The angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” Luke 2:10
GOD BLESS YOU, AND HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS
I can help you save money now. I can help you save money now. People who switched to Allstate saved money and got more People who switched to Allstate saved money and got more protection. Dollar for dollar, nobody protects you like Allstate. protection. Dollar for dollar, nobody protects you like Allstate. So don’t wait! Call me today.
So don’t wait! Call me today.
MARK GOODSON
MARK S GOODSON 334-347-3333 (334) 347 3333 CIR. 804 BOLLWEEVIL
804 BOLLW EEVIL CIR AL. EENTERPRISE, NTERPRISE aa049146@allstate.com 049146@allstate.com
Coverage and savings based on policy features selected and are subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, IL. © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company
DECEMBER 2011
Page 2
THE OUTDOORS HAS NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD Cactus Watering
THE INDOORS HAS NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD
WRITTEN LIFETIME CUSTOM DECKS WARRANTY ON ALL PATIO COVERS ALUMINUM SUNROOMS PRODUCTS! SCREEN ROOMS FREE ESTIMATES SEAMLESS GUTTERS LICENSED CARPORTS & AWNINGS BONDED COMMERCIAL CANOPIES INSURED COMMERCIAL WALKWAYS
#1 IN CUSTOMER SERVICE DECKS UNLIMITED 334-701-9500
Making Dreams Come True In The Wiregrass For Over 10 Years! rlavender320@charter.net
Laughs&Lifts is an outreach ministry to inspire, inform and entertain the reader. Any resemblance contained within this publication to some one or some thing is purely coincidental and not intended to bring harm or insult to anyone. Information, stories, helpful hints, jokes, studies and all other miscellaneous writings, drawings, and pictures are published without malice, but with the intent to inspire and entertain, not to cause disillusionment or confusion to anyone; person, party affiliation, company, denomination or other named or unnamed entity. The writings contained within Laughs&Lifts do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the publisher. Parrish Publishing
Laughs&Lifts.com
P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al 36361 334-379-7603
During a tour at the ArizonaSonora Desert Museum, a New York City woman mentioned that she was raising a type of cactus in a pot on her apartment balcony. Another tourist asked her how she kept from watering it too much, because the cactus would die if over watered. "I subscribe to the Tucson newspaper," replied the New Yorker. "Every time I read that it rained in the desert, I give my plant some water."
HOW MUCH FOR A TOMATO A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. "No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one." The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents." "OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."
laughsandlifts@live.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 33 Page
DECEMBER 2011
"Answer the big question of Fixing Bicycles eternity, and the little questions of life fall into I love stories. One of my perspective." - Max Lucado
favorites is about a little girl who was late coming home for supper. Her mother made the DECEMBER JOKES Fixing expected irate parent's demand to know where she Bicycles had been. The little girl replied that she Janie, I had lovestopped stories.to help One of my whose bicycle was broken a favorites is about a little in girl fall. who was late coming home for "But you don't know anything supper. Her mother about fixing bicycles,"made her the expected irate parent's mother responded. demand know she "I know to that," the where girl said. "I justbeen. stopped to help her cry." had Notlittle manygirl of us know that anything The replied she about fixing bicycles, either. had stopped to help Janie, And when our friends have whose bicycle was broken in a fallen and broken, not their fall. bicycles but their lives, NONE "But don't know of usyou knows how to fixanything that. about fixing bicycles," We simply cannot "fix" her mother responded. someone else's life, even "Ithough know that's that,"what the we girlwould said. "I like most to do. just stopped to help her cry." Butmany like the girl, we can Not oflittle us know anything stop to help them cry. That is about fixing bicycles, either. the best we can do. And that is And when our friends have a lot! fallen andLancaster broken, not their - Murray
bicycles but their lives, NONE of us knows how to fix that. the big question of We"Answer simply cannot "fix" someone else's life, eternity, and theeven little though that's what we would questions of life fall into like most to do. - Max Butperspective." like the little girl,Lucado we can stop to help them cry. That is the"Christianity, best we can do. And if false, is ofthat no and if true, of is a importance, lot! infinite Lancaster importance. The only - Murray thing it cannot be is moderately important."
ELECT
REPUBLICAN REPUBLICAN
TOTALLY COMMITTED COMMITTED TOTALLY
BLANKENSHIP
DALE COUNTY
COMMISSION CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN COMMISSION
Paidfor forby bythe thecommittee committeetotoelect electMark MarkBlankenship Blankenshipfor forDale DaleCounty CountyCommission CommissionChairman Chairman244 244Young YoungAve. Ave.Ozark, Ozark,AlAl36360 36360 Paid
STATMED FAMILY MEDICAL CLINIC An Affiliate of Dale Medical Center 1519 Andrews Ave. • Ozark, Alabama
Mon - Fri 7:30 AM - 6 PM Saturday - 8 AM - 5 PM ACCEPTING AND WELCOMING NEW PATIENTS YOUR HEALTHCARE NEEDS PROVIDED BY
Rifat Parwaiz, M.D.
- CS Lewis Laughs&Lifts.com Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Bringing Laughter Laughter & & Encouragement Encouragement Into Into Your Your Life Life
334-379-7603 334-379-7603
Page 4
DECEMBER 2011
Deep Thoughts Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP? How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges? If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?! If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way? What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
An ugly personality destroys a pretty face.
TITLE CA$H “Your place for cash!” Pledge Your Title…Drive Your Car!
9 am - 6 pm Monday-Friday 9 am - 2 pm Saturdays Title Cash 2671-1 Montgomery Hwy Dothan, Al 36303 334-671-8588
Title Cash 1120 W. Maple Ave. Geneva, Al 36340 334-684-2397 Laughs&Lifts.com
Cash 2 Go 2947 Montgomery Hwy Dothan, Al 36303 334-673-7878
Title Cash 984 S Eufaula Ave Eufaula, Al 36027 334-687-1828
Title Cash 558 E Andrews Ave Ozark, Al 36360 334-445-3902
Printing Service
Roger Parrish • 334-379-7603
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page Page 5 5
DECEMBER 2011
Don’t Just live…THRIVE!
$5 Layaway Natural Path Center for Disease Prevention &Gift Certificates MEN’S CASUAL & OUTDOOR WEAR Reversal Gift Wrapping Your Hunting and Christmas Shopping Super Store Dr. Ashley Paramore, N.D. Naturopathic and Integrative Medicine
At Natural Path, we offer many natural alternatives to pharmaceutical drugs, such as immune support for cancer and other chronic illnesses, bio-identical hormonal support, supervision of metabolic detoxification programs. Dr. Paramore will help with childhood illnesses such as ear infections, sinus and allergy problems, skin disorders, asthma, ADHD, food sensitivity tests, as well as weight management and lifestyle modification, gender specific and geriatric health issues, along with many other services. ~ Code Blue Primos ~ Big Dog Tree Stands Dr. Ashley Paramore specializes in natural and integrative Dead Down Wind ~ Acorn medicine and treats people of Rage all ages and most conditions, focusing on the …treating each person as an individual. Office Is Open Special December ChristmasOur Hours
Open Monday - Saturday 9 am - 5 pm ELBA BYPASS
BY APPOINTMENT ONLY SUNDAY 1 pm 5 pm 4440 West Main Street, Suite • Dothan, Alabama 36305
ELBA, AL. 334-792-4001 897-0482
“Because We Care…is making a difference!” Layman's 10 Commandments 1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs you along the right path throughout life. 2] Why is a car's windshield so large & the rear- view mirror so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, look ahead and move on. 3] Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write. 4] All things in life are temporary. If it's going well, enjoy it! It can't last forever. If it's going wrong, don't worry, that won't last long either. 5] Old Friends are like Gold! New Friends are like Diamonds! If you get a Diamond, don't forget the Gold! Because to hold a Diamond in place, you always need a Base of Gold! 6] Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, GOD smiles from above and says, "Relax, my dear one, it's just a bend, not the end!" 7] When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems, HE has faith in your abilities! 8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: be anything Three Locations "Can in thethere Wiregrass Area worse than losing eyesight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!" 9] ENTERPRISE When you pray for others, SLOCOMB God listens to you and blesses them. So at other times, GENEVA 4550 when Boll Weevil Lawrence Harris Hwy. that2744 W. Magnolia youCircle are safe1315 andW. happy, remember someone has Ave. prayed for you. 347-9598 886-7777 684-9999 ERRI LYNN &PEACE. TERRY 10] WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away Ttoday's For more information please visit our website at www.sorrellsfuneralhomes.com
Laughs&Lifts.com Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing BringingLaughter Laughter&&Encouragement EncouragementInto IntoYour YourLife Life
SORRELLS 334-379-7603 334-379-7603
Page 6
DECEMBER 2011
"I have noticed that
THE BLACK DEATH
the people who are late are
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors."
often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them."
Fool’s Love After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT Keep it Fresh & Healthy! Get Your Fresh Vegetables Here! Tomatoes, squash, collards, cabbage, pecans, sweet potatoes , cane syrup, Tupelo honey, Bama & Auburn gifts, birdhouses, jellies & jams & much more!
M&M COUNTRY STORE & PRODUCE
OPEN YEAR ROUND
1425 West Roy Parker Road Ozark, Al.
249-5144 or 237-4469
REACH 40,000 READERS WITH YOUR MESSAGE! ADVERTISE IN 5 COUNTIES LAUGHS& LAUGHS &LIFTS! RATES AS LOW AS
$55 Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page Page 7 7
DECEMBER DECEMBER 2011 2011
LOGAN’S ALL PRO TAKING CARE OF YOU My Dad says I am Enormously Gorgeous. I wonder if I really am? AND YOUR AUTO To be Enormously Gorgeous...Sarah says you need to have beautiful long curly hair like she has. I don't. NEEDSwhite teeth like he has. To be Enormously Gorgeous...Justin says you must have perfectly straight Enormously Gorgeous
I don't. To be Enormously Gorgeous...Jessica says you can't have any of those little brown dots on your face called freckles. I do. To be Enormously Gorgeous...Mark says you have to TIRES be the smartest kid in the seventh grade WINDOW TINT BRAKES CAR AUDIO class. I'm not. ALIGNMENT ALARMS To be Enormously Gorgeous...Stephen says you haveTUNE to beUPS able to tell the funniest jokes in the REMOTE START BATTERIES MOBILE TV school. I don't. EXHAUST STROBES BELTS & HOSES CAMO WRAP To be Enormously Gorgeous...Lauren says you need to live in the nicest neighborhood in town STARTERS VINYL GRAPHICS ALTERNATORS AUTO DETAILING and in the prettiest house. I don't. TRANSMISSIONS KEYLESS ENTRY To be Enormously Gorgeous...Matthew says you can only wear the coolest clothes and the most K S SPR UC IE WRECKER CALL popular shoes. I don't. AY TR SOR B 334-774-0059 S come DLI IN CK from a perfect family. IEdon't. To be Enormously Gorgeous...Samantha says you needCEto O 334-608-2341 NER ST AC and But every night at bedtime my dad gives me a big hug says, "You are Enormously Gorgeous, S IN and I love you." My dad must know something my friends don't.
774-0059
171 N. UNION AVE OZARK, AL. 36360
INGRAM MEMORIAL Headstones, Vaults and Any Type of Cemetery Work You Will Never Do Business With Anyone Who Will Try Harder To Please You.
Visit our unique display of concrete products
Susan Langley Owner
2360 North Range St • 792-0044 • 1-800-598-0045 WWW.INGRAMMEMORIAL.COM Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 8
DECEMBER 2011
Present With the Lord (By Adrian Rogers) "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord." (2 Corinthians 5:8) A man named Solomon Peas died. His tombstone in London reads: "Beneath these clouds and beneath these trees, Lies the body of Solomon Peas. But this ain't Peas - it's just the pod. Peas shelled out and went to God."
INGRAM MEMORIAL Headstones, Vaults and Any Type of Cemetery Work You Will Never Do Business With Anyone Who Will Try Harder To Please You.
I like that. That's what your body is. It's just a pod. What happens to a child of God who has trusted Christ as his personal Savior? When he closes his eyes in this life, he opens them in the next. Jesus did not say, "After two or three thousand years, you'll be with Me in paradise." Jesus said, "Today, truly, you'll be with Me in paradise" (Luke 23:43). Are you confident that, if you died today, you'd be with Jesus? If not, then confess your sins and believe upon His name to save you. Now, go and tell someone!
Visit our unique display of concrete products
Susan Langley Owner
2360 North Range St • 792-0044 • 1-800-598-0045 WWW.INGRAMMEMORIAL.COM Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page Page 9 9
DECEMBER 2011
WANT TO RUN YOUR OWN BUSINESS?
"The man who writeswhy Did you ever wonder there are no dead penguins the bank's advertising on the ice in Antarctica do they slogan iswhere not the samego?
man who makes Wonder the loans." no more! - George Coote
Find334-379-7603 all 5 ORNAMENTS Call & FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS.
Mail or E-Mail the name of the 5 business’ where you found the ornaments , along with Your Name, Phone # and Address, to: Parrish Publishing P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al. 36361 Or email same to LaughsandLifts@live.com 618 South Avenueline • Ozark, Al. • 774-8012 withUnion the subject “ORNAMENTS”.
LOGAN’S DRY CLEANERS & LAUNDRY
NO PHONE CALLS Drawing SPECIALISTS on DEC. 20th FIRE RESTORATION The winner will be notified by phone or email. 99% Success Rate • Lowest Prices
NASA Workers
It is a known fact that the A redhead, and a penguin is aabrunette, very ritualistic blonde, all working for NASA, bird which lives an were discussing where to go extremely ordered and on their next complex life.expedition. The penguin is "Let'scommitted go to the Moon," very to its the family brunette suggested. and will mate for life, as well "No.maintaining Let's go to Mars," said of as a form the redhead. compassionate contact with Theoffspring brunette and redhead its its throughout sat there arguing until the life. blonde finally yelled, "Stop arguing you two! I know If a penguin is found dead on where we should go on the ice surface, our other next trip. Let's go to the members of the family and Sun!" social circle have been The redhead brunette known to digand holes in the ice, looked at each other andwings using their vestigial began laughing. "We can't gois and beaks, until the hole to the Sun," exclaimed the deep enough for the dead brunette. "Werolled would into melt or bird to be and burn up before we even got buried. close!"male penguins then The "Duh! Not we go around at night!" gather in aif circle the replied the blonde. fresh grave and sing:
Even a short pencil is
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
more reliable then
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
the longest memory. Laughs&Lifts.com
We Have Hidden 5 CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS Laughs& &Lifts in ads through out this month’s Laughs Publish a Magazine in Your Area ForWe a chance to the Winopportunity $100 in CHRISTMAS CA$H provide for success!
Smoke Smell Removal Clothes • Drapes • Bed Linens • Shoes
GATEWAY REALTY
Coffeehouse ~ Arts Center OF OZARK, INC.
See This & All Our Listings Online At SellingOzark.com Daily Lunch Specila Posted on
www.facebook.com/justfolkcoffeehouse This is a great home with many many updates. Gunite pool with new salt water system. Wonderful large master with large master bath jacuzzi tub. Don't miss out on this home.
JUST FOLK COFFEEHOUSE
897-8524 334-774-4961 ~ 800-334-7403 M-Th 10 - 2 Lunch Free Wi-Fi RESIDENTIAL ~11-2 COMMERCIAL LOTS/LAND ~ MULTI-FAMILY
DO YOU HAVE A DISABILITY? ARE YOU DISABLED? QUALITY PLUS
HAVE You Considered Applying for YOUR Social Security? Are you confused about the process or have you already
BEEN DENIED YOUR BENEFITS?
• Free TruckNOW! Rental WE CAN HELP! CALL • New, Clean, Secure
FAITHWORKZ DISABILITY CONSULTANT • Climate Control Available Rose Clark Hallford, CSSR
• Moving andMORE Packing Supplies Representing Clients in Disability Claims FOR THAN 30 YEARS ½ mile from US 231 FREE CONSULTATION & 4 miles from 334-443-3000 Ft. Rucker Ozark Gate FaithworkzDisability@gmail.com
406 Ben St. • Suite 100 Near the Ft. Rucker gate Ozark, Albama 36360 2833 Andrews Avenue • Ozark, Al.
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 10
DECEMBER 2011
MIKE’S GUN SHOP Aunt Karen
Next To M&P Surplus In Pinkard 1287 E HWY 134 PINCKARD, AL
983-GUNS
LOW PRICES, EVERY DAY, ON EVERYTHING
Walmart
PRICES START AT
$299.95 * *PICKUP PRICE
MITCHELL FURNITURE 710 Boll Weevil Circle • Enterprise, Al.
334-347-3441 Laughs&Lifts.com
The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer, and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.'" "That was a fine story, Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good grief," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 11 Page 11
DECEMBER 2011 2011 DECEMBER
SERVING THE WIREGRASS SINCE 1974 www.RoadMartTire.com 90 Days Interest Free
CONTINED FROM PAGE 7 AFRAID OF THE DARK gasping, and could feel him mustafraid be hurting Astruggling. little boyItwas of him terribly, I thought. the dark. One night his Then I felt a familiar mother told him totugging, go out sucking sensation on my ear. to the back porch and Ugly, in so much pain, suffering bring her thedying, broom. and obviously was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, he bumped The little boyand turned to the palm of my hand with his mother and said, his head, then he turned his one "Mama, I don't want to go golden eye towards me, and I out there. It'sdistinct dark."sound of could hear the purring. Evenmother in the greatest The smiledpain, that ugly battled scarred catson. was reassuringly at her
1 Year Volume Discounts
Start a subscription for yourself, your church staff, Tires ~ Batteries ~ Brakes ~ Wheels ~ Exhaust T une-ups out of area family or friends, soldiers, or prisoners. Alignments ~ Heating & AC Oil, Lube, & Filters ~ Belts & H oses A perfect Christmas gift for your friends or family. The more friends you bless, the more you save. 1 subscription $30 • 2-5 friend subscriptions $25 ea. • 5 or more friend subscriptions $20 ea. 482S. Union Ave. Ozark, Al.
there, would you please Authorme Unknown hand the broom?" Laughs&Lifts.com Laughs&Lifts.com
270 Ross Clark Cir. Dothan, Al.
2606 Ross Clark Cir. Dothan, Al.
Help Us Spread This Positive Message To The Wiregrass & The World.
334-774-9345 334-393-0503 334-794-8521 334-792-1195
Make checks payable to Parrish Publishing and mail to: P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Alabama 36361
COUNSELING PLUS
asking only for a little affection, "You don't have to be perhaps some compassion. afraid the dark," she At that of moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I explained. "Jesus is out had everHe'll seen.look Neverafter once did there. youhe try to bite or scratch me, try to get and awayprotect from me,you." or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to The little boy looked atrelieve his pain. his real hard and Uglymother died in my arms before I could asked, "Are sure he's get inside, but you I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking out there?" about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion "Yes, I'm sure. He about what it means to is have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally everywhere, and he is and truly. always ready to help you Ugly taught me more about giving when you need him," she and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show said. specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. The little boy thought He had been scarred on the outside, about that for a but I was scarred onminute the inside, and it was time went for me to to move on and and then the back learn to love truly and deeply. To door and cracked it a give my total to those I cared for. little. Peering into the Many people wantout to be richer, more successful, well liked, darkness, he called, beautiful, but for me. out . . I will "Jesus? If you're always try to be Ugly.
5200 Boll Weevil Cir. Enterprise, Al.
“Your Source of Comprehensive Counseling With a Christian Option.” Ÿ Behavioral Problems Ÿ Academic Problems Ÿ Marital Problems Ÿ Depression Ÿ Anxiety Ÿ ADHD AllKids Insurance & Military One-Source Provider
NEW & USED TIRES, OIL CHANGE, BRAKES, TUNE-UP & ROAD SIDE SERVICE *Medicaid & Tricare require a Doctors Referral
CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT TODAY! 453 SOUTH UNION AVE. 334-774-5300 OR 334-774-5219 OZARK, ALABAMA 258 South Painter Ave. • Ozark, Al.
Health Concepts
VOTE
Organic Food Store
Woodrow (Woody) Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ
HILBOLDT Gluten Free Products Nature’s Sunshine Products Smoothie Bar Hallelujah Acres Products Health & Diet Books
PROBATE JUDGE
1901DALE Wise Drive, off Ross Clark Circle • Dothan
COUNTY
PD. POL. ADV. BY FRIENDS OF WOODROW HILBOLDT, OZARK, AL.
Always Open Online At www.ShopHealthConcepts.com
Bringing Bringing Laughter Laughter & & Encouragement Encouragement Into Into Your Your Life Life
334-379-7603 334-379-7603
DECEMBER 2011
Page 12
Cabinets Designed For Living Imagine our beautiful and functional custom designed cabinets in your home. You’ll love the style and affordability.
Southern Installations Cabinet Shop Dan Barefield
FREE In Home Estimates
Cell 334-726-3459 Office 334-774-9579
We Have Hunting Apparel For EVERYONE On Your Christmas Shopping List
MP SURPLUS OUTDOORS
WE HAVE THE BRANDS YOU WANT IN STOCK
Childrens Through Adult Camo Apparrel
334-983-3164 1229 East Hwy 134 • Pinckard, Al.
A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
How To Do Business Eat and drink with your relatives; do business with strangers. Greek Proverb
"An apology is a good way to have the last word." "Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?"
We Have Hunting Apparel For EVERYONE On Your Christmas Shopping List
So you think you’re a moth? A man goes to see his doctor. The doctor asks what is wrong and the man says, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth." To this the doctor responds, "You think you're a moth? Well I don't think you need a doctor. Sounds like what you need is a therapist." "Yeah I know," replies the patient. "I was on my way to see a therapist, but I came in here because I saw your light was on." Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page Page 13 13
DECEMBER 2011 2011 DECEMBER
It's in the Valleys We Grow
REAL Sometimes life seems hardMEN! to bear, "Real Men are a dying breed... Here's to all the Full of sorrow, trouble and woe real men out there..Boys play house. Men build It's then we have to remember homes!!! Boys shack up. Men get married!!! That it's in the valleys we grow. Boys make babies. Men If we always stayed on the raise children!!! A boy won't raise his own children. A man will raise mountain top his and someone else's!!! And never experienced pain, Boys invent excuses for would failure. produce We never Men appreciate God's strategies for love success!!! Boys look for somebody to take care And would be living in for vain.someone to take care of them. Men look We have so much to learn of!!! Boys seek popularity. Men demand respect And growth and our know howistovery giveslow, it!!! 9:00 - 5:30 M - F Sometimes we need the mountain 9:00 - 4:00 SAT tops, But it's in the valleys we grow. Enormously GorgeousOPEN 1:00 - 4:00 Sundays In December We do not always understand Why things happen as they do, My IDad I amofEnormously But am says very sure one thing. Gorgeous. I wonder if I really am? My Lord will see me through. Downtown Ozark To be Enormously says you The little valleys are Gorgeous...Sarah nothing need we to have beautiful When picture Christ onlong the curly hair like she cross has. I don't. He through the Gorgeous...Justin valley of To went be Enormously says you death; must have perfectly straight white teeth like His was Satan's loss. he victory has. I don't. Forgive me Lord, for complaining To be Enormously Gorgeous...Jessica says When I'm feeling so very low. you can't have any of those little brown Just give me a gentle reminder dots it's on in your called freckles. I do. That the face valleys I grow. To be Enormously Gorgeous...Mark says you Continue to strengthen me, Lord haveuse to my be life theeach smartest And day kid in the seventh grade class. not. To share your love with I'm others And help them find their way. To be Enormously Gorgeous...Stephen says Thank you for the valleys, Lord you have to be able to tell the funniest For thisinone I know jokes thething school. I don't. The mountain tops are glorious To be Enormously Gorgeous...Lauren says But it's in the valleys I grow!
WOODY
Barefield’s
SERIOUS INCOME POTENTIAL!!
Do You Live In Enterprise, Troy, Andalusia, Eufaula, Fort Walton Beach, Prattville, Auburn, Panama City, Montgomery, Albany, or Thomasville? Do you have sales or graphic design experience?
you need to live in the nicest neighborhood in town and in the prettiest house. I don't. - Unknown To be Enormously Gorgeous...Matthew says you can only wear the coolest clothes and the most popular shoes. I don't. To be Enormously Gorgeous...Samantha says you need to come from a perfect family. I don't. But every night at bedtime my dad gives me a big hug and says, "You are Enormously Gorgeous, and I love you." My dad must know something my friends don't. - Carla O'Brien.
Knowing the
Scripture is one
thing; knowing the Author is another.
Laughs&Lifts.com Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Bringing Laughter Laughter & & Encouragement Encouragement Into Into Your Your Life Life
334-379-7603 334-379-7603
DECEMBER 2011
Page 14
Now everyone’s thoughts turn to the holiday season. If you are planning on a live tree be sure to measure the height of your living room and select a tree no taller than one foot less than that height. When you are shopping for a tree be sure to lift the tree of the ground and drop in on its stump end. If too many needles drop off or the needles are brown, look for a fresher tree. The base should be at least 6 inches long and straight so it will fit into a tree stand. Protect the tree from wind and sun on the drive home. If you are not planning to decorate it for a few days keep the tree out of doors away from the wind and sun. Make a fresh cut on the base and plunge the tree into a container of water right away.
If the base is not kept in water, the tree base will form a seal which will stop water absorption. The tree stand should be sturdy and hold at least a minimum of one gallon of water. Before you use the stand be sure to it rinse well with a weak solution of bleach water to kill any microorganism that may have linger from last year when water is added. Make a fresh cut on the base to permit easy of water absorption. Be sure to water daily as the average tree consumes a gallon of water a day. Be sure to place the tree away from any heat source and do not block doorways or exits. Use only approved lights and discard any that need repairs. Never use candles. Turn the lights off at night and be sure smoke alarms and fire extinguishers are in working order. According to Federal Emergency Management Agency, FEMA, a dry tree can become fully engulfed in flames in less that 3 seconds and the entire room can be filled with toxic fumes and flames in about 40 seconds. The tree can still provide pleasure following Christmas
if you use it in the yard as winter bird feeder station or drop in the pond to provide protect to fish. You can use the needles for potpourri or chip the tree and use it for mulch. Merry Christmas,
Sharon
Simplifying “Organic” Eating By Dr. Ashley Paramore During holiday seasons, we often lose focus on our health, as we busily rush around trying to get everything done. Many people say that buying healthy food is “just too confusing” and they have too much to do to deal with it. It is true that things can get a little confusing when trying to understand and buy the healthiest products, which are fresh, organic products. There are many different labels out there and often times, people think that they are buying organic, when they are actually not. So, here are some tips to help you know what you’re buying and to take a little of the pressure off this holiday season. “Organic” actually means food grown using no chemical, process or pesticides that in any way affect or alter the appearance, growth, makeup or taste of the product, Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page Page15 15
DECEMBER 2011
Blinded by the Lights of Christmas By:Elder Wallace Kennedy Jr. The Christmas season is the time of the year we see all the beautiful lights and decorations. When we are driving through the different neighborhoods it looks as thou the people are in competition on the best decorated home. During this season we have many TV commercial and all the many sales for most businesses. We have really commercialized Christmas, did we also marginalize its meaning?
Are You ready for a HARDWORKING ?
Parts & Services 301 N. East Avenue Ozark, Alabama 774-5151
$179.95
sweet Laughs& Laughs &Liftsand Subscriptions 1 Year Volume Discounts sassy
STIHLusa.com
MS 170 Chain Saw Designed For Occasional Wood Cutting Tasks Around Home
1 subscription $30 • 2-5 subscriptions $25 ea. • 5 or more $20 ea. Start a subscription for yourself, your church staff, soldiers, or prisoners.
If we are not careful all the lights and Please Help Us Spread This Positive Message To The glider will rob us of the reason for this Wiregrass & The World. Help Us Reach Our Goal of Season. We are the witnesses of the 1000 NEW Subscriptions Before Christmas. One who made this Season possible, Make checks payable to Parrish Publishing and mail to: Jesus Christ. John said; He was not P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Alabama 36361 that Light, but was sent to bear genetically altered or raised with chemicals, you can whether animal or vegetable. For fruits and witness of that Light (John 1:8). Isaiah look at the PLU sticker. For conventionally grown fruit, vegetables, must naturally 9:6 records:the Forsoil a child is be born to us, fertilized and (grown using chemicals), the PLU code on the sticker handled during the growth and harvesting and a son is given to us. The government consists of four numbers. Organically grown fruit has animals must be fed certified organic grain which is will rest on his shoulders. And he will a five-numeral PLU prefaced by the number 9 and free of genetically modified organisms (GMOs) or be called: Wonderful Counselor, genetically engineered (GM) fruit has a five-numeral genetically engineered organisms (GEOs), antibiotics, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince PLU prefaced by the number 8. For example, a etc. or grazed on certified organic pasture of Peace. (NLT) conventionally grown banana would be have the (preferable), not given injections and even number 4011. A genetically engineered (GMO) banana slaughtered in a certified “organic slaughterhouse.” Be encouraged: You may be going would have the number 84011 and an organic banana Organic some products are usually through difficult times, clearly activatelabeled and it’s pretty easy to place tell, ifyour you know what to look for. Food would have the number 94011 on the sticker. your faith and There are no restrictions on use of other truthful that is labeledtrust USDA must follow four wholehearted inOrganic Jesus Christ. labeling claims such as “no drugs or growth hormones standards in order to legally use There are some organizations andthe word “organic” used,” “free range,” or “sustainably harvested” and on foods: local churches that have “angle trees” you will often find these labels on locally grown 1. such Foodslike, thatnever are 100% organic to can be labeled or be ashamed products. “100%out organic” and bearinthe “USDA organic” seal. reach for help when need. the path to health, Organically grown products are not lower in fat, 2. Foods that are 95% organic can be labeled “Choose calories, protein, etc than other foods, although they “organic” the remaining of to ingredients cannot and In closing:ifThis is a perfect5% time enjoy the ride.” are more easily used and broken down by the body be foundJesus in anChrist; organicthe form. They witness Lamb thattoo can bear the and have been proven to contain higher amounts of “USDA Organic” was sent that canseal. save the world. Give 3. Foods thatwill arekeep 70%on organic include the phrase various substances that are good for and nourish the the gift that giving can even body. “madethis with organic” to describe those organic when season is over. And Hopefully, this has made healthful eating less ingredients.“Don’t fall in love with gift, remember; 4. Foods containing lessthe than 70% rather, fall in love with Giver of organic ingredients confusing so your shopping experiences will be easier and your holiday season even merrier. can have the word “organic” only in their lists of gifts.” For questions or comments, please contact Dr. ingredients. May besuch yourasgift at Christmas Paramore at 334-792-4001 or at Natural Path Center ManyPeace foods, fruits and vegetables are not and yoursimply blessing all yearthey through! labeled, because don’t come “packaged.” for Disease Prevention and Reversal 4440 West Main St. #3 Dothan, AL 36305. In order to tell what foods are organic and which are Laughs&Lifts.com Bringing 334-379-7603 Laughs&Lifts.com Bringing Laughter Laughter & & Encouragement Encouragement Into Into Your Your Life Life 334-379-7603
PAIN
IS NOT NORMAL
Dr. Michael Talley, Chiropractic Physician
Alignment Chiropractic 1550 Andrews Avenue Ozark, Alabama 334-445-2525
Page 16
DECEMBER 2011
TOP 10 OLD FOLKS' Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ
Fenton Glass Carnival Glass Depression Glass Cast Iron Candles
OLD THINGS NEW THINGS & EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN
Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ
Collectibles Furniture Toys Books Records
Monday - Thursday 10 AM - 6 PM • Saturday 10 AM - 2 PM Closed Friday and Sunday • All Credit Cards Welcome
334-774-8436 123 South Court Square • Ozark, Alabama
Hitch Hiking Tax The government has announced it is going to start taxing hitch hiking. On your next annual return you will notice this on
PARTY GAMES 1. Sag, You're It! 2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy 3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear 4. Kick the Bucket. 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over 6. Doc, Doc Goose 7. Simon Says Something Incoherent 8. Hide and Go Pee 9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta 10. Musical Recliners
the "Thumb Tax" line.
Appointment Delay
PAIN IS NOT NORMAL “Choose the path to health, and enjoy the ride.”
Dr. Michael Talley, Chiropractic Physician
Alignment Chiropractic 1550 Andrews Avenue Ozark, Alabama 334-445-2525 Laughs&Lifts.com
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"
"Some parents have a hard time deciding on a name for the new baby, but others have rich relatives." - Don McElroy
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page Page 17 17
DECEMBER DECEMBER 2011 2011
Colby’s Restaurant QUALITY PLUS Love vs. Obligation A house is a house is a house-until love comes through the door, that is. And love intuitively goes around sprinkling that special extra that transforms a house into a very special home for very special people: your family. Money, of course, can build a charming house, but only love can furnish it with a feeling of home. Duty can pack an adequate sack lunch, but love may decide to tuck a little love note inside. Money can provide a television set, but love controls it and cares enough to say no and take the guff that comes with it. Obligation sends the children to bed on time, but love tucks the covers in around their necks and passes out kisses and hugs (even to teenagers!). Obligation can cook a meal, but love embellishes the table with a potted ivy trailing around slender candles. Duty writes many letters, but love tucks a joke or a picture or a fresh stick of gum inside. Compulsion keeps a sparkling house. But love and prayer stand a better chance of producing a happy family. Duty gets offended quickly if it isn't appreciated. But love learns to laugh a lot and to work for the sheer joy of doing it. Obligation can pour a glass of milk, but quite often love will add a little chocolate. - Author Unknown Laughs&Lifts.com Laughs&Lifts.com
“All You Can Eat Buffet” • Free Truck Rental Cooking WithClean, A Southern Flare • New, Secure
• Climate Control Available We Cater any Special Occasion • Moving•and Packing•Supplies Banquets Receptions Showers ½ mile from US 231 Downtown Ozark • 129 East Ave. & 4 miles from Downtown Dothan • 191 N. Foster Ft. Rucker Ozark Gate www.colbysplace.com 2833 Andrews Avenue • Ozark, Al.
Happiness Happiness can be thought, sought or caught, but never bought: the best way to keep happiness is to share it SERVING THE WIREGRASS SINCE 1974 www.RoadMartTire.com 90 Days Interest Free
Tires ~ Batteries ~ Brakes Wheels ~ Exhaust ~T une-ups Alignments ~ Heating & AC Oil, Lube & Filters Belts & Hoses
482 S. Union Ave. Ozark, Al.
5200 Boll Weevil Cir. Enterprise, Al.
270 Ross Clark Cir. 2606 Ross Clark Cir. Dothan, Al. Dothan, Al.
334-774-9345 334-393-0503 334-794-8521
Bringing Bringing Laughter Laughter & & Encouragement Encouragement Into Into Your Your Life Life
177 Highway 231 N. Troy, Al.
334-792-1195 334-526-3413
334-379-7603 334-379-7603
Page 18
DECEMBER 2011
Plain English Diagnosis
Automatic & Manual Transmission Specialist Foreign & Domestic General Auto Repair MARSHALL COLLINS OWNER 334-774-5650 334-798-9808 392 South Union Ave. Ozark, Al.
TOWING SERVICE 24 HOURS
SAVE MONEY
SHO P
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said,' Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.' 'Well, in plain English,' the doctor replied,' you're just lazy.' 'Okay,' said the man.' Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.'
Fresh Grocery Values Every Day of the Week
TAKE THE WHEEL Wilmer Crews
301 Maple Avenue Geneva, Al. 334-684-3473 334-684-9174
"Gentle words fall lightly, but have
Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."
great weight." Terrible News
To be faithful in little things is the big thing. Mother Teresa was once asked, "How do you measure the success of your work?" She thought about the question and gave her interviewer a puzzled look, and said, "I don't remember that the Lord ever spoke of success. He spoke only of faithfulness in love. This is the only success that really counts." Laughs&Lifts.com
Mary Clancy goes up to Father McGuire after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? " She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun.' "
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page Page 19 19
DECEMBER 2011 2011 DECEMBER
HOLIDAY CAKES
CROSSWORD
"Slow Down Therapy" LANE • RED VELVET • LEMON CHEESE 2 VARIETIES OF CHOCOLATE
1. Slow down; God is still in heaven. You are not responsible for doing it all yourself, right now. 2. Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past. Rest there. Each moment has richness that takes a lifetime to savor. Taking Your Orders Now 3. Set your own pace. When someone is pushing you,774-3294 it's OK to tell them they're pushing. • DOWNTOWN OZARK 4. Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbor mow. 5. Taste your food. God gives it to delight as well as to nourish. 6. Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed. 7. Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn, or possess. God's gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear. 8. When you talk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them. 9. Talk and play with children. It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you. 10. Create a place in your home...at your work...in your heart...where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it. 11. Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive. Rest isn't luxury; it's a necessity. 12. Listen to the wind blow. It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow-and now. NOW counts. 13. Rest on your laurels. They bring comfort whatever their size, age, or condition. 14. Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words. 15. Give yourself permission to be late sometimes. Life is for living, not scheduling. 16. Listen to the song of a bird; the complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them. 17. Take time just to think. Action is good and necessary, but it's fruitful only if we muse, 500 1000 business cards ponder, and mull. thirty-nine dollars!* 18. Make time free for play at the things you like to shipping do. Whatever your age, child needs FULL COLOR 1 your OR inner 2 SIDES re-creation. laughs&lifts printing services 19. Watch and334-379-7603 listen to the night sky. It speaks.
KC’S DONUT’S & DAWGS
offer good for a limited time! *customer must furnish CONTINUED ON PAGE 20all art work
Laughs&Lifts.com Laughs&Lifts.com
Ÿ Hospital Beds Ÿ Wheelchairs Ÿ Diabetic Supplies Ÿ Diabetic Shoes
Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ
Home Oxygen Overnight Oximetry CPAP & BiPAP Nebulizers
Toll Free 1-888-968-2727 Local 334-886-9111 Locally Owned & Operated
CLUES ACROSS 1. Not divisible by two 4. Of she 7. Gas usage measurement 10. 2008 Pulitzer poet Robert 12. Rich persons 14. Semitic fertility god 15. Tropical Asian starlings 16. Digression 17. An enticement Shop all: character 18. "Nutcracker" Walmart Gift Cards 21. Swindles Walmart eGift China Cards22122. Capital of ancient Holiday Gift Cards 206 BC
CLUES DOWN
1. Physicist Georg Simon 2. A raised platform 3. Celtic mother of the faeries 4. Fasteners secured by a pin 5. Quality of being morally wrong 6. Rabbit __, Updike novel 7. Hawaiian island 8. Young salmon 9. Clay soil layer 11. Drooped 12. Lampshade supports 13. Slang for trucks with trailers 14. White (Spanish) 23. Small out buildings 19. Furnish with help 25. __ and Venzetti 20. Supervises flying 28. Data transmission speed 23. Trade measure 24. Wuhan is the capital (var. sp.) 29. Daminozide 26. Hints 31. A high Swiss mountain 27. Green regions of desert 32. No. Am. republic 28. Baseball striker 33.Ladies Golf ball pegs and Gentlemen, hobos and tramps, cross 30. Radioactivity unit 35.eyed Any unwanted plant Regarded ants, with reverence mosquitoes and bow34.legged I stand 36. Monarchs of Iran 35. Carelessly before you yet sit right beside you expends to tell you a 39. Get together 37. A Chinese Moslem story I know nothing about. Admission is free; so 41. Delightfully pretty 38. Of a steady character pay at the door pull up a seat sit on the floor. One 43. Am. & Australian physician's 39. Early Christian pulpits sunny day in the middle of40. the night 2 dead boys groups More (Spanish) 44.got Greatest up A. toLexicographer fight. Back to back they faced each other 42. Television awards 50.drew A fencingthere sword swords and shot 43. Yellow-fever mosquitos each other a deaf 51. Relating to imides 44. Openwork fabric policeman heard the noise, he went and killed 52. University in N. Carolina 45. 10 = one kor two dead man saw it all looking 54.those Fish of the genus Alosaboys. A blind 46. Comprehend the written word threw a knot in a brick wall, while to his 55. Force units 47. Slang for atalking drunk a disconnected telephone. If you don't 56.wife Similaron in kind 48. Ardour 57.believe Possessed this lie is true ask the 49. Another Italian'sblind capital man he 58.saw Distress The beak of ahouse bird itsignal too. He lives in a 53. two-story on a 59. Grab
Walmart
vacant lot.
Bringing Bringing Laughter Laughter & & Encouragement Encouragement Into Into Your Your Life Life
334-379-7603 334-379-7603
Page 20
DECEMBER 2011
Military discounts including Accident Avoidance Course and Emergency Deployment Discount Deployment storage plans Homeowners and renters insurance available through the GEICO Insurance Agency, Inc.
648 Boll Weevil CIR Enterprise
3 3 4 -3 0 8 -0 0 9 0 S o m e d is c o u n ts , c o v e ra g e s , p a y m e n t p la n s a n d fe a tu re s a re n o t a v a ila b le in a ll s ta te s o r in a ll G E IC O c o m p a n ie s . S e e g e ic o .c o m fo r m o re d e
"Slow Down Therapy"
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 19
20. Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer. 21. Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders. There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again. 22. Divide big jobs into little jobs. If God took six days to create the universe, can you hope to do any better? 23. When you find yourself rushing and anxious, stop. Ask yourself "WHY?" you are rushing and anxious. The reasons may improve your self-understanding. 24. Take time to read the Bible. Thoughtful reading is enriching reading. 25. Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency. The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first. 26. Take a day off alone; make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one. 27. Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now. 28. Work with your hands. It frees the mind. 29. Take time to wonder. Without wonder, life is merely existence. 30. Sit in the dark. It will teach you to see and hear, taste and smell. 31. Once in a while, turn down the lights, the volume, the throttle, the invitations. Less really can be more. 32. Let go. Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do - but often it is the best. 33. Take a walk-but don't go anywhere. If you walk just to get somewhere, you sacrifice the walking. 34. Count your friends. If you have one, you are lucky. If you have more, you are blessed. Bless them in return. 35. Count your blessings - one at a time and slowly Laughs&Lifts.com
HE STARTED IT! "I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do." "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours."
PLOP PLOP FIZZ FIZZ Mary goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Mary walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. "Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 21
DECEMBER 2011
Industrial Lubricants Automotive Lubricants No Ethanol Gasoline Gasoline Kerosene Diesel Fuel Hwy & Off Hwy Diesel
Office: (334) 774-7035 Cell: (334) 618-1652 Fax: (334) 774-1446 Southern Linc: 151*371 A Division of Midstream Fuel Service LLC
www.pepcoweb.com Red Piper Sales Representative red.piper@martinmlp.com
2937 N. US Hwy 231 Ozark, AL. 36360
“No Sure Thing” Dear Dave,
Printing Service
Roger Parrish • 334-379-7603
My brother is 30-years old, and he just lost his job. He doesn’t have any debt, but he’s started gambling in order to make money. He’s won a few times, and when he does he’s very generous with the winnings. Still, how can I make him see this is a disaster waiting to happen? Emily
QUOTES "The way we act behind the wheel is far more indicative of our walk with God than the way we act praying in a pew or smiling over a wellmarked Bible." Charles R. Swindoll "God gave us a free choice because there is no significance to love that knows no alternative." - James C. Dobson Laughs&Lifts.com
Dear Emily, You say he’s “started”gambling. Is this new behavior? Is he an addict, or just desperate? That will affect how willing he’s going to be to listen to you. Either way, what he’s doing is really dumb. Sure, you can have a loving, heart-to-heart, sit-down conversation with him and let him know how much you’re worried. This is something you should do very soon. But the question remains, is he mature enough that it will make a difference? The movies and cable networks have glamorized poker and the world of gambling. But there’s one sure way to tell whether the house will win or you will win in the long run. Look at your place, and then look at theirs. You may pick up a few dollars here and there by sheer luck, but they throw down millions just to re-decorate a lobby. And where do you think they got that money? From dummies who thought they could beat the system! Dave * For more financial help please visit daveramsey.com.
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 22
DECEMBER 2011
LOGAN’S ALL PRO TAKING CARE OF YOU AND YOUR AUTO NEEDS
SUDoKu
774-0059
TIRES BRAKES ALIGNMENT TUNE UPS BATTERIES EXHAUST BELTS & HOSES STARTERS ALTERNATORS TRANSMISSIONS
WINDOW TINT CAR AUDIO ALARMS REMOTE START MOBILE TV STROBES CAMO WRAP VINYL GRAPHICS AUTO DETAILING KEYLESS ENTRY
K SPR UC RIES WRECKER CALL A MERCHANTS TR DOWNTOWN O B 334-774-0059 EDL Y IN SS OCK E C INE 334-608-2341 OZARK, AL AC N ST RS I
171 N. UNION AVE OZARK, AL. 36360
Solve the Sudoku puzzle by making sure that each row, column & region contains the numbers 1 to 9 with no repeats SOLUTION ON PAGE 29
Quote Richard Lamm, former What’s In Your Heart?
Democratic Governor of Colorado:
A minister was making a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine. As he was pounding away, he noticed that a little boy was watching him. The youngster didn't say a word, so the preacher kept on working, thinking the lad would leave. But he didn't. Pleased at the thought that his work was being admired, the pastor finally said, "Well, son, trying to pick up some pointers on gardening?" "No," he replied. "I'm just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer."
"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it."
Laughs&Lifts.com
"If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road."
Dampen The Mood It takes a few scant decades to go from "whatever" to "Depends."
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
DECEMBER 2011
Page 23
Colby’s Restaurant “All You Can Eat Buffet” Cooking With A Southern Flare We Cater any Special Occasion Banquets • Receptions • Showers
Downtown Ozark • 129 East Ave. Downtown Dothan • 191 N. Foster www.colbysplace.com
THE LESS YOU HAVE THE MORE YOU VALUE IT
"Police dogs are often the scenter of a drug arrest." "The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes."
GATEWAY REALTY OF OZARK, INC. See This & All Our Listings Online At SellingOzark.com
This is a great home with many many updates. Gunite pool with new salt water system. Wonderful large master with large master bath jacuzzi tub. Don't miss out on this home.
334-774-4961 ~ 800-334-7403
RESIDENTIAL ~ COMMERCIAL LOTS/LAND ~ MULTI-FAMILY
The Quitter Fate handed the quitter a bump, and he dropped; The road seemed too rough to go, so he stopped. He thought of his hurt, and there came to his mind The easier path he was leaving behind. Oh, it's all much too hard, said the quitter right then; I'll stop where I am and not try it again. He sat by the road and he made up his tale To tell when men asked why he happened to fail. A thousand excuses flew up to his tongue, And these on the thread of his story he strung, But the truth of the matter he didn't admit; Laughs&Lifts.com
He never once said, I was frightened and quit. Whenever the quitter sits down by the road And drops from the struggle to lighten his load, He can always recall to his own peace of mind A string of excuses for falling behind; But somehow or other he can't think of one Good reason for battling and going right on. Oh, when the bump comes and fate hands you a jar, Don't baby yourself, boy, whoever you are; Don't pity yourself and talk over your woes; Don't think up excuses for dodging the blows. But stick to the battle and see the thing through. And don't be a quitter, whatever you do. - Edgar A. Guest
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 24
DECEMBER 2011
Aunt T’s Kitchen Maple Cream Bonbons Ingredients · 1 cup butter, softened · 3-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar · 3 tablespoons maple flavoring · 2 cups chopped walnuts · 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips · 1 cup butterscotch chips Directions · In a large bowl, cream the butter, sugar and maple flavoring until smooth. Stir in walnuts. Shape into 1-in. balls; place on waxed paperlined baking sheets. Freeze until firm. · In a microwave, melt the chips; stir until smooth. Dip balls in chocolate; allow excess to drip off. Place on waxed paper-lined baking sheets. Refrigerate until set. Store in the refrigerator. Yield: 5 dozen.
Cranberry Almond Bark Ingredients · 8 ounces white baking chocolate, chopped · 3 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped · 3/4 cup whole blanched almonds, toasted · 3/4 cup dried cranberries Directions · In a microwave, melt white chocolate at 70% power for 1 minute; stir. Microwave at additional 10- to 20-second intervals, stirring until smooth. Repeat with semisweet chocolate. Stir almonds and cranberries into white chocolate. Thinly spread onto a waxed paper-lined baking sheet. · With a spoon, drizzle semisweet chocolate over the white chocolate. Cut through with a knife to swirl. Chill until firm. Break into pieces. Refrigerate in an airtight container. Yield: 1 pound. Laughs&Lifts.com
Holiday Pecan Logs Ingredients · 2 teaspoons plus 1/2 cup butter, softened, divided · 3-3/4 cups confectioners' sugar · 1/2 cup nonfat dry milk powder · 1/2 cup sugar · 1/2 cup light corn syrup · 1 teaspoon Spice Islands® pure vanilla extract · 1 package (14 ounces) caramels · 1 tablespoon milk or half-and-half cream · 2 cups chopped pecans Directions · Butter an 8-in. square pan with 2 teaspoons butter; set aside. Combine confectioners sugar and milk powder; set aside. In a heavy saucepan, combine 1/2 cup butter, sugar and corn syrup; cook and stir until sugar is dissolved and mixture comes to a boil. Stir in confectioners' sugar mixture, about a third at a time, until blended. · Remove from the heat; stir in vanilla. Continue stirring until the mixture mounds slightly when dropped from a spoon. Spread into prepared pan. Cool. · Cut candy into four strips; cut each strip in half. Shape each into a log; wrap in waxed paper and twist ends. Freeze or refrigerate until firm. · Meanwhile, in a microwave, melt caramels with milk, stirring often. Roll logs in caramel mixture, then in pecans. Wrap in waxed paper. Store at room temperature in airtight containers. Cut into slices with a serrated knife. Yield: about 31/4 pounds.
GET THE LOOK FOR LESS
124 N. COURT SQ. OZARK, AL. 334-774-7900
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 25
DECEMBER 2011
Aunt T’s Kitchen
Holiday Candy Buttery Almond
White Chocolate Truffles
Crunch Ingredients · 1 tablespoon plus 1/2 cup butter, softened, divided · 1/2 cup sugar · 1 tablespoon light corn syrup · 1 cup sliced almonds Directions · Line an 8-in. square pan with foil; butter the foil with 1/2 tablespoon butter. Set aside. · Spread the sides of a heavy saucepan with 1/2 tablespoon butter. Add 1/2 cup of butter, sugar and corn syrup. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, stirring constantly. Cook and stir until mixture is golden brown, about 3 minutes. Stir in almonds. Quickly pour into prepared pan. · Refrigerate until firm. Invert pan and remove foil.
Ingredients · 18 ounces white candy coating, coarsely chopped · 9 tablespoons butter, cubed · 2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream · 1/4 cup confectioners' sugar · Additional confectioners' sugar Directions ·
·
In a microwave, melt the candy coating, butter and cream over low heat until smooth, stirring frequently. Stir in sugar. (If mixture separates, beat with a mixer for 30 seconds.) Pour into an 8-in. square pan. Chill for 20 minutes or until slightly hardened. Using a melon baller or spoon, scoop out and shape into 1-in. balls. Roll in sugar. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator. Yeild 5 Dz
Salary Increase Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?" The boss answered, "As soon as you do."
Fraser Fir This tree is often described as the most beautiful tree available. With a glossy green topside of the needle, to the snow white underneath, this makes for a truly beautiful Christmas tree.
Laughs&Lifts.com
C & B FARM & PRODUCE TURNIPS • COLLARDS • MUSTARD • LOCALLY GROWN KALE CABBAGE • RADISHES • SWEET POTATOES • TOMATOES SATSUMAS • APPLES • ORANGES SUGAR CANE STALKS • SUGAR CANE SYRUP & JUICE
HIGHWAY 123 SOUTH AT THE INTERSECTION OF HWY 84 WICKSBURG, ALABAMA 334-726-3278 OR 334-726-3277
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 26
DECEMBER 2011
BOUNTY INVESTIGATIONS PROFESSIONAL & PRIVATE INVESTIGATIONS FUGITIVE RECOVERY AGENCY
Executive Protection Estate Security Missing Person Skip Tracing Surveillance Process Serving Background Checks Criminal / Civil Cases Insurance Claims / Fraud Family Law / Child Custody Fingerprinting, Children & Adults 177 North Court Sq. • Ozark, Al. bountyinvestigations@yahoo.com
Office 334-774-0469 • Cell 334-432-4686 Fax 334-445-0467 For information on detail pricing,contact one of our agents. We are looking forward to serving your needs.
The Pickle Jar (Author Unknown)
like me." We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlor handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins nestled in his palm. "When we get home, we'll start filling the jar again." He always let me drop the first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other. "You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters," he said. "But you'll get there. I'll see to that." The years passed, and I finished college and took a job in another town. Once, while visiting my parents, I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and had been removed. A lump rose in my throat as I stared at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had always stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never lectured me on the values of determination, perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar had taught me all these virtues far more eloquently than the most flowery of words could have done. When I married, I told my wife Susan about the significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than anything else, how much my dad had loved me. No matter how rough things got at home, Dad continued to doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer when Dad got laid off from the mill, and Mama had to serve dried beans several times a week, not a single dime was taken from the jar. To the contrary, as Dad looked across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans to make them more palatable, he became more determined than ever to make a way out for me. "When you finish college, Son," he told me, his eyes glistening, "You'll never have to eat beans again...unless you want to." The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa, taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's arms. "She probably needs to be changed," she said, carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper her. When Susan came back into the living room, there was a strange mist in her eyes. She handed Jessica back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into the room.
The pickle jar as far back as I can remember sat on the floor beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom. When he got ready for bed, Dad would empty his pockets and toss his coins into the jar. As they were dropped into the jar, they landed with a merry jingle when the jar was almost empty. Then the tones gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar was filled. I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and admire the copper and silver circles that glinted like a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the bedroom window. When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen table and roll the coins before taking them to the bank. Taking the coins to the bank was always a big production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box, the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat of his old truck. Each and every time, as we "Look," she said softly, her eyes directing me to a drove to the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my "Those coins are going to keep you out of the textile amazement, there, as if it had never been removed, mill, son. You're going to do better than me. This old stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered mill town's not going to hold you back." Also, each with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down and every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins. across the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would grin proudly. "These are for my son's CONTINUED college fund. He'll never work at the mill all his life Laughs&Lifts.com Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life 334-379-7603
Page 27
DECEMBER 2011
CLUES ACROSS 1. Abu __, U.A.E. capital 6. Herring-like fishes 11. 55120 MN 12. Indigo bush 13. Pollyanna-ish 15. Pleasing to the ear 18. Parcels of land 19. Microns (alt. sp.) 20. Cooking containers 21. Express pleasure 24. Meat from a calf (alt.) 25. 7th Greek letter 26. Operated the sales register 30. Blueprint for the day 32. Congressperson (abbr.)
CLUES DOWN 1. Having a sophisticated charm 2. Minute amounts (Scot.) 3. Turkish leader's title 4. Used for hitting the ball in various games 5. Not out 6. South Dakota 7. Possessed 8. Grad 9. UPS driver 10. Fired
33. Angle (abbr.) 35. Fragrant health promotion 43. Trespasses 44. ___ Lanka 45. Wife of Hercules 47. A large body of water 48. Chicken house 49. Sicilian volcano 51. Coarse edible red seaweed 52. __ May, actress 54. Opposites of credits 55. Unable to move 57. Someone who is highly skilled 58. 100 = 1 kwacha 59. "Rocky" star Talia
13. In a way, augmented 14. River in SE S. Am. 16. Division of geological time 17. Follows sigma 21. Sign language 22. Expression of surprise 23. Hull Identification Number 26. Salmwood 27. Associated Press 28. Half of an em 29. Networks in Spanish 31. Dough fermenting agent 34. Auto fuel
With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped the coins into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad, carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room. Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling the same emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak. Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles that we forget to count our blessings. Sorrow looks back. Worry looks around. Faith looks UP! Laughs&Lifts.com
34. Auto fuel 36. An alternative 37. Manuscripts (abbr.) 38. Digested 39. Darjeeling or green 40. Horsepower 41. 1985 Formula 1 champion 42. Expression of alarm 43. Gain possession
45. Own (Scottish) 46. Snake-like fish 48. Dicer 50. Afresh 51. Hindu mother goddess 53. Before 54. Code for dash 56. Atomic #52 57. Millisecond
LOGAN’S DRY CLEANERS & LAUNDRY 618 South Union Avenue • Ozark, Al. • 774-8012
FIRE RESTORATION SPECIALISTS 99% Success Rate • Lowest Prices Smoke Smell Removal Clothes • Drapes • Bed Linens • Shoes
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 28
DECEMBER 2011
COUNSELING PLUS
“Your Source of Comprehensive Counseling With a Christian Option.” I do the water and sewer billing
Ÿ Behavioral Problems Ÿ Academic Problems Ÿ Marital Problems Ÿ Depression Ÿ Anxiety Ÿ ADHD
for a small city in Washington State. Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills -- which they said looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending fullsized bills in envelopes. The month before the switch, I had a note printed on the cards, announcing the change. Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist, "Is this some kind of joke?" When the customer threw his bill upon the desk, I saw his point. The note was, "Coming soon! New Larger Bills!"
AllKids Insurance & Military One-Source Provider *Medicaid & Tricare require a Doctors Referral
CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT TODAY! 334-774-5300 OR 334-774-5219 258 South Painter Ave. • Ozark, Al.
SMART DOG
Things to Think About: - Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'? - How come wrong numbers are never busy? - Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? - How do you get off a non-stop flight? - How do you write zero in Roman numerals? - If Barbie's so popular why do you have to buy all her friends? - If you can't drink and drive why do bars have parking lots? - Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? - Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Logan's Cleaners Alterations
774-8012
Really Good Food Lunch Served Sun-Fri 11-2 Eat In, Take Out, Or Local Delivery
621-0345 209 N. Merrick Ave. Ozark, Alabama Laughs&Lifts.com
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance. "This is a very smart dog," the man commented. "Not so smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
LITTLE TOMMY A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-EP-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 29
DECEMBER 2011
When You Advertise in Laughs Laughs& &Lifts you put your message in the hands of 40,000 readers in 5 counties.
Call Roger Parrish
334-379-7603
Flight Delay Announcement
A passenger on a Southwest flight says that he once faced a flight delay just before they boarded. A flight attendant picked up the microphone and announced: "We're sorry for the delay. The machine that normally rips the handles off your luggage is broken, so we're having to do it by hand. We should be finished and on our way shortly."
THE
THE
GET YOUR PLUNDER AT THE
PLUNDER PALACE
PLUNDER PALACE OPEN MON-SAT 9 TILL 5 HIGHWAY 123 N • OZARK, AL
774-3525 Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 30
DECEMBER 2011
Kenneth
PHILLIPS Dale County Commisioner, District 4
“The right person, at the right time, for the right reason” Pd Pol Adv by Kenneth Phillips 528 N Co Rd 59 Ozark, AL 36360
RATS… Boudreaux was out in da field talkin' wit his frien' Thibodeaux.Thibodeaux said, "Boudreaux , you see dat ole barn out dere? Well man, its completely infestered wit' rats. I tried everything I know an' can't get rid of dem." Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, I know zactly how to get rid of dem rats. You gotta get you one of dem bull constriptors." Thibodeaux say, "Whats a bull constriptor?" Boudreaux explains, " Man. Dats one of dem big ole snakes and he loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once." Well, da nex' day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm and bought him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got. He brought dat snake to da barn an let him loose right in da middle and just sat dere and watched. Well, Thibodeaux was watchin' for a long time, I mean long, an dere wasn't nuttin' happenin'. Dat big ole snake jus curled up hiself in da middle of dat barn and slept all day. He didn't even move and dem rats jus run all around. Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on da phone, "Boudreaux, man dats some bad advice bout dat snake. Dem rats play all day long." Boudreaux say, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do. Give dat snake some Viagra." Thibodeaux say, "What! Viagra! What's dat gonna do?" Boudreaux say, "I was just listening to da radio and de man say dat Viagra is da best t'ing to use for a reptile dysfunction.
Move Your Mind Forward Whatever you dwell upon in your mind, you give power to. So of course it makes sense to focus on what you want rather than what you don't want. Yet there are many ways in which the things you don't want can sneak into your thinking. Worry and doubt focus your thinking on what you don't want. Rather than worrying about the bad things that might happen, direct your actions toward making positive things happen. Complaining can also get your mind sidetracked into thinking about what you don't want. What do you complain about? The things you don't like. Rather than complaining, take action. Action moves you toward what you do want. Anger is one more way to get your thinking negatively directed. Rather than getting angry about what you don't like, use that energy to give you determination for what you want to achieve. Keep your mind positively focused on the good things that life can offer. Those things will grow stronger and more abundant in your world. - Author Unknown
- Philippians 4:8 Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
Page 31
DECEMBER 2011
"The Trouble Tree"
VOTE
(Author Unknown)
The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric-saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. After opening the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles, and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. Afterward, he walked me to my car. We passed the tree, and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. "Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning, I pick them up again." "Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before." APPLICATION: As Christians, we know that we've got something even better then a "trouble tree," we've got Jesus, whom we can give all our daily burdens. And what's better, is we don't have to (and really shouldn't) take them back! Have a bad day at work? Give it over to your Jesus who loves you, and let it go, and start fresh anew the next day. The more we give our burdens to Jesus, the lighter our loads and the better our relationships with others.
Laughs&Lifts.com
Woodrow (Woody)
HILBOLDT DALE COUNTY
PROBATE JUDGE PD. POL. ADV. BY FRIENDS OF WOODROW HILBOLDT, OZARK, AL.
Signs Found In The Kitchen 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.
So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don't date it! I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener! A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your standards. 10. Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. 11. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse. 12. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. 13. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand! 14. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 15. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 16. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. 17. My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending machines. 18. I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump. 19. Mother does not live here any more, clean up your own mess. 20. Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603
DECEMBER 2011
The greatest story ever told, the greatest truth you’ll ever hold, The greatest peace the world has known, a Christmas gift for all to own. Laughs&Lifts wish all of our advertisers and readers a blessed and meaningful Christmas.
First National Bank Of Hartford “Serving this fine community since 1905”
“Merry Christmas From Our Family To Yours”
POSTAGE FROM: Parrish Publishing P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Alabama 334-379-7603
TO:
334-588-2211 101 South Third Street • Hartford, Al Laughs&Lifts.com
Bringing Laughter & Encouragement Into Your Life
334-379-7603