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SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS
NOVEMBER – DECEMBER 2020
Meet the Huggies cover stars
Introducing the winners of the 2020 coverstar competition
Babies are brilliant! Learning baby sign language
Your home, your choice Birthing at home has many advantages
Preschool in a pandemic
Choosing an ECE centre that suits your wha-nau
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You did
a great job!
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The response to this year’s Huggies Kiwiparent photo competition was heart-warming. A huge THANK YOU to everyone – mums, dads and bubs alike, for their time and enthusiasm in sharing their special moments with us. We received over 1,400 entries but, sadly, we knew there could be only one winner. This year, to celebrate Huggies’ new campaign ‘Be Comfortable in Your Skin’, we simply asked readers to tell us their approach to parenting their way, and send us an accompanying photo of them with their child. We received countless inspiring stories of how you felt you were parenting the right way for your own child. Huggies believes if your baby is healthy and happy, you’re doing a great job and so we wanted to celebrate the everyday moments where you were ‘comfortable in your own skin’ as a parent. Finally, after a really tough job selecting from so many amazing entries, the judges decided. The winning entry came from Stephanie Tumai from Whanganui. Stephanie wrote: “My approach to parenting has changed. I didn’t know what sort of mum I would be, but during my first few months I was suffering from PND, so I was a very stressed mum. But as I’ve recovered, I’ve found my real mum instincts … My attitude is that he is a kid – if he’s smiling, laughing and healthy then I am doing great!” We were impressed by Stephanie’s courage and determination as she worked hard to overcome her depression and become the best mum possible to Arlo. You can read more about Stephanie and her mothering journey on pages 10–12. To Stephanie, Bronson and Arlo, huge congrats! And to everyone who shared their wonderful experiences with us, we wish you well and hope that you are always confident and well supported in your parenting decisions. From the team at HUGGIES® and Kiwiparent
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Finally,
the fog lifted
Winner of the 2020 Huggies photo competition Stephanie Tumai shares her early parenting journey as she recovered from a traumatic birth, came to terms with her postnatal depression and finally found her real mum instincts. Ka pai Stephanie, you are an awesome mum! Reflecting on my pregnancy, with this being my first baby, I didn’t appreciate how much small things would count. My first and second midwife choices both decided to leave midwifery for different reasons. One moved away from Whanganui and the second left very suddenly just six weeks before my baby was due. This was very stressful, and I was desperate for someone to come to the rescue. Our local hospital said we would just get who was on shift and that was that. But one midwife tried her hardest to help lots of women in the same position as me, and she came to our rescue. To be honest, I did not warm to her at first, soon she became my hero! Paula was her name – she was a tough lady who was very matter of fact about birth! Arlo was late, as I understand many first-born babies are. I was 41 weeks when, on the Saturday night around 7pm on 1 June, my waters broke. Straight away I rang Paula, but the call went to her backup – I’d forgotten she had taken the weekend off! In our heads it was like OMG here we go! It all ramped up overnight and I had lots of contractions, but they went away after a while when we were at the hospital. We were sent home twice as the contractions kept
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stopping. Finally, when we reached the Monday evening at 9pm I told my husband, Bronson, that I couldn’t go on anymore. I had not slept since the Friday night and I was in too much pain.
Back to the hospital We went back to the hospital and I begged for the epidural. Thankfully, Paula arrived and I had the epidural, but I reacted badly to it, which meant both my and Arlo’s heart rates dropped. Bronson was told to get out of the way – he was very upset as he didn’t understand what was happening. We snatched a few hours’ sleep after all the drama. During the early morning, they tried a drug to help with labour but it just made Arlo’s heart rate drop again and we decided as a team to stop using it. It was now Tuesday morning and still no baby! The doctors suggested trying to induce labour again, but we refused and asked instead for a caesarean section. Paula was with us and on our side the whole time. We waited for the new doctor to come on shift – and he also became one of our heroes. Kind, calm and loving, he said, “This has gone on far too long… We are going to theatre.” I’m forever grateful to have had him perform my caesarean. Finally, at 9.42am my baby was born on 4 June. We found out he was 9.1 pounds – a big, big boy! The anaesthetist came into the ward when I was stitched up to say he had made an error with my epidural, which meant I was bedridden and couldn’t move for four days. I couldn’t do anything – I was so angry. I had to have another epidural and blood patch. I missed so much quality time in those first days because of this. I just wanted to go home.
To start with, I loved Arlo, but didn’t get him. Eventually this changed.
I couldn’t sleep Days passed after I got home, and I couldn’t sleep. Nightmares and panic attacks set in. I felt like I could do everything – but also nothing. I was so angry when, after a few weeks, Paula said she thought I had postnatal depression. I cried to my Mum, but in my heart I knew Paula was right. Once I accepted that I had postnatal depression, I went out of my way to ensure I got all the help that was available. I kept going back to doctors and nurses and the hospital until I got what I needed. Thank god for Paula, Chan (my Plunket nurse) and Jhena (my Plunket support worker). These amazing ladies got me through. My parents and Bronson were also wonderful. They would sit with me and talk – or just sit. They had no reason to be there other than to just be with me and Arlo. Apart from love. The hospital assigned me doctors and counsellors and wow – what superstars! I really wanted to get better so I took everything they offered me. The key for me was the correct medication, calming thoughts and understanding my own diagnosis. The Whanganui Maternal Mental Health team were saviours who made it easy to grasp what was happening in my brain.
I started to feel like myself again Seven weeks after his birth the fog was gradually lifting, but I felt like I’d missed so much of Arlo’s early life. Finally, when he was about three or four months old, I started feeling like myself again. I could go outside for walks and leave him with people without panic having attacks and other odd feelings. To start with, I loved Arlo, but didn’t get him. Eventually this changed. Routines helped me get through my hard times. Get up. Get dressed.
It also helped me to know that I was doing everything I could to get better, as well as taking medications to help my brain heal. My doctor explained that my brain had been through trauma and it needed time to heal and just be loved. The medicine helped, but I had to learn to be kind to myself too. She described my brain as being like a plant whose branches had been broken – we needed to fertilise it and water it to help it grow healthily again.
Shower at night. Drink sleepy tea. Feed Arlo every four hours – he had routines too.
Continued overleaf...
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It hurt so much Those four months of my life were the worst I’d ever experienced. I hated that this happened to me – and my son – and my family. I was so embarrassed and thought everyone would know I’d failed and was terrible at being a mum. It hurt so much. I remember telling my dad that it hurt so badly. It hurt my chest and I felt heavy and sore. I questioned everything and I never thought I was doing well. I kept going because I wanted to believe it would be better one day. I couldn’t see it, but people kept saying that things would improve. The fog, the tears and the pain – this was not what I thought motherhood would be. Arlo deserved better. But Paula, Chan, Jhenna and the Whangarei Maternal Mental Health workers were my medical team and my warriors. My amazing husband and my mum and dad were the ones who showed me my progress and helped me every step of the way. And Arlo – my hero! My son! He was just so understanding; he was the perfect baby and has the most beautiful personality. I would never have made it if I didn’t have my team around to support me. But I also know that, in the end, I was the one who made it happen. I knew I had support and people to help and I took advantage of this. I can’t imagine how hard it is for those poor women who have nobody to help or to turn to.
When the fog lifted Finally the fog lifted and I remember thinking one day OMG I love Arlo. I love him so much. It was so beautiful to love him. I finally understood that feeling people talk about, that rush of love when they first hold their baby. The only difference is that I felt it months after Arlo was born.
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One year on, I no longer need sleeping pills. I slowly stopped my anti-depressants; this took two attempts as there were harsh withdrawal effects. But now I am medicine free and feeling normal. Good and bad days like anyone else, but my emotions are manageable, and my sleep patterns are amazing. Looking back, routine was such a key element in my life and helped me to cope. Routine for me. Routine for Arlo. This was advice from my mum and thank goodness she shared this with me as it helped me understand my baby and learn how to cope.
Looking for support? Parents Centre www.parentscentre.org.nz Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa www.pada.nz Health Navigator www.healthnavigator.org.nz Mothers Helpers www.mothershelpers.co.nz Depression Helpline 0800 111 757 Healthline 0800 611 116 Lifeline 0800 543 35 Samaritans 0800 726 666
your hugs.
Whatever touches their skin, should feel as gentle as
Every baby is different, but there’s one thing they all have in common. Their skin is up to 10x thinner than adults. That’s why we’ve designed HUGGIES® Newborn Nappies. HUGGIES® Newborn Nappies are our driest and most breathable, to provide our best care for your baby’s delicate skin. It’s the hug that looks after their skin while they wear it. HUGGIES® Newborn Nappies are clinically proven to help prevent nappy rash, quickly absorb runny poos and have the same trusted absorbency and protection that you expect from all HUGGIES® Nappies. There’s nothing like a hug. ®/TM Trademarks of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide, Inc. or its affiliates. ©KCWW. ©Disney
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