Latest Seven: Issue 410 Feb 10 ­ 16

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 10–16 February 2009

FREE WEEKLY

25 years on fatboy slim entertains the crowd at audio’s birthday bash

from stage to screen comedian mark watson is making his mark

space age the weird and wonderful brighton science festival celebrates its fifth birthday page 15

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002_LS410_Dymanic Yoga

2/5/09

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NOW WITH VIRTUAL STUDIO TOUR

www.dynamicyoga.tv The studio incorporates a fantastic new ‘state of the art’ fresh oxygenated heating ventilation system.

Class duration: 90 minutes

Stuart offers a completely unique style of yoga. “My yoga is not just mechanical yoga, it is based on aligning your mind and spine with this magnificent universe.”

7 Video testimonals on the website.

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Contents

Welcome

★latest upfront 4–11

However old you are, if you‘re curious about the world around you, you‘ll enjoy Brighton Science Festival. For a taster of everything happening in Brighton and Hove from next weekend, turn to our fantastic cover feature on page 15.

Also opening next weekend is the SEE Festival, Brighton‘s documentary festival. One of the films is about Lewes punk rockers Heavy Load. Find out more on page 23.

We have two new writers joining us this week. In Latest 7, our new books expert and poet John O‘Donoghue has taken over the Write Club column from John Davies. Read his tribute to his predecessor on page 25.

In Latest Homes, family man Richard Hearn has joined Momma Malone on our new parenting page. Read how George Lucas has interfered with Richard‘s parenting in the Distracted Dad column on page 7.

Also new in Latest 7 is a clubbing page, bringing all the best nights out in the city together and with our dedicated party animal Jaime Pettit picking out her highlights (p29).

Speaking of highlights, we have another great beauty offer for you this week – 20 percent off at hair salon Willie Hendry (p18).

Brighton and Hove Albion are offering young people the chance to gain an arts qualification and learn about sport at the same time. Ever fancied being a sports photographer or journalist? (p14) New BBC3 show Being Human, about a ghost, a vampire and a werewolf, has already won itself a fair few fans. Creator Toby Whithouse spoke to Latest about his inspiration for the series and about being a sci-fi geek (p11).

In her comedy column, Victoria Nangle has interviewed Mark Watson, another of the stars appearing at Theatre Royal Brighton this week (p24). Don‘t forget our writer Seann Walsh (p5) is supporting Stephen K Amos on 10 February. Seann has just been nominated for the best newcomer Chortle comedy award, which is brilliant news. Don‘t forget to vote at www.chortle.co.uk Fatboy Slim‘s Stick It On gig at Audio was one of the most over-subscribed parties of 2009 so far. See Tim Richardson‘s photos in Social Diary (p6).

Andrew‘s food review this week is of Hotel Seattle at Brighton Marina; yes, it is worth venturing there even in winter (p17).

In music news (p26), Loop Festival is back again this year and PJ Harvey and John Parish are playing in Brighton in the spring.

In case you hadn‘t noticed, it‘s Valentine‘s Day this week and Alison has some words of wisdom concerning relationships (p8). On the same page, Will‘s finding his challenges rather harder than he imagined.

Also in Homes, you‘ll find our jobs section (p14-15) and Brand Vaughan are celebrating their second birthday by expanding and taking on more staff (p10–11).

See you next week.

5 Seann is not ashamed of being

★ latest listings 19–39 19 Reviews and listings The Streets and Joseph‘s Dreamcoat

a smoker

6 Social diary: Did you make it to Fatboy Slim‘s gig at Audio?

6 Win Most Haunted and Igor DVDs 7 Dani directs her wrath towards teenage mothers who don’t want to work

8 Alison reflects on love; Will runs for the hills

21 Stage Designer Michael Howells on working with Rambert and John Galliano

22 Film Punk band Heavy Load at SEE Festival, Brighton’s documentary festival

06 11

24 Comedy

9 Celeb City: The Kooks Hollywood break-up and celebrity gardening

10 Bare Cheek with more things to do while waiting for the 81 bus, and Astral Angi looks at your ideal fitness regime

11 Interview: Toby Whithouse, creator of supernatural BBC show Being Human

★ latest news 12–14 12 This week’s headlines and Mary Mears keeps council tax low

13 Phil Mills has an exclusive chat with Brighton‘s new chief superintendent

14 Letters: Andrew‘s pink sofa. Sport: The Albion helps provide youth arts

★ latest lifestyle 15–21 15 Cover feature: Learn something while having eons of fun at Brighton Science Festival

16 Hotlist. the best places to eat in town

Mark Watson interviewed

24 Art 60 paintings from Brighton and Hove Museum collections

25 Kids & Events Sussex Wildlife Trust half term events

25 Books A tribute to John Davies

28 Music The Lyrebirds, PJ Harvey, John Parish and Loop Festival Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

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29 Clubs All the listings and Jaime‘s pick of the best nights out

30 Gay Vote now for the Golden Handbag Awards and plan your week out

32 Television Dani‘s got a secret – she loves Gossip Girl. With seven days of TV listings.

17 Andrew frequents Hotel Seattle at Brighton Marina

18 Zara meets celebrity hair stylist Willie

19

Hendry, plus fantastic reader offer

09 01273

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Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Staff Writers Will Harris Seann Walsh Dani Winch Sub Editor Joe Curtin Patrick O‘Donnell Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Advertising Sales Sophie Longhurst

28 32

Administration Claire Peerless Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor latest 7 3

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latest

01273 687171

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show from brighton’s funkiest band + funk djs 8pm til late £5

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sat feb 14

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mon feb 16

breakthrough with rough trade emma king + the laylanas + the long goodbye + gema hadridge 7.30pm £3

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upcoming dates sat feb 21 stick it on fri feb 27 ola onabule wed mar 11 brigitte demeyer with the eagles’ steel guitarist al perkins

sun mar 15 emily barker & the red clay halo

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar 14 – 17 manchester street, brighton check our website bn2 1tf. 100 metres up from the pier for full programme

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See more at thelatest.co.uk

Seann’s world Seann Walsh looks back to an era when smoking was as cool as James Dean

Smoking circle The cigarette used to have a good career in film. In the good old days when ‘smoking didn’t kill,’ Humphrey Bogart would light a cigarette and pour a drink, because that’s what people do. It was not symbolic. It signified nothing.

Nowadays, if a Hollywood character drinks and smokes like, say, Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, he is no longer noble, he’s not wearing a suit, and he hasn’t had a tempestuous affair with Ingrid Bergman.

It is refreshing to see the honesty of an old film in which a man smokes because he fancies a cigarette. That’s why I smoke.

In modern film, smoking is one of those signifiers. It can signify stress, like stubble or (for some reason) a loosened tie. It can complement desperation, a negative lifestyle and even depravity.

It makes the viewer ask questions like, “Who does he owe money to?” and “Who is he going to mug for his next hit?“ These assumptions that films prompt are not based on real life; they are based on previous films, and the symbolism and clichés established over the years. You don’t ask those questions of people smoking in the street, because you know it’s insignificant. They’re probably smoking because they’re waiting for a bus.

Nowadays, for the most part, smoking is absent from cinema and television. The reasons are obvious. The producers cannot be seen to condone, glorify or glamorise it. The cigarette packets make it clear: “Smoking kills”. They try to make it uncool. The problem they have is that smoking is quite cool. Its image, and the history thereof, will undermine any attempts to liken it to other dangerous activities. And it‘s not the person but the act that completes the picture.

A picture of James Dean smoking would look cooler than a picture of James Dean climbing an unstable ladder, or cycling without a helmet.

The tobacco packet with which I’m currently accelerating my expiration says, “Smoking seriously harms you and others around you.” I try to rectify this by spending as little time as possible around other people, but I’m still scum, and so is Humphrey Bogart.

It is with surprise (not to mention contempt), therefore, that I watch a TV show like Skins. Skins is one of those programmes which are designed by committee, marketed before they are written, discussed in buzz sessions, put to focus groups, and all based on the idea that you can create something worthwhile by pandering to a fabricated perception of what young people want. All of which is a long-winded way of saying it’s a youth TV show on Channel 4.

Like all youth TV shows on Channel 4, Skins refuses to cast ugly people. Instead, when they cast a hapless, geeky virgin, they employ the clever technique of giving a good-looking actor a pair of glasses and a woolly hat.

Still, finally there’s a show which deals with the issues that today’s teenagers have to deal with. According to Skins, those issues are no longer alienation and general unease; instead, they revolve principally around who to take drugs and have sex with. Amid the hedonism and youth and beauty, they casually smoke, because that’s what people do.

And so, somehow, we’ve come full circle: smoking on screen has been reclaimed by the beautiful and the trendy. The cigarette can appear without a plotline about cancer, and not as a symbol of waywardness, but as a thing that some people do. But is it refreshing? Is it honest?

No. Because, unlike Casablanca, Skins is crap.

Seann is supporting comedian Stephen K Amos at Theatre Royal Brighton on Tuesday 10 February at 8pm.

“The tobacco packet says, “smoking seriously harms you and others around you.” I try to rectify this by spending as little time with other people”

Comments? Get in touch: letters@thelatest.co.uk

latestcrossword Cryptic 180 ACROSS 3 Nora often comes around for a few hours (9) 7 Half the city in support (3) 8 It’s a matter of degree (11) 10 Class in which a learner can build a fortress (5) 11 Bag lost in fracas at Cheltenham (7) 13 Movement ruins hospital treatment (6) 14 Not the upright type (6) 17 Pathan concoction using hydrogen and rock-oil (7) 19 Cave creature rendered tailless (5) 20 Invention designed to take eight (11) 22 Turn me round like an ostrich (3) 23 Infidel makes grown man doubly hesitant (9)

solutions on page 30

Quick 180 DOWN 1 Bed ends in sale – it’s criminal (9) 2 A sport with which cheat is associated – a dreadful thing (11) 3 First-rate motorway with not so much wandering (7) 4 Believer gives article top priority (6) 5 Cook’s rosta in confusion (5) 6 It induces progress on a river, initially (3) 9 Chairman in hotel liaison with purser (11) 12 Lustful louse is wild about the lady (9) 15 He proposes to a flower (7) 16 A long way over the sea in France is an animal keeper (6) 18 Entice European politician to enter races (5) 21 Brick box cover has nothing missing (3)

ACROSS 3 With curved edge (9) 7 Brief sleep (3) 8 Concerning epithets (11) 10 Circular (5) 11 Tell (7) 13 Subsided (6) 14 Tableware (3-3) 17 Innocence (7) 19 Bring upon oneself (5) 20 Primary (11) 22 Sign of Zodiac (3) 23 Take in air (9).

DOWN 1 Amuse (9) 2 Conjecture (11) 3 Thread-pin (7) 4 In pain (6) 5 More tardy (5) 6 Age (3) 9 In traditional style (11) 12 Illegal gain (9) 15 Letter (7) 16 Feel contrition (6) 18 Shirk (5) 21 Vase (3).

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LATESTDIARY

COMPETITIONS

latestdiary

IN IT TO WIN IT

With Tim Richardson

Most Haunted Series 8 DVD

Audio’s 25th birthday Audio on Marine Parade celebrated 25 years in the building on Monday 24 January 2009. The venue has something of a reputation for throwing rather good parties and this one was no exception. Kicking off with a champagne reception, it soon became very obvious that this would be a memorable party. Outside, upstairs and downstairs were soon filled to capacity and DJ Norman Cook doing a celebrity Stick it On and guest DJ Darren Emerson made this party one not to be missed! Previously known as The Escape Club, the venue has been at the forefront of the clubbing and live music scene since 1984. John Holland bought the venue ‘The Royal Escape’ which was then just a pub that occasionally hosted a live band or party. He refurbished and renamed it ‘The Escape Club’ and never looked back. John re-launched the venue as Audio in 2004. As clubbing trends were changing there was a need for a venue that catered to the increasingly more discerning taste of the new millennium’s clubbers. For more information about events and the venue’s history, visit www.audiobrighton.com

Catch the latest series with renowned ghost hunters Yvette Fielding and Karl Beattie as they are joined by psychic David Wells for more spooky phenomena. Released 23 Feb, we have a copy of series 8 to give away! To enter, tell us: Who presents Most Haunted Series 8?

Daisy Rock

Rome Noir book The latest in original noir anthologies, each new story takes you beyond the tourist facade to the grandeur and rich decadence of Rome. For a chance to win one of three copies, tell us: Rome is the capital of which country?

Igor DVD Lucy Hope, Katherine Thay (MEERKATworks)

We have three copies of the hilarious animation Igor released by Momentum Pictures to win.

John Cusack voices the lowly scientist’s assistant Igor, who’s determined to prove his worth at the annual Evil Science Fair. To enter, tell us: What is Igor’s profession?

Zoe Ross, Paul Ballantine

Fal Blake (Gresham Blake), Lindsay Fergusson

Andrea Fox, Emma Fletcher (JBPR), Sarah Powell (Juice 107.2)

DJ Darren Emerson, DJ Norman Cook

Thick As Thieves Series 1 DVD The classic Bob Hoskins and John Thaw ITV finally gets released on DVD

by Network and we have three copies to give away! Just tell us: Who does Bob Hoskins play in Thick As Thieves?

Kate Chapman, Guy Lloyd (Juice 107.2)

6 latest 7

To win, email: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the prize you wish to win in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email.

Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Monday 23 February

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6/2/09

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Dani’s diary Dani is baffled by the ambitions of some young girls and the decisions parents make

Life ambition When I was about 15 I was hanging out with some friends. One of the girls was a few years older than the rest of us. She was telling us that her plan for life was to get pregnant and get council accommodation and that is exactly what she did.

She said she didn’t want to work, just have a kid, get a flat and exist.

For an 18-year-old girl to have her life planned out for her on the expense of everyone else, does it show the government is making it too easy?

Has it become too easy to, well, get a home and not a job?

Are some girls still making this their plan for life? And do they actually realise that it is their parents‘ tax payments footing the bill?

“Her plan for life was to get pregnant and get council accommodation and that’s what she did “ On the same subject, a girl I went to school with got pregnant in the last year. It wasn’t planned – or at least I don’t think it was – she lived with her parents until a council house became available and then moved into that. The key difference here is that one of the girls made a plan to get pregnant to get a council house while the other got a council house because she got pregnant.

Are the lives of the parents a good insight into the mentality of someone who wants nothing more than to have a baby and live for free? In this particular case it wouldn’t add up, but perhaps in other cases, that would be where the idea comes from.

So what makes it okay to expect the government to pay? There is a big difference between someone whose circumstances change for reasons out of their control and they therefore need help, such as redundancy, illness and so on, and someone who purposely goes out of their way to become pregnant in order to gain what they can. That can’t be good for the child, let alone the rest of us. Would that child grow up to believe the thing to do in life is get pregnant as early as possible and get all the free help you need?

The problem is I don’t think there is anything anyone can do to change the way the occasional person thinks. Some people have different mentalities about life. A friend of my sister became pregnant at a young age, she had the baby and after that she went back to school and gained useful qualifications. That is a noble thing to do, I have absolutely no qualms with any of that, regardless of whether or not she claimed benefits, she was active about making a life for herself, being able to rely on herself and provide for her child.

Growing up in Brighton it’s hard not to notice that so many people choose claiming benefits as their way of life. This city contains more struggling musicians than possibly anywhere else, and many of them claim benefits. (Not all, but a lot do). If it is that easy, perhaps the government needs to take a look at the way it works, as although I have written about younger people, there are many older people doing the same thing.

Like I said before, I see no problem in giving help to those who genuinely need it – with the redundancy rates at the moment there are many of us who will be needing the help but they will be fighting against those who want the help! I think the idea of helping people who want to help themselves is great, it’s finding them among the others that is the hard part!

Vaccine debate If you could give your child the possibility to live their life and know they would never have to worry about contracting a potentially fatal disease would you let them? Most parents would say yes. I have no children but if I did I would say yes. It seemed like the easiest question anyone could ask.

So why, when the opportunity came up for 12-year-old girls to be given a vaccine to stop them developing cervical cancer later in life did so many parents decide against it?

The main argument seemed to be the parents felt they were – by letting their children have the vaccine – actively encouraging them to have sex at an early age; or the idea of vaccinating your 12-year-old daughter against a virus considered a sexually transmitted disease is too psychologically difficult for the parents.

Surely the boys should get some form of advice too? When I was at school the class was divided into the girls and the boys. The boys went off for their sex education and the girls had theirs. If we are separated it tells us there is something embarrassing about what we are being told, whereas if we are all sat and taught together we would all feel more secure about discussing it.

So why – when the boys are shipped off – are they not told that they can have an effect on whether a woman may contract cervical cancer or not?

Ultimately, why not help your daughter on her way to practising safety?

Many women who have unfortunately experienced cervical cancer, I imagine would have wanted the vaccination option.

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

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2/5/09

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CITYSPEAKS

Swanning around

Man on a mission

Alison Swann is going to leave little Miss Bitter in the box this Valentine’s Day

Will Harris is finding his to-do list more challenging and painful than imagined

I have never accepted the idea of people who fall in love at first sight.

Lust at first sight, yes. But unless you have some sort of Doctor Who like ability to absorb yourself into your newly met loved one‘s entire personality foibles and all the other stuff that makes up their life, how can you know you ‘love‘ them? What you love is the idea of them, and maybe, just maybe, you will get lucky. I think a lot of the success of love is down to expectations. Some people are happy to be at what I would consider a much lower level of compatibility and move their goal posts to fit whatever sort of game their partner wants to play. Compromise is important in a relationship. But bending over backwards till you might as well run away and join the circus as a contortionist is plain silly.

My ex recently asked me if I thought we were intellectually compatible when we were together. I knew the answer immediately.

But after eight years of practice, I was well versed in the reason that I didn’t mind the difference in our ‘intellect’. We balanced each other out in other ways. I now see the folly of that argument and have written a big note to self to lay off the delusion pills when I am next faced with a hippy dippy, falling in love situation at some point in the future. Ensuring I stick to this, I answered my ex honestly. No. But you were a great singer and we had a lot of fun. In between the years of tortuous pain and infidelity. Yeah it was great. Oops, little Miss Bitter jumped out of her box. Intellectually compatible? Well, I wouldn’t have bought a flat with my partner while having an affair with a prostitute. Right Miss Bitter, back in your box.

Friday night. Drinks with Nadia. Between us, stretching from the carefully ranked cider bottles at my end of the table to the alchemist’s workbench of cocktail glassware at hers, is the list.

“Let me get this straight,” says Nadia, spearing a maraschino cherry.

“In the first month of what is meant to be your year of new experiences, you have had but two new experiences?” She shakes her head in what may be a display of disbelief, but may equally be the Margaritas taking hold. “Dude, all you’ve done so far is not wear hair-gel and gone to church. My gran does that every week and she’s not even trying. What about the marathon? I bet you haven’t even been running.”

“Aha!” I say. “That’s where you’re wrong. I went running just last week ac-tually.”

She looks suitably impressed by this, so I decide to stop talking and hope she never finds out that ac-tually I was running less in the spirit of personal improvement and more in the spirit of catching the 5B bus.

I do take her point though. Already a month in, and with only two tasks ticked off my list of 30, this year of challenges is starting to look slightly more challenging that I’d originally supposed.

“Compromise is important. But bending over backwards till you might as well run away and join the circus as a contortionist is plain silly“ I do think being in love can be great, and I have experienced some of the most joyous moments of my life while deep in the trust of a happy relationship. So go for it, if you can get it right.

We all seek love out, and there are thousands of people making a lot of money out of our search for the ‘one’ – mostly on the internet. I’m sure there are many examples of great relationships that have emerged via cyber world. But the whole thing leaves me cold. I put my profile up on one of these about six months ago and met a few guys. They were okay, but zero chemistry. Which is something you just can’t get over the internet. We are after all humans, with pheromones that have led us on a merry mating dance for years.

I went out with a group of mates last Friday, two of which are recently single and trawling for a new man. I was admiring their chutzpah and élan as the girls – well let’s take a reality check here – women, sized up the bar and found it suddenly full of ‘hot’ men. Not so sure about ‘hot,’ more like just warm enough to justify a quick bath, but you wouldn’t soak there for too long. But hey, they knew what they wanted that night and it didn’t have much to do with love.

I do believe the best love comes when you are doing something you love and that your beloved loves as well.

With that as a foundation when you have slowed down on the thrash and bash in the bedroom and are sharing a life together, then maybe you have found the recipe. But like all great cakes many of us like to eat, there’s many ways to get a great result. Have fun in the bakery and remember, Valentine’s Day is a great time to ask for extra cream… I know I will.

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“Her three-year-old still took one look at me, ran screaming from the room and had to be forcibly coaxed back in with HobNobs” It isn’t that I’m not trying; since New Year, I’ve spent most evenings reciting random Spanish phrases to a CD player in an attempt to get a foreign language under my belt before the year’s through. The trouble is, by prioritising all the easier things on my agenda, at times it feels that I’m making no progress at all.

“Ok, so we’re agreed it’s time to pull out the big guns,” says Nadia, poring determinedly over the list. “How about number 22? Look after a baby.”

I point out that, upon arriving at my pregnant friend Clare’s house the weekend before – and although all I did was sit quite still on a kitchen chair – her three-year-old still took one look at me, ran screaming from the room and had to be forcibly coaxed back in with HobNobs.

“Well, they do say children know when they’re in the presence of evil, don’t they? Look, there must be something on here.” While Nadia scours the list for inspiration, I attempt to make eye contact with one of the threateningly glamorous serving girls gliding around the room like swans dipped in Chanel.

There’s a concentrated silence behind me, and then I hear Nadia say: “What about number 23...?’

Perhaps it’s the dangerous note in her voice as she says it or perhaps some dark chamber of my hindbrain really does remember what sits next to that number on the list, but something spins me round just in time. Empty bottles crash into one another with a sound like a maniac hitting broken piano keys, and I pitch backwards in my seat, feeling the hiss of air from her fist as it passes through the space that had been occupied by my precious, precious nose not moments before.

“Are you crazy?!” I yell, jumping to my feet.

“Number 23 – get punched in the face!” shouts Nadia happily, pulling herself upright and lurching around the table towards me. “Where are you going? I was nowhere near you!”

But I’m already halfway to the door and not looking back. On the bright side, at least she’s got me running.

For comments and chit chat email letters@thelatest.co.uk

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2/5/09

6:12 PM

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AROUNDTOWN

sponsored by

Celebcity

Cass Cassidy

with Jo Brooks

In a spin Albion chairman Dick Knight spins discs with Fatboy Slim and Andy Sturgeon talks gardens Play DJ

Salud

Much frivolity was had last week as Audio nightclub celebrated its 25th birthday. The club held a celebrity Stick It On night with Norman Cook headlining the slots.

Also spinning some choons was Brighton and Hove Albion chairman Dick Knight. Dick, I am told liked to have a chat in between songs and then announced that he would be playing a song from the “best girl band in the world”. In anticipation of the Spice Girls, Girls Aloud or Bananarama – the crowd was in suspense. Much to the surprise of the crowd on came a track from The Supremes. Well done Dick!

Whilst we are shivering under Arctic temperatures, why not take yourself away (in your mind at least) to the steamy hot streets of Havana in Cuba.

From 11 February at the Eagle pub in the North Laine, a brand new photographic exhibition by Cass Cassidy will be unveiled – let’s face it we are all a bit fed up of looking at pages and pages in the tabloids of snowy “winter wonderland” images! The exhibition also ties in nicely to what is happening on the big screen as Latino heart-throb Benecio Del Torro stars in the second part of the Che Guevara

Andy will be presenting for the BBC at Chelsea this year and then will be hot footing back down the M23 to do a talk inside the Pavilion – date to be confirmed, tickets go on sale on 1 April.

If you haven’t yet joined Twitter – then what are you waiting for – you can follow all things JBPR of course but if that doesn’t light your fire then like me you can follow the exploits of Stephen Fry, Lance Armstrong, Britney Spears, Russell Brand and even Number 10 Downing Street.

Logon on to www.twitter.com

Work it girls!

story – out this month. The Havana exhibition opens on Wednesday 11 February at the Eagle pub in Gloucester Street, North Laine – make mine a Mojito!

Spotted as I was in a taxi with Clare from the office, was celebrity stylist and now skinny minx Gok Wan – who waved at us – ahh thanks Gok!

Pulling Still on the subject of the Eagle pub – keen spotters out there might want to have your eyes peeled for Luke Pritchard, lead singer of the Kooks. He recently split up from Hollywood babe Mischa Barton. Luke often hangs out in the watering hole with fellow band members!

Green Fingers Back by popular demand this year is Gardens Week at the symbol of our city, the Royal Pavilion. This year sees celebrity gardener Andy Sturgeon as the “face” of the week-long festival of everything gardening.

Andy (pictured here with Royal Pavilion head gardener Robert Hill-Snook) is no stranger to getting his hands dirty as he has won four gold medals at the Chelsea Flower Show.

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Cass Cassidy

10% service will be added. Offer valid until the end of March 2009 excluding Valentines Day, Saturday evenings and bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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2/4/09

10:10 AM

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ONLY JOKING!

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Spotted: with your mum, again Attending a smart new gallery opening in the North Laine... that pop star you used to like. You remember – I could never stand him myself. Er – Alvin. Alvin Costello. No that‘s not it. One of them punk rockers. Robbie Rotten, that‘s him.

Flicking through the DVDs in the Churchill Square HMV ...Daniel Craig. Never liked him – eyes too close together.

He‘s no George Lazenby.

Enjoying a very intimate dinner with a mystery companion at an East Street eatery ..now this reminds me – you remember your cousin Kevin? Well, he‘s getting married come July. Lovely girl – comes from a family of Quakers. No – not Quakers. I keep wanting to say Quavers, but that‘s the crisp, isn't it? It‘ll come to me. Well, his father-in-law-to-be owns a restaurant. I was saying to your Dad, that‘s a good, solid career, isn‘t it – people always need food. Anyway – it was that Lily Allen.

Talking loudly on her mobile outside The Grand... Kerry Katona. Oh I think it‘s terrible what‘s happened to that girl. Why don‘t they just leave her alone?

Strolling along the pier, hand-in-hand with a stunning blonde...

Russell Crowe. Brand, I mean Brand. Don‘t get me started on him.

Makes me sick even thinking about him – which reminds me, you know your Auntie Jean had to go to the doctor‘s with her womb ... (continued on pages 97–104.)

Astral Angi

★Finding truth in the stars★

This week Astral looks at your fitness regime

Ten more things to do waiting for the no. 81 bus • Hold your breath and try to count to 60.

• Pick your nose.

• Suck your lower lip into your mouth and scrape your upper teeth along the skin below your lower lip, causing slight pain.

• Go cross-eyed, briefly creating the illusion that there are two of everything (except for an approaching bus of course. There are still none of them).

• Wonder whether you‘d get to your destination quicker if you walked all the way down the hill and got the number 1 instead, but know that if you do that the 81 will immediately appear as if by magic.

• Shiver.

• Crack your knuckles.

• Gaze into the living room of the house opposite the bus stop and think: “Imagine if I saw someone get murdered in that room right now. That‘d be really exciting, wouldn‘t it? Just like a film or something.“ • Realise you‘ve been waiting for the bus for 45 minutes and suddenly explode in a fury, loudly using the F word, the C word, the W word, and the MF word, before realising that there is a sweet-looking old lady in a Salvation Army uniform standing directly behind you.

• Give up and go to the pub (pubs near bus stops have reported a 150 percent increase in custom since the 81 service began running).

In & Out Early days of Channel 4 edition IN

OUT

• Laurie Pike

• Magenta Devine

• Châteauvallon

• Prospects

• Chief Executive Jeremy Isaacs

• Chief Executive Michael Grade

• The Red Triangle film about a Frenchman who devolves into a caveman and kills and eats a policeman

• The Red Triangle film about the Swedish housewife who goes mad and joins a group of gypsies before indulging in a tempestuous affair with a zookeeper

• Club Mix

• Kate and Allie

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

BARDSLEY’S

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01273 681256

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Aries needs a lot of sleep if he or she is to maintain optimum fitness. Now that’s my kind of exercise. Try it in an interval style programme – snooze – nap – snooze – nap – snooze.

Cancer is as fit as a butcher’s dog right now. Expend some of that energy in doing good works. I have a pile of laundry that needs doing, just give me a call, I am here to help.

For Librans the key is harmony. Get that mind and body in sync right now.

One should not rule the other. If you are a Libran male this is even more important, and you know what I mean.

Capricorn may tell the world that it is taking exercise but you‘re fooling noone. We know that you buy all the gear and then sit on a park bench with a fag.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans should take a very long walk and use the time to get in touch with your body. Now I mean that in a spiritual sense, so no stripping off in the shrubbery; no, no, no.

Leo needs to fix on the idea that brain needs as much exercise as the muscles. Try doing some mental aerobics, sums are good, long division and multiplication especially.

Scorpio fitness knows no bounds right now. Put your mind to it and you can win the race, climb the heights and basically get on everyone’s nerves.

Still, imagine what fun that will be.

Aquarius needs to get active and stop dreaming about it. Exercise taken in dreams my seem exhausting and even though you may wake up damp, it burns off very few calories.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Gemini fitness is achievable with a healthy balanced diet and lots of vitamins. Start by having a lie-in and then go to it with the muesli and fresh fruit. See if you can beat five a day.

Virgo may have dashed into 2009 with every intention of getting fit but now that impetus is starting to wane. Do not fret, so has the impetus for all star signs, it’s just one of those things.

Sagittarius needs sleep and plenty of it. The most exhausting exercise you should undertake is knitting or crochet, I have a few patterns for bed jackets if you would like a borrow.

Exercise for Pisceans should be a sedentry affair. Get your rod out, sit back and give it a good tug to see if all is well, then go fishing. Don’t worry if you catch nothing, Bardsley’s is open.

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To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

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INTERVIEW can do bulk commissioning and publicise it in a way that we just don‘t have the money to do over here. From my point of view, the advantage of a shorter series is it allows me to write the majority of the episodes so it‘s easier to get a through-line in terms of style and tone. If it starts being a massive number of episodes, things become more disparate.

Do you have a favourite episode or scene?

Episode one was tricky because there was a pilot, it‘s still on YouTube I think, this time last year and it got the audience fired up. The BBC commissioned the series but we recast a couple of actors so we had to rewrite the first episode and introduce the characters in a different way.

Episode two was more straightforward. What I really like is the pretitles for the first episode because that took a long time but we nailed it in the end. That was the reintroduction to the show, which re-established the characters and their back stories and introduced the two new characters. The other thing I really like are the online prequels on the website, particularly the one for Mitchell set in the 1960s.

Why were two main actors changed?

Because there was a delay in commissioning the series, the options on the actors ran out, so Andrea Riseborough we lost because if you leave her alone for five minutes she‘s going to get offered 50 jobs. With regard to Mitchell, one thing we did feel with the pilot was we had slightly misjudged the vampire element and we wanted to shift it to a more accessible tone. It was very Anne Rice which we felt didn‘t really work.

Everything else was attempting to be naturalistic and these vampires walked on as if they‘d come from a different show. We wanted to go in a different direction. It was no reflection whatsoever on Guy (Flanagan) who played Mitchell. Because we had to recast the part of Annie, the dynamic between the three main characters was going to change anyway.

“I have never actually seen an episode of Buffy”

Being Toby Rachel Pegg talks to Toby Whithouse, the Brighton-based scriptwriter and creator of supernatural TV show Being Human Toby Whithouse trained as an actor. His first play Jump Mr Malinoff Jump won the 1998 Verity Bargate award. He devised the series No Angels and has written on Attachments, Hotel Babylon, Doctor Who, Armstrong and Miller and Torchwood. His sitcom, Other People, was transmitted last October as the opening episode of Channel 4‘s Comedy Showcase season.

How do you feel about viewers’ reactions?

I‘m delighted. It‘s such a relief because I‘ve been developing it for so long now in one form or another so it feels like a three-and-a-half year labour, and suddenly it‘s out there. I'm thrilled everyone‘s taken to it so well.

Do you think it will become a cult?

I‘m not sure what would constitute a cult. I‘ve always been a big sci-fi and fantasy fan so if it appeals to that audience, then fantastic.

Can something be a cult with six episodes?

I would imagine something had to be ongoing. My feeling is for a lot of people like me who like sci-fi and fantasy, I‘m not one of nature‘s sportsmen, so I don‘t have any interest in football or things like that.

These shows tend to be football for people like me. It‘s an endless source of discussion and gossip.

American series have dozens of episodes.

Is it frustrating we don‘t have that?

Aside from soaps and long running series like Holby and Casualty, there‘s nothing in this country that will do more than six or eight episodes. In America they have more money at their disposal so they

Some scenes are like a typical hospital drama, is that intentional?

When I came up with the concept I had to approach it from the point of view that if vampires and werewolves did exist, how would they fit into society? My feeling was they would take anonymous, low paid, ancillary, invisible jobs. Bizarrely for a show about a werewolf, a vampire and a ghost, the objective has always been to make it as realistic as possible.

Their reactions and their attitudes and personalities and hopes and aspirations have to be human.

What do you think when people call it This Life with blood or compare it to Buffy?

Other sci-fi and fantasy fans would come to my house with torches and pitchforks if they knew this, but I‘ve never actually seen an episode of Buffy. I just never got round to it. I‘m a big Doctor Who fan and I love 70s and 80s British sci-fi; the lower the budget, the better. To have it compared to shows like that is embarrassingly flattering.

Being Human‘s special effects are convincing, do you see it as amateurish?

When we were doing the pilot we had to make a decision about how we were going to handle the werewolf transformation. The budget was small so it ruled out using CGI so we had to do it through prosthetics and animatronics. As it turned out, it was a stroke of luck because it makes the transformation look much more realistic and horrific.

I mean this in the best possible way, there‘s a slightly homemade feel to it, even though it‘s done incredibly skilfully. Had we been a big American show, it would have been done through CGI. The sensibilities of the characters are very British and rooted in our culture.

Why are supernatural shows so popular?

These things are cyclical. When they brought back Doctor Who and it was a huge success, suddenly broadcasters were more open to the suggestion of doing a sci-fi or fantasy show.

What are you working on next?

A top secret project and we‘re waiting to hear if the second series of Being Human is being commissioned.

Would you rather be a werewolf, a vampire or a ghost?

Definitely a vampire. As a writer, I can‘t imagine it would make a huge difference to my lifestyle as I don‘t get a chance to venture out into sunlight anyway.

Post your views about Being Human at bbc.co.uk/beinghuman Being Human is on BBC3 on Sundays at 9pm and repeated throughout the week. latest 7 11

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LATESTNEWS

news summary

7 days of headlines

Residents and businesses restarted a community group to improve their local area. The St James‘s Area Action Group had been dormant for five years.

Chairman Simon Burgess said: “All officers of the group are deeply impressed by the way that residents and businesses want to work together to improve the area.“ Email richard_hollis@btopenworld.com or join the Facebook group by searching for SJAAG.

Welcome parade US-style greeters are to be used for the first time to welcome visitors to Brighton and Hove.

Enthusiastic local residents offering tours of their home town were first seen in New York City in 1992 and the idea has since spread round the world.

Now Brighton and Hove is to become the first UK city to enlist volunteers with knowledge about the sights and history to guide trippers to places of interest like

the Royal Pavilion, entertainment centres and shopping areas.

Starting this autumn, tours of two-to-four hours will be on offer via the visitbrighton.com website.

David Smith, cabinet councillor for culture, said: “Greeters have been very successful elsewhere.

They offer a personal touch.

“This is a city many residents are really passionate about and very proud of so it makes sense to capture that enthusiasm and, at the same time, promote tourism and help preserve tourism jobs – particularly when we are facing this serious economic downturn.”

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NEWS

Brighton and Hove was named the top arts city in England outside London. The Department for Culture asked more than 2,000 adults in the city whether they had attended an arts event or taken part in the arts in the last year. The response was 61.2 per cent said yes, ahead of Manchester and Westminster.

A flat used for drug dealing was closed for three months. Police and the city council sealed off 27 Sheffield Court, Kingscote Way, in Brighton’s New England Quarter, after carrying out a raid on the premises.

Ploughing ahead Pic: Anand Day

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Police issued an artist‘s impression of a woman found dead on Hove beach.

The woman, whose death is not being treated as suspicious, was white, aged 35 to 50, with short, wavy, auburn hair.

She was wearing size 12 grey trousers with black flecks, a green/grey and cream striped longsleeved jumper and size 4 black slipon loafer style shoes.

On her left wrist she wore a Pierre Cardin watch and three rings, one which looked like a buckle, one white metal with a flower pattern and one with a band of 13 small stones. On her right hand she wore a yellow metal bracelet and had a yellow and white metal ring with a band of five stones.

The woman had a 12in scar running from her belly button to her pelvis.

A passer-by spotted her body at the water‘s edge at the Western Esplanade, Hove, on Monday 12 January at 7.13am. Anyone with information should call police on 0845 6070999.

This year we made over £6m of efficiency savings meaning we can plough money into improving services. For many local people it’s very important that their neighbourhoods look clean and tidy. People should be able to take pride in their city which is why we plan to invest in extra grass cutting, particularly on verges, to keep Brighton & Hove beautiful.

I know people value the city’s library services, so we’re extending library opening hours. Hove Library will now open on Monday afternoons to attract more visitors, enable children to enjoy the library after school every week-day and attend a new Monday afternoon Homework Club.

The budget won’t be finalised until full council on 26 February, and although there’s more to discuss, our budget clearly demonstrates our commitment to even lower council tax increases, investing in frontline services, and offering residents real value for money.

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on the new year budget We may be in recession, but the council is ploughing ahead to shield the city from the downturn and provide real value to the city’s residents.

Speaking of ploughing ahead, after the recent heavy snowfall council teams worked tirelessly around the clock to get the city moving again.

I also want to thank the special effort made by our social care staff who worked tirelessly into the night and in the early morning to make emergency visits to vulnerable residents. They got to residents both by foot and in 4x4 vehicles that they borrowed from the council’s seafront office.

The council is also working tirelessly behind the scenes to offer value for money services and to keep council tax down. Recently we announced our budget for next year – we’ve proposed the lowest rise in the history of the city council at 3.5 percent.

There’s further good news for residents. We’ve reduced our planned council tax increase for the following year (2010-11) – it’s now just 2.5 percent – even lower than the previous 2.9 percent target.

Reasons for the change are two-fold – firstly, we know money is tight and we want to do all we can to alleviate the financial pressures on our residents to help them through the hard times.

Secondly, it’s possible that we could have a general election before the next financial year. If the Conservatives get in, they’ve promised to freeze council tax – if we can deliver a 2.5 percent increase.

We want to be ready to take advantage of this pledge – which could mean offering our residents no council tax increase at all!

Whatever happens, we’re committed to investing in frontline services to improve the quality of life for all residents.

Mystery body found

If you would like to comment on these stories please email news@thelatest.co.uk

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LATESTNEWS Phil Mills looks back over 20 years of fighting crime for the city’s new Chief Superintendent; and the surpising PC lending a helping hand

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NEWS

Raising standards

Brighton and Hove has a new police commander, a job he first dreamt of 20 years ago when he was a rookie recruit.

The then PC Graham Bartlett, born and raised a short distance away in Shoreham, stared wide-eyed with ambition at the grey edifice that is the John Street police station.

In his first interview as the city’s new chief, the now Chief Superintendent Bartlett confided: “It’s a bit like coming home.”

Still filled with ambitions to improve police performance and show the public their police taxes are being well spent, he considers the city as his ‘manor’ and he is determined to see it become, in his words, an even safer and more peaceful place to live.

He said: “I did most of my service here and I know the staff already – I have always felt like part of the community.

“Brighton and Hove is the best city in the UK and we will do everything we can to keep it safe” “It was my ambition to become divisional commander here and I’ve taken over almost 20 years to the day I first stepped into the building.”

Mr Bartlett succeeds Chief Superintendent Paul Pearce who has become head of the Sussex Police professional standards department.

Under his leadership and aided by Mr Bartlett, then crime manager, crime fell and detections increased.

With the recession now starting to bite, crime is expected to increase again, making the new chief’s job that much harder.

He is considered well equipped for the challenge – his qualifications and experience speak volumes.

Mr Bartlett returned to the city just one year after he left to head up the Specialist Investigations Branch at HQ CID as a Detective Superintendent.

He began his career as a Probationary Constable in Bognor Regis before relocating to Gatwick on firearms and plain clothes duties for four years. He then moved to Brighton as a patrol officer and later to CID in early 1990. He was involved in high-profile cases including the attempted murder by Russell Bishop of a young girl at Devil’s Dyke.

In 1994 he transferred to the Child Protection Team at Haywards Heath upon promotion to Detective Sergeant before heading CID in the same town. In 1996 he was appointed to Staff Officer to Maria Wallis, then Assistant Chief Constable.

He returned to the city in 1998 and two years later he helped develop the county’s first Anti Victimisation Unit (AVU). On promotion to Detective Inspector in 2001 he developed AVUs for the whole county.

He also led the investigation into Operation Ore which saw the arrest of 170 suspects in Sussex for downloading child abuse images.

Mr Bartlett was appointed the city’s crime manager in 2005 and oversaw significant performance improvement and in 2006, he was promoted to Crime and Operations Superintendent at Brighton & Hove.

He developed partnerships with the city council on a Community Safety Strategy to improve the management of licensed premises, and he introduced Operation Reduction which targets drug dealers while improving access to treatment for addicts.

Mr Bartlett, married with 11-year-old triplets, said: “I am delighted to be back in Brighton and Hove, a place which means so much to me. I was born and brought up in nearby Shoreham-by-Sea. My father (John) was the Borough Estates Surveyor for Brighton and Hove Borough Council and the head of Brighton and Hove Special Constabulary. With such family ties to the city, I am extremely proud to be the divisional commander. Brighton and Hove is the best city in the UK and we will do everything we can to keep it a safe place to live, work and visit.”

PC Snow Police often say their best officer is a certain PC Snow, meaning that when the white stuff falls, so too does crime because villains stay at home.

Well, PC Snow actually showed up for work at Brighton police station during last week’s downpour.

Officers and staff built him in the backyard of John Street police station and adorned him with a policeman’s helmet, bottle tops for eyes and nose, and DO NOT CROSS police tape for a scarf.

Needless to say, it triggered a picture caption contest with the current favourite being: “Anyone caught vandalising me will be under a vest.”

Meanwhile, Latest photographer Stephen Lawrence captured more frolicks in the drifts on Brighton seafront (right).

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LATEST LETTERS&SPORT

Letters

Send your comments to letters@thelatest.co.uk

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sports Bunker

The art of football Latest Sport checks out a new deal for teenagers that merges football and the arts

In his Kay Town column in Latest Homes (issue 407), Andrew wrote about how enjoying raspberry tea with an estate agent had prompted him to buy a shocking pink sofa.

Pink Appreciation Society Hi Andrew Enjoyed your article. Glad to have in someway helped to inspire the purchase of your sofa.

Hope you have settled in now. No doubt talk with you soon.

Regards Chris Sawyer, Sawyer & Co

Wired We can‘t quite understand why you allow nutheads space in your magazine spouting utter nonsense concerning Starbucks coffee shop.

You show these nutheads with their pathetic placards postulating “Protect independent coffee shops“ and “Starbucks – Suppliers of coffee to the torturers of Guantanamo Bay“.

Surely any sane person will know that every coffee shop must at first commence life as an independent? Starbucks started with one small shop and had to overcome all the financial difficulties that starting a new business entails.

As for the mindless paranoid crank who thinks that Starbucks supplies coffee to torturers, that lacks any realistic understanding of life on this planet – or will homegrown potatoes be banned because they might be supplied to our forces in some far-off land?

Close Starbucks and this shop will probably lay empty collecting dust and graffiti for a long time due to the economic difficulties that persist.

Incidentally, the penultimate sentence refers to “…the homogenisation of the High Street“. We of course know that our St James’s Street is popular with homosexuals, but is there really any need to be quite so provocative? We rather enjoy having the gay community with us.

Charles and Shelagh Holcombe, Dorset Gardens, Brighton

Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club is piloting an innovative programme which will see football and the arts come together to engage young people on the fringes of education and society and help them gain a qualification.

Football Arts Academy is an Arts Award initiative, funded by the Football Foundation, the UK’s largest sports charity. It is also supported by NACRO and South West Trains and delivered through the Kickz initiative which works with 16–19-year-olds.

Fifteen young people from Brighton, taking part on the Football Arts Academy programme, will get the opportunity to work with specialist graffiti artist Jode Masouri and customise the new Soccarena acquired by the Youth Service Team based at the Crew Club.

One young person on the course is even developing a film about football in the community.

can art, sports photography and football journalism are some of the creative skills that young people will learn while working towards their Bronze Arts Award.

Stuart Christie, Football Inclusion Development Manager at the Albion, says: “We are excited to be running the Arts Award at Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club. We run extensive education and literacy work throughout our community scheme, and are proud to be able to use such creative projects that engage young people with learning”.

Arts Award is a national qualification designed to appeal to any young person, regardless of academic achievement and social background. It provides a flexible framework which supports young people to develop as artists and arts leaders, preparing them for further education and employment. Arts Award is run through a partnership between

“Film-making, music, spray-can art, sports photography and football journalism are some of the creative skills that young people will learn”

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH 14 latest 7

Martin Schooley, the Arts Award advisor working with young people at the Albion, says: “The Arts Award has engaged young people who are not normally interested in sport at all and there is real enthusiasm for the programme”.

The scheme at the Albion is part of a larger initiative involving three other major football clubs in the south of England.

Southampton FC, Reading FC and Bournemouth FC will also be offering young people a range of creative forms taking football as a theme. Film-making, music, spray-

Arts Council England and Trinity Guildhall. It is recognised on the National Qualifications Framework, accredited at levels 1, 2 and 3.

Ruth Jones, Project Director for the Football Arts Academy, says: “There is a natural synergy between sport and the arts for young people, and both can be used to inspire those in disadvantaged circumstances. If this pilot is a success there is real potential for the programme to be used with other football clubs and sporting institutions across the country.”

Send us your views, news and sporting opinions to sport@thelatest.co.uk

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COVERSTORY

Appliance ofscience Embrace your inner geek and find out how things work at this year’s Brighton Science Festival Ever wondered why toast always lands butter side down? What went through the mind of Stone Age man? How space rockets work? These and many other questions will be answered at this year’s Brighton Science Festival.

From 21 to 28 February science will be brought to life at venues around the city with fun talks, events, demonstrations, debates, activities, family days and even a comedy show. Now in its fifth year, Brighton Science Festival is incredibly popular for all ages and has something for everyone, whether you’re a diehard boffin or you don’t know how to wire a plug.

It has to be one of the best – and most unusual – events in Brighton and Hove. After all, where else would you try to build a three-foot spaghetti tower or make your own slime mould art?

The festival aims to inform, convince, challenge and entertain anyone curious about why things happen the way they do. Eleven universities, seven schools and six Sussex industries are taking part.

Festival director Richard Robinson has a background in science and the arts, having studied psychology at university before going on to work in drama and helping to found Spitting Image. His passion for knowledge is infectious. It is important to find out about science, he says, “because you want to understand the past, cope with the present and plan for the future.”

Events actually kicked off shortly after Christmas, when the festival team and the Open University began a month-long tour of Sussex schools, taking workshops to 12- to 14-year-olds.

Richard believes humans are evolving to cherish intellect, that geeks have an evolutionary advantage and are being considered increasingly attractive to keep up with evolutionary demand for people who understand technology.

“Two hundred years ago they didn’t know about atoms,” he explains. “They thought heat was a substance 150 years ago. The explosion of knowledge has been so huge. The only way to go forward is with curiosity and courage – curiosity to explore what might be done, and the courage to do it.”

This year Brighton Science Festival celebrates

Piltdown Man and what flint tools tell us about Stone Age man and the evolution of the human mind.

On 28 February Big Science Saturday, a fun day for adults, will take place at Sallis Benney, with speakers such as Guardian journalist Ben Goldacre, the man responsible for exploding pseudo-scientific myths in the media. There will be activities such as making slime mould art and talks with titles such as ‘Blood and Guts: A History of Surgery’, ‘The Secret Language of Negotiation’ and ‘Thirteen Things That Don’t Make Sense’.

For the full programme see www.brightonscience.com or call 01273 777628.

three anniversaries: 400 years since Galileo proved the Earth was not the centre of the universe, 150 years since Darwin’s On the Origin of Species and 60 years of Murphy’s Law. The first weekend, 21 to 22 February, will see family fun days at Hove Park School. Bright Sparks on Saturday will offer a chance to see a jet pack demonstration, make a thunder machine and meet bugs such as the Madagascan hissing cockroach.

Visitors will be challenged to attempt to drop an egg 10 feet without it breaking, with only the aid of a sheet of newspaper, string, elastic bands and Sellotape, and build a spaghetti and marshmallow tower. White Heat on Sunday will allow you to meet some of the UK’s most advanced robots, learn about dragons, make a whistle and see water turned into wine.

On 23 February writer and broadcaster Steve Jones will talk on Darwin. The following day Café Scientifique will host a discussion about synesthesia, the fascinating condition in which music can have colour, words can have taste, and time and numbers float through space.

Latest MusicBar will stage a practical exploration of Murphy’s Law on 25 February, testing whether ‘if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong’. At the Big Space show on Thursday 26 February at the Sallis Benney Theatre, see Helen Keen’s award-winning Edinburgh show It IS Rocket Science, as well as hearing about spacecraft, the origins of the universe, meteorites and cosmic rays.

On the same day, Latest MusicBar will host a Darwin-themed evening looking at creationism, the

Pic: Andrew Husson

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LATESTHOTLIST

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials. They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace.

The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555, www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter.

1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222 www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life.

An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart

See more at thelatest.co.uk service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321 www.gars.co.uk

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Beat the credit crunch and come and enjoy a three course meal with a glass of wine – and no service charge – the new Early Frog is available Tuesday to Friday evenings £20 and without the glass of wine, lunchtimes £13.95 between noon and 1pm. In the evening, buy one dish from the á la carte menu and get 50 per cent off the second main course, Tuesday to Thursdays. Plat du jour is still available at £7.95 or including a glass of wine at £9.95. In a hurry? Come at lunchtime and enjoy a bowl of homemade soup with French bread for only £4.95. Don’t forget, we have a gourmet evening on the third Thursday of every month, £49.50 including service for six courses, including six glasses of wine, handpicked especially for each course.

119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart.

Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian.

For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.”

48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too!

Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders.

10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

INDIAN Chaula’s “The food of India, not just Indian food.”

New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes!

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is a family run Indian bistro in the famous old lanes serving stunning food. Fronted by Brighton chef Alun Sperring, who has recently returned from Jumeirah in Dubai and has spent the last twenty years learning his trade around the world. The restaurant has a relaxed and informal feel, with an emphasis on authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. The daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. Dinner is a more refined affair. Feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala to name a few. Paired with a carefully chosen selection of Belgian and micro brewery beers to include original India pale ale.

42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London.

There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is

L’Églisese L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic À la Carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like Saucisses de Toulouse, Boeuf Bourguignon and Côte de Bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce include freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive anglo-french farmhouse cheeseboard. There are also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as Raspberry Millefeuille and Crème Brulée.

Whether enjoying our south facing sun terrace with the 2 course Express lunch menu, Tuesday-Saturday, 12-5pm at £11.95 or relaxing on a Sunday with our delicious French Sunday roast… this is true entente cordiale.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

THAI Sabai The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us. Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list. Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand. Come and enjoy – or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”!

165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030 www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

COFFEE SHOPS Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax. Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm.

Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas.

They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti. Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and free WIFI. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Their opening hours are Mon–Fri 8am–7pm, Sat 8am–10pm, Sun 10am–6pm. Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stone’s throw away from Brighton Station.

Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890, www.mokshacaffe.com

BARS Koba Bar and Club

L’Eglise

Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. To book your private party, reserve your guest list or to run through some ideas contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150 16 latest 7

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD&DRINK

Joined up thinking Andrew Kay is raving about the new food in the restaurant at Hotel Seattle in Brighton Marina Latest magazines used to be based at Brighton Marina. It was many years ago now, way before the Hotel Seattle and shops were built and in honesty, it was a wind-swept wilderness of a place, desperate to find its identity. Now it is a bustling enterprise with a cinema, health club, casino, shops and a rather stylish hotel.

Hotel Seattle launched in a flurry of excitement, it was cool, wacky and fun with stylish retro interiors and off the wall décor. We all loved it and I dined and drank there on many occasions. But there was always an element of mystery surrounding the location of the bars and the restaurant. They simply did not read as one brand, and as a consequence they did not seem to work either, or at least the restaurant did not. Not that the food was an issue, on the contrary, the food was rather good.

Now the management have reconfigured the whole venture moving the restaurant up into the banqueting area and at last the product is cohesive, the writing and the thinking is all joined up.

I attended a great party there before Christmas last year and ate exceptionally well. But I make a rule of not reviewing parties and last week I returned to put the menu and the venue through its paces. And I am delighted to say that the restaurant at the Seattle is ship-shape and running at full steam.

The new room is higher in the building and reached through the main reception. The added height gives better views of the boats in the marina and a conservatory style room built onto the former terrace makes the very most of that view.

The interior is less off the wall than before, a good thing in my view although I don’t care for the paintings. That’s a matter of taste and taste is what I should be writing about, the taste of the food.

Wow! My expectations were already high after the party but I really did not expect food like this. Joined by my friend Ms McT we arrived in driving rain on a vile January evening. Inside all was calm and warm and the welcome matched. A table in the window gave us a view of gently bobbing lights but we were very soon distracted by the food.

‘‘I am delighted to say that the restaurant at the Seattle is ship-shape and running at full steam’’ Great bread came with both salted and unsalted butter, and while we read the menu I unwound with a glass of sherry. Pretty soon we had decided what to eat and a very helpful chap smilingly helped us to choose a few glasses of wine to accompany our meal. We took his advice too, and very good it was.

Ms McT started with potted shrimps that came with a toasted muffin. I stole a taste and had to agree that they were pretty perfect. Brown shrimps in clarified butter spiced with nutmeg or mace or perhaps both.

The shrimps were taut and packed with flavour, and I was rather envious.

That is until I tucked into my ham hock and foie gras terrine served with pease pudding. Big, bold comfort food but with that edge of luxury that comes with goose liver. It was very fine indeed and a glass of sweet wine helped secure that touch of luxury.

Ms McT moved on to slow-cooked belly pork served with puy lentils.

Now belly pork took over from lamb shanks sometime over the last couple of years as the must-have menu item. It’s a great cut of meat when prepared and cooked with skill, and here it was. The meat was tender and judiciously spiced. The crackling crackled without endangering the teeth and the portion was just right, as were the earthy lentils around it. Once again big bold food but cooked with a delicate touch.

If you would like to comment on this story please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

I was immediately sold on a steamed mutton suet pudding with caper sauce. Oh, how I love suet puds, sweet and savoury. This one arrived just the right side of huge, although it could easily have fed two with a large portion of vegetables. The meat was rich and tender, mutton tastes so good, the gravy was sticky and delicious and a side of mashed carrot and swede was perfect. The caper sauce, the classic accompaniment to mutton, arrived in a silver jug to be added as desired. I like that a lot. I wish more places would serve sauces separately. I added some sauce and tucked in, then I added more, and more. I love capers and studding a creamy sauce they really come into their own.

We also ordered some side dishes; ratte potatoes, trendy yes but certainly deserving of the hype, cauliflower cheese – excellent, and some shredded little gem lettuce with a buttery tarragon dressing. We both loved the lettuce, simplicity winning hands down.

Our glasses of red wine, both different and both old world, were equally successful and confirmed our impression of the wine waiter’s skill.

Ms McT fell at the final hurdle deciding to pass on pud. I must say that I was neither surprised nor angry, as the food served was certainly generous of size. I of course carried on to the end and managed a couple of extra glasses on the journey.

The dessert list was tempting but I immediately pounced on a dish of flattened and caramelised puff pastry with oven-dried seedless grapes and spice cream. It sounded great and it didn’t disappoint. It was pretty too, but not prissy, I really loved its simplicity.

A cafetiere of coffee came with an amazing platter of petit fours.

These could have been the confections that broke the camel‘s back but we both approached them with care. I tried one of each, Ms McT was far more reserved, but we were as one as to the quality, top notch.

We ate well, our meal costing around £20 to £25 each plus drinks but it certainly was worth every penny and I urge you to give it a try very soon.

Seattle Hotel, Brighton Marina, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 679799 www.hotelseattlebrighton.com

Aaah Bisto…

Sunday Lunch Let our readers know where they can enjoy a traditional Sunday Lunch Would you like to be included in our Sunday roast feature?

If so please call Marie on 01273 818150 latest 7 17

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HEALTH

See more health tips at www.thelatest.co.uk/wave

You can with the Lynton Luminar Laser at Brighton Laser Clinic. The laser light targets the blood vessels and destroys them leaving clear even skin tone on the face or upper body. Free 60min Consultation and Patch Test. No down time. Treatment takes 10mins. 2-4 sessions required, depending on amount of vessels, treatment 3-4 weeks apart. Small area: £65, medium area £130, large area £180, discount packages available.

Want to remove your Sun Spots or Age Spots?

You can with the Lynton Luminar Laser at Brighton Laser Clinic. The laser light targets the excess pigment and destroys it leaving clear even skin tone on the face or upper body. Free 60min Consultation and Patch Test. No down time.

Treatment takes 10mins. 2-3 sessions required, 2-4 weeks apart. Small area: £65, medium area £130, large area £180, discount packages available.

All treatments are carried out by highly qualified nurses or aesthetic practitioners with year of experience. We are fully registered with the Healthcare Commission.

Image: Ben Herbert

Do you want to get rid of your Thread Veins or Spider Veins?

Hair today Zara Baker meets Willie Hendry for some professional hair care advice and some celebrity gossip We know the winter weather is damaging to our skin, but it also affects our hair in the same way. Bitter cold temperatures teamed with heated appliances can lead to dry, distressed locks, leaving them lacklustre with split ends. The same care we apply to our skin (moisturising and cleansing) in these conditions goes the same for our ‘do.’

Also, the most loved-up weekend of the year is nearly here and a gorgeous, fresh hairdo is on the agenda which means a visit to Willie Hendry Hair salon in Brighton.

The boutique salon is in the heart of the city centre, just a few minutes from Brighton Station. This makes it ideal for all clientele, including commuters, residents, city centre workers and those hitting the bohemian city for a night out.

I met Willie Hendry to find out more about what makes his salon unique and of course, for some tips to repair distressed winter hair.

When you step inside the salon you are immediately taken with the original décor, featuring classic design by Philipe Starck and Charles & Ray Eames. A suit of armour, affectionately named Arthur by the hair stylist team adds a distinct and quirky feel to the intimate salon. Pictures adorning the wall also lend a gallery vibe, which you can’t help but notice as you sit in front of one of the large mirrors.

This is a place where you feel comfortable leaving your hair in the hands of the professional team. Willie’s interest and excitement for every head of hair that walks through the door is infectious. Hairdressing in London to travelling worldwide for worldwide fashion shows and celebrity clients has given him a wealth of experience and plenty to talk about. Willie’s hands have styled the likes of Victoria Beckham, Keira Knightley, Kate Moss, George Michael and Lionel Ritchie.

Willie and his team can re-create celebrity-inspired styles, but like all good stylists, an appointment begins with a chat on each individual’s style and hair type. The team of stylists at Willie Hendry Hair each have unique talents that ensure they excel in hairdressing. The traditional pricing hierarchy has been abandoned here to offer transparent pricing and good value. The team includes colour specialist Paul Raworth, who has over 25 years experience, making him the perfect point of contact for a new spring hue.

Phyto is the product range of choice for Willie and his experienced team. The environmentally aware brand uses plant-based ingredients, nourishing and cleansing the hair to optimum condition. The hydrating mask treatment is a must-have product for this time of year and will leave hair soft and supple.

At Willie Hendry Hair, a good hair day is finally made possible again, whatever the weather.

To make an appointment call the salon on 01273 205505. Willie Hendry Hair, 73 Upper Gloucester Road, Brighton.

Special reader offer Quote Latest 7 when booking any service at Willie Hendry (excluding retail purchases) for a fantastic

20% discount Offer valid until 1 March 2009. Make your hair gorgeous with help from the professional team at Willie Hendry.

18 latest 7

If you would like to comment on this story please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

10 – 16 February

Under review Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Sceptics should reconsider. The show is joyous, pervading the audience and leaving a smile on the faces of adults and children alike. Much due to the emotive voice of Tara Bethan who shines as narrator. Craig Chalmers proves a brilliant Joseph, serious, charming and comic as need demands. Adebayo Bolaji as Issachar brings his part to the fore, often stealing attention from the stars. Though old the show has renewed vigour, still proving a delight for people of all ages.

Theatre Royal Brighton, 27 January ✌✌✌✌ Matthew Hall

Richard Thompson Richard Thompson took to that stage with one guitar, a hurdy

gurdy, two girls, one keyboard and a drum kit. Few resources but more than enough talent to pull off this wander through a millenium of song. In part one he sang music from 1100 up to Gilbert and Sullivan. The thread was strong, moving, rousing and a perfect vehicle for both his voice and sublime playing. In part two we hit the 20th century and the choices were perhaps less convincing but equally well performed. The two other musicians were excellent too, great playing and singing, although one wore a very irritating and distracting dress. A great evening but one sadly lacking any of his own compositions.

The Dome, 31 January ✌✌✌✌ Andrew Kay

The Streets He of ‘original pirate material’ came on stage to chants of “Skinner, Skinner”. The Dome denuded of its seating was a bear pit and The Streets loved it: “This is a posh venue, but you don’t look posh.”

Four albums and counting, the bard from Brum had fun baring his soul. The gig was intimate

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK Variety Lives!

This attempt to revive the format of the variety show certainly succeeded. But it did so by cleverly sidestepping the ‘variety’ element, opting instead for a twohour bill of top-notch acts from the UK comedy circuit. Admittedly there were some strange musical interludes courtesy of The Lovers, a sultry and slightly ropey French duo, yet anyone expecting burlesque-magicians or novelty-jugglers would have been disappointed. It was hosted by TV-writer and comic Andy Hamilton, himself a master of amusing anecdotes, but the night's highlight was probably Andi Osho’s street-savvy observational gags, or better still, Steve Gribben’s fantastic one-verse song-rants about bankers and West Country jihadists.

Komedia, 29 January ✌✌✌✌✌

despite the ornate setting and these fans are fans – two fullygrown males hugging after alternate songs in that ‘I’m drunk and I love you mate’ kind of way.

Touching. The whole gig had raw emotional pull and despite the muddy sound system you came away thinking, “Yeah, that was the craic.”

The Dome, 28 January ✌✌✌

Eternal Light, Rambert Dance Company p21

Jan Goodey

Marillion Marillion’s website points out that ‘the band isn’t who you think they are’. Indeed, their Concorde 2 show proved this spectacularly.

Any assumptions about indulgent eighties cheese-rock were dispelled in favour of a full-on epic heavy rock crawl. Frontman Steve Hogarth is a natural, working the crowd of mostly forty-somethings into a wildly enthusiastic frenzy. His performance was at once energetic and fun but restrained enough to avoid ridiculousness.

At times, the songs veered too close to over-polished powerballadry but numbers from the recent Marbles album, particularly ‘Invisible Man’, showed gritty and cinematic greatness. Beyond irony or the dismissive ‘classic rock’ term, Marillion’s powers remain undiminished.

Concorde 2, 28 January ✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Julie Jepson and Jo Neary Two contrasting comic ladies made for an enjoyable Saturday night in this intimate venue. Julie Jepson had the first half of the show, using her appealing comic persona to good effect in her easy banter with the audience and affable ad libbing. Her material relied a little too much on puns resulting in a smiling audience, but her topics were original and fun giving the impression that this was possibly an Edinburgh preview with a few loose ends to tie up. Jo Neary’s many comic characters took up the second half, with highlights including Bjork’s commentary on the housing market and a delightful diary of a courtship in a terribly well brought up young lady’s mind. It was old material but never suffered for it in the polished delivery, and even brought a demand for encores.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 31 January ✌✌✌✌

Ben Bailey

Victoria Nangle

21 Stage Interview with designer Michael Howells; listings

22 Film Big screen previews; The See Festival; local listings

24 Comedy Funny talk with Mark Watson; listings

24 Art Paintings Unwrapped; local art exhibitions listed

25 Kids and events Half term with Sussex Wildlife Trust; listings

25 Books New columnist John O’Donoghue; listings

26 Music News, interview, gigs and highlights; listings

29 Clubs Seven nights of clubbing and highlights of the best

30 Gay News and listings

34 Television Dani delves into the world of Gossip Girl; seven days of listings

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk latest 7 19

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STAGE

L – R, Howard Goodall, Mark Baldwin and Michael Howells (photography by Carl Fox)

Designs on dance Andrew Kay talks to designer Michael Howells about his work and Rambert’s Eternal Light Michael Howells studied Fine Art at Camberwell School of Art and left in 1978. Finding painting too solitary he decided to change direction, called director Peter Greenaway and got to work on his film The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover. Now his work is predominantly settings for film but he is also involved in fashion, designing catwalk shows for Dior and John Galliano, big productions influenced by their joint passion for British surrealism. He has also designed for dance company DV8 and Lloyd Newsom. Since then he has met contemporary dance company Rambert’s artistic director Mark Baldwin and has subsequently been made an associate designer for the company. ‘‘I love being involved with Rambert, it feels like a family and one that is over 80 years old with a solid root, it has never got stale. I love film work, mainly period drama and I love the contemporary work I do in fashion but dance is very exciting,’’ said Michael. ‘‘With Eternal Light the music came first. We all went and met Howard Goodall and he played it at the piano and sang all the parts. It was a very, very special experience, a real feeling that you were in at the very beginning of the creative process. We all talked about the theme of remembrance and had a lot of ideas before we split up and started working on our own threads. It was an odd thing the discussion

of Flanders and the dance of death. I had the idea of a huge chandelier, like in a classic ballet ballroom scene, then it became crosses making the chandelier, then a field of crosses. I looked at Stanley Spencer’s altarpiece in Cookham but returned to rows of crosses like the graves in Flanders. We called Swarovski and asked them to sponsor that part of the set and they were incredibly responsive and enthusiastic. There are over 8,000 crystals, all hand set.

I also worked with Stephen Jones on the head dresses and I have just designed his V&A exhibition.

Mark and I had themes of rainforest and an actress looking back. Mark had an image of a toucan from the beginning and Stephen created some extraordinary work for us. ‘‘I can’t do the cutting of costumes for dancers so I go to the experts – Stevie Stewart from Body Map – for that. I go with drawings and she makes them work. The big dresses were also made by someone else. It is completely different from fashion; you use costume to describe a character or mood. And they have to move and work, when they arrive from the makers there is often still work to do adjusting, breaking them down or adding more detail. For the large dresses we made prototypes so that they could rehearse the costume as much as the dance.’’

When I saw Eternal Light at Sadlers Wells I felt that there was a sense of a classic white ballet and asked if that was a conscious decision. ‘‘A lot of contemporary dance is drab and I wanted more than that. The white came from talk of angels, but without being obvious, fluidity was key, the wide sleeves and bell bottoms emphasise that as they often continue to move when a dancer has stopped,’’ Michael said.

I asked if he enjoyed collaborative work. ‘‘Yes, everyone has joined in, the composer Howard Goodall came to rehearsals and everyone gets involved in every stage. I am lucky in what I do and find it all very satisfying – but you have to enjoy it because it all demands so much energy, from meetings and concepts through to days spent dyeing things. My next projects are the Dior couture show in Paris, a new ballet, M for Man, in Holland, and Stephen Jones at the V&A.’’ We could have talked for hours but Michael has to leave – ‘‘I am due to meet John Galliano in a deep freeze in Paris.’’

Rambert Dance Company, Eternal Light, Theatre Royal Brighton, New Road Wednesday 4 March to Saturday 7 March, 0871 297 5454 www.ambassadortickets.com/brighton

“I love being involved with Rambert, it’s like a family – one that is over 80 years old”

STAGELISTINGS

Tuesday 10 February to Monday 2 March Brighton Dome 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Henri Oguike Dance Company Ensemble piece set to the rhythms of René Aubry's music.

• 10 Feb, 8pm, £15/£12.50/£10 The Lighthouse Keeper’s Lunch Ages 3–7: Puppets, music, sounds of the sea, and stories.

• 16 Feb, 1.30pm & 3.30pm, £7/£5 Sinderfella Brighton’s alternative adult panto.

• 19 Feb–1 Mar, 5pm & 8pm (no show 23 Feb, no 5pm show 19 & 25 Feb) £16 Strictly Strauss – The Johann Strauss Gala Journey back to 19th century Vienna.

• 19 Feb, 7.30pm, £10–£27.50 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Mendelssohn Violin Concerto in E minor.

• 1 Mar, 2.45pm, £8–£30

www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Magic: A Kind of Queen Tribute featuring all the biggest Queen tracks – prepare to rock!

• 13 Feb, 7.30pm, £16 Brainiac Live 2009 Live stage show.

• 1 Mar, 2.30pm, £18.50

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Lucky Sods Outrageous John Godber comedy about a family who win £2million on the lottery.

• 24–28 Feb, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, 7.45pm, £13.50–£19.50 Boeing Boeing West End and Broadway hit about one man with three air hostess fiancées.

• 2–7 Mar, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com A Dolls House Ibsen’s tale set in the 50s.

• 10–14 Feb, please call venue for times.£8

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre 01323 412000

THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Oliver Twist 09 The classic tale, portraying the Victorian underworld. Ages 8+.

• 17 Feb, contact venue for show times/£ La Ronde Play charting the love lives of inter-

related characters. Adult themes/scenes.

• 18 Feb, contact venue for show times/£ Where’s My Desi Soul-Mate?

Humorous insight into the lives of British Asian singletons.

• 21 Feb, contact venue for show times/£ Hot Flush Musical comedy for the perfect girls’ night out: the lives and loves of four women.

• 25 Feb, contact venue for show times/£

New Venture Theatre 01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk Five Kinds of Silence Play about control, madness and a family bonded by abuse.

• 21–28 Feb, contact venue for times/£

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Totally Looped Hilarious improv show.

• 12 Feb, 7.30pm, £tbc Swan Lake Performed by the Russian State Ballet and Orchestra of Siberia.

• 13–14 Feb, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Sat, £tbc Little Shop of Horrors Affectionate spoof of 1950s sci-fi movies starring Clare Buckfield.

• 16–21 Feb, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm 19 & 21 Feb. £tbc SpongeBob Squarepants – The Sponge Who Could Fly New musical based on the hit kids TV show.

• 24–28 Feb, 7pm plus 4pm Wed & Thu, 4.30pm & 7.30pm Fri & Sat. £tbc

Worthing: Connaught Theatre 01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Strictly Murder Ian Dickens Productions’ new adaptation of Brian Clemens’ play.

• 10–14 Feb, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed, 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22 Sooty In Space Magical 3-D show, with stunning scenery, effects and a whole galaxy of intergalactic giggles. For Sooty fans of all ages.

• 20 Feb, 1.30pm & 4.30pm, £10/£8/£32 family of four.

Life & Beth Alan Ayckbourn’s comedy of the supernatural: It’s a Christmas Beth won’t forget.

• 24–28 Feb, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed, 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22.50

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Bink & The Hairy Fairy Swash-buckling musical adventure with pre-show workshop.

• 15 Feb, 1.30pm, £7.50 Zippos Circus All the fun of a big top in a theatre. Circus stars perform amazing acts.

• 17–22 Feb, 2.30pm, plus 5.30pm Tue–Thu, 7pm Fri & Sat, 11am Sun. £12/£10 The Vagina Monologues Witty and moving collection of tales – the ultimate girls’ night out.

• 23 Feb, 7.30pm, £16.50 Totally Looped Comedians dub improvised dialogue over ever-changing film clips for a hilarious night.

• 24 Feb, 8pm, £17

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FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 10 BOLT 3D (PG) 11.30, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00 BRIDE WARS (PG) 1.00 DOUBT (15) 2.30, 5.00, 8.00 GRAN TORINO (15) 8.35 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 2.40, 5.40, 8.40 MILK (15) 11.45 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.10, 2.45, 5.30, 8.15 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 3.30 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.30, 4.00, 7.45 THE READER (15) 12.00 THE WRESTLER (15) 12.45 VALKYRIE (12A) 3.15, 6.00, 8.45

Wednesday 11 BOLT 3D (PG) 11.30, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00 BRIDE WARS (PG) 1.00 DOUBT (15) 2.30, 5.00, 8.00 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 2.40, 5.40, 8.40 MILK (15) 11.45 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.10, 2.45, 5.30, 8.15 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 3.30, 8.35

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.30, 4.00, 7.45 THE READER (15) 12.00 THE WRESTLER (15) 12.45, 6.15 VALKYRIE (12A) 3.15, 6.00, 8.45

Thursday 12 BOLT 3D (PG) 11.30, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00 BRIDE WARS (PG) 1.00 DOUBT (15) 2.30, 5.00, 8.00 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 2.40, 5.40, 8.40 MAMA MIA (PG) 10.30am MILK (15) 11.45 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 9.30 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.10, 2.45, 5.30, 8.15 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 3.30, 8.35 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.30, 4.00, 7.45 THE READER (15) 12.00 THE WRESTLER (15) 12.45, 6.15 VALKYRIE (12A) 3.15, 6.00, 8.45

Films showing Friday 13–Monday 16 PLEASE CHECK WITH CINEMA

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 10

Saturday 14

CHANGELING (15) 11.00am FROST/NIXON (15) 1.45, 4.15, 6.45, 9.45

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS (PG) 11.00am VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00

Wednesday 11 CHANGELING (15) 11.00am FROST/NIXON (15) 1.45, 4.15, 6.45, 9.45

Thursday 12 FROST/NIXON (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 9.00

Sunday 15 & Monday 16 VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Friday 13 RAGING BULL (18) 11.00pm VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 10 BOLT 3D (PG) 10.50, 2.20, 4.50, 7.20 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 9.50 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.05, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 12.40, 6.30, 9.25 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 VALKYRIE (12A) 12.20, 3.05, 6.00, 8.50 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.15, 4.00, 7.45 DOUBT (15) 1.50, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 12.10, 3.10, 6.10, 9.10 THE SECRET OF MOONACRE (U) 4.05

Wednesday 11 BOLT 3D (PG) 10.50, 2.20, 4.50, 7.20 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 9.50 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.05, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 12.40, 6.30, 9.25 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 VALKYRIE (12A) 12.20, 3.05, 6.00, 8.50 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.15, 4.00, 7.45

DOUBT (15) 1.50, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 12.10, 3.10, 6.10, 9.10 THE SECRET OF MOONACRE (U) 4.05

Thursday 12 BOLT 3D (PG) 10.50, 2.20, 4.50, 7.20 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (18) 9.50 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 12.05, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 SEVEN POUNDS (12A) 12.40, 6.30, 9.25 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 VALKYRIE (12A) 12.20, 3.05, 6.00, 8.50 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.15, 4.00, 7.45 DOUBT (15) 1.50, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 12.10, 3.10, 6.10, 9.10 THE SECRET OF MOONACRE (U) 4.05

Films showing Friday 13–Monday 16 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

L7 lowdown What’s on this week

Bolt 3D (PG)

The Reader (15)

Dir: Byron Howard and Chris Williams The first CG production for Disney from Pixar mainman John Lasseter is also the studio’s first fully 3D film.

John Travolta voices the titular Bolt, an over-confident White Shepherd pup who wrongly believes he has super-powers. Bolt has a decent voice cast including Miley Cyrus, Malcolm McDowell and even former WWE wrestler Randy Savage.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Dir: Stephen Daldry Kate Winslet finally got a major awards nod when she blubbed her heart out accepting the Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe. Based on the acclaimed novel, Ralph Fiennes plays a law student who encounters his former lover defending herself at a post-World War II war crimes trial.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (12A)

Dir: Sam Mendes Kate Winslet’s other Oscar-friendly movie out at the moment is a collaboration with her husband, Sam Mendes, acclaimed director of American Beauty. Winslet is reunited with Titanic co-star Leonardo DiCaprio as a 1950s couple dealing with the emotional implications of the woman becoming the breadwinner.

Showing at Cineworld & Odeon

Dir: David Fincher The gritty, semi-indie director of Fight Club, Se7en and Alien 3, David Fincher, does exactly what you wouldn’t expect and fully embraces the awards-friendly rom-com genre. Brad Pitt takes the lead role as Benjamin, a man who is born old and slowly gets younger. Cate Blanchett looks on in soft-focus elegance as Fincher’s interesting take on an epic Forrest Gump-style story looks set to take the gold.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Doubt (15) Dir: Peter Sollett Meryl Streep’s once again being hailed as the one of the greatest actresses of her generation for her role in this tale of a 1960s New York Catholic school rocked by claims of paedophilia. That other acting heavyweight Philip Seymour Hoffman plays new priest Father Flynn, who Streep’s strict Sister Aloysius Beauvier suspects of having an unhealthy interest in an altar boy.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

He’s Just Not That Into You (12A) Dir: Ken Kwapis Based on the popular chick-lit/selfhelp book of the same name, an allstar cast including Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson and Drew Barrymore combine powers for this manual in understanding men. This light-hearted romp is bound to do well as an alternative to the current frenzy of seriousness dominating UK screens.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Kate Winslet in The Reader

Revolutionary Road (15)

Seven Pounds (12A) Dir: David Wain Officially Hollywood’s biggest name, Will Smith plays an IRS man with a dark secret who decides to repent his sins by helping out seven total strangers.

Rosario Dawson and Woody Harrelson provide strong support on the way, but throughout, this looks to be Smith’s film.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Slumdog Millionaire (15) Dir: Danny Boyle Dev Patel stars as Jamal, an eighteen year old boy taking part in the Indian equivalent to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Critics are calling this Boyle’s masterpiece, with it tipped for Oscar glory after its Golden Globes success.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld & Worthing

Valkyrie (12A) Dir: Bryan Singer X Men director Singer reunites with his Usual Suspects writer Christopher McQuarrie for this long delayed World War II thriller. Tom Cruise plays the leader of a group of rebel Nazi officers who put together a plot to assassinate Hitler. A strong cast of thesps including Bill Nighy, Terence Stamp and Tom Wilkinson put on their best German accents.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

The Wrestler (15) www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 10–Thurs 12

Fri 13–Mon 16

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 8.00

BOLT (PG) 10.15 (Sat), 1.00 (Sat, Sun, Mon), 3.30 (Mon), 4.00 (Sat, Sun), 4.30 (Fri), 7.00

Tues 10–Thurs 12 MILK (12A) 7.30 (Tues, Wed), 2.30 (Thurs)

Monday 16 THE SECRET LIFE OF BEES(12A) 2.00 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

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Dir: Darren Aaronofsky Mickey Rourke plays an ageing wrestler struggling to make ends meet as he meets ageing stripper Marisa Tomei. Rourke went into full-on method mode to prepare for this role; he was rewarded with the Best Actor gong at the Golden Globes, always a strong indicator for Oscar success.

Showing at Odeon Nick Aldwinckle

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FILM “I have got a whole list of people who want us to play all over the place from Cardiff to Inverness, to Serbia and Chicago,” said Paul, who works for Southdown Housing Association, the organisation that brought the band together as staff and tenants. “We can’t possibly do it all,“ he explained, so it is a question of working out what we can do.”

As well as performing at Wychwood, Heavy Load have played at Greenbelt in Gloucestershire and St Barnabas Community Fete in London, where they were invited back the following year.

When the band started, Paul did not want it to become an ‘issues‘ band and was determined to keep music above all else.

However, Heavy Load did eventually launch one phenomenally successful campaign after they came up against red tape which interfered with their gigs.

In their early days, the band discovered that they were losing their audiences at about 9pm, sometimes halfway through a Encountering Simon on film set, because disabled people and in real life, it is hard to who were accompanied by imagine him as anything but a support workers were having to punk singer. Completely go home so the workers could uninhibited, he is charming, finish their shifts. outspoken, loud and rebellious with The band launched a Stay Up Jerry Rothwell a mishievous sense of humour, an Late campaign, with a song with eye for the ladies and an endearing ego. lyrics “We wanna stay up late, we “I’m a rock star,“ he interjects insistently as wanna have some fun”.

Jerry is midway through describing how he The message has since been adopted by heard about the band. many councils across the UK, including Lewes At the climax of the documentary, the band District, and the campaign has the backing of play Wychwood Festival in Cheltenham, Mencap and international support.

Gloucestershire and Simon revels in the female These days, Heavy Load’s audiences tend to attention afterwards, signing autographs and stay until the end and enjoy themselves. The flirting with fans. band‘s own support workers have become Up-and-coming bands would be madly ‘roadies’ for the tours, helping the band carry jealous of the media attention Heavy Load their gear. have managed to attract. They have appeared Jerry believes making the film and the in The Guardian, The Times, The Sun, Heat and exposure they have received has made the film critic Mark Kermode picked the band much more confident. “I think it has documentary as one of his favourite films of shifted the band’s attitude from doing things 2008, calling it “frankly awesome“. for a laugh to it being much more serious.

“The band‘s got a lot tighter. You have got more brave about doing what you do.‘ They try to share their success with other disabled musicians and have produced two CDs with songs by other artists.

“I think a lot of what we have done is by happy accident,“ said Paul, modestly.

“Somebody was asking me for some tips.

Only somebody who was completely deranged would say, well, start a band and in 13 years’ time you might make it.“ Heavy Load is showing at SEE Festival, Brighton’s documentary festival, at the Umi Hotel, 64 Kings Road, Brighton, on Sun 22 February at 8.30pm. The screening , will be followed by a Q&A with Jerry.For tickets call 01273 709709 or visit brightonticketshop.com. Firnd out more at seefestival.org, heavyload.org or stayuplate.org

Stay up past the watershed

Lewes punk rock band Heavy Load talk to Rachel Pegg about music, rebellion and the film that has made them world famous Forget the instant limelight of shows such as The X Factor – Heavy Load have worked much harder than the likes of Leona Lewis to get where they are today. The band have spent most of the last 13 years playing tiny venues in and around Sussex. But since they became the subject of an award winning documentary their profile has gone sky high, and now they have cracked mainstream festivals and appeared in national and international media. Not bad for a group who thought they’d never make it out of playing gigs at specialist disability clubs.

Heavy Load, which has three out of five members with learning disabilities, caught the eye of documentary maker Jerry Rothwell when he read about them as he sat in a doctor’s surgery. One of Jerry‘s first jobs had been teaching people with learning disabilities to make animation.

“I picked up an old Mencap newsletter,“ he explained, “and it had this photo of a band with learning disabilities who did a version of ‘I Fought The Law‘.“ Jerry was immediately fascinated. When he met the band, he found out they also wrote their own material.

Heavy Load count among their influences Ramones, The Stranglers and The Who, and describe themselves as “The Fall having a bare knuckle fight with Bros“.

The band have just released their second album Shut It, with catchy delights on it such as ‘We Love George Michael‘. Lead singer Simon Barker, who writes the lyrics, likes George Michael because of his integrity – “he‘s gay at weekends and gay in the week“, goes the song. Another track is called ‘Farty Animals’, a song that an American radio presenter interpreted as being about the effect that methane produced by cows is having on climate change. In fact, says bassist Paul Richards, it was just inspired by one of Simon’s favourite sayings.

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STAND-UP COMEDY

ART

A laughing matter

William Scott

Victoria Nangle meets award-winning comedian, writer and not quite Welshman Mark Watson Victoria Nangle: How would you describe your show?

Mark Watson: (Pauses) Well, it’s a show I first did in the Edinburgh Festival last year but extended. Kind of a mixture of the best bits of my last show. Rambling observational jokes. I talk quite fast so quite good value and basically quite a lot of audience participation as well so it’s a fairly loose but partly structured buffet. Kind of all over the place. A bit like I am I suppose.

VN: You’re not doing a new show for Edinburgh this year to make way for other projects. Is that correct?

MW: Yeah, well I’m doing a TV show called We Need Answers which is a quiz show. I was just filming it last night. The questions are all texted.

Some of them are texted by the studio audience and some of them come through a messaging database where you can kind of text it any question. It had an impact, and was for BBC4, and it was only three episodes in fact. But it does take up a lot of time. It’s things like that.

VN: Are you going to get back to writing novels?

MW: Yeah, I have just written a new novel actually – which I don’t know when it will come out. In fact, it may never come out because it’s only just gone to the publishers now so I’m waiting to see. It’s hard to describe actually. (Pauses) It’s the story of two brothers. One is highly ambitious and the other is really unambitious. It’s looking at how the important thing is to try and achieve great things with your life rather than just live a normal life and try not to hurt people. So it’s about ambition. There you go.

VN: What advice would you give to new comedians?

MW: Well, I think that the most important thing is just work. This is the sort of thing that you really only get better at by doing loads. When you start out you might have quite good jokes but you don’t have any sort of comfort on the stage. I used to do all sorts of crap gigs just to try and build up new material, but also to build up confidence.

VN: There was quite some time when you were using a Welsh accent.

Did that come about through having some kind of prop for confidence?

MW: Yeah. The reason is, I sometimes do it and sometimes – often – don’t do it. I think it did start out as a gimmick to just make it slightly less frightening. Then once I had started it, it became my thing.

VN: Finally, are you looking forward to playing Brighton again?

MW: Yeah, I am. It is one of my favourite places actually. It’s a really good comedy town, and audience as well. There are some towns where they are not always that interested in stand up and but it’s quite good to go somewhere like Brighton, where there’s a comedy-watching community ready made. It’s one of the best ones.

Mark Watson: All The Thoughts I’ve Ever Had Since I Was Born is on at the Komedia on Wednesday 18 February, tickets are £14. ‘We Need Answers’ is on BBC4 on Thursday at 10pm.

COMEDYLISTINGS

Tuesday 10

Friday 13

Stephen K Amos – Find The Funny New comedy from star of BBC’s Live At The Apollo and ITV’s Royal Variety Show. Sell out for the last three years! Supported by Latest 7 columnist Seann Walsh. Theatre Royal, 8pm, £13/15.

St Leonard’s Improv Comedy Club For a great evening of comedy featuring Julie Jepson, Steve LeSqueeze, other circuit regulars and local newcomers in St Leonards. Rooms Cafe Bar, 8pm, £5/4.

Thursday 12 Totally Looped Marcus Brigstocke joins Phill Jupitus, Pippa Evans (2008 if.comedy nominee), Joe Liss (Curb Your Enthusiasm) and a team of top improvisers for a unique evening of entertainment for comedy lovers and film buffs Theatre Royal, 7:30pm, £21.50

24 latest 7

➧ For full listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

Krater Comedy Club Weekend comedy from Adam Bloom, Lucy Porter and Rudi Lickwood. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.50/10

Saturday 14 Sitting on a Rug: Valentine’s Special Terry Saunders invites fellow comics to join him for a night of anti-comedy, lo-fi and fireside chat. Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5

Art unwrapped Paintings Unwrapped takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. By comparing one with another you can spot things you may never have noticed, understand the painter’s intentions differently, or re-think your own pre-conceptions.

Drawn from Brighton and Hove Museums’ collections, many of the paintings have rarely been seen in public. Historical and 20th century works by international and local artists have been hung, representing artists of all kinds and including work by Glyn Philpot, William Scott, Fernand Léger, Willliam Blake and Alma Tadema.

Paintings Unwrapped, Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, until 13 April

ART LISTINGS Crane Kalman

DE LA WARR PAVILION

38 Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 697096 Rockarchive Selection of work from the Rockarchive collection, including images by some of the best rock and pop photographers in the business; Jill Furmanovsky, Mick Rock, Kevin Cummins, Storm Thorgerson etc.

Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10.30am–4.30pm, until 15 Feb

Bexhill-on-Sea, 01424 229111 William Furlong Anthem continues Furlong’s use of the voice and sound as the primary materials of his work where he makes original recordings of individuals in specific places, chosen at random and who happen to be passing by.

For Anthem, the location is the De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill-On-Sea. Until 15 March, Mon–Sun, 10am–6pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery

INK_D GALLERY

Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: Working Class Life in Brighton, 1860–1935 Exhibition that reveals rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived.

Until 26 April Paintings Unwrapped This exhibition takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. Many of them will be on display for the first time in many years and include modern, local, international and historical works.

Until 13 April Human Resources 50 portraits by Russell Webb of front-line staff from the Royal Pavilion and Brighton Museum, including the cleaners, technicians, collectors and gardeners.

Until 1 March

96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Ben Allen Known for his vibrant palette and screens peppered with stark graphics, Ben Allen’s new solo show Life, Death and Other Colour In Between, explores the realms of the unplanned, plays with mishaps, and unfolds sublime images that reflect on life itself.

6 February–1 March, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

University of Brighton Gallery Grand Parade, Brighton 01273 643010 From Art School to University: Art and Design at Brighton 1859-2009 Bringing together work from artists and designers associated with the university, celebrating the founding of the original School of Art 150 years ago.

Until 14 March, Mon-Sat 10am–5pm

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KIDS&EVENTS

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk

EVENTHIGHLIGHTS

Write club John O‘Donoghue takes the reins with a fitting tribute to his predecessor John Davies

Half term events with the Sussex Wildlife Trust Next week is half term and Sussex Wildlife Trust have a programme of events to keep the whole family occupied and exploring the great outdoors. On Tuesday 17 February, the ‘Winter Warmer’ event takes place at the Seven Sisters Country Park near Seaford. In the shelter of the Pump Barn, find out how to attract wildlife and make your garden an oasis to birds and animals at this time of year. Make nest boxes and homes. Make natural garden decorations and explore the nearby woods.

Ideal for seven to 12-year-olds, don’t forget to wear suitable clothes for craft work. Adults must accompany children.

On Wednesday 18 February ‘Natural Art’ takes place at Woods Mill, for all budding artists aged six to 11. Youngsters get to create sculptures and natural works of art to take home or give as gifts. If you miss Wednesday’s event, ‘Natural Art’ also takes place at Stanmer Park on Thursday 19 February. Don’t miss out on the fun; get back to nature and get creative this half term.

Winter Warmer, Tuesday 17 February, 10.30am–1pm, meet at the Pump Barn, behind the Visitor Centre, Seven Sisters Country Park, Seaford. £4/3 adults, £5/4 children, £15/10 family ticket.

Natural Art at Woods Mill, Henfield, Wednesday 18 February, 11am–1pm, £4/3 adults, £5/4 children, £15/10 family ticket.

Natural Art at Stanmer Park (meet on the green in front of the church), Thursday 19 February, 11am–1pm, £4/3 adults, £5/4 children, £15/10 family ticket.

Booking essential on 01273 497561.

Welcome back to Write Club. I’ve been asked to be the new MC of this Brighton establishment, and am just dusting off my DJ to take up residence. So I’ll be the Rick of this particular gin joint for the foreseeable, and I promise not to entertain the usual suspects, to make Sam play it again, or to leave Casablanca before the plane takes off. I hope it’ll be the start of a beautiful friendship…

Before I settle onto my barstool, I want to pay tribute to my predecessor, John Davies. I’ve known John for about five years now and he’d blush if I told you all that he’s done for writers in Brighton. Here are some of the highlights, just so you know what you’ve been missing...

The South, the organisation John founded and which has helped so many writers, from beginners to those further up the line. Then there’s the Brighton Poetry Festival, which the Mayor opened, hosting poets from all over Europe in the Mayor’s Parlour. Next comes John’s publishing arm, Pighog Press, which produces beautiful pamphlets by local poets, recognised as one of the best little presses around. There’s also the Children’s Book Festival, the Runnymede Festival, and The Brighton Writers’ Centre. And all of this with very little funding, with a lot of the money coming from his own coffers, or possibly his shed. He’s a great one for sheds.

John Davies’ work has had a huge effect on the cultural life of Brighton, but it’s as a poet I think he should be best known. His collection, ‘Shedman’, is the first book-length volume from Pighog, and I can recommend it. Not because John is a friend but because ‘Shedman’ is a typically beautiful Pighog publication, and John’s work is varied and – unlike most contemporary poetry – poetic. So as I say farewell to the founder of Write Club I wish John every success.

It’s time to open the doors and let you all in. I’d like to continue Write Club’s focus on contemporary writing, looking at books and sharing my views on what’s going on in Brighton and in the wider world of modern publishing. I also want to look at what you’re up to, whether you’re in a Book Club, taking part in a workshop, going to readings, or writing the Great Brighton Novel yourself. I intend to catch up with writers around town, to review books, and to offer the odd personal take. In other words, to make Write Club the kind of stylish place you’ll all want to come back to.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. Here’s looking at you, kid.

Wildlife Photographer of the Year 2009 Competition Keeping with the wildlife theme, there’s still time to enter the Photographer of the Year 2009 competition. Veolia Environnement are sponsoring the event which is an annual wildlife photography competition and exhibition owned by the Natural History Museum and BBC Wildlife Magazine. The competition has 17 categories for adults and children ranging from animal behaviour and plants to urban wildlife. Entries close on 27 March (20 March for postal entries), for more information on the competition visit:www.nhm.ac.uk/wildphoto

EVENTSLISTINGS

BOOKSLISTINGS

Tuesday 10

workshop fusing street and African dance moves. (Please wear trainers). The Hawth, 10am–1pm, info: 01293 553636.

Appearance of the Fat Controller Thomas the Tank Engine’s Fat Controller alights at the Park to take control of the running of the railway. Drusillas Park. For more information call 01323 874100 or visit www.drusillas.co.uk

Friday 13

Monday 16

COMING UP...

Try on Armour Half-term event: Replica armour and medieval clothes for all young knights and princesses. Sheffield Park Gardens, 12pm–4pm, normal admission +£1.

Info: 01825 790231.

Monday 23

Buzz Community Dance Group Creative dance group for people with and without disabilities. Free entry for support workers.

St Richard's Church Hall, 7pm–8:15pm, £4/£2

Wednesday 11 Building Bridges Performance of Building Bridges, the result of a 12-week project, aimed at asylum seekers, migrants and ethnic minority groups aged 16–24. Free but contact 01293 553636 for details. The Hawth, 6pm.

Sunday 15 Afro Street Dance Energetic, vibrant

Tight Lip This month’s event entitled ‘Bad Luck Blues’ features Maxim Jakubowski, co-editor of Rome Noir, as the special guest.

See our competitions page to win a copy of Rome Noir!

The Permanent Galley, Brighton, 7.45pm, £4, See www.tightlip.co.uk

Steve Jones Steve Jones discusses his book Darwin's Island, a beautifully written, witty and illuminating read. Steve Jones explores the domestic Darwin, the sage of Kent, and

brings his work up to date. Great Britain was Charles Darwin’s other island – this book traces the great naturalist’s second journey across its landscape.

The Old market, 6.30pm, £6 includes a glass of wine.

Thursday 26 The Uncanny A creative and critical approach to Freud’s essay on The Uncanny. Includes creative writing and the inspiration of The Uncanny, critical explorations and discussion.

Uni of Chichester, Mitre Lecture Theatre, Bishop Otter Campus,Chichester, book on 01243 816163. 1.30pm–7.30pm, £15/£10

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

NEWS

Bird call Nick Aldwinckle spoke to Brighton’s own gloomy 80sinfluenced rockers The Lyrebirds

Bitter Ruin

Bitter Ruin The Brighton-based duo Bitter Ruin are calling for members of the public to star in their next music video. Shooting begins on 7 March at noon outside Churchill Square Shopping Centre. To be in the video all you need to do is turn up. All ages, all shapes and all sizes are welcome!

To hear the song featured in the video (‘Trust’) visit: www.myspace.com/bitterruin

Loop Loop will be back for the third year running this year. The digital music, arts and media festival will take place over two days but this time in July. Last year’s line-up included New Young Pony Club, Four Tet, Cut Copy and Caribou. Tickets for Loop will be available from 1 March. Check www.loopbrighton.com for updates.

Tell us a bit about the band.

We got our name from a David Attenborough documentary. The Lyrebird’s an Australian jungle bird that imitates other noises from the jungle to try and attract females. We try and re-create sounds based around our own environment too, so the name stuck. We all met at a Pogues gig at Brixton Academy and got drunk together and got talking. A couple of the lads went to uni in Brighton, so two months later we met randomly again there and thought why not put a band together? We’ve been together since August last year and have been playing shows since then.

What marks you out from similar sounding bands like White Lies, Editors or Interpol?

What we do isn’t contrived. What we do sounds as it does because that’s how we want it to as opposed to any other considerations. The music is best suited to the lyrics and it feels real. White Lies sing about death and we sing about life. I think they’re really contrived and I don’t believe in them. It’s the classic thing: ‘who the f*ck are you to be complaining about things?’ It doesn’t make sense to me. Music should be a product of the musician’s environment. They sound like a cricket team: Harry, Charles etc. Where we come from is a completely different planet.

Your song ‘This Is The Way’ is religious, isn’t it?

It’s a very religious song but not in the way you might think. People listen to it and think I’m really heavily religious but I’m actually saying the opposite in the lyrics. When the lyrics say

PJ Harvey & John Parish Rare Brighton gig for the enigmatic noir-indie blues songstress.

Wed 15 April, Corn Exchange

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‘all I want is to have a little love,’ that’s all I care about. We were walking to rehearsals and a Jehovah’s Witness gave us a leaflet that inspired us. I could feel it bending my mind! It said ‘if you see any of your friends on the internet, warn them’ and I thought ‘this is ridiculous.’ To be told you’re living your life wrongly is boll*cks. If you’re locking the possibility of love out of your life, it’s wrong.

That exactly isn’t the way.

What do you make of the Brighton scene?

We like it but we’re quite an inverted band. For us, it’s not about being part of a scene or anything. A lot of people go to gigs not because it’s what they like but in fact because certain other people go there. As long as people are

happy and believe in what they do that’s a good thing, but too many people don’t. There are a lot more important things in life than music. There are people who’d sell their own mother to get a record deal and they don’t realise music doesn’t have to be everything; they can have it all if they remain a nice person without trying to be ‘cool.’

I’ve never heard as much sh*t as I hear coming from bands. We really like Bat For Lashes particularly. Natasha came to a few of our gigs and she’s really down to earth. We weren’t talking about middle eights or whatever; we were having a laugh about Alan Partridge!

Some people in music I’ll be friends with forever, but there are an awful lot of idiots.

UPCOMING GIGS Secret Machines 17 February, Concorde 2 Late Of The Pier 18 February, Concorde 2 Black Lips 19 February, Audio Amadou and Mariam 24 Feb, Concorde 2 Candi Staton 25 February, Old Market Acker Bilk 28 February, Old Market Elbow 28 February, Dome The Bluetones 28 February, Concorde 2 Noah & The Whale 7 March, St Georges Emiliana Torrini 14 March, St Georges Tunng & Tinariwen 18 March, De La Warr Lily Allen 20 March, Dome Goldie Lookin’ Chain 23 March, Concorde 2 Rumble Strips 24 March, Komedia Hugh Cornwell 25 March, Concorde 2 Mr Hudson 25 March, Hanbury

The Beat 27 March, Concorde 2 Simply Red 31 March, Brighton Centre The Enemy 8 April, Dome The Prodigy 14 April, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Dome PJ Harvey 15 April, Corn Exchange Bat For Lashes 16 April, Corn Exchange Gary Moore 17 April, Dome Australian Pink Floyd 28 April, Brighton Centre Gallows 2 May, Concorde 2 Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Antony & The Johnsons 21 May, Dome Katy Perry 2 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome Loop 11/12 July, Victoria Gardens Baechdown 28-31 August

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MUSIC

MUSIC LISTINGS Tuesday 10 Keane The soft-rock maestros return to the live arena. Brighton Centre, 7:30pm, £27.50 Last Days of Lorca + Everyone to the Anderson + Shallwesetbenonfire? Prince Albert, 8pm, £4/3 Open Mic The Brunswick, 8pm, free University of Sussex Showcase New work

by University of Sussex MA Music students.

Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £4/3

Wednesday 11 Barb Jungr: The Man In The Long Black Coat Tribute Bob Dylan. Komedia, 8pm, £15 Martin Speake’s Change of Heart Jazz quartet. Brighton Dome, 7:30pm, £15/10 The Mojo Fins + Union Jackals + The Badge Gentle indie rockers slightly in the vein of Elliot Smith. Prince Albert, 8pm, £4/3 The Spirit of Gravity: Gagarin + Komuso + Urban Delights With Nico/John Cale collaborator Gagarin and former Cure man Komuso. Komedia, 8:30pm, £5/4 Your Friends Are Architects Eastbourne punks play this indie club night. Brighton Coalition, 10pm, £tbc Zoe Lewis and Her Hot Club Band + Ukes of Hazzard + Romany Diva of Magic + Alison Rayner Jazz, swing and worldbeat originals. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £8/6

Thursday 12 Sofa Sessions Open mic night. Juggler, 8:30pm, free Sound Factory Stripped Local bands play acoustic sets. The Providence, 8pm, £1 Splatch Innovative jazz fusion quartet. Bee's Mouth, 9pm, free Trip To Dover + The Lieutenant's Mistress + Superwolf Gang Maybe the best new bandname of the year... Prince Albert, 8pm, £4/3 Zoox Folk band with a name suggesting 80s electro-pop. Royal Oak (Lewes), 8pm, £5

Friday 13 Anita Wardell A Brighton Jazz Club event.

Komedia, 8pm, £8–12 Battle of the Bands: Proceed + No Sharp Objects + Hollow Ideal + Spitefire The Providence, 8pm, £1 The Big Chris Barber Band Veteran big band. Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 8pm, £tbc Blues Night Special: Dave Arcari Guitardriven blues night. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free Chas ‘n’ Dave The cockney favourites play this unlikely Hove venue. Hove Town Hall, 8pm, £tbc The Days Power-pop kids who have supported Scouting For Girls. Audio, 8pm, £tbc Duke Raoul + Stars and Sons + Charlot

10 – 16 Feb

Webster Prince Albert, 8pm, £4 The Hot Melts + This City + Sons of Albion Punk rock and rollers. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc Mark E Smith + Ed Blaney + The Sticks Solo show from the troublesome Fall frontman.

West Hill Hall, 7:30pm, £tbc Mean Poppa Lean + David Goo Laid back funk. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £5 Mongrel Indie supergroup – two members of Reverend and the Makers, one former Arctic Monkey, one of Babyshambles and a host of rap/dub artists. Coalition, 7:30pm, £tbc Patti Plinko and Her Boy The antiValentine’s: bleak, emotional cabaret noir.Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5 South Coast Soul Revue Soul covers. The Brunswick, 8pm, £tbc

Saturday 14 Valentine’s Dinner and Love Songs Live music and a romantic meal. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £tbc We Got Soul/Jazz: Out of the Bag Jazz and blues with a sprinkling of funk. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £6 Whisky in the Car + Ben Poole + Small Gods Fitting for Valentine’s – a blues night!

Nice. The Providence, 8pm, £1

Sunday 15 Alternative Music Night: Tom Walker Acoustic rock. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free Darren Dutson Bromley Virtuoso jazz guitarist performs a solo set. Three And Ten, 7pm, £7/5 Ian Shaw Solo jazz performer holds court. The Brunswick, 8pm, £tbc Roast ‘n’ Jazz Jazz-playing guests and a nice Sunday roast! Latest Music Bar, 3:30pm, £10 Songwriters’ Sunday Nut Roast Singersongwriter showcase with Squeeze man Chris Difford. Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 7:30pm, £5

MUSICHIGHLIGHTS Buraka Som Sistema Over at Coalition there is the over-baked and self-indulgent Mongrel; but next door there’s something much more interesting… BSS are a truly heavy proposition; infectious bass-tastic party music drawing on a wide range of influences from Kuduro (Angolan/Portuguese hybrid) to grime, drum’n’bass to straight-up dance. It’s abrasive stuff, but live it’ll eat you alive!

Friday 13 February, Digital JH Chas ‘n’ Dave Oh yes, the ‘rockney’ chappies were never particularly the critics fave back in the day when they were hogging the charts with their smash hits such as ‘Ain’t No Pleasing You’ and ‘Rabbit’. But their pub singalong, music-hall humour, boogie-woogie piano and pre-Beatles rock ‘n’ roll mash-up has endured to the point now where they are considered cool and hip. Oh, fickle world…

Friday 13 February, Hove Centre JH Robyn Hitchcock Highly influential psychedelic musician who first came to light back in the late 70s with The Soft Boys, a unique punkpsychedelia hybrid. Nowadays he enjoys the services of Gillian Welch and Peter Buck (REM).

Surrealism, comedic songs, characterizations of English eccentrics and melancholy depictions of everyday life is what he does effortlessly.

Monday 16 February, Komedia JH Bellowhead English folk band brought together by John Spiers and Jon Boden. The band plays traditional English dance tunes and songs, but in a funky, contemporary and unique style aided by a four-piece brass section. The band describes itself as ‘merging a joyous, uplifting cacophony of sound with a slightly sinister, distorted collision of music hall, Lotte Lenya, Robert Wyatt and pure theatre.’

Monday 16 February, Concorde 2 JH

The Spirit of Gravity: Gagarin + Komuso + Urban Delights This experimental electronic music night never disappoints. Tonight, the eyebrow-raising muso-fodder features the talented former Nico and John Cale collaborator Gagarin as well as the one-time Cure band-member Komuso.

Wednesday 11 February, Komedia NA NME Awards Tour 2009: Glasvegas + Friendly Fires + White Lies + Florence and the Machine These NME Awards Tour affairs are often a triumph of style over substance, or hype over reality. Thankfully, tonight’s line-up is nothing but quality. Moody Scots rockers Glasvegas had a great 2008, while the recent number one album charttoppers White Lies represent the modern incarnation of Echo and the Bunnymen and all those other great eighties misery-guts.

Shoegaze dance kids Friendly Fires and the highly-rated electro-siren Florence and the Machine complete the bill.

Monday 16 February, Brighton Dome NA Patti Plinko and Her Boy The perfect antiValentine's treat: this is raw, emotional cabaret noir more than a little preoccupied with the link between sex and death. This duo are dynamic and heart-rending live. You’d be foolish to miss out.

Friday 13 February, Three And Ten NA Mean Poppa Lean They eat funk for breakfast and they eat funk for tea… Oh, yes, Brighton’s Mean Poppa Lean are a pure party band, high on unpretentious fun and low on chin-stroking. Their forté is fat funk in the James Brown and Prince vein, helped along by a penchant for mad fancy-dress. You gotta believe, bruvvers and sistas…

Friday 13 February, Latest Music Bar JH

Monday 16 The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum Every performer gets some free booze! Bee’s Mouth, 8:30pm Bellowhead 11-piece folk band. Concorde 2, 7pm, £16 Breakthrough with Rough Trade: Emma King + The Laylanas + The Long Goodbye + Gema Hadridge Country-flavoured rock.

Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, £3/2 NME Awards Tour 2009: Glasvegas + Friendly Fires + White Lies + Florence and the Machine Brighton Dome, 7pm, £15.50 Peter Broderick Pop-folk influenced singersongwriter. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc Robyn Hitchcock Former Soft Boys man.

Komedia, 8pm, £tbc Nick Aldwinckle

Buraka Som Sistema

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all Sushi £2 only * Sunday only * Must book in advance

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For more info email: natallwood@btinternet.com or call: 01273 727044

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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MUSIC

MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases Still flying the flag for the initial burst of post-punk poppiness that has now almost run its course, it’s actually great to see Franz Ferdinand back and deciding that, no, they don’t want to explore new musical avenues, and suddenly take their ‘art’ a little bit more serious like. No, they want to have a good time, and Tonight confirms their lust for life; a raucous, uplifting collection of dynamic indie numbers that confirm FF to be at the height of their game.

English psychedelia seems to be in rude health; Robyn Hitchcock is still revered; the likes of archetypal pastoral pscyh-folksters Caravan are enjoying a resurgence; and there’s a slew of new bands mixing up leftfield stories that are seemingly inspired by drugs, with traditional instrumentation and a desire to mash-up musical styles. Such as Sergeant Buzfuz whose High Slang is a beauty of a record; from dreamy dulcimers to folk-punk rhythms, Joe Murphy and gang wring out the myriad possibilities held within one of England’s most endearing musical styles. Perhaps uniquely, there are songs that relate.

It’s difficult to escape the ubiquitous shadows of Dylan, Cohen, Reed et al when one is an aspiring singer songwriter. Mike Bones (aka Mike Strallow) is making a good stab at it though; embellishing the poet lyricism of his rather self-hating songs with a musical palette that is rootsy, and a little bit downbeat and broken (perhaps influenced by his mooted drug past), but nevertheless epic in tone. A Fool For Everytone is a bit like Bobby Gillespie meets Leonard Cohen in the alley marked ‘lessons learnt the hard way’.

On the local front, there’s an excellent EP from Gentleman Starkey (named after a pirate in Peter Pan), four tracks of Nick Cavesque tuneage, expertly mixed and produced at Brighton Electric, and featuring the deep and soulful voice of Joel Wells, and some spooky keys throughout. Dead of the Modern is garage-pop at its best.

Big-haired Texan rockers The Mars Volta’s path from their previous incarnation, At The Drive-In, was always heading towards full-blown progressive rock territory. The band’s guitarist, Omar Rodriguez-Lopez’ second solo album (following 2007’s The Apocalypse Inside Of An Orange), is perhaps his most extensive foray into prog/concept album indulgence yet. An instrumental epic borrowing heavily from the King Crimson back catalogue of other-worldly, elaborately manipulated and skull-crushing guitar, Old Money is apparently one long attack on the currently crumbling world monetary system. With enough bombast to satisfy the hardened MV fan but very little in the form of memorable tunes (but that’s really not the point of this type of music), this is perhaps too intricate and muso-friendly for the casual listener.

A lot more subtle is the latest solo album from the voice of sixties pop legends The Zombies’ Colin Blunstone. Entitled The Ghost Of You And Me, this horribly sappy run-through of weakly sentimental ballads sounds like a lament to his previous song-writing success. The Zombies were responsible for some all-time classic songs, though it seems being recently reunited with his old bandmate Rod Argent and a fresh Zombies tour has done nothing for re-igniting the old creative fires.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10

★ 1 Thunk – Micromophone ★ 2 Frunt, Bak & Nutz – The Rites Of Wolf 3 Chaos Borne – Watching 4 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 5 Breakinbear – Breeze 6 Freudstein – Sister Sleaze 7 Caramel Jack – Curtain 8 Stupid Kid – With You 9 Swarf – Parlour Tricks 10 Mr Resonate – All That I’m Not There’s no more punnery on the word ‘funk’ this week; just a salute to Thunk’s ‘Micromophone’ hitting the number one spot. It’s been a good week for Frunt, Bak and Nutz, too, as their classical-sampling breakbeat sound proves fruitful at two. Chaos Borne’s eighties sitcom themed (only joking) moody dance remains at three with Caramel Jack and Breakinbear at four and five.

11 Chaos Borne The Moment 12 tenek If I Should Fall 13 tenek State Of Mind 14 Mr Resonate Say what you mean 15 Lostaura Chevron 16 R21 Proved You Wrong 17 The Mojo Fins Always Now 18 Jonny Loves House Not Just In My Head 19 Amongst The Pigeons Wings Wings BeAt 20 Loc E Chemical Romance 21 Glitters From Billy Holiday 22 Sherlock Bones The Ugly Bugs Balls 23 Miss Anna Robinson Missing The Point 24 Cath O'Drae Sofageddon 25 Dear Jon. On Your Side

26 sMs I'm Sorry Dave 27 The Eric Experiment I Think It's Impossible 28 Boypatient Reckless 29 Jonny Loves House Care About Your Love 30 The Marshan From Marz So Far Remix 31 Hold Fire Emma-Louise 32 Glitters From Billy Holiday 33 XamXam Bu Ngen Munt 34 The Pulse Used In Part 35 Atalanta Blue Tears 36 The Voodoo Trombone Quartet Do It Your Own Way 37 Cath O'Drae Mugged By The System 38 The Mighty Rivals Something In My Way 39 Taboo Duet 40 Reckless Sons Animal

★

ZODIAC DRIVER TRAINING Chris Peters DSA ADI

07768 863175 Learner Refresher Advanced Pass plus Registered Brighton Area

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L If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

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BARS&CLUBS

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

BAR & CLUBLISTINGS 10 – 16 Feb Tuesday 10

Wednesday 11 Arc Life is Easy. A mid-week interlude of indie classic new and old, plus floorfillers a plenty.

10pm, £1/free.

Audio Supercharged. The Qemists join CTRL Z for a mid-week D’n’B session. 11pm–2:30am, £3/1.

Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest for All Stars wearing rock/indie fans with live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free.

Water Margin Forgive Me Father for I Have Synth’d. Old school revival of 80s electro, breakdance, pop and rock. 11pm–3am, £tbc.

Genetics Playing a mixture of intelligent, liquid, neuro and darkside D’n’B. 3am–6am, £2/free.

Thursday 12 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. Trashy pop anthems, indie classics and retro hits plus a hefty raffle prize. 11pm, £1 Brighton Coalition Them. Weekly Dubstep and Grime. 10:30pm-3am, free.

Digital Thursday Club. The Brookes Brothers join homegrown, major D’n’B player, Friction.

11pm-3:30am, £6.

Funky Buddha Lounge Double R Records. The freshest hip hop, R’n’B and Bassline trax.

10pm–3am, £3/2.

Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM’s Paul Hilyer plays house and dance anthems.

10:30pm–3am, £3/1 The Hope Brap FM. Thursdays are the new Fridays with everything from Downtempo to Techno! 8pm–2am, free.

Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2 Water Margin Love Lockdown. DJs; Show n Prove, Skills, Kush, and special guests. 7:30pm, £Ladies Free All Night!

Friday 13 2 One One Lollipop. R’n’B and Hip Hop. 11pm–3am, free before 11.30pm Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. Sixties Night.

11pm–3am, £3 Audio Beat Torrent. See highlights.11pm–4am.

Brighton Coalition Cupid’s Ball – Nice & Niche Meets Obsession. With beats from Rampage and Cameo. 11pm–4am, £10-8.

Concorde 2 Super Dub Pressure. Kode 9 deal out floor to wall dub. 11pm–4am, £8.

Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and bands. 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative for eyeliner’d up boys and girls in PVC. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Release. Funky House, Soulful House and R&B. 11pm–6am, £free b4 12/5 after.

Funky Fish The Funkyfish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Honey. Quality house with special guests. 10:30pm–3:30am, £8/5.

Komedia Balkaneasca. A wild, frenzied mix of brass-heavy Gypsy Beats, plus live musicians.

11pm, £6/5.

New Hero Somewhere in the Universe…

Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Ocean Rooms Club Kids. See highlights.

11pm–4am, £6.

Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’Roll mayhem sploshed together with beer, indie

anthems and punk. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Sidewinder DJ Drkhrse. House, disco, breaks and more. 8pm–2am, free.

Tru Skint. Playing mainstream funky house, R’n’B and Cheesey disco hits. 10pm–2am, free b4 11/£3 after.

Volks Carbon. Brighton’s leading underground D’n’B session. 11pm, £tba.

Water Margin Twisted Disco Love. TDL productions gives you back the love to funk.

11pm, £tbc. B-Side. Tech and filthy electro with Tiger Lily and Paul My Fingah. 2am, £5

Saturday 14 Arc Hold Up. Unpretentious indie night.

10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. The don of free parties brings some winter love with guests Black Rabbit feat. Guy Williams. 11pm–4am, free.

Brighton Coalition Floorplay. See highlights.10:30pm–4am, £10/7.

Followed by: Blow the Afterparty. High grade Tech and electro.

Concorde 2 Urban Voodoo Machine. A Vintage Burlesque Extravaganza. 8pm, £15.

Digital Wax:On. Adored mistress of the decks, Annie Mac is joined by Midfield General.

11pm–4am, £10.

Engine Rooms Punk Rock Karaoke.

10pm–3am, £2.

Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish The Funkyfish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Hanbury Club Cupid’s Bow – A Valentines Event. Pop, sexy house & dirty disco plus Cupid, percussionists & poets! 7pm–2am, £12.50.

Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house with guests. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from all over the world. 8pm–4am, free b4 11/£6 after.

New Hero It Is Still 1985. An alternative 80s night full of outrageous tunes! 10pm, £3 Ocean Rooms Fiesta – Valentines Special.

Music for your senses with Pablo Decoder and guests. 11pm-8am, £8/5.

Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, Heavy, Glam, Alternative Dance and beer to dribble down you til you drop! 10:30pm–3am, £4/2 Po Na Na Silk – Valentines Traffic Light Party.

R’n’B, Funky House, Commercial. 10pm–3am, £10-5.

Sidewinder Tape2Tape. Future rock & roll.

9pm-2am, free.

Tru Glitterbaby. Thickly spreading your favourite chart tunes across 3 rooms. 9pm–3am, £10/8.

Volks Black Box presents Brighton loves Techno. Three-hour monster tech session plus electronica and grimey bass. 11pm–5am, £6/8.

Water Margin Logo. Future heroes to world famous DJs spin house tunes. 3am–8am, £7/5.

BAR & CLUBHIGHLIGHTS

Guerilla Rocks The blob in club form, this night keeps gathering in size. Twice crowned Kerrang club of the week, it now grabs an average 300 sweaty rock junkies each time.

With a heady mix of rock, metal, indie, ska, and some old school bouncy pop-punk plus disgustingly cheap drink promos it’s sure to get you dancing like an electrified chimp.

Tuesday 10 February, Pavilion Tavern

Club Kids Inspired by a group of New York Club heads who carved a culture of fabulous eccentricity, colour and outrageous behaviour.

Here comes a dose of dayglo colour and absurdity with CSS leadsinger and fashion icon, Lovefoxx. Time to rid the club world of the whitey tightys and step out in true pop-punk, electro and 80s style.

Friday 13 Feburary, Ocean Rooms

Beat Torrent Described as an intense 90minute voyage from hip hop through to electronica spliced with surgical precision and skill! 5 x World DMC Team Champions C2C, Beat Torrent, expertly churn out turntable compositions and classic re-workings that will intrude your ears and blow your mind!

Friday 13 February, Audio

Floorplay After a sell-out NYE gig, the likeable local lads, Prok & Fitch smash back with DJ Disciple. Bringing a buzzing upfront selection of chunky big room electronica, House and techno. Plus DJ Disciple provides some christian infused house and electronica fresh for his debut Brighton gig.

Saturday 14 February, Coalition Floorplay

Photo: filthyrags.co.uk and builtphotography.co.uk

Audio Snide. Tight-trousered indie disco.

10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing. 10pm–2am, free.

Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s. Classic 90s anthems. 10:30pm, 90p New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! An uncompromising blend of high quality pop culture. 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. See highlights. 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Tru Bandwagon. Student night with club anthems, old school R’n’B and classic house.

10pm–2:30am, £1–£3 Water Margin Sessions. Run by students and playing for the students. 11pm–4am, £2/free.

Sunday 15 Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B, Hip Hop and UK Garage.

Sundays are the new Fridays! 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. Knockin’ siesta Sundays into the past, Lee Garrett and Salerno play house and soulful beats. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency.

All things diverse from Radiohead, Madlib, National Forest and Playgroup. 8pm, free.

Monday 16 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. Filthy student fun. 10:30pm–3am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. Best in Old skool garage, R’n’B, Hip Hop, Bashment and swing. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco and indie music with drinks only £1.50 all night.

10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. Cocktail of funk, reggae, indie and pop. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1.

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory for details

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LATESTGAY

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Brighton’s only weekly gay guide NEWS

Voting has opened for this year‘s Golden Handbag Awards. The event celebrates the LGBT community in Brighton, Hove and Sussex.

The show will take place at the Hilton Brighton Metropole Hotel on Sunday 22 March from 7.30pm. Headlining will be comedian Jason Wood.

Also appearing will be Mark Inscoe and Wezley Sebastian, who are both starring in the new West End production of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and performers from Absolutely Dragulous. The show will again be hosted by Lola Lasagne.

You can vote now at www.realbrighton.com or look out for the March issue of GScene. People who receive the top five votes in each category will appear as the nominations on the night.

This year‘s event is sponsored by Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust‘s LGBT Forum. It is supported by Realbrighton.com, Arena Entertainments, the Hilton Brighton Metropole, Terry Winge, Resolve Security and St John‘s Ambulance. All supporters and artists give their services free of charge.

The night will raise money for a number of LGBT organisations.

Tickets are £16. There are a number of tables of ten and 12 available.

To book a table, call 01273 722457. All other tickets are available from Prowler, 112 St James’s Street, Brighton.

They must be collected in person and paid for in cash as Prowler is not charging a booking fee.

The Golden Handbags started in 1995 and have become the biggest annual fundraiser in LGBT Brighton, raising over £100,000 for charity.

Jason Wood

Paintings by Robyn Rain bow

Jonathan Cash writes about getting caught up in the Admiral Duncan bombing changed his outlook on life On 30 April, it will be the 10th anniversary of the Admiral Duncan bombing. I plan to spend it with friends celebrating life and love. The ones I feel closest to all have two things in common: objectivity and self-acceptance. Here’s why.

If you survive something devastating, you reassess everything. I went through my entire life with a fine toothcomb and re-evaluated as much as I could.

That has permanent consequences, good and not-so-good.

I questioned the yardsticks that people measure their lives with. Now people who try and impress with the superficial get annoyed with me because it doesn’t work. One person even felt rejected just because I didn’t become frenzied over stuff that he owned. It’s just that I now have different values to some. Not better, just different. I’d rather know what’s underneath. Sadly, if you’re not wowed by superficiality, you may as well walk around with a hood and a bell.

We’ve all met people who define themselves with an endless acquisition of objects and clothing. One such person asked what I thought of a painting in his self-conscious showhome.

I said it wasn’t my cup of tea. However, as it wasn’t the first time I failed to salivate over something he’d bought, he posed by the tat-filled mantelpiece and ranted at me like the spurned heroine of a 1950s Bmovie, ending with a climactic: “You have to accept me as I am!”

“If you survive something devastating, you reassess everything“ I did. He didn’t. He hated himself. The regard for artifice stemmed from his mantra, “Perception is everything.” I just wanted to shake him and tell him that people would love him as he is.

Sometimes I’ve forgotten that not everyone appreciates you scratching the surface. How dare you question them? They just want you to gush over their perceived success (it’s just a job), image (must take hours to look that self-conscious), possessions (a designer orange squeezer that’s more three-dimensional than they are) or even the wellmanicured family background (though, in reality, mother probably lives in an ordinary flat, not Windsor Castle).

You also have to like what they like or there’s something wrong with you. Northerners have had a go at me because I moved down south.

Southerners have too. Plenty have scoffed because I'm gay. Some women have teased me because I don’t conform to their perceptions of what a real bloke is. Flocks of gay men have looked at me like I’ve pissed on their Prada because I don’t want to see The Boys’ Own Choir singing ‘Somewhere Over the (friggin’) Rainbow.’ Not having herd mentality really hacks people off.

If people can’t even accept themselves as they are and not feel threatened by others’ differences, is it any wonder that bigotry thrives?

Jonathan was 31 when he was caught up in the bombing in a Soho gay pub. He is currently fundraising to stage The First Domino, his play inspired by his experience, as part of Brighton Festival Fringe. Email brightontheatre@aol.com

Crossword solutions Pride fundraiser A lesbian artists‘ group will hold a fun day to raise money for Pride. The Dyke Modern will host the event at Friends Meeting House, Ship Street, Brighton on Saturday 14 March from 11.30am to 5pm.

There will be an art exhibition, reiki healing, a writing corner, refreshments and workshops on painting drawing, meditation, art and chi gung. Admission will be free with workshops by donation.

The Dyke Modern promotes and encourages lesbians to be creative and empowered, however much experience they have as artists. They run monthly workshops in art forms such as sculpture, drawing, textiles and collage, as well as in different aspects of self and community development.

They also stage exhibitions and Artists Open Houses.

To find out more, call 01273 262406 or 726122, or visit www.dykemodern.co.uk

30 latest 7

Solution to Cryptic 180 ACROSS: 3 Afternoon 7 Bra 8 Temperature 10 Caste 11 Satchel 13 Inrush 14 Italic 17 Naphtha 19 Antre 20 Thermometer 22 Emu 23 Adulterer.

DOWN: 1 Abduction 2 Catastrophe 3 Aimless 4 Theist 5 Roast 6 Oar 9 Upholsterer 12 Lecherous 15 Toaster 16 Farmer 18 Tempt 21 Hod. Solution to Quick 180 ACROSS: 3 Scalloped 7 Nap 8 Epithetical 10 Round 11 Narrate 13 Abated 14 Tea-set 17 Naiveté 19 Incur 20 Fundamental 22 Leo 23 Inbreathe.

DOWN: 1 Entertain 2 Speculation 3 Spindle 4 Aching 5 Later 6 Era 9 Classically 12 Extortion 15 Epistle 16 Repent 18 Evade 21 Urn. © Crossword Shop

If you have a story for Latest Gay pages please email news@thelatest.co.uk

Pic: Malcolm Crowthers

Bags of gold

Surviving terrorism

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GAY

For full listings & venues go to thelatest.co.uk

GAYLISTINGS 10 – 16 February Spice from The Valentine’s Day Massacre, Sunday 15

with passes, £4/3 after.

The Basement Box. Chart hit remixes, funky house and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free.

Friday 13 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished. Bar open 11am.

Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop, 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz. Playin’ indie recent and retro!

10pm, free b4 11.

Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girls’ Night. 2 floors of mayhem with guest DJs. 9pm–2am.

Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes with DJ Andy B Back by popular demand! Plus unlimited drinks wristbands for £20! 9pm, free.

R-Bar The GirlsOnTop Bar. DJ Smiffy brings her best trash, pop and party tunes. 12pm–2am.

Revenge Lollipop Love Ball. Top pop tunes from Stewart T. Upstairs find funky vocal house with DJ Hollie and guests. 10:30pm–5am, £7/5.

The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket and DJ Alex Baker. 11pm–4am, free all night!

Saturday 14 Tuesday 10 Amsterdam Skint or Mint. Gay Bingo. 8pm.

Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity with a range of games. 12pm, free.

Ghetto Twisted Karaoke. Nothin’ from your dad’s collection! Hosted by Mistress Cat. 9:30pm, free.

Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Free poker night.

Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10 plus a guest DJ and karaoke.

A credit crunch gem. 8pm–11pm, free.

R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! Free shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy! 12pm–2am.

Revenge Playground. School Disco with a twist. Spinning trax from the 80s, 90s and 00s!

10:30pm–4am, £3 or free NUS/in uniform.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mills’s Music Night. With Uncle Ben’s quiz night from 9pm. Bar open 12pm, free.

The Basement Scene Queen. For scene staff and students with DJ Lil’ Alex. 11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 11 Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins, rock, metal and 80s tastic cheese with a sprinkling of goth! 10pm–2am, £2.50.

Legends Super Karaoke. New karaoke & quiz night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Bar YouTube Night. 8pm, free.

Queen's Arms The Q Factor – Heat 2. Annual singing contest, sign up before 8:45pm. Bar open 12pm–1am, free.

R-Bar Rush99. DJ Lil’ Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Rush150. Dance and house sounds served by DJ Lil’ Alex plus a rush bar!

10:30pm–3am, free b4 12am/2 after/free NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar 12pm–11pm.

The Basement Play. With DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 12 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheap as Primark pants. 8pm–11pm, £1.

Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. Hosted by Mother Superior Joan Bond with Tony B and Mikalis. 10pm–3am, £4/3 Ghetto Rack 'Em Up. Blues, rock and country.

10pm, £free b4 11.

Legends Thursday Cabaret Lounge. Glam'n'Glitz grace the stage. 9:30pm, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open Mic. 8pm.

Queen’s Arms Queen's Arms Queervoyance.

With Neil Payne and Lyn Guest plus cabaret with Pat Cruise. 8pm, £5.

R-Bar I Can’t Wait For The Weekend To Begin!

Funked up, soulful and uplifting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Girls On Top Lovefest. Feisty Cupids LadyBex and DJ Smiffy doll out trashy chart hits and pop remixes to help you snag that love or lust you desire! 10:30pm–4am, £free b4 11:30

Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free.

Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. A blend of Gogo Boys, Feathered Girls, HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3.

Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11.

Legends Pre-Ignition. Dance sounds from 7pm.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Marly DJs. Guest DJs and live music. 9pm–2am, free.

Queen’s Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin.

Vocalists, comedians and drag (3:30–5:30pm).

Then party. Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free.

R-Bar Kinky Baby. Dulcie Danger plays to a preclubbing crowd, 9pm. Bar open 12pm–7am, free.

Revenge Kinky Dangerous: The Valentine’s Love-In. Sexy décor, lush red fabric, 4 top DJs, 2 floors and a shared love for house, pop and drinking. A heavenly arrangement.

10:30pm–5am, £7/3.

The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart from DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free all night!

The PV at The Jury’s Out Saturday Madness.

The best in Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then PV’s house DJs take over! Bar open 12pm, free.

Sunday 15 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. Roasts (12–5:30pm) and Sunday vibes with cabaret from 8pm, free.

Charles Street Bar Showtime. Another cabaret superstar takes to the stage. 7:15pm, free.

Ghetto Sirens. Burlesque night with pole dancing and shows. 9pm, free.

Latest Music Bar The Valentine’s Day Massacre.

Spice brings live music and fabulous costumes as she whizzes you through first love to first heartbreak in this original comedy. 8pm, £7/5.

Legends Sunday Cabaret and Chill Out. With The Pitt Sisters. 3:15pm, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Yummy Roasts.

Delicious roast and spuds. 12pm.

Queen's Arms Cabaret with Candy & Betty's Karaoke. Top cabaret at 5.30pm with the outrageous Candy! Then Betty's Karaoke Show.

12pm, free.

The Basement Embrace. Dripping in charty tracks provided by DJ Nick Shepherdson from G-A-Y! 11pm–4am, free.

Monday 16 Amsterdam The Monday Musical. Bar open 11am, free.

Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks with mammoth drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50.

Ghetto A chaotic mash-up of indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, free.

Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am.

Marlborough Trans night.

R-Bar Miss Jason‘s Mad House. Cabaret plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free.

The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s.

Nostalgia with Steve Lush. 11pm–4am, free.

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online for details

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2/6/09

11:38 AM

Page 2

latestTV

Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV

TUESDAY 10 Hannah And Her Sisters

★★★✩✩ (1989, BBC1, 11.45pm. Dir Woody Allen) Oscar-winning comedy and romance starring Mia Farrow, Barbara Hershey, Dianne Weist, Michael Caine and – of course – Mr Woody Allen. Focusing upon the events between two family Thanksgivings, partner-swapping and emotional confusion abounds.

WEDNESDAY 11 Shaun Of The Dead ★★★★✩ (2004, ITV2, 10pm. Dir Edgar Wright) Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s rom com zom movie, as Shaun and best friend Ed try to save themselves, plus Shaun’s mum, step-dad, ex-girlfriend and her flatmates from zombies. As you do. Nicely done and with sanctuary being the pub, this is a fantastically British affair.

Hot gossip Series two of Gossip Girl is here, yay! Who else is secretly addicted to this ridiculous programme? Well, my addiction is obviously not so much of a secret anymore!

Can you believe they are all meant to be 17? Is it at all like that on the Upper East Side? Probably not, but for the sake of the programme I am quite happy to put all my logical thinking behind me and just go with it.

So, in case you didn’t see the last episode of the first series, here’s a recap. Nate’s dad buys a passport so he can run off to another country and avoid jail. Lilly marries the rich man (Chuck’s dad) but clearly she didn’t want to. Dan admits to Serena that ‘something’ happened and then decides he can’t deal with all the lies and breaks up with her – but do they get together again on the dance floor? And Chuck makes a kindof declaration of his love for Blair during his best man speech, but then changes his mind when left in the same room as a semi-attractive blonde woman.

Who would have thought all that drama was possible at a posh high school. Apparently a lot of interviews were carried out with real life kids from that kind of ‘old money’ area of New York and many of the stories they told are reminiscent of those in the show, which is quite scary.

Like I said before, this is definitely the kind of show you secretly watch, but I am not entirely sure why. It is not too different from Sex And The City – the clothes, the shoes, the female roles; but for some reason (because it is set in a school some of the time) it is a bit embarrassing to admit to.

Anyone who watches it will know what I mean. As well as wanting to know what happens next I like to watch to see how unbelievable it gets.

The fact that they continually manage to get into every club and be served drinks continually is amazing enough. Do rules not apply if you have a neverending bank balance?

The strange thing is, compared to a lot of the stuff teenagers could be watching, this would be something I wouldn’t worry too much about my kids watching (if I had any). It may deal with issues like drugs, sex and drink but it never really over glamorises it. They show what can happen if you drink too much. Most of the characters are at the stage where they are losing their virginity, and they never show too much skin. It could be a lot like other dramas but nothing else has this much scheming in it!

You would know from the off if this is your kind of thing. If you are not sure, try it. Good old girlie gossip shows will always be on the TV so you might as well surrender to it. The show isn’t rocket science but it is occasionally funny and highly addictive!

32 latest 7

THURSDAY 12 The Sweetest Thing ★★★✩✩ (2002, Five, 10pm. Dir Roger Kumble) Sexual player Cameron Diaz and her crew of Christina Applegate and Selma Blair have adventures in the pursuit of the male. A gross-out comedy for the ladies, this has a musical number in a Chinese restaurant and cautionary tales of misadventure, as well as a warm gooey centre of romance.

FRIDAY 13 Play Misty For Me ★★★★✩ (1971, SkyMovies Indie, 8.15pm.

Dir Clint Eastwood) A cautionary tale of obsession, as Clint takes centre stage as a late night DJ whose fling gets more than a little carried away with their relationship.

Escalating in stalking behaviour,

10 – 16 Feb Top tips for your week of flicks Jessica Walter is great at appearing as simply a mixed up girl to all and sundry, while showing a more sinister side to her quarry.

Great Balls Of Fire ★★✩✩✩ (1989, ITV1, 1.15am. Dir Jim McBride) Biopic of Jerry Lee Lewis, outrageous singer and piano player, as well as gaining notoriety for marrying his 13year-old cousin. It’s legal in some states, it seems. With Jerry played by Dennis Quaid and the cousin by Winona Ryder, there’s also a fab supporting cast headed up by John Doe and Alec Baldwin.

SATURDAY 14 Collateral ★★★✩✩ (2004, Channel 4, 9pm. Dir Michael Mann) Look what happens when Tom Cruise plays a less than gleaming character.

He’s still charismatic, the low down varmint. Cruise plays a hit man, engaging Jamie Foxx’s cab driver for the night as his own personal chauffeur as he goes about his business of killing folks, leaving Foxx with a very nervous disposition about what will happen come settling time.

Batman ★★★★✩ (1989, Channel 4, 11.15pm. Dir Tim Burton) The gothic director shakes up Gotham City with his casting of Jack Nicholson as the Joker, fair blowing moody bat-millionaire Michael Keaton clean off the screen with malice and childish maliciousness.

Good thing there’s a romantic backstory with the lush Kim Basinger to take note of his toned down style.

SUNDAY 15 The Slipper And The Rose

★★★✩✩ (1976, Five, 2.15pm. Dir Bryan Forbes) A musical live action re-telling of the Cinderella story, with enough romance to give Mills & Boon a run for its money. Starring Gemma Craven as everybody’s favourite scullery maid and Richard Chamberlain Princing it up, this is a rainy Sunday afternoon special.

MONDAY 16 American Pie ★★★✩✩ (1999, ITV1, 10.35pm. Dir Paul Weitz) Teenage comedic shenanigans as four boys make a pact to lose their virginities by prom night. Starring Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Tara Reid and Mena Suvari among others, this is the 90s answer to the 80s‘ Porkies. With a classic scene involving fresh apple pie.

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tuesday 10 Horizon: Why Do We Dream?

BBC2, 9pm Blowing pre-conceived ‘science’ out of the water and conducting new cutting edge experiments into this deeply personal yet also universal experience, Horizon digs a bit deeper into our dreams. With a few anecdotal findings too, this is a chance to find out more about our sleepy time.

Boys And Girls Alone Channel 4, 9pm Lord Of The Flies meets Big Brother and this is their out of wedlock child. Ten boys and girls are given the chance to live parent-free for a fortnight to prove that they can look after themselves. The kids are given money to feed and entertain themselves and revolution is thick in the air. Piggy anyone?

Mad Men BBC4, 10pm Advertising has always been a bit cutthroat. If you’re not cool enough, you’re not with-it enough or in the wrong decade. Sorry, did we not say this is set in the 1960s? The much acclaimed drama sees the agency on Valentine’s Day with the latest office contraption and Don and Duck clashing over an account.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 Hotel Trubble 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Children’s te 9.00 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.30 Dani’s House 10.00 Stake Out 10.30 Gimme A Break 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 Thinking Skills 11.30 Hands Up! 11.45 Watch 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Meerkat Manor 1.20 Animal Park 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Sex, Lies And Soaps 10.00 Wasted 10.30 Wakey Wakey Campers 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Proud Parents 12.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.45 FILM: Laura (1944) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.15 FILM: Love Is A Four Letter Word (2007) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Garry makes a crushing decision. Is he buying a bulldozer then?

8.00 Holby City Annalese is mistrusting of Michael when she opens one of his bank statements and catches him acting suspiciously with Donna. Is she finally twigging she married a scoundrel?

9.00 New Tricks Pullman’s infuriating mother Grace needs to go into a home, but the one she has chosen has recently had a suspicious and unsolved death. The boys decide to go undercover in the home.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Make Me Smart Michael Mosley sets out to find what intelligence is, and where it’s from.

11.15 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross The latest film reviews, news and interviews.

11.45 FILM: Hannah And Her Sisters (1986) Starring Mia Farrow, Michael Caine, Woody Allen.

Academy Award-winning tale of three sisters living in New York, and their intertwining relationships with men.

1.30am Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.05 Media Revolution 2.35 Lark Rise To Candleford 3.35 Around The World In 80 Faiths 4.35 BBC News

6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quiz show hosted by Nicky Campbell.

6.30 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts another quiz show. It’s quiz hour.

7.00 Who Do You Think You Are? Fiona Bruce’s great-grandfather Frederick Crouch died in World War One in mysterious circumstances. The family story is that he failed to duck down when shells began falling nearby. Nothing so straightforward.

8.00 Oz And James Drink To Britain The boys try an ancient British drink known as perry. Yum. 8.30 MasterChef Three contestants from the 2008 series are back to have another shot at the MasterChef title.

But as they have been here before, things get tougher.

9.00 Horizon: Why Do We Dream?

See highlights.

10.00 The Culture Show On the tenth anniversary of Heat magazine, Mark Kermode and Miranda Sawyer go head to head on the merits of Heat and celebrity culture in general.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 It’s Time To Go Nationwide Documentary looking at Nationwide, Britain’s first truly regional TV programme, which ran on BBC in the early evenings from 1969 to 1983.

Featuring contributions from many of those involved, including Sue Lawley, Michael Barratt, Richard Stilgoe.

12.20am BBC News 4.00 Key Stage 4 Curriculum Bites

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Victoria decides she’s had enough of the village.

Diane worries that she wasn’t in Jack’s thoughts before he died. The Sugdens bid an emotional farewell to Jack. Prepare for a few salty tears.

8.00 Doctors And Nurses At War Second episode of a three-part series following volunteer doctors and nurses from the NHS and full-time army surgeons in Afghanistan.

9.00 In The Line Of Fire First of a two-part documentary on the work of the CO19, the firearms division of the Metropolitan Police. The programme makers were granted unique access to the unit, following its officers for four months at close quarters.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show Sketch show starring Katy Brand.

11.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Harry’s unique take on the week’s telly.

11.35 No Heroics Sitcom about a group of four superhero friends who spend their off-duty hours in The Fortress – a superheroes-only bar.

Jenny struggles to uphold Thundermonkey’s pub rules, and considers breaking the ‘no powers’ rule to uphold the ‘no smoking’ one.

12.05am Crossing Jordan 12.55 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.50 Loose Women 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.30 5.30 ITV Early News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sarah is filled with regret after waking up in Warren’s bed. Ugh! Ugh! Horrid! Runaway!

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny Skinny 18-year-old Georgetta swaps diets with 28-stone Ameer, who is determined to lose weight in order to find a girlfriend. What about all those chubby chasers?

9.00 Boys And Girls Alone See highlights.

10.00 Shameless Frank is shocked to discover he has been a victim of identity fraud and even more horrified that as a result his criminal record has been wiped clean meaning he is now eligible for jury service. Ha ha, he he, ho ho. Nice one.

11.05 The Big Bang Theory Comedy series. Full of confidence after being named in a People magazine article, Raj hits on Penny and becomes impossibly arrogant.

11.35 My Name Is Earl US comedy series. Joy is feeling guilty so she decides to visit Earl in prison.

12.05am Party Poker: Premier League Poker 1.05 4Sport: Destination 2012 1.55 Volleyball World Championship Qualifier 2.50 Adrenalin Rush 3.20 Freesports On 4 3.45 Grudge Match 4.00 We Are From... (x4) 5.00 Forum: Once Upon A Planet (x3)

6.00 Home And Away Summer Bay says goodbye to Jack.

6.30 Wild Animal ER Documentary series. Les puts his safety at risk to rescue a deer that has caught its antlers in some cricket nets.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Jaguar Adventure With Nigel Marven Nigel completes his adventure with a risky journey into the heart of the jungle for a face-toface encounter with the king of the Pantanal. Sounds like Saturday morning kids’ episodic flicks.

8.00 Cheetah Man Documentary exploring the work of conservationist Olivier Houalet. For the last four years, the 28-year-old Frenchman has spent every day with five orphaned cheetah cubs so that now they see him as one of their own.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The brutal killing of a man leads the CSIs into a sordid world of sadomasochism.

10.00 CSI: Miami Stalkers turn an innocent teenage swimming star into a sex symbol by posting photographs of her on the internet.

11.00 CSI: NY When a young woman survives a brutal rape in Central Park, Detective Stella Bonasera vows to find the attacker. By the power of Greyskull.

12.00am NCIS 1.00 NBA Basketball 4.00 NBA All Star Game 2008 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 12.00pm H2O Sports International 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Big League Weekend 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 International Cricket 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE International Football 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Hyundai A League 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am International Football 1.00 International Football 2.00 International Football 3.00 International Football 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Max Power

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 Sailing 11.00 Poker 1.00pm Max Power 2.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing 3.00 IRB Rugby World Sevens 6.00 Tennis 7.00 Sailing 7.30 LIVE International Football 9.30 Mountain Bike World 10.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 11.00 Celebrity Karting At The Autosport Show 12.00am International Cricket 2.00 Tennis 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 IRB Rugby World Sevens 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Fishing: Bass Fishing 1.00 Powder Adventures 1.30 Wild Spirits 2.00 H2O Sports International 2.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 3.00 Poker 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Mountain Bike World 7.30 LIVE International Football 9.30 International Cricket 11.30 Tennis 12.30am Pool: World Cup Of Pool 1.30 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.30 Sailing 3.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Standoff 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 Battlestar Galactica 10.00 Lost 11.00 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Undercover Princes 9.00 Naked: Office Workers 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Grownups 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Naked: Office Workers 12.45am The Undercover Princes 1.45 Grownups 2.15 Kizzy: Sex, Prams And Exams 3.10 The Real Hustle

7.00pm News 7.30 Picture Book 8.30 Odetta Remembers 9.00 The High Life 9.30 Early Doors 10.00 Mad Men. See highlights.

10.50 Party Animals 11.40 Citizen Smith 12.10am BBC Four World Cinema Awards 2009 1.10 Picture Book 2.10 Odetta Remembers 2.40 Citizen Smith 3.10 BBC Four World Cinema Awards 09

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Liam Gallagher: The Hot Desk 8.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 9.00 Coleen’s Real Women 10.00 FILM: Red Dragon (2002) 12.30am Coleen’s Real Women

9.55am Quincy, ME 11.00 Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Pie In The Sky 3.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.15 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.20 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Ladies Of Letters 10.30 The Brief 12.00am Wycliffe 1.05 Inspector Morse

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville 10.00 Reaper 11.00 Shameless 12.05am Skins 1.10 Scrubs 1.40 Scrubs 2.05 My Name Is Earl 2.30 Reaper

3.00pm A Place By The Sea 4.05 How Clean Are The Filthy Fulfords Now? 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 FILM: True Stories: Red Oil (2004) 11.20 Come Dine With Me 12.25am FILM: True Stories: Red Oil (2004)

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Ghost Whisperer 11.00 CSI 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 After You’ve Gone 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder II 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.20am Blackadder II 1.00 The Royle Family

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am South Park 12.40 Scrubs

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Survivorman 10.00 Alaska’s Great Race 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Avalanche (2004) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Final Days Of Planet Earth 9.40 FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005) 11.40 FILM: The Thirst (2004) 1.20am Ghost Stories 2.00 Flash Gordon

12.25pm Road To Morocco (1942) 1.50 The Spy Who Came In From The Cold (1965) 3.45 Here Come The Waves (1944) 5.30 A Place In The Sun (1951) 7.35 Road To Morocco (1942) 9.00 Duel In The Sun (1946) 11.10 Seconds (1966) 1.00am Too Late The Hero (1970) 3.20 White Savage (1943)

9.00am Earth (1998) 10.50 Oscar Winners Season 11.05 The Namesake (2006) 1.10pm Fire (1996) 3.10 Earth (1998) 5.00 Mulholland Drive (2001) 7.30 Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) 10.00 Bringing Out The Dead (1999) 12.05am Mulholland Drive (2001)

1.00pm The Spy In Black (1939) 2.40 Bus Stop (1956) 4.30 Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) 6.50 Bride And Prejudice (2004) 9.00 The Magdalene Sisters (2002) 11.15 Bullitt (1968) Steve McQueen looks dead cool and really fast in this thriller. 1.30am The Luzhin Defence (1999)

11.05am Captain Horatio Hornblower (1951) 1.00pm The Abdication (1974) 3.00 The Spirit Of St Louis (1957) 5.35 Bad Day At Black Rock (1955) 7.05 The Gumball Rally (1976) 9.00 The Roman Spring Of Mrs Stone (1961) 11.00 Children Of A Lesser God (1986) 1.15am The Roman Spring Of Mrs Stone (1961)

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wednesday 11 Nature’s Great Events BBC1, 9pm A brand new series for anyone who’s ever gone down to the beach simply to stand and look at it and go “coo.” Showing the most dramatic wildlife spectacles on the planet, it kicks off with the summer melt of Arctic ice, opening up nearly three million square miles of ocean and land.

Get ready to say “coo.”

Terry Pratchett – Living With Alzheimer’s BBC2, 9pm The arguable king of science fantasy Terry Pratchett announced that he had early onset Alzheimer’s not too long ago. Determined not to let it think it had the upper hand Pratchett investigates his future living with the disease and what the very latest treatments might bring him.

Dispatches: Too Old To Work More 4, 9pm There are more interesting things on tonight at 9pm than you can shake a stick at, and here’s another. Investigating the ageism that is allegedly rife amongst employers and recruitment agencies, Dispatches pitches a 57-year-old father and 25-yearold daughter against each other to see who can get the most jobs.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 Gastronuts 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.30 Dani’s House 10.00 Stake Out 10.30 Gimme A Break 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Coast 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Catch A Falling Star (1999) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 International Football 11.00 International Football 12.00pm Revista De La Liga 1.00 International Football 3.00 International Football 5.00 Football Asia 5.30 Hyundai A League 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 LIVE International Football 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports! 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am International Football 1.30 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 International Football 4.30 You’re On Sky Sports!

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out The local magazine programme explores the secret nuclear bunkers near Hastings.

8.00 Waterloo Road Drama series set in a secondary school. Matt may be biting off more than he can chew when he becomes an emergency foster carer to Sam Kelly. Serious job done by brilliant people.

9.00 Nature’s Great Events See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Gethin Jones presents the Thunderball, Dream Number and Lotto draws, live from Lottery HQ. Full of dreams and disappointments.

10.45 Movie Connections Documentary series about the making of hit British movies. Buster is the story about the little people who craved the big time. Phil Collins, Julie Walters, Larry Lamb, director David Green and others discuss the making of the 1988 smash.

11.25 FILM: One Way Out (2002) Starring James Belushi, Jason Bateman. Crime drama.

1.00am The Weakest Link 1.05 Sign Zone: Explore: Patagonia To The Pampas 2.05 Explore: Argentina’s Dirty War 2.35 Natural World 3.25 BBC News

6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quiz show hosted by Nicky Campbell.

6.30 Eggheads More quizzing action.

7.00 Escape To The Country Jules Hudson is in Dorset with a couple from Hertfordshire looking to retire in style. Subscription to Vogue then?

8.00 It’s Not Easy Being Green Dick and James brew up some cider on the farm, but reactions are mixed. Hic! 8.30 MasterChef Three contestants from the 2008 series are back to have another shot at the MasterChef title.

But as they have been here before, things get tougher; this time they have to survive an 18-hour shift in professional kitchens. Only the best will go through to the quarter-final.

9.00 Terry Pratchett – Living With Alzheimer’s See highlights.

10.00 QI Panel-based quiz hosted by Stephen Fry, with Jo Brand, Phill Jupitus, Dara O Briain and Alan Davies. Great fun and bonus points for the ‘quite interesting’ answers.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. Watch the politicians shrivel under his stare.

11.20 Mad Men Drama series which takes an unflinching look at the world of advertising in 1960s New York.

12.10am BBC News 4.00 A Picture Of Britain 5.00 Coast

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Dingles are shocked to discover that Cain is involved in Debbie’s case. Daddy dearest, eh?

7.30 Coronation Street Is Tony cracking up under the burden of his own guilt? Watch out Carla, you’re a blimmin’ catalyst in all this.

8.00 Britain Does The Funniest Things Stephen Mulhern presents another selection of home video clips and funny stories from across the UK. 8.30 International Football: Spain V England England have a chance to test their progress in a tough international away to current European champions Spain. Liverpool’s Fernando Torres could line up against his club captain Steven Gerrard in one of the intriguing sideshows, and David Beckham will hope his recent performances for AC Milan will earn him the one cap needed to match Bobby Moore’s appearance record.

Presented by Steve Rider with Andy Townsend and Teddy Sheringham.

11.10 The Late News; Weather 11.45 Nightwatch With Steve Scott (x2) 1.30am Loose Women 2.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.15 Violent Partners: Tonight 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News (x2)

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Sex, Lies And Soaps 10.00 Wasted 10.30 Wakey Wakey Campers 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 The Midland: Checking Into History 12.50 Back To You 1.20 FILM: Saboteur (1942) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Jacqui takes Theresa under her wing and puts the false pregnancy device for shoplifting into mass production. Only a McQueen.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Bristol-based couple Louise Buckles and Peter Melrose want a home in London while keeping a little place in the Wiltshire countryside. Phil and Kirstie do their best to do miracles.

9.00 Grand Designs New edition of the property series following householders as they build their own homes. Sarah and Dean Berry return to their native South Wales from London, attempting to restore a hilltop castle near Newport. Disney was not involved in the construction of this castle.

10.00 The World’s Biggest Family And Me Mark Dolan sets off on a global quest to learn the truth about families with ten or more children.

11.05 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series set on a Manchester estate. Repeat of yesterday’s episode.

12.10am 4 Music: Video Exclusive: Doves 12.15 Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... Tony Bennett 1.20 FILM: Get Real (1998) 3.15 FILM: Friday Night In (2003) 3.25 Hill Street Blues 4.10 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 The Treacle People 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away The community reels at Angelo’s confession. It’ll be a bestseller.

6.30 Wild Animal ER Documentary.

The nurses give a grubby fox a muchneeded shampoo and blow-dry. Going on holiday this year, madam?

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Extraordinary Animals This episode focuses on Panzee, a chimp whose learning abilities have stunned scientists. Not by learning to hit them on the bonce.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers Alex must overcome poor health to haul the biggest load of his career.

9.00 Minder Comedy drama. Archie steps in to help an old pal organise his daughter’s wedding. But when the groom goes missing and a menacing loan shark threatens to ruin the big day, is it more than he can sort out?

10.00 Girls Aloud: Where Did It All Go Right? Documentary exploring their extraordinary success, charting the girls’ rise from reality TV wannabes to pop superstars. Not fogetting tabloid brawlers and transAtlantic relationships along the way.

11.05 Ant And Dec: Where Did It All Go Right? Documentary exploring the success of Geordie-boys Anthony McPartlin and Declan Donnelly. More than PJ and Duncan.

12.05am Poker 1.35 NHRA Drag Racing 3.05 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Mountain Bike World 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Poker 12.00pm Mountain Bike World 12.30 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 1.30 Poker 2.30 Powder Adventures 3.00 Tennis 4.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Licence To Le Mans 7.30 Total Rugby 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 European Tour Weekly 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am European Tour Weekly 12.30 Total Rugby 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 Licence To Le Mans 2.30 UAE Motor Racing Championship 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.30am Cycling 9.30 Tennis 10.30 Sailing 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Powder Adventures 1.30 Mountain Bike World 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Sailing 8.00 Tenpin Bowling 9.00 UAE Motor Racing Championship 9.30 Licence To Le Mans 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Tenpin Bowling 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Sailing 3.00 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 1.00 Standoff 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A TenYear-Old? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 FILM: The Fugitive (1993) 12.25am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 FILM: Shrek 2 (2004) 9.25 Little Britain USA 9.50 FILM: Things To Do Before You’re 30 (2004) 11.25 The Undercover Princes 12.25am The Real Hustle (x2) 1.25 Naked: Office Workers 2.20 The Undercover Princes 3.20 The Real Hustle

7.00pm News 7.30 Picture Book 8.30 Books For Boys: A Mission Impossible 9.00 How Reading Made Us Modern 10.00 Stephen Fry And The Gutenberg Press 11.00 Samuel Johnson: The Dictionary Man 12.00am How Reading Made Us Modern 1.00 Picture Book 2.00 Stephen Fry And The Gutenberg Press

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Johnny Vegas: The Hot Desk 8.00 Demons 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004) 12.00am Coronation Street 12.30 When Soapstars Sing

11.00am Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Pie In The Sky 3.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.15 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.20 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Ladies Of Letters 9.30 Rising Damp 10.00 Kingdom 11.00 Rose And Maloney 12.05am Numb3rs

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 FILM: Broken Arrow (1996) 11.05 90210 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl 1.30 90210 2.30 Roswell (x2)

5.05pm Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Dispatches: Too Old To Work. See highlights. 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 The IT Crowd 11.05 TV Heaven, Telly Hell (x2) 12.10am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Rehab 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Citizen Smith 5.40 Keeping Up Appearances 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 After You’ve Gone 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder II 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.20am Blackadder II

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x4) 1.10am Frasier (x2) 2.10 World Stands Up

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Survivorman 9.00 Solved 10.00 Murder Shift 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 Final Days Of Planet Earth 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Cyclops (2008) 9.50 FILM: Bone Eater (2007) 11.30 FILM: Derailed (2002) 1.10am Ghost Stories (x2) 2.00 Flash Gordon

10.50am Rear Window (1954) 12.50pm Topaz (1969) 3.15 Holiday Inn (1942) 5.00 Oscar Season Special 5.20 Sullivan’s Travels (1941) 6.55 Rear Window (1954) 8.55 The Birds (1963) 11.00 Psycho (1960) 12.50am Bigger Than Life (1956) 2.35 Sullivan’s Travels (1941)

10.45am Black Snake Moan (2006) 12.40pm Ten Canoes (2006) 2.15 Breaking And Entering (2006) 4.15 The Serpent (2006) 6.20 Neil Young: Heart Of Gold 8.05 Black Snake Moan (2006) 10.00 Into The Wild (2007) 12.30am Jindabyne (2006) 2.40 Requiem For A Dream (2000) 4.30 Movie Geek

1.00pm Trouble In The Glen (1954) 2.50 Hanover Street (1979) 4.55 Carrington VC (1954) 7.00 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 7.10 Carry On Doctor (1968) 9.00 Monster-in-Law (2005) Jane Fonda’s comic return to the big screen. 10.55 The 51st State (2001) 12.40am Old Joy (2006) 2.10 Disco Pigs (2001)

8.15am None But The Brave (1965) 10.10 Quo Vadis?

(1951) 1.10pm The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight (1971) 3.00 The Jazz Singer (1927) 5.05 Sweet November (1968) 7.15 Crazy From The Heart (1991) 9.00 Best Friends (1982) 11.05 Fandango (1984) 12.45am Best Friends (1982) 2.45 Fandango (1984)

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thursday 12 Piers Morgan On...

ITV1, 9pm He may have made few friends in his tabloid days but Mr M has managed to maintain enough profile for this series looking into the most powerful areas in the world. Kudos for that chuzpah.

Today it’s Tinseltown’s time as Piers asks why do one in three pilots feature a Brit actor and which pilots make the grade.

Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Channel 4, 11.10pm It’s good to have passion in a restaurant. Better yet not to have stand-up rows in front of the customers. Gordo dashes over to Peter’s Italian Restaurant in New York where the antics of the volatile Pellegrino family often take centre stage over the food.

Knocking heads together time.

We Need Answers BBC4, 10pm Mark Watson, Tim Key and Alex Horne lead a quiz show, adapted from their award-winning Edinburgh show. Celebrity guests Germaine Greer and Michael Rosen compete to find out which of them is the smartest, funniest and the best at surreal physical challenges. Questions come from the audience and text-messaging.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 Prank Patrol 4.35 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Ricky discovers that Whitney is more damaged than anyone ever thought. Bless him, he’s a sensitive step-dad. The right kind.

8.00 Life Of Riley Sitcom. Jim is asked to be Maddy’s ex-husband’s best man, but turns out to be the worst best man in history. There was obviously a competition that wasn’t picked up by the TV channels.

8.30 The Green Green Grass Rural sitcom. Boycie and Marlene drive Tyler back to his old university where his band, Puddle of Agony, is about to perform its very first gig.

9.00 Hustle Drama about a group of con artists. The team hope to con upper-class twit Alfie Baron, but all is not as it seems. Alfie is the plant of aggrieved former mark Carlton Wood, who is determined to get his own back. Hustlers getting hustled? The world’s gone mad!

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the political debate from Bath.

11.35 This Week A political review.

12.20am Skiing Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Watchdog 1.25 It’s Not Easy Being 1.55 Wild About Your Garden 2.40 Countryfile 3.35 BBC News

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.30 Dani’s House 10.00 Stake Out 10.30 Gimme A Break 11.00 The Maths Channel – Year 3 11.10 The Maths Channel – Year 3 11.20 The Maths Channel – Year 3 11.30 Something Special 11.45 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Meerkat Manor 1.20 Animal Park 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quiz show hosted by Nicky Campbell.

6.30 Eggheads Quiz time!

7.00 Oz And James Drink To Britain The pair cross the Irish Sea to Dublin in search of the best drinks of modern Ireland.

7.30 Media Revolution Like all other areas of the media, the book business is in a process of extraordinary change.

8.00 MasterChef Three contestants from the 2008 series are back.

9.00 Victorian Farm Historical observational documentary series following a team who live the life of Victorian farmers for a year.

10.00 What The Victorians Did For Us Adam Hart-Davis investigates the Victorian innovations that left a lasting impression on British society.

He discusses the growth of the leisure industry, from seaside ice cream to music halls and theatres.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Explore: Turkey On The Edge British Muslim Adil Ray visits Turkey, examining the role of Islam in everyday life and politics.

11.50 Iran And The West Key figures tell the inside story of the rise of the Ayatollah, including.

President Jimmy Carter, Vice President Walter Mondale and Grand Ayatollah Montazeri.

12.50am BBC News 4.00 Science In Action

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Sex, Lies And Soaps 10.00 Wasted 10.30 Wakey Wakey Campers 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Foreign Correspondents 12.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.40 FILM: When Eight Bells Toll (1971) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The McQueens embark on a shoplifting spree.

Fake pregnancy has never been so profitable.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 10 Years Younger: The Challenge Makeover show presented by Myleene Klass.

Recently qualified beauty therapist Samantha dreams of working in a top salon while ex-navy lad David is on the hunt for romance. The fountain of youth beckons with all its promises.

9.00 A Very British Storm Junkie Documentary about Stuart Robinson’s unusual hobby. By day, Stuart is an IT consultant but in his spare time he is a fanatical storm chaser, travelling the globe to witness the awesome power of nature first hand. Cool.

10.00 Who Killed Scarlett?

Documentary. On 18th February 2008 Fiona MacKeown’s 15-year-old daughter, Scarlett Keeling, was found dead on a beach in Goa. This film follows Fiona over the course of the past year as she searches for justice with a campaign that has put her in the international spotlight.

11.10 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA See highlights.

12.10am The Fun Police 1.10 Chaos At The Zoo 2.10 The Last Dragon 4.10 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 The Treacle People 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.15 FILM: Stone Cold (2005) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 European Tour Weekly 7.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 10.00 LIVE Tennis 4.00pm Total Rugby 4.30 Hyundai A League 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 The Rugby Club 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Premier League Darts 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00am Trans World Sport 1.00 The Rugby Club 2.00 Football Asia 3.00 Live International Cricket

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Dingles eagerly await Cain’s return. Debbie is shocked when she unexpectedly makes contact with Jasmine.

Hopefully not with Cain.

7.30 The Krypton Factor The contestants face the toughest set of challenges on TV in the final heat.

8.00 The Bill Jill Bentley reports an attempted break-in at her home and tells Nate and Ben that her teenage daughter, Sarah, was there alone.

Sarah claims she was ill in bed. Like rhubarb she was!

9.00 Piers Morgan On... See highlights.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dexter Crime drama in which a Miami police forensics expert leads a secret double life as a serial killer.

Dexter is none too pleased that a copy-cat killer is dishing out his own brand of vigilante justice. Meanwhile, his relationship with Lila is not working for Rita. Juggling time.

11.45 FILM: DC Sniper: 23 Days Of Fear (2003) Starring Charles S Dutton, Bobby Hosea and Tom O’Brien. Drama reconstructing the real-life sniper murders that terrorised the Washington DC area in October 2002.

1.15am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.10 Loose Women 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home And Away Miles sacrifices his own happiness in the interests of doing the right thing.

6.30 Wild Animal ER Documentary.

Veterinary nurses tend to a brutish badger who has been involved in some fisticuffs and is in need of medical attention. It could’ve been a contender.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker present a wildlife series. In California, Michaela aids in the recovery of a rattlesnake that has escaped into suburbia.

8.00 Cowboy Builders Melinda and Dom help a single mother of three patch up her cracked house.

9.00 Soho Blues Documentary series profiling police work in the heart of London’s West End. 10.00 FILM: The Sweetest Thing (2002) Starring Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair, Thomas Jane and Jason Bateman.

Romantic comedy telling the story of a player lady going on a road trip for a fella who catches her eye.

11.40 Police Interceptors: Special Edition Special edition of the documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex.

12.10am Quiz Call 4.00 NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 UAE Motor Racing Championship 9.30 Licence To Le Mans 10.00 International Football 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00pm Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 International Football 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All 4.00 International Football 5.30 Sailing 6.30 LIVE: Live Tennis 10.30 The Rugby Club 11.30 NFL: Total Access 12.30am Premier League Darts 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE: Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Total Rugby 9.30 Sailing 10.00 Sailing 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm European Tour Golf 3.00 Live Dubai International Racing Carnival 7.00 LIVE NASCAR 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Sailing 4.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

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BBC4

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Living

12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Bones 10.00 Women Who Kill 11.30 Cold Case 12.30am Bones 1.30 Cold Case

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Naked: Office Workers 9.00 Filthy Rich And Famous 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Paparazzi: Next Generation 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Naked: Office Workers 1.15 Filthy Rich And Famous 2.10 Paparazzi: Next Generation 3.10 The World’s Strictest Parents

7.00pm News 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Alison Krauss: A Hundred Miles Or More 9.00 The Lost Libraries Of Timbuktu 10.00 We Need Answers. See highlights. 10.30 The Look 11.20 Men, Women And Clothes 11.40 Citizen Smith 12.10am The Lost Libraries Of Timbuktu 1.10 Alison Krauss

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Keith Lemon: The Hot Desk 8.00 American Idol 9.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 10.00 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 12.20am Supernatural

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Pie In The Sky 3.10 Monarch Of The Glen 4.15 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.20 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Flashpoint 11.00 FILM: The American President (1995) 1.15am Inspector Morse

1.40pm Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 Skins 11.00 The Inbetweeners 11.35 Peep Show 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 Hill Street Blues 3.00 A Place By The Sea 4.05 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 ER 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am ER 1.00 Brothers And Sisters

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Rehab 9.00 CSI 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Ever Decreasing Circles 6.20 Keeping Up Appearances 7.00 After You’ve Gone 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2)9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder The Third 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 The Worst Week Of My Life 12.20am Blackadder The Third

2.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men 12.40 Frasier (x2)

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Solved 10.00 Crime Scene Forensics 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Bone Eater (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: Derailed (2002) 11.40 FILM: Cyclops (2008) 1.30am Ghost Stories

11.35am Island In The Sky (1953) 1.25pm The Phantom Of The Opera (1943) 3.00 Custer Of The West (1968) 5.20 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 7.10 The Comancheros (1961) 9.00 Touch Of Evil (1958) 12.30am Arabesque (1966) 2.20 Custer Of The West (1968) 4.45 Island In The Sky (1953)

9.00am Tube Tales (1999) 10.30 Days Of Glory (2005) 12.40pm Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007) 2.30 Goodbye Bafana (2007) 4.30 Tube Tales (1999) 6.00 Away From Her (2006) 8.00 This Is My Father (1998) 10.00 Days Of Glory (2005) 12.05am Magnolia (1999)

1.00pm The Tall Stranger (1957) 2.40 Brief Encounter (1945) 4.25 Contraband (1940) 6.15 Oliver Twist (2005) 8.50 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 9.00 The Waterboy (1998) Adam Sandler plays the athletic idiot savant. 10.50 From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) 12.55am Cries And Whispers (1972)

7.30amThe Good Guys And The Bad Guys (1969) 9.10 The Story Of Mankind (1957) 11.05 Downhill Racer (1969) 1.00pm Cash McCall (1959) 3.00 Auntie Mame (1958) 5.35 Fort Vengeance (1953) 7.05 Assignment To Kill (1969) 9.00 Goodbye Mr Chips (1969) 11.50 It! (1967) 1.40am Goodbye Mr Chips (1969)

Classics

Indie

036_LS410_TV_fri

2/4/09

10:08 AM

Page 1

friday 13 The Love Industry: Tonight ITV1, 8pm With Valentine’s set to torment or tantalise tomorrow, Jonathan Maitland looks at the billionpound match-making industry and joins three dating hopefuls as they trawl the agencies, speed dating and online options. With 15 million singletons expected by 2011, is this expanding lifestyle a new trend in society?

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross BBC1, 10.35pm Lovely funny man Michael McIntyre plants his posterior firmly on Wossy’s sofa, ensuring some first rate banter is guaranteed.

Joining him is Brit Hollywood leading lady Emily Mortimer – her of the heavyweight acting – with music from Morissey. Perfick.

Being Human BBC3, 9pm The science fantasy flatmates are all swept up in their own busy lives this week as Lauren won’t leave Mitchell alone, George finds an admirer at the hospital and Annie enlists some other worldly help in the form of an 80s music-obsessed ghost. She’s after finding the truth to her death. Unfinished business etc.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 Outback 8 4.35 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.30 Dani’s House 10.00 Stake Out 10.30 Gimme A Break 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Meerkat Manor 1.20 Animal Park 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Sex, Lies And Soaps 10.00 Wasted 10.30 Teen Trouble 11.25 Year Dot 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.35 FILM: The Lady Vanishes (1979) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Jenifer (2001) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 12.00pm Barclays Premier League World 12.30 The Rugby Club 1.00 Barclays Premier League World 1.30 LIVE Test Cricket 5.00 LIVE Test Cricket 9.30 Barclays Premier League World 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Super League 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Barclays Premier League World 4.30 Live European Tour Golf

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz.

8.00 EastEnders Shirl hurts Heather in the worst way possible, while Bianca and Ricky unite for a lifechanging decision. More kiddies?

8.30 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police.

9.00 QI Panel-based quiz where the aim is to be interesting. Stephen Fry hosts, with Clive Anderson, Rich Hall, Reginald D Hunter and Alan Davies.

9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom.

Over-excited by the appearance of a lesbian couple in their building, Lee and Tim ask them over for dinner, little realising that their adolescent attempt to get their jollies will backfire. Hmm. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross See highlights.

11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 FILM: Weird Science (1985) Starring Anthony Hall, Kelly LeBrock, Ilan Mitchell-Smith. A couple of nerds build a fantasy woman. 80s classic.

1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: Horizon: Cannabis: The Evil Weed? 2.15 Iran And The West 3.15 Commercial Breakdown With Jimmy Carr (x2) 4.35 BBC News

6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quiz show hosted by Nicky Campbell.

6.30 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts more quiz action.

7.00 Once A Soldier Documentary series about the Chelsea Pensioners.

All leave is cancelled – all 300 Chelsea Pensioners are ordered to the parade ground as HM the Queen takes the salute on Founders Day. 7.30 Mastermind Topics are Marillion, Klaus Fuchs, The First Kashmir War and the Life and Poetry of Alexander Pushkin.

8.00 Natural World Exploring Japan’s snow monkey population, both the well off and the neglected.

8.50 Coast 9.00 Around The World In 80 Faiths Pete Owen Jones smokes cigars with Saint Death in Mexico, ventures into a Bolivian mine to meet a god of the underworld, and takes a natural hallucinogen with a New Age community in Brazil.

10.00 Rab C Nesbitt Comedy featuring Scotland’s angry middle-aged man.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Roundtable arts and culture discussion.

11.35 The Culture Show Uncut Mark Kermode and Miranda Sawyer discuss the merits of celebrity culture.

12.20am Medium (x2) 1.45 Nero Wolfe Mysteries

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Paddy thinks he is the butt of a joke when he receives a valentine from Gennie. Ah. 7.30 Coronation Street Who will propose to Becky – dashing Jason or hopeless Steve? Turn them both down, Love! Neither have done good by you!

8.00 The Love Industry: Tonight See highlights.

8.30 Coronation Street Becky angrily rejects Steve’s attempts to win her back. Don’t cross our Bex. 9.00 Trial And Retribution Conclusion of a two-part story.

With his wife and child missing, a frantic DS Satchell is desperate to resolve the situation, whatever it takes. That’s not usually a good thing.

10.00 Pushing Daisies Quirky US drama about a pie-maker who uses his ability to bring the dead briefly back to life to solve murder cases.

Olive calls in Ned and Emerson to investigate when a fellow nun’s supposed suicide looks suspicious.

Mortal sin and all that.

11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.35 FILM: Dracula: Prince Of Darkness (1966) Starring Christopher Lee, Barbara Shelley. Spine-chilling horror classic.

1.15am FILM: Great Balls Of Fire!

(1989) 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ash treats Hannah to a spectacular Valentine’s Day present.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 The Seven Ages Of Love Ordinary people put their experiences of love into verse by Luke Wright.

8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA Paula and Julian Carter move to Florida with their family, and keep their foot on the UK property ladder with a home in Poole. Nice.

9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Hannah and Mason’s is a French bistro in smalltown New Jersey. The owners, both former employees, lack aptitude and experience, while the kitchen fridge boasts a sight so disgusting that Gordon compells them to shut down on Valentine’s Day night. Ugh! 10.00 Free Agents New comedy series set in a talent agency, where two agents struggle to overcome their emotional problems.

10.30 Rude Tube Internet videos.

11.05 The Sunday Night Project Guest host Lily Allen.

12.10am 4 Music: The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 12.40 4 Music: The JD Set Presents: Rosie And The Goldbug 12.55 Betfair World Series Of Poker Europe 1.55 Red Bull Air Race 2008 2.55 Freesports On 4 3.20 Trans World Sport 4.10 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Brian goes to drastic lengths to blackmail Leah.

6.30 Wild Animal ER Les rescues two cheeky jackdaws who find themselves stuck down a chimney.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Rough Guide To Mediterranean Islands Toby Amies enjoys some explosive action on and around the Aeolian Islands of Stromboli and Vulcano.

8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex.

9.00 NCIS The mysterious death of a sailor on board a ship brings the agents into contact with a deadly virus and a top-secret Navy research mission. Sounds like a job for Indiana Jones. Or NCIS. 10.00 Numb3rs Detective drama.

The agents investigate the disappearance of an illusionist during a magic act. As details surrounding the case unfold, Don and his team are left wondering whether the magician’s vanishing act is all that it seems. Don’t watch the hands.

11.00 Criminal Minds Drama series.

The unit travels to San Diego to profile a rapist and murderer who attacks his victims in broad daylight.

12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 Tim Marlow On... Stubbs And The Horse 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 Sailing 11.30 LIVE Tennis 3.30pm Barclays Premier League World 4.00 NFL: Total Access 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 International Cricket 12.00am NFL: Total Access 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Big League Weekend 4.00 Super League

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 WWE Raw 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm European Tour Golf 3.00 Powder Adventures 3.30 Gillette World Sport 4.00 British Ice Hockey 6.30 LIVE Tennis 10.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.30 Rugby Union: Super 14 3.30 Volvo Ocean Race 4.00 Tight Lines 5.00 Powder Adventures 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

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More4

Living

2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 9.00 FILM: The Fugitive (1993) 11.25 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 12.25am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 8.15 Doctor Who 9.00 Being Human. See highlights.

10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Grownups 11.00 Two Pints Of Lager Outtakes 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Little Britain USA 12.40 Being Human 1.40 Grownups 2.10 Two Pints Of Lager Outtakes

7.00pm News 7.30 Transatlantic Sessions 8.00 Sounds Of The Sixties 8.10 Festival!: A Film By Murray Lerner 9.40 ... Sings Dylan 10.30 Folk America At The Barbican: Greenwich Village 11.30 Mad Men 12.20am The New Avengers 1.10 Heavy Load: Storyville 2.10 Folk America At The Barbican

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Girls Aloud: The Hot Desk 8.00 Coleen’s Real Women 9.00 American Idol 11.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 12.00am Coronation Street (x2)

11.10am Inspector Morse 1.10pm Heartbeat 2.15 Pie In The Sky 3.15 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.20 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.25 Home To Roost 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Flashpoint 10.00 FILM: Groundhog Day (1993) 12.05am Liverpool One 1.10 Inspector Morse

11.50am Gilmore Girls 12.40pm Scrubs 1.10 Scrubs 1.40 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Wife Swap 10.05 FILM: Under Siege (1992) 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 Hill Street Blues 3.00 A Place By The Sea 4.05 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 FILM: Once Upon A Time In America (1984) 2.25am Grand Designs

12.00pm Maury 12.55 Maury 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x20 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 CSI 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 Rehab 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Ever Decreasing Circles 6.20 Keeping Up Appearances 7.00 After You’ve Gone 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder The Third 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 The Worst Week Of My Life 12.20am Blackadder The Third

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Celebrity Death Match

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 FILM: White Squall (1996) 11.30 Real Emergency Calls 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Locusts: Day Of Destruction (2005) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Sea Of Souls 9.15 Sea Of Souls 10.30 FILM: John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998) 12.30am Eli Stone

1.25pm Road To Zanzibar (1941) 3.00 The Inn Of The Sixth Happiness (1958) 5.40 The Lady Eve (1941) 7.20 The Out-of-Towners (1970) 9.00 Samson And Delilah (1949) 11.10 The Inn Of The Sixth Happiness (1958) 1.50am Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 3.40 The Movie Geek

10.45am Southland Tales (2006) 1.25pm The Escapist (2001) 3.00 The Last Mogul (2005) 4.45 Nelly And Monsieur Arnaud (1995) 6.35 Clerks II (2006) 8.15 Play Misty For Me (1971) 10.00 Crash (1996) 11.45 Happiness (1999) 2.10am Southland Tales (2006) 5.00 Sky Movies Preview

1.00pm Doctor In Distress (1963) 3.05 Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) 5.25 Thunderbirds Are Go! (1966) 7.15 The Honeymooners (2005) 9.00 Forrest Gump (1994) 11.40 Final Destination 2 (2002) Teen horror as fate chases it’s escaped quarry.

1.25am Inside Deep Throat (2005)

10.45am The Five Pennies (1959) 1.00pm Young Man With A Horn (1950) 3.00 The Old Man And The Sea (1958) 4.35 The Sins Of Rachel Cade (1961) 6.50 Hooper (1978) 8.30 The Screening Room 9.00 Midnight Cowboy (1969) 11.05 Friday The 13th (1980) 1.00am Midnight Cowboy (1969)

Classics

Indie

037_LS410_TV_sat

2/5/09

1:55 PM

Page 1

saturday 14 Arena: Tony Bennett: The Music Never Ends BBC2, 7.30pm Tony Bennett reflects over his life story with his friend and jazz enthusiast Clint Eastwood.

With archive footage, favourite musicals and and footage from his 2005 performance at the Montreal Jazz Festival, this is a chilled and thorough retrospective of a great artist.

The Old Guys BBC1, 9.15pm From the writers of Peep Show, this senior delinquent sitcom is being received well. An unusual status with more hip replacement than hip hop lead actors. This week Roy tries to teach Amber how to ride a bike and Tom discovers he could get a lump sum if he was married. But who to get hitched to?

100 Greatest Sex Symbols E4, 9pm It’s Valentine’s night, and if you don’t want to go out with a significant other you can always stay in and decide your personal top 10 date-worthy persons from this little lot. Including supermodels, musicians and screen icons – as well as cartoons and superheroes – you’ll be spoilt for choice.

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 MasterChef 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Racing From Ascot And Haydock 2.30 Six Nations Rugby 5.00 BBC News 5.10 Regional News And Weather 5.15 Six Nations Rugby

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero?

9.55 Bernard 10.00 Basil’s Swap Shop 11.00 Roar 12.00pm Malcolm In The Middle 12.20 Malcolm In The Middle 12.40 Proper Messy 12.45 The Almost Perfect Guide To Life 1.10 Myths 1.15 Sound 1.45 Trexx And Flipside 2.15 The Sky At Night 2.35 Meerkat Manor 3.00 Psych 3.45 Psych 4.30 Final Score 5.00 Coast

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 9.55 Dancing On Ice 11.35 Dancing On Ice – The Skate Off 12.05pm ITV News And Weather 12.10 FA Cup Live: Swansea City V Fulham 2.55 Inspector Morse 4.55 The Unforgettable...

5.25 Meridian News And Weather 5.40 ITV News And Weather 5.55 Creature Comforts

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 The Great North Swim 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.50 Friends 10.20 Confessions Of A Shopaholic: T4 Movie Special 10.55 Steve Jones’ Brits Tips 11.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.00pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 3.55 4Sport: Aviva European Trials And UK Championships 4.55 The Quest For The Lost Ark

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Everybody Hates Chris 10.30 Two And A Half Men 11.00 Fifth Gear 12.00pm The Sharkman 1.00 Jaguar Adventure With Nigel Marven 2.00 FILM: Every Time We Say Goodbye (1986) 3.45 FILM: All Dogs Go To Heaven II (1996) 5.15 FILM: The Wedding Planner (2001)

6.00am LIVE European Tour Golf 8.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 1.30 LIVE Test Cricket 5.00 LIVE Test Cricket 9.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 10.30 Super 14 Rugby 12.30am Ford Football Special 1.30 Super League 3.30 Super 14 Rugby 5.30 Licence To Le Mans

6.00 Dad’s Army Comedy series featuring the hapless exploits of a small town’s contingent of the Home Guard.

6.30 Victorian Farm The team’s year on the farm is coming to an end. But first they have to bring in the wheat harvest, the most crucial part of the Victorian Farm calendar.

7.30 Arena: Tony Bennett: The Music Never Ends See highlights.

9.00 Iran And The West Second episode in the documentary series marking the 30th anniversary of the Iranian Revolution. Inside stories are told by two ex-presidents of Iran, Hashemi Rafsanjani and Mohammad Khatami, by two founders of Iran’s Revolutionary Guard, and by leading westerners.

10.00 QI XL Panel-based quiz where the aim is to be interesting. Stephen Fry with Clive Anderson, Rich Hall, Reginald D Hunter and Alan Davies.

Extra long for your viewing pleasure.

10.45 Kings Of Cool: The Crooners Honor Blackman narrates a celebration of some of the most stylish musical icons of the last century, the crooners such as Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Nat King Cole and Tony Bennett 11.35 FILM: For The Moment (1994) Starring Russell Crowe. Romantic drama set during World War II. 1.35am Mad Men 2.25 FILM: Turtles Can Fly (2004)

6.05 Creature Comforts Animated fun as a variety of animals ponder the ups and downs of personal grooming.

6.15 The Best Of You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill delves into the archive to present the Best of You’ve Been Framed! A lot like Casualty, but with a laughter track.

7.15 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Irreverent telly tour guide Harry Hill has been hard at work again, exploring the vast televisual terrain of soaps, reality shows, documentaries and dramas.

7.45 Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway Ant and Dec are back with a new series of their awardwinning show. Joining them on this Valentine’s evening are Paris Hilton and pop rock princess Miley Cyrus.

9.00 Dancing On Ice: The Story Of Bolero With Torvill And Dean The story of how Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean achieved ice dancing’s first ever perfect score for their performance of Ravel’s Bolero at the Winter Olympics in Sarajevo 25 years ago.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FA Cup Highlights Matt Smith introduces highlights of today’s FA Cup fifth round matches.

11.45 FILM: Timecop: The Berlin Decision (2003) Starring Jason Lee. Sci-fi action adventure sequel.

1.15am Nightwatch With Steve Scott (x2) 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Channel 4 Political Awards Jon Snow presents the eleventh annual edition of the awards which mix serious commendation for political success with sharply drawn observations from the nation’s top political commentators.

8.00 Grand Designs New edition of the property series following householders as they build their own homes. Sarah and Dean return to South Wales from London, attempting to restore a hilltop castle near Newport. Most important here – who gets to design the castle flag?

9.00 FILM: Collateral (2004) Starring Tom Cruise, Jamie Foxx, Jada Pinkett Smith, Mark Ruffalo.

Sharp and stylish thriller. A cab driver in Los Angeles is offered $600 to drive a well-dressed man around the city making five stops, but the money soon becomes incidental when he realises that his fare is a hit man with a contract to fulfil. Kapow!

Splat! Baddie ahoy! Zlonk!

11.15 FILM: Batman (1989) Starring Jack Nicholson, Michael Keaton, Kim Basinger. Tim Buton’s interpretation of the story of the Caped Crusader and his battle with the Joker. Boff!

1.35am FILM: The Young Poisoner’s Handbook (1995) 3.20 Christianity: A History 4.20 Time Team 5.10 Countdown 5.55 The Hoobs

7.05 Minder Comedy drama. Archie steps in to help an old pal organise his daughter’s wedding. But when the groom goes missing and a menacing loan shark threatens to ruin the big day, Archie wonders if he has bitten off more than he can chew.

8.05 Five News; Sport 8.15 NCIS Drama series. Gibbs comes face to face with Ari, the terrorist who wounded him before escaping. Wound me once, shame on you. Wound me twice...

9.15 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. When three men are simultaneously shot dead in separate locations, the detectives look for a link between the trio in the hope that it will lead them to the killers. Hope’s a good thang.

10.15 Law And Order Crime drama.

A famous novelist dies from complications following plastic surgery. Evidence emerges that her surgeon made a crucial mistake and then ignored her pleas for help – but McCoy is reluctant to prosecute him.

11.15 NCIS US drama. The mysterious death of a sailor on board a ship brings the agents into contact with a deadly virus and a top-secret Navy research mission. Probably one and the same thing. Maybe.

12.15am Quiz Call 4.00 Tim Marlow On... Constable: The Great Landscapes 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Out Of Practice (x2)

7.35 The National Lottery: In It To Win It Dale Winton hosts the quiz show where five contestants compete to be in the right place at the right time in a bid to win a big money jackpot. Riches without effort! Yay! Let’s celebrate the national ethos.

8.25 Casualty Adam finds the day difficult after collecting his brother’s ashes, but finds unlikely support in Jordan. And rounds of mysterious Valentine’s cards are delivered to the staff at the ED, but who is playing Cupid? Is it a dirty old man in cublicle two?

9.15 The Old Guys See highlights.

9.45 Live At The Apollo Series of cutting-edge stand-up comedy recorded at the Hammersmith Apollo.

10.30 BBC News 10.50 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker is in the chair once more as she hosts another episode of the light-hearted sports quiz.

11.20 FILM: High Crimes (2002) Starring Ashley Judd, Morgan Freeman, James Caviezel. Thriller in which a woman finds her world turned upside down when her husband is accused of being a war criminal living under a false name. He’s not too thrilled about it either. Funny that.

1.10am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.10 Weatherview 2.15 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 LIVE Super 14 Rugby 8.30 Women’s Golf: Australian Women’s Open 10.30 Gillette World Sport 11.00 Super 14 Rugby 1.00pm Volvo Ocean Race 1.30 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race 6.00 Sailing 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 LIVE Super League 9.30 Golf Night 12.00am Sailing 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Sailing 3.00 Sailing 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 Live European Tour Golf

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Tight Lines 7.00 Big League Weekend 8.00 Friday Fight Night 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 Live Tennis 3.00 Gillette World Sport 3.30 Volvo Ocean Race 4.00 WWE Smackdown 6.00 Licence To Le Mans 6.30 LIVE Tennis 8.30 Volvo Ocean Race 9.00 Max Power 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Max Power 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Spanish Football 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

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9.00am Soccer AM 12.00pm Futurama (x4) 2.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 3.00 Project Runway 4.00 Gladiators 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Noel’s HQ Live 7.30 The Simpsons (x3) 9.00 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan (x2) 11.00 24 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.55 Street Wars 2.50 Sex On The Beach

7.00pm The Wrong Door 7.10 The Real Hustle (x2) 8.10 Top Gear: Botswana Special 9.15 FILM: Things To Do Before You’re 30 (2004) 10.50 Live At The Apollo 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Being Human 1.20 Paparazzi: Next Generation 2.20 Naked: Office Workers 3.15 The Real Hustle (x2)

7.00pm Men, Women And Clothes 7.30 Wives And Daughters 9.00 New Town 10.00 Iran And Britain 11.00 Storyville: Prostitution Behind The Veil 11.55 Comedy Songs: The Pop Years 1.25am The Comic Songbook: Timeshift 2.25 Iran And Britain 3.25 New Town 5.30 Close

11.05am Coleen’s Real Women 12.10pm The Grammy Awards 2009 2.15 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 3.15 Gossip Girl 4.15 American Idol (x2) 7.15 FILM: The Flintstones (1994) 9.00 FILM: Dante’s Peak (1997) 11.10 FILM: Thirteen (2003) 1.15am Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty 1.35 American Princess

12.10pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.15 FILM: Groundhog Day (1993) 3.15 FILM: Princess Caraboo (1994) 5.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 7.25 Wycliffe 8.30 Rosemary And Thyme 9.30 A Touch Of Frost 11.35 Cracker 12.45am Hammer House Of Horror 1.45 Wycliffe 2.40 Upstairs, Downstairs

10.00am The Simple Life (X2) 10.55 Dark Angel (x2) 12.40pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 100 Greatest Sex Symbols. See highlights. 1.05am Dark Angel 1.55 The Simple Life 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x3) 12.35pm FILM: The African Queen (1951) 2.35 Grand Designs Abroad (x5) 7.55 Catastrophe 9.00 FILM: The First New Heart (2007) 10.35 Transplanting Memories 11.40 D-Day: Time Team Special 12.40am The West Wing 1.40 Transplanting Memories

12.00pm Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 America’s Next Top Model 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 6.00 Will And Grace (x2) 7.00 Criminal Minds 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 FILM: The Next Karate Kid (1994) 11.20 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.20am Psychic Investigators 12.50 The Fix 1.00 Charmed

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Paramount

Discovery

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Sky Movies

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TCM

2.40pm As Time Goes By 3.20 Only Fools And Horses 4.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 4.40 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 7.00 FILM: Father Of The Bride 2 (1995) 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.10 Blackadder II 10.50 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.30 I’m Alan Partridge 12.05am Jonathan Creek 1.15 Blackadder II

3.00 pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) The King Of Queens (x2) 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 8.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x4) 12.10am South Park (x2) 1.10 Sex And The City (x4)

2.00pm The Wave That Shook The World 3.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Unsolved Murders (x2) 5.00 Nextworld 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Survivorman 8.00 Alaska’s Great Race 9.00 Murder Shift 10.00 Death Machines 11.00 Crime Scene Forensics 12.00am Extreme Forensics 1.00 A Haunting

1.00pm FILM: Nature Unleashed: Avalanche (2004) 2.40 FILM: The Dead Will Tell (2004) 4.30 FILM: Locusts: Day Of Destruction (2005) 6.30 Ghost Stories 7.00 Haunted Homes 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: The People Under The Stairs (1991) 12.00am FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005)

9.40am Funny Face (1957) 11.30 Lover Come Back (1961) 1.20pm The Seven Year Itch (1955) 3.10 Indiscreet (1958) 4.55 Roman Holiday (1953) 6.55 How To Steal A Million (1966) 9.00 Funny Face (1957) 10.50 The Seven Year Itch (1955) 12.40am Father Goose (1964)

11.05am Neil Young: Heart Of Gold 12.50pm The General (1998) 3.00 Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) 5.30 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 7.35 Mulholland Drive (2001) 10.00 Fatal Attraction (1987) 12.05am Boys Don’t Cry (1999) 2.10 Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006)

1.00pm Thunderbirds Are Go! (1966) 2.50 Howards End (1992) 5.35 Carry On Doctor (1968) Kenneth Williams et al titter and ooh at the medics shenanigans. 7.25 P’Tang Yang Kipperbang (1982) 9.00 Brick Lane (2007) 11.00 Creep (2004) 12.40am Beautiful Thing (1996)

11.00am The Omega Man (1971) 12.55pm The Philadelphia Story (1940) 3.00 Pride And Prejudice (1940) 5.15 Jailhouse Rock (1957) 7.05 Moonstruck (1987) 9.00 Dangerous Liaisons (1988) 11.20 The Screening Room 11.55 Ordinary People (1980) 2.15am Dangerous Liaisons (1988)

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sunday 15 Top Gear BBC2, 7.30pm The motoring nutheads are back again with another fab mission.

Jezza, James and the Hamster are off to find the best car, in their opinion, for the British police force. It needs to be fast, yet economical; high spec, yet easily repaired. They’ll be bound to be repairing theirs loads. Plus loads more car-orientated fun.

Celebrity Come Dine With Me Channel 4, 8pm Edwina Currie, Christopher Biggins, Julia Bradbury and Philip Oliver try and maintain their celeb dignity while elbow-deep in selfraising flour. Fab. The dinner party competition opens the C-listers homes and culinary skills up for scrutiny. Here’s hoping Edwina does eggs.

Supernatural ITV2, 9pm It’s Hallowe’en and monsterhunter brothers Sam and Dean are hot on the trail of a shapeshifting thang with a yearning for the nostalgic. Not to put too fine a point on it, it likes to impersonate black and white movie monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein and the Mummy.

Ah, bless. Now kill it.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

1.25 Diagnosis Murder 2.10 EastEnders 4.05 Wild About Your Garden 4.50 Lifeline 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.45 Regional News And Weather

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Doodle Do Making Moments 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Animalia 7.30 Mortified 7.55 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 8.00 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 8.30 Only In America 9.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Escape To The Country 2.00 Six Nations Rugby: Italy V Ireland 4.30 Ski Sunday 5.00 Orang-utan Diary 5.30 Dragons’ Den: The Dragons’ Stories

6.00am GMTV 9.25 FA Cup Highlights 10.55 The Championship 11.55 ITV News And Weather 12.00pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2.15 Dancing On Ice: The Story Of Bolero With Torvill And Dean 3.15 The Krypton Factor 3.45 Meridian News And Weather 4.00 FA Cup Live: Derby V Manchester United

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Trans World Sport 7.55 4Sport: Destination 2012 8.50 Bolt: T4 Movie Special 9.20 Friends 9.45 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.15pm Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.15 Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Lily Allen Special 1.50 The Big Bang Theory 2.15 The Simpsons 2.45 The Simpsons 3.15 The Simpsons 3.45 4Sport: Aviva European Trials And UK Championships 4.45 Deal Or No Deal: Love Week 5.30 Time Team

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.25 Rupert Bear 9.35 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Cheetah Man 11.00 Cowboy Builders 12.00pm Numb3rs 1.00 Animal Rescue Squad 1.30 Animal Rescue Squad 2.00 Zoo Days 2.15 FILM: The Slipper And The Rose (1976) 4.50 FILM: Getting Even With Dad (1994)

6.00am Spanish Football 7.30 Ford Football Special 8.30 LIVE International Cricket 12.00pm Goals On Sunday 1.30 LIVE Test Cricket 5.00 LIVE Test Cricket 9.30 International Cricket 12.30am Wild Spirits 1.00 LIVE WWE No Way Out 4.00 Premiership Rugby Union 5.30 Wild Spirits

6.00 Nature’s Great Events The first in a new series about the most dramatic wildlife spectacles on our planet. The summer melt of Arctic ice, opening up nearly three million square miles of ocean and land.

Narrated by David Attenborough.

7.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team return to Dulwich Art Gallery in South London to uncover more intriguing heirlooms.

8.00 Lark Rise To Candleford Costume drama. The hot summer brings a surprise visitor to Candleford in the form of Celestia Brice Coulson, who stays at the Golden Lion Hotel and becomes acquainted with Dorcas Lane. Dorcas is otherwise distracted.

9.00 The Victorians Jeremy Paxman takes his love of Victorian painting as the starting point for an extraordinary journey into Victorian Britain.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 Damages Acclaimed American legal drama. As Ellen Parsons struggles to deal with her fiance’s murder, an old acquaintance reappears seeking Patty Hewes’s protection.

11.20 FILM: Runaway Jury (2003) Starring John Cusack, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, Rachel Weisz. Courtroom thriller.

1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: Nature’s Great Events 2.25 Holby City 3.25 Moses Jones Moses Jones 4.25 BBC News

6.30 Amazon With Bruce Parry Bruce Parry reaches the halfway point of his epic journey in the vast nature reserve of Mamiraua, home to the Amazon’s most iconic species.

7.30 Top Gear See highlights.

8.30 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections Richard Hammond sets out on a quest to find the amazing engineering connections behind the Airbus A380, the largest passenger airliner in history. His journey reveals that this state-of-theart aircraft owes as much to weapons of war, Mother Nature and household objects as it does to high technology.

9.20 Explore: Manila To Mindanao In the last of the current series, Simon Reeve leads a team of journalists to the Philippines, from the sublime scenery of the mountainous rice terraces in the north, to the war torn Muslim regions of the south.

10.20 High Altitude Mountain adventure programme with Graham Bell and Ed Leigh. Despite all the risks, Graham will attempt to reach 200kph on the world championship speed ski course. Whoosh!

10.50 FILM: Shooting Dogs (2004) Starring John Hurt, Hugh Dancy, Claire-Hope Ashitey and Dominique Horwitz. Drama.

12.40am FILM: When Brendan Met Trudy (2000) 2.15 BBC News 4.25 The Super League Show

6.45 ITV News; Weather 6.55 Dancing On Ice To mark the 25th anniversary of Torvill and Dean’s Olympic success, it is eighties night on Dancing On Ice. In celebration of the historic moment when the pair scored sixes across the board, we will have music and costumes inspired by the event. Presented by Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby. Will Pip bring on Gordon the Gopher in memory of the 80s?

8.30 Wild At Heart Rosie investigates the plight of an agoraphobic lion and uncovers a shocking case of animal cruelty - but just how far is she prepared to go to save the animals? Well, she’s in Africa. That’s a long way anyway.

9.30 Dancing On Ice – The Skate Off It is results time. Find out which two couples will battle it out in the skate off. Pick a favourite and have a friendly wager over the washing up as to who will be leaving tonight.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.20 FA Cup Highlights Matt Smith introduces highlights of today’s FA Cup fifth round matches.

11.50 FILM: Sweeney! (1976) Starring John Thaw, Dennis Waterman. Violent thriller based on the TV detective series. Gov! 1.35am The Cosby Mysteries 2.20 Raines 3.10 The Love Industry: Tonight 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Christianity: A History Actor and playwright Kwame Kwei-Armah looks at how the peoples of Africa, Asia and Latin America have seized the Christian beliefs of their former colonial masters and adapted it to their own society and culture.

8.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me See highlights.

9.00 FILM: Mission: Impossible III (2006) Starring Tom Cruise, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Michelle Monaghan, Ving Rhames, Billy Crudup, Simon Pegg, Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Laurence Fishburne. Fast-paced action sequel. The former head of the Impossible Mission Force is dragged out of retirement when an old friend is kidnapped by a psychotic arms dealer who threatens to wage war on the world using a mysterious object known as ‘The Rabbit’s Foot’. Pretty sure it was never attached to a bunny.

11.20 FILM: Jerry Maguire (1996) Starring Tom Cruise, Cuba Gooding Jr, Renee Zellweger, Kelly Preston, Jerry O’Connell and Jonathan Lipnicky.

Drama about a sports agent who finds he has to fight to survive when he strikes out on his own.

1.55am The Seven Ages Of Love 2.25 Loves Me, Loves Me Not 2.35 Hill Street Blues 3.20 Christianity: A History 4.20 Time Team 5.10 Countdown 5.55 The Hoobs

6.45 Five News And Sport 7.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the dangerous job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highways.

Rick decides to confront his boss and Hugh is stuck with a less than glamorous job.

8.00 FILM: The Dirty Dozen (1967) Starring Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Robert Ryan, George Kennedy, Donald Sutherland and Telly Savalas.

Blockbusting war drama about a motley crew of death-row criminals who get the chance to redeem themselves in action in World War II. Forged into a tough fighting unit, they are sent on a suicide mission to Nazioccupied France. Classic rough and tumble antidote to yesterday’s hearts and flowers Valentine’s.

10.55 Soho Blues Documentary series profiling police work in the heart of London’s West End. Surveillance cameras chart the progress of pickpockets on Oxford Street. A pair of thieves try to steal from London’s biggest toy store, and a bunch of off-duty soldiers cause a punch-up in Leicester Square.

11.55 Lockdown Gritty documentary series revealing the underworld of maximum security prisons.

12.55am X Games 1.45 NBA Basketball – The All Star Game Live 5.10 Out Of Practice (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Live European Tour Golf 8.30 Wild Spirits 9.00 Gillette World Sport 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Sailing 12.00pm Max Power 1.00 LIVE Tennis 3.00 NFL: Total Access 4.00 Wild Spirits 4.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 7.00 NFL: Total Access 8.00 LIVE: NASCAR 12.30am Spanish Football 2.00 International Cricket: Twenty20 International 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Super League 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Wild Spirits 12.00pm European Tour Golf 4.00 Women’s Golf: Australian Women’s Open 6.00 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 NFL: Total Access 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 Rotterdam Tennis 3.00 Spanish Football 4.30 Close

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12.00pm WWE: No Way Out Preview 12.30 Futurama (x10) 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Gladiators: Battle Of The Forces 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Lost 10.00 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 11.00 Night Cops 12.00am Women Who Kill 1.30 Street Wars 2.25 The Villa 3.20 Sex On The Beach

7.00pm LIVE: Match Of The Day: Inter Milan V AC Milan 9.20 Being Human 10.20 Family Guy (x2) 11.05 The Undercover Princes 12.05am Grownups 12.35 Being Human 1.35 Naked: Office Workers 2.30 Paparazzi: Next Generation 3.30 The Undercover Princes 4.30 Naked: Office Workers 5.30 Close

7.00pm Stephen Fry In America 8.00 Seasick Steve: Bringing It All Back Home 8.30 Seasick Steve At Reading 2008 9.00 The History Man 10.35 Mark Lawson Talks To Sir Antony Sher 11.35 Home With Antony Sher 12.35am Citizen Smith 1.05 Why Reading Matters 2.05 How Reading Made Us Modern

2.15pm Kids Do The Funniest Things 3.15 Planet’s Funniest Animals 3.45 FILM: The Flintstones (1994) 5.30 Coronation Street Omnibus 8.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 9.00 Supernatural. See highlights. 10.00 FILM: 8 Mile (2002) 12.10am Dancing On Ice

10.05am Wycliffe 11.15 FILM: Princess Caraboo (1994) 1.15pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.30 Hornblower 5.40 Hidden Treasure 7.50 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Going Wrong 9.00 Blue Murder 10.30 Ladies Of Letters 11.00 PD James: Devices And Desires (x2) 1.10am Hammer House Of Horror

11.30am Pussycat Dolls Present... The Search For The Next Doll (x2) 1.20pm Beauty And The Geek 2.15 Crowned 3.05 Age Of Love 4.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.55 Friends 5.30 Friends 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Without A Paddle (2004) 10.55 Skins 12.00am Russell Brand’s Ponderland

1.50pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie At Home 7.55 Dispatches: The True Cost Of Cheap Food 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 10.00 The World’s Tallest Woman And Me 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.15am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.50 Deal Or No Deal

1.00pm FILM: The Next Karate Kid (1994) 3.20 The Fix 3.30 Will And Grace 4.00 Exposed: Angelina Jolie 5.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 6.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2) 7.00 New Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 CSI (x3) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.55pm Ever Decreasing Circles 4.35 Citizen Smith 5.15 Only Fools And Horses 6.55 FILM: Ghostbusters (1984) 9.00 Open All Hours 9.40 Seven Of One: My Old Man 10.20 Porridge 11.00 Citizen Smith 11.40 Ever Decreasing Circles 12.20am Open All Hours 1.00 Seven Of One: My Old Man 1.40 Porridge 2.20 Sorry!

3.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 8.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x4) 12.20am South Park (x2) 1.20 Sex And The City (x4)

10.00am Kevin McCloud’s UK Superstructures (x2) 11.00 Storm Chasers (x4) 3.00pm FILM: White Squall (1996) 5.30 How Do They Do It? 6.00 Raging Nature 7.00 Ways To Save The Planet 8.00 Survivorman 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 Solved 11.00 Murder Shift 12.00am Extreme Forensics 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Final Days Of Planet Earth 1.40 FILM: Bone Eater (2007) 3.20 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 5.00 Firefly 6.00 Eli Stone 7.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Cyclops (2008) 10.50 FILM: The Prophecy (1994) 12.50am FILM: Slayer (2006) 2.30 Ghost Stories

2.10pm Duel In The Sun (1946) 2.25 King Kong Vs Godzilla (1962) 4.00 The Sand Pebbles (1966) 7.00 Johnny Guitar (1954) 9.00 The Collector (1965) 11.00 King Kong Vs Godzilla (1962) 12.35am Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 2.10 Duel In The Sun (1946) 4.25 Johnny Guitar (1954)

10.40am Black Snake Moan (2006) 12.40pm Notes On A Scandal (2006) 2.15 The Good German (2005) 4.10 Tell No One (2006) 6.25 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 8.00 Black Snake Moan (2006) 10.00 American Beauty (2000) 12.05am I Want You (1998) 1.35 Hana-Bi (1997)

1.00pm The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain (1995) 2.50 Chariots Of Fire (1981) Ben Cross runs very fast. 5.10 One Of Our Aircraft Is Missing (1942) 7.15 Stormbreaker (2006) 9.00 Venus (2006) 10.50 The 51st State (2001) 12.40am Strictly Sinatra (2000)

10.10am A Majority Of One (1961) 1.05pm Gunfight At Comanche Creek (1964) 3.00 The Singing Nun (1966) 4.55 The Searchers (1956) 7.10 Montana (1950) 8.30 Under The Influence: Richard Gere 9.00 Bloodbrothers (1978) 11.15 Badlands (1973) 1.05am Bloodbrothers (1978) 3.10 Badlands (1973)

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monday 16 University Challenge BBC2, 8pm It’s the last semi-final and old rivalries are coming to the fore as Corpus Christi College Oxford face St John’s College Cambridge to determine who will make it into the grand final. Lucky Jeremy Paxman is on hand to keep them in order and pour scorn upon any general ignorance they may inadvertently display.

The Gangster And The Pervert Peer Channel 4, 9pm A look at how political influence was at the heart of the notorious Kray twin’s success. Yes they had the heavies, yes they had the organisation. But what turned a few small-time racketeers into the most powerful criminal fraternity London had ever seen was a certain Tory peer.

90210 E4, 9pm Trying to see if nostalgia is enough to keep another American privileged teen drama at the top of the heap, 90210 is back. The youngsters are new but some of the oldies (thirtysomething is ancient in this zip code) may look familiar. Ty is looking for an aftershow party post musical. Jazz hands.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.05 One Minute Wonders 4.35 Half Moon Investigations 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 9.30 Dani’s House 10.00 Stake Out 10.30 Gimme A Break 11.00 Dangermouse 11.20 The Flintstones 11.45 Murder Most Famous 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 Meerkat Manor 1.20 Animal Park 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 ER 10.20 ER 11.15 Back To You 11.45 Proud Parents: Paul Rankin 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Foreign Correspondents 12.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.40 FILM: Day Of The Outlaw (1959) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Thicker Than Water (2005) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Watchdog Nicky Campbell, Julia Bradbury and Paul Heiney present the latest consumer news and advice from the Watchdog office.

8.00 EastEnders Dawn refuses to accept the devastating news about Garry, while Minty struggles to break her out of her denial. He’s a big stong lad. He can break most things if he sets his mind to it.

8.30 Panorama Current affairs. MI5 say that they cannot keep tabs on all of the country’s Muslim extremists, and with ministers preparing to announce a new counter-terrorism strategy, Panorama asks whether we should isolate or talk to the radicals.

9.00 Who Do You Think You Are? Rick Stein’s father Eric suffered from manic depression and committed suicide in the 1960s. Rick sets out to explore his father’s life, from the abuse he suffered as a child during the First World War. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Bobsleigh Bobsleigh Boys.

11.35 FILM: American Cousins (2003) Starring Gerald Lepkowski, Dan Hedaya. Crime drama.

1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: Victorian Farm 2.10 Antiques Roadshow 3.10 Media Revolution 4.10 BBC

6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quiz show hosted by Nicky Campbell.

6.30 Eggheads A general knowledge quiz. Quiz hour’s concluding part.

7.00 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections Richard Hammond sets out on a quest to find the amazing engineering connections behind the Airbus A380, the largest passenger airliner in history.

7.50 High Altitude An all-action winter sports show.

8.00 University Challenge See highlights.

8.30 MasterChef It’s the first semifinal and all six hopefuls are back.

They only have one shot at staying in the competition because at the end of this show two of them will be sent home. Don’t you just wish you could taste such lovely stuff for a living?

9.00 Moses Jones The case becomes personal for Moses as he tries to protect Joy, but in doing so he puts her in extreme danger. The police arrest Costello but Solomon goes missing and the wave of terror reaches fever pitch.

10.00 Not Going Out Sitcom. Repeat of Friday’s episode.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Around The World In 80 Faiths Pete Owen Jones’s epic journey exploring the world’s beliefs continues in the Middle East.

12.20am BBC News 4.00 Ma France 1 And 2

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lisa is perturbed to find that Debbie has been in contact with Jasmine.

7.30 Coronation Street Sophie has an announcement for the Websters.

She’s rebelling against Rosie’s lead and she’s joining a nunnery? Well, she calls it a ‘youth club’.

8.00 What’s In Your Mouth?

Tonight With two European countries now having banned mercury amalgam fillings, and America’s health regulator issuing new advice about how they may harm pregnant women and developing children, why do British officials seem unconcerned?

8.30 Coronation Street Michelle and Becky come to blows in the Rovers. About time too.

9.00 Whitechapel Conclusion of a three-part crime drama. The Ripper must kill one more victim to complete his re-enactment of the 1888 murders. DI Chandler is near to breakdown as he struggles to find an answer. Watch him struggle!

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: American Pie (1999) Starring Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Eugene Levy, Mena Suvari and Tara Reid. Raucous comedy 12.20am Wanted 1.10 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.00 Loose Women 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The McQueens put on their pregnancy bumps to see what they can pick up in the shops, but their plan is scuppered when they bump into Carmel. Plus Jack blows a gasket when he gets out of clink and discovers Darren has learnt nothing from his own time inside. Silly boy.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Dispatches Current affairs documentary. Four months after leaving his post as Minister of Trade, Lord Digby Jones examines how the government is tackling the unemployment crisis. Drawing on his political and business experience as former Director of the CBI, he unpicks government announcements and statistics to uncover the scale of the problem.

9.00 The Gangster And The Pervert Peer See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Mean Machine (2001) Starring Vinnie Jones, David Kelly, David Hemmings, Ralph Brown, Vas Blackwood and Robbie Gee. Action comedy about a disgraced former England football international who is imprisoned and forced to lead a team against the prison guards.

12.00am FILM: Dresden (2006) 2.45 FILM: Copacabana (1947) 4.20 Christianity: A History 5.20 Time Team

6.00 Home And Away Leah tries to save VJ from Brian’s clutches. My, how he’s grown!

6.30 Wild Animal ER A fox with a nasty case of mange gets some attention. Mange (from Middle English manjeue) is a parasitic infestation of the skin of animals.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn finds out how armoured cars are built, how the Thames is kept relatively clean and how flat-pack furniture is produced.

8.00 Fifth Gear Motoring magazine show.

9.00 FILM: Windtalkers (2002) Starring Nicolas Cage, Christian Slater and Mark Ruffalo. WWII drama in which two frontline US marines utilise an ancient language for communication in order to prevent the Japanese from cracking their codes. Cunning.

11.35 FILM: The Killer (1989) Starring Chow Yun-Fat, Sally Yeh, Danny Lee. Violent action thriller about a hitman who takes one last job to pay for an eye operation for a nightclub singer whom he accidentally blinded. Bless.

1.45am NASCAR Sprint Cup 2.35 USPGA Golf 3.25 AMA Supercross 4.15 Race And Rally UK 4.40 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Premiership Rugby Union 10.30 Spanish Football 12.00pm Premiership Rugby Union 1.30 LIVE Test Cricket 5.00 LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 Watersports World 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Time Of Our Lives 5.00 Max Power

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.30 Tennis 12.30pm Powder Adventures 1.00 Wild Spirits 1.30 Super 14 Rugby 3.30 Spanish Football 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 IRB Rugby World Sevens 10.30 Poker 12.30am IRB Rugby World Sevens 3.30 Big League Weekend 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits

Sky Sports 3 9.00am WWE Vintage Collection 10.00 WWE The Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Afterburn 12.00pm WWE Experience 1.00 WWE The Bottom Line 2.00 WWE Vintage Collection 3.00 WWE Afterburn 4.00 WWE The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 WWE Smackdown 9.00 Live WWE No Way Out 12.00am Motor Racing 1.30 H2O Sports International 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics (x2) 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Gladiators: Battle Of The Forces 5.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 6.00 Futurama 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Street Wars 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Stargate Atlantis (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Real Hustle: High Stakes 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Grownups 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Being Human 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Gavin And Stacey 12.45 Grownups 1.15 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.45 Being Human

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Just Read With Michael Rosen 8.30 The Book Quiz 9.00 Wine 10.00 Ghosts Of The 7th Cavalry: Storyville 11.30 Rich Hall’s How The West Was Lost 1.00am Wine 2.00 Just Read With Michael Rosen 3.00 Wine 5.30 Close

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x20 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Lily Allen: The Hot Desk 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 FILM: True Lies (1994) 11.50 Coronation Street (x2) 12.50am FILM: The Silence Of The Lambs (1991)

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Pie In The Sky 3.15 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.20 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.20 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Robbie Coltrane: B-Road Britain 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 Liverpool One (x2) 1.20am Inspector Morse

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 90210. See highlights. 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 FILM: Under Siege (1992) 12.30am Scrubs (x2)

3.00pm A Place By The Sea 4.05 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Secret Millionaire 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 6.55 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.10 ER 12.10am Brothers And Sisters 1.10 Relocation, Relocation

12.00pm Maury 12.55 Maury 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Lipstick Jungle 11.00 CSI 12.00am Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

6.20pm Keeping Up Appearances 7.00 After You’ve Gone 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine 8.20 Last Of The Summer Wine 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Blackadder The Third 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 The Worst Week Of My Life 12.20am Blackadder The Third

2.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men 12.40 Frasier (x2)

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 How It’s Made 9.30 How It’s Made 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: The Dead Will Tell (2004) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Haunted Homes 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 Medium 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.00am FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005)

10.15am The War Lord (1965) 12.20pm Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 2.00 The Great McGinty (1940) 3.25 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 5.10 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 7.00 Pimpernel Smith (1941) 9.00 Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 10.40 The War Lord (1965) 12.45am Psycho (1960)

11.45am Jindabyne (2006) 1.55pm The Movie Geek 2.25 The Page Turner (2006) 3.55 This Is My Father (1998) 5.55 The Namesake (2006) 8.00 Infamous (2006) 10.00 Sex, Lies And Videotape (1989) 11.45 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 1.25am The Big Lebowski (1998)

1.00pm The Grass Is Greener (1960) 3.10 Blithe Spirit (1945) Noel Coward penned light comedy starring Rex Harrison. 5.00 David Fincher On Benjamin Button 5.10 The Spy In Black (1939) 6.50 Bride And Prejudice (2004) 9.00 This Is England (2006) 11.00 Hide (2008) 12.50am Miranda (2002)

6.55am A Majority Of One (1961) 9.40 Murder, She Said (1961) 11.15 The Shop Around The Corner (1940) 1.00pm Easter Parade (1948) 3.00 Mister Roberts (1955) 5.20 Disorderlies (1987) 7.00 Spies Like Us (1985) 9.00 Rachel, Rachel (1968) 10.55 The Shining (1980) 1.30am Rachel, Rachel (1968)

Classics

Indie