Advice
LET’S TALK
Jodie Molloy answers your most i ti t
I’m going to be alone on Valentine’s Day, again. Should I make an effort and go out on a date? And if so, is doing an online profile safe? ● Weary Heart, Auckland
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I wouldn’t use Valentine’s Day as the kick-off to an online date evening myself, but that’s not to say that you can’t use the date to make an anniversary of a new beginning. Is it possible to meet the right person for you on the internet? Of course! Will it be easy? No! What site you use should be dependent on your expectations, but nothing should be more important than managing your safety. If you do register on a site, make sure you tell somebody where you’re going and who you’re going with. Don’t meet at somebody’s home, avoid being alone with somebody, and make it a public space. Don’t give out personal information about where you live, etc. Don’t be afraid to stay home by yourself and get a takeaway and watch a rom-com, or even better, go out with a friend for the night. Not all love celebrations have to be romantic.
TTHEE
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My son is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend and won’t stop trying to win her back. She has made it quite clear that it’s way too much and she wants him to stop contacting her. He is turning to me for advice and whatever I tell him to do, like, “Don’t text her”, he does anyway. He’s 30 and I can tell he’s heartbroken, but what do I do if he just ignores me? He says he’ll never be able to have a sexual connection with anybody other than her. I’m worried. ● Over Rover, Taupo
PICTURES: GETTY IMAGES.
Q
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Woman’s Day
It’s tough to see loved ones suffer, especially your children. But you have to draw a line when you know somebody’s behaviour is causing agitation. He has to respect her wishes and go through the agony of grief and loss. There’s no way around the pain and he may need help beyond you in accepting that. Sexual connections can create a powerful narrative in the brain that make you feel that what you have with one
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person is “irreplaceable”. Truth is, even if it is special or remarkable, it takes more than that aspect to make a relationship prosper. I’d suggest you mention to him that he goes to his GP and explains his addiction to trying to win her back and his agitation. If you and your family can afford it, rally around and get him a therapist to help him make a coping plan in the next month or two. I also think it’s
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important you lead by example and explain to him in very honest terms what he may think is “romance” is in fact harassment. I’m getting married on Valentine’s Day and want to give my nearly all-single bridal party a cheeky gift bag afterwards to say a big thank you for being there for me. (I’m on a bit of a budget.) ● Happy Ending, Canterbury
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Well, for a summer wedding, why not go with the budget-friendly, very fun lubricant called System Jo H20 Watermelon. Apparently the flavour is good and it’s a very “silky” feeling product.
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Questions for Jodie Write to wdaynz@bauermedia.co.nz or Woman’s Day, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley Street, Auckland.
