zen! find your

story by | deb uglem

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this...Mother’s Day 1999. My husband sends my four cute children into our bedroom to wake me up. I always think they are cute on Mother’s Day, probably because of the amazing appreciation I receive on that day. You know how it goes, well-behaved kids, lounging and anything you want is yours. I love it! So, mid-afternoon my husband says, “Everyone in the van, we have a surprise for Mommy.” Wow, my mind goes wild. I am thinking they are dropping me off at a spa, lunch at my favorite restaurant or could it be... Nordstrom’s shopping spree! I am down right giddy as I get into the van. Imagine my surprise when we pull up to the bike shop. Really! Did I even ask for a bike and if so why? But there we were, my kids beaming. I put a smile on my face and went in to pick out a super sexy bike [with the child seat]. Oh Zen, thank you for the attitude!

Zen got me through that day. What or who is Zen? Back in my corporate days I listened to a speaker and while I am not sure of his name or the book he was selling, I do remember Zen. The lecture moved me to do some research on the teachings of Zen. Zen like life is hard to define, but its essence is in the experience and “moment to moment” awareness. We can start with an easy example. You sitting reading this magazine is the best use of your time today. Hopefully you are reading, learning, laughing and letting the nagging thoughts fade out of your head. Yes you might have cleaning, laundry or email to catch up on, but right now On The Minds Of Moms is the perfect place to put your attention.

The idea of Zen is to believe that the best place to be is where you are right now in this moment. As a mother I know what you are feeling. You worry about what cannot be controlled. Your guilt gets in your way. If you are at work you worry about being with your kids. If you are home you worry about missing a big meeting. If you take time for yourself you feel selfish. Before you know it your day has been spent agonizing over what you have or have not done. This can derail you and the people around you. The essence of Zen is to eliminate fear, negativity, hate and bitterness in your life. It is an attitude and attitude is everything.

I challenge you to live in the moment. Don’t give up on your dreams and goals for the future but do enjoy the journey of reaching them. Make little moments special. If you are having friends over for lunch set the table and give them all of your attention. If you are going to have a glass of wine, pour it into your best crystal glass and enjoy that quiet moment and every sip. If you are going to your children’s sporting event, enjoy the game and the fun they are having don’t worry about the next game. Use this concept with everything you do. Once you start relishing the little things, the big things become extra special.

Now, I did find the perfect bike that Mother’s Day. I can’t tell you the brand or the cost and I think it was red but I am not sure. However, I do remember how the adventure ended. My husband and I looked at our twins as we were paying for the sexy addition to the family and knew instantly. We asked where the restrooms were and thought, “why do accidents even come in twos!” It was Mother’s Day so my husband did the honors; cleaned the boys up and threw the Power Ranger undies in the trash while I sat in the van giggling with the other two. Lets face it poop is funny! Now we still talk about that day 12 years later and how much fun we had as a family.

Even with the crazy ending I wouldn’t change a thing.