Why Self-Care isn't
Selfish By Janine Agoglia
At age 50, self-care is a non-negotiable practice for me, but this was not always the case. In my late 30s, I had 2 elementary aged kids, a husband, and 2 jobs, one as an acupuncturist and the other as a yoga instructor. Needless to say, my days were full, and my energy tank was constantly empty. Although I was teaching yoga classes multiple days per week, I didn’t really have time to practice on my own. I would exercise when I could, but sometimes it was only once a week, or less. I had the idea that I had to work out for an hour, or it wasn’t even worth it. Most of my energy was going outward, to my kids, to my jobs, to my husband, and there was very little, if any, left for me. I was struggling. I was depressed. I was Just. So. Tired. My perfectionism made me feel like I had to do and be everything for everyone else, and if I took time for myself, I was being selfish. How could my needs come first when everyone else needed me? My needs would just have to wait. And they did, to the detriment of everyone. I felt like I was “failing” in every possible way. My perfectionism and the stories I was telling myself were no longer serving me. What I learned through years of yoga, meditation, journaling, and therapy, was that I was no good to anyone if I didn’t take care of myself first. Our kids model themselves after what they see us doing. Did I want my kids to think that being exhausted, depleted, and depressed was something to strive for in their adult lives? That everyone else’s needs mattered more than theirs did? I never wanted my kids to feel how I was feeling. I was a shell of a person, and honestly no fun to be around. There is a famous saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” When you have nothing left to give, you can’t be the mom you want to be for your kids. You can’t be the partner you want to be with your significant other. You can’t be the person you want to be in this one short life that we have. Because I was always exhausted, felt terrible in my body, and was stressed and grumpy all the time. I was constantly yelling at my kids, and they didn’t deserve that. I decided that something needed to change. 44
