Pensacola Bella Magazine February 2024

LOVE yourself Rediscover the REAL you INSIDE: Fashion gets dramatic, Sarah Crutchfield and Joy Schulz tell their stories, Jessica Mayo shares relationship tips, Stacy Butler talks soft tissue rehab and Kara Luckett’s style shines

Love is good for the Soul

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from the editor

In my spare time when I’m not editing Bella, I’m a middle school teacher. (Teachers, did you snort when I said “spare time?”) It’s quite a privilege to witness the worst part of so many amazing young lives. Think back. It was HORRIBLE, wasn’t it? Do you remember trying to fit in? Trying on so many different personas to see which one felt right? All the humiliating public mistakes? The inevitable shunning by friends you thought would be yours forever?

The thing is, I believe we all drag that middle school misery with us into adulthood, ball and chain style, and maybe — just maybe — it’s the root of many of our current anxieties.

I have a new perspective now. Age is a glorious thing, as is the wisdom that comes with it. Way back then, every weird thing about me was what I hated. Why are my legs so stocky?

Why so many freckles? Why do I always get on tangents no one appreciates?

Except now, with a lot more wrinkles and bumps and mistakes under my belt, I am so much happier! I now understand (and I try to teach the young people I meet) that the weird things are the cool things.

They are what make us beautiful and unique. They are the gifts we were given and should appreciate and cultivate so we can share them with the world.

When my oldest daughter was in middle school, she hated Valentine’s Day. She said it was the day when everyone got flowers and teddy bears and candy — except her. I would tell her, year after year, that she just hadn’t met her people yet. I was right (Yay, Mom!), and she did meet her people in college and law school. She found friends who appreciate her intellect and sharp wit. She also met her husband, and now no longer hates Valentine’s Day. My middle daughter has found herself more at home in her skin as she’s gotten older, and she refuses to confine herself to roles the world has carved out. Why can’t she be both creative and athletic? Why can’t she be girly and obsessed with football simultaneously?

She can, of course. She can be those and a million other things that are uniquely her.

It was during middle school when my youngest daughter looked around, assessed the situation and grasped it perfectly. She said that people don’t really care what you’re doing because they are all so worried about what THEY are doing. She gave a speech at that time on positivity and how girls beat themselves up over their imperfect bodies.

“My thighs are what score a winning soccer goal,” she explained. “My head holds my brain — the very essence of my being.”

And while I may not have been wise like that at her age, I now understand that this body of mine gave me those three amazing children. This weird, creative brain keeps me entertained. The people I most enjoy being around are those who, like me, fly their freak flags proudly.

I loved reading the stories in this issue, and I hope you do, too. You’ll find tales of women who have discovered their true gifts along with expert advice on how to nurture yours.

Wherever you are in life, I encourage you to learn how to fall in love with yourself. You ARE the cool kid!

— Lisa Player

4 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 5

from the publisher

VOLUME 19 / ISSUE 2

Throughout life we often take stock of where we are currently. Writer Alice Crann Good says in our cover story this month:

Bella Staff

Women worldwide are reaching critical points of feeling lost and asking, “What happened to me? Where did I go?

Who am I?”

PUBLISHER / Kelly MacLeod

Those are questions I have been asking myself a lot lately. Between going through some big life changes and hitting 50 in January, I have been doing a lot of reevaluating.

I have been working to let go of the “what happened to me” and the expectation that I would be the same person I was when I was 25. Of course, I’m not the same person and I shouldn’t expect to be; nor should I try to be that person for someone else. I’m different in every way, including physically, and that’s part of life and growing and aging. Hopefully, I’ve gained a lot of wisdom along the way..

It can be easy to lose some of that wisdom at times, and that’s OK. Life ebbs and flows. Sometimes we have to ride those flows, and sometimes we have to be clear with our intentions and chart our own course.

As I write this column, I am finding myself wanting to quote the entire cover story, so I really recommend that you read this great writing by Crann Good. She interviews two women who use their education and experience to help others with their coaching and therapy practices. And if you’re anything like me, you’re going to want to call them both up and schedule a session.

I also suggest you read the two columns in the back by Sharla Gorder and Liz Biggs. They both write eloquently about loving and accepting ourselves. Oh heck, who am I kidding? This whole issue is full of great stories of women rocking their uniqueness. I know I’m partial, but you should definitely read this entire magazine!

— Kelly MacLeod

6 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

EDITOR / Lisa Player ART DIRECTOR / Elizabeth Meyer CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Liz Biggs, Alice Crann Good, Sharla Gorder, Kelly MacLeod, Allison McCrory, Chelsea Owens, Leslie Peck, Magi Thomley Williams

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Toni Sparks, Kate Treick

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inside this issue

FASHION Love the drama

Page 12

PROFILE Joy Schulz’s journey to true self

Page 34

PERSONAL STYLE The multifaceted Kara Luckett

10 SPEND OR SAVE 22 BEAUTY: Learn to love your whole self 24 CAUSES: Pensacola Opera’s Rock the Runway 26 COVER STORY: Rediscovering the real you 32 PROFILE: Sarah Crutchfield shares her fight for sobriety 36 STYLE: Treat yourself to a jewelry splurge from local shops 38 BODY & SOUL: Love your partner/love yourself 42 BODY & SOUL: Soft tissue rehab with Stacy Butler 52 OUT & ABOUT: Wreaths of Joy Gala 56 OUT & ABOUT: Habitat for Humanity Gala 64 HER PERSPECTIVE: Inside job 66 HER PERSPECTIVE: I’ve gotta be me

On the cover: Slimflyy boutique owner Victoria Baldwin. Story on Page 12.

Photo by Kate Treick Photography

8 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Page 46

Smoking during pregnancy

increases birth defects and creates

long-term health effects for mothers.

The best time to quit smoking is before pregnancy, but it’s never too late to quit to help improve you and your baby’s health.

Quitting smoking is possible with free and proven cessation tools.

Tobacco Free Florida can help.

For more information, visit TobaccoFreeFlorida.com/QuitYourWay.

spendorsave

BY CHELSEA OWENS / BELLAMAGAZINE.COM / PHOTOS PROVIDED

Anthony Thomas Melillo pink lilac silk midi-skirt, $295, saksfifthavenue.com

Light pink satin skirt, $39.99, hm.com Kendra Scott Ari Heart rose quartz and gold pendant necklace, $50, kendrascott.com

David Yurman DY Elements 18k gold heart amulet, $895, davidyurman.com

Dolce Vita Roxana satin pearl strap Mary Jane ballet flats, $72, dillards.com

Jimmy Choo Ade pink suede flats with pearl, $795, jimmychoo.com

where to shop

• Dillard’s, Cordova Mall, 5100 N. Ninth Ave., 850-476-3011; Dillards.com • H&M, Cordova Mall, 5100 N. Ninth Ave., 855-466-7467; hm.com

10 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Groundbreaking Heart & Vascular Care Now at the New Baptist Hospital Baptist Heart & Vascular Institute is the area’s largest, most experienced team of cardiac care specialists. Our physician offices and many outpatient treatment services are located on the 3rd floor of the Bear Family Foundation Health Center. Every design detail of our new campus location has been purposefully and thoughtfully selected to create the ultimate healing environment.

If you currently use our services, you are going to be wowed by our amazing new Baptist Hospital campus. If you are not using our services, we’ve made Baptist the clear choice for your care.

Our experienced, compassionate team continues to transform care – now and for generations to come. For complete details about services, programs and more at your new Baptist Hospital campus, visit ebaptisthealthcare.org.

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fashion

love the drama

By Allison McCrory • Photos by Kate Treick Photography

ebruary is the month of love in all its forms, including loving the fashion in which you wrap yourself each day.

Trends come and go, and right now they’re all about extremes, said Victoria Baldwin, owner of Slimflyy in Pensacola.

“2024 fashion trend is all about the drama!

Metallics, ruffles, voluminous structured garments, oversized clothing,” she said.

While February loves red and pink — and Mardi Gras sparkle — calming blues are making a big fashion statement currently.

“Color palettes are pastels and neutral tones,” noted Baldwin.

Looking ahead to spring, designers are showing sheers in modest cuts. Preppy looks are back but more streamlined.

Jeweled chokers, long layered necklaces and simple retro pendants are popular jewelry picks.

Bold power pearls, mermaid core jewelry, huge hoops and statement rings are trending.

12 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Shopping list:

Neutral is always a winning choice — especially when it’s this elegant ivory Ariel jumpsuit with feminine draping lines, $65.

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 13

14 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Shopping list: As fast fashion accumulates as one

of the biggest contributors to landfills, savvy dressers are often transforming treasures from their own closets. This bridesmaid’s dress took on new life as a hi-low cocktail dress via the magic of Victoria Baldwin of Styled by Slimflyy. Upcycling, $45.

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 15

16 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Shopping list: Bring in a simple

suit, and Victoria Baldwin of Styled

by Slimflyy will transform it into a customized, tailored-to-fit, one-of-akind masterpiece. Tailoring, $150.

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 17

Shopping list: Forget Me

Knot crop top, $35, and destructed denim jeans, $49, are all about stylish relaxation.

FAR RIGHT: Mardi Gras balls, weddings, formal dances — this rose gold sequin gown will steal the show at any and all events.

And since it was custommade by Styled by Slimflyy, it will be a one-of-a-kind wonder, $375.

About the Location

• Court of De Luna 116 E. Gonzalez St., Pensacola; 850-712-1951; deluna.com

Hair Compliments of

•Kimberly Dennis of Kimistryloxs; 850-341-4062; kimistryloxsllc@yahoo.com

Makeup Compliments of

Natasha Durant, MUA, of Extravagant Beats; 850292-0222

Clothes Compliments of

• Styled by Slimflyy 2729 W Cervantes St., Pensacola; 850-512-6195; slimflyy.com

18 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Jakima Murphy

By day, Jakima Murphy is a dental hygienist.

“I attended PJC for my dental assisting. Since then, I’ve been in the dental field 17 years strong,” said Murphy, who was born in Pensacola before moving to Las Vegas with her military family and finally back again.

“I currently work for Community Health Northwest Florida Dental, where I’ve been for the past ten years.

I assist in the clinics and our mobile dental units where we treat kids in Escambia and Santa Rosa County schools.”

When she’s not promoting the oral health of area schoolchildren or interacting with her own children, parents or extended family, Murphy has found a new passion. She models and has done commercial work with A Different Swag, Pensacola’s showcase for models that represent the real world.

“Modeling has created a way for me to walk in a creative light and experience different looks through each designer, makeup artist and visionary I encounter,” said Murphy, who embraces the stage name Jakima Divinite when on the runway. “I’ve

been told I inspire people to feel more confident in their skin.”

And she sings — solo and with The Smooth Soul Band.

“My passion is being a singer/songwriter/ entertainer. I am a singer for hire,” Murphy said.

She has music on most digital outlets and envisions more creating and performing of original music in the future.

Her first single, “Feels Like Summer,” was inspired by some of her favorite Pensacola experiences. She’s featured on “Forever Legacy” by JSapp Madstak, a project she describes as “encouraging and uplifting.”

“I think everyone should hear it!”

Loving herself well is a skill Murphy has honed over a lifetime and practices daily.

“Love yourself means to me to take care, accept, correct and protect myself, acknowledging my abilities and limits, setting and keeping boundaries. I no longer allow myself to do things out of influence from others or FOMO. I love life and let things happen naturally.”

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 19

VICTORIA BALDWIN:

Stitching up Style When Victoria Baldwin was a little girl, she watched her mother sew.

Then as a student at Washington High School, she learned more stitchery from her teacher, Mrs. Law, who sewed all of Roy Jones’ boxing garments.

So while sewing was a lifelong interest for Baldwin, her plunge into it as a business happened suddenly.

“I was kind of thrown into it as a profession. I created a custom dress for a good friend’s Great-Gatsby-themed birthday party, and let’s just say it was a hit! I’ve been sewing for the public ever since.”

Despite her cottage industry, Baldwin spent many years working in collections for a local financial institution, “a far cry from fashion,” she mused.

About nine months ago, she opened her shop, Slimflyy, and has been selling, styling and sewing there ever since.

“My specialty is custom gowns,” said Baldwin, noting that she creates a lot of prom and special occasion dresses, drawing inspiration from other cultures and cities when she travels.

“I offer alterations, tailoring, embroidery ... I also have a small boutique inside the showroom. I hand curate this collection that I launch every four to six weeks. It includes clothing and accessories. I also provide wardrobe styling,” said the East Hill native.

20 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

stylingtheshoot Photography: Kate Treick / Fashion styling: Allison McCrory Where to shop: Styled by Slimflyy

Rings, $8 each

Gold statement choker and earrings, $20 set

Mother of pearl earrings, $24

Pearl fringe Aztec earrings, $18

Gold box clutch with two chains, $29

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 21

beauty

Learn to love your whole self

Story by Leslie Peck • Photo by Getty Images

A

s young girls, we grow up thinking beauty equals happiness. Through adolescence, there are women around us that unintentionally plant the seeds of thinking we are only deemed beautiful if we have perfectly shaped faces, features and bodies. The media blasts images of how we “should” look and all the ways to fix our flaws.

There is a fine line between self-care and obsessing over our appearance.

Many things play into how we feel about ourselves. Maybe it was something you were teased about growing up, something your mom constantly mentioned or low self-esteem and constant comparison to others.

We are all made different and how 22 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

wonderful it is to each have our own individual look.

If you take a look at the women around you and some of the most famous celebrities, you will realize they too, have asymmetrical faces, imperfections and things about them that make them unique. Many celebrities have made their mark in Hollywood with distinct characteristics that some would deem not attractive.

Think about the things that make you feel less attractive and ask yourself the following questions.

DOES THIS AFFECT MY HEALTH? If the things that bother you the most are also things that affect your well-being, consult a specialist and make a plan to get healthy. If you are fatigued, depressed, struggling with

anxiety, weight or any other health issue, set a goal to make the necessary appointments to get the help you need.

Seek professionals that will guide you through becoming a better you. It may not be easy, and it won’t happen overnight, but YOU CAN DO IT! DOES THIS MAKE PEOPLE NOT LIKE ME? Chances are, the people you love the most love you just the way you are. If there is anyone in your life who constantly makes comments about your appearance, let them know that it makes you uncomfortable and makes you feel less.

Sometimes people point out other people’s flaws to make themselves feel better. Surround yourself with people who build you up, love you for you and

support you through changes you feel necessary to make.

If the only reason you want to look a certain way is for “likes” on social media, consider taking a break from all things internet and go back to basics.

Find things to do that bring out your talents and make you feel confident from a job well done. Really think about the things that make you wonderful just the way you are.

DOES THIS MAKE ME FEEL INSECURE? You desperately want to get braces and love your smile. Maybe you want to color your hair, get facials to improve the texture and appearance of your skin, wear makeup to enhance your features or buy clothes that complement your shape. You’ve lost all of your eyebrow hair from age, medications or chemo?

Get them micro bladed and enjoy having brows again. Maybe you recently lost 100 pounds, and all of the loose skin needs to go. A tummy tuck or breast lift after losing weight, aging or having children can put things back to where they once were. There is nothing wrong with self-care and wanting to look and feel your best. The key is keeping these things in check so that you don’t end up looking like a totally different person.

One of the most fascinating things about beauty is how many different types of beauty there are. A woman can truly be gorgeous at all stages of life.

Sometimes the raw, vulnerable moments are the loveliest. A world full of people that morph into one type of look would be far less interesting and just plain scary. Use the beauty within you to bring out your best, and you can learn to love the things that make you different.

Leslie Peck is a local makeup artist, aesthetician and lash artist with almost two decades of experience. She has worked 11 seasons of NYC Fashion Week as well as several beauty shoots while living in New York City. Leslie also has experience in TV, film, print and celebrity makeup in Los Angeles. She specializes in bridal makeup, skincare education and was featured on the front page of the Wall Street Journal in 2007.

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inherphysique.com February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 23

causes

By Alice Crann Good

T

he Pensacola Opera plans to blow your artsy minds with a star-studded, ground-breaking, musical fashion-fusion event — “Rock the Runway” — Feb. 22 at Vinyl Music Hall, not a venue you expect to see opera stars.

Featuring cast members of New York’s musical “Rock Me Amadeus Live,” a fashion runway will resound with iconic rock and pop songs from your favorite bands of the ’70s, ’80s and ’90s, melding with operatic masterpieces to create an electrifying experience unlike any seen in Pensacola, said Chandra McKern, Pensacola Opera’s general director.

“Rock the Runway is centered around world-renowned operatic soprano Alyson Cambridge,” McKern explained.

“Cambridge co-created and co-produced ‘Rock Me Amadeus Live.’”

Featuring designs inspired by iconic opera heroines and curated by local boutiques, the evening will marry the

24 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

worlds of music and fashion in a way that is visually stunning and artistically inspiring, McKern said.

“Rock the Runway will not be a typical fashion show; it will be fashion theater,” McKern added.

Anticipate an exhilarating show, a composite of opera costumes created by Wardrobe Witchery and looks inspired by four to five opera characters from local boutiques and stores.

“Set assumptions aside, and plan to be mesmerized by what talented individuals, brought together, can cook up to entertain the community,” McKern said. “There will be a higher level of production value associated with this event; so, it will not be a standard fashion show, it will be an experience.”

All proceeds from “Rock the Runway” will directly support professional opera performances and education programs that enrich the culture of our community, McKern said.

Exciting Fusion of Rock, Opera & Fashion What: “Rock the Runway,” a Pensacola Opera Fundraiser When: 7 p.m., Feb. 22 Where: Vinyl Music Hall, 2 South Palafox St., Pensacola Tickets: $150. VIP tickets include unlimited bar and VIP Afterparty immediately following the show.

• Details: For updated information and tickets, call 850-433-6737 or visit www.pensacolaopera.com.

• • • •

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 25

cover story

Rediscovering THE REAL YOU

26 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

I

By Alice Crann Good Photo by Kate Treick Photography & Getty Images

f day-to-day life has buried your beliefs, dreams, talents, skills and even your personality, well, guess what? You are not alone.

Women worldwide are reaching critical points of feeling lost and asking, “What happened to me? Where did I go? Who am I?” Apparently, it’s common for women of all ages to give priority to what parents, family, friends, teachers, business colleagues and many others think of them — demand from them — according to myriad psychology experts.

And without a strong notion of what matters to you and what kind of woman you want to be, you will continue living for others instead of yourself, agree the experts. And that means never resuscitating your true self.

“It gets blurry when trying to trace how you lost yourself,” said Shari Biery, founder of Alive with Purpose Health & Life Coaching, and a national board-certified health and wellness coach, representing a national standard developed by the American Medical Association and National Board for Health and Wellness Coaches.

“As a veteran military spouse, I have had what I like to call a ‘curvy’ employment history that included being a registered respiratory therapist, ‘professional’ volunteer, administrative assistant, financial analyst and project coordinator,” said Biery, who now splits her time between Gulf Breeze and Memphis.

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 27

Steps toward your true self S

hari Biery of Gulf Breeze is the creator of Alive with Purpose Health & Life Coaching and a national board-certified health and wellness coach. She has tips for women who want to rediscover and prioritize their true selves.

“The first step is for women to start taking better care of themselves,” Biery said. “Women are carrying a tremendous invisible load of tasks and expectations, and it’s essential to see that our health directly correlates to how we live.”

She offers encouragement to anyone wanting to begin the process.

“It’s possible to change. Once we care for ourselves first, we become better versions of ourselves. Then, the goodness flows out to our family, friends and world. It’s a ripple effect.”

Biery’s advice for self-discovery: 1. Clarity comes in the pause. Take a few minutes, step back from the noise around you, and ask yourself, “Who do I want to be today?” This is a practice that I adopted early on in my rediscovery of my purpose. It’s now a practice that is a daily question for me and the women I support.

2. Then, ask yourself, “What will it take for me to be that person today?” Does it mean having 15 minutes in the morning to sit and drink your coffee, having 10 minutes to meditate or pray in bed before your feet hit the floor, or walking in nature before you jump on your phone for the day? Whatever it is for you, find the one thing that fuels you first thing and do that!

3. We have lots of things that we let slow us down.

What do you get to let go of to be the person you want to be? Or what do you need to give yourself permission for? We create a list of reasons or excuses based on our past experiences or beliefs. This keeps us from being our true selves and sharing our gifts. We all have selflimiting beliefs. The secret to being who you want to be is breaking down what stops you from being your true self. That’s where the real work is.

4. Your answers are inside you. I see it every day when I ask these powerful questions. Women are experiencing life on our terms using our gifts and talents when we create from our hearts. But when we let fear or lack of belief in ourselves or our abilities keep us from taking

28 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Shari Biery says at the core of self-discovery is worthiness. If you don’t feel like you are valued by others in your life, it’s hard to value yourself. We are less likely to act on anything that supports us living our true selves. She also stresses the importance of being in a community that celebrates you for your gifts and who you really are. The phrase “You become the five people you hang out with the most” is more and more evident today.

action, we don’t get to be that unique person.

5. Community and support are critical. This was a game changer for me. I had to surround myself with women who wanted to stretch themselves, too. So many women tell me they feel like they are alone or the only one struggling. You are not alone. Find a community or support where you can be your authentic self, sharing what you need and working through the things that stop you from being you. You have unbelievable gifts that the world needs right now. Be a lighthouse!

“Along the way, there were 10 moves with overseas assignments and deployments, multiple job changes, raising two awesome kids, Kyle and Kaitlyn, and a supportive husband, John, to help battle the stressful lifestyle. But in doing all this, I let myself fall off the priority list and was left feeling burnt out, and it started to show up in my health.”

Biery said for many years she kept her eye on the next move, the next job search, the next house, the next school for her children, keeping all the balls in the air while holding her breath.

“My excuses for not taking care of myself blurred with the demands of everyday life,” she said. “I felt trapped because I had become defined by what I was doing rather than being true to who I wanted to be. I no longer knew who the woman was looking back at me in the mirror.”

Biery said a life-changing epiphany occurred when her husband handed her the American flag at his retirement ceremony and said, “I love you, and it’s your turn.”

She realized she didn’t need his permission, and, more poignantly, she was the one not giving herself permission to be Shari.

“I was letting my circumstances dictate my beliefs and life,” Biery said.

“Taking my turn became my call to action.”

The results were powerful.

“As soon as I realized that ‘I get to choose who I want to be,’ I started to see the door of possibilities open. I began focusing on my new career as a health and wellness coach and building the mission to help other women believe they can create the life they want. I took this new knowledge and invaluable experiences of the past 25 years and started Alive with Purpose Health & Life Coaching.”

Biery also busied herself putting the final touches on her book, which will be released with Muse Publishing sometime in 2024. And add guest appearances on podcasts and speaking engagements to spread the message: Women can create permission slips to take their turn.

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 29

Elise Lovelace stresses that self-discovery does not happen overnight, and it is not easy. It involves identifying what you value about yourself, much introspection, digging deep and asking yourself: What kind of impact do my choices have on the life I want?

Where Inspired Days Begin InspiredClosetsPensacola.com • 3603 N. PALAFOX, PENSACOLA (850) 860-6119 • Open 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday-Thursday

30 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

“After years of following in the shadows of my husband John’s career in the Navy as a physician, we are walking on two paths beside one another,” Biery said. “We have mutual respect and our dreams and wishes to make the world a better place.”

Biery illustrates what has been befalling women for centuries, said Elise Lovelace, a Psychology Todayverified mental health expert.

Lovelace has been tackling the topic of “a loss of sense of self” for years.

She is a Florida-licensed mental health counselor and marriage and family therapist with a private practice (Gulf Coast Counseling LLC) in Pensacola.

Since 2007, she has worked in community mental health and private practice settings.

“Returning to self for self-discovery is not a novel concept,” Lovelace said.

“The ancient Greek aphorism ‘know thyself’ was written on the temple walls of the Oracle of Delphi because it was believed that understanding

oneself was the key to wisdom and living a fulfilling life.

“Many who have embarked on the journey to self-discovery would agree, but they would also state it is not an easy journey. To get to the top of any mountain, you have to climb it. And, most assuredly, the journey will have its highs and lows.”

We cannot see the mountain peak because self-discovery is a continuous process across our lifespan, Lovelace said.

“It is an ever-expanding, upward spiraling to the greatest heights of personal and psyche(soul)-logical evolution wrought with setbacks and successes, hope and despair, pain and joy,” she said.

Also, for this ultimate personal trek, Lovelace said you will essentially do the work alone.

“Yes, there will be support along the way, but ultimately self-discovery is a solo journey,” she said. “Part of the itinerary includes faithful inner

reflection and examining core beliefs and personal values, healing your wounded parts, accepting and forgiving yourself and others.”

Stops along the way will allow time for integration, rediscovering your passions, and reconnecting to and anchoring into your authentic self, she said.

To succeed, Lovelace stressed you must fully understand this: “A ‘return to self’ refers to a process of reconnecting with one’s authentic essence, resurrecting our true self, honoring our values, and living from our inner truth. The ultimate goal of deep self-discovery is integration and growth synthesizing the different aspects of yourself — the conscious and unconscious, the strengths and vulnerabilities.”

The process may just be the point.

“Along the way, keep in mind that it is progress, not perfection,” Lovelace said. “Step on the path and embrace the ride.”

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profile

Love yourself through the struggles Sarah Crutchfield shares her fight for sobriety

By Magi Thomley Williams • Photos by Kate Treick Photography

32 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

“M

y slide into addiction grew out of not loving myself,” Sarah Crutchfield said.

Growing up in the U.S., notably in the south, is tough. Girls often feel that they aren’t enough. Not skinny enough. Not athletic enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. These societal expectations cause deep insecurities, especially in the high school years.

“That’s when I first got introduced to drinking, and I loved it because it gave me confidence,” Crutchfield said. “I became the party girl and people liked her. I went to college wearing that hat; I’m the party girl; I’m the fun girl. I drank too much but it was accepted.”

After college things started to fall apart as she continued to chase the high to numb the guilt and shame around bad decisions she was making when she was under the influence.

“There was a day that I vividly remember two thoughts: ‘Is this all life is — this miserable existence?’ and ‘If I continue on the road I’m on, I’m either going to be in jail or dead within the next year.’”

On the advice of a friend, she made a checklist of things important for her in a treatment facility: 1. Near her home state of North Carolina. 2. An alternative to a 12 Step Program. 3. On the water.

A Google search landed her on Gulf Breeze Recovery, which checked all her boxes.

She was addicted to Adderall and alcohol. Because she refused to believe she had to give up alcohol completely, Crutchfield returned to treatment a second time after falling in the guilt/shame spiral after she picked up alcohol again.

“I was willing to do whatever it took to change my life. And that is some hard work, not for the faint of heart. Because in changing your life, you have to hold a mirror up. And sometimes what you see in that mirror is not pretty,” she said.

Crutchfield marks her sober birthday as Feb. 22, 2017.

“I remember the point when I didn’t identify with that version of myself anymore,” she said.

Crutchfield feels that she is still growing and sees a therapist regularly.

SARAH CRUTCHFIELD’S RECOMMENDED RESOURCES •

Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Service: SAMSHA National Helpline, 1-800-6624357

•

Gulf Breeze Recovery: GulfBreezeRecovery.com

•

“The Inside-Out Revolution: The Only Thing You Need to Know to Change Your Life Forever,” by Michael Neill

•

“The Untethered Soul: Journey Beyond Yourself,” by Michael A. Singer

•

“When Things Fall Apart,” by Pema Chodron

“I continue to show up the best possible version I can in that moment and some days that best possible person is 100%; some days, that best possible person is at 10%. We have to love ourselves at 100% and at 10%. I’ve learned to have grace,” she shared.

Crutchfield is curating a life she wants and enjoying that life in the moment rather than waiting for something to make her life complete. She embraces her career in marketing and sponsorships. She recently bought a house and has adopted a dog.

As part of her life’s mission, Crutchfield speaks to groups of people who are beginning their sobriety journey. She serves as the youth minister at her church and is in a relationship with someone she describes as “amazing.”

“As humans we don’t realize how absolutely powerful we are. We think that sometimes we’re victims to circumstances, but we are the creators of our reality and our experience. You have to put in the time, you have to work hard, and you have to be willing to love yourself,” she explained.

Crutchfield offers advice that everyone can use.

“Trust the journey of life. If I had not gone through the dark night of the soul, I would not be living the amazing life I’m living now. Even though people might not understand why they’re going through the tough things in life doesn’t mean that it’s not part of the journey. I think all that I went through was so I could learn to love myself. I still have insecurities and I probably always will, but now I try to view those struggles through the lens of love instead of judgement.”

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 33

Joy Schulz says her story has not ended because finding one’s true self is a lifelong journey with many twists and turns. Schulz makes and sells jewelry like what she’s wearing here. You can view a variety of styles on Instagram @ somethingsimplebyjoy.

profile

JOY SCHULZ

A journey to true self

By Alice Crann Good • Photo by Kate Treick Photography

A

petite blonde with a tousled updo and striking ice-blue eyes, Gulf Breeze author and teacher Joy Schulz took time at a coffee shop to share her journey to self-discovery.

Such a personal endeavor is not for the faint of heart and often an ongoing revelation of extreme highs and lows, said the soft-spoken Schulz, 57, a wife and mother to three young adult sons.

“It’s about loving yourself, but it is much deeper than that,” Schulz said. “It’s about deep diving into dark places you don’t want to revisit.”

But, along the way, you reveal what you truly value, what motivates you and how to move toward your goals, said Schulz, who kept a journal for several years to get her started.

“I was mad at where I was in life,” she said, “I felt very alone in a crowd of people. I felt I wasn’t able to connect. So, I became a people pleaser and lost myself, becoming what other people wanted me to be.”

That focus wasn’t productive.

“I put a lot of people and organizations first, and my family got what was left of me. But not anymore.”

Many elements spurred the personal journey, such as addressing past mistakes, emotional and physical wounds, spiritual emptiness and asking herself difficult questions.

In a book, she bravely shared episodes of despair on two of her darkest days in 2017 — one when she had a near-death experience after a serious road bike accident, and the day she attempted suicide.

“I felt I had nothing, that I had nothing to give,” she recalled.

“Then I heard God say, ‘You are everything. You are loved.’”

Schulz opened her heart in her book “Not Wasting a Save, A Journey to Finding Faith.” (WestBow Press; available on Amazon).

“The first sentence of three words, ‘Here it is,’ says it all for me,” Schulz said.

“I wrote these three words when I began to journal on my quest to find God in my life,” she said. “Sometimes we question God’s existence when things get hard, and we begin to doubt our level of faith. My goal was to find Him active

in the victories, as well as in the defeats, while trying to understand the role He plays.

“Along the way, I began to discover and recognize the saves He extends to us all and the importance of using them for good.”

Self-discovery unfolds with immense introspection and exposing what inspires you and ends the fear of “creating the person you really want to be,” Schulz said.

Her three main priorities today: family, faith and love.

“My story is not over,” said Schulz, who works at living a meaningful and fulfilling life.

In addition to being a long-time realtor and a strong advocate for the homeless, Schulz is director of Youth & Family Ministries at Gulf Breeze Presbyterian Church, where she also teaches religious curriculum to elementary, middle and high school students.

And she devotedly handcrafts her “Something Simple by Joy” jewelry, which is sold at Blue Morning Gallery and Lee Tracy in downtown Pensacola, Innerlight Surf & Skate Shop and Magdalene’s in Gulf Breeze and Intracoastal Outfitters on Quietwater Boardwalk, Pensacola Beach.

Made with all-natural materials, some designs feature words of encouragement and inspiration, such as her “Free Spirit” cuff bracelets.

“Making my jewelry is my walk with God, spending time with Him,” Schulz said. “Doing this, plus listening to music, motivational and inspirational sermons, keeps me in step with my purpose, which is ever evolving.

“I am very driven and disciplined, and I always try to walk with purpose in whatever I do.”

What’s the most notable difference between the old Joy and new Joy? “I don’t say ‘Yes’ to everything,” Schulz said. “Sometimes, you have to seek and turn the corner to find the beauty. I look at what is going to fit into my world and won’t disrupt the peace and love I have found.”

She understands you have to protect your own psyche.

“Your mind is very powerful,” Schulz added. “It’s what you feed it that helps you continue your journey to self and determines who you allow in your life.”

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 35

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style

Treat Yourself!

Story and photos by Kate Treick

When we think of making purchases at one of our local jewelry stores, we often imagine beautiful gifts and iconic pieces to mark special milestones. But what might a woman go and purchase for herself? We asked three local jewelers to select pieces that would make the perfect splurge. Every selection was stunning, representing a wide variety of styles and budgets. See something you like?

Where to shop Beré Jewelers: 5033 North 12th Ave., Pensacola; 850-477-6818; berejewelers.com Elebash Jewelers: 36 Palafox Place, Pensacola; 850-432-5136; elebashs.com Jewelers Trade Shop: 26 Palafox Place, Pensacola; 850-432-4433; jewelerstradeshop.com

36 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

7

BERÉ JEWELERS 1 Sterling silver and 14-karat yellow gold bangle with 10x8 London topaz and .35-carat total weight diamond bangle, $3,440 2 Rahaminov Diamonds 18-karat white gold necklace with 14.23-carat total weight diamonds, $110,000 8

3 14-karat yellow gold halo pendant with paperclip chain, .40-carat emerald and .57-carat total weight diamonds, $4,200

ELEBASH 4 14-karat white gold pendant with 1.65-carat ruby and .60 carats in diamonds, $8,990 5 14-karat yellow gold bracelet with .44 carats in diamonds, $3,999 6 14-karat rose gold ring with 1.31-carat amethyst and diamonds, $1,150

9

JEWELERS TRADE 7 14-karat white gold Bujukan diamond bar split bangle, .33-carat total weight, $1,625 8 14-karat white gold diamond solitaire necklace in 4-prong basket setting, 2-carat total weight, $37,900 9 White gold diamond inside/out hoop earrings, 7.069-carat total weight, $10,795

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 37

body & soul

Love Your Partner/ LOVE YOURSELF

By Allison McCrory • Photos by Getty Images & Kate Treick Photography

W

e pass a test to operate a vehicle and we often study for years to prepare for our job. Yet the skills needed to succeed at the most influential aspect of our lives — our primary relationship — are typically acquired haphazardly.

“Our biggest tool in learning how to function in a romantic relationship is from our parents or primary caregivers, so we often do bring those habits into our own relationships, often unconsciously. If our role models have healthy skills, this is great. However, we often desire to have something different from what we saw growing up,” said Jessica Mayo, owner and therapist at Thrive Therapy Service in Pensacola.

Mayo defines a successful relationship as a haven where emotional safety is a given.

“A successful relationship is one where all parties feel safe to be vulnerable and authentic. It is void of contempt and full of mutual respect.”

If that’s not what’s happening at

38 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

home from either party, destruction that can impact each person as well as generations to come will result. Mayo has some tips from her favorite datadriven resource, the Gottman Institute.

DEEP DIVE COMMUNICATION Mayo emphasizes the importance of communication on deeper levels, which bonds us to our partner. Our partners deserve at least the level of effort we give our friends in order to create health.

“Healthy communication is key to any successful relationship. This involves more than just informing your partner of bills and family functions. It involves asking open-ended questions and truly listening to the responses and communicating that you heard what was said.”

This repeating back what was said is a source of being seen and heard, crucial in a society that our surgeon general said is in a loneliness epidemic.

“Treat your partner like a friend that really matters to you by being

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 39

genuinely curious about them,” advised Mayo. “Something as simple as ‘How was your day?’ is a simple way to connect, but don’t let that be the end of the effort. You also want to know and be curious about how your partner thinks and feels, what their dreams and aspirations are. What their fears are.

It is important to make time for your partner so there is opportunity for these conversations. Plan alone time and time to connect. Date nights are great and important but routine, daily connection is very important.”

HARD WORK = STELLAR RELATIONSHIPS Consider a healthy work relationship.

A thriving professional team supports each other, plans, follows through and works through roadblocks constructively if they want a winning result. Why do we treat our personal relationships differently if we want health for ourselves and any generations to follow?

“The best of us need improving on our skills,” noted Mayo. “Everything else we do in life we have to learn, practice and engage in continued learning if we want to be successful.

Relationship skills are no different. It doesn’t come natural. There are skills involved and we do not come into the world with these skills.”

Added bonus: We benefit when our partner benefits and vice versa.

“Address conflict or disagreements in a manner that is positive and seeks to repair and build closeness.

Communication that is more likely to repair is focused on what you need instead of blaming your partner.”

Mayo suggests statements like, “We need to get the house cleaned up before company arrives. I’d appreciate some help.”

Note to selves: Keep in mind that non-verbal communication plays a huge factor, so matching tone and facial expressions to words is crucial.

“Stay away from condescending

tones and facial expressions. Also avoid blaming phrases such as “you never” or “you always,” Mayo recommended.

While we’re building relational muscle, take it to the Ironman level by viewing conflict or disagreement as an opportunity to learn how to be present and loving to your partner rather than as a time to attack.

NEWS FLASH: WE ARE ALL WE CONTROL We are ultimately the only part of a relationship we control. But that’s a lot!

“When we love ourselves well, it overflows to others, our partner included,” said Mayo. “I think when you work on yourself you are loving yourself. I don’t think self-love is a destination ... It’s the same as a marriage or important friendship — it takes work, continuous effort.”

In the book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl states that happiness for the sake of happiness is elusive. Instead, it is a

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by-product of pursuing a cause greater than ourselves or dedicating our life to the good of others.

One way to do that is to be attuned to our partner’s bids for connection.

“Gottman refers to bids for connection as the routine attempts throughout the day that we attempt to reach out and connect. These can be overt or covert and verbal or nonverbal. Look at these bids as opportunities for connection.

When a bid is made you have a choice to turn towards, turn away or turn against your partner.”

Responding correctly involves three steps.

“Respond with your full attention, show sincere interest, and listen and respond to verbal and non-verbal bids to play, learn or chat,” Mayo explained.

An example of a bid is, “Wow, would you look how gorgeous the sky is!”

Turning away could sound and look like (not looking up), “mmmhhhmm.”

Turning against could sound and look like (rolling eyes), “You had me stop

Therapist Jessica Mayo promotes relational health via a data-driven approach.

what I was doing for that?!”

Turning toward your partner would sound like, “Wow, the sunset is amazing today! I love the colors this time of year.”

perfect for any occasion

That kind of shared joy, validation and acceptance is a win-win for both partners and is a building block that when repeated over and over, constructs a sweet union.

850.432.1264 | @bluetique_pensacola 125 PALAFOX STREET | DOWNTOWN PENSACOLA February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 41

42 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

body and soul

Soft tissue rehabilitation therapy with Stacy Butler

By Sharla Gorder • Photo by Kate Treick Photography

S

tacy Butler, LMT, may have cracked the code. The secret of life is spelled out on a giant canvas in her tranquil waiting area: “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

This quote, by Pablo Picasso, “comes closest to expressing the way I feel about my vocation,” Butler said. “I hesitate to even call it work. I love what I do.”

And what she does is this: soft tissue manipulation, better known to laypeople as massage therapy.

Emphasis on therapy. Butler has, from the very beginning, approached her career in massage from a therapeutic, holistic perspective.

“The most common misconception about massage therapy in general is that it’s all about pampering,” Butler said. “And while, yes, massage can feel really great in the moment, my goal with all of my clients is to help them enjoy all the other moments of their busy lives.”

This is why nearly 100% of her clients are regulars.

Depending on the reason for their therapy, Butler sees clients as often as semi-weekly to monthly, with the majority of her patients holding standing appointments every two weeks.

“While the reason for my clients’ first visit may be specific, often pain relief, they keep coming back for other reasons. I have some clients who have been with me for 15 years.”

“

The most common misconception about massage therapy in general is that it’s all about pampering. And while, yes, massage can feel really great in the moment, my goal with all of my clients is to help them enjoy all the other moments of their busy lives.”

— Stacy Butler, licensed massage therapist Butler refers to her practice as “soft tissue rehabilitation therapy,” an approach that focuses on providing pain relief and restoring mobility in ligaments, muscles, tendons and fascia.

Fascia is a thin connective tissue that surrounds and links every muscle, organ and nerve fiber in our bodies. It is a continuous three-dimensional web of connectivity from head to foot. Dysfunctions in any one area can cause impingements in any other. Butler works with the whole body in mind — not just the point of pain.

“Massage therapy education has evolved,” she explained. “Fifteen years ago, when I was in school, the emphasis was on individual muscle groups. We learned everything there was to know about, for instance, hamstrings, then moved onto quads or lats. Today, we are taught to consider the whole body when devising a treatment plan. It is a much more holistic — and in my opinion, effective — February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 43

TOOLS OF THE TRADE Butler believes in fully individualized therapy for her clients. To this end, she incorporates various tools and modalities into her sessions, based on each client’s reported needs and her own manual assessments. Clockwise from top left: •

Heated bamboo rods relax taut muscles to relieve tension and promote relaxation.

•

Fascia Blaster tools ease restrictions in fascial tissue to enhance movement and relieve pain.

•

Gua Sha, or scraping tools, break up adhesions in soft tissue and improve lymphatic function.

•

Ice massage, or cryotherapy, reduces swelling and relieves pain from injuries, arthritis and other inflammatory conditions.

•

Cupping therapy uses suction to stimulate blood flow in specific areas to promote healing.

44 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

approach.”

This is why Butler’s clients keep coming back. The maintenance of this fascial system underlies everything she does in the treatment room.

“Most of my clients have very active lives. They put their bodies through a lot. I’ve worked with NFL linebackers, Blue Wahoos players, MMA fighters, marathon runners and our very own middle and high school athletes. They all want to be able to keep doing what they do. I help them with that.”

Butler is especially passionate about helping clients recover in the aftermath of surgery. She works with patients who have undergone joint replacements, spinal fusions, plastic surgeries and other medical procedures. She also finds great satisfaction working with migraine and fibromyalgia sufferers, clients recovering from cancer and even people struggling with anxiety and depression.

“It is so gratifying to literally feel

my clients getting better,” she said.

“After so many years of doing this, my hands have become very intuitive. And with nearly all my clients coming in regularly, I get to know their bodies.”

While her hands are her most important tools, Butler does incorporate many different devices and modalities in her therapy sessions.

“Every client is unique — their therapy is too,” she said. “Every person receives fully individualized therapy, and it can change from session to session, based on what I ‘feel’ when I begin their massage and what they report to me regarding their symptoms.”

This is why Butler encourages all her clients to talk to her. They often ask her what she thinks they might have done to cause impingement or pain. She can only solve that mystery with a lot of clues.

“A current client suffered a mysterious return of migraines after being in remission for months,” Butler

said. “My immediate question was, ‘What has changed?’”

In the end, it was something as simple as the height of her desk when she returned to her office after COVID. This client now works from a stand-up desk, and her condition has improved.

Regular monthly “tune-ups” help keep her symptoms at bay.

“Massage, or soft tissue rehabilitation, is a little like maintenance for your car,” Butler explained. “You wouldn’t drive 100,000 miles without getting regular tune-ups, oil changes and new tires, would you? Give your body the same love.”

Butler smiled — she smiles a lot — and glanced back up at the framed Picasso quote in her lobby. She has found her gift; she gives it away.

“I’m so fortunate. I get to do what I love every day of my life. And I get to help others continue to do what they love.”

How great is that?

Featuring designs inspired by Pensacola Opera costumes for iconic opera heroines and curated by local boutiques, models will strut to the powerhouse sound of Rock Me Amadeus LIVE, from New York City where iconic rock and pop songs from your favorite bands from the 70s, 80s, and 90s meld with operatic masterpieces to create an experience unlike any seen in Pensacola. Rock the Runway brings together the worlds of music and fashion in a way that is visually stunning and artistically inspiring.

Tickets and more information at www.pensacolaopera.com or 850.433.6737 February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 45

personal style

Apple pies, digital design and elegant fashion sense

The multifaceted

KARA LUCKETT

46 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

By Magi Thomley Williams Photos by Kate Treick Photography

K

ara Luckett has worked on marketing projects for such successful names as Max Factor, Cover Girl, Bonnie Bell, Sega and Buena Vista. At Nintendo she developed her creative design skills collaborating on some of the first Nintendo games.

While the characters are gender neutral, Luckett said she was successful getting them to understand that it’s not just boys who play these games.

“We made sure that girls have characters that they can identify with, so we came up with the Pink Yoshi.”

In 2021, she opened her own business, B’ Creative Media Designs.

“My heart really is working with small businesses and nonprofits, helping them understand their target audiences and reaching them successfully,” she said.

The Birthday Party, Lifestyle Medicine Wellness Recovery and Athletes Water are a few of her current clients. She excels at teaching them to partner with other organizations for mutual support and success.

Luckett communicates directly with professionals at Google and the World Wide Web to protect against malicious code and tighten security on websites Shopping list: The Caché Collection at Versona white slacks and black top accented with white bow; Calvin Klein shoes; DSW handbag

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 47

Shopping list:

Antonio Melani red tea length dress and shoes; Versona jewelry

48 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Shopping list:

Joseph Ribkoff graphic print dress; Antonio Melani sandals

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 49

Shopping list: The Caché Collection at Versona

tweed suit; Jones New York shoes; Versona jewelry

About the Location

• Rich Events: 2 Intendencia St., Pensacola; 850-418-7079; richeventspensacola.com

and to stop spamming and phishing fraud emails for her clients. Her goal is to provide outstanding customer service one-on-one for graphic design, websites, digital security issues, email and social media.

Luckett’s work ethic and entrepreneurial drive started early in life growing up in Camino, the Apple Capitol of California, where she worked at local apple barns.

“Every Saturday and Sunday I would make 150 to 200 caramel apples, candy apples, apple pies, apple pastries and apple cakes. Once apple season was over, my sister and I would sell homemade crafts that we made throughout the year,” she explained.

At the age of 14 or 15, Luckett had reached a height of 5 feet, 10 inches.

“They didn’t have a tall shop to go to,” she said. “I would get some patterns, mix and match the pattern pieces and design a look to fit me. I loved fashion and it was so hard to get clothes that would be long enough, or the waist fit me where it should. I would make a sketch of how I wanted an outfit to look. I would add a couple of inches to the torso, or extra darts to make the clothes fit and look more flattering.”

These days she purchases well-fitting, stylish pieces online or locally at Dillard’s, Versona and Jen’s Designer Deals.

Luckett’s favorite way to dress is over-the-top elegance. She recalls an incident early in dating her nowhusband, Aaron. He invited her to dinner on the beach and suggested she dress comfortably. Luckett met him at the door dressed in what she describes as a “really, nice, elegant dress” because that is the style she is most comfortable wearing.

“I’ve always been a girly girl. While I love classic business dresses, it’s a lot of fun to be able to dress elegantly,” she said.

50 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

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February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 51

out&about Wreaths of Joy Gala 2023

The Wreaths of Joy Gala for The Arc Gateway on Dec. 1 was a cool global experience with the theme “What a Wonderful World.” The food, music, dancing, performances and even the photo ops were a fantastic way to show some love and back up The Arc Gateway’s mission of helping kids and adults with developmental disabilities.

Photos by Toni Sparks

Gina Nolan

52 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Valerie Siyufy, Allen & Niki Hagler

Becky & Don Pursell

Cindy Lenn, BJ Tronu, Angela D’Alessandro

Stacy Robello, Dannon Byrd

Elizabeth Brown, Ashley Prestwood, Jessica Duncan, Tabatha Helms

Phil & Michelle Salzman

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 53

Jennifer Wells, Angelique Morris

Jack Hyde-White, Kelly Warwick, Shelly & Alex Hyde-White

Devera Williams, Carolyn House, Ashley Saba

Madrina Ciano, Angela Nandin

Suzie West, Jennifer Bradshaw

Colleen Kelley, Aaron Erskine

54 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Rica Rogers, Katrina Crowe, April Davidson

Chris & Shannon Jones

Jo Rich

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 55

out&about Habitat for Humanity Gala

Pensacola Habitat for Humanity recently held its third annual Gala at the National Naval Aviation Museum on Dec. 2.

The event featured a delightful dinner and included both silent and live auctions. Attendees had the opportunity to hear inspiring stories about the families positively affected by Pensacola Habitat for Humanity.

Photos by Toni Sparks

Rebecca Smith, Sam Smith, Baron Smith, Kathy Smith, Dara Smith Wilson, Peyton Smith

56 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Heather Fettke von Koeckritz, William McCollum

ABOVE: Shelly Blevins, Lorraine Hudson LEFT: Jordan Glasgow, Madeline Cates

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 57

Elizabeth Denton, Sam Young, Alessandra & Mike McMurphy

58 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

Midian Penberg, Jo Rich, Jessica Lee, Buffi Bailey, Tammy Lynn Barr

Mary Finklea, Dikeyna Williams

Liz Liggett, Susan Byram

Lakesha Davis, Dara Wilson, Peyton Smith, Kolleen Chesley

February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 59

Siobhan Gallagher, David Roy

Adam & Brandy Corey

Kolleen Chesley, Elizabeth Denton 60 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

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February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 63

her perspective

Inside Job Riddle me this: What do Miley Cyrus, Ram Dass and Jesus all have in common? Not a lot, you’re probably thinking. But last month, this unlikely trio ganged up on me to deliver an important message. Dr. Seuss chimed in as well, as did Jason Mraz. My yoga instructor, Gail, was the last to contribute.

Two Tuesdays ago, I was driving across the three-mile bridge after work. It had been a glum day for me. I had had a dream the night before about a friend whom I adore.

Unfortunately, both in the dream and in real life, this friend doesn’t adore me anymore. She will not, or perhaps cannot, tell me why. I have spent years beating myself up over this. What about me is so unlovable that we cannot be friends anymore?

I was deep in negative self-talk when Miley Cyrus interrupted my brooding.

She sang out cheerily from the car radio, boasting to an estranged lover: “I can love me better than you can.”

I had to smile. Doesn’t it always come down to this for me? Why do I find it so hard to love myself?

Is it the term itself that trips me up? I was born into the generation that is now not-so-fondly referred to as the “Me Generation” (Baby Boomers). My kids’ generation is labeled even more disparagingly. Millennials are dubbed “selfabsorbed” in triplicate — the “Me, Me, Me Generation.”

Because of this, a ton of press has been given to the sense of entitlement this focus on ourselves has ostensibly created in society. When I get instructed to “love myself” I balk.

Mid-century American guru Ram Dass reframes the concept. He suggests asking “not, how can we love ourselves more, but how can we accept ourselves more?” This is an important distinction. Love has always been hard for me to define. But I understand acceptance. Perhaps it’s foundational to love. After all, I can’t truly love others if I do not accept them, and since another really smart teacher named Jesus instructed us to love others as we love ourselves, it seems implicit that self-love is a very good thing, not just for ourselves individually, but for all of us collectively in this busted up world of ours.

So how do I begin to do it?

Years ago, at a women’s retreat, I was instructed to write

64 • Bella Magazine • February 2024

a love letter to myself as though from the pen of an allloving higher power. I was having a hard time with this. The facilitator noticed my blank page and offered this suggestion: “Write what you know, and you know a lot more about unconditional love than you think. Tell me how you love your boys. Write down five attributes of that way of loving.”

Acceptance immediately came to mind. Followed by protection and encouragement. Gentleness and patience rounded out my top five.

“Now,” she asked, “what would it take for you to begin applying those qualities to yourself?

What would it feel like to accept yourself just as you are, to look out for and encourage yourself? Be specific. Be gentle. Be patient.

You’ve shown that you can love this way in your outward expressions of love for Myles and Taylor. Direct them inward as well.”

What a lovely revelation. Turns out I already know how to love unconditionally.

These are skills I already have. My boys are proof. I’m good at loving! And to quote a favorite songwriter, Jason Mraz, “love,” after all “is still the answer.”

Maybe loving myself isn’t narcissistic or self-indulgent at all. I mean, this motley crew of messengers — Miley and Ram and Jesus and Jason — can’t all be wrong. Could it be that love is, and forevermore shall be, the answer, and that it’s fundamentally an inside job?

Does it all start with self-acceptance — with the belief that I am worthy and capable and lovable just as I am this very minute? And further, that I’m the only one who can be me, and my contribution to the world is singular.

After all, Dr. Seuss tells me, “No one can be youer than you.”

Two Tuesdays ago, still feeling a little sad about my lost friendship, I attended an evening yoga class. At the end, as we were all lying on the floor in Savasana, the final resting pose of the practice, the instructor quietly recited my very favorite prayer.

“Dear God,” she murmured, “please help me to accept the truth about myself…

No matter how beautiful.”

— Sharla Gorder

Resiliency Through Purpose

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February 2024 • Bella Magazine • 65

her perspective

I’ve Gotta Be Me

Caught up with an old friend in the neighborhood the other day and he jokingly said, “You know, behind your back people call you the Martha Stewart of East Hill.” I don’t know that much about Martha Stewart so all that came to mind is that she was arrested and served jail time for insider trading. I blurted out, “Hey, I’m not a day trader like my mom was.

And I’ve never been arrested.” He laughed and said, “Noooo, it’s a compliment. Like on her TV show — you always make the impossible look effortless.” But I still couldn’t take it as a compliment. It freaks me out that someone would think I’m perfect; I want them to think I’m authentic.

Some of my friends like to post affirmations on social media and I saw this one listed in the “7 Rules of Life”: What other people think of you is none of your business. The older I get, the more I find this to be true. “I’ve Gotta Be Me,” the famous song sung by Sammy Davis Jr., comes to mind. It’s not healthy to worry about what others think or say about you.

I was born an extreme extrovert. Six out of seven children, my mother informed me I was not like the others. As a baby, when she took me on errands, I was thrilled at the faces of strangers who stopped to notice me. She said I tried to say googoo gaga to every human I encountered. Most babies love their mother’s face, but I got bored with that same face every day. My sister was born two years later, and my mother said we were opposites. My sister cried if a stranger looked at her.

(My sister became a very successful accountant; I did not.)

As soon as I could walk, I walked down the street and knocked on doors. I couldn’t find any kids my age, so I asked elderly neighbors if they wanted to come out and play.

Surprisingly, they did. At five years old, some of my best

friends were retired 70-year-olds. We chatted for hours while we pulled weeds, watered the plants and played with their cats and dogs.

Maybe this explains my oversharing tendencies. I like to engage with people. I like to interact with other humans.

When all my humans are too busy to hang out, my Facebook friends are there for me. Judge me all you want; I’m just going to keep on being me. I mean, I’ve gotta. Who else would I be?

I may dance like a crazed weasel on meth (I’ve never done meth!) but I will never stop doing the pogo. When I am 80, I hope people are whispering behind my back, “Can you believe she’s still doing the pogo? That went out of style in the 80s.”

That’ll be my affirmation taped to my fridge: “Pogo like no one’s watching.”

Yes, I love semicolons; periods are so abrupt.

Someone’s got to keep using semicolons or they will become extinct. Yes, I hate oatmeal and yogurt, so I eat canned hearts of palm for breakfast. They are delicious. And I love the Avengers spin-off show, “Loki.” I have to watch it alone because my husband and children hate it. How can anyone hate a bromance between Tom Hiddleston and Owen Wilson, time travel to the groovy ’70s and ’80s and Ke Huy Quan’s nerdy/techy character? I guess my mom was right; I am not like the others.

Full disclosure, to research this story, I googled Martha Stewart. She had a TV show but it was during the years I was working full time and had four children, so I’ve never seen it.

She had a magazine, but I guess I was reading Rolling Stone back then. But dang, she was just on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue at age 81 and she rocked it! I’ll take that compliment after all.

Liz Biggs is a Pensacola native and mother of four. Once upon a time, she had a high-pressure career but now she has a pension and is a freelance writer for Bella Magazine. Liz enjoys music, dancing, tennis and travel and tries to find humor in everything.

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