Dec 2017/Jan 2018 On the Minds of Moms by on the minds of moms

december january twenty seventeeneighteen

the valleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

for todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

Delight your guests Toffee Apple Dip

INGREDIENTS • 8 oz cream cheese, softened • 8 oz package toffee bits • ¾ cup firmly packed light brown sugar • ½ cup granulated sugar • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract DIRECTIONS Mix together all ingredients until well blended. Serve immediately or store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to five days. Serve with your favorite dipping apples, graham crackers or vanilla wafers.

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contents

in every issue contributors .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

food for thought . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 shutterbug

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

contents

sections what's on your mind

just a thought

sleigh bells are ringing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16

new town eagles soar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

gettin' through it

ready, set, grow

reducing stress during pregnancy healthier for mom and baby . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

safety first . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50

contents

feature & profiles

mod mom profile brandi overbo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12

rad dad profile jesse feigum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

cover story carrie carney learning joy through sorrow life, loss, and learning to live in joy . . . . . . . . 40

moms

on the minds of

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JOIN US AS WE EXPLORE THE FUTURE We are a community that inspires excellence through faith, learning, and service.

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITORS Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com Dani Parkos Fluge e: dani@onthemindsofmoms.com

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3 yr old Little Deacons - 12th Grade For information or a tour call 701-893-3271 jp2schools.org HOLY SPIRIT ELEMENTARY

NATIVITY ELEMENTARY

SULLIVAN MIDDLE SCHOOL

TRINITY ELEMENTARY

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Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

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PHOTOGRAPHY Renee Clasen – ten little chickens photography Josette Hayes–exposures by j.linnea Scott Thuen-thuen studios DESIGN AND LAYOUT

Scott Thuen – thuen studios www.thuenstudios.com

AD DESIGN Casie Beldo Scott Thuen Tara Kessler Stephanie Drietz CONTACT mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107 e: hello@onthemindsofmoms.com p: 701.297.2138 SUBSCRIPTION print www.onthemindsofmoms.com/subscribe digital issuu.com/onthemindsofmoms

COVER PHOTO BY Renee Clasen – ten little chickens photography

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family. On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision. OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Family Fare, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hornbacher's and Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers. Copyright 2017 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

contributors

the best christmas gift I received as a kid had to be… lisa gulland-nelson fargo | nd cover story: page 40 It's hard for me to remember a specific gift as a kid, but my best Christmas gift of all time was becoming a mom December 25, 2007 when my daughter Emily was born.

andrea canning fargo | nd what’s on your mind: page 16 When I was five, I went with my mom to her beauty salon to watch her get a perm, and I was enthralled with the entire experience. That Christmas my parents gave me my very own doll salon, complete with curlers, scissors, and shampoo. The heartbreak later came when I had to learn my doll's hair didn’t grow back!

kathleen wrigley bismarck | nd just a thought: page 30 Our first christmas with my parents. I was 15 years old when my brother and I went to live a more stable and safe and secure life with my parents. It was the new beginning of a second chance.

sheri kleinsasser stockmoe fargo | nd ready, set, grow: page 50 Santa had a red and blue helmet under the tree for me and my brother and a brand new 125 Honda 3-wheeler was sitting outside. So cool and totally unexpected!

kari klingsporn hitterdal fargo | nd food for thought: page 18 It seems that the gifts are less memorable than the experiences for me. I absolutely loved my Cabbage Patch Kids, Barbies, and Mousetrap game for sure, but what I really remember is time we spent with our family. The huge road trip to rural Missouri through horrendous snowstorms, arriving to excited cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and the fun we jam packed into a few days made for unforgettable holiday memories. Those precious memories are better gifts than anything that could have been bought!

otmom list

3.1

percent of the world’s kiddos live in the US… along with 40% of the world's toys!

percent of dads & 41% of mom say they find parenting enjoyable all of the time... seriously? all the time?!

$245,340 the average cost for a middle-income American family to raise a kiddo born in 2013 until his 18th birthday.

See. Capture. Compel.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Bringing a fine arts background, graphic design expertise and years of commercial advertising experience to seeing, capturing, and compelling. And it all comes with that special something, the spark that will set your company, product, or service apart.

thuenstudios.com

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

otmom list

39 364

15,000

the estimated number of Americans the Consumer Product Safety Commission say visit hospital emergency rooms each November and December from holiday-related decorating accidents.

the average number of pairs of shoes a family owns…seems about right and they are all right in front of the door!

gifts are mentioned in “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

OO LS

FA R G

BLIC S C H

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

As evidence of Fargo Public Schools’ commitment to our families and community patrons, we offer the 2016-17 Annual Report, so you may learn more about the students, staff, programs, and results achieved by our District. Thank you for your continued support as we serve the citizens of Fargo by providing its students an excellent educational experience. Access the full document at www.fargo.k12.nd.us/AnnualReport

december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

Christmas Eve baby, Brandi Overbo grew up on the family farm in Pingree, North Dakota. After high school she attended North Dakota State College of Science in Wahpeton where she played basketball for the Wildcats,

earned her Pharmacy Technician degree, and met husband David. They have been married now for 17 years and enjoy every minute of their four kiddos [Landon [17], Michael [15], Bailey [14], and Rylan [9]]. After working in the pharmacy field for about six years, Brandi made a career change, starting an in-home daycare. The past 12 years Brandi’s daycare has been in her Dilworth home. “We were beyond blessed with all the families we fell in love with and how our children were part of their families’ lives,” she says. But this fall it was time for another change and Brandi accepted a paraprofessional job at the Glyndon Elementary School and she is enjoying her new adventure. “My hobbies include being Team Overbo mascot,” Brandi says. “We enjoy watching our children in their many activities such as hockey, football, track, tennis, as well as taking them hunting and fishing.”

photos: exposures by j.linnea | josette hayes

brandi overbo age 40, dilworth.mn

mod mom

one word that best describes my parenting style…

on his face, smiled at Dave, and said “Good Bye!” to Mrs. Thureen!

understanding. My children are so much harder on themselves than I could ever be. The years have flown by. Life truly goes by too fast.

if i could have dinner with any person from any time, fiction or non-fiction, it would be…

if i could travel anywhere it would be… hmmm…Nashville.

my most embarrassing parent moment was when… Michael went to kindergarten three days a week. Depending on the day, he was not a ‘big’ fan of school. Dave was going to give him a ride after a hectic morning. Michael cried all the way to school. [If I remember, he was still in his pajamas. He wouldn’t get dressed. And I understood because that’s how I parent and we buckled him in the car anyway!] Dave gets him in the school and Michael’s teacher greets him in the hall with, “Good Morning, Michael. What are you doing here this morning? It’s not your day to come to school!” Michael got the biggest grin

my Grandpa Jigs. I would love for my kids to have met him.

one thing in my kitchen i could never function without… my dishwasher.

my husband’s best dad quality is… his hard-work ethic.

Helping to

protect

what matters

most

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

701-277-1710

www.tciteam.com

Home • Auto • Business • Farm • Health • Life december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

mod mom every woman/mom should have… a guilt-free moment to herself, not including a trip to the grocery store!

my friends give me…

if i could have been born with any talent it would be… I would love to have the ability to multiply myself so I could be at two places at once!

strength—It takes a village!

my favorite easy meal…

our favorite family activity…

tater tot hot dish.

anything we do together—game night, movies, lake, fishing. I love when we are all together, it doesn’t happen enough!

something i rely on to keep my sanity…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

the lake. It’s therapeutic!

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

five things i always keep in my car… extra mouth guard, hockey tape, jumper cables, tampons, and movies.

What’s stronger than cancer?

My superpowers. ,,

Dr. Anim says I’m a superhero because this is my second fight with cancer. When I beat it, I’m going to ring the bell at Roger Maris and have a hockey party with my friends and family! Landon LaBine, age 6

sanfordhealth.org/rogermaris 031000-00336 10/17

what's on your mind

sleigh bells are ringing www.onthemindsofmoms.com

story by | andrea canning

scrolling through your Facebook feed, it is increasingly difficult when friends post pictures of their Christmas trees with an abundance of gifts wrapped up in Pinterest-worthy wrapping.

The impulse we all face is to overindulge our children’s desire for the latest toys, our spouse’s hope for a new leather recliner for the man cave, and to outdo a sibling in giving the best gift ever to an appreciative parent.

As moms we are tasked with the planning and fulfilling the majority of Christmas shopping for our family and friends, and yet the joy that the Christmas carols promise over the sound system at the mall seems to only bring us closer to tears as the stress of the season bears down.

We are bombarded with messages of more is more on a daily basis this time of year. Even when you try to escape the mentality of holiday commercialism by

After you’ve wiped away the stress tears and taken a deep breath, allow yourself a moment to reevaluate how you are going to celebrate this season.

leigh bells are ringing, children are singing, and your bank account is dwindling. ‘Tis the season for credit cards, overdrafts, and realizing that the Christmas season is once again upon you.

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

This year, instead of looking at Christmas as a ‘To Do’ list to accomplish, purchase, and wish away, turn towards the true meaning that this holiday holds for you and your family. This season for you may be about family and coming together to eat, laugh, and share stories of long-forgotten memories. Perhaps your family focuses on faith, church, and shared moments of reflection together. However your family celebrates, the motivation behind your celebration is not the gifts that you exchange; rather it is the gift of time that you give to each other. Making time to spend the day together, using time to build new memories while cherishing the old, and viewing the Christmas season as the giving of time to each other is the greatest perspective to have. Once you acquire this new outlook of time being the real gift of the season, a shift can begin to take place within you and spread to your family and friends. Ask your children at dinner, “What if instead of a pile of gifts, would you guys rather head to a hotel with a water slide for a few days over Christmas break?” Ask your spouse if he would like to take in a Fargo Force game with you in January, instead of adding to the credit card with gifts for each other. When you begin to view gift giving in light of your newfound reason for gifting, the giving of time, a whole new and simplified shopping list can form. Creating experiences for those you love, whether a gift card to Caribou and a monthly coffee date with your sister-in-Law, a bag of potatoes to your mom and a Saturday reserved to make lefse with her, or a new rake for your husband with a promise of helping rake leaves with him in the fall. These intentional gifts of time for a loved one will create memories that will be cherished long after the lights are taken off the tree.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Once you begin to see the Christmas season through giving the gift of time instead of piles of presents, the carols will be sweeter, the bells ringing will be richer, and your wallet will be thicker. Merry Christmas! Andrea Canning, a graduate of Bethel University, is a former Junior High teacher and is now a freelance writer. She is a single mom to a special seven year old son, and calls South Fargo home. When she’s not playing Superheroes or building Lego cityscapes with her son, she can be found crafting, enjoying coffee with her grandparents, and has a knack for finding amazing deals at garage sales.

december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

food for thought

clam linguine shared by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

lam linguine is an unexpected stunner. It’s simple, it includes lots of pantry item ingredients, it feeds a crowd, and, best of all: It’s easy! It’s perfect for your Christmas Eve Feast of the Seven Fishes celebration, a decadent tasting New Year’s Eve dinner at home, or a busy holiday season quick weeknight comfort meal. Best of all, the kids [and adults] like it because of bacon! Use as many herbs as you like since they cook down so much. The red and green from the tomatoes and herbs gives it a festive look and the hearty pasta is always welcome on a cold winter night. This is great paired with a simple salad and bread. Celebrate the season with ease and comfort!

you need: 4 ounces extra virgin olive oil 4 Tablespoons butter 6-8 large cloves garlic, minced or thinly sliced 1 Tablespoon dried or fresh oregano 1 cup fresh basil, torn 1 cup fresh parsley, roughly chopped ½ teaspoon freshly ground pepper ½ cup shredded parmesan cheese, plus extra for serving ½ to 1 pound chopped bacon, cooked until crisp 3-6.5 ounce cans minced or chopped clams-do not drain! 1- 8 ounce bottle clam juice [Bar Harbour brand is really good] ½ cup reserved pasta water 1 pound linguine pasta 1 large tomato, chopped [optional] Crushed red pepper, to taste [optional]

how to: Cook pasta according to directions on the package. Once cooked, drain, reserving ½ cup cooking liquid, and toss pasta with 1 tablespoon of the olive oil to prevent from sticking. Set aside. Heat a large pot to medium low. Add the remaining extra virgin olive oil and butter to the pan, adding the garlic and oregano once the butter is melted and shimmering. Sauté garlic until barely toasted- do not let it get too brown! Add half the basil and parsley, clams and their juices, the bottle of clam juice, ½ cup Parmesan cheese, and the reserved pasta water. Allow to simmer for 15 minutes or until ready to serve, up to one hour. Just before serving, stir in pepper and cooked pasta; toss well with the sauce. Transfer the pasta to a serving dish or leave it in the large pot it was cooked in and scatter the remaining basil and parsley, tomatoes, cheese, and bacon across the top. Serve immediately and enjoy! Serves 6.

feeding your family TIP: It’s nice to acknowledge teachers and childcare providers during the holiday season, but it can get expensive quickly! Some of my favorite gifts I’ve received from students involved food! [Crazy, I know!] Giving a consumable gift of food is also nice since it isn’t another knick knack to clutter up space. Homemade baked goods, hot chocolate mixes, or spice mixes with a sincere note are wonderful gifts! My ultimate favorite is my taco seasoning mix featured in the october-november 2014 issue of on the minds of moms. Attach directions to the package and you’ve got an inexpensive gift that will be well appreciated. Here is the bulk recipe gain:

you need: 5 Tablespoons chili powder 5¼ teaspoons garlic powder 5¼ teaspoons onion powder 5¼ teaspoons crushed red pepper flakes OR cayenne pepper OR chipotle pepper [my favorite] 5¼ teaspoons Mexican oregano [found in the bulk seasonings in the produce department] 2½ teaspoons paprika [smoked paprika is really good, too] 7 ½ teaspoons ground cumin 5 teaspoons salt [optional] 5 teaspoons pepper

Mix all of the spices together in a bowl. Store in an airtight container. This recipe makes enough seasoning for 4-5 pounds meat—depending on how boldly you like your tacos seasoned.

how to: Brown 1 pound ground beef until almost cooked thoroughly; add 2-3 tablespoons of the seasoning mix to taste. Continue cooking until beef is safely cooked through. OPTIONAL: Add 1 Tablespoon flour to meat mixture and stir for one minute. Add 2/3 cup water and simmer until juices thicken. Serve and enjoy!

Kari's passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on her beloved Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned Secondary Education degrees in both Social Studies and English from Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. She enjoyed a brief stint as a caterer and cooking instructor, but has proudly spent most of her motherhood as a stay-at-home mom. Her husband, Brent, and three children, Gunnar, Ava, and Ella, have all [mostly] been eager taste testers to whatever is on the table for dinner. However, these days, having a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a second grader is providing new challenges of feeding everyone homemade and healthy meals, as well as giving her oven an intense workout most weeknights!

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

december events

1-31

Lindenwood Park Lights www.fmsertoma.com Drive through Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Dr, Fargo] and view holiday-light displays sponsored by local businesses from 5:30-10pm. $6 per car, $5 with canned good, and $10 for buses or limos.

2, 3, 6-10, 13-17, 20-23

Santa Village @ Rheault Farm 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Santa & Mrs. Claus take over the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides! December 2 & 3 1pm-7pm, 6-8 4pm-7pm, 9 & 10 1pm-8pm, 13-15 4pm-7pm, 16 &

17 1pm-8pm, 20 & 21 4pm-8pm, and 22 & 23 1pm-8pm. FREE admission with canned goods, new or gently used toy, or cash donation.

Kids Healthy Cooking: Santa Pancakes 701.234.2400 www.familywellnessfargo.org Come make a special Holiday breakfast at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 10am-11am! We will prepare whole-grain pancakes with adorable Santa faces made from strawberries and whipped cream! $12 Members, $20 Non-Members. Ages 5+ [ages 5-7 need to be accompanied by an adult; up to 2 kids per adult]

Gingerbread & Jingle Bells 701.232.6102 www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org Head to The Children's Museum at Yunker Farm [1201 28th Av N, Fargo], 10am-5pm, for some Holiday fun with Santa’s Elves. Members free, Non-Members $5.

a craft and enjoy a wintery sleigh ride, all while wearing your favorite PJ’s! Warm up with free hot chocolate and cookies!

Skate with Santa www.wfparks.org Grab your skates and head to Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo], 7pm-8pm, and see how Santa is doing while skating to Christmas music during this fun and FREE event! Enjoy a free refreshment during this fun event. Skate rental is not available.

Mrs. Claus Class 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Calling ages 4-10 to RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Av S, Fargo], 6:30pm-8pm, interested in making a gift for mom, aunt, or grandma. By the end of class, you’ll have a special Christmas gift to share. $15 fee and be sure to register by December 7.

Santa’s Pajama Party www.wfparks.org

Fargo Cotillion Dance & Social Club Meet Up 701.293.5887 shbobmonty@gmail.com

Come visit with Santa and Mrs. Claus at the Rustad Recreation Center [601 26th Av E, West Fargo], 2:30pm-4:30pm, and make a Holiday card to send to a Veteran, create

Come checkout all that the Fargo Cotillion Dance & Social Club has to offer at their Holiday meet-up. Meet new friends and dance the night away at the Fargo

Country Club [you do not need to be a member of the FCC to be a member of the Fargo Cotillion] and there are no skill level requirements, only a desire to have fun. If it is swing dancing, the fox trot, a polka, or even a tango, The Jazz Arts Group will play a variety of music for members that covers a mixture of both classic and contemporary music. Not an experienced dancer…don’t worry! Free-style dancing is welcome. For more information, contact Shirley Montgomery [701.293.5887 or shbobmonty@gmail.com].

Moms Café www.facebook.com/ MomsClubFargo momscluboffm@gmail.com Come to the First Congregational Church of Fargo [1101 17th Av S, Fargo], 10am-11:30am, for the monthly meeting of MOMS Club of Fargo/Moorhead IR, ND. Enjoy time with other moms, homemade bird feeder will be made, snacks, playtime for children, and an opportunity to learn more about the club. This event is free and open to families in the Fargo/Moorhead area.

we w& e www.onthemindsofmoms.com

“ My smile has brought out the model inside of me.”

Visit www.we-ortho.com or call (701) 293-5300 to take the next step towards a better smile. WE can do it.

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

Santa will catch a ride in the Sanford helicopter and arrive at the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Av N, Fargo] at noon to visit with children about their lists until 3pm. Santa's elves will help children in and out of a couple of special airplanes for children to take a look around.

Drop off your kiddos [ages 2 years old-6th grade] at Courts Plus [3491 University Dr S, Fargo] for a fun night, 5pm-8:30pm of themed games and crafts, pizza and a movie. Fitness Plus members $10 for 1st child, $5/additional child, Fitness members $12 per child, Non-members $18 per child.

26-29

Santa Fly-In 701.293.8043 www.fargoairmuseum.org

New Family: Baby Signs 701.234.7450 www.familywellnessfargo.org This Parent Workshop at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 2pm-3pm, is specially designed for expecting parents and parents of children from 3 months to 24 months old. The workshop will teach you all you need to know to begin using Baby Signs® at home. Early childhood educators, parent educators, social workers and health experts are also welcome to come. Sign-up is encouraged by calling Family Wellness at 701.234.7450. Free childcare for class participants during class duration.

27-29

Kids’ Night Out 701.237.4805 www.courtsplus.org

Sleigh Rides www.cityofmoorhead.org

LEGO Mania Design Contest www.fargolibrary.org

Camp Snow Day 701.234.2400 www.familywellnessfargo.org For ages 6-11 – Heat up your winter break this year at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] with a week-long full-day camp for kids, 9am-4pm. Camp Snow Day will provide high energy activities, arts and crafts and even the chance to splash into the pool. Every day is a spectacular snow day at Family Wellness! Financial Assistance and Before & After Care is also available. $140 Members / $156 Nonmembers.

december events

Enjoy a scenic sleigh ride through beautiful Viking Ship Park [202 1st Av N, Moorhead] 1pm-4pm. Tickets are available at the door on a first come, first served basis. There are no reservation or advanced ticket sales. Tickets are $4 per person [children 2 and under are free].

Show off your creativity at the Fargo Public Library's annual LEGO Mania Design Contest! Kids 12 and under are invited to participate. Build an original creation at home, then bring it to the Main Library [102 3rd St N, Fargo] on Thursday, December 28th between 2pm and 3pm. Judging will begin at 3pm and winners will be announced at 4pm. Games and other activities will take place in the Children's Room to pass the time while we await the judges' decisions. Before you begin to build, please pre-register and don’t forget to check out the contest rules.

Zoo Year’s Eve 701.277.9240 www.redriverzoo.com This family-friendly celebration at the Red River Zoo [4255 23rd Av S, Fargo], 1pm-5pm, includes FREE admission for everyone, free carousel rides, animal encounters, Zoo Year’s resolutions and a countdown to the New Year every hour.

THE HOLIDAYS ARE

SWEETER WITH SOY

SOY CHEESECAKE

SOY TOFFEE BARS www.onthemindsofmoms.com

SOY CHOCOLATE CHECKERBOARD BOMBE

FOR MORE RECIPES OR I N F O R M AT I O N V I S I T

THESOYFOODSCOUNCIL.COM www.ndsoybean.org december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

january events

Prenatal Nutrition www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events Head to Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S], 1:30pm-2:30pm, to experience a Childbirth Educator provide education on properly balanced nutrition [including key vitamins and minerals] to support a healthy pregnancy, the importance of sleep, foods to substances to avoid during pregnancy, guidelines surrounding proper weight gain trimester by trimester, as well as how to transition to a postpartum diet to support maternal recovery and breastfeeding. Register online.

Car Seat Safety Class www.essentiahealth.org Did you know that 8 out of 10 car seats are installed incorrectly? Car seat safety class is a one-hour class with up-to-date car seat recommendations and car seat laws. It is suggested you attend this class as early as 6-7 months of pregnancy. Class is open to parents, grandparents or caregivers and is taught by a Certified Car Seat Technician. You do not need to bring your car seat with you to class, and registration is required [one per couple]. Class is held @ Essentia Health [32nd Av S, Fargo], 5:30pm-6:30pm.

8, 15 & 29

S’mores & More on Ice www.fargoparks.com Come join us at S’mores & More on Ice for a night out with the family, 5pm-7pm at Longfellow [20 29th Av NE, Fargo] on the 8th, Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St N, Fargo] on the 15th and Clara Barton Park [1451 6th St S, Fargo] on the 29th. Enjoy s’more supplies to cook your own, hot chocolate and music playing to enjoy. The rink and warming house will be available to use during the event. Don't forget to bring your ice skates so you can skate to the music on the outdoor rink.

Spend an inspiring evening supporting the 8th Annual ‘In Their Shoes’ event. Help bring awareness and support to All Children with All Abilities in our community. The event features live and silent auction, special guests, wine-and-gift-card pull.

Expecting and preparing for a new baby is very exciting, but can also bring a lot of stress and anxiety for expectant parents. There are a lot of natural, simple things that can be done to manage this stress and anxiety during this time. Head to Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S], 1:30pm-2:30pm, to join the Stress & Anxiety Management session to learn more about these management strategies, as well as what you can do if you feel you can’t manage your stress and anxiety on your own. Register online.

In Their Shoes 701.365.8868 www.tntkidsfitness.org

Stress & Anxiety Management www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events

Reel Movies for Real Needs www.marcustheatres.com Marcus Theatres understand that sometimes it is difficult or uncomfortable for families with special needs children to attend movies together. Reel Movies for Reel Needs is a specially designed program to serve families with special needs such as autism or other challenges, who seldom attend movies. Reel Movies for Real Needs creates a welcoming and comfortable environment—lower sound, lights up—where families with children who need accommodations will be able to share the experience of seeing family friendly films at a theatre. Come watch Paddington 2, 10:30am at West Acres Cinema [4101 17th Av SW, Fargo].

2018 North Dakota International Pageant www.ndinternationalpageants.org The North Dakota International Pageants will be celebrating the service and accomplishments of married women, young women, and teens across North Dakota who are making a difference in our community, 3pm at The Stage at Island Park [333 4th St S, Fargo]. They will be crowning the new state titleholders who will serve North Dakota in volunteerism and community service for the next year. Tickets are $25.

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL

red edu te n e c ts ri h C A

cation.

. e m i t a t a d l i One ch

d-up n u o R n e t Kindeary,gJaanruary 18, 5:00 - 6:00 pm Thursd

00 18-236-05 RSVP at 2

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

ParkChristianSchool.org

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

rive!

Blizzard Bash www.fargoparks.com

26-27

Frosty Fun!

Head to Scheels Arena [5225 31st Av S, Fargo] for this FREE event that includes a matinee movie, open skate, and much more! Pepsi products and popcorn will be provided while supplies last. Also, make sure to pack your ice skates! Ice skate rental will not be available. Doors open at 1pm, movie starts at 1:30pm and following the movie there will be inflatables and open skating on the Farmers Union Rink.

8, 15 & 29

S’mores & More on Ice www.fargoparks.com

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018 10-11:30am www.facebook.com/MomsClubFargo momscluboffm@gmail.com Let's all get out of the house and have a romping good time! MOMS Club of Fargo/Moorhead-IR, ND is providing admission [Only to first 50 kids] to the 7-level playground at Courts Plus Community Fitness Center [3491 S. University Dr, Fargo, ND 58104] and a deliciously healthy treat! Don't miss this event! It will be blizzardarific! This event is open to families in the Fargo/ Moorhead area.

Come join us at S’mores & More on Ice for a night out with the family, 5pm-7pm at Longfellow [20 29th Av NE, Fargo] on the 8th, Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St N, Fargo] on the 15th and Clara Barton Park [1451 6th St S, Fargo] on the 29th. Enjoy s’more supplies to cook your own, hot chocolate and music playing to enjoy. The rink and warming house will be available to use during the event. Don't forget to bring your ice skates so you can skate to the music on the outdoor rink.

Frostival www.frostival.com Embrace the cool of winter with 3 days of outdoor events such as snow golf, kickball, cardboard-sled races & familyfriendly events.

january events

Frozen Fantasy www.fargoparks.com Create some winter magic by bringing the whole family out to this semi-formal dance affair at the Avalon Events Center [2525 9th Av S, Fargo], 6:30pm-9pm. Let it snow outside while you dance the night away at this fantasy land. The evening will consist of music, dancing, and refreshments. A professional photographer will be available to take your family photos.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. More events found online at www.onthemindsofmoms.com/event-calendar. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

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december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

exposures by j. linnea

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exposures by j. linnea

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exposures by j. linnea

ten little chickens photography

gettin’ through it

reducing stress during pregnancy

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healthier for mom and baby

story by | sanford health

ach pregnancy is different. Life is ever-changing, an ebb and flow of experiences, events, and people all coming together to create the unexpected and unplanned. And just as life constantly shifts, so too can our stress levels and anxiety. A single occurrence can throw anyone off balance. Or the slow build of many stressors piling on top of each other can create anxiety 26

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

or doubt. And for a woman who is pregnant, she is not only thinking about her own stress and anxiety, but also the effect her stress and anxiety have on her baby. While pregnancy is full of positive emotions like joy and happiness, there is also the possibility of feeling fear or being overwhelmed. These feelings, as well as stress and anxiety, are a normal part of pregnancy. Life is being transformed into something new. And

gettin’ through it though this is an exciting time, this is also a time of the like during any other time in life,” says Dr. Kappenman. unknown and unexpected, bringing new experiences, “But these changes can raise stress and anxiety levels. and with this, new stressors. And while most of these changes are normal, sometimes they can be a warning of a more serious issue, such as Trishia Powell, MSW/LICSW, a behavioral health counselor an anxiety disorder or depression. Talking with your at Sanford Health, says, “Life is busy, whether a woman provider and the support people in your life about these has children or not. Unexpected things come up all issues can help alleviate and explore if something more the time, so there is always the chance something can serious is going on.” happen in life that can cause stress.” a class to help Many pregnant women choose to attend a stress management class to help. Sanford Women’s Managing Stress and Anxiety During Pregnancy class, as part of the Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies class series, offers women the opportunity to collect information and learn ways to lessen stress and anxiety before, during, and after pregnancy. In a one-hour class, a small group gathers together to identify their own personal stressors and learn ways to overcome these challenges. “When we start class, we begin by defining stress, explaining the different types of stressors, and identifying the common causes of stress during pregnancy,” explains Powell. “Every person has different stressors, so we talk specifically about each woman in the room and what she hopes to learn during the class together.” An in-depth discussion of the many types of stressors someone can experience and how these can influence pregnancy, the baby, and health outcomes, are all covered. How to manage stress during pregnancy and postpartum are also discussed, with a focus on tools and relaxation techniques to manage stress and anxiety.

we really want women to be aware of their stress levels because if stress is not addressed in a healthy way, it can become something bigger, with bigger consequences

There are many warning signs indicating a woman is beyond managing stress on her own, and the first step is to acknowledge stress and anxiety. During these moments support people can be key, offering encouragement, guidance, and assistance as needed.

december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

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the importance of managing stress and anxiety James Kappenman, MD, an obstetrician and gynecolo- “We really want women to be aware of their stress levels gist at Sanford Health, explains, “It is so important for because if stress is not addressed in a healthy way, it can moms to care for themselves in order to provide the become something bigger, with bigger consequences,” healthiest environment for their baby during pregnancy. says Powell. Managing stress and anxiety is an important part of a time of change that because mom’s health is so closely linked to the Awareness and being able to identify stress and anxiety health and development of her baby.” levels takes time and thought. During pregnancy Studies show that long-term stress and anxiety and poor changes are happening to your body and your emotions. mental health may increase the risk of complications Hormones change during pregnancy and this can cause during pregnancy including poor fetal growth, early moods to shift and the way we experience stress to labor, and an increased risk of postpartum depression change as well. and anxiety. “There are so many changes occurring during pregnancy, “When counseling patients I remind them that physical and in addition to the everyday stresses that can occur,” emotional changes during pregnancy are normal—just says Powell. “For a pregnant mom who is working full

gettin’ through it time, preparing and planning to be away from work can be a big transition. First-time moms can experience stress and anxiety about labor and delivery. And for any mother, the natural anticipation that comes along with pregnancy, those ‘What if’ questions and adapting to a new body, all increase a woman’s stress levels.” The discomforts of pregnancy increase as pregnancy progresses, from simply sitting to trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. And increased stress can lead to symptoms such as headaches, loss of appetite or overeating, trouble sleeping, and more – all of which continue to increase stress levels.

managing stress and anxiety Not all stress is bad. There are many different life events that are positive changes, such as changing jobs or new relationships. Yet these changes still impact stress levels. “I often hear from women, ‘I am a big planner.’ And when you have a baby, you can’t plan everything. So sometimes those positive changes can still be overwhelming. You don’t always have the structure and routine you are used to,” explains Powell.

“I like to remind women that the discomfort of pregnancy is only temporary,” says Powell. “The reason I really encourage women to come to this class is because we take the time to discuss what one can do to manage this stress and discomfort. Once we identify triggers, we can suggest ways to manage them. So some pregnancy discomforts cannot be helped, but others can. What you eat really does make a difference. And exercise, even if it’s just walking, is really important.”

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Powell continues, “Cutting back on things and learning it’s okay to say ‘no’ are both really helpful as well. Sometimes the laundry can wait for another day. We don’t have to go to every event we are invited to. And being able to identify your support network and ask for help are very important as pregnancy progresses. We all need help at times, and that is okay.”

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

Powell continues, “I encourage women to bring their support people to class with them. That way we can prompt the conversation of ‘these are my triggers, this is what it might look like when I am stressed and here is what you can do to help me.’ And hopefully that can help support people identify when she is stressed and can help her feel more comfortable with asking for help when she needs it.” Just like in life, when our stress is managed we experience overall improved life satisfaction and are better able to bond with baby during pregnancy and after birth. And this class really helps women see that they aren’t the only ones feeling these stresses and fears. The other women in the class have the same anxieties, same stresses, which can be really encouraging. If you would like to learn more about managing stress and anxiety during pregnancy, visit sanfordhealth.org; keywords: healthy moms, to register for the free class.

Help Kids Move Well...

and Stay Well all Winter

december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

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As part of our Inspire Wellness Initiative, Family Wellness provides programming that helps kids develop healthy habits through physical activity and nutritional cooking. Together we can work toward a healthier community. Learn more about our Inspire Wellness Initiative at familywellnessfargo.org

just a thought

new town eagles soar

story by | kathleen wrigley

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

ur son, Patrick, has been running cross country and track since seventh grade. He’s a freshman now, and he’s on the Varsity team. The State Cross Country meet was held this past weekend and Patrick placed 12th out of 320 runners, earning All-State honors. A great accomplishment, but not even half of the joyful take-away from the event or the season.

He loved football, but, ironically, he less-than-liked the tackling part of the sport. And so, he ran. Fast.

Patrick was in sixth grade when he was required to participate in the middle-school city-wide track and field event. And so, he ran. No one was more surprised than he was when he placed in the top three of every event. He caught the eye of some coaches, who talked him into running cross country in seventh grade. Patrick was the only Shiloh boy on the team—I use the word Patrick was born with athletic inclinations. He learned “team” loosely. He watched a team of boys win meet after to ride a two-wheeler bike at the age of three-and-a-half. meet after meet. They became his mentors. Patrick knew when they showed up, he had less chance of placing, He loved all sports and his first word was “ball.” He assumed that anything sports-related involved a ball [foot, but this balanced with the understanding that their presence and competition made him a better runner. base, basket]. When his elementary football association allowed tackle for third graders he was tickled. This As any parent knows, there are lots of teachers and little boy slept with his helmet and gear next to him. teachable moments in the lives of student athletes. He would wear his pads and jersey to piano practice. Although not the human inclination, it’s wise for parents 30

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

just a thought to stand back and quietly play the observer as these events, experiences, and interactions mold our kids.

home. Bismarck’s own Forrest Gump, turning every suggestion into action.

Fort Berthold Indian Reservation is home to the New Town Eagles Cross Country team. These kids belong to the Three Affiliated Tribes: Mandan, Hidatsa, and Arikara Nation. The New Town Eagles have won five straight Class B Cross Country State Championships, and 11 of the last 13. Impressive enough, but there’s more.

Gosh, those boys made that kid’s day every single time they took a moment to say hello or offer some advice. I’ll bet there are lots of stories like the ones these boys created for our son.

The New Town Cross Country Team is something to behold. Try not to marvel; I dare you. While Patrick grows taller by the week, he continues to look skyward to the lofty perches occupied by these talented, charismatic, hard-working young men, the New Town Eagles. They routinely occupy the top tiers, leading the pack in every cross-country meet. Casual observers will note their height, their proud uniforms emblazoned with reams of conference and state championships, and their joy and enthusiasm. Yet, there is nothing casual about Patrick’s observance of these remarkable young men. When Patrick was in seventh grade, he would banter with the New Town boys. They would urge him on after races, “Nice job” or “Keep at it!” Patrick would report these comments back to us, swelling with pride. They connected on social media and offered him tips on his training. Once Patrick reported the day’s training to one of the New Town boys, who directed him to “go run home, five more miles.” I drove past him, running

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By eighth grade Patrick knew the name of every runner on New Town’s team. He knew their times. He began to know them by their strengths. He continued to be shaped by their sportsmanship and their insistence on hard work and excellence. Patrick was growing stronger and faster. He started to make his way toward his idols, weaving through the pack during the race then seeking them out for a handshake and “good wishes” afterward. This cross country season culminated with the state meet in Valley City. Patrick’s goal was to place in the top 20 and be designated an All-State Runner. Half-way into the race, he and a New Town runner could be seen tightly enmeshed, elbows flying, struggling against each other for position, and heading into a tight turn. They were competitors. Fierce looks of determination for these two young men who lately, had been, alternating position in every meet, one prevailing one week, the other the next. The other young man, Colby Antell, is tall and elegant, with a quick and charismatic smile, a gentle and winning charm, a hand-shaker with wit and ease, and one of the proud pillars of the New Town Cross Country team.

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december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

just a thought In the end, both boys prevailed on their respective goals of making it into the All-State Team, top 20. But it was what happened afterward that reduced my husband and me to choking back tears, feeling fortunate that our son has encountered not only the grand lessons of hard work and perseverance in sport, but also the spirit of goodness and heart and soul in some of the combatants around him. We were standing in the densely packed crowd with Patrick, our family, and his Shiloh teammates awaiting the awards ceremony, when the crowd began to shift a bit, letting the tall, sincere, and smiley New Town boy through. He stopped at Patrick’s side, extended his hand to shake, and said softly, “I’m sorry about the elbowing out there, Patrick. And good job today—great race!” Patrick smiled up at his friend and replied, “I was doing it, too, and I think I got too close. I’m sorry, too. Great race, Colby!” Then Colby asked Patrick to take a picture with his team. That picture captured an important moment. These kids, young but wise and good. This is what memories are made of.

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Humility and grace from the older boy extended to our son. Colby was not content to brush off the incident as “just one of those things.” He knows that Patrick respects and admires him and his teammates. He was not going to let this day have any negative reflections for him or for a younger competitor, with whom he battles every race. He clearly cared about the reputation of his team, his personal integrity, and the feelings of another human being. Character. It’s not perfection. It’s a fabric woven of tiny threads that make a cloth that wraps the heart. And it’s contagious. God bless that young man and the handshake and love that he extended to ours. And God bless his teammates, coaches, and supporters who inspired each other to be examples of character and honor. Both Patrick and Colby were up on stage a short while later, both with their All-State plaques, both with proud parents and teams. We can hardly wait for next track season, and the first opportunity to be in the presence of the New Town boys, their coaches, their parents, and their supporters—the Wrigley family among them. Patrick follows pro-sports to a degree, but it’s fair to say the boys of New Town have become his towering athletic and character role models, and, unlike too NORTH DAKOTA PATH many pro-athletes, the impressive New Town boys shine even brighter upon close inspection. They are talented and engaging, hard-working and impressive. They have character and they are a team of “life champions” PATH IDAHO who set example after example for the other athletes, coaches, and spectators. A

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Someone may someday craft a movie or pen a book detailing their amazing all-state, all-nation, all-world story. Our family will be the first in line for tickets or a hard copy. In the meantime, I encourage our news media, sports enthusiasts, the curious public, and anyone with an interest in how young people represent the very best and brightest, to take note: The New Town Eagles soar as life champions. Watch them, and be inspired. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

Fitness is an integral part of Kathleen’s daily routine and helps her sustain her own mental health! Kathleen’s column “ just a thought” has been a regularly occurring piece in “on the minds of moms” since 2009. Kathleen is a Philadelphia native, and has called North Dakota her second home for the last 18 years. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speechwriter. Kathleen received a BS from Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia. Currently, Kathleen is a graduate student at the University of Mary, pursuing a second master’s degree, this time in School Counseling.

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december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

resources

connect, find help, get answers, make a difference

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Pregnancy, Parenting and Adoption Services [PPAS] The PPAS program provides decision-making counseling, parenting support, and adoption services to those facing unintended pregnancies. For expectant parents who choose to parent their child, PPAS provides resources to help them prepare for their new baby. For more information, call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org. FM Busy Babies Connecting parents with information, insights, and activities. FMBB also hosts events with the goal of giving back to our community. For more information, visit www. fmbusybabies.com. Post-Adopt Support Group Any ND adoptive family or any ND family providing guardianships is invited to attend this group meeting. If you have questions, please email postadopt@pathinc. org or call 701.551.6349. Visit our website [www.ndpostadopt. org] for meeting times across the state of North Dakota. Jeremiah Program Empowerment. Education. Success. It is what Jeremiah Program was built on, what participants strive for, and what the program helps participants achieve. At Jeremiah Program

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

low-income single mothers make a commitment to completing a post-secondary education, launching a successful career, and creating stability and prosperity for their children—all while living in our affordable, safe, housing environment. For more information, call 701.361.3873, email fargomoorhead@jeremiahprogram.org or visit www.facebook.com/JeremiahProgramFargoMoorhead. Hands & Voices Hands & Voices A non-profit, parent-driven organization dedicated to supporting families of children who are deaf or hard of hearing without bias around communication modes or methodology. What Works for your Child is What Makes the Choice Right™ Contact us for more information at 701.484.1605, contact@ndhandsandvoices.org, or visit www. ndhandsandvoices.org. Red River Moms of Multiples Second Tuesday of each month. For more information visit www.rrvmothersofmultiples.weebly.com. Children's Consultation Network Provides access to early childhood mental-health screening, assessment, and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental- health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and

resources facilitates collaborative efforts related to children's mental-health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565, or www.rvcscc.org. Gigi’s Playhouse A Down-syndrome achievement center providing resources, specialized teaching, and support to individuals with Down syndrome, their families, and the community. All programs are free. For more information call 701.551.7529 or visit www.gigisplayhouse.org/fargo. Parent Professional Learning Network The Parent Professional Learning Network is a Parent Navigator Team with Family Voices of North Dakota. It offers an opportunity for parents of children with special needs and the professionals who work with them to come together to learn and grow. For more information email parentproflearningnetwork@gmail.com. The Compassionate Friends Second Thursday of each month, 7pm at Faith Lutheran Church [127 2nd Av E, West Fargo]. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information email chapterleader@tcffargomoorhead.org, call 701.491.0364 or visit www.tcffargomoorhead.org/. MOMS Club of Fargo/Moorhead IR, ND Provides monthly activities, playgroups, special projects, and support for local moms. This group is open to moms and their children in the F-M area. For more information contact momscluboffm@gmail. com or visit www.facebook.com/MomsClubFargo. Harlynn’s Heart Providing multiple services, resources, and comfort to parents, families, and friends who have or will experience perinatal loss. For more information, visit www. harlynnsheart.org or email info@harlynnsheart.org. Catholic Charities ND Counseling Professional and confidential counselors provide services to individuals, couples, and families dealing with relationship issues, stress or anger management, and a variety of other issues. We work with most insurances, EAP’s, and have a sliding-fee scale for those who don’t qualify for other resources. For more information call 701.235.4457, email info@ catholiccharitiesnd.org, or visit www.catholiccharitiesnd.org. Red River Valley Asperger-Autism Network Child Caregiver Support Group Every Tuesday from 12pm-1pm at Olivet Lutheran Church [1303 S University Dr, Fargo]. For additional information visit www.rrvan.org.

FM Autism Support Group Second Friday of each month from 7pm-9pm at YMCA Downtown [401 1st Av S, Fargo]. For more information visit www.facebook.com/ FM-Autism-Support-Group-171027578792.

HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges. We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play! Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or adair@hopeinconline.org for more information or visit www. hopeinconline.org. Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com. Eating Disorders Monthly Family & Friends Support Group If you have a loved one with an eating disorder, you are invited and encouraged to attend this support group dedicated to providing a comfortable, supportive, and confidential environment where you will be provided with information about eating disorders and tools to aid in your loved one’s recovery. This group is open to friends, parents, partners, caregivers, and adult children. Registration: for more information contact Kara Woodbury Fladland, LPCC 701.234.4111, or visit www.sanfordhealth.org/classesandevents/ ClassDetail/cb9a7533-e6f9-41cb-b562-3a7c0fc46f45. Survivor of Suicide Loss Third Thursday of each month. Provide a safe, accepting, and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110 or afspnd@gmail.com. Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal, and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support. All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 218.477.1977 or www.birthright.org. PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www. pathinc.org or 701.293.9968. Gluten Intolerance Group of Fargo/Moorhead GIG of F/M holds gatherings for education, fellowship, and support for those living with Celiac Disease, Gluten Intolerance, or Gluten Sensitivity. You do not need to be a paid member of this group to attend any meetings. For more information visit www.gluten.org/ localbranches/fargo-moorhead/?state_id=333. MOMS Club of West Fargo Offers support, activities, and friendship for moms who work at home full or part time. For more information visit www.facebook.com/MOMSClubWestFargo or email momsclubofwf@yahoo.com. For more listings visit www.OnTheMindsOfMoms.com/support. To submit a group or resource for consideration to be posted on our website, email information to info@onthemindsofmoms.com. OTMOM does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

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Pregnancy & Infant-Loss Support Group Hospice of the Red River Valley [www.hrrv.org], in partnership with Harlynn’s Heart [www.harlynnsheart.org], offers an ongoing pregnancy and infant-loss support group which meets the fourth Tuesday of each month from 6:30pm-8pm at Hospice of the Red River Valley [1701 38th St S, Fargo]. Please use the west door. This is an ongoing support group for anyone who has experienced the death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first year of life. The purpose of this group is to provide compassionate grief support, understanding, and resources to bereaved parents while allowing them to share their grief in a safe place with others who are experiencing a similar journey. This group is free and open to the public. For more information or questions call 800.237.4629 and ask for the bereavement department.

North Dakota Home-School Association Providing information on the North Dakota home-school law, contacts for area support groups, a free downloadable Home-School Packet, convention information, the current statement-of-intent form, and thoughtful articles on various aspects of private, parent-directed home education. Visit www.homeschool-life.com/nd/ndhsa for more information.

o-founder, owner, and Head of Nerdery at Drekker Brewing Company, Jesse Feigum is originally from Barnesville, MN. Work is busy, but Jesse is used to busy, considering he chases after four sons at home [Jonah [10], Seth

[8], Henry [3 ½], and Ben [2]]. “It’s hard to put into words the enormous pride I feel thinking about my sons, but one thing is for sure – they’re four very different people,” Jesse says. This MSUM graduate with a degree in advertising and business credits his wife of 11 years, Carrie, with keeping everything in order.

photos: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

jesse feigum age 36, moorhead.mn

if i “had” to spend one day alone i would…

rad dad

something around the house, I like to take a crack at fixing it myself before I ask for help. I’m much better at fixing things after watching a couple how-to YouTube videos.

sleep a lot. Uninterrupted sleep is hard to come by these days.

it’s important to me my kids experience… the outdoors. I spent a lot of time outside playing as a kid no matter what time of year it was and we went camping pretty often as a family. So I try to make sure that they get out and play and that we spend at least some time camping and fishing every year. It’s so easy these days for kids to entertain themselves by playing video games or looking at a phone or tablet, but I want to make sure the kids make memories doing fun things outside.

the tool or household device i couldn’t live without… my phone. I don’t always like it, but as a business owner I’m connected to what’s happening with the business pretty much 24/7. So if I have to go without my phone for any period of time I feel pretty naked.

i admire my wife’s ability to… juggle the needs of five other humans and herself and

the greatest compliment i have been given… we just had parent/teacher conferences and both of my older two sons’ teachers talked about how respectful they are not only with the teachers but with other kids. We talk a lot at home about treating other kids with respect and trying hard in school. So when their teachers said they’d like to clone them, that’s about the best compliment you can hope for.

NOW OPEN!

the one quality i hope my boys get from their mother…

i’m pretty good at… fixing things. We live in a house that’s almost 100 years old, so we’ve had to do our share of repair and remodeling projects, and I’m a pretty stubborn do-it-yourselfer. So whether it’s a vehicle problem or

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there are a lot of qualities I hope they get from their mother. She’s incredibly smart, talented, caring, selfless, and her family always comes first, no matter what. I hope they have the same fierce dedication to the people who are important to them that their mom does. No matter how busy she gets she still goes out of her way to cook a meal, drop off a dessert, or touch base with a phone call or text to make sure people know that she cares.

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december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

rad dad

stay on top of everything. There are a lot of different interests and needs day-to-day in a family of six and she does an amazing job of making sure everyone feels like they matter and what they have to say matters. If you ask any of our kids who the boss is, they’ll say it’s Mom, and I can’t really argue with that. However you want to say it, she’s the rock, the glue, the steady presence keeping our family going.

the one meal i have mastered… blue box mac & cheese, no question. My wife is an amazing cook, so we’re very fortunate that I don’t cook for the family more often.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

my favorite drekker brew is… we’ve made a lot of beers I’m really proud of and I’m not sure I could pick just one. Most recently though, we were joking around about combining all of the trendy, popular beer styles out there right now into one beer. The more we talked, the more we realized it might actually work. So we went ahead and brewed a sour beer with mango, guava, vanilla, lactose sugar, and gray sea salt. It was a milkshakestyle sour beer, which sounds pretty terrible when you put it that way. It turned out great, so we called it a “Smoothie Sour” and named it Brain Freeze, and 38

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

it’s the fastest-selling beer that we’ve made to date. So right now I guess that one is my favorite.

being a dad to four sons means… I have a big responsibility. I’m responsible for making sure that four people turn out to be happy, decent, well-rounded human beings. Each of them is unique, so I need to work hard with each one to have a good relationship and try to instill the qualities that they’ll need to get there. There isn’t really a road map for fatherhood, so the best thing I can do is be a good example. There aren’t a lot of lectures or talks growing up with my dad that stand out, but the way he worked hard and always tried to do the right thing left a big impression on me. I have plenty of talks with my boys, but I know that they’re always paying more attention to my actions than they are to my words.

three things on my bucket list… 1. I’d love to travel to Europe. 2. Take the family on a cross-country road trip. 3. These are all travel related, I guess, but I’d love to go to New Zealand and Australia someday.

if my wife could throw away one thing of mine it would be… my phone. I’m on it a lot. Too much, she’d say.

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lilbloomerstimbercreek@gmail.com december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

learning joy through sorrow life, loss, and learning to live in joy

photos: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

carrie carney

story byâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; lisa gulland-nelson

he people we meet and the experiences we encounter shape our lives and define who we are. Sometimes big experiences shake our quiet lives awake. Other times, smaller experiences slowly erode our foundation like soft waves, leaving behind a stronger version of ourselves. For Carrie Carney, a mix of the two have taught her life is about living in the present moment and about allowing joy to dominate her day.

learning joy through sorrow We’ll join her story in college. As a sophomore at MSUM she was randomly placed in her dorm with a young woman from Mandan. While hanging out with her roommate, Carrie met and became fast friends with two other women, Kelly Holm and Laura McShane. The summer following Carrie’s junior year of college, the three women and one more friend rented what they believed would be a fun college house. It didn’t take them long to realize their house might not be all they expected it to be. Their cool house would later be dubbed a money pit. From caving-in ceilings to faulty plumbing, there really wasn’t a lot that was right with their rental house.

boyfriends, but their friendship was as strong as ever. Life was great. a diagnosis On a quiet Friday afternoon, Carrie was sitting in her office trying to get a feel for a new gig. Her phone rang, and it was Laura. Laura had just finished up a doctor’s appointment. She had gone to the eye doctor because she’d been experiencing blurry vision. The doctor told her she had a large tumor behind her eye. Her husband was out of town so she called Carrie. Carrie sat with Laura on a tense, quiet afternoon waiting for her parents to arrive. With her best friend by her side, Laura, a wife

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from left to right: Carrie, Laura & Kelly

“It was fun, definitely rundown, but we had fun there. With all the problems, we were closer by the end of the summer,” Kelly said.

and a mom of one-year old twins, was getting ready to fight a battle for her life. For Carrie, this was the first time she’d faced anything like this.

The challenges brought many fits of laughter and ultimately cemented their friendship. Laura and Carrie lived together for the next three years through college and first jobs. They soon married their college

“Laura, Kelly, and I all had lived pretty American-dream lives. I had never dealt with anything tragic. It was all very surreal.”

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

By the end of the following week, Laura and her husband

learning joy through sorrow Ross were at the Mayo Clinic. Laura was diagnosed with ocular melanoma. Doctors were able to remove the tumor but needed to remove her eye as well. But Laura was healthy. The doctors had removed all of the tumor. They had gotten rid of the cancer. a club Over the next two years Carrie’s life changed dramatically. She bought a house, became pregnant and began to face the truth that her marriage was falling apart. Carrie had reached a time in her life that would shake her foundation.

During that time, Kelly was also learning to rebuild her life as she went through a divorce. “We’ve both been through a lot together. Carrie is a good friend, smart and has good advice,” said Kelly. Around that same time, they found out that Laura’s cancer had metastasized to her liver. While Laura began cancer treatments, Carrie was learning to raise a son as a single parent. And Laura and Carrie began a new tradition. The two began calling each other most mornings on their way to work. One would say “Okay, I need a pep talk today,” and the short call would focus

on whoever needed lifting up. Sometimes it was Carrie who needed the pep talk and sometimes it was Laura.

Carrie looks back on that time with pride because of the strength she mustered and with gratitude because she was never alone. As they had done before, the three women created an even stronger bond.

And that wasn’t the only tradition that got the group of friends through. The three had formed what they called “the hot mess club.” Carrie, Laura, and Kelly had a pact that if one of them was having a bad day, they would figure out a way to get together, oftentimes for lunch. It was a way to support each other while Carrie

“Along with my family, my girlfriends got me through.”

december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

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“Getting divorced with an infant son—that made me learn what I’m made out of.”

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learning joy through sorrow

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

learning joy through sorrow and Kelly were going through divorces and Laura was fighting cancer. “If one of us felt we were a hot mess one day, we'd shoot a signal out [a text] and the three of us would get together. I loved those lunches so much. Even though they'd often come about because one of us was hurting, we always laughed so much that we left feeling so much better,” Carrie said. “It was a huge support, I’m lucky to have them, to have Carrie,” Kelly said. For Carrie, there was never any question that Laura would be there for her. good-bye Laura began traveling to New York and Philadelphia for experimental cancer treatments. It was during one of Laura’s treatments in New York when Carrie had a fairly routine medical procedure. “Laura called from New York and asked all sorts of questions about my visit to the doctor. That same day she had decided to go on Hospice. She and her husband had decided on that very day that she was going to stop treatments. And yet she was concerned about me. That’s a best friend. She was that person for me.” Just a few months after that, Laura lost her bravely fought battle with cancer. “All she wanted was to see her kids go to kindergarten that fall. And she didn’t.” Carrie said it’s hard not to feel guilty when she experiences milestones, like going to kindergarten with her son Jack. “Laura loved life so much. All she wanted was to live and to love her husband and her kids and have a life with them. That’s all she wanted.”

“No matter what happens, no matter what situation I’m in, if Jack and I are healthy, we have everything we need. We will be okay.” Soon after Laura’s death Carrie took a marketing job at a local bank and began working with two women who would continue to shape who she is today. They

december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

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gratitude focused Carrie remembered how upset Laura would get when she’d hear people say they hated their life. It’s something that’s stuck with Carrie.

learning joy through sorrow became mentors. The two women saw Carrie’s strengths, guiding her to focus on her talents. They gave Carrie the courage to dream bigger.

“It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the bad things, the gum you stepped on that got stuck on your shoe,” she said, “We don’t often take note of the good things.”

“They encouraged me and made me see myself as a leader and someone who could make a difference.”

stronger The experiences of having girlfriends who have helped her through tough times and women leaders who helped Carrie see her own strengths have motivated her to start a program for women called PUSH. Carrie and Chelsea Monda started the program for the Fargo Moorhead West Fargo Chamber of Commerce. PUSH stands for pursue dreams, unite women, shatter barriers, and have heart. PUSH is a network that consists of small groups of women who meet regularly to support one another to set and achieve goals. The gatherings often start with a question posed on the program’s Facebook page. The groups are intended to create a safe space for women to empower each other and ask tough questions and therefore support personal and professional growth. The program continues to grow as women gather to form supportive groups. PUSH has grown quickly, squelching any doubts that it’s something women have wanted and needed. PUSH is filling a void. More than 215 women have been placed in roughly 40 PUSH groups [and counting]. The PUSH Facebook group has more than 450 members supporting each other. For Carrie it’s been a way to give back and help other women, to pay it forward.

One of the women had the marketing team read a book called The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. “That book changed my life.”

The experiences of having girlfriends who have helped her through tough times and women leaders who helped Carrie see her own strengths have motivated her to start a program for women called PUSH. The book, according to Carrie, guides the reader to focus on the feelings you want to have rather than just goals. She said, although it sounds too simple, her morning practice of writing down what she is grateful for has made all the difference. She also changed all her passwords to positive affirmations, creating little reminders throughout the day. It’s those little things, she said that can alter your day.

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“It changes the way you treat other people because you’re appreciative of them. You’re grateful for your job and your kids even though they can make you crazy sometimes.” Carrie said penning gratitude melts her stress and simplifies life. “The things I’m stressed about don’t align with the things that I’m grateful for.” For Carrie, her simple morning ritual changes how she sees the world because she looks through the lens of gratitude. 46

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

Carrie is also grateful because she has maintained a small connection to Laura through her family. Before Laura died Carrie promised to stay involved in the lives of Laura’s kids and husband. Laura’s husband Ross appreciates the constant that Carrie’s friendship has brought to his family’s life since Laura passed away. Even though their lives are busy and they may not see each other as much as they like, the time they do spend together matters. “We always pick up where we left off,” Ross said, “No matter the weeks or days, Carrie has always stayed close. People have drifted away, but she’s always been a constant.” Carrie and Ross’s friendship has provided each of them support through many ups and downs. Carrie and Kelly join Ross and his kids for a standing tradition each year to make Christmas cookies. “We like to talk about Laura together - from funny stories to memories we want to keep alive for the kids.

learning joy through sorrow

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december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

learning joy through sorrow He’s a great, loving dad, and Laura would be so proud of him,” Carrie said. For Ross, it’s the continuation of a tradition that started when Laura was alive. “I remember seeing Carrie, pregnant, standing at our counter making Christmas cookies with Laura. Now we make it a priority to get together no matter what. I find frosting here and there in the kitchen for weeks after,” Ross said laughing, “It’s something fun we love doing.”

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The influences in her life and the support of family and friends has given Carrie the courage to say yes to new challenges. Now Carrie leads the marketing and public relations for Eventide Senior Living Communities. It’s a career that combines her strengths in marketing and communications with her passion to care for others. In a way, it affirms the love and support of the women who’ve had her back. It’s a testament to the strength she’s gleaned from an often rocky path; proof that all our experiences shape who we are, the good and the bad. And if we allow the love to rise up, we can become better because of where we’ve been.

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

So Carrie steps into every day with love and gratitude and a faith in herself shaped by friendship and loss, knowing each moment is precious and each experience a gift. “If I didn’t live my life like this, it would be a disservice to Laura. It would be like I didn’t learn anything from the tragedy of losing her. This is how I can honor her.” So with every moment Carrie looks for joy, staying in the present moment, honoring a friend who left this world too soon, a friend who showed her that life is meant to be cherished just the way it is. Lisa Gulland-Nelson is a freelance writer and mom with a full-time career. Lisa is the vice president of marketing and public relations for the Greater Fargo Moorhead Economic Development Corporation [GFMEDC]. In her role at the GFMEDC, Lisa is responsible for the organization’s public relations efforts and branding the metro as a great place to live and do business. She manages the organization’s social media, media relations and investor relations. Lisa earned her Bachelor of Science degree in mass communications from Minnesota State University Moorhead and her Masters of Science degree in communications from North Dakota State University. Lisa lives in South Fargo with her husband, Andy and her two kids Emily and Ethan. Find her on Twitter @LisamGN.

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ready, set, grow

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

rom the moment we find out we are expecting a little bundle of joy our priority is to keep him healthy, happy, and safe. As our kiddos grow new safety issues enter our world that we need to be aware of. So, here’s the OTMOM safety dance…

safety first

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very young children can drown in less than 2 inches of water

wee ones [0–18 months]

efore you know it your wee one will be on the go and elusive. One minute he’s right beside you and the next he’s in the dog dish. His world is about exploring and learning and it’s your job to keep his world safe for the next adventure. what about… So you’ve plugged all the electric outlets, the baby gates are up, and the kitchen drawers all have their safety latches…good work, mama! But don’t forget: • too hot Make sure your water heater is set to 120 degrees Fahrenheit. A child exposed to 140-degree water for only three seconds will suffer third-degree burns. Also consider getting anti-scalding devices for showerheads and faucets that automatically shut off if the water is too hot. • too sharp The dishwasher is a treasure chest of hazards. Sharp knives, forks, and oh! look…doesn’t

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that detergent look yummy?! Watch out for an inquisitive wee one underfoot when you load and unload the dishwasher. Make sure all sharp points are pointing down and don’t add detergent until right before you are ready to start the dishwasher. • too much stuff Watch your purse and anyone else’s who enters your wee one’s adventure land. Coins, pen covers, medications, or hard candy are all very intriguing, but also very hazardous. Make sure all purses are out of wee-one reach. • too wet When water safety comes up, we automatically think of the pool or lake, but you also need to consider other water sources such as the bath, toilet, or bucket of water for cleaning. Never be more than an arm’s length away from your wee one in the tub. Never leave a bucket of water unattended and consider a lock for the toilet lid. A curious wee one can fall in head first and then not be able to get out.

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at least one child dies from choking on food every five days in the US and more than 12,000 are taken to the emergency room each year for food-choking injuries

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choking child is terrifying, to say the least. it’s important to be CPR certified and know the Heimlich Maneuver. Educating yourself so you can react correctly and quickly when your tot needs you is invaluable. Now, once you know what to do if your tot is choking, do your best to prevent it from ever happening: 1. watch what you eat Food is a common cause of choking. Things that are hard and smooth such as raw vegetables or hard candies need to be chewed with a grinding motion that typically isn’t mastered until the age of four. Soft foods such as hot dogs, cheese cubes, and grapes can be choked on easily and should be cut into pieces. Also be aware of the choking-hazard foods such as popcorn, cherries with pits, sunflower seeds, gum, and all nuts pose. 2. i see you Keep an eye on your tot when he is eating. Make sure he is sitting and not playing, running, talking, or just plain messing around when he is

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eating. Also, don’t eat in the car. You don’t want to risk your child choking and you needing to worry about pulling over safely before you can help him. 3. balloons Don’t let your tot blow-up or chew on a balloon. They can break or he can inhale them. 4. coins Did you know that pennies made after 1983 contain highly corrosive zinc, which can create a hole in the stomach wall and allow intestinal bacteria to enter the stomach. See the doc if one of those buggers is eaten. 5. crayons, jewelry, bottle caps…oh my It is impossible to completely baby-proof your home, but you can take care of the obvious and use your judgment when buying new toys or leaving items within your tot’s reach.

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december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

ready, set, grow

over 240 million calls are made to 911 in the US annually

preschoolers [3–5 years]

veryone has seen the TV story of the brave little boy who calmly called 911 for help when it was warranted. Well, someone had to teach him to do it! Our preschoolers are the perfect age to teach this emergency response how-to.

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9-1-1 101 One of our biggest responsibilities is teaching our kiddos how to react correctly in certain situations. Teaching them how and when to call 911 is a simple and critical lesson. Start with these three steps: 1. who, what & where Now is the time to teach your preschooler his basic personal information so he can answer the following questions, which are important if he is ever separated from you or if he is making a call to 911: What is your full name? Where do you live? What is your mommy’s/daddy’s name? What is your phone number? 2. emergency or not Explaining to your preschooler what is and isn’t an emergency can start with examples such

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

as “What do you do if there is a fire in our house?” or “What should you do if mommy gets hurt?” You can also talk about emergency-response people and what they do to help people who are in trouble. Make sure you also discuss situations where you do not call 911. 3. dialing how-to In the day of cell phones and land lines, it’s important to teach your preschooler exactly how to dial 911 on each. And don’t forget the send or talk button. Go over exactly how you call 911 and have him practice [with the phone unplugged, of course]. There are lots of websites and books you can purchase to help teach your preschooler about calling 911. Also check out our local libraries. They will have books and music you can bring home so the learning is so fun your preschoolers won’t even know it’s happening!

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big kids [6–9 years]

ith 100% certainty, every parent gets a pit in their stomach with just the thought of their child being taken by a stranger. It is important to talk to your big kids about strangers.

stranger stranger Talking to your big kid about strangers should be done, firstly, to prevent an abduction, and secondly, to lessen the anxiety of an abduction for you and your kiddo alike. Here are some points to discuss with your big kid to make sure he stays safe: • who’s a stranger It’s important to tell your big kid that there is no way to know how someone is inside based on how they look on the outside. A stranger is simply someone he doesn’t know and he is never to go ANYWHERE with a stranger. • main responsibility We all want polite kiddos, but when a stranger is involved, teach your child that his main responsibility is his own safety and not doing what a stranger asks is not being rude. Give your child permission to ignore a stranger or deny their requests. Teach your big kid to always stay an arm’s length away and to never take anything from a stranger, even their own things.

• not your job While some abductions involve a child being snatched up, many times bribery, flattery, treats, or requests for help will be used to get a child to go willingly with a stranger. Make it clear that even if a stranger is being “nice,” he or she is still a stranger, and if an adult needs help, he needs to ask another adult, not a kid. Don’t let your conversation about strangers occur once and never talk about it again. Talk about being safe whenever the chance arises. And teach your big kid to trust her instincts. If someone is scaring her or a situation doesn’t feel safe, back away, stand up, run, or scream. As horrible as it is to think of someone taking your child, I guarantee you will feel better knowing you have talked about strangers. It isn’t something that just happens somewhere else.

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december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

ready, set, grow

the National SAFEKIDS Campaign recommends that no child under the age of 12 be left at home alone

tweeners [10–12 years]

t is inevitable that something will come up like a business meeting or quick errand where you will consider leaving your tweener home alone, but what is the right age? When is it okay to let him stay by himself? While there isn’t a for-sure okay age, we know you can’t leave a 5-year-old alone, but a 16-year-old can probably fend for himself. Also very few states offer age recommendations for kids staying home alone and those that do range from 6 to 14 years old. Here are some considerations to help you decide if your tweener is mature enough to go it alone: • what’s the kid think? How does your tweener feel about staying home alone? Is he excited or scared? Before you leave him alone, he needs to be ready for

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen

the challenge. You need to be confident your child can respond to an unexpected emergency. • does he know the rules? Your tweener needs to know that even though mom is gone, he is still expected to follow the rules. A trip to the grocery store doesn’t mean unlimited video games and soda for him. • what if? How will he react to an emergency? Will he make the right decision? Go over emergency scenarios to help your tweener know the right steps to follow to make a safe decision. Regardless of your tweener’s maturity level and the fact you know he will be okay alone, leaving that first time can be hard. To help ease your anxiety, determine a time you will talk to your tweener to check in on him, go over the rules for being home alone, as well as your emergency plan. If you just aren’t comfortable leaving your tweener alone, consider having a teen or family friend come over to “keep him company.” Don’t call this individual a babysitter, cause it’s totally obvious your tweener is no baby!

ready, set, grow

when it comes to social media, a recent study found American teenagers age 13-17 are most likely to use Instagram and Snapchat

teens [13–18years]

he bedroom door is closed more. Getting more information from your teen about her day other than a “Fine,” “Nothing,” or “Okay,” is like pulling teeth. You want to respect her privacy, but being in her business, to make sure she is safe, is still your job.

Social media is great, but your teen is likely to post something she shouldn’t, say too much, and forget to change her setting the next time new privacy settings roll out. Just be the quite eye in the sky watching frequently and, when needed, reign with an iron hand! It’s for her own good. Proud mama of Seely and Shya, and wife to Van Halen super-fan Stu, Sheri is also co-founder of OTMOM. She believes in UND green, Jesus, burnt marshmallows make the best s’mores, coffee…lots and lots of coffee, she has the best mom and dad ever, and without a doubt EVERYONE has a story to share.

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friend or foe Social media is an interesting beast. It offers this opportunity to connect and share our lives with other people. The beast part is the sharing aspect and that is where you need to come in and teach your kiddos proper social media usage: • get on board You need to know how this stuff works, so make sure you have accounts on the social media platforms your teen is on and then be friends, follow, and do whatever else you have to do to keep an eye on his account usage. • pw savvy Make sure your teen understands the importance of having a unique password that incorporates more than a simple word. Consider using a sentence rather than a single word or string of characters. • talk privacy Social media sites change privacy settings often, so keep up on these changes. Make sure your teen has his privacy settings in check. • button it Sure, he is sharing on the site, but don’t share everything! Make sure your teen understands the importance of not sharing his entire date of birth and that he doesn’t need to tell everyone what

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december • january twenty seventeen-eighteen | on the minds of moms

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