Dec 2013/Jan 2014 On the Minds of Moms

Anju Sukumaran, MD

Pediatric Endocrinology

Essentia Health-South University Clinic

Dr. Anju Sukumaran, a pediatric endocrinologist, has joined Essentia Health’s South University Clinic in Fargo, N.D. She cares for children and adolescents who have diabetes and hormonerelated disorders, especially thyroid problems, growth concerns and weight issues.

“You can make positive outcomes in your patient’s life, which makes everyone happy,” Dr. Sukumaran says of her work.

Dr. Sukumaran earned her medical degree from Trichur Medical College in Thrissur, India. She served a residency in pediatrics at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York and a fellowship in pediatric endocrinology at State University of New York at Buffalo in Buffalo, New York.

Dr. Sukumaran is certified by the American Board of Medical Specialties in pediatrics.

To schedule an appointment with Dr. Sukumaran, call 701.364.8900.

To see her profile, go to EssentiaHealth.org and click on “Find a Medical Professional.”

on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

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making seasons bright what is the greatest gift you have ever given?

andrea coombs fargo | nd body + being: page 38

The greatest gift I have ever given was given to me by my mother: the gift of self-worth. I don't think there is a gift that has ever served me better. Self-worth has manifested itself in so my ways throughout my life. I grew up not thinking I ever had limitations. "She thought she could, so she did" has been my mantra. It’s a beautiful thing to know that you ARE special and can serve the world in some way. I can't thank my mother enough for making me believe in MYSELF no matter what and it is my hope to give this to my daughter, too. It really is the gift that keeps on giving.

kari klingsporn

hitterdal fargo | nd food for thought: page 52 & 54

I am not a very good gift giver. I fret, pray, and overthink what will be the perfect gift until I am short on time and I end up with a gift not as thoughtful as I would like. However, there is one thing I’ve given that I know was special. It was to my husband. Our relationship was a whirlwind at the start and, like many marriages, brought challenges. We decided early on we’d be each other's ally, confidant, and true best friend. I think my husband would agree that the best gift I have ever given him was me—the good and the bad!

deb uglem moorhead | mn oh, by the way: page 80

My favorite gifts to give were to my nieces and nephews. It was fun to not think about the consequences of a toy gift. Some of my favorite examples: a vacuum that made loud popping noises, a slide for the living room, and a Nerf gun with over a hundred foam bullets [I am sure my sister is still finding those bullets 15 years later]. I was definitely the "cool aunt." The one drawback? What goes around comes around! When I started having kids it seemed as if the toys had more pieces and got louder!

kathleen

just a thought: page 58

|

The greatest gift I've ever given comes in the form of a chance for underprivileged children. My parents, family, friends, and I have a scholarship fund that honors the memory of my brother, Danny, who was a rookie Philadelphia Police Officer killed in the line of duty. His short life matters to those nearly 700 young people who have been gifted a chance through an education. Danny continues to make an imprint on our world.

feature: page 62

gettin’ through it: page 42

The greatest gift I have ever given is bringing my two children, Coralynn and Lincoln, into this world. They are extraordinary blessings to my husband and our families who show us every day what unconditional love really is. All this being said, I know that their existence is really a remarkable achievement of science and faith, but don't I deserve a little credit? Maybe? Just a smidge? Well, I'm taking some of the credit anyway and calling them my greatest gift. Our world wouldn't be the same without them.

marilyn mcmurray

| nd what’s on your mind: page 20

I believe the best gift I have given people is belief. I believe in others before they believe in themselves. I always tell folks if we could exchange eyeballs and if they could see what I see, they would see their true potential. By transferring my belief, I get to watch people transform before my eyes.

wrigley bismarck

nd

fargo

patricia carlson dilworth | mn

78

percent of moms admit to consuming comfort foods at least once a week to help them relax Are you an emo-eater?

3.1 mph is the average speed snowflakes fall Who knew? www.CatalystSpa.com

percent of moms believe their child can get the flu from a flu shot False…that is not the case 10 inches of snow melts down to one inch of water

This small town girl grew up in Webster, ND, in a not-so-small family The second youngest of 11 [nine girls, two boys], Becky Olstad entered the job force as a dental assistant, but after 17 years she decided a career change was in order and went back to school, earning her Early Childhood Education degree from MSUM After long-term subbing at Lewis & Clark and Jefferson Elementary in Fargo, Becky has settled in at Nativity Elementary School for the past eight years, where she is currently a beloved second grade teacher Out of school, Becky enjoys curling up with a good book, taking long walks, and her perfect day is spent at the lake relaxing with her husband Rick, daughters, Samantha [20] and Andrea [18], and stepkids, Karissa [25] and Kelly [23]

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

mod mom beckyolstad

i raised my kids to always… be respectful.

hands-down the toughest age to parent… teenage.

something i hardly ever do but really enjoy… getting a massage.

the ideal day for me would mean… being at the lake with my family. best advice to my younger self… don’t sweat the small stuff.

biggest misconception of being a teacher…

it’s an 8am to 3pm job.

if i had $100 in my hand right now i would… take my husband out for a romantic dinner. most challenging part of being a step-parent… finding time for everyone.

my most cherished possession… my family.

the most fulfilling part of my job… having the privilege to learn something each day from my students.

i would be lost without… my cat, Oreo.

the best book i have ever read…

The Bridges of Madison County.

age 51, fargo nd

i’m most fearful of… losing a child. someday i would like to experience… skydiving!

i find strength in… my sisters.

best advice i can give my children… always do your best.

best holiday recipe i would share over and over… lasagna. when it comes to manners kids… need to learn through example. i love a good… cup of coffee!

did you know

fact or fear…

making confident food choices

story by | commonground north dakota

In today’s world there is a lot of misinformation about the food we purchase, whether it is at the grocery store or farmers’ markets. Moms shouldn’t have to fear the food choices they have to make for their families, or feel guilt because their grocery budget is too small to buy the expensive foods that are perceived to be better quality. Food choices need to be based on fact, not fear, and food labels can be tough to decipher. Here are some common terms and labels you might not know all the facts about, but should:

gmo

Many people don’t really know what GMO means. Genetically Modified Organisms is a biotech term that can sound frightening and is often misunderstood. The fact is there isn’t any nutritional or chemical difference between GMO and NON-GMO grown foods. Biotech crops allow the farmer to use less herbicide and pesticide, which in turn is better for our environment. Biotech crops are modified to be drought resistant and more tolerant to weather issues, allowing farmers to continue to produce the food we need for our nation. Food products are not required to be labeled for GMO, as the USDA has stated there isn’t any difference in nutritional value from NON-GMO, so why label it?

organic

Organic-raised foods have been raised by approved methods that allow over 50 synthetic substances to be applied. Organic-labeled foods are perceived through marketing practices to be better quality, however, the fact is both organic and non-organic food must meet certain health and safety regulations before being sold to consumers. Organic producers are certified by the government to provide eggs, meat, poultry, and dairy that do not contain antibiotics. Farmers who do use antibiotics to keep animals healthy do so humanely and administer them in accordance with industry training and principles, which include a required withdrawal time or a specific number of days that must pass between the last antibiotic treatment and when the animal enters the food supply. These requirements ensure the antibiotics have sufficiently cleared the animal’s system, which diminishes the claim that consumers are experiencing antibiotic-resistant illnesses due to eating products from animals that have been given antibiotics.

hormone free

Hormone free on labels for chicken or pork products is very deceiving. The fact is that all chicken and pork produced in the USA is hormone free. It is unlawful

for American farmers to use hormones. Pretty good marketing, isn’t it? Consumers think the product is better, but it just costs more.

all natural

Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? You would think this is the best for your family, but really it doesn’t mean more nutritional benefits. It only means minimally processed and no artificial ingredients [this only applies to processing of meat and egg products].

grass fed

The consumer sees this as a good practice, complete with nostalgic images of cattle grazing. Most cows are grass fed, but reality sets in when winter does too, or a drought occurs and there is no pasture, or loss of land due to urban sprawl. Animals on a balanced ration of grains containing protein, fiber, and energy are very healthy and produce excellent meat.

free-range

The free-range label conjures up some of the same notions organic does. However, with today’s modern cages you can expect cleaner, safer eggs with lower shell

bacteria compared to free-range eggs. The real value is in the safety issue. The United Egg Producers study showed no greater levels of stress with caged chickens versus free-range. Farmers who are part of the United Egg Producers Certified Program provide sufficient cage space for birds to stand comfortably, turn around, lie down, groom, and stretch their wings. Chickens from modern-cage systems are less expensive than free-range raised chickens and eggs.

When it comes to the choices you make in feeding your family, knowledge is power. So where can you get that knowledge? CommonGround North Dakota [www.facebook.com/CommonGroundNorthDakota] is focused on starting a conversation between the women who grow food and the women who buy it. This conversation is based on our farmers’ experience, as well as science and research. Food safety is a huge issue and something all of our families deserve. CommonGround North Dakota connects people to ensure understanding and trust in the process of how food is grown.

‘tis the season of stress

Joy. Merriment. Sugar cookies. These are the things you should be filled with during the holiday season. But for many busy moms, there is another item on that list: stress! Between turkey dinners, shopping for presents, and trimming the tree, the holidays can be overwhelming.

“Moms are putting all of themselves out there to make a perfect Thanksgiving or Christmas for their families,” says Psychologist Samantha Beauchman, Ph.D., with Sanford Health Detroit Lakes. “But sometimes you have to ask, ‘do you want it to be perfect or do you want to be happy?’ Perfect and happy don’t always go together.”

So this year, keep the anxiety out of the house and focus on what’s really important.

“I tell my patients to just think through the scenario,” says Dr. Beauchman. “If your mashed potatoes aren’t perfect, will people hate you? No. Life will go on. Maybe you can all laugh about it next Thanksgiving.”

But if you find yourself in a panic, take five minutes for yourself.

“Do what’s calming to you,” says Dr. Beauchman. “Sit down, go outside, take deep breaths. Go back to that realistic thinking.”

But maybe the most important thing is to take care of yourself.

“Sometimes your needs get put on the back burner,” adds Dr. Beauchman. “Sleep. Exercise. Take your medications. And find what’s doable for you.”

So banish stress and start enjoying the holiday season. Cheers!

If you are concerned about your health, make an appointment with your primary doctor today by calling your local Sanford Clinic.

photo: sanford health

on your mind?

got guilt?

banishing the guilty mom

story by | marilyn mcmurray

Iwas a guilty mom from the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I remember thinking, “Did I drink any alcohol in the last few weeks?” and “What are the vitamins I heard a friend talk about that I should be taking?? Oh ya, Folic Acid!” I felt like I was failing this kiddo before she was even born!

I remember comparing myself to other moms while dropping my kiddo off at daycare and thinking, “How in the world do they have time in the morning to put makeup on? I am just glad I have clean clothes on and matching shoes.” The mom guilt continued when it came to birthday parties. I was lucky to just have enough food for everyone. I remember going to these amazing themed birthday parties, where everything went together. I think my favorite was the circus birthday with popcorn, peanuts, hotdogs, games, and clown noses for all…it was beyond amazing!

I “thought” I would be a better mom being a stay-at-home mom instead of a working mom. There is guilt on both sides of this, and I was blessed to be able to experience both. For me, staying home brought on an entire new set of “shoulds:” I should have a cleaner house; I should be more patient without the stresses of work; and I should be so grateful. We can’t “should” our lives away. And I felt a piece of “me” was missing.

I would even compare myself to before I had kids, when my closets were organized by ROY G. BIV. If you don’t remember Mr. Roy G. Biv, it is the way I learned the colors of the rainbow and yes, my closet was organized like a beautiful rainbow. I remember a friend saying to me when I was dating my husband, “Maybe don’t let him see how anal you can be.” Well, for those that know me as a mom, you know that my closet no longer looks the way it did pre-kids and neither do my walls! I am okay with that…now. But for a long time I wasn’t. One weekend in April 2013, I met a new friend [I call her my Angel on Earth]. She told me that I was the one making myself feel guilty. She asked if I was treating myself like a friend. Man, she was onto something! I would never tell a friend what I had been telling myself. I would tell myself “I wasn’t enough,” and “I wasn’t being the best mom I could be,” and, “I wasn’t worthy to have it all.” These were things I would never, ever tell my friends. At that time, she also taught me about the power of affirmations [statements we tell ourselves]. One of the affirmations I started in April was that “I am a runner!” The other day I ran 1.6 miles…without stopping! I am telling you, in 6th grade I could not run the mile during our fitness challenge. I will celebrate my 40th birthday on December 31st and I’m now running 1.6 miles without stopping, so, believe me, ladies, these affirmations work! My Angel on Earth also taught me something very profound that weekend. She taught

haleyshope.org

what’s on your mind?

me that I was enough, just me alone. “I am enough” is another affirmation I came home with.

For too long I thought I would never add up to my expectations or the expectations of others; however, now I know in my heart that I am enough—and so are all of you. When I started to look at myself differently, everything else shifted too, including the way I treated my body. I would always eat my emotions instead of dealing with them and struggled with body-image-issues my entire life, until now. Some affirmations that continue to help me affirm this are: “I am loving my beautiful mom body” and “I am using food for fuel.”

For the first time since my son, Wyatt [who is almost 3], was born, I left my kids with my aging parents so my husband and I could take a business trip. I was hopeful all would go well as my dear Wyatt is definitely all boy. My Angel on Earth and some very special friends were with me when my mom called to tell me that she had fallen down our stairs and was going to have to have surgery on her ankle. My mom-guilt kicked in big time. Forget that I was away for my business and my mom told me to stay, I was ready to drop everything and run back to Fargo. My Angel on Earth then read to me, “You are to believe in yourself and your life purpose. You are qualified and ready to follow your dreams. Stay positive and take action without delay.” So, ladies, that day [with tears streaming down my face] I wrote affirmations for guilty moms in the hopes that I can inspire and empower other moms just like me. My life’s purpose is to empower others. Are you ready for some change? You can purchase my Affirmation Cards for Guilty Moms through my website [www.marilynmcmurray.com]. $1 of each purchase is donated to the YWCA Cass Clay!

ROCK ON AND BE THE POWERFUL MOM YOU WERE MEANT TO BE!

Marilyn, a Fargo wife and mama of two, is a Certified Mind-Body-Spirit Practitioner and Empowerment Coach with the tagline “I can help with that!” Being adopted, experiencing an abusive marriage, body-image-issues, a military spouse, feeling discontent at work, and feeling not enough were stories she used to use to define herself. But now she is happy to say, “I am free to be me!” Marilyn’s goal is to inspire and empower others to live the life they were destined to live. Find out more about Marilyn at www.marilynmcmurray.com or visit her on Facebook [www.facebook. com/pages/Marilyn-McMurray/508205162587937].

hit the road, jack! advice for thumb sucking

story by | dakota orofacial myology

Thumb sucking is very common among children.

Infants typically start sucking their thumbs to self-soothe. When a child sucks his/her thumb, it releases endorphins in the brain [feel-good hormones]. This can turn thumb sucking, as well as other forms of sucking habits [finger, thumb, knuckles, tongue, lips, clothing, blankets, etc.], into a habit and a difficult one to eliminate the older the child gets. So what should you know about thumb sucking?

1. is any thumb sucking, at any age, a serious problem or is there a certain point that a parent should become concerned?

Thumb and finger sucking or using a pacifier is developmentally appropriate for babies under 12 months of age. Non-nutritive sucking [thumb-sucking, finger sucking, or pacifier] should only be used to calm a child over 12 months of age.

2. what are some of the consequences of thumb sucking?

There are many reasons that parents should feel

concern about continued thumb, finger, pacifier, or bottle use after 12 months of age. Tooth development and alignment, sound production, swallowing, appearance, and self-esteem may be negatively affected. The teeth can be repositioned from the force of the thumb, resulting in open bite, overjet [buck teeth], and/or crossbite. The development of speech sounds can also be inhibited by the presence of a sucking habit.

3. how can parents help their child stop?

When making the decision to eliminate thumb sucking, it is important for parents to stay positive and consistent. Parents can try as early as five to six months of age to switch the child from sucking patterns to chewing patterns, because this is the time that teeth have typically begun to erupt. Offering an infant a chewing toy when the child is sucking can promote a positive transition from sucking to chewing. A good time to make that change is right before bedtime when the parent is reading a book. The parent can train the child to chew instead of suck during that time of the day. Also, if the child has a “blankie” or other object that he/she associates with thumb sucking, the object should be transitioned out or replaced with a different item [e.g., a stuffed animal instead of “blankie”].

4. when should professional treatment for thumb sucking be sought and what does that entail?

After 12 months of age, it is recommended that pacifiers and thumb sucking be eliminated. If the child continues to suck his/her thumb after this age and attempts to switch the child to chewing rather than sucking have not worked, a consult is suggested. At Dakota Orofacial Myology, a free screening for oral motor skills is available to observe the way the child uses the muscle of the mouth and suggestions are given. A formal thumb-sucking program is typically implemented around four years of age, depending on the child. It may or may not be recommended earlier.

At Dakota Orofacial Myology, we have a program specifically designed to successfully eliminate thumb/ finger sucking. It is a motivational behavioral approach to eliminating thumb sucking. The program is personalized for each child based on his/her needs, and focuses on giving the child the confidence and control to stop

thumb sucking with fun rewarding activities and the skills to maintain it. Let us help your child, call today!

At Dakota Orofacial Myology, a free consult is available for anyone who wants more information regarding the services they provide in the areas of: Orofacial Myology Disorders, Autism Spectrum Disorders, swallowing and feeding, thumb/finger sucking, sensory integration disorders, articulation, motor planning, developmental speech delay, hearing disorders and auditory processing disorders. Phyllis Magelky, M.S., CCC-SLP, COM, Emilee Staehnke, M.S. and Stacy Henrich, M.S. are the experts to trust!

Dakota Orofacial Myology

701.364.9070

3509 Interstate Blvd Ste B, Fargo www.dakotaorofacialmyology.com

december events

1-31

Lindenwood Park Lights

www.fmsertoma.com

Drive through Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Dr, Fargo] and view holiday light displays sponsored by local businesses.

is limited. This event is free and open to the public. Pre-registration is necessary.

6-8

Bismarck Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase

www.prideofdakota.nd.gov

own personal stamp [your handprint!] on a one-of-a-kind clay bowl designed by YOU! This is a free event, but registration is required.

7 & 14

9 Guilty Mom Gathering

701.388.6328

www.marilynmcmurray.com

www.facebook.com/pages/MarilynMcMurray/508205162587937

1,

7, 8, 11-15, 18-20, 21-23

Santa Village @ Rheault Farm 701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer, and sleigh rides! December 1st, 7th & 8th 1pm-7pm, 11th13th 4pm-8pm, 14th & 15th 1pm-8pm, 18th-20th 4pm-8pm, 21st-23nd 1pm-8pm. Free admission with canned goods, toy, or cash donation.

5, 12 & 19

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check 701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly?

Don't take the chance! Safe Kids Fargo/ Moorhead is conducting Car Seat Check Up Events at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm. Space

Find something for everyone on your list at the Bismarck Civic Center. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota! Friday 4pm-9pm, Saturday 9am-5pm, Sunday 11am-4pm.

7

Christmas on The Prairie 701.282.2822

www.bonanzaville.com

Enjoy a beautifully decorated Bonanzaville with cookie decorating, Christmas carolers, horse-drawn wagon rides, music, desserts, and photos with Santa. 1pm-7pm.

7

Muddy Hands 701.551.6100

www.plainsart.org

Each of us is unique in our own way. Head to the Plains Art Museum [701 1st Ave N, Fargo] for this Kid Quest and discover the individuality of artists and ceramics in the Museum’s Permanent Collection. Put your

Jaws, Paws, and lunch with Santa Claus

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Kick off the holiday season at the Zoo! Enjoy lunch at the zoo, free carousel rides, animal encounters, holiday crafts and even meet the big guy himself...Santa! Each family will receive a complimentary photograph with Santa and a special gift. $15 adults, $10 children [members receive $2 off per ticket]. Limited tickets. Purchase in advance. 11am-1:30pm.

7, 14 & 21

Santa Fly-In

701.293.8043

www.fargoairmuseum.org

Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo] at Noon and see Santa fly-in to meet all the good boys & girls!

Are you a guilty mom? Do yu compare yourself to other momsand feel less than?

If you do this is a gathering just for you! Be inspired, be motivated, and know you are not alone. Together, we will find support and start owning our mom power! To register, call or email today. mmcmurray@ cableone.net

Pediatrics ADHD

701.234-2400

www.familywellnessfargo.com

Everyone is invited to the Family Wellness Center [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] to see Dr. Chris Tiongson, a Sanford pediatrician, talk about ADHD. This talk will benefit parents and caregivers, and will provide general information about the disorder, how a diagnosis is made, and what other issues sometimes come along with ADHD [or act like ADHD]. There will also be a question and answer session at the

end so you can get those most pressing questions answered! Free for members and nonmembers, registration at the front desk is encouraged.

11

Bowls for Babies

701.235.5530

www.marchofdimes. com/northdakota

March of Dimes Annual Fundraiser for the babies. Your $20 ticket allows you to come select a uniquely artistic bowl, sample soup from several locally owned restaurants & then keep the bowl as a souvenir! Head to the Ramada Plaza Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo] from 11am-1:30pm.

12-15 & 19-22

Santa Village @ Lincoln Golf Course

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Santa & his elves will set up their workshop at the Lincoln Golf Course Clubhouse in Grand Forks Thursdays & Fridays 4pm8pm, Saturdays 10am-8pm & Sundays Noon-6pm!  Everyone is welcome to meet the elves & make a holiday craft or

two. Come meet Santa and Mrs. Claus on Saturdays and Sundays [1pm-5pm]. Take a ride on a horse-drawn sleigh or stop in to look at the beautifully adorned trees & sip some cocoa. Free admission with donation of non-perishable food item or new toy.

14

Signing Santa

701.261.9734

www.trollwood.org

Hard-of-hearing and/or deaf children and their families are invited to celebrate with Santa at Bluestem Center for the Arts [801 50th Ave SW, Moorhead]! Holiday craft activities, sleigh rides [weather permitting], games, a free luncheon, and, of course, a visit with the "Signing Santa" [using American Sign Language] are all part of this holiday event. Pre-registration required. For more information and to register, call Bruce at 701.261.9734.

15

The Best of the Nutcracker 701.799.4090

und.edu/chester-fritz-auditorium

Enjoy some local talent at the Chester Fritz Auditorium [3475 University Ave, Grand Forks] as the North Dakota Ballet Company & Academy perform their 2013 Holiday Production of “The Best of the Nutcracker” in collaboration with the Greater Grand Forks Symphony Orchestra. Show starts at 3pm. Tickets available online.

15

Skating with Santa

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Skate to Christmas music while visiting Santa at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo]. Hot chocolate and refreshments will be served. A canned food item for the Fargo-Moorhead Food Pantry will be your ticket to get in.

16

North Pole Calling

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Children in Grand Forks who are in kindergarten and 1st grade have an opportunity to talk with Santa or Mrs. Claus! The Clauses are more than happy to call your child and wish him or her a Merry Christmas. Calls will be made from 5pm-7pm. Register your kiddo today!

28

Family Fun Day @ Fargo Force

701.364.3672

www.fargoforce.com

Watch the Fargo Farce take on the Sioux City Musketeers and enjoy $1 hot dogs and $1 pop all day, sponsored by Stop-N-Go.

january events

4

7

11

12 & 26

Bird on a Wire

701.551.6100

www.plainsart.org

Stealth Raptor is just one of the many curious and creative creatures you will find in the Plains Art Museum [701 1st Ave N, Fargo] at this Kid Quest. Let your imagination soar, using Stealth Raptor as a spark for your creativity when you sculpt your own feathered friend with wire and plaster. This is a free event but registration is required.

7

Tickets on sale for Frozen Fantasy

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Purchase your tickets at the RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] Monday through Friday 8am-5pm and get ready to create some winter magic by bringing the whole family out to this semi-formal dance affair. Let it snow outside while you dance the night away at this fantasy land. The evening will consist of music, dancing and refreshments.

Basic Training for New Dads

701.364.8100

www.essentiahealth.org

This one-evening class at Essentia Health [3000 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 6:30pm-8:30pm, is designed for ‘Dads to be’ and is taught by an experienced Dad. Topics covered include adjusting to fatherhood, how to support Mom, and basics of infant care. Classroom location will be posted on a sign in the main hospital lobby. Free event, register online.

11

Youth Ice Fishing Derby

701.499.6060

www.fargoparks.com

Bring your ice fishing rod and try your luck at the annual Youth Ice Fishing Derby, 12:30pm-2:30pm at the South Woodhaven Pond [4202 Woodhaven Dr S, Fargo] that is stocked with perch, bluegill, and northern pike. Holes will be pre-drilled for participants. This is a catch and release event for ages 15 and under. There is no entry fee and there will be free hot cocoa and t-shirts while supplies last.

Awesome Art Afternoon

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Love art, but hate the mess? Bring your child to this interactive art program to have fun while building a variety of take-home projects. All creative materials will be provided. Adult supervision required. 1pm-3pm at Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo].

11

Paws for Reading

701.241.1495

www.fargolibrary.org

Reading therapy pets will visit the Main Library [102 3rd St N, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, to lend a furry listening ear to developing readers [grades 1-6] as they read out loud. Pre-registration is required. Call 701.241.1495 to reserve a 15-minute session with a furry friend.

Unraveled Crafters

701.476.5977

www.fargolibrary.org

Head to the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for an informal, enthusiastic crafters group for the novice and experts alike. If you are new to knitting or crocheting, we can teach you! All interested crafters are welcome. Free. Contact Lori West at 701.476.5977 or email lwest@cityoffargo. com for details.

15-23

West Fargo Winter Days

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Activities will include Silver Snowflake search, teen dance for West Fargo 6th, 7th and 8th graders, chili cookoff and salsa contest, snow golf, VFW dance, sledding party, open skate, hockey fest, senior luncheon, and more!

16

Fabulous Fashion & Friends

701.293.7273

ww.raccfm.com

The Rape and Abuse Crisis Center and My Best Friend's Closet have teamed up to bring you a night of glamour, gal pals, and giving back. Enjoy a delicious dinner, dessert, silent auction, and style show at the Fargo Country Club. Social 5:30pm-6pm, Dinner & Style Show 6pm-8pm. Tickets are $25/person or $300 for a reserved table of 10. Seating is limited. Get yours now!

20

Hockeyfest

701.499.6060

www.fargoparks.com

Enjoy an afternoon of Hockey at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-5pm. This free event includes a movie, open skating, and carnival games.

20-24

The Black Frame Boutique

January Special

www.shopblackframe.com

You can't leave for vacation without these spring break must haves! Checkout the week long summer clearance clothes all week!

21

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group

701.361.6611

The mission of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life. This support encompasses emotional, physical, spiritual, and social healing as well as sustaining the family unit. This group meets the third Tuesday of each month, 7pm at Edgewood Vista and Village [4440 37th Ave S, Fargo].

Happy, Healthy & Delicious Holidays with Soy

25

Can I Come In & Play?

218.477.2214

www.mnstate.edu/childcare

The gym at the MSUM Early Education Center [1213 Lommen Hall, 6th Ave & 13th St S, Moorhead] will be open for the community members to come and play! This is a free event for kiddos 16 months to 6 years of age accompanied by an adult. Check out the facility, ride bikes, run, and play with other kiddos.

25

YMCA Ice Fishing Tournament

701.364.4114

www.ymcacassclay.org

Head to the Fercho Y [400 1st Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm for this indoor ice fishing extravaganza! The event, sponsored by F-M Walleyes Unlimited, Y Service Club, and Scheels, includes casting contests, largest fish contest, door prizes and cash prizes, ice fishing tips, ice safety, food, and more! Proceeds benefit Camp Cormorant. For tickets, contact Paul at 701.364.4114. Youth can earn their way to Camp Cormorant by selling tickets!

february events

1

4

Family Winter-ific Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Bring the entire family to Edgewood Golf Course [19 Golf Course Ave N, Fargo] and enjoy a winter day outside. Activities include Clydesdale sleigh rides, free cross-country ski rentals, and sledding. All activities during Family Winter-ific Day are free!

1 & 15

Polar Party

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Winter fun for the whole family! Sleigh rides, open skate, toasty bonfire, hot chocolate, outdoor games, and more! This free event runs 1pm-4pm February 1st @ Northeast Park [1817 8th Ave N, Moorhead] and February 15th @ Lamb Park [1325 14th Ave S, Moorhead].

Basic

Training for New Dads

701.364.8100

www.essentiahealth.org

This one-evening class at Essentia Health [3000 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 6:30pm-8:30pm, is designed for ‘Dads to be’ and is taught by an experienced Dad. Topics covered include adjusting to fatherhood, how to support Mom, and basics of infant care. Classroom location will be posted on a sign in the main hospital lobby. Free event, register online.

7, 8 & 28

Knight for a Princess

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Experience a night of joy and memories to last a lifetime for a special little girl and her escort at the 10th annual daddy daughter dance at the Alerus Center in Grand Forks! This treasured event is for girls, age 11 & under and her escort [daddy, grandpa, or a favorite uncle]. Space is limited. Register online today!

8 Paws for Reading

701.241.1495

www.fargolibrary.org

Reading therapy pets will visit the Main Library [102 3rd St N, Fargo] 1pm-3pm to lend a furry listening ear to developing readers [grades 1-6] as they read out loud. Pre-registration is required. Call 701.241.1495 to reserve a 15-minute session with a furry friend.

8 Sweetheart Ball

701.232.3980

www.rmhcfargo.org

Support the Ronald McDonald House of the Red River Valley at the Holiday Inn [3803 13th Ave S, Fargo], 6pm-midnight, with an evening featuring dinner, a live and silent auction, and dancing at this semi-formal event. Tickets are $75.

8 Awesome Art Afternoon

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Love art, but hate the mess? Bring your kiddo to this interactive art program to have fun while building a variety of takehome projects. All creative materials will be provided. Adult supervision required. 1pm-3pm at Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo].

9 & 23

Unraveled Crafters

701.476.5977

www.fargolibrary.org

Head to the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32 Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for an informal, enthusiastic crafters group for the novice and experts alike. If you are new to knitting or crocheting, we can teach you! All interested crafters are welcome. Free. Contact Lori West at 701.476.5977 or email lwest@cityoffargo.com for details.

12

Mom’s Helpers

701.364.8100

www.essentiahealth.org

An interactive class at Essentia Health [3000 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 6:30pm-7:45pm, for expectant siblings ages 3 to 7. Brothers and sisters will take part in a variety of activities including making a card for the new baby and seeing a newborn. The class shows siblings how to help with a new baby and what is involved in being the special older brother or sister. A children’s tour of Birthing Center is included. Each child should bring a newborn size doll or stuffed animal. Free event, register online.

15

Greenway Ski Days

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Join us, 10am-4pm at Lincoln Drive Park in Grand Forks for a snow-filled day of ski clinics, cross- country skiing on groomed trails, ice skating, snowshoeing, sledding, horse-drawn sleigh rides, and cardboard sled races [1:30pm].

15

B.L.A.S.T. Babysitter's Day Camp

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

Babysitting Lessons and Safety Training is held at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo], for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper-changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15 and meets 9am-3pm. Limited space. Register online.

15

Purple-N-Pucks @ Fargo Force

701.364.3672

www.fargoforce.com

Sponsored by State Farm Agent Jill Henning, the Fargo Force will take on the Lincoln Stars wearing custom purple jerseys that will be auctioned off live following the game with all proceeds benefiting embrace, Sanford Health’s Cancer Survivorship Program.

16

Family Fun Day @ Fargo Force

701.364.3672

www.fargoforce.com

Watch the Fargo Farce take on the Lincoln Stars and enjoy $1 hot dogs and $1 pop all day, sponsored by Stop-N-Go. Don’t forget to bring out your skates to skate with the Force following the game and keep an eye out for a special appearance by SPIDERMAN!

18

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group

701.361.6611

The mission of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, INC is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or in the first few months of life. This support encompasses emotional, physical, spiritual, and social healing as well as sustaining the family unit. This group meets the third Tuesday of each month, 7pm at Edgewood Vista and Village [4440 37th Ave S, Fargo].

23

Family Day at the Dike

701.499.6060

www.fargoparks.com

Sledding, hot dogs and beverages while supplies last for the whole family at Dike West [310 4th St S, Fargo]. Be there 1pm-4pm.

Specialized Massage & Physical Therapy to Treat:

Developmental Delays | Chronic & Pelvic Pain

Bowel & Bladder Dysfunction

Craniosacral Therapy | & much more!

preneur

For Fargo native Theresa Halvorson [46], entrepreneurship was in her genes Both of her grandfathers were business owners, as was her father While in college at MSUM studying mass communications and marketing, she went to work for her parents There she had the opportunity to research and implement business ideas, as well as establish new businesses, and then market and manage them Throughout college and after graduation Theresa continued working for her parents over a 17-year stretch, gaining invaluable skills that would fuel her entrepreneurial spirit In 1996 Theresa, with her husband Barry [her high school sweetheart], started investing in real estate She was quickly drawn to the industry and wanted to make it her career She became a licensed real estate agent in 2004 and two years later opened a real estate brokerage firm she would operate for five years Theresa’s career became her passion and she eagerly soaked up everything real estate, from reading books to attending seminars Soon she wanted to help others get the most out of their real estate careers and opened On Going Education in 2011 In addition to being the head instructor at On Going Education, Theresa is also currently the lead agent on her top-notch real estate team, The Red Key Group of Keller Williams Roers Realty When not connecting with clients and making homeownership dreams come true, odds are you will find Theresa doing what she loves most: following her teenagers, Hunter [17] and Grace [14], to their many activities or spending long weekends with her family at the lake

photos: rialee photography | lauren kuper

theresa

for you, what was the draw to the real estate industry?

Connecting with clients is rewarding on so many levels. To be a part of a client’s dream of homeownership is such a privilege. Every day is different, exciting, and challenging.

how would you describe yourself as an agent?

I never forget for whom I work, whether it be the buyer or the seller. I also never forget the huge responsibility I have in representing my clients’ interests and safeguarding their investment. I’m very patient and believe in educating the client throughout the process.

who can attend on going education and what they can expect?

On Going Education is a real estate education provider. I own, operate, write, and teach the course materials, with the approval of the North Dakota Real Estate Commission. Besides passing a federal and state exam, in North Dakota a resident needs 45 hours of instruction in order to obtain a North Dakota real estate salesperson license. The courses are offered in a live classroom format and anybody interested in obtaining a North Dakota real estate license can attend. One course is 15 hours and the other is 30 hours. A student will need both courses in order to obtain the hours needed for a license. The student must also submit an application and be approved by the North Dakota Real Estate Commission. My courses are not just for real estate pre-licensing. Five of my three-hour courses are also approved for real estate continuing education for agents who are already licensed and need to meet their yearly education requirements.

what one thing do you tell clients when you first meet?

It is really important for the clients to understand they will have frustrations during the process of buying and/or selling a home. It is our job to make the process go as smoothly as possible. Oftentimes, buyers and sellers are hungry for any type of communication. I like to tell them they will receive information as we have new information.

what is necessary to keep your day running smoothly?

All day long I am prioritizing what is urgent, important, and what can wait. I try to schedule and time- block as best I can, but in real estate your day can turn upside down quickly!

what have you learned most about yourself since becoming a mompreneur?

Frustration is part of growth. If I’m not feeling challenged, I’m not growing.

what advice would you give other women considering the mompreneur title?

Keep a well-written business plan and a list of goals going at all times. It is important to allow the business plan and the goals to change and stay fluid. The business plan is essential to assure the ideas support the goals and having written goals keeps you focused.

how do you keep an open line of communication with your teenage kids?

I have adapted to the way that my kids are communicating, which means some of our conversations are done via phone, text, and social media. I’ve also accepted that our “real” conversations are shorter at

this point in their lives. With my kids I also have to slow my reaction time down and sometimes take a deep breath. The issues get bigger as the kids get older and so does the emotion with the reaction. I am really working on “not over reacting,” or, as my kids call it, “freaking out,” so that the lines of communication will stay open. I accept the fact that my kids will make mistakes. If I “freak out” every time they make mistakes or share information I may not want to hear, communication would shut down completely. I’m learning to be respectful of their space and their decisions. Not always an easy task. My favorite way to communicate with my kids is to get them in the car or get them out of town. We love to travel!

what do you hope your kids take away from you as a parent?

My husband and I talk about this question all the time! We hope that we have given them a foundation so they can find their own definition of happiness as they grow older and someday have their own families. Personally, one of my “Big Why’s” as a parent is to create experiences and opportunities for my kids. I want them to know the world has endless opportunities and experiences. It’s important for me that they know I will do whatever I can do to support their goals.

what advice do you have for your younger self?

If I could have given advice to my younger self it would have been to find balance earlier. Success as a mom, wife, business owner, daughter, friend, etc., doesn’t mean you have to take everything on. True success is discovering what is worth taking on. This took me a while to figure out.

shutter bug

timeless

timeless images photography

michelle warren photography tiny sprout portraits

images photography

kayla walter photography

michelle warren photography

kayla walter photography

rialee photography

tiny sprout portraits

yoga you think you know?

story by | andrea coombs

Yoga…what comes to mind when you hear that word?

Even if the closest you have been to yoga class is owning your beloved Old Navy yoga pants [perfect for weekend lounging], odds are you have a general concept of what yoga is. And, sadly, you might have some misconceptions about yoga as well. Over the years I have heard it all. Let’s dispel some common misconceptions of yoga that might be holding you

back and let’s get those yoga pants in a class, where they belong!

you have to be flexible to do yoga

If only I had a dime for every time I’ve heard this! This is EXACTLY why you should add yoga to your workout routine. Many of us spend hours contracting muscles and very little time lengthening. Lengthening and softening the muscles can provide relief of chronic pain, if done correctly. No one ever starts yoga looking

like a Cirque de Soliel acrobat. That is NOT what yoga is all about. Yoga provides an opportunity for you to have a complete mind-body experience. Yoga is NOT about touching your toes. I tell my students this daily. Every single body is built differently. What is available to the person sitting on the mat next to you may not be available to you EVER. You HAVE to get over competition for yoga to truly be a useful tool in your life. I personally can stand on my hands, but I will never, ever have a beautiful backbend and that is OKAY with me. It doesn't keep me from trying or being a true yogi!

yoga is for girls

Yes, most of my classes are predominantly women. It would be fantastic to see this trend change, because the benefits of yoga are universal. I have a handful of men who come to class, my husband being one of them. I can tell you…men need yoga! Men have so much more muscle mass that finding length in their bodies is extremely beneficial. Another trend that is just starting to make its way into the mainstream is children's yoga. Children have a busybody mentality. Yoga provides some time and techniques to calm a child’s brain. At VAYU [pronounced Vi-You], we do fun and funny poses to add some playfulness, but we always add a "quiet time" at the end—known as savasana [pronounced sha-VAH-suh-nuh]. I have found my daughter at home with an eye pillow in corpse pose! It is very cute!

if you’ve been to one yoga class, you’ve been to them all

There are many different styles of yoga. They range from restorative yoga, where in an hour class you only do three or four poses, to vinyasa style, in which you have one breath per movement. The MOST important secret in yoga is to find an instructor you LIKE! If you enjoy a vinyasa style class, it does not mean you will love every vinyasa class you go to. Teachers are key. Every teacher teaches in her own voice. Finding one that you enjoy is priceless!

Everybody is looking for something different in their practice. Take classes to explore different styles. I used to think I would HATE a restorative class. I like to move my body! Sitting still sounds like torture, but restorative yoga is just what I need. I need to calm my mind; even though it is a struggle for me, I take the

time to find stillness. Many times what you don't like to do is what your body needs the most.

yoga is just easy stretching, it’s not a real workout

True, some types of yoga are easy stretching, but they are very challenging for the mind. A true mind-body "workout" is the most beneficial. It is something you take with you after the class is finished. Other types of yoga can put a seasoned athlete to shame.

After nearly 17 years of doing yoga, I was exposed to something new while on vacation in Las Vegas. I saw an advertisement for aerial yoga and thought, “Why not?” I loved it! Aerial yoga uses a fabric hammock to help you achieve traditional yoga poses. You do not need any aerial or acrobatic experience, or yoga, for that matter. I fell in love with everything aerial yoga could offer and became certified. I now offer two different types of aerial yoga. One uses traditional yoga poses supported in the fabric. The other is a more acrobatic, fitness type of aerial class. Do your research and practice with an open mind. You never know what you will discover.

yoga is too expensive

In Fargo you are getting a bargain! Studio yoga is usually very different from big-gym yoga. Yoga has changed my life, so I believe the admission is priceless! As far as other hobbies go, yoga comes in pretty low on the economic scale. All you need is a mat, a pair of yoga pants, a fairly form-fitting top, and, voila! You are a yogi! Try one class. It could be the best $10 you’ve ever spent!

Yoga is a passion for me and I hope this has rid any misunderstanding that has been holding you back from trying yoga. So before you throw out an “I can’t,” or “I’d never,” or “It’s not for me,” give a yoga class a try and decide for yourself.

Andrea is a friend, sister, wife, mother of two, and owner of Vayu Yoga [www.vayu-yoga.com] in Fargo. Andrea’s passion for yoga started 17 years ago after taking her first class. This registered yoga instructor recently added an Unnata Aerial Yoga Certification to her credentials and offers her clients a diverse selection of classes. If Andrea isn’t in her studio you can find her chasing her kiddos from sporting event to sporting event or relaxing at the lake with family and friends.

story by | patricia carlson Stigma. Shame. Stereotypes.

The 60 million Americans age 18 and over suffering from a mental health disorder face this ‘Three S’ factor daily. It’s usually made public when a traumatic event like a mass shooting or a suicide occurs, or a pop star is admitted to the hospital on a psychiatric hold.

What we don’t hear about often enough is the numbers of American children struggling with mental health issues each and every day.

who is this happening to?

The statistics are staggering:

• The National Alliance on Mental Illness [NAMI] states that four million US children and adolescents suffer from a serious mental disorder

• The US Department of Health and Human Services reports that only about 20% of children with mental disorders are identified and receive mental health services

• In 2010, suicide, which can result from mental disorders, was the second leading cause of death among teens age 12 to 17, according to the US Centers for Disease Control

Despite our belief that our children live a safer, more protected existence because of our geography, kids in the Red River Valley are no exception to this national mental health crisis, says Dr. Charlotte Siemens, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Prairie St. John’s in Fargo.

“I’ve been here for 21 years and I can tell that things here have deteriorated more with children struggling with these types of problems,” says Dr. Siemens. “What I heard when I first came here was, ‘we don’t have gangs

here.’ Well, I can tell you that within a couple of years we had gangs here. Now we are facing problems with refugee families who don’t have the same number of support services provided for them as they did when they initially arrived.”

what’s affecting our kids?

Here are some of the most common children’s mental health disorders Dr. Siemens and the team at Prairie St. John’s treat:

• attention deficit hyperactivity disorder [ADHD] A condition featuring persistent inattention, hyperactivity, and/or impulsivity. When activity levels are normal or low, it is usually called attention deficit disorder [ADD]. Treatment typically includes medication.

• depression Sadness that becomes persistent, or turns into disruptive behavior interfering with normal social activities, interests, schoolwork, or family life. It is a serious illness, but treatable.

• anxiety Nervous, anxious, worrisome, fearful. When these emotions occur at such levels or frequency

that they interfere with your child’s routine life, medication and psychotherapy can help.

• autism spectrum disorders A brain disorder that makes it difficult to communicate with and relate to others. Symptoms such as limited or nonexistent verbal skills often appear before your child turns three. Behavioral training has provided benefits for these children.

• substance abuse disorders Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. The use of heroin and ‘club drugs’ like MDMA [more commonly known as ‘Ecstasy’ or ‘Molly’] and methamphetamine [called ‘Meth’] are rising among adolescents. Marijuana use is highly prevalent. Drug education and prevention programs for kids like D.A.R.E. have been shown to curb use.

Signs of a mental health issue can include anger, refusing to go to school, struggling with classes and homework, temper tantrums, withdrawal, having issues with authority, and aggression. Displaying one or more of these signs doesn’t mean your child has a mental health disorder, though. There are lots of things mental health professionals need to find out before a diagnosis, if any, needs to be made.

“I view myself as a detective,” says Dr. Siemens. “What’s going on that is making this happen?”

why is this happening to our kids?

Dr. Siemens says there are a variety of reasons why so many of our children are dealing with mental health issues.

signs of a mental health issue can include anger, refusing to go to school, struggling with classes and homework, temper tantrums, withdrawal, having issues with authority, and aggression

We’ve been at Oak Grove for four years and are thankful every day that we made that decision. Our boys have made close friends and have also grown close to their teachers because of the small class sizes. We are so excited to hear that Oak Grove is expanding their Elementary School - now more familes can experience Oak Grove like we have.

For one, we are more aware of things like Autism Spectrum Disorders [ASD], although there is a lingering debate why it is so prevalent.

“Are we just recognizing it more or are there things in our environment that are increasing those problems?” questions Dr. Siemens. “There is no answer to those questions yet, but there is certainly a lot more research and emphasis on ASD and interest in developing appropriate treatments.”

Dr. Siemens says she and other psychotherapists at Prairie St. John’s are also concerned about the levels and types of parenting we’re choosing. She says parents often feel overwhelmed with balancing their demanding work schedules and home life and this is affecting their decision-making and leadership skills at home. Additionally, our dependence on electronic and social media, especially in our children’s lives, has lead our kids to feeling entitled and given them a false sense of maturity and independence.

“Kids today feel like they can make decisions on their own without having to ask permission,” she explains, adding, “and part of that has to do with the immediate access they get to everything, like the internet. Kids are making very bad choices for themselves because they don’t have proper supervision.”

Dr. Siemens does not underestimate the pressure and stresses parents feel in our increasingly hectic lives, but she doesn’t let parents off the hook either.

“We are dropping the ball with supervising and parenting our children,” she states. “We are allowing them privileges at younger ages that they don’t need. That, in fact, can be harmful to their development into mature adults.”

She says more parents need to feel, and act, like responsible role models for their children. This means parents not only need to be healthy, functioning members of society and the workplace, but they need to teach their children the life skills [like laundry, bill paying, punctuality] they’ll need to thrive on their own. It may sound silly, but do you really want to send your 18-year-old off to college without knowing how to wash his own clothes?

how do we help our kids?

The best way to ensure our kids are getting the guidance and structure they need is to be engaged in their lives. If you can’t [we know that things get hard sometimes], be open to accepting the support of your community.

“This has been said before, but I really do believe it, ‘It takes a village to raise a child,’” says Dr. Siemens.

Dr. Siemens believes that coaches - athletic, drama, musical, whatever - can be great mentors. She also recommends reaching out to family members who are appropriate, clergy, teachers, principals, and community service advocates, to offer a positive influence.

If your kid still seems troubled, you may want to consider a mental health evaluation, which can be done by a pediatrician, family practitioner, or child psychiatrist.

Prairie St. John’s offers these evaluations 24/7 over the phone or on a walk-in basis. Clinicians will meet with you and your child. There will be lots of questions and information given to help your child understand why he is getting evaluated and to determine the best level of care.

In an immediate crisis, your child may be admitted to an inpatient treatment program. In some cases, Prairie St. John’s partial hospitalization program [PHP] may be a better fit. PHP allows school-age children and adolescents a safe place to receive individual therapy and group counseling while maintaining a partial course load so they don’t get so far behind in school. It runs Monday through Friday from 8:30am to 3:30pm. Outpatient referrals are another option.

It’s important to know your child will not ‘outgrow’ a mental health disorder, but it can be effectively treated with therapy, medication, or a combination of both. The worst thing you can do for your child is to ignore the warning signs.

“Untreated disorders can lead to suicide, poor peer and family relationships, academic difficulty and, later in life, the inability to hold a job,” says Dr. Siemens.

Put aside stigma, shame, and stereotypes. There is hope...there is healing.

source: WebMD.com

Tim Johnson was raised in a small town in central Minnesota with an older brother and two older sisters He attended Northwestern College in St Paul to “figure out what he wanted to be when he grew up ” While he’s still working on that, by day Tim is the afternoon host at Life 97 9, and by all the other time, he is husband to Whitney [ten years and going] and dad to Owen [8], Asher [7], and Olive, who will be one in February Tim is one of the fortunate people who loves his job [describing it as simply “a blast”] and has a supportive spouse to share his life with “She sees the best in me,” he says “She overlooks my rough edges and sees what's good, and it makes me want to be a better person ”

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

best mistake i’ve made… it's not a mistake, per se, but meeting my wife and getting married so young comes to mind. I'm sure others thought we were making a mistake or rushing things, and it turned some heads as we quickly fell in love and planned a wedding, but it's been a great ten years! She's the best!

i always feel compelled to act when… my son, Asher, is carrying scissors! He's the artist of the family, and at times our entire house becomes the canvas. We often hide scissors, tape, yarn, duct tape, paper, coffee filters, gift bags...such items have been used for elaborate avant-garde art displays. So we've learned to keep a close eye on Asher and his projects.

age 31, moorhead mn

i’m a big believer in… love. Love grows you and refines you. I'm such a better person today because I love and am loved by my wife and kids. i would one day like to travel to… Ireland, maybe? It looks so charming with the coastline, hills, and castles...like something out of a fairy tale.

three things on my bucket list… renew vows with my wife. Go on another "honeymoon." Retire and own his and hers Vespa scooters. i could spend hours… in a quiet house! Doing absolutely nothing. Between the kids, pets, jobs, and chores, our days are so consumed. When an hour of peace and quiet happens, it's just the best feeling.

a talent i wish i had…

I wish I could dance. I'd love to be at a wedding or party and everyone's like, "Come on, dance, dance." And I'm all, "If you insist," and then BAM! Amaze everyone with my dance skills! But I can't dance…not at all.

all-time favorite holiday movie/show…

I love Home Alone! We watch it every Christmas… you filthy animal!

something unique about me…

I have weirdly double-jointed fingers and toes. It's creepy.

they're such a hassle, so I wear whatever I can slip on. I haven't tied a pair of shoes in probably ten years. if i could invent any ‘family’ friendly product it would be…

I'd institute a law or guideline rather than one specific product. It should be illegal to make a kid or baby toy that plays one song - over and over... sure, toymaker, you think it's cute that your glow worm plays ten seconds of "Hush Little Baby." That ten-second tune will haunt parents' dreams!! We hum it in the shower, whistle it at work, hear it every day until we're ready to rip that little worm's guts

the parent product i just don’t get…

I've never been a fan of shoes for babies. Babies can't walk. Why do they need shoes??

i can never see myself doing…

anything dangerous. I'm not a "thrill seeker" at all.

I'm a buckle-your-seatbelts, obey-the-speed limit, use-the-crosswalk kind of guy.

the shoes that best describe me…

I have some Vans and some Toms...I don't like shoe laces,

out! Seriously. It's 2013, we have the technology, let's have some variety!

when it comes to our kids, my wife and i sometimes disagree on… movie night. What's that, Whitney?, you don't want to watch Indiana Jones or Star Wars for the fifth time?? Party pooper.

my most used phone app… snooze...does that count as an app? I tap that thing all morning!

January

The Rape & Abuse Crisis Center and My Best Friend’s Closet have teamed up to bring you a night of glamour, gal pals and giving back. Enjoy a delicious dinner, dessert, silent auction and style show.

Purchase tickets online at raccfm.com. Seating is limited. Get yours right away!

food for thought

recipe recommended by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

Recently, as I basked in a sweet [and noisy] sea of babies and toddlers at a play-date, I rather ceremoniously announced I would love to discuss holiday food traditions with the other moms. I was giddy waiting to pick their brains for new holiday food ideas and hear all about their best holiday traditions. I waited on bated breath for something, anything, to flow forth.  Instead, I saw wide-eyed stares and various murmured comments about their mothers and mothers-in-law not allowing anyone in the kitchen. To my dismay, the conversation was over faster than it started. Most of them had never been a part of their families’ holiday food prep!

Holiday food does not need to be complicated  So many of you super moms are busy baking for the church holiday bake sale, party planning classroom events, making lists and checking them twice, trying to make the holidays special for everyone Let's keep the food part simple, special, and festive!  Enjoy these easy-to-make treats  Consider several batches to hand out as gifts to teachers, friends, and neighbors  Let the kids help for a special afternoon celebrating the season together

peppermint bark

need:

1 cup of crushed candy canes

2 pounds white chocolate peppermint flavoring [optional]

how to:

1. Place candy canes in a plastic bag and hammer into 1/4-inch chunks or smaller.

2. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over simmering water or with a double boiler.

3. Combine candy-cane chunks with chocolate [add peppermint flavoring if desired].

4. Pour mixture onto a cookie sheet layered with parchment or waxed paper and place in the refrigerator for 45 minutes or until firm.

5. Break bark into pieces and store between layers of parchment or waxed paper. Keep chilled.

chocolate-almond bark with sea salt

[makes about 1 3/4 pounds]

need:

1/2 cup sugar

2 tablespoons water

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

1 1/2 cups roasted almonds [not in oil]

1 pound good-quality dark chocolate [62%–70% cacao] finely chopped coarse sea salt [for sprinkling]

how to:

[almonds]

1. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or foil.

2. Combine sugar and water in a small saucepan.

3. Stir over medium-low heat until sugar dissolves.

4. Bring to a boil and cook, occasionally swirling pan and brushing down sides with a wet pastry brush, until caramel is dark amber, about 5 minutes.

5. Remove from heat. Immediately add butter; whisk until melted.

6. Add almonds; stir until well coated.

7. Transfer to baking sheet, spreading out to separate nuts.

8. Let cool. Break up any large clumps of nuts. Set aside 1/4 of nuts.

[chocolate]

1. Stir chocolate in a medium bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water until melted.

2. Remove from heat, add nuts from baking sheet, and stir quickly to combine.

3. Spread chocolate-nut mixture on same baking sheet, keeping nuts in a single layer.

4. Top with the reserved nuts; sprinkle liberally with salt.

5. Chill until chocolate is set, about 3 hours.

6. Break bark into pieces and store between layers of parchment or waxed paper. Keep chilled.

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

tailored traditions

story by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

When it comes to holiday traditions, I like to believe I can think outside of the box—I’m not a big fan of familiarity or the expected. I think this notion comes from my upbringing. Coming from parents whose immediate families were hundreds of miles away, we were never a family deeply set in strictly followed holiday traditions. We never knew from year to year where we were going to be for the holidays, who would be there, or what we’d be eating. I have many fond memories of trekking to St. Louis, Missouri, through horrendous snowstorms to be excitedly greeted by my mom's family at Christmas, and making journeys to the Minnesota-Iowa border to see my dad's crazy-big, blended family. Although I grew up with a scattered family, my generation is different.

My childhood holidays most definitely shaped my need for a seemingly constant mix-up when it comes to events

and food. Even though I aim for something unique and special to bring to the holiday dinner table, I really try to keep it pretty simple. Holiday traditions, food or otherwise, do not need to be extravagant, expensive, or fancy. It's really about making memories that matter to your family. Here are a few ideas of holiday traditions your family may be enticed to embrace:

1. Make a special holiday treat with your kids. The recipes in this issue of OTMOM are easy and don't take any special baking or artistic talent to create and they’re easy enough for kids to help prepare. Make a lot and package as gifts for teachers, neighbors, and friends.

2. Take in a local holiday concert as a family. There are so many great venues in our community for family friendly holiday entertainment. Our family often attends the special Christmas concert Peder Eide puts on at Olivet Lutheran Church in Fargo. Our

area has countless schools, churches, and arts organizations that have great holiday performances for your family to check out—many that are of little or no cost.

3. Do something for yourself. I love to attend a local theatre company's adult Christmas production that usually has me laughing, crying, and taking pause to relish the holidays. Sometimes I go with my mom or friends, and sometimes just by myself—yes, really! It’s wonderful! There are several theatre groups that put on holiday productions—some are traditional, and some are humorous. The Concordia College Christmas Concert is a good bet, too.

4. Do something silly! We have sent prank gifts to my sister-in-law and her husband's doorstep in years past and my mom's family has a long-running tradition of sending funny holiday cards anonymously to one another. Last year our neighborhood started a tradition of "elfing" a neighbor with a goody bag for the whole family. My kids loved creating a simple goody bag for neighborhood friends, depositing the goodies on the neighbor's doorstep, ringing the doorbell, and hiding in the bushes to see the joy their surprise had given to their friends. Don’t let stresses of holidays creep in—have fun!

5. Spend some time with someone special. My husband and I have volunteered to ring the Salvation Army bells with our children several times—the kids absolutely love it! Consider serving meals at a homeless shelter over the holidays and have a conversation about those less fortunate. Gratitude is truly a gift that can keep on giving.

6. Create a themed Christmas dinner. Many times we have had an ethnic dinner for a family holiday gathering. Everyone gets involved in choosing the theme as well as planning and preparing the menu. If going full-on Italian or Mexican is too bold a step away from the traditional for you, how about just assigning courses to different holiday dinner attendees, allowing them to bring their favorite dish in their assigned categories.

7. Remember those you can't spend time with. We always call close friends and family near and far to send good cheer and let them know we are thinking of them. When loved ones have passed away, it is more than acceptable to take time to remember them, too. My husband and I take our kids to my

food for thought

dad's grave over the holidays and have a toast in his memory during our holiday dinner.

8. Enjoy some family togetherness. In the hustle and bustle of the season, stay home one evening or afternoon and just be together, unscheduled and unplugged. Enjoy the beauty of your Christmas tree and decorations. Get the fireplace going and indulge in comfort treats. Pop in your favorite holiday movie and snuggle up with those most precious to you.

9. Don't limit family traditions just to holidays. One thing I relish about living where we do is our four seasons. I find the changing of seasons to hold their own traditions for our family—the first cool weekend when we let a pot of chili simmer for several hours while we play in the beautiful fall leaves, stomping in spring puddles, annual cross-country ski trips with our family, and annual family Fourth of July parties. I think having family traditions year round creates festive times for the marking of life's milestones and can enhance your appreciation for living in the moment.

10. Keep it simple. Enjoy the holidays. This has been my focus the past few years. Being open to tying some of the above-mentioned ideas might just help you enjoy the craziness that comes with the holiday season.

The years of having our kids at home with us go by quickly. Creating traditions that lift you up and bring a genuine joy will never be one of those looking-back regrets. Slow down. Find the time to become enveloped in your family and make the moments in the minutes count.

Kari’s passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on the shores of Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned a Secondary Education degree in Social Studies and English from Concordia College. Although determined to leave the area upon graduation, she instead fell in love with a globetrotting area native, and has lived in the F-M area for 18 years. Kari and her husband, Brent, have spent many long winters perfecting Thai recipes with their three children and eager taste-testers, Gunnar [13], Ava [10], and Ella [5]. Kari takes great pride in her career of stay-at-home mom, which has allowed her to cultivate her love for food and provide imaginative and healthy meals for her family. Just don’t ask her kids about meals that they have labeled “Kari’s Creations!”

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how did spanx get my email at all?

story by | kathleen wrigley

I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but I would like to know how SPANX heard that things are in need of a lift around here? The latest email message [just received moments ago—stick-a-needle-in-my-eye truth] reads: “It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Super Shapers. Get your rear in gear with super powerful shapers that are saving the world from VPL [visible panty lines] and putting a stop to muffin top.” A woman poses in head-to-toe, flesh-colored SPANX—hands on hips—with a red cape and gold arm shields.

I wonder if my twenty-something-year-old cousins get these email “reminders?” You might think I’m a little paranoid and sensitive. Well…you’re right.

We’ve come a long way, Baby. Yet advertisers still seem hitched to the idea that “Beauty equals youth, and youth equals beauty.” The aging woman is a marketer's dream. They fine-tune their messages, reaching into our pores and purses with promises to beautify us by making us look younger, less wrinkly, to lift, tuck, suck, and reverse the natural aging process. And we’re left to ponder whether slathering anti-cellulite creams and

anti-aging ointments really will help us slip into aging more gracefully.

There are a number of new beauty products and ideas, from extending your lashes to tattooing permanent eyeliner. Hey, I’m not opposed to new things.

Long eyelashes are all the rage. Who doesn't want to bat our lashes like Faline [Bambi’s girlfriend]? There’s a new serum on the shelves. You simply glide it across your upper lid and WAH-LAH you have long lush lashes in just two to four weeks. Sounds easy enough…until you read the warnings. Caution: May cause eye color to change…permanently; or may make eyes itchy, irritated, and red. I like the color of my eyes and didn’t want stuff oozing from them, so I went a different route: fake eyelashes. I made an appointment at a local nail salon to have extension lashes glued to my upper lid. Yes, please.

Sitting on a swivel chair with a tiny, non-English speaking woman yelling—what could quite possibly be swear words, for all I know—in my face, she began her tedious task of dipping each lash in globs of black glue and applying them to my lid. “Sit still, Kathleen. This is all worth it,” I assured myself. Every few seconds, I'd pull back, blink a few times, smile [as she continues to yell right in my face], and nod with encouragement. What could possibly go wrong? When my eyelash expert finished, she shoved a mirror in my face and asked…”You want mustache wax?” My eyes were half-opened because my lids were so heavy. I blinked in slow motion, but my facial expression—shock and horror—broke all language barriers. I answered in a hushed, embarrassed tone, “Excuse me? I have a mustache? Really?”

Mirror Mirror…What’s wrong with these people?

Aging is a sign of success. Fortunately, I turned 43 last June. I’ve officially arrived at the stage where, while we want to look our best, our definition of beauty broadens. Companies like DOVE are pushing back. Women [defiantly] are throwing their fists on their hips with the strength of Wonder Woman.  We begin to characterize beauty in terms of life experience and wisdom versus yellow-polka dot bikinis and anti-cellulite creams. We’re evolving! Marketers beware:  dimples are darling. And character counts.

If you asked me for beauty tips in my 20s, I’d probably talk about fashion trends and a good tan. My

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generation spent endless hours with reckless abandon under direct sunlight, dripping with baby oil, for that "healthy” glow. I defined beauty by what I saw…on the outside. Boy, was I dumb.

I spent my 30s—my baby era—in sweats and obscenely large-cupped nursing bras that repeatedly came unsnapped in public and left me hanging, then indiscreetly rummaging around to scoop things back in to place. This decade deliberately defied how my younger self saw beauty. I was too tired to be vain. My style reflected making, having, and raising babies. I was never one of those women who slid back into pre-pregnancy jeans for the car ride home from the hospital. I gained 72 pounds with my first pregnancy. I remember hearing our baby’s first cry after birth, then shifting my attention, “She only weighs 8 pounds? “ I was disappointed at how little the placenta weighed. Yes. I asked. For a year I counted Weight Watchers points and continued to wear my maternity wardrobe. By the time our baby turned one, I was pregnant again. Making, having, and raising babies made me really, really, really…hungry. I once ate three days’ worth of points in one day, all before dinner

time. I felt frumpy and tired, not beautiful. But my babies were healthy and gorgeous, and that was enough.

Mirror Mirror…look at this toothless grin, these chunky legs, and dimply bottom. Aren’t they perfect?

As we age, we begin to include good health habits into our beauty regimen. We schedule mammograms and physicals and preventative doctor's appointments, becoming our own health advocates. DO schedule those appointments, but DON'T be discouraged—even if you’re naked and lying face down on the examination table, having every square inch examined UNDER A MICROSCOPE, and the young, porcelain-skinned dermatologist announces her epiphany, “Now I know why you look so familiar. You’re in my Body Pump class on Friday mornings!” Gadzooks.

Mirror Mirror…Please cover me with the last shred of dignity I have, roll me off this table, and take me home, to my family, who make me feel like a Princess.

Ah, yes. It's all very true. The good news is that the more we practice [aging], the better we get. At 43, I see beauty in my scars. I see beauty in hearing and celebrating your stories. I feel most complete and beautiful when the five of us are tucked into the car for a long, uninterrupted ride. We are healthy, and that's a beautiful thing. I feel like a million bucks when Harper [5] wraps her whole self around me and gushes that she “wuvs” me “tho much.”

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There will always be oils, lotions, needles, and lashes that promise to embellish us. And they might...for a bit. So go ahead. Buy the lotions. Smear them on, but don't limit your routine to these antidotes. Beauty shines brightest through our strength of character. Be kind. Pray hard. Help someone. Be a giver. Read. Write. Work out. Shop. Love with all your might. And smile. Genuine beauty is found in our hearts, our true-life stories, our families, our scars, and our laughter.

Mirror Mirror...You go, girl.

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in church, kids’ school, and politics, and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth-generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia.

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hope in focus samantha meyer

story by | patricia carlson

For years Samantha Meyer stood behind her camera lens taking pictures of smiling new moms and dads cradling their precious newborns. She marveled at their love. She captured their glow. She witnessed their miracle.

Samantha would have to endure tragedy, loss, and trauma before she’d get that triumphant family portrait she could call her own.

Entering her senior year of high school in Breckenridge, MN, Samantha had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. A meeting with a photographer for her senior pictures finally gave her something on which to focus. “I’d always been good at, and liked, taking pictures. I was on the yearbook committee at school,” she says with a smile.

Samantha’s photographer recommended she attend Ridgewater College in Willmar, MN, and major in photography. Two years later, degree in hand, Samantha moved to Moorhead and started taking some business classes to learn the basics before opening her own photography studio.

“That was super boring, though,” she chuckles. “So I said, ‘screw it.’ My parents are both self-employed. If I need advice, I’ll just ask them.”

In 2008 Samantha officially launched her namesake business, Samantha Meyer Photography. Her images are lush, and, at the same time, cozy. Samantha is so adept behind the lens, her subjects seem so at ease in their pictures, it’s easy to forget the technical skill she possesses to capture such personal images.

As her client base grew, Samantha caught the eye of a couple of other successful area photographers and, together, they settled into a shared studio space in downtown Fargo.

All was going well for Samantha. She had achieved her goal of becoming a photographer. Her business had taken off. She was building a house. Soon she would meet Jack.

the right guy

Jack Kelly, a finish carpenter, showed up to do some work at Samantha’s house.

“He worked odd hours so we’d just talk and talk and talk,” says Samantha of those first few meetings.

Jack, a single father still stinging from divorce, wasn’t really looking to start a relationship. Balancing life with his two girls, Lauren and Jadah, and his hectic work schedule was tough enough.

“After raising children by myself, I thought I knew everything,” says Jack. “I was very opinionated. I really tried to scare off Samantha.”

Samantha, going through a breakup herself, didn’t think she was ready to start dating yet, either.

“But when you know, you know, I guess,” she says, with a giggle.

Samantha met his daughters, who were two and four at the time, and Jack poured out his fears to her.

“I remember thinking, ‘She is either an angel or she’s crazy,’” he says of Samantha’s willingness to embrace him and his girls. “She was definitely an angel.”

Samantha and Jack moved in together. Three months later, they got a shock.

the babies

Samantha was pregnant; not how they intended, but once they got over the initial surprise they were elated.

“After all, I had always wanted kids someday,” she states. “And Jack had told me he wanted more children.”

Samantha enjoyed every nuance a first pregnancy brings. The first telltale swelling of her belly. The subconscious moment when her hand reached down to protect the life inside. The knowing smile guarding a precious secret. The undeniable flutter of her baby moving. Then it all crashed to a heart-wrenching halt.

At her 20-week ultrasound, doctors were disturbed by the baby’s underdeveloped extremities and large head size. A follow-up appointment with a peri-neonatologist would reveal the truth.

“Our baby had Spina Bifida, Hydrocephalus, and DandyWalker malformation,” explains Samantha.

In medical terms, Spina Bifida is a permanent birth defect where the spinal column doesn’t close all the way; Hydrocephalus is a build up of fluid deep within the brain that causes immense pressure; and Dandy-Walker malformation is an underdevelopment of the cerebellum, the part of the brain whose primary function is to coordinate movement. Separately, a child can survive one of these issues with surgery, therapy, or other treatments. Together, they equaled a tragic diagnosis for Samantha and Jack’s baby, who they found out was a girl.

“On the ultrasound you could see our baby’s spine unzip itself at the top. You could see the arms were bone nubs. We could see that everything was not good. We were

told our baby would not survive outside the womb,” whispers Samantha as she wipes away tears.

Samantha had a terrible decision to make, one that weighed heavily on her heart and soul. Doctors warned that carrying the baby to term could put her in danger. Once the baby was born, there was no telling how long she would suffer before her inevitable passing. Samantha was wracked with guilt and sadness.

“She was so sad. I know she didn’t want to end that pregnancy, but as a mom, what do you say, because she’s also my baby, too,” weeps Samantha’s mom, Beth.

In the end, Samantha picked “the safest option.” Doctors induced labor the day after her birthday. “She didn’t survive, we knew she wouldn’t,” says Samantha, of the little girl they named Charli.

Samantha had Charli’s teeny, tiny feet tattooed on her neck, a way to keep her baby girl close by. But even as

an angel, Charli couldn’t protect her mom from the emotional abyss Samantha fell into.

“I was a mess,” Samantha admits. “It was an ugly time.”

One day, Samantha reached a particular low point and locked herself in a closet, unable to stop the constant flow of tears that streaked her face. The guilt was overwhelming, claustrophobic.

“She always tried to put on the bravest face,” says Beth. “She would try really hard not to cry. But this time I told her, ‘You need to get help. You can’t pretend you’re happy anymore.’”

Samantha started seeing a psychologist. “Any other person living my life would’ve done that,” she says. “In a way it helped, but it also didn’t, because the therapist had no clue what I was going through.”

Samantha turned to an online support group through BabyCenter.com where she could pour out her feelings.

“These women truly knew how I felt,” says Samantha.

The group, tagged ‘Trying To Conceive,’ included about a dozen women from all over the country who were on their own quests to become mothers. Although they’ve never met in person, one of Samantha’s best friends is Braizee Hinkley from Odessa, Texas.

“I could talk to her about anything,” Braizee says. “I had friends for 15 years and I felt like I could tell her more than I could tell them.  She’s one of the most true people I’ve ever known.”

Their bond was like a sisterhood – connected by honesty and realness. “I could almost feel Samantha’s sorrow

They were ready to try again. In June 2011 Samantha was elated to learn she was pregnant for a second time. Six weeks in, though, she supposedly miscarried.

“A couple of weeks later I was still sick. It felt like the flu. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong so I went to the doctor,” tells Samantha. “They ran tests for the flu and strep throat and both came back negative. Then the doctor looks at me and says, ‘Your pregnancy test is still positive.’”

An ultrasound later that day confirmed the pregnancy. Samantha was floored. “I started bawling and was like, ‘Is this the meanest joke ever?’”

across the miles. I felt like I was losing her baby, too,” said Braizee.

Seven months passed. Samantha found a new normal and a new rhythm in her life with Jack. They understood one another better and their bond was stronger than ever.

“Jack and I are opposites. If I see someone cry, I’ll lose it,” says Samantha. “If he sees me cry, he’ll hug me. But he doesn’t cry. He’s my rock.”

Doctors ordered another ultrasound the following week to confirm the health of this pregnancy. That’s when Samantha and Jack got another shock.

“The specialist looking at the film takes a big breath, and I’m like, ‘Here we go again,’” says Samantha. “And then she says, ‘It’s in your cervix.’”

A cervical pregnancy is a rare form of ectopic pregnancy in which the pregnancy implants in the lining of

the endocervical canal. The danger to the mother is extremely high. If the placenta ruptures, the mom could hemorrhage and bleed out. In most cases, a cervical pregnancy ends on its own during the first trimester, but the more advanced a pregnancy gets the higher the risk for major bleeding, resulting in a hysterectomy or even death.

The next hours were a whirlwind. Samantha was taken by LifeFlight to the Mayo Clinic to meet with specialists. Jack raced home to pack some bags. There was no telling how long they’d be gone. He phoned Samantha’s family. ‘It’s urgent,’ he said. ‘You need to come to Rochester.’

To Samantha, the whole situation seemed like another punishment. For what, she couldn’t explain. The flashbacks of guilt were paralyzing.

“I thought it was happening because I induced labor with my first pregnancy,” she says softly. “I was blaming myself. I mean...another baby with no chance of survival? Did I do this to myself and the baby?”

the scare

There was no option to continue the pregnancy. Doctors recommended a course of action common in cervical pregnancies. A shot is given to terminate the pregnancy, followed by a chemotherapy drug to help the body

“Doctors said they’d never seen a pregnancy like this go so far as hers,” Jack explained, visibly shaken with the memory. “If the baby and the placenta ‘fell off’ her cervix, it would leave a gaping hole inside her and she’d bleed out immediately. What was frightening is that everything looked normal to us, it just wasn’t to the doctors.”

naturally pass the placenta. However, Samantha’s placenta continued to grow. Doctors had never seen anything like it.

“I was in the ICU on high alert because they were still concerned that my placenta could burst,” says Samantha. Days turned into weeks. Samantha was released from the ICU and, eventually, from the hospital but she needed

to stay in a nearby hotel in case something happened. Another four weeks passed with no improvement. Doctors decided surgery was the next option.

“Everything was supposed to be outpatient. I was so excited to be going home,” remembers Samantha.

Then the worst thing possible happened on the operating table. Her placenta ruptured, she hemorrhaged, and died. Doctors rushed to save her. One unit of blood. Two. Three. They just went right through her. Finally, minutes later... a heartbeat. More blood. In all, she needed seven and a half units of blood. An adult Samantha’s size has approximately four to five units in her body.

“They told me they had the biggest blood machines in the hospital going and they still couldn’t keep up,” says Samantha.

The surgeons tried everything to keep Samantha stable. But in the end, they had to do the one thing that Samantha feared the most—take her uterus. It was the only option to save her life. She was 25 years old. She lay in the hospital bed thinking she’d never get her chance to be a mother. It was over.

“That was a day I’ll never forget. I went there to bring her home and we almost lost her,” sobs Beth.

Jack had returned to Fargo for work several days before, thinking Samantha would be home and healthy after her surgery. Instead, he found himself racing toward Rochester wondering if his beloved, who had already been through so much pain, was going to pull through this tragedy. When Jack walked in, Samantha had three transfusion lines going—one in her neck, one in each arm.

“The first pregnancy she had to make fast decisions. With this pregnancy, there wasn’t a decision to be made,” says Jack. “The whole situation has been very humbling. As a man, you become a lot more sympathetic and stand by them. A man doesn’t understand how a woman truly feels. You’re less alike than you think. I learned to stand by Samantha and let her make the decisions.”

He embraced his role as Samantha’s caretaker. He learned everything he could about her conditions and her recovery. He read about and kept track of her medications. He reached out to Beth to talk about Samantha’s emotional needs and what type of support she’d need. Most importantly, he loved Samantha as

fiercely as he had when she was the healthy, hopeful girl with big dreams he’d first met. Samantha had floored him then, and she continued to floor him with her strength and conviction.

Beth says she was blown away by Jack’s love for her daughter and his willingness to help in her recovery any way he could. Even if it meant standing next to Beth while they bathed Samantha together in the hospital.

“That was THE moment. My naked daughter was in between us. And I said to him, ‘You realize you’ve crossed a line now and you’re a part of us whether you like it or not,’” remembers Beth with a hint of smile. “You don’t do something that intimate and think you’re still going to be strangers. We were all family now.”

Family was about to play an even bigger role in Samantha’s life.

the gene

Samantha’s friends, like Braizee from the online support group, marveled at her resilience—physically and emotionally.

“If it were me, I would’ve hid in a corner and felt sorry for myself and felt doomed,” says Braizee. “But here she was, going through lost pregnancies and she nearly lost her life herself and she lost her ability to bear children, but instead of leaving our group, she was still there for us. She was still ecstatic for us whenever one of us would find out we’re pregnant. She didn’t run. She didn’t hide. She didn’t pity herself. She never gave up hope.”

But Samantha had another crucial decision to make about her body and her survival.

Long before her quest to become a mother began, Samantha had watched her own mom struggle to recover from a double mastectomy and oophorectomy [ovary removal surgery]. The women in Beth’s maternal family line have all been carriers for ‘the Breast Cancer gene.’ It’s called BRCA1 [there is also BRCA2]. Research suggests 55 to 65 percent of women who inherit a harmful BRCA1 will develop breast cancer and 39 percent will develop ovarian cancer by age 70. Seven months after losing her second pregnancy, Samantha learned she was a carrier of BRAC1 and, with her family history, doctors told her the chance of developing cancer soared to 90 percent.

“Knowing I wanted to have a baby, I made a decision to start proactive care at a pretty young age,” says Samantha, speaking bluntly, having long ago removed the emotion tied to it for the sake of her survival and sanity. “I had control over it. My mom always said it’s like looking into a crystal ball. We can foresee [the cancer] happening.”

In March 2012 Samantha had both breasts removed. She wanted her ovaries taken out, too, but her doctor, citing Samantha’s young age and knowing how badly she still wanted to become a mom, advised against it.

“We still wanted to have a baby,” says Samantha. “So Jack and I started researching surrogacy and we said, ‘Let’s do this.’”

the gift

Amanda Dahmes from Alexandria, MN, was looking for just the right family.

“I wanted to help a family have a baby by being a gestational carrier,” she explains.

Finding a suitable family was tough for both Amanda and Samantha.

“I was so frustrated,” recalls Samantha. “I wrote a post on Facebook stating just that.” Amanda had done the same thing. A mutual friend of both the women saw their posts and took action.

“Our posts showed up right next to one another in her newsfeed,” Samantha says with a laugh. “So we were introduced and decided to get together.”

“When I first met Samantha, I was really nervous. Like a first date,” laughs Amanda. “But we hit it off. Everything I wanted, she wanted. Everything I feared, she feared. We had similar beliefs. Morals. Family histories. I felt like I was talking to myself in another person’s shoes.”

This was right…for everyone. Legal papers were signed. Physical and mental health evaluations were performed. Everything was a ‘go.’

Unfortunately, the first in vitro fertilization procedure didn’t result in a pregnancy. Everyone was disappointed. In early November 2012 Amanda was again implanted with Samantha and Jack’s embryos. Due to the financial implications, this would be the final attempt. Several weeks later, an ultrasound confirmed she was pregnant.

Samantha was finally going to be a mom and Amanda was going provide that gift!

The women formed an amazing bond. Samantha was there for every appointment. Amanda filled Samantha in daily on everything she was experiencing. Both women anxiously awaited the arrival of this new baby.

On July 5th at 11:15pm Samantha and Jack welcomed baby Finnegan Hudson Kelly to the world. They were at Amanda’s side throughout her entire labor and Samantha was the first to hold her little boy. Finally... she was a mom.

“I’m a baby hog,” she admits. “I want to do it all. I want to experience all of this for myself. I missed out on nine months of being pregnant. I won’t miss anything more.”

Jack is enjoying fatherhood from a completely different perspective now, too. He is getting to share the experience with three remarkable women [Samantha, Amanda, and Beth] who are, in turn, showing his daughters, who are now six and eight, what it means to persevere and love.

“This is a circle of very strong women,” he states simply. This past September, Samantha had her ovaries removed

“Amanda is an amazing person, an amazing woman,” says Jack, cradling his handsome little guy in his arms. “We couldn’t have done this without her.”

“It’s something I never thought would happen,” marvels Samantha. “It seems so unreal that it actually happened.”

Looking at her baby boy, fast asleep, Samantha sees how her past molded her future.

“There was a time where I was like, ‘Why me? What did I do to deserve this?’” wonders Samantha. “But my dream changed when I met Amanda because I wanted to share my dream with her. And she shared her dream with me. Maybe this happened to me to help make her dream come true.”

the mom

Finn goes everywhere with Samantha. Motherhood is everything she always thought it would be.

in another effort to combat the risk associated with carrying the BRCA1 gene. Samantha’s decision to have this surgery and her mastectomy were validated when abnormal cells were found after pathology analyzed her ovary tissue.

Looking back at the snapshots of her life, Samantha sees that the belief that things can, and will, get better is what pulled her through her darkest times.

“If I can help one person know that whatever she is going through is not the end of the world, of her world, then it’s worth it,” she says. “You have choices to make and you can choose to be miserable or go on and be happy for what you do have.”

Samantha is happy. Now it’s her turn to be the mom in front of the camera. Her family portrait is full… full of blessings, hope, and happiness.

if i can help one person know that whatever she is going through is not the end of the world, of her world, then it’s worth it

photos this page: samantha meyer and alicia bertram

ready, set, grow

perfectly… imperfect

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

Us mamas, we just want to do this parenting thing ”right,” right? When we are old and grey, playing bingo [and winning] in the old folks’ home and junior comes to visit, we want to turn up our hearing aid as he looks us in the eye and says,“You were a really great mom.” So how will we accomplish this? Well, by being our perfect selves, of course. What? You didn’t know that was possible? Perfection? Yep! Because we KNOW we are going to make mistakes, do things we wish we hadn’t, and simply screw-up randomly without intent…we’re imperfect, and that is simply perfect, because each and every one of us mamas is just that…imperfect. Let’s celebrate our mama perfection and look at some common mistakes we are known to make traveling through Mamaville!

at three months, 30% of wee ones can sleep for six hours at a stretch

[0–18 months]

It’s Friday and nothing [I repeat, nothing!] is scheduled for tomorrow. How great would it be to sleep until the sunshine pours through the window, until after the paper boy has made his delivery, until after the neighbors have been to and from soccer practice…simply to sleep longer than your wee one has dictated during the last months. Then, “Light Bulb!” You’ll just keep him awake a couple hours longer than usual and he’ll sleep longer in the morning, right? Umm, not so much.

s-l-e-e-p, find out what it means to me

If you stay up past your bedtime, you sleep in, right? So it seems logical this would elicit the same response in your wee one. Well, odds are this strategy will result in your wee one waking up at his normal time and all you’ve accomplished is a tired, crabby wee one for the

day. Here are some wee-one sleep tips to help you get a few more ZZZs:

• ain’t broke, don’t fix it If your wee one is sleeping through the night, don’t change anything! Mama want more sleep? Mama go to bed earlier or swap get-up duty with your honey. Treat a sleep schedule that is working like a wild mountain lion that hasn’t eaten in a month…don’t mess with it.

• beddy-bye before too tired When your wee one is tired, he’ll show it. Yawning, rubbing his eyes, fussing, and looking away from you are all signs of his tiredness. The real mama-trick is getting him to bed before he is overtired. An overtired wee one can have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Watch for the signs and get into your routine before cranky, too-tired wee one emerges.

You love that tot of yours. You welcome time together, look forward to it, won’t trade it for the world…but a little tot-free time would be okay, wouldn’t it? Now, before you run out the door, don’t forget the sitter. Successful tot-free time starts with successful sitter implementation.

i’ll be right back

Making the most of your time without tot in tow starts with picking a good sitter and you setting the stage for successful time away. Here are some common babysitter mistakes to stay clear of:

• friendly ties Maybe you have a friend with a child who is perfect babysitter age. Wonderful, but don’t make

tots

• got digits Make sure your sitter has all the important numbers needed. Don’t just leave your cell number. Who should be contacted if you don’t answer? Leave the number.

• leave, already Everything has been talked about and agreed upon, now what? Mama exit stage left. Leave, already! A big mistake you can make is prolonging the goodbye between you and your tot. Make a quick getaway and call a few minutes later to see how your tot is holding up.

• happy sitter, happy mama A babysitter who is responsible, you like, and your tot likes is a gift. Keep the sitter happy. Set your expectations for success and effectively reimburse a good sitter and you’ll stay at the top of his/her job list.

a 2012 report from the National Marriage Project found that married men and women who have "couple time" at least weekly were 3.5 times more likely to report being "very happy" in their marriages, compared with those spending less alone time with their honeys…call the sitter!

it takes muscles of the chest, neck, jaw, tongue, and lips to produce speech

preschoolers [3–5 years]

It is so easy to do. Your preschooler is at it again. You just reach your limit and before you know it, you’re… YELLING…ALL THE TIME…AT EVERYTHING! NOT… ahumm, excuse me…not so good.

i’m

talkin’ to you

Yes, we are going to yell. It’s inevitable. I mean sometimes it’s a matter of safety [i.e. THAT’S NOT FOOD or GET OFF YOUR SISTER’S HEAD]. The problem arises when your first response, regardless of the offense, is yelling. Overuse it and it quickly loses its impact. Here are some tips to help you curtail the yelly mama syndrome:

• 1.2.3.4… Sometimes mama needs a timeout too. When you feel you’re reaching your breaking point after you just told him to pick up his toys five minutes ago and NOTHING HAS BEEN TOUCHED...take a

minute, breathe, count to 10, collect your emotions, and think about what you’re going to say calmly, rather than yelling.

• mean business Don’t get stuck in thinking yelling is the only way to administer discipline or show your preschooler you “really mean it this time.” Us mamas are gifted with the ability to speak volumes with a simple furrow of our brow, hard stare, or stern tone…use it to get your point across effectively.

• mess with the bull, get the horns The best way to make sure your preschooler listens to you the first time before you have to yell? No idle threats. Follow through with the consequences you have laid out or your preschooler is going to push boundaries.

It’s already Wednesday…spelling test, library check-out, need lunch money…tonight is hockey and church… pick-up dry cleaning…tomorrow you have that big meeting with the new client…slow down, mama! Don’t get so caught up in all the “have-to-do’s” that you miss the really important stuff.

time keeps on tickin’, tickin’, tickin’

It is so easy to get overwhelmed with all of our daily responsibilities and big kid’s activities that we miss out on real quality time with our kiddos. What is quality time? It is any activity where you and your big kid are interacting. Quality isn’t related to length of interaction, so don’t stress yourself out that you didn’t sit with your big kid for an hour today. Life happens, but you can

big kids [6–9 years]

make your time together real quality time, even if it is a few short minutes:

• do something Interaction means doing. Not sitting watching a movie, but rather being active, having an exchange, enjoying each other. Play a game, go for a walk, do a craft together…get doing! One of the best, most productive family activities available? Family dinner. Turn off the TV and all mobile devices, and eat together. Every family’s gotta eat! Make the most of it.

• more than talking We get on our kiddos for not listening, but we can be big offenders of this as well. Quality time means really listening when you ask a question. Show empathy for what he is saying, look him in the eye, and offer your thoughts when he is done talking.

a Cincinnati Children’s Hospital research program found that kiddos who ate dinner with their families at least five times per week were the least likely to take drugs, feel depressed, or get into trouble

tweeners [10–12 years]

Seems like yesterday when your tweener was just a tot and needed help with his coat and shoes before leaving the house. Seems like a lifetime ago and a blink of an eye all at the same time. Yep, you’ve got a tweener…but are you still treating him like a tot?

on my own

Us mamas are meant to, well, mama our kiddos. One thing we have to remember is that sometimes the best mama-ing we can do is doing nothing at all. We need to foster independence in tweeners, starting now. Here are some easy ways you can get your tweener working on his own:

• chores galore Lord knows you could use some help, and some gained tweener responsibility can be nothing but good. There is no reason your tweener

shouldn’t partake in some of the household duties available. Cleaning his room and bathroom, garbage duty, cooking, and laundry are skills he will need in the future, so help him get started.

• moola management Money makes the world go round, so better sooner than later your tweener learns how to be responsible with it. Setting goals, saving, and giving to worthy local organizations are aspects your tweener can learn through our friends at BreadVault.com. This free website and mobile app system is all about teaching the next generation fiscal responsibility.

• no bail Live and learn, right? Some of our most important lessons are learned when we mess up, so don’t be so quick to bail out your tweener when you see things going awry.

a 2009 study by Bank of America and Seventeen found 40% of teen girls surveyed thought their parents should bail them out of a tough money situation, no matter how old they are

set grow

ust wait,” they said. “These are the easy years. Soon they’ll be teens and you’ll have real problems!” Oh, the dreaded teen years…here they are! Sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll! Now what? Well, first stop being such a Negative Nelly! Jeez!

self-fulfilling prophecy

Do the teen years offer new challenges for every parent? For sure. But does becoming a teenager mean he is going to start hanging with the wrong crowd, cutting class, wearing strange clothes, and never talking to you? Not necessarily; stop expecting it. The last thing you want to do is promote bad behavior by setting the expectation that it’s going to happen. The last thing you want to do is create a rift between you and your

teen based on things that haven’t even happened! Also, don’t give your teen a free pass for bad behavior just because he’s a teen and that’s what teens do. Wrong! Bad behavior is bad behavior…period. So expect the best out of your teen. Listen to him, be supportive, and when conflict arises, be consistent in your discipline. And lastly, remember you’re the parent, not his friend. There will be time for that in the future, but right now, he still needs his mama to help him navigate the waters toward adulthood.

sources: parents.com | babycenter.com | parenting.com breadvault.com | webmd.com | cfs.purdue.edu | sheknows.com stageoflife.com | usatoday.com | nationalmarriageproject.org mayoclinic.com

research has found that positive thinking offers health benefits such as increased life span, greater resistance to the common cold, and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease

notetoSanta

story by | deb uglem

Dear Santa,

How have you been? I don’t think I have written you a formal letter in over 25 [okay, maybe 35] years. I do feel bad about that, but as you know, there were some “touch and go” years there concerning the naughty list. I still find 1988-1992 a little fuzzy and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. But don’t worry, I still believe. I watch Miracle on 34th Street every year and I have referenced your power quite a bit. For example, “Santa is watching” or “I’m telling Santa” are among my favorite phrases. Oh, if I could only bottle your power!

I am sure you remember our adventures together. There was that one year I dressed the kids up in matching sweaters and washed their faces. My happy children were bouncing off the walls running around the house yelling, “We are going to see Santa!” The volume grew loud and with amazing speed coats were on and they were settled in cars seats. We sang Christmas carols on the way to the mall and waited in line 30 minutes [felt like two hours]. Then their time came and it was as if someone flipped a switch. We were holding up the line with three out of the four crying and one simply staring at the crazy-looking beard. All I wanted was one nice picture that perhaps would work as our family Christmas card. I panicked and told the elf, “When I set them down, quickly snap the picture.” She rolled her eyes and looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. She was the one in the pointy shoes and

not-so-flattering striped tights. She’ll understand one day. It was almost as bad as those super traumatic photo-shoots at JC Penney. You know, the ones that end with candy-filled smiles and bags of skittles in hand. I kept thinking, “What’s wrong with these kids! This is the jolliest man on earth!” Twenty-five bucks later I had one awful 5x7 and two key chains to remember the miserable day. Thanks for hanging in there, Santa!

I feel like we have been through a lot together and I can open up about Christmas lists. If I would have written to you years ago I would have asked for an intern with the skill set to handle piles of laundry, a puking child, and messy husband. Not to mention the agility to dodge Legos [I still don’t think there is a pain worse than stepping on a Lego barefoot]. I am older and wiser now and understand that person doesn’t exist, so I would take a different approach. I would ask for what I DIDN’T want you to bring the kids. I think it would look something like this:

• Toys that makes loud noises. With four kids this is a migraine waiting to happen.

• Any items that require batteries. For some reason you always forgot to bring those!

• Summer presents of any kind. For example, a bike is great until your child realizes there is ten inches of snow in the driveway.

• Clothes. I know you were thinking it was a good idea because we needed them anyway, but those long faces were hard to take.

• Pets. I have enough to take care of and I don’t need one more thing. You must have known because this one NEVER happened.

Now, if I could sit on your lap this year, I would be ready with a list that could be truly life changing. All I want is:

• Electronic awareness. I want to know how to use Twitter without asking my daughter. I know we have Netflix, but I haven’t used it, and I also know I am not utilizing my iPhone to its potential.

• Workout time and energy. Right now my arm workout consists of washing my hair and my leg workout happens when the kids forget to turn off the lights downstairs. If only I had a couple more hours in a day.

• Jeans. Like the “sisterhood of the traveling pants” variety. That means they would fit ALWAYS! I know that’s tough, but you can fly around the world in one night so there has to be something you can do about this.

• Wine. At the risk of sounding like not such a great mom, I think it may make me a better mom. I’ll share with my husband too. I promise!

• Shoes, shoes, shoes. Santa, this does not need explaining.

So, Santa, as you are making lists and checking them twice please take note of my wisdom of Christmases past and my future Christmas wishes. I promise to stay on the nice list and you can help some other moms through the holiday season. I will end with thank you and, not to steal your thunder, Santa, but…Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Sincerely,

Mom

Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 11 years. A graduate from Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Communications Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children Jake [19], Tony [18], Nick [18] and Emily [16] for inspiration. Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time running in several directions with kids and on the golf course.

Kindness

is like snow…it beautifies everything it covers

photo: kayla walter photography