Practising forgiveness

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. —Colossians 3:12–14

Forgiveness is not something that takes place immediately; it is a process that needs time. Just like clothes, the qualities of forgiveness—compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and love—need to be donned every day, deliberately and purposefully (Colossians 3:12–14). Over time, with practice, they will become a part of us. Ultimate ly, forgiveness is a lifestyle. It is a conscious decision to be kind or gentle, and it cannot depend on whether we like the other person or not. Rather, it is only after being kind to others that we will begin to like them.

But what does this decision look like in our daily lives and routines? What practical steps can we take in our efforts to forgive? Here’s some things you can do:

Seek freedom. Forgiveness is the only path to freedom from bondage to the person you’ve been unable to forgive.

Remember that you were first forgiven. The foundation of forgiveness is gratitude for God’s abundant mercy. Make a commitment to a lifestyle of confession and repentance as you put off sinful attitudes, worldly rationalisation, self-centred desires, and distorted motives every day.

Lay down your rights. Forgiveness means laying down what someone else might owe you—and never picking it up again.

Keep your boundaries. Forgiveness does not mean abandoning healthy, biblical boundaries or allowing people to abuse you. Instead, it allows you to make healthy, responsible choices in your relationships with others.

Don’t deny your pain. Forgiveness does not mean denying wrong actions against you or giving up the opportunity to grieve over what has hurt you. Acknowledge your pain and hurt to God, and tell Him how you feel. Be prepared for the hurt to last a long time—but be assured that when you gain God’s perspective, your own perspective will change. Release judgment. Make a choice to forgive every aspect of whatever offence God brings to your mind, leaving the issue of judgment to Him. Don’t protect. Forgiveness does not mean attempting to divert the consequences of sin. These may be God’s spiritual training for those who have made bad choices. Remember, forgiveness takes practice. It is a daily experience, a lifestyle.

Dear Father, give me the power to forgive those who have offended me. Help me to release any expectations of them meeting my standards in return for my forgiveness. And give me discernment in drawing healthy, responsible boundaries in my relationships with them.

Forgiveness takes practice; it is a habit that will transform us.