KiwiParent 300th Issue

Issue: Issue:

300 299

300thissue

apr | may 2021

KiwiParent

supporting parents through the early years

Celebrating all mothers EMILY WRITES Surviving sleep deprivation A ‘CHOICE MUM’ – Deciding to go it alone LIFE WITH LIZZIE The mama who wants change for her girl YOUR BODY MATTERS Rehabilitation after birth

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1 | KiwiParent

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Contents

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contents FOCUS THIS ISSUE:

Celebrating all mothers Each issue of KiwiParent will have a theme running through several of the features. With Mother’s Day coming up, this issue’s theme is all about celebrating mums. We’ll meet lots of amazing mamas doing wonderful things for themselves and their pēpi.

How to survive severe sleep deprivation

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Emily Writes talks about her experience living with sleep deprivation

Life with Lizzie Caring for a child with

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a rare disorder

Going it alone Single motherhood

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by choice

Your body matters Rehabilitation and looking after yourself post birth

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25

46

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These and many more up-to-date articles for parents are also available @ parentscentre.org.nz

Insights Our tamariki and tech Insights from the research

Do breastfed babies need water?

Also in this issue...

25

30

consultant

How to navigate a delicate co-parenting relationship

Recipes

46

Katie and Sam share their

Book review

52

story of loss and grief

Tu Meke Tuatara!

Insurance for your most precious

Hear from a lactation

Co-parenting with purpose

A little life, not a little loss

34

38

Should you insure

32

your children?

Tiny human, what do I feed you?

Starting your baby

42

Products 54 Parents Centre Aotearoa

58

From our readers

70

A new column featuring your feedback

Winners 72

on solids

KiwiParent | 3

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4 | KiwiParent

300thissue

Enter online @ parentscentre.org.nz/giveaways Entries must be received by 5pm, 3 May, 2021.

Winners will be published in issue 301.

KiwiParent The magazine of Parents Centre Aotearoa since 1954.

Enquiries | Parents Centre Aotearoa 04 233 2022, info@parentscentre.org.nz Advertising Sales | Catherine Short 022 3172 047, advertise@parentscentre.org.nz Design | Yasmine El Orfi www.yasmineelorfi.com Proofing | Alison Lipski Printer | Bluestar Subscriptions | info@parentscentre.org.nz parentscentre.org.nz Publisher | Parents Centre Aotearoa 04 233 2022, info@parentscentre.org.nz PO Box 54 128, Mana 5247, Wellington KiwiParent is the publication of Parents Centre Aotearoa and reflects the philosophy and values of the organisation.

ESSENTIAL MUMS PACK FROM HOTMILK LINGERIE The pack includes Hotmilk’s recently released Freedom multi-purpose pump and nursing bra, show off knickers and a 4 pack of bamboo reusable nursing pads.

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KiwiParent | 5

KiwiParent

300 issue th

Editorial

H

ello! It’s such a pleasure to take over the reins from Leigh Bredenkamp and be the new writer for a magazine that helps Kiwi parents navigate the treasured early years with their children.

With three young ones, I’m right in the trenches myself. I’ve done the desperate 3am Google searches, I’ve nodded and smiled politely at the unsolicited advice from well-meaning family and friends, and I’ve scratched my head at the conflicting information that’s flown at me from all angles.

I feel like I’ve finally got to a point where I take a much more considered approach to the advice and opinions – and when I do I always reflect first on whether it feels right in my gut and will work well for my children and our family.

We have the pleasure of chatting with mama Marijke Timmers, who made the decision to go it alone at motherhood and has never looked back. We also sit down with a relentless mama by the name of Sue Haldane, who cares for her daughter with a rare disorder and is advocating for change in New Zealand.

The forever hilarious Emily Writes will have you laughing out loud with her tips on how to survive sleep deprivation, and Gina Urlich from Gina Rose Nutrition will have you clued up on what to feed your tiny human to give them the best possible start with solids.

I hope you pour a cuppa, put your feet up and enjoy reading this issue as much as we have enjoyed putting it together for you.

That’s our intention with KiwiParent: trusted and scientifically sound information which acts as your support – a wider village if you like, for you to take up however you see fit for your family.

Arohanui!

What a lot of information we’ve covered too! This milestone 300th issue represents five decades of empowering parents. An extension of our courses and classes, KiwiParent has had important conversations, connected parents and shared their stories with hundreds of thousands of people who are navigating the same tricky waters.

Amanda Vaisigano KiwiParent Writer

With Mother’s Day falling on 9 May this year, this special issue is a celebration of mothers everywhere.

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Celebrating all mothers

Check out our website

parentscentre.org.nz for loads of other useful information for parents

How to survive sleep deprivation

Caring for a child with a rare disorder

Single motherhood by choice

Looking after yourself post birth

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12

16

20

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KiwiParent | 7

Celebrating all mothers

“I am not glamorous.

Sleep deprivation isn’t glamorous. Even if I wanted to seem glamorous, I couldn’t.”

How to survive severe sleep deprivation By someone who is living it Emily Writes Emily Writes is a mother of two and the author of Rants in the Dark: From One Tired Mama to Another and Is It Bedtime Yet? The theatre version of Rants in the Dark is currently touring New Zealand and you can sign up for Emily’s newsletter by searching Emily Writes Weekly online. She was also a keynote speaker at the Parents Centre Aotearoa National Conference in 2019.

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Having not slept for 800 years, I feel somewhat qualified to talk about surviving severe sleep deprivation.

For more than a year I (barely) survived on about three hours’ sleep, broken throughout the night.

Now I get around five hours – often three hours in a row. I’ve had a handful of nights where I’ve slept all night when I’ve been away from my youngest.

S

o, I thought it might be useful to share some tips on how to

get through. They won’t work for everyone, and they won’t all work, but some will, for some people.

They work for me – and they’re the reason why I’ve been able to get through the past four years.

Before any sleep consultants target me for glamourising sleep deprivation, I’d like to point out that I’m writing this from my sick bed.

I smell…not good. Not bad. But not good. I haven’t brushed my hair in a while. I am wearing my husband’s old Motörhead tee-shirt and a pair of boxers and when I go to kindy pick-up I’m just going to put on my ‘looks a bit like pants but are actually PJs’.

I am not glamorous. Sleep deprivation isn’t glamorous. Even if I wanted to seem glamorous, I couldn’t.

I only share stuff about sleep because 1) I am told it helps other mums who are trying to parent on not enough sleep and 2) I’m living it, so what the hell else am I going to write about? If you don’t sleep, it’s all you think about. I try to write about other stuff, but it all comes back to sleep.

I don’t write about sleep to glamourise not getting it. I do take the point though that I’m normalising sleep deprivation.

I am normalising it…because… wait for it: It’s normal.

from an early age. Some do not.

There are no tricks or secrets.

Babies do, and are totally meant to, wake frequently. They wake frequently for a number of reasons – they’re hungry, wet, cold, they exist in the world, they are upset that they don’t have enough hair, they had a dream where they got put in a pelican’s mouth…the list goes on.

Let’s just crack into it.

Sometimes we know the reasons why they wake up, but often we have no idea. And this also is totally normal.

I’m sorry that that doesn’t work with your business model, but it’s the truth.

This *points to black bags under eyes* is normal.

Normal doesn’t mean it’s pleasant.

Normal doesn’t mean it’s fun. It’s awful and it’s hard – and if you’ve ever thought, “What kind of mother would I be if my kid just slept???” know that I think this all the time.

You’re not alone.

You are not a bad mother for having a child who doesn’t sleep.

Your child isn’t broken. They’re not a problem that needs to be fixed.

You don’t have to be fixed.

It’s just a reality of parenting for a lot of mums. And they’re the mums I’m writing to now.

All babies are different. Some babies sleep well and easily

Get good at napping Four years into this lark I’m the queen of napping. You need to learn how to nap. When my husband takes the kids to the park – I nap. When my kids fall asleep at the same time – I nap. When my mother-in-law takes them to lunch – I nap. I nap whenever I can.

I nap in the hour between coming home from work and eating dinner.

I nap in the morning after I drop them at kindy before I start my day.

I nap at the same time they do.

I choose naps over everything else – EVERYTHING else.

I wasn’t always good at napping – I would lie down and check Facebook or start a mental list in my head of all of the things I had to do. I would fixate on the time I had: “only half an hour – not long enough for a nap”. Now I know even 20 minutes is long enough for a nap.

When my husband says, “I’ll take over, have a nap,” I’m asleep before he even finishes the sentence.

My tip is to take every single opportunity to lie down. Change into PJs even if you don’t have much time. I reckon it tells your brain it’s sleep time. I’m not a KiwiParent | 9

Mothers Celebrating Dayall mothers

scientist though – I was drunk through most of my final years of school. Put your phone away. Lie with your eyes closed and try to clear your mind. It takes a while to train your brain to nap at every opportunity, but you will get there.

The key is not to waste any time thinking about anything else or looking at your phone. Social media kills naps – get rid of it. And even if you only nap for 10 minutes, it’s worth it.

For what it’s worth, napping has never stopped me being able to sleep at night but that’s because I’m severely sleep deprived. It will be the same for you if you’re running on four hours or so. If you’re getting seven plus hours of sleep at night, a nap might be counter-productive, and it might stop you being able to sleep at night.

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Go to bed early I know. Boring as shit. You want to see your partner if you have one.

You want to see friends. You want to zone out in front of the TV. I get it. But schedule at least one night a week where you go to bed with your child – whether it’s falling asleep with them at 7pm or going into your own bed once you get them down.

At least once a week, preferably on the same day, you need to go to bed at like 7pm. I do this a couple of times a week.

Leave the cleaning or drop your standards This is obviously harder if you find mess to be anxiety inducing.

I understand how a clean kitchen can make you feel better when everything else feels overwhelming.

So, you do you. But we have severely dropped our standards around chores. I don’t fold washing

anymore; the kids’ clothes get shoved into the drawers. There’s clutter everywhere – and I plan on dealing with it as soon as my kid sleeps through the night. We never clear the laundry pile; it is just replaced constantly. We have decided naps and rest are more important at the moment. If the house is too messy, we leave the house. This is only going to be the case for the next year or so.

If you have a partner, make sure they understand they’re also a parent Whether your partner works outside the home or not, they should be getting up through the night too or doing shifts with you, so you get sleep. My husband and I split the night – one of us goes to bed early so they can get up early and the other wakes up to the baby but sleeps in. We give each other

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Becoming a parent

When my husband says, “I’ll take over, have a nap,” I’m asleep before he even finishes the sentence.

naps and touch base every morning and night to see how we are doing.

If one of us is about to hit a wall, we take turns around who needs the spare bed. There are nights my husband needs a whole night, and nights I do, but we completely share getting up to the kids because we are both parents.

This is one of the most common things I hear from sleep deprived mums – that their partners don’t get up because they ‘work’. We all work.

Home or office – it’s work. So, dads: Do the right thing. Get up. You’re tired? Suck it up – that’s being a parent. We are all tired.

Call the village Ring friends or family and ask for help. Asking for help is really hard – but you need to do it. When I wasn’t coping, I asked my friends for help and we set up a roster for one morning a week for them to

take my kids to Chipmunks. We share the load when we can and drop off food. We’ve tried to make a culture of helping each other out.

When someone offers you food or babysitting, accept it. I mean provided they’re not a psychopath incapable of looking after children, obviously. For some reason it’s a gut reaction to reject help. Try to change that mindset and accept any help that comes your way.

This is very specific, but you can put on dark glasses and go to sleep underneath them during your child’s swimming lesson or gymnastics class. Trust me, they won’t notice. And it’s not like they’re going to suddenly learn how to do a forward roll after 15 terms.

parenting. It says nothing about you as a mother.

Remember, there are no tricks.

No secrets. You don’t have to buy anything. Remember, you’re a badass of epic proportions who gets through every day even though you get no sleep.

You’re brilliant. You’re amazing.

And imagine how much you’re going to get done when you do get sleep! I mean look at you now – if you can be this awesome on two hours, you’re going to change the world on six.

Remember: It will get better.

I promise.

You are doing an awesome job.

Whether your child sleeps 45 minutes a night or 11 hours is not a measure of how good you are at KiwiParent | 11

Mothers Celebrating Dayall mothers

Life with Lizzie Caring for a child with a rare disorder

Lizzie’s life was saved by sheer luck. Eighteen years ago, she was born in a provincial hospital, with a rare disorder.

On day three of her life, when she was struggling to hang on, a paediatrician came on weekend duty. He’d spent the previous week doing extra training in the cardiology unit in Auckland and when he came on duty and was asked to see this ailing baby, he looked Lizzie over and had a strong suspicion he was seeing something that had been discussed during training just a few days before.

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Lizzie has 22q11.2 Deletion Syndrome, then known as Velocardiofacial Syndrome – and 75% of babies born with this condition have cardiac issues, so cardiology was, at that time, the best chance of early diagnosis. As a result of the paediatrician’s inkling, Lizzie was stabilised and airlifted to Auckland for open heart surgery.

Lizzie’s mum and full-time carer, Sue, says that even with the diagnosis made, she had no clue about the way forward.

“Her ‘lucky diagnosis’ proved to be only the starting gun at the

beginning of our 18-year journey,” she says.

“22q DS was rare and no knowledge appeared to equal no plan, no help.

When she recovered from that lifesaving heart surgery, we embarked on years of responding to Lizzie’s needs, dividing them into what we came to call ‘hardware’ (physical) and ‘software’ (the psychological and emotional).”

Sue says that in terms of ‘hardware’ they did whatever they needed to do to keep Lizzie alive. It involved numerous surgeries and endless appointments and interventions,

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Photos L to R: Lizzie and Sue, Lizzie at eight years old.

including the setting of feeding tubes, physical therapy, and speech and language therapy.

Later, Lizzie developed serious psychological distress and showed marked learning disabilities, so Sue’s focus shifted to the ‘software’.

“We had to (sometimes literally) fight for everything. I used to joke that clinicians ducked into doorways when they saw me coming. But really it doesn’t feel so funny when, in order to get what you need for your child with complex needs, you have to become someone you have no desire to be – and you certainly never just get to be mum.”

Making sure that children like Lizzie develop to their full potential is a 24/7 occupation. It’s true that many parents like Sue experience personal growth, becoming

effective advocates and agents for their children, but it’s also true that this is an exhausting journey which exacts a huge personal and economic toll.

On 24 March, Sue travelled to Wellington to join Rare Disorders NZ in presenting a petition to Parliament. The petition calls for a national framework to be created to ensure that all people living with a rare condition – and their families – can access the care and resources they need without having to wander through the ‘wilderness’ like she has had to do.

You can read about the campaign at raredisorders.org.nz/fair-for-rare-nz/ fair-for-rare/ “If Lizzie could have a ‘do-over’ under a framework like this, with improved clinical knowledge, coordinated care and easier access

to social and educational services, her life and mine would be transformed,” says Sue. “In fact, it still could be. Over the years, we have modified our lives a great deal to give Lizzie the best opportunities. I gave up working outside the home for 10 years because Lizzie received no support at school and I needed to be on hand throughout the day to be that support, and to continue to organise her medical care.”

Sue says she felt shame in giving up work, with feelings of being less than adequate because she couldn’t manage life with Lizzie and paid work.

“Only recently have I learnt that almost three-quarters of Kiwi families in situations like ours experience a similar strain between employment and care – KiwiParent | 13

Celebrating all mothers

and resultant drops in employment status and income.”

of support, because I won’t be here forever!”

Today, Lizzie is in her last year at school and Sue and her family are working hard on transition to life after school.

Sue says that, even more importantly, a framework would prevent what has happened to her family happening to others.

“She has grown into an excellent human and she is capable of so much – but always in need of more support than a typically developing young person. A Rare Disorders Framework could include a pathway to the services that would help this transition, so that I am not always the primary source

“An intelligent, compassionate and co-ordinated approach could go a long way to prevent the sense of isolation, desperation, and even shame, that parents like me feel.”

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Not fitting the mould When you have a rare disorder, you don’t fit tick boxes. This

automatically places you on the outer and everything you need becomes what feels like an impossible battle with our own health services. The access to assessment and treatment is severely limited compared to peers overseas and seeing this is heartbreaking for a parent. The daily grind of parenting a child with a rare disorder is exceptionally high, and the impact on siblings and the wider family goes unheard.

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Facts and figures

There are more than

An estimated

6,000

300 million

of rare diseases

different types of rare disorders, with more being discovered each day.

people worldwide live with a rare disorder.

have no approved drug treatments.

An estimated

For approximately

2%

of rare diseases are genetic in origin and so are present throughout a person’s life even if the symptoms do not appear immediately.

50% of people

affected by rare diseases are children.

95%

50%

of rare diseases there is no disease-specific foundation supporting or researching them.

RARE DISORDERS NZ Rare Disorders NZ is the only organisation in Aotearoa that understands what it is like living in the complex world of rare disorders.

They are the voice so many don’t have at a time that is draining,

and they advocate and fight for the rights of those living with a rare disorder to have equitable access to medications, testing and services. Everyone living with a rare disorder deserves improved

healthcare, and they deserve to know that they matter, they are heard, and they are cared for just as much as anyone else.

OUR MISSION Rare Disorders NZ aims to amplify the collective voice to improve healthcare and wellbeing for people and their whānau living with a rare disorder.

Find out more at raredisorders.org.nz 15 | KiwiParent

KiwiParent | 15

Celebrating all mothers

“I had a few serious relationships that could have gone down the traditional family route but, for whatever reason, it wasn’t meant to be.”

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Going it alone Single motherhood by choice Marijke wasn’t going to wait around for Mr Right before fulfilling her dream of becoming a mum.

She is a single mum by choice to her son Harlan, and has never looked back.

T

he marketing consultant was 34 when her last serious

relationship ended. After spending most of her twenties in London building her career, and then in

Melbourne for another job in her thirties, the self-confessed fiercely independent woman moved back to New Zealand to be closer to family.

“I had a few serious relationships that could have gone down the traditional family route but, for whatever reason, it wasn’t meant to be,” she says.

“I found that the older I got, the more the priority became about the child rather than the man. I have a supportive family, incredible friends, a great career, my own home and financial independence. By my late thirties, I didn’t want to rush a relationship because I wanted a baby.”

Marijke believed (and still does) that the right man will come along when the time is right – and he’ll accept Marijke and her child in the same way she expects to accept

and love any family he brings into the relationship.

The test that sparked action Marijke took a fertility test soon after her last break-up for peace of mind, hoping to be reassured that if it took her a few years to meet someone else, she’d still be able to have children.

“It was a simple blood test organised by my GP, and the result came back really low. It was devastating.

I started looking at options and Melbourne IVF were an incredible, world-leading resource.”

A few years later, Marijke returned home to Auckland and started seriously considering single motherhood by choice.

“I was introduced to a group of women in similar situations.

The meetups are run by Fertility New Zealand, and although I was initially against needing a ‘support group’, it was helpful meeting so many incredible women with such familiar stories.

“I’ve made lifetime friends in this group and our children will grow up together,” she says.

Becoming a ‘choice mum’ Marijke decided to jump straight into IVF treatment.

“If you’ve sourced your own donor, the process can be faster as the wait lists for donor sperm in New Zealand were 1–2 years when I registered in 2017,” she explains.

“Serendipitously, at the same time I came to the top of the list, I was introduced to a friend-of-a-friend who was already an approved donor.

Not being able to explain enough about the donor to my future child/ children was a big concern for me, so going with someone I had contact with resolved my concerns around identity.”

IVF is not cheap, and as a single person Marijke didn’t qualify for any public funding.

“I wanted to give myself the best chance at a healthy pregnancy and baby at the end of it, so I went all in on the fertility advice as well as KiwiParent | 17

Celebrating all mothers

“Harlan is surrounded by people who love him and his story of how he came into the world is just as beautiful as everyone else’s.”

any holistic therapies that were recommended.”

The waiting game “Going through this process feels like you’re always waiting in anticipation for something: to find out how many eggs you have, then how many fertilise, how many make it to day three, then to day five, then a two-week wait to do a pregnancy test, a scan at seven weeks, and then from there it’s the same as it is for every pregnancy,” says Marijke.

“Physically, I was very lucky to not really have been affected too much by the drugs. I was able to inject myself during egg harvesting and I didn’t find the collection or transfer a physical burden at all.”

“Most people thought it was amazing and were so encouraging.

So much so that I even had a couple of offers to donate!

“My mum was my biggest cheerleader – she would have had me start the process five years earlier if she could’ve. My best mate came for my initial follicle scan and my sister-in-law was there for my egg collection and embryo transfer, which was lovely but also a little weird to have her in the room during conception!” she laughs.

Marijke says that, despite her wonderful support network, there were the odd few who didn’t agree with her choice.

“Everyone is entitled to their beliefs and opinions. I knew that my son However, Marijke explains, this was wanted and would have so experience is different for everyone. much love in his life, so those views really had no bearing on my “The combination of drugs and decision or my mindset. You only the process itself can be extremely have to look at Harlan today to see physically and emotionally that this was absolutely meant to demanding.” be this way for us!”

Support and noise

Marijke was very open about what she was doing. Talking about it helped her to normalise it.

18 | KiwiParent

Navigating uncharted waters “I chose a known donor so that there was clarity for my child,

but this isn’t common among the single mums by choice that I know.

Most of them have anonymous donors, so it’s all new ground for us,” explains Marijke.

Marijke was very conscious in her decision to go with a donor she didn’t already have a friendship or relationship with, to avoid any awkward expectations or complications.

“I feel so lucky to have Harlan’s donor in our lives – he is a beautiful man who I will be eternally grateful for. I don’t want Harlan growing up confused about who or what his donor is to him, so we are slowly building a relationship and navigating it as we go. It’s all uncharted waters and I just have my motherly instinct to guide me.”

Marijke says that the way Harlan was brought into this world isn’t something she will sit down and tell him one day – instead it’s something he’ll know through openness and honesty every day.

“Harlan is surrounded by people who love him and his story of how he came into the world is just as beautiful as everyone else’s.”

HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED FACILITATING ANTENATAL AND PARENTING PROGRAMMES? WE’RE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO:

Are passionate about providing quality information Have a keen interest in supporting whānau and their pēpi Enjoy working with adults Have strong communication and organisational skills

WANT TO FIND OUT MORE? Email: admin@parentscentre.org.nz to register your interest and find out further information

Parents Centre Aotearoa is the leading provider of antenatal and parenting programmes throughout Aotearoa. Currently we facilitate programmes in 54 locations and we are looking to reach even more communities! We support our facilitators with professional development, ongoing support and new opportunities.

19 | KiwiParent

Becoming Celebrating a parent all mothers

Your body matters Rehabilitation and looking after yourself post birth It’s no secret that New Zealand women lack access to rehabilitative education, pelvic health maternity checks and funding for birthing rehabilitation. A system that nurtures and supports the mother and her body to recover from childbirth is not currently in place – but is desperately needed.

W

hy? Well, it’s estimated that one in three women who

have had a baby will leak, 50% of women live with some degree of prolapse and one in four New Zealanders live with bladder and/ or bowel incontinence. One in five women report pain during sex, and the prevalence of urinary incontinence is even higher in adult Māori women at 47% www.continence.org.nz.

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While many are advocating for change and funding in this space to better support women and their families, there continue to be women living with the ongoing pain and adverse physical consequences of birthing a child.

KiwiParent chats with Melissa Chadwick, Owner and Head Coach of The Mammy Coach, about what mums can do post birth to help with their birth recovery and not simply accept any discomfort.

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Melissa Chadwick is the Owner and Head Coach of The Mammy Coach. When she isn’t in the depths of mum life, she’s working with other mums, supporting them to heal and feel confident in their bodies after having a baby.

Themammycoach.com

KP: Melissa, who needs to think about post-birth rehabilitation?

Melissa: Every birthing person, no matter what kind of birth they had, will need some degree of postnatal rehabilitation and care. What this looks like and how long it takes will be different for every woman; however, if any of the following statements resonate with you, I would especially recommend further care: » You feel ‘disconnected’ from your body, particularly your tummy and pelvic floor, after childbirth. » Your body doesn’t look or feel like it used to. » You feel like you’re the only one dealing with a tummy or a C-section scar that you don’t want to look at in the mirror. » You leak when you sneeze, cough, jump or exercise. » You have a constant urge to go to the toilet or a sudden urge that sometimes doesn’t give you enough warning to get to the toilet on time. » You have back pain, neck and shoulder pain, or discomfort in any other area of your body.

KP: What are some of the things women can begin to think about to start with recovery and rehabilitation?

Melissa: To start with, it’s important to stress that whatever happened during birth was not your fault. If you have been left with pelvic floor challenges because of the birthing process it unfortunately is outside of your control. Many women are left feeling helpless and isolated as they live with the aftermath of birth and this just isn’t OK. Breathing is the foundation to your recovery. Have you ever thought about your breathing and how it affects your core and pelvic floor?

It’s funny the looks I get when I say to a new mama, “Now we are going to learn to breathe.” Surely we have all been doing that our whole lives already? When we’re pregnant, everything gets bunched up to allow for our growing baby, and this often leads to chest breathing. When baby arrives, we need to reprogramme our bodies to perform correct breathing patterns that support the natural movements of our diaphragm and our pelvic floor. You may have heard of belly breathing – this is similar in a way but focuses on sending

the breath through our whole core (diaphragm, pelvic floor and core muscles).

We also need to think about reconnecting our brain and core.

Essentially, after having a baby our brain and core do not communicate the way they should – but they need to in order to help us heal and recover properly. This is why postnatal recovery focuses so much on deep core activation and strengthening.

How you stand, sit and walk are all directly affecting the ability of your pelvic floor and core to heal and do their job. A few adjustments, stretches and ongoing checking in on all these things will reap huge visible and functional benefits.

KP: What are some of the myths surrounding adequate recovery?

Melissa: A lot of women have overactive pelvic floors, so performing strengthening exercises for our pelvic floor isn’t going to make things better, and may very well make it worse. This is why the traditional kegel alone is not sufficient when we look at postnatal recovery. Pelvic floor work needs to involve lifting and relaxing.

Both are equally important.

KiwiParent | 21

Celebrating all mothers

“You don’t need a fancy gym or expensive equipment to get moving well and support your recovery.”

You cannot make a non-functioning core function by doing more core exercises. In fact exercises such as planks and crunches can cause significant intraabdominal pressure if we have yet to reconnect our brain and core and form corrective breathing patterns. Therefore, in the early postnatal stage we recommend you do different core exercises that focus on strengthening the TVA (transverse abdominal or deep core muscles). You can come back to crunches and planks at a later stage if you wish.

Diastasis recti is a common reason your tummy pooches or domes when you roll up from lying on your back, or why you may look a few months pregnant when you’re not. Diastasis recti occurs when we have an unnatural split in our rectus abdominis (commonly referred to as our six-pack muscles).

For many women this will heal after a few months but for many others it will take controlled intervention involving a combination of the steps that I’ve already touched on.

KP: What else can women do if they are unsure?

Melissa: The way you and your body feel right now is not ‘as good as it gets’. You deserve to feel good and connected to your body again.

22 | KiwiParent

If you’re not sure if your pelvic floor is working at its optimum, please go and see your GP for a referral to a women’s health physio. Even if nothing is wrong, you’ll leave with the peace of mind that everything is OK, rather than worrying alone.

On the other hand, if things are not quite right, you can get a clear diagnosis and begin to work towards supporting recovery.

KP: Knowing where to start is probably one of the most confusing aspects for new mums.

There is so much information out there – what are some of your best tips?

Melissa: I have a few, including: » walking – I recommend getting out in the fresh air as often as you can » practising mobility and stretching daily to support those sore and tight bits that we all have » doing deep core work – this is vital for your recovery. Buy a resistance band as these are fantastic for postnatal exercise and core work » strengthening your body – this is important regardless of whether you used to lift weights or not before baby, ’cause mama you are already weightlifting. As soon

as we leave the hospital, we are weightlifting. We pick up baby, we lug around a capsule with baby in it, we lift shopping bags (normally all at once so we don’t have to do a second trip). Baby is only going to get heavier and anyone with older kids will know they still want to be carried at times, even if they weigh 20kg » breathing – when things get tough, or you feel overwhelmed, take 10 big breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. It greatly helps to centre you.

KP: Are there some exercises women can do at home to start the recovery process? Or do they need a gym?

Melissa: You don’t need a fancy gym or expensive equipment to get moving well and support your recovery. I’ll share an outdoor circuit that requires no equipment and can be done in the comfort of your home.

Perform these exercises as a circuit, one after the other for 30 seconds each, take a rest for one minute and repeat for 3–4 rounds. If you are just starting out, take your time with the movements. Don’t rush, as performing the move correctly is always better than performing high repetitions of the move incorrectly.

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Becoming a parent

Exercises

2. Tricep dips

1

Sit to stand – Inhale as you send your hips back as if going to sit in a chair. Sit back fully as if relaxing into a chair and then exhale, engage your core and come back into the standing position.

TIP: If you have a prolapse or feel pressure in your pelvic floor area while squatting, avoid coming down too low.

Use something to support you such as a chair or pole and avoid positioning your feet too wide apart.

2

4. Wall push

Tricep dips – Sit on the edge of a bench or ledge and grip the edge next to your hips. Your fingers should be pointed at your feet. Your legs are extended, and your feet should be about hip-width apart with your heels touching the ground. Look straight ahead with your chin up.

Press into your palms to lift your body and slide forward just far enough that your behind clears the edge of the chair. Lower yourself until your elbows are bent between 45 and 90 degrees. Slowly push

23 | KiwiParent

3

yourself back up to the start position and repeat. Control the movement throughout the range of motion.

wall and arms at 90 degrees.

Exhale, engage your core and push yourself back to the starting position.

TIP: Don’t lock your elbows at the top of the movement. Keeping them slightly soft maintains tension on the triceps.

TIP: Stepping further away from the wall will progress the exercise, making it feel slightly harder.

Step ups – Find a step, bench or ledge that is a suitable height for you to comfortably step up onto. Leading with the right leg, step up onto the step. While exhaling, drive through your heel and push up into a standing position.

Come back down and repeat.

When you have completed your desired number of steps, perform the exercise again leading with the left leg.

TIP: If you feel pressure in the pelvic floor region when performing a step up, perform the exercise on a lower step.

4

5. Walking lunge

Wall push – Place your hands just past shoulder width apart up against a wall. Starting with your arms out long, inhale to bring your face towards the

5

Walking lunge – Stand with your feet roughly hip-distance apart, torso upright and tall, your shoulders back and chin lifted. Take a wide step forward with your right foot, planting it on the ground, allowing your left heel to lift naturally as you step forward.

Repeat on each leg in a forward movement.

TIP: If you find yourself losing your balance as you walk, pause at the top of each lunge when your feet are next to each other. Regain your balance, then continue. You do not need to come all the way down, just as far as you can, while maintaining your balance.

KiwiParent | 23

Check out our website

parentscentre.org.nz for loads of other useful information for parents

Insights Our tamariki and tech

Do breastfed babies need water?

Co-parenting with purpose

A little life, not a little loss

Insurance for your most precious

Tiny human, what do I feed you?

25

30

32

34

38

42

24 | KiwiParent

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Our tamariki and tech Insights from the research

By Keryn O’Neill, MA, PGCertEdPsych, Knowledge Manager – Brainwave Trust

We’re all surrounded by rapidly advancing technology and have to absorb ever-changing information technology into our lives at a breakneck speed.

Many are wondering how this technology affects babies and young children. It’s a whole new world they find themselves in.

Changing times In 1970, children began watching TV, when they were four years old. Now many children are using digital media from four months old, or even younger. This is one example of the many changes in the way we are using media.

Whānau viewing habits have changed over the years too. In the early years of TV, families tended to have one TV, which they watched together; now many whānau have multiple sets, and children are more likely to be watching alone.

Of course, it’s not just about TV. It’s estimated that by the age of 10 years children have access to five different devices in their home.

Many newer technologies are portable, so they can go wherever children and parents go. Mobile devices, such as smart phones and tablets, are pervasive. They provide connection to people and information on an unheard-of scale, which is different from earlier forms of technology.

In the US, for example, the percentage of 2–4-year-olds using mobile devices rose from 39% in 2011 to 80% in 2013. That’s quite a shift in a short space of time. Here in Aotearoa, more than three-quarters of four-year-olds are using electronic media at home on weekdays.

What do children need?

Although technology is changing, children’s needs haven’t changed.

Before we look into how screen use can affect children, it’s worth quickly revisiting what we already know about what children need to develop in healthy ways. Children learn through their relationships and experiences. When their relationships are positive (but

imperfect!) and their experiences rich and interesting, they are laying strong foundations for many areas of their development.

When we talk about rich learning experiences in the first few months and years, these may be things adults take for granted. Watching the wind move through the trees, splashing in a puddle, helping in the kitchen all provide stimulation to many of the senses and involve the body in the three-dimensional world. Two-dimensional screens don’t offer this richness of sensory experience and human interaction.

There is nothing that can replace parent-child interactions and the value of real-world exploration and play. Research tells us that children need loving, interested adults interacting with them and involving them as they go about their day. They also need quiet time. Contrary to what some people think, children don’t need to be busy doing something, or being ‘entertained’, all the time.

KiwiParent | 25

Older children

There is nothing that can replace parentchild interactions and the value of real-world exploration and play.

Some things to consider When it comes to thinking about screens and our tamariki, there are many variables that make a difference. These include the age of the child, the content they’re engaging with, and the amount of time they spend using screens – and of course, any screen use that is occurring in the wider context of tamariki and whānau lives.

Here’s what we know Age makes a difference We are learning throughout our lives, and the experiences we have affect the way this development will unfold. The impact of this is greater at some points in our development than others, with early experiences often having a greater influence on brain development than those occurring later in life. While some experiences support children’s healthy development, others can get in the way, making healthy development less likely.

When it comes to technology use, this remains important. Young children aren’t able to tell fantasy apart from reality. From around three years of age, children can learn from some media when and if a) it’s appropriate for their age and development, and b) a parent 26 | KiwiParent

or other adult is engaged in the activity with them. Earlier than this, there doesn’t seem to be any benefit.

How can screens affect tamariki?

Amount of use matters

Direct effects relate to the content tamariki are seeing or using. What programme are they watching, or what’s on the app they’re using?

Is the content intended for young children? Children are affected by what they see – their reactions to scary or violent content clearly show this.

It’s not just screen use but the amount of time spent on devices that influences children’s development. For example, higher levels of screen use at 2–3 years of age were associated with poorer performance on developmental milestones a couple of years later.

The research often refers to this as a dose-response effect, meaning that the outcomes vary depending on the amount of exposure.

Content matters The content that tamariki are watching, or interacting with, needs to be appropriate for their age. Content that’s intended for older children can lead to increased fear and anxiety when viewed by younger children. Even content that is intended for a young audience can be distressing for some tamariki.

Alongside the burgeoning technology, content has been changing over the years too. It’s become more violent and fast paced. Neither of these changes are beneficial for tamariki.

Screen use can affect children through both direct and indirect pathways.

The indirect pathway refers to the fact that time spent using screens reduces the amount of time available for more developmentally beneficial activities, such as playing and talking with whānau. Time spent using screens means children are missing out on opportunities to develop skills in a number of areas.

Benefits of technology New media has benefits, of course.

But these depend on several factors, including the child’s age, whether the media is used with a parent, and of course the content of the media.

Skype, FaceTime, etc.

Many whānau use live video chatting apps, such as FaceTime or Skype, to keep in touch with more distant relatives, who might

Becoming a parent

otherwise not see each other often. An advantage of these is the ability to see the person, including their facial expressions and body language. These apps have the potential to support the development of relationships between children and whānau.

But pēpi and toddlers need parental support to understand what they’re seeing. Because this use of technology promotes relationships, is usually brief, and involves adult support, it’s considered fine for babies and toddlers.

Touchscreen apps The ability of touchscreen media to engage children can be helpful in some situations. For example, it

is being used more often to distract children undergoing anaesthetic and other medical procedures.

So, this seems appropriate, as they would not otherwise be playing outside or at home with whānau.

Again, these things are probably fine in small doses.

Will they be ‘left behind’ if they are not always on a screen?

Sometimes people think that if children don’t use technology from a young age they might be ‘left behind’ later on. While it’s understandable that parents don’t want their child to miss out, there is no research to support starting early. It’s interesting to note that many of those involved in creating

this technology limit their own children’s access to it.

Parental use When we’re thinking about technology it’s not only children’s own use that can affect them, but also that of their parents and whānau. There’s a growing body of research looking at parental phone use and possible effects on interactions between parents and their children.

While many parents are using phones at times, research indicates that when they are often using their phone they are less likely to be interacting with their tamariki.

Parents are also likely to be less sensitive and responsive to their KiwiParent | 27

Becoming a parent

Parents are huge role models for their children, especially while children are young.

child’s needs when they’re using their phones, with some either missing their children’s attempts to interact or reacting in hostile ways.

Children learn a lot from watching what their parents do. As many parents know, what we do seems to matter more than what we say!

Parents are huge role models for their children, especially while children are young.

The research on parental technology use is in its infancy, but there is no shortage of research showing the importance of parent 28 | KiwiParent

responsiveness for children’s social and emotional development.

So, what now?

We have a wealth of knowledge about what tamariki need to thrive.

Screen time is one factor, among many, that plays a role in children’s development. Things that are repeated tend to be strengthened in the brain, whether it’s repeated attempts at walking, learning waiata or being comforted when upset.

For our youngest children there are many potential risks to their health and development from any type of

screen use, especially with frequent or extended use.

There are many unanswered questions about the impacts of the newer technologies, and research on its effects can’t keep up with the rapidly expanding developments in technology.

But we have enough information about screen use to suggest that, when it comes to our precious pēpi and tamariki, we should proceed carefully and thoughtfully.

29 | KiwiParent

Feeding baby

Do breastfed babies need water?

When it comes to breastfeeding, it can be a minefield trying to separate reality from myth – from wondering if frequent feeds mean you’re not producing enough milk, to contemplating what kind of food and drink you ‘can’ eat while someone else is relying on you as a source of nutrition.

In this issue of KiwiParent, we chat with Denise Ives from La Leche League to separate breastfeeding fact and fiction and discuss supplementing breastfeeding with water.

“Some breastfeeding mothers are surprised to learn that they don’t need to supplement their baby’s milk feeds with anything additional, including water,” says Denise.

In general, she explains, exclusively breastfed babies don’t need additional feeds of water – even in hot weather.

30 | KiwiParent

“Babies get all the hydration they need from breastmilk, provided they are latched well to the breast and able to feed as often as they want to, for as long as they want to.”

It does change once your baby starts eating solid food; however, it’s still not their main source of hydration.

“Once your baby starts eating solid foods, then you can start to offer a small cup of water with the meal, but this is more for fun and learning than actual hydration.”

So, why don’t babies need extra water if they are breastfed?

Breastmilk is around 88% water. And it contains very few solutes, which means that a young baby’s kidneys do not need extra fluids to flush any solutes through their system. The amount of water available to a baby in breastmilk, even in very hot, dry climates, exceeds a baby’s water requirements.

Breastmilk is your baby’s nutrition, so if they fill up on

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Denise Ives is a La Leche League Leader based in Dunedin, where she has lived for over 10 years since leaving England, and is a qualified Breastfeeding Counsellor. In 2011, Denise founded The Breast Room® in Dunedin, a drop-in breastfeeding support clinic. Denise published Mamas In Lockdown in 2020, a collection of stories from parents who were pregnant or gave birth during the COVID-19 lockdown.

water then not only are they not getting the calories and nutrition required, they are likely to miss the breastfeed they would normally have.

“A baby’s stomach is small, and it doesn’t take much to fill it.

If a baby has water instead of

Water and supplements used to feed a baby are also a means of introducing bugs and germs into their digestive system, which can lead to illness. Bottled water can be dangerous and may contain high levels of various minerals, including sodium.

a breastfeed, the reduction in

When it heats up

feeds for the mother can quickly

When you’re in unusually hot weather or visiting warmer countries (one can only imagine at the moment!) you might find that your baby feeds more often,

lead to a drop in milk production – especially in the early weeks, when milk supply is still being established,” says Denise.

and with shorter feeds, for a few days while you both adapt to the difference.

If you are breastfeeding, medical professionals can advise on the safety of the drinking water in the country you are visiting.

Conflicting information You may find that well-meaning family members and friends encourage you to give your baby water – perhaps because that’s what they did – but you can rest assured you don’t need to.

“Breastmilk is everything your baby needs for the first six months of life, and then is the ideal fluid alongside solids for at least the first year of his or her life, and of course, breastfeeding can continue for as long as the mum and baby are happy to after that,”

KP

FOR MORE INFORMATION If you are concerned about your baby’s latch or how much breastmilk you think they are drinking, talk to your local La Leche League Leader. You can find your local Leader at: lalecheleague.org.nz/get-help/ For more information on why you don’t need to give your breastfed baby water in hot weather, visit: www.rehydrate.org/breastfeed/faq-exclusive-breastfeeding.htm

KiwiParent | 31

Becoming Being a family a parent

“I learnt that you can do this by owning your part in the challenges and looking inward instead of judging and blaming the other parent.”

Co-parenting with purpose Jacqlin Richards is a mother, parent mentor, speaker and facilitator, who is deeply passionate about bringing greater awareness to the way we raise our children.

Life after having children didn’t “Life feels totally different now. turn out the way Jacqlin Richards I really had to work on navigating imagined it would be. The mother of towards happiness and a two boys was left feeling devastated successful co-parent relationship.” after her marriage broke up and she Jacqlin says that just as couples found herself navigating the world get advice from divorce lawyers of co-parenting.

“My husband and I had changed – we lost ourselves and each other when we became parents. We fell into the trap of putting the needs of our children before the needs of our relationship,” she says.

After struggling for many years, Jacqlin enlisted the support of a parent mentor to help her take back her own power while co-parenting.

and experts during a separation, having a mentor was invaluable to rebuilding an amicable relationship with her co-parent and becoming gentler on herself as a parent.

What Jacqlin learnt There are no ex-partners in parenting. “My boys’ dad will always be the father of our kids. I didn’t think we would ever get close to each other again, but we have.

It just took separating to get there

32 | KiwiParent

AND me taking a really good look at my parenting!”

The energy you bring to your life as a co-parent is everything. “Change can begin as simply as the language you choose – losing the term ‘expartner’ and choosing the term ‘co-parent’ because what we focus on and the words we choose have an impact. It matters because our children are absorbing it.”

It is important to be curious and open to change. “Many parents separate without understanding why. They are stuck in a cycle of blame and resentment. They want it to be different but don’t know how.”

Jacqlin says that there is some good news for those in an existing or

potential co-parenting situation: a different and empowered pathway is possible if you are willing to shift your focus and look at your parenting for yourself and the other parent.

“I learnt that you can do this by owning your part in the challenges and looking inward instead of judging and blaming the other parent,” she explains.

“I was raised by a solo mum and started behaving like one long before I ever became one. I was doing everything myself and replicating exactly what I saw my mother do when I was growing up, because I’d never seen an example of how to do ‘together parenting’.”

Jacqlin says it’s important to build up the other parent in front of your children – even if you struggle with them.

“You can still choose to be ‘loving’, which honours and confirms the love your child has for them, rather than making them feel wrong for it. Choosing love may simply be having compassion for the other parent. Acknowledging their differences and limitations whatever they are, as you would like them to do for you,” she says.

“We need to understand that they’re doing the best they can with the tools they have. Some of us have fewer tools available due to the circumstances of our

own upbringing. Many of us don’t know what ‘parenting together’ looks like so we just fall into the patterns from the past until we can empower ourselves to do something different.”

Jacqlin credits this approach with her newfound awareness and acceptance in her life as a parent.

She now helps empower others to do the same in their lives through her work as a Parent Empowerment mentor.

“The beginning can really be as simple as changing the language you use.”

KP KiwiParent | 33

Becoming a parent

A little life, not a little loss Kate Gudsell and Sam Arcus gave birth to their first child, a girl they named Wren, on 8 September, 2016. She lived for just six days.

As they struggled to come to terms with it all, Kate went back to work.

“I remember Sam drove me in,” she says. “Even now I feel anxious thinking about it. It was horrible.”

She says some people were amazing, like the bulletins editor who said: “I’m pleased you’re back.

But I'm really sorry for the reason you’re back.”

But others were not so good.

34 | KiwiParent

Almost exactly a year after Kate and Sam lost baby Wren, they were preparing to welcome their second daughter, Frida.

Two weeks before the surgery date, they were told Frida was actually a boy.

“I was really upset,” says Kate. “It sounds ridiculous, but for the last four and a half months, we’d been calling her Frida and I’d developed some kind of relationship with her.

That really helped me deal with the loss of Wren.”

The birth experience was completely different from Wren’s arrival into the world.

This time around, Kate opted for a caesarean section.

“I can’t help but draw a comparison to a butcher, which is horrible,” jokes Kate. “I thought it would be cosier.”

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“Some people think it’s just a baby, you can have another one,” says Kate. “It’s not just a baby. It was a person; it was part of your family.”

Neither Kate nor Sam could relax until they heard their new baby wail, because when Wren came out she didn’t make a sound.

“When he screamed, both midwives burst into tears,” says Sam. They called the baby Ralph.

long time for it to become real,” says Sam.

“It has fundamentally changed how we see things,” says Sam.

The other thing Kate describes as “freaky” was that Ralph asleep looked exactly like Wren in her little woven basket just before she was cremated.

Kate says she’s in fear of so many things and really has to keep herself in check.

Kate, Sam and Ralph were home in time for Wren’s birthday. It was both sad and bittersweet.

“It was nice, but it was also so heartbreaking,” says Sam. “I had to push him to make him move because I couldn’t see him still like that.”

“I remember being exhausted and so happy that we had our little baby home, but sad because we should have had two babies with us. And relieved we had him,” says Kate.

Ralph is a toddler now. He plays with his toy digger beside Wren’s sign in the garden and talks to the kererū in the big tree.

She says the anniversary would have been awful without Ralph.

The reality of being a parent has been challenging. “It took me a

They also have another daughter.

They have their Frida.

The way Kate and Sam parent Ralph is heavily influenced by their experience with Wren.

“There’s just a world of possibilities, of terrible things happening to them. It’s like, how do you not let that overwhelm you?”

Kate and Sam have opened up about their experiences so other families who experience the death of a baby won’t feel so alone. And to maybe change some old-fashioned views.

“Some people just think it’s just a baby, you can have another one,” says Kate. “It’s not just a baby. It was a person; it was part of your family.”

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Becoming a parent

“There’s just a world of possibilities, of terrible things happening to them. It’s like, how do you not let that overwhelm you?”

Sands New Zealand

parent’s ears to hear their baby’s name used,” she says.

Sands New Zealand Chairperson Melanie Tarrant says if you know someone who is experiencing, or has experienced, a loss, there are lots of ways you can support them.

‘A little life, not a little loss’ is the tagline for the voluntary organisation, which has been providing support to bereaved whānau in Aotearoa for over 35 years.

supporting bereaved parents

“Bereaved parents tell us repeatedly that they want their babies acknowledged. You may not know what to say, or you may be worried that you might upset them, but it’s important to acknowledge their babies. You can say, ‘I am really sorry for your loss,’ or ‘I am really sorry your baby has died.’

Even better is to use their baby’s name. It’s like music to a bereaved

36 | KiwiParent

“Sands provides support no matter the gestation of loss or age into infancy, or how the baby or babies died. Whether it was two weeks, two months, two years or 20 years ago – and no matter if it was miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death or if you have had to make the heartbreaking decision to interrupt your pregnancy,” says Melanie.

“There is no time limit on the support we provide to bereaved whānau. You may access our support in those first few months, or it may be several years down the track. We are here to support bereaved whānau, whenever or however often you need.”

To Kate and Sam: Thank you for being so brave and for sharing the indelible legacy of your daughter, Wren Sarah Thunderstorm Arcus. Kate and Sam’s story is republished with permission from The Unthinkable – a podcast series

by Radio New Zealand.

Ralph is a toddler now. He plays with his toy digger beside Wren’s sign in the garden and talks to the kererū in the big tree.

Where to go for support If you need to talk, free call or text 1737 anytime to speak to a trained counsellor.

Sands www.sands.org.nz Whetūrangitia wheturangitia.services.govt.nz

Donate All the amazing mahi of Sands groups around Aotearoa is done 100% by volunteers, many of whom are bereaved parents themselves.

Please consider supporting their mahi by donating to their Givealittle page at givealittle.co.nz/org/sands

Becoming a parent

Insurance for your most precious

By Pat Sellars

To kick things off with an outdated reference, it’s very unlikely you’re reliant on your kids’ income unless they are Macaulay Culkin or the Olsen twins. So generally, when I’m asked if someone needs life insurance on their children the answer is no, and 17 is generally the minimum age of acceptance.

A serious medical event could, however, leave your household financially vulnerable. So, here I’ll look at what private health insurance can do for your kids, and what my family and I have done on our journey as a new family. You may also already have some cover for your kids available on your current risk policies that 38 | KiwiParent

you need to be aware of. I’ll be discussing scenarios involving serious medical events and the premature death of a family member. It’s never a nice topic to think about and some of the information can come across as quite matter of fact, but it’s my role as an adviser to get clients thinking about their financial plan

and enable them to protect their family and reach their financial goals. No one wants to be forced into selling the family home to fund treatments for critical illnesses like cancer because the treatment they desperately need for themselves or their loved ones is not subsidised

by PHARMAC.

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With almost all insurers you can add your child to your own Health Insurance plan for a fraction of the cost.

The New Zealand health system The New Zealand public health system is damn good when it comes to emergency services.

If you need urgent and lifethreatening medical attention, our hospitals and their incredible staff are there for you 24/7.

With non-urgent care, however, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to get diagnostics and treatment, with long waiting lists, resulting in poor outcomes for those left untreated.

ACC, the Accident Compensation Corporation, can give you access to the private medical system, but for accidents only. Too many Kiwis don’t understand that ACC will not cover you for everything.

Anything else – cancer, stroke, neurological disease, to name a few – will leave you struggling to

39 | KiwiParent

pay out of pocket for the treatment (and diagnostics) you desperately need, or face long wait lists in the public health system.

With almost all insurers you can add your child to your own Health Insurance plan for a fraction of the cost and they can stay on those discounted child rates until they reach adulthood, at which point they can transfer onto their own plan. With Accuro, one of the providers I started working with recently, cover for children goes all the way to 25 years old, which I think is a great initiative as those at 25 are far more likely to continue the cover than cancel it.

Why is continuous cover important?

That health insurance catchphrase ‘pre-existing conditions’. If you cancel a policy and try to pick it up

years later you will have to start a new application, meaning you may end up with a number of exclusions to your cover. This is especially important if you are a sporty family with sporty kids. Speaking from experience, years of being a mediocre rugby player would have left me with a list of exclusions that read like a Tolkien novel had I not been included on my parents’ cover and continued it on into adulthood.

For us and our new little family we added our daughter to our existing policy from day dot. Providers have different terms related to congenital conditions; some won’t cover them or may say they’ll cover them if there have been no symptoms in the first ‘x’ number of days, etc. So, don’t be afraid to get into the weeds and read through the finer points of your health cover.

Becoming a parent

You may have benefits relating to your kids available on the cover you already have, so it’s important to check and know what you’re covered for.

Adding the numbers Affordability is always key for insurance, as any policies you put in place should save you from financial strife, not put you in strife because of premium costs, so working out what you can afford and discussing this with an adviser is crucial. One of the best savings tips I can give you on any insurance products is having a healthy emergency fund.

Insurance is a function of personal financing and planning; it’s your defensive plan to match your offensive plan (your goals). If you have anywhere from three to six months of expenses saved up, you can take a higher excess on your cover because you can ‘self-insure’ up to a certain amount.

Medical expenses may not be the only financial loss you could suffer with kids. You may incur costs for travel and accommodation as well as having to take time off work (especially if you are self-employed or a contractor).

You may have benefits relating to your kids available on the cover you already have, so it’s important to check and know what you’re covered for. If you have a Trauma or Critical Illness policy with one of the top providers, it’s likely there are benefits within that which relate to your children. You may need to have them named on the policy, however, so talk to your adviser or provider about this.

and recovery-related costs, or even allow you to take time off work to be with your loved ones when they need you most (this is critical if you are self-employed or a contractor).

A rainy day So much of this always comes down to planning for you and your family. If you’re not going to take insurance against risk, then what is your plan? If you can figure out a way to self-insure, or as suggested above partially self-insure (higher excess), that’s great! You are one of the far too few Kiwis who have planned for a rainy day.

In general, you could get 50% of the sum insured on your Trauma policy, which can help with any treatment

ABOUT PAT SELLARS Pat Sellars is a Registered Financial Adviser with a focus on Personal Risk. This means providing unique and tailored advice for clients’ Life, Health and Income insurances.

40 | KiwiParent

Becoming Feeding baby a parent

Tiny human, what do I feed you?

As a parent, there are always so many decisions to make. When it comes to introducing solids it’s no different. There are countless opinions about what sorts of foods to offer and at what age.

It’s such an exciting time, but where do you start!?

42 | KiwiParent

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“Starting solids is all about learning something new. Involve babies in family mealtimes and let them play with their food – it’s an important part of eating. The more familiar they become with a food, the more likely they will want to eat it!”

Infant nutrition is crucial for supporting optimal growth and development. As parents, we want to know that what we’re offering our children is not going to hurt them in any way. This means providing a diet that their tiny, immature digestive system can manage and absorb.

KiwiParent chats with Gina Urlich from Nutrition by Gina Rose. Gina is qualified in nutritional medicine and is a women’s health expert, author, speaker and public figure, while also being the mother of four beautiful children. She’s passionate about sharing her extensive knowledge, which is accompanied by scientific research to guide parents to make the healthiest food choices for their babies.

“As soon as you become a parent, everyone likes to share their ideas, recommendations and advice, even if you didn’t ask,” she laughs.

“When it comes to food, we have the power to influence our children with fuel to set them up for a

healthy life. The philosophy of naturopathic medicine is ‘first do no harm’, and as a mother I want to know that what I’m offering my child is not going to hurt them in any way.”

It’s all in the gut Gina explains that the gut of a sixmonth-old baby is very different from an older child’s and must be treated with care. Their delicate digestive system requires some TLC and respect before they start munching on glorious food.

Gina explains that starting solids is not about filling them up; it is about healing the gut.

“What you feed your baby in the initial phases can set them up for vibrant health or it could predispose them to allergies and other health conditions. You should nurture their very delicate tummy with foods that are easily digested and assimilated,” she says.

A balancing act When it comes to the balance required between fats, carbohydrates and protein for our baby, mother nature really does get it right every time.

“A baby begins to acquire their gut bacteria in utero from the mother’s digestive system. These bacteria are affected by the maternal diet and lifestyle. The health of the mother’s gut at the time of birth directly relates to her baby.”

“If you look at the composition of breastmilk, you get a good idea about what babies require nutritionally,” says Gina.

The gut health of a newborn baby is very different from an adult’s.

They have a very delicate gut that is extremely permeable, meaning food can pass through the gut lining and into the bloodstream.

“Breastmilk contains fat, which is an important nutrient that babies need to grow and develop and plays a significant role in nervous system development. Babies also need amino acids, the building

KiwiParent | 43

Feeding baby

blocks of protein, which support growth and development and are also a major component of breastmilk.”

There is no magic number or weight to say they are ready.

Look for your baby’s individual cues, which will include:

Gina explains that carbohydrates are also required, but it’s worth being mindful of the type of carbohydrate.

» sitting without support

“Babies have a small amount of the digestive enzyme called amylase, which is required to metabolise carbohydrates.

Complex carbohydrates in a whole foods form are best for baby.”

Timing is everything Along with the World Health Organization and the New Zealand Ministry of Health, Gina recommends waiting until baby is six months or older before introducing solids. This is when their digestive system has matured and therefore allergies are much less likely to occur.

44 | KiwiParent

» losing the tongue-thrust reflex (baby does not automatically push food out of their mouth with their tongue) » starting to use a pincer grip (between thumb and forefinger) » being ready and wanting to chew » being interested in mealtimes and food.

Against the grain Gina disagrees with the common recommendation of rice cereal as a first food for infants.

“As a wholefood advocate and nutritionist, this goes against everything I know and stand for,” she says.

“White rice cereal is highly refined and processed, is very inflammatory and provides food for harmful bacteria. I recommend foods that protect and nourish the gut lining and, importantly, foods that your baby can digest.”

Rice cereal is promoted because it is often fortified with iron and at around six months the amount of iron in the breastmilk drastically reduces. But according to Gina, “there are many other, fantastic first foods that are gut friendly, high in iron and far less inflammatory, including broccoli, spinach, Swiss chard, organic prunes, egg yolk, organic chicken liver and other meats”.

She suggests other first foods such as bone broth, fermented foods and tropical fruits like papaya, which contain enzymes and help to build your baby’s microbiome.

See Recipes Coconut chia pudding Bone broth Vege broth & more...

page 46

If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again

About Gina Urlich

Gina recommends aiming to make your little one a whole foods baby, and to just keep offering.

Gina Urlich holds a BHS in Nutritional Medicine and has a background in nursing.

“They may not like something the first or even the fifth time you offer it to them – but the key is to just keep offering,” she says.

She’s spent over 15 years working in the healthcare industry and has a special interest in women’s health, pregnancy and infant nutrition.

Being a mother to four beautiful children has been her biggest and proudest accomplishment.

“Starting solids is all about learning something new. Involve babies in family mealtimes and let them play with their food – it’s an important part of eating. The more familiar they become with a food, the more likely they will want to eat it!”

KP

Gina has a real passion for using the power of nature to heal the body and she knows that food has the ability to be our greatest form of medicine. Tiny human, what do I feed you? is the name of her e-book, which can be purchased from her website at nutritionbyginarose.com

KiwiParent | 45

Becoming a parent

Recipes 46 | KiwiParent

300thissue MAKES ABOUT 12 PIKELETS Prep: 10 mins Cook: 10 mins

2 bananas 2 eggs

Pikelets

baby-led weaning

Healthy little pikelets for your little humans. Trust me they won’t stop eating these – and neither will you.

1/2 cup organic oats

METHOD

1 tablespoon psyllium husk

Put all the ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth.

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Add the lemon or vinegar directly onto the baking powder;

1 teaspoon cinnamon 1 teaspoon baking powder

it will fizz and this makes the pikelets light and fluffy.

Heat a skillet on medium heat and cook the pikelets in a little butter or coconut oil until golden on each side.

Squeeze of lemon or some apple cider vinegar

TIP

Pinch salt

is helpful in the management of constipation.

Prep: 5–10 mins Cook: 5 mins

1 BABY SERVE 1 tablespoon chia seeds 1/4 cup blitzed oats

Psyllium husk is one of the richest sources of fibre and

Porridge Rolled oats can be too big and chewy for a small baby with few teeth to manage but by blitzing them in a blender you can make porridge with a smoother consistency.

1 cup filtered water or milk of choice

METHOD

FAMILY SERVE

stirring occasionally until thick and creamy.

1/4 cup chia seeds

Serve with seasonal fruit and a dollop of Greek or

1 cup oats 2 cups filtered water or milk of choice

Soak all ingredients overnight and in the morning add 1/2 cup milk and gently heat on medium heat for 3-5 minutes

coconut yoghurt.

Optional – swap oats for quinoa flakes, buckwheat buckinis or millet.

KiwiParent | 47

Recipes Recipes

Organic bone broth Bone broth is an excellent first food because it works as a digestive elixir that helps the lining of a baby’s digestive tract to mature and strengthen, preparing baby’s tummy to digest more complex foods down the road. It also provides an abundance of minerals and nutrients for the development of healthy teeth, bones, hair, nails and joints.

Bone broth contains amino acids which are the building blocks of protein. » Arginine maintains the detoxification process and is used to make haemoglobin, bile salts and other naturally occurring chemicals within the body. » Glycine supports digestion and the secretion of stomach acids. » Proline, especially when paired with vitamin C, supports good skin health. » Bone broth is also high in gelatine, which supports digestive health and collagen status, which means it supports teeth, joints, hair, skin and nails. » The calcium, magnesium and phosphorus in bone broth help our bones to grow and repair.

48 | KiwiParent

What’s a ‘leaky gut’?

A leaky gut is when undigested food particles, toxic waste products and bacteria ‘leak’ through the intestines and flood the bloodstream. Starting solids is not just about filling your baby up, it is also about healing the gut.

Bone broth can seal your child’s leaky gut and prevent food allergies.

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Bone

broth

1-2 chicken carcases or bones of choice 2 carrots 1 onion 1 bulb garlic 3 celery stalks 1 onion sliced 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar Bunch of parsley

It’s baby’s superfood. So many babies and young children suffer early on from reflux, colic, allergies, eczema, diarrhoea or infections. Bone broth is a wonderful, nourishing and safe healing food for babies and children of all ages.

The gut is the body’s main immunological front line. Bone broth supports our immune system, so if you or the kids suffer from low immunity, frequent infections, food intolerances or allergies, you have some gut healing work to do.

METHOD Start by roasting the bones in the oven for 30 minutes.

This will increase the flavour.

In a large pot or slow cooker add the bones and cover with water.

Add the apple cider vinegar and allow to sit in the cool water for 20–30 minutes.

This helps draw the minerals and nutrients out of the bones and makes them more available.

Add all other ingredients and simmer on low heat for 8–24 hours. The longer the better.

Add more water if you find it evaporates.

During the first few hours of simmering, impurities and a frothy layer may rise to the surface and it can be easily scooped off with a big spoon.

Remove from heat and let the broth cool.

Strain using a fine metal strainer to remove all the bits of bone and vegetable.

Let it cool in the fridge, and discard the layer of fat that sits on the surface.

When cool, store in the fridge for up to five days or freeze for up to two months.

TIP Lamb and beef bones take longer to cook and should be left simmering for 48 hours. If you use lamb or beef bones ask your butcher to cut them into small pieces.

KiwiParent | 49

Recipes

3 BABY SERVES Prep: 15 mins Cook: 20 mins Low fat | Low sodium

Roast vege

bone broth

1 cup pumpkin 1 cup sweet potato 1 carrot 1–2 tablespoons olive oil Bone broth – see recipe on previous page

Cooking in olive oil increases the bioavailability of fatsoluble nutrients, and when paired with organic bone broth gives your baby a macronutrient-balanced meal comprising protein, good fats and complex carbohydrates.

METHOD Preheat the oven to 180°C. Cut the pumpkin, sweet potato and carrot into cubes.

Place on a baking tray and drizzle with extra virgin olive oil.

Roast for 20 minutes or until tender and golden.

You can either blend roasted veges with heated bone broth to a smooth consistency or fork mash and thin out with bone broth. Roasted veges are also great served as finger food for baby-led weaning, accompanied by a drink of organic bone broth in a sippy cup.

50 | KiwiParent

3 BABY SERVES Prep: 15 mins Refrigerate: A few hours

Coconut chia pudding

with berries or fruit 1/4 cup chia seeds 1 cup drinking coconut milk 1/2 cup organic berries or puréed fruit

We know babies don’t make the digestive enzyme amylase until their digestive system has matured. Infants do, however, produce proteolytic enzymes to digest proteins, as well as digestive juices (hydrochloric acid in the stomach, which breaks down protein and fats).

Chia pudding is a lovely concoction of nourishing fats and protein that is easy for your baby to digest.

METHOD Whisk together coconut milk and chia seeds.

Leave for five minutes and whisk again to remove any seed clumps.

Refrigerate for a few hours.

Separate into portion sizes and top with organic berries, pureed mango, papaya or melon, stewed apple or pear – in fact any seasonal fruit.

TIP Raspberries are soft enough to fork mash, but you may need to purée other types of berries.

KiwiParent | 51

Becoming Book review a parent

Be in to win a copy of Tu Meke Tuatara! usually retails for $29.00

52 | KiwiParent

We have a copy of this beautifully written and illustrated children’s book to give away.

ENTER ONLINE AT parentscentre.org.nz/giveaways Entries must be received by 1 May, 2021.

Winners will be published in issue 301.

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BOOK REVIEW

Tu Meke Tuatara!

Tahi the Tuatara is down in the dumps. Roger the Ruru tries to cheer him up, but nothing seems to work.

Then the two friends hear a cry for help. Someone’s in trouble! What are Tahi and Roger going to do?

Meet the author If you would like an easy way to introduce good values, develop an appreciation for our native environment, and inspire creativity in your children, this is a book you will want sitting on your bookshelf.

Author | Malcolm Clarke | Illustrator | Flox | Publisher | Little Love | Kaiwhakamāori | Evelyn Tobin

Tu Meke Tuatara! was born out of a desire to introduce tamariki to Malcolm Clarke’s core values of creativity, conservation and kindness.

“We don’t talk overtly about mental health in the book, but we know that Tahi the Tuatara is feeling down. I wanted to model how we can help our friends who might be experiencing some form of depression,” he says.

“Personally, I have many friends who have struggled with mental health. I believe if we introduce young readers to the concept of empathy at a young age, it will better equip them as adults to help their friends who may be in need.”

The Tu Meke series is in many bookstores nationwide. Malcolm encourages people to buy from local, privately owned gift stores and bookshops.

“If you can’t find them in store, we also have all our books at tumeketui.com.”

KiwiParent | 53

Parents Products Centre Aotearoa

Protecting and caring for baby’s delicate skin Baby’s skin is oh-so-soft, delicate and beautifully smooth and can be more sensitive to irritants and allergens.

Therefore, it’s important to keep baby’s skin clean and moisturised to ensure it stays protected.

New Huggies® Ultimate Baby Wipes provide our best care for bub’s delicate skin – providing superior absorbency and a gentle, thorough clean – available in two unique, skin loving varieties: Huggies® Ultimate 99% Water Baby Wipes and Huggies® Ultimate Nourish & Care Baby Wipes. There’s an ideal option for every bum!

to your baby’s skin can help keep them well protected from dry skin. Using the right bathing and skincare products can also help manage and protect against this.

Huggies® Ultimate 99% Water Baby Wipes are made with 99% water and 1% essential ingredients – perfect for providing gentle care for baby’s delicate skin.

Gentle care

Helping protect against nappy rash

Baby’s skin is so delicate it can be even more prone to becoming dry and irritated than adult skin. Every baby is different, and every parent knows their baby best, so building a skincare routine that is tailored 54 | KiwiParent

Although it’s a common condition, it can be more than a little distressing when baby has nappy rash – for both bub and those who love them. Nappy rash has

many causes such as pre-existing skin conditions, sensitive skin, infrequent nappy changing and not cleaning all of the wee and poo from baby’s skin. Alongside keeping baby’s skin clean with Huggies® Ultimate Baby Wipes, using good quality disposable nappies can help by ensuring only soft gentle materials come into contact with baby’s skin, ensuring the nappy is dry by drawing moisture away from the skin and ensuring the nappy allows air to circulate to keep baby cool and dry. You can also help manage nappy rash by giving baby some nappy-free time to wriggle and let the skin breathe.

300thissue

Becoming a parent

Sensitive skin reacts easily when it comes into contact with wee or poo, which can contain ammonia and bacteria – common causes of nappy rash. The first step in helping prevent nappy rash is to make sure the area is kept clean and dry. Huggies® Ultimate 99% Water Baby Wipes provide a gentle and thorough clean. But don’t just take it from us – 72% of surveyed Kiwi parents say that Huggies® Baby Wipes leave baby’s skin clean.

Only the best ingredients It’s amazing how soft and pure your baby’s skin is, so it’s no wonder it needs gentle love and care.

Huggies® believe skin-loving care should come naturally, that’s why they use only the best ingredients to nourish and care for bub’s skin.

Huggies® Ultimate Nourish & Care Baby Wipes provide a 4-in-1 Clean (Clean, Hydrate, Soothe and Nourish) to help keep baby’s bum as soft as can be.

Huggies® Ultimate Baby Wipes are 25% thicker than regular Huggies® wipes, providing superior absorbency and a thorough clean and are made with natural skin loving wood pulp fibres.

Trusted by parents With no added nasties you can rest assured that Huggies® Ultimate Baby Wipes are crafted with simply the best. The Huggies® Ultimate 99% Water Baby Wipes are fragrance free, hypoallergenic and dermatologically tested, making them the perfect choice for sensitive skin. Thirty-eight percent of Kiwi parents surveyed in a recent study chose Huggies® baby wipes most often.

Endorsed by Parents Centre Aotearoa Parents Centre Aotearoa is proud to offer Huggies® nappies and wipes products, including new Huggies® Ultimate Baby Wipes,

to all our course participants.

Together, Parents Centre Aotearoa and Huggies® have taken care of hundreds of thousands of Kiwi babies over the past 21 years – helping make sure every baby is covered from their first hug to their first steps, to training pants and beyond.

Every baby is different, and every parent knows their baby best.

Be comfortable in your own skin, knowing that you are doing the best you can for your bub. With the new Ultimate Baby Wipes range, Huggies® takes care of product performance so you can focus on taking care of your baby.

The Huggies® Ultimate Baby Wipes range is currently available in major grocery and independent retailers nationally including Countdown, Foodstuffs and Chemist Warehouse, and through a range of online retailers, RRP $6.00.

Sponsored by Huggies® KiwiParent | 55

Products

Check out these Products Frank Cot from The Sleep Store

www.thesleepstore.co.nz

The Sleep Store Frank Cot is everything you need in a cot – stylish, great quality, amazing value and in a timeless natural colour.

With its sleek style and simple design, the Frank Cot looks great in any room and as well as having two height options your Frank cot can easily change into a sofa bed! Awesome value!

Philips Avent Breast Pump

www.philips.co.nz

Introducing a new era of pumping with the revolutionary new Philips Avent breast pump that makes expressing simple, fast and gentle.

New Natural Motion Technology, mimicking baby’s natural suckling motion, uniquely combines suction and nipple stimulation, for an extremely fast but incredibly gentle, natural milk release.

Bio-Oil Skincare Oil Natural

@biooilnz (Instagram)

Bio-Oil® Skincare Oil has been helping to improve the appearance of scars and stretchmarks for over 30 years.

By harnessing the power of science and nature, Bio-Oil has now launched Skincare Oil Natural, matching the performance of the original but with 100% natural ingredients (ISO 16128).

Available in participating pharmacies.

56 | KiwiParent

Becoming a parent

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Becoming Parents Centre a parent Aotearoa

KiwiParent is the magazine of Parents Centre Aotearoa.

Supporting parents to grow great kids and build lifelong communities.

Aotearoa’s largest provider of parenting support and education.

parentscentre.org.nz

58 | KiwiParent

300thissue

SPOTLIGHT ON

Baby and You programme (First three months) Early parenthood is a life-changing experience which we all go into unrehearsed.

Our Baby and You programme follows on from antenatal classes and offers sound tips and strategies as you begin your journey into parenthood.

To see your baby smile, play and grow can be an extraordinary experience. You will have feelings of tenderness and closeness and a sense of awe at the miracles of the ‘first milestones’.

But with a new baby come uncertainties. Your tiny bundle will make their presence felt on the entire household through their routines, sleep patterns and behaviours. This can be very challenging for a new parent.

Baby and You discussion topics include the realities of the postnatal period, as well as identifying physical, emotional and relationship changes. Babies grow quickly and go through a variety of stages as you are getting to know them. Baby and You

explores the first three months of your baby’s life and offers practical information about feeding, sleep, stimulation for babies, age-appropriate toys and the key milestones of your baby’s growth.

Participating in the Baby and You programme will give you the much-needed tools over those first uncertain months to enable you to grow in confidence. Your baby, and you, will benefit enormously.

If there is no Centre near you, we also offer online courses.

To find your local Parents Centre and classes online and running in your area go to parentscentre.org.nz

Would you like access to Birth Practitioner knowledge?

Take charge of your maternity wellness journey!

Oh Mama… is the #1 international handbook to pregnancy, birth, postnatal & newborn holistic naturopathic healthcare.

books2read.com/ohmama

KiwiParent | 59

Parents Centre Aotearoa

Closing the circle

By Guy Brew – son of Parents Centre Aotearoa Founder Helen Brew

My previous partner and I went through several cycles of IVF without success. I made peace with not having children years ago, but it was hard at the time, especially for my partner. Many years later, after she had died following a prolonged cancer battle, I re-partnered with Juliette, a French woman I got to know through Wellington’s Lazy Seal Freediving Club.

When Juliette became pregnant, we discussed our views relating to pregnancy, birth and early childhood development. We’re both first timers (I’m a rather old newbie) but had reasonable stores of knowledge, and our beliefs were quite aligned. Juliette is a special needs teacher, and I was saturated with information, being the youngest of Helen Brew’s five children.

Helen’s life work challenging the Western medical system’s approach to childbirth, attempting to humanise the birth process and the experience of young children in hospital, was front and centre in our lives. There weren’t many eight60 | KiwiParent

year-old boys who had words like colostrum in their vocab at that age!

My older siblings experienced coming home from school and walking into a living room full of prone pregnant women doing breathing exercises, when my mother taught the first antenatal classes held in the southern hemisphere. By the time I hit school age, Helen had moved on from being Parents Centre Aotearoa President into an advisory role and was evolving her screen and stage acting experience into film making. Birth with RD Laing was produced in 1977 and I worked with Helen in the early 80s, filming a documentary on China’s one-child family policy.

Anyway, back to us. After some due diligence, we decided to book antenatal classes through Parents Centre Aotearoa. Our classes were virtual, Zoom-based meetings due to the first COVID lockdown.

It was a great, gutsy course that we both enjoyed, led by the wonderful Julia (Jules) Oldroyd. Fundamental assumptions, such as birth being a natural process which can be supported, but not led, by medical intervention, were embedded into the programme. It struck me that Helen and her colleagues battled hard on these and related issues – which were revolutionary a few decades ago but are now mainstream in Aotearoa.

Parents Centre Aotearoa

The course was great, but I was concerned that the Zoom-based experience could impact our ability to build relationships with other couples, which was paramount to us given Juliette’s lack of New Zealandbased whānau. Social isolation was avoided however! We all met in person after completion of the course and we’ve formed some great friendships with other parents from the classes.

Fleur Aileen Āniwaniwa Brew came into the world on 22 June last year at our home in Titahi Bay, after a natural but long labour. At eight months old Fleur is just beginning to crawl and is full of beans. We are totally loving our parenting journey – the rich blend of challenges along with bucket loads of joy.

It’s been great to reconnect with the mahi of Parents Centre Aotearoa and, in a sense, close the circle. I believe that Helen would be proud.

Parents ParentsCentre CentreAotearoa Aotearoa

The birth of Wai-Hina Women, Pregnancy and Baby Hub

Eight years ago, the Parents Centre Aotearoa team in Taupō dreamed up the concept of an ‘Under Fives Hub’ and have been on a mission to bring it to fruition ever since.

62 | KiwiParent

Taupō Parents Centre President Kat Money and local midwife Jo Toma made the decision to jump into action when they found the perfect location after a three-year search.

“After countless properties were viewed and conceptual designs brought forward to committees, we finally found a landlord who was onboard with our idea and helped us complete the building and fit-

out of our new premises,” says Kat. Kat says the Centre’s vision is ‘To embrace, support, nurture and empower all whānau through their parenting journey from the beginning’.

“The idea is that once you conceive you can walk in the front doors and ask for a pregnancy test and we will embrace you and support you from there,” she says.

300thissue

Becoming a parent

Kat says the Centre’s vision is ‘To embrace, support, nurture and empower all whānau through their parenting journey from the beginning’.

The space You will be welcomed with a beautiful smile by one of Taupō Parents Centre’s longest-serving volunteers, Charlotte Worthington, who has been with the Centre for more than nine years. She is also the Practice Manager at Awhi Midwives.

In the next office you will find Tanya Williams, who is Taupō Parents Centre’s Treasurer, Rangiātea Coordinator and Facilitator (Māori kaupapabased childbirth education) and Childbirth Educator. Tanya is also the Taupō Maternal Service Coordinator at Awhi Midwives.

Three homely clinic rooms and a future obstetrics clinic make up the front of the centre, along with a beautiful breastfeeding room available to anyone to use throughout the day – for example, parents who may get caught in town and just want a quiet room to settle their little one.

Their free service provides everything you need for your pēpi as well as practical advice and referrals if needed.

service in town), La Leche League, Pinnacle Health, who run our healthcare sessions for Baby and You – and many more.”

And there’s our Parents Centre room where the team runs the Antenatal, Baby and You, and Moving and Munching courses.

The name Wai-Hina was gifted to Taupō Parents Centre by local iwi.

La Leche League (breastfeeding support) have also joined the premises and run their monthly sessions from Wai-Hina.

Outside there are three designated carparks so that the team can run the well-established and very popular car seat service, where they hire out good quality capsules and Diono car seats, making quality affordable for all families. Qualified technicians are there from 9.30am to 2pm on Fridays.

The opening Kat says the opening was a wonderful afternoon. There were toys kindly donated by Maryanne from Taupō Toy Library, and a balloon man for the children.

There are bathrooms, and there’s a shared kitchen space for everyone to sit around the table together as a community and make sure that no wāhine or family falls through the cracks.

“We had Mayor David Trewavas there, who has been a long-time supporter of Taupō Parents Centre,” she says.

Down the stairs you will find a big room full of practical support through Pregnancy Help Taupō.

“There were also representatives from Taupō Police, Taupō Family Centre (which is a counselling

63 | KiwiParent

Wai-Hina embraces all māmā, pēpi and whānau who walk through its doors.

Wai is life. Water creates and sustains life.

Waiewe – the amniotic fluid that embraces our pēpi in the womb.

Waiū – the breastmilk that nourishes our pēpi.

And the wai of our moana, Te Kōpua Kānapanapa (The bowl of glistening water), Taupō-nui-a-Tia. Hina is the personification of our moon Goddess.

Hina is enlightenment, Hina is aroha, Hina is femininity.

Hina is known to weave the tides and currents that shape us as wāhine. Hina embraces women during the most tapu phase of our lives.

Wai-Hina denotes the caring waters of Hina.

KiwiParent | 63

Parents Centre Aotearoa

PARENTS CENTRE’S PAST

Changing maternity practices the foundation of Parents Centre Aotearoa “Although [the Sister] said that rooming-in had been quite frequently tried at Palmerston North, many of the nurses had no experience of it and one or two first made it clear that they thought it entailed extra work for them all, and therefore was a bad thing and anyway why should I be so privileged?”

Rooming-in was high on the list of changes sought by mothers unhappy with the maternity services of the 1950s, especially those who experienced a natural, unsedated birth. For them, separation from their babies was a keenly felt deprivation. Mothers who had been attending Parents Centre classes wanted the baby right there beside the bed, where they could see them. They wanted to breastfeed as soon as possible, as the baby needed it and not be disciplined by the four-hourly hospital feeding routine.

Those who had been anaesthetised for the final stage of labour (very often against their will) might not

get a chance to hold their baby for another 12 hours.

She felt very much left to her own devices.

It was nursing routine, in accordance with the handbook of the time, H-Mt 20*, to wash and whisk away the baby to the nursery, encouraging the mother to “have a good sleep now, dear”. They were lucky if they were able to touch their baby.

Parents Centres emerged across New Zealand in the 1950s as more and more parents wanted to have a say in their experience of childbirth. At that time, mothers regularly stayed in the hospital or birthing unit for 14 days, under the management of the matron and nursing staff, who were not sympathetic to their desire for a different approach.

Rooming-in and demand feeding were considered an outrageous request at the time by nurses trained according to the H-Mt 20 manual and they were supported by the fourhourly rule of the Plunket Society.

They regarded such mothers as foolish or hysterical and discouraged them for their own good.

“Do you want to kill your baby?” was the response from one matron to a mother searching for a maternity home in Invercargill that would allow rooming-in. In the end it was the public hospital that allowed her to room-in as an experiment, in a room far from the other patients.

In 1952, after a lot of hard work, an emerging group of parents agreed on a name (Parents Centre), a constitution and its aims. These would read: “To promote … those practices which have beneficial effects upon early parent-child relationships such as education for childbirth, rooming-in, breastfeeding, home confinement and permissive methods of childcare”. Parents Centre was the first organisation in the world to combine preparation for childbirth with education for the larger role of parenthood.

*The General Principles of Maternity Nursing, and so-called ‘bible of New Zealand maternity nursing’, first introduced in 1926.

64 | KiwiParent

Parents Centre Aotearoa

Parents Centres emerged across New Zealand in the 1950s and 60s as more and more parents wanted to have a say in their experience of childbirth.

But change was not easy. When one of the founders of Parents Centre, Christine Cole, led a small delegation of mothers to ask the senior obstetrician at Wellington Hospital for changes, he made no secret of his views. He did not approve of a lay organisation meddling in professional matters and he had no time for natural childbirth ideas. Christine Cole recalled he was so outraged he stammered, “You are nothing but a bunch of c-c-communists!”

Over the years, Parents Centres across New Zealand campaigned for more permissive practices in hospitals, and slowly gains were made. Some of these were helped by international changes such as those promoted by Dr John Bowlby in his book Maternal Care and Mental Health, and some

by New Zealand specialists such 65 | KiwiParent

as Professor Harvey Carey of the National Women’s Hospital.

By 1957, it was time for the separate Parents Centres to come together in a federation, to strengthen their advocacy. Professor Carey was emphatic that “we must federate at once and form an advisory board so that we can take part in top level conferences etc on maternal welfare and be a strong united body which will influence public opinion”, wrote Helen Brew, one of the founders of Parents Centre and the Wellington President. “He feels his work at the top level is hampered continually because to date there is no strong body backing his progressive ideas from below.”

Professor Carey was impatient for change, irked by a system that refused to allow any straying from the regulations enshrined in the handbook. He told the Parents

Centre conference in 1957 that “the country needs a progressive, active body to lead public opinion. Parents Centres should publicise roomingin and demand-feeding, and the minimising of anaesthetics as far as advisable. The ideal arrangement would be to integrate the antenatal preparation and hospital care so that mothers get continuity of care and support right through”.

Years of work and advocacy were paying off for the fledgling organisation. Now, with leading members of the medical establishment supporting its work, Parents Centre went on to establish itself as the leading community organisation providing antenatal education and advocacy. Roomingin and demand feeding were just some of the first of their remarkable achievements that began nearly 70 years ago.

KiwiParent | 65

Parents ParentsCentre CentreAotearoa Aotearoa

Letters Excerpts from letters written by new mothers to the Palmerston North Parents Centre 1955-1956, and The Trouble with Women, the history of Parents Centre by Mary Dobbie.

“I am unable to room-in as my baby was so small and they wanted to watch her specially: they also thought the single rooms here are too small and draughty. However, I am just longing to start demand feeding when I get home. During the first week it is frustrating trying to feed a sleepy baby later to know that she has been awake crying.”

66 | KiwiParent

“The hospital staff are un“Having baby rooming-in cooperative about roomingwith me and feeding her in … none of the rooms are when she wakes is giving me sound-proof and they feel it more confidence in handling will disturb the other patients. her than if I only saw her at The first night the Sister felt feeding times.” that I wasn’t getting sufficient sleep so took the baby along to the nursery, but the next night she relented.”

Parents Centre Aotearoa

MSD helping Parents Centre Aotearoa help Kiwi parents Parents Centre Aotearoa was thrilled to receive funding from the Ministry of Social Development from their COVID response funds launched last year.

restrictions, or maybe they’ve reached the toilet learning stage but have missed out on face-to-face education opportunities,” she says.

Quiet and discreet, use anywhere

Kimberley explains that the funding allows Parents Centre to provide free parent education programmes via online channels. Our postnatal programmes cover a range of ages and stages from newborn to toilet learning.

Lightweight, portable and efficient

One of these is the Community Capability and Resilience Fund, which provides assistance and support for community groups working with priority populations as they respond, rebuild and recover from the impacts of COVID-19.

“It’s fantastic as we’ll be able to reach rural and socially isolated parents Parents Centre applied for funding who wouldn’t usually have access to after we were concerned about our evidence-based information and parents who had a baby in the programmes,” she says. last year and didn’t have access to the same opportunities as other parents because of the lockdown.

Parents Centre Aotearoa Funding Manager Kimberley Black says lack of social support, isolation and limited social connections are contributing factors to antenatal and postnatal depression and anxiety. These factors have been worsened during the COVID-19 pandemic.

“Perhaps parents have missed Baby and You because they had their baby in lockdown, or they’re based in Auckland and they’ve not been able to attend Moving and Munching due to COVID 67 | KiwiParent

Introducing our new Electric Breast Pump

Gentle on hard-working breasts

“Vulnerable new mothers, with limited access to support during COVID-19 have avenues to seek information and ask questions in a safe environment. They’ll also be able to connect with others and see they are not alone with their concerns and struggles – this is hugely important for maternal mental health.”

The funding will allow Parents Centre to reach up to 250 parents across the programmes and we are grateful to the Ministry of Social Development for its support with this initiative.

helping you Parent On

tommeetippee.co.nz

Parents Centre Aotearoa

Parents Centre Aotearoa is excited to be partnering with Huggies and New World to empower Kiwi families in need.

Be in to

to shout your coffee group

Between 19th April to 16th May when you buy any two Huggies products and scan your New World Clubcard you can be in to win one of five $500 cash prizes to treat your coffee group.

Huggies, New World and Parents Centre Aotearoa will come together to help Kiwi parents build better social networks and create the connections that become their village.

And you can Hug it Forward, too!

Babies grow fast. So fast that, at some stage in their baby’s first year, every parent will have a pile of perfectly good leftover nappies their baby has outgrown.

We will be providing parenting education courses for 500 Kiwi parents who otherwise may not have access to this vital education.

At the same time, there are parents in need of every spare nappy they can get.

Parents Centre Aotearoa education programmes are the basis that many new parents build their village on, with the essential coffee groups and support networks that we provide.

So by donating much needed nappies to help Kiwi families, you can help us ‘Hug It Forward’ some more.

There are TWO ways to donate at your local New World: Bring in any unopened pack of leftover nappies OR buy a pack in store to help Kiwi families in your village.

Coming to your local New World in April!

68 | KiwiParent

“I love this store, so many great products at lots of good advice (both buying and in general). What’s even better?

An awesome rewards program that’s actually worthwhile! Seriously love this store.”

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Boba Wrap Baby Carrier “So easy to use, super comfortable absolutely in love with it, it’s my ‘go to’ carrier.”

Beco 8 Carrier “Quick and easy to put on. We’ve got another carrier and this one is definitely more comfortable.”

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The Sleep Store Frank Cot (above) & Moses Basket with Folding Stand (right)

Parents Centre Member Savings!

Parents Centre members can can get discountsdiscounts on selected Parents Centre members canexclusive can get exclusive onstyles from The selected Sleep Store!

Gofrom to thesleepstore.co.nz/content/parents-centre styles The Sleep Store! For further details and for furtherexclusions details & start today! go tosaving thesleepstore.co.nz/content/parents-centre

KiwiParent

The Sleep Store Bedding “Amazing quality. Keeping my little girl nice and cosy as the nights gets cooler.”

Crane Rechargeable Breast Pump “I’m so happy with my Crane pump, it’s so comfortable, easy to use and quiet when baby is sleeping.”

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Woolbabe Sleeping Bag “They are absolutely essential.

Warm, breathable natural materials, and a nice weight to help keep bubs comfy. Highly recommend.”

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300 issue th

Our 300th issue is a landmark occasion for Parents Centre Aotearoa and reflects the important role KiwiParent and its predecessors have played in connecting new parents with our educational programmes over the past 65 years.

KiwiParent started life as Bulletin of the Parents’ Centre in July 1954 and has had several name changes along the way including Parents Centre Bulletin, Parents Centre Magazine and Kiwiparent.

The recent redesign of KiwiParent has produced not only a fresh,

modern-looking magazine but also one with reader-friendly features. The content retains the educational aspect that KiwiParent has become known for over the years and this links to the information provided in our programmes and on our new website.

We’re always keen to hear from our readers on what you love about KiwiParent or what you’d like to see more of so please contact us at kiwiparent@parentscentre.org.nz or get involved in our online discussion forums (see page 70) if you have something to say.

KiwiParent | 69

From our readers

Fromreaders our

We love to hear from our readers and have started pop-up conversations about topics of interest to parents.

The topic

this issue

“

The most surprising thing I learnt at my Parents Centre Aotearoa antenatal classes

Winner

Our Parents Centre Aotearoa antenatal classes cover everything that expecting parents need to know during pregnancy, birth and beyond. There’s a whole lot of new information – quite often it can take many by surprise! Thank you to everyone who told us the most surprising thing they learnt in one of our classes. runners up

“Just how difficult breastfeeding is and the issues that some women have. I just thought that babies took to the breast like they do a bottle or a calf to a cow. But learning all the great support networks around like milk bar café or to head to a marae or even visit a lactation consultant if there are issues is comforting.” Amy Blackwell

Our favourite response has won a complete set of the Natural Instincts prize pack – formulated with the finest plant-derived ingredients, certified organic extracts, and pure essential oils to nourish and rejuvenate your skin.

“I was surprised to learn what great friendships were made with complete strangers.”

Kirsten van Rensburg

“I was surprised to hear that not everyone can breastfeed. Blew my brain at the time. I met some of my best friends through antenatal and our chat group got me through. In fact, we still chat threeand-a-half years on.” Anna Tollestrup

In response to Anna Tollestrup “Eight of us still chat after 31 years. One of our group joined our Parents Centre-led group, after antenatal classes. She had been in a different antenatal class.

We met once a week for over two years. In other words, we were still meeting after our second children were born and it all started with Parents Centre antenatal classes. I learned that the best parenting support for a new mother is the support of other mothers.” Margo Pourchier Harsant

Get involved by heading to our website parentscentre.org.nz or following us on social media. There’s a prize to be won for one lucky contributor, announced in each issue of KiwiParent.

70 | KiwiParent

300thissue Member benefits Parents Centre Aotearoa member benefits

0800 222 966 / www.babyonthemove.co.nz

Huggies Attendees of CBE,

Philips Avent Attendees of Parents Centre

Baby On The Move 20% off car seat hire,

The Sleep Store 25% off Beco & Boba

Baby and You and toilet training programmes get a Huggies gift pack.

Phone: 0800 733 703 www.huggies.co.nz

Aotearoa CBE and Baby and You get breast pad samples and breastfeeding information.

Phone: 0800 104 401 www.philips.co.nz/AVENT

selected buggies and cots for all members.

Phone: 0800 222 966 www.babyonthemove.co.nz

carriers plus 20% off other selected items, which are regularly updated. www.thesleepstore.co.nz content/parentscentre

Johnson & Johnson Attendees of Parents Centre CBE and Baby and You get baby bath gift packs and information on science of the skin. www.jnj.com

Resene Various discounts on decorating supplies and paints with Parents Centre Aotearoa membership card. www.resene.co.nz

The Baby Factory Regular Parents Centre Aotearoa discount days offering 20% off all stock including sale items. www.babyfactory.co.nz

SplashSave 20% discount on water safety package. www.splashsave.co.nz

Strategic partners

Partner with us!

If you want to partner with Parents Centre Aotearoa, Talking Matters A campaign to get everyone talking with babies and young children under three years. www.talkingmatters.org.nz

Parenting Place parentingplace.nz

Birthing Centre A free service to women of all ages whose pregnancy is considered low-

or would like to discuss how this may work for your business, contact Catherine at c.short@parentscentre.org.nz

risk primary care. www.birthingcentre.co.nz KiwiParent | 71

Becoming a parent

Congratulations to the lucky winners from issue 299 GIVEAWAYS

Winners

Issue:

299

4n1 Babyfood Maker

Crane Single Breast Pump

from Philips Avent

from The Sleep Store

www.philips.co.nz

www.thesleepstore.co.nz

WINNER

WINNER

Claire James Lower Hutt

Miranda Young Waikanae

72 | KiwiParent

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