The dangers of resentment

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

—James 1:19–20

Perhaps one of the hardest struggles we have is our battle with resentment—towards parents who demand much of us, towards siblings who make excuses, or towards friends who no longer seem to listen to our woes. Why do w e feel resentment? It could be because we believe that we’re being asked to do what others won’t. Or we feel we’re being taken advantage of. Or we think that we’re missing out on something. Perhaps our resentment runs even deeper: maybe it stems from a belief that we’re entitled to something better, and God isn’t being fair to us. These ar e some of the hidden roots of resentment, and we need to be honest with ourselves—and with God—as

we question our own thoughts and feelings. If we can spot the presence of resentment in our lives, we can take steps to prevent it from taking root and leading to a deeper bitterness in us. Take some time to r eflect on your own thoughts and feelings today, and be brutally honest as you ask yourself: Do I think God has given me more than I can handle? Do I think that people owe me gratitude and support? Take your answers to God in prayer: He welcomes an open, candid conversation with you. Am I a martyr? Martyrs try to get others to affirm their suffering on behalf of everyone else. They try to attract attention to their misery, so that everyone can recognise how bad their lives are. Deep inside, we might be

seeking to show the world that God isn’t good, because He’s given us a raw deal.

Am I refusing to forgive? Bitterness and resentment can be an obstacle to forgiveness. Are we ready to acknowledge our own sin and pride, and lay our bitterness and anger at the foot of the cross? Are we prepared to see those who have hurt us through Jesus’ eyes?

Am I justifying my actions? Rational thinking can keep us from being subject to the whims of our emotions or others’ demands. But when we wallow in resentment, we may begin to justify unrighteous choices, manipulative actions, and selfish behaviour. We may believe that people owe us something because of our sacrifices.

Am I rationalising? Some caregivers choose to “opt out” of their circumstances. They no longer care what happens, do the absolute minimum, and withdraw their hearts and compassion from their tasks. We may rationalise such behaviour by telling ourselves that we’re entitled to bail because God has given us more than we can bear. Resignation is perhaps Satan’s most insidious weapon, because it attacks our hearts, passion, and commitment to love God and others.

Dear Father, I recognise that I often try to put myself at the centre of everything. May your Spirit expose the lies in my thinking and the deception that blinds me to my victim mentality. May Your work teach me to trust, and may I be willing to conform my thinking to Your Word as I grow in gratitude and grace.

Resentment is really saying that God has given us a raw deal.