Relating to the elderly You who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another. —1 Peter 5:5
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f you’re caring for an elderly parent or person raised in a traditional culture, you may face this added challenge in caregiving: convincing him that you’re not challenging his seniority and “ordering” him around.
The Bible makes it clear that we are to honour our parents and respect our elders (1 Peter 5:5). Asian society also expects younger people to “give face” to elders. So, what can we do when responsibility for our parents’ welfare requires us to override their preferences or decisions? How can we care for them in the best way possible, while still showing respect for them? For a start, it helps to recognise that many Asian elders do not like to be confronted directly. Rephrasing an instruction as a suggestion can thus give an 78
elder person “face” and let him retain the dignity of making the decision to comply. Try saying, “I would appreciate it if . . .” or “It would really help me if . . .” Instead of raising a sensitive issue directly, you may also find it more effective to go through a favourite child or a close aunt.When it comes to important matters, many Asian parents prefer to speak through a favourite sibling or trusted relative. “My late mum would go through my sister to tell me something,” says veteran gerontologist Dr Helen Ko. “Or tell me to tell my sister.” You can also externalise the problem. Instead of putting a parent at the centre and saying, “You need to move to Sis’ home”, reframe the issue as a concern for all parties to address together: “My new job requires me to travel
