Kiwiparent Issue #277 - April 2017 - May 2017 by Parents Centres New Zealand Inc

RRP $7.50 (incl GST)

SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS

APRIL 2017 – MAY 2017

277

Happy

Mother's Day! – Welcome, Mama – The resilient woman – Getting one step ahead

Room

to grow Creative ideas for kids' bedrooms

Everyone’s a genius

Recognising early signs of dyslexia

Home

grown Options for in-home childcare

Touch A powerful primary sense

ALSO INSIDE:

The magazine of Parents Centre New Zealand Inc

Parenting tips • Childbirth • Dad's Blog • Breastfeeding • Lifestyle • Family health

Great parents grow

great children Arm yourself with knowledge as you grow as a parent by taking part in one of the Parents Centres programmes that run nationwide. These fun and informative programmes aim to assist parents with the various ages and stages of their children, giving them the knowledge and skill sets to be effective. The programmes are well supported by volunteers within each Centre as well as invited speakers who are knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics. As well as providing antenatal classes, Parents Centres also offer core parent education classes which include:

Conscious Parenting – Parenting with Purpose

This programme encourages parents and caregivers to consciously look at parenting styles and to consider how some are more effective than others.

Conscious Parenting – Magic Moments

Magic Moments eaches how to use effective nonphysical methods of discipline, and encourages parents and caregivers to build strong and caring relationships with their children, while still giving clear boundaries.

Music and Movement A fun, interactive, and developmentally stimulating programme for little ones and their parents or caregivers.

Tinies to Tots Discover more about your child as they transition to independent toddler – the course covers the introduction of play and how it stimulates learning, a focus on keeping your baby safe, introduction of new foods, prevention of tooth decay, and a whole lot more.

Return to Work

Developed to meet the specific needs of parents returning to paid employment, this programme is a practical guide covering topics like Early Childhood options, insurance and banking, breastfeeding, and tips for reviving your career. This programme is proudly supported by Porse and Au Pair Link. To find out more about the classes on offer in your area visit: www.parentscentre.org.nz

Baby and You Learn all about the exciting yet challenging early months of parenthood: feeding and sleeping, infant care and challenges, baby massage, and plenty more.

Moving and Munching This wide-ranging programme explores diverse topics like safety-proofing in the home, intellectual and social development, solids, healthy attitudes to food, and much more.

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Photo Credit: Mum Kelly with daughter Charley. Jo Frances Photography www.jofrancesphotography.co.nz

Special Features

Features

The power of touch

Great parents grow great children.......................................... 1

Nikki Power....................................................................................... 8–10

The resilient woman Emma Heaney Yeatts..................................................................12–17

Getting one step ahead Emily Parks......................................................................................20–23

Insurance – a parental necessity?..................................24–26 Surviving the supermarket................................................28–29 Keep on top of your mental game

Letters to the Editor ..................................................................4–5 Product pages ................................................................................6–7 Understanding eczema................................................................18 Breastfeeding; Loving guidance Janet Wilson....................................................................................30–33

Parents Centre Pages ............................................................39–42

Ben Tafau .......................................................................................34–38

Find a centre.....................................................................................43 Home grown – choosing in-home childcare...........46–51 Everybody is a genius

Antenatal programmes................................................................44

Leigh Bredenkamp ......................................................................52–57

Healthy fast food

Room to grow – decorating kids rooms.....................60–64

My Foodbag kitchen.....................................................................58–59

Welcome, Mama

It’s not just about chocolate.....................................................71

Emily Writes....................................................................................65–67

Our partners...............................................................................72–73 Making the important decisions about guardianship Maretta Twentyman....................................................................68–70

kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Winners from the last two issues .................................74–75

SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS

APRIL 2017 – MAY 2017

277

Celebrating the world's oldest profession No, not that one. Historically, it was the midwife, delivering babies at home, that was there before the girl grew into a woman.

The resilient woman As women we tend to put others before ourselves – it’s socially acceptable, and it tends to be ingrained in us from a young age. So when it comes to Mother’s Day, it probably doesn’t come that easy for us to down tools and let someone else care for us and tend to our needs. It may even feel really uncomfortable. The thing is, in order to receive support we need to accept it.

Home grown As more parents return to employment or training, the demand for quality early childhood education and care is increasing. Many parents find they are overwhelmed with choices when it comes to what care and education services best fits their needs. Home-based care is growing in popularity and has enjoyed strong growth over the past ten years, making it one of the fastest growing early childhood education service types.

Welcome to the world, Mama Every day, all around the world, babies are born and people become parents. It’s a beautiful thing. When a baby is born we say welcome. Here is this world for you, precious baby. Here are the people who love you, who will always try to keep you safe. And we say welcome baby. Welcome to this world. We will try to make it better for you. And we focus on baby because of course we do. They’re new. They’re here, finally. But someone else is new too. Welcome, Mama.

Kiwiparent – Since 1954 the magazine of Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Editor

Leigh Bredenkamp Ph (04) 472 1193 Fax (04) 938 6242 Mobile (0274) 572 821 leighb@e–borne.co.nz PO Box 28 115, Kelburn, 6150

Editorial Enquiries Ph (04) 233 2022 or (04) 472 1193 info@e–borne.co.nz

Advertising Sales

Taslim Parsons Ph (04) 233 2022 x8804 Mobile 021 1860 323 t.parsons@parentscentre.org.nz

Design

Eden Design

Proofing

Megan Kelly

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Publisher

Viv Gurrey, Chief Executive Officer, Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Ph (04) 233 2022 Opinions expressed in the magazine do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher. Advertising in this magazine does not imply endorsement by Parents Centres. Generally material in this publication may be reproduced provided it is used for non-commercial purposes and the source is acknowledged. However, written permission must be sought from the editor. Kiwiparent is proud to support the WHO/UNICEF International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes adopted by the World Health Assembly in 1981.

ISSN 1173–7638

Printer

Image Centre Group

Birth is a time of intense emotion and expectation for any family. Irrespective of individual circumstances, women and their families need competent, safe hands at this time and during the months of pregnancy and preparation for the momentous event. They always have and they always will. I enjoy watching One Born Every Minute – the UK-produced documentary series which follows the day-to-day activity of a maternity ward. Now in its fifth season, each episode follows a new group of women in labour who turn up at the hospital and are introduced – typically for the first time – to a midwife. It’s riveting TV as each scenario is different, but what strikes me is the additional stress for midwife and mum as they try to get to know each other, explain medical histories, talk about expectations and possible outcomes, all while the woman is in advanced labour. Any Kiwi mum will tell you how valuable it is having the same health professional providing care when having a baby. In New Zealand, mums can have the same health professional looking after them throughout their pregnancy, as well as during the birth – a model of continuity of care. In many countries, such care is only available through private health systems. Here, this is the expected standard within our mainstream health system because continuity not only provides new mums with that essential sense of confidence, it also ensures high quality and safe care. New Zealand has a unique primary maternity care model, introduced in the early 1990s. Pregnant women choose one lead professional to provide and coordinate care throughout pregnancy and for up to six weeks after birth. This service is funded by the Ministry of Health. The Lead Maternity Carer can be a community- or hospital-based midwife, general practitioner or private obstetrician, and delivers services such as counselling and psychological support, education, and advice on all things related to pregnancy and birth, health promotion, antenatal screening, risk assessment, and treatment where required. The majority of women and their families experience birth as a joyous, normal life event. However, as we see more and more complexities in healthcare, midwifery has needed to respond to ensure mothers and babies have the skilled hands and knowledge needed to pick up problems or concerns and ensure additional care is provided when it is needed. Research from Growing Up in New Zealand suggests the vast majority of women are happy with the choice of LMCs available, although there are persistent inequalities between ethnicities, age groups and socioeconomic status with regard to the timeliness and uptake of maternity services, and the choice women have during pregnancy. There is still room to improve. On May 5 we celebrate International Midwives Day – a time to appreciate the health professionals who walk with women and their families through their birth journeys. Leigh Bredenkamp

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letters to the editor Top letter

Congratulations to the top letter winner, Chantal Cuthers from Auckland, who will win a prize pack from Natural Instincts.

Top Letter prize The winning letter receives the complete Natural Instinct face care range, truly natural skincare products with active anti-ageing plant-based ingredients and 100% free from over 400 potentially harmful ingredients to you and the environment. Available from leading pharmacies. RRP $102

Confusing information about iron

Downplaying the importance of solids

I just wanted to touch base after I saw an article on starting solids written in your latest magazine. It offered what I would consider pretty dangerous advice about iron. I'm a qualified nutritionist who specialises in fertility and women's health, which means I cover pre-conception right through to starting solids in infancy and everything in between. I unfortunately see some very unwell babies, low in iron for a number of reasons.

The latest issue of Kiwiparent landed on my desk yesterday and I have to say I loved seeing your cover girl Rohan on the front.

Usually I'm a huge advocate for mothers doing what they feel is right so I actually feel a little bad about even writing in to you in regards to this well-meaning mother, but I have many women come to me in dismay and confusion after conflicting advice is offered in print and online. Unfortunately in this case, offering an opinion on iron (not scientific or sound qualified advice) and also saying that "too much iron will feed the wrong bacteria" is incorrect and is dangerous advice for new mums especially. I hope this simply comes to you as an opinion for future articles and that you take some pride, as your magazine is amazing and my new mums are often flicking through it!

Chantal Cuthers, BSc Human Nutrition, Sport and Ex Science, BA Psyc

I wanted to bring to your attention the piece on page 30, as I have a few concerns from a nutritional point of view. It’s true every baby is different and some may be ready for solids earlier or later than others, and this is why we have the recommendation of “around six months.” However, I felt the tone of the article suggests solids are not important for babies and downplays the importance of introducing solids from six months. The final paragraph was what really caught my attention as it’s simply incorrect and gives false information to parents and caregivers. A healthy baby is born with enough stores of iron to last until around six months – this is if the mother was able to provide sufficient iron to the foetus. From then, breastmilk is simply not enough to provide for the increasing needs of the growing baby. A baby at seven months has very high requirements for iron, and iron deficiency in young children is a serious concern with long-lasting effects even after treatment. Our bodies have a very clever way of regulating iron, and iron overload is really not an issue in young babies. I only write because this kind of misinformation is dangerous and certainly not what I teach in the Parents Centre’s Moving and Munching classes

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here in Auckland. I understand the need for “real mum” stories and advice but I do urge you to use qualified registered nutritionists when giving any advice around infant feeding.

s Join u and

I look forward to reading future issues.

Emily Parks, Nutrition Manager, Beef and Lamb New Zealand Inc

e r a h S f

Thank you Chantal and Emily for taking the time to raise this with us, we will publish an article about iron for under-twos in the next issue of Kiwiparent. – Ed

lth o rs a e w in a othe h t i w ts benefi e Fre

Connect with parents at your stage, discuss with others, find local babysitting and coffee groups!

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Interact and ask questions, give answers, share your story or knowledge with forums.

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"There is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."

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Simply go online

– Anonymous Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Kiwi mums.

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From the Kiwiparent team CE L

RATING EB

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product information page Ever wondered what to do with your child's car seat when it expires? SeatSmart is a unique recycling programme taking expired or damaged car seats out of circulation and giving the materials a second life – from straps for recycled bags to plastic caps for concrete slab construction. Collection sites can be found in Auckland, Hamilton, Tauranga, Hastings, Nelson and Christchurch, with Wellington and Hutt Valley sites opening in April. A small charge of $10/seat (RRP) applies. Visit www.SeatSmart.co.nz or follow them on Facebook

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kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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Rising Tide By Sarina Dickson, Illustrations by Jenny Cooper Clinical Consultant Julie Burgess-Manning, Published by Kotuku Creative Rising Tide is a warm, accessible story about self awareness and acceptance of learning disabilities, as well as the importance of good open communication within families. To most people Ari is just an ordinary kid. But he nurtures a dark secret that he is ashamed to share with anyone – even his family. He worries that he is not good at reading or writing, and he worries that his family and teacher will find out about it. Ari struggles to see himself in the positive ways that others view him – he believes that, because he finds reading and writing difficult, he is useless. It takes a family crisis for Ari’s secret to become known and for him to realise that it is not a burden he has to carry alone – he is not the only one who struggles with a learning disability. This book has useful exercises for parents and teachers which explore concepts of anxiety, self-belief and identity, and what family means to the individual – as well as looking at classroom culture. The exercises are all based on principles of cognitive behaviour therapy, narrative therapy, and home and schools scaffolding. Rising Tide is available in English and Te Reo Ma-ori as well as in ebook and audiobook formats. www.kotukucreative.co.nz

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The power

of touch

kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

In the June–July issue of Kiwiparent we will launch a photo competition supported by Huggies Nappies to find the perfect cover model. The winning entry will receive a full photo shoot, nappies and heaps of other prizes. You also get to see yourself and baby on the cover of Kiwiparent magazine! Touch is such a simple word. It conjures up many thoughts for people and is open to multiple interpretations. Dictionaries provide numerous entries with contradicting definitions and on a daily basis the word itself is used in a variety of contexts – “I was touched by his words,” “she’s a touchy feely person,” even “it’s a touchy subject,” which often provokes polarising opinions from people. Possibly one of the most disregarded primary senses, it is the first sense that develops in a growing foetus and is reported as being the last sense we respond to at the end of life. Yet few of us ever consider what life would be like without this important aspect of human development. Historically we have witnessed momentous shifts in the freedom in which we feel we can use touch in society. Significant in this historical timeline is the stiff upper lip of Victorian England, where showing any sign of affection, particularly in public, was not only frowned upon, but seen as a sign of weakness. Leading Victorian paediatricians and psychologists declared that showing physical affection to a child or baby was an interaction that caused damage, and should be avoided whenever possible.

The post-World War II period witnessed a slow transition in the acceptance of giving and receiving affection, and a growing openness to positive caring touch. However, following decades saw a slow decline in understanding the importance of this sense, with renewed mistrust and speculation regarding its use. Indeed, media reports connected with touch are most often negative. Almost daily, we can see or hear appalling reports of child abuse, assault and violence. Unfortunately, New Zealand continues to be one of the countries reporting the highest rate of abuse against children – thus the subject of touch seems to be synonymous with negative human interactions. There is, however, hope on the horizon as people are slowly reacting to the plethora of research recommending the use of caring touch on all people, but specifically children and babies.

Newborns respond to caring touch Overwhelming numbers of academic studies support the use of caring touch on all babies, including those born prematurely. Skin-to-skin contact, preferably in the first hour post-birth, is encouraged at all New Zealand maternity hospitals as the wealth of evidence shows how quickly a baby will positively respond to that early caring touch outside the safe confines of their mother's body. Heart rate, blood pressure, breathing and oxygen saturation levels quickly return to acceptable norms, optimum body temperature is restored, stress hormones are reduced, and it is also believed to contribute to developing settled sleeping and feeding patterns. However, caring touch should continue to be part of every child’s life after this initial skin-to-skin contact. In the last twenty years, growing numbers of western countries, have come to adopt the practice of infant massage, practised in many areas of Asia for thousands of years. The benefits to children of all ages is well

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documented. The practice of infant massage is easy to learn and administer, and is exceptional in its ability to aid the bonding process between child and parent, grandparent or caregiver. Even without the introduction of infant massage, a child’s development will blossom with simple caring tactile acts demonstrated daily by many Kiwi parents. Hugs, handholding, kisses and cuddles are often performed subconsciously and yet these simple acts lay the foundation for emotional and intellectual development. Sadly, this act remains absent from the lives of many children. Touch deprivation has been witnessed across the world over many years. One well-documented example from Eastern Europe was brought to public attention in the 1980s. Under the reign of Romanian President Nicolai Ceausescu, thousands of babies were living in orphanages, unable to be cared for by families living in poverty. The appalling living conditions suffered by these children included almost no physical contact from another human being for days on end. When the plight of these children was uncovered, the media exposed the story to the world. The majority of children were found to be suffering from physical and mental disabilities, which many studies have suggested was brought on by the lack of positive human touch. Unfortunately, tragedies such as this still occur in our so-called modern society. Today an organisation, Orphan Aid International, set up by New Zealanders Sue and Carl van Schreven, continue to support these children and others across the world who, as orphans, are still found to be suffering from the effects of touch deprivation. The cruelties experienced by some children have highlighted the extraordinary power of positive caring touch. We now recognise that touch is crucial for the

10 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

physiological and psychological well-being of infants and subsequently for their social and intellectual development. Although the focus of this article is to emphasise the benefits and importance of touch for children, all of us can benefit from caring touch throughout our lives. Whether it be a pat on the back, a strong well-meaning handshake or a bear hug, child, teenager, adult and retiree are all in need of this simple act of human interaction. Unfortunately, the willingness to engage in caring touch is sometimes marred by our personal experiences or the impact of media reports that may encourage a negative view of touch and its complex interactions. This article has been written to stimulate thought about something that is often taken for granted and may or may not have been a part of your life. Its simplicity and ease of delivery mean positive caring touch can be (or perhaps should be) part of every child's life.  Donations for Orphans Aid International https://secure.fundraiserpro.com/donate/ orphansaidinternational/

Nicola Power Nicola is a mother, childbirth educator and university lecturer from Auckland. She is a social scientist with research interests in well-being, particularly that of children and the elderly. The subject of caring touch is a keen topic of investigation and currently forms part of her PhD study.

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The resilient

woman

It’s Mother’s Day?! You may or may not have noticed that it’s Mother’s Day on 14 May. You may or may not have had the time or inclination to think about how you might like to spend Mother’s Day. From what I hear from the mums I work with, so many mums don’t even realise it’s Mother’s Day until it’s upon us, and even then we are asked how we want to plan the day! Sure, we will probably receive a lovely handmade card made from old cardboard from the depths of the drawer that our partner managed to find, containing a gorgeous little sketch and declaration of love from our children. But I wonder how many mums out there simply want to have a Mother’s Day free from responsibility and decision-making – a day especially for them. It sounds like bliss. As women we tend to put others before ourselves – it’s socially acceptable, and it tends to be ingrained in us from a young age, when we were encouraged to care for our siblings, younger cousins, even the neighbours’ kids. So when it comes to Mother’s Day, it probably doesn’t come that easy to us to put down the tools and let someone else care for us and tend to our needs. It may even feel really uncomfortable. The thing is, in order to receive support we need to accept it. This is where resilience comes in. As mums we are concerned about role modelling values such as respect and safety to our kids, and this can involve modelling behaviours such as resilience and bravery. Resilience

12 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

grows from vulnerability, and vulnerability requires supportive relationships. In order to be a Resilient Mum we need to be a Resilient Woman first.

What is resilience? Resilience and well-being are hot topics at the moment. Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress. It means ‘bouncing back’ from difficult experiences by practising the skills required to let you move through adversity, rather than becoming defined by it. Resilience psychology is a new field. You may have seen the segment on the Sunday programme in May last year about Lucy Hone, a New Zealand resilience psychology expert. Lucy had to put her resiliency knowledge to the test when her family lost their daughter in a tragic accident. Lucy believes that what works to foster resilience in yourself is supportive relationships and physical nurturing. She also believes that it’s best to let go of blame in order to move on. Supportive relationships and physical strength are at the centre of resilience – they both help us feel more confident we can cope with adversity, and support us to recover when we are in the midst of it. Experiencing tragedy or stress gives you the evidence that you can, with the support of others, plough through adversity, knowing you don’t need to sweat the small stuff

anymore. Price-Mitchell (2015) refers to the great African-American educator Booker T. Washington when, over 100 years ago, he spoke about resilience:

“I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles overcome while trying to succeed.” Why be resilient? People who practise resiliency do not let adversity define them or their worth, and this in turn fosters constructive behaviours. Not practising resilience, and becoming overwhelmed by adversity and letting it define you and your worth, means a greater risk of using unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges, such as aggression towards yourself or others (Cherry, 2015). As Marano (2015) describes, people find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves; transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs. In Lucy Hone’s case it was focusing on living for her two teenage sons – this gave Lucy the will to just keep going in order to not lose what she still had to what she had already lost.

Resiliency factors It takes time In the moment, when you are in the midst of a stress response, you may not feel particularly resilient. However, people generally adapt well over time to lifechanging situations and stressful conditions. It involves resilience, an ongoing process that requires time and effort and engages people in taking a number of steps to practise resilience.

Resilience is a skill, not a trait Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviours, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.

Resilience can help to resolve past trauma, you aren’t stuck in the past We all have traumas in our lives, times where we have felt out of control and shame as a result – we may not have learned to be resilient at the time but this doesn’t mean it’s too late to learn! We are just big children after all – and we have the choice to go back and reinterpret past events and respond actively and creatively. Once these constructive responses to adversity are repeated over time, they become incorporated into our inner selves as lasting strengths (Marano, 2015).

Continued overleaf...

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Resilience is quite ordinary, not extraordinary Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. People commonly demonstrate resilience. One example is the resilience shown by all of the Kiwis affected by the Canterbury and Kaikoura earthquakes.

events, therefore slightly different skills, strategies and resources might be required to meet your needs. You are you, you will respond to and need different things to others in times of stress. The important thing is being aware of how you feel and what you need.

Resilience goes with forgiveness, rather than shame or blame

You only have some influence on your child’s resilience

Resilience is fostered by constructive beliefs and behaviours about yourself and others, rather than shame and blame. Forgiveness fosters resilience, however forgiveness (of what you or another person has done) doesn’t mean condoning the behaviour. It means that for your own well-being and resilience, you choose to let go of anger towards yourself or the other person in order to focus your energy on constructive outlets.

You can only do your best to model resilience to your child, ultimately it’s up to them. They will learn (if they are ready, willing and able) that they are important, able and enabled to triumph over adversity. This comes from (safely) learning from the tough times.

Resilience doesn’t eliminate emotional pain

accepting you are vulnerable, not invincible, like everyone else

Being resilient does not mean that a person doesn’t experience difficulty or distress. People who practise resilience understand that setbacks happen and that sometimes life is hard and painful. They still experience the emotional pain, grief, and sense of loss that comes after a tragedy, but their mental outlook allows them to work through such feelings and recover. We are all vulnerable to adverse events and experiences.

Characteristics of resilience Some of the common characteristics of resilience include:

having supportive people around you, and actively asking for support seeing yourself as working through difficulties, rather than being a victim to them knowing when to pull back and let go of trying, and trying

There is not one recipe for creating and practising resilience

believing you are as worthy as anyone else, just because you are you

Developing resilience is a personal journey. People do not all react the same to traumatic and stressful life

knowing you are able to problem-solve when the time comes

14 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

not blaming yourself or others, when things don’t go quite right – this might look like externalising the not-so-good things, and internalising successes by taking responsibility for what goes right being self-reflective – being aware of how you feel and what you need communicating your needs in constructive ways – expressing how you feel beneath the fear and frustration responding constructively to strong feelings and impulses the capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out feeling like you have choice in adversity, rather than no control, even if it’s just being able to breathe.

10 ways to practise resilience 1. Reframe – see your own and others’ mistakes as opportunities for learning, rather than evidence to feel guilty. Learn from your recent, and not-sorecent past. What was your greatest frustration as a child? How did you behave as a result? What would have helped you in those times? How do you replay these frustrations and behaviours in your life? What do you need to help you now? 2. See factors outside of your control as situational difficulties, rather than personal failure. Accept that some things are out of your control/expertise and allow yourself to step back, delegate, delay or discard them. 3. See difficult times as temporary, rather than permanent. See obstacles as hard and surmountable, rather than insurmountable, like imagining bushes of gorse on your life journey, rather than a solid brick wall. 4. See feelings as data for doing something constructive (which may be doing nothing at all), rather than running from them, fighting them, or wallowing in them. 5. See tasks or experiences that are difficult for you as opportunities to learn new skills (that you may never have been taught), rather than seeing yourself as weak, deficient, or as having something ‘wrong’ with you. 6. See yourself as the maker of your life, rather than the subject of it. Give yourself projects in the following areas: social, intellectual, psychological, emotional/spiritual, physical. Make sure they are in line with the capacity you have. 7. Express how you feel and ask for what you need – this means reaching out to others and not being afraid of judgement. Say ‘No’ if you don’t have the capacity to give to others – make sure your tank is full first. If you have a child, this may involve asking someone else to step in and help.

8. Have supportive people in your life, people that love you unconditionally, or, with new relationships, at least show potential for it. Even if it's via phone or Skype, great relationships are to be cherished, even if they’re long distance. If someone isn’t in a position to support you, then work on it (if they’re willing) or look elsewhere. 9. See fear as something for you to face (slowly, quietly, gently and with the help of a professional may be useful). 10. Respond to your body – if it needs to move, move it, if it needs to rest, rest it, if it needs to release energy, then release it (in a safe way, like yelling into a pillow). Make sure you BREATHE deeply into your tummy, and practise other exercises that help you switch off and be calm.

How to model resilience to your children Learning resilience starts early. As Price-Mitchell writes, children who develop resilience are better able to face disappointment, learn from failure, cope with loss, and adapt to change. Characteristics of resilience in our children include the ability to express how they feel and ask for what they want, their determination and perseverance in tackling problems, and the ability to problem-solve and see ways through the challenges of school and life. For children, resilience is derived from the ways they learn to think and act when they are faced with obstacles. This requires good modelling of resilience

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by their supportive relationships with parents, teachers, and other caring adults. These relationships become sources of strength when children work through stressful situations and painful emotions. We can help our children realise they CAN cope with challenges, they CAN ask for help, they CAN try again or try something different. The essence to teaching resilience is gifting our children with the self-belief they will cope if something not so good happens, with our support – rather than being afraid of things not going as they plan. Most importantly:

“We can teach our children to believe in themselves, their ability to negotiate their way around obstacles, and to see their importance in this world.” (Price-Mitchell, 2015) Five ways to model resilience to your children 1. Practise being resilient yourself, first and foremost, and be ok when you’re not feeling or behaving particularly resilient – it’s a journey that takes time, remember. There will always be new obstacles to practise with! Take time to look after yourself, so you’re well-equipped to deal with the challenges of parenting. 2. Talk to your kids about what skills and experience they learned from difficult situations, how they felt,

16 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

what helped them, what made things worse, and what they might do differently next time. 3. Teach your child to approach difficult tasks as opportunities for learning, rather than pressure to perform perfectly or achieve certain grades or rewards. Praise your child for trying their best, and trying again if that’s something they still want to pursue. 4. Teach your child to focus on what’s important to them and the value in the task for the child personally. This helps your child focus on their own destiny and their role in that – this is ground on which to teach your child to negotiate with others to get to where they want to be. 5. Practise reflective listening with your child – simply reflecting back what they say, with a tone of empathy in your voice. Teach the formula: SAY how you feel, ASK for what you want, REQUEST help if you need it.

Just three things to remember this Mother’s Day Whether or not you get what you desire this Mother’s Day, no doubt there will be opportunities to practise resilience. I challenge you to remember that you are always good enough – as a woman, a mother, a partner, a friend, a daughter. As psychologist Edith Grotberg, Ph.D., (cited Marano, 2015) says – everyone needs reminders of the strengths they have:

Relationships I Have: strong relationships and constructive role models – these are my external supports.

Self-worth I Am: a person who has hope, cares about others, is proud of myself – these are inner strengths I can develop.

Ability I Can: communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good relationships – these are all interpersonal and problem-solving skills that I can acquire. Be resilient this Mother’s Day. 

Emma Heaney-Yeatts Emma is the Lead Counsellor and Extension Manager at Post and Antenatal Distress Support Wellington Inc. She has two young boys and her own experience with postnatal distress. Emma’s a qualified counsellor and a full member of the New Zealand Association of Counsellors.

www.pnd.org.nz

References American Psychological Association (2016). The Road to Resilience: www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx Cherry, K. (2015). What Is Resilience? Coping With Crisis: www.verywell.com/what-is-resilience-2795059 Cherry, K. (2015). Characteristics of Resilient People. Why are some people better able to cope with crises than others?: www.verywell.com/what-is-resilience-2795059 Hone, L (2016). Source: Sunday, May 29, 2016 from tvnz.co.nz. Marano, H. (2015). The Art of Resilience; Research on resilience breaks down the myth that a troubled childhood leaves us emotionally crippled as an adult, published on May 1, 2003 – last reviewed on November 20, 2015. www.psychologytoday. com/articles/200305/the-art-resilience Price-Mitchell, M (2015). Resilience: the capability to rebuild and grow from adversity. www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ the-moment-youth/201507/resilience-the-capacity-rebuildand-grow-adversity

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Understanding eczema Eczema is a dry skin condition that causes the skin to become inflamed (red) and itchy which usually begins early in childhood. The skin of people with eczema is more sensitive to irritants (such as soap) and more at risk of infection. A child is more likely to develop eczema if there is a family history of eczema, asthma or hayfever. Fortunately, eczema can be controlled with treatment and by avoiding things which can act as a trigger. There is a good chance that your child's eczema will improve or even disappear as they get older.

Will my child develop eczema? Eczema occurs in about 15 to 20 percent of children and those with eczema are more likely to develop allergies. It runs in families and often goes hand in hand with asthma and hayfever.

Water alone is not enough Cleaning a baby is fundamental to well-being. You need to remove unwanted material for good hygiene – irritants live saliva, urine, poos, mucous, dirt and sweat – as well as keep unwanted germs and bacteria at bay. Unfortunately, water is not always the best option. It is difficult to know what exactly is in the water you use, it could be hard or soft, additives could be present ... calcium carbonate and chlorine are common. The mineral content of water may irritate delicate skin, and water alone is simply not as effective at cleaning. Many impurities are oil and not water-soluble, and some substances like faecal enzymes (found in poos) are better removed with cleansers as they can irritate the skin if they are not cleaned away.

When a child has eczema, their skin feels dry and rough to touch, and it is itchy. The skin can become inflamed (looks red), and may even get infected (gets weepy), particularly with scratching.

Always select skin care products that are specifically developed for young children and never use adult products on your baby, they are simply formulated for skin of a different type. Read the label and make sure the product is safety tested. Ideally products have additional safety assessments, especially if they are designed for infant skin. Remember to look for clinically proven on the label, not just clinically tested

In babies, the rash often involves the face but in older children, the skin in the creases behind the knees and elbows, around the neck and on the hands is often affected. At times your child's skin will look good and at other times it gets worse; but parents should not feel as thought they are at fault – this is simply part of eczema and not caused by bad care.

While removing foods from your child's diet does not usually help eczema, this is something you should discuss with your doctor who will advise you about the best way to go about eliminating foods. If the eczema rash ever becomes infected, treat the infection as soon as possible – your pharmacist will recommend a treatment appropriate for your child’s age.

How can I manage my child's eczema?

Try to avoid triggers wherever possible. While these vary from one child to the next, common triggers are:

Most eczema can be easily managed at home. Talk to your health care professional about what options will work best for your family. It is crucial to keep the skin moisturised, so put on a suitable moisturisers several times a day all over the body and face. Suitable moisturisers can help keep eczema away but you may have to try different brands to see which works best for your child.

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Irritants – soaps and detergents, disinfectants, acidic juices, etc Allergens – dust mites, pets, pollens, moulds, etc Microbes – bacteria, viruses, some fungi, etc Hot or cold temperatures – high or low humidity, hot weather causing perspiration, etc www.kidshealth.org.nz

Getting

one step ahead

20 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

There is a wealth of information available for women during pregnancy and it can easily feel like you’re always a step behind no matter how much you read or prepare. Too often we become focused on the list of foods to avoid, and forget to take a bigger-picture approach to healthy eating. A healthy eating pattern should provide most of the nutrients you need, including the essential mineral, iron. Iron is needed for good health and well-being. It helps to transport oxygen around the body, assists in producing energy from the food we eat, and plays a role in the immune system. Women have higher demands for iron in pregnancy as they produce more blood to help grow a healthy baby. Iron is vital for your baby’s brain development and to ensure they have enough iron stored at birth to last until you introduce solids at around six months.

Iron deficiency: what’s the issue? All pregnant women in New Zealand are offered an antenatal blood test in early pregnancy. This is when your haemoglobin will be tested, to measure how much iron is in your blood. If your haemoglobin levels are low you may be diagnosed with iron deficiency anaemia and be prescribed an oral iron supplement. If your haemoglobin levels are normal, it is assumed you have healthy levels of iron in your blood. While haemoglobin is a good indication of the amount of iron in your blood, ferritin is the best measure of iron stores, but this is not routinely tested in pregnancy. Pregnancy takes its toll on your iron stores as the requirements for your baby increase in the second and third trimesters. Low iron stores in early pregnancy are a risk factor for iron deficiency anaemia in the later stages. Women are particularly vulnerable to iron deficiency anaemia during pregnancy. We do know that many

women around the world enter pregnancy with low iron stores, and 1 in 14 New Zealand women is low in iron. Iron deficiency can leave you feeling tired and fatigued, irritable, and more susceptible to colds. Iron deficiency and anaemia can become a serious issue for pregnant women and lead to issues post-birth with breastfeeding, an increased risk of postnatal depression and poor bonding between mother and baby. It can also add to the fatigue you experience in those first sleep-deprived months.

Did you know… You have around 30% more blood in your body while pregnant? This means you need 2–3 times more iron than usual – that’s an extra serve of beef nachos plus half a cup of lentils on top of your normal diet!

How can I get enough iron? Many everyday foods contain iron but some are better sources than others. There are two types of iron, haem and non-haem. Haem iron is easily absorbed by the body and remains relatively unaffected by other foods we eat. It is found almost exclusively in animal foods: red meat like lean beef and lamb chicken fish seafood, especially mussels.

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Non-haem iron is found in plenty of foods we commonly eat: wholegrain cereal and bread dark green vegetables like spinach and broccoli

My top tips: Eat regular iron-rich foods rather than one iron-rich meal per day. Small but frequent consumption is better.

pumpkin seeds

Drink tea and coffee between meals rather than with your meal.

dried apricots

Avoid having dairy products with iron-rich foods.

chickpeas and lentils

Choose an iron-fortified breakfast cereal.

tofu.

Add brightly coloured vegetables to your meals.

Non-haem iron is widely available, but it is poorly absorbed and can be inhibited – or blocked – by many factors. This means your body is not able to use all the iron available in these foods. Iron inhibitors include calcium in milk products such as cheese and yoghurt, polyphenols in coffee and tea, and phytic acid in wholegrains, cereals and breads. To get the most iron from your meals it’s important to watch out for the foods that block iron. This doesn’t mean removing these inhibiting foods entirely – instead, plan your meals carefully.

Eat citrus fruit, strawberries or kiwifruit straight after your meal, or add lemon juice to greens/salad.

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Soak (overnight, then discard the water) nuts, seeds, legumes, and grains to remove the phytic acid that blocks iron.

Heard about the “meat factor”? Meat, poultry and fish all contain a compound which increases iron absorption from non-haem iron foods by up to four times. Add small amounts of meat to an otherwise meat-free recipe to maximise absorption.

Should I take a supplement? Changing your diet to include more iron-rich foods is important, but often dietary iron alone is not enough to improve your iron status in the short-term. Many women will benefit from taking a pregnancy multivitamin that contains iron alongside other essential vitamins and minerals. A multivitamin cannot make up for a poor diet but can be thought of as an insurance policy to ensure you are getting the extra nutrients you need. Symptoms of iron deficiency can be hard to separate from the everyday niggles you may experience during pregnancy. Tiredness, irritability and breathlessness are common but may also point to low iron. If you are concerned about your iron status it’s best to speak with your midwife, qualified nutritionist or doctor as they will recommend a treatment plan tailored to you. 

Emily Parks Emily is a degree-qualified nutritionist working as the nutrition manager for Beef + Lamb New Zealand. She is looking forward to becoming a first-time mum in June and learning to juggle work and family life.

IRON

Essential for Mums & Bubs Pregnancy is a beautiful time but can take its toll on your body. Iron is an essential nutrient needed for energy, healthy blood and optimal immunity – your baby needs iron for these reasons, too. – Nutritionist, Emily Parks For iron rich recipes visit recipes.co.nz

WORLD IRON AWARENESS WEEK IRONWEEK.CO.NZ

1-7 MAY 2017

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Insurance

– a parental necessity?

Cot, buggy, car seat, change table, baby bath, toys, clothes. The list is endless for young parents contemplating the needs of their new baby. But something that can be often overlooked, at least until it’s needed, is how to protect your young family should illness or tragedy strike. Of course it’s the last thing that any new parent wants to consider. And at a time already full of decisions about choosing the best options for your baby, organising insurance can go to the bottom of the to-do-list.

Let’s look at a youngfamily scenario*. Ryan and Serena had decided to take out a life insurance policy when they had their first child. It had seemed the right thing to do at the time and they knew that it was important to protect their young family should something happen to one of them. The policy also had a built-in child Critical Illness benefit that didn’t cost them any more in premiums. It meant their children would be covered should they suffer one of the specified Critical Illness conditions after the cover started. The child’s benefit was a bonus, but certainly not something they ever thought they would have to call on. But four years later, the family were delivered the devastating news that four-year-old Thomas had a stomach tumour that would require surgery and a programme of chemotherapy. The weeks and months that followed were harrowing, but Ryan and Serena’s focus was solely on helping Thomas through this treatment, while ensuring baby sister Olivia was well cared for at home. The child Critical Illness benefit of their life insurance cover kicked in, providing the couple with a lump sum payment. This meant that both Ryan and Serena could take some time off work to care for Thomas. While it certainly didn’t ease the pain

24 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

of watching Thomas go through his treatment, it meant they could focus on his recovery without the added burden of financial worries. Nadine Tereora from New Zealandowned insurance company Fidelity Life says that while the thought of a child suffering a severe illness or accident is frightening, it’s critical to have a safety net in place. “As parents, we want the very best for our children. When we have children we’re overwhelmed with decisions to make, and often decisions around things like life insurance can be put on the back-burner. “But in our business we see the devastating impact of illness and accidents on families of all ages – and having some insurance cover in place that eases financial burdens can make a significant difference to a family at a traumatic time.” Ms Tereora says insurance doesn’t have to be complicated. “With the right advice, insurance doesn’t need to be overwhelming. And yes, for any new parent, just as choosing a car seat and buggy should be on the list, so too should considering insurance to protect your family – your most precious asset.”

*This is an illustrative example only of a child-benefit Critical Illness claim.

Parent’s Guide to Insurance Insurance is one of those things that you hope you never have to use but are grateful you have when the need arises. What would happen if you or your spouse or partner became sick, injured or died? All of these situations can be devastating to your family’s financial health. That’s where insurance comes in. Having adequate insurance cover can provide peace of mind and financial security for you and your family during a time of uncertainty and stress.

One way to think about the need for life insurance is to ask yourself, if you were to die early what would be the financial impact on your loved ones? Life insurance cover typically means you will receive a one-off payment on your death or if you are diagnosed as being terminally ill, which can help your family continue to live the life you’ve planned together. This can provide some peace of mind, knowing that:

Life insurance

your dependants can focus on living life without worrying about finances

Once you have a family (or acquire significant debt) then you should consider getting some life insurance.

children are provided for and can make future education plans, such as going to university

typically, your family can get quick access to immediate funds to cover funeral costs they can stay in the family home – pay the mortgage or cover the rent the financial burden of on-going day-to-day living expenses is taken care of.

Critical Illness/Trauma insurance Critical Illness insurance, sometimes known as Trauma insurance, pays you a one-off lump-sum amount if you have a serious medical condition like cancer, heart attack or stroke (or one of many other specified

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illnesses). Some products also include built-in benefits specifically for children. You could use the benefit to: pay for private medical costs make lifestyle changes so you can focus on recovery take some time off work to spend time with your family or take a stress-free family holiday. The diagnosis of a critical illness is devastating in any circumstances, but the burden will be far greater if your financial security is also put at risk. Critical Illness insurance takes the pressure off, so you can spend your time focusing on recovering, not worrying about your finances.

Income Protection insurance As a parent, the ability to earn an income can be your most important asset. The financial consequences of a disability or extended illness could be devastating, not only for your personal lifestyle, but also for those who depend on you. Recovering from an illness or accident is also difficult enough without the extra stress of financial worries. Income Protection insurance replaces your income if you can’t work due to sickness or injury. It’s important because your income is what allows you to live your life today – and make plans for tomorrow. Income Protection pays you a monthly benefit, just like your salary, and generally covers up to 75% of your pre-tax salary.

Total and Permanent Disability (TPD) insurance For most families, the early death of an income earner would cause serious financial strain for those left behind: however, the financial impact would be just as serious if that income-earner became totally and permanently disabled and unable to work for the rest of their life. Total and Permanent Disability (TPD) insurance provides a one-off payment that can help you modify your lifestyle and provide you and your family with choices if you’re left permanently without the ability to work.

Health Insurance While New Zealand does have a good public health system, it is frequently subject to overloading, which can mean waiting lists and delays in getting important procedures done. Having health insurance cover can provide some peace of mind that you and your family can get the medical treatment you need, when you need it. Private health insurance can help if you or the kids need to see a specialist, require non-acute surgery or a diagnostic procedure (such as an MRI), where you might have to otherwise wait longer if relying on the public health system. 

26 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Should you have any questions about insurance, you can get advice from a financial adviser. SHARE is a network of Financial Advisers who offer specialist financial advice regarding personal insurance needs. SHARE have a number of advisers around the country, so for more information please call 0800 02 00 55 or email pcnz@sharenz.com

We help protect Kiwis big and small.

For over 40 years, Fidelity Life has been providing life insurance to Kiwis. If you haven’t already, now is the time to find out how you can protect your family’s future with a New Zealand insurer. Talk to your financial adviser or contact us and we can put you in touch with one of our trusted advisers.

Protecting the NZ way of life fidelitylife.co.nz | 0800 88 22 88 customerservice@fidelitylife.co.nz

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Plan ahead Try not to go shopping when you’re in a hurry or if your child is hungry or tired. It might be tempting to fit the shopping in after a morning out and about, but chances are your child will be tired and ready for a quiet time at home. Involve your children in writing the list beforehand. Give them some options, for example what sort of cereal they want. Give two or three choices and then both look for those items when you get there.

When you’re shopping Take along a small toy that they can play with. Bring something for your child to snack on as you shop. Give them some choices – “Strawberry or apricot yoghurt?” Try to avoid things you don’t want to buy, but that your child will ask for – like the sweets aisle. Give them a job, for example, holding the list or coupon book. Ask them to look for things on the list.

Surviving a trip to the

supermarket Do you dread the weekly trip to pick up the groceries? Most parents have experienced whining, over-stimulated littlies who grow rapidly bored with being trapped in a trolley. It is common to see desperate parents trying to race through their shopping list and get past the checkout – where all the lollies and other treats are displayed – before the inevitable meltdown… We can all sympathise. The supermarket is an exciting place for small children, but sometimes it can all get too much and they go into overload. There are ways to make shopping a less stressful time for children – and parents.

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Keep them safely in the trolley. That way you can talk to them and involve them, and they won’t disappear. If you’ve got more than one child, the others can hold onto the trolley as you go round. Managing a small baby or toddler can get really tricky. Try to shop at times when someone can come along to help or perhaps look after the children at home.

Waiting at the checkout Play games as you wait, such as I Spy. With young children use colours – “I spy something red.” Give them some groceries to put on the checkout counter. Thank them for being helpful.

“The checkout operators usually talk to him when he helps. He really enjoys that.” If things start going wrong Don’t give in to demands. Try distracting them by asking them to find something they like on the list, give them a bit of food or a drink. Stop the trolley. Explain quietly that you need their help and when you get home you can both do something they like. Keep calm. Try not to show your anger. Count to 10. If you’re next to something your child wants, move the trolley to a quiet corner.

Don’t worry about the other shoppers, most of them will have had children and will know what you are going through.

Try not to rush things. Give a small number of choices (two or three). Do something relaxing together like going for a walk or reading a book.

When you’ve finished Tell them they were really good at choosing, sitting still or playing I Spy. If they were difficult, try to remember something positive you can tell them. If things went wrong think about what triggered the trouble – you might be able to avoid it next time.

The dreaded tantrum! Most small children have tantrums – they are a natural part of growing up. Tantrums are caused by frustration and stress that children can’t deal with. Often they happen because children can’t express themselves using words, or they are tired, hungry, bored, uncomfortable or over-stimulated. If the supermarket is difficult, try to change the time and shop when your child is rested and fed. If possible, think about shopping without your child or buy a bread roll or an apple they can chew on as you go. Remember to tell them if they’re being good! It’s almost impossible to stop a tantrum once it gets going but you can plan ahead. Think about when tantrums do happen. Is your child hungry or tired? Do they want comfort? Sometimes there are things you can do to stop a meltdown from starting.

Let your child know when change is coming, for example when it's almost time to go home.

When the tantrum is underway You can’t stop a tantrum. Make sure your child is safe, stay near and carry on with other things. Don’t try to talk to them or reason with them or discipline them. It’s hard, but don’t give them attention. Show you’re not upset. If you’re angry, try not to show it. If they’re in danger of hurting themselves, move them to a safer place. If you’re in a shop, leave the shopping and go to a quiet place. When they calm down, comfort them, but don’t give in to the demands they were making.  Prepared with the assistance of SKIP www.skip.org.nz For support, information or advice call PlunketLine 0800 933 922 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Helping Kiwis plan for their future. SHARE is NZ’s largest adviser-owned financial services cooperative. We are a nationwide network with 76 advisers in 21 offices throughout NZ. SHARE advisers work hard to get their clients the right cover for their needs - at an affordable price. Importantly, we will be there to help you when you need it most - at claim time. www.sharenz.com

For more information contact a SHARE adviser on 0800 02 00 55 or email pcnz@sharenz.com

online at www.kiwiparent.co.nz SHARE - proud to be in partnership with Parentssubscribe Centre New Zealand and– kiwiparent Fidelity Life. 29

Loving guidance isn’t always easy

La Leche League’s philosophy on ‘Loving Guidance’ has been a tricky concept for me. What to do when your child is more spirited than you expected? Extremely capable and full of strong feelings? More spirited than you had bargained for? As spirited as, say, her mother…? Isla is a delight. She is a glorious child and will make quite a woman, but by crikey has she been sent to test me. She is tremendously creative. She loves painting her whole body with anything that is colourful and liquidy, loves making presents, is a flourishing artist with an extensive collection, avid reader, loves playing in gardens and forests, having tea parties, is very snuggly, very determined, extremely persistent, and great at dressing herself in delightfully ‘Isla’ outfits.

She has a superb grasp of the English language and is unafraid of most things. She insists on making her own breakfast and proudly announces, “It’s okay Mum, I pulled the toaster plug out of the wall before I put the knife in to get my crumpet out.” Isla and her brother had a great time becoming ghosts in the kitchen one day – they used two kilos of flour as their special effects. On discovering that her overflowing bath was flooding the kitchen, Isla jumped up and down singing, “I’ve found my dreams, I’ve flooded the house!” On the day that she had, again, pee’d all over the toilet floor I asked her to please sit down on the seat rather than stand on it – her response was, “But Mum! I’m just being myself!” I agree that we are ‘raising adults’, that we want ‘strong children who

30 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

know their own mind’, children who ‘feel comfortable in their own skin’, ‘follow their dreams’, ‘question everything’... In the meantime we have to negotiate their younger years trying not to crush their enthusiasm, nurturing them to be who they are, while wondering whether it really matters that they have pulled the wall frieze off every wall in your new house. And added lipstick.

Other parents seem to laugh a lot more and yell a lot less… I believed so much in LLL philosophies. I reckoned that it didn’t have to be complicated – I had to listen and attend. I carried her, breastfed on demand, took her everywhere with me, and introduced her to as many experiences as I could. I loved my

child with all my heart and soul, yet I felt totally defeated and alone on this journey. I was searching for another family that had a child like ours. Even when I found them they seemed to have it all figured out. After Isla had forcibly removed some hair from one of her small friend’s heads at about two-and-a-half, the child’s mother suggested we might need an appointment with a child psychologist. I remember being really offended, and replied that what I thought Isla needed was more of my attention. I am grateful for the support I received through my LLL friends who believed that same thing as me. I received helpful advice such as ‘become like her cloak (follow her closely, but not too closely, and intercept when needed)’, ‘they act out with the ones they trust the most’ and ‘this is a phase’. Between the temperament of my child, my own nature, social “norms” that I seemed to have absorbed, and my tendency to second-guess myself, this parenting gig became progressively harder as Isla grew older and started to move and talk… I found myself getting very impatient for the phases to pass. They didn’t pass – they morphed. Retrospectively, what I was failing to do was work with the nature of my child. I began to despair and found I had very little acceptance of her capabilities and even less sensitivity to her feelings. I was mortified that my child was the biter and hair-puller. I found myself reacting swiftly and angrily – a dangerous combination. When Isla was two, I discovered that she had learnt the meaning of Parent Enforced Say Sorry Time Out tactic; she said sorry THEN whacked me and told me, “I’m off to my room for TWO minutes.” Time Out was abandoned. My mother was incredibly supportive: “When she is with me she is so entertaining, and glorious, she is a credit to you.” The best comment I heard from Mum though was, “Yes, she IS a challenge.” At this point I knew I wasn’t going mad or making it up, Mum had confirmed it.

And she knew what she was talking about – she had raised me. Perhaps I could change her nature! I tried all sorts of tricks to ‘fix’ Isla – ‘crazy diet’, homeopathy, constitutional remedies, osteopathic treatment, bought bulk tempura paint for use at home, read conventional and unconventional parenting books, reviewed unsolicited advice, went out more, stopped going out more, bent the ears of countless women whose parenting I admire, and talked a lot to my mother and my husband. In the end I have come to realise that the only person I can change and improve really is myself. This revelation was both a shock and a relief.

Nappy Disposal System

The book Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurchinka, was recommended. It was illuminating indeed – it taught me a lot about myself and helped explain why Isla and I clashed and crashed about so much on a daily basis! Playcentre proved to be a lifesaver, as did people I met through various LLL groups.

There were other adults who could give me the good side of my child – the side I couldn’t see anymore.

Proven protection from germs & odours ^

Unbeknownst to me I was forming my tribe! Most of my friends now have quirky and delightful children that prove to be a handful to their parents! The interesting thing is how I adore their children. Once I realised that my child was just as adorable I started re-phrasing her; delighting in her individuality rather than being annoyed by her finickety-ness, fostering her independence instead of trying to have her on a tight leash. Let’s cook, but let’s follow a recipe, you can paint yourself but you must check before you paint the house, the fence, the dog. Sometimes I even walk away instead of into the storm. A work in progress. I love my Tribe. I believe they have saved my life! As one dear friend says, “My child is in a phase, I just haven’t figured out how to deal with

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it yet” – this statement gives me space to not have to fix it. Another great friend reminds me to relax, do more yoga, and look after myself. Yet another one inspires me by constantly demonstrating loving guidance to her children – often all three at the same time! Another one has a daughter with a similar temperament to my own who is slightly older; they show me that things can and do change. It certainly does take a village to raise a child! Another significant factor in these early years was my acceptance of, and treatment of, depression. Now that I can see more clearly, now that there is relief from constant anxiety and now that I have watched my next child go through two, three and four years, I realise that it was a phase. It took two years for me to realise that

it had largely been the depression that had been dictating how I was coping. Well Women in Franklin (Ante and Postnatal Depression Support) were incredibly supportive. Looking after myself made a HUGE difference. We have just instituted our Playcentre rules at home – “We take care of ourselves, we take care of others and we take care of our stuff.” I also take the tack of “that makes me feel sad” and using ‘I’ statements rather than “you can’t do that/you make me...” as Isla is far more motivated by ‘making a good decision’ than by my telling her what to do (apparently I treat her like Cinderella). I have now found that I need to put my foot down rather strongly, and I weather the physical, abusive storm in order to reinforce the boundaries. I believe that this is so necessary for this strong-willed child. She feels

safer with boundaries. I did as a child too, funnily enough. I have now recognised that, although she is loud and boisterous on the exterior, her waters run deep. She is hard to figure out. She is so like me that I get confused as to what behaviour I am reacting to (hers or mine?). She is highly sensitive, recently found in tears after a heated debate between husband and me. She feels stuff and it is often not tangible. We talk about how her feelings are completely legitimate. We talk about how anger is okay, but it is what we do with it that counts. We talk about debating, and resolution of conflict. We talk about how we always have a choice, but we are responsible for our choices. We talk about Strong Feelings. I try to laugh more and yell less.

GET SUPPORT IN MANY WAYS MEET breastfeeding mothers CONTACT a trained breastfeeding counsellor READ a book from our library BROWSE our website JOIN for Aroha magazine BUY books and leaﬂets DONATE to help La Leche League help more mums like you

32 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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Good hygiene, good health Sterilising is all about protecting your baby from harmful bacteria. Research has shown that it can Isla can bike home from school all by herself at six-and-a-half. She has listened to my rabbiting on about watching driveways for cars, and sticking to the left. I congratulate her on being such a great learner. Mistakes, however, prove to be her greatest teacher. I must let her make them. I remember stapling my thumb as a child, despite Mum telling me it would hurt… Watching her over the recent summer holidays I realise that she needs freedom, and given that, she responds better to the rules when they are applied. She is very capable of looking after herself around water, with her friends, and, if I leave her to it, she can actually sort out her own arguments in her own way! She is no longer in need of her Cloak Mother, but she still needs her Mum. Now that I can hear her reasons for her choices I know why things were so hard in the early days – she is a very creative thinker, an experimenter of the highest order and a free spirit. Her brain thinks faster than her words can come out – a situation that is tricky when you are two, difficult when you are three and nigh on impossible when you are yelling at your mother. She struggles with the unfairness

of stuff. Some of this I can help her with (food ingredients are too precious to be used in potions involving grass, but there are other options), but some I cannot (she refuses to accept that adults have different abilities than children and that is why they can drive cars and make decisions like “No, we are not getting a puppy“).

take your baby up to a year to develop the same kind of immune system as adults. Steam sterilisation is quick and effective.

Her first and often favourite word is usually “no“. It has taken me a LONG time to realise that this is a pause signal. She needs time and space to think up a solution. It has also taken me a long time to realise that there will never be another person going through the same things at the same time. Often your focus needs to be closer to home – your child and yourself. The answers are not always clear but, in my opinion, accepting the dynamics of yourself, your child and your family is by far the best place to start. Parenting continues to be the biggest, most traumatic, yet most invigorating challenge of all! 

Janet Wilson

www.facebook.com/Philips.Avent.NewZealand www.philips.co.nz/AVENT

Janet is a La Leche League Leader in Papakura.

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When you’re grinding it out in One Player mode (as a solo parent), your mind can be your worst enemy. In my first year as a single dad, I was dealing with the fallout from the end of my relationship, working full-time and parenting on my own four nights a week (while learning how to do this on-thejob), travelling to Auckland regularly for work (where my head office was based), running a household, and trying to balance the other aspects of my life, like catching up with friends and training. Dealing with so many challenges like this on your own can take a significant toll on you mentally, physically and spiritually. In this state of heightened stress, it’s easy for negative thought patterns to creep in and start dominating your thoughts.

Keep on top

of your mental

game

So it’s crucial that you keep on top of your mental game to keep everything else running as smoothly as possible. Whilst I believe in the importance of seeking professional help for your mental well-being, there are also ways that you can improve your mental health every day to keep you in a good space when you’re under the gun.

Five simple tricks The Five Ways to Wellbeing are a collection of simple, everyday activities that you can use to improve your well-being developed by the New Economic Foundation based on research into mental well-being – so it’s good to know they’ve got a bit of evidence behind them. Without further ado, the Five Ways are: Connect, Learn, Take Notice, Give, and Keep Active. Here are some ideas about how you can use the Five Ways to Wellbeing when you’re flying solo to help keep your head in the game.

34 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Connect Talk and listen, be there, feel connected. Connecting with others is an essential part of your well-being, and of being human – as the saying goes, no man (or woman) is an island. As a single dad, it’s likely that much of your time outside of work will be spent in One Player mode looking after your child(ren), so you need to take the opportunity to connect with people as much as possible. Connecting with others increases your sense of wellbeing in many ways, from helping you focus on things other than your difficulties, spending time out of One Player mode, and you’ll likely be having fun! Here’s a few ways to Connect in One Player Dad mode: Schedule regular catch-ups such as coffee and dinners with family and/or friends. After I became a single dad and had moved back to Wellington, one of the things I established early on was a regular Sunday dinner with close friends to connect with them on a regular basis. It was a great way to spend time with them, share in food and laughter, and have someone else do the dishes one night a week! Get active with mates – a two-for-one deal, as keeping active is also one of the Five Ways to Wellbeing. One of the things that made a big difference to my well-being about a year after I entered One Player mode was joining the gym, as around the same time one of my mates joined the same gym and we started training together. While we only train together once a week, it’s time that I value in connecting with my friend and others who I also see at the gym, and it’s also vital for getting out of the house – something I definitely needed to do more often. Connect online – yeah, I know. It’s not real, those people are fake electronic phantoms that will make you hate your life, blah blah blah. Ok that’s a bit extreme, but the reality is I spend at least four nights a week at home when I have my daughter, and unfortunately child services frown upon the idea of leaving her at home while I dash out for a few rounds of Tekken with the boys, so the interweb it is. Facebook is my usual weapon of choice, which I mainly use to share video game trailers, comic book movie rumours or the latest funnies I’ve pinched off imgur.com. Catch a show or game with some mates – the last movie I watched I ended up rounding up ten of my fellow comic-nerd mates. Sports events, comedy shows, theatre, live music, anything that gets you out and about with your mates.

Keep learning Learning new things is fun. Ok, this may sound a bit geeky, but I’m not suggesting you go out and sign up for a statistics class (unless that’s your thing. And if it is…you’re weird. But that’s cool). Learning a new skill, taking up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try, or delving into new knowledge can be enjoyable, opening

your mind to new possibilities and ways of thinking, connect you with other like-minded people, and boost your self-esteem as you acquire and master new skills and knowledge. Ever wanted to try a new hobby/sport/skill? If you’ve just become a single dad, why not use this new beginning to try something you’ve always wanted to do? After a year or so as a solo parent, I started looking for a new physical activity to do. I ended up joining the gym and getting into calisthenics, which was great fun and I enjoyed learning new exercise techniques. I also tried a few free intro classes of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, which I enjoyed so much that it’s next on my to-do list. Is there something you need to learn to up your Dad game? One of the big things I learned out of necessity is how to cook. I also needed to learn how to shop for girls’ clothes, since my experience in this was about zero. Take a class – whether it’s professional development/ training opportunities through your workplace, evening/weekend classes or an online course. Taking a class is a great place to learn something new and meet new people. I participated in a Startup Weekend in Wellington, which could be described as an intense form of business education torture/accelerated learning. This involves a room full of strangers who pitch business ideas, form teams and create businesses over the course of a weekend, at the end of which they pitch their ideas to a line-up of judges. Having no business training myself but a keen interest and enthusiasm, I participated in what was one of the most intense weekends of my life, but also one of the most rewarding in terms of the learning gained and connections made with like-minded people.

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a little creativity you can engage in some quality time with your little ones that won’t break the bank. Go to the park, the beach, go for a walk along the water, get some boxes from the supermarket and make a fort. Think of things you used to do in your youth when there were no smart phones or super techno gadgets. Waiting for something, like the doctor or a bus, plane, etc? Take the opportunity to notice your surroundings, rather than burying yourself in your headphones or your smart phone. See if you can notice anything you wouldn’t normally see. Do a bit of people-watching and observe those around you and their interactions with others. Get outside on a regular basis – a great way to recharge during the work day is to get out of the office and go for a walk or spend your lunch break at a park. Gives your body a break from that desk-bound position a lot of workers are in for the majority of the day. Learn from your kids – this one is on a slightly different tack, and links to the ‘Connect’ action above. My journey as a parent, both in Two and One Player mode, has taught me a lot about myself – my tendencies as a parent (and the things I picked up from my own parents), how I react to the numerous parenting challenges that you can only learn to address ‘on the job’, my hopes and dreams, and especially my fears in becoming a father and responsible for the future of more than just myself. But also, seeing the world through the eyes of my daughter as she grows and is able to express herself more and more – she has such a cheeky, effervescent, inquisitive outlook that, if nothing else, makes me smile and reminds me what the important things are in life.

Take notice Remember the simple things that give you joy. Stopping and taking note of the little things in life, which when you think about it, are really the big things, helps calm your mind when you’re juggling a million things. Whether it’s pausing to appreciate the wonder of your surroundings when you’re out in nature, really engaging in time with your little one(s) or friends and family without checking your phone every two minutes, or just taking a moment to appreciate the good things in your life can bring the everyday challenges of parenting into perspective. “Wherever you are, be there” – one way to take notice is to practise being in the moment in whatever you’re doing, and not thinking about anything else other than that task or activity. So if you’re playing with your child, focus on that only and not on projects at work that need doing, or all the cleaning you need to catch up on. Take pleasure in the simple things – when you’re a solo parent, the budget can be pretty tight. Don’t worry though – you don’t need to spend money when spending time with your kids, with

Give Sometimes this feels like one of the trickier Ways to Well-being to engage in as a single dad. How do you find the time, energy or resources to give to others when you’re doing the hard yards on your own? It’s not always easy, but finding ways to give is definitely worth it for the joy you can bring others, as well as the rewards you experience for helping someone. It’s also a great way to Connect with others, something that’s always valuable when you’re playing in One Player mode. One of the easiest ways to give is with your words – simple to give, but it can make a huge impact to others. Giving someone a compliment or telling them that you appreciate them can really brighten up their day, and you never know when those words will be really needed by the recipient. Cook a meal – invite a friend or two (or three) around and cook dinner, or maybe make a big batch and take some over to someone who you know is in need. Do you have any skills that you could use to help out others in need? Whether it’s coaching your children’s sports team, helping design a flyer for a local event, or baking a cake for a school fundraiser, offer your expertise as a way to give something valuable from your skill set. Get rid of the clutter around your home by giving it to someone in need – kids are constantly outgrowing clothes, toys etc, so pass them on to someone you know who might be able to use them, or donate them to a local charity.

Be active This is definitely one of the Ways to Well-being that I make an effort to set time aside for each week. I’ve always been involved in a physical activity of some sort since I was a child, and it’s helped keep me in relatively good shape in recent years, to allow me

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36 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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to keep up with an increasingly active toddler. Apart from the many physical benefits, being active also helps keep your mind healthy, improves your mood, and it's fun! Oftentimes challenging and can give you a sense of accomplishment depending on what you get into, it can also be a great way to meet other people and express yourself physically. There are so many benefits that it’s probably my favourite Way to well-being. Firstly, you need to make time for it. My schedule can be full-on at times, especially in my first year as a single dad where I was commuting to Auckland for work every other week, but I tried to make sure I got some form of physical exercise at least twice a week. There were plenty of other things I could be doing with the time, but I’ve always prioritised my physical fitness because it’s a crucial component of my overall well-being. Make it part of your daily life – on the days I don’t have my daughter and I’m organised enough, I make the 30 minute walk to and from work in the mornings to add to my activity levels and save a few dollars on bus fares. From taking the stairs, getting off your bus a few stops early, walking to meetings or getting out during your work day, think of ways you can schedule physical activity into your day that don’t require you to change into gym clothes. Give it a crack – keen to start a new physical activity but not sure what to pick up? Most classes have a ‘free class/trial’ option, so hit up your friends and social networks for suggestions – I’ve done this a few times and have come back with so many great suggestions I need more hours in the day/days in the week to do them! Be active with your kids – don’t let them have all the fun, get stuck in and show them how it’s done! Look into all the options in your area, and don’t think they have to cost the world – try one of the free/ cheap options: –– explore new parks and playgrounds in your area –– make a splash at the swimming pool or beach

38 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

–– have a dance battle and show them your best Dad grooves –– get out in nature and go for a hike/bush walk. Be active with your work colleagues – if you can’t fit in some physical activity before or after work, how about during the work day? Spend a lunch break or two playing social work sport, or hit the gym for a quick workout during the day. It might even give your brain a boost and help you overcome the dreaded afternoon sleepiness that has many of us reaching for the coffee or energy drinks. Do you have experience in a sport/physical activity that you could pass on to others? Why not teach it? Keep yourself active, pass on your knowledge, meet people, maybe even make a bit of money on the side – the list goes on. So those are some of the ways I keep my head in the game, but anyone can use these to improve or maintain their well-being on a regular basis. What are some of your favourite ways to improve your well-being in One Player Dad mode? Let us know! 

Find out more For more ideas, check out the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand’s website www.mentalhealth.org.nz/ home/ways-to-wellbeing

Ben Tafau Ben is the author of The 1 Player Dad Strategy Guide and 1PlayerDad.com. He’s a single dad with shared care of an amazing 3-year-old daughter, and writes about his journey playing the parenting game in ‘1 Player Mode’ in Wellington.

In this section Educating and supporting parents through the early years. Did you know that Parents Centres New Zealand has been delivering antenatal (pregnancy and childbirth) education classes around the country since 1952? This was largely driven by the critical need to improve antenatal education and birthing practices in this country.

Thinking strategically – insuring our future Training the trainers News from around the regions Spotlight on Antenatal Classes

We have achieved plenty since then, including: s uccessfully advocating for fathers to be allowed to be present during labour and birth

Find a centre

e stablishing the practice of babies 'rooming in' with their mothers and not being banished to a nursery p romoting breastfeeding as being normal and the best form of feeding for babies and supporting the World Health Organisation (WHO) code for this i nitiating unlimited hospital visits for parents of sick children e stablishing the only diploma-level course specialising in antenatal education in the country. We have an awesome team of expert Childbirth Educators (CBEs), all trained to diploma level – and all passionate about the importance of quality childbirth education. We’ve been educating parents for over 60 years, and believe that, with the right information, birthing choices sit firmly with you, the parents. Knowledge is empowerment, enabling you to have control over what is the start of the most incredible journey of your life – becoming a parent.

The opportunities for volunteers at Centre level are many and varied – simply contact your local Centre or check out our website to find out how you can become involved.

www.parentscentre.org.nz

Perhaps you could be interested in becoming a Childbirth Educator or a Centre volunteer? The Childbirth Education diploma level five course with Ara Institute of Canterbury (formerly Aoraki Polytechnic) is completed through distance learning, so can be undertaken from anywhere in the country.

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Thinking strategically insuring our future

As a not-for-profit organisation, strategic partnerships and alliances are essential to our organisation and enable us to fund the work we do as well as provide resources and benefits to our Centres and – most importantly – our membership.

specifically to suit Kiwi families – a very tangible benefit to being a member of Parents Centres.

When we enter into these partnerships we make certain there is a philosophical alignment between our organisation and the company. I am convinced that, as New Zealand’s largest locally owned and operated life-insurance company, Fidelity Life is an excellent fit for Parents Centre.

Viv Gurrey Chief Executive Officer, Parents Centres New Zealand Inc

Many parents consider taking on life insurance when they welcome a new child into their family, as they are keenly aware of the responsibility of having dependants that are totally reliant on them for everything, including financial support. Insurance is one of those things you hope you never have to use – but are incredibly grateful to have if you need it. Insurance can provide peace of mind when a family is under stress I believe that this unique partnership benefits not only our two organisations, but most importantly, families nationwide. Parents Centre members will be able to access a tailored insurance offer that is being developed

We have looked at the proposed Group and Retail Cover options provided by Fidelity Life and believe that the group cover option is an excellent option to offer our families/ members and employees.

At Fidelity Life, our mission is simple. We support Kiwi families and help protect their lifestyle needs should the unimaginable happen. So, as a working mother with three wonderful girls, building a partnership with Parents Centres around the country made perfect sense. Nadine Tereora CEO of Fidelity Life

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Training the trainers On a raining summer Monday in February 2017, we held a Childbirth Educators Regional Trainer workshop in Wellington. Parents Centre Childbirth Educators (CBEs) were represented from all corners of New Zealand; Auckland, Hamilton, Manawatu, Wellington, Nelson, Christchurch, Dunedin. This workshop was, in effect, a train-thetrainer workshop where senior facilitators skilled in their fields, presented the latest findings to this group of CBEs in a hands-on, interactive manner, maximising the learning for the day. In turn, this group of CBE Regional Trainers will now go into their regions and deliver the same messages, updated research and findings to their CBE colleagues. This is an awesome opportunity to add to our CBEs professional development opportunities, to ensure that we have consistent and up-to-date messages being shared into antenatal classes to expectant couples, and for our CBEs to network and share resources. We had wonderful speakers, including Senior Lecturer of AUT and senior Parents Centre CBE Nikki Power, whose topic was Unwrapping the Skin. The CBEs learned how different a babyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s skin is to an adult's, its make up, how best to guide parents in caring for newborn skin, and what to look for in labels to ensure that products that are used enhance rather than damage that precious new skin. A lot of myths were debunked with the support of solid research, and a fun interactive experiment. Nikki also presented a session on The Power of Touch. We all know how wonderful it is to receive or give a hug, and Nikki took us deeper into the aspects, benefits and results of positive touch, especially for babies. Read more from Nikki on page eight of this issue. Lauren Kelly, an anaesthetist at Wellington Hospital, delivered an excellent session on the latest findings around the use of drugs in labour, and information to be shared in antenatal classes to benefit parents when making decisions for their labour and birth. We also took this opportunity to update the CBEs on the current strategic direction of Parents Centre and the strategic partnerships that Parents Centre engages with. All in all, a fantastic day of sharing and learning, which started late due to the challenging wind and rain that Wellington put on in the middle of summer, which significantly delayed plane arrivals! Liz Pearce Childbirth Education Manager, Parents Centres New Zealand

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Thank you, Charlie Franklin Parents Centre said farewell to one of their longest-serving members with a family day on Saturday, 19 November. Charlie Saunders has been involved with Parents Centre for over 12 years. Her Parents Centre journey began when she and her husband attended CBE classes when pregnant with their twins. Charlie quickly joined her local committee, Franklin Parents Centre, and has stayed on committee this whole time! Charlie held a number of voluntary roles, including President, Childbirth Educator (CBE) Convenor, and being a senior volunteer, she took up the position as Regional Coordinator. Charlie has seen many changes through her time on committee as volunteers come and go, and through these transitions Charlie has supported and guided volunteers in their new roles.

Charlie started as a student CBE in 2004 for Parents Centre and has continued to facilitate primarily for Franklin and also filling in for Papakura and Manukau Centres. She has touched the lives of over 1,300 parents during this time! Charlie has also facilitated the Baby and You programme, and over the years has had a lot of involvement with other like-minded organisations in the community. Charlie has made a significant contribution to the Franklin Parents Centre as a committee member for a number of years and also played a vital role in recruiting new volunteers, which has ensured the centre has been able to continue operating. While Charlie will be missed, the centre is being left in very capable hands with experienced childbirth educator Nicola Mapletoft stepping in to fill Charlie's shoes.

Charity catchup with Parents Centre and Radio Live Parents Centre Social Enterprise Manager, Taslim Parsons, was interviewed in January by Mike Puru and Trudi Nelson on the Summer Breakfast Show at RadioLive. Taslim shared the good news about the Early Pregnancy Programme – a new Parents Centre initiative to meet the specific needs of parents who are in their 12th to 14th week of pregnancy. This is a time when parents often have many questions, yet only get to see their Lead Maternity Carer once a month. The new programme, which is being piloted in the first half of 2017, will open doors to further support parents during this wonderful – but sometimes scary – time. Parents Centre is proud to have been selected as a Mediaworks Charity Partner.

Santa’s little helpers On a beautiful summer's day in December 2016, a group of Tauranga Parents Centre committee members and their families took part in the local Santa Parade. A great way to raise our profile in the community! Karyn Grindlay, President Tauranga Parents Centre New Zealand Inc

kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Find a Centre near you Parents Centres span the entire country with 47 locations around New Zealand. Contact your local Centre for details of programmes and support available in your area, or go to:

www.parentscentre.org.nz

North Island Auckland Region 1

Bay of Plenty

Whangarei

Tauranga

Waitemata

Whakatane

Bays North Harbour

Rotorua

Hibiscus Coast

Taupo

Onewa

Taranaki

Auckland Region 2

New Plymouth

Auckland East

Stratford

Papakura

South Taranaki

Manukau

East Coast North Island

Franklin

Central Hawke's Bay

Auckland Region 3

Hawke's Bay

West Auckland

Central Districts

Central Auckland

Palmerston North

East & Bays

Wairarapa

Waikato

Wellington

Hamilton

Kapiti

Cambridge

Lower Hutt

Putaruru

Mana

Otorohanga

Upper Hutt

Morrinsville

Wellington North Wellington South

South Island Northern South Island Nelson Marlborough Greymouth Canterbury Region Ashburton Christchurch Timaru Oamaru Southern Region Alexandra Balclutha Dunedin Gore Taieri

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Each edition of Kiwiparent will profile one of Parents Centre's renowned parent education programmes.

This month the spotlight is on:

Antenatal programmes Many incredible changes occur in a woman’s body when she becomes pregnant. The wonderful thing is that it all happens without conscious thought. For example, the baby’s fingernails begin forming without mum looking up developmental stages and thinking ‘this week it’s nails!’ How incredible is that?

and trouble-shooting for times when breastfeeding can be challenging.

So why attend antenatal (pregnancy and childbirth) programmes or classes if a growing baby happens without a textbook or instructions; surely birthing and breastfeeding will be the same?

Many parents also find it extremely rewarding to have the opportunity to take time out of their busy lives to dedicate a couple of hours a week to planning for the birth of their baby. The ‘coffee groups’ that follow on from the class series become a lifeline for some. To network with other parents at the same stage of life, experiencing similar challenges and joys, is confidenceboosting and very rewarding.

Undoubtedly, giving birth is a natural physiological event, as is breastfeeding. In this modern world, however, we are no longer surrounded by birth and breastfeeding in the course of our lives. For many women the first experience they have of birthing is when they give birth themselves. This is not helped by the media’s portrayal of birth which is often far from reality. Sadly, this leaves some lacking in confidence and the mother lacking in the knowledge required to trust her own body. This is where antenatal – or childbirth education – programmes can be a lifeline for couples who want well-researched, up-to-date information on the basics of childbearing.

Information is power and, in an often medically-oriented birthing situation, this knowledge is empowering for both parents.

The programmes are run by qualified professional Childbirth Educators who are knowledgeable and skilled in facilitation, to ensure that your experience of antenatal classes is fun, interactive, valuable and informative.

Go to www.parentscentre.org.nz to find out about antenatal classes running in your area. 

Parents Centre antenatal programmes cater for all situations, including when labour doesn’t go to plan

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Home grown Home-based care â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a popular early childhood education option

46 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Part two of a two-part series that looks at childcare options. In this issue we take a look at home-based care. As more parents, particularly mothers, look to return to employment or training, the demand for quality early childhood education and care is increasing. Many parents find they are overwhelmed with choices when it comes to what care and education service best fits their needs. Home-based care is growing in popularity and has enjoyed strong growth over the past ten years, making it one of the fastest growing early childhood education service types. This may be because it offers parents what can be missing in a centre-based environment: one-on-one attachment relationships, individual programmes, a calm and settled environment, lowratio care, flexibility, and the opportunity for parents to choose to stay at home and become a Home Educator.

One-on-one attachment relationships When a baby is born, 70% of their brain is yet to develop. In the first three years of life, almost 90% of the brain development left to be done is undertaken. Millions of connections between brain cells are formed, all directly in response to the environment around the child and the experiences that occur within relationships with those who care for them.

Photo Credit: Children, Ruby (blue striped outfit) and Tara (pink striped outfit). Nanny/educator, Lisa McEwing. Photography by Nicola Topping.

One of the key philosophies driving home-based care and education is the importance of secure attachment relationships. Extensive neurobiological research on the early years of a childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s development indicates that the early attachments they experience lay a foundation for their health, relationships, and resilience later in life. These early relationships actually shape the developing nervous system and determine how stress is interpreted and responded to in future years.

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Because of this, children need an adult who is emotionally available and attuned to them so that they can respond to their needs. This is perhaps the greatest strength of the home-based care and education model â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the ability to grow nurturing, sensitive, responsive and consistent relationships.

Individual programmes Children in a home-based care and education environment benefit from the learning and development that occurs within everyday routines and experiences, focusing on current interests and using the community as an environment to explore these interests and foster natural play experiences. They get exposed to reallife situations such as visits to the supermarket, to playgrounds, to the library and other community services in order to grow relationships, social skills and personal responsibility. Because of this, care and education programmes recognise and respond to individual needs, family and wha-nau values, cultural diversity, and what it means to contribute to the wider community. Programmes are linked to the early childhood education curriculum, Te Wha-riki, and are supported by qualified and registered early childhood education teachers.

A safe, secure environment A home-based care and learning environment fosters a sense of familiarity, safety and security in children. Too often they can be faced with situations or new

48 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

places where sensory overload and stimulation overwhelms them. Accessing a home-based care and education service provides a natural, nurturing and calm place for a child to learn and grow. This environment actively encourages creativity, flexibility and innovation in each home â&#x20AC;&#x201C; taking away the barriers that can get in the way of the spontaneity and magic of childhood.

Low ratios = individualised care Many parents opt for home-based care because of the individualised care and attention that each child receives due to small group sizes, low ratios of children to teachers and the use of a primary caregiver. Licensing requires a maximum ratio of four pre-school children to each home-based educator, with no more than two children aged less than two years in that allocated number. This means high levels of personal attention as well as less exposure to illness.

Flexibility is key When choosing an early childhood education service, parents are often constrained in their choice by a need to find a service that has the flexibility that they require. Home-based services can offer a great degree of flexibility in terms of hours of care and, if parents wish, they can opt for a Home Educator to work from their own home, providing a secure and familiar environment for their child and avoiding travel to a centre.

Income source for the stay-at-home parent Home-based services offer parents looking to re-enter the workforce a unique opportunity to do so, by providing care and education for other children in their home, alongside their own children. This provides them with additional income and a new career pathway shaping little minds. Many Home Educators are parents themselves who are passionate about providing children in their care with the best start in life. ď Ž

Erin Maloney Erin is the General Manager of PORSE Education & Training, with a background in teaching and learning as it applies to the early childhood, secondary and tertiary education sectors. As a mother of two young boys, she is passionate about partnering with parents to offer learning around early brain development and the strength that comes from good beginnings and an environment of love.

Brain development â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a crucial window of opportunity There are critical and sensitive periods in brain development during which rapid changes take place, and after which it becomes difficult, if not impossible, to re-capture those developments: learning a musical instrument is a good example of this. Attachment to a consistent caregiver is another. The connections that occur with an attachment relationship need to be made within the first 18 months before the window of opportunity is lost. If this fails to occur there are likely to be problems in many areas in later life, as the child grows up unable to establish firm trusting relationships with other humans. Lack of early attachment has been shown to correlate with poor social competency, lower teacher ratings of educational competence and other outcomes in teenage years. Dr Simon Rowley, Brainwave Trust

minds at home

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Not just for the

rich & famous

Many industries are full of myths. The au pair industry in New Zealand has its fair share of folklore. And like all myths, they are mythical in the true sense of the word. Casey Muraahi from Au Pair Link says the most common myth she hears is that only the rich and famous can afford live-in childcare. “Not so,” Casey says. “Au pairs provide a flexible form of childcare on a very costeffective model. Host families can have live-in homebased early childhood care for as little as $190 plus tax per week for up to four children. “Parents with children at daycare centres pay per child, which can work out to be a lot more expensive.” Another myth that arises is that au pairs are glorified housecleaners who know nothing about New Zealand’s early childhood education curriculum. Casey mentions

50 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

that all Au Pair Link au pairs complete a comprehensive orientation course when they first arrive covering such things as the early childhood curriculum, first aid training, positive child guidance and much more. Au pairs do have varying levels of childcare experience but it’s important to ensure all who are on Ministry of Education programmes have a minimum of 200 hours experience working with children. Responsible agencies ensure any cleaning the au pairs do is related to the children in the au pair’s care. Not just anyone can become an au pair. Screening processes should include character and childcare reference checks, a personal interview to assess suitability and personality, as well as police and medical checks. There are also au pairs available that have an early childhood qualification from their home country or high levels of experience with children. She says Au Pair Link is the only au pair

outings that au pairs can bring children along to, as well as professional development and mediation services.” People considering an au pair should also look for a rematch guarantee. That means if an initial placement doesn’t work out, the agency works with the family to find an au pair that better matches their childcare needs. Further myths include au pairs being available only in our major cities and that many are not suitable to look after babies. “Both those certainly don’t apply,” Casey says. “In our experience, many au pairs delight in experiencing rural life in New Zealand. Au Pair Link is licensed throughout New Zealand and our service has proven to be very popular with rural families in the Waikato, Bay of Plenty, Taranaki and Canterbury. While all au pairs have varied experience, Au Pair Link offers varying degrees of programmes such as Au Pair Whiz should they want a qualified or more experienced au pair to take care of their babies. One of the major benefits of having an au pair from overseas is the cultural exchange. Au pairs are able to share their culture with the children who in many instances gain exposure to a second language. Research from the Brainwave Trust suggests children who learn a second language early in life can grow up to enjoy learning advantages later on due to the early brain development as a result of their learning experience. Having an au pair can be a wonderfully fulfilling experience for the entire family. Au pairs become part of the family; he or she adapts to family routines, ensuring children feel secure and confident. An au pair also helps free up parental time providing the opportunity to enjoy quality time with their children. Anyone considering employing an au pair should ensure the provider is licensed as a home-based Early Childhood Education (ECE) provider by the Ministry of Education. 

Find out more www.aupairlink.co.nz

agency in New Zealand to provide a programme tailored to the skills of professional or highly qualified au pair candidates. Many of the questions Casey gets from prospective customers are related to working hours and support from the agency. Au pairs are generally employed on a working week basis but they do understand that flexibility and working full time is a requirement of the programme. Forty-five hours a week can easily be customised to fit a host family’s schedule, and more often than not au pairs are happy to provide occasional babysitting or care in the weekends at an agreed rate. With responsible au pair agencies, host families and au pairs alike can expect a personal and ongoing support service including regular visits by a qualified early childhood teacher to the family home each month, Casey says. “We also provide weekly playgroups and

www.brainfacts.org/sensing-thinking-behaving/ language/articles/2008/the-bilingual-brain/

Casey Muraahi In her 17 years’ experience in the industry, Casey has held the role of Early Childhood Centre Manager in various services, and has also spent time lecturing in Early Childhood Education. Having spent the initial phase of her career in centre-based care, Casey made the move into the field of home-based education and care, joining the Au Pair Link in 2009 as Education Services Manager then taking on the role of General Manager in 2014.

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Everybody

is a

genius

52 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

The incomparable Albert Einstein said: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” There are many types of genius and many different ways to learn. Your child may be visual, aural, verbal, physical, logical, social or solitary. Or they may be one of the thousands of children in New Zealand and around the world that has dyslexia, which opens up a whole new world of challenge and opportunity. Dyslexia can be described as a specific difficulty in learning, in one or more of reading, spelling and written language, which may be accompanied by difficulty in number work, short-term memory, sequencing, auditory and/or visual perception, and motor skills. It is particularly related to mastering and using written language – alphabetic, numeric and musical notation. In addition, oral language can often be affected. Respected academic and author of ‘Early Help, Better Future’, Jean Augur was a strong advocate for recognising early signs of dyslexia in preschoolers, then building support networks around them so that they can thrive despite their learning challenges. Up until her death in 1993, Jean fought for early recognition of dyslexia, a subject dear to her heart throughout her distinguished career. Brain research, including studies from Yale and Auckland universities, has shown that while it is common to use the ‘verbal’ left side of our brain to understand words, dyslexic people use the ‘pictorial’ right side – making them slower to process and understand language, but stronger in creative areas like problem-solving, empathy and lateral thinking. While researchers have yet to pinpoint exactly what causes dyslexia, they do know that genes and brain differences might influence a child’s chances of having dyslexia. The condition often runs in families, so if your child has dyslexia, there’s a chance you or another relative may have it too. American research suggests about 40 percent of siblings of children with dyslexia may have the same reading issues. Scientists have also found several genes associated with reading and language processing issues. Dyslexics tend to be top-down rather than bottomup thinkers, meaning they learn from getting the big picture or the overall idea or meaning first, and then fill in the specific details later. It is very important to know that just because a child has dyslexia doesn’t mean they aren’t bright – in fact, many dyslexics have above-average intelligence – but their brains may look different from people who don’t have dyslexia. For example, the area of the brain which helps us understand language (the planum temporale)

is typically larger in the dominant hemisphere (the left side of the brain for right-handed people) than in the right hemisphere. But if a child has dyslexia, it is probably about the same size on both the left and right sides of the brain. In order to be able to read, our brains have to translate the symbols we see on the page into sounds. Then those sounds have to be combined into words. Usually the areas of our brains responsible for language skills work in a predictable way – but for a dyslexic, those areas don’t work together in the same way. Kids with reading issues end up using different areas of the brain to compensate.

“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I learn. Involve me and I remember.” – Benjamin Franklin If you or someone you know has been identified as dyslexic, it’s important to know that you/they are not alone. Dyslexia is an alternative way of thinking – a learning preference – that affects an estimated one in ten New Zealanders, including 70,000 schoolchildren.

So, how would I know if my child has dyslexia? Because dyslexia affects some people more severely than others, each child’s symptoms may look a bit different. Some kids with dyslexia have trouble with reading and spelling. Others may struggle to write or to tell left from right. Initially, some children don’t seem to struggle with early reading and writing. But as they grow, they have trouble with complex language skills, such as grammar, reading comprehension and more in-depth writing.

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Dyslexic strengths Quick “thinker” and “doer” – although not always in response to instruction Enhanced creativity – often good at drawing and painting with good sense of colour Aptitude for constructional or technical toys e.g. bricks, puzzles, Lego, remote control, computers, smart phones, iPads and tablets Appears bright – but seems something of an “enigma”

Many children may exhibit one or two of the issues listed here on occasion. But kids with dyslexia have several of these issues… and they don’t just go away.

Warning signs in preschoolers May have walked early but did not crawl – was a tummy-wiggler or a bottom-shuffler Has persistent trouble getting dressed efficiently or putting shoes on correct feet Enjoys being read to but shows no interest in letters or words Seems to often trip, bump into things or fall over

Dyslexia can also make it difficult for people to express themselves clearly. It can be hard for them to structure their thoughts during conversation and they may have trouble finding the right words to say. Still others struggle to understand what they’re hearing. This is especially true when someone uses abstract language such as jokes, irony and sarcasm. The signs you see may also look different at various ages. Some of the warning signs for dyslexia, such as a speech delay, appear during preschool. More often, though, dyslexia is identified when a child starts school. As schoolwork gets more demanding, trouble processing language becomes more apparent.

54 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Has difficulty with ball skills (catching, kicking or throwing), hopping, skipping and clapping a simple rhythm. Is later than expected learning to speak clearly Confuses directional words – up/down, in/out Has trouble recognising the letters of the alphabet (particularly mixing up b and d, p and q, etc) Struggles to match letters to sounds, such as not knowing what sounds b or h make Has difficulty blending sounds into words, such as connecting T-H-A-T to the word that

Dyslexia is a gift How we see dyslexia is like how we view many other things – it is all about perception. We can chose to view it as a gift – to be able to see and hear in four different dimensions – or we can chose to view it as a disability. Unfortunately, for many the education system and style of learning takes that choice away. Let’s focus on how we facilitate learning for all, as opposed to defining the individual by a label. Viv Gurrey Chief Executive Officer Parents Centres New Zealand

Finds difficulty with rhyming words – fat – mat – pat Struggles to pronounce words correctly, such as saying “mawn lower” instead of “lawn mower” Has difficulty learning new words Has a smaller vocabulary than other kids the same age Has trouble learning to count or say the days of the week and other common word sequences Has trouble rhyming

Warning signs in primary school Struggles with reading and spelling Confuses the order of letters, such as writing “left” instead of “felt” Has trouble remembering facts and numbers Has difficulty gripping a pencil Has difficulty using proper grammar Has trouble learning new skills and relies heavily on memorisation Gets tripped up by word problems in maths Has a tough time sounding out unfamiliar words Has trouble following a sequence of directions

More than just a literacy issue Dyslexia doesn’t only affect reading and writing, a child may find some everyday skills and activities difficult. Socially: There are several ways dyslexia can affect a child’s social life. Struggling to grasp basics of literacy and numeracy can make a child feel inferior around other kids. Your child may stop trying to make new friends or try to avoid group activities. As they grow older, your child may also find it difficult to understand jokes or sarcasm.

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Listening comprehension: Generally, people with dyslexia tend to be better listeners than readers, but for some children, dyslexia can make it hard to filter out background noise. This means your child could have trouble following what the teacher is saying in a noisy classroom. Sitting near the teacher can help reduce distractions. Memory: Kids with dyslexia can take so long to read a sentence that they may not remember the sentence that came before it. This makes it tough to grasp the meaning of the text. Listening to an audio version or using other kinds of assistive technology can help. Navigation: Children with dyslexia may struggle with spatial concepts such as “left” and “right”. This can lead to fears about getting lost in school hallways and other familiar places. Using a buddy system can help with transitioning from class to class. Time management: Dyslexia can make it hard to tell time or stick to a schedule. A cellphone alarm, picture schedule and other prompts can help keep kids (and adults) on track. Finding out that your child has dyslexia can be daunting, particularly if you’re never been confident in your own reading and writing skills. But you don’t have to be an expert to help them work at developing certain skills or strengthen their self-esteem. Because all kids and families are different, not all options will work for you. Don’t panic if the first strategies you try aren’t effective; you may need to try several approaches to find what works best.

Here are some things you can try at home Read out loud every day. If your child is very young, read picture books together. Say nursery rhymes together – they help to encourage rhythm and rhyme. Try making up jingles or limericks together. As they get

56 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

older, snuggle up with a copy of their favourite chapter book. Hearing you read can let your child focus on understanding the material and expanding their overall knowledge base. Do it every chance you can get. Tap into your child’s interests. Provide a variety of reading materials, such as comic books, mystery stories, recipes and articles on sports or pop stars. Look for good books that are at your child’s reading level. Kids are more likely to power through a book if the topic is of great interest to them. Use drama and dance – action songs that involve the whole of the body, like ‘The Hokey-Cokey’, ‘Here We Go Looby Loo’ and ‘Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’. Use audiobooks. Check your local library to see if you can borrow audio recordings of books. You can also access them online. Some stores sell books for younger kids that come with a recording of the story on a CD that prompts them when it’s time to turn the page. Listening to a book while looking at the words can help your child learn to connect the sounds they're hearing to the words they're seeing. Browse for apps and other high-tech help. Word processors and spell-check can help kids who have trouble with reading and spelling. Voice recognition software can help older students tackle writing assignments by letting them dictate their ideas instead of having to type them. There are also lots of apps and online games that can help your child build reading skills. Observe and take notes. Watching your child more closely and taking notes on their behaviour may reveal patterns and triggers that you can begin to work around. Your notes will also come in handy if you want to talk to teachers, doctors or anyone else you enlist to help your child. Focus on effort, not outcome. Praise your child for trying, and stress that everyone makes mistakes – even you! Help your child understand how important

it is to keep practising, and give hugs, high-fives or other rewards for making even the smallest bits of progress. Your encouragement helps your child stay motivated. See what it feels like. The website www.understood.org lets you experience what it’s like to have dyslexia. Understanding what your child is going through can boost their confidence enough to try different strategies and stick with them long enough to see which are the most helpful. Make your home reader-friendly. Try to stock every room (including the bathroom!) with at least a few books or magazines your child might be interested in reading. Take a book when you go out in the car. Look for other creative ways to encourage reading and writing at home. Boost confidence. Use hobbies and after-school activities to help improve your child’s self-esteem and increase resilience and try different ways to identify and build on your child’s strengths. But above all, don’t be afraid to get help. There are many ways for dyslexics to reach their full potential in life – just look at some of these famous names. Dyslexic, every one! Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford, Orville and Wilbur Wright, Anthony Hopkins, Andy Warhol, Tom Cruise, Robin Williams, Keira Knightly, Whoopi Goldberg, Jerry Hall, elebrity chef Jamie Oliver, Steven Spielberg, Albert Einstein, Justin Timberlake… Here in New Zealand, entrepeneurs like Weta Workshop founder Sir Richard Taylor, motivational speaker Billy Graham, famous hair stylist Mike Hamel and maverick motorcycle designer John Britten have all embraced their learning difference to become leaders in their fields.  – Leigh Bredenkamp

Find out more If you wish to explore dyslexia screening or a formal diagnosis of dyslexia, there are many organisations in New Zealand which believe that dyslexia must be recognised, understood and acted upon throughout all levels of the community. They can be found at the websites below: Dyslexia Foundation of New Zealand www.dyslexiafoundation.org.nz Dyslexia solution providers and support groups www.4d.org.nz Early Help, Better Future www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/common/ckeditor/ filemanager/userfiles/Parent/early-help-betterfuture.pdf

Why the label can be liberating Why is it that a parent can feel incredible relief, and often for the first time since their child started school, be free from a stress and frustration that is pervasive by nature, by discovering a label? Why is it that the label is so often the starting point of an upward life spiral? It is my observation that, in the absence of skilful intervention, when the dyslexic individual moves into the education system they become prone to self-doubt and self-esteem issues. The development of self-doubt has natural consequences. These consequences are fuelled by environments focused on comparison and arbitrary benchmarks, and where knowledge and understanding about dyslexia is often absent. The antidote to this self-doubt is certainty. For the dyslexic, the label dyslexia can provide this. When dyslexia is understood as a potential creative gift this also gives hope. With certainty and hope an individual can move forward. This is the essence of the dyslexic journey – and the reason we believe New Zealanders of all ages should be proud of being dyslexic. Many successful New Zealanders are dyslexic, and have incredible stories to share. Visit the Dyslexia Foundation website and go to the Inspiring New Zealanders page to read their stories. Guy Pope-Mayell, Director of Cookie Time, eTime and Chair of Trustees of DFNZ

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healthy fast food

We’ve had it drilled into us that takeaways and fast food aren’t healthy choices, but let’s face it – everyone loves a good burger and chips every once in a while. The common burger that’s full of grease and salt, with no vegetables is not a good choice. However a home-made burger with grilled lean mince or chicken and vegetables, and some homebaked fries is a great way of keeping the family happy by getting their fast food fix. Here’s some ideas and ways to make healthier burgers.

58 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Mix grated vegetables such as carrot, courgette and beetroot into your mince patties. No one will notice (not even the fussy child!). Have naked burgers. Adults may want a less heavy/ carby version – instead of a bread bun, serve your burgers naked with just the meat patty/chicken steak, salad and sauce. Or you can wrap it up in cos lettuce leaves (like a wrap), or serve slices of grilled eggplant or large Portobello mushrooms as the ‘outside’ of the burger to replace the bread.

Make and bake your own chips – use a floury potato such as agria for best results. Leave the skin on (don’t bother peeling), cut into 1cm-thick chips and toss with olive oil and salt in an oven tray. Bake for 25–35 minutes at 200degC until golden. You don’t just have to serve potato chips either – don’t forget about kumara, parsnip and carrots! Or do a medley of vegetable chips – colourful and yummy!

PREHEAT oven to 150°C.

Roughly chop lettuce; finely slice cucumber; thickly slice avocado; finely slice spring onion (if using). Place onto plates and put in the middle of the table.

Pat chicken dry with paper towels and cut into thin steaks. To do this, cut the fillet off each breast, then place your hand flat on top of the breast and slice through the middle horizontally, to make two thin steaks. Season with salt and pepper. Place flour and paprika onto a dinner plate and mix together. Coat each piece of chicken in flour and spices, shaking off excess.

Slice buns horizontally through the middle, place onto an oven tray to warm through in oven for 5 minutes.

Heat oil in a large fry-pan on medium-to-high heat. Add chicken and fry for 2–3 minutes each side, or until browned and cooked through.

TO SERVE: Cut larger chicken fillets in half. Put a warm bun on to each plate and top with a piece of chicken. Let everyone help themselves to salad ingredients and top with a little chipotle mayonnaise. 

Chipotle chicken burgers with avocado and salad Salad 1 iceberg lettuce 1 cucumber, peeled 1 avocado 2 spring onions (optional, adults) 1 mango, peeled and sliced

Burgers 450g chicken breast 2 tablespoons flour 1 tablespoon paprika 1 tablespoon oil (e.g. canola, soy or grapeseed)

To Serve 6 burger buns ¼ cup chipotle mayonnaise

DELIVERING BAGS

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Room to

grow

60 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

When your children wake up, what do they see? Careful consideration of colour, style and quality can make children’s bedrooms fun and comfortable now, and adaptable for their needs and wants as they grow older. The environment in your children’s rooms can affect their sleep and their moods. The look and feel of their bedrooms can determine their desire to spend quiet time at play there – that’s peaceful time for you! – and to share their personal ‘home’ with friends. Let’s start with colour. Psychological research indicates that soft, soothing tones make an ideal background, while the ever-popular pinks, purples and lime greens are great for feature walls and accents. This allows your child to stamp their personality and preference on the room without overpowering it.

Red rooms… can promote activity, which is probably not ideal when you’re trying to get your child to sleep. By all means, use it as an accent, but save large doses for play areas elsewhere in the house.

Yellow… used in small amounts or softer tints, such as Resene Softly Softly, is cheerful, sunny and inviting, and is a popular choice in nurseries. Too much really bright yellow, however, can be hard on the eyes.

Blue… relaxes the nervous system – soft shades of blue, such as Resene Three Wishes, stimulate the body to produce calming chemicals. If you want to use stronger or darker blues, combine them with a lighter shade or bright accents to stop the room from closing in.

Cloud room We used Resene paints to decorate this room: Walls: Seagull Clouds: Quarter Alabaster Headboard cloud: Alabaster Sun: Gorse Floor: Spinnaker Desk: Shakespeare Stool: Jelly Bean (base) and Shakespeare (top) Bedside table: Jelly Bean

Blue wall Paint a chalkboard with Resene Blackboard Paint in the shape of a fat-bottomed pirate ship. The wall is painted with Dreamer, the flags are in Dali, Get Reddy, Surf's Up and Black White. The chair legs are painted with Resene Get Reddy and the seat is finished in Aquaclear.

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Green… is the colour most strongly associated with nature and can have a calming effect. Try Resene Lucky Dip teamed with an off-white like Resene Cotton Wool. Green works well if you’re looking for a gender-neutral space that you can pretty up with pinks and purples or team with blues for a cool and restful space. Even if your child really likes a certain colour, you can use it without going overboard. Use bright colours in feature walls and pick up decorative themes (think farmyard, fairies, cars, or butterflies) in linens, accessories and artwork. The wall behind the bed is a great space for a feature wall – your child can see and enjoy it when they come into the room but it won’t keep them awake if they are trying to go to sleep while it is light.

Accessories make all the difference Duvet sets and accent pieces may be selected to last just as long as your child’s fairy or farmyard phase, furniture should endure. Pieces with a classic style, in softer colours, are likely to outlast years of changing inclinations. And remember, you can always repaint furniture using Resene Lustacryl (semi-gloss) or Resene Enamacryl (gloss) to keep up with major shifts in childhood opinion.

Nursery room While some of us get to know the gender of our babies before they are born, those who don’t, or those who don’t want a gender-specific room, they can look to the Resene Whites & Neutrals collection of colours for inspiration. A nursery can be painted in warm neutrals, like this one in SpaceCote Low Sheen tinted to Resene Quarter. Merino on the upper wall and Westar on the lower portion, has that on-trend eco look and one that can easily grow with the child. Or the room can be converted to another use later on. If you want a hint of boy or girl, add decorative accessories like this hand-crafted mobile. It uses wooden Christmas decorations, with some of the sides painted in Resene Westar and others in soft pink Romantic. String it onto a quirky coat hanger and then onto a wall hook. Easy. The box shelves on the wall have also been painted at the back in Resene Westar.

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62 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Get bowle

d over!

Resene kids

art with Mark

You will need:

• Paintbrush • Resene Art Ac Quick Dry

tion

Rayner – 83

Create this cool metallic effect bowl from self-harden ing clay and a couple Resene Testpots. of

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rocket

Resene kids

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need:

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• Resene Testpo colours: Rese ts in the following Resene Superne Astronaut and • Self-hardenin Sonic g clay

art with

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Step four Apply two coats of Resene lowing two hours for each Super Sonic to the bowl, coat to dry. How cool is althat?

www.resene.c artists_canvas o.nz/artists/ In Australia: .htm or Call 1800 738 383, w w w. r e visit www.resene. email s e n e .or c o m . a advice@resen artists/artists_ com.au u e.com.au canvas.htm./ Call 0800

RESENE (737

In New Zealand: 363), visit www.resene.co or email advice@resene. .nz co.nz

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Sunny

side up

Resene

You will

need:

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kids art

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Step two Apply two Splash to coats of Resene Splish the two hours cardboard, allowing for each coat to dry.

Step five Using the paint the same paint technique, nose and Resene Alabaster eyes using

Clowning For more and Resene sun rays Around. Paint ideas inspiration in the using Resene visit your and Resene Frenzee. local www.resenColorShop or www.resenee.co.nz or .com.au. Check out section our special Artists online In www.resen Australia: Call 1800 artists_canve.co.nz/arti 738sts/ 383, visit or email advice@rese as.htm www.resene or .com.au ne.com.au w w w. resen e.com artists/artis ts_canvas.h. a u / tm.

In New Zealand: (737 363), visit or email www.resene.co.nz advice@resen e.co.nz

– 84

Create your mosaic own masterp with this iece fun project using Resene testpots.

• Resene Ar • Resene Te t Action Quick Dry colours: Restpots in the followi ng Resene Clo sene Alabaster, Resene Fiz wning Around, Resene Ge z, Resene Frenzee, and Resen t Reddy, Resene Sna e Splish Sp p lash

Top tip: Make sure you a small leave each of gap between – this blob of paint helps to the mosa create ic effect.

Top tip:

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In Australia: Call 1800 738 383, visit or email advice@resene. www.resene.co m.au com.au

– 93

• Print-out o from the Ref a Resene Rocket sten • Resene Kid sene websi cil te following c zColour testpots in the Resene Fizz olours: Resene Blast O ff, Resene So , Resene Get Reddy and Cool

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Step six Fill in the background of Resene using blobs dry. How Snap. Allow 2 hours neat is that? to

Here’s another idea: This cool boat mosaic was made Resene Alabaster, using Anakiwa, R Resene Resene esene Balloon, Resene Curious Blue, Havoc, Primetime Resene and Resen , Resene Raven e Yellow S ea. For more ideas inspiration visit your and Resene local www.rese ColorShop or www.resenne.co.nz or e.com.au. Check out section our special Artists online www.rese

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w w w. resen e.co artists/arti sts_canvasm . a u / .htm. RESENE

(737 363), In New Zealand: visit or email www.resene advice@rese .co.nz ne.co.nz

kiwiparent

Storage, storage, storage Children need a little empty floor space to play in, so keeping toys and other belongings tucked out of the way is important. Storage units that slide under the bed, large-capacity wardrobes, dressing tables with plenty of drawers, and wall-bracket shelves can all help ensure that there’s a place for everything in your child’s room. Paint them in favourite colours from the Resene KidzColour collection and use them as a room feature.

When making decorating decisions, most parents want to guide their child’s thinking to ensure a reasonable outcome. In terms of major purchases, it pays to visit stores without your child first, selecting a couple of options you’re happy with, so your child can have an either/or choice instead of free rein. For most children, as long as they have some say in the new look, they’re happy.

Quick tips Wall art can be fun, kid’s-style art or more adult pieces, such as old-fashioned nautical maps to go with a boat theme, or textbook/encyclopaedia-style pages to complement a butterfly theme. A collage of fabrics, photos or other mementos can make a great piece of personalised art for your child’s bedroom. Or let them play on the walls for themselves – try Resene Blackboard Paint or Resene Magnetic Magic Paint and let them create their own artworks in their own spaces. Create a glow-in-the-dark effect with Resene FX Nightlight and give your child something to look at while they drift off to sleep. Fun floor mats – try, for example, surfboard style mats to go with beach-themed settings.

Be in to win one of two Resene vouchers worth $50 each. Enter online at kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5pm April 28, 2017 Winners will be published in issue 278.

llars on

fifty do

issue

64 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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Do you remember having the same linen and duvet set for most (possibly all) of your childhood? These days, many parents replace their children’s linen and duvet sets every two to three years. 

Giveaway

Welcome to the world, Mama

Every day, all around the world, babies are born and people become parents. It’s a beautiful thing. When a baby is born we say welcome. Here is this world for you, precious baby. Here are the people who love you, who will always try to keep you safe. Here are the ones who will care for you, and hold you in their arms and their hearts. Here is the world we made for you. It’s small at first, four walls, and a tiny bassinet, a blanket handed down or made with love or bought for $2.99. Here is your home. And they sleep, and cry, and feed, and you watch and watch and watch – wanting to hold every second of this time. To feel it all. And your heart is on the outside now and it’s beautiful and painful and raw and incredible. And we say welcome, baby. Welcome to this world. We will try to make it better for you. We will try to make it so that when you leave your little room it’s a beautiful world for you. And we focus on baby because of course we do. They’re new. They’re here, finally. But someone else is new too. Welcome, mama.

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You wanted this for so long – maybe it was so hard to get here but now you’re here. Maybe it wasn’t and you didn’t expect it and now you’re here. But you’re here. Welcome. Welcome to this new world that makes your head spin with love and hope and fear and confusion. Welcome. The days will be long and the years short. You’ll feel alone sometimes but you’re not alone. You’ll feel isolated and it takes time to find your groove. But you’re surrounded by love, I promise. There’s a village out there waiting for you. You’re part of something. Those of us who have been there want to celebrate this with you and say welcome. Welcome to this wonderful place – we’re glad you’re here. No matter your journey to this place, your story is shared. Somewhere is a mama just like you – who feels those same fears, that same crushing joy, that same anxiety and hope and that feeling of “How do I do this??” She’s out there looking out the window too, cradling a tiny baby and rocking side to side. She’s out there in the room next to you in the children’s ward, head

pressed against the red cot bars praying to a God or science or nobody or all “please, please, please”. She’s out there quietly nursing a cold coffee at the mums group she was so scared to go to because meeting new people makes her nervous and she wants to join in the conversation but everyone seems so confident. She needs to find you. You need to find her. And then your days will be filled with tears of laughter and tears of frustration, together. Coffee and cake and a patchwork blanket on the floor. Helping each other latch or make a bottle up. Asking about sleep and solids and tummy-time. You’ll love her child as dearly as you love yours. Your group of mums will grow and your days will be bathed in a soft light. The sun will fill the lounge as you giggle over your babies lying next to each other on baby blankets. You’ll share wipes and nappies and tea and fears and frustrations and truths you never thought you’d say out loud. You’ll feel strong with them and you’ll reach for them when you don’t feel strong. Please reach for them.

66 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Welcome to this world. You’re going to find your people. They’re going to help you and you’re going to help them. We’re glad you’re here. Your light will come and you’ll be a light for someone else. In the fuzzy early days there’s just love. As it always should be. And later it can be tough – it can be daunting. The hardest things in life are the most important. That’s OK, I promise we have all been there. If your birth wasn’t what you thought it would be, if it was awful and you’re struggling to make sense of it all – there are mothers out there who have felt this too. I promise. You didn’t do anything wrong, and it is no sign of who you are as a parent. You are strong. You are not alone. If you struggle with feeding, you’re not alone – so many mothers have been there. And they’ve questioned what it means. You didn’t fail. You can’t fail – you love your baby and that’s what matters. If they won’t gain weight and something is wrong – know that

Tasty meals, healthy babies

this path has been walked by many mothers and they have left a path of petals for you, wishes on stars, and silent hopes. They’re carrying you in their hearts and they want to help you through.

Have a wine or chocolate or bingewatch Outlander. You matter too. Don’t let your light dim.

Whatever your path, it is a path walked by another mother who can hold your hand as you journey.

Welcome to your home now.

Your babies will grow like weeds and you’ll be amazed at how fast it all went – but don’t worry, you won’t miss anything if you take time for you. The kids will drive you mad. Their screaming will make you feel like you want to run away. But you don’t. Let yourself have a break.

You’ll do wonderfully, you’re doing wonderfully.

Welcome home. We’re here for you, and soon you’ll be nursing a coffee and watching your babies tearing around the house. You’ll hear of a new baby born and your eyes will sting for just a moment.

Introducing your baby to a variety of fresh foods from an early age sets the stage for a lifetime of healthy habits. Philips Avent offers you a range of food preparation solutions, including the unique combined steamer and blender and the versatile food storage system. First steam fruit, vegetables, fish or meat and then simply lift and flip the jar over to blend it, no transfer of food required.

Welcome, you’ll whisper. Welcome to the world, mama. 

Emily Writes Emily is an author, blogger, mother of two, and editor of the parenting community, The Spinoff Parents. Her book Rants in the Dark, in all good bookstores, gives words of encouragement to sleep-deprived parents everywhere. With two small boys, both non-sleepers, Emily finds herself awake in the wee small hours night after night. Her writing is often done then, and she offers her own often hilarious and always heart-warming experiences to other exhausted parents. She describes the frustrations as well as the tender moments of real parenting, as opposed to what you thought it was going to be like, or what well-meaning advice-givers tell you it should be like. A must-have for all new parents and parents-to-be.

www.facebook.com/Philips.Avent.NewZealand www.philips.co.nz/AVENT

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Making the important decisionsâ&#x20AC;Ś ...about guardianship of children

68 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Recent stories in the media about the father who sailed with his daughter to Australia have drawn attention to the laws about guardianship of children. ‘Guardianship’ is a legal status giving someone rights and responsibilities about the upbringing of a child, and important matters affecting them. This includes travel, both within New Zealand and overseas. Guardianship is separate to care and contact matters, which are about who should look after a child and when – these terms used to be referred to as ‘custody’ and ‘access’. Today, guardianship matters include: the child’s name and any changes to it where a child should live – there can sometimes be issues when one parent wants to move a child to a different region, city or country (in legal terms this is known as a ‘relocation dispute’ travel and holiday plans for a child medical treatment (other than routine medical treatment, like trips to the GP) where a child should go to school, and other issues about their education – there might be a dispute about whether a child should be home-schooled or if they should change to a school more convenient to one parent or the other what religion a child should be raised with, and whether they should attend church cultural affiliations and activities. The law says that guardianship matters should be consulted on and decided jointly by all guardians – so one guardian should not be

taking a child out of the country without consent. Issues like this should be discussed, and agreement should be reached before any decisions are implemented. If the guardians fail to agree, the Family Court can be asked to decide the matter.

So, who are a child’s guardians? Usually this is the parents. The mother of a child is always a guardian unless her guardianship has been removed by the Court. The father is usually, but not always, a guardian. They will stay guardians even if they separate or divorce. Other people can be appointed additional guardians, including step-parents and people who take on more of a parenting role with a child, for example, grandparents.

Does guardianship change depending on the care arrangements? No. Guardians are still entitled to exercise their rights and obligations no matter what the care arrangements are. This is the case even if they have little or no contact with a child. The wishes of the day-to-day caregiver do not carry greater weight than those of another guardian.

What should I do if we cannot agree on guardianship issues? If agreement can’t be reached, Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) mediation is usually the first step. Unless there are urgent circumstances, you need to have attempted FDR and completed the Ministry of Justice’s free Parenting Through Separation programme before making an application to the Family Court. If the Court was asked to decide, the judge would aim to make arrangements that are in the child’s best interests. The judge hearing the case will take into account many things, and will be guided by the following principles: The need to keep a child safe, and protect them from all forms of violence – physical, sexual and psychological abuse. The responsibility for a child’s care, development and upbringing should primarily fall to the parents and guardians. A child’s care, development and upbringing should be facilitated by ongoing consultation and cooperation between the parents, guardians and any other person having a role in a child’s care under a parenting or guardianship order.

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There should be continuity in a child’s care, development and upbringing. A child should continue to have a relationship with both of their parents, and a child’s relationship with their family group, wha-nau, - or iwi should be preserved hapu and strengthened. A child’s identity (including his or her culture, language, religious denomination and practice) should be preserved and strengthened. These principles should be considered whenever you are trying to decide any matters relating to a child’s guardianship and care arrangements. Every guardianship dispute is different. The pros and cons of any particular decision need to be weighed up for the particular child in his or her particular circumstances, and no ‘blanket rules’ can apply. For example, while homeschooling might suit some children perfectly well, others may be better suited to a large school with wider sporting or academic opportunities. Sometimes, there are urgent circumstances which mean you can make an immediate court application. An example would be if there was evidence someone

was about to take a child out of New Zealand without consent. In that case, you could apply urgently for an ‘Order Preventing Removal’. You may also be able to register a border alert with Interpol, which stops the child boarding any aircraft or ship. Practically speaking, neither an Order Preventing Removal nor a border alert will stop a child getting on a private boat, as in the case that made media headlines earlier this year – but that situation is the exception rather than the norm. If a child has already been removed from New Zealand without consent, there are various things that can be done to have them returned, depending on where the child has been taken and the wider circumstances.

How long does guardianship last? Guardianship usually lasts until a child turns 18 years old, although it is generally appropriate for a child to be more involved in the decisionmaking as they get older.

Where can I find more information? The Family Court’s website: www.justice.govt.nz/family/ care-of-children/guardians-andguardianship/ Morrison Kent’s family law page: www.morrisonkent.co.nz/areasof-practice/areas-of-specialisation/ family-law/ 

Maretta Twentyman Maretta is a family lawyer at Morrison Kent in Wellington, specialising in childcare matters, relationship property and contested estates. After graduating from the University of Otago, she practised in Auckland and London before moving to the capital in early 2016. www.morrisonkent.com

70 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Easter traditions:

It’s not just about the

chocolate Easter is nearly on us and for children (and some adults!) the mere word conjures up the expectation of a visit from the Easter Bunny, the excitement of the ensuing hunt for sparkly packages, and the devouring of sweet, gooey chocolates. The all-pervasive fluffy rabbits and chocolate eggs are both symbolically pivotal to the archaic meaning of this holiday, representing fertility – rabbits are prolific breeders – and rebirth; two virtues of the pagan dawn goddess Eostre whose name was derived from the word ‘Eastre’ meaning ‘spring’. Ancient people honoured this goddess on the Vernal Equinox – the first day of spring – and again on the first following Sunday with a full moon which symbolised pregnancy and the coming of the fertile season. They named this weekend ‘Eostre’ or ‘Eastre’. With the emerging Christian religion's own story about rebirth – or resurrection – Christians continued celebrating Eastre’s holiday. As time passed, the popularity of Christianity grew and the spelling gradually transformed into 'Easter' as it is now known. Every family has their individual way of celebrating Easter; many families choose to follow their little ones, example by eating loads of chocolate and enjoying the time off work, but for some the symbolic meaning of the seasonal changes calls for rituals and ceremony. There are some interesting Easter traditions around the world. In the days leading up to Easter Sunday, some Swedish children dress up as Easter witches, wearing old and discarded clothes. Traveling from home to home in their neighborhoods, they trade paintings and drawings

for sweets. In Haiti, Holy Week is marked by colourful parades and traditional “rara” music played on bamboo trumpets, maracas, drums, even coffee cans, while Bermudians celebrate Good Friday by flying home-made kites, and eating codfish cakes and hot cross buns.

Easter egg fun You could try playing some of these egg-related games this Easter. You can use real eggs (hard-boiled is safer and less messy), foil-wrapped chocolate eggs or plastic eggs to play these games. Easter Egg Hunt – An oldie but a goodie. Very simple, one person hides the eggs and the others search for them. The only trick is for the person hiding the eggs to remember where they are, especially if you are using real eggs. A useful tip is to count the number of eggs you hide so that you can be sure they are all found. Easter Egg Rolling – Mark a starting line and a finishing line. Contestants must roll their eggs from one line to the next using a spoon to push the eggs. If a player touches their egg or breaks their egg they are out of the race. The first person to get their egg across the finish line wins. For an added twist, roll eggs down a hill! Spoon Races – Designate a starting line and a finishing line. Every person gets an egg and a spoon. Contestants line up on the starting line and put their eggs in their spoons. On go, everyone races to the finish line; the first person to cross wins. If your egg falls off your spoon, you must go back to the starting line and begin again. Too easy? Try an adult and child relay race or make the contestants navigate an obstacle course! Happy Easter! 

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partners Partnering to support families I am extremely excited to announce our new strategic partnership with Fidelity Life. Fidelity is a Kiwi company and we are currently working on developing a specific offer for Parents Centre members only. This partnership will bring a genuine benefit to our families, which I believe adds significant value to being a member of Parents Centre New Zealand. Watch this space!

hard to ensure that all partnerships are collaborative and are a win/win for everyone concerned. We are delighted to be able to support our partners by ensuring our members and Centres have access to the best products and services that they have to offer.

As a not-for-profit, we rely on strategic partnerships and advertising to ensure that we can fund our programmes and deliver meaningful information to our members. Our partners invest in programmes and education for our members, volunteers and educators. We work very

Taslim Parsons

Social Enterprise Manager Parents Centre New Zealand

Introducing Fidelity Life Hello everyone. I am so pleased to be able to announce that Fidelity Life has joined the Parents Centre community as a new strategic partner. For those of you who may not know us yet, Fidelity Life is New Zealand’s largest locallyowned and operated life insurance company – our mission is simple, we support Kiwi families and help protect their lifestyle needs should the unimaginable happen. So, as a working mother with three wonderful girls, building a partnership with Parents Centres around the country made perfect sense. The team at Fidelity Life are looking forward to working with the Parents Centre to deliver some great initiatives to all the Centres, as well as the wider membership. To that end, look out for a special Parents Centre offer that we will be sharing with you in the future. Nadine Tereora, CEO of Fidelity Life

SUPPORTING HEALTHY BABY DEVELOPMENT

Johnson & Johnson For over 100 years, JOHNSON'S® baby has been dedicated to designing gentle and mild products, especially for baby. We continuously apply our knowledge and research to create innovative products with safety at their core. That's why parents and healthcare professionals around the world have trusted JOHNSON'S® baby to nurture the little ones in their care.

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Philips Avent Choosing Philips AVENT means you have the assurance of superior quality products, designed with you and baby’s needs in mind. Interchangeable design features mean products can be adapted to meet baby’s developing needs. Phone: 0800 104 401 www.philips.co.nz/AVENT

72 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Huggies online pregnancy and parenting The HUGGIES® website is about pregnancy and parenting. Check out features such as special offers, info on sleeping and settling, plus hundreds of recipes and kids activity ideas! And it’s all free to HUGGIES® Baby Club members. Phone: 0800 733 703 www.huggies.co.nz

supporting Kiwi parents

Fidelity Life From humble beginnings Fidelity Life has become the country’s largest locally owned and operated life insurance company. We believe good insurance cover gives you peace of mind that you, your family, your people and your business can be looked after financially if things go wrong. www.fidelitylife.co.nz

Au Pair Link New Zealand Since 2006 we've been flying loving au pairs from all corners of the globe to join busy Kiwi host families, providing quality in-home care and education for their little ones. Today we have hundreds of families enrolled in early learning programmes and staff across New Zealand. This means our customers benefit from a personal, safe and reliable service throughout New Zealand. www.aupairlink.co.nz

SHARE SHARE is New Zealand's leading network of experienced financial advisers, providing specialist insurance, investment, KiwiSaver and mortgage advice to all New Zealanders. SHARE has advisers around the country, for more information please call: 0800 02 00 55 or email pcnz@sharenz.com

0800 222 966 / www.babyonthemove.co.nz

PORSE Our babies are born with the need to connect. PORSE in-home educators, nannies and au pairs provide a calm and stable home environment to nurture close connected relationships, setting the foundation for lifelong learning. Phone: 0800 023 456 www.porse.co.nz

Baby On The Move Specialists in quality, affordable baby products that you can hire or purchase new. Our qualified team can help you select the correct restraint. Plus if you hire or buy from us we will install your car seat for FREE! Stores nationwide. Phone: 0800 222 966 www.babyonthemove.co.nz

Beef and Lamb Beef + Lamb New Zealand is responsible for the promotion of beef and lamb in New Zealand. The organisation is voluntarily funded by Kiwi farmers, retailers and processors, and focuses on promoting the nutritional aspects of lean red meat including the importance of iron during pregnancy and for infants and young children. For healthy recipe ideas using lean beef and lamb, visit: recipes.co.nz

JEWELLERY NZ

Parents Centre New Zealand

Brolly Sheets For over a decade, Brolly Sheets have been providing toilet training education to parents and washable products to take the hassle out of wet beds and clothes. Brolly Sheets are the Kiwi toilet training experts – they really do have Big Solutions for Wee Problems.

Mumma Bubba Jewellery A safe alternative to costume jewellery providing relief to tender gums, these products provide an innovative solution , to teething Accessorytroubles with a range Fashion essityseasonal, ! of colourful, fashionable ec N y b Ba accessories which young babies and their mums love.

Parents Centre develops strategic partnerships that offer a direct benefit to our membership. Partnerships give organisations access to over 20,000 members, 48 Centres and our community reach of over 100,000 families. Our partners profile products and services through our childbirth education classes, parent education programmes and a whole host of other activities.

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winners

Congratulations to the lucky winners From issue 275 and 276

E7301 Railway

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Natalie McCulley Mosgiel

Emma Bentley Porirua

Freerider Simone Neville Waipukurau

Beco Baby Carrier

Bunch O Balloons Prize Pack

Anneka Handyside Christchurch

Sarah Gare Ashburton Michelle Oliver Palmerston North Anna Regtien Palmerston North Kayla Kurta Whitby

74 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Avent Cup Lisa Hassell Petone

Chris Parminter Tuakau

Emma Hounsell Kaiapoi

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76 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

Simply apply over your existing light coloured wall paint. Then once dry and cured you can use whiteboard markers to write all over the wall without damaging the surface. And when it’s time to delete an idea just grab a soft cloth or whiteboard eraser, rub out the marker and start again. With Resene Write-on Wall Paint there’s no limit to your ideas.

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Our proud history... Parents Centres have been supporting parents for decades, keeping up to date, and relevant, to parenting today – and we continue to lead the way in the wonderful world of parenting!

We have a long list of proud achievements since 1952 which include: •

Initiation of Antenatal Education Classes in New Zealand

•

Advocating for mother’s maternity needs, including informed consent to obstetric procedures such as anaesthetisation

•

Promotion of breastfeeding as being best for baby

•

Successful lobbying for open visiting hours, parents-stay for children in hospital and rooming in with baby’

•

Pioneering classes for adoptive parents

•

Supporting domiciliary midwifery as an option

•

Introducing on-going postnatal support groups

•

Representing parents on government committees

•

Providing training in leadership skills and personal and professional development for volunteers

•

Establishing the only recognised New Zealand diploma for training Childbirth Educators

•

Ongoing development of Parent Education Programmes

•

Lobbying for and supporting legislative changes that protect the rights of children at all times

•

Promoting flexible working conditions for parents

•

Establishing Parenting Programmes in 19 of New Zealand’s prisons

•

Dad’s and partners in the birthing room with their partner

•

And the list continues!

2 compact baby food freezing trays with lids. 1.2L capacity for maximum storage recipe e-guide with 27 recipes for starting solids and beyond

CONTACT US TO FIND OUT ABOUT PROGRAMMES AND SUPPORT IN YOUR AREA: www.parentscentre.org.nz www.facebook.com/ParentsCentres Your local Parents Centre

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6940M Parent Centres 60mm x 60mm advert.indd 1

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78 kiwiparent â&#x20AC;&#x201C; supporting kiwi parents through the early years

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win great giveaways

Enter online at kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5pm April 21, 2017. Winners will be published in issue 278.

Win an original Pouch Pack carrier made by Natures Sway

Win new Huggies ultimate® Nappies, our best care for skin

Ergonomically designed by a Steiner school mum, this soft structured carrier is super comfortable and cool to wear due to the unique wool padding and special fabric blend. Baby can be worn on the front or back from newborn (we provide a little cushion) to toddler age. Prize is grey with charcoal. RRP $215. Note: Prize does not include front-facing option. www.naturessway.co.nz/ shop/Baby+Carriers/ Pouch+Pack.html

Your baby’s skin is sensitive. That’s why we’ve designed our most breathable softest nappy ever, with a unique Drytouch® layer with Aloe Vera & Vit E. The new Huggies Ultimate® range is as gentle on their skin as your hugs. All with the same trusted absorbency and protection you expect from Huggies® Nappies. Look for the new range appearing in store at participating retailers from March 2017. 4 boxes of Huggies Ultimate nappies or Nappy-Pants to be won.

Win 1 of 6 copies of ‘Rising Tide’ from The Worry Bug

Win 1 of 2 Hamsters in a House prizes valued at $100 each

‘Rising Tide’ is an engaging story for 8–12 year olds that follows Ari and his family through some big events. The book explores themes of worry, family bonds, self-belief, resilience and self-doubt and is available in English and Te Reo Ma-ori. There are six copies valued at $19.90 to give away. For more information on Rising Tide and the other books in The Worry Bug series visit www.theworrybug.co.nz or www.facebook.com/ TheWorryBug

Hamsters in a House enables kids to imagine, create and interact with Hamster-sized worlds. The adorable characters seem to come alive as they buzz, scurry and zoom! With a range of tracks, playsets, hamsters and accessories, kids can personalise their Hamsters’ world for endless fun! Available from The Warehouse. Prize includes Hamster & Accessory, Little House pack, Supermarket set and the Ultimate Hamster House playset. www.HamstersinaHouse.com #HamstersinaHouse #ZURU @zuru.toys

Be in to win the newly released Philips Avent SCD 620 Video Monitor Unique handset pairing combined with adaptive FHSS technology, a high resolution 2.7” screen with crystal-clear infrared night vision that automatically switches on in the dark, and perfect sound quality, enables you to maintain a secure and private connection with your baby at all times. The convenient rechargeable parent unit also gives you the freedom of cordless monitoring for up to 10 hours before recharging is required. Sometimes all your baby needs is the soothing sound of your voice, so with the convenient talkback function and five soothing lullabies you can connect with your baby and soothe them back to sleep from anywhere around the home. Available from Babycity, Farmers and Baby Factory. RRP $349.99

80 kiwiparent – supporting kiwi parents through the early years

I’m getting my tonsils out

You’re lucky, I’ve got grommets

Aw I’ve got those, everyone’s got tho-ose

Bet you haven’t had a hernia

Health cover for kids You can help your little one get the treatment they need when they need it – from just $24 a month*. • A special policy designed just for kids • Quick access to healthcare covered by our private hospital benefits • Free cover for babies up to six months old • Pay for no more than two children on the policy

Grandparents or guardians can gift a KidSmart policy without having to take out a policy themselves.

Find out more at accuro.co.nz/kidsmart or call 0800 ACCURO (0800 222 876) facebook.com/Accurohealthinsurance Sign up to KidSmart before 26 May 2017, quote promo code KP317 and go into the draw to win one of two x $100 vouchers from www.thesleepstore.co.nz.*

* Terms and conditions apply. Accuro Health Insurance is the trading name of Health Service Welfare Society Limited, which is incorporated under the Industrial and Provident Societies Act.

Always close to your baby. The Philips Avent SCD 620 Video Monitor enables you to maintain a secure and private connection with your baby at all times. Hear your baby with perfect sound quality and see them in crystal clear vision, whether it is day or night. With the freedom of up to 10 hours of cordless monitoring, a convenient talkback function and 5 soothing lullabies, you can connect with your baby and soothe them back to sleep, from anywhere around the home.

SCD 620 Video Monitor

www.philips.co.nz/avent www.facebook.com/Philips.Avent.NewZealand