Dealing with resentment

Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps . . . When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. —1 Peter 2:21–23

Resentment can arise when we feel that we’re not getting a good deal in life. But why do we often expect more from life—and from God? The reality is, all of us struggle with personal motives, desires, and goals. We may want to achieve a lifelong dream, be recognised, or be treated in a certain way. Many of these motives are not wrong in themselves, but we may not even be aware of them until they are exposed and tested by the stress of caregiving.

When the duty and b urden of caring for others make it hard for us to achieve these personal desires and goals, a victim mindset can result. Victims blame other people for their plight and

feel that they deserve better. Such a mentality fuels resentment and can lead to a deep-seated bitterness that ultimately affects our faith and walk with God. How can y ou free yourself from this mentality?

Learn to see your heart as God does. Our brokenness was the starting place for the Holy Spirit to begin the work of transformation. Learn to see life from a new perspective—a biblical one. For example, Scripture teaches us to take responsibility for our lives and stop blaming God and others for family problems, bumpy friendships, and job hassles (see James 1:13–19).

Trust the Bible on what it says about you. Don’t hang your identity on something as

unpredictable as other people’s opinions or your own works. God accepted us as we are, so we don’t have to prove anything.

Learn to thank God. Thank God for accepting you as you are, warts and all; for redeeming you so that He can transform you to be like His Son; and for extending boundless grace to you. Gratitude helps to switch our focus from ourselves to others. It frees us to serve, and not to prove ourselves or earn the approval of others or God.

Learn to give grace. In moments of irritation or anger, choose to make a place for grace. When a parent blames you for not doing more or a sibling slips out of an agreement to care for mum, choose kind words—or simply smile, stay silent, and lift up a prayer to God. Like Jesus, you can lay down your right to retaliate and refute. We can try to hide our resentment behind good works and a patient face; we can begin to justify our bitterness and blame everyone else for our woes; and we can seek to stand in the centre of the universe and scream, “What about me?!” Or, w e can lay down our rights at the foot of the cross, remembering that the call to caregiving is a call to a divine appointment with God—an appointment that will ultimately transform us and redeem others.

Father, give me the power to forgive those who have offended me, and help me to relinquish any expectation that they must perform to my standards in return for my forgiveness.