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Ask Flora
“Ask Flora,” where you can ask your parenting questions (about kids between ages 2 and 10), to Flora McCormick, Licensed Counselor and creator of the Sustainable Parenting Mentorship.
WRITTEN BY FLORA MCCORMICK
Question 1:
So, I was pretty sure my 5-year-old son was extremely well behaved because I’m super mom and I’ve got it all figured out (I’m joking, but I’m a pretty firm parent). Now I have a 10-month-old, and he is the total opposite and already more defiant than my 5-year-old has ever been. How do you START disciplining from a young age? Where do you begin, so you set up a good foundation? Alex K.
ANSWER:
I appreciate your openness and honesty, Alex. I see this happen often in families (mine included!). When my second child was born, it made me realize that our children’s personalities can be so very different, strictly based on their inborn nature. It’s humbling, to say the least. The good news is that discipline can start at a very young age. In fact, the very word discipline means “to teach,” so of course we are teaching our children in so many ways, even when they are babies. Ten to 12 months is often the starting point of when our children begin being wonderful little scientists, with several lagging skills (see explanations below):
1. 60
As “little scientists,” our kids are constantly testing rules and boundaries to see what happens when they do. Also, they are
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experimenting with weight, sound, taste and touch in almost every way imaginable. That’s how their brains are primed to learn. The more we can see that they are exploring and experimenting, instead of being bad, we will respond to these challenges as teachable moments.
2.
Having lagging skills means they have skills that are not-yetdeveloped. These skills include how to communicate their needs, how to manage their emotions and how to effectively have power and control in the world.
To help young children in both of these areas, we’ll want to establish kind and firm boundaries alongside strategies to redirect curiosities and build their lagging skills. What does this tangibly look like with a 1-year-old?
Distract and Redirect: The key is to focus on what he CAN do, instead of talking about what he can’t do. Examples: 1.
When your child wants to throw a harmful object, replace the item with pom-poms, a balloon or squishy ball, saying, “This is what we can throw.”
2.
When he is stuck on something in the house he can’t have, redirect toward something he can play with. The more enthusiasm you show for the appropriate object/activity, the more likely he will follow. For example, when he wants to have the remote, say “Look at this cool shaker over here!” Instead of, “No. I told you, you can’t have the remote!”
