing at The Admiral Duncan gay pub in Soho. Many of us in Brighton know people who were affected.

Now one of the survivors, a Brighton resident, has written a hard hitting play inspired by his experience. Find out more in Latest Gay, where you can also read an interview with Andy Bell and win Erasure goodies (p32).

In sport, Andy Winter wonders why the English cricket team can’t learn more from South Africa and Sussex (p14).

If you haven’t caught Tom Cruise’s new movie Valkyrie yet, there’s still time in Brighton.

See the film section to find out when it’s showing and to hear more from the little fella himself about the role (p24).

Finally, if you wake up with a terrible hangover this weekend, think twice before trying the hair of the dog method. In his column, Seann has some stern words of warning (p5).

5 Seann feels like hell – and it’s all his own fault

6 Social diary: Brighton celebrates Obama‘s election

★ latest listings 22–41 22 Reviews and listings Anais Mitchell, Don‘t Look Now and of Montreal

23 Stage

6 Comps: win Andy Abraham tickets 7 Dani‘s fed up of moaning minnies who take offence at TV commercials

8 Alison is a darker shade of pale; Will is getting closer to God

The best of dance at Brighton Dome

24 Film Tom Cruise on starring in Valkyrie

26 Comedy

09

06

Victoria pans for gold at a new act night

9 Celeb City: Davina McCall and Heather Mills snap up some dream homes

26 Art The artist tipped by Richard Branson

10 Bare Cheek’s pick of the personal ads, and Astral Angi looks at ruling planets

11 Interview: Comedian Ed Byrne on God, America and lying about his wedding

★ latest news 12–14 12 This week’s headlines and Mary Mears says keep shopping local

13 Phil Mills looks at the Brighton links to

27 Kids & Events Win Roary the Racing Car goodies

27 Books The poet who lived on the streets

28 Music Frank Turner interviewed, Bat for Lashes gig and music highlights Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

40

the new royal carriage

14 Letters: An apology. Sport: What England could learn from South Africa

★ latest lifestyle 15–21 15 Cover feature: Treat your Valentine to a beautiful piece of jewellery from Jeremy Hoye

16 Valentine’s special: offers, gifts and places to celebrate

19 Andrew reluctantly says goodbye to a

31 Club and music listings Where are the Scratch Perverts playing mid week?

32 Gay Admiral Duncan bombing remembered and Erasure’s Andy Bell interviewed

34 Television Dani on The Great British Food Fight and your seven-day TV guide

11

favourite restaurant

25

20 Hotlist. Spend your cash wisely 21 Win a luxury break at Champneys

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Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Staff Writers Will Harris Seann Walsh Dani Winch Sub Editor Joe Curtin Patrick O‘Donnell Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Advertising Sales Sophie Longhurst

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34

Administration Claire Peerless Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor latest 7 3

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1/30/09

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005_LS409_Seann

1/28/09

12:40 PM

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See more at thelatest.co.uk

Seann’s world Seann Walsh is trying to come to terms with the hangover from hell

Hanging on Here I sit, occupied by a hangover so omnipotent and tyrannical that I can’t see, or, at least, not in the traditional sense of that rather basic word. I am aware that I’m typing. Of course I’m aware that I’m typing: the hitting of every key sounds like a miniature hand grenade. But I don’t know if I’m typing in the right order. I’m re-typing this bit from memory anyway, having got halfway through without actually turning the computer on.

This one is so epic, so inescapably vast, so godlike in its scale and importance, that I feel inclined to capitalise the ‘h’ and call it a ‘Hangover’.

I have three different headaches, each with its own rhythm. The first is operated by light, the second by sound, and the third by every movement I make. There’s a nasty little despot in my head, punishing the dissidence of movement and thought.

A miniature Hitler, a petite Darth Vader, ordering and overseeing a malicious reign of terror throughout the regions of my poor, failing body.

If I eat, I’ll be sick. If I don’t eat, I’ll be sick. I feel like I’ve had a stroke and given birth to triplets simultaneously. I’m pretty sure that my head has shrunk, my eyes have expanded and my brain has become a grey, swilling pulp in the toilet bowl of my cranium.

Yep, I’m pretty sure.

In short, I’m really quite hungover.

A hangover is like giving birth or falling in love, in that when it happens to you, it’s all you can talk about. Any other topic of conversation falls flat, replaced by groans of agony, utterances that can only exist in groan form, any other linguistic device

(like words, for example) thwarted by their own limitations of expressiveness. Any extraneous presence in the consciousness is shot down by little Hitler’s mercilessly vigilant little snipers. Nothing else exists. For today, there is nothing in my life except the Hangover.

Last time I had such a painful morning after, I followed the hair of the dog model: take some hair of the dog that bit you. The night before, the dog had savaged me; the day after, I left it bald. When I woke up, two days later, I questioned the merits of this recovery technique. The hair of the dog method is like overcoming the guilt of infidelity by visiting a brothel.

“My wallet and cigarettes are on a plate next to me and there are chips in my pocket, and I think I insulted a taxi driver” And recovering from the hair-ofthe-dog hangover – the double hangover, the hangover with interest – is like recovering from a minor stroke: a two-day reprogramming of forgetful neurons that once had mastery of operations like speech, sentence structure and not crying.

I won’t make that mistake again. Not after the night I had. I don’t really know how much I drank. I lost count at plenty, and then continued: lager; Guinness; tequila; wine; something multicoloured… My wallet and cigarettes are on a plate next to me and there are chips in my pocket, and I think I insulted a taxi driver. And that’s it. That’s all I’ve got memorywise. That’s all I’ve got, aside from the Hangover. There’s nothing else. Nothing else to talk about, nothing else to concentrate on.

I had things to do today, but I won’t do them. I have a form to fill in, emails to send and a phone call to make. I have a letter to post, which is the worst of all; it happens outside, which is the most terrible place in the world. I won’t do any of these things. Did I mention that I had a hangover?

Seann is supporting comedian Stephen K Amos at Theatre Royal Brighton on Tuesday 10 February at 8pm.

Comments? Get in touch: letters@thelatest.co.uk

latestcrossword Cryptic 179 ACROSS 5 A little Eastern snack (4) 7 Contract something by disturbing beaver a bit (10) 8 Underground worker’s distinguishing mark (4) 10 Brandy? Not tonight! (8) 11 Sounds like a spot for fish (6) 12 The charm of mother’s bed (6) 14 The botanist's term for mark of infamy (6) 16 Somehow excited in having ten taken away for fraud (6) 17 It makes perfect doctors, presumably (8) 19 Say no to a foreigner that’s one over the eight (4) 21 Getting up after Pru’s turned out to be unexpected (10) 22 A measure of support (4)

solutions on page 32

Quick 179 DOWN 1 A long way to take Frenchman to find food source (4) 2 Welcome Reg and get in by arrangement (8) 3 A place to meet – in the street (6) 4 Politician from West Africa gets Ugandan military leaders' beads (6) 5 It sounds almost beautiful in France (4) 6 Boys carrying wood for man of God (10) 9 Wipe out what’s made Old Boys concisely educated (10) 13 It’s bound to cause bad feeling (8) 15 Where birds are kept in caviar – Yorkshire! (6) 16 Dull but not wet – take in a bit of corn (6) 18 The price to pay for firms that don’t have cover (4) 20 Part of realigned German border (4)

ACROSS 5 Mountain goat (4) 7 Debate (10) 8 Beast (4) 10 Detached (8) 11 Scanty (6) 12 Alloy (6) 14 On land (6) 16 Simple life form (6) 17 Huge (8) 19 Biblical garden (4) 21 Deadly disease (10) 22 Sediment (4)

DOWN 1 Object of worship (4) 2 Dramatic framework (8) 3 Desire eagerly (6) 4 Loose robe (6) 5 Peruvian Indian (4) 6 Surplus to requirements (10) 9 Unattainable (10) 13 Measuring instrument (8) 15 Great joy (6) 16 Very cold (6) 18 Mountain range (4) 20 Requirement (4)

latest 7 5

006_LS409_Diary/Comps

1/29/09

5:09 PM

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LATESTDIARY

COMPETITIONS

latestdiary With Tim Richardson Inauguration night Momma Cherri’s Soul Food Shack was one of the best places to be for the inauguration of President-Elect Barack Obama, as he was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. The restaurant was filled to the rafters with people that wanted to be involved and be witness to this great historic event. There was a very special Presidential Soul in a Bowl menu that featured the Obama Burger, Presidential Chilli and of course the Obama cocktail.

Charita Jones invited guests to share their thoughts for the future while BBC Southern Counties conducted their Drive Time show live from the party and BBC TV news crews filmed for later broadcasting.

Bert Williams, Ben Burgess and Simon Burgess

Charita Jones (Momma Cherri)

Joe Lee Wilson (jazz singer) and Jill Wilson

IN IT TO WIN IT Win tickets to see Andy Abraham in Eastbourne Tickets to the show, CD, and meet Andy Abraham!

He wowed on X Factor, sang for Great Britain in Eurovision and now Andy Abraham is set to make an appearance at Eastbourne’s Congress Theatre on the most loved-up day of the year. Now we have a pair of tickets to to give away to his Valentine’s night show, plus a signed copy of his new album Even If, and the chance to meet Andy after the show!

To enter tell us: Who was Andy Abraham runner-up to in the 2005 X Factor Series 2 final? a. Steve Brookstein b. Shayne Ward c. Leona Lewis.

See below for full entry details. The show takes place on Saturday 14 February at the Congress Theatre, Eastbourne at 7.30pm.

6 latest 7

To win, email: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Andy Abraham’ in the subject box. Leave your answer to the question in the body of the email.

Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Mon 9 February. Winner will be chosen and notified Tue 10 Feb.

007_LS409_Dani

1/30/09

3:06 PM

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See more at thelatest.co.uk

Dani’s diary Dani can’t understand why people complain and wants respect for the ugly

Ad attack Did you see that advert for Glade Touch and Fresh where the kid doesn’t want to ‘poo‘ because his bathroom does not have an air freshener that you stick to the wall? Now, can you believe somebody has complained to the Advertising Standards Authority?

I think that is taking it a bit far. The reason they were upset was because of the use of the word ‘poo’! 1) Who takes the time to complain about adverts? 2) Is the word ‘poo’ really that offensive?

3) Why did no one complain about the fact that at the end of the advert the mother stands in the bathroom with her recently relieved son and sniffs the air to see if the air freshener has made a difference? So why does the advert that openly admits poo stinks get complaints, whereas one where three women at lunch discussing their ‘discomfort’ and ‘hard stools‘ is okay? I personally find that a lot more annoying than a kid worrying about a potential smell!

Possibly even worse was the advert for Heinz Deli Mayo. In the advert they make a play on the fact that the mayo is supposed to be like that from a New York deli. The ‘mum‘ character is played by a man who could have just stepped off the plane from the Big Apple. He makes all the kids their sandwiches for school, including the husbands, and when the husband is about to leave for work he kisses his ‘wife‘.

That was withdrawn by Heinz following complaints about the kiss. I didn’t even notice the two men kissed and as it happens a lot of other people didn’t either. It was literally the quickest peck you could ever imagine and yet people found it so disturbing they took the time to complain.

“Are the people that complain just incredibly easily offended or really, really bored?“ Are the people that complain just incredibly easily offended or really, really bored? There was also an advert for Skoda Fabia, in which a personal assistant jumps off a bridge onto a moving train, from there she scurries along the top of it ducking bridges as she goes. When she finds the carriage her boss is sitting in she smashes through the window, jumps inside and heads to the seat next to him. She comments on the

weather before handing him a document he had forgotten and then reminds him of the time he should be at his meeting. The slogan for the car was ‘Practical and exciting. You don’t see that very often.‘ I thought that advert was funny, it was different to all the other annoying adverts for cars with over the top attractive people in them. But people didn’t like it, 37 complaints were made, some on the basis that children will watch it and be influenced to smash train windows. Others complained the image of the woman jumping from the bridge to the train was too reminiscent of people committing suicide. Some people thought the scene where she dived through the window, smashing it, would remind some that when a train is in an accident the windows sometimes have to be smashed to get to the people inside.

If that is the case then come one folks, let’s go and complain about every action movie ever made. And while we are at it, perhaps we should be extra vigilant, constantly, in case what we may one day be saying or doing in public could potentially remind someone of something that is vaguely similar to something they found distressing! Fortunately the ASA saw sense and did not uphold the complaints because the advert was obviously a fantasy. Some people need to lighten up!

Little respect Does anyone else think it is weird how it is considered okay to eat something that is alive because it is ugly? On I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! the contestants are made to eat grubs that are still alive. Everyone watching squirms, but no one thinks about the fact that it is a live creature simply because it is ugly.

If it was a kitten they had to eat there would be an uproar. (Let me just point out that the idea of the kitten part is making me feel really sick, but it proves a point!)

What makes the maggot any different? Why is no one complaining? Even if they killed the creatures first, they would be killing them for TV and I would find that a bit odd. Should we allow celebrities to climb their way from the C list to the B list at some creature’s expense? Just because one animal is cuter than another doesn’t mean it deserves a better quality of life or death.

We treat our pets like they are part of the family, so does that mean the most unattractive member of our family gets treated with a less respect?

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

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008_LS409_will/alison

1/28/09

12:50 PM

Page 2

CITYSPEAKS

Swanning around

Man on a mission

In preparation for a holiday, Alison Swann loses her fake tan virginity

Will Harris ticks off going to church on his list of challenges in 2009

By the time you read this I will be in Marrakech, chasing a slice of winter sun and getting off on the flood of happy hormones that will come in its wake. It’s unlikely to be skin blisteringly hot. This is a good thing; I have skin that was clearly bred from ancestors with a distant relation to the big orange thing in the sky. And I am also now at an age where I give a damn about the state of my skin and am keen not to have face that looks like a collapsed balloon in years to come. (I would have said raisin, but that is ridiculous, as I have about as much chance of developing a ‘deep’ tan as I have of competing in the next Olympics.)

With that in mind, I have gone all bleedin’ girly in preparation for this north African adventure and gone and got myself a ‘fake bake’. At first I thought it was some leftfield reference to the ‘baking’ boys are so proud to do before a visit to the toilet. But no. It’s fake tanning it up – spray tanning it up to be precise. Having recently been led into the path of girly righteousness by work colleagues I headed down to Beautique in Brighton to break my spray tan virginity. Slightly perturbed, but also intrigued to see what I looked like with a tan I stripped off. Well I’m pleased to report, bloody healthy and hot baby! To me it looks like an amazing transformation. To the untrained eye I simply look less dead.

“To me it looks like an amazing transformation.

To the untrained eye I simply look less dead“ Next on my list of things to sort before holiday is reading material.

This is perfect timing as I have been recently traumatised by The Guardian‘s supplements of 100 books I ‘need‘ to read before I die. I was horrified to discover that I had read hardly any of them. I’ve read loads of books. I was allegedly a bit of a child prodigy in the reading department. I like to think of myself as an early version of Stewie Griffin in Family Guy: “Mother, I’ve read Proust, get me Ulysses!” Apparently, I could read by the time I was potty trained. This either means I got out of nappies and on the pot at a scarily late age, or that I was the indeed the reading prodigy that my mother maintains.

I have therefore always had and continue to maintain a lifelong obsession with books. When I first arrived in Brighton my first mission was to find everywhere Graham Greene had sat and written Brighton Rock. I convinced myself that the power of historical osmosis would turn me into a latter-day Greene. I have since grown up on that one.

I won’t be packing the latest airport lounge blockbuster or the most recent Harry Potter. I hate Harry Potter. I would rather read the Secret Diary of Kerry Katona (Can there be any secrets?). Okay, ‘hate’ is a bit strong. But it is a child’s book. I do not understand the adult fascination.

Please don’t expect me to get into something I would have happily devoured when I was 12. Literary snob me? You bet. Christ, let me have one prejudice.

Books packed (Paul Auster), sun cream (factor off the Richter scale), sunglasses (huge and probably out of fashion now, but who cares), ability to not fall off camel (doubtless sadly lacking, but I’m sure I’ll give the locals a laugh). Passport? Oh no! Only kidding. See you next week.

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Dark clouds are churning in the sky as I hover just outside the threshold of a building in Soho, my collar turned up against the rain.

Two days ago, the Met Office issued a severe weather warning and for once they appear to have got it right, at least judging by the storm ripping through the trees in the churchyard and creeping in through a hole in my shoe. The weathermen, in all their infinite wisdom, have put this sudden onslaught down to a band of low pressure sweeping in from the Atlantic. I, in my one wet sock, have put it down to God. “Are you coming in or what?” It’s my friend Christian Carol, who I’m staying with for the weekend and who – as you might guess from her moniker – is a far more habitual visitor to God’s house than I am. “It’s about to start.”

Casting a final glance up at the angry skies, and bracing myself for the inevitable thunderbolt that will blind my infidel’s eyes and cause my flesh to fizz and drop from my bones, I step into the church and attempt Number 14 on my list of challenges for the year: Go to Church.

“As I sit on my cold pew and listen to strangers praying for peace in Gaza, it strikes me that perhaps I’ve been a bit unfair on religion” Up to this point, had somebody asked me if I was worried about getting into heaven, I’d probably have assumed they were talking about the length of the queue at the London superclub on a Saturday night. Although I was christened into the Church of England many years ago, my involvement in organised religion since then can be summed up by a few grudging appearances at Sunday school and a short-lived attempt at Kabbalah after watching a documentary on Madonna.

The fact is, being gay (as I am) and believing in God (as I do) is a situation that can be hard to reconcile. There’s certainly a temptation there to turn your back on religion altogether. It’s a bit like not being allowed to take part in a schoolyard game because you’re too short or fat or you’ve got the wrong shoes. “Fine!” you fume, tramping off to play hopscotch with the girl with the lazy eye. “I don’t want to play your stupid game anyway! Your game uses a rulebook that’s thousands of years old, has played a role in every major conflict and untold millions of deaths in human history, and is well rubbish!”

But as I sit on my cold pew and listen to strangers praying for peace in Gaza, it strikes me that perhaps I’ve been a bit unfair on religion, or at least the side of it that’s on show today. None of the people around me are banging their fists on their bibles or quoting Leviticus and frothing at the mouth. Instead, the over-riding message here is of hope and love, and – even for a supposed infidel like myself – it’s difficult to argue with that.

If we lived in a world with any regard for narrative harmony, then I would no doubt conclude this tale by flinging open the chapel doors and marching boldly out into the brilliance of winter sunshine, vibrant and renewed, as wild doves swoop and soar overhead in whitefeathered splendour. As it is, Carol and I have to make do with the rain-wrecked streets of Soho, heads down, collars up, tripping to avoid a headless pigeon on the pavement.

Not that it bothers me any more. After all, it’s only a band of low pressure off the Atlantic.

For comments and chit chat email letters@thelatest.co.uk

009_LS409_celebcity

1/28/09

12:44 PM

Page 1

AROUNDTOWN

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Moving day Davina’s in the county, Heather’s bought again and Skunk Anansie guitarist returns

sponsored by Davina – who reportedly earns around £70,000 per week presenting the Channel 4 show – previously split her time between a £1million home in Woldingham, Surrey, and a £1.5million villa in St Tropez, France.

And, while Big Brother contestants share two bedrooms and one bathroom, there's no shortage of rooms in Davina's new home in the Sussex countryside.

The rural property boasts not one but two swimming pools, eight bedrooms, five bathrooms, five reception rooms, a huge conservatory, tennis court, paddocks and woodlands. There's also a separate lodge for staff.

Davina’s new neighbours include Roger Daltrey from The Who, guitarist Jeff Beck and Tetra Pak billionaire Hans Rausing – good one if you are short of a pint of milk!

The house was once a medieval nunnery – but has received various improvements over the years and it now one of the finest examples of Georgian architecture in the country. Welcome to Sussex Davina!

Ticket to ride Meanwhile, another Hove-based celeb has been property shopping – Heather Mills, who received over £24.3million in her divorce settlement from Paul McCartney, has now splashed out on a £4million Hampstead pad.

Heather currently has houses in Hove, New York’s West Village and another East Sussex country mansion. Lend us a tenner Heather!

Rock star back on the airwaves

Big Brother star’s new home Yet another massive celeb has moved to Sussex – TV presenter Davina McCall has swapped her £1million home in Surrey for a £4.3million Georgian mansion set in 37 acres of beautiful countryside in Wadhurst.

All those late Friday nights presenting C4's Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother live evictions have paid off – allowing Davina, her husband, presenter Matthew Robertson, and their three children to move into the Grade II listed estate.

Ace, the guitarist with 90s rock band Skunk Anansie is back on the airwaves with the relaunch of his Juice FM radio show.

The Ace New Music Show is dedicated to playing the finest up and coming Brighton bands as well as touting the hottest new releases and album tracks.

The show airs Monday to Thursday, 7–10pm on Brighton’s Juice 107.2FM and is a clash of musical styles, fused with live sessions and interviews, providing a platform for the city’s new music talent.

As a tutor at one of the UK’s leading rock’n’roll colleges, the Brighton Institute of Modern Music, Ace is well suited to a role that nurtures new talent, and welcomes listeners to send their demos to him.

If you have a demo or record that you would like to hear on The Ace New Music Show, send it to Ace at Juice 107.2FM, 170 North Street, Brighton, BN1 1EA. For more information on The Ace New Music Show, visit www.juicebrighton.com For more information on BIMM, visit www.bimm.co.uk.

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com

10% service will be added. Offer valid until the end of March 2009 excluding Valentines Day, Saturday evenings and bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

latest 7 9

010_LS409_cheeky/stars

1/30/09

1:09 PM

Page 2

ONLY JOKING!

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

In & Out

Counter Reformation Edition

IN

OUT

• The Council of Trent

• The Battle of Lepanto

• St Francis Xavier

• St Ignatius of Loyola

• The Barnabites

• The Carmelites

• Sober reflection

• Regnans in Excelsis

• An Admonition to the Nobility and Laity of England

• The Expulsion of The Jansenists

• The Renunciation of The Edict of Nantes

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Women seeking men PSYCHIC, (25) seeks not you, or you. Nope.

Yes, you. The one in the green Tshirt.

BOX 245655 A FEMINIST WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR? (yes we do exist!) looking for a man for very very long conversations about sexual roles in Western society over organic red wine.

BOX 989045 FOR ME THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE ARE trust, kindness, sensitivity, loyalty, empathy, and enormous appendages. BOX 809088 Men seeking women PYRAMUS WLTM THISBE let’s hope my prose isn’t as purple as the mulberries famously coloured with our mingled lifeblood… Nobody’s got the slightest idea what I’m on about, have they? BOX 001766 Women seeking women AC/DC F WLTM BI QT PDQ. INTO PE, TV (ESP BBC) & PVC. RSVP. OK? BOX 779984

Wicked Chinese whispers • Which Chinese wonderglow captain potassium potassium handbag?

• Who fog cramp liquidised dog secret area trumpet below knife?

• Which famous glum pum oomps loompa Clarice Hilton rub trouser generously jaguar times?

• Who canned wheatgerm gran under milky Robinson five thousand pounds machine?

• Which cuff trump tough caller swept along twix doors sore next weekday root?!

Astral Angi

★Finding truth in the stars★

This week Astral looks at your ruling planets

Men seeking men SENSITIVE son seeks dirty old man for rag and bone-related bleak sitcom high jinks.

BOX 008766 Mythological creatures seeking mythological creatures SASQUATCH seeks Yeti for quiet nights in by the fire. Sudoku, scrabble, soppy old films, mayhem, maybe more. BOX 889901 ARE YOU BIGFOOT? Let’s be bigfeet together. BOX 666667 WEREWOLF, (45) howling at the moon for a mate. Hairy, housebroken and cheesed off with the dating game. Can you tame me?

BOX 412230 HOOTS MON! Loch Ness Monster (yes we do exist!) seeks other extinct amphibian for chat, laughs, candlelit dinners. No swimming elephants, bits of driftwood, or optical illusions. BOX 509988

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ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Aries is a cardinal fire sign ruled by the planet Mars. How sexy does that sound? Then again you could just be an old bossy boots with a bad temper – is that how you want to be seen?

Cancer is a cardinal water sign ruled by the moon, which makes you extremely sensitive. Nice, nice Cancer, there, there. Of course we all love you, really we do.

Libra is a cardinal air sign ruled by the planet Venus. Which is sweet because that means you are all loved-up.

Yeuch, yeuch, yeuch – get a room and stop sitting on the fence.

Capricorn is a cardinal earth sign ruled by the planet Saturn. A serious, practical, hardworking, down-toearth sign. Dull, dull, dull, – solve this by pretending to be an Aquarian.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taurus is a fixed earth sign ruled by the planet Venus. Head in the clouds but feet on the ground maybe? Try to be a little less airy and a little more grounded this week.

Leo is a fixed fire sign ruled by the sun. That makes you incredibly vital and energetic. It also gets back to that massive ego again. Learn to moderate it and we will learn to live with it.

Scorpio is a fixed water sign ruled by the planet Pluto. You have a deep understanding of the mysteries of life.

Personally, I think that is a handicap and would rather be left in the dark.

Aquarius is a fixed air sign ruled by Uranus (and you can stop laughing at the back of the class). Aquarians are the individualists of the zodiac and don’t they want us to know it!

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Gemini is a mutable air sign ruled by the planet Mercury. I think that means that you are a communicator, in which case change mutable to changeable and stop being so poncey.

Virgo is a mutable earth sign ruled by the planet Mercury. In other words Virgo is hard to please – and don’t I know it. I have been trying to please Virgos all my life!

Sagittarius is a mutable fire sign ruled by the planet Jupiter. Optimistic, outgoing and philosophical with a keen interest in foreign cultures, religion and travel – if you stay awake.

Pisces is a mutable water sign ruled by the planet Neptune. You can be either untidy or very neat. Neither one thing nor t’other. console yourself with a Bardsley’s fish supper.

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To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

011_LS409_celebinterview

1/28/09

12:40 PM

Page 1

INTERVIEW

On the Ed Victoria Nangle chats with Ed Byrne, international stand-up extraordinaire, about religion, marriage and Barack Obama It’s Friday afternoon when I call Ed Byrne, he’s relaxed after a week of corporate gigs. Known recently as the voice of Carphone Warehouse ads, his stand-up tour of 2008 has proven so popular he’s added extra dates for this year and keeps turning up on all manner of comedy panel shows – as he has done for the past ten years. He’s in demand and loving it.

You were quite prominent as an atheist comic. What do you think of comics taking a stand against religious beliefs?

You're the first person to have remarked that I’m an atheist comic, I'm happy with the title, but I didn't particularly think people think of me in that way. It’s not just in comedy, but across the board. You’ve got people like Richard Dawkins with his book The God Delusion, it’s become less taboo.

It’s an easy thing to take the piss out of.

There are so many contradictions and ugliness and hatred in it that it’s right it has the piss taken out of it, but, it’s easy to point the finger and say that’s obviously not true.

People also know who you’re talking about.

More than say… Nigella Lawson. There are people out there who don’t know who Nigella Lawson is, or a famous footballer, not everyone follows football. Everyone knows who Jesus Christ is, and you can make jokes about it and it’s not going to go over anyone’s head.

You play to international audiences a lot, I imagine this would be true of the material you use in a lot of places?

America is really tricky. It’s incredible how Christian they are. You’re the edgiest of the edgy if you take the piss out of religion and you take your life in your hands if you do it in the flyover states. In places like New York, you can do it a bit, but it’s a much riskier thing. Here staunch Christians don’t tend to go to stand-up comedy, maybe they do in the States.

jealous of their jokes. I like Bill Bailey and Al Murray because they’re quite different from me and very funny.

Describe your current show?

‘The best one I’ve done in ten years’ seems to be the common consensus. It’s about class, about not being able to fit in. It‘s either working class or middle class. I also have a thing of being not quite famous and not quite nobody. I’m a very in-between kind of bloke. I

“I think with Obama, political humour is going to have to be a lot cleverer” talk about just getting married and what a pain in the arse organising a wedding is.

There’s also a thing in there about the things you wish you’d said in arguments but didn't say at the time and think of it later.

There’s one joke in the show she’s not keen on because it’s a lie. It implies that my wife didn’t let me invite certain people to the wedding, but that’s a joke. Everything else she’s happy with. Her only problem is if I misrepresent her. We have a nice house to live in so that compensates.

Any advice to aspiring comics?

Don’t do it! I think the most important thing is to not go to big comedy shows until you’re absolutely ready. Lots of people make the mistake of going to the Comedy Store for their first open spot and die on their arse. A year later they’re good, but the Comedy Store won’t book them because they remember you as that guy that died on his arse. That is the most important thing on a practical level.

The other thing is to write down everything you say that is funny. Don’t go: ‘That’s not quite funny enough to do as a joke’, because two or three years down the line you might think of a way to make it funny. Don’t think: ‘Ah, I'll remember that’, because a lot of the time you won’t.

I have forgotten, at a conservative estimate, 45 minutes of material – good jokes too! I’ve thought of it, told it to my missus and said, “We must remember that”, “Yes we must.”

And then the next day: “What was that thing last night?” “Don’t know.” Write it down.

Ed Byrne: Different Class can be seen at The Theatre Royal Brighton, on Monday 9 February.

Tickets cost £18.50.

How do you decide with your relationship what is taboo to talk about on stage – do you talk it through with the other half?

I don’t really say anything that mean. When we met, she knew what I did for a living, and it would be a bit unfair for her to say: “You know how you go on stage and talk about your life, can you stop doing that now.”

What about in Ireland?

It’s fine, you can be controversial. I don’t want to sound like an 18-year-old stoner, but religion has been the cause of a fair few problems over the years, so I think people are happy for you to make fun of it.

Do you think Barack Obama's presidency is going to change the way people do material because Bush has been great fodder?

I haven’t seen many people do great stuff about Bush he’s is a very easy target. I find it annoying when people just quote him. It’s funny when he says the French don’t have a word for entrepreneur, but how many times can a comic say that as a Canadian? It’s kind of cheating. I think with Obama, political humour is going to have to be a lot cleverer.

It will actually be very good for comedy because people will really have to lift their game. You can’t just go: “He’s an idiot!” It’s even going to make it hard to make fun of Americans, because they’ve finally done something right.

Which comics do you enjoy watching?

Comics that aren’t like me, because I’m not trying to second-guess them and I’m not latest 7 11

012_LS409_newssummary

1/30/09

2:44 PM

Page 2

LATESTNEWS

news summary

7 days of headlines

Travelling art A message in a bottle dropped into the Atlantic two years ago has been found.

NEWS

The Space, Brighton’s media and arts networking group, has had to cancel tonight’s event due to unforeseen circumstances.

Author Fay Weldon and The Comedy Store founder Don Ward had been scheduled to appear.

The next event at Latest Musicbar on Tuesday 3 March will feature actor Jenny Agutter and producer and composer Jeff Wayne. Doors open at 7pm.

A firm that cut down five protected trees was fined £25,000 plus £4,000 costs.

Bridgetown Properties Ltd felled the trees at Anston House, Preston Road, Brighton, in 2007.

The firm and its director Tim Harding were prosecuted by Brighton and Hove City Council.

Harding was fine £5,000. The site was bought for development but no progress has been made.

Brighton and Hove City Council appointed an interim chief executive. Alex Chailey, director of strategy and governance, will take control until a replacement is found for Alan McCarthy, who took early retirement last month.

Brighton artist Jamie McCartney dropped three bottles into the ocean on a transatlanctic crossing on three consecutive days in May, 2007.

The bottles were part of a conceptual artwork and contained half a $20 bill with a message promising the other half plus another $80 to anyone who found and returned the bottle to him.

When he got home, Jamie created wooden boxes with glass fronts in which he placed a photo of each bottle, the other half of the $20 bill, an envelope with the promised $80 and an explanation about the artwork with the coordinates where each bottle was jettisoned.

Jamie said: “In all honesty I never expected any of those

Pulling together Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on the challenges ahead We should not promote economic prosperity at the expense of building a clean and green city: the two agendas can prosper together – and prosper, they must.

We are facing unprecedented challenges – from an uncertain market that is deteriorating day by day to a climate that is warming up gradually – and we must confront these.

But we are in a unique position to capitalise on our creativity, location and entrepreneurial spirit to face these challenges down, at the same time as sustaining our environment. In other words, we can create a sustainable economy that also enhances the quality of life for future generations.

We can do this by creating a low-carbon economy that can help our city and Brighton and Hove City Council has worked tirelessly to develop a series of measures that could thrust this city to the forefront of the new green economy.

Our commitment is real. We want to reduce CO2 emissions across the city and within the city council by four percent a year between now and April 2011. We also want to harness the wind, solar and other sustainable energy opportunities locally. At the council we want to achieve five percent renewable energy use in all our operations by 2012.

We want to support practical measures that can make a significant impact, for example by encouraging people to install solar panels to heat their homes, exploring opportunities for onshore and offshore wind farms, and considering options for more fuel efficient vehicles, such as electric cars. We want to encourage people to think about how they can make their

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bottles to be found. What are the chances that one would survive the ocean and be washed up on a sandy beach where people might be around to find it? It could have been hit by a boat, been smashed on rocks or even leaked and sunk. It’s a bit of a miracle.“ The first bottle was found in the Bahamas. US resident Nathan Collins, on a geology field trip to Gerace Research Center, San Salvador, Bahamas found it lying on the sand in a cove. He posted the bottle back to Jamie’s studio in Brighton and Jamie has now been able to complete the first of the three conceptual sculptures.

Jamie said: “It seems impossible that bottle survived, but it did. It makes you believe in the miracles.

It also required the collaboration of a complete stranger to make this artwork happen.“

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Rapist convicted A man who police called “a considerable threat to women” was convicted of raping an 18-yearold.

Raymond Chan, 45, of Finsbury Road, Brighton, was accused of luring the teenage girl to his home after he spotted her walking alone in Western Road, Brighton.

Lewes Crown Court heard Chan told the woman, who had been drinking, that she was being followed and offered to help her, hailing a taxi, which they both got into. He spoke to the victim’s boyfriend on her mobile and told him he would look after her until her boyfriend could meet her.

Chan took the victim to his flat but told her boyfriend to meet her in another street.

After he raped her, the victim got a taxi home where she reported being raped.

The court heard there had been two previous rape allegations against Chan. Det Insp Michael Jones said: “Chan poses a considerable threat to women and I am pleased the jury has seen through his arrogance and lies.”

shopping more sustainable, while boosting the local economy and that is the central message of our ‘Be Local, Buy Local‘, campaign (www.brightonhove.gov.uk/buylocal).

Some of the other measures we are considering include, domestic renewables (small scale installations), commercial renewables (medium scale installations), offshore wind (large scale), energy supply companies and other renewables such as tidal and biomass.

We may also benefit from one of the largest wind farms in the world being built off the coast of Sussex near Brighton and Hove, from 2014. It will produce enough electricity in total to meet the needs of Kent, Surrey and Sussex – though in practice it will go into the grid for use anywhere in the UK. If this goes ahead, we could see a massive boost to our local economy.

So while the world watches as governments go on bailing out banks, we’ll focus on taking the small but significant steps that can transform our economy into a beacon of excellence, and over time help sustain a healthy and thriving community of creative and prosperous people.

After all, this is a city of opportunity.

If you would like to comment on these stories please email news@thelatest.co.uk

013_LS409_newsphil

1/28/09

1:21 PM

Page 1

LATESTNEWS Phil Mills on the new royal carriage nearing completion and the border collie helping school children to improve their reading

Australia’s gift latest 7

NEWS

A new royal carriage carrying a piece of Brighton’s history is weeks away from completion, according to craftsmen in Australia where it is being built.

The State Coach Britannia, ordered by the Queen and covered with jewels and gold inlay, will be only the second new carriage to join the royal household in the last 100 years.

The interior has been decorated with segments of timber from royal palaces and includes a cube of wood from the Royal Pavilion. The timber is a 6cm square by 1.5cm deep and came from one of the roof voids along the spine of the building. It was removed so a metal support bracket could be fitted.

The two-tonne royal carriage is being crafted by an ex-sheep farmer in a run-down shed on Australia’s east coast and is being fully paid for by the Australian taxpayer as a gift to Britain.

Just over two years ago, ex-Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, gave Jim Frecklington £100,000 to build it with the promise of a further £40,000 for shipping costs.

Mr Frecklington, who grew up on a farm near Sydney before working for the royal family in Windsor, has spent two years painstakingly building the carriage with the help of 50 other craftsmen.

“The interior has been decorated with segments of timber from royal palaces and includes a cube of wood from the Royal Pavilion” Some Australians have criticised the expenditure during the recession and questions have been raised in its parliament.

But Mr Frecklington, a staunch royalist, is unrepentant: “It is money well spent and good value – if we have a royal family for another 200 or 300 years, this is the coach they would use.”

He said the carriage contained more gold than any other vehicle made in Britain since 1761 and if Prince William and Kate Middleton do use it, then they will enjoy comfort as well as luxury. It features electric windows, is fully heated and has modern suspension systems.

The wheels are covered in polyurethane – a feature allegedly suggested by Prince Philip, whose horses Mr Frecklington looked after during his time working at the royal household.

In the meantime, the carriage has become a popular attraction at the former military school near Manly, on the outskirts of Sydney, where it is being built. Tourists are paying up to £6 just to see it.

In 1986 Mr Frecklington designed and built the Australian State Coach which was a gift from Australia to Britain, and which is used by the Queen for the State Opening of Parliament.

Britannia has been conceived as a time capsule, containing elements from centuries of British history and representing many important events and traditions in the heritage of the United Kingdom. The central crown that adorns the roof decoration is carved from timber taken from HMS Victory and the coach includes a segment of stone from the Stone of Destiny (Stone of Scone).

Once completed, it will be flown to London aboard a jumbo jet and then presented to the Queen. He said: “With the exception of the

Australia State Coach, which I constructed in 1988, the last state coach built for the royal family was in 1902. Other existing royal coaches each average approximately 130 years of history, marking the special occasions when they have been used by the British Sovereign. It is envisaged that this new state coach will continue to serve the British Monarchy for centuries to come, to convey the monarch and other heads of state on state occasions.”

Dog eared Children‘s reading skills are improving thanks to help from Tom the border collie who sits in class while the pupils read stories about his adventures.

Year 4 students with learning difficulties read of his antics in booklets or on computers where they can see video clips of the three-year-old pet in action.

Children at Whitehawk Primary School in Brighton stroke and play with Tom while they learn.

Tom’s owner Trish Adams, a teacher with the Children and Young People’s Trust’s Language and Literacy Support Service, said the pupils have been reading tales of Tom for a year and she has seen a marked improvement in reading skills.

She said: “Tom is a teaching tool but he’s much more because he interacts with the children and brings his stories to life. After reading one story, they can’t wait for the next.

“There has been an improvement in the children’s motivation, enthusiasm and their reading abilities. And Tom just loves being with the children.”

Tom’s stories, all written by support service teachers, include a trip to the beach, playing in the snow and the day he stepped out of line by eating chicken from a family picnic table.

Miss Adams uses the Tom stories in other primary schools in Brighton but Whitehawk is the first to invite her dog into classrooms.

She said: “Children who find reading and writing difficult are easily discouraged but I find that with Tom in the room they try harder.

“Whitehawk Primary asked Tom in so the children would realise he is a real dog, to make the stories more meaningful and to keep them interested and enthusiastic about learning. I think it is an experience they will remember for the rest of their lives.”

Rebecca Ancell, eight, said: “I like the stories about Tom and I like touching him because he’s so soft.”

Jack Crosskey, nine, said: “Tom’s the best dog in the whole universe.”

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014_LS409_letters/sport

1/29/09

12:06 PM

Page 2

LATEST LETTERS&SPORT

Letters

Send your comments to letters@thelatest.co.uk

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sports Bunker

Test subject Andy Winter says England should have learned lessons from Sussex and South Africa The fall out from the sacking of England captain, Kevin Pietersen and coach, Peter Moores, rumbles on. It was no secret Pieterson did not get on with Moores. There were reports that some ‘senior’ England players felt Moores was not up to the job, partly because he had no experience of playing cricket at Test level.

True, Moores’ playing experience was limited to being a fine county player for Sussex. But he excelled as a coach, not least leading Sussex to its first ever County Championship in 2003. With the smallest squad on the circuit he created a winning unit. Yes, he had Mushtaq Ahmed and Murray Goodwin, both match-winners. But his team was based on hard work, where ego was left outside the dressing room, and loyalty came before the individual. The coach brought out the best in all players.

Loyalty, of course, is at the heart of the Pietersen / Moores conflict.

Pietersen is the man who walked away from South Africa, the country of his birth, saying he wasn’t getting a fair chance after it gave him every opportunity. He walked away from Nottinghamshire after that county gave him his break in County Cricket. Now, his lack of maturity has brought about a crisis at England Test level.

Price of fame?

How can Katie Price get her speeding summons etc thrown out and all charges dropped? Anyone else would have been hounded to death, fined and had a time limit to pay. If not, they would have doubled the fine.

How does she get the charges dropped, in case of future reference?

Peter Hogsden, Portslade Ed’s note: The case was dismissed on a legal technicality after the prosecution was refused its request for more time to prepare.

Bus reply I was surprised to read Dani Winch’s three-column rant about a twotier pricing policy on our buses, especially as no such system exists!

Our single fares and day tickets cost the same before 9am as after that time. We are trialling an after-9am return from Woodingdean and Bevendean this month, but by buying our Saver tickets online, as most commuters do, these savings can be had all day.

Roger French, managing director, Brighton and Hove Bus and Coach Company Ed’s note: Sorry for the error and for any confusion caused.

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH 14 latest 7

“Pieterson is the man who walked away from South Africa saying he wasn’t getting a fair chance after it gave him every opportunity“ Compare Pietersen with Graeme Smith, the South African captain. Pietersen could have risen to the top of the South African game but put self-interest first rather than helping to rebuild the post-Apartheid sport after years of isolation. Smith has shown humility, tact, patience and determination to build a team representing the Rainbow Nation.

And he now leads the Mushtaq Ahmed most successful cricket and Peter Moores team in the world.

Great captains are not made from swagger, supreme confidence or great PR. Pietersen’s limitations were displayed in abundance when he appeared clueless as India chased down the fourth highest run chase ever to beat England in December. By contrast, a week later Smith led the second highest run chase against Australia!

England have been foolish to lose the services of Moores. As with his predecessor, Duncan Fletcher, he needed time. To replace him six months before an Ashes series could prove disastrous.

It is suggested, not least by the likes of Pietersen, that players at Test level don’t need coaches. One just has to read Marcus Trescothick’s thoughtful and insightful autobiography to see how Fletcher was able, on at least two occasions, to suggest the most intricate adjustment that enabled Trescothick to become such a successful Test player.

Moores, the epitome of dignity throughout this sorry affair, will return.

Pietersen will remain a truly remarkable batsman. I just hope his ego and immaturity does not further damage the England cricketing community.

Send us your views, news and sporting opinions to sport@thelatest.co.uk

015_LS409_Jeremy Hoye

1/29/09

6:23 PM

Page 1

COVERSTORY you can afford. 2. Think about what your partner wears 3. Do they have large or small hands? 4.

What do they do work-wise, will it intrude ?

If choosing a diamond, choose one you are visually happy with. Does it look clean and bright? Be led by the shop staff they are the specialists. Most of all, enjoy!

Endless love Whether you’re proposing marriage or affirming your love, Jeremy Hoye has the ring for you Where have all the Romeos gone? Hiding out in Brighton and Hove of course waiting to spring into action for Valentine’s Day. After the cold and gloomy start to 2009, we could all do with some cheer – Jeremy Hoye’s shop and online store is just the place. Seeing the seasonal influx of enquiries into their fabulous range of engagement rings, they have seen Tulip (pictured) be a roaring success since its introduction; its feminine simplicity makes it compliment any lucky girlfriend's hand. Set with round white, black, pink or blue diamonds, or any other precious stone such as sapphire, rubies or even emeralds. Prices range from £815 to £7,500. Customers looking a more unusual ring have been choosing the Triffid, which is bold with its organic shapes and pave-set diamonds – giving the look of crystals hidden within. Prices start from £365 in 18ct gold and from £575 in platinum.

Buying an engagement ring can become a mind-boggling experience, but it is the ultimate Valentine’s surprise. So to make life easier and more enjoyable, we asked Brighton’s most established designer jeweller Jeremy Hoye for his advice on making that all important purchase. His advice is: 1. Decide on a budget

During the last 15 years Jeremy Hoye has been established in Brighton, (Yes, 15 years this year!) he has been selling Valentine’s gifts to men and women, gay or straight, and can advise you on the suitability of your purchase.

Jeremy Hoye classics include: the Entwine locket (pictured) available in two sizes, medium and large. Perfect for symbolic gift that can be personalised with engraving, prices start from £195 in silver and £2,215 in 18ct yellow gold.

Launched just before Christmas, Deco has been extremely popular, the bright semiprecious beads just draw your attention. The Pink Rubies are perfect for Valentines. Prices start from £55.

The jewellery world has only recently caught onto the fact that men are wearing jewellery.

This is nothing new for Jeremy, as he has always designed for men, for the very reason being one himself! With specific ranges such as Luna and Trinity and new ranges such as Cloud with heavier rings and bangles.

The new exclusive for Valentine’s is the Triffid Heart from the Triffid collection: a silver heart with a pave-set seam of stones shining out, in the inevitable Hoye style – it is set to be a classic. This exclusive piece is going to be the must-have piece this Valentine’s and will be exclusively previewed through the Jeremy Hoye newsletter, closer to Valentine’s so sign up via his website and be the first to see.

2009 has already seen Jeremy Hoye voted ‘Shop of the Week‘ in The Times and seen celebrities including Alesha Dixon choosing to wear his jewellery for her tour and Lisa Snowden for her up coming TV show.

Spring will see the launch of the muchawaited Wedding and Solitaire collections.

So keep watching!

Jeremy Hoye, 22a Ship Street, Brighton, BN1 1AD. Call 0845 0943175. www.jeremy-hoye.com

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016_LS409_Valentines

1/29/09

12:20 PM

Page 1

VALENTINES

With l❤ve Win a romantic three-course meal for two at Carluccio’s and say ‘Ti Amo’ this Valentine’s Day If you’re looking for a special way to seduce your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day, what better way than with Italian food at Carluccio’s in Brighton? The romantic restaurant is offering Latest 7 readers the chance to win a sumptuous threecourse meal for two with a bottle of Sicani wine, plus coffee to finish the evening – a fabulous prize to be redeemed by the end of May 2009 – the perfect way to say ‘I love you’ and carry on the romance of Valentine’s long after the 14 February.

You can indulge in lovingly crafted dishes such as Gamberi alla Marinara (king prawns sautéed with cherry tomatoes, garlic, white wine and herbs) and calamari fritti (rings of deep friend calamari) as well as heart-warming homemade pasta dishes. Before you leave, indulge further at Carluccio’s food shop, which offers a unique range of authentic Italian presents designed with romance in mind. Choose from Bacetti di Cioccolato (limited edition chocolate kisses from Turin) or for the biggest gesture, a stunning bouquet of milk chocolate red roses.

This fantastic reader prize is the perfect way to surprise your loved one. For a chance to win, tell us: What is Italian for ‘I love you?’

Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Carluccio’s’ in the subject box. Or, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name and contact details. Closing date for entries: Fri 20 Feb. The winner will then be chosen and notified. Entrants must be aged 18+.

The date for the meal will be booked through Carluccio’s, Jubilee St, Brighton. call 01273 690493, www.carluccios.com

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017_LS409_Valentines_products

1/29/09

6:49 PM

Page 1

VALENTINESGIFTS

]âáà yÉÜ çÉâ Make sure you pick the perfect present to show your feelings on Valentine’s Day Hot love Indulge your Valentine with a really hot treat. Beautyworks are offering 20 per cent off hot stone massage. Gift vouchers for the romantic season. Prices start at under £30, so pamper your loved one with a Beautyworks experience.

Gift vouchers available for any value or treatment.

Check out their new online shop for exclusive offers, www.beautyworks.net/shop or call 01273 420198. Beautyworks, 2 Burlington Parade, BN41 2DJ.

Red hot jewels

Bubbles and beauty Moet Rosé and Tulip Flute Set Champagne and flowers in one beautiful gift set. A bottle of Moet Rosé 75cl, with four tulip flutes including a stand, make them a stunning centre piece for any romantic occasion! Price £69.

Available at The Toast of Brighton & Hove, 40 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FN. Call 01273 208180, www.toastchampagne.co.uk

Red is the colour of love and Julian Stephens has a fabulous collection of handmade jewellery, set with red gemstones, gorgeous garnets, radiant rubies and sensational spinels. All of these can be found on display in his inspirational shop on Gloucester Road, in the heart of the North Laine.

Beautiful gemstones with fire and sparkle all of their own will make any lover’s heart melt and you can contemplate creating a unique piece of jewellery together. With Julian’s expertise anything is possible!

37 Gloucester Road, Brighton, BN1 4AQ. Call 01273 692110. info@julianstephens.com

Love thief Only the best Louis Roederer Champagne Gift Set Spoil someone special this Valentine‘s with a stunning Louis Roederer gift set from the makers of the world renowned Cristal Champagne. The Gold Gift box contains a 75cl bottle of Brut Premier and the choice of two or four branded flutes. With prices starting at £45 they make the perfect gift!

Available at The Toast of Brighton & Hove, 40 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FN. Call 01273 208180, www.toastchampagne.co.uk

Steal the heart of someone special this Valentine’s Day with a piece of jewellery from Jewel Thief. Their contemporary jewellery gallery showcases an eclectic range of talented designers and is certain to have the ideal gift to aid cupid’s arrow. Popular pieces are by acclaimed designer Tina Lilienthal, her unique approach has earned her a cult following among fashionistas and celebrities.

Jewel Thief, 26 Dukes Lane, Brighton BN1 1BG. Call 01273 771044. www.jewelthiefgallery.com.info@jewelthiefgallery.com Picture: Silver & resin jewellery by Tina Lilienthal from £50, at Jewel Thief.

You’re priceless A simple gift with a deeper meaning! Say it all with ‘Priceless’ this Valentine’s for only £19.99. Uniquely packaged to reveal a hallmarked silver blank price tag for him or her to wear as a symbolic reminder. Tell someone:‘You’re Priceless to me!’ Senders can write their own personal message in the card. Give one, send one. You may also receive one! www.loveandpatience.com store and stockists or call 01273 411487

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VALENTINES

Shared pleasure Seattle Hotel seduces the taste buds with its ‘share the tastes’ Valentine’s menu Seattle Hotel in Brighton Marina is offering couples a real treat this Valentines Day with a seductive ‘share the taste’ menu. Created by one of the city’s top chefs, David Edward, who has honed his talents working with the likes of Gordon Ramsay, Marco Pierre White and Anthony Demetre.

Shared dishes include a seafood platter for two or whole Sussex brie with breads to dip for a starter, followed by roast rib of beef with a Bearnaise sauce or whole grilled brill (both for two) for main course and a chocolate fondue with fruit to dip for dessert.

The new spacious and stylish Seattle Restaurant offers a truly romantic setting with its breathtaking ocean views in the day and captivating Marina lights at night.

“If it’s romance you’re looking for, then this setting is hard to beat. The menu has been carefully crafted to offer the very best in seasonal Sussex food with the option of lots of lovely ‘share the taste’ dishes,” said general manager, Barry Watson.

To book a table call 01273 679799 and see www.hotelseattlebrighton.com for more details.

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD&DRINK

Pinch me Andrew Kay returns to Pinxto People and eats what turns out to be a last supper…

It saddens me to see so many closed down signs around town and I guess we have not seen the last. Poor Allan Love, who having been Ramsay raided last year to great effect, has now closed his doors for good. It was excellent too, fun, friendly and affordable and I wish him all the best. He should go back on stage, a born performer if ever there was one. The Saint has closed too and will be much missed, and there are rumours of more.

One such rumour had been attached to Pinxto People. It turns out that the rumour was true and, the premises having been put up for sale, it closed its doors for the last time a short while back. It breaks my heart to lose a venue that has served some of the most exciting cuisine on offer in Brighton and Hove for some time.

“It breaks my heart to lose a venue that served some of the most exciting cuisine for some time’’ I thought it would be nice to go along one last time and taste the food that made me so excited when it first opened.

I had a great liking for the bar at Pinxto People and as a cocktail fan I have enjoyed a lot of very good drinks there, in fact probably far too many. Last year I was judge for a cocktail competition that culminated at the Beachdown Festival. For several weeks I joined Andrea Fox of Juice FM judging barpersons and their ability to mix a good drink.

What fun we had each week and despite the inclement weather we thoroughly enjoyed the final up on the Downs!

This final time was more comfortable, sat on a leather sofa sipping a negroni with my mucker Mr L who was already well into a vodka martini. Dinner with Mr L is always a joy. I have acquaintances who say that they get to that point wondering whether to have that second bottle of wine. With Mr L that never ever happens, we might at times ponder the idea of a third or even a fourth although as we get older, or should I say as I do, Mr L’s age is in reverse, two seems to be our limit, plus a few cocktails of course.

Being well known in a bar is a good thing and the team at Pinxto knew what I liked. It was the same in the restaurant and there, one of my favourite waiters in town knew exactly what I like to eat!

So cocktails downed we headed to our table where Martin, the smiling waiter, took over and conveyed to the chef that as long as there is no pineapple he has a free hand. I love that. For years now I have been ordering food for everyone, especially in oriental restaurants. It can be fun and the trust is nice but there are times when I want someone else to do it and at Pinxto they would.

So, what did we eat? Well what didn’t we eat, so many things, such clever ideas. Brilliant jellies, dried apple dust, octopus and steak and scallops and all beautifully prepared, cooked and presented. So much more, way way too much to list.

If you would like to comment on this story please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

It started with padrone peppers, the Russian roulette of dining, one in twenty is searingly hot the other 19 are sweet. Of course like all those mad statistics you can get 20 in a row that will blow your head off, but on the whole it’s just one every now and again.

Pinxto was certainly not your average dining experience and it was one that you needed to enter into with an open mind. The food was eclectic, edgy and daring. There were classic overtones balanced with a hint of the avant garde. Chunky robust flavours with whisperingly delicate ones sidling up beside them. I enjoyed the excitement and certainly enjoyed not knowing what’s coming next.

We drank wine by the glass and Martin brought us a great selection of delicious wines that more than measured up to the food. It was a very jolly affair indeed and pretty soon we started chatting to the couple at the next table who were quite clearly in town for what Brighton does best, a dirty weekend. Down from York they were having a great time and when we had all finished eating we asked them to join us in the bar for a few more drinks.

Oh dear, the folly of returning to the bar. Well, actually I was okay, for some reason the effects of the demon drink do not lay me to waste very often and I seemed to survive the night rather well, and I have to say I had a simply marvellous time.

Well I know I haven’t described in detail one dish this time and I do this for a reason. This was food you needed to experience and now that chance has gone. I wanted them to carry on for ever. It’s hard to believe that anyone else will replace this sort of fun and sophistication. It feels odd reviewing something that has disappeared so please, read this as a tribute for a great achievement no longer with us. I pray that our remaining great restaurants manage to weather the storm, especially in the current difficult market.

Calling all restaurants Andrew Kay puts down his knife and fork for a week as it’s Latest 7 Kid’s Food Review time again Once again it is time for me to hand over the reins and let the kids have their say. Yes, it’s children’s review time, the issue in which I get a week off from reviewing and we send out a group of youngsters to find out what they like, and dislike, about restaurants and cafes.

Over the years this feature has become increasingly popular, both with the kids who go out there to review, and with the readers who value their reports. It’s a brilliant opportunity for you to show just how child friendly your venue and menu is.

Kids can be disarmingly honest, but on the whole they want to have a great time and really enjoy the experience of eating out for the magazine. In all the years we have been running this feature we have never needed to ‘pull’ a kid’s review as even when they have a little grumble they always seem to find the positives.

This year we have scheduled the feature to run in the week running up to the Easter holidays. We hope that by placing it at that time participating restaurants will see the best results and families will have a useful eating out guide while the schools are closed.

To find out how to get involved call Marie on 01273 818150 x102 and she will explain how it all works and what great value this annual feature is.

Personally, I love reading the children’s reports each year. There are so many budding gourmets out there, eager to dine and dish up their views. And it’s not all about kid’s menus, increasingly children want to eat what mum and dad are eating, so let’s challenge them this year and make this the best feature yet.

Sunday Lunch and Afternoon Teas – forthcoming food features in Latest 7 While on the subject we have two more opportunities for special promotional food features. The first is all about that favourite, the Sunday Lunch and the second Afternoon Teas.

If you would like to join in either or both of these features then once again, call Marie on 01273 818150 x 102 who will happily explain how things work

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LATESTHOTLIST

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials. They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace.

The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555, www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter.

1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222 www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life.

An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart

See more at thelatest.co.uk service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321 www.gars.co.uk

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Beat the credit crunch and come and enjoy a three course meal with a glass of wine – and no service charge – the new Early Frog is available Tuesday to Friday evenings £20 and without the glass of wine, lunchtimes £13.95 between noon and 1pm. In the evening, buy one dish from the á la carte menu and get 50 per cent off the second main course, Tuesday to Thursdays. Plat du jour is still available at £7.95 or including a glass of wine at £9.95. In a hurry? Come at lunchtime and enjoy a bowl of homemade soup with French bread for only £4.95. Don’t forget, we have a gourmet evening on the third Thursday of every month, £49.50 including service for six courses, including six glasses of wine, handpicked especially for each course.

119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart.

Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian.

For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.”

48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too!

Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders.

10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Églisese L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic À la Carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like Saucisses de Toulouse, Boeuf Bourguignon and Côte de Bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce include freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive anglo-french farmhouse cheeseboard. There are also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as Raspberry Millefeuille and Crème Brulée.

Whether enjoying our south facing sun terrace with the 2 course Express lunch menu, Tuesday-Saturday, 12-5pm at £11.95 or relaxing on a Sunday with our delicious French Sunday roast… this is true entente cordiale.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

INDIAN Chaula’s “The food of India, not just Indian food.”

New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes!

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is a family run Indian bistro in the famous old lanes serving stunning food. Fronted by Brighton chef Alun Sperring, who has recently returned from Jumeirah in Dubai and has spent the last twenty years learning his trade around the world. The restaurant has a relaxed and informal feel, with an emphasis on authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. The daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. Dinner is a more refined affair. Feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala to name a few. Paired with a carefully chosen selection of Belgian and micro brewery beers to include original India pale ale.

42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London.

There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

THAI Sabai The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us. Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list. Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand. Come and enjoy –

or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”!

165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030 www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Sawadee Cheer the spirit with a visit to this popular Thai restaurant in the heart of Kemp Town. At Sawadee you can expect a warm welcome and an informal atmosphere in which to enjoy traditional Thai food from an established team. Each dish is freshly made and the menu offers a range of fiery red and green curries, colourful stir fry dishes, and specialities such as local sea bass drenched in a warming ginger and yellow bean sauce.

Try large prawns in golden shredded coconut batter or fruity beancurd with pineapple and red tomatoes. You can choose a lovely crisp white or mellow red wine to accompany your Thai meal and there are three different popular Oriental beers on offer. Don’t miss the great value set menus starting at £14.95 for a four-course, authentic Thai meal.

Sawadee Thai Restaurant, 87 St James Street, Brighton BN2 1TP, 01273 624233

COFFEE SHOPS Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax. Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm.

Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas.

They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti. Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and free WIFI. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Their opening hours are Mon–Fri 8am–7pm, Sat 8am–10pm, Sun 10am–6pm. Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stone’s throw away from Brighton Station.

Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890, www.mokshacaffe.com

BARS Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. To book your private party, reserve your guest list or to run through some ideas contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150 20 latest 7

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HEALTH

See more health tips at wavemagazine.co.uk

Win a spa stay Do you want to get rid of your Thread Veins or Spider Veins?

You can with the Lynton Luminar Laser at Brighton Laser Clinic. The laser light targets the blood vessels and destroys them leaving clear even skin tone on the face or upper body. Free 60min Consultation and Patch Test. No down time. Treatment takes 10mins. 2-4 sessions required, depending on amount of vessels, treatment 3-4 weeks apart. Small area: £65, medium area £130, large area £180, discount packages available.

Want to remove your Sun Spots or Age Spots?

Win a luxury one-night Champneys spa break... the perfect place for relaxation and pampering Champneys Health Resorts are offering Latest 7 readers the chance to win a luxurious a one-night mid-week stay at either the glamorous Champneys Forest Mere in Hampshire, the modern Champneys Springs in Leicestershire or the cosy Champneys Henlow in Bedfordshire. The luxurious stay includes all meals, unlimited use of facilities which include swimming pools, whirlpools, gymnasiums, dance and exercise classes, tennis courts, sauna and steam rooms. The winners will also be pampered with a Champneys body massage and a relaxing facial.

Champneys’ resorts are the perfect country retreat and the ideal opportunity to enjoy a few romantic days away. Nestled in among peaceful countryside locations, all are perfect for taking a romantic stroll before snuggling up together in the warmth.

There are also deliciously indulgent treatments to choose from, such as the Chocolate Wrapper Champneys Spring Resort Body Treatment. Perfect for chocoholics your entire body is smothered in a warm chocolate body wrap – pure heaven! Or have a little fun and try a treatment for two, such as the Rasul, a traditional Arabian cleansing ritual carried out in a Turkish steam chamber. Ideal for couples, you can apply different coloured muds while inhaling a gentle therapeutic steam. To end the ritual, a warm tropical rain pours down from the ceiling to wash away the mud.

As the evening draws in, end your day catching up over a romantic meal for two, enjoying delicious cuisine and maybe even a glass or two of sparkling champagne – the perfect end to a perfect day!

A stay at Champneys is luxury heaven. Don’t miss out on this fantastic prize which is to include accommodation, all meals, use of the facilities and a soothing body massage per person worth £500.

You can with the Lynton Luminar Laser at Brighton Laser Clinic. The laser light targets the excess pigment and destroys it leaving clear even skin tone on the face or upper body. Free 60min Consultation and Patch Test. No down time.

Treatment takes 10mins. 2-3 sessions required, 2-4 weeks apart. Small area: £65, medium area £130, large area £180, discount packages available.

All treatments are carried out by highly qualified nurses or aesthetic practitioners with year of experience. We are fully registered with the Healthcare Commission.

To be in with a chance of winning, simply answer the following question: What is the name of the Champneys Bedfordshire resort?

Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Champneys’ in the subject box. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name and contact details!

If you can't wait to win contact Champneys on 08703 300300 or visit www.champneys.com for information on products, treatments and overnight stays. From the sensual Exotic Collection, to the pampering Gift Collections ideal for ‘him and ‘her’, Champneys have plenty of gorgeous gifts to please your loved one this Valentine’s Day… just visit their website.

Competition T&C: Not valid Saturday night, not available at Champneys Tring, non refundable, prize will be issued in the form of a gift voucher which will be valid for 12 months from date of issue. The voucher is non transferable. Please allow 28 days for delivery. Entrants must be aged 18 or over. Closing date for entries: Friday 27 Feb 2009.

If you would like to comment on this story please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

3 – 9 February

Under review Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Hammer & Tongue Presents The Sixth Annual Brighton Hip Hop MCs Vs Poets The sixth annual Hammer and Tongue slam aka MCs Versus Poets is always a guaranteed blast of wordy wit and wickedness. This sold-out show promised and delivered a feisty, funny and fresh night of satirical syntax and ribbing rhymes.

On the poets’ side we saw the sparkly likes of Rosy Carrick, Jonny Fluffypunk, Robin Lawley and the Reverend recite dark ditties of verse in battle with an indignant posse of hip hop MCs including Enlish and led by Hinesy-hines.

And the result? Judging by the crowd’s cheers it would have to be the humble poets. One seriously slamming slam.

Komedia, 22 January ✌✌✌✌✌

Fauna… and inferior, though still enjoyably flamboyant, new tracks, a nonsense world of tigers in white suits and gold-painted John McCain masks opened up splendidly.

The band seemed to let the pseudo-performance art dominate, though this quibble was minor with their performance still spectacular.

A bold cover of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ said it all: how can a giant moshing budgie fail?

Digital, 24 January ✌✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Monica Perdoni

Of Montreal The last time these oddballs played Brighton, Of Montreal were a fluorescent haze of glam energy.

Saturday’s gig at Digital had less of that energy, though a whole heap of enjoyably silly onstage tomfoolery instead.

As the band ran through classics from 2007’s Hissing

Joanna Neary and Joseph Nixon This amicable and informal comedy show was primarily a recording session for a pair of radio plays.

The first half saw a team of five comics whittling through a series

Ben Bailey

Don’t Look Now Seldom do I leave the theatre so disappointed. I wanted to love this but left angry. The Du Maurier short story made a great film, dark and disturbing, but this was ham, and wafer-thin ham at that.

The male lead gave a performance as sensitive as Jeremy Clarkson reviewing a caravan, the wide was hardly any better and the sinister sisters looked like Hilda Baker and her stooge. The setting lacked any sense of time and was far too busy and clunky. The lighting wavered, the costumes were dateless and the sound was a joke.

Wooden performances were not helped by a wooden script and leaden direction. No sense of Venice, no lapping of canal water or sinister shadows – and the hotel room set looked more like a B and B in Bognor than Italy.

Theatre Royal Brighton, 19 January Andrew Kay

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK Anais Mitchell Brave and ambitious are some of these American singer-songwriters, the best of whom come to these shores regularly on a shoestring budget, looking forward to European audiences that they consistently namecheck as being more enthusiastic and knowledgeable than those at home.

A barely controlled bag of energy, Mitchell belies her gentle inbetween stage banter and off-stage demeanour, with a spirited solo performance (just her and one guitar) that weaved the personal and literate with the profound and journalistic; turning deceptively simple songs into highly emotive affairs that grip you from start to end.

Belying her Cyndi Lauper-esque voice Anais pinches very sparingly

of Joseph Nixon’s snappy sci-fi sketches, wherein time machines eliminate the need for receipts and galactic peace treaties are threatened by differing definitions of ‘tea time’.

The humour of the second half was less traditional, despite being a kind of sitcom-spoof of a 1940s village hall variety show. The setting alone would probably make it ideal for Radio 4 – yet there was nothing fusty about Joanna Neary’s hilarious and whimsical homage to the era of the swooning housewife. Bravo!

Upstairs at Three and Ten, 24 January ✌✌✌✌

from the song book of Dylan, Joni Mitchell and Leonard Cohen, but crafts a highly distinctive and utterly engaging sound that has the audience as quite as a mouse and demanding more by the end.

Latest Music Bar, 22 January ✌✌✌✌✌

Comedy Station Keeping the full thrust of free, quality comedy alive, Comedy Station returned with a fantastic line-up of rising stars of the thriving Brighton and Hove circuit.

Julie Jepson took the helm and set the standard for a refreshingly female-dominated lineup. Having said that, the boys held their own as Andy Bryant, the night’s organiser, got everyone onside comparing romantic dinners and prison visiting.

Janice Phayre headlined and bounced onto the stage with an explosion of Irish filthed-up energy that had the women in the audience hysterical with laughter and some men looking uncomfortable. Great night.

The Station pub, 24 January ✌✌✌

Jeff Hemmings

Alison Swann

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

The Great British Food Fight p 34

23 Stage Steyning Festival award; Brainiac Live; listings

24 Film Big screen higlights; all the local listings

26 Comedy The importance of keeping it short and sweet; listings

26 Art Living colour with Ben Allen; listings

27 Kids and events Roary the Racing Car kids give away!; listings

26 Books Enter the literary world; listings

28 Music News, interview, gigs and highlights; listings

31 Clubs Bring on the night! All the best clubs in town listed

32 Gay News; the legendary Andy Bell; listings

34 Television Dani on The Great British Food Fight; listings

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STAGE Tanja Liedtke

Let’s dance

In Twelfth Floor characters emerge and unravel in a darkly funny physical exploration of human interactions. Five dancers play out shifting relationships of desire and power, hope and despair all set in the confines of a mysterious institution. A rich combination of dance, theatre, movement, video and DJ Tr!p's moody soundtrack make a sophisticated and original work, shifting effortlessly from tender, lyrical moments to brooding menace and explosive physicality.

Featuring performers who have worked with DV8 Physical Theatre, as well as classical dance, theatre, circus and Australian Dance Theatre, this fresh and powerful work was Winner of Outstanding Choreography and Outstanding Female Dance in the Australian Dance Awards 2006.

Dancer and choreographer Liedtke was due to take up the post of Artistic Director of Sydney Dance Company before her accidental death in August 2007, aged 29. She last performed at Brighton Dome in DV8's Just for Show in 2006.

Tanja Liedtke's Twelfth Floor, Corn Exchange, Tue 3 March, 8pm (doors 7.15pm)

Brighton Dome secures its reputation as the south east’s natural home for dance

Elemental The new show from choreographer Josephine Wise is both a journey, weaving through the four elements in pursuit of our nomadic origins, and a rite of passage exploring passion, compassion, ecstasy and madness.

A compelling experience, it combines the dramatic with the lighthearted, and blends Arabic Belly Dance with a rich mix of African Dance, Flamenco, Tango, Bollywood, Gypsy, Burlesque and more.

Elemental, Pavilion Theatre, Sat 14 March, 7.30pm (doors 6.45pm)

The Henri Oguike Dance Company Winner of the Critics' Circle National Dance Awards 2007 (for Outstanding Modern Repertoire) The Henri Oguike Dance Company celebrates its 10th anniversary with a dynamic retrospective.

The evening begins with Oguike's signature work, the searing and poignant sextet, Front Line, performed to Shostakovich's 9th Quartet played live by Classical Brit Award-nominees The Pavão Quartet. In contrast, the stylish cross-media septet White Space is played out to the bright and rhythmic Italian Baroque of Scarlatti's harpsichord pieces.

This is followed by Falling. Inspired by NASA astronaut Steve MacLean's spacewalk and featuring an original soundtrack by Errollyn Wallen, Dan Farberoff's groundbreaking dance film is a mesmerising duet choreographed by Oguike.

Appropriately – Finale finishes the evening, a joyous and uplifting ensemble piece set to the carnival rhythms of René Aubry's music.

Newcomers are in for a treat. For fans it's a chance to re-live some of the highlights of a trailblazing history.

Henri Oguike Dance Company, Corn Exchange, Tue 10 February 8pm (doors 7.15pm)

STAGELISTINGS

Richard Alston Dance Company Marking 40 years at the forefront of contemporary dance, Britain's most musical choreographer returns to Brighton Dome with two of his most explosive and acclaimed works.

Blow Over is performed to Philip Glass's exhilarating Songs From Liquid Days with lyrics by Suzanne Vega and Paul Simon. This isn't Glass in cool, serene mood, however. This is music of mesmerising accumulative power, brought to life with great leaping arcs of choreographic energy.

The programme also revisits one of Alston's seminal moments – his landmark 1994 Movements From Petrushka. 'Anguished, transcendent and raw' The Guardian, this Alston classic is set to Stravinsky's own piano arrangements, played here live on stage by the remarkable young pianist Jason Ridgway.

Richard Alston Dance Company, Concert Hall, Tue 31 to Wed 1 Apr, 8pm (doors 7.15pm)

Tuesday 3 February to Monday 2 March

Magic: A Kind of Queen Tribute featuring all the biggest Queen tracks – prepare to rock!

• 13 Feb, 7.30pm, £16 Brainiac Live 2009 Live stage show with Brainiac Joe from the hit Sky TV series.

• 1 Mar, 2.30pm, £18.50

Brighton Dome

Chichester Festival Theatre

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre

01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Henri Oguike Dance Company Ensemble piece set to the rhythms of René Aubry's music.

• 10 Feb, 8pm, £15/12.50/10 The Lighthouse Keeper’s Lunch Ages 3–7: Puppets, music, sounds of the sea, and stories.

• 16 Feb, 1.30pm & 3.30pm, £7/5 Sinderfella Brighton’s alternative adult panto returns for its 7th year.

• 19 Feb–1 Mar, 5pm & 8pm (no show 23 Feb, no 5pm show 19 & 25 Feb) £16 Strictly Strauss – The Johann Strauss Gala Journey back to 19th century Vienna.

• 19 Feb, 7.30pm, £10–£27.50 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Mendelssohn Violin Concerto in E minor presents A Midsummer’s Night Dream.

• 1 Mar, 2.45pm, £8–£30

01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Guys and Dolls 1950s New York – a smalltime hustler dodges saying ‘I Do.’ • 2–7 Feb, 7.15pm plus 2.15pm Wed. £15/13.50 Brave New World Opera by children based on Shakespeare’s The Tempest.

• 3 Feb, 6.30pm, £6/5 Everybody Dance Now Modern music from High School Musical to Chicago.

• 7 Feb, 6.30pm, £9.50/7.50/5.50

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Lucky Sods Outrageous John Godber comedy about a family who win £2million on the lottery.

• 24–28 Feb, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, 7.45pm, £13.50–£19.50

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com A Dolls House Ibsen’s tale set in the 50s.

• 10–14 Feb, please call venue for times.£8

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Verdi Aida Tragic love story of Ethiopian slave girl, Aida, and the Egyptian hero, Radames.

• 2 Feb, 7.30pm, £18–£30 Puccini Turandot Opera of a cold-hearted princes and the man who can melt her heart.

• 3 Feb, 7.30pm, £18–£30 London Philharmonic Orchestra Rachmaninov’s Second Piano Concerto.

• 8 Feb, 3pm, £12–£24

Totally Looped Hilarious improv show where You Tube meets Mock the Week.

• 12 Feb, 7.30pm, £tbc Swan Lake Performed by the Russian State Ballet and Orchestra of Siberia.

• 13–14 Feb, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Sat, £tbc Little Shop of Horrors Affectionate spoof of 1950s sci-fi movies starring Clare Buckfield.

• 16–21 Feb, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm 19 & 21 Feb. £tbc SpongeBob Squarepants – The Sponge Who Could Fly New musical based on the hit kids TV show.

• 24–28 Feb, 7pm plus 4pm Wed & Thu, 4.30pm & 7.30pm Fri & Sat. £tbc

THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Oliver Twist 09 The classic tale, portraying the Victorian underworld. Ages 8+.

• 17 Feb, contact venue for show times/£ La Ronde Play charting the love lives of interrelated characters. Adult themes/scenes.

• 18 Feb, contact venue for show times/£ Where’s My Desi Soul-Mate? Humorous insight into the lives of British Asian singletons.

• 21 Feb, contact venue for show times/£ Hot Flush Musical comedy for the perfect girls’ night out: the lives and loves of four women.

• 25 Feb, contact venue for show times/£

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal

Worthing: Connaught Theatre 01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Strictly Murder Ian Dickens Productions’ new adaptation of Brian Clemens’ play.

• 10–14 Feb, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed, 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Bink & The Hairy Fairy Swash-buckling musical adventure with pre-show workshop.

• 15 Feb, 1.30pm, £7.50 Zippos Circus All the fun of a big top in a theatre. Circus stars perform amazing acts.

• 17–22 Feb, 2.30pm, plus 5.30pm Tue–Thu, 7pm Fri & Sat, 11am Sun. £12/10

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FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 3

VALKYRIE (12A) 12.15, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45

BRIDE WARS (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 5.00 FROST/NIXON (15) 3.15, 6.00 MAN ON WIRE (12A) 8.45 MILK (15) 12.30 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 7.10, 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.00, 2.45, 5.30, 8.15 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 2.00, 5.00, 7.45 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE READER (15) 11.45, 2.15 THE WRESTLER (15) 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 TWILIGHT (12A) 12.30 UNDERWORLD 3: RISE OF THE LYCANS (18) 4.45, 7.00, 9.15

Thursday 5

VALKYRIE (12A) 12.15, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45

BRIDE WARS (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 5.00 FROST/NIXON (15) 3.15, 8.45 GHOST TOWN (12A) 10.30am MILK (15) 12.30, 6.00 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 7.10, 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.00, 2.45, 5.30, 8.15 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 2.00, 5.00, 7.45 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE READER (15) 1.00 THE WRESTLER (15) 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 TWILIGHT (12A) 12.30 UNDERWORLD 3: RISE OF THE LYCANS (18) 4.00, 9.15

Wednesday 4

VALKYRIE (12A) 12.15, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45

BRIDE WARS (PG) 11.45, 2.15, 5.00 FROST/NIXON (15) 3.15, 8.45 MILK (15) 12.30, 6.00 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 7.10, 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.00, 2.45, 5.30, 8.15 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 2.00, 5.00, 7.45 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE READER (15) 11.45, 2.15 THE WRESTLER (15) 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 TWILIGHT (12A) 12.30 UNDERWORLD 3: RISE OF THE LYCANS (18) 4.45, 7.00, 9.15

Films showing Friday 6–Monday 9 PLEASE CHECK WITH CINEMA

01273 626261 Tuesday 3

BOXING (18) 11.30pm

REDBELT (15) 11.00am MILK (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.45, 9.15

FROST/NIXON (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45

Wednesday 4

FROST/NIXON (15) 2.00, 10.15

Thursday 5

Saturday 7 MET. OPERA: LUCIA DI LAMMERMOOR 5.45, 6.00 THE MAGIC ROUNFABOUT (U)11.00am

MILK (15) 12.45, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45

Sunday 8

Friday 6

FROST/NIXON (15) 3.45, 6.15, 9.15

BRIGHTON WOK: THE LEGEND OF GANJA

BETTER THINGS (15) 1.00

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 3 FROST/NIXON (15) 3.10, 8.50 MILK (15) 12.20, 6.00 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.20 NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST (12A) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.10, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 12.40, 3.30, 6.20, 9.10 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 THE READER (15) 4.20 UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS (18) 1.50, 7.10, 9.40 VALKYRIE (12A) 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 9.00

Wednesday 4 FROST/NIXON (15) 3.10, 8.50 MILK (15) 12.20, 6.00 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.20 NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST (12A) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.10, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 12.40, 3.30, 6.20, 9.10 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30

THE READER (15) 4.20 UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS (18) 1.50, 7.10, 9.40 VALKYRIE (12A) 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 9.00

Thursday 5 FROST/NIXON (15) 3.10, 8.50 MILK (15) 12.20, 6.00 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.20 NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST (12A) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.10, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 12.40, 3.30, 6.20, 9.10 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 THE READER (15) 4.20 UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS (18) 1.50, 7.10, 9.40 VALKYRIE (12A) 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 9.00

Films showing Friday 6–Monday 9 CHECK WITH CINEMA CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 3–Mon 9

Monday 9

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 8.00, 5.00 Fri, 3.20 & 5.55 Sat & Sun, 2.30 Mon

BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS (PG) 2.00

Tues 3–Thurs 5 AUSTRALIA (12A) 7.30

24 latest 7

What’s on this week

Saturday 7 SPACE CHIMPS(U) 10.15am CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Frost/Nixon (15)

Revolutionary Road (15)

Dir: Ron Howard Based around British journalist David Frost’s infamous 1977 interview with disgraced former President Richard Nixon, Michael Sheen, an actor with a gift for impersonation (having played both Tony Blair and Kenneth Williams) portrays Frost as a mixture of showman and crusader for the truth. Frank Langella, as his adversary Nixon, recounts his side of the Watergate affair as this riveting battle of wills unfolds.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Duke of York's

Dir: Sam Mendes Kate Winslet’s other Oscar-friendly movie out at the moment is a collaboration with her husband, Sam Mendes, acclaimed director of American Beauty. Winslet is reunited with Titanic co-star Leonardo DiCaprio as a 1950s couple dealing with the emotional implications of the woman becoming the breadwinner.

Showing at Cineworld & Odeon

Milk (15)

www.picturehouses.co.uk

REDBELT (15) 11.00am MILK (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.45, 9.15

L7

lowdown

Dir: Gus Van Sant That perennial indie hero with a penchant for dabbling in mainstream cinema, Gus Van Sant returns with this true-life tale of California’s first openly homosexual elected official, gay rights campaigner Harvey Milk. Played with usual method gusto by Sean Penn, Milk fell victim to an assassin, Dan White (the ever-reliable Josh Brolin) and was an inspiration to many San Francisco residents.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Duke of York's.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (12A) Dir: Peter Sollett Juno star Michael Cera plays Nick, high school student and member of queercore rock band The Jerk Offs.

Nick meets the titular Norah (Kat Dennings), who asks him to be her boyfriend for a mere five minutes. Of course, things aren’t that simple.

Perhaps a cynical release date for this teen movie, following Juno’s massive success this time last year, Nick and Norah aims for gold with the potent mix of quirky teen romantic comedy and hipper-than-thou soundtrack.

Showing at Cineworld

The Reader (15) Dir: Stephen Daldry Kate Winslet finally got a major awards nod when she blubbed her heart out accepting the Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe. Based on the acclaimed novel, Ralph Fiennes plays a law student who encounters his former lover defending herself at a post-World War II war crimes trial.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Is that your final answer?

Slumdog Millionaire

Seven Pounds (12A) Dir: David Wain Officially Hollywood’s biggest name, Will Smith plays an IRS man with a dark secret who decides to repent his sins by helping out seven total strangers. Rosario Dawson and Woody Harrelson provide strong support on the way, but throughout, this looks to be Smith’s film.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Slumdog Millionaire (15) Dir: Danny Boyle Dev Patel stars as Jamal, an eighteen year old boy taking part in the Indian equivalent to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Critics are calling this Boyle’s masterpiece, with it tipped for Oscar glory in February after its Golden Globes success.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld & Worthing

Valkyrie (12A) Dir: Bryan Singer X Men director Singer reunites with his Usual Suspects writer Christopher McQuarrie for this long delayed World War II thriller. Tom Cruise plays the leader of a group of rebel Nazi officers who put together a plot to assassinate Hitler. A strong cast of thesps including Bill Nighy, Terence Stamp and Tom Wilkinson put on their best German accents.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

The Wrestler (15) Dir: Darren Aaronofsky Mickey Rourke plays an ageing wrestler struggling to make ends meet as he meets ageing stripper Marisa Tomei. Rourke went into full-on method mode to prepare for this role; he was rewarded with the Best Actor gong at the Golden Globes, always a strong indicator for Oscar success.

Showing at Odeon Nick Aldwinckle

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FILM

Standing in the way of control

And that makes for a fantastic thriller, a great piece of cinema.

“But you know, I’ve done controversial films before. When I did Risky Business people said ‘that’s all he can do…’ When I did Top Gun people accused it of being jingoistic.

“There have been controversial elements in a lot of my films. With Rainman they were hanging Dustin and me out to dry. For Interview With A Vampire, Anne Rice (author of the book the film is based on) took out a fullpage ad against my taking the part. When I did Eyes Wide Shut with Kubrick, it was also controversial. There have always been these things but you know, I like challenging roles.”

In fact, playing Colonel Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg, the charismatic young officer at the heart of the coup attempt made on 20 July 20 1944, would prove to be one of his most challenging and rewarding roles to date.

Stauffenberg had long believed that Hitler and the Nazis had to be stopped. He became a key member of the attempt to plant a bomb at the Wolf’s Lair, the codename for Hitler’s military headquarters on the Eastern Front in East Prussia (now Poland), and organising a coup that would replace the Nazi regime by using one of its emergency contingency plans, codenamed Operation Valkyrie, against itself.

“This film certainly isn’t exonerating the Nazis,” says Cruise. “Nothing could be further

Tom Cruise on how important it was to make his latest film Valkyrie and the challenge of playing a ‘good’ Nazi When Tom Cruise met Bryan Singer in 1996, he promised the director that one day they would work together. “And when I say something, I mean it,” says Cruise with that trademark smile.

At the time, Singer had just announced his arrival in Hollywood with a spectacular flourish.

His first film, The Usual Suspects, was a brilliantly executed thriller. “Bryan has always been a guy I wanted to work with,” says the actor. “I saw The Usual Suspects and like everybody else, thought it was a fantastic piece of work.

“I can remember we met at the Mission Impossible premiere and I said to him then ‘you and I are going to work together, somewhere along the line we’re going to do something…’”

Fast forward 12 years and his prediction finally became a reality with Valkyrie, a gripping historical thriller about the daring plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler by a brave band of German officers led by Colonel Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg, the role that Cruise plays.

Cruise remembers vividly the first time he read the Valkyrie script by Christopher McQuarrie, the writer who won an Oscar and numerous other awards for his screenplay for The Usual Suspects, and his writing partner Nathan Alexander.

“It was a page turner,” says Cruise. “I knew a little about the plan to assassinate Hitler but I didn’t know the details and Bryan and Chris had pulled off this incredible high wire act of authenticity and historical accuracy while at the same time creating a very suspenseful, entertaining thriller. I knew that I wanted to be a part of it.”

Cruise also knew right from the start that the project would be controversial. After all, the true story, although well known in Germany, is not perhaps familiar to a wider worldwide audience and portrays the heroic acts of a group of German military officers who were at the heart of the Nazi war machine. Showing the perspective of ‘good Germans’ from World War Two, even ones who put their lives on the line to try and stop Hitler, was bound to provoke widespread interest and headlines. And it did.

“I knew it would be controversial in lots of ways,” says Cruise, who heads United Artists, the studio which, along with MGM, is releasing the film. “But mostly because we’ve never seen this perspective before through 64 years of history.

“I just couldn’t ignore it because the story was so compelling. It’s about bringing down the greatest evil in the world from the inside.

from the truth. This is about the men, Germans, who stood up to the Nazis and did everything to try and bring that regime down from the inside.

“And when you realise that these events actually happened, you want to know more.

Bryan and I both read so many books, studied documentaries and footage from World War Two, and had endless conversations about what happened so that we could approach the film with as much information as we could get our hands on.”

Cruise, Singer, the cast and the crew, were well aware of the sensitive nature of the project and that filming in Germany would have to be handled with great care. Swastikas, and Nazi insignia and regalia are banned there and the production would need special permission to use them during filming.

The request to shoot at the Bendlerblock, the German military headquarters in Berlin where the conspirators planned their coup and where many, including Stauffenberg, were executed, was initially turned down. Today the site is a memorial to the 20 July plotters and the street is named Stauffenbergstrasse in their honour.

But after McQuarrie met with German officials and assured them of the production’s intentions to tell the remarkable story with the dignity it deserved, they were allowed to film at locations all over Berlin, including the Bendlerblock.

“Actually, the Germans were very helpful on all levels,” says Cruise. “Naturally, we felt a huge responsibility to the spirit of the Resistance and there was a tremendous amount of pressure in that regard. We were very aware of the sensitive nature of the story and what it meant to the country.“ latest 7 25

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STAND-UP COMEDY

ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle says there are jewels to be found in all new acts, with a little bit of extra mining As more of us catch new act nights of varying degrees of success and duration, one thing becomes clear: Longer is not always necessarily better. Just because someone’s got half an hour of material it doesn’t mean they have to do it all, or that it’s all going to be any good.

However, it’s very easy to dismiss an act in its entirety simply because you’ve got bored of most of it. Alright, it’s also pretty fair do’s to dismiss it and wander to the bar to order another drink. Just, it’s also pretty short-sighted.

I was at a gig t’other night that was the usual mix of good and not-sogood. My mate hid in the toilet. She couldn’t bear to see the end of what was becoming an excruciating turn on stage. Which was a shame, because in amongst the dross were some actual pretty fair gags. They’d just been swamped by everything else the act could think of that had ever raised a smile in his lifetime. With the enthusiasm already there, and some good old elbow-grease applied to the weeding of his set this would be a very good act. It was like going to a jumble sale of comedy and being brutal with the neon leg-warmers to get to the vintage coat.

You’ve just got to sharpen your vision and tailor it to the occasion and you’ll catch the diamonds in the rough. There will be the rough. And it takes a lot of concentration to pay attention through what can frankly be seen as pub banter loosely re-packaged to be uttered into a mic, but that’s what new act nights are all about – honing your skills and getting better.

“It was like going to a jumble sale of comedy and being brutal with the neon leg-warmers to get to the vintage coat“ In London years ago I caught Harry Hill trying out ten minutes of new material at a club under a pub in Camden. He wasn’t very good. He’d been on the telly and he wasn’t utterly brilliant. And this is where the new acts are coming from. They haven’t already spent years trying out and picking out the best and discarding the worst as they build up their trade. It’s all new material for them and ‘rusty’ would be a kind term to describe how it can feel to start off on a stage you’ve only ever seen from the other side. Everything is new material and what works is still a bit of a mystery.

But going back to my opening point – you don’t need half an hour of random material. More is not better and not everyone has the patience to pay attention to every single gag in the vain hope that one of them just might float their boat. This way lies overcrowding in the toilets. I’ve hidden in the past. It’s no compliment to new comics. So just keep it short to start with. Just until you know what works.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “Dreams are like children. If you follow them for too long people get suspicious.” Marcus Birdman

COMEDYLISTINGS

Thursday 5

Friday 6

Coalition Comedy Seaside comedy from The Coalition featuring compere Nik Coppin and acts Amadeus, Ivor Dembina and John Newton. The Coalition, 8pm, £5/4.

Krater Comedy Club Great weekend comedy from Ben Norris, Kevin Hayes and Martin Beaumont, compered by the awardwinning Stephen Grant. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.50/10

Walks Into A Bar Comics new and old come together for this friendly local night of comedy with no cover charge. Compered

by Jaq Bayles. London Unity, 9pm, free.

Brian Gittins and Friends Enter the weird and wonderful world of Brian Gittins, joined by freewheeling genius Phil Kay. Upstairs At The Three And Ten, 8pm, £8/6.

26 latest 7

➧ For full listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

Saturday 7 Max and Iván: Exposed 50 minutes, 27 characters, two performers. Watch awestruck as our intrepid newsreaders leave bustling Egham and seek their fortune in the big city. Max and Iván fearlessly expose themselves...to the truth.

Upstairs At The Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5

Living colour Known for his vibrant palette and screens peppered with stark graphics, Ben Allen’s new solo show Life, Death and Other Colour in Between, explores the realms of the unplanned, plays with mishaps, and unfolds sublime images that reflect on life itself. He crystallizes the ephemeral elements of weathered commercial billboards by resuscitating peeled images from multi-layered posters, and blending in fusions of intense colours to produce striking compositions.

Allen has also created his own boudoir installation room upstairs at the gallery; featuring lavish wallpaper, cushions, a coffee table and many more items from his interior design collection. And outside at the back, he’ll be inviting you to take part and make art on a massive canvas.

Richard Branson is just one of the growing legions of fans who love his hectic, playfully intense and make-believe works.

Ben Allen: Life, Death and Other Colour in Between, Ink_d Gallery, North Road, 6 February to 1 March.

ART LISTINGS Crane Kalman 38 Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 697096 Rockarchive Selection of work from the Rockarchive collection, including images by some of the best rock and pop photographers in the business; Jill Furmanovsky, Mick Rock, Kevin Cummins, Storm Thorgerson et al.

Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10.30am–4.30pm, until 15 Feb

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: Working Class Life in Brighton, 1860–1935 Exhibition that reveals rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived.

Until 26 April 2009 Paintings Unwrapped This exhibition takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. Many of them will be on display for the first time in many years and include modern, local, international and historical works.

Until 13 April 2009

ink_d gallery 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Ben Allen Known for his vibrant palette

and screens peppered with stark graphics, Ben Allen’s new solo show Life, Death and Other Colour in Between, explores the realms of the unplanned, plays with mishaps, and unfolds sublime images that reflect on life itself.

6 Feb–1 Mar, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Permanent Gallery 20 Bedford Place, Brighton 07730 065964 Aya Fukami: Reviving Isolation Returning to the playground of abstraction, Reviving Isolation re-imagines an avantgarde, conjoining geometry with the lightness of touch and humour.

Until 8 Feb, Thurs, Fri & Sun 1–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

University of Brighton Gallery Grand Parade, Brighton 01273 643010 From Art School to University: Art and Design at Brighton 1859-2009 Bringing together work from artists and designers associated with the university, celebrating the founding of the original School of Art 150 years ago.

Until 14 March, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

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KIDS&EVENTS

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk

KIDSCOMPETITION Roary the Racing Car goodie bag Popular pre-school show Roary the Racing Car is back with a fantastic new series this week. To celebrate the launch we have some great Roary prizes up for grabs for young fans.

Chapman Entertainment is offering Latest 7 readers the chance to win a fantastic goodie bag of Roary the Racing Car merchandise.

The goodie bag includes the Roary Bath Time Toolbox from Baylis & Harding, one year’s subscription to Roary The Racing Car magazine packed with puzzles, games, stories and a free gift with every issue, a fantastic Roary The Racing Car backpack, a copy of the Roary DVD called Stars ‘n’ Cars and a Roary Bubble Racer – fill it with the included bubble solution to create trailing clouds of beautiful bubbles!

Race ahead and win this great prize package by answering the following question: What is the name of the fun-loving karaoke-singing mechanic in Roary The Racing Car? a) Big Chris b) Little Chris c) Big Bopper To enter email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Roary’ in the subject box. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and contact details. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 17 February 2009.

Catch the new series of Roary The Racing Car Series on Five’s Milkshake! from this week at 7.30am. Also starting on Nick Jr Monday 16 March at 4pm weekdays and 9pm all week. For more information on Roary The Racing Car, visit www.roarytheracingcar.com

Star makers Head down to the Brighton Academy of Performing Arts Open Day and find out what they can offer your little star Brighton Academy of Performing Arts is throwing open its doors to the public and inviting you down to a Grand Open Day at its venue, St. Aubyns School in Rottingdean on Saturday 21 February.

Brighton’s most exciting new performing arts school holds classes every Saturday for young people aged between five and 18 years, covering all areas of the theatre arts plus workshops in screen acting and voice recording. Classes in singing, drama and dance are held for children of all abilities and led by a team of professional West End performers and industry tutors.

The open day runs from 10am–4pm with bestselling children’s author of Horrid Henry, Francesca Simon, officially launching the school in a ceremony at 11am. School principal, Steven Tagg is currently playing Henry in the stage adaptation of Francesca’s much-loved books. Juice FM will also be broadcasting live from the event.

A prize draw on the day will give away five free terms at the Academy. For more information call Steven on 07812 116194 or email: info@brightonapa.co.uk. www.brightonapa.co.uk

To feature in kids email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

Write club Rachel Pegg reviews Sectioned, A Life Interrupted by new Latest books columnist John O’Donoghue This autobiography tells the story of a man who spent the first decade of his adult life struggling between homeless shelters, the streets, mental asylums and prison, yet ended up a university professor and published poet.

We follow John O'Donoghue from his first sectioning at the age of 16, shaken by the devastating blow of his father’s sudden death, which resulted in both he and his mother having breakdowns.

Through a background of occasionally brutal treatment – including electric shock treatment, over the next few years John also loses his mother and his chances of gaining good exam results, despite his obvious intellect. He also acquires an identity from which it is almost impossible to recover – becoming institutionalised.

Even as a teen O'Donoghue is an accomplished poet, reciting his sorrow-tinged verse to friends and teachers: "Drunk on sunshine the butterfly/ Staggers through light and shade“.

Born in London to Irish parents, he has inherited the lyrical talent for which his countrymen are famous. But life has dealt him a cruel hand and, despite repeatedly going back to his writing in homeless shelters and mental health institutions and communities, it will be a long time before he is able to devote himself to poetry rather than the neverending fight for food and shelter.

Instead he spends most of the 80s living alongside drugs and violence in places fringed with danger, in night shelters and squats, relying on the Kafkaesque benefits system and soup kitchens.

As a narrator, O'Donoghue is remarkably dispassionate, an observer, even in his darkest times, carrying the reader as passenger through a world filled with desperation and cruelty.

Poetry never goes away and while living in a squat he attends workshops at Goldsmiths and meets Blake Morrison.

O'Donoghue is a political writer and in the background is Thatcher’s Britain with dole queues and rough sleepers: “Unemployment has risen to three million. The out of work and homeless are everywhere. Where is the England I was brought up in?“ His life finally changes when he gains a place at the University of East Anglia, after leaving his last hostel determined that: “I'll never be sectioned, that I'll never see the inside of a prison, a homeless hostel or a squat ever again.“ An inspirational and perhaps timely story.

John O’Donoghue is to join Latest next week taking over this column. Send comments, queries, books for review and details of local writing and literary events to writeclub@thelatest.co.uk or write to the address at the front of the magazine.

BOOKSLISTINGS Thursday 5 Queer Poets' Night Showcase of creative talent from the gay community. Celebrating the launch of a new poetry collection, I’ll Be Back Before You Know It, by Maria Jastrzbska.

Redroaster Café, 8pm, £5/4.

Sunday 8 A Night of Short Fiction Join Jeff Noon, celebrated writer and author of the cult novels Vurt (winner of Arthur C Clarke Award) Pollen,

Automated Alice and more as he joins a lineup of five stunning and short story readings.

For more info contact Tara on 01273 233703 Komedia, 8pm, £4.

Coming up... Friday 13 Tight Lip This month’s event entitled ‘Bad Luck Blues’ features Maxim Jakubowski, coeditor of Rome Noir, as the special guest.

The Permanent Galley, Brighton, 7.45pm, £4, See www.tightlip.co.uk

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

NEWS

To be Frank Folk-rock singer songwriter Frank Turner supports The Gaslight Anthem in Brighton this week. Nick Aldwinckle spoke to him

Earning those stripes The Red Stripe Music Award 09 is offering emerging bands the opportunity to grab the attention of the music industry with a Brighton showcase this week.

A line-up of four has been whittled down from the original entries, and with slots at three festivals this year (including The Great Escape) up for grabs, this is a great opportunity for aspiring bands.

The Brighton showcase features ThePrjctmyhm, BangBangBang!, The Die Vibes and The Blue Skies. The grand final will be at The Kentish Town Forum in May, with Elbow’s Guy Garvey and XFM’s John Kennedy amongst the panel.

Brighton Rock Brighton’s biggest once a month rock night is re-locating to Komedia (from Hove Town Hall) this month. Thanks to the reformation and resurgence of AC/DC, Judas Priest, Journey, Whitesnake and all those 70s and 80s rock bands that used to invade the charts with regularity, rock is back in fashion. DJs will play classic rock and metal from the last four decades. Long live rock’n’roll!!

Brighton Rock, Saturday 7 February, Komedia, 11pm–3am, and the second Saturday of each month thereafter. www.brightonrock.info

“More than anything else, he reminds me of Tony Blair and look what happened with him. He took us into more wars than any other Prime Minister.”

Speaking to folk-rock singer-songwriter Frank Turner on the day of President Obama’s inauguration, there’s a palpable sense of cynicism.

“He’s a politician. I really wish everyone would remember that. There’s one very obvious positive: he’s not white. People seem to have abandoned their critical faculties: surely we can be adult enough to look beyond that. He came out on top from Chicago, the dirtiest gutter that exists on the US political scene.

You’ve got to wonder how.”

It’s no surprise to hear Turner’s less than hopeful outlook. A stalwart on the circuit of protest and political-themed gigs and festivals including the likes of Rock Against Racism and the Glastonbury Left Field, Turner has made a name for himself in the last few years.

Since his former band, furious hardcore punks Million Dead, split in 2005, he has spent his time translating that negative energy to, perhaps strangely (considering he’s a natural sceptic), a more optimistic, yet equally direct modern folk sound on his 2007 debut Sleep Is For The Weak. Frank by name and frank by nature, his second album, released last year, is fittingly entitled Love, Ire and Song. A mixture of wry observation, heartfelt confession and rabble-rousing ‘what the hell were you thinking?’ advice, it garnered critical acclaim and comparisons to Billy Bragg, along with commercial success and numerous festival slots.

Million Dead was something of a cult band with a devoted following. They split at their peak so the

Bat For Lashes The enchanting Mercury Music Prize nominee plays to a home crowd.

Thursday 16 April, Corn Exchange

28 latest 7

band could ‘remain friends and a wicked underground band.’ Why, then, the drastic shift in musical style? “Hardcore is an easy thing to do badly and the way to do that is for your heart to not be in it. There’s nothing worse than insincere hardcore. You have to sustain a certain kind of anger, which I could do when I was 19 or 20, but now, I can’t!” At only 27, you could argue the Bahrain-born, Winchester-raised singer’s hardly an old man and his current musical output lacks none of the passion of his early years.

Having played more than 500 postMillion Dead gigs, he’s not slowing down. He’s just compiled a bonus disc of rarities and b-sides for a re-issue of Love, Ire and Song, cunningly called The First Three Years. This was between tours with US punks Anti-Flag and The Gaslight Anthem and former Hot Water Music front man Chuck Ragan in the States; not to mention tours with his own backing band and good friend, Brighton-based singer-songwriter Chris T-T. He hits the UK, Europe and Russia in February and records his third album over summer. He returns to the road in October, in association with the anti-database state group No2ID, a cause close to his heart. Far from a Green Day-style ‘Protest Tourist’, Turner represents a new breed of passionate, wellinformed artists taking the baton from the old guard to sing what must be sung. Oh, and if anyone at the BBC’s reading, he’d love to appear on QI. Frank Turner supporting The Gaslight Anthem, Concorde 2, Thursday 5 February.

UPCOMING GIGS Sharleen Spiteri 5 February, Dome Keane 10 February, Brighton Centre Mongrel 13 February, Coalition Robyn Hitchcock 16 February, Komedia Bellowhead 16 February, Concorde 2 NME Awards Tour 16 February, Dome Secret Machines 17 February, Concorde 2 Late Of The Pier 18 February, Concorde 2 Black Lips 19 February, Audio Amadou and Mariam 24 Feb, Concorde 2 Candi Staton 25 February, Old Market Acker Bilk 28 February, Old Market Elbow 28 February, Dome The Bluetones 28 February, Concorde 2 Emiliana Torrini 14 March, St Georges Tunng & Tinariwen 18 March, De La Warr

Lily Allen 20 March, Dome Goldie Lookin’ Chain 23 March, Concorde 2 Hugh Cornwell 25 March, Concorde 2 The Beat 27 March, Concorde 2 Simply Red 31 March, Brighton Centre The Enemy 8 April, Dome The Prodigy 14 April, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Dome PJ Harvey 15 April, Dome Bat For Lashes 16 April, Corn Exchange Gary Moore 17 April, Dome Australian Pink Floyd 28 April, Brighton Centre Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Antony & The Johnsons 21 May, Dome Katy Perry 2 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome

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MUSICHIGHLIGHTS Justin Townes Earle Steve Earle’s son is forging a career as a distinguished songwriter in his own right. New album Midnight At The Movies taps the inherent romanticism of Americana, imbued on its way by the ghost of Woody Guthrie, the music hall of Randy Newman and the classic country heartache of Ray Price. If he hasn’t already, it’s about time he stepped out of his father’s potentially overbearing shadow, and claim for his own, the right to be treated as his own man.

Wednesday 4 February, Prince Albert JH

Karima Francis

brilliantly idiosyncratic (or somewhere between the two), this pair should mix well with fellow beatboxer ‘Flutebox’. As his name suggests, he beatboxes and plays the flute. At the same time! Throw in the talented drummer Gangadeen from improvised dance pioneers The Bay and you have something potentially very special. Or just plain messy.

Thursday 5 February, Komedia NA

The Coast Once upon a time, Canada’s reputation was all Bryan Adams this and Celine Dion that. More recently, it’s emerged as one of the world leaders in quality indie, rock and metal music exports. Tonight is further proof with these psychedelic popsters.

Wednesday 4 February, Audio NA

Cordelia Fellowes Engaging songstress who writes about getting hammered and dealing with useless idiot boyfriends in a refreshing manner. There’s a boho-chic look going on here, but thankfully Fellowes and her ever expanding band prefer to use music, and jazzy-blues strokes to get their music home.

Support from the almost unfeasibly young 60s garage and R’n’B throwbacks The Shoestrung.

Thursday 5 February, Latest Music Bar JH

Super Ultra Mega: Beardyman + JFB + Nathan ‘Flutebox’ Lee + Andy Gangadeen Now, this is an interesting prospect. First up, we have Brighton beatbox and DJ duo Beardyman and JFB. Either really silly or

Sharleen Spiteri The former Texas frontwoman performs tracks from her debut solo album Melody. Expect some Texas classics and surprises from the breathy British popstrel.

Thursday 5 February, Brighton Dome Sharleen Spiteri

Brakes Brighton indie-country-punk band play a relatively intimate gig, promoting forhcoming new album on local Fat Cat label. A great live proposition with some fiery numbers mixed in with the odd ballad and country type tune.

Saturday 7 February, Prince Albert JH Wingates Brass Band It’s not often you find brass bands on these pages (in fact, perhaps never), but put the prejudices aside and this is another fascinating project from the increasingly outlandish De La Warr Pavilion.

This Bolton band has been around for more

than 100 years; the latest visit to the south coast sees their take on the music of acclaimed modern classical and film score composer Michael Nyman.

Saturday 7 February, De La Warr Pavilion NA Karima Francis Spooky, sexual ambiguity going on here via the mid-60s ‘do and bohemian style of Bob Dylan (as if portrayed Cate Blanchett), Karima Francis is being mightily hyped. Musically she’s been compared to Tracy Chapman and Joan Armatrading. Debut album The Author out soon.

Monday 9 February, Freebutt JH

Wingates Brass Band

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For more info email: natallwood@btinternet.com or call: 01273 727044

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases Yes, I’ve always wanted to review a U2 release and here’s my chance… In trying to jettison all those built up (nearly 30 years worth!) prejudices about the biggest band in the world (including shameless promotion, over wrought emotions, almost invariably poor and superficial lyrics, mistaken pseudo intelligence, Bono being about as tasty as his dog biscuit namesake, etc) it is probably impossible for me to talk sensibly about their new single ‘Get On Your Boots’… except to say I like it! I like the subtle Elvis Costello ‘Pump It Up’ style rap, the Queen-like harmonies and the filthy dirty bass sound. OK? Now, shoot me…

Irish band Fight Like Apes have been threatening the young adults of this crazy world to embrace the energetic, melodic and in-yer face sonic intimidation of their music. Fight Like Apes and the Mystery of The Golden Medallion is very witty in places; there’s a certain anorak quality to the electronic-punk sounds with plenty of references to obscure telly and kids paraphernalia. The title itself refers to Mr T’s post A-Team cartoon series. Yes, you at the back, stay awake now! Like Los Campesinos, their appeal will be sniggeringly short-lived but go for the ride ‘cause they’ll be fondly remembered…

The broadening musical palette of trip hop dudes Ninja Tune continues apace with the release of the Pendulum-esque Join The Q by The Qemists. It’s a ram-raid of a record, bludgeoning you into submission. All that’s missing is the sirens... Still, for a couple of tracks it’s bound to get your head-a-bobbing and a feet-a-tappin’ with its skillfully integrated drum ‘n’ bass beats and bass, rave vocals and rock guitar chords. Guest vocalists include Beardyman, Mike Patton (Faith No More) and Wiley.

Following last year’s critically acclaimed debut, For Emma, Forever Ago, Justin Vernon (better known as Bon Iver) keeps the ball rolling with his new Blood Bank EP. Apparently, ‘Bon Iver’ is meant as an anglicized version of the phrase ‘good winter’, which could also perfectly describe Blood Bank. A feeling of cold, pastoral desolation permeates throughout these lushly produced songs; approaching a kind of glacial beauty seeping into spring. Perhaps, though, the thaw takes too long as the listener is left disinterested by too much, however accomplished, meandering.

World music can be a tad alienating to the untrained ear, so it’s nice of South African collective Abavuki to record an album of western soul covers. Featuring the likes of ‘Soul Man’, ‘Say a Little Prayer’ and ‘Papa Was a Rolling Stone,’ these come across as nothing more than decent stabs at un-improvable classics rather than innovative re-imaginings.

What with the current proclamations that the world is screwed economically, politically and environmentally, along comes something to make winter even worse; namely, Sri Lankan electro-pop singersongwriter Peace and her band, Peace and the Presidents. With an irritatingly simplistic message and dull, Euro-pop beats, debut single ‘It’s Only Money’ will hopefully be the first and last of its kind.

The Laughing Onion Jean-Jacques Jordane “Sings Paris” for small parties

8 to 24 people 3 courses £17.95

01273 696555 30 latest 7

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To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10

★ 1 Breakin Bear – Breeze ★ 2 Thunk – Micromophone 3 Chaos Borne – Watching 4 Frunt, Bak & Nutz – The Rites Of Wolf 5 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 6 R21 – Proved You Wrong 7 The Mojo Fins – Always Now 8 Chaos Borne – The Moment 9 Mr Resonate – Say What You Mean 10 Mr Resonate – The Opposite Vibe It’s another week at number one for the brooding, ambitious rock of Breakin Bear with the excellent ‘Breeze.’ Meanwhile, Thunk have only gone and funked things up with their return to the number two spot. Dark dance act Chaos Borne take three, the slightly more upbeat Frunt, Bak and Nutz take four and Caramel Jack’s former number one drops to five.

11 Glitters From Billy Holiday 12 Mr Resonate All That I’m Not 13 Caramel Jack Curtain 14 Chrissy Fuel & The Flames The Motorway Song 15 Dear Jon On Your Side 16 Scenic Routes Glass Eye 17 Guerrilla Audio Another Life 18 Lostaura Chevron 19 The Long Goodbye For a Long Time 20 Astro Physics 24 Hour MC 21 The Mighty Rivals Something In My Way 22 Friday Night Hero Our Time 23 Largo Silversp**n 24 Taboo Duet 25 Pete Lambrou with Rhia Lock To Silence Our Little Hearts

26 SPARKER 1000 DAYS (NOW I WANT YOU) 27 HATCHDOWN Come Down Easy 28 Legs MC Push 29 Eminemmylou The Way I Am 30 ANEMO Pray 31 URBAN DELIGHTS Maybe Baby 32 Leader Jaded 33 Sweet Sweet Lies My Overrated Girlfriend 34 Last Days of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine 35 Kiyomori None Of The Above 36 My Last Victory Facing the Winds of Adversity 37 The Eric Experiment I Think It's Impossible 38 WITHOUT WARRANT SUPEREGO 39 Leo Altarelli See It Now 40 Miss Anna Robinson Missing the Point

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MUSIC

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

MUSIC& CLUBLISTINGS 3 – 9 Feb Tuesday 3 Live Music Creature + The Morning Orchestra + Bogumila Prince Albert, 8pm, £4/3 Open Mic The Brunswick, 8pm, free Bars and clubs Audio Snide. Tight-trousered indie disco.

10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever.10pm–2am, free.

Digital Glitterati. Student nite. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s. Classic

guitar and fiddle. Royal Oak, Lewes, 8pm, £6 Open Mic The Hub, Lewes Road, 8:30pm, free Sharleen Spiteri The former Texas frontwoman returns. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £35 Sharon Lewis + Jay Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 8pm, £tbc Shofar Quartet Live dub band. Bee's Mouth, 9pm, free Sofa Sessions Open mic Juggler Bar, 8:30pm, free Sound Factory Stripped Local acts’ ‘stripped down’ acoustic shows. The Providence, 8pm, £1

Beardyman, Thursday 90s anthems. 10:30pm, 90p.

New Hero This Exists. An uncompromising fresh blend of high quality pop culture.10pm, £2.

Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £3/1 Po Na Na Sweet. Commercial R’n’B, Funky House and Baseline. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Tru Bandwagon. Student night with club anthems, R’n’B & house. 10pm–2:30am, £1–3 Water Margin Sessions. Run by students and playing for the students. 11pm–4am, £2/free.

Wednesday 4 Live Music Alice (Former Blueprint) Rock, big beat and ska. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £4/3 Club NME: Riot Lights Club night with live music from these indie rockers. Brighton Coalition, 10pm, free The Coast Cannuck psyche-popsters cross the pond. Audio, 8pm, £tbc Justin Townes Earle + Ahab Son of Steve Earle. Sounds like a country monster movie.

Perhaps. Prince Albert, 8pm, £10/8 The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Open Mic Bee's Mouth, 8:30pm, free Bars and clubs Arc Life is Easy. A mid-week interlude of indie classics, new and old. 10pm, £1/free.

Audio Supercharged. Scratch Perverts head up Audio with their hip-hop and D'n'B blended beats. 11pm–2:30am, £7/6.

Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest for All Stars wearing rock/indie fans with live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free.

Water Margin Forgive Me Father for I Have Synth’d. Electro, pop & rock. 11pm–3am, £tbc.

Genetics Playing a mixture of intelligent, liquid, neuro and darkside D’n’B. 3am–6am, £2/free.

Thursday 5 Live Music Adriano Adewale Group African music, Brazilian funk, jazz. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £12.50 Chris Dean's Syd Lawrence Orchestra Big band music, covering the likes of Count Basie, Benny Goodman, Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. Hove Town Hall, 7:30pm, £15.50–16.50 Cordelia Fellowes and the Gypsy Squat Pop Project + The Shoestrung Pop, gypsy, blues and folk. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £4/3 Foy Vance Folk/soul. The Brunswick, 8pm, £tbc Ice Black Birds + The Deadlines + Clayton Strange Prince Albert, 8pm, £4/3 Jeff Davis American folk: banjo, mandolo,

Super Ultra Mega: Beardyman + JFB + Nathan 'Flutebox' Lee + Andy Gangadeen Interesting, eclectic night, this. Brighton beatboxer Beardyman performs live with beatboxing flautist (yes, you heard that right) Lee and The Bays drummer Gangadeen.

Komedia, 8:30pm, £10 We Are The Ocean + The Urgency + Deaf Havana Rock night. Concorde 2, 7pm, £7 Bars and clubs Audio Shameless. Trashy pop anthems, indie classics and retro hits. 11pm, £1.

Brighton Coalition Them. Weekly Dubstep and Grime. 10:30pm–3am, free.

Digital Thursday Club. Mix-master, audio/visual pioneer and comedy creator. DJ Yoda! 11pm, £7.50.

Funky Buddha Lounge Double R Records. The freshest hip hop, R’n’B and Bassline trax.

10pm–3am, £3/2.

Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM’s Paul Hilyer plays house and dance anthems.

10:3opm-3am, £3/1.

Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. The Hope Brap FM. Thursdays are the new Fridays with everything from Downtempo to Techno! 8pm-2am, free.

Volks King Earthquake. Plus a super-heavyweight Dub Soundsystem. 10pm-3am, £5.

Friday 6 Live Music The Aaron King Band Ethereal pop with a catchy feel. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £tbc Americana: The Lost Highway Americana night, silly. The Brunswick, 8pm, £tbc The Barrelhouse 40s swing and jive club night with DJ and band. Hanbury Club, 7:30pm, £4–9 Battle of the Bands: Mondo Kong + The Lanes + The Vinyls + The Fatigue Providence, 8pm, £1 The Ceeders + The Gingerbread Men + The Valentines Remember indie rockers The Gingerbread Men? From that T4 show last year?

No? Oh. Prince Albert, 8pm, £4 The Gaslight Anthem + Frank Turner + Polar Bear Club Lovely. Catchy New Jersey pop-punks supported by the ex-Million Dead frontman and talented folk-pop-rock musician Turner. Concorde 2, 7pm, £10 The Fab Beatles Tribute to The Beatles.

Komedia, 8pm, £tbc John Crampton Foot-stompin' blues and bluegrass. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online for details

LMB All Stars with Neil Thomas and Johanna Harman Jazz and blues-fuelled musicians. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £8/6 Martin Speake’s Generations Brighton Jazz Club event. Komedia, 8pm, £8–12 Bars and clubs 2 One One Lollipop. R’n’B and Hip Hop. 11pm–3am, free before 11.30pm Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. Sixties Floorfillers. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio Hospitality. The Trend-bucking label are back with Mistabishi’s debut album launch.

11pm–4am, £11/9.

Brighton Coalition Kid Dub (Live). Electro tinged mayhem! 11pm–4am, £8 b4 midnight.

Concorde 2 Freebass. Brighton's heaviest free party. 11pm, free.

Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie Rock’n’Roll with DJ and bands. 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge La Playa. A fusion of Reggaeton, Hip Hop, R’n’B and Latin House.

11pm–6am, £free b4 12/£5 after.

Funky Fish The Funkyfish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Hanbury Club The Barrelhouse. 40s Swing and Jive club night with guest DJ and live band.

7pm–2am, £9-4.

Honey Club Hardsouth. Diamond blasting hard dance night. 10:30pm–5am, £10/5.

Latest Music Bar Danceteria. Quality underground electric disco, house, soul and beats. 11:30pm, £4/2.

New Hero Somewhere in the Universe…

Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’Roll mayhem, indie & punk. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Tru Skint. Playing mainstream funky house, R’n’B & disco. 10pm–2am, free b4 11/£3 after.

Volks The Regime. Breakcore, Jungle, Gabba, Acid and Rave. 10pm–4am, £6 b4 12/£7 after.

Saturday 7 Live Music Brakes + Kinema + Stuart Flynn Perhaps Brighton's best band, this snarling garage rock supergroup should set light to the tiny Albert.

Prince Albert, 7:30pm, £tbc The Diablos Master Mariner, 8pm, free The Grand Majestic Eight piece original funk and soul band. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/3 Live&Love Music Local and national signed and unsigned bands from all genres. Brighton Coalition, 7pm, £7/5 Miles Hunt (The Wonder Stuff) + Erica Nockalls Baggy favourites The Wonder Stuff's founder member. Engine Rooms, 7:30pm, £9 Playgroup: The Correspondents Live swing band play this ‘wacky’ club night. Concorde 2, 11pm, £8–10 Redstripe Music Awards: The PrjctMyhm + BangBangBang! + The Die Vibes + The Blue Skies The Brighton round of this regional competition. Audio, 7:30pm, £tbc Sound Factory: Lostaura + The Black Flowers + Asteroids Broke My Stereo Indie night. The Providence, 8pm, £1 Sweet Hove Chicago Popular local blues band. The Brunswick, 8pm, £tbc Wingates Brass Band Award-winning brass band with a career spanning over 100 years play the music of Michael Nyman. De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £tbc Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up. Unpretentious indie night.

10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. The don of free parties brings some winter love with guest Hannah Holland. 10pm–4am, free.

Brighton Coalition Junk Box. De Puta Madre presents another beat rammed episode of electro tech. 11pm-4am, £12/10.

Followed by Blow the Afterparty. 3am, £7/4.

Concorde 2 Playgroup. Live swing band, The Correspondents, plus, jungle and dubstep from Prjct Myhm and JFB. 11pm–4am, £10/8.

Engine Rooms Born Bad. Alternative madness for glamorous girls and boys. 11pm–3am, £5/4.

Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice Fm's Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10.

Followed by Upside Down After Hours.

Contraband DJs til breakfast. 3am, £5/3.

Funky Fish The Funkyfish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Hanbury Club We Luv Pop. Seven year itch birthday bash, celebrating all things POP! 7pm2am, £8-5.

Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house with guests. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 Komedia Brighton Rock. Infamous rock riot, playing classic rock and metal. 11pm, £6.

La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from all over the world. 8pm–4am, free b4 11/£6 after.

New Hero It Is Still 1985. An alternative 80s night full of outrageous tunes! 10pm, £3 Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, heavy, glam, alternative dance and beer to dribble down you ‘til you drop! 10:30pm–3am, £4/2 Po Na Na Silk. Urban soul, electro pop and a mish-mash of bootlegs. 10pm–3:30am, £10/8.

Tru Glitterbaby. Thickly spreading your favourite chart tunes across 3 rooms. 9pm–3am, £10/8.

Volks Psychedelicious. A tantalising mix of treats from psytrance to breaks, funk and chill.

11pm–5am, £8/5.

Water Margin Logo. Future heroes to world famous DJs spin house tunes til dawn.

3am–8am, £7/5.

Sunday 8 Live Music Alternative Music Night: Indigo Local duo playing jazz covers. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Classical concert featuring Bach, Mozart and Beethoven.

Brighton Dome, 2:45pm, £tbc The Desperate Ones Quality moody mournfulness with an air of Jacques Brel, Ennio Morricone and Nick Cave. Sidewinder, 8pm, free Ettin Single Launch Dub reggae locals launch their ‘Where to Begin’ single. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5 inc free CD F*ck Gypsy Jazz with Quasimodo Quartet The natural progression of gypsy jazz. Bee’s Mouth, 9pm, free Paper Bag Animation and live music. The Brunswick, 8pm, £tbc Roast ‘n’ Jazz Sunday roast and some nice relaxing jazz. Latest Music Bar, 12:30pm, £10 inc lunch Songwriters' Sunday Nut Roast Songwriting showcase hosted by Squeeze man Chris Difford.

Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 7:30pm, £5 Vineyard Soulful gospel music. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, free.

Wihan Quartet Sunday Coffee Concert featuring Mozart, Schubert and Dvorak. The Old Market, 11am, £tbc Bars and clubs Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B, Hip Hop and UK Garage.

Sundays are the new Fridays! 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. Knockin’ siesta Sundays into the past, Lee Garrett and Salerno play house and soulful beats. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency.

All things diverse from Radiohead, Madlib, National Forest and Playgroup. 8pm, free.

Monday 9 Live Music The Bee's Mouth Jazz Forum A house band welcomes all comers and performers get some free booze. Bee's Mouth, 8:30pm, free Breakthrough with Rough Trade: Laser Crabs + The Woo!Worths + Carter Brown + Echo View Rock and indie mixed with electronic pop. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, £3/2 Karima Francis Hotly (and falsely) tipped soul ballads akin to TV show One Tree Hill. If that floats your boat. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc Bars and clubs Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. Filthy student fun. 10:30pm–3am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. Best in Old skool garage, R’n’B, hip hop, bashment and swing. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco and indie with drinks £1.50 all night. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. Cocktail of funk, reggae, indie and pop. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1.

Music by Nick Aldwinckle Clubs and Bars by Jaime Pettit latest 7 31

032_LS409 gay news

1/30/09

3:03 PM

Page 2

LATESTGAY

Brighton’s only weekly gay guide NEWS

Dramatic legacy A survivor of The Admiral Duncan bombing is looking for sponsors for a groundbreaking play that examines what motivates a terrorist.

Jonathan Cash was a few feet away from the nail bomb when it went off in The Admiral Duncan pub in Soho on 30 April 1999. Three people died in the blast and about 80 people were injured, including Jonathan.

Ten years on from the tragedy, he has written a play inspired by the events and hopes to stage it at our sister venue Latest Musicbar as part of Brighton Festival Fringe. The First Domino, a dark edgy drama for two actors, needs £15,000 in sponsorship.

If the money can be raised, it will also be performed at The Groucho Club in Soho, which became a crisis station for survivors following the bombing.

Psychopath David Copeland, a 23-year-old Nazi sympathiser from Hampshire, planted the nail bomb in the gay pub within two weeks of placing two other bombs targeting black and Asian communities in Brixton and Brick Lane.

He planted a bag in The Admiral Duncan and left shortly after 6pm. It was bank holiday Friday and Jonathan, then 31, was waiting for some friends. He said: “I went to the bar and people were actually looking down at this bag. I moved away from it – there were warnings after the previous two bombs had gone off.

Faynia Williams

Win Erasure goodies Latest has three copies of Erasure’s new hits album to give away.

Total Pop! The First 40 Hits, is out on Monday 23 February as a double CD with a remastered version of Pop! The First 20 Hits, originally released in 1992, as well as Pop2!

Or you can buy a special fourdisc edition with a live CD and a DVD featuring classic BBC performances, ranging from ‘Sometimes‘ on Top of the Pops to ‘Ship Of Fools‘ on Wogan and an appearance on Later with Jools Holland.

32 latest 7

On Monday the band will also release Pop! Remixed, featuring remixes by Jeremy Wheatley, Vince Clarke, and Sweden’s SoundFactory.

For a chance of winning Total Pop! The First 40 Hits, tell us: What year was Pop! The First 20 Hits released?

First prize is the four-disc box set and a signed photo, two runners-up will each get a double CD. Email your answer, name, address and phone number to competitions@thelatest.co.uk, putting ‘Erasure‘ in the subject box, or write to us at the address on page 3. Closing date Monday 16 February.

See more at thelatest.co.uk

“I didn’t think anything like that would happen to me.“ The explosion blew a hole in Jonathan’s shoulder, burned some of his hair off, took a chunk off his thumb and left his legs black and purple.

Luckily he didn’t have to have skin grafts or amputations like a lot of survivors and his wounds eventually healed, but the experience left him with a permanent impact on his life. Following the bombing, he moved to Brighton and had counselling.

The play depicts a terrorist being interviewed by a prison doctor.

Jonathan said: “It is all about our expectations of people. I was dealing with the terrorist’s expectations of what people might be because they’re black, or Asian, or gay.

“When I was writing it I thought, what do we expect a terrorist to be like? Do we expect him to be stupid with unjustified, raging hate? I wrote something completely unexpected. He is actually charming and articulate. It is about challenging the audience’s expectations.“ The Groucho Club has already agreed to stage an industry showcase of the play, which Jonathan and director Faynia Williams would like to take to London and beyond. The pair met when Jonathan studied an MA in Dramatic Writing at the University of Sussex a couple of years ago and was taught by Faynia, a broadcaster and producer of BBC TV and radio plays and documentaries.

Faynia is artistic director of Brighton Theatre, the award-winning company which in the 80s counted among its members Alan Rickman and which has been resurrected for this production.

Faynia is president of the UNESCO International Theatre Institute’s Dramatic Theatre Committee and former chair of the Guild of Directors.

While she has seen some “wonderful plays and fantastic successes” developed by her students of film writing and playwriting, this is the first she has ever offered to direct.

Faynia was attracted to the play because it is so relevant to Brighton and to the UK as a whole. She said: “He is a very good writer. He’s got a great future.

“Although it is a very emotional subject, it is very witty the way Jonathan has done it.”

Anyone who can help with sponsorship should email brightontheatre@aol.com or fayniaw@googlemail.com or call Faynia on 07900 088191.

The First Domino, Latest Musicbar, Tuesday 19 to Saturday 23 May.

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 179 ACROSS: 5 Bite 7 Abbreviate 8 Mole 10 Napoleon 11 Plaice 12 Mascot 14 Stigma 16 Deceit 17 Practice 19 Nine 21 Surprising 22 Feet.

DOWN: 1 Farm 2 Greeting 3 Avenue 4 Wampum 5 Bell 6 Theologian 9 Obliterate 13 Sickness 15 Aviary 16 Dreary 18 Cost 20 Edge.

Solution to Quick 179 ACROSS: 5 Ibex 7 Discussion 8 Lion 10 Isolated 11 Sparse 12 Oroide 14 Ashore 16 Amoeba 17 Gigantic 19 Eden 21 Pestilence 22 Lees.

DOWN: 1 Idol 2 Scenario 3 Aspire 4 Kimono 5 Inca 6 Expendable 9 Impossible 13 Odometer 15 Extasy 16 Arctic 18 Alps 20 Need. © Crossword Shop

If you have a story for Latest Gay pages please email news@thelatest.co.uk

Jonathan Cash Pic by Malcolm Crowthers

“What do we expect a terrorist to be like?

Do we expect him to be stupid with unjustified, raging hate?”

Old Compton Street a few minutes after t he bombing. Jonathan (circled) is seen crawling out onto the pavement.

033_LS409_gay list/andybell

1/29/09

8:11 PM

Page 1

GAY

For full listings & venues go to thelatest.co.uk

A little…

GAYLISTINGS 3 – 9 February

Brighton and Hove (Actually) Gay Men’s Chorus, Sunday 8, Theatre Royal

…respect Andy Bell talks to Rachel Pegg about a life in music, the rebirth of electronica and Erasure’s new album They are one of the most successful pop acts of all time. It might be a while since Erasure had a top 20 hit, but Andy Bell and Vince Clarke still have a massive worldwide fanbase. Now they are releasing their definitive collection, along with a remix album.

Since 1985, Erasure have produced 13 albums and sold 20 million copies.

So does releasing a collection of 40 hits bring home how phenomenal that success has been for the former butcher from Peterborough? “It’s a nice reminder when you step back and see how much you’ve actually done,” says Andy. “We’ve been round the world a few times and done loads and loads of shows and the amount of albums we’ve done is probably a record. It’s nice to see all the songs there together.”

Some people, Andy says, think the band broke up in the 90s. In fact, they’ve released five albums since 2000 and are getting back together for more writing in the autumn, with a view to touring next year.

“I’ve been working on a solo project but it’s a bit up and down,” says Andy. “This makes me appreciate what I have with Vince. It’s so easy working with him and everything’s completely split 50 50.”

The pair – who Andy described as the ‘Gilbert and George of pop’ (quinitessentially British) now rarely see each other, as Vince lives in Maine with his wife and son and Andy is in Hastings with his boyfriend of three years. So does Andy miss Vince – who was affectionately labelled by Gaydar Radio ‘one of the gayest straight men in the world’? “I do miss him, yeah. I miss his humour and him being there, especially when we’re doing interviews. It’s nice to have a sparring partner, also we’re both down to earth and quite shy, and enjoy having a little drink.”

Andy’s ‘electro dance‘ solo album should be finished next month.

While he admits he “doesn’t keep up with a lot of stuff” he has been enjoying the revival of electronic music, with acts such as Hercules and Love Affair and MGMT. “I was in New York, probably in October last year,” he remembers. “This one bar I go to is called Underground, the local gay neighbourhood bar. All the music they were playing was quite minimal electronic stuff. A lot of it I thought was from way back when, but it was quite modern. It is interesting how things go round.”

These days, he thinks, fashions change quickly and in some ways it is easier to be a young woman in the UK music scene because you get more attention. “If you’re in the media and you’re the latest hyped band, it’s quite easy to get a head start, but it’s hard to maintain, so here things are short lived and go in and out of fashion quite quickly. People don’t realise how much media control there is. In America, because it’s bigger, you have to go round and do grassroots work and play to all the audiences there.” Digital radio and MySpace does make it easier for Erasure who, Andy admits, are not a ‘Top 40‘ or ‘MTV‘ band.

Just down the road from Brighton, Andy pops to the city once in a while – although not everyone recognises him. The last time he came was for Pride in 2008, when he got refused entrance to a bar for being drunk. “I wasn’t drunk at all,” he says. “I stumbled as I was going up the step and they said I was too drunk. I had to name drop myself, which I never do. They let me in then.”

See opposite page for how to win Total Pop! The First 40 Hits.

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online for details

Tuesday 3 Amsterdam Skint or Mint. Gay Bingo. 8pm.

Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity with a range of games. 12pm, free.

Ghetto Twisted Karaoke. Nothin’ from your dad’s collection! Hosted by Mistress Cat. 9:30pm, free.

Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Free poker night.

Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10 plus a guest DJ and karaoke.

A credit crunch gem. 8pm–11pm, free.

R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy! 12pm–2am.

Revenge Payday – Be My Valentine? The official LGBT student valentine bash! Dolling out singalong dance anthems, funky house and filthy pop. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mills’s Music Night. With Uncle Ben’s quiz night from 9pm. Bar open 12pm, free.

The Basement Scene Queen. New night for scene staff and students with DJ Lil’ Alex.

11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 4 Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins, rock, metal and 80s tastic cheese with a sprinkling of goth! 10pm–2am, £2.50.

Legends Super Karaoke. New karaoke & quiz night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre YouTube Night.

8pm, free.

Queen's Arms The Q-Factor Heat 1 – Big Prize Money! Annual singing contest, sign up before 8:45pm. Bar open 12pm–1am, free.

R-Bar Rush99. DJ Lil’ Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Rush150. Commercial dance and house sounds served up by DJ Lil’ Alex plus a rush bar! 10:30pm–3am, free before 12am/£2 after/free NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar 12pm–11pm.

The Basement Play. With DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 5 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheap as Primark pants. 8pm–11pm, £1.

Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. Hosted by Mother Superior Joan Bond with Tony B and Mikalis. 10pm–3am, £4/3 Ghetto Booty Call Monthly. Rockin’ R’n’B night.

10pm, £free b4 11.

Legends Thursday Cabaret Lounge. 9:30pm, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open Mic. 8pm.

Queen's Arms Spice's Nooks & Crannies!. A Cabaret show with a difference. 9:30pm, free.

R-Bar I Can’t Wait For The Weekend To Begin!.

Funked up, soulful and uplifting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free.

Redroaster Café Queer Poet's Night. A showcase of creative talent from the gay community. 8pm, £5/4.

Revenge Girls on Top. Deck Heroine LadyBex and DJ Smiffy doll out trashy chart hits and pop remixes. 10:30pm–4am, free b4 11:30 with passes, £4/5 after.

The Basement Box. Chart hit remixes, funky house and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free.

Friday 6 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished. Bar open 11am.

Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Pure unadulterated trashy disco pop, 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz. Playin’ indie recent and retro!

10pm, free b4 11.

Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girls’ Night. 2 floors of mayhem with guest DJs. 9pm–2am.

Queen’s Arms Stars. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes. 9pm–2am, free.

R-Bar The GirlsOnTop Bar. DJ Smiffy hauls her best in trash, pop and party tunes from Girls on Top to R-Bar. 12pm–2am.

Revenge Lollipop & Housexual. Top pop tunes from Stewart T. Upstairs find funky vocal house with DJ Hollie and guests. 10:30pm-5am, £7/5.

The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket.

Alex Baker plays girly pop & handbag tracks all night long. 11pm–4am, free all night!

Saturday 7 Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free.

Revenge Lollipop & Housexual. Top pop tunes from Stewart T. Upstairs find funky vocal house with DJ Hollie and guests. 10:30pm–5am, £7/5.

Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11.

Legends Pre-Ignition. Dance sounds from 7pm.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Marly DJs. Guest DJs and live music. 9pm–2am, free.

Queen’s Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin.

Vocalists, comedians and drag (3:30–5:30pm).

Then party with Kamp Kevin. Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free.

R-Bar Kinky Baby. KD warm-up with Dulcie Danger from 9pm. Bar open 12pm–7am, free.

Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 4 top DJs, 2 floors, and 5.5 hours of fun. 10:30pm–4am, £7/3.

Star Inn Bear Essentials. DJ Charlie. Bar open 12pm–1am, free.

The Basement Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle.

11pm–4am, free all night!

The PV at The Jury’s Out Saturday Madness.

The best in Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then PV’s house DJs take over! Bar open 12pm, free.

Sunday 8 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. Traditional roasts (12–5:30pm) and relaxing sunday vibes with a cabaret twist from 8pm, free.

Charles Street Bar Showtime.

Another cabaret superstar takes to the stage.

7:15pm, free.

Ghetto Eurotrash. Crazy pop cabaret. 9pm, free.

Legends Sunday Cabaret and Chill Out. 3:15pm, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Yummy roasts.

12pm, free.

Queen's Arms Cabaret & Betty's Karaoke.

With Lola Lasagne from 5:30pm. 12pm, free.

The Basement Embrace. Dripping in charty tracks provided by DJ Nick Shepherdson from G-A-Y! 11pm–4am, free.

Theatre Royal More Hairdressers than Barber Shop. An eclectic mix of song and dance, from 4 Poofs and a Piano and the Brighton and Hove (Actually) Gay Men’s Chorus. 7:30pm, £15.50.

Monday 9 Amsterdam The Monday Musical. Bar open 11am, free.

Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks with mammoth drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50.

Ghetto Frat Party. A chaotic mash-up of indie, electro and credible. 10pm, free.

Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am.

Marlborough Trans night. 8pm, free R-Bar Miss Jason's Mad House. Cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free.

The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s.

Nostalgic Floorfillers with Steve Lush.

11pm–4am, free. latest 7 33

034_LS409_TVIntro

1/30/09

1:29 PM

Page 2

latestTV

Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV

SATURDAY 7

Shirley Valentine ★★★★✩

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ★★★★★

WEDNESDAY 4

The Great British Food Fight is four weeks in which each of our nation’s favourite celebrity chefs take on the food produce world and try and right all the culinary wrongs this country is subjected to.

The first week saw Heston Blumenthal taking on Little Chef. And what an interesting week it was. Poor Heston, he is brilliant, but perhaps too brilliant for the likes of Little Chef.

It got off to quite a rocky start: the big boss of Little Chef wanted Heston to wow all of them with some of his trademark, slightly strange dishes; the diners at Little Chef wanted normal food and the staff had never before used a saucepan – cooking everything on a griddle and scrambling eggs in the microwave. And so the battle began.

Heston’s first trial menu didn’t go down too well. I can see why. It’s all very well having everything mega posh and fancy but does everyone want salmon with their scrambled eggs? But the main problem seemed to be focused around beans. Heston never adds beans to his breakfasts, but the Great British public seem to enjoy them. As well as the bean fiasco, the boss of Little Chef never appeared to give all the information – if any at all – which would obviously create problems. It looked as if Heston was fighting a losing battle. The bosses wanted ‘wow’ and the customers wanted recognisable.

If that wasn’t bad enough, Heston then discovered Little Chef is changing their menu, which throws up the question as to whether or not they were serious about having Heston make the changes or whether they just used him as a publicity stunt. Not only was Heston worried about the legitimacy of the venture, he has recreated the menu to meet a certain budget. The bosses don’t want any item on the menu to cost more than £10, but is it possible to have good quality food for such a small price?

Regardless of the outcome, the big question is – would you eat in a Little Chef? The critics invited on the opening enjoyed it, so perhaps Heston will succeed and turn Little Chef back into the institution it was once before.

The following week sees Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall taking on the giant that is Tesco to try and convince them to only sell free-range chickens which is no easy feat. Gordon Ramsay will be trying to get the public to eat locally and support local restaurants, and Jamie Oliver is taking a look at how we rear our pigs and discovering just how much of it is imported.

As well as giving us some rather amusing adverts, this Food Fight series gives us much needed information regarding the food we eat.

The only problem that seems to reoccur is the fact that the chefs sometimes take their cases to the point where it would alienate some of the public. We might all want to eat free-range chickens, but not all of us can afford it!

34 latest 7

Top tips for your week of flicks

TUESDAY 3

(1989, ITV3, 10.30pm. Dir Lewis Gilbert) Willy Russell’s story of a neglected housewife – the lovely Pauline Collins – who runs away to go on holiday with her bessie mate, only to find a holiday romance waiting for her in the form of Tom Conti. Another of Russell’s great tales of a woman’s awakening.

Rather funny too.

Food, glorious food!

3 – 9 Feb

(2004, Channel 4, 11.10pm.

Dir Michel Gondry) Jim Carrey steps out of the goof ball mask and turns in a memorable performance as the introverted lover of slightly bonkers Kate Winslet. They do say opposites attract. Then they fall out and indulge in a bit of memory wiping.

Not a good idea. Beautifully realised though.

Hulk ★★✩✩✩

Those Magnificant Men In Their Flying Machines ★★★✩✩

(2002, ITV2, 10pm. Dir Ang Lee) Eric Bana plays Bruce Banner – confused yet? – the scientist who nobody likes when he’s angry. On the run with his lovely lady Jennifer Connelly and confused as to what exactly is going on, the mysterious cleaner Nick Nolte has more answers than he’s spewing. Passable comic book adaptation.

(1965 Sky Classics, 10.25pm.

Dir Ken Annakin) Fast-moving madcap family favourite about an Edwardian air race between London and Paris. The fabulous aerial romp, crisp dialogue, wonderful planes, and an all-star cast of national stereotypes including Terry-Thomas, James Fox, Tony Hancock and downtrodden Eric Sykes.

THURSDAY 5

SUNDAY 8

Sleepy Hollow ★★★✩✩ (1999, Channel 4, 10.20pm.

Dir Tim Burton) Johnny Depp plays the fey 19th century detective, more interested in science than superstition, sent to the remote town of Sleepy Hollow to investigate a decapitated horseman decapitating others. Not a friendly act.

Wonderfully gothic and co-starring Christina Ricci.

Enigma★★★★✩ (2001, BBC1, 10.20pm. Dir Dougray Scott) Kate Winslet on her second outing of the week, this time with Jeremy Northam and Saffron Burrows. Second World War drama about an emotionally fragile code-breaker who is called back to the scene of his mental breakdown when the Enigma machine fails to crack the new German code. Based on a true story.

FRIDAY 6

MONDAY 9

Underworld ★★★✩✩

A Few Good Men ★★★✩✩ (1992, ITV1, 10.35pm. Dir Rob Reiner) Starring Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson, Demi Moore. Military drama. A young and impetuous naval lieutenant and a more experienced officer are given the job of defending two marines accused of murder. As the two officers come to terms with one another, their investigation uncovers some sinister secrets and collusion at the highest level.

(2003, Film4, 9pm. Dir Len Wiseman) Kate Beckinsale is the hot vampire warrior bewildering and besotting mortal Scott Speedman as he gets caught in the fight between vampires and werewolves. Followed immediately by sequel; Underworld: Evolution there’s an evening of all undead things in anticipation for the most recent instalment’s release at the cinema.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy ★★★★✩ (2004, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir Adam McKay) A thoroughly juvenile and enjoyable mickey-take of fictitious chauvinistic 1970s newcaster Ron Burgandy.

Starring Will Farrell on a good day and co-starring Christina Applegate showing off what a good comic actress she can be, this is the silly and ridiculous having a good time.

035_LS409_TV_Tue

1/28/09

12:39 PM

Page 1

tuesday 3 Horizon: Cannabis: The Evil Weed?

BBC2, 9pm The world’s favourite drug – ganj, spliff, Mary-Jane, weed – we certainly know what to call it but very little is actually known about what it does to us. Is it the start of a slippery drugs slope? Can it cause schizophrenia? Is it simply a herb, undervalued in medicine?

Dr John Marsden investigates.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 9pm Warrick is no more – RIP CSI Warrick. We’re gonna miss him.

And his remarkable blue eyes.

‘Nuff said. There’s a body in a dumpster and she’s linked to a drugs lord but no one can work out how she died. Lummy, this is going to take squirty stuff, smoke and cameras. CSIs rock.

How Clean Is Your House?

More4, 4.05pm & 4.35pm If you’ve just done a New Year’s spring clean you can feel smug while watching Kim and Aggie’s latest attack on the grubby public. If not, time to launch into paranoia central as every crumb down the back of the toaster morphs into E. coli and that oven never looked so rancid. Crack open the bicarbonate of soda.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 Hotel Trubble 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.25 Harry And Toto 9.35 Nina And The Neurons 9.50 Me Too! 10.10 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 Thinking Skills 11.30 Hands Up! 11.45 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.05 Meerkat Manor 1.30 Animal Park 2.15 Trash To Cash 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a quiz show. With no nibbles. Bad host!

6.30 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge In the Atacama Desert, a day of extreme contrasts begins with a trek through icy water before the team ventures onto the baking hot high plains.

7.00 Who Do You Think You Are? Series in which celebrities trace their ancestry. Rory Bremner finds out more about his distant older father.

8.00 Oz And James Drink To Britain The pair are in Burton-on-Trent, and James is particularly excited at being reunited with his home brew. Oh dear.

8.30 MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace are looking for the country’s next star chef.

9.00 Horizon: Cannabis: The Evil Weed? See highlights.

10.00 The Culture Show The show includes a rare TV interview with pianist Alfred Brendel, who reveals a passion for the later films of Luis Bunuel. Plus what else is hot in cultural circles. Yah! 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Alfred Brendel: Man And Mask A profile of world-renowned pianist Alfred Brendel, following him over two years and exploring the musical and non-musical influences that have shaped his life and work.

12.30am BBC News 4.00 Secular Believers 5.00 RE Clips

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Tricky Business 10.00 KNTV – Philosophy 10.30 TV Is Dead? 11.05 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 11.30 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.35 A Place In The Sun 1.05 FILM: The Cruel Sea (1953) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste’s mother Pauline arrives unannounced with a birthday present for Leah. Another grandma ready to do a runner with the mite?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny Two parents vow to change their extreme eating habits for the sake of their families. Colin weighs just nine stone and lives on a diet of chocolate and little else, while Tracey is twice his weight and binges on bread. Time to swap diets and feel a little bit sick.

9.00 Boys And Girls Alone Documentary series in which ten boys and girls are given the chance to live without their parents for a fortnight.

10.00 Shameless Gritty comedy drama. In the wake of Ian’s departure, Micky looks to expand his horizons by enrolling on a film course and, to his surprise, discovers a hidden talent.

11.05 The Big Bang Theory Comedy series. Penny becomes addicted to an online game based on the film Conan the Barbarian.

11.35 Oasis: Video Exclusive 11.40 My Name Is Earl Comedy.

12.10am Party Poker: Premier League Poker 1.15 4Sport: Destination 2012 2.10 Disabled Swimming Championships 2.35 Midnight Madness 2008 4.00 Making It (x3) 4.15 Henning’s Haus (x5) 5.30 Making It (x6)

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Returning Lily (2003) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.30 Wild Spirits 12.00pm H2O Sports International 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Big League Weekend 3.00 H2O Sports International 3.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.30 Big League Weekend 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Hyundai A League 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Super League - 2008 Season Review 2.00 Revista De La Liga 3.00 Volvo Ocean Race 4.00 Hyundai A League 4.30 Football Asia 5.00 Revista De La Liga

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Danielle is torn between Ronnie and Stacey, but which way will she turn? Birth lady or nice lady? Hmm. 8.00 Holby City Ric gives a rousing speech at the memorial service of the dead security guard, but feathers are ruffled when he puts forward his new zero tolerance policy. Memorial, not a political broadcast. Duh! 9.00 Traffic Cops A look at the challenges facing Britain’s road police.

10.00 BBC News; Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Comic Relief: The Fools’ Guide Victoria Beckham, Catherine Tate and Billy Connolly are among the celebrities giving an insider’s view of the trials, tribulations and triumphs that have made up Comic Relief’s first 21 years. An hour of best bits to gear you up for the next one.

11.35 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross The latest film reviews, news and interviews. Jonathan casts a critical eye over The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, starring Brad Pitt 12.05am FILM: The Innocent Sleep (1995) 1.40 Weatherview 1.45 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.15 The Speculators 2.45 Lark Rise To Candleford 3.45 Around The World In 80 Faiths 4.45 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy becomes increasingly disenchanted with farm life. Now he’s stopped hitting folk on it. Maybe Paddy’s not the right kind of doctor to be visiting the stables.

8.00 Doctors And Nurses At War Documentary series going behind the scenes at a frontline hospital in Afghanistan. The cameras follow NHS trauma specialists who have volunteered to help run Britain’s military hospital at Camp Bastion, and to give first aid on the front line.

Narrated by Robert Lindsay.

9.00 Total Emergency Series following all three emergency services in Sheffield. In this edition, police chase a stolen car towing a caravan. Not coming out with hands up – going on holiday!

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show Sketch show starring Katy Brand.

11.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp It is time for Harry’s take on the new year’s new TV. First Burp of 2009. Ahh. 11.35 No Heroics Sitcom. Don joins a therapy group for superheroes as he tries to come to terms with the number of people he has killed.

12.05am Crossing Jordan 12.55 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.45 Loose Women 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Home And Away Martha is grief stricken. Kirsty is distraught over Kane’s life-threatening injuries. Belle is treated for burns. Something big happen then?

6.30 Zoo Days There is an emergency when Piora the tamarin escapes. What’s a tamarin?

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Jaguar Adventure With Nigel Marven Nigel travels south to grasslands on the edge of the swamp, meets a giant anteater and witnesses a modern-day jaguar hunt.

8.00 Egyptian Monster Moves How 20 Egyptian temples were rescued from the rising waters of the River Nile in the 1960s.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation See highlights.

10.00 CSI: Miami Horatio and the team investigate the murder of a probation officer. Suspicion falls on a young man who is revealed to have a shocking connection to Horatio.

11.00 CSI: NY The body of a missing woman leads Mac to a serial killer who imprisons his victims. The team must piece together the evidence with the help of one who survived but can only communicate by blinking. It’s like one of those bizarre scenarios you can only make up.

12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 X Games 1.25 NBA Basketball 4.20 NBA All Star Slam Dunk Special 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Sailing 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Poker 12.00pm Volleyball 1.00 Powerboating 2.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing 3.00 Poker 5.00 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 6.00 Asian Golf Boom 6.30 Sailing 7.00 Sports Unlimited 8.00 Super League - 2008 Season Review 10.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 11.00 America’s Game 12.00am Asian Golf Boom 12.30 Sports Unlimited 1.30 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Volleyball 10.00 Powerboating 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Fishing: Bass Fishing 1.00 Powder Adventures 1.30 Wild Spirits 2.00 Max Power 3.00 Volleyball 4.00 Powerboating 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 9.00 Asian Golf Boom 9.30 Sailing 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 12.00am Pool: World Cup Of Pool 1.00 Volleyball 2.00 Sailing

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

2.00pm Standoff 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 Battlestar Galactica 10.00 Lost 11.00 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 12.00am Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Undercover Princes 9.00 Naked 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Grownups 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Naked 12.45am The Undercover Princes 1.40 Grownups 2.10 Almost Famous 2 3.10 Vodka, Homework And Me 4.10 Being Human

7.00pm News 7.30 Darwin’s Struggle: The Evolution Of The Origin Of Species 8.30 In Concert: Crosby And Nash 9.00 The High Life 9.30 Early Doors 10.00 Cowards 10.30 Mad Men 11.15 In Concert: Richie Havens 11.55 In Concert: Joni Mitchell 12.25am In Concert: James Taylor 1.05 In Concert: Joan Baez

10.30am Judge Judy (x3) 12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 9.00 FILM: Pretty Woman (1990) 11.25 FILM: Hulk (2002)

10.50am Inspector Morse 12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Pie In The Sky 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Ladies Of Letters 10.30 FILM: Shirley Valentine (1989) 12.40am Inspector Morse

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 10.00 Reaper 11.00 Shameless 12.05am Skins 1.05 Scrubs (x2)

3.00pm A Place By The Sea 4.05 How Clean Is Your House? (x2). See highlights.

5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Pig Business 11.40 Come Dine With Me 12.45am True Stories: Pig Business

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Ghost Whisperer 11.00 CSI 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 The Green Green Grass 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Black Adder 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.20am The Black Adder

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x3) 12.40am South Park 1.10 Frasier (x2)

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Survivorman 10.00 Alaska’s Great Race 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Earthquake (2004) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 9.50 FILM: Post Impact (2004) 11.40 FILM: The Darkroom (2006) 1.20am Ghost Stories

12.00pm The Great Man’s Lady (1942) 1.35 Panic In The Streets (1950) 3.15 The Top 10 Show 3.30 The Great McGinty (1940) 5.00 A Foreign Affair (1948) 7.00 The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 9.00 War Of The Worlds (1953) 10.30 Panic In The Streets (1950) 12.10am Experiment In Terror (1962)

11.25am The Apostle (1997) 1.45pm Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007) 3.35 The Serpent (2006) 5.40 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 7.45 The Apostle (1997) 10.00 Eastern Promises (2007) 11.45 Happiness (1999) 2.05am Oscar Nominations Special 2.35 Quadrophenia (1979)

1.00pm Retreat, Hell (1952) 2.50 The Ghost And Mrs Muir (1947) 4.55 The Last Command (1955) 7.05 The Beverly Hillbillies (1993) Remake of bumkins hit the big time comedy. 8.50 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 9.00 Transporter 2 (2004) 10.45 Sideways (2004) 1.10am Old Joy (2006)

6.55am The Ballad Of Cable Hogue (1970) 9.00 The Boy Who Could Fly (1986) 11.00 The Singing Nun (1966) 1.00pm Cash McCall (1959) 3.00 The Five Pennies (1959) 5.15 Bronco Billy (1980) 7.25 Cavalry Scout (1951) 9.00 Running On Empty (1988) 11.15 Ordinary People (1980) 1.35am Running On Empty (1988)

Classics

Indie

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1/28/09

12:43 PM

Page 1

wednesday 4 Minder Five, 9pm After all the palava of the trailers, the articles in the papers and discussions down the pub – it’s here. Not a remake, but an update. Shane Ritchie plays Archie Daley, the original Arthur Daley’s nephew, hiring taxi driver Jamie to help him pay off pair of menacing property developers.

And the dodgy duo commences.

The World’s Most Enhanced Woman And Me Channel 4, 10pm With titles sounding more and more like a freak show, this had better be good to counter the accusation of simply cashing in on the perpetual interest in ladies with larger pillows. Mark Dolan investigates why some women take enhancements to extremes and the health risks involved.

Lily Allen: The Hot Desk ITV2, 7.45pm It comes to something when Nicole Appleton and Mel Blatt are chatting to Lily Allen about her latest release. Didn’t they used to be a part of the hottest girlband sensation of the 90s?

Nevermind. Time to be part of the looking forward brigade, in a nonsinging capacity, and furrow out the hottest new things here.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 Gastronuts 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out As patient numbers increase, Dr David Bull outlines the case for increasing funding for HIV care. Do it!

8.00 Waterloo Road Drama series set in a secondary school. Drugs awareness day dawns. Governor Ralph Mellor wants Marley Kelly out of the school and away from his daughter, Flick, and plans to use the voluntary drugs tests to do it. Narc!

9.00 New Tricks Drama series. With all three men in hospital – blood vendetta for pensioners, you know the kind of thing – the boys decide to prove their worth by investigating the case of a patient who was murdered ten years previously.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Ruining dreams and shattering hopes.

10.45 Movie Connections Documentary series about the making of Britain’s biggest films. Shirley Valentine features.

11.25 FILM: Texas Rangers (2001) Starring James Van Der Beek, Rachael Leigh Cook, Ashton Kutcher, Dylan McDermott. Western.

12.45am Weatherview 12.50 Sign Zone: The Secret Life Of Elephants 1.50 Natural World (x2) 3.30 Animal Park 4.30 BBC News

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.25 Harry And Toto 9.35 Nina And The Neurons 9.50 Me Too! 10.10 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.15 FILM: Mystery Woman: Game Time (2005) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 Hyundai A League 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Super League: 2008 Season Review 1.00pm Revista De La Liga 2.00 Hyundai A League 2.30 LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 LIVE Test Cricket 10.30 Boots N All 12.00am Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 1.30 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 4.30 You’re On Sky Sports

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge Ben leads his team across the Atacama salt plains with their razorsharp salt crystals. Not for crisps.

7.00 Escape To The Country Jules Hudson is in Northamptonshire helping a couple from Leamington Spa find an idyllic country home.

8.00 It’s Not Easy Being Green Dick’s local pub sends out an SOS as their fuel bills soar. Can the gang help them to tackle their oil bills?

8.30 MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace are looking for the country’s next star chef.

9.00 Terry Pratchett: Living With Alzheimer’s Bestselling author Terry Pratchett has early onset Alzheimer’s, a disease he’s prepared to tackle head on. In the first of a two-part series, join Terry as he confronts living with his uncertain future and faces a world ultimately without words. Following Terry’s progress through his first year with Alzheimer’s.

10.00 QI Panel-based quiz. Stephen Fry hosts with Sean Lock, Jimmy Carr, Marcus Brigstocke and Alan Davies.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Brendel In Performance A recital by world-renowned pianist Alfred Brendel.

12.15am BBC News 4.00 Geography In Animation

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale TJ interferes in Brenda and Terry’s relationship.

Seems like yesterday he was almost an orphaned babe and now he’s a troubled tyke. They grow so fast.

7.30 Coronation Street Tony discovers that Carla is asking some dangerous questions. Keep schtum missus!

8.00 Foyle’s War It is April 1944, and Hastings Police Station has changed since Foyle resigned: DCS Meredith has taken over, Sam has been fired and Milner wants a transfer. But when the case of a young man found hanging in a wood is written off as a suicide by Meredith, Milner investigates further and finds an aerial photograph of a German village in the man’s pocket.

He believes it is murder and realises that Foyle is the only person who would agree with him. Ta da!

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Cops With Cameras On the front-line with police. CCTV – the saviour of cheap telly.

11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Mystery 1.25 Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 UK’s Most Wanted: Tonight 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Tricky Business 10.00 KNTV – Philosophy 10.30 TV Is Dead? 11.05 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 11.30 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.35 FILM: The Day Will Dawn (1942) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ravi finds himself alone and in charge of the Loft, so he invites Kris over for some fun. Wasn’t he the one who found all that dodgy CCTV footage? Not a learning boy.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Property experts Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer help people change their accommodation and their lives in today’s turbulent property market.

Couple Damon and Gemma want to find a place in the Surrey countryside and an investment property in Berlin.

And a massive plane to fly between the two. Maybe not.

9.00 Grand Designs Property series following householders as they build their own homes. Londoner Chris Otswald plans to build a water mill in the Chilterns on a plot he purchased 20 years ago. Talk about procrastination, matey!

10.00 The World’s Most Enhanced Woman And Me See highlights.

11.05 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series set on a Manchester estate. Repeat of yesterday’s episode.

12.10am 4 Music: Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... Smokey Robinson 1.15 4 Music: 4Play: Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip 1.30 The Month With Miquita 2.30 FILM: Paperback Hero (1998) 4.15 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Melody admits the truth about her involvement in the school fire.

She invented unsafety matches?

6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Extraordinary Animals Documentary series profiling remarkable animals from across the globe. Spitfire is a pigeon who is using his homing skills to help an outdoors-adventure company in the Rocky Mountains. Anyone else remember ‘Catch The Pigeon?’ Kudos.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the dangerous job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highways.

9.00 Minder See highlights.

10.00 Take That: Where Did It All Go Right? After years in the pop wilderness, Take That are once again one of the bestselling bands in Britain. This documentary traces the group’s rise and fall, and rise again – from clean-cut 90s boy band to family-friendly four-piece.

11.05 The Cheryl Cole Factor Documentary examining the popularity of Cheryl Cole.

12.05am PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open II 1.35 NFL On Five – The Best Of 2008 2.10 NFL On Five – Game Of The Season 3.20 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Sailing 9.30 Mountain Bike World 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 12.00pm Asian Golf Boom 12.30 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 1.30 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.30 Asian Golf Boom 3.00 Revista De La Liga 4.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Boots ‘N’ All: Season Preview 7.30 LIVE Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 America’s Game 12.30am European Tour Weekly 1.00 Boots ‘N’ All: Season Preview

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Super League: 2008 Season Review 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Asian Golf Boom 10.00 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Powder Adventures 1.30 Mountain Bike World 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 WWE The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 Licence To Le Mans 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 Total Rugby 8.00 Boots ‘N’ All: Season Preview 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Total Rugby 10.30 Watersports World 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Total Rugby 1.30 Licence To Le Mans 2.00 Sailing Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00 pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Standoff 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 FILM: The Fugitive (1993) 11.25 UK Border Force 12.25am Road Wars 1.25 Street Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Real Hustle (x2) 9.00 FILM: Starsky And Hutch (2004) 10.35 Little Britain USA 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 The Undercover Princes 12.45am Vodka, Homework And Me 1.45 The Real Hustle (x2) 2.45 The Undercover Princes

7.00pm News 7.30 Ready To Wear 8.00 The Book Quiz 8.30 Catherine Deneuve Talks To Kirsty Wark 9.00 Buddy Holly: Arena 10.05 FILM: The Buddy Holly Story (1978) 11.55 Buddy Holly’s Rock Shrine 12.10am My New Best Friend (x3) 3.10 The Book Quiz 3.40 Catherine Deneuve Talks To Kirsty Wark 5.30 Close

1.00pm Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Lily Allen: The Hot Desk. See highlights. 8.00 Demons 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 FILM: Hulk (2002) 12.40am Coronation Street

12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Pie In The Sky 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Ladies Of Letters 9.30 Rising Damp 10.00 Kingdom 11.05 Rose And Maloney 12.05am Numb3rs 12.55 Inspector Morse

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Big Momma’s House (2000) 11.00 90210 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 My Name Is Earl 1.30 90210 2.20 Roswell (x2)

5.05pm The Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Dispatches: Congo’s Forgotten Children 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 The IT Crowd 11.05 TV Heaven, Telly Hell 11.40 Omid Djalili: No Agenda 12.40am Father Ted 1.15 The IT Crowd

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 CSI (x2) 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Exposed: Charlotte Church

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 The Green Green Grass 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder II 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.20am Blackadder II

12.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 1.00 Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x4) 1.10am Frasier

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Survivorman 9.00 Solved 10.00 The World’s Deadliest Gangs (x2) 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Tall Tale (1995) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Riddles Of The Sphinx (2008) 9.50 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 11.40 FILM: Emmanuelle In Space: A Time To Dream (1994) 1.30am Ghost Stories

9.30am Duel In The Sun (1946) 11.45 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 1.45pm The Great Moment (1944) 3.15 Louisiana Purchase (1941) 5.00 Oscar Nominations Special 5.30 The Big Clock (1948) 7.15 The Purple Heart (1944) 9.00 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 10.50 Duel In The Sun (1946) 1.00am 35mm

9.00am Southland Tales (2006) 11.40 Best (2000) 1.30pm Factory Girl (2006) 3.15 Fire (1996) 5.10 Southland Tales (2006) 7.50 Sicko (2007) 10.00 Factory Girl (2006) 11.45 The Big Lebowski (1998) 1.45am Magnolia (1999) 5.00 Sky Movies Preview

1.00pm Rage At Dawn (1955) 2.45 Johnny Come Lately (1943) 4.40 The Malta Story (1953) 6.45 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 6.55 Never Been Kissed (1999) 9.00 Men Of Honor (2000) 11.25 Secretary (2002) Sadomasachistic relationship starring James Spader.

1.35am Live Flesh (1997)

7.10am The Singing Nun (1966) 8.55 Key Largo (1948) 10.50 Crooks And Coronets (1969) 1.00pm A Fine Madness (1966) 3.00 A Lion Is In The Streets (1953) 4.50 The Frisco Kid (1979) 7.15 The Good Guys And The Bad Guys (1969) 9.00 The Searchers (1956) 11.15 Shaft (1971) 1.10am The Searchers (1956)

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Page 1

thursday 5 Media Revolution BBC2, 7.30pm Kicking off this three-part run looking at the revolution in newspapers, TV and publishing.

Janet Street-Porter takes a closer look at advertising, internet impact and circulation figures to scare us silly about the future of newspapers. Will we scrap them? Or will the tabloid cockroaches survive? Hmm.

Dexter ITV1, 10.35pm Here’s a cracker – serial killer on the inside Dexter finds out the fella who offed his ma is still alive! Lila believes that confronting him might help ole Dex with his addiction recovery, but our anti-hero’s a tad more worried about what else might be stirred up by such a meeting.

He so wants to be good.

ER More4, 9pm It’s all-go in Chicago’s most talked about teaching hospital.

Kicking off, quite literally, with a playground brawl that results in a stabbing and a nose that won’t stop bleeding. How to make us all feel safer and bring about greater trust with the younger generation. Not. Plus, Gates’ teaching methods upset Sam.

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BBC2

ITV1

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 Prank Patrol 4.35 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.25 Harry And Toto 9.35 Nina And The Neurons 9.50 Me Too! 10.10 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 The Maths Channel - Year 3 11.10 Let’s Write Non-Fiction 11.30 Something Special 11.45 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.05 Meerkat Manor 1.30 Animal Park 2.15 Trash To Cash 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the challenging quiz show.

6.30 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge There is a medical crisis as air ambulance paramedic Haydn has to be evacuated off the mountain.

7.00 Oz And James Drink To Britain The duo head north to Scotland, where they receive a blindfolded seminar in the Scottish national drink from a whisky expert and meet the radical brewers of Edinburgh.

7.30 Media Revolution See highlights.

8.00 MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace are looking for the country’s next star chef.

9.00 Victorian Farm Historical observational documentary. Alex tries his hand at beekeeping. Prey for an Eddie Izzard homage at this point.

10.00 What The Victorians Did For Us The dramatic successes – and failures – of Victorian entrepreneurs including Otis, whose lift made the skyscraper possible. That’s who the writing in the lift’s about.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Explore: Rift Valley Emeka Onono investigates the aftermath of last year’s horrifying violence in Kenya’s Rift Valley.

11.50 Amazon Abyss 12.50am BBC News 4.00 Science In Action

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Tricky Business 10.00 KNTV – Philosophy 10.30 TV Is Dead? 11.05 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 11.30 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 FILM: Three Came Home (1950) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Money Plays (1997) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Total Rugby 11.30 Boots N All 1.00pm Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 2.30 LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 LIVE Test Cricket 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00am The Rugby Club 1.00 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 LIVE International Cricket

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola is disappointed when David and Leyla grow closer. That’s not very generous of spirit. Boo. 7.30 The Krypton Factor Ben Shephard presents the toughest gameshow on television. Ever.

Maybe. ‘Tis fun to watch anyhoo.

8.00 The Bill When Smithy finds a cab driver badly beaten with his takings missing, an Oyster card found nearby leads them to Ellie Gladstone.

Officers speak to a cagey Ellie, who denies all knowledge of the crime.

9.00 Piers Morgan On...

Piers Morgan visits Monte Carlo, in the tiny but glamorous principality of Monaco, a tax haven which is home to more billionaires per square foot than anywhere on the planet. But is Monaco’s glamour disappearing under the influx of tourists and tax exiles? And Piers Morgan visits?

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dexter See highlights.

11.45 FILM: Family Plot (1976) Starring Karen Black, Bruce Dern.

Tongue-in-cheek thriller about two greedy couples’ efforts to get their hands on a family fortune. Alfred Hitchcock’s last film.

1.50am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.45 Loose Women 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste asks Dom for his job back, but no matter how hard he protests his innocence, Dom is unable to forgive him. Meany.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 10 Years Younger: The Challenge Makeover show presented by Myleene Klass. Fiftyyear-old cleaning company manager Mary tries to turn back the years by undergoing cosmetic surgery, while 49-year-old civil servant Kathleen attempts to take an alternative route to youthfulness. Black magic. Not really, but had you going there.

9.00 Killer In A Small Town Documentary on the murders in Ipswich in 2006. One by one, the small community of sex workers that worked the dark streets around Ipswich Town’s football stadium began to disappear. At first it was a barely reported story of missing prostitutes, but then the bodies of murdered women began to turn up.

10.20 FILM: Sleepy Hollow (1999) Starring Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Michael Gambon. Ghoulish Tim Burton horror.

12.25am FILM: Melinda And Melinda (2004) 2.20 Dispatches: Congo’s Forgotten Children 3.15 Tony Robinson And The Medieval Reincarnation 4.15 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Bridget’s partner in crime gives her an ultimatum. Hand over all the black wine gums or Alf gets it.

6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Conservation officers mount a rescue mission when a mother bear and her two cubs wander into a Vancouver garden. Looking for porridge?

8.00 Cowboy Builders Melinda Messenger and Dominic Littlewood head to Warrington to help Sheila, who was left devastated when her builders abandoned her extension half-finished. Wrong air conditioning.

9.00 Soho Blues Documentary series profiling police work in the heart of London’s West End. Officers detain a couple of aggressive drunks.

Police struggle to clamp down on the area’s persistent drug dealers. Three suspected drug addicts are arrested and a tourist has an unhappy experience on Soho’s dark streets.

10.00 FILM: Thir13en Ghosts (2001) Starring Tony Shalhoub, Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth, Rah Digga and Embeth Davidtz. Horror remake about a man who inherits a haunted hi-tech house. Buttons galore.

11.50 Quiz Call 4.00am NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Ronnie supports Danielle through a life-changing decision. Ah, mum.

8.00 Life Of Riley Sitcom. Maddy’s son Ted does not want to go for a sleepover at his friend’s house, and so Maddy finds herself embroiled in a series of increasingly ridiculous lies in order to help him get out of it.

8.30 The Green Green Grass Rural sitcom. Marlene is worried about Tyler being in a deep depression.

9.00 Hustle Drama about a group of con artists. Caught out while posing as lawyers, the team promises to save a community centre under threat. Mickey becomes interested in the youth club’s plight when it is threatened with demolition, and when he discovers that corrupt MP Rhona Christie is involved, he sends Sean into the murky world of politics to investigate.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the political debate from Dunstable.

11.35 This Week A political review.

12.20am Skiing Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Watchdog 1.25 It’s Not Easy Being Green 1.55 Wild About Your Garden 2.40 Countryfile 3.35 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘N’ All: Season Preview 9.30 Licence To Le Mans 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Volvo Ocean Race 12.00pm Licence To Le Mans 12.30 Total Rugby 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 Live Dubai International Racing Carnival 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 The Dogs 11.00 LIVE Sky Poker Five-OO 1.00am NFL: Total Access 2.00 Darts: Premier League 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Sailing 9.30 Sailing 10.00 Tenpin Bowling 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Powder Adventures 1.30 Licence To Le Mans 2.00 Tenpin Bowling 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 The Rugby Club 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 Licence To Le Mans 1.30 Powder Adventures 2.00 The Rugby Club 3.00 The Dogs 3.30 Sailing 4.00 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

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Living

1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Standoff 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Bones 10.00 Serial Killers On The Loose 11.30 Cold Case 12.30am Road Wars 1.30 Bones

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Naked 9.00 Teen Mum High 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Undercover Princes 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Teen Mum High 1.15 Naked 2.15 The Undercover Princes 3.10 The World’s Strictest Parents 4.10 Vodka, Homework And Me

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Nation On Film 9.00 It’s Time To Go Nationwide 10.00 All In A Day: The City 10.45 Men, Women And Clothes 11.05 The Look 11.55 It’s Time To Go Nationwide 12.55am Later Folk America 1.55 BBC Four Sessions 2.55 It’s Time To Go Nationwide 5.30 Close

1.00pm Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 McFly: The Hot Desk 8.00 American Idol 9.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 10.00 FILM: Pretty Woman (1990) 12.25am Supernatural

2.00pm Pie In The Sky 3.05 Monarch Of The Glen 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Flashpoint 11.00 FILM: Another You (1991) 12.50am Inspector Morse 2.35 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes

1.45pm Smallville 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 Skins 11.00 The Inbetweeners 11.35 Peep Show 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl

4.05pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 ER. See highlights. 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 1.00 ER

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 The Green Green Grass 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder II 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.20am Blackadder II

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.15 Scrubs (x2) 12.15am Two And A Half Men 12.45 Frasier (x2)

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Solved 10.00 Crime Scene Forensics 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

2.00pm Angel 3.00 FILM: Riddles Of The Sphinx (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Edward Scissorhands (1990) 10.00 FILM: Black Dawn (2005) 11.50 FILM: Emmanuelle’s Private Collection: Sex Goddess (2004) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

12.20pm The War Lord (1965) 2.25 Lover Come Back (1961) 4.25 The Lost Weekend (1945) 6.10 Abbott And Costello Meet The Killer, Boris Karloff (1949) 7.35 Abbott And Costello Meet The Mummy (1955) 9.00 The War Lord (1965) 11.05 Psycho (1960) 1.00am Cape Fear (1962) Ÿ

10.25am Nelly And M Arnaud (1995) 12.15pm Hollywoodland (2006) 2.25 The Proposition (1998) 4.25 Ten Canoes (2006) 6.00 The Singer (2006) 7.55 Jindabyne (2006) 10.00 Nelly And M Arnaud (1995) 11.50 Across The Universe (2007) 2.10am Hollywoodland (2006)

1.00pm An American Guerrilla In The Philippines (1950) 3.05 That Riviera Touch (1966) 5.10 Viva Max! (1969) 7.00 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 7.05 Freaky Friday (1977) 9.00 Monster-in-Law (2005) 10.55 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 11.00 Fight Club (1999) 1.45am Cries And Whispers (1972)

8.55am A Little Romance (1979) 11.00 The Searchers (1956) 1.10pm Crazy In Love (1992) 3.00 The Omega Man (1971) 4.55 Serenade (1956) 7.15 Tall Story (1960) 9.00 Badlands (1973) 10.50 Quick Change (1990) 12.30am Badlands (1973) 2.15 Quick Change (1990) 3.45 The Golden Arrow (1936)

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12:38 PM

Page 1

friday 6 Mastermind BBC2, 7.30pm Just before your brain shuts down for the weekend, here’s the chance to feel clever if you get it right and not too shamed if you don’t. This is supposed to be for the brightest people in Britain after all. Specialist subjects are The Peninsular War, Morrissey, history of Chichester Cathedral and The Great Fire of London.

Squirrel Wars: Red Vs Grey Channel 4, 7.35pm Who’d’ve thunk it – there are still red squirrels on the British Isles.

And pest controller Paul Parker is going to make sure it stays that way. After the American grey squirrel eliminated most of our Brit red ones Paul’s fighting back equipped with a rifle, camouflage jacket and traps, aiding the Red Squirrel Protection Partnership.

Being Human BBC3, 9pm Another chance to catch the second episode of this wellwritten supernatural drama series. George is a werewolf, Mitchell a vampire and Annie a ghost – and you thought your flatmates were unusual. George meets another werewolf who hangs around like a bad smell.

Will he lead him astray? Woof.

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BBC2

ITV1

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 Outback 8 4.35 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.25 Harry And Toto 9.35 Nina And The Neurons 9.50 Me Too! 10.10 Mister Maker 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.05 Meerkat Manor 1.30 Animal Park 2.15 Trash To Cash 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge On the eve of the team’s final ascent up Volcano Corona, the team medic has to decide whether Army nurse Jenny is fit to continue after developing symptoms of altitude sickness.

7.00 Once A Soldier Documentary series about the Chelsea Pensioners, former British soldiers who live within the Royal Hospital in Chelsea.

7.30 Mastermind See highlights.

8.00 Natural World Botswana’s elephants are taking over Botswana a bit and the natives aren’t happy. Mike Chase might have the answer.

8.50 Coast: Wales – The Smalls 9.00 Around The World In 80 Faiths Pete Owen Jones journeys from the Nepalese Himalayas to the south of India to examine the mystery of Indian religions.

10.00 Rab C Nesbitt Comedy. When an arrogant MP is challenged to live on state benefits, he exchanges lifestyles with Rab, who tries unsuccessfully to blend in with wealthy Surrey. He he he he...

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Roundtable arts and culture discussion programme with Kirsty Wark.

11.35 The Culture Show Pianist Alfred Brendel in a rare TV interview.

12.20am Medium (x2) 1.45 Nero Wolfe Mysteries

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Tricky Business 10.00 KNTV – Philosophy 10.30 TV Is Dead? 11.05 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 11.30 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 FILM: White Feather (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.15 FILM: Hidden Places (2006) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 12.00pm Barclays Premier League World 12.30 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 LIVE Test Cricket 6.30 LIVE Test Cricket 10.30 International Cricket 12.30am Big League Weekend 1.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Off The Bar 4.30 Big League Weekend 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale A hungover Nicola is mortified over her encounter with Jimmy. And so she should be, young lady. Such behaviour!

7.30 Coronation Street Will Carla discover the truth about Liam’s death? Ooh – it’s getting tense!

8.00 Savers In Trouble: Tonight With falling interest rates, would we be better off putting our savings under the mattress? Financial expert Martin Lewis investigates.

8.30 Coronation Street Has Tony got murder in mind for Carla? Those cold fish eyes of his, who can tell?

9.00 Trial And Retribution When a notorious crime family shoots dead a shop manager during a jewellery raid, an accomplice turns informer, only to be gunned down himself. As a witness to the slaying, DS Satchell finds his life and that of his young daughter in danger, and nowhere appears to offer sanctuary.

10.00 Pushing Daisies Merson is hired to find a missing girl, and his investigations lead him to a circus.

11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.35 FILM: A Shock To The System (1990) Starring Michael Caine. Blackly comic crime caper.

1.10am FILM: The Long Run (2000) 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Feeling guilty about her liason with Kris, Nancy overcompensates with Ravi. Those three are too cosy for tea time telly.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Squirrel Wars: Red Vs Grey See highlights.

8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA Jonnie and Jasmine help celebrity DJ John ‘00’ Fleming find the perfect holiday home. With most of his work in the USA, John’s torn between a ranch home in Texas and a seaside retreat in Scotland. La di da.

9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Giuseppe’s is a family-owned Italian restaurant in Michigan, run by father-and-son team Joe and Sam Borgia. Gordo’s here to kick some US restaurateur ass.

10.00 Plus One Sitcom. Rob decides to avoid the wedding, but then he hooks up with the vivacious, wealthy supermodel and scientist, Astrid.

10.35 Rude Tube Internet videos.

11.05 Russell Brand Live A dark and provocative stand-up show.

12.10am Sunday Night Project 1.15 4 Music: The JD Set Presents: Fight Like Apes 1.35 Sugarush Beat Company 1.50 Betfair World Series Of Poker Europe 2.45 Volvo Ocean Race Highlights from the 2008-2009 3.40 Freesports On 4 4.05 Trans World Sport 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Inuk 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Aden makes a big sacrifice for Belle. Three vestal virgins and half a dozen sheep.

Wrong story?

6.30 Zoo Days There is some exciting news at the aardvark house.

A new word has been added to the dictionary that starts ‘aaqu...’?

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Rough Guide To City Breaks Toby Amies explores the old and the new in Krakow.

8.00 Titanic’s Final Moments: The True Story Following a recent expedition to uncover Titanic’s missing pieces and uncovers surprising new evidence that may forever change what is known about her final moments.

9.00 NCIS A Navy SEAL is shot dead while threatening to throw himself from the top of a building. A known Al Qaeda operative emerges as the main suspect, but Tony thinks the killer may be closer to home.

10.00 Numb3rs When parcel delivery vans are targeted by a band of professional robbers, Don and his team hunt down the brains behind the operation. Using clever maths.

11.00 Criminal Minds Gideon has to face his past in order to track down a copycat bomber terrorising a small community. That of a swing singer.

12.00am Quiz Call 4.05 Tim Marlow On... 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz.

8.00 EastEnders Bianca makes a shocking confession on Tiffany’s birthday. No revelations at birthdays!

Last time was Whitney’s and we all know how that ended.

8.30 Sky Cops Series that follows the work of Britain’s helicopter police.

9.00 QI Quiz hosted by Stephen Fry, with Jo Brand, Phill Jupitus, Dara O’Briain and Alan Davies.

9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lee is insufferably smug when he wins £1,000 in a writing competition.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jono’s guests include: Brit Hollywood star, Anna Friel; comedian Jason Manford; and Tom Jones 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 FILM: Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy (2004) Starring Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate. Knockabout comedy set in the sexist world of 70s newscasting.

1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: The City Uncovered With Evan Davis 2.20 Horizon: Why Are Thin People Not Fat? 3.20 Commercial Breakdown With Jimmy Carr (x2) 4.40 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 11.00 The Rugby Club 12.00pm The Dogs 12.30 Volvo Ocean Race 1.30 The Rugby Club 2.30 Trans World Sport 3.30 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Off The Bar 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Super League 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Super League

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Sailing 9.30 Netball: Super League 11.30 Darts: Premier League 3.00pm NFL: Total Access 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 WWE Raw 6.30 Sailing 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Off The Bar 8.30 Big League Weekend 9.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Tight Lines 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Sailing 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 Sailing 4.30 Volvo Ocean Race 5.00 Tight Lines

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

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Living

2.00pm Standoff 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Street Wars

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 8.15 Doctor Who 9.00 Being Human. See highlights.

10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Grownups 11.00 Ketch!

And HIRO-PON Get It On 11.30 The Wrong Door 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Little Britain USA 12.50 Being Human 1.45 Grownups

7.00pm World News 7.30 Transatlantic Sessions 8.00 Odetta Remembered 8.30 Sounds Of The Sixties 9.00 Folk America 10.00 Dylan At Newport: The Other Side Of The Mirror 11.20 In Concert: Sonny Terry And Brownie McGee 11.55 The New Avengers 12.50am Cowards 1.20 Folk America 2.20 Odetta Remembered

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 The Hot Desk 8.00 Superhuman: Genius 9.00 American Idol 10.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am FILM: American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (2006)

12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Pie In The Sky 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Flashpoint 10.00 FILM: Shirley Valentine (1989) 12.15am Liverpool One 1.20 Inspector Morse

11.50am Gilmore Girls 12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Wife Swap 10.00 FILM: Jackass: The Movie (2002) 11.50 Scrubs (x2) 12.50am My Name Is Earl

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 Hill Street Blues 3.00 A Place By The Sea 4.05 How Clean Is Your House?

(2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 The Devil’s Whore (x2) 12.40am Grand Designs 1.45 The Devil’s Whore (x2)

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 CSI 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 My Family 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder II 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 My Family 11.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.20am Blackadder II 1.00 The Royle Family 1.40 Sorry!

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Celebrity Death Match 12.40 Jackass

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Survivorman 10.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Sea Of Souls (x2) 10.30 FILM: Spirit Trap (2005) 12.20am FILM: Emmanuelle And The Art Of Love (2000)

9.20am Topaz (1969) 11.50 Road To Morocco (1942) 1.20pm Holiday Inn (1942) 3.10 The Great Man’s Lady (1942) 4.50 The Blue Dahlia (1946) 6.35 Custer Of The West (1968) 9.00 Hondo (1953) 10.30 Road To Morocco (1942) 12.00am Topaz (1969) 2.30 The Great Man’s Lady (1942)

10.30am Earth (1998) 12.20pm The Passenger (1975) 2.30 Kenny (2007) 4.15 Away From Her (2006) 6.10 Infamous (2006) 8.10 Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007) 10.00 Rescue Dawn (2006) 12.10am The Passenger (1975) 2.20 Mulholland Falls (1996)

1.00pm Blanche Fury (1948) 2.50 Hoppity Goes To Town (1941) 4.25 The Grass Is Greener (1960) 6.30 A River Runs Through It (1992) 8.50 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 9.00 Underworld (2003) Double vampires vs werewolves.

11.15 Underworld: Evolution (2006) 1.20am Bullitt (1968)

9.00am The Women (1939) 11.35 Thunder Over The Plains (1953) 1.10pm The Shop Around The Corner (1940) 3.00 A Majority Of One (1961) 5.55 Cavalry Scout (1951) 7.20 Disorderlies (1987) 9.00 The Shining (1980) 11.35 Before Sunrise (1995) 1.25am Sweet Bird Of Youth (1962)

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5:18 PM

Page 1

saturday 7 Total Wipeout BBC1, 7.05pm An obstacle race in Argentina.

Yes, Saturday night telly has become that random. Presented by a man who almost wiped himself out – Richard Hammond – and pop culture host Amanda Byram, 20 contestants put their strength, balance and bravery to the test. Set to be just as compulsive as Hole In The Wall.

Demons ITV1, 7.50pm This wants to be darker somehow but the price paid for a primetime Saturday slot is pre-watershed storylines. Shame. Anyway, here’s a good shot at it as Luke starts having bad dreams about the car crash that killed his dad.

Believing dreams over people, which only the science fantasy can, does this mean Galvin lied?

Dark Angel E4, 10.55am and 11.50am Perfect for that Saturday morning feeling of ‘doing nothing’ indulgence, check out the postapocalyptic TV series that first brought Jessica Alba to the attention of casting directors. As a super hyped up military created soldier gone AWOL our Jess refuses to be bovvered by much until she has to kick its ass. Nice.

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BBC2

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Masterchef 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 A Question Of Sport 1.30 Six Nations: 2008 Welsh Grand Slam 2.00 Six Nations Rugby 4.50 Six Nations Rugby

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Animalia 7.30 Mortified 7.55 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 8.00 Skunk Fu 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero? 10.00 Basil’s Swap Shop 11.00 Roar 12.00pm Malcolm In The Middle 12.20 Proper Messy 12.25 The Almost Perfect Guide To Life 12.50 Myths 12.55 Sound 1.25 Trexx And Flipside 1.55 Revealed 2.10 Coast 2.15 Living In The Sun 3.15 Psych 4.30 Final Score 5.10 The World At War 6.00 Coast Series exploring the UK coastline. The team’s journey starts in Cardiff marina, takes in the Gower Peninsula and finishes in Britain’s smallest city, St David’s. Britain in’t half pretty.

7.00 Victorian Farm Historical observational documentary series.

Ruth begins a tough task in the dairy, Alex tries his hand at beekeeping and the sheep get sheared using the latest time-saving technology.

8.00 Charles Darwin And The Tree Of Life Documentary. Passionate Darwinian David Attenborough, who sees evolution as the cornerstone of all the series he has ever made, shares his personal view on Darwin’s controversial idea. He tracks the changes in our understanding of the natural world, and asks three key questions: how and why did Darwin come up with his theory? Why do most people think he was right? And why is it more important now than ever before?

9.00 Iran And The West Iran and the West. What it says it is.

10.00 QI XL Stephen Fry hosts the hilarious, mind-expanding quiz in which the aim is to be interesting.

10.45 FILM: Scoop (2006) Starring Scarlett Johansson, Hugh Jackman, Woody Allen, Ian McShane and Charles Dance. Comedy mystery.

12.20am FILM: Beautiful Creatures (2000) 1.40 FILM: Beautiful City

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Cosby Mysteries 10.25 Dancing On Ice 12.00pm Dancing On Ice - The Skate Off 12.30 ITV News And Weather 12.40 Meridian News And Weather 12.45 FILM: 633 Squadron (1964) 2.40 Inspector Morse 4.40 Meridian News And Weather 4.55 ITV News And Weather 5.10 FILM: Kangaroo Jack (2003)

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 UK School Games 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.55 Friends 10.25 Friends 10.55 Bolt: T4 Movie Special 11.25 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.00pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.20 Supernanny US 5.20 John Adams 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Time Team Tony Robinson and the team head to the Yorkshire Dales for an archaeological first as they investigate a settlement built by railway navvies, arguably the toughest and most lawless breed of the Victorian era. Oo-argh! A chance to find out about the not-so-proper Victorian underbelly.

8.00 Grand Designs Property series following householders as they build their own homes. Londoner Chris Otswald plans to build a water mill in the Chilterns, on a plot he purchased 20 years ago. Procrastination much?

9.00 FILM: The Italian Job (2003) Starring Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Donald Sutherland, Jason Statham, Seth Green, Edward Norton and Mos Def. Crime caper about a gang of robbers who are doublecrossed after an elaborate gold heist in Venice. Remake of the 1969 classic but not really anything like it.

11.10 FILM: Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004) Starring Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Elijah Wood. Romantic drama in which a couple decide to erase each other from their memories when their relationship ends. Romantic without being sappy.

1.15am FILM: Taxidermia (2003) 2.50 Dogs Mercury 3.15 Mesh 3.20 Hill Street Blues 4.05 Time Team 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Inuk 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Everybody Hates Chris 10.30 Two And A Half Men 11.00 Fifth Gear 12.00pm Nature Shock 1.00 Nigel Marven’s Rhino Adventure 2.00 Zoo Days 2.15 FILM: Two Came Back (1997) 4.00 FILM: Life With Mikey (1993) 5.45 FILM: Doc Hollywood (1991)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Off The Bar 7.30 Big League Weekend 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: League One 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

7.05 Total Wipeout See highlights.

8.00 The National Lottery: In It To Win It Dale Winton hosts the quiz show where five contestants compete to be in the right place at the right time in a bid to win a big money jackpot. Sounds like an awful lot of chance. In the lottery? Never!

8.50 Casualty A devastated Adam searches for someone to blame, and has his sights set firmly on Jordan.

Zoe prepares for Sharice’s homecoming, and a nasty accident reveals the pressures of caring for a brain-damaged relative. Like we thought there were none to start off with. Hmph.

9.40 The Old Guys Sitcom about two elderly delinquents. Roy is feeling low, so Amber suggests that he starts seeing Ned, her therapist.

Roy reveals to Ned his feelings towards Sally, and is horrified when Sally meets Ned and there is a mutual attraction. Zounds!

10.10 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents all the goals and highlights from the Premier League.

11.50 FILM: Rumble In The Bronx (1996) Starring Jackie Chan. Action thriller about a Hong Kong cop holidaying in New York who puts his martial arts skills to good use.

1.15am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.15 Weatherview 2.20 BBC News

6.50 New You’ve Been Framed!

Harry Hill is here with another selection of the funniest footage filmed by viewers on their camcorders and mobile phones.

7.20 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Harry has been holed up in the TV lab this week, analysing television samples for signs of quality comedy particles.

7.50 Demons Supernatural drama about the last descendant of legendary vampire hunter Van Helsing. See highlights.

8.50 Midsomer Murders Barnaby begins to question the guilt of a Midsomer Malham woman who is on trial for the murder of her best friend.

The evidence is stacked against her, but she doesn’t appear deluded or obsessed with the dead woman’s husband as the prosecution claim.

With the help of a frail pensioner, the key witness, can Barnaby and Jones discover what really happened on the night of the murder? Probably.

10.50 ITV News; Weather 11.05 FILM: Scary Movie (2000) Starring Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Cheri Oteri, Shannon Elizabeth, Anna Faris. Comic parody of the teen horror genre about a group of teenagers and the boogiemen out to get them.

12.40am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.35 FILM: Children Of Heaven (1997) 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

7.30 Minder First in a brand new series of the classic comedy drama.

Archie Daley, nephew of the legendary Arthur Daley, enlists the help of taxi driver Jamie. Repeat of Wednesday’s opener.

8.30 Five News And Sport 8.40 NCIS Drama series. Gibbs’s team investigates the death of a SEAL during a training exercise and soon suspect that it was not accidental. Out clubbing?

9.40 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. The murder of an eminent archaeologist exposes a possible artefactsmuggling ring and unearths an old missing-person case dating back to the 1930s. Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.

Where’d you go?!

10.40 Law And Order Crime drama series. Two undercover police officers are killed during a firearms sting and it emerges that their photographs had been posted on a website – alerting criminals to their identity. The website’s backer believes he is protected under the First Amendment, but McCoy senses another motive.

11.40 Crime Scene Academy Documentary following a class of students at the ten-week masterclass for CSIs at the National Forensic Academy in Knoxville, Tennessee.

12.10am Quiz Call 4.00 Tim Marlow On... Velazquez 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Out Of Practice (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Volvo Ocean Race 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Women’s Golf 11.00 Friday Fight Night 1.00pm Max Power 2.00 Volvo Ocean Race 2.30 LIVE Test Cricket 6.30 LIVE Test Cricket 10.30 Gillette World Sport 11.00 Max Power 12.00am Wild Spirits 12.30 Volvo Ocean Race 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Gillette World Sport 3.00 LIVE International Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 Friday Fight Night 8.30 Super League 10.30 WWE Smackdown 12.30pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.30 Gillette World Sport 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 Friday Fight Night 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Women’s Golf 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Women’s Golf 5.00 Sailing 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? (x2) 2.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 3.00 Project Runway 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 Gladiators 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 7.30 Noel’s HQ Live 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Bones 10.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 11.00 24 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm The Real Hustle (x2) 7.45 Top Gear 8.50 FILM: Shrek (2001) 10.10 Live At The Apollo 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Being Human 12.45am Naked: Estate Agents 1.40 The Real Hustle (x2) 2.40 Being Human 3.40 Naked: Estate Agents 4.35 The Real Hustle (x2) 5.30 Close

7.00pm Men, Women And Clothes 7.15 Wives And Daughters 9.00 It’s Time To Go Nationwide 10.00 Rageh Inside Iran 11.30 Citizen Smith 12.00am It’s Time To Go Nationwide 1.00 Darwin’s Struggle: The Evolution Of The Origin Of Species 2.00 Rageh Inside Iran 3.30 Citizen Smith 5.30 Close

11.55am The Truth About Size Zero 1.25pm Extreme Slimmers 2.25 Nanny 911 3.20 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 4.20 Gossip Girl 5.20 American Idol (x2) 7.20 FILM: Johnny English (2002) 9.05 FILM: Last Action Hero (1993) 11.40 FILM: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) 2.20am FILM: Last Action Hero (1993)

1.20pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.30 FILM: Heaven Can Wait (1978) 4.30 Sherlock Holmes: Sign Of Four 6.50 Wycliffe 7.50 Rosemary And Thyme 8.50 FILM: The American President (1995) 11.05 Cracker 12.15am Hammer House Of Horror 1.20 Agatha Christie’s The Secret Adversary

8.30am Fresh Saturday 10.00 The Simple Life (x2) 10.55 Dark Angel (x2). See highlights. 12.45pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The 100 Greatest Tearjerkers 1.10am Dark Angel 2.05 The Simple Life

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x3) 12.35pm FILM: The Wonderful Country (1959) 2.30 Grand Designs (x3) 5.45 Grand Designs Abroad (x2) 7.55 Catastrophe 9.00 Time Team Special 10.00 The Devil’s Whore (x2) 12.20am The West Wing 1.20 The Devil’s Whore (x2) 3.35 Close

12.00pm Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 America’s Next Top Model 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 6.00 Will And Grace (x2) 7.00 Criminal Minds 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 FILM: The Karate Kid III (1989) 11.20 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.20am The Fix 12.30 Will And Grace 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.20am Ever Decreasing Circles 5.00 Blackadder The Third 5.40 Steptoe And Son 6.40 One Foot In The Grave 7.20 FILM: George Of The Jungle (1997) 9.05 Jonathan Creek 10.25 The Black Adder 11.10 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.50 Jonathan Creek 1.15am The Black Adder 1.55 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 2.25 Waiting For God

3.00pm Scrubs (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Lee Evans At Her Majesty’s Theatre 11.20 Comedy Store 11.50 The World Stands Up 12.20am Comedy Store 12.50 The World Stands Up

2.00am Seven Days That Shook The Weathermen 3.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Unsolved Murders (x2) 5.00 Nextworld 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Survivorman 8.00 Alaska’s Great Race 9.00 Murder Shift 10.00 Death Machines 11.00 Crime Scene Forensics 12.00am Extreme Forensics

11.00am Firefly (x2) 1.00pm FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 3.00 FILM: Tall Tale (1995) 5.00 FILM: Edward Scissorhands (1990) 7.00 Haunted Homes 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Equilibrium (2002) 12.10am FILM: Emmanuelle In Space: One Last Fling (1995) 2.00 FILM: The Messengers (2007)

2.30pm Mr Hobbs Takes A Vacation (1962) 4.30 The Miracle Of Morgan’s Creek (1944) 6.10 The Bible (1966) 9.00 The Beautiful Blonde From Bashful Bend (1949) 10.25 Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines (1965) 12.40am Kiss Of The Vampire (1963)

12.55pm Tenacious D In The Pick Of Destiny (2006) 2.35 Sicko (2007) 4.40 Mumford (1999) 6.35 Tumbleweeds (1999) 8.20 Year Of The Dog (2007) 10.00 Mumford (1999) 11.55 Quadrophenia (1979) 2.00am Oscar Nominations Special 2.30 The Big Lebowski (1998)

1.00pm The Honeymooners (2005) 2.45 Rage At Dawn (1955) 4.30 Bus Stop (1956) 6.20 Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (1977) Richard Dreyfuss makes shapes with his masheed potato and aliens turn up on Earth. 9.00 Forrest Gump (1994) 11.40 Alien Resurrection (1997) 1.45am Zatoichi (2003)

9.15am Adam’s Rib (1949) 11.05 Trouble Along The Way (1953) 1.10pm Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 3.00 The Great Waldo Pepper (1975) 5.05 Skyjacked (1972) 7.00 Spies Like Us (1985) 9.00 The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981) 11.20 The Swarm (1978) 2.10am The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981)

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1/29/09

8:39 PM

Page 1

sunday 8 Dancing On Ice ITV1, 6.50pm It’s week five and the contestants are getting tougher and the falls are getting heavier. Ouch. Four celebs have already been given their marching orders and it’s getting to the point of cracking out the really bizarre outfits. Pip and Holly are on hand to read out the voting numbers, and even return with the Skate Off later.

© BAFTA

The British Acadamy Film Awards BBC2, 8pm and BBC1, 9pm The BAFTAs are the British Oscars, usually a strong indicator as to who will get those prizes, and are a must-see in every film buff’s diary. Hosted by Jonathan Ross at the Royal Opera House in London, filmed as live, this starstudded event will have Hollywood on the edge of its seat.

The Story Of Jackanory BBC4, 7pm A great way of encouraging more than a couple of generations of kids to read more. Jackanory traditionally took one story and would have it read by a celebrity over the five days of the week, upping the ante and making it must-see telly once they’d got you on Monday. Looking back at the history of this fabulous show.

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sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.40 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 EastEnders 2.25 Six Nations Rugby 5.15 Songs Of Praise 5.50 BBC News

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Animalia 7.30 Mortified 7.55 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 8.00 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 8.30 Only In America 9.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Escape To The Country 2.00 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross 2.30 EastEnders 3.00 FILM: The Burning Hills (1956) 4.30 Flog It! 5.00 Ski Sunday 5.30 Orangutan Diary 6.00 Amazon With Bruce Parry Bruce Parry visits old friends the Matis tribe and works with a logging crew cutting timber deep in the forest.

7.00 Top Gear: Botswana Special Jeremy, Richard and James are sent to Africa and each told to buy a second-hand car, which they must drive across the wilds of Botswana.

Obstacles facing them include massive saltpans, treacherous rivers and reserves full of animals. Plus, of course, each other.

8.00 The British Academy Film Awards: Part One See highlights.

9.00 Explore: Istanbul And Anatolia Simon Reeve leads a team of journalists in a journey of discovery across Turkey. From the stunning mosques of Istanbul to the ‘fairy chimneys’ of Cappadocia and the forests of the Black Sea coast.

10.00 High Altitude Graham Bell takes on the Arctic Circle Race, a marathon 160km cross-country trek through the beautiful wilderness of Greenland. No fag breaks.

10.30 Match Of The Day 2 Highlights of today’s matches.

11.30 Ideal Sitcom. As the war with the Triad heats up, Psycho Paul turns Moz’s flat into a bootcamp to lick his gang into shape.

12.00am Ideal 12.30 FILM: Since You’ve Been Gone (1998) 2.00 BBC News 3.40 The Super League Show

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Championship 10.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.40pm ITV News And Weather 12.45 Meridian News And Weather 12.50 FILM: MacArthur (1977) 3.15 FILM: Moonraker (1979) 5.40 The Krypton Factor

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Trans World Sport 8.00 4Sport: Destination 2012 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.35pm Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.40 The Big Bang Theory 2.10 The Big Bang Theory 2.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.45 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Time Team 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Christianity: A History Ann Widdecombe examines the Reformation, a turbulent period in the history of Christianity in which Catholics and Protestants were divided, and a monk called Martin Luther took on the might of the Pope.

8.00 FILM: The Devil Wears Prada (2006) Starring Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep, Emily Blunt, Stanley Tucci, Tracie Thoms, Adrian Grenier.

Comedy drama about a naive young journalist who tackles one of her profession’s most demanding jobs when she becomes personal assistant to the cold-hearted, cynical and ruthless editor of prestigious New York fashion magazine Runway.

10.10 The Sunday Night Project Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carr are joined by guest host Lily Allen for the usual mix of sketches, audience interaction, and music.

11.15 FILM: The Bridges Of Madison County (1995) Starring Clint Eastwood, Meryl Streep.

Romantic drama about a passionate affair between an ageing photographer and a lonely housewife in 1960s Iowa. Based on Robert James Waller’s novel.

1.45am Honeymoon 2.20 Meeting Helen 2.30 Sex And The Swastika 3.25 Hill Street Blues 4.10 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.25 Rupert Bear 9.35 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 The Bearman 11.00 Cowboy Builders 12.00pm Numb3rs 1.00 Animal Rescue Squad 1.30 Animal Rescue Squad 2.00 FILM: What The Deaf Man Heard (1997) 4.00 FILM: Columbo Goes To College (1991)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.00 Spanish Football

6.00 Five News And Sport 6.15 FILM: Dungeons And Dragons (2000) Starring Jeremy Irons, Bruce Payne, Thora Birch, Justin Whalin, Marlon Wayans and Robert Miano.

Fantasy in which a wicked wizard attempts to retrieve the magical sceptre that controls his kingdom’s dragons so that he can seize power from the empress. Silly, hammy and great fun.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the dangerous job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highways.

9.00 FILM: US Marshals (1998) Starring Wesley Snipes, Tommy Lee Jones, Robert Downey Jr, Irene Jacob, Joe Pantoliano and Patrick Malahide. Sequel to ‘The Fugitive’ which closely follows the plot of the first film. A wrongfully imprisoned man escapes from an air crash and soon finds himself being pursued across America. Featuring some awesome stunt work and a fine supporting cast. Nice.

11.35 FILM: The Peacekeeper (1997) Starring Dolph Lundgren, Roy Scheider, Montel Williams and Michael Sarrazin. Action adventure in which an Air Force officer tries to prevent a nuclear attack on Washington DC. That’s his job, innit?

1.30am X Games 2.20 Boxing Classic 3.00 Boxing USA 3.35 Rolex Grand Am 5.10 Out Of Practice (x2)

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Cup Football 2.30 LIVE Test Cricket 6.30 LIVE Test Cricket 10.30 International Cricket 12.30am NASCAR 2.00 Wild Spirits 2.30 International Cricket 4.30 Close

6.05 Regional News And Weather 6.15 Wild About Your Garden The team tackles a wild garden for a family in Birmingham, who are keen for a wildlife-friendly formal space with vegetable patch.

7.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team visit Dulwich Art Gallery in South London. Brilliant grins and barely hidden disappointment feature.

8.00 Lark Rise To Candleford Costume drama. Lark Rise and Candleford are filled with fun and anticipation with the inauguration of a clock, paid for by James Dowland.

But sadness looms for the Timmins family when Robert’s means to work is lost, and there is a possibility that Fisher Bloom may leave Candleford.

9.00 The British Academy Film Awards: Part Two See highlights.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 FILM: Enigma (2001) Starring Dougray Scott, Kate Winslet, Jeremy Northam, Saffron Burrows. Second World War drama about an emotionally fragile code-breaker who is called back to the scene of his mental breakdown when the Enigma machine fails to crack the new German code. Based on a true story.

12.15am The Sky At Night 12.35 Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: Charles Darwin And The Tree Of Life 1.40 Holby City 2.40 Moses Jones 3.40 BBC News

6.10 Meridian News; Weather 6.25 ITV News; Weather 6.40 Creature Comforts More animated animal thoughts. A rabbit reveals his quest for breeding perfection, a Shetland pony shows tidy hooves to impress his girlfriends, and a chicken casts aspersions on the quality of the duck eggs.

6.50 Dancing On Ice See highlights.

8.30 Wild At Heart When Danny and Alice rescue a vicious but endangered wild dog, the family are shocked when the expert who arrives to examine it is Alice’s ex, Terry.

Don’t they always turn up just where you least expect ‘em?

9.30 Dancing On Ice - The Skate Off The public has voted, and it is results time. Find out which two couples must battle it out in the skate off to try and stay in the competition.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 The Tempest: The South Bank Show A look at why Shakespeare’s The Tempest, first performed in 1611, still holds such fascination for modern audiences.

11.15 FILM: Shakespeare In Love (1998) Starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Joseph Fiennes, Ben Affleck, Judi Dench. Romantic comedy about a fictional relationship between Shakespeare and a young woman.

1.35am Raines 2.20 Savers In Trouble: Tonight 2.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sailing 6.30 Spanish Football 8.00 Women’s Golf 11.00 NASCAR 12.30pm Watersports World 1.30 NFL: Total Access 2.30 NASCAR 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 Wild Spirits 6.30 Sailing 7.00 Women’s Golf 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.00 WWE Vintage Collection 12.00am Women’s Golf 3.00 Sailing 3.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

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Living

12.00pm Futurama (x4) 2.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 3.00 Futurama: Welcome To The World Of Tomorrow 3.15 FILM: Back To The Future (1985) 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Gladiators 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Lost 10.00 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 11.00 Gladiators 12.00am Night Cops 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm The British Academy Film Awards: Red Carpet 7.35 FILM: Shrek 2 (2004) 9.00 Being Human 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Undercover Princes 11.45 Grownups 12.15am Being Human 1.15 Naked: Estate Agents 2.10 Undercover Princes 3.10 Grownups 3.40 The Real Hustle 4.10 Naked: Estate Agents

7.00pm The Story Of Jackanory. See highlights.

8.00 Folk America 9.00 Michael Rosen: Just Read 10.00 FILM: Orchestra Seats (2006) 11.40 Citizen Smith 12.10am Michael Rosen: Just Read 1.10 Folk America 2.10 The Story Of Jackanory 3.10 Michael Rosen: Just Read

12.00pm FILM: Johnny English (2002) 1.50 Nanny 911 2.40 ITV’s Best Ever Ads 2 3.40 The Funny Side Of The Street 4.40 Coronation Street Omnibus 7.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 8.00 Demons 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 FILM: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) 12.45am FILM: Total Recall (1990)

10.10am FILM: Heaven Can Wait (1978) 12.10pm Wycliffe 1.15 Sherlock Holmes: Sign Of Four 3.35 Hornblower 5.40 Jane Eyre 8.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Going Wrong 9.00 Blue Murder 10.40 Ladies Of Letters 11.10 PD James: Devices And Desires (x2) 1.15am Hammer House Of Horror (x2)

11.30am The Search For The Next Pussycat Doll (x2) 1.20pm Beauty And The Geek 2.15 Crowned 3.10 Age Of Love 4.05 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x20 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Broken Arrow (1996) 11.05 Skins 12.10am Russell Brand’s Ponderland 12.40 Rude Tube 1.15 Age Of Love

1.40pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie At Home 7.55 The Great Italian Escape 8.30 The Great Italian Escape 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 10.00 The World’s Smallest Man And Me 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm

1.00am FILM: The Karate Kid III (1989) 3.20 The Fix 3.30 Will And Grace 4.00 Exposed: Madonna 5.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 6.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2) 7.00 New Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x3) 1.00am Charmed

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Sky Movies

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2.45pm Steptoe And Son 3.40 Waiting For God 4.20 Ever Decreasing Circles 5.00 Waiting For God 5.40 Ever Decreasing Circles 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Only Fools And Horses 8.05 Steptoe And Son 9.00 Open All Hours 9.40 Porridge (x2) 11.00 Jonathan Creek 12.05am Open All Hours 12.45 Porridge (x2)

3.00pm Scrubs (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Comedy Store 10.30 Dara O’Briain Live At The Theatre Royal 11.45 Harry Hill In Hooves 1.15am Comedy Store 1.45 South Park (x2)

8.00am Mythbusters (x2) 10.00 Mega Builders 11.00 Future Weapons 12.00pm Hitler’s Generals 1.00 Unsolved History (x2) 3.00 Survivorman (x4) 7.00 The Last Aztec 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 Solved 11.00 Murder Shift 12.00am Extreme Forensics 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Crime Scene Australia

11.00am Haunted Homes 12.00pm FILM: Haunted (1995) 2.00 FILM: Riddles Of The Sphinx (2008) 4.00 Firefly (x2) 6.00 Eli Stone 7.00 FILM: Edward Scissorhands (1990) 9.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 10.50 FILM: The Last Winter (2006) 12.50am FILM: Post Impact (2004) 3.00 Dead Like Me

10.10am California (1946) 11.50 Les Miserables (1935) 1.50pm The Nutty Professor (1963) 3.40 Bandolero!

(1968) 5.30 Oscar Season Special 5.45 Boomerang (1947) 7.20 California (1946) 10.50 Bandolero! (1968) 12.40am I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 2.20 Boomerang (1947)

11.05am The Escapist (2001) 12.40pm Neil Young: Heart Of Gold 2.25 Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 4.20 This Is My Father (1998) 6.20 The Escapist (2001) 7.55 Jindabyne (2006) 10.00 Requiem For A Dream (2000) 11.45 Sex, Lies And Videotape (1989) 1.30am Repo Man (1984)

1.00pm Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (1977) 3.40 The Tall Stranger (1957) 5.20 Viva Max! (1969) 7.10 Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005) 9.00 The Waterboy (1998) 10.45 Final Destination 2 (2002) Bit of an oxymoron. A group of teenagers fight fate for thie lives. 12.30am Sideways (2004)

7.05am Adam’s Rib (1949) 8.55 Skyjacked (1972) 10.40 Mary Mary (1963) 1.00pm The Double Man (1967) 3.00 The Bramble Bush (1960) 4.45 The Naked Hills (1956) 6.10 The Winter’s Tale 9.00 Scarecrow (1973) 11.10 Cannery Row (1982) 1.20am Scarecrow (1973) 3.25 Executive Action (1973) 5.00 Mary Mary (1963)

Classics

Indie

041_LS409_TV_Mon

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5:21 PM

Page 1

monday 9 Who Do You Think You Are? BBC1, 9pm Fiona Bruce’s great-grandfather died in World War One in mysterious circumstances. Did he fail to duck when shells fell nearby? Or did he join the army to escape his parents? A letter written after the war reveals the sad truth. Fiona investigates, finally, returning to the home of the Bruce family.

The Princess And The Gangster Channel 4, 9pm The first in a series of documentaries exploring the relationships between the upper echelons of society and the criminal underclass, looking at Princess Margaret’s association with notorious lawbreaker John Bindon and rumours of a sexual relationship.

Clocking Off ITV3, 10pm Classic Paul Abbott drama series starring a young Philip Glenister and Lesley Sharp about a trolley load of female employees at a factory in the north of England.

This week a woman takes revenge on her ex by burning his house down for the insurance, but in so doing she puts her children’s lives in danger. Ladies!

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 One Minute Wonders 4.35 Half Moon Investigations 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 Watchdog The latest consumer news and advice.

8.00 EastEnders Ricky unwittingly discovers Bianca’s secret and Shirley concocts an outrageous plan to cheer up Heather.

8.30 Panorama As Israel prepares to vote on its future, the BBC’s Middle East editor Jeremy Bowen travels through a devastated Gaza to ask where the recent Operation Cast Lead now leaves the future of the region.

With feelings running high on all sides, Bowen follows extraordinary personal stories across the frontline, and pieces together rival claims about war crimes and the targeting of civilians. And he asks whether the 22-day offensive has really weakened the Hamas movement.

9.00 Who Do You Think You Are? See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 FILM: City By The Sea (2002) Starring Robert Niro, Crime drama in which a New York cop is shocked to discover that his son is the prime suspect in a murder case.

12.20am Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Obama: His Story 1.25 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 2.25 BBC News

6.00am Kid’s TV 9.30 Dani’s House 10.00 Stake Out 10.30 Gimme A Break 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Telling Tales: English - Anansi And Turtle 11.15 Telling Tales: French - Anansi And Turtle 11.20 BBC Primary History 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Meerkat Manor 1.20 Animal Park 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 6.00 Battle Of The Brains 6.30 Eggheads Quiz 7.00 Natural World Botswana’s elephants are doing very well. People are worried that too many elephants will damage their fragile desert home and have suggested that up to 60,000 should be culled. Mike Chase studies ancient elephant and thinks he has a plan that could safeguard their future.

7.50 Deer In The City Documentary about a pair of roe deer who have made a Scottish cemetery their home.

8.00 University Challenge University of Manchester fight it out against Lincoln College, Oxford in a bid to reach the grand final.

8.30 MasterChef Three contestants from the 2008 series are back to have another shot at the MasterChef title.

9.00 Moses Jones Moses Jones continues his investigation into a brutal murder following the discovery of a mutilated body in the Thames.

10.00 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lee is insufferably smug when he wins a a writing competition.

10.30 Newsnight The stories behind the headlines with Jeremy Paxman.

11.20 Around The World In 80 Faiths Pete Owen Jones presents the definitive guide to faith on Earth. He is confronted with rites that contradict his own religious convictions.

12.20am BBC News 4.00 Timelines: Changing Lives

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Tricky Business 10.00 Don’t Make Me Angry 10.30 Wakey Wakey Campers 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 FILM: The Barbarian And The Geisha (1958) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons Bart claims the family’s Christmas presents were stolen.

6.30 Hollyoaks Calvin is feeling the strain of trying to keep his wife happy as Carmel starts discussing holidays.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Darwin’s Originals Celebrating the life, work and influence of Charles Darwin.

8.00 Dispatches: Too Old To Work An investigation into the ageism that is allegedly rife amongst employers and recruitment agencies. Looking at the challenges that older job seekers face, the documentary carries out an experiment pitching two accountants of different generations – a 57-yearold father and his 25-year-old daughter – in a contest to see who can secure the most offers of work.

9.00 The Princess And The Gangster See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Lethal Weapon II (1989) Explosive sequel to the original blockbuster thriller, psychotic LA cop Martin Riggs and his long-suffering partner Roger Murtaugh are assigned to guard an embezzling accountant due to testify before a federal commission.

12.15am FILM: Swimming Pool (2002) 2.10 Dispatches: Too Old To Work 3.00 Drifting Short film 3.10 Hill Street Blues 4.00 We Are From...

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.30 Roary The Racing Car 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 The Milky And Shake Show 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Pocoyo 8.45 Chiro 8.50 Big School 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.20 FILM: Prairie Fever (2008) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Xavier is back in Summer Bay and up to his old tricks.

6.30 Wild Animal ER The vets face a double challenge when a muntjac deer is admitted after being involved in a traffic accident. As well as having a broken leg, the deer is heavily pregnant. Elsewhere, veterinary nurses must treat a frisky frog with a fractured leg.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn presents a series examining the feats of science and engineering behind everyday life.

8.00 Fifth Gear Motoring magazine show.

9.00 FILM: Today You Die (2005) Action thriller in which an honourable thief is jailed for a crime he did not commit.

10.55 The Texas Prison Break Documentary. In 2001, seven prisoners executed the most daring jailbreak in US history.

11.55 FILM: MASH (1970) Irreverent black comedy following the exploits of a host of offbeat characters at a medical unit during the Korean war.

2.00am USPGA Golf 2.50 AMA Supercross Highlights 3.40 Race And Rally UK 4.05 Motorsport Mundial .

4.30 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Ford Football Special 2.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Football League: League One 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 LIVE International Cricket

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News and Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Sugdens are at odds as Jack’s funeral approaches. Eli finds himself homeless. Paddy and Marlon make friends.

7.30 Coronation Street Len puts the frighteners on Tina. Julie discovers that Tony is a broken man. Martha has an unusual gift for Ken. 8.00 Violent Partners: Tonight Five years after the introduction of a bill designed to crack down on domestic abuse, Fiona Foster investigates why the violence is as widespread as ever, and meets the victims who feel betrayed by the courts.

8.30 Coronation Street A desperate Joe resorts to violence to protect Tina. Steve and Natasha’s flirting makes Becky jealous. Tony tells Maria that Liam loved only her.

9.00 Whitechapel Second part of a three-part crime drama. DI Chandler continues to clash with cynical DS Miles and the team, and the situation is not helped by difficulties with their murder investigation.

10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 FILM: A Few Good Men (1992) See film highlights.

1.05am Wanted 1.55 Loose Women 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Women’s Golf 11.00 NASCAR 12.30pm Licence To Le Mans 1.00 NFL: Pro Bowl 3.00 Women’s Golf 6.00 Powder Adventures 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 IRB Rugby World Sevens 10.00 Poker 12.00am IRB Rugby World Sevens 3.00 Big League Weekend 4.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 10.30am Sailing 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sailing: RC44 Cup 12.30 Powder Adventures 1.00 International Cricket 3.00 Max Power 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Sailing 7.30 Sailing: RC44 Cup 8.00 NFL: Pro Bowl 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Alison Swann

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Living

12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 1.00 Standoff 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Gladiators 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 6.00 Futurama 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Street Wars 12.00am Serial Killers On The Loose 1.30 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Grownups 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Being Human 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Gavin And Stacey 12.45 Grownups 1.15 Being Human 2.10 The World’s Strictest Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Picture Book 8.30 The Book Quiz 9.00 Why Reading Matters 10.00 Heavy Load: Storyville 11.00 Cowards 11.30 Citizen Smith 12.00am Why Reading Matters 1.00 Picture Book 2.00 Heavy Load: Storyville 3.00 Why Reading Matters 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 The Fratellis: The Hot Desk 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 The Grammy Awards 2009 11.10 Coronation Street (x2) 12.10am FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004)

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Pie In The Sky 3.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.15 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.20 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Robbie Coltrane: B-Road Britain 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 Liverpool One (x2) 1.20am Inspector Morse

12.45pm Scrubs (X2) 1.40 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 FILM: Jackass: The Movie (2002) 12.15am Scrubs (x2) 1.15 My Name Is Earl 1.45 Smallville

2.00pm Hill Street Blues 3.00 A Place By The Sea 4.05 How Clean Is Your House? (X2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.05 ER 12.05am Brothers And Sisters

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Lipstick Jungle 11.00 CSI 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 After You’ve Gone 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder II 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.20am Blackadder II 1.00 The Royle Family

1.00pm Frasier (x2)2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x20 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men 12.40 Frasier (x2)

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Chop Shop (x2) 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (X2) 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Haunted Homes 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 Medium 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.00am FILM: Dead & Deader (2006)

12.25pm The Wild One (1953) 1.50 Custer Of The West (1968) 4.15 The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 5.50 Sorry, Wrong Number (1948) 7.25 Road To Bali (1952) 9.00 The Wild One (1953) 10.25 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 12.05am Custer Of The West (1968)

11.25am The Singer (2006) 1.25pm Nelly And Monsieur Arnaud (1995) 3.15 Away From Her (2006) 5.15 The Movie Geek 5.45 The General (1998) 7.50 The Passenger (1975) 10.00 Do The Right Thing (1989) 12.05am Summer Of Sam (1999) 2.30 Happiness (1999) 5.00 Preview

1.00pm Carrington VC (1954) 3.05 Blanche Fury (1948) 4.55 That Riviera Touch (1966) 6.50 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 6.55 Never Been Kissed (1999) 9.00 Little Nicky (2000) 10.40 Secretary (2002) 12.50am The Crazies (1973) 3.00 Close

7.40am Thunder Over The Plains (1953) 9.15 Not With My Wife You Don’t (1966) 11.25 A Night At The Opera (1935) 1.05pm Bye Bye Braverman (1968) 3.00 The Silver Chalice (1955) 5.45 Grand Prix (1966) 8.30 The Screening Room 9.00 Giant (1956) 12.40am Pink Floyd - The Wall (1982) 2.25 Westworld (1973)

Classics

Indie