DECEMBER 2022/ JANUARY 2023
Witchy Moms
MAGAZINE Herbal Medicine
Astrology Forecast
Yule New Release Books & Card Decks
Foraged & Gathered Using Human Design to Thrive
From my
Kitchen table a note from the editor As I sat here at my kitchen table creating the magazine this past week, it made me think about our traditions around the holidays. Well, it was my kids that helped remind me about the traditions.
'Mom, when can we put up the bear decorations on the arch?'
The holidays have always been important in our family. My mom would always decorate the house inside & out. The tree HAD to be a pine tree & simply nothing else would do. There were greens & garlands & decorations in every room. It was a magical sight as a child- or me, & then my 3 girls.
'Mom, when are we putting up our advent calendars?'
~My 7 yr old daughter
~My 16 yr old daughter
'Mom, can I put out the 12 days before Christmas?' ~My 13 yr old daughter
As a mom, I have kept up the tradition the best I can. It wasn't until this year that I noticed how important they are to my kids. All 3 asked about a particular tradition this week & it made me smile. Even the teenagers asked. I think I may go a bit overboard with making the holidays feel special because I want my girls to feel like kids for just a little longer. Having lost their dad at a young age forced them to grow up very fast, too fast in my opinion. They missed out on some of the free spirited years of just being a kid. The holidays is the perfect time to get caught up in childhood wonder, in my opinion.
Check our socials in the coming weeks for memory making Yule ideas
Blessed Yule,
Natalie My late husband Andrew's cowboy boots get decorated each year, as a way to remember him over the holidays.
Getting in the Yuletide Spirit definitely does not need to be expensive, can be tons of fun & full of memory making. Picture above: my kitchen tree with ornaments given to me by my mom & the angel created by yours truly 40 years ago!
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Curious to know more of my story? As a young widow & later domestic abuse survivor, I struggled to find relieve from all of the pain, sadness & anxiety I was feeling.
Witchy Moms
Magazine
In 2020, I wrote a bestselling book sharing our journey plus ten tried & true ways to help heal & get your life back.
EDITOR PUBLISHER ADVERTISING SALES Natalie Ryan natalie@witchymoms.com
Download FREE book here
PROOFREADER Shawn Michael Foley Witchy Moms Magazine is a Monthly Digital interactive publication supporting our magical community around the world.
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Copyright Witchy Moms 2022. All rights reserved. No reproduction of any material without written consent .
In This Issue &
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Our Contributors
A tea Ritual Feast for Yule by S. M. Harlow
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17
Foraged & Gathered
by Shawn Michael Foley
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16 The World of Herbal Medicine, 30 Tarot for Beginners Folklore & Holistic Healing By Carley Smith
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This Month's Feature Healing Modality
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Finding Your Zone of Genius: Using Human Design to Thrive! by Robin Winn
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Celestial Projections Astrology
by Meg Rosenbriar
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28
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In the Broom Closet 24
by Avonlea Storm
31 New Releases ~ Books & Card Decks In the Book Shop
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Witchy Moms Book Shop
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37
44
Ask a Cottage Witch by Juliette Jarvis
Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish
by Janine Agoglia
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51
The Grief of Losing a Child
by Vanessa Hutton
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The Marketplace
Over 250 Artisans, shops, practitioners, healers, psychics & more
Witchy Moms Marketplace
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A TEA RITUAL FEAST FOR
Yule By S.M. Harlow
Hail to the Yuletide Season! Yule is a special time for me. It is among my favorite sabbats because I can look back on many splendid memories. Meeting my husband and getting married being at the top. And for many, this too is a special time for friends and family, for it is often celebrated in many different cultures, in all sorts of traditional ways. It is truly a universal and blessed holiday. Yule is also known as the Winter Solstice. This Sabbat is the growing light after the longest night of the year, and the welcoming of the waxing year. It is a time to honor the battle between the Holly King and the Oak King. Where the Goddess gives birth to her son. Where most Wiccans celebrate the rebirth of the Sun God. It is a special time to practice honoring our families’ traditions, celebrating friends, creating pinecone petitions in nature, and reigniting the light that resides within us to burn through the darkness of winter. During Solstice night, we may tend to the sacred bonfire to aid the Sun’s path to warming the Mother Earth and set ablaze the crops and trees to be “wassailed” with feasts, gifts, games, and cider to last till the Sun rises, and all may hail to the Giver of Light! (Continued on next page)
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The lore of tea witchery brings ceremony and magick for all practices and to the mundane. Bringing its craft into your life conjures the elements of earth, air, fire, and water, invoking simultaneously the energies of Spirit. Across many cultures, the ceremony of tea has made a place in the world to heal, focus, encourage, and delight the senses. In practice, it may aid to manifest magick within the invoker to conjure what they most desire. Tea witchery is a tool that enhances; purifies and creates space, balances power, honors you and the divine. Add tea magick into your ways of ceremony, to create ritual, and to empower yourself and others like no other spell and ultimately connect yourself to Spirit through mindful celebration and meditation. To truly set the mood for Yule and to bond with the Spirit of Light, here is a wishful tea ritual. Set the space according to how you celebrate, whether that be out in nature, in a family home, or among your celebrated clan. Or, if you truly wish to follow the old ways, it is said that the first full moon after Yule is considered to be the most powerful of the whole year. If you wish, you may do your tea ritual then.
Prepare the Space Bouquets of poinsettias, holly, Rosemary, and decorated wreaths and mistletoes – enough to fill the space. Gold, green, and red candles – a lot of candles, this is a light festival! Decorated Yule log, or a small yule log with three candles. Baskets of clove studded fruit. Ornaments, sun amulets, or witch balls. – to honor the spirit of Yule and create a traditional altar. Clear quartz, garnets, moss agate, emeralds, and bloodstones – to bless and empower the feast Incense – frankincense, rosemary, and bayberry (or bay). A decorated cloth of red, green, white, silver, and/or gold – blanket, table cover, or table runner. 9
A TEA RITUAL FEAST Prepare the Space Three-tier tray(s): Foods that correspond with Yule First tier – Eggnog Scones, with Lemon Curd and Clotted Cream Cranberry and Lemon Scones, with Clotted Cream and Orange Ginger Jam Second tier – Date Burrata Prosciutto Bruschetta Baked Brie and Fig Jam Sourdough Paninis See Full Ritual Here Mini Beef Mince and Melted Cheddar Pies Play Video Apple and Salami Cream Cheese Crostini Third tier – Mini Yule Log Cakes Gingerbread Shortbread Cookies Lemon Almond Caraway Seed Cakes
Prepare the Tea Ritual: In a purified glass bowl, blend 1 part Black Tea (any variety) 1 part dried Cranberries 1 part dried Apricots 1 – 2 pinches Nutmeg 1 stick Cinnamon 1 whole Vanilla Bean *Double the recipe for a pot of tea (Continued next page)
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As you blend each herb within your cleansed vessel, imbue the mix with your energy and intentions. Bring the cinnamon stick and whole vanilla bean together and bind towards yourself with a long white string to create a wishing wand. You may surround your vessel with lit golden and/or blue candles to empower the blend. Add a tablespoon of the blend to an infuser or double the amount for a pot of tea. Surround the vessel/pot with clear quartz and/or emeralds. Heat your water to 205 degrees. Cover the tea with water and hold your hands over the brew. Focus your intent on what you wish for the season, filled with harmony and abundance. Brew for 5 – 6 minutes. Leave the wising wand within your vessel. Add milk and sweeten with honey if you wish and use the wand to stir clockwise to activate the spell.
Just before serving, recite this blessing:
As the winter cold rushes in, And we are put to rest. May our dreams find their reality, And our wishes blessed. The Sun shall bring them into the light, To await our warm awakening. And there, we shall find, Our wishes calling.
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A TEA RITUAL FEAST Serve the pots of tea and treats, sipping and absorbing your blessing. Partake the feast together with gratitude and laughter. Practice divination for the future. Cast spells for new beginnings, house blessings, and releasement. Keep the candles lit or ignite the bonfire well into the night. Embrace and sing carols, especially as the sunrise draws near. As the festivities draw to an end, prepare a final cleansing with rosemary, frankincense and myrrh in a circle. Say one final blessing and bid your farewells. After this night, the Sun’s light grows higher and higher, bringing new hope and strength against the cold and darkness. Follow the light and reach for those undying dreams. Look ahead to the future and embrace what you wish to come into your life.
Correspondences Black tea – strength, courage, riches, prosperity Cranberries – healing, protection, love, energy, courage, passion, action Apricots – love Nutmeg – luck, healing, love, money, fidelity, lust Cinnamon – protection, love, healing, spirituality, success, power, psychic powers Vanilla – love, lust, mental powers, binding, attraction You can find S. M. Harlow is a two-decade old witch, who A Tea Witches practices and devotes herself to tea witchery, Grimoire at divination, and shamanic work. She is a writer, poet, and author of A Tea Witch’s Grimoire. She the Witchy Moms Book Shop! continues to work with nature and helping others seek enlightenment, as she studies to become a Doctor of Traditional Naturopathy. You can connect with her on Instagram @s.m.harlow or @the_tea_witch_blog Recipes above can be found on www.theteawitchblog.com 12
&
Gathered By Shawn Michael Foley
A large part of my witchy practice is communing in nature. More specifically taking note of the plants, trees, & botanicals that are in season around me. As a floral artists & creative energy coach by trade I started foraging years ago to enhance my artistry. My connection between artistry & spirituality through the medium of botanicals grew and is now a staple to my spiritual growth. This past month I was on a garland kick. Wild pecans, acorns, & oak leaves were ever plentiful in my neighborhood where I walk the trails. I’ve found when it comes to sharing artistry it’s best to guide by demonstrating. My 3 Quick tips for foraging: 1- Identify before you harvest Most smartphones now have a built-in plant identification guide. Although it’s not 100% fool-proof it helps you to identify plants in your area. Make sure what you’re harvesting is not protected, endangered, toxic, or rare in your area. 2- Only take what you need Only take what you need and never more than 1/3 of what is growing. You want to leave some for others and for local wildlife that may rely on what you’re harvesting. This also ensures the plants will have enough left to repopulate themselves. Some species are very slow growing and over harvesting can end up wiping them out. 3- Gratitude Always thank the plants, earth, & nature (or any guides, deities, etc. you work with) for your harvest to honor the energy of nature’s life cycle. 13
Wild Pecans I love how much natural variation wild pecan shells have. I harvest these as they fall naturally from the tree (or the squirrels discard them) and gather them throughout late summer and autumn. How to make a Pecan Garland video
Acorns There are so many different types of acorns out there and I like to mix them up when making garlands. Acorns can be uncooperative with sitting still while drilling them. Be very careful and take your time so you don't injure yourself. How to make an Acorn Garland video
Oak Leaves This technique works well with both fresh oak leaves & preserved. I collect oak leaves after a windy day. The wind helps knock down old branches & clusters of leaves. Let nature do the hard work for you. When using fresh leaves let them air dry for a few days in a dry place (I use my patio or garage) before working with them. I drilled them to make "beads" and worked them into garlands. How to make an Oak Leaves Garland video
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Chestnuts I will confess I purchased a bag of these at the grocery store about a year ago and completely forgot they were in my pantry. I found them and noticed they were about half the weight they were when I got them whereas they had dried out. Instead of discarding them I decided to make garlands with them to have on hand for my next art piece! How to make a Chestnut Garland video
Shawn is the founder of Fleurvana+ & Fleurvana Interactive Magazine and is well known for his Human Form Project, an anthology showcasing unique and sensual floral designs enhancing the natural beauty of the human body.By fusing his floral design background and his Reiki Master Teacher training, Shawn created his coaching platform Fleurvana. He also teaches retreats & workshops on enhancing design skills, developing, and expressing signature design styles.
THE WORLD OF HERBAL MEDICINE, FOLKLORE & HOLISTIC HEALING.
By Carley Smith
PINE
FIR
SPRUCE 16
I would like to start by expressing my gratitude to this community and saying how happy I am to share what I have learned with you all amidst these pages. I hope that it will be a great help to you along your path in getting to know some of our local green friends and how to use them for greater health and wholeness! As we move into the winter season and towards Solstice, it seems fitting to speak about plants associated with this time of year, how to connect with them, and what healing they can share with us on both the physical and spiritual levels. So! Into the herbs we go! Let’s talk about some of my favourite plant medicines of the season… The Evergreen Trees! Fir, Pine, Spruce, Hemlock, Larch, and Balsam! Many of you have likely heard about the healing benefits of Pine needles over the past couple of years as they have gained a lot of popularity for their antiviral activity, and they are no doubt a fabulous herbal ally! …. But, did you also know that you can actually use almost all of the “needled trees” more or less interchangeably!? This is something that I absolutely love about our forest medicines because it makes their medicine so much more accessible to us when we are in need! Being able to use them interchangeably makes it so you can use what’s growing outside your back door instead of having to go on a trek to the top of a mountain for one specific species. It is true that of course they are not all exactly the same, but they DO share enough similar qualities to be safely and effectively used for most of the same purposes. So, if you don’t have Pine where you live, try Douglas or Balsam Fir. Only have Spruce trees? Use those! Tamarack calling to your spirit? Fill your boots!
What do these trees do exactly, and how can we use them? Well, let’s start out with getting to know a bit about their energetics and constitutional applications. Herbal energetics are an often overlooked but are a super important part of how plants “work” in the body and bring about a healing effect. The energetics of all the evergreens are warming and drying. This tells us that by nature they will be most useful in conditions that are cold and wet. (Think: heavy boggy cold chest infections or fluid retention type conditions) Knowing a plant’s energetics is the secret key and starting point to knowing when and how to use them. The evergreens or “needle trees” give us more hints about what they do for us by the way we react to them. I always tell my students: think about the first thing you do when you walk into the forest? We almost always immediately take in a big deep breath. So, not surprisingly, these trees are fantastic medicines for the respiratory system! They contain high quantities of vitamin C and loads of volatile (essential) oils which help to lift and break up heavy stuck congestion, as well as fight off the underlying microbes, viruses, or not-sogreat hitchhikers that cause these issues in the first place. Their expectorant qualities also help the lungs to “get the gunk out” which is often much needed to ease breathing. These evergreen trees are great for keeping our resilience strong throughout the winter by their gift of supporting the body’s defenses and bolstering immunity with their anti-microbial properties. They can also be used internally or externally for treating fungal infections, bruises, wounds, and rashes to name a few things. My favourite way to use these tree medicines is to pick a handful of their fresh needles, say thanks to the tree, then steep them in hot, but not boiling, water in a covered mug or jar for 10-15 minutes.
HEMLOCK
LARCH
BALSAM
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Strain out the needles and add a little honey. Drink this as a nice foresty tea. I also add a bunch of greens to a pot of water on the woodstove or in the bathtub and let their aromatic oils and beautiful fragrance vaporize into the house. This is a great way to be breathing in their medicine throughout the day or night. If using them in the tub, they make a fantastic revitalizing body exfoliant as well and just generally makes you feel very good. (Just be careful to keep them out of your drain) Oftentimes when we’re feeling run down just the simple act of holding a warm mug of this tea and breathing it in is an immense comfort. (Luckily it is also great medicine too!) Medicinal Summary: Parts Used: needles, pitch, inner bark. Flavours: Sour, Pungent/Aromatic, Astringent, Bitter. Herbal Actions: Vitamin C rich, antimicrobial, astringent, anti-fungal, expectorant, diuretic, circulatory stimulant, diaphoretic, disinfectant Energetics: Warming and Drying Constitutional indications: good for damp, cold, and stagnant conditions Special teachings: resilience, trust, protection. Plants are great teachers. They so often reflect to us what would help us on our paths and in our own bodies when we gift them our attention. The time of celebration for the Winter Solstice and Yule is when we traditionally decorate our homes with wreaths or evergreen boughs. This tradition came about because we recognized the strength of these trees to survive and thrive throughout even the harshest winters, something we can see both literally and symbolically. Bringing them into our homes and our bodies helps us to build our resilience and make it through tough times. I’ve always found that to be a beautiful teaching and feel supported by them even if it is just by brushing my palm along their boughs and breathing in their fragrance when I’m outside as a simple way to connect and remember that we all have that ability within us. The tree medicines in all ways, are protectors. May they bring you warmth, comfort, strength, and healing throughout the season!
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Carley Smith is an Herbal Practitioner and teacher based on Vancouver Island, BC. She has been studying & working with medicinal plants for over 18 years & runs a small herbal clinic and apothecary out of her home in Coombs. From here she sees patients for 1:1 consultations, teaches classes & creates her renowned Herbal remedies for her business, Elder Tree Herbals, which is the culmination of her tremendous joy, passion, and knowledge of the wonderful world of herbs.
www.carleysmith.ca
Finding Your Zone of Genius:
Using Human Design to Thrive
By Robin Wynn
Inherent in our beings is a deep sense that we are special. We know that we’re here to do something that matters. We want to operate from that place of knowing, of ease, of being on the right track. We want to trust ourselves, and have the outer world reflect our value. You may feel that rightness in your parenting, and trust yourself (for the most part!), to tap into your deep wisdom at home. But when stepping out into the world of your career or business, old fears and self-doubt can hijack that internal knowing. It’s as if there is a collective program with an invisible box that is designed to keep women shackled. Too often, as women entering the work world, we find ourselves back in the pattern of looking outside ourselves for the answers. Distrusting our inner knowing. We look to experts to show us “the right way.” How do I market? What is a good niche? What will make me successful? Too often the road to meaningful work is fraught with distress, doubt, disbelief. This is exacerbated when we watch others garner success with what looks like ease. They can do it - why can’t I? We compare and judge ourselves. We strive even harder to reach the goals we so long for. What if there was a way to step out of that invisible box, to rest in your knowing, to trust your unique path, to go forward into the world of business following your inner guidance system? What if there was a way to help you understand what works best for you? I say there is, and it’s called Human Design. Knowing your Human Design maps your Zone of Genius. It offers a way to see, understand, and validate yourself from the inside out. Human Design presents a new vantage. A vantage that recognizes your unique genius, and calls you to step back into yourself as you step out into the world. 19
Editor's Note: I was first introduced to human design in 2020 by Robin Winn. It was a very low time in my life as I had no self-esteem, little confidence & felt like I was floundering. I was mind blown at what I learned about myself. Human design has given me confidence & direction- a roadmap for success in all areas of my life. ~Natalie What Is Human Design? And Why Is It So Powerful? Some of you may have heard of Human Design - it seems to have caught fire in the coaching world. For others this may be your first foray into the Human Design waters… A brief overview Human Design: Human Design was downloaded to a Canadian fellow (Ra) who was on retreat off the Coast of Spain. It was 1987, The Harmonic Convergence. He came back to his room to discover it was full of Light Beings. These Light Beings spent days transmitting Human Design to him. They explained that Human Design was for everyone. It was for the evolution of humanity. But it was particularly for parents to help in parenting their children. (Cool, huh!) The understanding was that we are each a piece of the giant puzzle of humanity. Each puzzle piece (around 8 billion humans at this point) is unique. Each puzzle piece is perfectly designed. When you live your puzzle piece you bring what you are here to bring to the world. You live your dharma, so to speak. When you try to live someone else’s puzzle piece, not only do you suffer, but humanity misses out on what you are here to bring. From a Human Design perspective, we are not broken in need of fixing. We are not problems to be solved. When we know our Design, our unique blueprint, we can skillfully use the energies particular to us for transformation and actualization. As I said in my first book Understanding Your Clients in Human Design: The Breakthrough Technology, “When we know and live our Human Design, we can walk in the world unabashedly, embracing our gifts and having compassion for our foibles.” Are you starting to see how this might relate to you, your Zone of Genius, your parenting? Human Design offers us the possibility of differentiating who we are as we are. Free from judgements. Free from hierarchies. 20
Finding Your Zone of Genius:
Using Human Design to Thrive
It offers the possibility of seeing our inherent strengths (reclaiming them if they’ve been put away in the closet), and understanding our vulnerabilities. It shows where we are prone to conditioning and may have attached to beliefs that are not in alignment with who we actually are. I like to speak about Human Design in terms of Entelechy. Entelechy is a Greek word meaning the realization of potential. It is the entelechy of the acorn to become the oak tree. Your entelechy, the realization of your potential, is your unique puzzle piece, and is mapped in your Human Design chart. When you are aligned with your entelechy (your Human Design blueprint) you are in your Zone of Genius.
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Finding Your Zone of Genius:
Using Human Design to Thrive
So how do you get your Human Design blueprint? Many systems are subjective, dependent on tests. Answers can change over time. Your puzzle piece, your Human Design blueprint is determined by the time and place of your birth. Your Bodygraph does not change. We could say it is the hand you were dealt at birth. If you think about the bones in your body - they don’t change. And yet they are alive and always changing. They can be strengthened or depleted (as in osteoporosis) depending on how you are in relationship to your body. Your chart is like that. It is alive. It is at once stable and also in flux. Your chart/bodygraph/blueprint is impacted by the transiting planets, who you are around, and how you are in relation to your blueprint. But I get ahead of myself… A little more about the fundamentals of Human Design: Using your birth time, date and place, Human Design synthesizes astrology, the Judaic Kabbalah, the Chinese I Ching, the Hindu chakra system, and quantum physics to determine your blue print, your Bodygraph. It is your holographic quantum puzzle piece. The task at hand is to a) get your bodygraph, b) understand your unique puzzle piece, and c) align with it. In other words, the ultimate task is to live your design. To embody your puzzle piece. To embrace your entelechy. (And if you’re managing or coaching others….to support them to live their entelechy!)
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Finding Your Zone of Genius:
Using Human Design to Thrive
How Does Human Design Reveal Your Zone of Genius? There are many layers of knowledge available as a resource in your Human Design chart. Remember, we’re talking about differentiation. Who are you? How do you access your strengths? How do you best operate? If we’re looking at a puzzle, we might see that there are major puzzle piece types. Say, the sky, the ocean, the land. Those might then be differentiated into the clouds in the sky, the moon in the sky. Or there might be a boat on the water, a mountain on the land. There might be trees, flowers, and animals etc. In Human Design we start with 5 major puzzle pieces which we call Types. Each of these Types has a different Strategy, or operating system. The largest swath of the puzzle of Humanity covers two Types: Generators and Manifesting Generators. If you are one of those two Types you are in the 70 percent of humanity. You are here to master life. You are here to find your right work. You are blessed with sustainable energy. You have the gift of an inner GPS that responds with a yes or a no when life presents something to you. If you listen to those uh huh’s or uh un’s you can trust your path. You will have the energy and resources for what you say Yes to. If instead, you look to your mind as your guidance system, overriding you inner GPS, you can get caught in dead end eddy’s and veer off your potential. In this scenario you are vulnerable to frustration and burnout. Typically, we are not taught to look within for our guidance, but are indoctrinated to prioritize our left brain rational thinking mind. What makes logical sense? If you are a Generator or a Manifesting Generator, in order to align with your entelechy and step into your Zone of Genius you must first reconnect to your Sacral Center’s inner GPS. Learning to trust your Sacral guidance sets you on a magical journey in a dance with life. If you are one of the other three Types: The Manifestor (8%), The Projector (21%), or the Reflector (1%), you have a different journey. You are not here to work in the same way as the Generators and Manifesting Generators.
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Finding Your Zone of Genius:
Using Human Design to Thrive
You do not have the gift of sustainable energy nor an inner GPS. To align with your entelechy most likely will involve deconditioning the belief system that you should be like the Generators and Manifesting Generators. You might believe that your life should be about finding the right work. You might be sure that the way to success is through doing. After all, the Generator and Manifesting Generator energy is flooding the field and influencing the cultural norm. For you, it will mean understanding you puzzle piece and how you best operate. It will entail embracing your difference from the cultural norm, and claiming your rightful place. It may mean shifting your patterns of rest. Allowing yourself to take a different role. For example, if you are a Manifestor you are designed to impact the people around you. You are not here to do all the follow through work. It can be challenging for you to know what direction to go. You’ll have to look to other aspects of your puzzle piece to get more information. (Your Authority will help you know how you best make decisions. Your Profile, will give you guidance on your learning style.) Sometimes you may have to throw the spaghetti on the wall to see if it sticks in order to know what direction to go. You have a non-verbal style of processing, and need time to get all your thoughts out. Meanwhile, you have the gift of being a leader, of speaking and being heard, of making things happen - that is if you haven’t been conditioned out of your powerful entelechy. A colleague and I were in a marketing coaching program, She was following the guidance faithfully, trying to get it right. But her marketing wasn’t working.…Turns out, the coach of the program was a Generator. In looking outward for direction my colleague was squelching her voice, holding back. When she learned she was a Manifestor she shifted her style. She spoke out. She let herself impact people. It worked. She’s thriving. Projectors, on the other hand, are the wise guides of humanity. They are here not to be the doers, but rather to guide the Generator energy. If you are a Projector you may feel like you have failed at every turn as your attempt to be other than who you are falls short. Or perhaps, thinking you were a Generator, you’ve worked so hard that you built something that wasn’t energetically sustainable. 24
It’s not uncommon for Projectors to struggle to be seen and recognized. It’s not uncommon for Projectors to burn out. Truth be told, Projectors are the hidden jewels of humanity. They flourish when they are following what feels good to them. They become magnetic when they are enjoying themselves, attracting others to them. Their power is activated when they are invited or recognized, rather than when they assert themselves. For most projectors this is a radically different perspective! One that at once feels totally right and yet may feel impossible to actually live… Finally, the rare Reflectors are different beings all together. They are wildly open and receptive. They are here to reflect the health and well-being of humanity. They live their entelechy as they understand and respect their fluidity. What Type are you? And what thoughts arise as you consider what Type you might be. Are you living your Design? Are you trying to be a puzzle piece that you think you should be? If you are not thriving, if you are not accessing your Zone of Genius, perhaps it’s time to pause and learn more about yourself. What is your Human Design? What is your unique entelechy? We’ve just touched on one aspect of the Human Design puzzle. The rest awaits you. To get your free chart: https://clientsandhumandesign.com/free-chart/ Note: Natalie Ryan is a 1/4 Splenic Projector. She is a wise guide, here to use her intuition in some shocking, as in heart-opening, way. She is grounded by starting new businesses, & helping others to find their authentic path. A powerful story teller, she has a deep & penetrating nature, she values mindset & presence, & bring blessings through her stillness & leadership. She is designed to learn through investigating, then bringing what she’s learned to her community. Discovering she was a Projector was a game changer for her… Witchy Moms is in full alignment with her bodygraph! She is in her Zone of Genius…. Robin Winn, MFT, is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapists turned Human Design coach & trainer. She is the founder of the Human Design Certification Training for Professionals & the author of three bestselling books.
www.clientsandhumandesign.com
Buy Robin's Books Here
Celestial Projections By Meg Rosenbriar
Astrology Guide
December 2022 Horoscopes - Keyword: EMBRACE Read for your sun and rising signs
2022 culminates with a frisky full moon in Gemini this December. We are asked to look outside of our comfort zone and partner with something new. Gemini is the sign of the twin, two energies moving in balance and mutual support. This is a time to explore energetic responses you may not have normally considered in the past. A new you is ready to emerge; how will you embrace this growth? Here is what the stars have to say…. This December- EMBRACE
Aries | Your unique leadership skills
Libra | Self-assuredness & your inner royalty
Taurus | Your rock solid faith in yourself
Scorpio | Loving & Honoring Your Body
Gemini | Your role as an inspiration to others
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Sagittarius | Fated Meet New Friends
Cancer | Your ability to grow abundance
Capricorn | Your Witch Power
Leo | Your friends in low places
Aquarius | Your Faith in Yourself
Virgo | Your precious time alone, at home
Pisces | The Rewards of Your Hard Work
January 2023 Horoscopes - Keyword: Commit Read for your sun and rising signs
We open 2023 with a beautiful, nourishing full moon in Cancer. Believe it or not, we will also finish 2023 with a December full moon in Cancer as well. We will end the year returning to the same point at which we started. Thus, January’s energy is a powerful ode to commitment and where you want to see yourself in 12 months. Here are areas of focus that will be worthwhile to spend your energy on this year. This January- Commit
Aries | Your success in the workplace
Libra | Growth & trust of your inner circle
Taurus | A new network or friend group
Scorpio | Your primal passions/creativity
Gemini | Slowing down. Responding, not reacting
Sagittarius | Your health and wellness
Cancer | Your most authentic self
Capricorn | New partnerships or positive agreements
Leo | Your values and personal creed
Aquarius | Your intuition & witchcraft
Virgo | Your neighbors and community
Pisces | Traveling exploring more frequently
Meg Rosenbriar is a hedge witch, astrologer, and sybil living with her family deep in the deciduous woods of the Connecticut Shoreline. Meg is the founder of the witch community Witch With Me and she curates the witch book page, Witch With Books on instagram. She authored The Healing Power of Witchcraft 2020, Penguin Random House and continues to devote her magic to lifting others and helping them fly.
Buy Her Book birth chart readings www.witchwithme.com
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In the Broom Closet By Avalonia Storm, a Solitary witch living in Greece
Are you a witch? The chances are you have never been asked because if you hang out with like-minded folk, they already know. If you don't, folk are unlikely to have any reason to ask you. But if they did, what would you say? What could you say? My answer would be 'No.' A clear resounding no, perhaps even laced with derisive laughter. Yet the truth is, I am. I am a witch. Four very scary words, for me. So why am I telling you? Because, I love to connect with like-minded individuals, and the Net is a way of preserving anonymity which sometimes is paramount. I don't know what type of witchcraft you practice, but I wish you were my neighbour - I'd like to have a friend to spill some enchanted brew with. Alas, my magickal life has to be a lonely affair, unless you count communing with spirits, plants and pets. I imagine that you, like me, create protection spells for your home, but the difference is that if I'm asked, it's just air freshener or I'm adding fertilizer to the garden. Perhaps you too cleanse on Saturdays, top to bottom, back to front? You know the correspondences behind this practice, but to the uninitiated, it's simply my day off and the most logical way to clean my home. I do a lot more than that, if you are in-theknow, you could probably tell from the rather sumptuous collection of herbs in my spice racks, the random natural items gathered on a table in the corner, or even the layout of my garden. Except, I cannot tell anyone, I do not share my practice. I am a solitary witch because I am in the broom closet. Let me be clear, there's no law against witchcraft, Wicca or paganism, or at least not that I can find out from my incognito searches. In fact, Greek Neo Paganism or Hellinism, has been recognized as a religion in Greece since 2017 but only has around 2,000 official followers. Greek magickal groups on Facebook mostly have fewer than a thousand members and the groups are all private. The perfectly acceptable, though often mocked, tradition of the 'mami' the village midwife, coffee ground reader, and lifter of the evil eye - all things recognizable as folk witchcraft these days, is still in living memory.
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So why do I choose to live this double life? And it is a choice. It is a conscious decision for many reasons. I am not drawn to following the Hellenistic path religiously, nor would I feel comfortable in doing so as a foreigner. Not to mention that there is a strong connection between Hellenism and the far right, particularly the now outlawed political party 'Golden Dawn'. What's more, the despicable cases of ritual human sacrifice, namely those committed by 'the Satanists of Palini' (1993) and Alexandros Papageorgiou (2014) are bitterly fresh in Greek minds and there is a real danger of being 'tarred with the same brush' as barbaric acts of insane cruelty, satanic worship and witchcraft go hand in hand in the eyes of the ignorant. I have no connection to such ideology or events and I do not condone them. More practically, I might find myself without work. I live in a provincial town, I hold a wellrespected job. My employers would find a way to 'let me go'. If you think I am being extreme, I was recently asked to carry out research into a charity some money had been raised for, to ensure it 'was not connected to the Free Masons or any other occult, witchcraft or satanic organization'. (The irony of asking me to conduct this research was not lost on me!) I made it clear that these groups and ideologies bear little or no relation to each other, only to be told that was of little consequence in comparison to what people believed. And there is the crux of it; what people believe. My husband runs the family business and were I to speak openly about what it is that I do, I'm pretty certain that my husband's customers would find products elsewhere. In fact, if I put the witch title on what I do, I fear my husband might even seek love elsewhere! He knows a lot of what I do; he sees me reading books on witchcraft and sees the channels I'm subscribed to on YouTube, but naming it is another thing all together. (The latter, I am working on before I am bombarded with comments!) So how did I find myself to be in this predicament? I'm a love immigrant to this country. I fell hard in love with my husband before either of us knew enough of each others' language to discuss my practice, which was a mere fledgling effort then and I certainly did not consider it witchcraft. I practiced herbalism, read the tarot and manifested what I needed with very haphazard chaos-like magick. I was raw and unashamed. Little by little, as my language comprehension improved, so did my sensitivity to others' judgement. 29
It became clear that I would have to close a part of myself away in a protective cocoon to ensure my success in other areas. So that is what I did. It is true that if I were back in my home country, virtually none of this subterfuge would be necessary. Thankfully, the mindset is changing here. Witchtok, of all things, has freed the young from the cultural constraints of my generation, by opening their eyes and allowing them to connect with like-minded individuals worldwide, all the horrific associations consigned to the dim past. My daughter has a talent with tarot and astrology and feels perfectly comfortable doing readings and charts for her friends, who readily accept her interpretations. She asks me for advice and knows she can come to me and ask almost anything, though we do not practice together. Her craft is her own. My broom closet affords me home comforts others don't have, I appreciate that. There are witches whose lives, as opposed to livelihoods, might easily be in danger if they were discovered, either because their society or religion does not accept them or because their family would not tolerate it. I feel this is especially true for younger practitioners. Even though tolerance comes through education about, and exposure to the object of one's fears, to those who advocate 'outings', I advise caution. It is truly hard to put oneself in another's position, especially when immersed in the magickal community and only house brooms in closets. To some, my fear might seem no more than a figment of my imagination or a mistaken perspective on reality, and that is a possibility, I admit. However, right now, I cannot be sure. Is it worth putting my personal life, family harmony and my job on the line for greater understanding? Not just yet.
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with Juliette Jarvis Dear Juliette, Hello! I am very new to witchcraft, and like many I do not know exactly where to start. But more than that I feel like I am pushing against a wall, like there is something keeping me from pursuing this path fully. I am not consciously fighting myself; I am excited to learn and practice. I feel no guilt, shame, or confusion about being on this path. What could this feeling be? My subconscious or something else? - Wondering Witch Dear Wondering Witch, First off, welcome! May you find a deep sense of homecoming as you walk your path and live your fullest self. There are two parts to your question and I’m going to start with the last part first. There may be a multitude of reasons why you feel resistance, anything from a simple overabundance of sometimes contradicting information, to cellular memory of persecution, to not yet finding right fitting resources to really dive in with. It might be a question of divine timing, a need to repair from injured instinct, or perhaps some soul restoration or energetic clearing work might be the key. A deeply honest self-exploration into the source is absolutely within your power. If these practices are new to you, it doubles as an excellent opening to cultivate your personal practice! Running through a series of Yes/No questions with a pendulum or muscle testing can reveal invaluable insights - just be sure to form questions with great specificity and follow a logical progression. Questions like, “Is the resistance I feel to practicing witchcraft generated from my current self?” if Yes, “Is the resistance I feel to practicing witchcraft generated from my subconscious?” or if it was No, “Is the resistance I feel to practicing witchcraft generated from a past life of mine?” But truly, the source is perhaps less important than finding the Remedy, so questions such as, “Is the remedy to the resistance I feel toward practicing witchcraft found in herbal medicine?” (Or more learning, waiting for better timing, finding practices of greater alignment, meeting a teacher.) You might invite answers to come through night dreaming or meditation or even automatic writing, consulting cards, watching for signs or omens, or seeking a session or reading with a trusted practitioner. Regarding where to formally begin, you may find in many ways you have already begun long ago! Witchcraft takes many forms and often comes so naturally many don’t even realize they are already quite witchy. It might be found in your kitchen practices, the way you wish, how you use words, heal with herbal medicines, or maybe a “curious habit” of picking up stones without really knowing why. My recommendation for a living practice of study however would be to immerse yourself into cycle teachings through the energies, medicines, and archetypes of the Seasons, Moon Phases, and (if applicable) Menstrual cycle. These teachings fit well together and serve not only as accessible experiential guides with ever deepening learning on their own. (Continued next page)
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with Juliette Jarvis Everything from when particular spell work may be most suited, to annual/monthly rituals or celebrations, traditional heritage reclamation, working with deities, animal spirits, life force energy, plants, even informing divination pursuits like bone casting or tarot spreads. Naturally, cycle teachings have a pace of their own, so alongside this focus I would also recommend exploring various divination techniques to find which methods work best for you and then bring divination into your day-to-day life. Not as a reliance, but as a way to keep your practice as a lived and engaging experience to become deeply familiar with. You might also feel drawn to join a coven if you have witchy friends in your life who you feel comfortable with, find wise, and of course gather for formal ritual or celebration. There may be more community inclusive celebrations too to attend such as Solstice festivities or Full Moon Circles ~ which fit in quite nicely with cycle teachings * wink * Beannachtaí ~ Blessings! - Juliette Dear Juliette, What are your main ingredients you like to keep on hand for herbal teas, spell works or herbal concoctions? - The Mystical ND Dear Mystical ND, Oooh this is a fun one. What a neat way to get to know someone a little better too eh? Though you are an ND and so would have professional wisdom to base your own choices on, I should probably put a disclaimer regarding both topical, internal, or smoking uses and that I am not suggesting others should engage with any of these herbs without personalized professional advice. Some of these have toxic or harmful applications/strengths and may be allergens or have contraindications. Okay my top ten are: - Devils Club As chew (when fresh), in tea, salves, talismans or other energetic & spell working, for consciousness shifting, healing properties, and spiritual protection - Cedar Fresh & dried for tea (careful with that) for saining, offerings, as medicine spiritual & physical, for tree communication, and in essential oil form to anoint or diffuse on the wood stove - Rowan Berry/Mountain Ash Strings of dried berries or fallen branches for talismans of protection or spell-work relating specifically to women or families. Sometimes I’ll toss a berry into my saining dish. I’d love to carve a drop spindle one day! - Chamomile As tea, medicinal washes, and a little in smoking blends (careful with that) for gentle calm of my nervous system & menstrual cramp support. (Continued next page)
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with Juliette Jarvis - Lavender Fresh & dried as aromatherapy, offerings, in salves & rinses, tea blends, smoke mixtures (careful with that) for ancestral connection, calming, and healing properties. - Calendula Fresh & dried in baking, teas, infused medicinal oils, for general healing and as eye candy for say Solstice cookies or salads. - Tobacco When indigenous peoples ask me for prayers, I will put down tobacco. A little in a smoke blend to heighten intention or for during certain smoke clearing work. - Cottonwood Buds/Balm of Gilead Chewed fresh or infused in oil for pain relief, general healing, aromatherapy, plant communication, anointing, and for me, slight consciousness shifting. - Cannabis (its legal here) In salves, smoking blends, and oil for high pain days or intense stress, plant communication, and cultivation as remedial reclamation act. I hope to process stalks for fibre to spin too! - Rose Fresh or dried as tea, ritual water, for saining mixtures, smoking blends (careful with that), offerings, spell-work, or anointing with essential oil for tender heart healing, calming, sweetness and divine mother work. Aside from tobacco being gifted to me, I grow and/or harvest these myself. It creates a deeper intimacy of relationship and ensures proper care of medicinals. I’m just beginning my journey with dye plants which is very exciting to me, especially with old friends like Mountain Ash and Chamomile. I’m also finally answering the call to spend some immersive time with Hawthorn. I’m allergic to Nettle or I would surely include. I’m going to try processing for fibre to spin and see if we might enter a relationship in that way. Slánte math ~ in good health! - Juliette Dear Juliette, My cats often leave little bird “gifts” for us, and I would love to know how to clean and process the skulls so we can keep them. What’s the best way of doing that? - Bone Collector Dear Bone Collector, Bird bones are particularly tricky and take mindful attention due to their lightweight construction, even with larger than cat gift sized species. The easiest and least “hands on” method, especially for tiny birds, would be to leave the body outside in a manner that makes it inaccessible to creatures who may carry it away but allows for bacteria and other flesh eating smalls, along with the weather, to do the work for you. Keeping an eye on it is wise as very small bones can disintegrate if left too long. Sun bleaching in summer is excellent and hands off, but once the flesh is gone you may need to bury the bones in Borax for a couple of weeks if the seasonal timing isn’t right. You can find it in the laundry aisle. It helps kill bugs and properly dries up any little bits of flesh or cartilage still stuck on. A final going over with a soft brush, and you are done! (Continued next page)
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with Juliette Jarvis If the bird is large enough, you might de-flesh it by hand as best as you can. Boiling in a pot after skinning makes that a bit easier. The trouble spot here is the brain. The foramen magnum, the hole where the spine connects to the skull, is quite small for scrambling things up while raw or for pulling brains out through after it’s been cooked, so you may need to go in through a hole made in an eye socket. Unfortunate for aesthetic qualities and you still need to decide if you can stomach a raw extraction or wait until it’s been cooked. After cleaning, a short soak in food grade peroxide (a few hours to overnight depending on size, but if left a whole 24 hours chances are high they will disintegrate) to remove anything remaining and another level of killing off bacteria. Towel dry then into Borax for a couple of weeks to dry up moisture and again kill any remaining bacteria. Finish with a soft brush. If you would like to keep wings or feet, cut them off first. Spread wings on cardboard and pin. If you want the toes/talons able to clutch something like a crystal later on, tuck it or a surrogate of similar size into its grip. Then bury everything in Borax for two weeks and use a soft brush to remove all the Borax. Sometimes working with bones in this way can take one by surprise as to how profound and deeply spiritual it can be. Even with its gory parts, it can be quite reverent, ceremonial, and even life changing. Incorporating bones within one’s practice is rich with meaning, has a wide range of purpose, and may lead into some very specialized areas of magic. Some people find suddenly all sorts of death honouring and calls for bone cleaning organically begins to show up in a manner of ways. If other creatures start arriving into your hands, be sure to check with local laws for species specific legalities. Enjoy! - Juliette Dear Juliette, I am most definitely a witch! I am also a schoolteacher. I’m not exactly happy in my job but I realize right now is not the time for me to be making a move to get out…it’s complicated. I do feel that if I could find ways to express myself more freely at work it may help with the daily feeling of dread, numbness, and stress (I know, sounds lovely, huh?). Do you have some suggestions of how I can bring my practice and ritual into my daily grind without retribution from students, parents, and coworkers that don’t have an understanding? - Witchy Educator Dear Witchy Educator, Aye, finding ways to bring our spirituality into our day-to-day life is something many seek, particularly keeping up our connection while in mainstream workplaces. My first thought is dressing intentionally each day. Choosing colours that relate to the elements you are working with, wearing significant jewelry (overtly recognizable pendants like pentacles or medicine pouches can be worn under shirts against skin), accessories may be donned as invocations, protections, and as energetic medicines. (Continued next page)
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with Juliette Jarvis Depending on your classroom set up, and the grades you teach, you might create a seasonal nature table * cough * _altar_ * cough * Easily incorporated into any walks the class might take, for scientific study, drawing practice, even story telling. Pinecones, leaves, berries, nests, feathers, etc. are a nice way to keep connected to nature spirits and the cycle work of changing seasons. Perhaps a crystal sneaks in or even a moon phase calendar. At lunchtime, a brief pause holding your apple, sandwich, or Tupperware container, even if looking at someone who is talking to you, gives opportunity to send gratitude and/or healing energy through your hands and into your food as a silent blessing. Before students begin arriving, you might scribe a magic symbol, rune, stave, or sacred word in chalk on your board as a secret sigil before erasing it. The essence will still be present. Depending on the holistic climate of your school (and fire regulations), you may be able to light a candle during silent reading, story time, or other calm seated activity. I know this is very common in Waldorf inspired schools for instance. If able, you could choose a ritual colour, inscribe symbols, or use your breath when blowing it out as a means for any classroom appropriate spell work such as cleansing the energy of the room or inviting protection. To keep yourself grounded, a large stone might discreetly fit under your desk for your feet to rest on. Claim footstool ergonomics if anyone asks! Talismans, small medicine bundles, crystals, little scrolls all fit easily in a pocket to be touched and held as needed. Clearing work can be done with conscious exhalation, while grounding exercises, self-healing, sacred hand gestures, even muscle testing can be done imperceptibly. There may be room within the curriculum to touch on subjects that have a “witchy vibe” to them. Anything from telling fairy tales to studying Norse myths to reading Women Who Run with the Wolves for its Jungian analysis of old stories from various cultures. Sacred geometry might be employed in math, art, or even desk arrangements. Hopefully this helps get your creative thoughts flowing! My only thought to add is you wouldn’t have consent for any work affecting others, so clear intention when working is something to consider. All the best to you and thank you for teaching the next generations! - Juliette Dear Juliette, I have always been sensitive to spirits and energy. I had my palms read, and she immediately picked up on my clairvoyance and spirits that surround and protect me. I want to build upon my clairvoyance but can’t seem to find any books. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!! Blessed be! - Curious Clairvoyant (Continued next page)
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with Juliette Jarvis Dear Curious Clairvoyant, Alas, I have no books on clairvoyance that I could recommend, but I DO have some exercises and techniques to help develop your practice. The first I would suggest is to play intuitive games as often as you can. This helps to keep your channel open and hone precision in low-risk situations. Things like guessing who is calling or messaging before you look, asking friends to pick a number between 1 & 10, practicing predicting tarot or playing card suits before turning them over, or choosing heads or tails of a flipped coin. When we can trust our knowings in low risk situations, it becomes easier to trust them when the stakes are higher. Interpret random things as message. Setting an intention to interpret your commute to work as a form of divination, or considering the way the sky looks first thing in the morning as an omen, or even the first song you hear on the radio or paragraph seen of a randomly opened book, offers two means of development; cultivating your personal symbolic lexicon as well as being open to receiving insights in a variety of day-to-day forms. Holding old or second hand objects. Psychometry allows us to develop all of our methods of perception. By holding an object, we can tune into any physical sensations that come up like goosebumps or warmth, emotional flushes, second sight, clairaudience, and intuitive knowings. This is excellent for taking your time and exploring which senses comes through easiest and even conditions that aren’t supportive for your sensitivities to come through. Starting with objects from people you know, like a grandfather’s watch or a friend’s favourite ring can be helpful as you already have a sense of who they are, how they feel, and your connection is naturally stronger. Let yourself check things out at a thrift store or secondhand shop too to gain speed with receiving information. When ready, ask friends to bring something from people you don’t know and share with them what you pick up so they can confirm impressions or details. Over time, your accuracy will improve. If you called to mediumship, you might then use personal objects to open a direct channel and invite messages to come through from people who have passed on. Broadcasting to a Friend. As a balance to receiving information, transmitting, or broadcasting to consenting friends or family is not only useful but also fun. It starts as simple as, “Guess what colour I’m thinking of.” and lead to things like an unannounced * ping * sometime during the week, and right on into dream visiting and astral travel. To do this we must first be able to tune into our consenting friend in the methods of perception that feel strongest so as not to broadcast indiscriminately to unintended people. Then comes exploring which modes of sending feels strongest to you; mental image, emotion, auditory (either aloud or internal voice), physical sensation, distance energy work etc. Keep in mind that not all friends will be receptive, or receptive to the way you transmit, and it is common for an impression to be felt but differently than sent - they may feel cold when you sent heat for instance. There are two benefits to this practice; greater ability to locate what/who you seek as well as gaining more control over switching on and off your psychic antenna. Sensing lost objects. (Continued next page)
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with Juliette Jarvis You may already do this, either through your own sensing or with aid of spirit guides, but practice here can be invaluable. Not only is it a handy or perhaps lifesaving skill, but it also heightens ability to fine tune what you seek through the eathers, be it a Sight of things to come, a sense of dis-ease within a person, tracking a timeline in the spirit realm, or keeping a good solid read on a static ridden message coming from beyond the veil. Heck, finding lost car keys in a jiffy doesn’t hurt either! Boundaries. This is an important piece many don’t often speak of. Being able to hold firm boundaries around when you are NOT open for business so-to-speak. Having a full body premonition while driving a freeway is not safe. Becoming overwhelmed with too many messages can lead to a break down. Not being able to rest when you need to can lead to burn out. Sickness can take hold if one is unable to keep entities out of house and body. As much as there is desire to cultivate becoming a clearer channel to perceive the unseen world, it is wise to also become adept at closing that pathway. Letting go of control. This is a biggie. The more you can safely let go of control, the more receptive you’ll become and the easier it will be to not question, doubt, or overthink the impressions and Sights that come. Automatic writing. Doodling. Day dreaming. Orgasms. Intuitive art. Floating in water. Trance dance. Letting someone else order for you at a restaurant. Channeling Reiki. Fire gazing. Deep relaxation. It doesn’t seem like it, but these are all great ways to strengthen intuitive muscles vicariously. Learning Related Practices. Mediumship, journeying/imramma/soul flight in the spirit realm, hands on healing, and various divination techniques can all help by keeping us in practices relating to the other realms. Literary resources abound, along with online and live teachings. If any of these interest you, you should find plenty of resources, if not, write back and I can offer a list to check out. Hopefully some of this helps! Blessed Be, - Juliette
with Juliette Jarvis Tucked up in her west coast cottage by the sea, Juliette Jarvis lives as a sacred maker of ritual wear and ceremonial objects, facilitating spiritual living programs, and writing on returning reverence to our lives. She draws on 15+ years of offering community ceremonies, healing sessions, and divination readings when answering your questions in our “Ask a Cottage Witch” column. You can find her @Selkie_Sanctuary on IG
Selkie Sanctuary West Coast devotional arts: www.SelkieSanctuary.com 3 Fold Balance~ Soul restoration sessions, journey circles, workshops & medicine tools: www.3FoldBalance.com Sacred living immersion programs: www.ReturnToReverence.ca
ASK A COTTAGE WITCH! SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE
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Why Self-Care isn't
Selfish By Janine Agoglia
At age 50, self-care is a non-negotiable practice for me, but this was not always the case. In my late 30s, I had 2 elementary aged kids, a husband, and 2 jobs, one as an acupuncturist and the other as a yoga instructor. Needless to say, my days were full, and my energy tank was constantly empty. Although I was teaching yoga classes multiple days per week, I didn’t really have time to practice on my own. I would exercise when I could, but sometimes it was only once a week, or less. I had the idea that I had to work out for an hour, or it wasn’t even worth it. Most of my energy was going outward, to my kids, to my jobs, to my husband, and there was very little, if any, left for me. I was struggling. I was depressed. I was Just. So. Tired. My perfectionism made me feel like I had to do and be everything for everyone else, and if I took time for myself, I was being selfish. How could my needs come first when everyone else needed me? My needs would just have to wait. And they did, to the detriment of everyone. I felt like I was “failing” in every possible way. My perfectionism and the stories I was telling myself were no longer serving me. What I learned through years of yoga, meditation, journaling, and therapy, was that I was no good to anyone if I didn’t take care of myself first. Our kids model themselves after what they see us doing. Did I want my kids to think that being exhausted, depleted, and depressed was something to strive for in their adult lives? That everyone else’s needs mattered more than theirs did? I never wanted my kids to feel how I was feeling. I was a shell of a person, and honestly no fun to be around. There is a famous saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” When you have nothing left to give, you can’t be the mom you want to be for your kids. You can’t be the partner you want to be with your significant other. You can’t be the person you want to be in this one short life that we have. Because I was always exhausted, felt terrible in my body, and was stressed and grumpy all the time. I was constantly yelling at my kids, and they didn’t deserve that. I decided that something needed to change. 44
Like in an airplane emergency, I decided I needed to put on my oxygen mask first. I began exercising more by finding short periods of time during the day when I could do something small. 20 minutes of yoga was better than none. A walk around the block helped me clear my head. I planned times when my husband was home, and I left to go swimming at the local pool. I made sure I got to bed on time rather than spending hours up late because the house was finally quiet. There is a difference between enjoying that quiet time and numbing with it. I was definitely numbing it. I made sure to feed myself healthy foods and not just dive into the sweets late at night, more numbing. I would take 5 deep breaths when the kids were screaming to help me regulate myself so I could help them to regulate. I started to notice their behavior improving as mine did. I was better able to cope with their meltdowns, so they didn’t last as long and didn’t escalate quite as much. I was no longer adding my stress to their stress. I was able to sit with them and really listen to what was happening and be fully present for them. I felt better, I started to fill the shell that I had become and started engaging more in my life. My relationship with them deepened as I was really showing up as a parent. Making my self-care a priority helped me to be the mom that I wanted to be and helped me to figure out who I was as a woman, and what I wanted and needed from life. My self-care served everyone. My kids are now 15 and 19 and don’t need me in the same way that they did when they were little. Keeping up with my self-care routines has given me the capacity to show up, as a parent, as a partner, and as a person. I get to live a life that brings me great joy and fulfillment every day. 5 Tips for Self-Care 1. Make time to move your body every day. You don’t need to go to the gym for an hour, 10 minutes here and there throughout the day will make a difference in how you feel. Maybe you walk up and down your stairs a few extra times or have a dance party in the living room with your kids to 2 or 3 of your favorite songs. Go for a walk around the neighborhood. Just do a little something every day to help you feel good in your skin. It’s not about losing weight; it’s about moving your body to feel good. Need support? Watch my 10-minute yoga video to move & stretch your body! 45
2. Breathe. When you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed it is amazing how powerful your breath can be to ground you and get you back into your body and out of your head. Many times, when we are stressed we stop breathing, or only breathe shallowly. When our life feels out of control, we can always control our breath. Watch my breathing video to learn a special breathing technique to help you get grounded in the moment.
3. Drink water. When you are properly hydrated, you feel mentally clearer, and it can improve your energy. Rather than reaching for the caffeine to get you through, drink some water and see if that helps. As a busy mom it’s easy to forget to drink water but aiming for half your body weight in ounces is a good daily target. Flat water is better than seltzer, but if you need something with a little flavor, adding some fruit to the water (melon, cucumber, lemon, etc.) can help it go down easier. I also like “cold teas,” and there are now many flavors available. You could also make your own! 4. Make time to sleep. I know it’s tempting to stay up late when the house is finally quiet, but everyone benefits from a well-rested Mama. Give yourself time to wind down from the day and then turn the lights off at a specific time, allowing at least 7 uninterrupted hours a night. This can be challenging with littles waking you up in the night, but if you can anticipate that and get to bed a bit earlier, that might help you get what you need. If you struggle with sleep, try my guided relaxation before bed to get you in the right frame of mind. 5. Journal. Journaling is a great way to get “all of the things” out of your head. Maybe there is something or someone you are frustrated by: write it down. Your To-Do list: write it down. Your goals and dreams: write them all down. Spelling and grammar don’t count, just let your stream of consciousness flow out on the page. Putting pen to paper is a way to stop the constant mental spin and create some space inside your mind.
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Janine Agoglia is the mom of 2 teen boys, a licensed acupuncturist, and the owner of Purple Room Yoga, an online yoga studio, offering both live and on demand online yoga, meditation, and core classes. She lives and works in Massachusetts, USA.
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The Grief of Losing a
Child
By Vanessa Hutton
In 2004 when my son Luther died I wasn’t a Clinical Mental Health Counselor. I was and I still am a Mother who lost her son. There’s no word that describes or identifies us as bereaved parents. We often become marginalized within society because we cannot contain the pain. It is as if society doesn’t know what to do with us. The thing people say to me most consistently in the 18 years since my son died is “I don’t know how you do it, I would die if that happened to me”. It is painful to hear. The message is that we are supposed to kill ourselves. Death by suicide in the first three years is common for bereaved parents. The research shows that the traumatic impact of the losing a child rewires your brain. This neurological rewiring literally changes your neurophysiological experience of life. Losing a child causes people to have ongoing PTSD responses rooted in this shift in the nervous system. The research on the grief experience for bereaved parents is really disturbing. Essentially people who lose a child are at risk for an earlier death due to physical health problems. Bereaved parents die earlier than non bereaved parents. Often they die from cardiovascular disease. Which essentially means we die earlier than expected and usually from a broken heart. It makes sense. I once read that losing a child is one of the worst things that can happen to a person but there was no list of the other things. Tornado? Natural Disaster? What is worse? I still don’t know. What I do know is we feel desperately alone in our grief and many of us have intrusive thoughts about killing ourselves. And feel ashamed for thinking that way despite it being the normal response. My experience as a Bereaved Parent has been crushing. The aftermath of the loss has been a mine field. Mostly because we are so changed. It has been my experience that the people around us don’t recognize us so easily anymore. For many of us the world becomes very unfriendly. 47
No one knows what to say or do…………so they stop talking to us and eventually stop coming around to check on us. The devastation of our experience is too much for people who love us to witness. Seeing the devastation of your life reflected back to you in the eyes of a loved one can be so painful that isolation feels easier. We lose friends and family because we are seemingly changed forever. The research shows and I will keep repeating it that we are changed because of the way the trauma impacts our nervous system. Literally it rewires our neurophysiological responses and the result is we show up differently. We look like the same person but we aren’t. My brother would say to people “it’s my sister but it’s not my sister”. He wasn’t lying. I am his sister but I am not his sister. I am not the same person I was before my son died. I miss myself some days as much as I miss my son. This is why my Facebook group Support for Bereaved Parents is so important to me. In the group I provide a safe place for bereaved parents to be real about their grief. My goal is to help bereaved parents to separate their grief from their trauma. In the group I provide tips and strategies for separating the trauma response from the grief experience. I wrote a book when I was in the darkest part of my grief experience lost and alone. I needed someone to talk to. I turned to my computer as there was no Facebook or Instagram then. My book is called Strange, Changed and Rearranged: My journey into bereaved parenthood. The book is my grief experience, raw and real. I wanted people to really know how bad it gets. And to know that you can find the light again. As the years passed my shame for not being able to overcome the loss increased as did my determination not to speak to people about how I was actually doing. In truth, my shame around not being able to cope with the loss was part of my trauma response. I am a child of the 80s, taking care of yourself before your frontal lobes were actually intact was part of our collective journey. So for many people like me, not being able to deal with the loss is overwhelming in and of itself. 48
There are things as a therapist that I want people to understand about their experience as a bereaved parent. You will be unable to be who you were before. It’s not something that is easy to accept. The world will feel different, and you will respond to things in ways that feel bizarre sometimes. The waves of grief come and go. You cannot predict it. The waves will come and go for years, decades even. This is why you must learn to separate your grief response from your trauma response. You are absolutely allowed to miss them and perform rituals for them and live in tribute to them whatever that looks like. The timeline for grief is another important thing I want people to understand. The first year is a write off. You will be dissociated and out of your body in your trauma response. You may need medication to get through the first year and if you are questioning that talk to your doctor. Be aware that after the first year people often think you are doing just fine because a year seems like a long time to them. Often the second year is worse than the first because you have been holding your breath for a year thinking that once you make it through the first year it will be easier. Then it gets harder……and Wow. The isolation of the experience sets in. The third year is often where we isolate and turn away from thinking that people will be able to help us. For anyone dealing with grief it is important to discuss the concept of secondary losses. Secondary losses are the things we lose after we lose our children. Such as, friends, jobs, homes, family relationships and more. Usually around the 5th year we start to be willing to choose life again. At that point our lives can feel like a wasteland as we wake up from the worst of our grief. We might feel the sun on our face again and the desire to enjoy things even though our children are not able to. However, everyone experiences the timeline for grief differently. This is a general guide so people reading can know they are on the right track no matter what the people around them are saying. 49
We go slower to go further and we make small changes because they add up to big changes over time. Grief is normal but you do not have to live in the prison of your trauma responses. I have videos on my youtube channel that anyone can watch to understand the nature of trauma and how to increase your well being when you have a dysregulated nervous system. There are also videos that teach people all about how to easily Regulate their nervous system. In my practice I use a 3 stage model in my therapeutic approach. The first stage involves learning how to regulate your nervous system The second stage is looking at the limiting beliefs and behaviors that you want to change. The third stage is implementing and integrating the changes. Trauma robs us of the right to choose and the healing involves being able to choose. It is important for anyone to know that healing from trauma is a doorway to becoming your authentic self. I really believe that being your authentic loving self is how we heal the world. When you have experienced trauma and finally are able to choose to heal your self things become magical. For me they did. I began to think that if I could survive Luther’s death I could likely do anything I set my mind to. I learned the importance of living a joyful life. I learned the importance of being seen and loved for who you really are. I also learned that when your nervous system becomes your friend and guide, life changes in ways that are beautiful and worthwhile. It’s hard to choose life again in the wake of losing a child but not impossible. Vanessa Hutton, I live on Vancouver Island in a small community. I work full time with Island Health as a Mental Health Clinician. My son died in 2004 and it changed my whole life. I have two living children. My boys are 11 and 17. I live a pretty simple life. I have a private therapy practice as well. I help people heal from trauma. I specialize in grief, anxiety, depression, PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. All of my courses are available for free on my youtube Channel. I can be reached at thewellbeingbeing@gmail.com
Vanessa & her son Luther 27
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