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LivingNotes
HERE WE GO AGAIN T h e d i v e s h o p i s a b o u t 3 t i m e s t h e s i z e o f t h e o n e i n B e l i z e. T h e a n t i c i p a t i o n o f t h e f i r s t d i v e i s h a l f e x c i t i n g, h a l f n e r v e r a c k i n g. T h i n g s a r e g e t t i n g v e r y r e a l r i g h t n o w. A g u s h o f n e r v o u s n e s s r u s h e s t h r o u g h m y b o d y. A m I r e a d y ? B o b by ’s c h i l l a t t i t u d e i s r e m a r k a b l e. I d e f i n i t e l y n e e d t o t a k e a l e a f o u t o f h i s b o o k . T h i s a n x i e t y t h i n g i s l i t e r a l l y m a k i n g m e p hy s i c a l l y s i c k . A n d r e a n d Ju l i a are trying on wetsuits. Mike is digging through the selection of fins. A q u e s t i o n I a l m o s t f o r g o t a b o u t p o p s i n t o m y h e a d : “ M i k e, h o w d o yo u s p e l l yo u r n a m e ? Yo u n e e d t o s i g n t h e p a p e r w o r k f o r c e r t i f i c a t i o n ” , - t h e p e n i n m y h a n d i s r e a d y t o s p e l l . “A c t u a l l y, yo u r i n s t r u c t o r w i l l s i g n i t ” , - M i k e ’s v o i c e s o u n d s m a t t e r - o f - f a c t a n d c h i l l . To o c h i l l . A w av e o f u n p l e a s a n t s h o c k r u n s t h r o u g h m y e n t i r e b o d y. A n i n s t r u c t o r ? W h a t i n s t r u c t o r ? M i k e a s s u r e d h e w o u l d b e p e r s o n a l l y c e r t i f y i n g u s . W hy t h e c h a n g e ? “A r e yo u n o t t h e d i v i n g i n s t r u c t o r ? ” - i t t a k e s m e a l l t h e w i l l p o w e r t o k e e p m y voice chill and matter-of-fact as well. “ N o p e ” , - M i k e ’s s m i l e d o e s n’ t c o m e a c r o s s a s g e n u i n e w h a t s o e v e r. T h e r a g e i n s i d e i s g a i n i n g p o w e r. M y m i n d i s r a c i n g t h r o u g h a b i l l i o n o f p o s s i b l e o p t i o n s . T h e s i c k n e s s a n d s h a r p p a i n f e e l l i k e a t r e a c h e r o u s s t a b r i g h t n o w. T h i s i s t h e l a s t t h i n g I n e e d . M y m i n d n e e d s t o b e c l e a r. T h e d u d e l i e d . F l a t o u t l i e d . What now? Do I cancel everything all together? Who is this mysterious instructor? Are we safe? Maybe this gut feeling was not wrong after all. “ Yo u o k ? ” - B o b by ’s s e a r c h i n g e ye s a r e t r y i n g t o r e a d t h e a n s w e r o f f m y f a c e. H e knows me too well. “ T h i s i s a b i g d e a l , ye s , b u t w e c a n c h o o s e h o w t o r e a c t t o t h i s ” . The fury inside is hard to control. A standard “let-me-deal-with-it-my-way” smile settles on my face: “ O r w e c a n f * * * i t a l l a n d w a l k a w a y. Yo u d o n’ t h av e t o d i v e. H e l i e d ” . M y e m o tions are getting the better of me at the moment. “ We a r e a l r e a d y h e r e. L e t ’s g e t i t d o n e a n d f o c u s o n o t h e r g r e a t t h i n g s w e h av e a h e a d o f u s ” , - B o b by ’s a l w a y s b a l a n c e d d e m e a n o r i s r e m a r k a b l y c a l m i n g. I t t a k e s a mere fraction of a second for his words to sink in. H e i s r i g h t . T h i s n e e d s t o b e d o n e a n d ov e r w i t h . M y b r a i n m a k e s a m e n t a l n o t e t o g e t m o r e b a c k g r o u n d i n f o o n t h i s M i k e g u y. “ G o o d j o b g u y s ! Yo u ’v e d o n e s o w e l l ! ” - Vi r g i n i a ’s w o r d s ( o u r i n s t r u c t o r ) g e t m u f f l e d by t h e s o u n d o f t h e m ov i n g b o a t . M y f i n g e r s a r e d i g g i n g t h r o u g h t h e b a g. A d v i l . I k n o w I b r o u g h t s o m e A d v i l s o m e w h e r e. T h e p a i n t h a t s t a r t e d i n t h e m o r n i n g i s u n b e a r a b l e. M y e n t i r e b o d y i s n o w o n f i r e. Fo c u s . I n e e d t o f o c u s . A n d g e t t h i s ov e r w i t h . M y m i n d d e v i a t e s t o a f e w m i n u t e s e a r l i e r a n d a s m i l e s p r e a d s a c r o s s m y f a c e. B o b by ’s m a n a g i n g h i s c l a u s t r o p h o b i a i n c r e d i b l y w e l l . I ’ m s o p r o u d o f h i m . I t takes a very strong person to just get under the water; and he is excelling at it. A n o t h e r s t a b o f s h a r p p a i n b r i n g s m e b a c k t o r e a l i t y. F i n g e r s f i n d t h e A d v i l b o t t l e and unscrew the lid. Ok, 10 min or so and it should get better…
