Issue: Issue:
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Celebrating fathers SURROGACY How two dads made their dream of fatherhood a reality STAY-AT-HOME DADS Swapping pay cheques for nappies FAITH, CULTURE, TRADITION & RESILIENCE Tualoaina Latu To’omaga IN PRAISE OF FATHERS The making of the modern dad
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Celebrating fathers SURROGACY How two dads made their dream of fatherhood a reality STAY-AT-HOME DADS Swapping pay cheques for nappies FAITH, CULTURE, TRADITION AND RESILIENCE Tualoaina Latu To’omaga IN PRAISE OF FATHERS The making of the modern dad
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Contents
8
contents FOCUS THIS ISSUE:
Celebrating fathers Each issue of KiwiParent has a theme running through several of the features. This issue we’re celebrating all dads and exploring how ideas of fatherhood have evolved.
The village that made fatherhood a reality
8
Surrogacy — a team effort
Swapping pay cheques for nappies
12
Stay-at-home dads
Faith, culture, tradition & resilience
14
Tualoaina Latu To’omaga
When Father’s Day is hard
16
Emily Writes
In praise of fathers The making of the modern dad
2 | KiwiParent
18
18
24
36
34
50
These and many more up-to-date articles for parents are also available @ parentscentre.org.nz
Also in this issue...
Insights World Breastfeeding Week
24
Natural support: homeopathy
42
Book review
34
Kōwhai and the Giants
A natural way for
Breastfeeding & tongue tie
26
Breastfeeding & sleep
30
Choosing the right daycare
36
Looking at all the options and what’s important for
Research round-up
your family to flourish
Income protection insurance
49
Pat Sellars looks at the options
The Positively Pregnant app
50
46
Products 58 Parents Centre Aotearoa
59
From our readers
70
Winners 72
you and your child
KiwiParent | 3
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KiwiParent The magazine of Parents Centre Aotearoa since 1954. Enquiries | Parents Centre Aotearoa 04 233 2022, info@parentscentre.org.nz Advertising Sales | Catherine Short 04 233 2022, advertise@parentscentre.org.nz Production Manager | Deb O’Kane Creative Direction & Design | Yasmine El Orfi Design Production | Emily Efford Proofing | Alison Lipski Printer | Bluestar Subscriptions | info@parentscentre.org.nz www.parentscentre.org.nz Publisher | Parents Centre Aotearoa 04 233 2022, info@parentscentre.org.nz PO Box 54 128, Mana 5247, Porirua
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KiwiParent is the publication of Parents Centre Aotearoa and reflects the philosophy and values of the organisation. Information contained in the magazine is consistent with our antenatal programmes provided through our 54 locations. Articles published in KiwiParent may be reproduced provided they are used for noncommercial purposes and written permission has been provided by Parents Centre Aotearoa. ISSN 1173-7638
KiwiParent | 5
Editorial
Kia ora
W
elcome to KiwiParent issue 302! The KiwiParent team asked me to put together an editorial for this issue – one where, with Father’s Day approaching, we celebrate all dads. My wife and I were blessed with our son, Logan, two years ago, and I’ve spent most of this time as a fulltime dad. I thought I’d share some thoughts about the change in my life since the birth of my son. Three years ago my life was very different. Monday to Friday corporate work with peers and colleagues. Restaurants in the evening talking about friends and work and how we could get ahead. Cafés at the weekend talking about a show or a movie we’d like to see. Then we found out we were pregnant, and everything changed. We started preparing for our little one’s arrival. Monday to Friday was still corporate life with colleagues and peers, but now thinking about how we would add a baby into the mix. Restaurants in the evening turned into home-cooked meals to save money. Cafés on the weekends became op-shopping for baby clothes and books and toys. Trips away across New Zealand turned into visiting family and friends as our baby grew each day. We stopped talking about movies and shows and started talking about paid parental leave and how we could both spend the most time with our baby once they were born. I managed to get a year out from my corporate life, with my beautiful wife planning to head back to work sooner to help us keep the boat afloat.
6 | KiwiParent
Then Logan arrived and everything changed again. Now I work night shifts seven days a week, calming tears and fears and ready with a story or a hug as our little man needs it. I’m a trained chef, expert at baked beans and sliced cucumber. Our restaurant is at the table by the kitchen, with mostly clean utensils and crumbs and sauce playfully strewn across the table. I’m an expert in late night cuddles with Mummy, and together we make sure that our wee man gets the sustenance he needs from the breast or the bottle. I realise that the life I am now living with my little family has so much more meaning and fulfilment than what came before. Little hands, little fingers, beautiful smiles and intelligent eyes. Now we’re two years down the track and everything has changed again. We’ve left Auckland and moved to the regions. I’m now working Monday to Friday again, in a smaller job. I’ve realised that the things I thought drove me have changed and evolved. I now give my time and energy to groups that help other parents and children be the best they can be. Because three years ago my life was very different. My son was born, my world was changed. My heart is full.
Chris Ferrand, Parents Centre board member and dad
Celebrating fathers
Check out our website
parentscentre.org.nz for loads of other useful information for parents
The village that made fatherhood a reality
Swapping pay cheques for nappies
Faith, culture, tradition and resilience
When Father’s Day is hard
The making of the modern dad
8
12
14
16
18
7 | KiwiParent
KiwiParent | 7
Celebrating fathers
Q A
The village that made the dream of fatherhood a reality
C
ameron Owens and his husband, Stuart Duncan, had
dreamt for many years of having a family. After moving back to New Zealand and getting married, the couple started getting serious about turning their dream into a reality. KiwiParent chats with Cameron about the journey he and Stuart went on to finally hold their baby girl, Holly Duncan-Owens, in their
8 | KiwiParent
arms – and the wonderful people that helped them get there.
KP: How did your surrogacy journey begin? Cameron: Stuart and I knew we wanted our own biological children, so it would be the surrogacy [rather than the adoption] route we would go down. We started by doing plenty of research on all the different options.
We were living in London at the time and went to a conference about dads starting families via surrogacy, which was an informative start. But it wasn’t until we moved back to New Zealand and got married that we really started the process. Our options were surrogacy in New Zealand, or internationally. Unfortunately, currently in New Zealand our outdated surrogacy laws mean you’re not able to pay a
surrogate a reasonable fee – only expenses, which means it can be hard to find a woman willing to carry your baby.
We chose our IVF clinic, which was based in Portland, Oregon, and our surrogacy agency, which was in Boston, Massachusetts.
match them with Intended Parents, then manage the process with the surrogate from embryo transfer through to birth.
Going through IVF and then being pregnant is obviously very physically and emotionally demanding for a long time, so we believe it’s only fair for surrogates to be compensated for the amazing gift they are giving.
The next step was to visit our IVF clinic in person to give our sperm, which would be used to create our embryos. We both wanted to create embryos, so Stuart and I flew over in November 2018 to meet the team at the clinic in Portland and make our ‘donations’.
It’s an extremely robust process of psychological, background and medical screening.
We knew of people in New Zealand who had spent several years trying to find a surrogate, and we felt we didn’t have this time. We also knew we wanted to do gestational surrogacy, which is when you have a separate egg donor, and the surrogate is the carrier with no genetic link, so we also needed to find an egg donor. In America, surrogacy has been an established system for many years, and there are surrogacy agencies with clear timelines, many egg donation banks, robust legislation and clear contracts to protect the baby, the surrogate, and the ‘Intended Parents’, as people like us are known. For us it was the best choice.
We then needed to choose an egg donor. There are many available egg banks, but we went with our IVF clinic’s database. Our egg donor was everything we hoped she would be – and we are still in touch today, sharing updates on Holly. From there, the clinic retrieved eggs from our donor and created our embryos, putting them on ice for when we needed them. KP: So how was your surrogate chosen? Cameron: Rose was introduced to us by our Boston-based surrogacy agency. Their role in the process is to screen potential surrogates and
We were sent Rose’s profile, with an accompanying letter, and she sounded lovely. Based just south of Boston, she had always wanted to help another family have a child and had been thinking about doing surrogacy for many years. We had a video call with her and her husband to meet and chat, and we all agreed that, yes, we would match! This was a big step; we now had our embryos and our surrogate. After some legal work to agree contracts, Rose travelled to our IVF clinic for our first embryo transfer. This transfer worked first time, but sadly our little bean didn’t make it past the seven-week mark. A blow to us all, but a sad part of nature. We all grieved this loss, but we all knew we wanted to try again as soon as we could. KiwiParent | 9
Celebrating fathers
“We are forever grateful to our egg donor and our wonderful surrogate for giving us the gifts they did to help us have Holly.”
Around three months later, Rose was back at our clinic for our second embryo transfer, and we were again lucky that this transfer worked first time too. From here, Holly began to grow, and we went on to experience the pregnancy. KP: What was your relationship like with Rose throughout the process? Cameron: We had a really close relationship with Rose before and during the pregnancy and we still do today. We had weekly Zoom video calls with her and her beautiful daughter, and regular texts in our WhatsApp group. Rose would send us a photo every week of her bump, so we could see it growing. We got to know each other really well through the process, even though we hadn’t met in person. 10 | KiwiParent
We were lucky to get our second embryo transfer in around March 2020, just before COVID hit the US badly. About a week later, IVF services began shutting down all over the country, so we were thankful to have got in just in time with a successful transfer. Unfortunately, COVID also meant we were unable to travel to the US for the 20-week scan as we had planned to do. But thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we were able to video call in to some of her doctor’s appointments and hear the baby’s heartbeat, which was amazing.
Cameron: We both felt very fortunate to be at the birth as many US hospitals in the height of the pandemic didn’t allow anyone else in the delivery room. Our hospital’s COVID protocol was one support person for the labouring woman, and one support person for the baby. Rose and her husband kindly agreed that those two people would be Stuart and me. Unfortunately, that meant her husband couldn’t be present – but she was well looked after!
She’s Aunty Rose to Holly now and is a lifelong friend.
It was an incredible experience. When her waters broke, we rushed to pick her up and we all arrived at the hospital together.
KP: Were you both able to be at the birth? What was that experience like for you?
The labour was quick – there was no time for an epidural and Rose did an incredible job.
We had kept the gender a surprise, so it was wonderful to learn we had a beautiful baby girl. KP: What was the most challenging part of the process for you both? Cameron: Not being there in person with Rose when we had our miscarriage was really tough. Rose had to tell us over the phone, which was extremely difficult for her, and it was hard not being there to all comfort each other. It was an unexpected blow, and definitely the hardest part of the process. A global pandemic was also something that we hadn’t factored in when we started the process! We watched nervously as the situation in the US began to escalate, and we began planning how we would get over there and how it would all work once we arrived. As we approached our due date, lockdowns were in full force, flights were being cancelled all over the place and border closures were happening around the world. We began to wonder if we would even be let into the US to get our baby. We found ourselves flying out of New Zealand straight into the eye of the pandemic, landing in the US just a few days before the Trump/Biden election. It was a very unsettling time to be in the US; we felt a bubbling undercurrent of tension given the political climate and state of the pandemic.
We spent Holly’s first Christmas and New Year’s Eve in quarantine back in New Zealand, with friends and family delivering everything we needed. KP: What was the most surprising part of the process for you both? Cameron: It would have to be the New Zealand legal system when it comes to surrogacy. The laws here are very outdated, and until we went through a formal process to adopt Holly, we were not legally recognised as her parents. Despite one of us being the genetic father, and both of us being listed on Holly’s American birth certificate as Father and Father, in the eyes of the New Zealand law our surrogate was the legal Mother and, because she was married, her husband was the legal Father. We had no legal parentage rights to Holly until we formally adopted her in New Zealand. Fortunately, the Government has announced a legislation review this year, and we are part of the feedback process for that, so we will look forward to some positive change. KP: What else did you do to prepare yourselves to become parents? Cameron: Stuart and I attended Central Auckland Parents Centre antenatal classes. The classes were great at preparing us to become parents.
Although we wouldn’t be physically experiencing the labour and birth ourselves, the classes gave us a great insight into what Rose would be experiencing. We learnt practical aspects like changing nappies, safe sleeping and bathing, as well as some of the challenges that parents face, such as the huge change in lifestyle, communication, managing broken sleep, responsive parenting, etc. We were also with a group of other expectant parents, who together made the learning fun. We followed our antenatal classes with Parents Centre’s Baby and You programme, and that really solidified the learning from the antenatal classes and gave us opportunities to ask questions about what we were experiencing as parents now. KP: How are you settling into parenthood? Cameron: It’s like nothing else. We love Holly so much. There was a time we didn’t think we would be able to be dads, so we feel very lucky to have such a perfect little daughter. Our journey to parenthood was a long, emotional rollercoaster – but it was all so worth it for our precious Holly. We are forever grateful to our egg donor and our wonderful surrogate for giving us the gifts they did to help us have Holly.
KP KiwiParent | 11
Celebrating fathers
Swapping pay cheques for nappies It used to be the only option. Now only a small minority of parents choose to stay at home to raise children.
Andrew Crossman highly recommends being a stay-athome dad and believes more men should give it a go if they’re in the position to do so. The father to Ryder, who’s now six, says his year-long stint as a stay-at-home dad really challenged gender norms. 12 | KiwiParent
“It was a real privilege that I’m aware not many men have the opportunity to experience,” he says. As more parents choose to return to work, the number of men choosing to take on the stay-at-home parent role has risen in New Zealand. There were 56,100 women with a child under 12 months in the
September 2020 quarter, Stats NZ figures show. Of those, more than half were employed or looking for work. In the same quarter, 18,600 men were not in the labour force due to looking after a child – up from 14,200 in September 2016.
Andrew Crossman highly recommends being a stay-at-home dad and believes more men should give it a go if they’re in the position to do so.
Andrew says he and his partner had always agreed he’d take the first year off with their son.
Andrew admits that, like any new role, it didn’t come without its challenges.
“My work was really amazing and allowed me the privilege of being able to make that choice,” he explains.
“There was the feeling of isolation and feeling like a fraud. I constantly wondered if I was doing a good job or not. I also found it hard to find other male role models to get advice from or who would share things with me from a male perspective.”
“My employer kept my position open, allowing me to take the year off with Ryder.” The IT manager says taking the time off has given him a new perspective and a lot of enjoyment. “It was great being able to really focus on Ryder without the constant pressure of work stealing you away. The change from having 5,000 people relying on you to do a good job to just one was a real relief. “Of course, that one ‘client’ is 24/7 and will very readily complain if you get things wrong! The performance management meetings were brutal,” he laughs.
Some of the comments from other people were interesting too – although most were positive. “There were a lot of ‘you must be a kept man’ jokes. To which I’d always respond, ‘Nope, I have a successful career and I’m currently being a successful parent’.” Andrew often reflects back on his time at home with Ryder and all the different things they got up to together.
write comical short stories on Ryder’s exploits. Mostly, though, it was just being present and able to enjoy the wonder of a new baby. They develop so much in the first years of life. “Raising a child is so often the responsibility of one person in a relationship. Add in the physical fatigue, fear, hormones and intense self-judgement that mums sometimes suffer – and the reality of their partner needing to be away at work to make ends meet – and it can be really difficult for new parents,” says Andrew. “Child rearing is a team sport. The more support you can give each other the better, for you and your child.”
KP
“We’d go on bush walks, read stories and take photos, and I’d
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Celebrating fathers
Factoring faith, culture and tradition into resilience Tualoaina Latu To’omaga can relate to experiencing and witnessing family violence and abuse. The Director of Positive Impact Consultancy Limited, educator for the Brainwave Trust Aotearoa and SKIP Champion for Oranga Tamariki lived through the trauma of an abusive childhood. The Porirua father of three’s experience during childhood resulted in his lifelong dedication to education, helping parents and families maintain healthy relationships. The proud son of Latu Taefu To’omaga from Siufaga, Falelatai, and Aiuli To’omaga from Safa’atoa, Lefaga, Samoa, Tualoaina was 14 | KiwiParent
raised in Cannons Creek, Porirua, Wellington. As a Pasifika leader of Samoan descent born in Aotearoa New Zealand, Tualoaina considers that faith, culture and traditions are protective factors and build resilience. “For me, they contributed to overcoming early adversity and helped me on my journey towards reaching my goals in life, namely becoming the director of my own consultancy business.” While he admits being confused growing up with the parenting he received, one thing is very clear: Tualoaina loves and adores his mother and father.
“It took time to develop the understanding behind why my parents treated me and my siblings in such a violent, abusive yet ‘loving’ way growing up,” he recalls. Eventually, he came to terms with his upbringing. Now a staunch solo father of “three amazing children” – Maxwell, aged 16, Rosa, 14 (going on 21) and Levi, 10 – he parents the way he has learned, ensuring that his children feel valued, respected and heard, while making sure he stays true to his faith, culture and traditions. Tualoaina has passion aplenty, especially when he’s with what he describes as his people – Pasifika and Māori. It’s a natural space
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where he feels most comfortable, and he attributes this to being able to empathise with and understand the background and upbringing of Pasifika cultures.
His three key areas of expertise are: » education – Tualoaina is a qualified teacher who has taught for 20 years » wellbeing and fitness – Tualoaina is an assessor and instructor in Positive Parenting » neuroscience – he is a SKIP Champion and Brainwave presenter “The first three years of life are crucial,” Tualoaina explains. “It’s during these years that family harm, violence and maltreatment can affect how a child becomes as an adult. “The environment they are exposed to can give the child an
understanding of what is safe or not, as well as the importance of love, nurture, care and protection. These
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are what we want our children to experience. When this occurs, the child is likely to feel safe, secure and loved by his parents, caregivers and other adults.” While Tualoaina believes that all children should be loved, protected, nurtured and cared for, he knows that’s far from the reality. “There can be a number of reasons children may react in a scared and fearful way when they’re little. This may be due to maltreatment, which comes in different forms – as physical, emotional and sexual abuse,” he says. “There is also harsh discipline, punishment, and neglect. Often child victims will experience more than one of these forms of harm.”
KP
helping you Parent On
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Celebrating fathers
When Father’s Day is hard Emily Writes
I
t’s that time of year when the shop fronts change like seasons.
They’ll take down the sales and replace them with signs that implore you to think of your dad, to think of all dads. It’s Father’s
I hope the signs don’t sting. I hope you find comfort in remembering him if he’s no longer right here. I hope you smile at the memory of his times with you, his precious child.
I’m thinking about those who struggle as the day draws closer. As inboxes fill with calls to buy socks and fishing rods and rugby jerseys and books about golf. As signs are posted saying ‘for your dad’…
I hope your pain on this day is dulled by the gift of having him as your father. Please know people are thinking of you on this day. Of your loss. And they’re wishing they could find the words. And I hope you get calls and texts from people trying to find those words for you. So you know on this day, and in the lead-up to this day, you’re not alone.
To those who have lost their dad, those who miss their dad: I’m sorry.
Those who can’t call their dad on Father’s Day. I’m sorry.
Day very soon. And I’m thinking about you.
16 | KiwiParent
I’m sorry if he’s never been a dad to you. And he’s nobody to celebrate. If he’s not deserving of a thought let alone a card – you don’t stand alone. I hope you have people around you who will let you vent or have a quiet place to take it all in. To work out where you stand and how you feel, because feelings change too and stories return to us even after years. I hope you know you’re loved, so loved. And one person not being the person they should have been to you doesn’t make you any less. I hope you can see what everyone else sees, that you’re brilliant and worthy and wanted. I hope those around you make sure you know on
Emily Writes is a mother of two and the author of Rants in the Dark: From One Tired Mama to Another and Is It Bedtime Yet?. The theatre version of Rants in the Dark has toured the country to sell-out audiences, and you can sign up for Emily’s newsletter by searching Emily Writes Weekly online.
this day, and in the lead-up to this day, that you’re not alone.
to foster a relationship for their sake – we see you.
To those who just don’t know if they should talk to their father on this day: don’t let the discourse around Father’s Day and its meaning invalidate your feelings. You matter and you must make choices about your wellbeing.
You’re not alone and we recognise you too. To the mothers who for the safety of their children have escaped homes of violence and pain to build something beautiful: you’ve given the greatest gift to your children too. And this day is also testament to your courage. On this day, and others, and in the lead-up I hope you know you’re not alone.
You know what’s right and sometimes it’s not the Hallmark thing. If your relationship with your father is just too complex, too much, if the waters under the bridge are raging – I’m sorry. And I hope you know there are others who feel that too. I hope thoughtless comments of “He’s your father and that’s all that matters” are drowned out by a torrent of love for you, and just you. And you know a day is a day is a day and there’s time in this world to heal and do what is right for you. I hope those around you make sure you know on this day, and in the lead-up to this day, that you’re not alone. To those mothers who co-parent with grace and kindness even when their ex-partners have put them through the wringer and wouldn’t do the same for them: you’re seen on this day too, and in the lead-up. When you help your child collage a card and you work
And to those men who want to be dads but fertility is a shitty, unfair, rubbish roulette, I’m sorry. I hope you know there is such gratitude for the way you support your partner through the crushing lows of this desperate hope. You’re not forgotten. That pain is real and it’s shared by other would-be dads. Other dads who dream of children scrambling into bed with a hand-drawn card that says ‘Happy Father’s Day’. Those who have been through it themselves and had the best or the worst resolutions – or no resolution at all – thinking of you on this day. There are no empty platitudes. Just the message that you’re not alone on this day, and in the lead-up to this day. To the men who raise children with love and patience and kindness
even though they haven’t known this from their fathers: we see you on Father’s Day. You broke a cycle and that’s huge. You changed a generation. You turned that pain into a beautiful thing. A fraught Father’s Day, a confusing mix of deep gratitude for the life you have now, and sorrow for the child you once were – that’s understandable. You’re not alone. On this day or any other. May your children bring you comfort, may you know it’s a special thing you’ve done, creating a family where there was none. We honour the good dads when we put our humanity first and remember that, for many, Father’s Day isn’t a happy day. We can make it a better day for some, or just a day that doesn’t sting, or irritate, or anger or hurt, if we show compassion. A really good Father’s Day could be a day where we remember we all have different ways of viewing this day. All of us. We celebrate each other and our humanity when we recognise that. That doesn’t take away from the wonderful dads – they stay wonderful, we keep celebrating them. It just makes sure nobody is left behind.
KP KiwiParent | 17
Celebrating fathers
In praise of fathers The making of the modern dad By Dr Anna Machin
18 | KiwiParent
Once they were only seen as breadwinners and disciplinarians. Anna Machin, a leading UK evolutionary anthropologist, writer and broadcaster highlights 10 ways in which the role of fathers has been transformed.
1. Knowledge is power The role of dads has changed beyond all recognition in the past 50 years. Today, fathers no longer want to be limited to the role of family breadwinner and disciplinarian; they want to be true co-parents, providing nurture and care to their children. This change is due in part to the rise of two-earner households, reductions in hospital-based post-birth care and an absence of geographically close extended family, requiring dad to step in. But as we in the research community have learned more about who dad is biologically and psychologically, and the unique role he plays in the family, fathers have felt empowered to get involved, safe in the knowledge that they are as important to their kids and family as mum is.
2. Dads should be at the birth Fathers became a regular fixture in the birthing room in the 1970s and today 96 percent of men attend the births of their children. But we are still not quite sure what to do with them. Despite the evidence that parentsto-be see childbirth as a team experience, and that a dad’s presence increases good outcomes for mum and baby, many fathers can still be made to feel a bit like spare parts, the bag carrier rather than an equal player. Because mums undergo such an overtly physical experience during childbirth, we can forget that dad is also undergoing a significant psychological and physiological change. Being at the birth is important not only as a foundational moment for the family but for the bond he builds with his child and the ease with which he takes on the mantle of “dad”. Time for a significant cultural rethink.
3. Fatherhood is instinctive We tend to believe that mums are instinctive parents, but dads must learn. In fact, dads are as biologically primed to parent as mums. All new fathers experience a permanent drop in testosterone around the birth – up to a third in some cases. This drop is crucial as it not only motivates the father to be an empathic and sensitive hands-on parent, but it also removes the inhibitory impact of high testosterone on bonding hormones, ensuring that dad gets a good hit of feel-good chemicals whenever he interacts with his new baby. Add to this brain changes that increase nurturing, attention, empathy and problem-solving and dad is as biological a phenomenon as mum. No more relegation to secondary parenting role for him. He is a true co-parent.
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Becoming Celebrating a parent fathers
4. Gay fathers can be both ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ As well as challenging gendered parenting roles, gay fathers have told us a lot about the immense flexibility of the father’s brain. We know from studies of heterosexual parents that mums and dads show different peaks in activation when interacting with their children – these reflect their different evolutionary roles, bonds (see below) and developmental inputs. But studies on primary caretaking gay dads show that in the absence of a mother these fathers show peaks in activation in both the “mum” and “dad” areas – which are also linked by a new neural pathway to make sure they can communicate and coordinate – so gay fathers can be everything their kids need.
5. Paternity leave should be better funded *Ninety-four countries offer statutory paternity leave and in New Zealand employed fathers (or partners) have a right to request up to two weeks’ unpaid leave, depending on how long they’ve worked with their employer. The self-employed are on their own! New Zealand is one of just four countries with no paid parental leave for fathers, although in most countries the amount provided for fathers is much lower than that for mothers. *This section has been changed from that published in The Guardian, to present information more relevant to a New Zealand readership. For more details see www.oecd.org/els/soc/PF2_1_Parental_leave_systems.pdf and www.eployment.govt.nz/leave-and-holidays/parental-leave/
6. Fathers build unique bonds Dads build profound and powerful bonds with their children which are as strong as, but crucially different from, those built between a mother and child. Both mums and dads build their bonds based on nurture but dad’s has an added element of challenge and this reflects his role in scaffolding his child’s entry into the world beyond the family. Regardless of culture, fathers are seen to push developmental boundaries and introduce their children to risk and challenge, which helps them build the mental and physical resilience they are going to need to survive in our fast moving and challenging world. And one of the most effective ways they do this is through play.
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Becoming a parent
7. ‘Rough and tumble’ is crucial We all recognise rough and tumble play. It is a fast and furious activity where children get thrown into the air, aeroplaned round the room and tickled into submission, to a cacophony of shrieks and giggles. And it is a form of play almost entirely carried out by dads. As well as being lots of fun it plays a crucial role in bonding and child development. It releases a tidal wave of bonding hormones in all participants and, due to its challenging and risky nature, starts to build the skills of reciprocity, empathy, risk assessment and overcoming challenge that all kids need. And dads and kids have evolved to prefer playing with each other due to a mutual neurochemical reward, which playing with mum doesn’t offer.
8. Dad’s input is vital for teens Dads have a unique role in assisting their child’s entry into the world beyond the family which means that at some points their input is more critical to development than mum’s. In particular, fathers have a crucial role during the transition to pre-school where they have a greater input into the development of language skills and prosocial behaviours – sharing, caring and helping – and during teenage years, where their bond with their kids is the foundation for good mental health into adulthood. Teenagers who have secure attachments to their fathers and share activities with them have higher self-esteem and report less loneliness and lower rates of anxiety and depression. Fathers of a daughter are even more crucial as their input has an influence on educational attainment, career success and the health of future relationships.
9. Men get the blues too A tenth of men will experience poor mental health in the perinatal period, compared with 14 percent of women. As well as being devastating, undiagnosed and unsupported perinatal depression (PND) has been shown to have a negative impact on child development and family functioning. Because paternal PND has different symptomology to maternal PND it can often be missed (it is not generally routine to screen male partners for PND at the same time as mum). Men tend to experience more anxiety and aggression and turn to self-medication as a coping mechanism. The causes of male PND differ: while there is a hormonal element, men are more likely to suffer if their relationship with their partner is difficult, if they perceive their treatment by healthcare workers to be poor and if their work/life balance means they cannot fulfil their goal of being a hands-on dad. KiwiParent | 21
Celebrating fathers
10. ‘Dad’ does not have to be the biological father Dads come in many forms and fulfil their role in a myriad number of ways. While in the west we tend to privilege the biological dad, this is not the case globally; dad is whoever steps up and does the job. Dad can be a grandfather, uncle, friend or teacher. Some kids have whole teams of dads. What dictates who dad is is often a mixture of environmental factors including physical and economic risks and cultural rules. Because fathers are not constrained by biology to the same extent as mothers, he can be the parent who responds quickly to environmental change, which means there is no one-size-fits-all “best dad”. As some families move further away from the nuclear model, we would do well to learn from the dads of the world and broaden our viewpoint on what it means to be dad. This story is reproduced with permission from The Guardian, with minor edits to improve relevance for New Zealand readers.
The Life of Dad: The Making of the Modern Father By Dr Anna Machin Dr Machin is an Oxford-based academic and a prolific broadcaster, author and blogger. Her 2018 book on fatherhood combines hardhitting research with heart-warming stories from new dads about what parenting means for them. From little-known anthropological facts… like how rare human fathers are, as one of only 5% of mammals that invest in their offspring… to exploring the day-to-day reality of fatherhood from the man’s perspective, The Life of Dad manages to inform, educate, enlighten and amuse.
Anna Machin is an evolutionary anthropologist and author of The Life of Dad: The Making of the Modern Father (Simon & Schuster).
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The Life of Dad talks about the important role dads play in helping their children grow successfully into adulthood, often by playing the role of ‘challenger’. Dads have a special contribution to make to their child’s upbringing around play and socialisation – and strong bonds between father and child have positive effects on later mental health for our young people. The book’s available in print or as an audiobook, and for more from Dr Machin, search YouTube for her talk on The Science of Fatherhood.
Check out our website
parentscentre.org.nz for loads of other useful insights for parents
Insights World Breastfeeding Week
Breastfeeding and tongue tie
Choosing the right daycare
Natural support: homeopathy
Income protection insurance
The Positively Pregnant app
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Breastfeeding
World Breastfeeding Week The first week of August is World Breastfeeding Week, a time to acknowledge the huge benefits that breastfeeding offers babies and mothers and an opportunity to highlight wider maternal health issues. The global event is organised by the World Alliance for Breastfeeding, which works
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with WHO (the World Health Organization) and UNICEF.
Here in Aotearoa, Parents Centres
WHO recommends that breastfeeding be initiated within one hour of birth, and that for the first six months of your baby’s life they can (and should if possible) be exclusively breastfed.
ways – some by supporting the
are getting involved in their own virtual Global Big Latch On and others with local events and awareness-raising activities.
Benefits of breastfeeding Breastfeeding is an ongoing relationship between you and your baby » Breastfeeding starts soon after your baby is born. » It can take time for you and your baby to learn how to breastfeed. » With the right help almost all mothers can breastfeed. » Breast milk is the perfect food for your baby. » It’s all your baby needs to eat and drink for about the first six months. » It helps protect your baby against colds, tummy-bugs, infections and allergies. » It helps your baby feel safe and secure.
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Breastfeeding is best for you too
Breastfeeding should feel good
» It’s free.
» If it doesn't – start again – slip your finger in the side of your baby’s mouth to break the seal.
» It saves you time. » It gives you a chance to rest while you are feeding your baby. » It helps you feel close to your baby. » It may reduce your risk of some cancers and bone disease.
There are different ways you can hold your baby to breastfeed – find one that is comfortable for you » Lie your baby on their side with their body facing you. » Support your baby’s back with your arm. » Hold your baby close to your body.
» There’s plenty of information and support if breastfeeding is painful for you.
You can still breastfeed... » When you go out with your baby. » If you need to go out without your baby you can express breast milk. » If you go back to work. » As your baby gets older – breastfeeding is good for babies until they are at least two years of age or beyond.
KP
KiwiParent | 25
Becoming Breastfeeding a parent
Breastfeeding and tongue tie
T
ongue ties (or ankyloglossia) – just what are they and why
do they cause problems for some mothers and babies, and not others?
As soon as you start to talk to people about tongue ties you realise it can be a bit of a contentious topic – some people think they are over-diagnosed, others think they don’t exist, others have never heard of them. KiwiParent chats with La Leche League Leader Denise Ives, to find out why there’s so much confusion 26 | KiwiParent
What is a tongue tie?
of the mouth. In some babies the frenulum doesn’t separate as much as it could do, potentially resulting in a tongue tie.
Between the fourth and seventh weeks of development, a baby’s oral cavity develops and tissue in the mouth (and other areas of the anatomy) goes through a process of growth and regression. During this process the tongue forms and separates from the floor of the mouth, leaving the frenulum – the piece of skin that attaches the tongue to the bottom
A visible frenulum is quite normal – we all have a frenulum – but if it is too tight, short or thick, or attached to the floor of the mouth in a less than ideal position, it may impact the baby’s ability to use their tongue to feed well. This can affect breastfeeding and to some extent bottle feeding as well, anecdotally also having the potential to cause future problems with oral
around this condition and what it really is.
health and development, speech, digestive problems, and others. Every baby and mother needs to be assessed individually, in person. A tie cannot be assessed simply by looking at a photograph of the inside of the baby’s mouth, or just by seeing how the baby looks when feeding, or via a video consult. Assessment is a combination of many factors, including a full physical assessment of the baby’s feeding.
Why do they occur? There doesn’t seem to be a consensus of opinion on this. There does seem to be a higher chance of a baby having a tongue tie if there is a family history of tongue tie though, and often if one child in the family has a tongue tie, it’s not uncommon that their siblings do too.
What does a tongue tie have to do with breastfeeding? When a baby breastfeeds, they need to be able to keep their tongue forward over their bottom gum, using their tongue to cup and grasp the breast and bringing the breast tissue far enough back in their mouth to ensure that the nipple is not squashed between the tongue and the hard palate, to create a vacuum that assists in the milk flow from the breast. If the movement of their tongue is compromised in any way, some or
all of these activities can be more difficult. The baby’s tongue should be able to work in a rippling type of movement that carries the milk from the front of their mouth to the back for swallowing. If a baby is tongue tied, some mothers experience pain that cannot be managed by improved position or latch; the nipple may be squashed or grazed by the tongue, causing bruising and/or bleeding or cracked nipples. The baby is unable to remove milk efficiently from the breast, leading to low weight gain, or sleepiness due to insufficient calorie intake. Sometimes the mother may not experience any pain and all may seem to be going well for the first few weeks. The mother may naturally have an abundant milk supply and the baby gains weight well. However, as supply becomes dependent on the baby removing milk from the breast effectively and efficiently (rather than being hormonally driven as in the first few weeks postpartum), the baby’s weight gain starts to drop and the mother notices a decrease in milk supply. All of these things may be an indication that the baby has a tongue tie.
How do you know if there is a tongue tie? If a mother is having problems with painful breastfeeding, or the baby is not gaining weight sufficiently, the first thing to do is check that the baby is positioned well at the breast and is latching well. Improving position and/or latch can rectify many painful breastfeeding situations. However, if things cannot be resolved this way and all other strategies have been exhausted, the possibility of a tongue tie should be investigated. Tongue ties generally fall into one of four classifications: I, II, III and IV. The first two tend to be easier to see and involve restriction nearer the tip of the baby’s tongue. These are sometimes called anterior tongue ties. Those that may be described as posterior tongue ties can be further back under the tongue and more difficult to assess. However, tongue ties are diagnosed by both appearance and function – some ties just don’t cause problems for feeding and may be left alone if everything else is going well. Many breastfeeding specialists use a combination of assessment tools such as the Hazelbaker, BTAT or TABBY assessments. All include looking at both the appearance and functionality of the tongue in the breastfeeding baby, as well as taking a full history, including details of the mother’s KiwiParent | 27
Breastfeeding
pregnancy, labour and birth, and the breastfeeding history with the new baby and any other children she has fed. An assessment of how the baby feeds must be made, including a physical examination of the baby and how the baby sucks. If your breastfeeding specialist believes your baby may have a tongue tie, they will refer you to a treatment provider who will be able to assess and confirm a diagnosis and provide treatment. It is important to remember that not all tongue-tied babies struggle to feed. A tie should only be released if it is causing feeding problems that cannot be rectified in any other way.
Are tongue ties more common these days? It’s not clear whether tongue ties really are occurring more frequently than before. As formula became more of the ‘norm’ for babies a few generations ago, and was believed to be scientifically superior for a while, it was easier to switch babies to bottled formula feeding. Any potential tongue tie was then less of an issue as the mother was not in 28 | KiwiParent
pain, so knowledge and experience of ties dwindled. You may have heard stories about midwives in the ‘old days’ keeping a fingernail long to cut a tie as soon as the baby was born! It is likely that tongue ties are again being discussed, recognised and dealt with as a result of more mothers wanting to breastfeed, and generally having access to better and more readily available breastfeeding help.
How do you ‘fix’ a tongue tie? The procedure of releasing a tongue tie is called ‘frenotomy’. There are several ways to carry out a frenotomy – laser, scissors or scalpel are a few examples. Laser is more expensive than scalpel or scissors. Some midwives and lactation consultants perform frenotomies; in other cases, GPs or paediatric dentists will carry out the procedure. With scissors or a scalpel, the tight frenulum is usually cut in one or two places to release the tongue and allow normal movement. There is usually
a little bleeding, but the risk of excessive bleeding and infection is deemed to be very low. Usually a small piece of gauze will be placed against the cut area for a few seconds and then the mother is encouraged to feed the baby. With laser, the tight frenulum tissue is removed and there is usually very little bleeding. The baby tends not to be upset by the procedure itself, no matter which method is used, but often does not enjoy adult-sized fingers being poked in their mouth and under their tongue during the process. Some mothers report immediate improvement, but most babies take more time to get used to the new mobility of their tongue. The tongue is a muscle and the baby is learning to use it the entire time they are in utero, sucking, swallowing and often putting fingers in their mouth. When a baby’s tie is released, there is a period of learning how to use their newly mobile tongue. Whenever any of us has to learn to use a muscle in a different way, it takes time and can be tiring.
Denise Ives is a La Leche League Leader based in Dunedin, where she has lived for over 10 years since leaving England, and is a qualified Breastfeeding Counsellor. In 2011, Denise founded The Breast Room® in Dunedin, a drop-in breastfeeding support clinic. Denise published Mamas In Lockdown in 2020, a collection of stories from parents who were pregnant or gave birth during the COVID-19 lockdown.
There are times when what looks and behaves like a tongue tie is resolved by a visit to an osteopath or a similar professional trained to work with babies. This was reported by Alison Hazelbaker a few years ago and has led to more practitioners advising bodywork before considering tongue tie treatment. As ties can result in tightness in the baby’s jaw, neck
and shoulder areas, which can exacerbate feeding problems, it is becoming more common for mothers to be advised to seek bodywork for their baby first and then reassessing whether it is necessary to release a tongue tie. If it is, then bodywork is often suggested afterwards.
Once the tongue tie has been divided, you should revisit your breastfeeding support specialist to ensure positioning and latching are optimal, and to get support with helping your baby to feed well. Your local La Leche League Leader will be able to help you with this. Find your local leader at: lalecheleague.org.nz/get-help/
KP
FOR MORE INFORMATION » www.alisonhazelbaker.com » Tongue exercises vimeo.com/55658345 » www.lunalactation.com » www.kiddsteeth.com/ breastfeeding.php » www.brianpalmerdds.com/ bfeed_frenulums.htm
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» Congenital tongue-tie and its impact on breastfeeding: https://tinyurl.com/s37ru6k9
» Bobby Ghaheri: Post release procedure stretches: vimeo.com/255055551
» Tips for bottle feeding a breastfed baby: kellymom.com/ bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/ bottle-feeding/
» Tongue exercises: vimeo.com/55658345
» Side-lying bottle feeding: youtu.be/oWrTfzQXhRQ
» Supporting Sucking Skills in Breastfeeding Infants, by Catherine Watson Genna
KiwiParent | 29
Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding and sleep Newborn babies need to feed every two or three hours, which means a breastfeeding mum’s chances of getting a decent night’s sleep are practically zero. So how can you get enough sleep during the early weeks of motherhood to retain your mental wellbeing?
Sleep when your baby does We know it’s easier said than done, but any catnaps you can catch throughout the day while your baby is sleeping can make a big difference. Enlist family and friends to do the chores or take the baby for a walk so you can focus on yourself for a while.
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Resist the temptation to feed in bed Co-sleeping is a proven risk factor in Sudden Unexplained Death in Infancy (SUDI), also known as cot death, so it’s safest not to bring your baby into bed with you. Sit up in bed or in a chair to feed (make sure you have good back support), keeping the lights low, then return your baby to their cot or sleeping pod nearby – you’ll sleep better knowing they are safe.
Track your night production The good news is that if your baby is waking during the night in the first year, this is really normal!
While many babies may ‘sleep through the night’ (between six and eight hours in a row) by the age of three months, most babies make the transition gradually, sleeping a little longer between feeds each night. And others might just suddenly sleep through a feed. Keep in mind that your breasts will keep producing milk based on your baby’s past feeding patterns, so it might take a few nights to readjust. This is when a good set of nursing pads will be your ‘new breast friends’.
KP
Just’nCase nursing pads There’s nothing more frustrating than when your baby sleeps through the night, but you wake up anyway – in a puddle of breastmilk. Until recently, breastfeeding mums have had a choice between singleuse nursing pads, which generally did the trick but were highly polluting for the planet, or reusable ‘natural’ breast pads, which were
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environmentally friendly but often leaked. Aware that heavy let-down and night-time leakage can be real issues in causing sleep deprivation and therefore affecting maternal mental health, Kiwi brand Just’nCase by Confitex is committed to making breastfeeding more comfortable, more sustainable and less stressful
for new mums. They’ve invented an eco-friendly new waterproof textile that’s free of nasty PU plastics, and used it to create leakproof, reusable nursing pads and a range of period and pee-proof undies that are perfect for any little leaks during pregnancy, as well as providing protection postpartum and when your period eventually returns.
Breastfeeding
About Just’nCase eco-friendly washable nursing pads: » They provide reliable protection for heavy let-down – Confitex Technology’s unique patented GravityDri™ design has been labverified as ultra-absorbent and leakproof.
» Because they don’t contain a layer of PU plastic, you can machine wash and tumble dry them with the family laundry. » Their contoured shape and silicone grip design mean they
won’t scrunch up and slip around in your bra or nursing tank. » They are a more sustainable choice – save the world from your sofa!
“These are the Superwomen of Nursing Pads.”
REVIEW
“For me, the story that says it all about how impressive these nursing pads are is when my two-month-old baby slept through the night for 12 hours. She was exhausted from a long car journey; otherwise she would usually have woken twice for full feeds. Instead, I was woken at 5am by my sore, very full, leaky boobs. Incredibly, the bed was completely dry – these amazing nursing pads had caught every drop. They were absolutely soaked, but a quick wash and dry and they were good to go again. I recommend these nursing pads to all my mum-to-be friends. 6/5 stars!” – Natalie M Find out more at www.justncase.co.nz
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Mamas’ testimonials We asked three Parents Centre Aotearoa members to try out the new Philips Avent Electric Breast Pump and tell us how they found it.
“Being a single electric breast pump meant I could easily express while tending to baby in the other arm as the pump unit was very compact, quiet and super-efficient. My milk flowed really easily and each express was a matter of minutes on either side, which made life that much easier when juggling three preschool-aged children.” Miriam, third-time mum to a one-month-old
“I was previously using a manual breast pump and, while it got the job done, the electric breast pump is better suited to my feeding and expressing routine. The Philips Avent Electric Pump is super userfriendly, hugs the breast and has a really helpful memory feature that saves your last setting.”
“I love how small and quiet this pump is. It’s really going to come in handy when I go back to work!” Fiona, first-time mum to a five-month-old
Shona, first-time mum to a two-month-old
Extremely fast, incredibly gentle
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KiwiParent | 33
Book review
BOOK REVIEW
Kōwhai and the Giants can be purchased from all good bookstores nationwide.
Be in to win a copy of Kōwhai and the Giants usually retails for $30.00
We have a copy of this beautifully written and illustrated book to give away ENTER ONLINE AT parentscentre.org.nz/giveaways Entries must be received by 5 September 2021. Winners will be published in issue 303.
WINNERS FROM ISSUE 301 Winners of Born to be Me by Eve Charles from issue 301 are Robyn Tyler, Upper Hutt and Kendall Maclennan, Waipukurau 34 | KiwiParent
Meet the author: Kate Parker is of Ngāti Maniapoto, English and Greek descent, and grew up roaming the bush and riding horses in Kaeo, Northland. She studied theatre in Melbourne and upon returning to Aotearoa co-founded Red Leap Theatre. Leaving Red Leap in 2015, she now lives and works as an artist in West Auckland with her family.
BOOK REVIEW
Kōwhai and the Giants Written and illustrated by Kate Parker
A tale of hope and resilience “Kōwhai first appeared from the golden glow of a beautiful flower... and her voice was the rain and the sea and the cry of a bird.” Follow Kōwhai as she discovers a tiny seed’s hope to build a great forest. Debut children’s author Kate Parker is a visual artist and theatre maker who is inspired to support positive environmental change on our planet. Here she creatively shares her vision of reforesting Aotearoa, one seedling at a time. Kōwhai and the Giants is a bittersweet story about the decimation of Aotearoa’s mighty forests following human habitation. But it is also a story of hope. While Kōwhai may be small and alone, her actions will bring about change and soon she will be joined by others. Kōwhai and the Giants asks the reader to listen with all their senses
to their natural surroundings and to discover Kōwhai’s call for themselves. A wise and beautifully told fable, its compelling narrative will kindle a desire to spend time in nature, search for seeds and grow native plants and trees – a hopeful picture of the future for children aged four to ten and their caregivers. “When you go to nature and you take care, you will be reimbursed with energy,” says Kate. “I always felt the presence of beings in the forests where I grew up. Kōwhai represents these beings in some way, committed to the preservation of the natural world. We are all a part of this.” Kate says that we can all be kaitiaki – and that it is in fact our responsibility to be caretakers for our natural surroundings. “When we take this on in any way we can, positive change happens.
Even in a city you can support environmental projects. If we can support Aotearoa’s native plant diversity to flourish, then we are supporting so many native birds, insects and fish. This diversity feeds the land and cleanses its waters. It sustains us.” In the resources section at the back of Kōwhai and the Giants, Parker encourages children to plant native seeds. She includes a link to Forest & Bird’s Kiwi Conservation Club – Hakuturi Toa website (www.kcc.org.nz) for inspiring tips. The unique and intriguing artwork for Kōwhai and the Giants was created from hand-cut paper, placed in a plywood box and lit from behind. It was first exhibited in 2016, at the Arataki Visitor Centre, following Parker’s Auckland Council artist’s residency at Anawhata. KiwiParent | 35
Becoming Childcare a parent
Q A
Choosing the right daycare For some of us, at some point on our wonderful and chaotic parenting journey, we either want or need to make the decision to say goodbye to full-time baby wrangling and hello to the juggling act of life as a working parent. “It takes a village to raise a child” is a well-known saying that mums Charlotte and Megan wholeheartedly believe is true. When you make the decision 36 | KiwiParent
to put your child into childcare outside of your home, you are relying on this village to care for and look after your precious baby as your own. “Finding the right childcare is one of the most emotional decisions a parent has to make,” says Charlotte. The busy mums experienced first-hand the struggle to find the very best childcare for their girls. Hours of searching online left the
duo feeling overwhelmed with choices and decisions. “Then came the lightbulb moment and we thought: there must be a better way to do this! A few coffees later, Takes a Village was born,” explains Megan. Charlotte and Megan adapted their idea and came up with a concept for a website that would make the all-important search for childcare quicker and easier for parents and
caregivers across New Zealand. KiwiParent sat down with the creators of Takes a Village to find out what we need to think about and look for when choosing a childcare provider for our children.
KP: What are some common challenges parents face when choosing a childcare provider? From our own personal experience as mums, finding childcare for your little ones is tough. With so many choices available and never enough time, it can be incredibly stressful for parents, especially on top of the emotional challenge of having to entrust your child to complete strangers. Probably one of the biggest challenges is just knowing
where to start. Often, parents are searching for childcare for the first time, having never set foot in a childcare centre or kindergarten before. You need to scrutinise each individual facility or carer in terms of suitability for your child and your family circumstances. It’s a good idea to talk to people – other parents, teachers, family and even children at the facility you’re looking at – to get a good picture of how it will work for your child. Anxiety is only natural when you’re leaving your child in the care of other people – and can also make it incredibly challenging.
KP: There are more than 4,000 licensed early childhood education services throughout
New Zealand. With so many to choose from, this all-important decision is now even harder for parents to make. What are some of the things parents should consider with childcare? It’s such a personal decision. What’s important to one family may not be to another. The options are endless. Do you choose close to work or close to home? Do you choose home-based/ kindergarten/daycare/Playcentre/ kōhanga reo? Do you choose a particular philosophy of care? What opening hours do you need? What experience do the teachers have? Do you choose somewhere that provides food? KiwiParent | 37
Childcare
We always encourage parents to visit a range of childcare providers. Go and get a feel of the environment with your child, meet the teachers and other children. You can then make an informed decision on whether you feel it will be a good fit for your child and family.
KP: What about the different childcare options for families to consider? Whether it’s a nanny, Playcentre, daycare, in-home childcare or kindy – all offer quite different options for families of all circumstances. The first decision to make is whether you want parent/whānau led or teacher led, as each has its distinct differences. 38 | KiwiParent
For teacher-led providers, at least half of the educators must be fully qualified and the provider must hold an ECE licence. In contrast, parent- or whānau-led care is managed by the parents/whānau and their communities, and will often work on a roster where everyone takes a turn to provide the support required.
Teacher-led Daycare (education and care services) Education and care services offer both full-day and session options for parents needing more flexibility, with food often included in the fees. The Ministry of Education’s minimum ratios are 1:5 teachers to children under two years old
and 1:10 for children aged over two. Centres can be privately or community owned and generally cater for children from three months up until school age. The Early Childhood Council assists many of these centres nationwide with their Ministry of Education obligations.
Kindergarten or ‘kindy’ Under the administration of a Kindergarten Association, kindies are not-for-profit organisations. They have traditionally been licensed for children between the ages of two and five; however it is becoming more common to also see kindergartens licensed for under-twos. Kindergarten teachers must be qualified and registered
early childhood education teachers. They are predominantly government funded and as a result can be a cost-effective option; however, they will mostly operate inside school hours, not as long as some of the other options.
Parent-led Te kōhanga reo Kōhanga reo provide a total immersion environment for te reo Māori – from birth to school age, the language of communication is Māori. Protecting and nurturing te reo Māori and the Māori culture is one of the most important objectives. The daily running is overseen by Te Kōhanga Reo National Trust Board. Parents and whānau are closely involved
with the children’s learning programmes and development.
Home-based care Children are cared for either in their own home or in a carer’s home environment, with up to three other children. Children can attend full- or part-time, depending on the agreement with the carer or organisation. Home-based provider headquarters will manage the relationship and provide support to both parents and carers, with a qualified ECE teacher visiting regularly to ensure a high standard of child wellbeing and learning is maintained.
Playcentres Catering for children from birth to school age, Playcentres are licensed
ECEs that are run co-operatively by parents and whānau. Playcentre creates a sense of belonging and community as families share responsibilities for their centre and have the opportunity to create a village and support network. Playcentre typically runs sessions for a few hours in the morning and requires parents to participate in the supervision of the children, resulting in ratios of 1:5 to 1:3. Playcentres are subsidised by the Ministry of Education and are supported by staff at a national and regional level.
Playgroups Playgroups are community-based groups run by parent and whānau volunteers, often run from local KiwiParent | 39
Becoming Childcare a parent
community halls or publicly available spaces. Sessions run for up to four hours usually and at least half of parents must be in attendance. Playgroups are not licensed, although can achieve certification to obtain government funding. The Ministry of Education provides ongoing support and training to parents and whānau.
Different learning philosophies Montessori Some kindergartens or daycares choose to follow the Montessori philosophy developed by Maria Montessori. Their focus is on a more structured way of learning, rather than free play. The Montessori philosophy is that you are preparing children for school and enhancing their development with support and structure.
Rudolf Steiner/Waldorf This philosophy of education is based on the lectures and writings of Dr Rudolf Steiner. The Steiner approach strives to develop children’s intellectual, artistic and practical skills in an integrated and holistic way. The belief is that children learn themselves, and not through instruction. It is believed that this pedagogy helps children on the autistic spectrum or children who are socially withdrawn and nervous.
FOR MORE INFORMATION For more information to help you make decisions around childcare, jump online to takesavillage.co.nz. UNICEF has just released a report looking at childcare options worldwide. Read Stuff’s story about how New Zealand rates internationally: tinyurl.com/672uxtpx
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5 TIPS to help parents and children make the transition into childcare
1. Do your research – we hope Takes a Village will help you with this. Talk to friends and family that have been through the process and can guide you in your choices. 2. Visit in person – Takes a Village is not there to replace the inperson visit. We truly believe it is really important that you get a feel for your child’s new environment. We hope to assist you with making the decision, and making the transition as smooth as possible. Do visit several childcare providers in your area – get a feel for how they compare and where you think your child will be happiest. 3. Be prepared – plan for your child starting. Often childcare
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providers have waiting lists, so it is good to enquire well in advance of your start date. Attend visits with your child to get them comfortable with their new surroundings. Maybe give yourself a week or so free of too many other work/ life commitments so you can support your child’s first week if at all possible. This will help you by knowing you are available if really needed, and make the whole process that little bit less stressful. The first week might not go totally to plan, but that is okay. It’s a big change for you and baby, but things will get better. 4. Ask for help – there are fantastic organisations such as Parents
Centre Aotearoa to support parents with the transition to childcare. They have useful advice to help both you and your child through the process. 5. Do things for you – parenting is hard. There’s no one-size-fitsall manual. So when your child is in care, try to squeeze in a bit of ‘you time’ occasionally to recharge your batteries, knowing your child is safe and well-looked after – even if that means just a quick child-free coffee. Engage with fellow parents at your centre; it is often a fantastic opportunity to meet new people and build longlasting friendships and support networks, for both you and your child.
Natural medicine
Q A
Natural support Homeopathy in pregnancy, birth and beyond Homeopathy is growing in popularity and is used worldwide by millions of parents. If you’re currently embarking on the rewarding but challenging rollercoaster ride of parenthood – or are a seasoned parent looking for extra support – why not try homeopathy as a safe, sustainable and cost-effective option? KiwiParent chats with the resident homeopath at Naturo Pharm, Liesl Pistorius, to find out what homeopathy is and how it can help 42 | KiwiParent
you and your family flourish during pregnancy, birth and beyond.
square. She stopped in there to buy a remedy for a headache and remembers sifting through shelves of interesting little bottles of pills and liquids.
Liesl grew up in a home where not a lot of medicine was used. “We’d always opt for a shot of lemon and honey over an antibiotic. I’ve only ever actually had one dose of antibiotics in my life, when I was five, to which I had a reaction, so always looked for alternatives,” she says.
“I was fascinated by the process and amazed at how well it worked. It was only when I started studying homeopathy at university that I realised the depth and power of this amazing form of healing.”
As a student Liesl moved to a small coastal town where a local homeopath had a store in the town
Pregnancy, childbirth and raising children through the different stages can be a
Becoming a parent
wonderfully exciting time but also a rollercoaster ride for some parents. There are often emotional, hormonal and physical changes taking place for the women, along with the challenges and stresses that can come up for partners and children through each phase of the journey.
and years of infancy with sleep issues, colic, earache, teething and fevers. There are mothers who may feel nauseous and run down during their pregnancy or who are looking for natural support with childbirth. And we can’t forget our birthing partners, who may be experiencing their own stress.
Every parent and child is different. Some may sail through each stage with a child who sleeps well, cuts teeth with no issues and doesn’t suffer with colic, coughs or colds. There are women who don’t suffer with morning sickness and who recover quickly from the birth.
Liesl, can you please start by explaining what homeopathy is?
However, on the other side are children that may require more support during the early months
Although it’s often confused with herbal practice, homeopathy is a unique system that is prepared very differently and uses highly diluted substances that have been energetically potentised. This removes the risks associated with the same substances in their crude form.
Homeopathic remedies work on the body’s own healing system, treating the person, not the disease. They don’t try to mask symptoms, but instead support the body’s own natural healing ability, encouraging it naturally to a good health outcome. It’s based on the principle of ‘like treats like’. Homeopathic remedies have no known side effects or known drug interactions and can be used during pregnancy, childbirth and infancy. The World Health Organization acknowledges homeopathy as a valid form of healthcare and it is widely practised in the UK, Europe, India, the US and many other countries worldwide. KiwiParent | 43
Natural medicine
Why might families look into homeopathy? Often, the wonderful and sometimes overwhelming role of parenthood and the daily stresses make parents investigate how to support themselves and their children in a way that’s natural and sustainable – helping bring balance into their health and wellbeing. How did homeopathy originate? While the principles of homeopathy were used by the ancient Greeks and Egyptians, it is the German physician Dr Samuel Hahnemann who is credited with discovering homeopathy over 200 years ago. Disillusioned with the harmful medical practices of his time, Hahnemann undertook study and experimentation, which led to the development of modern homeopathy. 44 | KiwiParent
When Dr Hahnemann found himself querying the action of cinchona (quinine) in the treatment of malaria, he tested the drug on himself and found it produced symptoms very similar to the condition it was being used to treat. From this and other similar evidence, Dr Hahnemann was convinced that substances which brought on symptoms of disease in healthy subjects could be used in minute doses to treat people suffering the effects of the disease itself. Since Dr Hahnemann’s research, many renowned homeopaths have continued his work and research into homeopathy, bringing the practice successfully into the 21st century. How has homeopathy helped support your own health and wellbeing?
My family and I incorporate homeopathic remedies into our everyday lives. However, around the time I was due to have my second baby was when I was especially thankful for homeopathy! What are some misconceptions surrounding homeopathy? One is that it takes a long time to work – but in acute situations, the correctly chosen remedy can bring about change instantly. It also has a very powerful deep-acting effect in chronic disease. Another is that it is just water and therefore a placebo – but there are many examples of homeopathy being effective in babies and animals, where there can be no placebo effect. We are unable to fully explain how this dynamic medicine works, but clinical history shows that it does.
Becoming a parent
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Who should people talk to and where can they find out more? Firstly, if you’re pregnant, talk to your midwife to see if she has any knowledge in this area or can recommend a homeopath. Naturo Pharm has an 0800 helpline for any questions and general homeopathic support. You can consult with a practising homeopath – find one in your area on the New Zealand Council of Homeopaths’ website: www.homeopathy.co.nz/find-ahomeopath/
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Research
Research round-up Pregnancy and COVID-19
READ MORE
New Zealand’s Ministry of Health has updated its advice on COVID-19 vaccines for people who are pregnant and is encouraging you to get a COVID-19 vaccine as part of Group 3 at any stage of your pregnancy.
The Ministry’s website has more information for those who are pregnant or breastfeeding: tinyurl.com/3fnjnss6
Evidence from the large number of pregnant people who have already been vaccinated globally indicates that there are no safety concerns with administering COVID-19 vaccines at any stage of pregnancy. Vaccinating during pregnancy may also be helpful for the baby, as there is evidence of antibody transfer in cord blood and breastmilk, which may offer protection to infants through passive immunity.
When breastfeeding mothers have COVID
READ MORE
In most countries, newborns have been separated from mothers who have tested positive for COVID. Although intended to safeguard the babies’ wellbeing, this separation can have negative health effects.
Read the article in The Conversation: tinyurl.com/sxtw3cy4
New research from Sweden shows that such measures are almost always unnecessary. Looking at nearly a year’s worth of data, scientists found that a mother being COVID positive during pregnancy or at birth poses very little risk to their baby. Infants are highly unlikely to suffer ill health or an infection as a result.
The World Health Organization’s official advice is that the benefits of breastfeeding far outweigh any potential risks of transmission of COVID-19 to babies: tinyurl.com/dz2tuww
Lockdowns lead to language learning
READ MORE
An unexpected benefit of more of us being at home more often is that babies and children are being exposed to all the languages spoken by family members. An international study indicates that ‘heritage’ languages were used more often during lockdown periods, and linguists confirm that speaking heritage languages at home can help children grow into bilingual or multilingual adults.
Reports on the study: Stuff: tinyurl.com/psa2hcr3
The UK-based research was conducted with a thousand parents.
46 | KiwiParent
The New York Times: tinyurl.com/myappm5t From the research team’s blog: tinyurl.com/4rsx27xs
How to make the most of bath time
Bath time is a great time to begin teaching your child about the water and water safety. The golden rule during bath time is constant supervision. Nearly all drownings in under-fives could have been avoided with active supervision.
Here are some top tips for making bath time a fun learning experience for your child: » Make it FUN! – this allows your child to enjoy the environment. » Allow them to splash around – this lets them get used to water splashing around them.
» Let them feel how the water reacts – swirl water around them. They will enjoy the sensation of the water moving. » Slowly dribble water over their head and increase the amount of water you pour until they are happy with the feeling of water on their face.
» When they can move independently, allow them to move around the bath and understand how the water moves around them. If you would like to teach your child these vital life skills, more tips and tricks are available from
» Don’t worry about water on their face – your child will be safe as long as their head is above the water throughout the bath.
splashsave.org. When you buy a
» As your child gets older, get them to blow bubbles in the bath water – this lets them learn that they can’t breathe under the water (an important skill).
child as they complete the pack.
pack, you will receive a 70-page book, waterproof sheets to take to the pool and certificates for your Parents Centre works with Water Safety New Zealand and SplashSave to reduce drownings in New Zealand through parent education.
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Income Protection – what are Kiwis missing? By Pat Sellars Average house prices in many urban centres in New Zealand have skyrocketed past $1,000,000, so it’s a no brainer to insure your home. But what’s your income actually worth? Say you’re 35, earning $75,000 a year, assuming no changes to your income over the rest of your working life (obviously there will be, just entertain me for a second!) you would earn $2,250,000 by retirement at 65. So it goes without saying that you need to protect your income. We haven’t even accounted for any salary increases over that time. The Financial Services Council of New Zealand published a report in 2018 stating that only one in five Kiwis had any income insurance in place, and a large proportion of those didn’t have sufficient cover in place. Why are we getting this wrong?
Your ability to earn an income is the biggest contributor to achieving your financial goals. Don’t take my word for it – I am yet to come across a financial expert who publishes advice on insurance and tells you that income protection is a waste of time. Go have a look, even at the most mainstream – The Barefoot Investor, Mary Holm – go and check them out and come back. Here are some of the common queries I hear about income protection: “But we have ACC” – Please remember that ACC is the Accident Compensation Corporation. You are more likely to be unable to work longterm for events that do not involve accidents, like a critical illness which they do not cover.
“It’s too expensive” – I tend to agree but insurance premiums are likely to be much cheaper than home insurance, so it’s a matter of prioritisation and perspective. “Who can I trust to help?” – This is a big question and a hard one to answer. Find a financial adviser you can trust, speed-date a few, do your own research and see if they can answer your questions in ways that make sense to you. If you don’t understand them, they aren’t the right fit. It’s as simple as prioritising insuring the things you cannot afford to do without, and income definitely has to enter that equation.
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Pat Sellars is a Registered Financial Adviser with a focus on Personal Risk. This means providing unique and tailored advice for clients’ Life, Health and Income insurances.
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Pregnancy
There’s an app for that The app helping mums and mums-to-be through postnatal depression and anxiety
Dr Carrie Barber’s experience with pregnancy loss and then a preterm labour is what drove her to want to support other women who were experiencing stress or anxiety during pregnancy.
The Positively Pregnant app aims to help women find the support and strategies they need for positive mental health – something that Barber wishes she had had access to during pregnancy.
The psychologist has developed an app designed to help prevent postnatal depression and anxiety among expectant mothers, which has recently been relaunched by the University of Waikato.
She saw that there was a need to provide expectant mothers with better information on the social and emotional changes that come with pregnancy, because traditionally information has
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focused on topics like their developing baby, what foods to eat or possible complications during pregnancy. “Pregnancy is a time of continuous change – not just physical, but also social, emotional and psychological. There is much less information available to women about the thoughts and feelings that evolve during pregnancy,” says Dr Barber.
Dr Barber remembers blaming herself for her pregnancy loss and preterm labour, even though she hadn’t done anything wrong.
I could do as much as I could do, but that also meant I wasn’t responsible for the things that went wrong.
And she’s not alone. Figures show that one in five women will experience high levels of anxiety and depression and about 13% of those will experience it severely enough to be diagnosed and require some form of treatment.
“I think mothers need to remember that although it is important and helpful to take care of yourself, and eat and drink and do the best you can, you aren’t in charge of everything. What you can focus on is doing the things that make you feel better, in the moment, and that is often the best way of doing what’s best for the baby, too. Assuming that what makes you feel better isn’t a whisky sour and a cigarette of course! There are just some things you have to give up for a while.
“Part of what was hard for me was coping with uncertainty and isolation. It was 1993 and I was on bed rest. Before the age of the internet, the telephone was my only link to the world during the long days on the couch in the countryside. Some of the things that helped me were creativity and making things, and the connection with my husband. My mother also came for the first couple of weeks. I think now there are more options for connecting with people, and that can be really good for not feeling so alone.” Dr Barber explains that there are also more people talking and writing about how to handle uncertainty and lack of control. “I think some of the meditations and writing and thinking about that might have helped, and actually some of my own thinking and meditation did help at the time, when I realised that I really wasn’t in control of all the factors that might influence my pregnancy.
“My own experience of pregnancy loss and then medical complications during pregnancy left me with an interest in supporting women who were having stressful or anxious pregnancies. I started to do this by getting specialised training and working with women clinically. That turned out to be mostly postnatal depression, because that was what people were aware of asking for help with,” she says. Dr Barber says the Positively Pregnant app is designed for anyone who is pregnant, not just those who are experiencing perinatal depression and/or anxiety. The app provides questionnaires to help women understand their
thinking and decision-making styles and their strengths and values connected to parenting. It offers a ‘notes to self’ function and a gratitude log. Dr Barber says there are also tools to facilitate conversations on all sorts of topics, from how couples share chores around the home to values and financial changes. “A lot of what is in the app is things we know work from positive psychology and each of them provides women with feedback or directs them to where they can find help,” she says. “One of the advantages of an app over something like a book is that an app can be tailored to the particular needs of the mother. It can provide individualised feedback and information based on what the user enters in the questionnaires.” For example, the app contains a function to help women understand their stress – what triggers it and whether the level of stress they’re experiencing is typical or particularly high. It then provides links to information about the particular stressor and offers techniques to lower stress levels, like relaxation exercises or bodyscanning exercises. In the conversations section, the guidance on financial conversations, for example, provides links to the sorted.co.nz website, where women KiwiParent | 51
Pregnancy
can find more information on managing finances. “We’ve designed it so there is a lot of bite-sized, useful information in the app that will help mothers with both the social and emotional side of being a parent.” Dr Barber recognises that there’s a rise in anxiety and depression, but says that the reasons are still unclear.
“Part of it might be the complexity of modern life, and the many roles and expectations that are there for parents. I sometimes think that pregnancy is more stressful than it used to be because of the ever-growing list of rules – things to do and not do, in the hope that they will ensure a happy and healthy baby.”
While the app isn’t intended to be used by itself as treatment for clinical depression or anxiety, Barber hopes it will support the mental health services, which are stretched thin. “Whether it’s a full-blown diagnosis or just some discomfort and doubt, it’s important that mothers know how to deal with it, so it doesn’t snowball into something worse.”
RESOURCES TO HELP The Positively Pregnant app isn’t a treatment for anxiety or depression; it’s a set of tools and information for promoting wellbeing. If you’re experiencing anxiety or depression, there are ideas that will help, and also information about when and how to get in contact with others who might be able to provide more help. There are also resources in the community that people can access. Most cities will have a specialist perinatal mental health service,
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which should be available if there is a history of issues like bipolar disorder, postnatal psychosis, severe depression or anxiety. For mild to moderate anxiety or depression, GPs can refer for four to six therapy sessions funded through primary care. If someone has a history of sexual abuse, which can get stirred up in pregnancy and parenting, they can access therapy funded through ACC.
There are also telephone counselling and support services like 1737 (free text or call), Lifeline (0800 543 354), Pregnancy Counselling Services (0800 773 462) and PlunketLine (0800 933 922). The app is available for download on Google’s Play Store or the App Store: www.positivelypregnant.org.nz
Becoming a parent
Maternal mental health The New Zealand College of Midwives Journal reports on increasing evidence that maternal mental health screening is important in both the antenatal and postnatal periods, but that this need is not always recognised. Outcomes can include poorer health and wellbeing for children even into adulthood, and economic and health impacts for mothers. Currently in New Zealand, midwives assess women’s mental health throughout pregnancy but can only refer those with serious needs to the maternal mental health service.
READ MORE Read the full article online: tinyurl.com/4ph5z25d For more about the pressures felt by midwives, read this article from The Spinoff: tinyurl.com/yaspv856 Stuff reports on the Ministry of Health review into maternal mental health services: tinyurl.com/498fscsx
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Becoming a parent
HUGGIES® Ultimate Nappy Pants with new SlimFLEX Absorbent core are now 25% thinner and 70% more flexible^, allowing baby to move more freely. It’s our most advanced moisture lock technology, for superior dryness with up to 12hrs leakage protection. Our NEW 360 Cloudsoft Waistband is our softest & most advanced fit to hug baby perfectly. ^vs previous version
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Becoming a parent
Introducing Huggies® SlimFLEX Nappy Pants Made for babies on the move We get it, toddlers can be a handful! Curious, inquisitive and adventuresome, they’re ready to explore the world around them and are constantly on the move. In fact, the average toddler moves more than you think. New research commissioned by Huggies® has revealed that babies walk almost four times the daily distance that adults in New Zealand do1, taking an average of 17,448 steps per day and covering an average distance of nearly 14km – the equivalent of nine laps of Eden Park, or climbing
the Sky Tower’s 1,103 stairs almost 16 times2.
moisture and lock it away from bub’s skin for superior dryness.
Parents need a nappy solution for bub that is made for movement, slim-fitting and flexible. This is where New Zealand’s most trusted nappy brand comes in, with seven in ten Kiwi parents regularly using Huggies®3 nappies.
So why choose Huggies® SlimFLEX?
Huggies® Nappy Pants with new SlimFLEX technology are now 25% thinner and 70% more flexible. It’s Huggies® most advanced moisture lock technology yet with five slimline layers that instantly absorb
Thin and breathable Traditional nappies can bulk and sag, and may restrict movement when toddlers start to walk and explore the world. Made with gentle ingredients with no added nasties4, the SlimFLEX range is soft and breathable to help baby’s bottom stay dry. What’s more, the Nappy Pants are now 25% thinner5 to KiwiParent | 55
Products
reduce bulk and increase flexibility so baby can move more freely.
Increased absorbency for healthy and happy skin Did you know that skin health6 is one of the top three drivers that Kiwi parents consider when purchasing disposable nappy brands? Huggies® understands that parents want to do the best they can for their baby by focusing on taking gentle care of bub’s skin.
Designed especially for baby on the move As a parent, you can be comfortable knowing that Huggies® SlimFLEX Nappy Pants are now 70% more flexible, ensuring nothing is holding your toddler back from being active. Huggies® soft and stretchy 360° waistband provides a comfortable and secure fit for every twist, turn and wriggle while the advanced leakage barrier with twolayer guards gently hugs baby’s legs for leakage protection.
1.
Huggies® SlimFLEX Nappy Pants come in two varieties – Huggies® Ultra Dry Nappy Pants and Huggies® Ultimate Nappy Pants – so parents can find the perfect product for their baby. » Huggies® Ultra Dry Nappy Pants with new SlimFLEX Absorbent Core are made to move. They’re tailor-made for boys and girls and now 25% thinner and 70% more flexible – to allow baby free movement, while providing up to 12 hours’ leakage protection. » Huggies® Ultimate Nappy Pants provide Huggies® best care for skin. Along with the same benefits of our new SlimFLEX technology to allow baby to move more freely, these nappy pants also feature a new 360° CloudSoft waistband, which provides our softest and most advanced fit to hug baby perfectly.
3.
The Huggies Nappies Brand Health Report was conducted by Colmar Brunton, a New Zealand market research company. Online interviews were open to parents with children under three years old who buy
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Parents Centre Aotearoa is the leading provider of childbirth education, parent education and support services to New Zealand parents, and has partnered with Huggies® for the last 20 years to offer Huggies® nappies and wipes to all Parents Centre members and course participants. Together, Parents Centre Aotearoa and Huggies® have taken care of hundreds and thousands of Kiwi babies – helping to make sure every baby is covered, from their first hug to their first steps to training pants and beyond. The Huggies® SlimFLEX Nappy Pants are available in major grocery stores and independent retailers nationally including Countdown, New World, PAK’nSAVE and Chemist Warehouse, and through a range of online retailers. For more information, please visit: www.huggies.co.nz/slimflex
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Activity Inequality Project by Stanford University in 2017.
2. Huggies independent research commissioned by YouGov, surveying 131 parents living at home with children aged 6 to 36 months in Australia in April 2021.
Endorsed by Parents Centre Aotearoa
disposable nappies between 6 and 16 November 2020, surveying a total sample size of n=500. 4. No added formaldehyde, elemental chlorine, natural rubber latex or other chemicals restricted by KimberlyClark – see www.huggies.com.au/noaddednasties 5.
Compared with the previous version of the product.
6. The Huggies Nappies Brand Health Report was conducted by Colmar Brunton.
Becoming a parent
The BIGGEST Baby Show in New Zealand is back!
20 - 22 AUGUST ASB Showgrounds Auckland
Tickets on sale now at babyshow.co.nz
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Products
Check out these Products Moses Basket & Stand from The Sleep Store
www.thesleepstore.co.nz
The Sleep Store Moses Basket is made from maize, so is lightweight and a beautiful, natural colour. It has two sturdy handles for easy carrying and looks great in any room. It will be sure to create a safe sleeping space for your baby. The Sleep Store has two options for stands for your Moses Basket – a folding stand (pictured) and a rocking stand. Both are made from New Zealand pine and either will be ideal for your nursery.
Two Islands Milk Maker
www.babyonthemove.co.nz
Two Islands Milk Maker naturally supports optimal breast milk production during lactation It’s specially formulated by a naturopath and herbalist with high strength fenugreek, plus goat’s rue and fennel. Milk Maker works quickly and effectively to support healthy breast milk volume and flow.
Bugaboo Donkey 3
www.babyonthemove.co.nz
Thinking about expanding your family one day? The Bugaboo Donkey 3 Mono can be converted to a side-by-side double pram with the duo extension set (available to purchase separately). In just three simple clicks your convertible pram is ready for two.
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Becoming a parent
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Locations across Aotearoa, & online
KiwiParent is the magazine of Parents Centre Aotearoa. Supporting parents to grow great kids and build lifelong communities. Aotearoa’s largest provider of parenting support and education.
www.parentscentre.org.nz
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Parents Centre Aotearoa
SPOTLIGHT ON
Baby and You My baby has arrived, now what? Parents Centre’s transition to parenting programmes (aka antenatal classes) are fabulous for preparing parents for their labour journey and the exciting arrival of baby. We often joke that preparing for parenting a newborn is a bit like learning to drive a car before you have actually purchased your car – the real thing can leave you with more questions and need for learning! Because of this, we follow our pre-birth programmes with our postnatal Baby and You programme, designed especially for parents with babies up to about 12 weeks of age. You’ve all heard people say that babies don’t come with instruction manuals – well our Baby and You programme is the next best thing! Baby and You is run as a discussion group, giving you the opportunity to discuss your particular situation
and the challenges you are having with your newborn, and of course to share in the joys you are experiencing. Because all babies are unique, with varying needs and personalities, the Baby and You forum will allow you to talk about your baby’s individual personalities and receive tips, advice and potential strategies you can adapt to your own situation. New parents have found Baby and You to be a wonderful source of support and encouragement for those first weeks after the birth of their baby. We also welcome dads and partners who may be the primary caregiver or who are on paternity leave. The forum also gives you a chance to make contact with other new parents and be able to form a ‘coffee group’ so that the support continues long after the Baby and You class finishes.
Led by trained Childbirth Educators or professional speakers, the topics covered include: » A reflection on the birth experience » Feeding » Sleeping » Communication with baby » Lifestyle changes and looking after yourself » Infant massage » Physical development » Social and emotional development » Age-appropriate toys and activities This is just another way that Parents Centre supports you, your pēpi and your whānau to build your village and develop confidence with your parenting.
To find your local Parents Centre and classes online and running in your area go to parentscentre.org.nz
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Parents Centre Aotearoa
“It’s an exciting privilege to be a Childbirth Educator, sharing the journey and supporting new parents.”
BECOME A CHILDBIRTH EDUCATOR
Have you ever considered facilitating antenatal and parenting programmes? WE’RE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE WHO:
Are passionate about providing quality information Have a keen interest in supporting whānau and their pēpi Enjoy working with adults Have strong communication and organisational skills. Email: admin@parentscentre.org.nz to find out more or register interest
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Locations across Aotearoa, & online
Parents Centre Aotearoa is the leading provider of antenatal and parenting programmes throughout Aotearoa. Currently we facilitate programmes in 54 locations and we are looking to reach even more communities! We support our facilitators with professional development, ongoing support and new opportunities.
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Parents Centre Aotearoa
PARENTS CENTRE’S PAST
Fathers banned from hospital births June 1964: while Wellington prepared excitedly for the first Beatles tour of New Zealand, the front page of The Dominion newspaper for 3 June featured an article on the banning of fathers from being with their wives at the birth of their babies. Over the next month, articles and letters to the paper debated and argued for and against the presence of fathers in delivery suites. 62 | KiwiParent
Advocating for the father’s right to be present at their child’s birth had long been one of the principles of Parents Centre and during the 1950s and early 1960s this had been achieved in many places. But often the right was short lived, as the medical fraternity fought back. Wellington Hospital was one such place. Two fathers called a public protest meeting for 12 June, 1964. Up until then the hospital had turned a blind eye to fathers being allowed
into the delivery suite if the GP involved agreed. However, a formal complaint made by one father after he was shut out at the last minute led to the Hospital Board making the final decision to ban fathers from all future births. One of those fathers, Dr Jim Ritchie, a respected senior lecturer in psychology at Victoria University of Wellington presented his views in a full-page article published in The Dominion: “I believe that to be with one’s wife at the moment at which
Parents Centre Aotearoa
“No one would wish to go back to the outmoded methods of confinement, but to combine the efficiency of modern medical and hospital practice, together with the support that only a husband can give, is surely not above the organisational ability of the medical and nursing staff of the Wellington Public Hospital.” A Father, Karori, Wellington, 1964
the family begins, when the child is born, unites husband and wife with a bond which will link them together and to their children as no other experience can…” Dr Jim Ritchie and his wife were active members of the Wellington Parents Centre, Jane Ritchie being the chair. Parents Centre quickly became associated with the protest and Helen Brew, one of its founders, spoke at the meeting. A statement protesting the exclusion of fathers from the delivery room was recorded at the meeting, which drew 150 people. Following the meeting, a deputation to the Hospital Board was arranged. Once news of the protest meeting was published, letters poured in to The Dominion, to the extent that nearly a full page was given over to letters, under the heading ‘Should husbands be present at births? Readers give their views’. While the majority were sympathetic to the cause, not all were in agreement. One, signed by a ‘Medical Specialist’ from Heretaunga, opined: “I would be interested to learn from some well-informed spokesman from the Parents Centre what scientific evidence there is for the view that
the physical presence of the father in the labour room at the time of delivery improves the emotional and psychological relationship between a man and his wife. I have little difficulty in believing that the emotions are affected because the cult of the Parents Centre is itself highly subjective and emotional. I personally wish that this organisation would confine itself to its one sensible activity, namely running antenatal physiotherapy classes, and leave the arrangements in the labour wards to the good taste of the obstetricians and nursing staff.” The Wellington Hospital Board defended its decision to the paper, saying the decision had been made in the best interests of the “patient and her baby”. The chairman, Mr Dallard, is quoted as saying, “Where husbands have been admitted to maternity theatres there have been difficulties, with even interference in conduct of the labour and on occasions with the husbands fainting… The Board’s ruling was, therefore, made in the strong conviction that the interests of the patient must always have priority over other interests, however well-intentioned they may be.”
In July 1964 the delegation met with the Hospital Board, to talk to their 24-page submission. It was a well-reasoned case, supported by New Zealand and international experience. However, the Board they met with was hostile and their embarrassment ill-concealed. They were told to make their statement and leave. There would be no discussion and no response. The Board’s decision was announced soon afterwards: the Wellington Hospital Board would not permit husbands to be present at births. This reflected “the opinion, without dissent, of its visiting gynaecologists and obstetricians and the sisters-incharge of its maternity wards and institutions”, said Mr Dallard. Despite the strong public opinion, which continued to be expressed in letters to The Dominion, it would be another eight years, 1972, before the baby’s father was allowed to remain for the delivery. Throughout New Zealand, attendance or not depended on individual hospitals and the matron and GP or obstetrician who was in charge of delivery. In a 1961 Parents Centre Bulletin, the Director of Maternal Welfare outlined the KiwiParent | 63
Becoming Parents Centre a parent Aotearoa
From a leaflet about the June 1964 protest:
MEN » if you have been present at the birth of any of your children or » if you support the right (or privilege) of other fathers to be present or
Department of Health policy. In response to the question, “Does the Department of Health approve of informed husbands supporting their wives in labour in cases where both husband and wife desire this?”, the answer was, “In the first stage, in general, yes.” However, when asked what the situation would be if a hospital refused permission, he suggested the medical practitioner or hospital superintendent should be consulted. There was no uniform policy and many matrons held sway. It wasn’t until well into the 1970s that there was a more consistent approach to the father’s presence at the birth of their child – very different from the experience of our fathers interviewed in this issue of KiwiParent, 50 years later.
» if you don’t really know whether you hold any of these views but feel that a closed door is an affront to an open mind
KP
then you will be interested in a meeting of protest.
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Becoming a parent
Parents Centre Aotearoa at the Baby Expos May 2021 saw Parents Centre at two fantastic Baby Expos run in Auckland and Wellington. With a huge range of products, services, seminars, demos, workshops, exclusive offers, activities and competitions, they were events not to be missed. Parents Centre Aotearoa and our dedicated and enthusiastic team of volunteers were there chatting to parents, caregivers and soon-to-be parents about all things parenting and little ones. Meg Waghorn, one of our amazing volunteers from Lower Hutt Parents Centre, says it looks like there are plenty more babies on the way in the Wellington region! “Lower Hutt Parents Centre enjoyed being part of the Baby Expo again this year. Ten of our committee members and Childbirth Educators
took a shift on the stand to meet local families and spread the word about what Parents Centre offers in the wider Wellington region. Once again, our samples from Huggies, Avent and KiwiParent were really popular and lots of giggles were had over our front pack speed challenge and our empathy belly ‘maternity’ photo competition. It was great to get out in the community!”
“By the time that we got to meet
Kirsty Stone, who sits on the Parents Centre board, was at our stand at the Auckland expo – which was nestled along the back wall of the exhibition hall.
Centre has to offer, and more to
“Baby Expos are a great opportunity to see what’s on offer, learn about new products and sometimes grab a bargain. They can also be quite overwhelming, especially for those still in the pregnancy phase and others with young babies,” she says.
pregnant mums and dads-to-be and those with young babies, a lot of them were feeling quite overwhelmed by the experience and this spilled over to their concerns about the parenting journey ahead.” Kirsty says that many of the conversations were much broader than just about the courses Parents do with reassuring many that they were going to be great parents. “We offered encouragement, some pep talks and a listening ear, which I love because this is really what Parents Centre is all about – ‘Supporting parents to grow great kids and build lifelong communities’.”
KP KiwiParent | 65
Visiting the deep south by Heather Hayden, CEO, Parents Centre Aotearoa
Snow, torrential rain, brilliant sunshine; Liz Pearce and I experienced it all as we visited Otago and Southland in June. The weather, though, was totally eclipsed by the warmth of the welcome we received in our Centres: Dunedin, Taieri, Balclutha, Alexandra and Gore. All these Centres are a key part of their local communities and provide essential services for new parents and their families. 66 | KiwiParent
We loved the vibrancy of the programmes we saw running, along with the commitment of the volunteers who work hard to ensure there are good support programmes in place. Baby and You gatherings, toy libraries, playgroups and other supportive activities – the Centres were humming with activities. Most have their own premises and the new Parents Centre branding stood out as colourful, warm and inclusive.
We finished our trip with a Hug it Forward coffee shout at the Wanaka New World, where we met many new mums and dads very keen for Parents Centre to start a Centre in the area. Both Queenstown and Wanaka are likely to have our sought-after classes starting up later in 2021. We are now receiving calls from all over Aotearoa New Zealand, wanting us to extend our services into new communities.
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More from Gore | Moving & Munching Among the many classes and activities Southland parents can get involved in are the Moving & Munching sessions run by Gore Parents Centre. The sessions are aimed at 4-8 month olds, and focus on your baby's emerging exploration of the environment and their discovery of first foods. Term 3 starts at the end of July, and runs for 8-10 weeks. Go to their Facebook page to register your interest – and remember, all Parents Centres have events where you can connect with other parents, learn and gain confidence.
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During April and May, Parents Centre, along with Huggies and New World supermarkets, ran the Hug it Forward campaign – encouraging Kiwis from all over the country to drop packets of nappies at donation stations set up at New World supermarkets.
CAMPAIGN
update
We were thrilled that over 9,000 packs of nappies were donated for Kiwi families in need. As part of the campaign Parents Centre hosted coffee mornings at selected New World cafés and is putting hundreds of Kiwi parents through parenting education courses. Whether it’s online for our parents who live in remote areas – antenatal classes for parents-to-be, or one of our postnatal classes for new parents – our programmes are all about building
68 | KiwiParent
communities and helping support Kiwi parents to grow great kids! Becky is a mum-to-be who has been attending classes fully funded through the campaign. She says that she’s found it comforting to learn so much more about labour and birth. “There are so many possibilities and things that can happen that I am now aware of. I think these classes for first-time parents are a wonderful idea,” she says. Thank you to all of Aotearoa for Hugging it Forward for your village!
Whangarei Waitemata Bays North Hibiscus Coast Onewa Hamilton Cambridge Auckland East
Putaruru
Papakura
Otorohanga
Manukau
Morrinsville
Franklin
Thames-Whitianga
West Auckland Central Auckland
Tauranga
East & Bays
Whakatane Rotorua
New Plymouth
Taupo
Stratford South Taranaki Hawkes Bay Central Hawkes Bay Palmerston North
Nelson District
Wairarapa
Marlborough Greymouth Kapiti Lower Hutt Ashburton Christchurch Timaru
Alexandra Districts Balclutha Dunedin Gore Oamaru Taieri
Mana Upper Hutt Wellington North Wellington South
50+
Locations across Aotearoa, & online
www.parentscentre.org.nz
69 | KiwiParent
From our readers
Fromreaders our
We love to hear from our readers and have started pop-up conversations about topics of interest to parents.
The topic
this issue
We asked our readers what support element they received after having their baby meant the most to them. Thank you to everyone who shared with us – it was lovely seeing people tag family and friends in their posts and thanking them too!
Our Parents Centre Aotearoa classes equip expecting parents with everything they need to know during pregnancy, birth and beyond. However, nothing can compare to real, hands-on support after the birth of a baby.
Winner runners up
“A great friends network and antenatal group from the Parents Centre to share experiences and things with along the way. Helps so much to talk about what everyone is going through and realise you are not alone in that newborn stage!” Kate Mctavish
Our favourite response has won a complete set of the Natural Instincts prize pack – formulated with the finest plant-derived ingredients, certified organic extracts, and pure essential oils to nourish and rejuvenate your skin.
“My mum and my husband were such great support for me, especially with my first baby (who was born by C-section so I was limited). Mum came to stay for a few days and helped my hubby with the things I couldn’t do. It was a godsend and I felt really blessed to have two such supportive people nearby.” Melissa Yule
“The support of family and friends and reassurance from our midwife when we had challenges. Knowing we’re not alone.” Laura Titjen
“People who brought us food! My MIL made me porridge the first mornings back at home. Awesome after nights with very little sleep.” Joanna Zwaagdyk
Get involved by heading to our website parentscentre.org.nz or following us on social media. There’s a prize to be won for one lucky contributor, announced in each issue of KiwiParent. 70 | KiwiParent
Member benefits Parents Centre Aotearoa member benefits
0800 222 966 / www.babyonthemove.co.nz
Huggies Attendees of CBE (Antenatal) classes, Baby and You and toilet training programmes get a Huggies gift pack. Phone: 0800 733 703 www.huggies.co.nz
Philips Avent Attendees of CBE (Antenatal) classes and Baby and You get breast pad samples and breastfeeding information. Phone: 0800 104 401 www.philips.co.nz/AVENT
Baby On The Move 20% off car seat hire, selected buggies and cots for all Parents Centre Aotearoa members. Phone: 0800 222 966 www.babyonthemove.co.nz
The Sleep Store 25% off Beco and Boba carriers plus 20% off other selected items, which are regularly updated. www.thesleepstore.co.nz content/parentscentre
Naturo Pharm Attendees of CBE (antenatal) classes and all Parents Centre Aotearoa members get 30% off their first order of homeopathic remedies. www.naturopharm.co.nz/
Resene Various discounts on decorating supplies and paints with Parents Centre Aotearoa membership card. www.resene.co.nz
The Baby Factory Regular Parents Centre Aotearoa member discount days offering 20% off all stock including sale items. www.babyfactory.co.nz
SplashSave 43% discount off a water safety education pack for all Parents Centre Aotearoa members. www.splashsave.org
Strategic partners
Partner with us! Talking Matters A campaign to get everyone talking with babies and young children under three years. www.talkingmatters.org.nz
Parenting Place parentingplace.nz
Birthing Centre A free service to women of all ages whose pregnancy is considered lowrisk primary care. www.birthingcentre.co.nz
If you want to partner with Parents Centre Aotearoa, or would like to discuss how this may work for your business, contact Catherine at c.short@parentscentre.org.nz
KiwiParent | 71
Becoming a parent
Congratulations to the lucky winners from issue 301 GIVEAWAYS
Winners
Issue:
301
WINNER
WINNER
Lauren Lemmens, Auckland
Savanna Adams, Nelson
Just’nCase prize pack
Merino products from The Sleep Store
www.justncase.co.nz
sleepstore.co.nz
WINNERS
WINNER
Jasmine Aldridge, Stratford Kirsten Moller, New Plymouth Jo Wohlers, Gore
Jordan Schollum, Marlborough
Activewear from Go Mama Maternity
3 Vlad & Niki prize packs from ZURU
www.gomamamaternity.co.nz
zuru.com
72 | KiwiParent
5-Star rated must-haves & sleep essentials
Deluxe Merino Zipsuit & Swaddle/Blanket by The Sleep Store
Winter wandering
with the family With travel further afield still fickle and the weather still chilly, why not shake the winter blues and see out the end of the cooler months with an escape closer to home with the family?
These days, Helen, like many of us, is a whizz at remote working and can talk with you about your travel plans on Skype or Zoom from her Melbourne base, or you can email her.
Helen Rolton, a family-friendly travel consultant based in Melbourne (but hailing from Westport and Wellington), will once again be sharing her handy hints for travelling with children in her column on our website.
In her latest article, Helen explores family-friendly Rotorua – from free activities to outdoor exploring and eateries that have families in mind. Helen proves that we don’t need to travel far to experience a fun-filled holiday with our children.
Helen specialises in familyfocused, activity-based holidays in Australasia and beyond.
Head to Parentscentre.org.nz/ news-and-updates/ to read Helen’s article.
Free expert sleep advice & New Zealand’s best infant sleep & parenting essentials. Visit our award-winning online store today, shop our range and read real reviews from real parents just like you.
Beco Gemini Cool Mesh Carrier “Easy to put on and comfortable to wear. He feels nice and secure in it. Great, easy to use carrier”
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Woolbabe Sleeping Bag “Don’t look further, this is the sleeping bag you need. We love ours and it keeps bubs comfy and cozy” Yogasleep White Noise “I have purchased two of these, one for each kid. Excellent - reliable, compact and easy”
Member only savings! Parents Centre members can can get exclusive discounts on selected styles from The Sleep Store! Go to thesleepstore.co.nz/content/parents-centre for further details & start saving today!
Helen Rolton, travel consultant Email: helenr@travelmanagers.com.au
thesleepstore.co.nz facebook.com/SleepStore instagram.com/thesleepstore
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