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story by | amy overby

Youare often referred to as a birthmother, a title you have with you always though it may not be seen by most people in your life. This title names you as a woman who gave birth to a child and then made an adoption plan for that child, but it does not fully describe your role in our child’s life. To me, you are the first mother of our child.

After becoming pregnant, you made the deliberate decision to bring this child into the world when it may have been easier, in some ways, to end your pregnancy through abortion. You withstood the difficulties this pregnancy could cause, including judgment from your family and friends, potential medical complications and the emotional battle being fought within you. Through the scariest time of your life, you nurtured, protected, loved and bonded with the baby inside you. You did all the things a mother does for her child even during the time you were most vulnerable. When the day of delivery came, you used all your love and strength to do what you saw was best for your child.

I have often heard the saying ‘things happen for a reason’ and it could easily be applied to our lives. One could say that “my husband and I have infertility issues because God knew I was meant to be the mother of your child.” I have no doubt that God is all-knowing and He knew I would be your child’s mother but I do not believe God made us unable to have children for this to happen. As with any difficulty in our lives, He was there and helped me to deal with our infertility issues. By placing my total trust in Him and His will for my life, He brought me to a fuller and richer understanding of love and compassion.

The paths of our life journeys crossed when I needed you and you needed me. What an amazing realization that God calls us to depend on others in our community of faith, especially when our culture strives for independence and self-actualization. How humbling it is to have to trust and depend on someone else with the biggest decision of our lives! I gave up my plan for my life and started ‘waiting to be chosen’ to be a mother. You placed your complete trust in me, a total stranger, to raise the child whom you love with your entire being. Little did we know God was beside both of us through it all, gently leading us to each other in our time of need.

Our relationship can be hard to explain and even harder to understand, especially to those who are not familiar with an open adoption. We share the very precious role of being a mother to the same child. Our child will know the unconditional love not just from the mom who is raising her but also from the mom who gave her the gift of life. I have a deep respect and unconditional love for you. You are my child’s first mother and without you and the choices you made, I would not be a mom. You truly inspire me to be the best mother I can be to our child, following your example of self-sacrifice, trust and love.

With love, Your Child’s Mom

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