preschoolers [3–5 years]

Death is a part of life, but talking to your preschooler about it can be very hard. A story on TV, the death of a pet or family member or the changing of the seasons could prompt questions about death. Regardless of why they are asking it’s important to answer questions and reassure them while being honest.

To Everything There Is A Season

You want to provide your preschooler with comfort and coping skills, but when the discussion of death is prompted by the passing of a loved one, it can be especially difficult as you deal with your own grief. Many of your answers to questions related to death will depend on your religious beliefs, but here are some general points to help you explain death to your preschooler:

• real meaning Kiddos up to the age of six have a hard time grasping the concept and permanence of death. There are many ways they can ask you about death. Regardless of how they ask, usually their underlying question is related to their own wellbeing. Even a question like, “Are you going to die?” isn’t necessarily about you. They may be concerned about being separated from you or who would take care of them. Ask your preschooler what he thinks about this. This gives him the opportunity to express what he really wants to know. Maybe he is worried about who would cook dinner. You can then reassure him that you would always make sure he is taken care of.

• watch your words It’s important you select your words carefully when explaining death to your preschooler. Avoid telling him the person or pet “went away” or “went to sleep” or that the family “lost” them. Your preschooler is very literal and these phrases could inadvertently make him afraid to go to sleep, be fearful each time someone leaves, or he could expect the one that “went away” to be coming back soon.

• be open Encourage your preschooler to talk and ask questions. Creating an open environment to share his feelings is important. Also, let him know that you can talk about the loved one that passed away. This can be very healing. Lastly, death is a difficult concept, so expect to get asked the same questions many times over.