It’s raining men! Sally, stick your tongue out!
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Before we get started here, Peanut Kid would like to extend a sincere apology to all the mothers. Apparently, there was too much s*x in the last issue, and many moms found this offensive, disturbing, and maybe a little too hot to handle. To make up for any hard feelings, we have written a joke just for you:
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Anybody else have trouble holding their pee like they used to?
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Whew, all right. Now that that’s out of the way, welcome to Peanut Kid Issue No. 2. Love, The Editor Dear Reader, C’est la vie. As always, The Associate Editor
Who Is Peanut Kid?
Since our first issue came out, everyone’s been asking: who is this eponymous peanut kid? What are their hopes? Dreams? To that, we say Peanut Kid is an amorphous vessel upon which we, the modern reader, can project our deepest insecurities and most cherished attributes. Peanut Kid is all of us yet none of us: the nerd, the princess, the jock, the basketcase, the criminal, his mom, her mom, and the entire population of Jersey City. The only thing we can say for sure, though, is that Peanut Kid’s sister is acclaimed human rights lawyer and International Criminal Court representative Amal Clooney. Peanut Kid’s childhood is all of our childhoods—full of Crayola crayons, kindergarten finger paintings, her sister (Amal Clooney) having represented the state of Cambodia and the Libyan intelligence chief Abdullah al-Senussi. We wanted the character to cross boundaries of race and gender, as Amal Clooney did when she defended Azerbaijani journalist Khadija Ismayilova at the European Court of Human Rights. When Peanut Kid cries, we cry, and when Peanut Kid graduates, Amal Clooney shows up, even though she honestly had a lot of other stuff going on at the time. Are you there, God? It’s me, magazine. You owe me $40.