Wh y we need boundaries

Why we need boundaries

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ . . . Each one should carry their own load. —Galatians 6:2, 5

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking we are not doing enough. As we have seen, this can lead to false guilt, as we feel pressured to live up to other people’s expectations. How can we avoid this trap? By setting boundaries. Boundaries are essentially agreed rules and principles that establish clearly what should or shouldn’t be done, or draw lines where each person’s responsibility begins and ends. It also involves understanding the consequences of personal actions and choices. For e xample, if you’re sharing space at home with the person you’re caring for, boundaries determine who is the head of your home, what is considered acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and how privacy is to be respected.

Without boundaries in our physical, emotional, and relational lives, we would live at the whim and fancy of others. Boundaries tell others how far they can go and how far we are willing to go. They help us to understand our right and responsibility to steward the time, talents, and emotional, material, physical, and spiritual gifts that God has given us. Ther e is a biblical basis for setting boundaries. We can see them in God’s rules for mankind’s role in creation, His expectations for our conduct, and His instructions on relationships between governments and citizens in a country, spouses in a marriage, relatives in a family, and residents in a community. Boundaries bless and protect by ensuring that we can

live in the way and manner God has determined for us. In Galatians 6:5–7, Paul reminds us that while we are to help carry other people’s burdens, each person is also accountable for his or her own actions: “Carry each other’s burdens . . . Each one should carry their own load.” Of cour se, it can be challenging to set healthy, Godhonouring boundaries, especially in Asian cultures that emphasise filial piety and community at the expense of self. Many of us enter the caregiving role weighed down by social and cultural expectations. Many of us are still children, always fearing that we will never measure up to our parents’ expectations.

Setting boundaries the refore requires us to deal with old fears and insecurities, and traditional expectations resulting from our cultural background. It may require us to persuade those we love to change old patterns of thought, and learn to accept that we cannot do everything. Remember, it is healthy to establish boundaries around our God-given desires and responsibilities. It is okay to say no to people; being Christ-like doesn’t mean that we must always comply with their wishes.

Father, thank You for the boundaries that protect me in my life. I pray for discernment when drawing healthy boundaries in relationships with those I love and care for. Teach me how to set boundaries that challenge me to be all I can be in You and that stir others to godliness motivated by love.