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woman, POwER and money Build your puzzle of success
Alicia E. Kaufmann
© Autora: Alicia E. Kaufmann © Título original: Mujer, poder y dinero. Construye tu puzle del éxito © Traducción: Alice Díaz Edita © LoQueNoExiste www.loquenoexiste.es Promoción, Relaciones Públicas y Marketing Digital: Medialuna info@medialunacom.es www.medialunacom.es © Maquetación y diseño de portada: LoQueNoExiste © Fotografía de la portada: Ximena Muñoz Vivas ISBN: 978-84-945059-5-9 Reservados todos los derechos LoQueNoExiste C/Isabel Colbrand 10, Edif. Alfa III, 5ª planta, 28050, Madrid Tfno: 91 567 01 72 www.loquenoexiste.es editorial@loquenoexiste.es
To a woman who recognises the things that really matter: my daughter ANDREA
the reasons for this book I was interested in money since childhood. I remember we often spoke of it at home. My parents had enjoyed a comfortable position in Europe, but due to the vicissitudes of war, they were forced to seek new life courses. They landed in Argentina, where they started from scratch. My grandfather was a wealthy banker in Vienna and my grandmother, Carolina Goldschmidt (German for gold forging), came from one of the most renowned local families. Her mother had been one of the first patients of the then young and unknown Sigmund Freud. My father, an engineer, met my mother in Prague. During World War II, women held minor roles. My mother used to say, "Men do not like women who are too smart". That sentence, her tenacity and her fighting spirit were essential life lessons for me. The most frequent statement my father used to make was that young people should travel and study. I felt most identified 6
with this recommendation and, at the age of 14, I began to earn my own money teaching English. Handling my economy was synonymous with independence and freedom. Therefore, I practised and passed it on to my children, supporting another parental slogan that read: "If you earn ten, save three". I began my research on the career development of women and men almost three decades ago. In those early studies, my topics of interest were financial intelligence and socialisation in families.
a context of crisis Everything has changed since I first started writing about money (A. Kaufmann and Marta de Prado, Las motivaciones sociales y personales en relaciรณn al dinero en Equipos de trabajo en la era de la conexiรณn [Social and personal motivations in relation to money in Work teams in the age of the connection], Univ. de Alcalรก 2003). The crisis, which began in 2007, was a blow to the economy, particularly to women's economy. Shares lost their value, the price of real estate collapsed and the unemployment rate exceeded 25% in Spain. Many people are still going through great difficulties as they struggle to stay afloat. Women have suffered this situation largely. If a company doubts between hiring a man or a woman, they usually chose to contract him. Although data show that an increasingly high percentage of women decide not to have children and focus on their career, men in their thirties are taking off while women in the same age group look inwards 7
for the sake of maternity. These are times when companies like Apple or Facebook offer their female employees the opportunity to freeze their own eggs, to prevent them from choosing between work and family. This issue deserves a broad debate to evaluate the level of interference of companies in the private lives of women.
women earn less; they do not acknowledge themselves Sometimes, when women who are employed decide to start a family, a perverse organisational effect occurs, a veiled attack to potential mothers. There is evidence, however, that maternity does not increase absenteeism. I have many testimonies of women who have suffered such discrimination. Moreover, studies related to salaries and negotiation show that women earn less because, among other reasons, they do not negotiate their own salaries with confidence. They expect to be valued, but this does not happen if they do not acknowledge or consider themselves worthy of an income in line with their efforts. In this complex framework, women have to place their power and skills above to negotiate their economy. They are responsible for where they are today and for where they want to access in the near future. They must awaken. There is no other alternative. This text provides some thinking tools. I wrote it specifically to clear the limitations that stand between the social vision, personal performance and achievement in substantive terms. 8
money is the projection of our dreams, fantasies and fears We usually start from a traditional view of money as an exchange tool that is neutral, unique and without distinctions. However, we are aware that money is not only that. It is more than that. We project dreams, fantasies and fears in money. Both children and teenagers observe how family members relate with money: who brings money home, who manages it, what role does each partner hold in relation to money, what power it grants, how it is used. In the first years of life, personal experiences are added to social experiences that arrives via advertising and religion. National and international political issues intervene later. Many analysts have wondered what would have happened if there had been a Lehman Sisters instead of a Lehman Brothers' crash. In today's society, material greed situations are more related to the male gender than to the female. Throughout the life cycle, people shape a mental structure that influence their transactions, both financial and emotional. Money is both a material and emotional medium of exchange. If we observe people's behaviour in relation to money, we will have a sample of how they treat themselves and others. In these pages, I intend to explain and emphasise aspects that inhibit people in achieving their full emotional and physical potential. I invite you to take a closer look at different subjects related to women, money and power to become aware of how we relate to money, because as we all know... Money Talks. Enjoy the journey. Alicia E. Kaufmann 9
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Index
1. Women and money............................................................. 13 2. Money and vital intelligence................................................ 28 3. Confusion between love and money.................................... 39 4. How to suppress guilt and fear of success........................... 44 5. What we have been told at home......................................... 51 6. Feel free to win: the art of negotiating................................. 67 7. Feel free to dream. From dependence to independence....... 77 8. Types of power..................................................................... 87 9. The inner authority............................................................... 94 10. Reconciliation between love and money..........................107
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Woman, Power and Money. Build your puzzle of success
CHAPTER 1
Women and money
“If money cannot buy happiness, then let us imagine misery” (Woody Allen)
In many societies, talking about money is taboo, especially for women. Substantial socialisation comes from various sources: ranging from the social structure and family group, to the culture in which it reference is made in an open or covert way to financial issues. By tradition, men are the ones who have received the message to produce. Women have accepted the suggestion that their salary is an aid to their partner. Financial behaviours acquired during childhood can turn into lifelong habits1. Fear, guilt and greed are often emotions that influence attitudes to money2. Women have been socialised into a Canault, N. Cómo pagamos los errores de nuestros antepasados: una introducción a la psicogenealogía (How we pay the mistakes of our ancestors: an introduction to psychogenealogy). Barcelona, Obelisk Publications. 2009. 1
Shefrin, Hersh. Más allá del miedo y la codicia (Beyond fear and greed). Mexico, Oxford University Press. 2000. 2
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Cinderella Complex3, which Colette Dowling defines as “a psychological dependence consisting in the deep desire of women to be taken care of ”. It is a network of repressed attitudes that have plunged women into a kind of lethargy and that prevent them to use their abilities and creativity fully. Like Cinderella, women have waited for someone to transform their lives from the outside. Although the situation has changed, it is still not enough. Women have massively entered the labour market, but not the top management posts. They receive frequent messages to the detriment of their will. To access power, women must be independent, on both the material and emotional level. “I am afraid”, “I have difficulties negotiating” or “I just need some recognition” are sentences that are often said by women. They think the problem is outside of them, but in fact, it comes from within their choices and renunciations. Habits of the past still coexist with educational processes that do not qualify women to today’s workplace. Women will be able to delve into their inner world when they cease to hold the system, the male gender or family rules responsible. When this happens, they will gain full freedom and confidence.
Colette, Dowling. El complejo de Cenicienta; el miedo de las mujeres a la independencia (The Cinderella Complex; fear of women to independence). Barcelona, Grijalbo Publications. 1982. 3
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Woman, Power and Money. Build your puzzle of success
Replace sky-blue and pink with the rainbow In the educational field, the question is not what we can do for our children, but what we should stop doing in order for them to be independent. We have to teach girls to be stronger and boys not to feel guilty about showing their feelings. Instead of educating in sky-blue and pink, this should be done in rainbow colours. Part of what was heard at home is no longer valid. More and more women realise the importance of money as a key variable to be free. It is no longer about sharing doing the laundry, but about power. Moreover, this takes place in financial environments. Women need to show character, integrity, ethical values, clarity and competence, in addition to having a level of education according to the posts of responsibility. They no longer want to be co-pilots; they want to lead their own lives. In our consumer society, we often relate the possession of money and material goods with power and authority. Absence thereof creates low self-esteem. In the book La bolsa o la vida (Your money or your life), Joe DomĂnguez and Vicki Robin point out that money is a screen on which we project the ability to fulfil our fantasies, calm our fears, mitigate our sorrows and progress. What we feel about money rules our lives more than any other factor. Therefore, it is not understandable that, along with death and sex, money is one of the greatest social taboos. 15
Alicia E. Kaufmann
Until the arrival of the crisis, most people were not in debt, and in the media, few references were made to money. Our parents and grandparents had a different attitude. They were reluctant to spend money. When we buy on credit, we rarely stop to think about how many hours, days and vital energy that entails. The psychological cost of debt is not considered. According to the survey Los Espaùoles, el dinero y la felicidad (Spaniards, money and happiness), carried out by the Sociological Research Centre (CIS, Centro de Investigaciones Sociológicas), work, health and family are among the issues that matter most to the Spaniards. The greatest source of happiness is good health, with 62.3%; followed by the family, with 42.6%; and having material security, with 33.2%. For men, financial aspects reach 38.3% compared to 28.8% for women. There is a difference of almost ten points between them. In her research on women’s financial dependence, Clara Coria notes that many women do not value themselves and they believe they do not deserve the good jobs they have.
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