Feb/March 2012 On the Minds of Moms

Family Fun Special

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC

EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Deb Uglem

ADVERTISING Karan Burley Ambuehl p: 701.367.5647

e: karan@onthemindsofmoms.com

Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624

e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography

Sabrina Kliniske– rialee photography

Andrea Burner–rialee photography

Scott Thuen – thuen design

DESIGN AND LAYOUT Scott Thuen – thuen design www.thuendesign.com

AD DESIGN Casie Beldo

Scott Thuen

Tara Kessler

Lindsay Arneson Corwin

Stephanie Drietz

EDITORIAL CONTACT e: info@onthemindsofmoms.com

INFORMATION mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107

SUBSCRIPTION www.onthemindsofmoms.com/subscribe

COVER PHOTO BY Ria Czichotzki–rialee photography www.rialeephotography.com

OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a FREE publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbachers, Sunmart and Grand Forks – East Grand Forks Hugos grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

lindsay erhardt

kitale | kenya

This former OTMOM feature [Winter 2009] is mama to Ben, Collin, Alayna and wife to TJ, a man who takes her breath away. Lindsay, a true Warroad, MN native, loves Hockey, "snowcatting," and fishing and has found a very special place in her heart for orphans. If you can't find Lindsay in a coffee shop, you can find her writing and inspiring others to be the CHANGE in somebody's life at mangomama.org.

deb uglem

moorhead | mn

Raised in Finely, ND, Deb has called Moorhead, MN her home for the last 10 years. Deb has been a stay-at-home mom since returning to the Fargo-Moorhead area. She graduated from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications. She is excited about her newfound time to write and finds it a welcome distraction to her daily activities. Most daily to-do’s center around her four children’s sport and school activities. Jake [17], Tony [16], Nick [16] and Emily [14] keep both her and husband Tim running in several directions. During her free time you can find her putting in some road miles, spending time with friends, or on the golf course.

patricia carlson

dilworth | mn

What do you get when you mix a full-time, freelance writer with a 1-year-old girl, two cats, a dog, a husband who works evenings, a house that needs picking up and nearly a dozen publications and clients who need their dead lines met? Welcome to Patricia Carlson’s life. She is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She has produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. And she hosts customized media training workshops for groups like the North Dakota National Guard. You can view her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com

heather bjur

western mn

Originally from northern Iowa, Heather [a UNI alum] and hubby, Chris [an NDSU alum] joke about having a friendly rivalry right in their own home.  She currently practices marriage and family therapy at Valley Christian Counseling Center in Fargo.  When she's not conducting therapy sessions, she's blowing bubbles and making sand pies in the backyard with her sweet boys, Elijah [3] and Ezra [1]. An avid baker and cook, her secret wish is to one day become the next Barefoot Contessa.

teri-lee james, dvm, mph

fargo | nd

Co-founder and co-operator of Two Rivers Veterinary Hospital, a small animal and exotic pet veterinary practice, Teri-Lee James has been practicing companion animal medicine and surgery in the Fargo-Moorhead area since 2009. Teri-Lee lives with her husband Evan, daughter Wren, and three mixed-breed canine companions: Clementine, Richard and Penelope. When not working on home improvement projects [a constant necessity when living in a home built in 1928] or in their yard, Teri-Lee and her family enjoy traveling, cooking, reading, music and spending time outdoors hiking, camping, cross country skiing and snowshoeing.

tracie hoggarth, dvm

fargo | nd

The other co-founder and co-operator of Two Rivers Veterinary Hospital, Dr. Hoggarth has been practicing companion animal medicine and surgery in the Fargo-Moorhead area since 2003. She currently lives on 11 acres of land south of Fargo with husband Ron, their daughter, Josie and son, Beckett and their furry extended family members Parker, a rescued “supermutt”, Finnegan, the indoor feline companion, and Pillsbury Muffin, the outdoor mouser extraordinaire.  Her pastures are graced by Jazzy [a registered Paint Overo], Fancy [a Quarter Horse who Tracie enjoys riding either on or behind in buggy or bobsled], and a vivacious Palomino pony named Beauty. In her spare time, Tracie is an aspiring photographer and loves outdoor activities, hobby farming, horseback riding, mountain travel and various physical activities [kickboxing, pilates, hiking and biking].

UI’s [international units] of Vitamin D supplement is recommended for the average adult to take daily during the months of October to March The kiddos should take a minimum daily chewable dose of 1000

percent of dog owners are more likely to get the recommended 150 minutes of physical activity per week if they walk their dog Looks like the kids where right about "needing" a puppy after all!

sources: kidsconnect.com | parents.com | sheknows.com

COBBER KIDS

We offer language arts, indoor gym, outdoor play space, science, sensory activities, creative arts, physical fitness activities by Concordia College students, French, Spanish and much more…Come and see our fabulous child care center.

accredited

months

156

pounds is the average amount of sugar Americans consume each year But only 29 pounds of that is actual traditional sugar The rest is added to the foods we eat High fructose corn syrup has gone up 3 5% in the last decade, meaning extra sugar is now added to many products ranging from ketchup to dried fruit

15

percent of the US population is left handed Men are two times more likely than ladies to be a lefty

An only child born and raised in Minot, ND, Cheyenne Jundt has an eye for design and style For the last 12 years she has called the FM area home while attending and graduating from MSUM with a Mass Communications degree Finding her niche in the new construction and remodeling industry, Cheyenne has worked for Designer Homes of Fargo Moorhead as a Design Specialist and realtor for the past five years Admitting she wears many different hats for the family oriented company, Cheyenne is honored to be able to stand alongside new clients and guide them through the building experience From choosing cabinetry, appliances, floor coverings, surfaces, lighting, paints, stains and more, Cheyenne believes the greatest highlight of her career is seeing the custom building process through to the end Clients Laine and Tiffani Brantner say she exemplifies professionalism, ”Cheyenne makes us feel as if she is taking as much pride in building our home as she would her own home  She obviously loves her work and her enthusiasm and dedication are evident in all she does ” Life away from carpet, paint and tile samples means spending time with husband Ryan of five years and their 3 ½-year-old son Keaton She especially enjoys family time in the outdoors—from boat rides in the Summer sun to Fall bike rides and walks to introducing ice fishing to Keaton

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

three things on my bucket list…

mod momcheyennejundt age32,westfargond

I don’t have a bucket list but one thing I hope to do one day is shop in New York City. My mom, mother-in-law and me take an annual shopping trip to Minneapolis every fall and think it would be great if they joined me. Look out NYC!

I would consider myself good at… assisting people in making their new home dream come to reality throughout the design and selections process. This is one of the most stressful parts of the new construction process for clients but is truly my passion so I am able to give our customers peace of mind and take that stress away.

I would love to learn how to… quilt. My husband's aunts have an unbelievable talent to take a pair of old jeans and sew them into a quilt.

my idea of a good date night… relaxing with a glass of wine or a fruity martini while waiting for a table out for dinner. Then depending on how my husband and I are feeling [we are home bodies] we may meet up with friends. We have a number of friends still single or with no kiddos.

if i could have any talent it would be to… sing. It would be handy and fun to break out into a song.

my go to accessory…

you can never go wrong with any accessory as long as it is unique.

my favorite restaurant…

Ruth’s Chris Steak House [closest location is Minneapolis] I have to thank my wonderful boss and his wife for that find.

the movie i could watch over and over… my husband would say Pretty Woman, but I have to say Dumb and Dumber.

the last time i laughed so hard i cried… in-line at Subway with a co-worker. something every women/mom should have… a solid support system—girlfriends or family members. Everyone needs a break or a little help every now and again.

my closest friends would say…

I am kind of funny or at least I think I am. something you might not know about me… I once lived in Detroit, Michigan and attended the University of Detroit Mercy on a cheerleading scholarship.

the beauty product i can’t live without…

it’s all about the mascara and lipstick for me. My grandma Betty would say "get your lips on"—I love her.

my biggest pet peeve… when my home is not orderly and clean. my son is most like… his dad. He looks and acts just like my husband. the parenting rule i never break…

we all eat dinner together. I think this is really important for families to get together once a day. I want my son to someday experience… traveling! When I was growing up I was able to travel to many different places and experience so many different cities with my family. My husband and I have traveled to Mexico a number of times, but Hawaii is my most favorite place so I hope Keaton is able to someday experience the tropical beauty of the Islands of Hawaii.

obesity

…a four-legged problem too

story by | teri-lee clark james, DVM, MPH & tracie hoggarth, DVM

With the beginning of the New Year in our immediate past and the promise of spring in the not too distant future, many of us begin to focus on improving the health of ourselves and our families. However, we often forget to include our pets in diet, weight loss and

wellness plans, even though they too could likely benefit from a transition to a healthier lifestyle!

is my pet overweight?

Many times we are asked, “How many pounds does my dog need to lose?” or “What is my cat’s ideal weight?” Unfortunately, it is not quite that easy as ideal weights

Through Your Body Restructure Your Life Through Your Body

“Dr.

so am I!”

-Michal, Mother of Gavin

can range significantly even within a specific breed of dog or cat. Therefore, instead of looking at the number on the scale we assess your pet’s body condition score. Whether you have a dog or cat, large Saint Bernard or tiny Chihuahua, evaluating your pet’s body condition score is a fairly simple and easy way to monitor his weight at home. The most common body condition score charts consist of a five-point scale:

1. very thin/emaciated Ribs are easily visualized [on short coated animals] and the hipbones are easily palpated/prominent. The waist is sunken. Commonly the pet is weak and having other health issues associated with poor nutrition and starvation. Fortunately, this condition is rarely seen except in cases of neglect.

2. thin Ribs are more prominently seen or felt than ideal, minimal fat covering is felt over the spine. The hip bones have less-than-ideal fat covering making them obvious to touch when petting the hip area.

3. ideal weight You can easily feel your pets ribs [enough to be able to count them] with only a slight fat covering. Ribs should not be visualized in length [although on shorter coated dogs you may see the end of the ribcage]. A visible “waist” or hourglass figure should be seen separating the ribcage from the hips. Finally, you can feel the location of the spine/ backbone from the chest area to the lower back.

4. overweight The waist is less discernible and a fat covering exists over the ribcage making it difficult to appreciate the individual ribs on palpation. The waist is less easily visualized.

5. obese Ribs and backbone cannot be felt and the waist is not visible. Oftentimes, a layer of fat is present above the base of the tail and over the neck region.

diet and exercise

Fortunately, with diet, exercise and a strong commitment from everyone in the household, your pet can lose weight. Your veterinarian can help calculate your pet’s daily caloric requirement for weight loss, help you determine which foods will help to facilitate weight loss and give you advice on an appropriate exercise regime. Here are some tips and tricks to follow:

• Feed your pet only at designated meal times.

• Use a measuring cup to ensure that your pet is getting only what she needs.

• Avoid between meal and high-calorie snacks, such as table scraps that can also cause diarrhea, vomiting and other potential health hazards.

Tiffany Johnson, D.C. Family Chiropractor

Tiffany has provided healing, rest, patience, and energy for my entire family by adjusting my 2-year-old son. He was waking up 4 times every night with difficulty breathing. He is now sleeping through the night for the first time in his life...and

Skilled in matters of the heart

It’s never too late and you’re never too young to take matters of the heart into your own hands. When you connect with our family of skilled professionals at Sanford Heart, we empower you to make heart-healthy changes and smarter choices. Listen to our stories and discover how our Sanford Heart family stays inspired to help you heal, protect your heart and prevent heart disease for life.

Your heart. Our hands. Connected. Hear our stories. Visit heart.sanfordhealth.org

• Ask your veterinarian about a weight loss monitoring program, available at many veterinary hospitals, for your pet.

• Include daily exercise in your pet’s plan. Pets that don’t have a regular, daily exercise program are much more likely to sustain injuries.

Once you have a diet and exercise plan for your pet, it is important that everyone in the household knows how much the pet should be eating and what his or her exercise requirements are.

my pet is still not losing weight

In some cases, despite the best effort of everyone, weight loss is not achieved. If this is the case please contact your veterinarian, as some pets suffer from metabolic conditions, such as hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism may cause a sluggish metabolism and make weight loss difficult. Fortunately, there are blood tests that can be done to diagnose metabolic conditions and medications that can be given to manage many of them.

Many of our pets suffer from obesity. In our practice alone we estimate that over 75% of the dogs and 90% of the cats we see as patients are overweight to obese.

Obesity puts our pets at risk for chronic and sometimes debilitating diseases, such as diabetes, inflammatory diseases such as arthritis and dermatitis and urinary and gastrointestinal disease. Fortunately, there is a lot that can be done to help prevent or reverse obesity in our pets. If you feel that your pet may be overweight or just want to help prevent obesity in your pet, please do not hesitate to make an appointment with your veterinarian to discuss options for your pet.

Two Rivers Veterinary Hospital’s highly trained doctors and staff understand that pets are beloved members of your family. They work with clients to provide quality, compassionate medical care for their animal companions. Owned and operated by Dr. Tracie Hoggarth and Dr. Teri-Lee James, Two Rivers Veterinary Hospital provides a variety of comprehensive, high quality, veterinary services for dogs, cats and exotic pets.

3306 Sheyenne Street, Suite #200 West Fargo

Where Fun and Learning Co LL

Located

701-356-1299

taking care of them… and you

story by | heather bjur, MA, LAMFT

I recently had the great pleasure of sitting down with four of my incredible colleagues at Valley Christian Counseling Center [VCCC] to have a discussion about caring for aging parents. Joining me in this conversation were Dan Borsheim—CEO of VCCC; LaVon Kube—Executive Administrative Assistant; Ellen Zaeske—APRN, CNS; and Lisa Askew, LPC, each of whom is dealing with

caring for an elderly/ill parent in some capacity. What unfolded was a rewarding conversation about the reality of life and its stages, the struggles that real people walk through [yes, therapists have struggles in life, too!], and the beautiful ways that these families have chosen to deal with this often challenging season of living. We invite you to step into our conversation and take advantage of the real life lessons we have learned while caring for the ones who have always took care of us.

addressing the heart

For many people, dealing with one’s emotions doesn’t come easy, much less dealing with the emotions of a lonely or sick aging parent. In the midst of caring for our elderly parents, we can easily start to look at the whole situation as a task or a “to-do list” rather than caring for a person who has a heart.

“My mom is 90 and she grew up in a generation that didn’t talk about their feelings,” Dan explained. “My wife and I look for opportunity to give her one-on-one time to ask her questions and draw her out. ‘What was your mother like?’ [I wanted to know what my grandmother was like.] ‘How are you feeling towards Dad?’ [my father passed away several years ago.]” Dan also added that we tend to think a 90-year-old is at the end of his or her life, but there is still spiritual healing that can be done. Paying attention when those opportunities present themselves is key.

“I made a point when my mother was ill recently to say, ‘This must be one of those times it’s really hard to be alone,’” LaVon stated. Acknowledging the hard times, even just putting a name to it, like ‘loneliness,’ can validate a person’s feelings in a sentence or two.

Lisa added, “In assisted living where my mother resides, I discovered the women there really don’t talk about their lives with their families and husbands. I made a picture collage for my mom with a specific sentence that my dad said to me about my mom at the end of his life. It was really meaningful to her.”

Dan has done something similar as well, “For my mom’s 90th birthday this year, I put together a pictorial video commemorating her graduation from Oak Grove High School, other family celebrations, a picture of her in a 1940’s dress, times with my dad, etc. She often asks to see it.”

Even setting up the usual Christmas decorations for them offers a sense of normalcy to an elderly person who is ill or who might be experiencing their first Christmas without their spouse. That sense of ritual and tradition is important at all stages of life.

involving your spouse and children

If you have a spouse and/or children in your life as you’re caring for your parent, you know what a balancing act life can become. Putting yourself on an island as you care for your parent isn’t good for anyone. Enlisting the help of your entire family can benefit everyone involved.

“When my mother comes over to our house, no matter what my husband is doing, he always makes a point to give her a hug when she comes and again as she’s going, even if he’s busy with something in a different part of the house,” Lisa said. “She said to me once, ‘I never remember what we had for supper, but Mark always gives me a hug.’ That means a lot to her. It’s been a while since Dad died and she rarely gets attention from a male, plus, it’s meaningful to me that my husband takes the time to pay attention to my mother.”

Dan added, “In terms of my own marriage, it really touches my heart when my wife does things for my mom.” LaVon agreed, “It’s definitely a good thing when

my husband and brothers-in-law can help out or spend some time with my mother.”

In addition, everyone agreed that involving young children in the caregiving process can be very rewarding as it teaches compassion and care. Lisa stated that as a young girl herself, she remembered holidays and Sunday dinners with elderly relatives and how much she enjoyed them being a part of the gatherings. The richness and camaraderie that an older person can bring to a young life is a special blessing for children.

the practical components

Ellen, who is dealing with a hospitalized parent, stated that juggling life is the name of the game; visitations become the second shift of the day, and for a time she found herself doubting where she was all the time. “I’m at work, but I should be at the hospital. I’m at the hospital, but my kids need me at home; it was that kind of thing.” She found herself drawing boundaries, “I can do this component of the care, but I can’t do that,” and I left the other parts up to others.” She also let go of

a

some of her expectations of what she’d do at Christmas, “Maybe I’ll get these things done, maybe not.”

When it comes to scheduling the care of their mother, LaVon and her four sisters have really gotten it down to an art form. “It’s really important to divide tasks. In our case, one sister takes care of the finances, one sister gets mom out of town for the weekend, I am able to do short visits along with computer and daily tasks, etc. Communication is very important; when one sister is feeling she needs more help, she lets the rest of us know and asks us to step it up a bit.”

Everyone spoke about sibling help and agreed that it’s fairly common for one of the siblings to bear the bulk of the responsibilities, whether due to proximity, ease of schedules or other reasons. However, there is a growing population of only children who will be facing this difficult stage of life alone, or at best with the support of a spouse. If you’re facing the care of your parent as an only child, it can be helpful to make sure you’ve got your own support system at home or at church. Enlist people whom you can lean on if you need a break, find others who have walked this road ahead of you and learn from them, create routines and schedules to ease the stress of errands, doctor visits, groceries, etc.

Dan said they got his mother a cell phone that has been a great blessing as she has three sisters that she’s in constant contact with. They also recently purchased a Life Alert for her, which eases both their minds and hers.

taking care of your marriage/family

If you’re married and you have the addition of caring for your parent, Lisa said, “Be prepared that if the marriage is struggling, this will likely bring those weaknesses out.” Finding or making time each week for your spouse is imperative, regardless of the strength of your marriage. Keep lines of communication open regarding expectations, schedules, visits, driving, etc. This is especially important for couples with school age children. Coordinating the care of your parent[s] with your child’s ball games, piano lessons and other activities will be the key to your success, both as an individual and as a family. Making time for each family member, plus time for yourself, will help all involved feel cared for and a part of the process.

Dan suggested finding others—maybe another married couple—who are a step ahead of where you are and

learning from them. Knowing you’re not alone while dealing with some of life’s challenges can make it seem much less challenging. stressed?

Remember that you’ll probably make some mistakes and someone along the way will probably feel left out or hurt. Take those moments and tuck them in your tool belt for future use…how can we do this differently next time or what could I have done better?

Dan made the important observation to remember that this time of caring for an elderly parent is “a phase of life, a season, even a calling that God has given to us.” It’s a time of giving an extra measure of grace to yourself, to your family and also to your parent.

At the end of the day, aside from coordinating schedules, taking care of your marriage and learning from your missteps, some mindfulness and intentionality about this phase of life will take you a long way. Are you normally one who sees the glass as half empty? Practice some ways of seeing it half full. Do you tend to take a critical stance on the actions of those around you? Take a moment each day to find five positive things about your family or your parent’s caregivers. Is your natural inclination to beat yourself up for all your shortcomings or compare yourself to others? Make a list of ten things you do well and five ways you have succeeded in your life. How we talk to ourselves about the events and circumstances of our lives can either help us or hurt us.

As you deal with the details of caring for your aging parent you’re likely to experience a range of emotions from love and goodwill to frustration and anxiety. Know that this is normal, and that each day could be different. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re finding yourself frustrated and uptight more days than not; just take some time to get a new perspective. Dan mentioned, “If I’m having a bad day or feeling extra busy and I still need to run some errands for Mom, I remind myself that I’m caring for my dad’s wife, and that helps me to refocus and remember how important this time is.”

As the group sat and talked, everyone commented on how affirmed and comforted they felt to discuss these issues with others going through it as well. We at VCCC would be glad to start a support group for people caring for an aging/ill parent. Please call the Center to express interest, 701.232.6224.

story by | children’s consultation network

The Children’s Consultation Network [CCN] has a slogan: You vaccinate. Test hearing. Monitor temps. Screen eyesight. You do a lot to give your child a healthy start. But when you only concentrate on physical health, you’re missing half the picture.

Recent brain research shows that the time to intervene for any sort of future mental health concern, substance abuse or even health related issues are tied to the child’s experiences in the first five years. What happens during this crucial time and how caregivers respond set the foundation for a child’s entire life. Created due to community identification of increased need for screening, assessment and treatment for young children and their caregivers, CCN fills the need of early detection and intervention surrounding children's mental health in our area.

what is CCN?

Since November 2009, CCN [formally known as Children’s Mental Health Initiative] has provided screening, assessment, education, short-term therapy and specialized referral for children, ages 0-8 and their caregivers. They specialize in early detection and intervention in order to help children and parents ease any type of socialemotional or behavioral concern. Easing separation anxiety, improving bedtimes, increasing compliance, reducing aggression, strengthening relationships, decreasing tantrums, identifying emotions, developing routines, increasing positive reinforcement and indentifying calming strategies are things they work on.

how are clients referred to CCN?

Currently, CCN’s main partners include Essentia Pediatrics who screen patients at their wellness exams, Childcare

Resource & Referral [centers and in-home childcares], Clay County Public Health and SENDCAA Head Start. However, anyone who has concerns about their young child can contact CCN and they will assist them or get them in touch with another appropriate provider in our community. There is also valuable information and resources for children’s mental health at www. halfachild.com and www.rvcscc.org.

who works at CCN?

Currently, CNN has two mental health professionals. Shawna Croaker, MSW, LCSW, is the director and does community collaboration work, program development and provides direct services for families. Jody Claus, MA, LAMFT provides full-time early childhood mental health consultation. Shawna and Jody both have over 12 years experience working with children and families in our community and possess specialized training and certification in providing therapeutic care for young children. They are also certified, advanced trainers in the Nurtured Heart Approach.

what can clients expect?

After an intake assessment, goals are identified and an individualized plan is created for the child and caregiver. Sessions are generally approximately 60 minutes long, include the caregiver and child and can occur in-office, as well as in-home when there are barriers to transportation. Not surprisingly, there is typically more time spent with the caregiver than the child. At this young age, the caregiver’s relationship and responses to the child are often what brings about change in behavior. CNN focuses on providing suggestions and helping the caregiver identify new strategies for changing their child’s undesirable behaviors using the Nurtured Heart Approach, which focuses on giving

there for the whole child

energy to the behaviors you want to see and little to the behaviors you want to stop, as well as clear limit setting and heavy positive reinforcement.

what is the cost for CCN services?

Currently services are provided for free through a match grant from Dakota Medical Foundation and Robert Wood Johnson Foundation Local Funding Partnerships. They are in the process of setting up contracts with certain entities, grant opportunities and possibly looking at a billing structure for the future.

what is considered a successful treatment program?

A successful treatment program is one where the goals set by the parents are met and behaviors are within typical limits of development for that child. CCN also provides community resources for the entire family as identified and appropriate, as well as a variety of educational information. Because of the child’s young age, CCN strives to avoid labeling or diagnosing children unless appropriate and necessary for obtaining further services.

The services at CCN have been proven successful through an initial pilot study done with Essentia Pediatrics. From November 2009 to August 2010, 1,673 children were screened using the Ages and Stages Questionnaire: Social-Emotional [ASQ:SE] and 9.1% scored outside the normal social-emotional range. Fifty-four children were referred to CCN with 28 families receiving free consulting services with extremely positive results:

• 100% of children re-screened by the ASQ:SE had improved scores after consultation services

• 100% of follow-up surveys collected indicated improved functioning of child, improved relationship between caregiver and child and a better understanding of child's development/behavior

• 100% of parents/caregivers surveyed indicated they would recommend this service to others

Surprisingly, some caregivers are reluctant to accept services for their children and assume it is just a phase. Even if it is, why not get some help dealing with it so it doesn’t progress into something more? Part of CCN’s mission is to educate the community on the importance of intervening early and reducing the stigma to children’s mental health…it’s just as important as our physical health!

what’s on your mind? normal

our new

story by | lindsay erhardt

he call to prayer at 5am from the mosque on the outskirts of town...

The widow, for the second time this week, is heard knocking at our gate because she is hungry and her baby girl hasn’t eaten since the last time she came to our home…

The shouts of “Mzungu [white person]! How are you?” from the street kids, many of whom we know by name now, buzz in our ears…

I scan the grocery store, shelves filled with foreign products along with $15 Martha Stewart magazines and $10 Skippy peanut butter jars, trying to shove my way through skinny aisles and dozens of people finding the right items for supper tonight…

I need to go to the vegetable market…

I pass children laying in smoldering garbage heaps who call out my name, “Lindsay LOOK I found an orange today!” I smile and greet the children there, looking

DID YOU KNOW?

Because of United Way donors, over 8,000 local children in our community receive a free book in the mail every month through

What is Imagination Library?

Imagination Library is a program funded by United Way of Cass-Clay that focuses on preparing children for success in school. Register today and every month, one free book will be mailed to your family’s home thanks to United Way of Cass-Clay.

Who is eligible to register?

Children birth to age five who live in Cass or Clay County.

past them, trying to swallow our ‘new normal’ with tears today…

I know God said it wouldn’t be easy living here, that I would never walk alone. But today, it is hard. When did this become normal?

In October of 2011, we moved our family of five to Kitale, Kenya with the intentions of opening a baby rescue home. Many of you have supported us to get us here; our new home. Some would say that moving to a country where we are surrounded by deadly diseases such as typhoid and malaria, as well as poverty and unclean drinking water is crazy. Perhaps we are. However it’s home this year.

We have moved from a comfortable life in Moorhead, MN to a chaotic world of a new language, foods, homeschooling and routine. In Kenya, it’s true that the majority of people here make less than $2 a day. We didn’t come here to bring the American lifestyle to Africa. Our children do not have the luxury to walk to the playground [there aren’t any playgrounds here], ride bikes down the roads or have a television. Our schedules

are not filled with play dates or swimming lessons. It has been an adjustment. However, our children are speaking Kiswahili more each day, collecting a vast arrangement of bugs and spiders and their imaginations have exploded with creativity. We do not live in a mud hut and yes, we do have running water. Luxuries. We live in a stucco house with tile flooring, electricity and wireless internet. I have all the modern day appliances

and we sleep with mosquito nets over our beds to ward off mosquitoes the size of our hand [seriously!] that could carry malaria. Thankfully, our children have adjusted well, are thriving and are joyful in our simple life.

Kenya is beautiful. We are surrounded by the Cherengani Hills, with the peak of Mt. Elgon raising above, piercing the big, bright, blue sky. Monkeys frequent our backyard and we can buy mangos the size of a small basketball for less than $1. Some of the birds we see from day to day we remember being fascinated by in the Fargo zoo.

The story of us coming here is a decade old. TJ and I traveled together to Kenya 10 years ago and started sponsoring a girl, Priscilla, who was just 13-years-old at the time. Today, eight years of marriage, three children and three trips to Kenya later, we find ourselves living in this country, pouring our lives into children who come from the slums and starting a new non-profit for single moms who have no way to support their children. Today, Priscilla is living with us, along with her 2-year-old son, and is leading the way for “The Jua Project;” taking her traumatic past and using those experiences to create good for the people here in Kitale. Katie Davis, an 18-year-old Brentwood, TN teen and founder of Amazima Ministries in Uganda [www. amazima.org], put it best when she said, “Living here

our children are speaking kiswahili more each day, collecting a vast arrangement of bugs and spiders and their imaginations have exploded with creativity

feels like I am emptying an ocean with an eyedropper.” Because when you have the needs in front of you met, more come with bigger needs. There is a lot of work to do. There is so much need.

Living here has stretched our family further than we have been stretched before. We came here expecting to be living and doing one thing and we have found ourselves living out a new mission and calling. Instead of rocking abandoned babies, we are rocking babies who are starving to death, like Maximilla, because her mom is not able to feed her for one reason or another. Is it my place to judge? No. But I feel it is our place to LOVE and to LOVE unconditionally, no matter what. I have clung to the phrase “with God, ALL things are possible.”

To bring our family to Kenya, we have had a year of miracles to get to this place and they haven’t stopped yet. I have learned to pray bigger and have more faith. God is in the details of life. I see God in the slums, in the eyes of the man with HIV and in the little lifeless bodies of children who desperately want to live. Living in Africa forces me to depend on God more because of the little resources available here to help those like Maxmilla. I see God in these things because I have seen the miracles that happen when I have the faith that they will come. I have no other choice but to believe that good will come of these sufferings. “Jua” means HOPE. We have HOPE that moms' lives will be changed by the help and support we can bring them.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” I know that with the little I have brought that God can multiply it and do great things with it. I know that my responsibility is to be a good steward of what I have been entrusted with and continue to take the steps of faith needed to create change here. And for that I am grateful and blessed.

To learn more about Lindsay and her family's decision to move to Kenya, read the OTMOM Winter 2009 cover story Lindsay Erhardt: Quiet Ambition online at: www.onthemindsofmoms. com/past-issues/ and follow the family’s current journey through their blog, http://mangomama.org/

This section is dedicated to capturing your parent thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.

9

Crafts for Teens @ Main: Hardware Jewelry

701.241.1472

www.fargolibrary.org

Head to the downtown Main Library [102 3rd St. N, Fargo] at 4pm and learn to design and create your very own funky jewelry out of hardware. All supplies provided. Pre-registration is required. Register online or email teens@cityoffargo.com.

11

Sweetheart Ball

701.232.3980

www.rmhcfargo.org

Support the Ronald McDonald House of the Red River Valley at the Holiday Inn, 6pm-midnight, with an evening of featuring dinner, a live & silent auction & dancing at this semi-formal event. Tickets are $75.

11

Buddy Day @ Oak Grove

701.373.7114

www.oakgrovelutheran.com

Are you interested in Oak Grove? Come join us for grades K-5 Buddy Day [12:45pm–2:45pm] at the South Campus to see what life is like as a Grover. Seeing the campus, attending classes, experiencing chapel,

meeting students and teachers will give you a good idea of what Oak Grove has to offer.

12

READ dogs

701.772.8116 ext. 13

nd-grandforkslibrary.civicplus.com

Head to the Grand Forks library [2110 Library Circle, Grand Forks] at 1pm and read to one of the four-legged friends for 15 minutes. Contact the Children’s Department to make an appointment.

12

Destination Anchor Island

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Get out of the cold & take a cruise to Anchor Island 1pm–5pm at the Fargo South indoor pool. Enjoy a Sunday afternoon in the Caribbean with music, water games & prizes. $2 per swimmer.

12

Family Day at the Dike

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Races, sledding, hotdogs and pop for the whole family at Dike West. Be there 1pm–4pm.

13 & 20

CPR/AED Heartsaver

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

This course at the F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo] covers basic adult, child & infant CPR plus how to use an AED [Automated External Defibrillator]. All CPR and First Aid classes at F-M Ambulance are taught under the guidelines of the American Heart Association. Register online, $35 fee.

14–17

FPS Kindergarten Registration

701.446.1043

www.fargo.k12.nd.us

Calling all mamas of Fall 2012 Fargo Public School Kindergarteners! Time to get your kiddos registered. Tuesday-Friday, February 14–17, between 7:30am–4pm, head to the school your kiddo will be attending next Fall [call 701.446.1043 if you aren’t sure which one you should go to] and get them signed-up. Your kiddo must be age 5 by July 31, 2012 and you need to bring: your kiddo’s certified birth certificate, your kiddo’s current immunization record and to verify the correct neighborhood school, a current utility bill with your name and current address on it.

16

Little Black Dress for MS Luncheon

701.235.2678

www.mssociety.org

Head to the Hilton Garden Inn in Fargo, 11am–1pm & support the 400,000 Americans who live with multiple sclerosis. The luncheon features an inspirational speaker, silent auction & a fun little black dress theme—dresses optional! Learn about multiple sclerosis and raise funds for those living with MS while sharing the joys of a fine lunch.

16

Cold-Blooded Creatures

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Pint-Sized Explorers [ages 4–6] head to the Zoo at 3:15 & learn about all about insects & what makes them such amazing animals! How are spiders different…we’ll find out; we’ll also take a look at animals that love to eat bugs! $10/members, $15/ non-members.

Kindergarten Registration Hop on Board!

February 14-17 (Tuesday- Friday)

7:30 am - 4:00 pm

Location is at the school your child will attend. Child must be age 5 by July 31, 2012

Please be sure to bring:

· Your child’s certified birth certificate

· Your child’s current immunization record

· To verify the correct neighborhood school, please bring a current utility bill with your name and current address on it.

* If you do not know which school your child will attend please call 446-1043 701.446.1000

17–19

Fight the Frost

701.241.9100

www.fargodome.com

Tired of being inside all the time? Not wanting to go outside because it's too cold? But you need to get your kiddos out of the house. Fight the Frost is an indoor event for families and young adults to come out and play on the 35+ inflatable games that Games Galore will have set up for the entire weekend at the FARGODOME. Have fun on the 17th, 3pm–9pm, the 18th 9am-9pm, and the 19th noon-6pm. Concessions will be open and parking will be free! Admission: 5 & under–$6, 6 & older–$10, groups of 10+ $9.00 per ticket.

19

Rollin’ on the River

www.rollinontheriver-inline.com

Grab the family and head to the Alerus Center in Grand Forks for some in-line skating fun! This event is Free & open to the public 2-5pm.

21, March 6, 13, 20 & 27

Love & Logic

701. 241.5700

www.ag.ndsu.edu/ casscountyextension/home-and-family

Love & Logic is a common sense approach to parenting that cultivates confidence and good decision-making in children by teaching empathy, respect and offering choices to children. Adults, in turn, learn how to avoid anger, threats, warning and lectures. Gain ideas to help cultivate confidence and good decision making in your children. Classes are held at the West Fargo Library [109 3rd St. E, West Fargo], 6pm–7:30pm. This is a series, so plan to attend all sessions. 25

Feast of Nations

www.aleruscenter.com

The 50th Annual Feast of Nations at the Alerus Center is offering exciting cultural experience for the Grand Forks community. This year´s event promises to be more outstanding than ever! Arrive early to explore cultural displays from countries all over the world. Come to experience

an ethnic five-course meal and a lot of exciting cultural entertainment! Open 5-11pm, $10 students/children, $15 adults.

25

Can I come in & play?

218.447.2214

http://web.mnstate.edu/childcare

The gym at the MSUM Early Education Center will be open for community members to come and play! Come check out our new facility 10am–noon and bring your children in from the cold to ride bikes, run & play with other children. For children

16 months to 6 years of age. Call Lacey at 218.477.2214 for more details.

25

6th Annual Youth Ice Fishing Derby

701.499.6090

www.fargoparks.com

Calling all Ice Fisherpersons ages 15 & under! Come to the South Woodhaven Pond [4802 Woodhaven Dr S, Fargo] & learn more about ice fishing including augers, ice houses, sonar equipment and much more! This is a FREE event 12:30pm–2:30pm.

25

Unglued: Craft Fest

www.ungluedmarket.com

Head to the Palins Art Museum 9am-5pm for an indie craft fair & bazaar that is bringing back traditional crafting techniques with a fresh, new flair & lots of midwest love. Free admission, free swag bags and Dunn Bros coffee to first 100 attendees.

28

Butterfly Ball Tickets On Sale

701. 499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Attentions dads, uncles and grandpas! Get your tickets today at 8:00am at the RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S] for the Butterfly Ball. This semi-formal father/ daughter [ages 4–12] prom includes music, dancing, photo opportunities & a mini grand march at the Hilton Garden Inn [4351 17th Ave S, Fargo] March 23rd & 24th. $12 per person.

1

Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway, Fargo] between 6:30pm8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

3

Yoga for Kids

218.233.7594

www.larl.org

Yoga benefits children by enhancing their flexibility, strength, coordination, and body awareness. It also develops their concentration and their sense of calmness and relaxation improves.

4

The Great Art Free-For-All

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

Back by popular demand! Yes, at the Plains Art Museum, 10am-Noon, you get

to do it all! You select your supplies and create your own art ideas. FREE event, but preregistration is required.

5

Purse & Quilt Auction

701-235-4457

www.catholiccharitiesnd.org

Head to the Hilton Garden Inn [4351 17th Ave, S, Fargo] can check out some great purses and quilts for a cause. Social/silent auction starts at 6:30pm followed by the live auction at 7:30pm. Tickets are $20 per person and includes appetizers and wine. Proceeds benefit pregnancy, parenting and adoption services of Catholic Charities North Dakota. Visit the website to view some of the purses and quilts.

7

Safe & Sound: Preparing Your Home for Baby

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

You have the car seat, crib, diapers, and dozens of new outfits for baby. So are you ready to bring your newest family member home? This class at Sanford Clinic Auditorium [801 Broadway, Fargo], 6:30pm-8pm, will inform participants

about the best practices in safe sleep and nursery safety, as well as provide general baby-proofing tips. You won't want to miss out on this valuable information. Free and open to anyone who will be caring for a little one. To register, call 701.234.5570.

13

Child Passenger Safety Class

701.234.7233

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary. $30 registration fee/participant.

13, 20 & 27

Book study: Take Back Your Kids

701. 241.5700

www.ag.ndsu.edu/casscountyextension/home-and-family

Take Back Your Kids by William Doherty, PH.D. focuses on confident parenting in turbulent times. Doherty explains how parents can be both sensitive and in charge while using love and limits in healthy and appropriate ways. Take Back Your Kids

shows parents how to be confident in their roles, place family life as a priority in their home and promote respect in parent/ child relationships. This book is of great value for parents of children of all ages, especially mid elementary through middle school. It provides practical guidance for parents in an ever changing and demanding world and sets the stage for parents to encourage and support each other. The cost is $15 [includes class & book] with sessions held at the Central Cass School [802 5th St N, Casselton], 6:15pm-7:30pm.

15

Ships of the Dessert

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Pint-Sized Explorers [ages 4-6] head to the Zoo at 3:15pm and find out why camels are called “ships of the desert”. You’ll also explore the differences between the two types of camels and llamas and discuss why the camels at the Zoo don’t mind the cold weather. $10/members, $15/ non-members.

16 & 17

Bouncin' Bash & More

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

This weekend of inflatable family fun will take place at the Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo] and features many obstacle courses, giant slides, bouncy castles, Volcano Climb, Kiddie Land area and more. Bring your friends and play laser tag. Concessions will be available. This event is open to all ages. Children 12 & under must attend with an adult. Open 4:pm-9pm on the 16th and 9am-4pm on the 17th. $8 per person.

17

ZooVenture: Predator-Prey

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Did you know some animals are vegetarians? Within a food chain there are carnivores, omnivores, herbivores, and more! Can one live without the other? Kiddos [ages 4 & up] and parents head to the Zoo 2pm-3:30pm and examine how all are linked in the delicate circle of life.

17

Celtic Festival

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

This festival features entertainment stages, several presentations about folk traditions of the past & present, activities booths & Celtic foods at the Hjemkomst Center, Moorhead 10am-4pm.

18

Gold-N-Motion

701.280.0400

www.americangoldgymnastics.com

Don’t miss this opportunity to see to see why our local talent is considered some of the top competitive & show gymnasts in the country!

23-25

El Zagal Shrine Circus

701.241.9100

www.fargodome.com

The all new Cindy Migleys circus spectacular will be at the FARGODOME, 7pm on the 23rd, 10am, 2pm & 6pm on the 24th and Noon & 4pm on the 25th! High-wire and Trapeze Acts, Clowns, Bengal Tigers and the Shrine Circus Elephants!

24

Julie Kottsick ALS Jamboree

701.367.2673

Kottsick1234@msn.com

www.juliekottsickalsjam.com

Be at Davies High School & experience a night of family fun & take in exhibition basketball games featuring the area’s top boy & girl senior athletes. This project is being hosted by the Kottsick Krusade, which consists of friends and family of a Fargo woman, Julie Kottsick, who was diagnosed with the disease seven years ago at the age of thirty-six. Julie and her husband, Bud, have 2 children; Evan, 15, and Carly, 12. The Kottsick family hopes that by raising awareness of ALS, and raising funds for the association, they can do their part to advance treatment and the search for a cure. Additionally, they strive to fulfill their family mission statement; “Practice gratitude, lend a hand. You can make a difference and give us all a reason for hope.” All proceeds help serve families in Minnesota & North Dakota dealing with this devastating disease. For more information about ALS & the services provided please visit www.alsmn.org.

24 Show & Tell: Dolls

218.233.7594

www.larl.org

Bring your favorite dolls to a special Show & Tell with the Red River Doll Club. Adults and kids will get a chance to show off their treasured dolls and talk about them with other enthusiastic doll lovers.

31 Spin for Kids

www.altru.org/spinforkids

This indoor race on stationary spin bikes

8:30am-12:30pm at Schroeder Middle School [800 32nd Ave S, Grand Forks] Consists of eight cyclists per team that ride for 25 minutes each. Spin for Kids provides supportive programs, services and equipment to children with special needs within our community and region. All money raised by Spin for Kids will be disbursed to qualifying families to help ease the struggles they face every day and help children to live the fullest life possible. Registration will be held at the Altru Rehabilitation Center Medical Fitness Center starting February 14.

april events

Child Abuse Prevention Month

www.stopchildabusend.com

www.pcamn.org

Help strengthen families and prevent child abuse and neglect.

3

Nighttime Easter Egg Hunt

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Grab the kiddos [ages 2-8] and head to Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo], 5pm-7pm. Hunt for Easter eggs in the dark, meet the Easter Bunny, decorate Easter eggs, take part in crafts, decorate a cookie and play on inflatable games. Concessions will be available. $3 admission.

5

7

14

Car

Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

6 & 7

Easter Eggstravaganza

701.232.6102

www.childrensmuseumyunker.org

Get your "Boots & Bonnet's" for a day full of family fun at Yunker Farm. Explore, discover, & create Eggciting spring projects, dye Eggs, visit the Easter Bunny.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to info@onthemindsofmoms.com

Don’t Throw That Away!

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

We're going to party down with Mother Earth at the Plains Art Museum, 10amNoon, and celebrate Earth Day by turning our trash into treasures. Start collecting bottle caps to use in your own collage! FREE event, but preregistration is required.

12

Fancy Feathers

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

From chickens to eagles, Pint-Sized Explorers [ages 4-6] head to the Zoo at 3:15pm and get ready to explore life in flight. Talk about the different birds found at the Zoo and what you can do to help them survive their yearly migration. $10/members, $15/non-members.

March for Babies

701.235.5530

www.marchofdimes. com/northdakota

Join the March of Dimes at the FARGODOME for the March for Babies. The money raised will support lifesaving research, community services, education and advocacy that help babies get a healthy start.

14

ZooZenture: For the Birds

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

They’re back! All of those birds that flew the coop last fall are starting to return. Have you forgotten which bird is which? Or maybe you would like to expand your bird knowledge. Kiddos [ages 4 & up] and parents head to the Zoo 2pm-3:30pm and learn how to identify some common birds, their calls, and what you can do to help them during their short northern vacation! Bring your binoculars and field guides if you have them. Meet some of the zoos resident and wild birds.

14

Teddy Bear Tea Party

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

It’s a Teddy Bear Tea Party at the Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo], 10am-11am! Girls ages 4-8 bring your teddy bear to a fun-filled Tea Party. Feather boas, hats, jewelry, games and a special craft are all included. Punch and cookies will be served. Make introductions and enjoy a Manners Matter tea party story. It’s a party to remember. $10 fee.

15

Charlotte’s Web

701.777.4090

www.cfa.und.edu

Head to the Chester Fritz Auditorium [Yale and University Avenue, Grand Forks] at 2pm for Theatreworks USA’s production of Charlotte’s Web, a play by Joseph Robinette with incidental music by Jeffrey Lunden, is based on E.B.White’s loving story of the friendship between a pig named Wilbur and a little gray spider named Charlotte.

21

Gigantic Rummage Sale

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Over 100-130 vendors will be selling antiques, crafts, collectibles, closeout items and garage sale items at the Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo], 7am-2pm. Free parking. To register for a booth please contact the park office. Concessions will be available. $1.00 admission [17 & under free]

22

Unraveled Crafters

701.476.5977

www.fargolibrary.org

All interested crafters are invited to the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for some unraveled fun! If you are new to knitting or crocheting, they'll teach you!

24

Kids Are Our Business Breakfast

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Join the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center for breakfast at the Holiday Inn at 7:30am & help out a great cause. Seating is limited so call today! Cost: $65 individual tickets. Table & Event Sponsorships available. Pre-registration encouraged.

24

Art for Two: Your Own Storybook

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

Head to the Plains Art Museum, 2pm-4pm, for a workshop made just for you and your kiddo [age 5-12] to enjoy some creative time together. The two of you will create his/her own version of a favorite story or fairy tale in a one-of-a-kind art book. $22 for museum members and $25 for non-members. Register online.

25

Safe & Sound: Preparing Your Home for Baby

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

You have the car seat, crib, diapers, and dozens of new outfits for baby. So are you ready to bring your newest family member home? This class at Sanford Clinic Auditorium [801 Broadway, Fargo], 6:30pm-8pm, will inform participants about the best practices in safe sleep and nursery safety, as well as provide general baby-proofing tips. You won't want to miss out on this valuable information. Free and open to anyone who will be caring for a little one. To register, call 701.234.5570.

Aimee Schwartzwalter is a true multi-tasker, learning from her parents who doubled as teachers while they homeschooled Aimee, her two sisters and brother here in Fargo After “graduating,” she was shocked to learn she had to take the GED test to get into college, but passed with flying colors She then earned a degree in Accountancy from NDSU graduating with honors in December 2000 Ready for the real world with her husband Chad by her side [they have been married 13 years], Aimee tackled the CPA exam passing on the first try and achieving one of the top scores in the state She took a position with Eide Bailly, which she enjoyed and appreciated the family friendly environment, but after the birth of her daughter, she couldn’t shake the desire to “stay home ” In 2002 she started Accounting 4 Success on a part-time basis to help make ends meet and satisfy her desire to keep current with accounting and tax laws  While building her business, Aimee served as Regional Director for the Small Business Development Center [a position she held for two years] and earned a commercial real estate appraiser license In 2008, Aimee realized she needed to take her own advice and focus her efforts on what she does best; being a mom to Coralie Elise [9] and Camron James [6] while helping local businesses grow and prosper as she does their accounting and tax work through Accounting 4 Success!

what is Accounting 4 Success?

Accounting 4 Success is a full-service accounting firm that specializes in tax planning and compliance for small businesses and their owners.

how long have you been in business?

We have been in existence for nine years.

do you have other accountants and staff working for you?

I have two part-time office assistants that I share with my officemate—Julie Wilson of Farmers Insurance.

what kind of accountant are you?

A good one!

mompreneur aimee schwartzwalter accounting4success

do you work primarily with business, personal accounts or both?

Both. I have a great combination of businesses and personal accounts. The personal accounts are less time consuming so I am able to take on a higher volume which means I get to meet that many more interesting people.

what is the most common personal accounting question or mistake people make?

Purchasing things solely for the tax deduction is a common mistake.

three things you wish you knew before taking clients?

Tough question! Not sure how I should answer without alienating anyone, but here goes. I wish I knew clients’ unspoken expectations—do they expect me to be personable or judgmental? Quick or thorough? Accessible or unreachable because I’m so highly sought after?

I wish I knew the time and resources that would be required to fully meet their needs and if I had them readily available. I wish I knew if they valued

accounting and tax knowledge or if they thought TurboTax had all the answers.

what is the most satisfying part of your profession?

Helping an individual make their dreams of business ownership or self-employment come true.

what is your educational background?

I have an Accountancy degree from NDSU. Since graduating, I have honed my skills with over 40 hours of annual continuing education in everything from valuation courses to non-profit management. did you have previous work experience before starting Accounting 4 Success?

In college, I worked in the office of an auto parts store and worked for a commercial real estate appraisal firm. After college, I worked for Eide Bailly, a regional accounting firm and the Small Business Development Center.

what was your first job?

My first money making experience was babysitting for $1/hour/child.

have you had to make any professional sacrifices when you became a mom?

Yes and they were all worth it. There are many excellent accountants in this world, in the US and right here in Fargo, but I am the only one who holds the title of mother to Coralie and Camron. That is a job that only I can do excellently.

how did you know you were meant to be a business owner?

I guess I don’t really know if I ever knew I was meant to be a business owner. I knew I needed to make money and I wanted to continue to serve God and people on a schedule that worked for my family so I did what I felt I needed to do and started a business. what is your biggest productivity secret that helps you stay on task?

Lists—when I’m working on a project and a great idea pops into my head or an item of unfinished business is nagging me, I write it down so I can get back to work.

what is the one quality you have that makes you a great accountant?

The ability to ask the right questions.

what advice do you have for a mom considering the mompreneur title?

Write out your priorities and refer to them often.

Remember that life is a series of highs and lows. When you achieve a high, refer to your priority list so you don’t get caught up in the excitement, losing sight of the important things in your life. When you feel low, reevaluate your to do list in terms of your priorities and take it one step at a time.

what is your biggest mom/boss challenge?

Getting my kids to shower regularly. Why wouldn’t they want to feel clean?

how did you decide on the name Accounting 4 Success?

A friend had recommended that I start the business name with an A because then I would be listed first in the Yellow Pages. So I came up with a name that started with A and didn’t put my business in the phone book for the first five years!

do you have any business regrets?

Hindsight is always 20/20, but the past has shaped me into the individual I am today. If I can use my experience to help my clients, then it was all worth it.

how has your family benefited from owning your own business?

I have been available for my husband and children. As a business owner, I am able to set my schedule based on my family’s needs. I take on additional work when the family needs extra resources and I refer work to other accountants at other times.

what can perspective clients expect when meeting with you?

Expect a lot of questions. I like to know my clients, their businesses, their families, their hopes and their fears.

away from work what might we find you doing for fun?

When I’m not working, I am usually doing mom stuff—playing or reading with my kids or cooking a healthy meal. Another thing I like to do individually and as a family is volunteering at Prairie Heights Community Church. Serving God and others is my life’s goal. For the last year or so, I have been working on reading the classics in my spare time and thoroughly enjoying great literary works such as the Great Gatsby, Jane Eyre, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Sense and Sensibility.

what lessons do you hope your children will learn from seeing you as a mompreneur?

I hope my kids see me taking risks and making sacrifices to serve God and others while doing what I love.

what misconception do people have about accountants?

That accountants are number crunchers who can’t relate to people, but accountants do care about people they just show it differently.

Accounting 4 Success,

825 28th Street S, Unit D, Fargo, ND 58103

701.365.0319 | www.Accounting4Success.Com

Aimee@Accounting4Success.Com

Business Hours

January 16th–April 15th: Mon–Sat 9am-5pm, Wed 9am-5pm and 6pm-9pm

April 16th–January 15th: Mon–Fri 9am-3pm

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

mediterranean tuna salad

Tuna is anything but ordinary in this Mediterranean inspired salad. And don’t be fooled by the name salad because this is anything but a typical salad. This quick, easy to prepare, healthy dish is a diverse meal or appetizer option to consider any time of the year.

you need:

• 1 3oz can of tuna in olive oil

• 2 tbsp salted or brined capers, rinsed or drained

• 1 large garlic clove, peeled

• 1 tbsp minced red onion

• 10 kalamata olives, chopped

• 2 tbsp finely chopped fresh parsley leaves

• 1 tbsp red wine vinegar

• olive oil

• black pepper

• salt

• cherry tomatoes, romaine lettuce, sprouts & french bread

prep it:

1] Mix tuna, capers, garlic, onion, olives, parsley, and black pepper together.

2] Add a little oil and the vinegar.

3] Stir and season to taste with salt and pepper. [go light on salt, the capers and olives will be salty enough].

plate it:

4] Core a cherry tomato and stuff with the tuna salad, garnish with sprouts.

5] Place tuna salad in a lettuce leaf, garnish with sprouts.

6] Place tuna salad on a slice of French bread [lightly toasted] for an open faced sandwich.

Recipe prepared by mom of four and owner and chef at Mosaic Foods and Catering, Sara Watson.

www.mosaicfoods.net

701.373.7805

rialee photography

joyful heart photography

melissa dale photography

michelle warren photography

tiny sprouts portraits

melissa dale photography

michelle warren photography

rialee photography

A1990 Grand Forks Central High School graduate and hockey goalie standout, Corey St Germain grew up the youngest of two stepsisters and one stepbrother [now deceased] He attended the University of North Dakota and North Dakota State University earning a degree in business In 2010 Corey started Pinnacle West, LLC; a hotel technology company that he has quickly found success in  During the Fall and Winter months Corey spends most weekends working for the Fargo Force doing color commentating and hosting the John Marks Coach’s Show every Wednesday on 740 The FAN And to get away from it all, Corey and Marnie, his wife of 16 years, along with their kids Cassidy [16] and Brendan [12] always find time for golf, hockey and family time at the lake

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

age39,fargond

I’m not embarrassed to admit… I can be wrong once in a while. the craziest thing i’ve ever done… made the mistake of buying my wife a “Florida Car” [Lexus] living in ND.

I’m a sucker for… a glass of red wine.

the word that best describes what being a dad means to me… proud.

my neatest dad quality…

I’m always positive.

the TV show i hate to admit i watch… the Good Wife.

the day i would love to live again…

the Vikings winning the Superbowl! Of course that hasn’t happened yet, but when it does I’d love to live it again.

if i “had” to spend one day alone i would… go fishing or golfing.

my favorite type of shoes… flip-flops…no question.

the last time i yelled at the TV… when Brett Favre threw the interception in the Saints playoff game.

my biggest claim to fame…

my family and the success they have every day in school and athletics.

something i’m proud of myself for doing… thinking with my mind before saying with my mouth.

if i could travel anywhere it would be to… Key West and Bahamas.

my biggest release from my job... spending time watching hockey with family and friends.

my worst habit…

not being a better listener.

the part of parenthood i fear the most… something happening to my kids. Every parent's fear I’m sure.

the family ritual i live for… Sunday dinners and a good game of Farkle.

back in balance

personalized hormone replacement therapy

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

story by | patricia carlson

Menopause…old lady issues, right? Hot flashes. Night sweats. Mood swings. Low libido. Sure these are symptoms of menopause, but you’re not that old! So what’s the deal? Surprisingly, women of all ages may experience some sort of hormone-related imbalance during their lifetime. To make matters more complicated, every woman’s symptoms, both physical and emotional, are different. What’s a woman to do? Personalized, Bio-identical Hormone Replacement Therapy [BHRT] is something you should know about…now!

Call

military personnel receive 15% off windows

Energy Efficient GREEN Solutions For Your Home

Whether it’s the installation of fiberglass windows, finishing your basement, installing exterior water tanks or looking for a new way to update your patio or driveway, we have the GREEN solutions for you.

Menopause, which normally occurs between ages 45 and 55, is defined as the permanent end of menstruation and fertility, occurring 12 months after your last period. Our ovaries stop releasing an egg monthly and they produce less estrogen and progesterone causing hormone imbalances and an array of symptoms. But hormone fluctuations can occur long before menopause. Peri-menopause is the time when your body is transitioning to menopause and can range from two to eight years. Hormones rise and fall as your periods change; becoming longer or shorter, heavier or lighter

body + being

or farther apart. The effects of these imbalances can range from being unnoticeable to debilitating.

“Things like PMS, depression, anxiety, vaginal dryness, these can all be hormone related. Women may not

bio what?

Many times woman just assume the symptoms they are experiencing are “normal,” just a part of having a busy life filled with career, family, home and outside obligations; just a part of being a woman and getting older. But you can feel better and one option is Bio-identical Hormone Replacement Therapy [BHRT] available at a compounding pharmacy like InHealth.

“Our products are bio-identical, which means they’re an exact match to your body,” Heather says. They replace crucial hormones like estrogen, progesterone and testosterone your body may be lacking due to physiological changes.

realize that their hormones start to drop around age 35,” explains Heather Novak, a pharmacist at InHealth Specialty Pharmacy in Fargo. Other hormone related symptoms can include weight gain, insomnia, acne, forgetfulness, facial hair and bloating to name a few. In addition to menopause and peri-menopause, stress, poor diet, being on the Pill, consuming too much caffeine or alcohol and lack of exercise can contribute to hormone imbalances.

Bio-identical hormones are derived from plants and have the exact same chemical structure as human hormones. The body recognizes them and allows them to mimic the function of the hormones the body produces on its own. BHRT can work at any age to improve things like menstrual irregularities, libido, fertility, endometriosis, headaches, post-partum depression and general irritability or moodiness.

LEFT TO RIGHT:

DR. BRENDA BARFIELD, DR. ANN SLAMA, DR. MARIE MOECKEL, DR. NAINA MAHALE

women of all ages may experience some sort of hormone-related imbalance during their lifetime

has been fantastic. They handled the sale of our existing home and the purchase of our new dream home with the utmost care and respect for all. What has impressed us the most is the service after the sale. Like with any new home there will be questions and the team from Designer Homes has gone above and beyond to make sure we are taken care of. We have finally found our dream home and we could not be happier. We would like to thank the staff of Designer Homes for your excellent service. We would recommend building or purchasing a home from Designer Homes to our friends and family. ~ The Abel Family

compounding?

InHealth is the sole compounding-only pharmacy in Fargo. Current owner and pharmacist, John Deutsch, says taking compounded bio-identical hormones is a little different than taking conventional hormone medications. They essentially prepare customized medications. “We use a powdered form of the hormone which allows us to make any combination or strength that suits the patient best. And, we can put the hormones into any form like pills, creams, troche or sublingual drops,” says John. “The hormone pathways are all connected so to get a woman back on the right track you need to balance all of the hormones.”

Compounding was the norm in the pharmacy profession in the early 1900’s before giving way to manufactured medications halfway through the century. Compounding has undergone a resurgence of late as the medical community has identified the importance of meeting specific patient needs, especially through BHRT. Additionally, compounding provides gluten and lactose free medications for those with allergies or sensitivities. Another example is offering alternative dosage forms

of medications such as flavored liquids, topical creams, and even lollipops. Compounding offers individuality rather than a one-size-fits-all model.

give it a go?

Celebrities like Suzanne Sommers, Oprah and Robin McGraw [Dr. Phil’s wife] have brought BHRT to the forefront. Suzanne Somers is actually credited with bringing the term ‘bio-identical’ into the mainstream following the publication of her hugely successful book, Ageless: The Naked Truth About Bioidentical Hormones, in 2006. So, is it right for you? First, stay in tune with your body and take care of yourself, but if you are just not feeling like yourself or experience any of the above mentioned symptoms, talk to your trusted, personal physician about your concerns. “Doctors may conclude that their patient needs BHRT, but they don’t always know how to prescribe them so they refer patients to us,” Heather says.

Once the referral has been established, InHealth will have you complete a packet of medical history information and perform a blood draw or a saliva testing kit to

investigate your hormone deficiencies. When the results arrive, Heather will invite you in again for a one-on-one consultation lasting up to an hour where she’ll discuss how your hormone levels relate to your medical history and create a tailor-made hormone replacement plan. That plan is then sent to your physician for approval. Adjustments in your compounded hormones may need to be made during the first few months of treatment depending on how you respond. “A lot of times our patients will end up taking charge of their treatment,” explains Heather. “They take a proactive approach to their healthcare and will keep us informed as to how they’re feeling.”

Although once considered a fringe treatment, BHRT is gaining more acceptance with those in the medical community as they see their patients benefit.

“When we first opened in 2002, BHRT seemed way out there, even to other pharmacists and doctors,” says Heather. “In school, we’re taught what drugs are available. We’re not necessarily taught to look at the patient’s story and physiology and match that to what

we’re seeing in their hormone levels. But now, that same doctor who initially had doubts is reaching out to us.”

John says it is incredibly satisfying to see a patient come back with renewed vigor and zest for life after following a BHRT regimen. “I love it when someone comes back two or three months down the road after starting BHRT, grinning from ear to ear, and saying, ‘I feel a LOT better. And I’m going to tell all of my friends.’ That’s wonderful to hear!”

Insurance companies cover BHRT in varying degrees, from zero coverage to a $3 co-pay. Contact your provider for details. And if you would like more information on BHRT, consider attending one of InHealth’s seminars. Every Tuesday from noon to 1pm, Heather presents Hormone Imbalance: What Every Woman Needs to Know. The seminar will provide a review of hormone functions addressing female hormones and the process of perimenopause through menopause. It will also include suggestions for optimal health through supplements, diet and lifestyle. This seminar is free, but seating is limited. Call 701.365.6050 to register.

new year’s revolutions

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

story by | kathleen wrigley

Happy New Year! Most of us gallop into January with great hopes of losing weight, finding peace, moving more, smoking less, expanding travel, or limiting spending. A new year is an opportunity for a new start. A new YOU!

Like it or not, we’re not perfect. There’s always something we can [and, maybe should] change about ourselves. The idea is practically thrust down our throats in January. News outlets run consecutive segments on how to achieve our “resolutions.” We’re bombarded with experts who encourage, support and inspire us. They share hot tips, advice, guidelines and instructions to prepare us for the journey to victory.

We’re gung-ho; loaded for bear; ready to roll...

Then there’s February. And, by the time this magazine hits the stands, many of us will struggle to remember what the heck those pesky “resolutions” were anyway. Plans are thwarted. The news has moved on to other sensational topics. The elliptical machines [at the gym] are now available. Space has re-opened on the aerobics

floor and our cupboards are re-stocked with sugary, overly-processed snacks.

My “resolution” for 2012: Skip the white stuff! I read the papers and watch the news. It’s all about whole grains and no sugar, right? I’m in.

But, first there’s that puppy chow I volunteered to make for concessions at the basketball tournament.

Just 32 hours into 2012 and I was elbow deep in chocolate, butter, peanut butter and Chex cereal. The kids and I licked the chocolate free, from the bowls, spoons, our fingers and our hands—like real puppies nuzzling up for treats! With my belly full of regret, I reflected on my “resolution” to refrain from the white stuff. Dawgonit. I didn’t make it two days. I tried to comfort myself—to no avail—by admitting that neither chocolate nor peanut butter is “white.”

Did I mention we’re not perfect?

Clearly, I’m no life-coach or an expert in such matters, but perhaps the golden ticket to life-long change is in the perception of our definitions, allowing that mis-

steps are inevitable and that the journey to victory is, well…a journey. Like so many lessons, my kids taught me this one.

Out of the mouths of babes…One day over the Christmas break, our daughter asked me what my New Year’s “REVOLUTION” was this year. She continued talking about her “revolutions” and grilled others about their “revolutions.” Our son—never too far behind his big sister—began listing his own “revolutions.”

Of course, I noticed they were using the word “revolution” instead of “resolution,” but instead of correcting them—honestly, because I think it’s darling when they mixed up big words—I thought about the term they inadvertently chose to characterize these promises or hopes of change. And, frankly, I think they have the right idea.

According to brainyquote.com, revolution is defined as: A total or radical change; as, a revolution in one's circumstances or way of living.

BINGO!

We’ve been around long enough to know that real change, or revolution, begins with a resolution, or a decision. Resolutions are part of the journey to the bigger prize: reaching that goal or revolution. I resolve to train for the 2012 Fargo Marathon in May. That said, I won’t go run 26.2 miles next week. It’ll take four [long] months before I meet my ultimate revolution: crossing that finish line and slipping my sweaty neck into the loop adorned with a big, shiny medal. It’s always helpful to picture ourselves at the finish line, or 40 pounds thinner, or debt-free, or vacationing in the south of France. These visions steer our behaviors and keep us on track. But, setting measureable goals and rewards—say, for instance, by licking bowls free of chocolate every so often—is more practical to ultimate success.

So, do dream BIG, but start small. And, start now!

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University, in Philadelphia.

Beth Sheehan and her husband, Jeff Kezar, knew the birth would be challenging: their son would have the genetic disorder Down syndrome. But a heart attack in Beth during delivery?

Today their hearts go out to the place that had all the services they needed. “We’re so grateful to Sanford,” says Beth.

preparing for the expected

Months in advance Beth and Jeff knew Oliver would need high-level, coordinated care. They took smart steps:

• Selected an OB doctor at Sanford in Thief River Falls, MN, their hometown. This doctor would work closely with Sanford’s Fargo team, including maternal fetal medicine specialists.

• Received close care—including fetal echocardiograms—from Sanford pediatric cardiologist Dr. Matthew Trefz. Oliver’s heart defects would require later surgery.

• Toured Sanford’s Children’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Oliver would need the NICU shortly after birth.

• Became familiar with the many services Oliver would need to help him thrive, including physical therapy.

the unthinkable

Beth went into labor early, prompting a late-night drive to Fargo on June 6, 2010. The Sanford team was well-prepared and waiting.

but what happened?

With expertise from several Sanford specialties, answers emerged:

• Oliver’s condition stabilized and close monitoring continued in the NICU. Several days later Beth and Jeff were able to take him home, but only after an overnight stay in the Family Birth Center. “We were able to room in with Oliver the night before discharge, taking care of him with the NICU nursing staff overseeing us. An entire night with Oliver built our confidence,” Beth says.

• Tests confirmed Beth had peripartum cardiomyopathy—a rare condition that typically presents near delivery or after. For reasons unknown, the heart loses full pumping capacity. Beth also had a blood clot. Either condition could’ve caused cardiac arrest. Prompt diagnosis, treatment and close monitoring led to her full recovery.

And that happy family? Today Oliver wears a T-shirt that reads “Playdate? Text me!” With successful surgery behind him, he has surpassed expectations—talking, growing, eating, playing. He laughs a lot, too, especially with his 3-year-old sister Piper.

“This little guy’s always happy,” says Beth, kissing his cheek. “He brings a light wherever he goes.”

mom’s heart,

“Everything was moving along smoothly,” recalls Jeff calmly, but then chokes up. In the OR, he and Beth welcomed 6-pound Oliver, delivered by C-section. As expected, Oliver needed immediate help because of breathing difficulty. The NICU team? Already there.

“Next I heard ‘code blue.’ In a split second, 20 to 30 people were in the OR, but they rushed to Beth,” says Jeff. “Her heart had stopped.”

Beth’s cardiac arrest prompted fast action: chest compressions, medications, defibrillator shocks. Doctors succeeded in resuscitating her.

Hours later Beth rested in Sanford’s Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. “She was sitting up, smiling, talking,” says Jeff. “Just amazing.”

love your heart

February is heart month. And there’s no better time to consider the unexpected nature of heart disease—even during pregnancy.

Says Sanford cardiologist Dr. Craig Kouba: “Symptoms such as shortness of breath and swelling are common heart symptoms, but they can be common in late pregnancy, too. If you have concerns, by all means tell your doctor. An ultrasound is all that’s needed to learn more.”

Your heart is so worth it!

baby’s birth

photo: sanford health

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

deliberate persistence kristin nelsen

story by | patricia carlson

She bounces into the coffee shop and breaks into a warm, engaging smile. “Hi, it’s so nice to meet you,” she gushes in a friendly voice. Her shiny, chestnut hair is pulled off her face with a glittering headband and her petite frame is beautifully dressed in a blush-colored, long-sleeve ruffle top. She looks graceful and classy and has an unmistakable glow of kindness, like she’d gladly hand over a couple bucks if you came up short for your latte. But under her left sleeve is a scar that runs from her wrist to her shoulder, staple marks permanently implanted on her skin offering a constant reminder that Kristin Nelsen has a harrowing story. A story filled with countless health scares, debilitating pain, dashed dreams of motherhood bliss and an ever-present fear of what the future holds.

deliberate persistence

Kristin, healthy and happy, was living the life she had dreamed of as a little girl. “I’ve always been a planner,” says the Fargo native.

A Concordia College graduate with a degree in elementary education, Kristin married her college sweetheart, Matt, in 1992 and relished the idea of having children and

But there was another, more frightening, possibility too. Doctors wondered if Kristin was showing early signs of Multiple Sclerosis, an autoimmune disease that affects the brain and spinal cord.

“We wondered if it was MS because it was bilateral, on both sides,” Kristin says. “But we hoped it would be a

living in a chaotic, kid-filled home. But starting a family didn’t go as planned. After struggling with infertility problems for nearly a decade, the couple finally found out they were pregnant while living in Texas as Matt completed his residency as an Orthopedic Surgeon.

“Infertility was really hard to go through,” Kristin says. “We felt really blessed to finally have a baby.”

Kristin was living her dream of being a mom. Then one morning when Madeline was 9-months-old, she woke up to find her hands numb. “It felt like my fingers were asleep on both sides,” she recalls. A week later, her hands, especially her left, had significantly weakened and taking care of her daughter’s basic needs became difficult. “I couldn’t do diapers or buttons,” she adds.

Kristin sought a doctor’s opinion and testing confirmed she had nerve damage. “My nerve had been compressed in my elbow area, but it was a puzzle why it happened to me. Normally it happens from repetitive use; weightlifters get it,” she explains.

single incident and that surgery would take care of it.”

Doctors snipped the muscle that was compressing the nerve and released it. The surgery was supposed to be a permanent solution, but a few months later, the numbness returned, this time coupled with a burning sensation. “It felt like your arm was on fire,” says Kristin.

Her husband was stumped and frustrated. “As a surgeon, you are trained to fix these kinds of problems, but I was basically helpless and as baffled by her failure to get better as the surgeons who were treating her,” Matt says.

By the time Madeline turned three, Kristin had already undergone more than a dozen unsuccessful surgeries, and endured countless hours of physical therapy. If that wasn’t enough she also developed a debilitating disease of the nervous system that causes chronic pain, is progressive and cannot be cured.

“It’s like when your body goes haywire after an injury,” Kristin explains, adding, “It creates hyper-sensitivity. I couldn’t put my arm down on anything. Nothing could touch it. I couldn’t even wear long sleeves!”

The only course of treatment that proved mildly effective involved getting more than a dozen shots in her neck every two weeks. The shots were supposed to calm down the nerve inflammation. But more than the shots, what hurt Kristin most was missing out on caring for Madeline and getting to enjoy being a mom as she had always imagined.

another part of me that was like, ‘I’m not going crazy. It’s not all in my head. Now we can have a plan.’”

Kristin began a course of medications and things started to turn around. But then, as quickly as it seemed the treatments were working, multiple symptoms that didn’t make sense started appearing. “I had dry eyes,

“It was really tough to hand over my responsibilities to someone else, whether it was my mom or husband,” Kristin says quietly. “I spent pretty much Madeline’s first three years in a sling, cast or brace. My arm was non-functioning. I had to just watch most of the time.”

Kristin’s mother, Sandy Fiechtner, remembers how devastating this time was for her daughter and says watching Kristin suffer was one of the hardest things she’s had to do as a mom herself. “Seeing her unable to do all of the ‘mom’ things she wanted to and couldn’t was the most difficult thing for me,” Sandy says.

Once Matt’s residencies and felloship were completed, the family returned to Fargo. The Nelsen’s were especially happy to be back home close to Kristin’s brother’s family and her parents.

Kristin also found solace in a diagnosis. Doctors thought they had finally solved the mystery of her chronic health concerns. She was told she had MS.

the truth

“Part of me was devastated and all I saw was the bad parts of it,” she remembers thinking. “But there was

and mouth and nose,” Kristin says. “It felt like someone was blowing a fan in my face 24 hours a day. I also was fatigued, beyond being tired. Certain parts of my body would go numb and I had issues with my vision. I had trouble swallowing. And I had periods, sometimes three weeks long, where I would lose my voice.”

Three years after being diagnosed with MS, Kristin’s new symptoms finally revealed her true condition. While it was an autoimmune disease, it wasn’t MS. Kristin tested positive for Sjogren’s [Show-grins] Syndrome, which meant her white blood cells were mistakenly attacking her moisture-producing glands.

The Sjogren’s Syndrome Foundation reports that as many as 4 million Americans are living with the disease making it one of the most prevalent autoimmune disorders. Those diagnosed are usually over the age of forty and nine out of 10 are woman. Sjogren’s can occur alone or in the presence of another autoimmune connective tissue diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis or lupus. Treatment focuses on relieving symptoms that can vary from person to person.

“Often times Sjogren’s and MS mimic each other,” explains Kristin. “Sjogren’s can take eight or nine years to come to the surface as mine did. It’s really hard to live in a body that hates itself,” she says with a sad smile.

Tanya Lingle has known Kristin for over 15 years and understands few can relate to the health issues her friend faces, but more amazing is Kristin’s attitude. “The pain she faces each day is something I do not know,” Tanya admits. “But she gets out of bed each day with a smile on her face and makes the best of each day. She is one of the strongest people I know.”

second time mom

With this new diagnosis, Kristin finally found the correct combination of prescriptions to help keep her Sjogren’s manageable. Since her family was nearby to help out if needed, and with the support of her husband, Kristin began to seriously consider expanding their family. With her illness and taking into account their past infertility issues, Kristin and Matt began searching for a gestational carrier.

“That was the thing I was maddest about was that my health was preventing me from doing what I really wanted to do,” she states emphatically. “But I don’t give up easily.” Her heart was bursting to love another child.

“If someday I turned 50 and all my health issues were figured out, I knew that not having more kids would be my biggest regret,” Kristin says. “I’m blessed that Matt was on the same page.”

The couple met with a gestational carrier whom they found locally. It was not an easy process. Six rounds of IVF treatments failed and Kristin’s hormones began to go out of whack. But they gave it one last, hopeful try and it worked.

“Our son, Birk, was initially a triplet, but we lost two of those babies,” says Kristin sadly. “And Birk was born two months early.”

Their tiny baby boy was whisked into the NICU. And there was another shock a little over two weeks later when a nurse spotted some markers associated with Down Syndrome. A test confirmed the nurse’s suspicions. Once again, Kristin and Matt were faced with health concerns, but this time the outcome was out of both of their hands.

“When we found out that Birk had Down Syndrome, we both cried for two days,” recalls Matt. “Not so much feeling sorry for ourselves, although that was part of it, but crying for him and the obstacles he is going to face during his life.”

Kristin says she, in particular, was devastated by Birk’s diagnosis because the thought that one of her children having a health disability had never crossed her mind.

“It’s like you finally get to meet this baby whom you waited forever for and had to go through a lot of stuff just to have him...,” she pauses before continuing in a softer voice, “It kind of took the wind out of us.”

But if Kristin was determined to be a good mom before, bringing Birk into their lives brought her efforts to another level. She uncovered new qualities in her parenting, like empathy, more patience, communication skills and the ability to recognize different teaching moments with her son.

“He’s my son. It might not be as I planned, but he’s meant to be here,” Kristin says with a proud smile. “Looking back on it, Birk was so meant to be mine. If there is anyone who can understand the amount of doctors and therapy appointments he has to go to, it’s me!”

Birk has grown into a lovable, rambunctious and curious 3-year-old. He’s exceedingly polite [“he even told his nurses ‘thank you’ for giving him his shots,” remarks Kristin] and also has a new role in the Nelsen household—big brother.

twins and a setback

It didn’t take Kristin and Matt long after Birk was born to decide they weren’t done having children.

“I want to be a mom, it’s as simple as that,” she says, resolutely. “However I get to that route is my pregnancy experience and this is how I get to do it. This is my option that’s left. I have to make the best of it.”

Before Kristin and Matt could explore their options though, they had to deal with another family crisis. And this time, it was Kristin who needed to comfort her mother because Kristin’s dad had passed away.

“Kristin and Matt, as well as my son and his wife, were a fantastic support for me and her Dad as he battled cancer, and then to me as we were all grieving his loss,”

Sandy says. “One could not find a more loyal daughter and friend.”

To help the family find joy again, Kristin and Matt resurrected their search for a second gestational carrier. They didn’t have to look far. She turned to her good friend, Kate Frappier, a personal trainer, whom Kristin had met while trying to maintain her health through strength and conditioning training. Kate carried twins

for her best friend so Kristin was familiar with Kate’s openness to the idea of being a gestational carrier.

Kate says the decision to help Kristin and Matt was a no-brainer. “She has a light. She has a spirit,” says Kate about Kristin. “She is loving and caring and would do anything for anybody, even with her health concerns. Her kids are her first priority and will always be her first priority. Of course, I said, ‘Yes, yes, yes!’”

But before Kristin could travel down the surrogacy path for a second time, she needed a major back surgery to alleviate pain from Ankylosing Spondylitis, a form of arthritis she had developed that was attacking her spine and pelvic joints. Shortly after Birk was born, surgeons attempted to fuse the parts of her spine and pelvis where the arthritis was at its worst. The spinal portion worked, the pelvis portion didn’t. Kristin’s mom stepped in to help care for Birk and again, Kristin felt cheated that she wasn’t able to be the mother to her baby that she had envisioned.

While Kristin knew she would require a corrective surgery down the road, she had every intention of caring for her baby like she had always imagined. “The big plan was that I’m not going to miss anything,” Kristin explains. “I missed both Madeline and Birk learning to walk, I missed a lot. I didn’t want that to happen again.”

Especially this time, because Kristin and Matt were going to be proud new parents to not one new baby, but two!

“To find out we were having twins was awesome,” says Matt.

Kate was pregnant with a boy and a girl whom the Nelsen’s later named Kane and Caroline. Kristin calls the twins ‘Birk’s protectors’ because he was a triplet and now he has a brother and sister just 18 months younger than him.

But again, her plan backfired. Kristin’s symptoms started getting worse much sooner than expected—“My bones would catch and I’d fall,” she says.

Some days, Kristin could hardly walk. There was no more putting off the surgery. Kristin would have to go under the knife and give up the opportunity of what would probably be her last chance to enjoy a full, blissful life as a new mom.

In January, 2011 when the twins were just 7-monthsold, Kristin kissed her kids goodbye and went into the hospital for surgery to re-fuse her pelvis. No one—least of all Kristin—was prepared for what happened next.

4 walls…5 months

Following the surgery, doctors required Kristin not stand or bear any of her weight for 17 weeks. And so she recovered, first in a bed at the hospital, then for a period of time at a local rehabilitation facility, finally, at home in a bed where all she could do was listen to the sounds of her kids growing up without her.

“I could sit in a wheelchair for about five minutes but that’s all I could do. It was awful. But I could deal with the pain. It was the mental part of not being present in your own life—or your kids’ lives—that was the hardest. I missed everything. I still haven’t gone back to watch the videos of the twins learning to walk,” Kristin says, tears streaming down her cheeks.

She lived for months in a room in her house, where she lie heavily medicated to subdue the tortuous pain as her pelvis continued to fuse [a process that could take a couple of years to finish]. Kristin increasingly turned inward. “You begin to feel like this hypochondriac,” she says. “I didn’t want to tell anyone how bad it really was.”

“Kristin does not want to burden anyone with health stories or requests,” Tanya explains. “She really has to be convinced to accept meals or other services people are willing to help with.”

Kristin’s mom, Sandy, Matt, and a full-time nanny split parenting duties. “I am thankful that I’ve been blessed with good health and have been able to be ‘hands-on’ when needed,” Sandy says.

A core group of people also stepped up during this time to comfort Kristin and reassure her that she was loved and had made the right decision for herself and her family. Two of some of the friends and family involved included the twin’s gestational carrier—and Godmother!—Kate and Kristin’s good friend, Tanya.

“I wish I could wiggle my nose and the health issues could be gone,” says Tanya. “All of the appointments, all of the unknowns, all of the pain...gone!”

Kristin says no one can really understand what it’s like to look at four walls for five months while recuperating from major surgery—“you’re essentially totally removed from your own life,” she says—but she appreciates all the time, effort and love that her mom, husband, and friends showed her during that tumultuous time.

Still, there is one person Kristin tearfully admits she has a hard time forgiving—herself. “I’m working on that. I will always feel like I missed out on things. Especially when it’s what I’ve always wanted to do. Everything has changed.”

Matt says he understands that his wife feels guilty, but wants to reassure her that she is a wonderful mom who always has been and always will be.

“The surgery and recovery time were a huge sacrifice,” Matt says. “I don’t know how she has done it. She is a fighter and about as tough as you can be. She just wants to be a great mom and nothing is going to get in her way.”

Doctors predicted Kristin wouldn’t walk for eight months. She surprised them. “I was so determined,” she states with a plucky smile. In June, Kristin took her first steps and has worked slowly and steadily to regain her life and reassure her children that their mom is healthy—for now.

undefined

As they grow up, Kristin’s children will become more aware of their mom’s fight to stay healthy, because for Kristin, every day is a battle. Her diseases are progressive and there is no end in sight to her challenges.

“My children, especially Madeline because she’s old enough to understand, have learned something from my illnesses,” Kristin says. “They have learned things from me, from Birk and from our family that other children maybe haven’t had to. Things aren’t always

fair and they’re reminded of that. Madeline is very empathetic and has a greater appreciation for things.”

“I know that she didn't picture her life having so many hurdles,” Matt says. “It’s definitely hard to see someone you love have to deal with the physical and emotional pain that she has been through. But her persistence to push forward is amazing.”

Kristin’s mom agrees, “She is not willing to give up..... she will do whatever is necessary to be well enough to care for her family.”

“I have a choice,” Kristin states emphatically. “I can give up and say I can’t do it. Or I can get up every morning and face it head on. My kids have really inspired me to do that. They didn’t choose to have a mom with this and it’s unpredictability. But you don’t get do-overs and I’m not going to let these illnesses define me.”

With that, the woman with the hidden scar turns and walks out of the coffee shop where she blends in with every other wife, friend and mom on the block.

ready, set

grow

transitions for all mamas and daddios

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

Just when things are going so well and you think you have it figured out…BANG! Life throws a million nails on your road down parenting bliss. SIGH…it’s called transition, a period of change. And honey, there are lots of transitions when it comes to the business of kiddo raising. Some easy, some dreaded and entered into kicking and screaming. But transitions are a part of life, so be ready mama!

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

wee ones

Sleep…a mama’s friend…and foe! During those early weeks [or unfortunately months] you crave sleep, but somehow function on little to none. But it gets better. Your wee one moves to a more structured sleep schedule sometime between four and 12 months sleeping through the night and taking two naps ranging from 20 minutes to three hours [a.k.a. facebook/laundry starting/bill paying/load the dishwasher/anything else you can squeeze in time]. You turn into super mom completing tasks that used to take you hours in mere

minutes. The tide will turn again and your wee one will be ready to move to a single nappy, but when?

sleepy time

Sleep serves a biological need for all of us and for your wee one it is a time for brain development. During the early months, the typical wee one will take a morning and afternoon nap with each serving a different purpose. Morning naps involve REM sleep or "active" sleep when your wee one’s brain is active and dreaming occurs. As your wee one gets older, he requires less REM sleep. Infants spend 50% of their time in REM sleep and the sleep cycle is about 50 minutes. At about six months, REM sleep comprises about 30% of their sleep and by preschool age, the sleep cycle is about every 90 minutes. So, it makes sense that between 12 and 24 months, your wee one will move to a single nap. Here are signs your wee one may be ready for a schedule change:

• not now When you put him down for a nap, he plays or fusses for at least 30 minutes before falling asleep and then takes only a short nap.

• I’m up He doesn’t fall asleep during early day car rides.

• no worries When he misses a nap, he’s not a complete, unbearable, grumpy cuss until his next nap or bedtime.

• gimme one He goes down great for one nap, but totally resists the other.

When transitioning to one nap, consider it a consolidation of two by moving up the afternoon nap. Now, when and how you move to a single nap isn’t an exact science. The good news is if it doesn’t go well for your wee one, you just add it back in. And remember to be flexible. There will still be days he needs two naps and others when one is just fine. If your wee one is sleeping well at night, is happy [most of the time] and thriving, don’t rock the boat!

parents typically lose 400-750 hours of sleep in their wee one’s first year

Oh the magical soother. The healer of much crying.

Mama’s best friend. The binky, nuk, paci, whatever you call it, the pacifier rocks! That is until your tot displays some major separation issues. Parting is such sweet sorrow…for you and your tot!

no binky…big trouble

Our babies are born with a sucking reflex, which they rely on for not only feeding but also for soothing. So, a pacifier allows baby to, well, pacify himself. Research also praises pacifier use. One study found that babies put to sleep with a pacifier were 20 times less likely to die of SIDS [Sudden Infant Death Syndrome] than babies who slept without pacifiers. Good news, but that doesn’t mean you want junior walking into kindergarten with his trusted paci around his neck! The “experts” have different recommendations for when the binky should go bye-bye. Some say six months of age, others by one year and others say around age two. One thing they can agree on is the fact that kicking the pacifier habit can be a battle. Here are some tips to help your paci addicted tot banish the binky:

• give and get An older tot may be all for a fair trade. Tot gets a brand new, big tot toy and mama gets that old, little binky.

• lost and found It’s the darnedest thing…the binky is mysteriously missing! Hide your tot’s pacifier and even help him look for it. Sometimes he might find it, but after repeated searches, he may decide enough is enough and quite looking.

• binky fairy Tell your tot about the magical little fairy that finds big tot’s pacifiers and gives them to the babies that need them. Put the pacifier under his pillow and the next morning he will discover his binky gone with maybe a toy and some glitter

tots [18 months–3 years]

are left behind [for effect]. Please note this strategy will not work if you fall asleep before getting binky and distributing the fairy aftermath!

• pop it The pacifier is all about sucking, but if you poke a hole in it or cut the tip off, it’s not going to work the way your tot is used to and hopefully, he’ll grow tired of this malfunctioning binky.

A binky-free world is possible, but it might not be easy. It’s going to take patience and be ready to try different strategies or a combination of a couple.

auto crashes are the leading cause of death in kiddos over age three

preschoolers [3–5 years]

Here in the Midwest, winters [well, most of them] are brutal. Hauling kiddos in and out of car seats can be frigid to say the least. Just think how quickly you could shut the door on the snow and ice pellets slapping you in the face if you didn’t have to deal with that 5-point harness. Time for a booster seat…but which one?

lap and shoulder please

Gone are the days of the kiddos rolling around in the backseat. Tennessee was the first state to make car seats mandatory in 1978. By 1988, all other states followed. While the number of injuries and deaths from motor vehicle accidents has decreased with the use of seat beats and

car seats, the number of accidents has increased. And considering there are more vehicles on the road than ever before and that our kiddos are spending more time on the road, making sure they are riding safely shouldn’t be taken lightly. While the lap and shoulder seat belt is more convenient, it’s a big mistake to move your preschooler to a booster seat too soon. Many car- and booster-seat combos say they can be used without the 5-point harness starting at 30 pounds, but unless your preschooler is very thin and has grown too tall for the harness, keep using the harness until he reaches 40 pounds. So when it comes to choosing a booster seat, you have two options:

• high-back or chair-style These booster seats support your preschooler’s rear, torso, neck and head. If your car has low back seats, this is a good option as it will protect your preschooler’s head and neck in the event of a rear collision. These seats typically have clips on the sides for the shoulder strap to go through. Make sure you have the level of those clips correct so the shoulder strap lays across your preschooler’s chest. Another benefit of this style is that many come with padded headrest wings, which are great for the preschooler that still tends to fall asleep in the car.

• backless These solely raise your preschooler’s rear so that he sits higher in your car's own seat. If your rear seats are high enough to support your preschooler’s head and neck, the backless style is for you. Also if your seats are deeply contoured, a backless style will sit more snugly on the seat and be less likely to tip over compared to a high-back model. Some experts also give the backless style the nod because it allows your kiddo to sit farther back in the actual car seat. This style of seat will come with a separate clip to adjust the position of the shoulder strap.

Once you confirm your preschooler is ready for a booster, you’ve made your seat choice, make sure you have installed the booster correctly. Improper installation or not having your preschooler restrained properly, can be devastating in an accident.

How fast the time has gone. From late night feedings to big kid, all day school. It happened in a blink of an eye. No one wants a clingy, dependant kiddo, but letting go of all the things you have always done can be easier said than done.

I got this

For all these years your kiddo has relied on you for most everything. Sure there were times it was a bit overwhelming, but you are mom and that’s how it goes, right? We want them to need us, but at the same time we don’t want to create a future teen that needs us to do everything for him. For our big kids we still want to keep them safe, but we also want to allow them to spread their wings. Here are ways you can help your big kid stretch his independent legs:

• here, but not there Set limits and expectations with your big kid. Your big kid is capable of such things as keeping his room picked-up, making his bed, bathing, getting his school backpack ready for the next day and what not, so expect that and encourage it. For other things like playing outside or with neighborhood friends, let your big kid know he has to tell you when he leaves the house or yard, how far down the street he can go, that he has to tell you when he is going to someone’s house and what the consequences are for not following the rules.

• go on, you can do it Encourage independence in your big kids activities. From the responsibilities he is given at home to trying new things and meeting new people, praise him for doing things on his own and taking risks. Your confidence in him will create self-confidence in himself.

• it’s not you, it’s me Don’t take it personal when your big kid looks to do more on his own. Don’t view it as him pulling away from you or being rebellious,

big kids [6–9 years]

but rather a natural part of life. We all want to feel in control rather than being controlled.

A big part of this parenting stuff is to create self-reliant, responsible, problem solving humans. To do that you gotta loosen the leash relative to your kiddo’s age and maturity. And a note for the busy mama, don’t do everything for your big kid because you are in a hurry. Sure, there is only so much time in the day to get things done, but if your big kid is capable, let him do it!

Friends are very important to your tweener. They really become center stage in his life and are very influential. You know how important it is to have good friends and understand how hard it can be when a friend leaves. Up to mama to help her tweener understand this transition isn’t the end of the world.

anytime you need a friend

True friendship is hard to find…at any age! For your tweener, losing a friend whether they move to a new city or attend a different school can be a devastating

transition. Time for the wise mama to be a shoulder to cry on as well as offer some perspective and advice after the BFF can’t be right at your tweener’s side:

• you still there Ah technology! There are so many opportunities for your tweener to stay in touch with their friend. Remind your tweener of the opportunity to Skype, Facebook, call and text. That friend might be away, but not that far away.

• hey look over there Distractions aren’t just a valuable tool for a tantrum throwing tot. Redirect your tweener’s attention to take his mind off his long lost friend. Get out and do something, try a new activity, go shopping just something that doesn’t involve sitting in a room feeling sorry for yourself. Also, help your tweener see the big picture. Remind him of his other friends and the fact that just because he might not be seeing his friend as much as before, it doesn’t mean they aren’t friends any more. It has just changed, but can still continue.

• you ok Talk to your tweener about how he is feeling. Sure, you might get an answer like “fine” or the good ol’ “OK,” but don’t let him bottle things up. You don’t want to push too hard before he is ready to talk, but let him know you are there for him if he needs you and validate his feelings that losing a friend is hard and painful.

• be watchful Don’t take your tweener’s pain lightly. If he starts to withdrawal from other friends or the family, shows a lack of enthusiasm and motivation, is fatigued, has trouble concentrating and losses interest in activities he enjoys, it could be a sign of depression. Seek medical attention if you are concerned.

on average people move 11.7 times in their lifetime

more than 80% of teens rate parents as their #1 driving influence

It’s a rite of passage…a move from childhood to big, bad adulthood…a slice of freedom…it’s a drivers license! You’ve played chauffeur for all these years and thousands of miles, but now you can hand over the keys…Oh, my gosh! Driving himself…alone! Your teen had to pass a test to prove he was ready, but are you?

rooma-voom-voom

Well, it was bound to happen. They go and grow-up! Now add in the drivers license and your teen is really out the door. Well, don’t throw your hands up in the air so fast. You still need to be the parent and while your teen knew the answers and made all the right turns to pass his test, nothing compares to experience when it comes to driving safely. Teen driving statistics are scary considering 5,000 teenagers die each year from auto accidents. Until your teen gains years of behind the wheel experience, here are things you need to know to help your teen stay safe:

• letter of the law Know how the laws of your state apply to your teen. Many states [ND and MN included] have restrictions on teens driving after dark as well as how many passengers they can have in the car. Know your state’s laws and make sure your teen does too.

• da rules Along with your state’s laws, take into consideration how mature your teen is when setting rules. A daughter more worried about checking herself out in the rearview mirror or a son with a lead foot [or vice versa] will require some closer monitoring. It’s important to remember that immaturity can result in more irresponsible risk taking behavior behind the wheel. Then be ready to stand firm on the rules you set. It’s for their own good. In fact evidence indicates in their first two to three years of driving, teens are three to four times more likely to be involved in a crash than the driving population at large. Let your teen know that while you trust him, when it comes to being a safe, defensive driver, nothing outweighs experience and as long as he is a new driver, the rules are the rules.

• tech-NO Now this isn’t a rule for just the teens, it’s a law in many states for EVERYONE. Lay off the cell phone! That means you too mama! Distractions are a major component of traffic accidents. The National

Highway Traffic Safety Administration’s statistics make it clear the negative impact our technology can play in accidents stating that one in five distracted-drivinglinked deaths involves a cell phone and [this one is a kicker] one text can have the impact of drinking four beers! Whoever needs to communicate with you can wait until your vehicle is stopped!

Yes, handing over the keys can be very nerve racking. For your peace of mind and their safety [despite the eye rolls] talk to your teen about safe driving. Many insurance company websites have parent resources which offer talking points as well as a driving contracts. Don’t stop talking!

Having

says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says

Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

silence is

golden

story by | deb uglem

Acouple nights ago my husband came up from the basement and put a cup in the dishwasher. Now most people would think this is an everyday occurrence. Not me. I think I can count on one hand how many times he has put a cup in the dishwasher [ok that is a gross exaggeration, but that was how my day was going]. I was in shock and a little upset. He was drinking out of the teacup my sister brought me from China. I hand wash this one. What was he thinking!! I was about to lose it on him and start yelling but he said, “I am going to bed, honey.” I held my tongue and replied with, “I will be up in a few minutes.” I immediately went to the dishwasher and took out the precious teacup and started to hand wash it. I was fuming! Why did he pick tonight

to actually put a cup away? I calmed down and then it hit me…some times more is said by not saying a thing.

Everyone that has met me knows I am not a “quiet” woman. I say what I mean when it enters my mind—I am not sure this is a positive trait. My close friends know my mouth has actually gotten me into trouble more than once. Why? Because I cling to the idea that independent women are strong and present themselves confidently. Which of course includes speaking your mind, right? Well…maybe not. As I get older I am starting to embrace the idea that silence really is golden.

This is a hard concept. As mothers our natural instinct is to “help” our kids, husbands and friends with our advice and ideas of how we think things should be handled. I

am sure your keen insight has solved endless amount of problems. I cannot even count the number of wonderful solutions or smart comebacks I have come up with!

The New Year encourages you to be efficient, strong and speak your mind. Set goals and work toward achieving them. Countless magazines and talk shows are all focusing on self-improvement. I guess what I am suggesting is that it is time for you to do nothing or more specifically SAY nothing! Silence is powerful. It can help people slow down and think. It can be an ally in decision making and growing a relationship. It allows your mind to clear and your ego shuts off for a little while and you become more rational. It is time to start thinking about what not to say.

There are several times when silence can help. The easy answers are during arguments or when gossip starts at the local coffee shop. It is a little bit more difficult when we are dealing with our kid’s questions or problems or when a teacup is actually put into a dishwasher! That is where you need real strength. Resist the urge to fill up silence with needless chatter or emotional responses.

The challenge is to not give up who you are but respect that the people close to you have the power to make the right decision. Once you give them a chance and start listening, you might find they have all the knowledge they need for a great solution. Stop yourself before an argument generates from something small. Listening will bring more conversations, better insight and improved relationships with the people closest to you. A Greek philosopher once said, “I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.” If I am honest with myself I don’t know a lot of things, but that rarely stops me from running my mouth or making quick judgment calls based on my simple logic and women’s intuition. My plan is to make this New Year a little quieter by holding my tongue. It may have started with the “teacup incident,” but my silence helped me understand that my husband was actually trying to help me [I also learned to hide the teacup in the back of the cupboard!]. So I will leave you with these words of wisdom.

Sally says…

WHEN: March 24th, 2012 WHERE: Davies High School, Fargo, ND

TIME: Girls @ 5pm WHAT: A night of family fun & exhibition basketball games

Boys @ 7pm featuring the area’s top high school athletes.

WHO: Hosted by the Kottsick Krusade, which consists of friends and family of a Fargo woman, Julie Kottsick, who was diagnosed with ALS seven years ago. Learn more about Julie at www.onthemindsofmoms.com/past-issues

For more inforegarding the event visit www.juliekottsickalsjam.com or contact Bud or Julie Kottsick at kottsick1234@msn.com or text 701-367-2673. For sponsorship inquiries contact Jodi Buchholz at jbuchholz@dfcconsultants.com

photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

sometimes being a big brother is even better than being a superhero

—marc brown

When you’re ready for baby…

Sanford Women’s is ready for you.

When you notice new moms and pregnant women everywhere. When you picture yourself comforting your own baby. When you prepare your heart to love more than you ever imagined.

When you’re ready for baby, Sanford Women’s is ready for you.

womens.sanfordhealth.org