Permai Snapshot
Issue 36 December 2020
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
Be Your Children’s
GPS
By: Esther Soon | Translated by: Tan Chien Chin The
modern generation is very dependent on the Global Positioning System (GPS). If you want to go somewhere, just enter the destination and the GPS will lead and guide you accurately. If you have an appointment with your friend at a place you’ve never been, don't worry about getting lost as long as you have a GPS; you will definitely be able to reach the destination and meet your friend. Likewise for our children in their whole lifetime, wouldn’t they need someone trustworthy to be their GPS leading them to eternal life? Hannah had no children, so she was often teased by another wife of Elkanah. Hannah was
very upset. Once, she followed her husband to Shiloh, God's tabernacle for a festive celebration and offering. Hannah was praying to God at the tabernacle, pleading to God to grant her a son, and if God answered her prayer, she would dedicate her son to God. Indeed God answered her prayer and granted her a child. She named him Samuel. After Samuel was weaned, Hannah sent him to God’s tabernacle to serve God. Little Samuel started serving God in the tabernacle at a young age and followed the high priest Eli to handle everything in the tabernacle. During such time, Samuel had yet to know God (1 Samuel 3: 7).
Eli was the high priest then, and his two sons were also priests, but the Bible says, “they knew not the Lord,” (1 Samuel 2: 12). Although his two sons were priests, they despised God and treated God’s offering with contempt. They also fooled around with the women serving in the tabernacle. At that time, God had rarely revealed Himself to Eli, and God was displeased with his two sons. One day, God called Samuel. Samuel thought Eli was calling him, so he ran to Eli. Eli denied calling him and asked him to go back to sleep. God called Samuel the second time. Samuel thought it was Eli and went to Eli again. Eli denied again and told him to go back to sleep. God called Samuel the third time, and Samuel went to Eli again. This time, Eli realized that it was God who called Samuel. He told Samuel if you hear the voice again, respond with, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” Then, when God called Samuel again, he responded to God as guided by Eli. Eli, as a father, had the responsibility of guiding his sons to know God. Unfortunately, the
Bible says, they do not know God, and even do things that despise God. As a result, God punished Eli and his two sons. The Bible also mentioned that Samuel did not know God yet; it refers to a state before God revealed Himself to Samuel. Samuel has been serving God in the tabernacle since his young age, so he must have known that this God is the God who listens to his mother's prayers. He also knows that God speaks to Eli. Although he knows about Jehovah God, he has yet to build a direct personal relationship with God. Therefore, when God called him in the first three times, he did not know that it was God who had called him. Eli played a key role here. When he realized that God may be the one calling Samuel, he taught Samuel how to respond to God's calling. When God called Samuel again, Samuel responded as he was told. From then on, God made Samuel a prophet and often spoke to people through Samuel. God also anointed two kings of Israel through Samuel's hand. Samuel became God's valued servant.
As parents, we have the responsibility to guide our children to know God. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10) Children need to know God and learn to fear God. One who does not know and fear God is very dangerous as he might have devastating behaviour. Just like the two sons of Eli, they had no wisdom, no intelligence, and paid a painful price for their foolish behaviour. “Now this is eternal life: that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent.” (John 17:3) Knowing the true and only God and Jesus Christ is the most important lesson in life. What is more important than eternal life? Unless we only care about the current life and focus on short term things in life, else parents must be concerned about whether their children walk in the path of eternal life. Young children are passive and are dependent on their parents to guide them. If you give him a book, he will learn to read. If you give him a paper and a pencil, he will learn to draw. If you let him play on a piano, he will learn to love music. If you give him a phone or an iPad, he will learn to scroll the screen, surf the internet to watch YouTube and play games. It all depends on how you guide your children as parents. We need to guide our children to listen to the voice of God. Although Eli had no idea how to teach his children, at least he told Samuel that it was God’s voice, and God wanted to speak to him. Eli taught little Samuel to listen to God’s words with a humble heart. Without Eli’s guidance, how could little Samuel understand that God was calling him? The world is full of various voices, and these voices
are often not in line with God’s will. We are living in a very depraved world, and the world is against God. Therefore, the values of the world often contradict biblical values. It is important to guide your children to listen to God’s voice, study the word of God, and help them to build a solid foundation of faith. By doing this, they will not lose their direction and be confused by the world. They will be able to find the right direction in this depraved world. What are the requirements that must be possessed by parents to guide their children? Let us look at the relationship between Eli and God. His relationship with God was slowly alienating and no longer intimate. We can tell from a few points. God had rarely spoken to him, and Eli loved his sons more than God. As a spiritual leader, Eli should be sensitive about God's actions, but he couldn't immediately identify that it was God who called Samuel. He only realized it by the third calling. We can call this as spiritual lethargy, which is not about not knowing God completely, but is not sensitive. If one day, God calls your child to do something for the kingdom of God, will you be in a spiritual lethargy state like Eli? Parents need to maintain an intimate relationship with God at all times and understand God's word and His will so that they can lead their children correctly. Otherwise, we can only rely on feelings to look for direction, just like a blind man leading the way yet does not know how to move forward. If your navigation system is wellconnected with God, you will be a competent guide. Let’s hope that we can be a GPS for our children, and lead them to God accurately.
By: Corlynn Kho | Translated by: Choo Ting Hou “
Why can’t I run faster than my classmates even though I’ve trained so hard?” “Why are my classmates so smart yet I’m so stupid? I’m such a loser.” Have your children ever asked such questions? How did you respond? Would you discuss the issue tirelessly, or just muddle it through? The social circles of children in the 21st century mostly revolve around schools, day care centres, tuition classes, skills classes, on the Internet, etc. The “healthy competitions” within these small communities have imperceptibly become the foundation on which the children assess themselves. Moreover, some parents have also been profoundly influenced. It is not an exaggeration to say that the academic pressure and interpersonal relationship faced by the children at these small communities are on par with, if not surpass, the stress level faced by
parents at their workplaces. They are constantly overshadowed by a sense of defeat. When they have such frustrations, these vulnerable young hearts will gradually break down, and finally be engulfed.
Case Study 1 Student A has a well-built physique but is poor in communication. He is often jeered at by 3333333333333333333333333333333333333 classmates during physical education classes. 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 Once he caused the team’s loss in a competition, 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 and was consequently bullied by his teammates. He 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 regarded himself as a loser because he had failed 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 to accomplish a task which other classmates could 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 accomplish. An extended sense of defeat caused 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 him to greatly underestimate his self-worth, hence 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 requiring counselling from a psychologist. 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333 Case Study 2 3333333333 Student B excels in moral and academic performances and is a model student. The student failed to hand in the paper in time during year-end examination and failed one subject as a result. It was the first ever setback throughout his years of study, which seriously undermined his selfconfidence and crushed his spirit. Being a student who had always been leading as a winner, he could not identify himself with a new identity of being a loser. Eventually, he required counselling from a psychologist. These two families share something in common – when the children were in trouble, they sought help from their parents. Their parents made concerted efforts and did everything they could to get their children out of trouble.
The cry for help driven by a sense of defeat must not be neglected
How to begin? Parents shall examine themselves, admit their sins and repent. ● Correct wrong teaching values, be more active to take part in the children’s daily schedule.
Listening and Communication When children seek your help as they face difficulties, no matter how trivial, you should be grateful rather than feeling annoyed. When children muster enough courage to tell you about their failures, you should praise God rather than making the matters worse.
Parents need to help the children to rebuild the truth behind self-worth. ● Rediscover the distinguished status of being the child of God, a unique treasure.
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. – James 1:19 In moments like these, parents should let go of their tasks at hand. What you say would result in huge impacts to the children. Meanwhile, things would get back on the right path through listening, a heart-warming hug, or a sincere prayer. A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. – Proverbs 25:11 Putting On the Full Armour It is beyond our choice not to live in a corrupted world. We could never change the world alone. Therefore, helping our children to empower their mental strength in order to face unexpected changes is the right thing to do. There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent. - Mahatma Gandhi Everything begins from the family. Parents are the first teachers of their children, whereas God is the parents’ supreme wisdom mentor.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6
Do you still remember the topics discussed when you last had a heart-to-heart discussion with your children?
Be diligent in guiding the children to cultivate an intimate relationship with God. ● In facing challenges, learn to rely on God for the most effective support. Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. – Ephesians 6:13
Conclusion: The cry for help driven by a sense of defeat must not be neglected. The two case studies above are merely the tip of an iceberg. The children were lucky enough to receive timely assistance. However, there are countless children who are facing the same plight, or they are about to fall into one. I pray that God will pour out His great love and a keen heart to parents, educators and Sunday School teachers so that they will be able to see the children’s needs, and provide timely assistance. Don’t wait until the sense of defeat intensifies to the extent of requiring a psychologist’s consultation, or up to a point when the devil rejoices. It will be too late by then.
When your children are in need, are you among the people whom they seek help from?
How to talk about masturbation with your teenage children at home? By: Dorcas Ng | Translated by: Dorcas Yeoh Although physical education classes in primary schools nowadays cover sex education, I believe that Christian families should still educate their teenagers regarding sex education at home. This is because the teaching process should also include open discussions, Q&A sessions, praying together, etc. In this article, I would like to talk to parents about masturbation. 1. What is masturbation? Masturbation is the act of rubbing your own sexual organs with your hands or something else to achieve pleasure or orgasm. 2. Why do people masturbate? a. To relieve stress b. Inability to meet the inner human need for relationship while connecting with others c.aSexual fantasies or being exposed to sexually arousing information d. Seeking self-sensory gratification e. Human’s sexual desire
3. Is masturbation a sin? Personally, I think this is a grey area question. It's not easy to answer yes or no. But I can say with certainty that a single or married person who indulges in masturbation will have a hard time having a good relationship with God and with others. Also, masturbation is not purely an action, it is often connected to sexual fantasies and pornographic information, so masturbation can affect a person's soul. 4. How to deal with the struggle of masturbation? a. Avoid pornographic material b.sEstablish healthy stress-relieving habits such as sports, music, reading, and arts & crafts. It is recommended that parents spend time with their teenagers to exercise, read, and watch good educational movies together. Parents can also have fun family activities such as: traveling, hiking, camping, etc. with their teenage children.
c. Stay open and connected to people and to God to satisfy the relationship desires of the human heart. God created men with a desire to connect with other people. Regardless whether it is a single person, a married person, or a teenager, we need to learn to build relationships with other people: to care for each other, to share with each other, to support each other, so that when we satisfy our emotional needs from our relationships, we can avoid trying to seek self-gratification through masturbation. Parents need to be good role models and have their own best friends so that our children can see how we establish a deep connection with others and share our own joys and sorrows with them. d. Believing that sex is God's good creation and it is one of the ways that couples can build intimacy in marriage, and that sex is a gift that can only be enjoyed within the context of marriage. e. If we have already done all of the above and yet still masturbate, we need to understand that this is because of man's sinfulness. But God is holy. Let's just come to God openly and ask Him to forgive us, give us strength, have mercy on our weaknesses, and give us grace to help us overcome. Parents also need to understand that teenagers are going through a period where they experience rapid hormonal changes in their growth. In addition to their unpredictable emotions, they are still at a stage where they do not know what to do about their sexual impulses. Therefore, when discussing the topic of masturbation at home, parents should be more tolerant and patient with
them. I believe that we need to explain to our children about the sinfulness of human nature and the holiness of God. Let them know that God still accepts and loves them even after they masturbate, but of course, they can't allow themselves to keep masturbating. This is important, or else our children will grow up feeling like they can't face God or other people because of their masturbation struggles, and then feel even more guilty about it. When we, as parents, discuss with our children about the subject of masturbation, we shouldn’t be prideful. We need to be in the same place with our children and share with them truthfully that even as adults, we have our own struggles, that we are also tempted by pornographic information and sexual fantasies, and we have our own failures too. Let our children know our weaknesses, and share with them how we lean on God to overcome our temptations. If you have children in your family who are going to be teenagers soon, I encourage you as parents to first plan out your own set of sex education based on your family and faith. Then, educate your children by yourself, and be open with them about the subject of sex. This is because sex education from books or the internet, or even from a professional educational institution, may not actually match your family's values and beliefs. I have always believed that home education is the foundation of all other educational systems. It is my sincere hope that we will protect our teenage children and prepare them at home to face the tide of sexual proliferation.
Compiled by Esther Soon In
the middle of September this year, the Family Ministry conducted "The Parenting Teenagers Course" via Zoom. Approximately 22 parents attended this course. This course was designed by Nicky and Sila (co-worker of HTB, London, UK) and it is meant for parents who have children between the ages of 11-18 years old. The course is divided into five lessons, and is conducted via pre-recorded videos whereby the speakers, Nicky and Sila share with us effective ways of parenting teenagers. The course emphasizes that the ultimate aim of parenting is to groom our teenagers towards maturity and independence. Parents should mold their characters, and help them cultivate good values. It's necessary for parents to satisfy the teenagers' need for love by using their love language. Parents also need to learn the art of listening as well as helping the children in expressing their anger in a healthy way. The course
also talks about the importance of setting boundaries. Parents have to stand firm with important boundaries, but in other areas, there should be as few rules as possible. Furthermore, parents must be willing to negotiate and compromise with their children. Finally, the course also reminds the parents that parents are the most influential people in their children’s lives. Therefore, it's very important for parents to pass on information and good values to their children so as to enable them to make wise decisions whenever they face critical issues in their lives. There is a discussion time during each lesson for all participants to share among themselves the challenges and experiences in parenting. Parenting is an important task entrusted by God to parents. The "Parenting Teenagers Course" will equip the parents, and help the parents lay a strong foundation for their children's lives.
Sharing by the Participants Annie Chiang After attending this course, I have learned to be more empathy towards the struggles faced by the teenagers. I have also learned how to avoid conflict as much as possible, setting boundaries for teenagers and helping them in making good choices. Joseph Chan The course is interesting and practical. The discussions among the parents helped us to delve deeper on the practical aspects of each lesson. I would recommend this course to parents who have teenage children. Susan Yew The course has helped me to understand the emotion and changes that teenagers go through.
Besides that, I have also learned that we can let our "home" be a place for fun as well as a place for releasing our emotions.
Michael Ngu The course has two parts. The first part consists of a video by the parenting expert, giving us explanation and analysis. The second part is sharing and discussion among the group members. These two parts have helped me to understand the course contents better. Throughout the course, I have learned some practical parenting skills. For instance, educate the child with correct information at an appropriate time. With a purpose of having better parents-child relationships, parents can create some family atmosphere or even do some crazy stuff with the children. At the same time, parents should maintain
good communication with children. Besides that, parents should refrain from giving criticism. On the other hand, parents ought to give more affection. The teenagers are going through brain development, and parents should patiently help them to journey through this period. The nature of children is not bad and they are not rebellious. Parents must have persistence and should always pray for more strength from God. Dorcas Ng Whenever my child acts coldly towards me, I don't have to overreact. Even though his changes may be unpredictable, I can still view it positively. I believe that his weird behaviour will not be forever, and he will become mature gradually. I have also learned to handle my worries and anger. I learn to put down my own prejudices, appreciate more on the good aspect of my child. To make my home a place for fun by carrying out activities that will improve our relationship. When I am worried, I will calm down first before I communicate with my child. I don't have to be a perfect parent, only be a good parent. If there's a chance, I will recommend this course to other parents. In the video, they also interviewed kids, teachers, principal, counsellors, and physiologists which I think it's very good. It helps us to view parenting from different perspectives. Carmen Lee The sharing from the speakers and members is a helpful guide to me. It prepares me to face the problems or emotional changes faced by a teenager. I will try to use the methods that I have
learned to grow with my kids. Esther Soon People always say that once a child enters adolescence, he or she will form his or her own opinions and will no longer listen to their parents. Most of the people would describe them as rebellious. When my son turned 11 years old, I discovered that his behavior was changing slowly. Just like other teenagers, he would not follow everything I said and sometimes like to go against my word. I was facing tremendous pressure as I didn't know how to communicate with him. I realised that I couldn't use the method in the past any longer. I need to change the way I teach him. Otherwise, our relationship would definitely become worse. After this course, I realised that adolescents are affected by their changing hormones. They are not mature simply because their brains have not fully developed. They are going through a transition period, and they need understanding and acceptance from the parents. Realising it, I don't have to fight with him in all matters. Sometimes, he doesn't mean to rebel, it's just that he is not mature enough to understand our feelings. I am the type of mother who likes to have control over my children. The course teaches me to let them go gradually and to move from being a controller to consultant. As parents, we can always provide our opinions, but the decision maker should be the children themselves. Sometimes, I would get furious over the negative emotions of my children. As a parent, I need to control my own emotions, and listen patiently to my children, so that they will be willing to share their negative emotions with me.
Alpha Marriage and Parenting Course Series 1. Alpha Marriage Course To help any married couple strengthen their relationship. 2. Alpha Marriage Preparation Course To help any couple develop a strong foundation for a lasting marriage. 3. Alpha Parenting Children Course To help parents and carers of 0 to 10-year- olds, and parents-to-be, equip their children for life.
4. Alpha Parenting Teenagers Course To help parents and carers of 11 to 18-year- olds, and parents-to-be, equip their teenagers for life.
Follow Permai CMC Family Ministry Facebook Page or speak to sis. Esther Soon for more information on the course series.
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On behalf of Literature and Communication Ministry of Permai CMC, we would like to express our utmost appreciation to all the writers who shared their life stories & testimonies with us in 2020 through written literatures. “May God use the work of your hands for His glory!”
Raymond Cha The Lord is with us always, even when we think He is not.
Long Yin Wah God is good all the time!
Lim Wai Kheong He fills me with joy in His presence.
Kok Jia Yunn "If God is for us, who can be against us?" - Romans 8:31
Rev. Pung Oa Siong
Ps. Teoh Chee Keong
The Lord anchors us in storm, The Lord shields us amidst pandemic. Trust the Lord, our days will be filled with peace.
But I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me and reach out for the things ahead of me. The goal I pursue is the prize of God’s upward call in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)
Susan Yew 有许多未来的事情，我现在不能识透， 但我知谁掌管明天，我也知谁牵我手。
Deborah Chow “God isn't looking for people with great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him.” – Hudson Taylor
Steven Ngoo Every day is God’s grace.
Ng Siew Yen Do your best and God will do the rest!
Esther Soon Live out your faith!
Mdm Gan Hong Eng “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” - James 4:6
Tan Chien Chin Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4
Gabie Ching 不看别人或环境，只仰望赞 美祂，赞美是天上的能力。
Joseph Chan 事奉不是做事，而是学习做人。
Tan Bee Kien 何等恩典，耶和华真神 祂顾念我，平静我心， 使我安稳。
Dorcas Yeoh Grow through what you go through
Kelvin Yee 神是我们的避难所， 是我们的力量，是我们 在患难中随时的帮助！ (诗篇 46:1)
Esther Hii Live the life to the fullest for the glory of God
Lawrence Teen We can do anything, but not everything.
Ocean Chan Even when I don’t see it, You’re working.
Angelina Tiong Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)
Pastor Lee Sok Fong Faithfulness in little things is a great thing!
Grace Yap 箴言 4:23 - 你要保守你心， 胜过保守一切, 因为一生的 果效，是由心发出。
Corlynn Kho 一呼一吸气，神丰富供应， 一步一脚印，愿与神同行。
Lu Kai Xin 活着是为了要在 凡事上荣耀神。
Leanne Yap 神啊！你是我的神， 我要切切寻求你； 在干旱、疲乏、 无水之地， 我的心， 我的身， 都渴想你， 切慕你。
Annie Chiang 好牧人常与我们同在！Amen
Ting Choo Yuen Use your God-given gifts to help the people around you! 1 Peter 4:10, NIV: “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others.”
Kok Huey Wen But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. - Jeremiah 17:7
Dorcas Ng 多看大自然的风景， 多听大自然的声音， 你会看到上帝的伟大和智慧。
Elaine Ho Give thanks in all circumstances. If you can't now, try again later.
Natalie Goh 人生，尽管有许多 不如意和挫折， 但依靠神，改变心境， 就能脱离困境。
Grace Kuan Life is a miracle and every breath we take is a gift.
Teacher Zhao 靠主常常喜乐
Alvin Wong 你的日子如何，你的力量也如何。
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