January 2014 | Your community humour magazine | Issue 160
Unifor:
Story and photos by Gabor Gasztonyi See feature on P4
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January 2014
Peter Julian, MP Burnaby – New Westminster Serving Our Community
Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance. Peter Julian’s Community Office: 7615 Sixth Street, Burnaby, BC V3N 3M6
Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca
Funny Bones by Jones Locally Owned & Published! Fourth floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5
Chris Sargent 604-525-9027 Owner & Publisher Email: publisher@piffle.ca Sales Email: sales@piffle.ca
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Randy Chaster 604-351-2529
Vic Leach
778-237-0052 Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca Photography: Gabor Gasztonyi
Glenn Jones would like to hear from his fans. E-mail him at funnybones.by.jones@gmail.com.
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THE VACATION IN EUROPE Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were
have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles
vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near
to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic
Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car
medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor,
along a rather deserted highway. It was late,
bring them down to the laboratory.”
and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control!
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab.
Bob attempts to control the car, but to
Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own
no avail! The car swerves and smashes
injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining
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table. After a brief examination, Igor’s master
head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over
looks worried.
at the passenger seat and sees his wife
“Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a
unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite
transfusion.” Igor and his master work feverishly,
the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows
but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins
The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his
trudging down the road. After a short while,
conservatory, which houses his grand piano.
he sees a light. He heads towards the light,
For it is here that he has always found solace.
which is coming from an old, large house. He
He begins to play, and a stirring, almost
approaches the door and knocks. A minute
haunting, melody fills the house.
passes. A small, hunched man opens the door.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up.
Bob immediately blurts, “Hello, my name is
His eyes catch movement, and he notices the
Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We’ve been
fingers on Betty’s hand twitch, keeping time to
in a terrible accident, and my wife has been
the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches
seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?”
as Bob’s arm begins to rise, marking the beat!
“I’m sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we
He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up!
don’t have a phone. My master is a doctor;
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the
come in and I will get him!”
stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and
Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may
shouts to his master: “Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!”
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Fe at u r e story
January 2014
Unifor
A Big Part of Our Local Community
by Gabor Gasztonyi
T
he snow had not arrived yet last Thursday af- memory on that, and I remembered that indeed it ternoon as I drove down Twelfth Street. I was had different name years ago. As one of the largest industrial unions in Canada, looking forward to meeting with Murray Gore a National representative of Unifor the new national Unifor has a highly significant representation here union formed recently on Labour Day weekend in in New Westminster. They represent the workers 2013 by the amalgamation of the Canadian Auto of Coast Mountain Bus Company, the local Shuttle Workers union (CAW) and the Communications, En- bus drivers, the workers at the Kroger paper plant ergy and Paperworkers Union. Their website proudly as well as the food service workers at our local states, “Unifor is dedicated to improving the lives KFC on Sixth Street. I joked with Murray about KFC being his favorite spot for of all working Canadians.” lunch and he preferred it to the Murray was waiting for me As Canada’s largest other place across the street. It in the front lobby of the large private sector union is very likely that if a customer office building. We sat down with more than 300,000 comes into a local business in and had a serious discussion members in every major New Westminster he or she is about the role of unions in our sector of the economy, a member of a union. Murray society and in particular the Unifor is committed to emphasized that Unifor’s goal impact which Unifor has on creating a strong and is to help workers achieve susour local community. effective union. tainability through fair wages Before I speak about Unifor and benefits. He applauded the though, I just wanted to let you know that Murray and his family grew up City of New Westminster’s fair wage policy and here in New Westminster. His dad Leonard Gore reiterated that, “… all local businesses benefit from worked for Brentwood Dodge and served in the citizens who have enough money in their pockets to Navy in World War II. He worked in the engine frequent local shops and sustain our community.” Unifor is currently waging a battle with Cadilroom of a minesweeper. That must have been one of the most dangerous jobs during the war, and he lac Fairview. Recently 150 cleaners working in was lucky to have come out of it in one piece. They Cadillac Fairview buildings in Vancouver lost their used to shop at Woodward’s in the days when your jobs when they re-tendered the cleaning contract. groceries came out on a conveyor belt to a sort- Members of the Unifor Local 3000 union made ing area where neatly dressed young men would an average wage of $12.50 an hour and negotiated load them into the trunk of your car. His family benefits. Many of the cleaners have been on the job would often go to Suzie’s and have waffles for lunch, for over twenty-five years. These layoffs are demoracross from Woodward’s on Sixth Avenue. I had alizing and an insult to workers and even more so, forgotten that the original Waffle House was on near the Christmas season. The new non-union Sixth Avenue was called Suzie’s. Murray jogged my contractor is now paying as little 10.50 per hour FEATURE STORY
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January 2014
January 2014
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with fewer benefits. A living wage in Vancouver is $19.92 an hour, according to the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives. These are real life struggles, and I would argue that even at 12.50 per hour the cleaners are members of the working poor. Dropping the wages to 10.50 is clearly an insult and we can say nothing more than shame on them. The story does not end there as the leaders of Unifor are planning a series of demonstrations to protest this injustice including a Christmas Carol Sing-along at one of their buildings. I was intrigued with many of the statements on Unifor’s website including the following description of their activities. “As Canada’s largest private sector union with more than 300,000 members in every major sector of the economy, Unifor is committed to creating a strong and effective union — making positive change in communities and workplaces across the country. Unifor brings a modern approach to unionism: adopting new tools, involving and engaging our members, and always looking for new ways to develop the role and approach of our union to meet the demands of the 21st century. What we wish for ourselves, we wish for others. Every member of the workforce should have access the benefits of our union.” When I was leaving the Unifor office, Murray mentioned that the meeting rooms in the building at 326 – 12th Street are available free of charge for the use of local community groups. I thought this was a fabulous community gesture. He also noted that since the building was air-conditioned, it is a pleasant place for seniors to meet in the heat of summer. One can apply to use one of the rooms for a meeting or local event by calling the Unifor office at 604-516-8003. As I was getting in my car, Murray ran upstairs to his office to grab me one of his business cards before I left. The air was beginning to get a little nippy as I drove back to the studio and sure enough, we were to have one of the first big snowfalls here in New Westminster that night. end FEATURE STORY
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SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 7:30 PM MzCOOL GURRL Presents LITTLE MOUNTAIN TRIO with guest Westfall Mountain Tickets: $10, call 604.525.4566 for tickets or drop by Renaissance Bookstore. Refreshments will be available by donation. Coffee, tea and pastries. OPEN MIC SUNDAY, JAN 12, 1-3 PM RUTH KOZAK presents EVERYTHING’S COMING UP CLOVER by Dora Preston (Dora has passed away and Ruth would like to release her book) Phone for info. 43 6th Street, New Westminster | 604.525.4566 renbooks@telus.net • renaissancebookstore.com
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January 2014
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FIREFIGHTERS CHIP IN – NEW WESTMINSTER FIRE FIGHTERS’ CHARITABLE SOCIETY TREE CHIPPING
• Plant native plants
New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services invites you to recycle your Christmas tree!
Please register for this ALL AGES FREE event by contacting Sharon Johal at sjohal@evergreen.ca or 604-689-0766 ext. 226
January 4 & 5 10:00 am - 3:00 pm Canada Games Pool Parking Lot
• all by donation • hot dogs, popcorn, face painting • tree burning demos (weather permitting) All donations go to New Westminster Fire Fighters’ Charitable Society.
SCOUTS BOTTLE DRIVE – 12TH NEW WESTMINSTER SCOUTS BOTTLE DRIVE
January 4, 10:00 am - 3:00 pm Canada Games Pool Parking Lot, 65 E 6th Ave Start the New Year by clearing out your holiday bottles and cans. Bring them with your Christmas tree to the New West Firefighters’ Christmas Tree Chipping event. Your donation of returnables will help Scouts continue to bring adventure, outdoor experience and friendship to New Westminster youth.
LEARN WHILE YOU ARE UP THE CREEK – UNCOVER YOUR CREEKS: CITIZEN SCIENCE January 12, 10:00 am - 12:00 pm
New Westminster Parks, Culture and Recreation and Evergreen have partnered to offer a two-year Parks Stewardship Program: Uncover Your Creeks: Citizen Science in Lower Hume Park where you will: • Learn about local ecology • Help manage invasive plants
• Monitor water quality in the Brunette River The program will start at 10:00 am 12:00 with participants meeting at the Lower Hume Park Picnic Shelter.
Also please check our Event Calendar for each months new offering. The Brunette River watershed is shared between the municipalities of Burnaby, Vancouver, Coquitlam, New Westminster and Port Moody. The watershed is 80% urbanized and is home to 175,000 people. In much of the 20% of the watershed that is made of up of green space, invasive plants are a threat to the urban ecology and biodiversity that support native plant and animal species.
The Family Fun Fair is a FREE event bringing together parents and kids with engaging and entertaining exhibitors and vendors, in the heart of historic New Westminster. 30 tables will provide parents with information, resources, products and services. Kids of all ages will be entertained by music, face painting, balloon art crafts, and a special guest appearance. Ideally situated at New Westminster’s River Market at the New Westminster Quay.
BOARD GAME MEET-UP
Visit the 2nd Floor at River Market for Sunday board games! This all-ages meet up is a great place to meet friends. Bring your games and have a great time! Free to join. For more information, visit the offi cial Meet-up page. January 26, 11:00 am - 6:00 pm River Market, Westminster, Quay
T h r o u g h “ U n c o v e r Yo u r Creeks: Citizen Science”, the urban ecosystem will be rehabilitated by removing invasive plant species such as Blackberr y, Iv y and Lamium and planting native species such as Salmonberry and Red-Osier Dogwood. Jennifer Lukianchuk, Environmental Coordinator, City of New Westminster, 604-515-3780 Dana McDonald, Urban Ecology Project Manager, Evergreen, 604-689-0766 ext. 228
FAMILY FUN FAIR
Saturday, January 25 from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm
MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM
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January 2014 Barnstormer Jock was out working the field when a barnstormer landed. “I’ll give you an airplane ride for £5,” said the pilot. “Sorry, cannae afford it,” replied Jock. “Tell you what,” said the pilot, “I’ll give you and your wife a free ride if you promise not to yell. Otherwise it’ll be £10.” So up they went and the pilot rolled, looped, stalled and did all he could to scare Jock. Nothing worked and the defeated pilot finally landed the plane. Turning around to the rear seat he said, “Gotta hand it to you. For country folk you sure are brave!” “Aye,” said Jock “But ye nearly had me there when the wife fell oot!”
THE HOSPITAL UNIT Boris Johnson is being shown around a London hospital. Towards the end of the visit,
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he is shown into a ward with a number people with no obvious signs of injury or disease. He goes to greet the first patient and the chap replies: “Fair fa’ your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain e’ the puddin’ race! Aboon them a’ ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o’ a grace as lang’s my arm.” Boris, being somewhat confused (easily done) goes to the next patient and greets him.
POET’S CORNER
with Poet Laureate New We
CANDICE JAMES
stminster
The Land of 2014 Candice James ©2013
The patient replies: “Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it,
December nights and Christmas lights
but we hae meat and can eat, and sae the
Fading behind us now;
Lord be thankit.”
We make resolutions
The third starts rattling off: “Wee sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous beastie, O, what a panic’s in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an chase thee, wi murdering pattle!”
Then break resolutions As we march into The fresh baby breath of 2014 And snuggle insider its embrace.
Boris turns to the doctor and asks: “Is this
So much to be thankful for:
mental ward?” “No” the doctor replies, “It’s the Burns unit.”
Family, friends, happiness and health. These are the measures of our true wealth.
LOST An American was hopelessly lost in the Highlands and wandered about for nearly a week. Finally, on the seventh day he met a kilted inhabitant.
The past chases present into the future And time hunkers down In a January state of mind. The cold brittle days
“Thank heaven I’ve met someone,” he cried. “I’ve been lost for the last week.” “Is there a reward out for you,” asked the Scotsman. “No,” said the American. “Then I’m afraid you’re still lost,” was the
And dark chilly nights Will soon be at an end. The hot summer sun will return From her distant holiday And shine our faces to gold once again, As we walk through the seasons
reply.
With hope and good will
VERY WINDY “That was a terrible storm you had down your way. Sandy.” “It was bad. Our hen had her back to the wind and she laid the same egg five times.”
In the land of 2014. New West Poets: please submit your “New West” poems for this column to candicejames@shaw.ca or call 778-322-1131 for info.
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January 2014
Piffle’s MATH MADNESS
FIREFIGHTERS Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet? A: To stamp out forest fires.
NORTHERN HIGHLAND POLICE CANDIDATE A candidate for the Northern Highlands police force was being verbally examined. “If you were by yourself in a police car and were pursued by a desperate gang of criminals doing 40 mph along a mountain road. What would you do ?” He look puzzled then replied, “Fifty.”
PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!
over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.” “Well, uh, I was thinkin’… perhaps it’s aboot
Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS
time for a wee kiss.” The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.” “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle.” The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said, “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.” “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg.”
Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. The the two tu rned once again to gaze
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January 2014
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out over the lock before the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.” The young man glanced down with a furled brow. “Well,noo,” he said, “my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.” “Really,” said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation. “Aye,” said the lad, nodding. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Then he said, “Dae ye nae think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”
THE MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.” He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?” Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”
SMOKE ALARMS — LOCATION, INSTALLATION, TESTING & CLEANING • Read and follow the manufacturer’s instructions carefully. • For best performance, an alarm should be mounted on the ceiling near the centre of the room, hall or stairway, and at the head of each stairway leading to an occupied area. • Optimum location for wall mounts is at least 15 cm (6 inches) from the ceiling but not more than 30 cm (19 inches) from it. • Avoid installing where the temperature is less than 5˚C (41˚F) or exceeds 48˚C (119˚F) • Keep alarms away from doors and windows. • Never locate an alarm in front of an air register, fans or vents. • Keep alarms at least 60 cm (2 feet) from any corner. • Don’t recess an alarm. • Smoke alarms in rooms with ceiling slopes greater than 30 cm (one foot) rise per 2.4 m • (eight feet) horizontally should be located on the high side of the room. • Avoid locating an alarm at the peak of an “A” frame type ceiling. • Never paint a smoke alarm. • Keep alarms 60 to 90 cm (two to three feet) away from light fixtures. When having an alarm connected into the electrical wiring system of a house you should: • Use a qualified electrical contractor. • Never install the alarm in the electrical circuit except at the main panel. Alarms must also never be installed in a circuit connected to an on/off switch. • Check the alarm when installation is complete.
MARK YOUR CALENDAR: TESTING & CLEANING THREE KINDS One man said to the other, “You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can’t.
THE CROSS-EYED DOG A man takes his dog to the vet. “My dog is crossed eyed, is there anything you can do for him? “Well,” says the vet, “let’s take a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Because he is cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”
Test your smoke alarm monthly and clean it every 6 months. Mark it on your calendar so that you don’t forget. Things to remember when testing your smoke alarm: • Ensure that power is being transmitted to the alarm and that it will activate in the presence of smoke. • Test your smoke alarm by pressing the test button. • Even alarms with a pilot light that indicate power is being transmitted, should be tested regularly. • Battery-operated smoke alarms will warn you when batteries need replacing. Despite this, make it a habit to change the batteries yearly. • When you’ve been away from home for a few days, check your alarm on your return to ensure it is working properly. • Remember, your smoke alarm can’t protect you if the batteries have been removed or a plug has been disconnected. • The lifespan of a typical smoke alarm is about 10 years, but some models last as little as 5 years. • To clean the alarm, open the cover and gently vacuum the interior of it. Frequently, the alarm will sound while the unit is being cleaned. Your New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services cares about you and your safety! If you require further information, please visit our website at: www.newwestcity.ca or call the Fire Prevention Division at 604-519-1004.
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January 2014
Get Noticed !
FUNNY ONE LINERS • A bicycle can’t stand alone… it is two tired. • A boiled egg is… hard to beat. • A dentist and a manicurist married… They fought tooth and nail. • A thief who stole a calendar… got twelve months. • A will is a… dead giveaway. • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. • I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time. • I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it. • A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. • Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. • He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
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• I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words. • I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now. • Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy. • A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation. • A small boy swallowed some coins and was
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taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said “No change yet”. • The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology. • Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. • When William joined the army he disliked the phrase ‘fire at will’.
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• Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of pop? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
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January 2014
Place
Dunwood
The Presbyterian Senior Citizens’ Housing Society
Beautiful park like setting
More Funny One Liners • There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils. • The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. • I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there. • Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself. • A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his
Fully equipped woodwork shop, cafe, hair salon, large covered patio and gazebo in a lush garden setting. Too many amenities to list. Conveniently located to shopping. Come and tour this exceptional one of a kind facility. Very reasonable rents.
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sentence. • A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no. • Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. • Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers. • It’s raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn’t reindeer. • I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me. • My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum. • The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. • What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing… but it let out a little whine. • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
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Sargent’s City Scene Moments Made in New West The City of New Westminster has collaborated with Tourism New Westminster and the Downtown Business Improvement Association to launch a “Moments Made in New West” public art wall at the site of the recent fire on Columbia Street. Members of the community and visitors alike are encouraged to stop by the wall and write their thoughts on what New Westminster means to them. “This is a great initiative that truly captures the spirit of our community,” said Mayor Wayne Wright. “While the fire on Columbia was devastating, this event has caused many to take a close look at what our community is all about and express ideas about where we are headed. The Moments Made in New West wall is an outlet for people to share their hopes and aspirations for their city.” The “Moments Made in New West” public art wall is part of a two-month long campaign to attract people to New Westminster’s revitalized downtown in the wake of the fire. The wall incorporates the words “History, Celebrate, Future, Memories, Community and Experiences” and encourages visitors and residents to share their thoughts on what those words mean to them. “We want the wall to not only be filled with kind messages to the fire-affected businesses, but also with stories of memorable moments people have had in New Westminster throughout the years,” said Tej Kainth, Executive Director of Tourism New Westminster. “The purpose of this wall is to celebrate the changing times of our historic Downtown.” Representatives from the New Westminster Downtown Business Improvement Association and Tourism New Westminster will be on hand during this weekend’s Santa Claus parade (Satur-
day, December 7 from 11am to 1pm on Columbia Street) with markers to encourage parade-goers to add their thoughts to the wall. “This community is amazing and we know that at the end of the day, this wall is going to capture the spirit that makes New Westminster so special,” said Kainth. CANADA’S HOUSING CRUNCH Canada’s housing crunch requires partnership and long-term solutions, City Council tells federal partners. New Westminster City Council has passed a resolution in support of the Federation of Canadian Municipalities’ National Housing Campaign, which urges the federal government to work together with its partners on a long-term plan for housing. In passing this resolution, Council is urging federal ministers to recognize that the high cost of housing in Canada is the most important financial issue facing Canadians and that a coordinated partnership between all orders of government is required to address it. Housing costs, and as the Bank of Canada notes, household debt, are undermining Canadians’ personal financial security while putting our continued
When is Robbie Burns Day?
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January 2014
MEET THE JONES’ By Glenn Jones
#26-8720 Forest Grove Drive, Burnaby BC V5A 4C9 | 604-433-3986 | E-mail: glenn-jones@shaw.ca
A A Y R O B B I E S T E D J R
Y I M I C A B I B M X R Q C H
F S W H X G V E S B V S V P V
Y D N S G E S O R W A O G N D
A A Y R N U C U C U M R D F S
C U Z Y U R O L I C C I D N F
I W S A I B T L G S J F J V D
B G A A S N L N P F I G R V G
R L N J U H A G C O S Z U O P
L K P Q Z L N Z F Z E D J Z X
V S M A P X D D R G N T H C X
J F O U I E Z R L M A T J C N
L S J N R F P I E J V B M S M
P O G C R G J Z A F V H G Y U
“Robbie Burns” AULD AYRSHIRE BARD BURNS LANG PLOUGHMAN POET RABBIE RED ROBBIE ROSE SCOTLAND SYNE
A G NT
N M N E D N E G V P S J Y U G
CHRIS
WORD
SEARCH
THE VISITOR By Glenn Jones
#26-8720 Forest Grove Drive, Burnaby BC V5A 4C9 | 604-433-3986 | E-mail: glenn-jones@shaw.ca
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January 2014
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national economy at risk. One in four Canadians is paying more than they can afford for housing, and mortgage debt held by Canadians now stands at over $1.1 trillion. At the same time, $1.7 billion in annual federal housing investments are set to expire with the greatest drop in funding, up to $500 million a year, coming between 2014 and 2019. This will put 200,000 people at risk of losing their homes and will bring other spillover effects unless federal, provincial, territorial and municipal governments take action. The loss of this vital investment could have serious consequences for New Westminster, with over 250 housing units potentially impacted by expiring federal housing investments over the next seven years. “This resolution sends a strong message to the federal government that we need to work together,” said Acting Mayor Jonathan Cote. “Like any other community, New Westminster needs better housing options to attract new workers, meet the needs of young families, and support seniors and our most vulnerable citizens. We need a stable and secure housing market that creates and maintains jobs, while ensuring a range of living options for our residents.” “We are writing to the Minister of Employment and Social Development, Hon. Jason Kenney, to reiterate the importance of developing a long-term plan for housing that increases predictability, pro-
tects Canadians from the expiry of social housing agreements and ensures that the housing needs of this community are appropriately considered,” added Cote. John Stark, Senior Social Planner, City of New Westminster 604-515-3777 or jstark@newwestcity.ca Beverly Grieve Director of Development Services, City of New Westminster 604-527-4698 or bgrieve@newwestcity.ca continued
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January 2014
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New Westminster Chamber Will Host Provincial Conference in 2014 The New Westminster Chamber recently submitted a successful bid to host the 2014 BC Chamber Executives Conference from September 11–13. This will bring delegates from all around the province and provide our city with a golden opportunity to showcase the brand new Anvil Centre, the historic downtown and the waterfront as well as all other business districts and neighbourhoods. “Having attended and organized conferences such as these in BC and Alberta, I know first hand what this means to a host community,” states Cori Lynn Germiquet, Executive Director, New Westminster Chamber. “This will allow us to showcase our beautiful City to business leaders from each corner of BC and send them back to their respective communities with “New Westminster Experiences.” The three-day conference typically brings in high — profile speakers, attracts media attention and stimulates spending throughout the city.
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Maureen Czirfusz, President of the BC Chamber Executives adds “We are really excited to be hosting our conference in New Westminster. New Westminster offers excellent accessibility for all of our delegates and we are confident that the New Westminster Chamber and their community partners will be great hosts.” The Chamber looks forward to partnering with the Anvil Centre, Tourism New Westminster and Inn at the Quay to produce a best in class event that exceeds all expectations. Tej Kainth, Executive Director, Tourism New Westminster remarked: “Tourism New West is looking forward to working with the New Westminster Chamber of Commerce and all of our tourism stakeholders in showing off the best of New West.” “The Inn At The Quay is thrilled to be selected as the host hotel where BC Chamber Executives will come together to share creative thinking and planning.” Says Sue Belzer, Inn at the continued
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January 2014
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Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A: A Yamahahaha. Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline? A: Spring time. Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew”.
Q: What do you call a bee that lives in America? A: USB. Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a bogey in it. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? A: Because he had no-body to go with. Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake? A: He just flipped.
Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital? A: To get a tweetment.
Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? A: Cell phones.
Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils?
Q: What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A: A Gummy Bear.
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? A: Ouch.
Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? A: He pasta way.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it’s over your head!
Q: Where do snowmen keep their money? A: In snow banks.
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Quay. “We look forward to providing the attendees with a unique and relaxing overnight stay perched over the Fraser River where they can take in more of what our vibrant city has to offer.” “We are very excited to be one of the venues that will be hosting the BC Chamber Executives’ Conference in September 2014,” said Heidi Hughes, Director of Sales & Marketing for the Anvil Centre. “We are proud to showcase the brand new Anvil Centre and look forward to tailoring the group’s event requirements to the distinct set services that are available at Anvil Centre. We are opening our doors in 2014 and having conferences with a local and regional scope are key to the success of the venue.” end WHEN THEY MEET
Q: What did the femur say to the patella? A: I kneed you.
I DIDN’T DO IT Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed.
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HOROSCOPES
ARIES: Your daily life picks up steam and you are ready to get all the tasks you have been putting off done. Co-workers may cause you grief; think before speaking. TAURUS: Your creativity sparks a new high and you are able to express yourself with ease. Your desire nature is strong and any relationship started at this time will be powerful. GEMINI: Much activity takes place on the home front. Family could cause disagreements. Compromise is the key word for the month of January in the home and work place. CANCER: Neighbors, relative and others you deal with on a daily basis may seem to cause you grief. You are able to put forth your ideas with vigor and gusto. LEO: Your desire to have possessions is strong now. Your financial position is not a sign of your personal worth. Don’t let money get in the way of friendship. VIRGO: Your working very hard to further your own interests. Show the world what you are capable of. You may feel you have to fight for your rights. LIBRA: This is a good time to work alone as much as possible to get things done. Volunteering or social work will do wonders for you. Dreams will be powerful. SCORPIO: Formulate your goals and go after them with gusto. Coordinate your needs with others as opposed to going at it alone. Friends may be argumentative. SAGITTARIUS: You want to achieve and you will get much done on the workfront. Coworkers may feel threatend by your efforts to get ahead. Align your interests with others. CAPRICORN: Defending your beliefs is one thing, just don’t force your ideas on others. Look for experiences that will open up your mind to new ideas. Travel may come up. AQUARIUS: Conflicts with your value system or money may arise. The old ways of doing things will come to an end and the birth of the new will take place. PISCES: Now is a good time to put energy back into your relationships. Look for resolution as opposed to opposition in the business and marital scheme of things.
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January 2014 Crystal Ball Knows All In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news.
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PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD
Puz zle #4
SCRAP CAR REMOVAL
The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating
FILTHY PHIL & HIS DUMMER BROTHERS
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corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded
THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “And a bottle of rum.”
Call 604-603-9004 Solution to December 2013 | P u z z l e # 3
PICTOGRAPH
BY ROSS HOOD
Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle. To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!
January 2014
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studio portraits • event photography • photo restoration • commercial • custom picture framing
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Fraternal Order of Eagles New Westminster Aerie #20 est. May 1898
All Proceeds Raised come “directly back” to our Local New Westminster Community • Fireside Meat Draws • Community Festival Hot Dog Kiosk • Dances • Fundraisers • Salvation Army Volunteers • Monthly Eagle Family Dinners
• • • •
Blind Beginnings Summer Visitation Picnic Lupus Society Camp Goodtimes Canadian Cancer Society • Royal Columbian Hospital Cardiac Ward • Queen’s Park Health Care
We are Looking for a Few Good Men & Women A New Vision… A New Direction… A New Membership…
People Helping People, Contact Us Today! Randall Didiuk – Aerie #20 Secretary 604-377-7765 | didiuk@telus.net
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