TSAWTB Section 6: Interlude - A Miscellany of Items

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SECTION 6 INTERLUDE: A MISCELLANY OF ITEMS SECTION 6.1 POOR BILL’S ALMANAC It is a serious contention that those who lack a sense of humour can often be found to have some degree of imbalance in their lives somewhere. To take oneself too seriously could imply an undue sense of self importance that betokens a degree of pride. Fearful lest we be accused of any such tendency, we reproduce an article that appeared in the CRSQ v8:89 June 1971. It was by William Rusch Snr. and consisted of a number of sayings he had collected. We suggest that they should adorn the walls of all laboratories (and other establishments), and it is hoped that the reader will find them as uproarious as this author did. He headed them as;

“Handbuch fur Uplausen das Laboratorie Werke und Ubercovern das Grosse Goofups”. Compendium of Ground Rules for Laboratory Workers and Cover-up of Large Goofups (a) When you don’t know what you are doing, do it neatly. (b) Experiments should always be reproducible. They should all fail the same way. (c) First draw your curves, then plot your data. (e) A record of data is essential. It indicates you have been working. (f) To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start. (g) In case of doubt, make it convincing. (h) Do not believe in miracles, rely on them. (i) Teamwork is essential in a laboratory; it allows you to blame someone else. Handy guide to Modern Science: If it is green and it wriggles, it is biology. If it stinks, its chemistry. If it doesn’t work, its physics. The Wisdom of Finagle. Finagle’s Creed: Science is truth; don’t be misled by facts. Finagle’s Motto: Smile! Tomorrow will be worse. Finagle’s Constant: That quantity which, when added to, subtracted from, multiplied by or divided into the answer you got, gives you the answer you should have gotton. Finagle’s Laws: First Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. Second Law: No matter what result is anticipated, there is always someone


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