Oct/Nov 2012 On the Minds of Moms

feature & profiles

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC

EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

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PHOTOGRAPHY Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a FREE publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbachers, Sunmart and Grand Forks – East Grand Forks Hugos grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher.

carolyn baana

fargo | nd

A business performance coach and owner of Breakthrough Strategies, Carolyn applies her strengths as well as her education from the University of Texas - Dallas in Executive and Professional Coaching.  A native of Minnesota and long–time Fargo resident, she enjoys creating memories to later savor with her family of dogs [three], kids [two], and husband [one].  This full life doesn't leave much time for physical exercise, meditation, or volunteering, yet she works to stay happy by easily forgiving, expressing her gratitude, and publicly journaling on her blog, carolynbaana.com.

kelly haaland

moorhead | mn

After growing up in California, Kelly decided to visit family in North Dakota. To make a long story short, she never went back and her mother delivered her belongings to her in a u-haul. Good luck ever getting her to leave this area! After 30 years she considers this to be the perfect place to call home. For the last 10 years she has been selling real estate and in her free time her husband is teaching her to play ukulele, no small task. She and her husband, Neal, have 4 grown daughters and now have a precious grandson, Henry. So it’s no surprise that Kelly is very protective of children and families and advocating for their futures.

deb uglem

moorhead | mn

Raised in Finley, ND Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 11 years. She graduated from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communication. Currently Communication Director for Wanzek Construction, she welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children Jake [19], Tony [18], Nick [18] and Emily [15] for inspiration. Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time running in several directions with the kids and on the golf course.

patricia carlson

dilworth | mn

What do you get when you mix a full-time, freelance writer with a 1-year-old girl, two cats, a dog, a husband who works evenings, a house that needs picking up and nearly a dozen publications and clients who need their deadlines met? Welcome to Patricia Carlson’s life. She is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She has produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. And she hosts customized media training workshops for groups like the North Dakota National Guard. You can view her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com

colleen stevens

fargo | nd

Born and raised in upstate New York, Colleen has lived in seven states, moving every couple of years as her husband's career continues to evolve. Their family grew steadily along the way, and now they live in Fargo with Natalie [10], Ella [7], and Owen [4]. Colleen earned her BS in Industrial and Labor Relations from Cornell University and worked in the Human Resources field for several years, before making the decision to concentrate on raising the kids. Moving to a new state every 2.5 years also played a part in that decision. She discovered that her true passion was Interior Decorating and Organizing. She decided to turn this passion into a career and now helps turn boring, cluttered homes into beautiful spaces. Colleen specializes in low-cost transformations, and the majority of her clients are stay-at-home-moms who think they can't afford this type of service. When she's not working she can be found in a yoga class, or searching for treasures at a thrift store. Or find her at www.58waterstreet.blogspot.com where she blogs about transforming her own home, one project at a time.

90 percent of adults think others divulge TMI online Tame down the touting

Growing up on a farm near Thompson, ND, Bev Gravdahl and her two younger brothers, Jason and Brad, were raised by parents who taught them to live life to the fullest and grandparents who instilled the value of hard work and how to care for one another—always making sure their priorities were intact  Following high school, Bev combined that work ethic and care for others attitude into the real world and pursued a nursing degree She has worked in a variety of settings, most recent being within the areas of Community Health, Faith Communities and Education/Outreach Employed at Dakota Medical Foundations as the ND Healthy Steps Outreach Manager, Bev also serves as a volunteer Parish Nurse at Olivet Luthern Church and Sanford Health in Fargo Married to her high school sweetheart, Dave, the couple have five kids, Jayce [16], Matt [15], Jen [14], Adam [12], Andy [12] and Charlie the family dog! Bev is proud to say her hobbies center around her kids and family whether it involves community and church activities with her husband, being her kids’ biggest supporter in school activities and sporting events or simply spending time with her girlfriends and sisters-in-law—they are the sisters she never had And when time allows, you can find her scrapbooking, antiquing and decorating as well

photos: rialee photography | andrea burner

i would like to become better at… couponing—I love the show ‘Extreme Couponing’ and love the challenge! I’ve had my kids help me clip coupons—they like helping me find good deals.

nothing clears my head like…

a day spent cleaning and organizing my house. Getting a pedicure with my daughter is at the top of the list too.

best pinch myself moment…

my children amaze me over and over again with the things they do and accomplish –so I am constantly pinching myself during each phase of their life—it gets better all the time and I couldn’t be more proud of them!

i have always wondered… how I can make a difference in people’s lives. When I began Parish Nursing in 2008, my Pastor and friend helped me to realize that sometimes just “being” is all that is needed. It may seem very simple, even praying with someone, yet I embrace this as a privilege and know what a powerful intervention this can be—just a genuine act of caring. the phrase i say most…

”here’s the deal…”

favorite everyday moment… at the end of the day when my family is home settling in. I love it when I know everyone is safe in their beds—an overwhelming sense of peace.

if i could single handily change anything it would be… that EVERY child would have a safe, loving home and opportunities where they can thrive.

i have a great passion for…

my faith and healing ministries—having the opportunities to share and serve in youth and elder ministries is an absolute gift! And…anyone who knows me, knows that I live for being a mom and wife!

my mom was right about…

chicken noodle soup and buttered crackers! When we were kids she would make this for us when we were sick. Now as a mom myself, I do this for my own kids—even though it has no ‘health logic'—it is comforting and expected when someone is sick in our house.

i’m not embarrassed to admit…

I have to remind myself every day that I am not in control—‘Let Go and Let God.’ The Serenity Prayer comes to mind.

a mom must have…

a crock pot! I use my crock pot all of the time—it is a permanent fixture on our kitchen counter. It has been a life saver in providing a hot and healthy meal to my family some days.

i can always count on a good laugh… with my husband—nobody can make me laugh like he does!

my best advice to my younger self…

never take education for granted—pursue your educational goals when you have the opportunities, and do what you love. My grandpa used to tell me, “education is one thing nobody can ever take away from you.” This has always stayed with me. the thing i hating getting rid of, but never missed… my son’s pet iguana, Runner. Yes, we actually had a pet iguana! I’m not sure what I was thinking at the time, but he loved him. We will do anything for our kids!

the person who has had the greatest influence on me…

Grandma Ruth [Gram].  She is a woman of great wisdom and faith who has a deep love for and dedication to her family. Her love and support to this day, help guide me through motherhood. I am so grateful for her.

the tidiest part of my house… my kitchen because it is the gathering place of our family every day—so it is a must to keep it clean and organized. the best reason to be late… living life!

OMD:

story by | dakota orofacial myology

proper placement is where it’s at

Orofacial Myofunctional Disorders? Big words, right? Now don’t be scared. When you break it down, it’s easy to understand:

• oro means mouth

• facial is related to the face

• myo stands for muscle

• functional relates to how something works or functions

• disorders are abnormalities

So, abnormalities related to the function of the muscles that make up the mouth and face…Orofacial Myofunctional Disorders [OMD]! The International Association of Orofacial Myology defines OMD as “behaviors and patterns created by inappropriate muscle function and incorrect habits involving the tongue, lips, jaw and face.” If left untreated, OMD can have a negative effect on things such as how teeth come in and their alignment, speech patterns, shape of the roof of mouth, and jaw alignment to name a few.

omd signs & symptoms

Tongue thrust [placing the tongue in the wrong position during swallowing, either too far forward or to the sides rather than against the roof of the mouth] is the most commonly known OMD. However, the rest posture of the jaw, lips, and tongue are the most important.

When the jaw and lips are closed during non-speech and swallowing activities, this signifies correct jaw, lip, and tongue rest posture. When a person has a chronic open mouth and forward tongue posture, this indicates the possible presence of significant OMD. Other symptoms may include drooling, leakage of food or drink when eating or messy eaters. Teeth grinding and/or clenching and mouth breathing are OMD habits that can have a negative influence on the functioning of the Temporal Mandibular Joint [TMJ] resulting in headaches and pain in the TMJ.

omd causes

There are several known causes of OMD. The first is improper oral habits, which include:

• thumb or finger sucking

• excessive pacifier use or sippy cup use

• teeth clenching and/or grinding

Other causes include:

• chronic upper respiratory problems, enlarged tonsils or adenoids, and/or allergies

• restricted lingual frenum [tongue-tie]

cleft palate

The International Association of Orofacial Myology website states that research has found 38% of the population has OMD. Also, 81% of children exhibiting

speech/articulation problems have OMD. It is very important to note that traditional speech therapy for the /s/, /z/, /sh/, /ch/, /j/, /d/, /t/, /n/, /l/ and /r/ may not be effective if an OMD is present. When an OMD is suspected by a caregiver, dentist, doctor or orthodontist, a screening of the individual should be completed by an orofacial myologist to determine whether further assessment is needed.

omd treatment

Treatment is most effective with adults and children 4-years-old and older. An individualized treatment program is key to correcting OMD. In our area, Dakota Orofacial Myology has the experts to turn to. After an initial evaluation, training for tongue placement begins with exercises designed to improve lip and tongue placement, strength, and movement. Weekly sessions are scheduled with a 5 to 10 minute home program containing exercises to be practiced during the week between therapy sessions. Parent involvement and communication with the therapist is invaluable to the success of a child with OMD. The parent observes the weekly appointment then assists or supervises the child practicing their “homework.” Some of the older children do not require intensive parent involvement in the appointment or the homework; however, parents need to observe or talk with the therapist from time to time to ensure the training skills become the habit.

don’t wait

If OMD treatment is not sought, the damage can be functional as well as cosmetic. For example, if the tongue is between the teeth or pushing against the teeth, an

open bite [when the teeth fail to come together when the jaws are closed] or overjet [an increased projection of the upper teeth in front of the lower teeth] can occur. To correct the overjet, braces are typically required to ‘push’ the teeth back in place, but if the OMD isn’t treated, the orthodontic treatment can be slowed and or the correction can be ineffective over time, resulting in a relapse. If thumb sucking is not treated early, it can also cause damage to the alignment of the teeth and palate and as well as deform the thumb or finger/ fingers being sucked. Pacifier use can also cause further problems with how the teeth fit together when chewing and biting.

So don’t wait! In a study done by Hahn & Hahn [1992], OMD treatment was found to be 80-90% effective in correcting rest posture, swallowing, and other oral functions and these corrections are retained years after completing therapy.

At Dakota Orofacial Myology, a free consult is available for anyone who wants more information regarding the services they provide in the areas of: OMD, Autism Spectrum Disorders, swallowing and feeding, thumb/finger sucking, sensory integration disorders, articulation, motor planning, developmental speech delay, hearing disorders and auditory processing disorders. Phyllis Magelky, M.S., CCC-SLP, COM and Emilee Staehnke, M.S.CCC-SLP, are the experts to trust. Call today!

Dakota Orofacial Myology

701.364.9070

3509 Interstate Blvd Ste B, Fargo www.dakotaorofacialmyology.com

autumn

décor direction

photos: colleen stevens

story by | colleen stevens

Fall is here. The kids are back in school, football season has begun, and the daylight recedes earlier each day. This year, after such a hot, dry summer, I'm especially excited to breathe in fall's crisp air, and watch the leaves change color before winter settles in.

Decorating for fall isn’t just about Halloween and Thanksgiving. It’s about bringing the beauty outdoors inside. I find most of what I need at the farmer's market or garden center: a colorful display of mums, straw bales, pumpkins, corn stalks. Many other items come from my back yard, like branches, leaves, acorns, and pine cones. A simple row of small pumpkins or green apples on the mantle makes a beautiful statement. Stencil a letter on each pumpkin to spell the word "harvest" or personalize it with your last name.

the easiest way to bring the warmth of fall into your home. Look for textures like corduroy, flannel or tweed; textiles that feel cozy on a cold night. Speaking of pillows, once you realize how easy it is to sew a simple envelope pillow, you will be sewing new pillow covers for every day of the week. There are many tutorials online, and the envelope pillow does not require a zipper or button- super easy!

• the scent of fall They say the sense of smell is the most powerful for bringing back memories. I love the smell of smoke in the air, knowing someone has built a cozy fire in the fireplace or the smell of apple crisp baking in the oven. Those scents bring back memories of picking up chestnuts while walking through town or raking leaves on a fall afternoon. Fill your home with warm fall scents by filling a sauce pan with plenty of water and adding any combination of cloves, orange peels, apple core/slices, cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla and simmering over low heat. Careful not to let it burn dry!

Fall is a feast for the senses! Here are just a few decorating ideas to incorporate the beauty of the glorious changes fall brings:

• the feel of fall Make the most of the textures of fall by incorporating easily accessible items such as twine or jute wrapped around a vase, baskets filled with apples, or pine cones in a clear jar. Keep it simple: throw an arrangement of gourds on the kitchen counter! Give your living room an easy makeover by tossing summer pillows in storage and pulling out the chunky cable-knit throws and cozy warm-toned pillows. Pillows and throws are

$5 O ff

$40 minimum purchase

Women’s Clothing

{Sizes 0 to 2X, Petites, & Women’s Sizes} Expires

• the shades of fall The colors of autumn are obvious: red, brown, gold, burgundy, orange. But don't limit yourself to these colors. This year I'm experimenting with deep purples and navy blue, combined with the usual warm shades.

The front porch is my favorite spot outdoors for a beautiful autumn display. I aim to spend as little money as possible. I grabbed my favorite galvanized steel buckets [found at a yard sale for $4 apiece] and filled them with pumpkins. Then I pulled out my lanterns, added some mums and an autumn pillow. In the past I've even filled my kids' red wagon with a wool blanket and autumn decor.

Be sure to involve your kids in the decorating process. My kids love to help me find beautiful leaves, which can go in a frame on the mantle or in the foyer. Use frames you already have, just switch out the picture for the leaf and add a pretty backdrop of paper. In January, when the holidays are over, put the original picture back in its' place. My kids helped me collect acorns over the weekend and we created a simple centerpiece consisting of acorns in a bowl with a small glass tea light votive in the center.

So, embrace fall and all it’s changing beauty while giving your home a little facelift. Search your home, yard and garage sales for affordable, creative décor… and have fun!

Colleen offers affordable organizing solutions for every room of your home. She also provides decorating services with modern, warm updates to completely transform your home. If you're worried that an interior decorator is something you can't afford, Colleen specializes in affordable changes incorporating DIY projects and shopping for treasures from your own home. You will be amazed by what a little money and a lot of imagination can do!

Colleen Stevens Home Organization & Modern Thrifty Decor

Friendly competition can bring strong family ties.

We offer the men in your life a variety of ways to connect through our recreational sporting facilities. From basketball to badminton, they’ll have everything they need for a healthy competition. Who knows, maybe next time “the old man” will let him win.

Take advantage of our family memberships. Get them on the court today.

Life lessons are not the only thing being served here.

that4letterword… dealingwith“Ihateschool”

story by | bob seim and laura sokolofsky

I had a student in a counseling group who would often use the comment “I hate…” as she talked about the troubles in her life. One day, another student said, “You don’t really hate [it]…that is such a strong word. You really just can’t handle [it] today.” The first student pondered the suggestion and replied, “Yeah, OK, I really dislike [it] then!”

So what about the expression “I hate school” which can be heard from students at one time or another? What does it really mean? How complex or simple is that statement? What is it they really dislike? What does it mean for you as the parent? There are some standard “I hate school-ism,” so know what’s really behind them:

performance pressure

High school student Sally comes home and tells her mom, “I hate school because I studied hard for my math test and I still failed it.”

Mom replies, “What was your grade?”

“89%!” exclaims Sally.

Confused, mom asks, “Isn’t that a high B?”

Sally states, “Well, it isn’t an A and John and Megan both got A’s!”

Sally is not going to drop out of school tomorrow. Her “I hate school” comment shouldn’t be an alarm. She will probably just work harder studying for her next math

test. This is pretty simple if Sally is able to express her thoughts and feelings and move on with a new study strategy.

Sally’s issue revolves around her performance and how she views herself in comparison to others. If a student’s standards are always about how someone else is doing, anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, fear, etc. can creep in and can destroy the love of learning, which cycles to, “I hate school.”

do you hear me now

Sixteen year-old Peter comes home and says, “I hate school.” Nobody responds. The next day, Peter expresses, “School sucks.” Next day, something similar is said and no one seems to care or believe him. The comments are ignored as are his feelings. Peter’s issues are not going away, his frustration and concerns are not being heard, and his “I hate school” thoughts can become entrenched in his mind. Lack of parent support or involvement is a major risk factor in a student dropping out. Feeling like no one will even care or notice if they do.

The adults in Peter’s life need to hear him and problem solve with him. What is he referring to? Frequent misunderstandings whether it is with a teacher, another student, work, scheduling, etc., can cause an older student to lose interest and motivation in a learning environment. When this happens, alienation takes place and questions like, ‘why am I in school?’ or ‘what’s the point?’ get no real, sound answer.

what’s the real deal

When 14-year-old Elizabeth tells her friend in front of her mom, “I really hated being in school today.” How does her mom react? As the conversation continues, Elizabeth’s mom hears about the friendship battles that are taking place daily and gets a feeling that they are pretty mean spirited.

Elizabeth could be on the path for chronic sickness or maybe blatant refusal to get up in the morning and get ready for school. These are the first signs which indicate trouble in the long run if her issues aren’t dealt with appropriately by her and the adults in her life. Friends are good listeners, but when it comes to positive and

appropriate skills to cope with the difficulties of school life, Elizabeth needs access to an adult in her life.

Elizabeth and her mother would be wise to engage school personnel and let them know of the friendship issues at school. Many times these conflicts can become learning opportunities for the parties involved to understand how to solve problems positively. As Elizabeth works with the problems and issues, her sense of self and her abilities can be enhanced so being “at school” doesn’t become the issue.

school…the scapegoat

Often the things that are really the problem aren’t expressed in the statement, “I hate school.” School becomes the scapegoat for the real problem. Here are some of the common factors at school that can really be the driving force behind the h-word:

• the work Many students will hate the work of school. The demands of work, effort, perseverance, and energy needed to complete the work can lead to feelings of I hate school. Sometimes the problem is the type of work. Some don’t want to write, but love to formulate thoughts and talk them out. Some don’t like to do physical hands on work, but love to work out the accounting spreadsheet for the school store. Some can’t figure out how taking English and learning grammar is of value, but love their math class and trying to figure out problems. Some students hate the work they have to do sitting down, but love the work where they can get up and move around. All these differences can lead to “I hate school” when the reality is they haven’t found their outlet for what they want and like to do. This can lead to many problems in the school setting, which educators have tried to solve by having alternate programs, alternate schools, differentiation strategies, lesson planning for all student learning styles [auditory, visual, hands on], job shadow experiences, and even programs where you can get college credit for classes taken in high school.

• the crowd Many students will dislike certain people involved in school. Whether it is fellow students, teachers or staff members, these people create a dislike of “school” because of negative interactions. Many times problems with fellow students can be dealt with if the adults in the building know about the issues. When dealing with bullying issues, catching the bully acting out is a good way to stop the bully. If school staff is not aware of bullying

between students, it can be very difficult to help the situation and stop the bully behavior. It is important to have a safe environment and the adults in the

problem solving steps for parents:

school building are the first responders to make this happen.

• use empathy Try to understand how they feel and why.

• ask questions What have they done so far about the problem or what do they think they could try?

• know when Ask if they would like any of your ideas? If they say “no” you need to respect that and don’t continue to tell them what to do or lecture. If they say “yes,” brainstorm ideas together and write them down. Then ask them which idea they think they will try the next day at school.

• into action Wish them good luck [this empowers them to help themselves first] and let them know you’d love to hear how it worked after school and you’re there to talk. This keeps the door open to problem solve again.

• the staff When the teaching staff seems to be the issue, a conference with the staff member, an administrator or counselor can be beneficial. Airing out the issues where both parties have their say can be very empowering. Teachers can plan more choices with work projects and interests to share some of “the power” with students and help them learn to make decisions on what will be best for them. The hard part is teachers/ schools do have to hold students accountable for behavior and their work. Explaining the whys behind the rules and assignments can sometimes help, but most important is the teacher being willing to listen to a student’s concern and work with them to make a plan or solution. This is where their relationship will get better. Having a

positive relationship with at least one adult at school is a huge factor in school success.

• the distractions “I hate school.” OK, what do you like? We have students who have someplace to go or something else they would rather be doing and school is in the way. Dropping out of school is really running to something, rather than running away from school. This can be a tough issue. Alcohol, drugs, partying, lack of responsibility, falling in love, etc. can cause students to “hate” school. Instead of telling it like it really is, “I love doing drugs,” the students make “school” out to be the fall guy and it becomes a blame game. The student can then blame the school, the staff and the other students for his needing drugs and for him not attend school and desire to “be free.”

anyone got love for school

Who are the students that love school and would rarely say, “I hate school?” Most of these students have a sense of purpose, belonging, competency, and a positive sense of self. Their purpose is self-directed. It is not because

their parents want this or that. Their goals are their own. They have a motivation and a desire to learn and take the next step in life.

This student has a place they can go every day and they are accepted. They have friends and classmates who allow them to be who they are. They have usually made a connection with one or more adults in their school life who make them feel comfortable. As they belong, they feel competent in their abilities. They know the mistakes they make are OK, it goes with learning. They accept leader and follower roles as the day requires. They know they have opinions to offer and are willing to share their feelings with their friends. The downs of life don’t keep them down as they know tomorrow’s another day.

We all want our kids to jump out of bed each morning excited for the school day that lies ahead, but we all know that that isn’t always going to be the case. Be ready for some “I hate school,” listen, ask questions, help them make a plan to address their concerns, get involved with school staff, and keep the h-word in perspective.

wide open scans

story by | otmom

Imagine it…it has to be done…the dreaded MRI that you’ve heard so much about. The walls are inches from your face in every direction…don’t move. [You can’t move!]

It doesn’t sound very fun, does it? Until recently, the above scenario was the reality for many in our area needing an MRI [Magnetic Resonance Imaging] scan. Did you know there is now an alternative that addresses many of the concerns associated with traditional closed MRI scanners?

first, what is an mri?

Magnetic Resonance Imaging [MRI] is a test that uses a magnetic field and pulses of radio wave energy to

create pictures of organs and structures inside the body. MRI is a non-invasive tool for physicians to see inside your body. MRI may be used to detect brain or nervous system disorders, internal injuries, spine injuries and problems with tendons, cartilage, ligaments or bone marrow. MRI is also sensitive for detecting cancer in most organs or tissues.

what does a traditional mri entail?

A traditional MRI scanner is basically a long tunnel surrounding the patient. The patient lies on the table and is slid into the scanner, which is a bit larger than the average person. Once in the scanner, it is very confining with no way to sit up. All you see is the top which is just inches away from your face. An MRI takes approximately 30 minutes to over an hour, which can

seem like an eternity to someone with claustrophobia. There are situations where patients, especially children, require anesthesia to complete the test. Traditional MRI units can also be limiting to individuals of increased size and weight.

what is an open mri?

An Open MRI offers the same diagnostic capabilities of the traditional, Closed MRI while alleviating many of the issues patients experience during a traditional, Closed MRI such as claustrophobia. At first glance, it is easy to see why many patients prefer to have their MRIs done on an open system vs. a closed system. With a Closed MRI, the patient is only able to see the top and sides of the machine, whereas the Open MRI has a 270 degree unobstructed view. Patients lie down and the machine can be positioned to the area of the body being scanned. And when your child needs an MRI, you can be right there with them, reducing the need for anesthesia.

can i request an open mri?

Yes! Physicians refer patients to an Open MRI scanner over a Closed MRI scanner due to claustrophobia, size and weight of the patient or issues related to patient comfort. However, many patients have come to realize that they often have the 'last word' when it comes to what type of MRI system they have their examination completed on. The Open MRI design allows comfort and ease of mind while still producing high quality diagnostic images…it’s a no brainer!

Institute of Diagnostic Imaging understands the impact our staff makes when it comes to quality and performance in diagnostic imaging. We provide certified technologists to operate various modalities, including MRI, Mammograph , Ultrasound and X-Ray. Our equipment is accredited through the American College of Radiology (ACR) which means we adhere to strict standards. Our technologists strive for optimum image quality while caring for our patients with dignity and respect, as if they were a family member.

701.234.0112

2829 S University Dr, Ste 102

Fargo

what’s on your mind?

know it!

story by | kelly haaland

I recently received a call from a child I know, telling me she was just hit by a family member. What would you do if faced with such a call?

My first instinct was to drive there and intervene somehow, but distance prevented that. She was clearly upset so I did my best to calm her down, comfort her.

Still at a loss on how to take action, I did what the professionals say to do. I asked her if she could tell a parent, teacher, neighbor, or trusted adult.

“I’m telling you!” she pleaded.

She was so right and I felt like such a jerk! My heart still sinks when I think of that call.

“I’m telling you!” It still rings in my head.

Wow, how quick I was to pass it on to someone else. There’s more to this story. You see, I was an abused kid. Yeah, I’ve been through the therapy, the healing. My desire for advocacy has always been so strong—always very protective of children, always watchful. I practically have social services on speed dial and have called various social service agencies many times for various issues.

This particular incident happened on a weekend evening. The only choice that came to mind was to call 911, which I did.

If it is this difficult for someone with my background, who has very strong feelings on the subject; imagine

how very difficult it must be for the “accidental observer.” We don’t want to believe these things happen…but they do. We don’t want to get involved…but we must.

What if we are wrong? What if we are causing more problems for the child ultimately? It’s amazing how many thoughts go through your head. The biggest one—what if they find out it was me who called?

In school, they teach Red Light, Green Light which helps kids understand improper touching, etc. There are other programs as well and it’s a good thing. It seems like something is missing, however. That is the follow through. What the heck do we do with the information and who do we call? Social Services, police, help lines?

It’s been estimated that one out of three girls and one out of five boys have been abused. It’s also estimated that 85% of prison inmates were abused as children. With

these kinds of numbers, shouldn’t this be considered some kind of national emergency? Many of the abused adults go on to abuse as well, and it goes on and on and on.

There is a number that should get ingrained in our heads, much like 911. It’s 211. Until recently, I’d never even heard of it. Hopefully you have and hopefully our children have 211. When you call this number it gets routed to local human service agencies, who are equipped to handle calls regarding local food pantry, housing, addiction counseling, health care needs, domestic violence counseling and more 24/7.

Let’s spread the word, teach it in our classrooms, tell our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, neighbors and friends.

With 211, all of us can be part of the solution.

october events

13, 20 & 27

The Little Star That Could

218.477.2920

www.msumplanetarium.com

Don’t miss the children's planetarium cartoon about stars and planets with live night sky show afterward, 11am at the MSUM Planetarium [#167 Bridges Hall, 11th St & 7th Ave S, Moorhead]. $5 adults; $2.50 children, seniors, tri-college students.

14, 15, 21, 22, 28, 29

Cosmic Colors: An Adventure

Along the Spectrum

218.477.2920

www.msumplanetarium.com

Head to the MSUM Planetarium [#167 Bridges Hall, 11th St & 7th Ave S, Moorhead] for the planetarium film about light and colors followed by an autumn night sky show. The fun starts at 7pm on the 15th, 22nd & 29th and 2pm on the 14th, 21st & 28th. $5 adults; $2.50 children, seniors, tri-college students.

15 & 16

Women’s Business Summit— For the Strategic and Savvy Business Woman!

www.trainingnd.com

This Summit, held at the Bismarck Civic Center [315 S 5th St, Bismarck, ND] will feature two intense days of training, networking, business growth opportunities, personal development, professional focus and of course…. Fun! Whether a professional in the workplace, a business owner or simply a woman aspiring to improve herself, you will be able to choose a customized learning track to fit your needs. One track will follow key ideas to implement and fine tune for the workplace, a second track will follow key areas of focus for business owners and a third track will be interchangeable universal principles for any woman wanting more out of her career. Keynote speaker, Ali Brown, the voice for women's entrepreneurial success, is dedicated to empowering women entrepreneurs and will share her story and insights with us during a special luncheon.

16

SHARE Support Group

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

The mission of SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth or in the first few months of life. This group meets on the third Tuesday of the month at the Faith United Methodist Church [909 19th Ave N, Fargo], 7pm-8pm.

17 & 18 ADHD or Dyslexic?

701.373.0397

www.haleyshope.org

Nationally known speaker, Chris Zeigler Dendy, M.S. will speak on the impact of Executive Function Deficits on learning and behavior in people with ADHD, Dyslexia and other neurological disorders. Come and learn about executive function and how it influences school success for students with ADHD and dyslexia. This FREE event is at the Best Western Doublewood Inn [3333 13th Ave, Fargo] Wednesday, Oct.

17th, 6pm-9:30pm [focus audience: parents and teachers] & Thursday, Oct. 18th, 8:30am – noon [focus audience: providers]. Please preregister online through the "contact us" page.

19

RACC Harvest Moon Fling

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Support the Rape And Abuse Crisis Center with a night of fun at the Courtyard by Marriot [1080 28th Ave S, Moorhead] from 7pm-11pm. Wine Tasting, silent auction, hors d'oeuvres and live entertainment will fill the night. Call or go online to purchase tickets.

20

Moonlight Monster Mash

701.499.6060

www.fargoparks.com

Vampires, ghosts & skeletons welcome! All participants are encouraged to wear a costume and dance the night away at the Fargo Youth Commission [2500 18th St S, Fargo], 6:30pm-9pm. Explore the haunted attic, play ghoulish games, and

events event calendar | october

trick-or-treat for some spooky snacks. Enjoy a live DJ all night long and a spooktacular entertainment show at 7:30pm. Parental supervision required. Admission $3, ages 2 & under are free.

20

Art & Wine Walk

www.visitgrandforks.com

Join the North Valley Arts Council, the Greater Grand Forks Convention and Visitors Bureau, local businesses and regional artists for an afternoon of wine tasting and art in Downtown Grand Forks and East Grand Forks, 1pm-5pm.

24

Child Passenger Safety

701.234.7233

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6pm-9:30pm. Space is limited. $30 fee & registration is necessary.

27

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction and will receive an American Heart Association participation card. 9am-11am on the 27th at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr, Fargo].

27

Night Eyes HOWL-oween

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Trick-or-treating and other Halloween activities will be held throughout the Zoo 10am-5pm

28

Spooktacular Party

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

It’s an afternoon of Halloween fun at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo] 2:30pm-5pm. Kids of all ages can take part in the haunted maze, the mad scientist lab, balloon sculptures, face painting and cookie decorating. Bring your ice skates for open skate.  Bring a camera to take a photo with the not-so-scary witch. Each child will receive a treat bag. Dress in costume and come to this FREE event!

30

Black Cat Bash

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Calling all little pumpkins to an evening of fun at Choice Health & Fitness [4401 S 11th St, Grand Forks] 5:30pm-7:30pm!

Spooky stories, crafts and games will make this party the scream of the season! Be sure to come dressed in your costume! Admission is one non-perishable food item per person.

31

Where is Waldo?

Trick- or-Treat!

218.233.7594

www.larl.org

Stop by to trick or treat at the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] and try to find Waldo hiding somewhere. Find him and get a special prize!

31

West Acres Trick-or-Treat

701.282.2222

www.westacres.com

Bring your little ghosts and goblins to the mall [3902 13th Ave S, Fargo] and join West Acres merchants and other local organizations for a fun indoor Halloween Trick-or-Treat [while supplies last].

3

Wild and Woody

701.551.6100

www.plainsart.org

The exhibition Treasures from the Minnesota Museum of American Art features fabulous creations in wood by George Morrison and Louise Nevelson. View the work at the Plains Art Museum from 1pm-4pm then let your imagination go wild to create a colorful wood scrap sculpture. This is a FREE event!

3

Saturday Morning Science

218.233.7594

www.larl.org

Head to the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] for a hands-on science workshop for grades 4-6 by Dr. Graeme R. A. Wyllie and the Concordia Science Academy. There are 2 sessions: 9:30am-11am and 11:30am-1pm. Sign up at the library to reserve your spot!

3 & 4 Grand Forks Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase

www.prideofdakota.nd.gov

Find something for everyone on your list at the Alerus Center in Grand Forks. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota!

10

B.L.A.S.T Babysitter's Day Camp

701.364.1738

www.fmambulance.com

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

10 & 11 Holiday Homes of Hope

800.767.3593

www.cfanorthdakota.com

Support the Cystic Fibrosis Association of ND and checkout 3 beautiful area homes filled with holiday cheer courtesy of Designing Woman 2 at the Holiday Homes of Hope fundraiser. Saturday 10am-5pm and Sunday noon-5pm.

11

Zoolute

to Soldiers

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Free Admission to the Zoo for veterans 10am-5pm.

15

Breakfast with Santa Tickets on Sale

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Tickets on sale at 8am at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] for a morning of breakfast, crafts and entertainment with Santa and Mrs. Clause on December 1st, 8th, 15th & 22nd!

15

Developing Emotionally Healthy Children

701.526.1565

www.rvcscc.org

Dr. Terrie Rose, a nationally recognized expert in early childhood mental health, will be at Hope Lutheran Church [363625th St S, Fargo showing how early experiences, as mediated by caring adults, prepare children for lifelong success. She will discuss how early adversity threatens healthy development, how to recognize compromising situations and effective ways to intervene early. Attend one of two training sessions, 1pm-4:30pm or 6pm-8:30pm. Both trainings are FREE with registration. E-mail Shawna at rvcmhc@ rvcscc.org or call 701-526-1565 to register.

2012

The North Dakota Heart Gallery is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping children find everlasting homes by raising awareness with the help of the community and volunteer photographers.

16

Mud Madness: Familly Fun Night

www.plainsart.org

Bring your whole family to experience the fun and madness of art and clay. Grade K+ = hand-building, Grace 4+ = Pottery on the wheel. $18 members, $22 non-memebers [per person]. 6:00pm to 8:30pm.

16–18

Fargo Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase

www.prideofdakota.nd.gov

Find something for everyone on your list at the Fargo Civic Auditorium. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota!

18

Art-Mania

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Calling all art lovers ages 6-12! Be creative, get messy and have fun while making several works of art at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo] 1pm-5pm! Art projects will include jewelry making, wood art and fun crafts items. Learn new art techniques while experimenting with watercolors, paints, chalks and pastels. This is a FREE event.

20

Xcel Energy Holiday Lights Parade

Kick off the holiday's with the annual Holiday Lights Parade. Starts at 6:30pm!

24

Santa Village Opens @ Rheault Farm

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides! November 24th & 25th, December 1st & 2nd 1pm-7pm, December 5th-7th 4pm-8pm, 8th & 9th 1pm-8pm, 12th-14th 4pm-8pm, 15th & 16th 1pm-8pm, 19th-21st 4pm-8pm, 22nd & 23rd 1pm-8pm.

29

Child Passenger Safety

701.234.7233

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6pm-9:30pm. Space is limited. $30 fee & registration is necessary.

know you’re in love when

can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams

—dr seuss

december events

1

1,

2, 5-9, 12-16 & 19-

1 & 8

Ode to Trees

701.551.6100

www.plainsart.org

Charles Beck understands the poetry of trees! Explore the Charles Beck exhibition to see how he captures nature using shapes and textures, so you can learn to create a truly poetic tree of your own Plains Art Museum from 1pm-4pm. This is a FREE event!

1

CPR for Family Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction 9am – 11am & receive an American Heart Association participation card.

1–31

Lindenwood Park Lights

701.318.4747

www.fmsertoma.com

A display of lights throughout Lindenwood Park in Fargo.

23

Santa Village @ Rheault Farm

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides! November 24th & 25th, December 1st & 2nd 1pm-7pm, December 5th-7th 4pm-8pm, 8th & 9th

1pm-8pm, 12th-14th 4pm-8pm, 15th & 16th 1pm-8pm, 19th-21st 4pm-8pm, 22nd & 23rd 1pm-8pm.

1, 8, 15 & 22

Santa Fly-In 701.293.8043

www.fargoairmuseum.org

Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo] at Noon and see Santa fly-in to meet all the good boys & girls!

Jaws, Paws and Lunch with Santa Claws 701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Enjoy lunch, family photo with Santa, docents with animals, carousel rides and more. Tickets are $15 for adults and $10 for children. 11am – 1:30pm

5

Disney’s Beauty & The Beast

www.fargodome.com

Based on the Academy Award-winning animated feature film this classic musical love story is filled with unforgettable characters, lavish sets and costumes, and dazzling production numbers including “Be Our Guest” and the beloved title song. Experience the romance and enchantment at the Gate City Bank Theatre – Fargodome. Tickets on sale October 8th. 7:30pm

5 Bowls for Babies

701.235.5530

www.marchofdimes.

com/northdakota

March of Dimes Annual Fundraiser for the babies. Your $20 ticket allows you to come select a uniquely artistic bowl, sample soup from several locally owned restaurants & then keep the bowl as a souvenir! Ramada Plaza Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo] from 11am-1:30pm.

6

Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30-8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

10

CPR

for Family Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction 6pm-8pm & receive an American Heart Association participation card.

10

Disney’s Phineas and Ferb

701.777.4167

www.theralph.com

Phineas, Ferb, and the whole tri-state area gang are embarking on a bold escape right into The Ralph - Grand Forks!Tickets on sale now for $15, $20, $30 [VIP] show time 6:30pm.

13

Car Seat Check-Up

701.780.1489

www.safekidsgf.com

4 out of 5 car seats are used wrong. Could one of them be yours? Is your child's safety seat on a recall list? Did you know that children 40-100 lbs. or under 4' 9" should be riding in a booster seat for the safest ride? Come and get a check-up.

Rydell Chevrolet Buick GMC Cadillac [2700 South Washington Street Grand Forks] 4:00pm-7:00pm.

13-16, & 20-23

Santa Village @ Lincoln Park Golf Course

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Santa & his elves will set up their workshop at the Lincoln Park Golf Course Clubhouse in Grand Forks!  Everyone is welcome to meet the elves & make a holiday craft or two or take a ride on a horse-drawn sleigh or stop in to look at the beautifully adorned

trees & sip some cocoa. Free admission with donation of non-perishable food item or new toy.

14–16

Cirque Du Soleil: Quidam

701.777.4167

www.theralph.com

Young Zoé is bored; her parents, distant and apathetic, ignore her. Her life has lost all meaning. Seeking to fill the void of her existence, she slides into an imaginary world - the world of Quidam, where she meets characters who encourage her to free her soul. The international cast features 52 world-class acrobats, musicians, singers and characters. Tickets range from Adults: $35 to $75, Children [12 & under]: $28 to $61, Military, Seniors & Students: $31.50 to $63. Show times vary each show. See you at the Ralph [Grand Forks]!

17

North Pole Calling

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Children in Grand Forks who are in kindergarten and 1st grade have an opportunity to talk with Santa or Mrs. Claus who will be more than happy to call your child and wish him or her a Merry Christmas. Register your child today!

La Rie Boutique in Grand Forks, ND, is both a store front and online boutique offering a variety of high end trends and budget friendly fashions for both men and women Local gal, Laurie Kovar [28] has always had a love for fashion since she was a little girl Surrounded by support, motivation, hard work, and business much of her life, Laurie credits her parents for laying the foundation that has made her who she is today  So in 2010 when an opportunity came along for her to open a boutique, there was no hesitation and with the support of her family and friends, Laurie went for it It’s been a busy two years for this mompreneur who not only started a thriving business, but also married Jared, moved into her childhood home and had her first child, daughter Harper [7 months] Getting to do what you love is hardly a job, it’s a passion with a purpose! For Laurie, she gets to have it all with a successful, fulfilling career and wonderful, loving family

photos: rialee photography | lindsey johnson

when was your business established?

On August 16th I celebrated the two year mark, with the launching of our online store. www.LaRieBoutique.com how many employees do you currently have: two stylists.

in three words, how do you best describe your boutique?

Fashion-forward designer clothing

what inspired you to open la rie boutique?

mompreneurlauriekovar larieboutique

It has been an interest and passion since I was a little girl. With the right timing of my life and the support of my husband and family I was able to share my love for fashion and styling with others who enjoy the industry just as much as myself.

what brands/designers do you carry?

La Rie Boutique offers brands like Black Orchid, Juicy Couture, DL 1961, Hudson Denim, Wildfox, Chaser and many more. Not only does the boutique feature high-end clothing in the Grand Forks area, but we also offer great budget friendly pieces as well. You can also find clothing for men from brands such as Lacoste, Joe’s Jeans, Diesel, and Ben Sherman.

what is the most unique product in your boutique?

Many of the brands available at La Rie Boutique are exclusive to this store in the Grand Forks and Fargo area. La Rie also carries local jewelry designer Nikki Kim and clothing designer Anna Hovet.

what is your most popular item/product?

Denim, La Rie carries a wide variety cuts, colors and brands of denim. DL 1961 brand denim is the most popular line this fall.

November 1st Thursday 5pm - 8pm

November 2nd Friday 10am - 6pm

November 3rd Saturday 10am - 5pm

901 Center Ave, Moorhead facebook.com/2momslivinthedream

who is your target market?

La Rie boutiques target market is both men and women. The women’s market is from mid twenty’s to mid sixty’s. Men’s market is mostly early thirty’s to mid fifty’s.

what sizes do you keep in stock?

Women’s sizes 25-32 in select denim and X-Small–Large in other apparel. Men’s sizes 30-38 in select denim and Medium-XXL in men’s tops.

how would you describe your support system?

I have a wonderful and very supportive husband. He has helped me accomplish so much and is a wonderful father to our daughter. My mom is also a lifesaver. If she isn’t helping me out in the boutique, she is helping me out with my daughter during the day. what is necessary to keep your day running smoothly?

Smile, Starbucks and a great outfit. what advice would you give other women considering the mompreneur title?

Don’t see problems as problems, see them as opportunities. Also make sure you have a strong support system, even if it is someone to help you out with childcare or someone to talk to.

what has being your own boss meant for your family?

I have been able to take my daughter to work with me every day since she was a month old. I also am able to be flexible with the scheduling, which allows me to enjoy time with my family and friends.

if we peeked inside your closet, what might we be surprised to find?

SHOES!! I love to buy shoes.

what keeps you motivated?

Ordering the upcoming seasons clothing and getting a sneak peek at what’s to come in the fashion world.

what is your strongest mompreneur skill?

Multi-Tasking

what single fashion item should every mom/woman have in their closet?

A great pair of jeans that can transition from mommy mode to evening fun—a must have for any mom.

jenna lenertz photography

timeless images photography

timeless images photography

studio 60 photography

michelle warren photography

tiny sprout portraits

bug shutter

rialee photography

studio 60 photography

michelle warren photography

tiny sprout portraits

For 16 hours straight Corinda VanDyke stayed strong, not once shedding a tear.

“I needed to be their rock,” recalls the 26-year-old registered nurse at Sanford Women’s Family Birth Center in Fargo. “This family was going through a tough situation. I needed to be the one they could rely on.”

Tough is an understatement.

After 35-½ weeks of happily preparing for birth, the mom and dad learned their baby no longer had a heartbeat. From 7am on, Corinda stayed at the grieving mom’s side, helping her through hour after hour of labor and heartache. When Corinda’s 12-hour shift ended, she asked to stay to see this through.

At 11:08pm, the baby was stillborn.

“When it was all over, the baby’s grandpa came up to me and gave me a big hug. That’s when the whole day just flooded me,” says Corinda. “I broke down and cried.”

Emotional? Absolutely. But affirming, too. “That was one of those moments when you realize nursing was what you were meant for,” she says.

an almost-missed calling

Physically fit and tan, Corinda moves with an athlete’s grace. It’s easy to imagine her as the 8-year-old playing outdoors in her hometown of Dickinson, ND. Or the 16-year-old working as a nursing assistant—and loving it.

“Even then I felt like I could be strong for others,” she says. “Whenever there was a death—and in a nursing home that was often—I was never afraid to step up and help people through this very difficult time.”

After graduating from high school, Corinda set her sights on becoming an OB/GYN doctor. She earned

her pre-med degree, but ultimately nursing stole her heart. The desire to be at the bedside caring for patients motivated her to pursue a bachelor’s degree in nursing. She graduated from the University of North Dakota in 2010.

a dream come true

“My passion was to be a nurse helping moms in labor and delivery—at Sanford,” she says. “I was so excited just to get an interview.”

Now two years into her dream job, she finds it’s everything she hoped for. She’s an educator, a trusted professional, a comforter.

“There are so many things I love about this area of nursing,” she says. “Coming to work every day is not a job for me—it’s what I enjoy.”

giving her best Corinda’s abilities have caught the attention of others. In May, she received the “Star of Nursing” award at Sanford’s celebration-of-nurses event.

“To be nominated was a really big honor, but to actually win—that was a surprise,” she says.

But for Corinda, the best prize of all still comes in those quiet, one-on-one connections at the bedside. In words, actions and presence, she passes on the characteristics that define her.

“I’m there giving my patient the confidence that she can complete the task that’s ahead of her, that she has the strength to get through the very hardest moments,” says Corinda. “I’m there for her.”

When it really matters, a nurse can make all the difference.

strong for others

photo: sanford

Originally from the rural community of Hitterdal, MN, Tom Eide grew up with two brothers and a sister on a small farm just north of town  Raised in the Lutheran tradition including lutefisk and lefse - family was always a big deal  Involved in everything as required in a small town – Tom’s mom was a full time taxi driver for the kids—even back then  She was the main parent, as Tom’s dad worked full time at the ND Air National Guard and farmed nights and weekends  After high school Tom went to Concordia College and after graduation went to work at Great Plains Software, where he met Denise, his wife of 23 years Currently, Tom is CFO for Prairie St John’s and is dad to Kayla [18], Nels [16] and Bjorn [8] As a family they are very involved in their church, Olivet Lutheran—the older kids, Kayla and Nels both teach confirmation and Sunday school and Tom currently serves as the president of the church council

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

dad tomeide age47,fargond

rad

i could blow an entire day… golfing. In fact, every year I take a day with my best friend from college and we meet and play golf all day [at least 54 holes]— always a great day.

nothing clears my head like… sitting down at the piano. when i was a kid, i used to love…

when my younger brother and I would play baseball in the yard for hours.

i’ve always wanted to try…

play by play announcing for baseball or football.

my parenting philosophy is best described as…

I’m not sure I have some grand philosophy. Be there, do things together, don’t shy away from talking about life, laugh with your kids.

one of the most challenging times for my family was…

In 2009, we lost our house in Briarwood to the flood—we moved to an apartment for six months, rebuilt and moved back but ultimately were bought out. We moved back to an apartment again while we built a new house in Silverleaf—the kids all deserve a medal for their patience and my wife an award for managing us all through it!

Personal Training Sessions

something i learned from my father about being a dad…

we always had the freedom to make choices yet we understood our limits. I often tell my kids ‘life’s about choices’—the things that happen to us are driven by the many choices we make including the choice of how to respond to unfortunate situations. the job that would best prepare you for fatherhood…

try coaching a girl’s fast-pitch team.

favorite pop from pop culture TV… Bill Cosby and the Huxtables—sarcastic, humorous, but always sincere and caring.

the best advice i can give my teenagers… experience life and give it 110%.

the toughest age to parent…

birth through Senior high—they are all tough, but rewarding…I’m not sure about college yet—call me back in four years.

my profession gives me… challenge and reward. I love a job with a grander purpose than a paycheck.

the music genera that best describes me… country—how can you not love the storytelling in a country song.

my

the thought of becoming an empty nester is… sad and exciting—interesting—I love being with my kids, but I’m excited to see them become adults.

my wife and i keep our marriage fresh by… an occasional dinner alone, time out with friends and laughing out loud.

the greatest thrill i’ve experienced… on our 20th anniversary, I surprised my wife with a vow renewal at our church. Our closest friends and family were there, our pastor and our children we’re all a part of it. It went perfectly and created such a great feeling and memory for all of us.

my housekeeping style consists of… fast and furious—make it neat but there are more important things to do.

our family motto… ELE—everybody love everybody.

parenting philosophy: be there, do things together, don’t shy away from talking about life, laugh with your kids

story by | carlyn baana

As our kids board their school buses each autumn, we turn around and notice the change in the air, the new color in the leaves, the telling signs that winter will soon be on its way. Many people love fall with its football games and crisp air. For others it’s a time when a melancholy sets in over the loss of the sun high in the sky, lazy days floating on the lake, and time spent with the kids.

If you’re someone who finds herself in the second group, it may seem like happiness is tied to the seasons. And if you tie your happiness to the seasons, it may be true that your happiness is tied to other external events and circumstances as well.

Is happiness something you pursue? Or do you simply hope it happens to you?

Historically I’ve fallen more on the side of believing happiness happens. Over the last few years this idea has changed for me as I’ve been learning that happiness is something each of us can pursue and enjoy.

Dr. Michael B. Frisch and Caroline Adams Miller, authors of Creating Your Best Life, write about being intentional in how we find happiness. Their list pulls from work done within the field of positive psychology where research is exposing that we have the power to determine our own happiness. More specifically, there are eight happiness boosters to improve our overall wellbeing.

Being a parent pulled in a thousand different directions you may be thinking, “Great. Eight more things I have to fit into my day.” Why make the time?

We know that if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy! Aside from that, there’s mounting evidence that happy people have more energy, make more money, are healthier, and may even live longer. More importantly, our children learn from what we do and seeing our commitment to happiness will lay a foundation for them to pursue their own happiness throughout their lives. Ask any mom what she wants most for her children and the answer will likely be that she wants them to be happy.

Want happy kids? Be a happy mom.

Now that you’ve been convinced to make time for yourself, let’s take a look at the happiness boosters.

journaling

There are literally hundreds of benefits to journaling. I’ve found it to be a great way to purge what’s going on in my head and it also helps my creativity. Similar benefits come from blogging – a public journal. When I decided to blog I had no idea how much I’d enjoy it. I thought it might seem like work but really, it’s been fun and a great creative release.

Think journaling isn’t for you? Try combining it with expressing gratitude, suggested below.

expressing gratitude

In his book Flourish, Dr. Martin Seligman suggests that expressing gratitude not only improves happiness, it may also impact depression. His “Three Blessings” exercise recommends that every night we set aside ten minutes to write down three things that went well and why they went well. Seligman’s claim is that you will likely “be less depressed, happier, and addicted to this

exercise six months from now.” See what happens if you try it for a week.

physical exercise

We know we should exercise so why do so many of us avoid it? Quoting from Creating Your Best Life, “Exercise is one of the best ways you can improve multiple areas of your life, including your happiness. Regular exercise not only releases endorphins into the bloodstream; it also helps people socialize with other exercisers, lose weight, and enjoy the outdoors.”

Do you use your exercise time to “socialize with other exercisers?” Find someone who will make the commitment with you and add movement to your social calendar.

volunteer work and altruistic behavior

One study found that men who volunteered their time, money, and energy felt happier than their less altruistic peers. They also outlived them. Of course, volunteering should be less about us and more about those we are helping. Knowing that it also contributes to happiness simply adds to the reasons we should volunteer our time and energy.

savoring happy memories

Feeling a little down? Let your mind drift down memory lane. Pull out the albums. Click on “Photos” when you’re on Facebook. Call a friend and start the conversation with “remember when…” You’ll smile when you do.

forgiving

You are cut off in traffic. Do you forgive? Your child breaks a glass while putting away the dishes. Do you forgive? Your spouse forgets to complete an errand. Do you forgive? You missed your friend’s birthday because you were too wrapped up in your own stuff. Do you forgive yourself?

Your life would be happier if you did.

apply your strengths

One outcome of applying your strengths is experiencing “flow.” “Flow,” first recognized by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is described as “the mental state… in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity” [Wikipedia.org]. You know when you’ve been there. It’s happened when you were working on something and then – POW – suddenly it was dark out and you had no idea what the time was. That’s flow. And it makes you feel good.

meditation

In addition to improving overall health and wellbeing, meditation has the most benefit to happiness of any of these happiness boosters. Interested? Search your own belief system to see how meditation is represented there and try it out to find a sense of calm, peace and serenity.

Ready to increase your happiness?

For those of you ready to dive in and try something new, pick one happiness booster to try first. What will it take to make it a part of your daily routine? How can you change your environment to support your new commitment? How will you feel after you’ve been at your new activity a few weeks? What will show you that it has worked for you?

Pursue happiness. It’s up to you to find it.

Americanhappiness.org / Wikipedia.org / Creating Your Best Life / Flourish

Dr. Rose, a nationally recognized expert in early childhood mental health, will show how early experiences, as mediated by caring adults, prepare children for lifelong success. She will discuss how early adversity threatens healthy development, how to recognize compromising situations and effective ways to intervene early.

Thursday,

story by | dani parkos fluge

With campaigning in full swing, evidence of the upcoming election is everywhere. There is incessant negative-campaigning bombarding our airwaves, newspapers, magazines, and all social media outlets. People are talking [some are arguing] about the candidates and their positions. It’s hard for kids not to notice these things and you may think that your 8-year-old would rather be playing video games or that your 14-year-old would prefer texting friends — but you might want to think again.

Consider seizing the teachable moments of this upcoming election season and help our future voters become election savvy. Here are a few ideas and thoughts to get you started.

think about it

Voting makes us equal. Each of us [when we're old enough] has one vote. It is one of the few times when all grown-ups in the United State have an equal say. No matter how much money you have or who your friends are, it’s your vote to own. And each vote sends a message. Even if the person you vote for loses, your vote matters because it lets the winners and losers know who supports their points of view.

Politician’s also notice who is and isn't voting. In the U.S., the highest voter turnout is among seniors. So it's no surprise that politicians are going to spend a lot of time on issues that are important to older people, like Social Security and Medicare. Because younger voters [18-24-year-olds] haven't turned out in high numbers recently, it's easier for politicians to pay less attention to the issues that are important to young people.

fun fact: scholastic has offered a mock mail-in presidential election for kids since 1940—kids have only been wrong twice about the presidential picks since its inception

talk about it

Don’t hesitate to talk about the election in front of your kiddos. Even better, take the opportunity to explain what democracy is and how the president gets elected. I like to emphasize to my kiddos why it is important for everyone to be informed and make an educated decision rather than following the lead of friends, how the media swings things or simply by the number of signs and commercials they see for one given candidate.

And don’t just tell them who you’re voting for. Explain why you’ve chosen to vote for that candidate. A good activity is to make a list of the major issues that are important to you. Then explain why you chose those areas and discuss as a family what everyone else’s

thoughts are on the subject. Are you a ‘vote the issue’ or ‘vote the candidate’ kind of person?

google it

If you don’t even know where to begin or how to explain the electoral process, hop online. Even if you’re little ones aren’t old enough to vote, they will be before you know it and chances are your election-related lessons will stick with them into voting age.

Here are some family friendly websites that offer easy explanation and activities for all:

• the scholastic introduces kids to the candidates, explains how the government works, the differences between the political parties and offers an overall interactive way to explore the election.

9 http://magazines.scholastic.com/election-2012

• time for kids offers campaign games, a dictionary of words associated with the election called the ‘Electionary’, a description of the path to the presidency, a chance to meet the presidential candidates through their bios, a contact list for their representatives in Washington, DC and many more interactive ways to educate kids about our election process.

9 http://www.timeforkids.com/TFK/election

• nickelodeon is offering the ‘Kids Pick for President’ and offering a six o’clock news that is kid friendly outlining the latest in election news. It also explains the election process to kids and includes a kids’ message board, candidate bios and a blog for kids.

9 http://www.nick.com/kpp/

just do it

There’s nothing that compares to teaching kids about democracy in action like bringing them with you to the polls. Show them the ballot and demonstrate how it works. Explain what it means to make a choice and be counted, whether your candidate wins or not. And don’t forget your sticker!

If you do nothing else this November, head into that voting booth and do the one big thing our founding fathers fought for…V-O-T-E! Make this election season a double opportunity for you to have your voice heard and to help educate your kids about the election and our government. Remember, getting to VOTE is not a right—don’t throw away the privilege.

source: scholastic.com

crazytrain

story by | kathleen wrigley

Ithink we can…I think we can…CHOO CHOO. ALL ABOARD the CRAZY TRAIN! Hold on to the handrails, buckle up, and brace yourselves.

Families are busy. The list is endless: family time, work, friends, school and homework, kids’ activities and sports, church commitments, charitable work and events, and household responsibilities.

Children’s activities [alone] have all of us zipping through town to overlapping events and struggling

thuen studios | scott thuen

to satisfy jam-packed schedules. We may be at the wheel but we’re not driving anymore; we’re more like passengers on the CRAZY TRAIN. Evidently this is the new norm. Every parent I know is stressed. How did we get here—on the CRAZY TRAIN—and how do we slow it down?

Gone are the days of yon where kids met on an open lot, picked teams, and played a football game. There was dodge ball, wall ball, baseball, tag, and sprint. Collectively we made up games, yelled out rules, and [generally] abided by them. We played until early evening when the street lights flicked on, signaling the end of our day. Our

photo:

most valuable toy was our own imagination—limitless and free. If—when—we got older we wanted to join an organized sports team [off the city block], we rode our bikes to the clubhouse or playground.

Fast-forward 20—okay, 40—years and kids are participating in organized sports in pre-school with competition starting as early as kindergarten, forcing some kids to focus on just one sport. Basketball, gymnastics, hockey, and soccer [to name a few] now have year-round teams and camps and come with extensive traveling. Practically every sport has a travel-team component. Parents need to be ready for four to six days of practice/ games/meets a week, leaving too few extra moments for school work, family time, or free time to play outside with neighborhood kids or to ride a bike or to sit and ponder a while.

My son’s fall sport is football. He’s in the fourth grade and has graduated to tackle [gulp]. His team meets three nights a week. We lucked out! My girlfriend’s son is in the same league and practices four nights a week—for two hours! Then there are game days. This is a rather demanding time commitment for these pediatric Tim Tebow’s—not to mention their parents and other siblings, who come with their own rosters. Good gravy.

Families are starving for downtime. This same girlfriend’s son just had an accident that landed him in the ER, needing stitches in his face. After consulting the doctors on scarring and avoiding infection, she immediately asked about football. I giggle when I envision the gleeful expression on her face after hearing, “No football for two weeks!” I know she started planning all the menu options for family dinners. Who needs a spa pedicure when you get a two-week reprieve from the CRAZY TRAIN—ahem, I mean, football!

I joke, but obviously parents see the benefits of participating in organized sports: fun, fitness, friendships, skill-building, sportsmanship, conflict resolution—and seriously how cute do these stinkers look in their get-ups?

But organized sports are gobbling up our family time, have become overly competitive [and I don’t mean keeping score!], and may even be causing unnecessary stress—for kids and parents. The time commitment leaves very little opportunity for other important

just a thought

activities like musical instruments, other sports, service projects, church events, or even slow-paced family dinners! What if little Darwin or Socrates had been hyper-committed to football or soccer?

My husband and I encourage participation in organized sports—and have season passes for the CRAZY TRAIN—but we [gently] nudge the kids to see the value in other endeavors. Weekly piano lessons are part of their curriculum. The instructor spends 40 minutes once a week…the calm before the storm. Every Tuesday—without a minute to spare between piano and football—Patrick squeezes into his pads and jersey, sits with his piano teacher and dutifully completes his weekly session—in his uniform and pads! It’s quite a sight. Not one I’m willing to toss, for football or any sport.

It makes perfect sense that social, physical, and emotional development occurs when kids are exposed to and engaged in a variety of activities. Most important, though, these experiences should be fun. One key to keeping things fun might be to protect kids and parents from

RACE JACE JACE for RACE

For more information regarding RACE FOR JACE log onto www.fargominimarathon.com

being overwhelmed. Probably too late, I guess. “Better to wear out than rust out,” my husband likes to say.

Welcome aboard, fellow passengers. I suppose there is strength in numbers. Before we know it, the CRAZY TRAIN will fade into the distance and we may find ourselves looking at the tracks and wishing for just one more ride.

I think we can…I think we can…

CHOO CHOO!!

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University, in Philadelphia.

Life can change in an instant...

For Trent Pederson, his changed completely. Trent’s wife Tami was 7 months pregnant when she su ered a fatal brain aneurysm. Their son, Jace Jo, was born by cesarean section, however not without complications & brain damage. Trent and baby Jace have a heroic journey ahead. Jace needs specialized and very costly care.

They say “It takes a village.” Let’s be Jace’s Village. Together we can shower them with the kindness and love of strangers. Here’s how you can help: Pray, run/walk, donate. Register for any race (5K~10K~½ marathon) in the Fargo Mini Marathon & wear a blue shirt on October 20, 2012. Join the team: “Race for Jace.” We humbly ask for your donation. All proceeds go directly to Trent and Jace. Click on Paypal link on the Fargo Mini Marathon website.*

*(Paypal account not necessary to make donation)

“It takes a village to raise a child”

Find both the Fargo Mini Marathon & Race for Jace on Facebook!

curried pumpkin apple soup

With cold weather and impending snow upon us, we’ve decided it only seems appropriate to begin this soup season with with a light, unique, and easy pumpkin apple soup.

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

get it

• 4 tbsp butter

• 1 cup diced sweet onion

• 1 small Honeycrisp Apple, peeled, cored and diced

• 2 cloves garlic, minced

• 1 tsp curry powder

• 1/2 tsp salt

prep it

• 1/4 tsp ground coriander

• 1/8 tsp crushed red pepper

• 2 cups chicken broth

• 1 cup apple cider

• 2 cups pumpkin puree

• 1 cup half & half

• 1/4 cup pure maple syrup

1. Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium‑high heat.

2. Add the onion, apple, and garlic and saute until soft, about 5 minutes.

3. Add the curry powder, salt, coriander, and red pepper; cook for 1 minute.

4. Add the broth and cider and boil gently, uncovered for about 15–20 minutes.

5. Stir in the pumpkin, half & half, and maple syrup; cook for 5 minutes.

6. Transfer the soup into a large pitcher.

7. In a food processor or blender, puree the soup in three batches.

8. Return the soup to the pot and cook over very low heat for about 5 minutes.

9. Ladle soup into four bowls and serve hot.

309 Roberts St | Fargo, ND 701.364.9479

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

duerre bodway

writing her own future karen

story by | patricia carlson

It had been months since he passed away. Today she had the courage to go through some of his things. She sifted through a stack of his papers in the dresser drawer expecting old bills, insurance forms or personnel manuals from work. But Karen Duerre Bodway found stories. Pages and pages of stories. Some were children’s books. Others the beginning chapters of a novel as well as journal entries that could one day be turned into a memoir. But one story in particular caught her eye. The Waterslide. This one didn’t belong in a drawer… people needed to read this one.

They met in 1996. Brett was working in production for a local TV station; Karen was employed by The Village Family Service Center. Brett immediately won Karen over.

“He was always a gentleman,” says Karen with a smile. “When he said he’d call, he always did. He was the first one who came along who had the smarts to do that!”

By all accounts, Brett was equally enamored with the small town South Dakota girl. “She was so thoughtful,” says Brett’s brother, Bart. “She was his perfect match.” And Karen knew they would be married one day… regardless of Brett’s health concerns.

“the four events this year are the 100-yard dash, the javelin throw, the long jump and the waterslide” —the waterslide

Brett, a Type I diabetic diagnosed at age 16, was suffering complications from his disease. The most serious of those were affecting his kidneys and were requiring daily dialysis treatments. Eventually he would need to undergo a kidney transplant.

Brett’s best friend and former co-worker, Mike Evenson, was awed by Karen’s determination to stick by Brett. “She knew. She knew what she could be in for but it didn’t matter,” Mike says. “She knew their love was strong enough to make it work.”

Four months into their courtship, Brett’s brother Bart was identified as a suitable donor match and in September 1996, the brothers underwent a successful kidney transplant. Both men walked away with a life-changing bond between them and the transplant also gave Brett and Karen something they both longed for in their relationship: stability and hope for a brighter future.

“it’s 19 steps high!” —the waterslide

The couple became engaged nine months after Brett’s kidney transplant, were married in July 1997 and settled into a comfortable routine. Karen’s lifelong friend, Kari Walker, says it was a joyful time to watch her best friend find her true companion.

“They were the couple that did everything together,” says Kari. “From grocery shopping to bike riding, from church to traveling, their strengths complimented each other well.”

And they both were eager to become parents. “I knew Brett would be a good dad,” says Karen. “He was so

good with kids. I always told him he should’ve gone back to school and become a teacher.”

The couple embraced their first year of married, healthy bliss when Karen became pregnant. The couple was ecstatic… then routine blood work and a kidney biopsy revealed Brett’s body was fighting his brother’s kidney. He was in chronic rejection.

Brett was back on dialysis and the transplant list when their son was born. “Grant gave us something positive to focus on,” Karen recalls. “I was good. I remember thinking, ‘just give me 10, 15, 20 years and I’ll take it.’ I was learning to take it a day at a time. I knew some people probably thought I was crazy sticking through all of this. But I loved Brett.”

With a toddler roaming the Bodway home, Brett would undergo a second kidney transplant this time from an anonymous living donor. After the surgery and Brett’s recovery, the family focused on enjoying every day. Watching Grant grow and a trip to Hawaii started to make Karen believe she just might get those 20 years she asked for.

“I just didn’t want to worry about it,” she says. “I suppose it was in the back of my head. But you don’t know what tomorrow will bring for anybody. I was deciding to live in the moment.”

It had been seven years since the last transplant when Brett collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital. Everyone expected something had gone wrong with his kidney or it was another complication of his diabetes, but it wasn’t.

“after dinner, Grant went to the recreation center to telephone his dad”—the waterslide

March 17, 2010. Seven days after his 47th birthday and just weeks after having surgery for a brain tumor, Karen heard Brett fall.

“It plays out so weird, like in slow motion in my head,” she says as her voice cracks remembering the day, the moment that it happened at their home. “I knew I had to call the ambulance. The paramedics arrived. They put him on the stretcher. He kept calling for me, calling for me. He grabbed my hand. ‘Karen, I love you,’ I hear him shouting. ‘I love you, too, Brett.’”

Those are the last words they spoke to one another.

Despite all that Karen knew about Brett’s health, despite all the ups and downs that she had ridden with her husband, she wasn’t prepared for this. She wasn’t prepared to become a widow. A single mother. Is anyone?

“I didn’t think he would die this young,” Karen says quietly. The next few days were a blur. Grant, 10-years-old at the time, couldn’t grasp what had happened. “He wanted to go right back to school the next day so I let him,” she says.

“I wrote a lot when I was younger, and then I fell out of it. You know, with a husband and son and job,” she says. “Brett also liked to write. He even took some writing courses. I knew I could, and had to, finish what he started.”

“if you think about those things, you’ll be able to do it. OK? Dad said.” —the waterslide

“Some of Brett’s writings he kept private and some he shared with me,” says Karen.

Karen took care of funeral arrangements, went through insurance forms and financial information that needed to be read. It seemed never ending.

“There is a lot of work that needs to be done after your spouse dies,” says Karen of this trying time. “And your grieving is intense. The simplest things would break me down. I even cried the first time I had to mow the lawn.”

But finding those words—her husband’s words—that day, reawakened Karen’s spirit.

The story she found that day in the drawer was called ‘The Waterslide,’ it featured a boy named Grant who reaches out to his dad for help overcoming his fears.

“When I saw the rough edit of this children’s book, and that it was clearly written about Grant, I knew I had to finish it.”

Karen went to work. She re-wrote some passages and added others. She researched self-publishing and Facebook pages and internet marketing. And she contacted a

former co-worker of hers, Tammy Noteboom, at The Village Family Service Center who put her in touch with local illustrator Dennis Krull of 5foot20 design lounge.

“Karen’s passion for keeping her husband’s memory alive was so moving,” explains Tammy. “I was willing to help in any way I could.”

For Dennis, being a part of The Waterslide is something he couldn’t turn down. “Helping Karen fulfill her husband’s dream and creating a piece that will inspire and help

“What he did not accomplish in his physical life, I will do for him in mine,” says Karen, of her husband. “My tribute to him was publishing ‘The Waterslide.’”

Tammy and Dennis say the amount of dedication Karen showed to self-publish her book is a testament to her love and her skill.

“Publishing and marketing a book takes a lot of coordination and work and running all over the place,” Tammy explains. “In the midst of all the craziness, her passion

children is rewarding personally and professionally,” he says.

After months of hard work, Karen’s—and Brett’s—dreams were realized. The first edition of ‘The Waterslide’ was printed on February 9, 2012. Karen says she didn’t realize the amount of time and effort it would take to self-publish—“you really have to work at it”—but she is ecstatic that her dream came true.

and commitment for making Brett’s dream come true have not wavered.”

“Karen never let anything stop her,” Dennis adds. “No matter how many publishing and distribution road blocks we encountered, she was going to publish this book.”

Brett and Karen’s children’s book, ‘The Waterslide”, is now available locally at Zanbroz Variety in Fargo and online at Amazon.com and through the books website, www.thewaterslide.com. A podcast is also available on

a neat website called www.storycub.org, where kids can watch and listen to people read ‘The Waterslide’ aloud and see the illustrations come to life. The podcast is also available as a free download on iTunes and YouTube. And 10% of Karen’s proceeds from the sale of each book goes to our local Big Brothers, Big Sisters

volunteer mentor. Grant meets his Big Brother, Brandon Conkins, about every two weeks and do what young, teenage boys want to do - eat, go to the movies, go fishing, play video games, shop. Along the way, they talk about life, school and every once in a while, if Brandon catches Grant on a particularly good day, about Grant’s dad.

“I know I’m never going to be Grant’s dad and can never fully replace what Brett gave him,” says Brandon. “But just knowing that a boy in that situation could use just about any support he could get…you can only go up from there.”

Brandon says he feels uniquely blessed that Karen was so welcoming to him, even when she was dealing with her own grief. And, that he is able to witness the unbreakable bond between a mom and her only son.

Program, a program that has had a huge impact on Karen and Grant.

“he remembered what his dad had told him…” —the waterslide

Through it all, Grant has remained Karen’s number one priority. For months, she waited for a crisis, a meltdown, anything from her young son that would show he was teetering near the edge. It never came.

“Overall, he has been a real trooper and has handled his dad’s death as well as can be expected,” says Karen. “He was private about the grieving process - it was tough. I don't think there is a day that goes by that we don't talk about Brett. The bond between Grant and I has grown even stronger and closer since Brett's death. I think we've both become stronger because of it. He definitely keeps me on my toes.”

Karen shares some of the credit with the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program, which pairs kids with an older

“She clearly has his respect,” says Brandon of Grant. “They have this mutual understanding that they have each other’s back and I think that’s really important with everything that they’ve gone through together.”

“they paraded around the campground for all to see who the champion was.” —the waterslide

It’s been two and a half years since Brett passed away. Karen is both a mom and a dad. She takes Grant shopping for new clothes and to Twins, Vikings and Bison games. She is both a wife and a widow. Brett will always be her first love but she believes she’ll find companionship again. “The term widow doesn’t bother me, but I miss partnership,” she says wistfully. “You know, the pillow talk, the travel companion, someone to share things with? There is that missing piece. I know I'm ready for it. But it needs to be the right person and I have Grant to think about. I'm cautious.”

Karen’s experience has also made her an advocate for proper estate planning. “It's really important to plan well and make sure you have good life insurance

coverage. Without life insurance I wouldn’t have been able to stay in my home after Brett died,” she confesses.

Establishing guardianship of your children and having your name and your spouse’s on everything you own are things Karen stresses. “And let your loved ones know what you want when you die. Think about it and write it all down and let your family know because if you die unexpectedly, it will help a lot with planning and fulfilling your wishes. It's the responsible thing to do, albeit hard, but it's really something you should do even if you are young.”

Through heartache and Brett’s passion, Karen has discovered her own love of writing. And it’s kept her connected with her husband in ways she never imagined. “I feel his presence when I’m working on the books,” she says.

To this day, Karen continues to pour through Brett’s writings with hopes of publishing more books. She is currently in the editing process of an autobiography of Brett’s life and how he dealt with living with Type 1 diabetes and its complications. It's tentatively titled, ‘The Sweet Life: A Journey with Diabetes.’

“I get overwhelmed in the beginning of a book deciding what to do with it,” Karen says. “I really don’t want to self-publish again. I’m looking for a publisher who will take me on.”

But Karen is also eager to expand her own writing and create her own legacy as an author. And she feels she has an interesting and touching story to tell about life as a widow and single mom.

“I could definitely write a novel about a young widow’s journey,” says Karen, adding that she needs to start putting her ideas to paper. “Right now, it’s all up in my head.”

Kari says she truly admires Karen’s passion for pursuing her dreams, and the dreams of her late husband. “It is true love, devotion, and respect for Brett that has been the driving force behind it,” says Kari. “I definitely think it all has built confidence in Karen, and the sense of great accomplishment. It will definitely open new and exciting doors for her – of which she will accept the challenge!”

ready set grow sacrifice…

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

give it up!

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

Sacrifice is understood to be the act of giving something up. It can be things like money, possessions or our time. Convincing our kiddos to give up anything can be challenging at times, but our sacrifices can actually make us better people, appreciate the things we have, keep things in perspective, help others, and spend time on the things that really matter. Because, my fabulous, fellow mama, sometimes you have to give a little to get a lot!

wee ones

Duh…of course having kids involves sacrifice… who didn’t know that? We sacrifice things for the betterment of our wee one. But sacrifice too much of the wrong thing and you could be doing more harm than good. Now is the time to make sure you aren’t sacrificing your own well-being, because if mama aint happy…aint no one gonna be happy!

there’s no i in mama

Once we have those adorable kiddos it is so easy to put ourselves on the back burner. Their needs overwhelmingly overshadow ours. Are they always our priority?

ABSOLUTLEY! But that doesn’t mean you can’t take time for yourself and feel good about the fabulous woman you are. Get in the habit now of taking time for YOU and keeping things in perspective:

• me & my shadow Take time to just be alone. It doesn’t have to be hours, but take some time to just be. Journal, meditate, pray, take a bath, whatever helps you just decompress. As little as 15 minutes can make a difference, but make it a habit!

• no thank you Once you become a mama, there is no end to the advice, recommendations and yes, criticism. “Proper” parenting? Is there such a thing? You need to know when to shut off the opinions of other and trust yourself. I saw a great quote from Steven Furtick that I think every mama needs to have prominently displayed in their home: “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” Don’t worry about what “they” say or how “they” are doing everything right…whatever! I guarantee “they” have good days and days they want to pull their hair out…just like you and me!

• see ya Get out of the house and do something! Go for a walk, bike ride or to the gym. And don’t forget your posse. Every mama needs to hang with her girls from time to time. Get your girls night out on the calendar and make it work!

a 2008 study found 64% of moms with kiddos under age two take time to do something they enjoy so they can be a better mom

His closet is busting at the seams. The toy box is at maximum capacity and has thrown-up all over the house. Does enough never seem like enough? Time to instill some gratitude for all the sacrifices you make.

uhum…what do you say?

Feeling unappreciated is the pits. When you do something that benefits another person, words of gratitude go a long way, right? And we make sacrifices so our kids can have and do a lot, right? So can there be anything more annoying, frustrating and disheartening than an ungrateful kiddo? I think not! It’s important to remember that expressing gratitude is learned; it must be taught. And for our tots, who are innately self-centered, setting the stage for a life of gratitude can’t start early enough:

• watch the big kahuna Monkey see, monkey do. Be an example for your kids to learn from. Gratitude is about looking outside yourself and appreciating what others do for you. Whether it is receiving a gift, getting your groceries bagged, a stranger holding the door for you or the UPS person delivering a package, say a sincere ‘thank you’ and take the opportunity to talk to your tot about kind gestures and being polite.

• i never knew True gratitude regarding the things others do for you is about appreciating their actions. The best way to develop appreciation is doing the things that others do for you. Think about it, don’t you have a new appreciation for the crew roofing your neighbors house after you have spent the afternoon working in your yard when it’s 90-degrees out? Of course you do! Allow your tot to do some age appropriate, grown-up tasks [fold the laundry, pick-up his toys or help make dinner]. And make sure you let them “help” and finish. It is all too easy to jump in and get the task done quicker [and

cleaner many times], but this doesn’t give him the opportunity to appreciate your hard work or you to express your gratitude for a job well done.

• who me? Mirror, mirror on the wall who the heck bought all this stuff? You need to be able to say no and stick by it. If your tots every wish is granted, it will be almost impossible for him to feel grateful. Set limits, say no and mean it!

according to a poll commissioned by Time and CNN, two-thirds of American parents think that their kiddos are spoiled

preschoolers [3–5 years]

And…it starts. “Pleeeeeez, Mama! I NEED it! Pleeeeez!” Now how could any good mama deprive her precious preschooler of something so obvious…so needed? Is it food, water or shelter? Why no…it’s an annoying little toy, over priced and strategically placed in a bright, shiny display right by the checkout. Need? I think not! Time for a little lesson on wants vs. needs.

gotta have it…really

Let’s face it, as adults many of us need a lesson on wants vs. needs. Debt and living beyond our means is common place. Teaching our preschooler the difference between his wants and needs early on can go a long way. Here are some tips to help you hammer home what he really wants or needs:

• mr. webster please The definition of these frequently used [and misused] words is key. Explain to your preschooler that a need is something he has to have or he will be hurt in some way if he doesn’t get it. A want is something that will make him happy if he gets it, but he won’t be hurt if he doesn’t get it. Offer him examples and when he misuses the words, correct him on what he actually meant to say.

• mean whatcha say Take stock in how you use the words want and need. Winter in Fargo, 30-degrees below and wind blowing 50 mph? You NEED your winter coat and boots. Off to run errands on a relaxing Saturday morning? You WANT a quad, venti vanilla latte…not need.

• stay strong Simply, don’t cave to every want for your preschooler. Giving in each time he has a request sends the message that his wants are actually needs. And make sure when he does have an actual ‘need’ request [like going to the bathroom] you act promptly. Waiting 20 minutes to act sends the signal that his need isn’t that important.

Iwant my big kid to be selfish, uncompassionate, and willing to do anything to get himself ahead…said no good mama ever. We want your big kid to give of himself for the good of others, be kindhearted, empathetic, and considerate. Right? How in the world do we do that?

give it up

Volunteering is the act of willingly providing oneself for a service or undertaking. The best part of volunteering? The good feelings produced by simply giving…not getting. Here are some tips to spark your big kid’s volunteer fire:

• every little bit counts Start small. You want to cultivate a love of volunteering rather than feelings of being overwhelmed. Save the rainforest for down the road. Today, save spare change for local organizations or donate toys. It’s very important to emphasize the difference your big kid is making by his volunteering because it’s true…every penny counts.

• how about this When you are trying to determine the right volunteer option for your big kid, consider the things he is interested in. Finding volunteer opportunities that are fun will make volunteering more enjoyable and something they will want to continue doing.

• watch that kid There’s nothing like a good role model to get the wheels of volunteerism in motion. Checkout the website KidsAreHeroes.org for some pint size volunteer inspiration. Or if you are as lucky as my family is, you only need to look a couple doors down. Our neighbor, Miss Sophia, had a thriving lemonade stand throughout this past summer and each day after closing she took her proceeds to a local non-profit organization. Way to go Sophia [and mama Chris and dad Jeremy too]!

big kids [6–9 years]

Lastly, remember your big kid is always watching you. Volunteering as a family is a great way to spend time together and do some good, but make sure you’re having fun. Seeing mama bear enjoy her volunteer time is a great way to create a lifelong spirit of volunteering in your big kid.

US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that the volunteer rate of parents with children under age 18 [33.7%] was higher than the rate for those without children [24.1%]

Time…there never seems to be enough. Harvey MacKay once said, “Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.” Sacrificing time is inevitable in life. The key is learning to use your time for the things that are important.

tic-toc the clock don’t stop Time management? I for one could use a healthy dose of it! Everyone is busy including your tweener. School, homework, friends, extracurricular activities and the list goes on. Being spread too thin is a recipe for stress, anxiety and unproductiveness. Learning to use his time wisely is nothing but a benefit:

• it’s on the list Visually seeing the responsibilities you have is a great way to evaluate what requires your time. Start with categories: Family, school, church, sports, friends, health and fitness, community and so on. Then prioritize the categories and the tasks that fall within each. The higher on the priority list, the more time it should be given.

• now or later Helping your tweener decipher what is urgent is a key time management skill. Everything on their priority list is important, but the urgent tasks require attention right now. Math test tomorrow… urgent. Dinner and a movie with his buddies… important, but can be done another night.

• map it Sit down with your tweener and put everything requiring his time on a calendar. Looking ahead can help establish a to-do list and evaluate if his schedule is just too much. And remember that your tweener needs free time too!

• don’t wait Speaking as a lifelong procrastinator, I can tell you it…well…sucks! Nothing good about waiting until the last minute, your back is against the wall and you have to come out swinging against the clock. Teach your tweener to take advantage of doing things in advance by setting goals and being timely.

20% of the average workday is spent on crucial and important things, while the other 80% is spent on things that have little to no value

Every mama’s dream? Seeing her teen succeed at whatever he desires. In the classroom, on the sport field or in his job…we want him to do awesome! But is he ready to do what it takes to be awesome?

willing to get it?

One life lesson every teen would benefit from learning as soon as possible: everything has a price. Everything! To achieve your goals, you are going to have to do what it takes to achieve them. Goals require time, practice, perseverance and commitment. But even when those things happen, there are times when your teen’s sacrifices don’t result in an achieved goal. Help your teen continue on the path of their goal even when frustrating setbacks rear their ugly heads:

• gotta happen One of the first things to get across to your teen when things don’t work out the way he intended is that this happens. Everyone stumbles and encounters roadblocks. Help your teen look at this disappointment as a life lesson and hammer home what he can learn from this situation to help him down the road.

• you sure Help your teen reevaluate his goals and what he wants making sure he is doing what he wants to do and not because others [mom, friends, coach, teacher…] want him to.

• don’t quit Welcome to the real world! Things in the real word don’t always turn out the way you want or on your timeline. Frustrating and annoying? Yes, but not a reason to throw in the towel. Talk about some of your stumbling blocks as well as those of famous

success stories like Michael Jordon being cut by his high school basketball team or The Beatles being turned down by record companies. The most successful are the ones that pick themselves up, brush the dirt off and forge ahead.

a 2011 survey revealed 38% of teens had to alter their college plans in some way due to the economy

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Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

sally rolls the dice

story by | deb uglem

Once a month I have a ritual. It is sacred and dear to my heart. Something so important that without it I would not be the same person. My mind, heart and soul would be altered; ok that may be a tad bit dramatic. You have probably already guessed, but I will spell it out anyway, I play B-U-N-C-O. If you don’t know about this craze sweeping the nation here’s the short version—nine dice, 12 women, great food, drinks and money are all involved. It’s a fun game and the rules are easy to learn. But it’s not the winning that is fun [my girls won’t believe I wrote that] but it is the friendships I have built from this once a month play-date.

When I moved to the Fargo-Moorhead area I didn’t know a lot of people, so my sister who has made a profession out of moving, suggested I start playing Bunco. It didn’t take me long to round up some great women. And all of them were ready to get away from the loneliness of dishes, laundry, dirty faces and poppy diapers. However for me another reason for the special play-date is that sometimes my husband just doesn’t get it.

Now I love this guy, he’s a great dad and I cannot imagine my life without him . . . blah, blah, blah [I could go on forever, dear!]. I consider him my best friend; he just can’t be my only friend. I know it’s not his fault he faces a huge gender gap when trying to understand why I

have to analyze who my little girl sits by at lunch or fully relate to my anxiety of fitting into skinny jeans. I won’t go into it, but it’s also nice to have someone to complain to [even if it’s rare] about his behavior. He doesn’t like talking about stuff like why Tom and Katie broke up and if you asked him I bet he doesn’t even know the color of our bathroom towels. I know he doesn’t understand my obsession with rolling the dice once a month, but I don’t get why he insists on watching the ESPN Classic channel. That’s why women need women friends. They get it!

Having a girlfriend helps you stay clear about who you are as a wife, mother, daughter, employee and friend. In short they keep you real. They have more than likely experienced what you are going through and can relate to your feelings about a problem or decision you have to make. True friends keep your best interests in mind even when you lose sight of it yourself. They broaden your perspective and ground you when needed.

As mothers we take an active role in helping our children pick the “right” friends. It is amazing the insight we

have when deciding play-dates and who will be invited to our children’s birthday party. Now take the same time and attention to your own relationships. If there is one thing I have learned as a mother it truly “takes a whole village to raise a child.” There is strength in numbers. At the risk of sounding dramatic, we need to be together in this women and motherhood thing. Time to find your book club, Bunco group, knitting club or coffee buddy. Find the women that allow you your escape and sounding board. Make sure each of your friendships are making you a better you. Once you find those soul sisters surround yourself with them, it will be exhilarating!

Now I am working my way to 10 years with the same group of women and I consider them my closest friends. We have helped each other through birth, death, first dates, heartache and celebrations and of course fat and skinny days. They listen, counsel, don’t say a word and hug when needed. I am a better person for knowing them. To my Bunco Babes thank you! To every other Sally out there go find your besties.

• In-Office Procedures: novaSure, Heavy menstrual bleeding, essure, Permanent birth Control

• Normal and High-Risk Obstetrics

• Dr. Trottier has satellite clinics in: langdon, Cavalier, devils lake and Cando. no need to drive, we come to you!!!!

Our medical staff has special training in urinary incOntinence, management Of abnOrmal pap smears, and perimenOpausal symptOms. patient educatiOn is paramOunt and prOmOting gOOd health is Our ultimate gOal.

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains un-awakened.”

— Anatole France

photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

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A bove the national aver age

T hey’re part of the trusted cardiolog y team at Sanford Heart. A team that includes five women, putting Sanford Heart above the national average for female cardiologists. T hese five women’s unique per spectives guide their passion for treating heart disease and preventing it altogether.

Roxanne New man, MD

Chr istina McDowell , MD

JoEllen Kohlman-Petr ick , MD

Sus an Far kas , MD

Raw a S ar ji, DO

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