The Lookout
Molly King
Empathy in Change Molly King Many people have this idea of the “American dream.” From a young age, children are shown movies and television shows about princes and princesses, what high school is like, and teen romance. Unfortunately, these entertainment platforms are unrealistic. Most kids will not grow up as a high school’s star athlete in a small town with a white picket fence and both parents in the home, but that is okay. Kids are much more likely to grow up in a low to middle workingclass family that may or may not have two parents in the household. In this scenario, these children need to experience and be shown empathy. In the book The War for Kindness, author Jamil Zaki introduces us to his life as a child of divorced parents. Zaki and I grew up in similar situations, just as so many other children do. When our parents got married, they decided to move to the suburbs, though that did not last very long. Jamil and I were both young when our parents decided to divorce; I was five years old and he was eight. We shared the experiences of watching our parents’ distance themselves, “As my parents receded from each other, they scorched the earth between them” (Zaki 2). This statement is especially hard to read because I know exactly what he means. In many instances, parents will blame the other for the divorce. Understandably, no one wants to take responsibility for splitting the family apart. Unfortunately, if the parental fighting continues after the divorce, it can affect the child’s wellbeing. Hal Arkowitz and Scott O. 47
Lilienfeld, authors of the article “Is Divorce Bad For Children?” write, “Researchers have consistently found that high levels of parental conflict during and after a divorce are associated with poorer adjustment in children.” Similarly, Amy Morin, author of “The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children,” observes, “Intense conflict between parents has been shown to increase children’s distress.” While it is never good for parents to fight in front of children, the divorce period is hard enough as it is. Parents should try their best to make this new process as easy and less hurtful as possible. Empathy at the beginning of a divorce could set the tone for the future of the family. Parents could show empathy in many ways: being okay with the fact that the child may want to confide in someone else, expressing that they don’t know what the child is thinking or feeling, being proactive in starting conversations about the divorce, and seeking an outlet for themselves as well. During the divorce process, the child can become very confused and may not know how to feel. My parents divorced thirteen years ago and there are still moments when I do not know how to feel. Sometimes, I will talk to my parents about what I am feeling, but most likely I will go to my siblings, friends, or a few trusted adults. This is not because I don’t love or trust my parents, but it is to keep them from feeling sad or guilty. From personal experience, I always want to protect my parents from emotional burdens.
