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U NAQU NESSW E R E D TION M y e ye s k e e p o n g l a n c i n g i n t h e s i d e - v i e w m i r r o r. A h e av y c l o u d o f c a u t i o n h a s b e e n h ov e r i n g ov e r e v e r s i n c e w e l e f t t h e Ta m a r i n d o a r e a . M y m i n d i s t r y i n g t o s h a k e t h e h e av y f e e l i n g off. We a r e g o o d . M i k e i s i n f u l l c o n f i d e n c e w e a r e m e e t i n g h i m o r h i s a i d t o m o r r o w. We a r e o n a d i f f e r e n t r o u t e. T h e r o a d i s l i v e l y. T h e r e a r e shops and people all around. My conscious is trying to reason, but the subconscious fights back. I t s t i l l … f e e l s h e av y. Ve r y h e av y. D a r k . “ H e y. W h e r e a r e yo u ? M i s s H i l l , a r e yo u w i t h m e ? ” - B o b by ’s s m i l i n g e ye s s p a r k l e w i t h e n couragement. His light-hearted tone and jokes a l w a y s m a k e m e s m i l e. E x c e p t f o r r i g h t n o w. The immense feeling of responsibility comb i n e d w i t h g u i l t f i l l e d e v e r y c e l l o f m y b o d y. I a m r e s p o n s i b l e f o r t h e s a f e t y o f e v e r yo n e. T h i s s i t u a t i o n s h o u l d h av e n e v e r h a p p e n e d . I s h o u l d h av e e n s u r e d . I t h o u g h t I d i d , b u t t h e r e a l i t y i s s h o w i n g o t h e r w i s e. “ H e y, ” - B o b by ’s t o n e c h a n g e s . “ We a r e o k . We are going to get to the hotel, sleep and fly out e a r l y t o m o r r o w m o r n i n g. T h a t ’s i t . ” My head nods in agreement. I got to push t h r o u g h . I w i l l d e a l w i t h a l l e m o t i o n s l a t e r. A s m i l e m a k e s i t s w a y b a c k t o m y f a c e. “ Yo u a r e r i g h t . L e t ’s j u s t g e t t o t h e h o t e l ” . B o b by ’s e ye s s m i l e a n d f o c u s o n t h e r o a d a g a i n . Tr y i n g t o n o t b e o b v i o u s , m y f i n g e r s c o u n t A d vils in my pocket while my brain is remembering the last time I took painkillers. Only 4 left. T h e y h av e t o l a s t u n t i l t o m o r r o w. Shar p pain in my right side is getting stronger by t h e h o u r. T h i s i s t h e l a s t t h i n g I n e e d r i g h t n o w. M y e ye s f o c u s o n t h e h o r i z o n . T h e b r a i n i s trying to remember pain-releasing techniques I l e a r n e d d u r i n g p r e g n a n c i e s r e s u r f a c e. A t t h i s p o i n t , I ’ m w i l l i n g t o t r y a n y t h i n g. I j u s t w a n t t h e p a i n g o n e. “A n d … w e a r e s a f e ” , - a s i g h o f r e l i e f c o m e s f r o m m y r i g h t . B o b by ’s h a p py e x p r e s s i o n i s c o n t a g i o u s . A s m i l e s p r e a d s o n m y f a c e. We a r e s a f e.
