R elating to the elderly

Relating to the elderly

You who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another. —1 Peter 5:5

If you’re caring for an elderly parent or person raised in a traditional culture, you may face this added challenge in caregiving: convincing him that you’re not challenging his seniority and “ordering” him around. The Bible makes it clear that we are to honour our parents and respect our elders (1 Peter 5:5). Asian society also expects younger people to “give face” to elders. So, what can we do when responsibility for our parents’ welfare requires us to override their preferences or decisions? How can we care for them in the best way possible, while still showing respect for them? For a star t, it helps to recognise that many Asian elders do not like to be confronted directly. Rephrasing an instruction as a suggestion can thus give an

elder person “face” and let him retain the dignity of making the decision to comply. Try saying, “I would appreciate it if . . .” or “It would really help me if . . .” Instead of raising a sensitive issue directly, you may also find it more effective to go through a favourite child or a close aunt.When it comes to important matters, many Asian parents prefer to speak through a favourite sibling or trusted relative. “My late mum would go through my sister to tell me something,” says veteran gerontologist Dr Helen Ko. “Or tell me to tell my sister.” You can also e xternalise the problem. Instead of putting a parent at the centre and saying, “You need to move to Sis’ home”, reframe the issue as a concern for all parties to address together: “My new job requires me to travel

over the weekend. What do you think we should do?” Communication with an uncooperative parent will always be challenging. But we can draw strength from the biblical truth that honouring our parents—no matter what they are like—is not only right, but also pleases God.

Lord, thank You for the reminder to obey and honour my parents and elders. Teach me how to keep honouring and respecting them even as I learn to engage them on this caregiving journey.

6 “E’s” of communication Engage. Build up a relationship of trust by spending time not just as a caregiver, but also a child or friend. This will enable better and more effective communication in the long term. Empathise. Try to understand their situation and put yourself in their shoes to see the problem from their eyes. Explore. Find out the real cause of a problem or concern. Is a par ent reluctant to take his medicine because of the cost? Or is it really because it’ s hard to swallow? Enlist. Address sensitive issues together, such as by showing them that they are helping you to help them. Educate. Explain how the solution will help them, such as how the same medicine has benefited others. Empower. Build confidence by letting the person make decisions where possible. Help them recognise the possibility of success, and remind them of past successes.

Source: Counselling Older Adults