RRP $7.50 (incl GST)
SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS
APRIL – MAY 2019
Going for gold Calling out the gold in your children
Great for mum, great for baby Exercise during pregnancy
Speaking of sparkle Postnatal HIIT workouts
Happy Mother's Day Celebrating the resilient woman
Where every parent matters New birthing centre for South Auckland
The magazine of Parents Centre New Zealand Inc
289
Whatever touches their skin, should feel as gentle as your hugs.
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Kiwiparent
Coverstar competition Tips for taking the perfect cover shot
Following the great success of last year’s event, we are delighted to confirm that we will be running the Kiwiparent coverstar 2019 photo competition supported by Huggies Nappies. Once again, we will be searching for a perfect cover model – the winning entry receiving a full photo shoot, nappies and heaps of other prizes… PLUS you also get to see yourself and baby on the cover of Kiwiparent! Make sure you check out the June/July issue for all the entry details. To get you started, here are a few tips from the experts to help you capture that perfect shot.
Timing is everything This is probably the most important tip of all. You know what times would work best for your kids. Are they rested? Have they been fed? If you are planning a little photography time, plan the time around their schedule to get the best results.
Get down to their level
Fill the frame Fill the frame with your subject. If the subject is your child… make sure they are the focal point.
Remove distractions Remove any distracting items from the shot that will take away from your subject – and remember to cut down on the clutter in the background.
Capture the moment When photographing babies and children, you’ll be getting the workout of your life while trying to keep up with them, but it is worth it to capture the natural expressions of wonder. Eye contact is a great asset, so try to get your little one looking directly at you.
Snap to your heart’s content Digital cameras can shoot a million pictures that you can delete later at no cost! Nice! So, snap away … then snap some more. Look through the images and pick out the best – the best expressions, the best moments, the best light… then let the rest go. Photo: Winner of the 2018 Huggies coverstar competition, Tegen Gerdes – baby Caleb. Photo by
If you want to capture the world from their perspective, be prepared to get down and dirty. You will absolutely love the shots you can capture from this angle.
Prepare to play When are most children at their happiest and most relaxed? When they are playing. This will give you the best opportunity to capture their natural joyful expressions.
The magazine of Parents Centre
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Special Features
Features
Going for gold
Letters to the Editor....................................................... 4
Jo Batts.............................................................................. 8–12
Great for mum, great for baby Lorraine Scapens..........................................................14–19
Breastfeeding challenges....................................34–38
Speaking of sparkle
Parents Centre Pages............................................39–43
Lisa Fong.........................................................................20–23
Where every parent matters Nga Hau Mangere........................................................24–27
Anywhere, any time
Find a Centre...................................................................44 Find out about Parents Centre..............................45 Growing our Taonga............................................58–59
Pelvic floor health........................................................28–33
Our Partners..............................................................76–77
Instamyths
Winners from the last two issues..................78–79
The myths of perfect parethood.............................46–47
Celebrating the resilient woman Emma Heaney-Yeatts.................................................48–50
Of love and loss McKay Turner................................................................52–55
A sensory delight An inclusive garden to explore the senses..........56–57
Paint effects Resene creative team ...............................................60–64
Birth story: Our little bird Gem Adams..................................................................66–69
Baking from the heart Allyson Gofton..............................................................70–75
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Product page..................................................................6–7
kiwiparent
Giveaways..........................................................................80
SUPPORTING PARENTS THROUGH THE EARLY YEARS
APRIL – MAY 2019
289
Calling out the gold in your children | pages 8–12 As parents it’s our greatest hope that our kids would have a positive view of themselves and the confidence to back their own talents and abilities as they navigate the challenges ahead of them. Life teaches our kids to become acutely aware of where they need to improve. Our challenge as parents is to help them become equally aware of where they have it exactly right and to point out the gold that we see emerging in them.
Pregnancy exercise, great for mum and baby | pages 14–19 Exercising during pregnancy can be daunting as there is so much conflicting information. Combine this with physical changes, exhaustion and the emotions mums may experience, finding the motivation to enjoy exercise can be challenging. Research continues to support regular exercise in low-risk, healthy pregnancies, yet the number of pregnant women engaging in moderate intensity exercise remains below recommended levels.
Celebrating the resilient woman | pages 24–27 When it comes to Mother’s Day, it probably doesn’t come easy for us to put down the tools and let someone else care for us and tend to our needs. As parents we are concerned about role modelling to our kids values such as respect and safety, and this can involve modelling behaviours such as resilience and bravery. Resilience grows from vulnerability, and vulnerability requires supportive relationships.
Kiwiparent. Since 1954. The magazine of Parents Centre New Zealand Inc Editor
Publisher
Leigh Bredenkamp Ph (04) 472 1193 Mobile (0274) 572 821 leighb@e–borne.co.nz PO Box 28 115, Kelburn, 6150
Parents Centres New Zealand Inc Ph (04) 233 2022
Editorial Enquiries Ph (04) 233 2022 or (04) 472 1193 info@e–borne.co.nz
Advertising Sales Taslim Parsons Ph (04) 233 2022 x8804 Mobile 021 1860 323 t.parsons@parentscentre.org.nz
Design Hannah Faulke edendesign.nz
Proofing Megan Kelly
Subscriptions info@parentscentre.org.nz
Opinions expressed in the magazine do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the publisher. Advertising in this magazine does not imply endorsement by Parents Centres. Generally material in this publication may be reproduced provided it is used for non-commercial purposes and the source is acknowledged. However, written permission must be sought from the editor. Kiwiparent is proud to support the WHO/UNICEF International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes adopted by the World Health Assembly in 1981.
ISSN 1173–7638
Printer Caxton Design and Print
www.kiwiparent.co.nz
Happy Mothers’ Day As Mother’s Day approaches, my husband and I are preparing to welcome our third baby. Following a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy in 2018, I am feeling excited and blessed to be about to welcome the final addition to our family at the end of April. I have two daughters (aged four and three) who are also getting very excited about a new baby arriving and are already becoming mums to their own doll ‘babies’. Watching them be so caring and gentle to their babies is really special to see. It has been three years since I last gave birth and after working for Parents Centre for the past 14 months, I’ve gained more knowledge around my rights as a new mum and feel I am heading towards delivery day a lot more prepared. Knowing I am entitled to 48 hours funded, in-patient postnatal care at a hospital thanks to the Mothers Matter campaign, makes me feel reassured that I won’t have to head straight home following the birth if I don’t feel ready. I feel this is important for any new mum whether it is their first baby of fourth and I urge all new mothers to know they have this right in the lead up to giving birth. Along with this new knowledge I have gained, there are also differences since last having a new baby in the house and one of them is the increased use of Instagram and the idealism of being the perfect ‘instamum’. I know I will need to remind myself daily that the photos and stories on Instagram of parents appearing like they have it all together are only tiny snippets of what is happening throughout their day and they are dealing with all the chaos and enjoyment of family life just as much as the next person. Mother’s Day may pass me by in a newborn haze if baby #3 has arrived but it is going to be a day for me to enjoy and feel lucky for the children I have and to remember that I don’t have to be a perfect mum, but a mum doing the best she can to raise her children as happy and resilient kids. Renee Degerholm
PR & Marketing Specialist
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Letters
to the editor
The winning letter receives the complete Natural Instinct face care range, truly natural skincare products with active anti-ageing plant-based ingredients and 100% free from over 400 potentially harmful ingredients to you and the environment. Available from leading pharmacies. RRP $102.
Top Letter
Congratulations to the Top Letter winner Holly Ramsay from Nelson who will win a prize pack from Natural Instinct.
Top letter prize
Pulling together during the fires
Community support
Nelson District Parent Centre was involved in the support drive after our recent devastating fires within our regions during February. At the height of the fire, more than 1,000 families were evacuated from their homes. A major relief effort was set up across the region and we were happy to work together with the Parents Centre National Support team and Huggies to deliver donated nappies to families affected by the fires. We also helped with support for the many other families financially affected throughout the region due to loss of forestry work etc.
At Balclutha Parents Centre we were thrilled to be able to purchase two new car seats through the Warehouse Bags for Good programme funds in January. When you shop at your local Warehouse store you can grab a token at checkouts to place in the voting unit to say which of the three nominated local community organisations is your choice. At the end of each six-month period funds raised are given to each of the store community partners according to their percentage of total votes.
Pictured are two of our volunteers Aleisha Hart and Kellie Todd delivering nappies to the relief centre which was run my Margret Goff. Great work Huggies! Holly Ramsay, Nelson
This was very exciting for us and for our two qualified car seat technicians – we have car seats and capsules for hire. It is great to receive the support of our community and a major corporation. Thank you to everyone who voted for us! Nicola Law, Balclutha Parents Centre
2019 Parents Centre National Conference made possible with generous support from 4
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Nappy Disposal System
Creating a meaningful journey for parents Parents Centre is delighted to announce the signing of a partnership with Parenting Place who have recently taken over Space. Established in 1993, Parenting Place now has 120 staff and 585 volunteers, and they develop and deliver innovative, fun and accessible education nationwide. Parenting Place offers a range of programmes, courses, camps and resources to support all families/wha- nau to thrive. Parents Centre Chief Executive, Heather Hayden, says she is very excited about the opportunity this brings to both organisations. “Parents Centre’s vision for parents is that from the time they become pregnant to their children growing up and leaving home, there is always a recognised and trusted organisation providing education, support and advice,” Heather says. “I envisage a small flotilla of waka, all travelling in the same direction and joining together to journey with parents as they grow great children. The Parents Centre waka is at the beginning of the journey, providing childbirth education, support and programmes for young babies and children, while the Parenting Place waka continues with parents throughout the rest of a child’s life.” Heather says this agreement aims to maximise existing communication channels for the co-promotion of programmes and approaches. “ We will share appropriate resources and parenting expertise for the benefit of families/wha-nau.” “Together we will create a meaningful journey with families/wha-nau as they grow and develop, with a specific focus between the transition from antenatal through to postnatal education and support. We will also support development pathways for staff and volunteers to move towards employment through the training and delivery of our respective programmes.”
Proven protection from germs & odours ^
100 times more effective at odour prevention than nappy sacks Unique twist and lock system wraps each nappy in a fresh portion of film Multi-layer film provides an exceptional barrier to lock away odour Anti-bacterial protection is present in the film and not the other components of this product.
“We are actively seeking other like-minded organisations that share the same philosophy and approach to parenting to join us so that we can promote and support each other,” Heather says. “Parenting Place and Parents Centre believe our cooperation will benefit families/wha-nau around New Zealand.”
Commercial size also available For your nearest stockist visit
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0800 726 436
The magazine of Parents Centre
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Product
information
When you most need TLC At a time when you most need some TLC, U by Kotex® maternity pads are cotton-like, soft, flexible, longer and a fraction wider – they also provide added protection when you're lying down. U by Kotex® are proud to continue the journey with you. Look out for a free sample of U by Kotex® Maternity Pads as part of your childbirth education course. www.ubykotex.co.nz
Poise – helping you through your pregnancy Sneezing, coughing, lifting, laughing, doing exercise and everyday activities can cause leakage for many women during pregnancy. The good news is that your pregnancy incontinence is likely to be temporary and is entirely treatable. Poise® has a range of products designed specifically to help you through your pregnancy and let you get on with living your life to the fullest. www.poise.co.nz
Crane humidifiers and air purifiers It’s cough and cold season. Dry coughs and stuffy noses can make sleeping unsettled and wake the whole family. Use a Crane humidifier to add cool mist to support easier breathing – they provide moisture for dry coughs, sinus irritation and dry skin. Unlike vaporisers, Crane humidifiers create cool mist from plain water, no need to use pricey essential oils. Their large tanks run all night too, so no getting up in the middle of the night for refills, and the mist output can be varied so you can adjust it to each bedroom. Crane have recently introduced air purifiers in fun shark and penguin shapes, that can remove up to 99.97% of airborne particles and germs such as pollen, smoke, pet dander, dust mites, household dust and odours. www.thesleepstore.co.nz
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Exclusive Get fit for birth and beyond Recommended by physiotherapists and midwives Pregnancy Exercise FitMum programmes will help you get fit for birth and then also help you recover postnatal. Both programmes also address diastasis recti, pelvic floor muscle function, posture and wellness. The exercises are safe and can be done at home or your local gym.
Kiwiparent readers can get a 40% discount at the checkout with the coupon code: kiwimum
Owner Lorraine Scapens has more than 25 years of experience training prenatal and postnatal mums.
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Get your EXCLUSIVE codes & save on selected styles from The Sleep Store! Go to thesleepstore.co.nz/content/parentscentre to sign-up for yours & for further details.
www.thesleepstore.co.nz The magazine of Parents Centre 7 facebook.com/SleepStore | @thesleepstore
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Perfectly natural
Going for
gold
Calling out the gold in your children
Ask any parent what their dreams are for their child and you will probably hear of their desire to see their kids reach their full potential and live a happy, loved and satisfied life. As parents it’s our greatest hope that our kids would have a positive view of themselves and the confidence to back their own talents and abilities as they navigate the challenges ahead of them.
Our kids are constantly making sense of themselves based on our interactions with them. Research tells us it’s our child’s early relationships in life that form their view of themselves as adults. It is gleaned over many years of everyday interactions with the people closest to them – our tone of voice, the comments we make about them and the little words of encouragement (or criticism) that we drop into everyday encounters.
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Our children are infinitely unique. There is no one on the planet like them and getting to know them inside out is our number one assignment. I recently heard a dad giving his son the hurry-up as he was trying to make a decision in the supermarket, “Oh for goodness sake, you are pathetic, just make a decision!” His tone of voice was impatient and critical, he was fed up with waiting and he was letting his son
know his frustration. From that conversation, that boy worked out that he was not good enough, too slow and a real frustration to his dad. A one-off comment like this is repairable, but a steady stream of them over time can really put a huge dent in a child’s self-esteem. Life teaches our kids to become acutely aware of where they need to improve. Our challenge as parents is to help them become equally aware of where they have it exactly right and to point out the gold that we see
Research tells us it’s our child’s early relationships in life that form their view of themselves as adults. It is gleaned over many years of everyday interactions with the people closest to them.
emerging in them. So how do we do this?
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Get curious Our children are infinitely unique. There is no one on the planet like them and getting to know them inside out is our number one assignment. As parents, our job is to draw out the personality, strengths, character, likes, talents, and opinions of our kids through hanging out with them and being curious and interested in how they experience the world. What are your child’s favourite foods, stories, characters, activities? Are they thinkers or talkers? Strong-willed or sensitive, or both? What are they afraid of? There is no right answer here, just the challenge to learn what makes your child tick. Keep the conversation rolling with short, easy questions like, “So then what happened?”
Hunt for the gold Kids only know the gold they have within them when someone they trust points it out to them. Our job as parents is to call out the pieces of brilliance that we see emerging as our child develops. Sometimes it takes some determination to push past all the things that worry us or cause us concern and simply choose to focus on their strengths and look at them with the eyes of love. Choosing to reframe your child’s stubbornness as determination, or her messiness as creativity, or his anger as passion, helps us tune in to the gold within
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them. Get determined to look for the unique qualities in your child. You can say things like, “Look at you, leading the way like a boss – we’ll follow you.”
The power of words The words we use when talking with our kids, and the tone we use them in, has the power to make or break our child’s view of themselves. If we are using harsh and critical instructions to communicate, we will soon find our kids start to zone us out and avoid listening. When we use words that are respectful, in a tone that is kinder, our kids are far more open to staying tuned in and listening. Perhaps that dad at the supermarket could have tried, “Heck, mate, that is a tough choice, I bet you will make a good decision.” This might have protected the boy’s self-esteem from taking a tumble. Use kind words and a tone of voice that preserves your child’s self-esteem. “I can see you are really angry right now. Sit down here beside me, I’m listening. What’s going on?”
Give them time Time is precious. Sometimes we feel the pressure as parents to cram every last second of it with fun and memorable activities. What our kids really need is unstructured time to just hang out together and enjoy each other’s company. Time together builds a sense of safety, connection and belonging for kids. Just moving through the simple routines of the day teaches your child the rhythm of life and strengthens the bond
Time is precious. Sometimes we feel the pressure as parents, to cram every last second of it with fun and memorable activities. What our kids really need is unstructured time to just hang out together and enjoy each other’s company.
between you both. This bond is like building their immune system for relationships later in life. Time is love. Let them know they have your full attention. “Take your time, you’ve got me, let’s do this together.”
Stay calm Being a parent is a privilege, but it is also tiring and challenging. Recognise that even the best kids in the world are still going to be kids and will push the limits. Tiredness and tantrums go with the territory and are to be expected, and not just for two-year-olds. Instead of taking it personally or flying off the handle when our child pushes our buttons, take a deep breath
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and reach for your stronger, calmer, wiser, kinder self. Remembering that our kids are eagerly observing us and absorbing our every move, we serve them well when we respond to them respectfully and refrain from throwing our own tantrums when things don’t go our way. Tempting as it is to have a meltdown of your own, stay calm and take a breather. “I can feel myself getting all upset – I might need to walk to the letterbox and check the mail. I’ll be right back.”
Relax Every child develops at their own unique pace and in their own sweet time. As your child grows, they navigate literally hundreds of developmental milestones. Understanding the ebbs and flows of your child’s development helps put the sometimes puzzling behaviours into perspective and helps us to keep in touch with changes in our child. Talk to other parents or teachers, read and learn. Understanding the clingy stage when you are parenting a two-year-old, or the grumpy stage when parenting a teenager, helps to work out how to adjust our parenting strategies along the way and get some support from people who have been there before us. Gather your support crew by chatting to friends, family, and teachers. Share openly, “Hey, can I get your opinion on something?”
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Let them know you are on their team Let your child know that you are their number one fan and that every day when they head out the door you are with them cheering them on. Our kids face all kinds of challenges, especially at school, and they can do this only with the support and encouragement of the people in their life that they trust the most. A “You’ve got this” or a “Just do your best” gives them the resilience to go and face their challenges knowing that, even when you are not with them, you have their back. “Whatever happens, you know I’m right here with you, mate. Good luck.”
Jo Batts Jo is a Family Coach at The Parenting Place. She is a qualified counsellor who also works in private practice and runs groups for tertiary students training to be counsellors. Jo is passionate about supporting couples as they wrangle the pressures of family life together.
How’s your family doing? Whether you have a newborn, a teenager, or a troupe of grandkids, nieces and nephews, we offer a range of support tailored for you and your whÄ nau.
Parenting courses
One-on-one parenting support
Relationship retreats and courses
Support and learning for you and your baby
Find the right support for you at parentingplace.nz The magazine of Parents Centre
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Pregnancy exercise Great for mum and baby Exercising during pregnancy can be daunting as there is so much conflicting information. It can be very confusing to know which type of exercise program to follow. Combine this with physical changes, extreme exhaustion and the emotions mums may experience, and finding the motivation to enjoy exercise can be challenging.
Knowing the benefits that can come from exercise during pregnancy can give you that extra bit of incentive to kick-start or continue a pregnancy exercise regime.
Local and international research continues to support regular exercise in low-risk, healthy pregnancies, yet the number of pregnant women engaging in moderate intensity exercise remains below recommended levels for health benefits. Unfortunately, this is what I see in the Parents Centre antenatal classes I speak to.
Benefits for mum
Current guidelines recommend that healthy pregnant and postpartum women perform at least 150 minutes per week of moderateintensity aerobic activity.
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Feel strong and empowered! For many of us, pregnancy can have you feeling frumpy and wondering what anyone is talking about when they mention the ‘pregnancy glow’. Not only will exercise help you to prevent extra pregnancy weight gain, but your mind and body also benefit from the endorphins released during exercise. This should help you discover the ‘pregnancy glow’ or at least feel a little closer to experiencing it!
Help to prevent postnatal depression (PND) 1 in 5 women will experience postnatal depression. Evidence shows that postnatal exercise can help to prevent and manage PND. If you are physically active during your pregnancy, you are much more likely to continue exercising post birth.
Back in shape postnatal Getting your pre-pregnancy body back should not be the focus of exercise during pregnancy and post birth, as there is no rush to get your pre-pregnancy physique back. Women who do keep active in pregnancy are much more likely to get back to a body shape that they are happy with within 6–12 months postpartum.
Improve the pelvic floor muscle function Specific exercises during pregnancy can help improve the function of your pelvic floor muscles and prepare you better to push a baby out. It is a known fact that many women experience incontinence postpartum. Having pelvic floor muscles that function well will also help to reduce incontinence post birth.
Prepare yourself for labour! All births are different. There are often many factors that will be entirely out of your control when you go into labour. With this in mind, it is reassuring to know that you are in good physical condition for whatever lies ahead. Giving birth is physical and potentially exhausting. If you are fit and active, you put yourself in a much better position to cope with whichever path your delivery takes you.
You time! One thing mothers will often agree on is that once children come along, you are always last priority. If you can get into a habit during pregnancy, it will be easier to maintain postnatally. Be mindful that when you allow yourself time out, you allow yourself to recuperate and restore, ultimately allowing you to be a better mum.
Benefits for baby It was once believed that the physiological demands of exercising during pregnancy might damage the unborn baby. They used to think that exercise would cause too much fetal stress, reduce the baby of vital oxygen and increase the baby’s temperature. Recent studies prove otherwise.
Women are less likely to be induced – benefitting both mum and baby Babies born to mothers who exercise up to birth have a much higher chance, up to 72%, of being born before their due date. Which means those mums-to-be give birth on average 5–7 days earlier than a non-exercising mother. This average reduces the chances of induction, as only a small percentage of exercising mums will gestate to 42 weeks. Baby experiences less stress, chooses their birthday and your body goes into labour naturally, benefitting both mum and baby.
Exercise increases the growth of the placenta in early pregnancy The faster growth of the placenta observed in studies of exercising mums in the late first and second
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trimesters means that a larger overall placenta will provide baby with increased nutrients and calories. Bigger placentas have a larger surface area and have about 15% more vessels at term. This increase in size ultimately improves the function and capacity of this organ in late pregnancy. Your unborn baby is flourishing due to your exercise plan!
Size matters! Babies born to mums who exercise regularly tend to be 150–200grm lighter, and they are also leaner. Studies found that this reduction in weight did not affect the bone length and head growth; overall growth had also not been affected. The average size of a baby born to exercising mums is just over 3kg (7.2lbs). Incidentally, women who exercise are even less likely to give birth to low birthweight babies less than 2.5kg (5lbs 8oz).
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Baby’s heart rate during exercise Because baby’s heart rate goes up and not down during exercise, this makes it possible for your baby to adjust to significant decreases in oxygen delivery without developing oxygen deficiency in the tissues of the heart. The increased stress on a baby at the time of birth is less likely to affect the baby of an exercising mother. Baby is much better prepared to deal with the demands of labour.
Increased maternal fitness If a baby of an exercising mother has an increased cardiovascular reserve, then there will be a difference in the baby’s response to labour. A baby’s heart rate should be more stable during labour, giving baby many advantages, one being coping with contractions better, ultimately leading to being born in a better
condition, more alert and having a greater ability to adapt to life outside the womb.
Exercise guidelines You’re probably now wondering what exercise you should do and, if you haven’t exercised so far in pregnancy, if it’s ok to start? You can start to exercise at any time during your pregnancy, and no matter how late in pregnancy you start, both you and your baby will benefit. I would suggest you start with a 15–20 min walk/swim/stationary bike session and add 3–4 specific pregnancy strength exercises. Strength exercises in pregnancy should focus on improving pregnancy core strength, pelvic floor muscle function, posture and preparing your body for the demands of labour and birth.
Pregnancyexercise.co.nz, recommended by Physiotherapists & Midwives. Programs to get fit for birth and then help you recover postnatally. Programs address - Diastasis Recti - Pelvic Floor Muscle Function - Posture and Wellness. If you want to follow a specific programme either during or beyond pregnancy, have a look at our online programmes as you can get a 40% discount with the coupon code kiwimum. www.pregnancyexercise.co.nz
on your already compromised pelvic floor muscles. Regardless of current pregnancy fitness your core muscle system is compromised during pregnancy. If we can’t contract the core muscles optimally then specific exercises will add an increased strain on the essential core muscle system.
Squats, support press ups, hip bridges and side leg raises are easy to do at home and are specific and safe to perform during each trimester.
Exercises such as frontal planks, crunches, full press ups, pull ups, heavy weights with poor technique can all add stress on the weakened linea alba.
If you are already exercising, well done! It’s perfectly safe to continue up to birth if you feel well enough to do so and have no medical complications.
The linea alba is the connective tissue that holds the abdominal muscles together; it's this that naturally separates during ALL pregnancies, not the actual abdominal muscle.
However, there are some exercises you need to avoid as they may increase abdominal muscle separation and increase the pressure
The exercise programs are safe and can be done at home or your local gym. Owner Lorraine Scapens has more than 25 years of experience training pre and postnatal mums. Exclusive to Kiwiparent readers - get a 40% discount at the checkout with the coupon code kiwimum
If you want further information on abdominal muscle separation and pelvic floor function during and
Continued overleaf...
pregnancyexercise.co.nz The magazine of Parents Centre 17
beyond pregnancy, I would highly recommend you go here on our website: www.pregnancyexercise. co.nz/10-facts-women-need-toknow-about-diastasis-recti
When it’s not safe to exercise Now that we have looked at all the benefits and which exercises to do, it’s also important to cover when exercise is not advised. Do not exercise if you have: amniotic fluid leakage
dizziness laboured breathing before you start
haemodynamically significant heart disease restrictive lung disease
headache
incompetent cervix or cerclage
chest pain
multiple gestations at risk of premature labour
muscle weakness that affects the balance calf pain or swelling. There are also certain medical conditions that mean you absolutely should not exercise during pregnancy, including:
persistent second or third trimester bleeding placenta previa after 26 weeks gestation premature labour during the current pregnancy ruptured membranes pre-eclampsia or pregnancyinduced hypertension severe anaemia. I know how hard it can be to continue or start exercising during pregnancy but having experienced all the benefits of keeping fit and healthy through three full term pregnancies, I can’t recommend more highly that you begin to move more during pregnancy. You can email me any questions Lorraine@pregnancyexercise.co.nz.
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Parents Centre mums who attended Lorraine’s talks then joined the Fit Mum pre and postnatal exercise groups.
Lorraine Scapens Lorraine is Mum to three girls, a pre and postnatal personal trainer and exercise specialist of more than 25 years. She currently speaks at all the Parents Centre pre and postnatal courses on the Hibiscus Coast, providing parents-to-be with safe exercise and wellness advice, preparing them better for birth and beyond. Lorraine also teaches BirthFit and Baby and You group classes at her studio in Manly, and owns the very successful website Pregnancyexercise.co.nz, selling pre and postnatal online programmes worldwide. Her website is a hub of information for pre and postnatal mums. Obstetricians and physiotherapists recommend her plans here in New Zealand and globally. www.pregnancyexercise.co.nz www.facebook.com/ pregnancyexercise www.instagram.com/ pregnancyexercise_ fitmums4life
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Speaking of sparkle Since having children, it's been a dream of mine to help other mothers and women find their sparkle again. I speak about sparkle because I feel like you don’t know it’s gone until you find it again. And that sparkle is the key to living your best life. Back in 2014, after the birth of my third baby, I started exercising at home. I was exclusively breastfeeding, and I had two other young children, aged three years and 22 months. I had three little people that needed me ALL the time. Exercise was the one thing I could do that I could control, and it was almost like a drug that helped me change my mood from sleep-deprived and stressed to positive and happy. It was such hard work having the three so close in age, having moved to a new city, husband starting a new business, and being away from family. There were a lot of moments I struggled, but I am adamant that regular exercise in my life was key in helping me deal with so much. With the help of my two sisters, I started figuring out how to work out at home. I researched moves and put together my own little workouts, but I was limited by equipment that I didn’t have and was extremely time poor. For me, going out and buying equipment wasn’t possible. We had limited money and the extra money my husband earned was spent on good food and a bottle of wine!
I knew that my workouts had to be predominately bodyweight and high intensity – enough for me to get a good sweat up in a short amount of time. HIIT workouts (High Intensity Interval Training) are a great, quick and effective way to work out. It is short bursts of intense work (think high knees for 40 seconds) and then a rest for 20 seconds for example. You are raising your heart rate which then continues to work for you even after you work out. It creates happy endorphins that leave you feeling like a superhero! It’s quick and effective and you don’t need any equipment – perfect for us stay-athome parents and other busy people. I quickly figured out that I could leave my kids to fend for themselves (within reason) for 20 minutes, so always made sure my workouts equated to that time frame. Often the sisters would send me workouts that were 28 minutes. But always, without fail, by 28 minutes the chaos was real, and it just wasn’t fun for anyone. I also discovered that letting my kids sort their own battles is not a bad thing, the less I intervene the better. I would always make sure
I had water and snacks on hand before I started, so I had no excuses to stop until I had finished. Once my baby was six months old, I joined the gym. I did this for the social interaction, and just for something different. My poor husband – as soon as he came in at night, I would gap it out the door – dinner had been eaten and his was ready waiting so it wasn’t all bad! While I used to love getting out and going to the gym, this would often cause stress and anxiety, and it meant I was waiting all day to do my exercise. I would have preferred doing it earlier but that wasn’t possible as he was out the door at 6:45am every morning and there were no classes that early. I started to realise that my time at the gym in the evening wasn’t that enjoyable and I was sure I could get the same results with my own workouts for way less time. The results I wanted were: exercise to make me feel happier to feel strong and fit to feel good inside
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Exercise
Exercise will make you feel better within yourself. Exercise will make you happier. It will help with your mothering. It will help with being a better partner. You will start to feel more confident and you'll find your sparkle.
to sit on the couch come 7pm with my husband and a cuppa, I didn’t want to be ‘gymming‘ it after a huge day with three little people. So, I stopped going to the evening classes and started setting my alarm each morning for 5:40am to arrive at the gym at 6am and do my own workout in the group training room. I would leave the gym by 6:30am to get home in time for my husband to leave for work. That worked a lot better. Then I realised I could do the exact same thing at home. Being in the gym environment was cool – but cooler than that was the extra time
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I could have and boy did I need that extra time. I wanted to exercise to get my ‘happy fix‘ so it seemed silly to spend money and time at the gym when I knew how I could do it at home. Fast forward four years, and we welcomed another little boy into our lives. I stayed exercising consistently while pregnant with him (albeit not the first 12 weeks, oh dear they were tough). I exercise four to five times a week. It‘s part of my lifestyle and makes me a better person. I am happier, stronger and so much kinder.
Back in the early years of pregnancy and child rearing, I lost my sparkle. Exercise is the one major component that helped me find it again. I have met many other mums who have felt the same – they have struggled and feel they have lost themselves. My passion was to inspire them, to help them, to make them want to find their sparkle again. Move it Mama was born when I started helping other school mums. They asked how I managed to find time to go to the gym with four little boys as I would come to school pick-up in my exercise gear – with three other kids in tow, often draped around my arms! I told them there was no way I was at the gym. They came to my house a couple of times over the next few weeks so I could show them what I do and take them through some exercise. One day it rained. I told them to just stay home as my house was too small for all of us to jump around in. I had the idea to create a private group on Facebook and do a live
video so they could just copy me. It worked so well! They loved it because it meant no child wrangling, they could even just do it in their knickers! They told their friends who then told their friends. The group grew to over 5,000 people. So that was it. A dream was quickly becoming a reality. I was helping ignite the sparkles of loads of women and it felt so good. For me, turning it into a business was a little bit scary. I had no idea how I could do this. But in February 2018, Move it Mama Ltd was born. Over 1,000 people joined my group within the first week. I wanted to charge only a small amount so I could keep feeling the joy of helping people at a low cost. I know all too well what life was like on one income with a growing family, it’s tough. We decided on $10 a month, as that was less than a coffee a week. There was a time in my life I could not afford coffees, so this resonated with me. My sister Jess is pregnant with her first baby and living in Sydney. She is a qualified personal trainer and just completed a pregnancy and exercise specialist course. She now takes one live workout a week in the group. The members love knowing what they are doing is safe for their bodies and their babies. My other sister, Char, is amazing and ran marathons and completed a half ironman. She has my back whenever I need to rest my body. I feel extremely blessed to have such an amazing family who are so supportive. Our goal is to help every single woman that needs a little encouragement, inspiration
and motivation to feel good about themselves again. Mindset is a massive part of our decisions, actions and happiness. When we are feeling good within ourselves, we are happier in all areas of our lives. Having kids can be a major stress on our relationships so I believe that exercise is one way you can get your sparkle back and be the best you can be. Move it Mama is now a supportive community that this Mama is extremely proud of. ď Ž
Lisa Fong I am mum to four young boys and wife to Dan. I'm also a daughter, a sister, an aunty, a niece, a granddaughter and a friend. (I am also a nurse, a doctor, a referee, a chef, a maid, a personal shopper, a counsellor, a nanny, an entertainer, a coach and a multi-tasking queen etc!) But, most importantly, I am Lisa. I am me. The best version of me. The sparkly, happy me that I used to be. There was a time when I lost myself a bit when I had my first baby. I sort of just felt like I was a mum and that was all. This is how Move it Mama was born. www.moveitmama.co.nz
2019 Parents Centre National Conference made possible with generous support from
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Where every parent
matters
Expectant mothers in South Auckland now have more choice of where to give birth with the welcome opening of a new purpose-built primary birthing centre in Mangere in March. Until now, there has been no option apart from Middlemore in the Counties Manukau area, with the closest birthing units in Parnell, Botany Downs or Papakura. The 20-suite centre called Nga Hau Mangere will be run as a social enterprise and will be free for women who are eligible for care in New Zealand hospitals and whose pregnancy is considered low-risk. Women who give birth at the centre would be able to stay for three nights after giving birth and would have their own room with a queen bed and an en suite, including a bath that could be used as a birthing pool. Father in his role of support may remain with the mother to bond with baby. The centre, which is owned and supported by the Wright Family Foundation charitable trust, has been designed specifically for the South Auckland community, founder and chief executive Chloe Wright said. "We wanted to create a building that resonates with the community's environment and will reflect its sense of history, while our nurturing and caring service will respect all cultural norms." Evidence suggests healthy women with low-risk pregnancies who give birth in a birthing centre had better health outcomes and less intervention than in hospitals, she said. "Like our other three centres in Tauranga, Palmerston North and Lower Hutt, Nga Hau Mangere will be
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a sanctuary for mothers, where they and their babies will have a wonderful opportunity to bond and achieve a positive start in life together." Chloe says her interest in women’s birth and postnatal experience was activated when she realised that the levels of support had changed dramatically over the years since she had her babies. “Women now have the care and support of a qualified midwife,” Chloe says. “But they are denied the time to naturally attach with baby, establish breastfeeding and have the rest necessary after their bodies had undergone the massive changes both hormonally and physically. It outraged and frightened me.” “I heard many stories, from older mums who had been given time to make these adjustments and from mums
who give birth today – these mothers often felt unable to cope, isolated, and sad.” Chloe says it is well documented that maternal mental health plays a massive role in determining the health and wellbeing of children, and the whole family. “My dream is to establish, through the primary birthing centres, a new benchmark of care,” Chloe says. “Women have a legal right to 48 hours of care postnatally, more if they need it.” “It required bold action not only in embarking on this advocacy, but also bold action from women to insist on their right to choose where – and how – they give birth. We can only hope to change a system that is not working if women use their voices to support their rights and change the future of care for those who come after them. Although it is a battle, it is a battle worth fighting.”
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- tara, said she Ady Priday, a midwife in Ma-ngere and O had been asking for more birthing facilities in the area for 20 years. She said there was a shortage of postnatal beds in Middlemore Hospital so women were forced to go home or move to another birthing centre as soon as they had given birth – even in the middle of the night. Because Botany Downs was about 13km away and Papakura about 29km, many poorer families were reluctant to go to other birthing centres because of the cost of getting there and back, Ady says. “A new birthing centre in the area means more women would be able to receive support and help in the days after they gave birth.” Te Puea Winiata, chief executive of primary health care provider Turuki Health Care, which had been working alongside Wright, said it was fantastic news for Ma-ngere and South Auckland. "It will have a significant impact on our expectant mothers and their families in this locality. The facility will give birthing women another choice and will provide much needed support for mothers with young babies, having a positive flow-on effect for health and wellbeing."
Parents Centre has developed a strong relationship with the Wright Family Foundation who share similar goals and philosophies in supporting parents positively through their journey into parenthood. Parents Centre believes passionately that parents have options and choices and that their rights are upheld. Too many of our birthing units in New Zealand are closing, limiting choices for those parents who wish to have the option of birthing in a primary unit. A primary unit is one which is ideal, and statistically the best place, to birth for a wellpregnancy, where the woman’s pregnancy is healthy and uncomplicated. The Wright Family Foundation have recognised this gap and consequently built four beautiful birthing units in Tauranga, Palmerston North, Lower Hutt and now Ma-ngere. Parents Centre delivers a number of antenatal classes from their education rooms and are able to showcase the birthing units as part of our programme. The way a baby comes into this world and the way a parent is nurtured and supported in those early days matter. The services provided at these birthing units contribute hugely to making this difference.
Liz Pearce, Parent Education and Operations Manager, Parents Centre
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Anywhere,
any time Pelvic floor exercises during pregnancy and beyond
Pregnancy provides a range of new experiences as your body changes and grows to accommodate your baby. But many women can experience light bladder leakage or pregnancy incontinence, and this can sometimes continue once your new bundle of joy has arrived. It’s nothing to be worried about, ashamed of or embarrassed about – it’s simply part of the extra pressures your body faces during pregnancy. Light bladder leakage is more common than you’d expect, with a third of women experiencing symptoms at some point in their life. During pregnancy your body experiences many changes and, as your baby grows, often the pressure on your bladder will increase too. All the extra weight pressing down on your pelvic floor muscles weakens them, which can mean the amount of urine your bladder typically holds decreases. So, during pregnancy you’ll find yourself having to urinate more frequently, or you may experience loss of bladder control. Even after having your baby, you might find your bladder leakage still wants to hang around. Why? Well, pushing your baby through the birth canal places all sorts of stretching pressures on most of your pelvic organs. Childbirth puts a huge strain on your bladder and the supporting muscles of your pelvic floor. Vaginal delivery, a perineum tear or episiotomy (cut in the perineum that makes it easier for the baby to come out), as well as damage to the nerves
Pilates are a great way to strengthen your pelvic floor as these muscles need slow as well as fast exercises.
of the bladder, make loss of bladder control a common issue for new mums. Some women are able to withstand that kind of pressure more than others, but many may find the process has put a huge strain on their bladder. While most women will eventually slowly regain control of their bladder, it’s important to note though that this can often be aggravated again further down the track (and by further down the track, we hopefully mean many years), by natural changes we all face as we age – like menopause.
Pregnancy incontinence should only last for a short period after giving birth, enough time to allow muscles to be regained. If you’re still experiencing light bladder leakage more than six weeks after you’ve given birth you should consult your doctor. It’s always recommended that you talk to your midwife, GP or healthcare professional when it comes to helping you determine, control and improve your loss of bladder control to fit with your own unique lifestyle.
Exercising your pelvic floor Also known as Kegel exercises, pelvic floor exercises are key to repairing and strengthening your muscles and get you back in control of your bladder weakness. It’s never too late to start, whether you have a tiny newborn or an active fouryear-old. Pelvic floor exercises are essential to every woman’s exercise routine and can be done anytime, anywhere, and without anyone noticing. Not only do they increase your control
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over your bladder, your pelvic floor also supports your vagina, uterus and bowel – so keeping your pelvic floor in good working order is beneficial for women of all ages and stages of life.
exercises, where the pelvic floor muscles are quickly tightened then relaxed; and slow exercises, where the pelvic floor muscles
are tightened for 10 seconds before relaxing. These exercises work best when each squeeze of the pelvic floor muscles is as tight as possible.
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A strong pelvic floor may also help shorten the second stage of labour and, after childbirth, Kegel exercises may also help to heal any damage by increasing blood supply to the area.
Anywhere any time Exercising your pelvic floor can be incorporated into your everyday life, and can be done anywhere and at any time. It is a gentle exercise, yet very effective in treating bladder leakage. Like any form of exercise, it’s best to try different methods in order to get all of the pelvic floor muscles working. These can include quick
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All you have to do…
It’s a myth.
Step 1
In fact, the concentration of urine from low hydration can actually irritate the bladder.
Sit, stand or lie down with your legs slightly apart and relax your thighs, buttocks and abdomen muscles.
Step 2 Tighten the ring of muscle around your front and back passages drawing the pelvic floor muscles up inside.
Step 3 Try to complete up to 10 slow squeezes and 10 fast squeezing exercises.
Step 4 Repeat these exercises 4–5 times every day.
Don’t stop drinking water Holding back on hydration is one of the first things women do to combat light bladder leakage. Drinking water comes easily for some people – they just really enjoy it. For others, it can be a little bit harder to embrace the H2O. And then there are some who avoid it because they think it will add to their bladder weakness.
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Symptoms may also get worse when you are stressed or triggered by caffeine or alcohol. So, don’t avoid drinking water, but stick to sipping often throughout the day versus large amounts at one time. Also try keeping a diary of foods and drinks which might make your light bladder leakage worse. This will help you understand whether certain acidic, spicy or salty foods are having an effect on your bladder. It’s a common belief we need to drink eight glasses of water a day for optimal health. This isn’t actually necessary, as most of what we need is already in our food, but there are still lots of reasons to drink plenty of water.
Wonder water – Did you know? Water can keep your weight down. If you are hungry and it’s between meal times, have a glass of water
Don’t avoid drinking water, but stick to sipping often throughout the day
before you reach for the chocolate biscuits.
Water helps energise your muscles during exercise. When muscle cells don't have enough fluid, performance can be compromised as they don’t work as well. Make sure you drink a small amount of water before, as well as during, exercise.
Water helps you look good. If you’re dehydrated, your skin can look dry and more wrinkled than normal. When you are properly hydrated your kidneys work at their best to get rid of excess fluids. If you are holding back on water, it’s time to stop.
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How to identify your pelvic muscles Identifying your pelvic floor muscles can be a bit tricky and it takes practice to find and squeeze your pelvic floor correctly. Whilst locating these muscles, refrain from using your stomach, buttock and leg muscles when trying these methods. If you continue to have difficulty, speak to your doctor to determine the best ways to manage and reduce leaks for you and your body. You can identify the muscles located around the bladder opening by starting and stopping your urine stream. If you are able
to stop mid-stream, you’re using your pelvic floor muscles. Another way to identify pelvic muscles and complete your pelvic floor exercises is to tighten the muscles around your back passage (as when holding back wind or at the end of a bowel movement). A proper pelvic floor squeeze also works to lift the engaged muscles upwards. Use a hand mirror to see if you can notice any upward movement when you contract your pelvic floor muscles.
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Breastfeeding
challenges
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N EW
Breastfeeding, like parenting, is not always easy – especially in the first few weeks after birth. Like all new skills, breastfeeding can take a while to learn and sometimes it can take a while to become really comfortable breastfeeding your baby. Some mums may experience problems including engorged breasts, sore or cracked nipples and thrush infections. There might be physical factors causing problems like mum having inverted nipples or baby having tongue tie. The most important thing to remember is, if you are experiencing difficulties with breastfeeding, most of them can be resolved. Seek advice early and talk to your midwife, or get advice from a lactation consultant or La Leche League professional.
Engorged breasts A few days after you give birth, the mature milk comes in. In some women this happens very quickly (often overnight) and their breasts may become swollen, hard, hot and painful. Here are some things you can do if you have engorged breasts: F eed your baby on demand until they have had enough. I f you have a strong 'let down' and milk pours from the breast during the feed, take your bra off and let it run out freely. You can catch it in a towel, cup or even in a sterilised container for freezing and using later. P ut your baby to the more painful breast first. Try using one side for each feed rather than offering both breasts. If your baby is still hungry, offer the other breast.
S tand in a warm shower for five minutes before feeding. It is soothing and comfortable. Although is it generally not a good idea to express off excess milk by hand, expressing a little in the shower can make it easier for a very new baby to 'latch on' correctly.
BECAUSE EVERY DROP OF BREAST MILK COUNTS
M assage your breast lumps gently towards the nipple while feeding. T here is no greater relief for engorged breasts than feeding baby, so don’t give your baby any other fluids. A fter feeding, apply a cold pack or refrigerated cabbage leaves over the whole breast – many mums find this can be very soothing. I f your breasts are very painful, take some paracetamol. You may feel reluctant to do this, however, remember that being in pain makes establishing a healthy, satisfying breastfeeding pattern much more difficult.
It is very difficult to establish a healthy, breastfeeding pattern if you are in pain, so ask for help as soon as possible Continued overleaf...
Introducing making life simple for mums who express Our Express and Go range makes everything easier. By using a single pouch to EXPRESS, STORE, WARM and FEED, there’s no need to transfer breastmilk between bottles so you’ll never lose a precious drop!
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Sore or cracked nipples Not all women experience sore or cracked nipples, but if you do it may really test your resolve to breastfeed. At times you might feel that it is not worth it, and that breastfeeding is just not for you. It is very difficult to establish a healthy, breastfeeding pattern if you are in pain, so ask for help as soon as possible. Sore and cracked nipples are generally caused because: Y our baby is not in the correct position for feeding. The baby will chew on your nipples if they don’t get the areola into their mouth – your baby is nipplefeeding instead of breastfeeding. You have sensitive skin. Y our baby may be 'tonguetied' (occurs in up to 5% of newborns). Y ou may have inverted nipples (this is very rare). If you have sore or cracked nipples, ask for help from your midwife or a lactation consultant. They will help you position or 'latch' your baby to the breast correctly. In most cases, once the baby is correctly positioned
the nipple heals within two or three days. If your baby does not latch on to the breast well, remove them carefully from the breast and re-latch your baby, ensuring that the baby takes a large mouthful of the areola and breast. Take care to release the suction by gently sliding your finger between their mouth and the breast. Pulling baby off the breast while they are enthusiastically sucking will further damage your nipple. Other things that may help include: M ake sure you are sitting comfortably to feed your baby. I f one nipple is sorer than the other, start feeding from the less painful side so that your baby does not feed furiously on the sore breast.
The most important thing to remember is, if you are experiencing difficulties with breastfeeding, talk to your midwife or get advice from a lactation consultant. Do not use creams or drying agents on the nipples. S ome women use a warm hot water bottle or wheat bag to relieve pain. Others find that they get good relief from cold packs.
S ome women find that feeding from one breast per feed (rather than both) lets them 'rest' the nipple for a longer duration and helps with healing.
G o without a bra if it feels more comfortable.
T ry expressing a little milk before breastfeeding. This will soften and lubricate the nipple.
I f you are reluctant to take pain relief, talk with your doctor or midwife.
P aracetamol is considered safe to take for the pain. Follow the instructions carefully.
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More comfort, more milk When you are comfortable and relaxed, your milk flows more easily. That is why we created our most comfortable breast pump yet; sit comfortably with no need to lean forward and let our soft massage cushion gently stimulate your milk flow.
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Thrush infection Sore, itchy or cracked nipples may also mean you and your baby have thrush. It can affect your baby as a red nappy rash, or white spots may appear inside baby’s mouth. It is easily treated with medication from your midwife or doctor. You should continue breastfeeding as normal if you have thrush.
Inverted nipples If you are concerned that you have an inverted nipple or nipples, seek advice from your doctor, midwife or lactation consultant. Don't forget that babies breastfeed, not nipple feed and that it is very rare for women to not be able to feed because of an inverted nipple.
Tongue tie Tongue tie is a problem that affects some babies when the thin membrane connecting the tongue to the base of the mouth limits movement of the tongue, making it hard for them to attach properly to their mother's breast. This may be because it is too short, or it is attached in such a way that it “ties down” the tip of the tongue. Some tongue-tied babies breastfeed
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well, but many struggle to make a good latch and are unable to feed as well as babies without tongue tie. Tongue tie has been linked to a number of symptoms in mother and baby including: reduced milk supply s ore nipples or a sensation of “chomping” when baby feeds
If you or your baby are experiencing any of these symptoms, talk to your midwife, doctor or a lactation consultant who will be able to discuss the different treatment options available to you to cope with your baby’s tongue tie, depending on the age of your baby and the type of tie that is present.
t rouble latching baby, who may become frustrated t hrush – damage caused by the poor latch is a great place for thrush to settle m astitis – inflammation of the breast tissue, particularly the milk ducts and glands in breastfeeding mums very long or frequent feeds b aby making a clicking noise or spilling milk out the side of their mouth b aby being described as “windy” or as having “colic” l ow weight gains or “failure to thrive” r eflux – when baby spits up or spills when the stomach contents are released up into the throat.
This article was prepared with the assistance of Health Navigator New Zealand. www.healthnavigator.org.nz www.facebook.com/ healthnavigatornz Reviewed by: Lee-Ora Lewis, Clinical Nurse Director, Totara Health, and Liz Pearce, Parent Education and Operations Manager, Parents Centre
In this section A new beginning for Lower Hutt Parents Centre Conference Centre news Find a Centre Spotlight on: Baby and You
Educating and supporting parents through the early years
Photo: A new beginning for Lower Hutt
Antenatal – pregnancy and childbirth education While this is certainly not all we do, we are justifiably proud of delivering fantastic classes around the country! Parents Centres New Zealand was founded back in 1952, largely through the critical need to improve antenatal education and birthing practices in this country. We have achieved plenty since then, including: successfully advocating for fathers to be allowed to be present during labour and birth e stablishing the practice of babies “rooming in” with their mothers and not being banished to a nursery p romoting breastfeeding as being normal and the best form of feeding for babies, and supporting the World Health Organisation (WHO) code for this i nitiating unlimited hospital visits for parents of sick children e stablishing a diploma-level course specialising in antenatal education in the country. We have an awesome team of expert Childbirth Educators (CBEs), all trained to diploma level and passionate about the importance of quality childbirth education. We’ve been educating parents for over 60 years, and believe that with the right information, birthing choices sit firmly with you, the parents. Knowledge is empowerment, enabling you to have control over what is the start of the most incredible journey of your life – becoming a parent.
Perhaps you could be interested in becoming a Centre volunteer? The opportunities for volunteers at Centre level are many and varied – you can read more about the fun different Centres around the country have had celebrating Parents Centre Week on pages 40 and 41. If you would like to learn more, simply contact your local Centre or check out our website to find out how you can become involved. We would love to see you! Go to www.parentscentre.org.nz to find out more.
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A new beginning for Lower Hutt Lower Hutt Parents Centre was very pleased to recently celebrate our move from our old premises to the new Te Awakairangi Birth Centre in Lower Hutt. The birth centre facilities give us a beautiful and modern space to deliver our childbirth education and parent education classes. We took a moment to pause and acknowledge the hard work that went into the relocation with drinks, nibbles and a cake! The participants of the first class held in the centre also received a special goodie bag containing samples from Parents Centre partners and local supporters. Committee members, led by our president Ren Wanden, had a big task ahead when we decided to move, as we had been using the church hall at Waiwhetu Uniting Church for almost twenty years. All sorts of treasure and trash was unearthed in the move, including a very ancient and enormous breast pump that was almost museum-worthy. The most precious artefacts have been given to Parents Centre National Office, while various other items were sold, donated or found their way into a skip-bin. We are very happy to be settled in now and have already run one successful childbirth education class at Te Awakairangi Birth Centre, with a full year's run of courses scheduled and filling up fast. The committee would like to thank all those who helped us with the move; National Support Centre
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for their help with introducing us to the management of the birth centre, the staff who work on site at the centre who have fielded many inquiries from us and helped us iron out any wrinkles, and the committee members who gave up extra time to sort out and move things. A special thank you to Chloe Wright, the founder and managing director of Birthing Centre Ltd, who made it possible for this partnership to happen. We would also like to acknowledge the Waiwhetu Uniting Church whose hospitable and flexible accommodation of us over the years has been a big factor in the stability and success of Lower Hutt Parents Centre. We are feeling really positive about the future and look forward to continuing to support new parents in our area, from our lovely new premises.
Meg Waghorn, Lower Hutt Parents Centre ď Ž
Enriching babies’ first 1,000 days Parents Centre NZ is excited to be holding a National Conference for all Parents Centre volunteers and Childbirth Educators. The theme of the conference is Enriching Babies’ First 1,000 days. Our fantastic line-up of speakers are all professionals in their fields and will be talking on a range of topics including babies’ brain development in the early years, the importance of talking to babies from a young age, parent and infant sleep, and more. This conference will be an opportunity for our volunteers and Childbirth Educators to network with those from other Parents Centres around the country. Delegates will take away valuable information in order to keep their local Centre successfully supporting parents in the community and continuing to provide parents with information that is relevant, appropriate and is informed by the very latest research. Our first exciting day of learning will conclude in a gala dinner where everyone can let their hair down and have some fun. No gala dinner is complete without awards, and this year we have three award categories: Volunteer of the Year Centre of the Year Childbirth Educator of the Year. As a Parents Centre member, you are invited to nominate your local Parents Centre for the “Centre of the Year” award. This award focuses on support in your local community.
Does your Parents Centre go above and beyond to support you as a Parents Centre member? Does it provide a great range of parent education programmes and activities? Is your local Parents Centre run by a great bunch of volunteers doing a fantastic job? Did you have an awesome experience with Parents Centre? We want to hear all about it!
"There is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one." Head to our Facebook page Parents Centre New Zealand Inc for more information and to nominate your local Parents Centre for this prestigious award. Nominations close 20th April.
– Anonymous –
Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Kiwi mums. From the Kiwiparent team.
The magazine of Parents Centre
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Hands-on fun for Balclutha Parents Centre From seaweed and shellfish to sharks and seabirds, the marine environment of southern New Zealand is rich and diverse, as Balclutha Parents Centre found when they visited the University of Otago's Marine Studies Centre and Aquarium at Portobello in December to learn more about the secrets of the Southern Ocean. Touch tanks provided the children with an awesome hands-on experience and the trip was a resounding success.
Nicola Law, Balclutha Parents Centre
Quizzing for Conference We have had several successful quizzes in the past and decided this year we would raise funds to go towards our conference fees. They are fun to organise – this year we had around 100 people attend. We are well known for our amazing quiz nights because of our great raffle prizes, and this time we raised $1,500! Around 50 businesses throughout New Zealand generously donated us over 100 prizes. It was a fun night, and everyone seemed to have a good time. We had quite a few teams of people who had never attended a fundraiser quiz before and the feedback was all positive. We look forward to doing this all again next year!
Gemma Todd, Dunedin Parents Centre
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Each edition of Kiwiparent will profile one of Parents Centre's renowned parent education programmes.
This month the spotlight is on:
‘Baby and You’ Early parenthood is a life-changing experience into which we all go unrehearsed. The ‘Baby and You’ programme follows on from antenatal classes and offers sound tips and strategies as you begin your remarkable journey into parenthood. In your newborn child, you have a very special little individual who will grow and develop with your care and guidance. Contributing to the growth and development of your child can be hugely rewarding. To see your baby smile, play and grow – so helpless and dependent – can be an extraordinary experience. You will have feelings of tenderness, closeness and a sense of awe at the miracles of ‘first milestones’ – smiling, crawling, steps and games. But with a new baby comes uncharted waters. Your tiny bundle may rule the entire household through his routines, sleep patterns and behaviours. This can be very challenging. Many parents, particularly new mums, find the information and support in the ‘Baby and You’ programme extremely helpful in managing the challenges, and making the most of the rewards, that a new baby brings into their life. Parents Centre believes strongly in the strength of support networks in getting through – and enjoying! – those early months. Firm friendships are often formed between course participants, through shared experiences and understandings.
Discussion topics include issues around post-natal realities, identifying physical, emotional and relationship changes. For example, what are some successful infant feeding practices? How do you handle other people’s often well-meaning advice about feeding? There are often very simple strategies for coping, and discussing issues as they arise is often the first step to successful feeding. Discovering that other new parents experience similar difficulties or have the same questions can be hugely supportive. Babies grow quickly, and they go through a variety of stages. ‘Baby and You’ explores the first three months of your baby’s life and gives practical information about stimulation for babies, age-appropriate toys and the key milestones of your baby’s growth. The programme also recognises the heavy demands babies have on parents’ time and attention. It is common for parents to feel a loss of independence, a huge lack of sleep, and worries around employment and financial changes. Included is a section on self-care strategies for parents – it’s a challenging time and let’s not forget to meet the needs of mum and dad. Participating in the ‘Baby and You’ programme will give you the much-needed tools over those first uncertain months to enable you to grow in confidence. Your baby, and you, will benefit enormously.
The magazine of Parents Centre
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Find a Centre near you Parents Centres span the entire country with 46 locations around New Zealand. Contact your local Centre for details of programmes and support available in your area, or go to:
www.parentscentre.org.nz
North Island Auckland Region 1
Bay of Plenty
Whangarei
Tauranga
Waitemata
Whakatane
Bays North Harbour
Rotorua
Hibiscus Coast
Taupo
Onewa
Taranaki
Auckland Region 2
New Plymouth
Auckland East
Stratford
Papakura
South Taranaki
Manukau
East Coast North Island
Franklin
Central Hawke's Bay
Auckland Region 3
Hawke's Bay
West Auckland
Central Districts
Central Auckland
Palmerston North
East & Bays
Wairarapa
Waikato
Wellington
Cambridge
Kapiti
Putaruru
Lower Hutt
Otorohanga
Mana
Morrinsville
Upper Hutt
Thames-Hauraki
Wellington North Wellington South
South Island Northern South Island Nelson Marlborough Greymouth Canterbury Region Ashburton Christchurch Timaru Oamaru Southern Region Alexandra Balclutha Dunedin Gore Taieri
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Great parents
grow great kids
Arm yourself with knowledge as you grow as a parent alongside your child, by taking part in one of the Parents Centre programmes that run nationwide. Having a new baby is a time of significant change – your brain is working overtime with questions and your body is going through amazing changes. It's quite a journey. Parents Centre has been supporting parents for 65 years. Become a member of Parents Centre and we can support you too! You’ll get access to quality pregnancy, childbirth and parent education that will help you gain invaluable knowledge on your pregnancy, childbirth and early parenting journey. It’s a great way to meet other new parents who are on the same journey as you. They often become lifelong friends. You get support through coffee groups that meet on a regular basis, and ongoing education programmes to help you navigate the stages of pregnancy and parenthood. With 46 Centres nationwide, we provide many opportunities for social engagement for both parents and children. Many of our Centres offer playgroups and music classes, and these are a great way to learn with your children while you get to socialise with other parents at the same time.
You also gain skills and experience that will be a real asset when you decide to rejoin the workforce. We look forward to having you join our Parents Centre family and supporting you on your parenting journey! Early Pregnancy – a special programme tailored for your 12th to 24th week of pregnancy. Pregnancy, Childbirth and Parent Education (Antenatal) – essential information to prepare you for childbirth and early parenting. Baby and You – practical and sensible tips and advice for enjoying and making the most of those first months with your newborn. Parenting with Purpose – consciously focusing on how you want to parent and how your child ticks. Return to Work – advice for preparing and returning to the paid workforce. Magic Moments – strategies for positive communication and discipline with your child. Moving and Munching – exploring baby's first foods and developmental stages.
As a Parents Centre member you will receive loads of free giveaways and samples, as well as special discount shopping days, and discounted products and services exclusive to Parents Centre members. Who doesn’t love freebies and discounts!
Music and Movement – stimulating music activities for your baby and toddler.
Many of our members gain so much from being a Parents Centre member that they want to ‘give back’ and become volunteers for their local Centre, ensuring that new parents can continue to benefit from the skills, knowledge, friendships and support they’ve received.
www.parentscentre.org.nz
Tinies to Tots – positively encouraging your emerging adventurous toddler.
The magazine of Parents Centre
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Instamyths
The myth of perfect parenthood
You haven’t slept properly for days, and you have just eaten cold toast that you made two days ago. But today is a milestone – your baby is three months old. You pick out the perfect outfit and make sure the setting is just right for the ideal photo. You post the best of the 20 pics you take of your (briefly) peacefully sleeping baby on all your social media platforms – Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat. Then you keep checking to see if anyone has liked the picture. An hour or so later, after scrolling through the likes and comments, you notice that one of your friends from your antenatal class, who is always online, hasn’t responded to the picture yet. Perhaps she hasn’t seen it – or maybe she doesn’t like baby’s outfit. Maybe she really thinks you’re trying too hard. Later that day you realise that you only have 30 likes. You always like and comment on other parents’ photos … so why aren’t more or your friends responding to your post? Perhaps they are judging your photo, or your mothering… To many, this scenario might sound ridiculous, but psychologists report that it is a frequent consequence of being a new mum and sharing on social media.
What’s behind the need to post? Why would a busy and exhausted new mum use precious time to set up the perfect baby photo for social
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media? Or care so much about how these friends – many of whom are just acquaintances – respond to photos of her baby? Perhaps it is simply to connect with others and feel noticed and validated. Being a new mum can be lonely and overwhelming. A recent study in America looked at new parents’ use of social media. It followed 182 couples who were expecting their first child across the year surrounding their transition to parenthood. When their babies were nine months old, they surveyed these parents about their use of social networking sites in the early months of parenthood. While they asked questions of both parents, they found that mothers spent more time on social networking sites and took primary responsibility for posting baby photos. They found some mums – those who were more concerned with others validating them as mothers and those who believed that others expect them to be perfect parents – were more active on social media. They had stronger emotional reactions when
the photos of their child received more, or fewer, likes and comments than they expected. Researchers also found that mums who looked for external validation for their mothering and were perfectionistic about parenting had more depressive symptoms through higher levels of social media activity. Worryingly, the study also found that greater social media activity was linked to elevated parenting stress for some new mothers.
Comparing can lead to stress Researcher Sarah Coyne from Brigham Young University found that mothers who more frequently compared themselves to others on social networking sites felt more depressed, more overloaded and less competent as a parent. The authors noted that many people portray themselves in a highly positive manner on social networking sites. This may be particularly true for mums, who can feel huge pressure to be perfect parents.
Parents should consider their motivations for using social media and their reactions to online activity. If you find you are obsessing over “likes” on your photos, consider turning off notifications and logging on only at certain times of the day.
s
Join u and
If you feel unhappy or down after spending time on social media, you may benefit from taking a “break” for a few weeks or months and instead focus on making phoning or skyping long-distance friends and meeting those who live near you for a coffee.
e r a h S f
Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan Professor of Human Sciences and Psychology; Ohio State University
If you are comparing yourself to others’ seemingly perfect images of parenting and family life, you will most likely fall short. This may be especially true for new mothers whose experiences have gone differently than expected. Think about the mother who wanted a home birth but ended up having a caesarean, or the new mother whose child was born premature and faces weeks in neonatal care.
Is social media all bad? Not necessarily. Even though much research highlights the perils of social networking sites, other studies
have shown that social networking can benefit parents by allowing them to maintain and strengthen relationships with family and friends. All parents who use social networking sites can help by sharing the struggles as well as the triumphs of parenting. They can support instead of criticising parents who portray themselves in a less-than-perfect – but much more authentic – way. Leigh Bredenkamp with the assistance of social media savvy parents
alth o ers e w a in h oth t i w s t benefi e Fre
Connect with parents at your stage, discuss with others, find local babysitting and coffee groups!
Access a wealth of helpful resources – TIPS, INFO, PRODUCT REVIEWS, CONTACTS, NEWS & more
Interact and ask questions, give answers, share your story or knowledge with forums.
Receive entry to prize draws, free product samples, plus relevant info emails through each stage.
“Social media is both amazing and horrific at the same time. During those first several months I felt very alone. Family weren’t readily available, and I had a very spilly and windy baby who would go through several changes of clothes a day. I never felt brave enough to leave the house and socialise with others. So, I turned to the internet – in fact my Due Group on Facebook was amazing at helping me feel less alone. I joined the group when I was pregnant, and we formed a wonderful internet friendship. This continued for many years. Of course, there is the other side of the coin – which is where the internet can be rough. It’s full of people’s opinions and sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between an opinion and someone judging you/ being nasty to you. When you’re a vulnerable first-time parent, it’s easy to get caught up in the way you read something (rather than how it’s said) and feelings can get hurt.
Win $2500 over
ducts of pro
E n e r o n li n
When I was diagnosed with PND, I felt the internet helped me hugely. I was embarrassed to talk about my situation with people (other than family of course) but when it came to being behind a computer and chatting to people online, I felt more confident in doing it.”
Simply go online
www.bounty.co.nz RATING EB
CE L
Maria Foy www.happymumhappychild.co.nz Extract from ‘Are you OK, Really?’
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Y EA R S
The magazine of Parents Centre
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Celebrating the resilient
woman
You may or may not have noticed that it’s Mother’s Day soon. From what I hear from the mums I work with, many of them don’t even realise it’s Mother’s Day until it’s upon us! Sure, we will probably receive a lovely handmade card made from old cardboard, containing a gorgeous little sketch and declaration of love from our children. But I wonder how many mums out there simply want to have a Mother’s Day free from responsibility and decision-making – a day especially for them. It sounds like bliss. As women we tend to put others before ourselves – it’s socially acceptable, and it tends to be ingrained in us from a young age – when we’re encouraged to care for our siblings, younger cousins, even the neighbours’ kids. So, when it comes to Mother’s Day, it probably doesn’t come easy for us to put down the tools and let someone else care for us and tend to our needs. It may even feel uncomfortable. The thing is, in order to receive support we need to that we need it! This is where resilience comes in. As mums we are concerned about role modelling to our kids values such as respect and safety, and this can involve modelling behaviours such as resilience and bravery. Resilience grows from vulnerability, and vulnerability requires supportive relationships. In order to be a resilient mum we need to be a resilient woman first.
What is resilience? Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress. It means ‘bouncing back’ from difficult experiences by practising the skills required to let you move through adversity, rather than becoming defined by it. Resilience psychology is a new field of psychology. You may have heard about Dr Lucy Hone, a New Zealand
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resilience psychology expert. Lucy had to put her resiliency knowledge to the test when her family lost their daughter in a tragic accident. Lucy believes that what works to foster resilience in yourself is supportive relationships and physical nurturing. She also believes that it’s best to let go of blame in order to move on. Internal and external support, physical strength as well as knowledge and skills are at the centre of resilience – they help us to realise we can cope with adversity and help us to recover afterwards. Experiencing tragedy or stress gives you the evidence that you can, with the support of yourself and of others, get through adversity for the better.
Why be resilient? People who practise resiliency do not let adversity define them or their worth, and this in turn fosters constructive behaviours. Becoming overwhelmed by adversity and letting it define you and your worth, puts you at greater risk of using unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges, such as aggression towards yourself or others. People find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves; transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs. In Lucy’s case
Resilience can stop you being stuck in the past We all have wounds or traumas in our lives, times when we have felt out of control and shame as a result – we may not have learned to be resilient at the time but it’s not too late to learn! We are just big children after all – and we have the choice to go back and reinterpret past events and respond actively and creatively. Once these constructive responses to adversity are repeated, they become incorporated into our inner selves as lasting strengths.
Resilience is quite ordinary Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. People commonly demonstrate resilience. One example is the resilience shown by Kiwis affected by the Canterbury and Kaiko-ura earthquakes.
Resilience goes with forgiveness it was focusing on living for her two teenage sons – this gave her the will to just keep going.
It takes time In the moment, when you are in the midst of a stress response, you may not feel particularly resilient. However, people can adapt well over time to lifechanging situations and stressful conditions. It requires time and effort to practise resilience. It always requires support. Sometimes if our deeper wounds are being triggered, adversity becomes an opportunity to finally heal the wounds underneath.
Resilience is a skill, not a trait Resilience is not a trait that you either have or do not have. It involves behaviours, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn and develop.
Resilience is fostered by constructive beliefs and behaviours about yourself and others, rather than shame and blame. Forgiveness fosters resilience, however forgiveness (of what you or another person has done) doesn’t mean condoning the behaviour. It means that for your own wellbeing, you choose to let go of anger towards yourself or the other person and you don’t blame your own or others’ characters as ‘bad’.
Resilience doesn’t eliminate emotional pain Being resilient does not mean that a person doesn't experience difficulty or distress. People who practise resiliency understand that setbacks happen, that sometimes life is hard and painful. They still experience the pain, grief, and loss that comes after a tragedy, but their mental outlook allows them to work through such feelings and recover. We are all vulnerable to adverse events and experiences.
Continued overleaf...
2019 Parents Centre National Conference made possible with generous support from The magazine of Parents Centre
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There is no one recipe for resilience Developing resilience is a personal journey. People do not all react the same to trauma and stress, therefore slightly different skills, strategies and resources might be required to meet your needs. You are you, you will respond to and need different things to others in times of stress. The important thing is being aware of how you feel and what you need.
Common characteristics of resilience
10 ways to practise resilience
A ccepting you are vulnerable, not invincible, like everyone else.
1. R eframe – see your own and others’ mistakes as opportunities for learning, rather than evidence to feel guilty. Learn from your past. What was your greatest frustration as a child? How did you behave as a result? What would have helped you? How do you replay these frustrations and behaviours? What do you need to help you now?
H aving supportive people around you, and actively asking for support. S eeing yourself as working through difficulties, rather than being a victim of them. K nowing when to pull back and let go of trying and trying. B elieving you are as worthy as anyone else, just because you are you. K nowing you are able to problem-solve when the time comes. N ot blaming yourself or others when things don’t go quite right. This might look like externalising the notso-good things, and internalising successes by taking responsibility for what goes right. B eing self-reflective – being aware of how you feel and what you need. C ommunicating your needs in constructive ways – expressing how you feel beneath the fear and frustration. R esponding constructively to strong feelings and impulses. T he capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out. F eeling like you have choice in adversity, rather than no control, even if it’s just being able to breathe.
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2. S ee factors outside of your control as situational difficulties rather than personal failure. Accept that some things are out of your control/expertise and allow yourself to step back, delegate, delay or discard them. 3. S ee difficult times as temporary, rather than permanent. Seeing obstacles as hard and surmountable, rather than insurmountable – like imagining bushes of gorse on your life journey, rather than a solid brick wall. 4. S ee feelings as data for doing something constructive (which may be doing nothing at all), rather than running from, fighting, or wallowing in them. 5. S ee tasks or experiences that are difficult for you as opportunities to learn new skills rather than seeing yourself as weak, deficient, or there being something ‘wrong’ with you. 6. S ee yourself as the maker of your life, rather than the subject of it. Give yourself projects in these areas: social, intellectual, psychological, emotional/ spiritual, physical. Make sure they are in line with your capacity.
7. E xpress how you feel and ask for what you need – reach out to others rather than being afraid of judgement. Say ‘No’ if you don’t have the capacity to give to others – make sure your tank is full first. If you have a child, this may involve asking someone else to step in. 8. H ave supportive people in your life, people that love you unconditionally. Great relationships are to be cherished, even if they’re long distance. If someone isn’t in a position to support you, then work on it (if they’re willing) or look elsewhere. 9. S ee fear as something for you to face – slowly, quietly, gently and with the help of a professional if that would be useful. 10. Respond to your body – if it needs to move, move, if it needs to rest, rest, if it needs to release energy, then release it (in a safe way, like yelling into a pillow). Make sure you breathe deeply into your tummy, and practise exercises that help you switch off and be calm.
Three things to remember this Mother’s Day Remember that you are always good enough – as a woman, a mother, a partner, a friend, a daughter. As Psychologist Edith Grotberg says – everyone needs reminders of the strengths they have:
Relationships I have strong relationships and constructive role models – these are my external supports.
Self-worth I am a person who has hope, cares about others, is proud of myself – these are inner strengths I can develop.
Ability I can communicate, solve problems, gauge the temperament of others, seek good relationships – these are all interpersonal and problem-solving skills that I can acquire.
Emma Heaney-Yeatts Previously at PND Wellington (now renamed Little Shadow) for seven years, Emma now runs her private therapy practice called mybestme. Emma is a mum of two boys aged eight and ten, She enjoys writing articles on topics relating to being the best self and mum you can be – which is always imperfect, and perfectly unique. Emma loves working with clients on their journey of discovery and healing.
The magazine of Parents Centre
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Of love
&
loss
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It’s 2011. We’re not trying to have a baby, but we have stopped NOT trying to have a baby. One night my wife tells me that “she’s late”. She didn’t have to tell me, I already knew. Off to the supermarket to get some tests. But she doesn’t take the test straight away, she cooks dinner first. The waiting is so nervewracking! We finally get around to the test but this time it’s a false alarm. We test twice, just to make sure, but nope. No baby. And just to confirm it, ‘Aunt Urma’ shows up a couple days later. She must have missed her bus… It’s a few months later. Again, my wife tells me she’s late. Again, I already knew. I’m good at keeping track of the days. Off to the supermarket to get some tests. This time, I try to keep cool about it, just in case nothing happens. But this time there is no false alarm. This time we get the two lines we need on the stick. We’re going to be parents! We test twice, just to be sure. My mind starts to race, I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad. I want to tell people, but we’ve already been told how it’s best to wait until the twelve-week mark. I think to myself, “But three months is soo far away!” I start to plan a list in my head of all the things we’ll need to buy. At the top of that list is an All Blacks onesie. It’s the six-week mark. We decide to tell our parents. They’re thrilled! On my side it will be the first grandchild. On my wife’s side it will be the second. We decide to also tell our siblings, but that will be it. My brother is thrilled, he actually jumps up and tears around the house yelling, “I’m going to be an uncle!” We’re so happy. I’m looking forward to when I can actually feel the baby kicking. When we’re out shopping one day, I find the All Blacks onesie I was looking for. It’s so cute!
Taking the All Black onesie to work It’s the twelve-week mark. The time when it’s supposedly “safe” to tell people. We haven’t had our appointment for our scan yet, that’s next week. But keeping this a secret has been so hard, and we’ve made it to twelve weeks, so we decide it’s OK to tell people. I announce it by taking the onesie to work. “Look at this!” I say. They catch on immediately and congratulations come from all around.
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It’s the next week. I’m sitting in a dark room, staring at a monitor. On the screen is the image of a baby. Not that I would be able to tell, it’s all just light and dark squiggles. The woman doing the scan is talking, but as it goes on, she gets quieter. I ask if everything is ok, but she can’t say, she needs to go get someone else. In comes a more senior person who takes over. She explains that things aren’t looking good. They’ll need to do some more tests and some more scans. It’s later that week. The results are back. Only this time, we’re not sitting down with someone who does ultrasounds. We have specialists sitting in front of us. I’m prepared for bad news. I’m prepared to love my baby, no matter how she’s going to turn out … only that’s not the news we get. It’s not a bad case scenario, it’s worst case scenario. We’re going to lose it. My stomach drops. I’m totally devastated. I’m not one for crying in public, but I’m crying on the inside.
Learning to cope with the loss It’s a few months later. Our marriage is at the lowest point it’s ever been. We’re having a huge argument where all the feelings we’ve both kept bottled up come out. We were offered counselling, but I didn’t think we’d need it. I was pretty sure that I was able to handle and cope with our loss. I mean, it’s not like it was a fullgrown person, right? Looking back, there were signs that I wasn’t. Every time I saw a pregnant lady, I hated her for being pregnant. Every time I saw a couple with a newborn, I felt resentment. It seemed that everywhere I looked,
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there was a pregnant person or someone walking their baby and they all seemed to be smiling. I wasn’t smiling. And I didn’t see it at the time but slowly, the communication we had was drying up. We didn’t talk about it, we just went back to life as we knew it, working, playing sport, doing housework etc. We were living with my parents, as we’d originally decided to move in to help save money for when the baby came. Again, I didn’t know it at the time, but this had put even more pressure on us as we didn’t have our own space. So here we were, and everything finally came out. The tears that I had on the inside finally came out. I don’t know why so many Kiwi blokes think crying is a bad thing. I certainly had always felt that way, but I couldn't hold it back any longer. I don’t really even remember what was said that night, I just remember feeling like a ship in a storm heading for the rocks. I’m a man of faith but hadn’t really even relied on that to get me through. When you isolate yourself from support, it’s easy to get into difficulty. But I feel like someone was watching over me, watching over us. Somehow, our ship didn’t hit the rocks. We came through the storm, out the other side, stronger than we were before. We’ve been able to talk and deal with the loss since then. It still hurts to think about that tough time, but we’re blessed with three little girls and a boy now. The truth is, there are still people out there going through similar things. I can’t even imagine the sense of loss that a woman must feel, when the life that was growing inside her is no longer.
I know that we’ve had a happy ending with our beautiful family and that not everyone will get that. To be honest I don’t know what to say except that life will go on. There is something better for you out there, don’t give up. For those of us lucky enough to have children, love them, cherish them and be grateful for them, even though they can test us at the best of times!
McKay (Macca) Turner I had always thought that as a man, it would be easier to get through. It’s not. Everyone's situation is different, and everyone will react differently.
Don’t give up The key thing I’ve learned is, men, don’t push your support away. Lean into it! Most important is your spouse/partner. Keep the channel of communication open. Let them in and make sure they let you in. You’ll both be feeling the same things. I’d also say to use the other support you have at your disposal whether that be family, friends, faith, counselling or other support groups. I need to acknowledge my wife. She is the best wife you could ask for and I’ll love her for eternity. In the end this experience helped to bring us closer. I feel that with her by my side, I can stare down the barrel of anything.
A little bit more about me, I'll play or watch almost any sport; cricket, rugby and tennis being my top three. I have a hugely varied music collection (30.9 days’ worth!) and a diploma in film making. Hopefully soon I’ll start a degree in teaching primary school. This stay-at-home business was all pretty new to me, I had a lot of learning to do and fast! I had no idea what I was in for. I searched the net for articles and blogs from a dad’s point of view that would be useful. There were lots from overseas, but I couldn’t find very many from a Kiwi dad’s point of view. So, I began my own blog – come along and visit me some time! www.kiwisahd.com
2019 Parents Centre National Conference made possible with generous support from The magazine of Parents Centre
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A sensory
delight …an inclusive and accessible garden that appeals to all five senses
The sensory playground in New Brighton’s Rawhiti Domain is designed to give all children, especially those with special needs, the opportunity to explore their senses through interaction with nature and their environment. The project was a labour of love for Kelly Dugan, founder and chief executive at SmileDial, a charity that supports families of unwell and disabled children. It took more than three years of planning, but finally, at the end of 2016 Kelly was able to see it turn into a real garden instead of simply a paper concept. The inspiration behind the garden is Kelly’s young daughter Lucia, who has cerebral palsy, and the challenges she faces when joining in playground fun. “Every time we took her to a park, she ended up watching from the sidelines,” Kerry says. “There was nothing designed specifically for her. We’d have to lift her up or put her on things.” While other parents may be able to sit down and relax while their little ones play, for many families of children with disabilities, visits to the playground can be fraught. Kelly says parents can spend much of the time making sure kids don’t touch or eat things they shouldn’t, or crawl into dangerous places under equipment. These concerns contributed to the garden’s overall design – plants are all edible and there are no moving swings or seesaws that could cause harm. Footpaths are smooth and wide to accommodate wheelchairs and walkers, and also allow enough room for children to safely pass each other. Although the garden is unfenced, groundworks and plantings deter children who are little escape artists.
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The playground has a sensory path which leads children around the site as they experience all it has to offer. There are different surfaces to walk on, a boat to climb in, different things to touch, plants to smell and taste, and sound-producing activities to experience. There is also a special area where parents who have lost a child can place a special toy or item in memory of their child and the child’s association with the garden. This is a space where all children can independently explore the natural environment while parents sit and relax.
A constantly evolving space But it is not a static playground – it is constantly being developed. An avid supporter of the playground is Citycare Property Supervisor Doug Peek. Doug is always on the lookout for items that can be recycled into something useful and fun at the playground, rather than sent to landfill. Some of the large plastic traffic sheep that used to feature on inner city pavements have been put out to pasture in the sensory garden, where they were recently joined by one of the New Brighton tiny huts – one of Doug’s latest additions at the sensory garden. The two metre by two metre tiny hut previously occupied a spot in New Brighton Mall. When it was time to do maintenance and decide if the hut should stay or be dismantled, Doug suggested it could be spruced up, given a fresh coat of paint and become a fun addition to
the garden – used by the children along the lines of a simplified Rubik’s Cube. “I always keep SmileDial and the kids in the back of my mind when out on the job,” says Doug. “Anything that is surplus to requirements, and which may be suitable for the kids, I try to repurpose and give a new lease of life. We are essentially turning trash into treasure.” “There are little pockets of Doug throughout the garden,” says Kelly. “Things just arrive thanks to Doug’s initiatives and support. The kids and their families absolutely love them. It also means the garden is everchanging and each time families come, there will be something new and exciting for the children.”
2019 Parents Centre National Conference made possible with generous support from
www.babyfactory.co.nz
The magazine of Parents Centre
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Growing our
Taonga
Te Papa Press is New Zealand’s award-winning museum publisher. Among the many wonderful books it publishes is a small range of carefully considered books for young readers. They all draw on the museum’s amazing natural history, art and history collections as well as on its
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expert education team’s knowledge of what little people need most from books. When the official gift from the people of New Zealand to the newborn Prince Louis was sent to Kensington Palace last year, it included the three Te Papa Press board books, chosen by Kate de Goldi. There could be no better recommendation!
My New Zealand Board Books James Brown Beautiful and interesting paintings, sculptures, photographs and objects from Te Papa’s collections take centre stage in these books for very young readers. My New Zealand ABC Book, My New Zealand 123 Book and My New Zealand Colours Book feature fun and engaging text that invites children to inspect each artwork from Te Papa’s collection closely for intriguing details and repeated motifs.
The Genius of Bugs Simon Pollard
The New Zealand Art Activity Book Helen Lloyd Bursting with art activities, this fun-filled book is designed to introduce young New Zealanders to a variety of different creative processes. It includes reproductions of 51 historical and contemporary works from Te Papa’s art collection, new works commissioned from contemporary New Zealand artists, and art-based activities.
They may be small, they may be creepy, but bugs have super-sized powers! Illustrated with upclose, dramatic bug photography throughout, The Genius of Bugs is a fresh take on the world of bugs, filled with bug tales, facts and figures that showcase bug ingenuity and reveal astounding bug behaviour. Shortlisted for the 2017 New Zealand Book Awards for Children and Young Adults.
Why is That Lake So Blue? A Children’s Guide to New Zealand’s Natural World Simon Pollard Why is our place magic? Why are its islands shaky? Why are our mountains tall and our forests green? Why are some lakes so blue? What happens beneath the waves? What changed when mammals arrived? In this fun-filled, fact-rich book, awardwinning science writer Simon Pollard shares the magic, secrets, mysteries and marvels of Aotearoa New Zealand’s natural world. Image left: An extract from Rita Angus, Fay and Jane Birkinshaw, 1938. Oil on canvas, 532 x 692 mm. Purchased 1998 with New Zealand Lottery Grants Board Funds.
100 Amazing Tales from Aotearoa Simon Morton and Riria Hotere Te Papa stores more than two million treasured items in trust for the nation. Each object in 100 Amazing Tales from Aotearoa tells a unique story about the culture and history of the nation, about science and exploration, and the deep and personal stories of Ma-ori taonga. Winner of the Elsie Locke Medal for Non-fiction, 2013 LIANZA Children’s Book Awards.
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Paint
effects Projects to try at home
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Creating clever paint effects are the ideal way to transform something ordinary into something extraordinary. The options are endless depending on the colours you select and combine together, the way you apply them and the project you choose to apply them to. To get started with paint effects, select a small project first and build up confidence. Then progress to largerscale challenges as you become used to the techniques. And if worse comes to worst and the paint effect doesn't work out the way you intended, simply paint over it and start again either with the same finish or perhaps a different technique or colour selection. Resene sells a range of brushes, rollers and paint application equipment, but some specialist paint effects accessories will need to be purchased from a specialist craft shop or online – or you can improvise by using another item with a similar texture, e.g. a comb effect can be created with an ordinary comb and does not necessarily require a specialist paint effects tool. Here are a few paint effects projects to get you started.
Coloured stains Create a multicoloured tea tray using Resene Colorwood interior wood stain.
You will need: 240–400 grit sandpaper 25mm paintbrush Cotton cloth Masking tape Paper towels Resene Aquaclear Resene Colorwood tinted to Resene Dark Ebony, Resene Oregon and Resene Rosewood Stencil Stencil brush Wooden tray
Method 1. Sand the tray in the direction of the timber grain and remove all the dust. If the tray is made of MDF, a light sand with 400 grit sandpaper is sufficient. Always stir wood stains thoroughly before and during use as the pigments will settle to the bottom, which may cause the colour to appear uneven when applied to a larger area. Apply a smooth, even coat of the Resene Colorwood Oregon woodstain in the direction of the wood grain. Wipe off any excess with a cloth and leave to dry. 2. B efore stencilling the tray, do a practice run on a scrap of paper. Very little stain is required on the brush, otherwise it will bleed under the stencil and you will lose the definition of the design. Pour a little stain onto the lid of the pot and load your brush from there. Rub the excess off on a paper towel and pounce gently onto the stencil. When you are happy with the result, start on the tray. 3. C heck that the stencil will fit into the area that you have available. If it has to be centred, measure the tray, mark the centre and attach the stencil in position with masking tape, then work out either side from there. Apply the Resene Colorwood Rosewood woodstain to the selected areas of the design. Lift the stencil off, wipe clean and move onto the next section. Complete all the red areas. Do not wash the brush, as water in the brush will thin the stain down. Instead, clean it by rubbing on a paper towel. Place the stencil over the design and use the Resene Colorwood Dark Ebony woodstain for the border. 4. E ach time the stencil is lifted to a new position, wipe it clean with a paper towel to remove stain build-up that could cause unsightly blobs on your work. 5. O nce the first coat has been applied, you may apply a second coat to darken the colour. Thoroughly dry. Use a small artist brush and a little stain to finish off in the corners or any areas that need tidying up. 6. A pply two to three coats of Resene Aquaclear waterborne polyurethane to protect the surface.
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Tip Before you start working, soak the sponge in water, then squeeze out as much moisture as possible. This prevents the paint drying in the sponge. Coarse textured sponges provide a more lacy, open pattern and finer sponges a smoother, softer look. The best effects are achieved with the more expensive natural sea sponges, but synthetic sponges also work well if you are working on a budget. The pressure you apply when sponging will affect the size of the pattern. Practise on a piece of paper first until you are happy with the effect.
4. Pounce lightly over the Resene Cod Grey, in a random pattern, leaving some of the grey showing through. Apply a little of the Resene Lusty in the same manner. Let this dry. Fill the sprayer with water.
Sponging One of the easiest paint effects techniques is sponging. It may be used as a basis for other finishes, such as marbling, and provides a lovely textural background for hand painted designs.
You will need: 25–33mm paintbrush Dishes for paint Fine mist sprayer Galvanised watering can Resene Multishield+ flat Resene Galvo-Prime Resene testpots in Resene Cod Grey, Resene Dark Rum, Resene Irish Coffee, Resene Lusty and Resene Rope Sponge Spoon
Method 1. Apply a coat of Resene Galvo-Prime according to instructions and then two coats of Resene Cod Grey. Leave to dry. 2. Put a little of the four remaining colours onto dishes. 3. D ab the sponge into the Resene Dark Rum paint and pounce on the edge of the dish, or a piece of paper, to distribute the paint across the sponge.
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5. L oad the sponge with Resene Rope and Resene Irish Coffee. Blend the colours together a little on the dish or paper. Do a small section at a time so that the paint doesn’t dry before you mist it with the water. Apply over the other colours on the watering can. 6. While it is still wet, spray a fine mist of water onto the paint – be careful not to overwet the surface! The paint will start to run gently down the can. The colours will merge to give a softer, rusty appearance. If it runs too much, gently lift some of it off with the sponge. Let it run into the crevices where rust residue would have accumulated had the can been left out in the weather. 7. More colour may be sponged on at any time, until you are happy with the colour combinations and the effect. Once you have achieved the desired effect and it is thoroughly dry, seal with two or three coats of Resene Multishield+ flat to protect the paint finish.
Crackling Crackling is an ageing technique that cracks the topcoat of paint exposing the paint underneath. The size of the cracks produced depends on the application method and thickness of the paint applied on top. The heavier the application, the larger the cracks will be.
You will need: 25mm nylon artist brush Furniture wax, tinted Liner brush Picture frame Resene Crackle Effect Resene Enamacryl Metallic tinted to Resene Gold Resene Qristal Clear Poly-Flat Resene testpots in Resene Breakwater and Resene Golden Sand
Method 1. Apply one coat of Resene Golden Sand and allow to thoroughly dry. 2. Brush on a smooth even coat of Resene Crackle Effect. Allow to dry. 3. Fairly quickly, brush on one coat of Resene Breakwater. Apply in one direction following the grain of the wood around the frame. As the paint dries, the cracks will form. This happens quite quickly. Don’t touch the paint once it has crackled otherwise you will damage the finish. 4. T his step is optional. Using the liner brush and the gold paint, paint a fine line around the frame. Two or three coats may be necessary. 5. S eal with Resene Qristal Clear. To antique it further, tinted furniture wax can be rubbed in and buffed gently when dry.
Tip A plain frame suits this finish, so the less detail the better. Before you start your project, try out different combinations and practise your application method on a piece of card until you are happy with the result.
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Let your ideas loose all over your walls with Resene Write-on Wall Paint.
Get
! g n i t i r w
Simply apply over your existing light coloured wall paint. Then once dry and cured you can use whiteboard markers to write all over the wall without damaging the surface. And when it’s time to delete an idea just grab a soft cloth or whiteboard eraser, rub out the marker and start again. With Resene Write-on Wall Paint there’s no limit to your ideas.
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0800 RESENE (737 363)
www.resene.co.nz
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Tips The tissues are usually 2 ply. They can be used as is or separated into a single thickness for a finer texture, which may work better on smaller items. Apply one or two coats of Resene Aquaclear satin to the finished book to give a soft sheen and protect the finish. Before you start your project try out different combinations and practice your application method on a piece of card until you are happy with the result.
Method 1. A pply a thin coat of Resene English Holly to one side of the book box. 2. P lace a layer of tissue lightly on top. Carefully apply more paint and gently push the tissue into wrinkles with your brush. If it tears, place a small piece of tissue over the gap and paint on top. 3. W hen placing the next tissue, overlap the previous one slightly. Continue around the box, tucking the tissues neatly over the edges of the cover but not onto the page areas. Leave to dry. 4. A pply a second coat of Resene English Holly to the tissue area. Allow to dry.
Leather look Using facial tissues is a quick and easy way to build texture and create a leather look finish. The play of light on the texture and the feel of the surface makes it interesting and also provides a very good base for dry brushing, antiquing or a washed effect.
You will need:
6. L ightly dab with a cloth to allow some of the basecoat to show through. 7. W ith one of the small brushes paint the “pages” of the book with two coats of Resene Double Spanish White.
Facial tissues
8. T hin the Resene Dark Rum down with a little water and paint onto the pages area. Do one side at a time. While it is still wet, drag a small dry brush through the paint, creating the ”pages” of the book. Each time you drag the brush through, wipe off the excess paint on a tissue or cloth.
Papier mache book box
9. Paint bands of gold on the raised areas of the spine.
Resene Gold Effects Medium
Projects by Janet Scard Photography by Joseph Zou
25mm paintbrush Cotton cloth
Resene testpots in Resene Dark Rum, Resene Double Spanish White, Resene English Holly and Resene Kaitoke Green Saucer
Find out more
Small flat bristle artist brushes (2)
Visit the Resene website for more Paint Effects ideas – www.resene.com/painteffects
Teaspoon
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5. M ix one teaspoon of the Resene Kaitoke Green with one teaspoon of water to make a thin wash, and brush over the box.
kiwiparent
Research shows that going to sleep on your side from 28 weeks of pregnancy halve your risk of stillbirth compared with sleeping on your back. Why should I go to sleep on my side? Lying on your back in the last three months of pregnancy (from 28 weeks) presses on major blood vessels which can reduce blood flow to your womb and oxygen supply to your baby.
Is it best to go to sleep on my left or right side? You can settle to sleep on either the left or the right side – any side is good from 28 weeks of pregnancy.
SLEEP ON SIDE WHEN BABY’S INSIDE
FROM 28 WEEKS OF PREGNANCY Research shows that going to sleep on www.sleeponside.org.nz your side from 28 weeks of pregnancy halve your risk of stillbirth compared with sleeping on your back. Why should I go to sleep on my side? Lying on your back in the last three months of pregnancy (from 28 weeks) presses on major blood vessels which can reduce blood flow to your womb and oxygen supply to your baby.
Is it best to go to sleep on my left or right side? You can settle to sleep on either the left or the right side – any side is good from 28 weeks of pregnancy.
But what if I feel more comfortable going to sleep on my back? Going to sleep on your back is not best for baby after 28 weeks of pregnancy. Most women find side sleeping is more comfortable in pregnancy, especially in the last three months.
What if I wake up on my back?
But what if I feel more comfortable going to sleep on my back? Going to sleep on your back is not best for baby after 28 weeks of pregnancy. Most women find side sleeping is more comfortable in pregnancy, especially in the last three months.
What if I wake up on my back? It’s normal to change position during sleep and many pregnant women wake up on their back. The important thing is to start every sleep (daytime naps and going to bed at night) lying on your side and settle back to sleep on your side if you wake up.
What is the risk of stillbirth if I go to sleep on my back? Stillbirth in the last three months of pregnancy affects about one in every 500 babies. However, research has confirmed that going to sleep on your side halves your risk of stillbirth compared with sleeping on your back.
SLEEP ONON SIDE SLEEP SIDE WHEN BABY’S INSIDE WHEN BABY’S INSIDE SLEEP ON SIDE FROMFROM 28 WEEKS OF PREGNANCY 28 WEEKS OF PREGNANCY WHEN BABY’S For more information please INSIDE contact your midwife, nurse or28 doctor. www.sleeponside.org.nz www.sleeponside.org.nz FROM WEEKS OF PREGNANCY
www.sleeponside.org.nz www.sleeponside.org.nz The magazine of Parents Centre
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Our little
bird
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Margot’s full name is pretty darn long, and here is a little explanation of the names. Margot Rae Pipiwharauroa Speeden-Adams Margot, meaning pearl, something beautiful made from hard times. Rae, meaning wise protection, for her safe arrival into the outside world, and for all the strong women who prayed for her at the time. Pipiwharauroa, is the name of her great-great-greatgreat-grandmother. It means shining cuckoo, who heralds in the spring after winter, the sign of new life.
Our little bird, our second born who has been long awaited. Margot was very overdue, in fact, the night I went into labour was the eve of her induction. I was so happy to go into labour naturally as we had planned a comfy home birth. I started feeling contractions around 1am and knowing it could be a while tried to get some sleep, breathing through the contractions and feeling nervous and excited all at once. I really didn’t get much sleep, and things started to pick up around 5am, so we called our midwife, she came over and checked how things were going. I was only a few centimetres dilated, so she and the second midwife took off for a coffee and we tried to get some more rest. I slept for a bit, then woke up to go to the bathroom and my waters broke. We called the midwives and they headed back.
It was such a beautiful morning, slightly overcast and cool. We popped the heat pump on and started filling the pool. I was pretty energised at this stage, enjoying the challenge of contractions, and was excited about meeting them head on as they got more intense. After a hard and long labour with our first child Coco, ending in an epidural and the worst possible outcome, I was eager to have the birth I had been envisioning. I moved about the house, chatting to the midwives, doing the dishes, drinking cups of tea and we all mentioned how lovely and comfortable it felt. My midwife checked Margot’s heart rate through a contraction, and it seemed to dip a little. She told me to move into a different position and listened again, and it dropped again. At this point I remember looking at her, and her at me, knowing that I had heard it too. I immediately knew something was up. It all happened so fast then, she made the call. Being the same
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Say Goodbye to Baby Woes! Up to 70% of babies suffer the distress of gas and gastric discomfort. Colic Calm & Tummy Calm is an all natural allergen free homoeopathic formula that provides rapid and effective relief. Works even in the toughest cases! Soothing support for Wind | Colic | Upset Stomach Available nationwide from selected pharmacies Always read the label and use as directed. If symptoms persist see your health professional. TAPS: PP1133 The magazine of Parents Centre
For more information and a stockist near you, visit www.coliccalm.co.nz
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midwife I had for Coco’s delivery, she knew our history, and knew that any sign of danger, we were off to hospital. So off we went. Luckily, we live a couple of blocks from the hospital and were there in no time. I was set up in a room and popped on a monitor. Then, placing oxygen on me they listened through a few more contractions. Each time her heart rate would dip, but then come back up again straight away. Now I can’t remember exactly how many of these we listened to, but one contraction dipped, and didn’t come back up again. To be honest, I forgot a lot of this. I was still breathing through some pretty big contractions and trying to stay centred and calm. The next part is such a blur, but in a matter of minutes there was an influx of people in the room, putting in IVs, prepping me for surgery, and I was being rushed through the corridors on a hospital bed to the operating room for an emergency caesarean. Margot had what they call a prolapsed umbilical cord, the cord was over her head, so with every contraction, her cord was being clamped, and with it her supply of oxygen. Margot was pulled out of me at 11:23am, a healthy 8 pounds 9 ounces, and taken straight away to the special care baby unit. Due to the cord being clamped she had been distressed in the womb, and had swallowed a lot of thick meconium, and it had coated her lungs. When she was born, we didn’t hear her cry, we didn’t get to see her, we were in this great big white room
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while I was stitched up, all seven layers of me. It was three hours until we got to see Margot and two days until we got to her hold her. Ten days later we left the hospital with our daughter still on oxygen and took her home. Navigating life attached to an oxygen tank wasn’t the easiest,
but we were just happy to have her home. At six weeks Margot finally came off oxygen, and has been fantastic ever since. We truly feel incredibly lucky to have her, that she made it, and that she is now a healthy, happy, and sassy two-year-old!
Gem Adams Gem is a stylist, a shopkeeper, a mama and a wife. She lives with her husband, Nathan, and daughter Margot in Hawke’s Bay. Gemma and Nathan run the online store Blackbird Goods which was created as a home for the handpicked, ethically sourced treasures found around New Zealand and abroad. www.blackbirdgoods.co.nz
2019 Parents Centre National Conference made possible with generous support from The magazine of Parents Centre
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Baking from the
heart
Allyson Gofton has been cooking for New Zealanders for nearly 30 years. She is known for her recipes and columns in magazines, her television appearances, radio slots and many personal appearances in the name of charity. She has also written more than 20 cookbooks, including her bestselling series of books Bake, Cook and Slow, as well as the popular Country Calendar Cookbook with Allyson Gofton, Country Calendar Homestead Baking and her most recent book, Slow Cooked. Allyson has poured generations of love and home baking into her newest book, The Baker’s Companion. Over 30 years of accumulated knowhow contained in over 100 recipes for cakes,
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biscuits, pies, tarts, slices and brownies, quick bakes, puddings, pavlovas and meringues, bread and yeast baking. “In this, my Baker’s Companion, I have, I hope, passed on all the reasons why, in a home kitchen, we do what we do,” says Allyson. “It is because baking, unlike any other style of cooking, is not about food but rather chemistry. When the mix of proteins, fats and carbohydrates gets out of sync, success may not always follow. That said, your grandmother did not need a food science degree to bake a perfect pie, and neither do you.” This book carries useful information for common baking woes. The ‘problem solver’ section shows you how to disguise cakes that don’t come out quite right, learn why the cake has sunk, the reasons why the bottom might be burnt, or suggest good substitute options to use when you are caught short of caster sugar or butter!
Recipes extracted from The Baker’s Companion, by Allyson Gofton, published by Penguin NZ, RRP$55.00. Photography by Lottie Hedley.
Gateau Creusois (see photo left)
Tip
A simply delicious gateau from Creuse, central France, that when split and sandwiched with crème pâtissière makes a delightful celebration or Christmas cake.
The secret for a classic gateau Creusois is to not beat the egg whites as you do for pavlova. Originally the gateau would have been made with a fork, so do not whisk the egg whites any longer than advised, as the gateau will rise too much and will be dry.
Makes: 23cm cake Prep time: 15 minutes Cook time: 20–25 minutes
Free from: gluten (if using glutenfree flour blend)
Ingredients 5 egg whites, at room temperature ¾ cup caster sugar ¾ cup ground hazelnuts (hazelnut meal) ½ cup flour (or gluten-free flour blend), sifted 100 grams butter, melted and cooled ½ quantity buttercream ¼ cup salted caramel sauce or dulce de leche
Hazelnuts in toffee 1 cup sugar ¼ cup water 1 cup hazelnuts, toasted, skinned and coarsely chopped
Method Preheat the oven to 170°C. Set the rack in the centre of the oven. Grease the base and sides of a 23cm round cake tin and dust with flour or caster sugar, shaking out the excess.
In a scrupulously clean bowl, whisk the egg whites and sugar together on a medium speed for only 1–2 minutes, until the mixture looks like a thick pancake batter. Using a metal spoon, fold in the ground hazelnuts and flour and, once evenly blended, fold in the melted butter. Transfer to the prepared tin. Bake in the preheated oven for 20– 25 minutes or until the cake is firm to the touch. Cool for a few minutes before turning out onto a cake rack. It does not rise greatly, but is very moist. Stored in an airtight container, this will keep for 10 days. For the hazelnuts, stir the sugar and water in a small saucepan over a moderate heat until the sugar has dissolved. Bring to the boil and, without stirring again, boil rapidly until the syrup becomes golden. Swirl in the hazelnuts and pour onto a baking-paper-lined tray. Cool. Break into pieces. Store in an airtight container and use within a few days. To serve the cake, use a serrated knife to cut the cake in half horizontally. Sandwich with half the buttercream and drizzle the salted caramel or dulce de leche on top. Finish with the remaining buttercream and hazelnut pieces in toffee.
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1¾ cups self-raising flour
Gingernuts
½ teaspoon baking soda
The best gingernuts ever!
1 egg, at room temperature
Makes: about 30 biscuits Prep time: 20 minutes Cook time: 18–20 minutes
¾ cup well-packed soft brown sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla essence or extract ½ cup icing sugar, sifted chocolate ganache or butter icing, optional
Method
These cookies are quite deceiving as they only go crazy, cracking up, in the last few minutes of cooking. They are equally delicious served sandwiched with ganache or plain, allowing them to be unceremoniously dunked into your tea – delish! Makes: 20 sandwiched cookies Prep time: 30 minutes Cook time: 10–12 minutes
Ingredients 100 grams dark chocolate, roughly chopped 100 grams butter, diced
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1 egg, at room temperature 100 grams butter, softened 1 cup caster sugar
Preheat the oven to 200°C (fan bake 180°C). Set two racks either side of the centre of the oven. Line two baking trays with baking paper.
1 tablespoon golden syrup
Heat the chocolate and butter in a heatproof bowl in the microwave for 1 minute or until the chocolate is almost melted. Stir to mix evenly. Should small pieces of chocolate remain, allow the mix to sit for a few minutes until all the chocolate has melted. If it needs further melting, microwave in 10–15 second bursts. Alternatively, set the bowl over a saucepan of simmering water until the ingredients are melted. Allow to cool slightly.
1 teaspoon baking soda
Sift the flour and baking soda together.
Crazy chocolate cookies
Ingredients
Using an electric beater, beat the egg, sugar and vanilla essence or extract together until light and creamy. Stir the cooled chocolate mixture and sifted dry ingredients into the beaten egg mixture. Roll teaspoonfuls of mixture into even-sized balls. Roll the balls in the icing sugar to coat and shake off any excess. Place on the prepared trays, allowing plenty of room for spreading. Bake in the preheated oven for 10–12 minutes or until cracked on the surface. If not cracked, cook for a further minute and check again. Transfer to a cake rack to cool. The cookies will become crisp on cooling. Sandwich the biscuits with ganache or chocolate butter icing if wished. Store in an airtight container and enjoy within 2–3 weeks.
2 cups flour 3–4 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon baking powder
Method Preheat the oven to 180°C (fan bake 160°C). Set two racks either side of the centre of the oven. Lightly grease two baking trays or line with baking paper. Using a fork, lightly mix the egg in a cup. Beat the butter, sugar and golden syrup together until very light and creamy. Gradually beat in the egg, a little at a time, until the mixture is well creamed. Sift the flour, ginger, baking soda and baking powder together and stir into the creamed mixture. Roll teaspoonfuls of mixture into even-shaped balls and place on the prepared trays, allowing room for spreading. Bake in the preheated oven for 18–20 minutes or until cracked on top and deep golden-brown. Allow to cool on the trays a little before transferring to a cake rack to cool completely. When cold, store in an airtight container. These will keep crispy for 3–4 weeks.
Variations Fresh ginger biscuits: Use only 1 teaspoon ground ginger and add 2 tablespoons of finely grated fresh ginger. Decorate with finely sliced crystallised ginger before baking as above.
Method Grease a baking tray or line with baking paper. Into the bowl of a bread machine, put the yeast, sugar, water, vanilla essence or extract, butter, eggs, flour and salt. Set the machine to the ‘dough’ setting and set it to work. Once prepared, turn the dough out onto a floured bench and gently roll out to an oblong about 1cm thick. Place on the prepared tray. Cover with a clean tea towel and stand for 15 minutes. Preheat the oven to 190°C (170°C fan bake). To make the filling, into a bowl put the sour cream or crème fraîche, caster sugar, eggs or egg yolks and orange rind or vanilla essence or extract, and beat well to make a smooth cream.
Tip If wishing to use active dried yeast in this recipe, allow 2 teaspoons.
German fruit tart These stylish tarts are prepared from a bread-maker-made, vanilla-rich, brioche-like dough. Fruit choices are endless, and edible petals are perfect to use for decorating. Serves: 8–10 Prep time: 1½ hours Prove time: 15 minutes Cook time: 20–25 minutes
2 teaspoons vanilla essence or extract 50 grams butter, softened 2 large eggs, at room temperature
Using floured hands, push the centre of the dough out towards the edge to create a thicker 2cm-wide edge of dough around the outside. This will help create a hollow for the filling. Spread the filling into this hollowed area and arrange the fruit on top. Bake in the preheated oven for 20–25 minutes or until well risen and the custard filling has set and the edges of the tart are golden. Stand for 5 minutes before dusting with icing sugar to serve. Decorate as wished.
1½ cups high grade flour ¼ teaspoon salt icing sugar to dust
Filling 250-gram tub sour cream or crème fraîche
Tip
Ingredients
2 tablespoons caster sugar
2 tablespoons active yeast mixture (dried yeast with bread improvers)
2 eggs or 4 egg yolks
This recipe has been divided in half and cooked in two 10cm × 35cm fluted tranche tins.
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon grated orange rind, or vanilla essence or extract
1/3 cup tepid water
350–500 grams soft fruit (see tips)
Fruit suggestions: Halved apricots, stoned cherries (fresh or canned), poached slices of rhubarb.
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2 cups desiccated coconut 1 cup peeled and well-chopped fresh or bottled feijoas 1 cup milk or coconut milk
Icing icing sugar to dust or 1 quantity lime or lemon glacé icing grated rind of ½ lime or lemon
Method Preheat the oven to 180°C (160°C fan bake). Set the rack in the centre of the oven. Grease and line the base and sides of a 22–24cm round cake tin. Beat the butter and sugar together until light and creamy. Add in the egg yolks, beating well until thick and creamy. Sift the flour and baking powder together and, using a metal spoon, fold into the creamed mixture with the coconut, feijoas and milk or coconut milk. In a very clean bowl, whisk the egg whites until they form stiff peaks and, using the metal spoon, fold into the cake mixture. Turn into the prepared cake tin.
Tip
Bake in the preheated oven for 1 hour or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. Stand in the tin for 10 minutes before turning out onto a cake rack to cool completely.
If wishing to use thread coconut, you will need the same amount by weight, about 180–200 grams.
To serve, dust with icing sugar or cover with lime or lemon glacé icing and decorate with grated lime or lemon rind.
Variations
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Scrumptious feijoa and coconut cake
Ingredients
For lovers of feijoas, this fresh fruit cake is heavenly. Other tropical fruits such as mango, pineapple or banana can be substituted.
1½ cups caster sugar
Makes: 22–24cm cake Prep time: 20 minutes Cook time: 1 hour
2 cups self-raising flour
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150 grams butter, softened
4 eggs, at room temperature, separated
1 teaspoon baking powder
Spice the cake up with a little freshly grated ginger or a teaspoon of ground ginger, nutmeg, mace, cloves or cardamom, or add the grated rind of a lime or lemon.
Quinoa and peanut butter muesli bars
Using a fork, lightly mix the eggs together in a cup.
‘Muesli slice’ simply doesn’t encapsulate the goodness wrapped up in this recipe. I’ve blended quinoa flakes with oats to give the slice a less crumbly texture. For a glutenfree version, replace 1 cup rolled oats with ½ cup quinoa flakes and ½ cup ground almonds or desiccated coconut.
Into a small saucepan, put the golden syrup, fruit juice, butter or coconut oil, apricots and dates and simmer over a moderate heat, stirring regularly until the mixture becomes thick and paste-like. Transfer to a bowl and stir in the peanut butter and chocolate chips while the mixture is hot, so the chocolate melts. Beat in the egg and vanilla essence or extract. Cool for 5 minutes before stirring in the nut and seed mixture, rolled
Makes: about 30 pieces Prep time: 25 minutes Cook time: 20 minutes
oats and quinoa flakes. Spread into the prepared tin, press down firmly and smooth the top well. Bake in the preheated oven for 20 minutes. Remove from the oven, cover with baking paper and place a weight on top of the slice until it is cool. I place a second slice tin on top and fill it with water to create an even weight, but alternatively a couple of magazines will do the trick. Cut into bars and keep in an airtight container. Enjoy within 10–14 days.
Ingredients ¾ cup finely chopped Brazil nuts ¾ cup sunflower seeds
Tip
¼ cup pumpkin seeds
Use un-sulphured apricots as these will cook down to a pulp. Bright orange sulphured apricots look amazing; however, they stay in their shape when simmered and will not become pulpy, which is essential here.
¾ cup desiccated or thread coconut 2 eggs ¼ cup golden syrup ½ cup fruit juice – any kind 3 tablespoons butter or coconut oil 1 cup well-packed dried apricots, sliced ½ cup well-packed dates, chopped ½ cup crunchy peanut butter ½ cup chocolate chips 1 tablespoon vanilla essence or extract 1 cup rolled oats 1 cup quinoa flakes
Method Preheat the oven to 180°C (160°C fan bake). Set the rack in the centre of the oven. Line a 20cm × 30cm Swiss roll or slice tin with baking paper. Scatter the Brazil nuts, sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds on a tray and place in the preheated oven for 8–10 minutes or until the nuts are beginning to brown. Scatter over the coconut and return to the oven for a few minutes until the coconut browns. Remove and set aside to cool. Leave the oven on.
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Our Partners Building on a great partnership Parents Centre and Kimberly Clark have partnered for many years with the Huggies Brands. So, it's with real pleasure that I announce an extension of that partnership to include Poise and U by Kotex. Both brands will support our Childbirth Education and Baby and You programmes by giving our pregnant and new mums researched information around pelvic floor health and samples of maternity pads. It's great to have such a long-term partner support us even more. Taslim Parsons Strategic Partnerships Manager, Parents Centre New Zealand
A word from U by Kotex® & Poise® At a time when you most need some TLC, U by Kotex® Maternity Pads and Poise® LBL Pads and Liners offer maximum protection. We’re excited to partner with Parents Centre New Zealand, and to support women into this new phase of life. Rest assured that our products are designed specifically to meet your needs, while being discreet and comfortable. If you’re a U by Kotex® loyalist, you’ll be excited to know a brand you trust offers is in your hospital bag for the big day. Before then, or even a little while after, you may also be one of half a million New Zealanders who experience urinary incontinence. Light bladder leakage or pregnancy incontinence is nothing to be worried about, ashamed of or embarrassed about, it’s just part of the extra pressures your body experiences during pregnancy. We also have a full range of Poise® pads and liners range to offer protection for light bladder leakage a period pad can’t provide. Be sure to look out for your FREE sample of U by Kotex® Maternity Pads, and Poise® Pads and Liners as part of the Parents Centre’s Early Childhood and Baby & You classes. Sarah Willoughby, Senior Brand Manager, Poise® and UBK
Johnson & Johnson
Philips Avent
PC member benefits: All attendees of Parents Centre CBE and Baby and You get a J&J baby bath gift pack and information on science of the skin.
PC member benefits: Supply breastpads to our members and give a $30 discount on the purchase of breast pumps.
PC member benefits: All attendees of CBE get a Huggies gift pack, attendees of Baby and You and toilet training programmes get gift packs.
Phone: 0800 104 401 www.philips.co.nz/AVENT
Phone: 0800 733 703 www.huggies.co.nz
www.jnj.com
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Huggies online pregnancy and parenting
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Supporting Kiwi parents
0800 222 966 / www.babyonthemove.co.nz
Baby On The Move
The Sleep Store
Resene
PC member benefits: 20% off car seat hire for all members.
PC member benefits: 20% off selected items which are regularly updated
Phone: 0800 222 966 www.babyonthemove.co.nz
PC member benefits: Various discounts on decorating supplies and paints with Parents Centre membership card.
www.thesleepstore.co.nz content/parentscentre
www.resene.co.nz
Parenting Place
U by Kotex
U by Kotex / Poise
www.theparentingplace.com
PC member benefits: All attendees of CBE get a U by Kotex gift pack.
PC member benefits: All attendees of CBE and Baby and You classes get a Poise gift pack.
www.ubykotex.co.nz
www.poise.co.nz
SplashSave PC member benefits: 30% discount on water safety package.
If you want to partner with Parents Centre, or would like to discuss how this may work for your business, contact Taslim on:
www.splashsave.co.nz
t.parsons@parentscentre.org.nz
Birthing Centre A free service to women of all ages whose pregnancy is considered low risk primary care. www.birthingcentre.co.nz
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Winners
Congratulations to the lucky winners from issue 287 Resene Colorshop Voucher Kasey Yee, Auckland Leisa Moore, Tauranga
Newborn Carrier – Sleepstore Kirsten Woolridge, Morrinsville
Zuru Prize Pack Kirsten Doyle, Papakura
Oh grow up toddlers to preteens decoded Shane Whatford, Morrinsville
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Mini Muffs
Made4Baby Starter Pack
Paula Lange, Upper Hutt Jody Jamieson, Te Kauwhata Lisa Ross, Papakura Siobhan Johnston, Auckland
Stephanie Pike, Auckland Chantelle Lester, Auckland Sneha Tiwary, Hamilton
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Winners
Congratulations to the lucky winners from issue 288
Crane Humidifier
Personalised Baby Banner
Karinna McDonald, Paraparaumu
Iona Kahu, Lower Hutt Sara McDermott, Auckland
Just Breathe – Mindfulness Adventure
Breast Pump Jayne Tse, Waikanae
Courtney Potaka, Palmerston North Michelle Davidson, Napier Natasha Bromley, Otaki
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Win great giveaways
Enter online at kiwiparent.co.nz and follow the instructions. Entries must be received by 5pm, May 3, 2019. Winners will be published in issue 290.
Woolbabe Duvet Weight Winter Sleeping Bag Win a wonderful Woolbabe for Winter from The Sleep Store. Woolbabe sleeping bags are naturally temperature regulating and keep your little one cosy all night long. The duvet-weight Woolbabe is filled with a thick layer of 100% merino and lined with 100% organic cotton so it’s soft against the skin. Made to last and generously sized, it’s little wonder Woolbabes are in such demand. Find the full range of Woolbabe at The Sleep Store online, with free delivery on orders over $100.
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Win 1 of 10 packs of U by Kotex® Maternity Pads U by Kotex® Maternity Pads are cotton-like, soft, flexible, longer and a fraction wider – they also provide added protection when you're lying down. U by Kotex® are proud to continue the journey with you. Available from pharmacies and supermarkets nationwide. RRP $5.79.
www.thesleepstore.co.nz
www.ubykotex.co.nz
4 sets of Mini Muffs to be won from Banz
Be in the draw to win a Bio-Oil gift pack
Modern life means little ones are at risk of hearing damage, at home and away. Top-quality, comfy Banz ‘Hear No Blare’ Mini Muffs, made just for children under two years, will help prevent hearing loss! Banz Carewear NZ is giving away four sets of Banz Mini Muffs, each worth $44.50 – choose from Silver, Pink or Blue!
Go in the draw to win a pack of Bio-Oil to help keep your bump beautiful! Applied twice daily, it’ll help your skin retain elasticity to protect against stretch marks. It’s also important to continue using it once the baby arrives, your body will thank you for it! Prize includes a 25ml, 60ml, 125ml and 200ml bottle of Bio-Oil (RRP $104).
View the full range at babybanz.nz
www.bio-oil.com
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