Letting go

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going. —John 14:1–4

Many caregivers of older people find that they have to treat their loved ones like children. They make decisions on their behalf, or stop them from doing things on their own in case they hurt themselves. It’s understandable, as some older people need the same attention and care that young children do. But this can be frustrating for them. Some may feel offended at having their choices constantly disregarded. Others may feel discouraged, lose confidence in themselves, and become even more dependent on their caregivers. Perhaps we need to ask ourselves: are our aged parents still mentally capable of making

informed decisions? If so, we need to acknowledge their autonomy and respect their freedom to choose, even if their decisions may have consequences that are less than desirable. If these decisions are likely to harm others, we should try negotiation or discussion first.

According them this respect is not only important, but biblical as well. The Bible instructs us to obey our parents and respect our elders (Exodus 20:12; 1 Peter 5:5). It also stresses that each of us is accountable for our own actions (Matthew 12:36–37; Romans 14:12). We need to learn to “let go” of our parents and let them make their own decisions—and

if possible, to do some things on their own. They may be more resilient than we think! Remember, many of the older generation have a strong sense of self-preservation and self-reliance from having lived through deprivation and trials. You don’t have to be there for them every single minute; they may be fine on their own or with someone else while you’re having a well-deserved break. The ultimate act of letting go—and possibly the hardest of them all—is allowing them to make the final journey into eternity.

Some older people are not afraid to die. But they worry for their families, who are naturally reluctant for them to give up on life. Are we prepared to release them from our care into the loving arms of God? Are we ready to say, “Don’t worry about us, Mum, we’ll be fine. We’ll see you again”? When Jesus’ disciples mourned over His coming death, He reminded them that they would be reunited in His Father’s house (John 14:1–4).

Learning to let go of our parents can challenge our faith and perspective on mortality and death. We will surely grieve their loss. But with Jesus’ assurance, we can take heart in the comforting truth that we will be together again one day.

Father, may I learn the art of letting go and trusting You to be with the people I care for, knowing that they are in Your powerful, loving hands. Remind me, Lord, that their eternity is in Your hands, so that I do not hang on to my parents for my own sake, but learn to release them from my care.