March 2013 | Your community humour magazine | issue 150
Dawn Black A Life in Politics
Story on P8 Photo by Gabor Gasztonyi
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The New Westminster Salvation Army is 125 years old. See story by Major Betty Raine inside.
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March 2013
Peter Julian, MP Burnaby – New Westminster Serving Our Community
Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance. Peter Julian’s Community Office: 7615 Sixth Street, Burnaby, BC V3N 3M6
Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca
Funny Bones by Jones Magazine Locally Owned & Published Fourth floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5
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Photography: Gabor Gasztonyi, Trevor Batstone, Darren Lulka
Glenn Jones would like to hear from his fans. E-mail him at funnybones.by.jones@gmail.com.
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JOIN US FOR A SPECIAL COQUITLAM COMMUNITY CONSULTATION March 13th, 6:30pm Coquitlam Public Library (575 Poirier St) With Special Guest Selina Robinson, City Councillor, New Westminster
March 14th, 6:30pm Sapperton Pensioners Hall (318 Keary St) With Special Guest Chuck Puchmayr, City Councillor
Fin Donnelly, MP
New Westminster – Coquitlam & Port Moody Phone: 604-664-9229 l Email: fin.donnelly@parl.gc.ca l www.FinDonnelly.ca
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March 2013
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Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS
Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Solution on page 22.
T N I A S M A O D C I S T E B
Y T I N A I T S I R H C J G R
K H U R V S G V H K E Z Z L N
N C Q W E S E C O L G R E E N
K G O M S I U D E N N V V W F
A Z O L Y O E B A E J Y O E E
M R U Q C N R Y K R N C F R A
T C T E W A B I Y Q A Z Q U S
P U Y T T R N A A R F P P T T
Z L K I J Y D N M C I N K L U
H G O V J I R A O N C R N U R
N N H V L E R L B N E X I C N
A S P O E C S R Y R W I N S F
S F H B H K E W H O H D S I H
A G NT
P A T R I C K B N L A Y R U V
Another fine “time distraction” brought to you by your local Piffle Magazine.
CHRIS
WORD BEER CELEBRATION
SEARCH
CHRISTIANITY COLCANNON CULTURE
MARCH
FEAST
MISSIONARY
GREEN
PARADES
HOLIDAY
PATRICK
IRISH
SAINT
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March 2013
NOW OFFERING PERSONAL ASTROLOGICAL READINGS! EMAIL LIZA FOR DETAILS: Liza_kol@hotmail.com
CHRISTIAN QUESTION AND ANSWER Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to
March 2013 ARIES: Understanding other peoples value systems will assist in making money during this time. Just don’t spend money on things you don’t really need. TAURUS: You may be called upon to look after a loved one during this time. What’s lacking in the physical will be made up for within the spiritual department. GEMINI: This is a great time to get together with friends and group activities. Others are attracted to your energy and you have much to share as well as learn. CANCER: Authority figures are pleased with your recent work efforts. Your recent hard work will finally start to pay off. Keep flirtations to a minimum. LEO: Go out and try something new this month. Any new form of art or music will open your mind and bring upon a new understanding of the self. VIRGO: This is a good time to seek out a loan if required. Adjusting to other peoples value system will bring fortune your way. Love is strong and exciting. LIBRA: Your ability to express affection will bring much love into your life; even with business associates. A good time to make peace if there has been conflict. SCORPIO: This is a good time to discuss better working conditions. People in authority will be responsive to your ideas and make going forward much easier. SAGITTARIUS: Your love life heats up during this time. You may find yourself hosting parties and dinners with friends and loved ones. Its all about fun. CAPRICORN: Home is where the heart is during this time. You may find yourself doing those home renovations that have been sitting on the back burner. AQUARIUS: Communications of all types take on a much more easy going tone. Others are open to your ideas. Relationships with siblings run smoothly. PISCES: You may be tempted to spend money on things you don’t really need. This is a good time for new financial opportunities. Be open to new ideas.
the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once. Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing. Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
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A provincial election will soon be held in BC. Since I will not be a candidate in the coming election, I want to thank all the residents of New Westminster for their support over many years! I am truly honoured to have had the privilege to serve our wonderful community both as your MLA and MP. In accordance with BC Legislature regulations, I must close my constituency office on April 16, 2013. Best wishes to you and your family in the future! Sincerely,
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March 2013
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March 2013
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MISS NEW WESTMINSTER AMBASSADOR PAGEANT
The pageant season is upon us! Join us as six of the City’s brightest young ladies compete for the title of Miss New Westminster 2013. Sat, March 9 at 7:00 pm, doors open at 6:30 pm Massey Theatre, 735 8th Ave New Westminster, BC $15.00 Pageant only; $25 Youth (under 18) $45 Visiting Royalty and Chaperones (includes Pageant and Reception)
Donated sports equipment can be dropped off at the Hyack Festival Association office, 204 6th St, New Westminster. The sale will be held March 10, 10:00 am to 2:00 pm at New Westminster Secondary School’s Massey Gym.
FAWLTY TOWERS
February 28 - March 23 Thur to Sat - 8:00 pm, Sun matinees - 2:00 pm The Bernie Legge Theatre, Queen’s Park, New Westminster
and how to shed the rest, plus address issues unique to downsizing. Pre-register at 604-527-4667
SECOND ANNUAL COPS FOR CANCER CUP
NW Police vs NW Senior Salmonbellies March 20, 7:00 pm, Queen’s Park Admission by donation. $5 minimum. Children under 12 FREE All proceeds to COPS FOR CANCER
Tickets available through Massey Ticket Centre: Contact the Massey Box Office to order tickets by phone
Bernie Legge Theatre, presented by the Vagabond Players. The hilarious farce by John Cleese and Connie Booth, directed by Dwayne Campbell.
GLENBROOK NORTH RESIDENTS’ ASSOCIATION MEETING
Phone: 604-521-5050
Tickets: $15, Seniors/Students: $13
Century House, 620 8th St
Email: ticketing@masseytheatre.com
Two-for-one previews on February 28 & March 1
EASTER IN QUEEN’S PARK 2013
Reservations: 604-521-0412 or book online: reservations@vagabondplayers.ca
Queen’s Park Rainbow Playland
Hours of Operation: Tue - Sat: 12:00 pm – 6:00 pm Closed from 2:00 pm – 3:00 pm.
PANCAKE BREAKFAST Saturday, March 9, 7:00 pm
There will be are annual pancake breakfast at St. Barnabas Church on Saturday, March 16th, 2013 from 9:00 am until 11:30 am at 1010 5th Ave, New Westminster. Breakfast by donation put on by the New Westminster Lions Club. Proceeds go to the church which the church greatly appreciates and also brings the community together. My name is Joan McLean and e-mail is joan1mclean@shaw.ca. Thank you and it would be greatly appreciated.
USED SPORTS EQUIPMENT WANTED
Do you have any sports equipment lying around that isn’t being used anymore? Kidsport New West is looking for donations for its second used sports equipment sale. The organization figures a child can be fully equipped in hockey or lacrosse gear for under $100.00 from their sales. They also accept fitness equipment, bicycles, soccer gear, and other sports equipment in both child and adult sizes.
WEST COAST SHOWCHOIR EXPERIENCE March 10, 7:30 pm Massey Theatre, 735 8th Ave New Westminster, BC
This “Glee” like concert promises to be a joyous celebration of young talent through song and dance so be sure to order your tickets. You will be amazed at the ingenuity, artistic abilities and shear talent showcased by lower mainland students at the first annual RCMT West Coast Showchoir Experience.
March 20, 7:00 pm
Sun March 31, 11:00 am - 2:00 pm
Join us at Easter in Queen’s Park! This family event is held in Queen’s Park Rainbow Playland with activities geared towards children between three and 10 years of age. Event highlights include: entertainment featured at the Bandshell, crafts & face painting, photos with Mr. & Mrs. Bunny, the petting farm and loads of fun activities for youngsters to enjoy. Concession services will be available. Please call for further event details. 604-777-5121, free admission
Tickets: $17.00 (inclusive of service charges) 604-521-5050 www.masseytheatre.com
DOWNSIZING: SAVE THE BEST, SHED THE REST March 12, 7:00 pm
Aging often means downsizing into a smaller space, whether it be an apartment, assisted living or care facility. This two-part series will look at housing options as we age and how to deal with your belongings. Clutter coach Anna Camporese will give you tools and tips to decide what’s the best to keep
MON TO FRI 9AM – 6PM | SUN 9AM – 3PM
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Cov er Story
T
his morning as I drove up to Dawn Black’s office on sixth street, the rain looked as if it would never end and I was thinking it is another dreary day here in the lower mainland until I stepped in the door and Dawn’s secretary Linda graciously welcomed me in from the cold. Next to the front counter I noticed an interesting photograph of the members of the BC legislature, and one felt that the people in the photograph wanted to get something valuable accomplished. I would certainly include Dawn in that category, having served as MLA for New Westminster as well as Member of Parliament she has accomplished a great deal in her political career, including a highly complex position as defence critic in the NDP federal shadow cabinet. She said that the experience
But there is another side to Dawn as there is to all of us. Dawn grew up in the west side of Vancouver around 49th and Maple, and her dad worked for Weston Bakeries and her mother for BC Telephone as a switchboard operator. In fact, when she was eight or nine years old, Dawn was “Little Miss Sunbeam” in the PNE parade. Sunbeam bread was of course made by Weston’s and Dawn was in the parade for a couple of years. I mentioned to her that even as a kid I remember the colorful bag the bread came in with a smiling blonde haired young lady on the front. Later on when she went to Point Gray high school she became involved with probably her first political act and that involved wearing jeans to school in the middle of a terribly cold winter. In those days, skirts were mandatory
Dawn Black: A Life in Politics
by Gabor Gasztonyi
gave her tremendous insight and respect for people in the armed forces. Dawn had the privilege of visiting our defence personnel in Afghanistan and came back with fond memories of that trip.
in all weather, and Dawn thought this was terribly unfair and organized a protest by wearing jeans underneath skirts. Sounds silly now but back then it was a big deal and Dawn and her friends were reprimanded for that. She said, “That is probably when my activist spirit began.” As with many people who eventually choose to enter public life, political discussions were an integral aspect of their childhood a nd Daw n’s fa m i ly was no exception. Her grandfather and grandmother were members of the conservative party and their home was also a polling station. Dawn’s own parents were CCF supporters, a precursor to the current NDP party. After her grandparents All photos submitted.
counted the ballets and discovered that in their conservative favored riding there were three votes for the CCF, they declared it was clear that two of those votes were from Dawn’s parents. In 1965 Dawn married Peter Black a teacher and lacrosse star who at one, time played for the Vancouver Burrards. He later became a school principal. Dawn and Peter had three children with two being a set of twins. Today she proudly remarked that she also now has seven grandchildren who gather around the family home at the Quay in New Westminster each Christmas to enjoy family times and Dawn’s fabulous cooking, which she says has become one of her favorite hobbies. She also enjoys reading mystery novels and is quite active in the local book club. Dawn was elected Member of Parliament for New Westminster-Burnaby in 1988 and re-elected in 2006 for the riding in New Westminster-Coquitlam. Pauline Jewitt, one time President of SFU and later Member of Parliament mentored Dawn in the early days. Dawn was inspired by her dedication to just causes and activism, as were many of us who knew Pauline. As an MP Dawn had many accomplishments including her Private Members Bill to establish December 6 as the National Day of Remembrance and Action Against Women, following the murder of fourteen women at Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal in 1989. On a personal note, while this writer had a visa problem in Siberia Russia last year, Dawn graciously contacted the Canadian embassy in Moscow, who helped me get out of a messy situation. These are many of the quiet and valuable things that people like Dawn do on a daily basis, which not a lot of people hear about, but immensely valued in our community. Dawn told me that she will not be running for re-election in the May 14, 2013 provincial election and is retiring from politics. I asked her if she had any advice for new and aspiring young people who are contemplating a role in politics and public
service. She said, “Its vital to be grounded in the values that you believe in and work with a party that shares those values. Be true to yourself and stand alongside those principals. I have tried to do that throughout my career.” She recalled as well the first time she was elected to Parliament in 1988 and went up to the Peace Tower at night and candidly asked herself, “Am I up to this job, can I really do this, can I represent the people of New Westminster…?” Well I believe we all know the answer to that humbling question which she asked herself, that night in Ottawa. We have been extremely fortunate having Dawn represent us both federally and provincially and wish her all the best in the next stage of her life as she prepares to spend more time with her family and travels the world. Hopefully she will not run into a visa problem when one day she takes that long train from Beijing to Moscow. end
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March 2013
MEET THE JONES’ By Glenn Jones
#26-8720 Forest Grove Drive, Burnaby BC V5A 4C9 | 604-433-3986 | E-mail: glenn-jones@shaw.ca
WHAT WE PRAY FOR A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was
“This woman, is she good looking?” “Not really.”
running as fast as she could to get to Sunday
“Is she a good cook?”
School. As she ran, she prayed.
“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”
“Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late. Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late.” At this moment she tripped and fell, getting
“Does she have lots of money?” “Nope! Poor as a church mouse.” “Well, then, is she good in bed?”
her clothes dirty. She got up, brushed herself
“I don’t know.”
off and started running again, praying, “Dear
“Why in the world do you want to marry her
Lord, please don’t let me be late… but DON’T SHOVE me anymore!”
then?” “Because she can still drive!”
I’M DRIVEN
IT’S THE BEST
Submitted by Jim Nicholas
Submitted by Jim Nicholas
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand
“So I hear you’re getting married?” “Yep!”
dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind
“Do I know her?”
is it?”
“Nope!”
“Twelve thirty.”
IT WORKS
Universal Brotherhood Spiritualist Church
486 East Columbia Street at Braid, New Westminster
www.ubsc.ca
PSYCHIC FAIR and MEDIUMSHIP MINI READINGS
SATURDAY • 23 MARCH 2013 • 11 to 3
$20 for 15 minutes • Walk Ins Welcome
Pre-bookings: after the Sunday service or call
Q: What’s the best form of birth control after 50? A: Nudity.
STOMACH STAMP A couple was making their first doctors visit prior to the birth of their first child. After
Sarah Shoemaker 604 488 4715
the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and
PLEASE ENTER THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.
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March 2013
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The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man took out his magnifying glass to try to see what is was. In very small letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”
Marriage Counseling A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of un-met needs she
EASTER IN QUEEN’S PARK 2013 Join us at Easter in Queen’s Park! This family event is held in Queen’s Park Rainbow Playland with activities geared towards children between three and 10 years of age. Event highlights include: entertainment featured at the Bandshell, crafts & face painting, photos with Mr. & Mrs. Bunny, the petting farm and loads of fun activities for youngsters to enjoy. Concession services will be News • Activities Special Events • Programs available. Please •call for further event details. • Fun News • Activities • Special Events • Programs • Fun Sunday,facebook.com/newwestpcr March 31 facebook.com/newwestpcr 11:00 am - 2:00 pm twitter.com/newwestpcr Queen’s Park Rainbow Playland twitter.com/newwestpcr 604.777.5121 FREE ADMISSION! eNews Sign up: newwestpcr.ca eNews Sign up: newwestpcr.ca
Join Join the the Conversation Conversation
had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.
Make It Happen! Make It Happen!
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth. The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down;. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?” The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other
newwestminsterfrasers.blogspot.com Join the Conversation News • Activities • Special Events • Programs • Fun facebook.com/newwestpcr
Now available for sale at Renaissance Books Make It Happen! and the New Westminster Museum
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days I play golf.”
BCLNA Member
BANANA SPLIT Submitted by Jim Nicholas A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?” “No,” he replied, ‘Arthritis.”
Sarah Johnson
7 years landscape horticulture experience! contact@sjgardenandlawn.ca
604-753-9529
www.sjgardenandlawn.ca
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March 2013 A GOOD JOB Two Irishmen, Pat and Murphy, saw sign saying “Tree fellers” wanted. Murphy said to Pat, said, ‘If only Seamus had been with us we’d have got that job.’
NAILS “I’d like some nails,” Michael requested of the travelling tinker. “How long would you like them,” asked the man. “Forever, if that’s all right with you,” said Michael.
NOT GUILTY O’Gara was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.
Open Monday to Saturday
After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, “Not guilty.” “That’s grand,” shouted O’Gara. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?”
BREAKFAST • LUNCH • DINNER • DAILY SPECIALS
604-524-8118
THE RACE Murphy lost a hundred dollars on the Melbourne Cup, a famous Australian horse race. He also lost another hundred on the television replay.
Open 7 days a week!
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SPITS Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, “Is that you I hear spittin’ in the vase on the mantel piece?”
St. Helenʻs Parish Hall, 3871 Pandora Street, North Burnaby • 604.298.4144 or 604.298.4454
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“No,” said himself, “but I’m gettin’ closer all the time.”
THE DRINK The Doctor was puzzled “I’m very sorry Mr O’Flaherty, but I can’t diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drink.” “Don’t worry about it Dr. Cullen, I’ll come back when you’re sober,” said O’Flaherty.
HOW TO SPEAK IRISH Examples 1. Where were you going when I saw you coming back? 2. I ran after you, but when I caught up to you you’d gone.
MURPHY “What’s wrong with Murphy,” asked Father Green. “I don’t know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon, hasn’t stirred since,” said Mrs. Murphy.
THE IRISH LASS An Irish lass, a customer: “Could I be trying on that dress in the window?” Shopkeeper: “I’d prefer that you use the dressing room.” Q: What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish? A: Paddy O’Furniture
LACROSSE “The Rest of the Story” BY ED GOSS
Where are they now? DAVE MATHESON Another of the many players from the Sapperton Minor System to be part of the 1968-1972 “Hall of Fame” N.W. Salmonbellies Senior “A” team. His great vision, anticipation and calmness in this very intense game were only some of his attributes. Dave’s nickname was “Slack” but that had nothing to do with his work ethic. He retired in 1978. Dave, a Chartered Accountant by profession,then spent 10 years with a major accounting firm, before moving with his wife, Karen, to Midland, Texas in the mid 1980s to commence his career in the oil and gas business. In the mid 1990s, Dave was hired by a large Calgary-based oil and gas company, following which he spent most of the next decade travelling the globe while residing and working with his employer’s international group in Jakarta, Indonesia. Dave returned to his home in Calgary in 2004. He then proceeded to play in the flourishing Masters Lacrosse League for the next six years. This was highlighted by winning the Calgary Cup in 2008 over arch rival Brampton. Dave also coached “Midget A Boys” for five years and served on the board of the Calgary Southwest Lacrosse Clubs. Dave and Karen now live in West Vancouver and have two grown girls, Brittany and Olivia, both of whom live in Greater Vancouver. Their sole grandchild and grandson, Roegen, is only four but he already has two lacrosse sticks. Trophies gather dust and bust, but memories last forever. Welcome home Dave and Family.
The aim of the Canadian Club is to foster throughout Canada, an interest in all matters of public concern.
Ed Goss Associate Broker
To protect our heritage and history. To encourage our unity and identity, and to increase our knowledge of other areas of our country and other countries that affect our lives.
edgoss@shaw.ca • www.edgoss.com
604-644-0141
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March 2013
Join the Easter Fun!
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KEEP CALM AND
VOTE HECTOR Queen’s Park Rainbow Playland Sunday, March 31 11:00 am - 2:00 pm FREE ADMISSION!
Mayor Wayne Wright
facebook.com/Hector.4.NewWest @hectordbremner hector.bremner@bcliberals.com 778.829.8864 www.hectorbremner.ca OUR KIDS An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children. “My son was born on St. George’s Day, “remarked the Englishman, “So we obviously decided to call him George.” “That’s a real coincidence,” observed the Frenchman. “My daughter was born on Valentine’s Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.”
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“That’s really incredible,‘ drawled the Irishman. “Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.”
POET’S CORNER
with Poet Laureate New We
THE TEXAN The Texan paid a visit to Galway, Ireland. I enters a pub and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin’ fools. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.” The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan’s offer. Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good,” asks Paddy. The Texan answers, “Yes, and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.” Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, “If ya don’t mind me askin, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?” Paddy Murphy replies, “Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.” Q: What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A: A sham rock.
How did St. Patrick, according to legend, make all the snakes disappear from Ireland?
CANDICE JAMES
stminster
The Throne Room © Alan Hill
In Woodlands Hospital there is that place with corridors as sure as Camelot veining grails trailing towards Victorian wards bulging corsets of iron bars and fist tight brick. There is that lake of milky tea, a raised arm with a loaded syringe A moat of processed sausage and baked beans the battle smack of knife on fork enough nylon curtaining bunched in prayer around beds and high barred windows to stretch from Vancouver to Halifax to surround those empty moments stacked like dominoes as hard as knuckles that you bump into between jigsaw puzzles and ping pong. There is teenage girl in her high backed chair who is stiller than it is possible to be hiding beneath a center parting, a frozen waterfall of long witchy hair dropping down over her body of winter twigs. There are those skinny young men that move too fast with sweaters pulled down over scars and needle marks heads steaming with the low fires of a feudal disappointment. Alan Hill was born in SW England near the Welsh border. He travelled extensively and worked in jobs ranging from renovating old graveyards to working in a jellybean factory. Since 2005 he has been living in Canada. He has been previously published in Canada in C V 2, C anadian Liter ature, Vancou ver Review, Antigonish Review, Sub-Terrain and in a number of anthologies and in the UK. He is author of the poetry book The Upstairs Country (Silver-Bow Publishing 2012). He is currently working on his second collection.
New West Poets: please submit your “New West” poems for this column to candicejames@shaw.ca or call 778-322-1131 for info.
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March 2013
125 Years of the Salvation Army By Major Betty Raine in the Royal City
F
or one hundred and twentyfive years, The Salvation Army has been a vital part of the community of New Westminster. Dedicated Salvationists reached out to suffering humanity and preached the Gospel. After worshipping in several buildings in downtown New Westminster, The Salvation Army moved in 1908 to a permanent building at 66 8th Street in New Westminster. It was from here that the work of The Salvation Army flourished in the community. From the early days of The Salvation Army, Salvationists reached out to those in need. My grandmother and her friends would tell stories of the early days of The Salvation Army. In those days, there were no institutions or homeless shelters in New Westminster. Many times, Salvationists would take people home who had nothing and would feed and give them lodging. Many did not have much but would volunteer long hours by collecting door to door. They would walk miles
to collect money and clothing to feed the poor. One of the great annual events was the Harvest Festival. Those who had vehicles would go out to the farms on Lulu Island, Haney, Hammond, Langley and Surrey to collect potatoes and other vegetables. The Citadel would be decorated and on the Monday evening would be an auction sale to raise monies to help with the work of The Salvation Army. These times were great times and there was one officer, Major Mosie Janes, who would be the auctioneer and everybody had a wonderful time. At Christmas, the band and songster (choir) would serenade and collect money for their Christmas effort. In the late thirties and early forties, The New Westminster Citadel reached out of its borders and opened the work in South New Westminster (Br idgev iew) New ton a rea i n Surrey, and the Whalley area. Two men, Envoy William Christopher and Envoy Ungless walked from New Westminster to Port Moody where they did a wonderful work in Port Moody and surrounding communities. They visited an infirmary in Ioco. A monument stands at City Hall in Port Moody honoring the work done by Envoy Ungless and a street is named after him by Eagleridge Hospital. New Westminster did not only feed the poor and hungr y but reached out to the Prisoner in the B.C. Penitentiary. Youth who came in trouble with the law were visited at the Boys Industrial School. The
Officers visited and worked in the Correctional System advocating on the behalf of troubled youth and others who had come under the system. Families of prisoners were helped to get established in housing etc. The Band visited Correctional Institutions, George Derby Hospital, and Woodlands School. The Royal Columbian Hospital was visited week ly where Sa lvation Army Officers and Soldiers delivered the Army’s The War Cry magazine. They visited and conducted services in nursing homes and homes for the age. On November 22, 1958, the Army moved into its present building at 325 6th Street. The old building down on 8th street became a thrift store and an office for the family and community services. This building closed in 1964 and the Thrift Store moved in 1965 to the Mac and Mac Building and later to the old Inter-Urban garage. The Family Services moved to the basement in the new Citadel. From these operations their work is still meeting the needs of our community. The Salvation Army is a place of worship and youth programs for young people. Fa m i ly S er v ic e s a nd ot her Community Programs meet the needs of our Community. Society is changed but the mission of The Salvation Army has not changed. Methods and programs change but The Salvation Army is still finding ways to meet the spiritual and physical needs of the people of our community. end
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March 2013
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BABY-SITTER’S FIRE SAFETY GUIDE: PART 2 What to do, because fire spreads fast — don’t delay! • If your clothes catch fire, STOP, DROP & ROLL on the floor to smother the flames. • Cool minor burns with cold water. If your skin is blistered, charred or dead white, get emergency help immediately. • When you see flames, smell smoke or hear the smoke alarm, get everybody out of the house. • Feel the door first. If it isn’t hot, open it very slowly. • If there is fire or smoke use another exit. • Crawl low under smoke — the air near the floor is safer to breathe. • If you cannot escape, close the door and seal around it with cloth to prevent smoke from entering the room. • Always use the stairs and never the elevators. • Designate a meeting place a safe distance from the house and make sure everyone is there. • Take the children to a neighbour. • Phone the emergency number from the neighbour’s home. • Give the complete address, describe the situation and inform the operator if anyone is still inside. • Stay on the phone until you are told to hang up. • Do not go back to the house for any reason.
Staying Organized
A diligent baby-sitter will not only remember 9-1-1, but they’ll also have this information handy in case of emergencies too: • Parents cell phone • Neighbours phone • Home’s complete address they’re baby-sitting at Your New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services cares about you and your safety! If you require further information, please visit our website at: www.newwestcity.ca or call the Fire Prevention Division at 604-519-1004.
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March 2013
Place
Dunwood
The Presbyterian Senior Citizens’ Housing Society
Beautiful park like setting
GRAVE MUSIC A tourist in Vienna goes through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: ‘Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827.’ Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony, and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave,
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the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
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By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music. “Don’t you get it,” the caretaker says incredulously. “He’s decomposing.”
GOLF BALLS A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls”.
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Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able
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to contain her curiosity any longer, asked. “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”
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March 2013
Planning your Tropical Vacation? We’ve got Snorkeling Gear! Purchase a mask & snorkel and receive a bottle of mask defog for free!
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REST IN PEACE Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. “Well, I’m sure Joe would be pleased,” she said. “I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. “How much did this really cost?” “All of it,” said Helen. “Thirty thousand.” “No!” Jody exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?” Helen answered. “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food
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and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone.” Jody computed quickly. “$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!” “Two and a half carats.”
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THE SIN IF LYING A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.” The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
Free Guide: Hearing Aids [2013] There’s a new consumer report available to help you if you’re considering buying hearing aids this year. We’ve identified 3 important facts consumers need to know that will put a purchase in the hearing aid buyer’s favor. 1. What to expect when you visit a hearing clinic for the first time 2. How to compare different hearing aid brands, styles, and prices 3. How to decide on a price level that’s best for you
To get a copy of this report in the mail at no charge call the toll-free 24 hour Free Recorded Message at 1-800-749-6865 (access code: 2013)
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March 2013
21
Traveling on the train There was an Irishman, an Englishman and
I’ll make another kissing noise and slap that English idiot again.”
Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was
Dogma A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the
an old style train there were no lights in the
Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for
carriages and it went completely dark.
a long time.
Then there was this kissing noise and the
The dog finally died and Muldoon went to
sound of a really loud slap. When the train
the parish priest, saying “Father, the dog is
came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and
dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for
the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had
the poor creature?”
happened and the Englishman had his hand
Father Patrick told the farmer “No, we can’t
against his face as he had been slapped there.
have services for an animal in the church, but I’ll
The Englishman was thinking: “The Irish fella
tell you what, there’s a new denomination down
must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she
the road apiece, and no telling what they believe
missed him and slapped me instead.”
in, but maybe they’ll do something for the animal.”
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: “The English
Muldoon said “I’ll go right now. By the way,
fella must have tried to kiss me and actually
do you think $50,000 is enough to donate
kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.”
for the service?”
The Irishman was thinking: “This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel
Father Patrick replied “Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic.”
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March 2013 CARRYING A CHILD A mother carefully explained to her young daughter how children were created. She used the expression “carrying a child” instead of “pregnant,” but the girl seemed satisfied. Sometime later, a terrible fire broke out in the neighborhood, and the girl stood by watching. Here is how she described the scene to her parents: “There was this big fire, and a fireman ran into the house, and when he came out, he was pregnant.
A MILLION A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD. “GOD”, he said, “How long is a million years?” GOD answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.” The man asked, “GOD, how much is a million dollars?” GOD answered, “To Me, it’s a dime.” The man then asked, “GOD, can I have a dime?” GOD said, “In a minute.”
WHAT HE DID IN TEXAS One day, a cowboy rode into a Wild, Wild West town. The people in the town love to play jokes on visitors. After tying his horse to the pole outside a bar, the cowboy went in. “A cup of milk please,” he said to the bartender. After drinking, he went out, only to find his horse
Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS Solution from page 3 Serving Smiles to the Lower Mainland
March 2013
23
missing. Knowing that the villagers did it, he went back into the bar and said to everybody, ”I am going to have another drink and when I finish it, I want to see my horse outside! Or else, I will have to do what I did in Texas… HERE!” The people were very frightened. When he finished
The COLUMBIA
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his drink, he went outside and saw his horse. The villagers had put it back. Curious, the bartender asked the cowboy, “What did you do in Texas?” The Cowboy replied, ”Well, I had to walk home.”
THE BOSS A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”
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