Self-awareness for all
MASTER OF YOUR EMOTIONS Attitude : the 5th skill
Self-awareness for all ATTITUDE : LA 5e COMPÉTENCE
MASTER of your EMOTIONS Practice makes perfect ! Tactics Fitness
Mind
hnique Tec
Attitude
Attitude – the 5th skill “ Sport has the power to change the world. It has the power to unite in a way that little else does. It speaks to youth in a language they understand. Sport can create hope where once there was only despair. It is more powerful than governments in breaking down racial barriers. It laughs in the face of all types of discrimination.” Nelson Mandela
FOREWARD
Albert Camus, a fan of football, took pleasure in reiterating that the most beautiful game in the world can also be a school of life. To this end, self-awareness is crucial, along with the ability to master your emotions. Football has always been, and must remain, a game. Nevertheless, it is such an accurate reflection of the society in which we live that it is difficult, especially for young footballers, to leave problems, prejudices and failings to one side. Football is a game with frequent physical contact, in which team spirit – an essential quality if ever there was one – can sometimes result in negative behaviour, as a result of poorly controlled emotions. Such behaviour is particularly unacceptable if football is to meet higher moral standards than society and help to eradicate violence and discrimination. Behaviour is learned and, thanks to the media these days, professional players are often the role models. With millions of young eyes on them, this is a heavy responsibility and one they must knowingly assume by controlling themselves and their emotions.
One day we’ll live in a world where all young people will have access to an education that will enable them to develop their emotional wellbeing and the quality of their relationships. Through their experiences in school and sports they will discover the skills that will increase their self-knowledge, their ability to truly listen and their empathy with others. Knowing oneself is one of the great adventures of the 21st century. Up to now, little attention has been paid to the richness of our interior functioning : learning to handle one’s emotions, how to feel good with oneself and with others. Being young today means having the privilege of disposing at an early age of a multitude of tools to discover one’s internal world. In sports, football in particular, all of our emotions come into play ; it’s an ideal context for learning how to master them. It’s an excellent space where each situation can become an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and to understand what makes us and others tick. The Foundation Education 4 Peace encourages a diversity of approaches and methods, based on pleasure, sharing and awareness, thus contributing to improved physical and emotional health. Enjoy discovering !
Michel Platini President to UEFA
Mark Milton Founder of Education 4 Peace
FOREWARD
Goldberg. His name was Goldberg. I admired him because he was the goalkeeper for the school’s football team. He could dive elegantly, he had cool leather gloves and one day, he even stopped a penalty. Goal cages are immense when you’re twelve years old. This young star used his talent and our admiration for him to develop joyous and peaceful relationships. He explained to us that whenever he got upset his inadequate reactions weakened his effectiveness. I admired him for telling us that, too. In our modern society, sports play an important role. Not only are they activities that a lot of people take part in, but they also provide an effective means of development for young people. Little children find rules hard to accept. For them, what counts is winning, so they change the rules continually, they cry or get angry when they lose, thus bringing the game to a halt. As they grow older, between the ages of six and twelve, they become able to accept the rules and discover that it’s fun to play by them. Any game implies tolerance, in order to train one’s body, mind and relationships. A child who lacks tolerance and who gets angry, argues or cheats, spoils the charming adventure of a football match. We sometimes oppose playing to being serious, as if playing weren’t something serious ! By accepting rules, we increase our pleasure. By
destroying them, we become subject to reality and thus lose the adventure of imagining. This is what happens when a teenager gives into his emotions of anger, jealousy or bitterness ; he wrecks the potential of a sports adventure. It’s worth learning how to control one’s emotions in order to discover the adventure of a match. Controlling our emotions doesn’t mean extinguishing them. On the contrary, it channels them so that we can use their energy to help us play better. Some decades ago, we were told that emotions skewed a scientific approach. Nowadays, science studies emotions. We are thus discovering that not controlling our emotions causes an enormous waste of energy, we tire ourselves unnecessarily, we spoil our relationships with teammates, friends and family : a bad deal ! When we learn how to control our emotions, we concentrate more, tire ourselves less and enjoy pleasant relationships with our friends : a good deal ! Dr Boris Cyrulnik Psychiatrist
GUIDED TOUR
An approach for all Blue chapters
Green chapters
Purple chapters
For everyone
For the youth
For parents and coaches
From theory to practice A coach present throughout the book with internationals coaches and players who share their experiences with you.
Violence, stress, listening … Direct access to 27 specific themes.
63 … and 63 exercises to put into practice !
The Master of your Emotions programme is supported by the UEFA within its football & social responsibility programme RESPECT.
A programme of the Education 4 Peace foundation, intending to introduce Attitude as the 5th skill in the world of football and sports in general.
uefa.org/social-responsibility/respect
www.e4peditions.org
SUMMARY
In a match we experience a concentration of emotions, everything is more intense than usual, that’s why we like it so much. You feel really alive, like nowhere else ! But there are times when our emotions get the better of us and we really lose control. That’s why football and sport in general are an ideal context for learning how to control and be the master of our emotions. The result of five years of research and practice in collaboration with the UEFA, this book was created to stimulate interest in self-knowledge and to strengthen the link between well-being and performance. It’s been written for young athletes, parents, coaches and teachers, both in football and other sports. Using various approaches, this book gives practical information on our relationship with our emotions and our thoughts. It proposes keys for remaining in control of ourselves in difficult situations. The common thread throughout this book is listening : the key to getting to know ourselves and improving our relationships with others. The preface is by Boris Cyrulnik ; this book has the support of leading figures in the world of football who accompany you and share their experiences from the field : Yves Débonnaire, Rémi Garde, Christian Gourcuff, Guy Lacombe, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Gérald Passi, Michel Platini, Michel Pont and Theo Walcott.
Founded in 2002, Education 4 Peace (E4P) is a not for profit foundation. Its vocation is to inspire people active in education, those who make decisions, institutions and international organisations, to include peace, self-knowledge, listening and altruism in the education of future generations. All of the profits from the sale of this book will go to the programmes of the Foundation.
www.e4p.org
INDEX
PART 1 : EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL ! Controlling your emotions = controlling yourself 1.1 Football, emotions and well-being . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
9 • Football is intense ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 • Our emotions can get the better of us . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 • Emotions and well-being . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 • Managing your emotions is a skill . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
1.2 How emotions affect performance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
• Impact on energy levels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 • Impact on skills and tactics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 • Impact on concentration and motivation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 • Impact on behaviour . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
1.3 Learning to master your emotions – it’s like learning to master the ball ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
• Practice makes perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 • Performing well in all areas of life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
PART 2 : HOW CAN WE DEVELOP OUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE ? 2.1 Understanding how emotions work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 • Our internal weather system 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 • The role of emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36 • Our three brains . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37 • A palette of emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 • Emotions and thoughts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 • Emotions and needs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 - Human needs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 - Emotions tell us about our needs 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50 • Anger and violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54 • Finding out more about needs and requests . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 • Our emotional glass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
2
INDEX
2.2 Developing practical tools . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tool No 1 : Self-awareness 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - Developing your inner observer, being centred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - Releasing tension 4 5 6 7 8 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - Conscious breathing 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - Creating a protective bubble 17 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tool No 2 : Thought awareness 18 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - The thoughts you have about yourself 19 20 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - Managing the past and the future and living in the present 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 . . . . . . . Tool No 3 : Conscious communication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - Knowing how to say no to something to voice your anger in a non-violent way 29 30 31 32 . . - Giving praise 33 34 35 36 37 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - Listening with empathy and taking criticism another way 38 39 40 41 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
63 64 66 68 72 76 78 79 82 86 87 96 98
2.3 Putting the theory into practice on the pitch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
103
•Y our relationship with your team, your coach, your parents, the referee and the other team 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Learning how to be a good winner and a good loser 51 52 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Where to start ? 53 54 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
104 114 118
PART 3 : PARENTS AND COACHES 3.1 Teaching today . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123
• Our Teaching objectives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Modern authority . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Respect, violence, self-esteem and relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Competition : a double-edged sword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
124 126 128 136
3.2 The four keys to respectful communication for well-being and performance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 139
• Our habits and their effects . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Listening properly 55 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Giving praise 56 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Being respectful when we’re not happy with something 57 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • Hearing the suffering behind the violence 58 59 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
140 142 146 148 150
3.3 Teaching with respect to teach respect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 157
• Being a role model . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 158 • Learning to communicate 60 61 62 63 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 160 • Respect on the pitch and in life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 166
3
THEMES
27 books in 1 Another way to read this book !
Affirmation
Emotional glass
Performance
86 to 96, 111, 146 to 149
60, 98, 153
Anger and Violence
Emotions
17, 20 to 23, 27 to 29, 45, 78, 79, 83, 104, 105, 146, 147, 160
14, 54, 55, 91 to 95, 100, 101, 128 to 132, 150 to 155
16, 17, 20, 21 to 23, 34, 36, 38, 39, 40, 42, 50, 51, 60, 61
12, 23, 40, 41, 112, 119
Authority
Energy
Relationships
126, 127
20, 74, 75, 82, 84, 94, 95, 104 to 107
86, 104, 106 to 109, 112, 113, 118, 140 to 143
21, 64 to 77, 82, 83
Fear
Responsibility
Breathing
12, 16, 36, 37, 39, 40, 64, 65, 73 to 77
40, 41, 78, 79, 84, 91, 92, 104 to 107, 136, 137, 158, 159
Being centred 72 to 75
Coaches/Teachers/Parents 123 Ă 129, 134 to 137, 157 to 167
Communication 139 to 143, 146 to 151, 160
Competition 136, 137
Confidence and Self-Esteem 45, 46, 48, 79, 80, 81, 85, 114, 115, 133 to 135, 146, 147
Referee
Judgements
Stress
79, 90, 96, 100, 101, 148, 149, 153, 154
21, 37, 60, 70, 75, 82
Listening
23, 105 to 107, 113, 114
98, 99, 142 to 145, 150, 151
Team Thoughts
Making a request
40, 41, 78, 79, 80, 82 to 84
50, 51, 59, 90, 148, 149
Values
Motivation
80, 81, 114, 115, 132 to 135
19, 22, 79, 84, 85, 146, 147
Victory and Defeat
Needs 42 to 51, 56, 61
4
114 to 117, 132
EXERCISES
63 opportunities to progress Know yourself better 1 2 3 18 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 51 52 53 54
Know how to listen and express yourself to be heard
Spot your emotions ........................................ 35 Spot your needs ................................................. 53 Develop your self-awareness ..................... 64-65 Focus your attention ...................................... 78 Transform your mistakes and store them 82 Approach a challenge with confidence 82 Leave your worries in the dressing room 83 Shut the door on each disappointment 83 Mental image : Strength ............................... 83 Mental image : Calm ....................................... 83 Find your motivation ..................................... 84 Living a victory .................................................... 114 Living a defeat ...................................................... 117 On the pitch ......................................................... 118 In a match .............................................................. 119
29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43
The attitude of champions
4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 48
44
F eeling good in your body and good in yourself .......................................... 68 Tensing-Relaxing ................................................ 68 Awareness of your body in movement 69 Cleansing your emotions ............................. 70 Fall asleep easily .................................................. 71 Conscious breathing 1.................................... 72 Conscious breathing 2 ................................... 72 One minute re-centring ............................... 72 Feel and amplify your breathing ............ 73 Emergency re-centring .................................. 73 Inhaling when you need energy ............. 74 Exhaling when you want to calm down 74 Quickly find your calm ................................. 75 Create your bubble .......................................... 76 Play cool-headed ............................................... 112
45 46 47
49 50
Parents and coaches
55 57 58 59 60 61 62 63
Feeling good
19 20 28 56
Stop judging yourself ...................................... 79 Strengthen your self-esteem ..................... 81 Build your self-confidence .......................... 85 Learn to mention positive things .......... 147
Conscious communication 1 ................... 89 Conscious communication 2 ................... 89 Asserting yourself with respect .............. 90 Letting off steam ............................................... 94 Learn to see what is going well ............... 96 Say it while talking about you .................. 96 Giving praise 1 ..................................................... 97 Giving praise 2 ..................................................... 97 Giving praise 3 ..................................................... 97 Ask for the listening you need ................... 99 Practice being a good listener .................. 99 Hear the needs behind criticism 1 ............. 100 Hear the needs behind criticism 2 ............. 101 Observe how you function ....................... 104 O bserve how your team-mates function 105 The relationship with yourself ................. 106 The relationship with your team ........... 106 Contribute to a good atmosphere ....... 107 Practice to say what you like and what you don’t ......................................... 108 Your relationship with the other team 113 Your relationship with the spectators. 113
5
Listening properly ............................................. 143 Learning to talk about ourselves ............ 149 Learning to listen empathetically .......... 151 Escaping the spiral of violence ................ 155 Everyday relationships .................................... 161 Dealing with aggression ............................... 161 Paying attention to ourselves ................... 161 Learning to handle intense emotions . 161
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
Self-discovery comes when man measures himself with an obstacle Antoine de St Exupéry
6
Football, emotions and well-being page 9
How emotions affect performance page 19
Learning to master your emotions – it’s like learning to master the ball ! page 25
7
Football, emotions and well-being
We might play in a small club, but it sure feels great. Jean-Michel De Smet Chairman of a French amateur football club
9
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
Football is intense physically and emotionally That’s why we love it. The excitement, the hopes, the dreams ; there’s nothing like it to make you feel alive !
10
1.1. FOOTBALL, EMOTIONS AND WELL-BEING
A football match is a rush of emotions All the emotions of life are there, but in fast motion.
sadness, disappointment
anger
excitement, thrills
fear, anxiety
joy, confidence
Because football’s a fast game, because the creative possibilities are endless, because hope can turn to despair in a split second, because a team can dominate the game but never score a goal, because the result is often close, because anything is possible, and the final score is never a foregone conclusion. For players and spectators alike, a football match is an intense experience filled with all sorts of quickly changing emotions.
Emotion is when you go from laughter to tears, from anger to joy. The more unpredictable it is, the stronger the emotion. Steven, 15
11
misery, frustration
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
There are times when our emotions get the better of us …
“ When I freeze with fear and miss an easy goal.”
“ When I’m so caught up in the excitement of the game that I give the ball away.”
“ When I get so sick and tired of it all going wrong that I storm off the pitch leaving my team down to ten, but I’m past caring.”
“ When I’m so annoyed we missed a chance, I call my team-mate all the names under the sun. I know it won’t help her play better, but I just can’t help it.”
12
1.1. FOOTBALL, EMOTIONS AND WELL-BEING
… and times when we really lose control
“ I love football. For me, it’s the most beautiful game on earth. But when I go to a match and hear some of the things the fans around me say, I’m so ashamed that it puts me off wanting to go.” Nicolas, 22
“ I’m a fan ; I watch every match I can. But when I see them fighting on the pitch, I switch off the TV. I’m not interested in that. What I want to see is good football.” Maurice, 55
WE LOVE FOOTBALL, BUT IT CAN LEAVE A BITTER TASTE IN OUR MOUTHS. DEEP INSIDE, WE ALL WANT TO SEE RESPECT FOR PEOPLE AND FOR LIFE ; WE WANT TO SEE HARMONY AND BEAUTY. THAT’S WHAT MAKES US HUMAN. WE HAVE VALUES AND WE WANT TO LIVE UP TO THEM, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, THAT’S WHAT MAKES US MOST HAPPY.
What values mean the most to you ? 13
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
We all want to be happy and we all want respect, for ourselves and those around us, in life as well as on the pitch But sometimes it’s easier said than done ...
What do I do when someone doesn’t respect me ? How do I get them to show respect without resorting to violence ?
What do I do when I get so angry I can’t control it ?
What about you ? Do you ever see red, want to explode or actually lose control ? 14
1.1. FOOTBALL, EMOTIONS AND WELL-BEING
Learning to be happy We learn a lot at school, things that help us to progress and get a job.
WORK OL SCHO
Rela t
ions
hips
But until now, far too little attention has been paid to teaching us how we function and what we can do to feel good about ourselves and others. This is something we have to learn on our own, by trial and error.
B
“ When the day comes when societies give even the youngest individuals as much information about who they are – the mechanisms that allow them to think, desire, be happy or sad, calm or anxious ; in short, what allows them to live – as they Times are changing. We now have this knowledge, and it’s available to everyone. We now talk about well-being, emotional health and so on.
ng
el
f
Ha pp ine
Yet knowing how to be happy and how to get on with others is just as important as all the rest.
ys m
ss
The same is true of our spare time. We like to learn to do things that help our development and are fun.
SPARE TIME
ei
give information on the most effective way to produce goods, …. the daily lives of individuals will be transformed.” Henri Laborit, 1976 French physician, writer and philosopher
Adults are making these discoveries too. For them, it’s a case SELFof new things to learn DISCOVERY and habits to change. RELATIONSH IP
15
Happiness
Relationships
SELFDISCOVERY IS ONE OF THE GREAT ADVENTURES OF THE 21ST CENTURY.
Being myself
Young people today have the privilege of being able to acquire such knowledge early in life.
S
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
Let’s have a look at how our emotions work, emotions we sometimes don’t even understand ! Strength and emotions For a long time men didn’t talk about their feelings and emotions. Talking about emotions was considered a sign of weakness. They learned to cut themselves off from their emotions, to hide them as if they were something to be ashamed of, to control their emotions as if they didn’t exist.
Nowadays, strength is about being able to recognise our emotions and to tame them by understanding them, by knowing how to use them. This means being able to master our emotions so that we control them instead of them controlling us.
Yet they do exist. Everyone has emotions, from the youngest kids to the greatest champions. We all feel joy, sadness, anger, fear, and so on.
From lecturing to training More often than not, the response to anger that degenerates into violence is a lecture along the lines of “that’s wrong” or “that’s not the way to behave”, with some kind of
punishment thrown in for good measure. So we suppress it - but that doesn’t solve anything, because suppressed anger is like a time bomb waiting to go off. Now we can understand what’s happening inside us and learn to deal with our anger differently.
16
1.1. FOOTBALL, EMOTIONS AND WELL-BEING
The world’s changing, technology’s changing and people are changing too : The latest development is in recognising the importance of emotions and relationships, which opens the door to behavioural awareness. It’s a development we should embrace, like we do technological advances. We already talk about tactical intelligence in football ; now we talk about what’s called emotional intelligence too.
This means : • being able to recognise your own emotions and those of others ; • being able to give a name to these emotions, whether your own or those of others ; • being able to manage these emotions and take constructive action for your own sake and that of others.
UNDERSTANDING HOW YOU FUNCTION. BEING HAPPIER. PERFORMING BETTER AND GETTING ON BETTER WITH OTHERS. HOW DOES THAT SOUND ?
Emotions – get the better of them before they get the better of you ! 17
How emotions affect performance
The body doesn’t react well to negative stress and we clearly don’t perform as well. Pierre Godefroy French doctor of sports medicine
19
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
Impact on energy levels What have you noticed from your own experience ?
When do you feel the most energetic ?
When do you feel the least energetic ?
When you’re happy and enthusiastic ? Happiness is a great energiser. Anger and rage also give you energy, but in a rather fierce, abrupt way. You have to know how to channel that energy to better your game and realise that once the anger or rage has died down, you may feel completely wiped out.
When you’re unhappy or unenthusiastic ? Feeling unhappy has a direct impact on energy. You feel listless ; you don’t want to do anything. Or when you’re feeling unconfident, or even anxious ? This also saps your energy ; you feel as if your batteries are not fully charged.
The effect of emotions on the heart
HERE WE SEE THAT EMOTIONS HAVE AN EFFECT ON THE HEART. IN A SPORT SUCH AS FOOTBALL, WHICH INVOLVES A LOT OF RUNNING, THE HEART AND LUNGS HAVE TO WORK HARD, SO EMOTIONS CAN QUICKLY HAVE A MAJOR IMPACT ON PERFORMANCE.
Heart rate
STRESS - ANXIETY- ANGER
HAPPINESS - APPRECIATION - WELL-BEING
Time in seconds
20
1.2. HOW EMOTIONS AFFECT PERFORMANCE
Impact on skills and tactics When do you play well ? When do you play badly ?
In general, we play well when we feel calm, confident and happy. You’ve probably noticed that your moves are more accurate, as if your body’s doing what you want it to do. You have a better grasp of the game and make better decisions. You feel focused and sharp. You feel as if your whole body’s working in harmony. This is known as “being centred”.
On the other hand, if you’re nervous, stressed, agitated, lacking in confidence, or even just overexcited, you can’t think straight and you become careless. You feel all over the place. Being very worked up is also described as being “beside yourself”.
THAT’S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY !
SEE WHAT HAPPENS. WHENEVER YOU GET WORKED UP, YOU PLAY BADLY. SO IT’S A WASTE OF TIME GETTING WORKED UP IN THE FIRST PLACE.
21
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
Impact on concentration and motivation Concentration : Performing well means being completely focused on what’s happening at any one moment and taking in information to anticipate what will happen next. If some of your attention and energy are being wasted on emotions about something that’s OI ! already happened, you can’t be fully focused on what’s going on now.
Motivation : Motivation really is the key to performance. When you’re motivated, you’ve got boundless energy. You’re unaware of the time and effort involved. But when your motivation drops, so does your enthusiasm and, with it, your performance.
Think about it :
What motivates you ?
OBJECTIVE
What demotivates you ? The answers have always got something to do with emotions. The better you understand your behaviour, the better you’ll be able to maintain your motivation and act on what demotivates you, either by addressing the external factors if possible or by doing something about the way you deal with them within yourself.
22
1.2. HOW EMOTIONS AFFECT PERFORMANCE
Impact on behaviour As soon as something’s at stake, you want to succeed, you’re more on edge, you react more impulsively and gestures or words may slip out, perhaps towards the referee or your opponents. Then it’s a yellow, or even a red card. And when your team’s down to ten as a result, they’re really up against it.
Even with your own team : When you get annoyed with someone because they give the ball away or they’re not in the right position, this creates tension in the team.
When you turn up for a match fed up or bothered by something and are subdued and not as active as usual on the pitch, this affects the energy of the whole team. THE TEAM’S ENERGY
YOUR EMOTIONS
affect
which affects which affects
YOUR BEHAVIOUR
23
THE TEAM’S PERFORMANCE
Learning to master your emotions – it’s like learning to master the ball !
Football is a world of emotions, waves of permanent emotions generated by the actors and all football fans. Football history shows that the great players are those who ride these waves, while the average players let themselves be swallowed up by them. Claude Le Roy French professional football coach
25
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
Master the ball Remember how it was when you started playing football You practised ; You spent hours playing with your friends ; passing, dribbling, shooting, learning to control the ball ; Your coach or more experienced team-mates probably taught you some useful tricks. Nowadays you’re much better at controlling the ball ; you’re the boss and it does what you want it to do. Of course there are still more things you’d love to be able to do ; that’s why you practise. You watch your favourite players and dream of playing like them.
26
1.3. LEARNING TO MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS
Master your emotions It’s the same with your emotions ! There are different levels. And they don’t necessarily have anything to do with age. Some young people have very good emotional skills and some adults none at all. The point is, if you want to develop your emotional skills, you can. You may be inexperienced and find that your emotions often run away with you. And that handicaps you, on the football pitch and in life in general. But you can practise. To do so, you just need a few tips and tricks, which you can get from trained coaches or more experienced mates. It takes regular, continuous practice, but this book can help you make a start. You’ll see the results. It’s win-win : you’ll play better, you’ll get on better with others and your sense of well-being will increase – both on the pitch and in life in general. We all have role models, people with more experience who inspire us to keep trying to do better. Who do you look up to as being masters of their emotions, on and off the pitch ? Maybe it’s someone close to you. The real champions in this field are not necessarily those in the public eye.
27
EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN FOOTBALL !
Performing well in all areas of life Learning to master our emotions helps us to perform well in all areas of life.
Performance Combining different skills so that you can react appropriately in any situation.
Progressing Making progress in all areas at the same time. If you neglect one area, this will be your weak spot.
The higher the level The greater the tactical and technical requirements, the greater the psychological pressure, and the greater your responsibility in terms of how you behave.
A great player is one who masters, apart from the technical and tactical aspects, everything that’s at stake. A player who can understand and control what’s going on inside himself. Gérard Houiller, French coach
28
1.3. LEARNING TO MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS
hniq Tec ue
Tactics
Fitness
Thinking
Attitude
This is the first thing you develop, from many exercises you can do on your own the day you first kick a ball. And it’s easy or with someone else. Nothing beats having the ball at your feet. to practise your technique : there are
It’s not long before you start to discover tactics. As soon as you play a match, even if it’s just a kick-about with mates, you realise the importance of positions and strategies. This isn’t something you can
practise on your own. What’s more, having a coach brings in someone who’s not directly involved in the game, who can take a step back and see how you interact as a team-mate and with the opposition.
Then you discover the importance of fitness. If you want to have the stamina and strength to get through a match, you do fitness training and strength work. And you make sure you cool
down afterwards by stretching. In fact, everything that keeps your energy up becomes important : ideally, you also pay attention to what you eat, you make sure you get enough sleep, and so on.
Early on we sense that there are things other than our physical condition that affect our performance, but we don’t get a lot of training on how to develop these. Because knowledge in this area is
still quite new, it’s often only top players who get any mental training. It helps them to improve their concentration, motivation, self-control and emotional balance.
Competition pushes us to our limits. You have to be very strong to produce a top-class performance while continuing to behave appropriately : being both a great footballer and a great person. Making respect and fair play a rule is not enough. You may completely agree with it in theory but not manage to abide by it on the pitch. You can learn to do so, but it’s still not very common. That’s
why top footballers are not always the best role models in this respect. You have to develop awareness – awareness of your values, awareness of yourself and others and awareness of how you function (emotionally and in relationships) – so you can make conscious choices about how you behave.
29
TO GO FURTHER
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168
THANKS
Bringing this book into existence was an extraordinary adventure of sharing and co-creativity. The Foundation Education 4 Peace hereby expresses its gratitude to all those who contributed to its realisation. Conception, writing, illustrations and layout Mark Milton, Catherine Schmider, Carlo Trinco and Bernard Thiry Including the contribution of : Bernard Ambit Jérôme Andrey Alain Aschbascher Sibylle Baumgartner Agathe Beetschen Farès Berhail David Bettoni Sebti Bouguerra Frances Burkhalter Philippe Cattier Allan Cosandier Boris Cyrulnik Thomas d’Ansembourg Isabel d’Arenberg Yves Débonnaire Arnaud Durand Saleem Ebrahim Richard Fallon Isabelle Ferrer William Gaillard Rémi Garde
Patrick Gasser Svenja Geissmar Eric Goiran Annie Gosselin Christian Gourcuff Frédéric Hamelin Gérard Houllier Iris Hugo-Bouvier Lou Inglebert Christian Junod Klaus Karstädt Guy Lacombe Claude Le Roy Nicolas Longo Frank Ludolph Claude Martinelli Michèle Meuwly Nicole Milton Esther Mueller Michèle Nicole Jean-Yves Ogier
Delphine Oltramare Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain Jean Pagès Gérald Passi Rosette Poletti Michel Pont Alexis Proniewski Emmanuel Rival Muriel Rosselet Didier Roustan David Rovera Andy Roxburgh Diana Rucli Mercedes Schaffter Franck Thivilier Martin van der Meulen Jan Carel van Dorp Jean-François Vulliez Theo Walcott
Realised thanks to the commitment and support of the UEFA.
With the kind support of The Arsenal Foundation, the Fondation Antoine de Saint Exupéry pour la Jeunesse and the Foundation Olympique Lyonnais.
169
Photo credit : © Keystone : p.6 : Alberto Estevez/EPA, Christine Olsson/EPA, Martin Meissner/AP, p.8 : Frank Augstein/AP, p.10 : Alejandro Garcia/EPA, Johan Ben Azzouz/MAXPPP, Soren Andersson/SCANPIX, Carmen Jaspersen/dpa, Paul White/AP, Michel Spingler/AP, Claude Paris/AP, p.11 : Nick Potts/PRESS ASSOCIATION IMAGES, Sebastian Widmann/EPA, p.13 : Max Nash/ AP, p.18 : Tolga Bozoglu/EPA, p.24 : Alastair Grant/AP, p .26 : Stephan Torre, Erik Isakson/TETRA IMAGES, STR/AFP, p.27 : Alex Telfer/GALLERY STOCK, EPA ANSA FILES Copyright © 2014 Fondation Education 4 Peace 35, Grand Rue - 1180 Rolle, Switzerland Legal deposit : May 2014 ISBN-13 : 978-2-940539-13-0