August 2014 | Your community humour magazine | Issue 167
George Sciberras, Manager and Ceylin Ozdemir, Ambassador
Welcome Save-On-Foods to their August 2nd Opening at Columbia Square Plaza See feature on P4 and P18
YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE
WE ARE OPEN Mon to Fri 9am – 6pm Sat 9am – 2:30pm Sun 9am – 1:30pm
981 Carnarvon St New Westminster
604-523-6767
Manny’s Barber Shop
212 East Columbia New Westminster under Save-On-Foods
778-316-6760 Open 7 days a week Mon-Fri 9–7pm • Sat 8–7pm Sun 11–6pm
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August 2014
Peter Julian, MP Burnaby – New Westminster Serving Our Community
Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.
Peter Julian’s Community Office: 7615 Sixth Street, Burnaby, BC V3N 3M6
Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca
Find the Message
H F W S Q G E N N A S X T I G
A Y F Z Q S E C W E P E M C N
N A G A N A K O W B H B Q C S
T O Q H L I S T U T J X X B Y
H B F W T I G N I L T G E X K
P A C B S Y T S G U M F E N J
P H I Z B C Y T L I T G A K K
Y R H S K V A O O Y S L L H V
B H T C L H Q L Y S I P U B E
C G D V A A Y O I D M O W Q X
D G W G X I A W A V S F O U O
A E S L U T Q D V A H W A I E
Y I Q G N V I V T B I I S Q W
N S H D F A L Y L S A M L E Z
P F L G H W A R C H N F B R E
GITXSAN HAIDA HAISLA NISGA NUXALK OKANAGAN QAYQAYT SECWEPEMC STOLO TLINGIT TSILHQOT TSIMSHIAN
!
Locally Owned & Published! Fourth floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5
Chris Sargent 604-525-9027
Owner & Publisher Email: publisher@piffle.ca
Verne Siebert 604-763-6304 Vic Leach 778-237-0052 John Ashdown 604-657-5600 Email: sales@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca Photography: Gabor Gasztonyi
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Serving the Community of New Westminster
Enjoy Beautiful British Columbia
Judy Darcy, MLA EMAIL
judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca PHONE 604-775-2101
Judy Darcy’s Constituency Office is located at 737 Sixth St, New Westminster, V3L 3C6
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August 2014
3
MANAGERS
measures it from gives the measurement to
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they’re falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures…
one of the managers and walks away. After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. “Isn’t that just like an engineer, we’re looking for the height and he gives us the length.”
the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what
STRINGS
they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls the
Q: How did the violin greet the guitar?
flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat,
A: Cello!!
CALL
604-520-6171
Inquire about our
SENIORS’
DISCOUNT 426-604 Columbia St, New Westminster KIDS KNOW THE ANSWER A Sunday school teacher
DAIRY PRODUCTS Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is
asked her little children, as
spoiled when it starts to look
they were on the way to
like cottage cheese. Cottage
church service, “And why is
cheese is spoiled when it
it necessary to be quiet in
starts to look like regular
church?”
cheese. Regular cheese is
One bright little girl replied,
nothing but spoiled milk anyway
“Because people are sleeping.”
and can’t get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar
FROZEN FOODS
cheese is spoiled when you
Frozen foods that have
think it is blue cheese but you
become an integral part of
realize you’ve never purchased
the defrosting problem in
that kind.
your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled… (or wrecked anyway) by the
TASTES GOOD The above footballer was
time you pry them out with a
speaking at a management
kitchen knife.
conference: “The best thing about
them,” he said, “is that they’re only two calories, and your mouth feels fresh for an hour”. A voice from the wings was then heard, “David, we wanted you to talk about tactics.”
READ ALL ABOUT IT A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled! Curios, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, “Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?” The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, “read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!”
Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
Fe at u r e story 4
Miss New Westminster Hyack Ambassadors Promote Positivity 1978 Donna Tays
1981 Becci Dewinetz
1984 Tracey (Quesnel) Davies
1989 Naomi Johnson
1996 Lisa Crew
1999 Lisa McIntosh
2007 Stephanie Ovens
2009 Michelle Murray FEATURE STORY
T
he “Miss New Westminster” Hyack Ambassador Program has been a Royal City tradition for over sixty years. Now a popular youth development program, entrants acquire valuable leadership skills through research, public speaking, deportment, etiquette, social and business knowledge. The annual pageant evening of scholarship presentations to Miss New Westminster and the Hyack Ambassador also provides families with a special event that builds a sense of pride and civic engagement in their community. The Ambassadors take part in many Hyack events throughout the year, promoting the Royal City on the Hyack Float at festivals in B.C. and the Pacific Northwest. As positive role models, the Hyack Ambassadors support and volunteer at many hometown events throughout their year. providing an excellent example to the youth of New Westminster of the value in community involvement, civic pride and being. When the Hyack Ambassadors conclude their year, they continue to keep close ties to the City of New Westminster. Alumni Ambassadors give back to their community by helping continue the traditions that make New Westminster a unique and special place… our Royal City. This is why you see pictured here some very successful and enthusiastic citizens of New Westminster. end
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August 2014
August 2014
5
Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers
604.619.8455 Dr Robert Henry MacLauchlan & Margaret MacLauchlan 1966 Murders Do you remember Lorraine Cunningham, a 1959 Lester Pearson Grad? If so contact us.
one a Wishing Every y! Happy BC Da
604.522.8339 burgerheaven.ca info@burgerheaven.ca #77 10th Street, New Westminster, BC Follow me on Twitter!
@BettyM13
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THE MONTH PACKING TIPad OF for another packing tip
See next month’s Remove the contents of all furniture. The cont ents can shif t duri ng moving, damaging the contents and the furniture.
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OPEN 7 DAYS / WEEK
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Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
6
August 2014
Serving New Westminster since 2003. We thank all of you for your continued support of the last nine years!
YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE
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August 2014
7
UPTOWN LIVE!
THE SUMMER MOVIE SERIES
Sponsored by the City of New Westminster, G&F Financial, and local realtor Derrick Thornhill is back at Queen’s Park starting July 12. Due to last year’s success, the four outdoor movies have expanded to eight, running every Friday night. Movies start at around 8:30 p.m. and the stadium will open at 7:00 p.m. for visitors to settle in and enjoy the warm summer evening. Everyone is invited! Come down with blankets, lawn chairs and some movie snacks and enjoy these family friendly movies. Parking is available at Queen’s Park Stadium and it is also accessible via transit. Please see complete movie schedule: August 2 – Raiders of the Lost Ark August 9 – Field of Dreams August 16 – Up August 23 – Grease August 30 – Wizard of Oz
August 10, 6 St & 6 Ave, Uptown New Westminster Get ready to celebrate the 3rd installment of Uptown Live! Uptown Live brings together the best of BC’s indie music scene while offering up a wide array of amazing food selections, art exhibits and a host of interactive activities for the entire family. This popular street festival is free to the public and will take place in the thriving Uptown business district of New Westminster. More details available here: www.uptownlive.ca, www.facebook.com/UptownLive
8TH ANNUAL QUAYSIDE BOARDWALK FESTIVAL & SALE August 16, 10:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m., Quayside Boardwalk
11TH ANNUAL NEW WESTMINSTER CULTURAL CRAWL
The City of New Westminster has long committed to being a creative and vibrant city and its residents have put the Royal City on the 6TH ANNNUAL GRANDPARENTS RAISING cultural map by creating GRANDCHILDREN SUMMER PICNIC galleries, theatres and historical venues that invite resiAugust 9, 10:00 a.m., Queen’s Park dents and visitors alike to discover our unique history and This fun-filled celebration will include food, drinks, ac- locally-created works of art. tivities, games, gifts, and the opportunity to visit with This two-day event on August 9 & 10 will include open other grandparent led (kinship) studios and local artists featuring their work and prefamilies. We encourage you to senting live paint-ins at your favourite arts, culture and bring chairs, water bottles, sun heritage destinations around the city. Festivities begin screen, or any other items that at 11:00 a.m. and run until 5:00 p.m. both days. will help make the afternoon Venues are organized in convenient neighborhood clusmore enjoyable for you. ters including Sapperton, Downtown, Uptown, Victory Registration is required to reserve Heights and Queensborough. your spot. Contact Alvin Naidu, at 604-669-1616 ext. 102 or email Produced by Van Dop & Associates, Arts Council of New alvin.naidu@parentsupportbc.ca Westminster and the BC Cultural Crawl. Visit the New West to register, or with questions or Cultural Crawl website at www.newwestculturalcrawl.com suggestions for the picnic. for a copy of your own venue guide.
MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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August 2014
hell they're saying
uts between the age of 50- 75 who are frustrated ed by the problems caused by mild to moderate hearing lloss. e high quality options of discreet to invisible amplif To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!
August 2014
9
Piffle’s MATH MADNESS
POET’S CORNER
with Poet Laureate New We
CANDICE JAMES
stminster
O Fraser River © Ariadne Sawyer As I look out my window in New Westminster. You are there in all your phases. Angry with winds whipping you from the ocean driving you backwards.
Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!
Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS
Placid and sluggish, doing your job, hosting the space for tugs, logs, boats, the odd canoe to float on. Covered with sparkling ice flows slowly melting in the sun. dancing sun beams in the breeze. Deep dark, patterns playing across you from an artist’s paint brush. Creating mystery and intrigue. At night a glowing moon path welcomes the magical beings to play. O, the Fraser, the Stolo. A spiritual entity with many faces. May you endure forever. Ariadne Sawyer © New Westminster perched above the Fraser River. Ariadne Sawyer, MA, C.C. is the author of three books, a speaker, poetry judge and movie reviewer. She is the president of the World Poetry Reading Series Society and is the radio show co-host and producer of The World Poetry Café CFRO 100.5 FM, a weekly venue, promoting multilingual, intercultural Poets and musicians. She is a director of Vancouver Asian Heritage Month Society and the Dylan Thomas Circle.
Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!
New West Poets: please submit your “New West” poems for this column to candicejames@shaw.ca or call 778-322-1131 for info.
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.
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August 2014
THE SCIENTIST AND THE POET A poet and a scientist were traveling together
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing
on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to
that the scientist was obviously a very
the poet, “Hey, you, do you want to play a game?
bright man. He politely turned down the
I’ll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong,
scientist’s offer.
you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can’t answer it, I’ll give you $5.”
The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. “Look, I’ll ask you a question, and if you can’t answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can’t answer it, I’ll give you $50.” The poet agreed. “Okay,” the scientist said, “what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?”
Cosplay Encouraged
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn’t stop to think about the scientist’s
With Special Guests: Ed Brisson • John Gallagher • Simon Roy • Diana Greenhalgh Ken Steacy & Joan Thornborrow Steacy
question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, “Okay, now it’s your turn.” The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, “All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?” The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist’s face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his note pad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.
Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
The poet accepted it
Funny Bones by Jones
graciously, getting ready to stand up. “Wait,” the scientist shouted, “you can’t do this to me! What’s the answer?” The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.
LOOK AT HIM GO Two snails went to an auto race. There were twenty six cars, so instead of numbers the cars were identified by letters from A to Z. As the race started, the S car quickly sped away from the trailing pack of cars. Seeing this, the one snail said to the other, “Hey, look at that S car go!” Glenn Jones would like to hear from his fans. E-mail him at funnybones.by.jones@gmail.com.
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August 2014
Get Noticed !
HOW, AND WHY, DO YOU WISH TO TRAVEL? Air, Bike, Boat, Business, Car, Cruise, Hike, Holiday, Plane, Pleasure, RV, Ship, Tour, Train, Vacation, Walk.
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August 2014
13 BREAKFAST • LUNCH • DINNER • DAILY SPECIALS
CHURCH GOSSIP Mildred, the church gossip, and self-
604-524-8118
appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked
Open 7 days a week!
636 Sixth Street Mon to Sat 7am – 8pm New Westminster Sun/Holidays 8am – 8pm
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in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house… walked home… and left it there all night. You gotta love George.
Manny’s Barber Shop 212 East Columbia New Westminster under Save-On-Foods
778-316-6760 Open 7 days a week Mon-Fri 9–7pm • Sat 8–7pm • Sun 11–6pm
Our small prices will leave you with a…
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www.piffle.ca I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
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August 2014
G TIPdSot:her FLOtaOblResIN MIKEid’Ses on , chairs an all SUMMER VACATION FIRE SAFETY TIPS
Have gl erly and in are fitted prop equipment that at least Clean the glides r. de or ng ki or w becoming prevent grit from to ar ye a ce on e glides. embedded in th
CAMPING, THE OUTDOORS, AND HOME PREPARATIONS
• Do not allow children to get near fireworks, stoves, or grills. Make sure that all flammable and combustible materials are out of their reach. • Bring a fire extinguisher or fire blanket to your outdoor trip. This way, you can easily extinguish fire before it grows out of hand. • Always check to see the local burning restrictions wherever you happen to travel. They are apt to change frequently throughout the summer season. Avoid building campfires. If you do build one, make sure you keep it small and that you douse it with water to put it out completely. Never leave the camping area without putting out the campfire. • If using a coal fired BBQ while camping or outdoors, ensure that the hot coals are doused with plenty of water. Never put them inside plastic, paper, or wooden trash bins or containers. Most outdoor venues that cater to this have metal trash bins specific to that use. • Before leaving, inspect your home thoroughly. • Double check plugs and switches at home before you leave. If you are going on a trip or picnic be sure that everything is unplugged.
Grandson Liam & His Assistant Mike Peterson
RV/MOTORHOMES
• In an emergency, ensure that you can be easily found by first responders. Be aware of your location and surroundings. • Confirm the local emergency numbers. Are 911 services available in that area? • Many campgrounds are in remote areas that may not provide cell phone coverage. Check for this on your arrival and formulate a plan should an emergency arise and there is no coverage. • Keep in mind that an emergency response to many of those areas will likely take more time compared to urban areas. It is vitally important that you eliminate your fire risk and have a fire escape plan. Have at least two escape routes and a meeting place well away from your site. Test all escape windows, hatches, and door latches for smooth operation. • Install and maintain at least one smoke and one carbon monoxide alarm in your RV or Motorhome near the sleeping area. Special 12v alarms specifically designed for RVs and Motorhomes are available from specialized retailers. • Install a propane leak alarm at floor level, no more than 6 inches above the floor. If you have a leak, immediately evacuate the area and shut off the propane tank, if it is safe to do so. • Install a fully charged ABC Fire Extinguisher in a visible, easily accessible location near an exit. Make sure all members of your travelling party are familiar with how to use it. They should only be used to extinguish small, contained fires. Be aware that Fire Extinguishers have a lifespan of 5 to 10 years in most cases. • Remember, DON’T FIGHT A FIRE unless you call the Fire Department first! • Ensure that your RV or Motorhome is properly maintained and mechanically sound. This applies to all functional aspects of the vehicle and includes: all mechanical components, electrical systems, generators, and the propane tanks and attached hoses and connections. • Information about open burning and camp fire bans can be obtained from the BC Wildfire Management Branch at the following link:
http://bcwildfire.ca/hprscripts/wildfirenews/bans.asp WISHING YOU AND YOURS SAFE TRAVELS THIS SUMMER! Your New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services cares about you and your safety! If you require further information, please visit our website at: www.newwestcity.ca or call the Fire Prevention Division at 604-519-1004. To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!
812 edinburgh st, New Westminster, BC t: 604-839-7751 F: 604-540-7771 e: info@petersonfloor.ca
August 2014
15
WE DON’T SERVE MINORS A “C,” an “E-flat,” and a “G” go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So the E-flat leaves, and the “C” and the “G” have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the “G” is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A “D” comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of “C” is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.” The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the “C” sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The “C” is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the “C” is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, with the sopranout in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.
FIND OUT WHAT’S IN STORE FOR YOU IN 2014.
25% OFF ALL CHART READINGS!
CALL LIZA TODAY AT
778-898-2146 by Liza August 2014
HOROSCOPES
ARIES: This is a good time to spruce up your home and begin those home renovations. Employers will be pleased with the work you do. A good time to ask for that raise. TAURUS: You may fi nd there is a considerable amount of love in your every day life. You are more sensitive to beauty within your everyday surroundings. GEMINI: Money could easily slip through your fingers this month. Consider investments as opposed to spending and all will be well. CANCER: Your looking fabulous this month and others are taking notice. Expressing yourself to others comes with great ease during this time. LEO: Loved ones may call upon you for help during this time. Serve in the true service of selfless devotion and don't expect payback. VIRGO: Group activities take up all your time this month. Any group setting will only benefit you during this time. Your loved one may not understand this. LIBRA: Favorable circumstances take place within your place of work. A love relationship may take place with someone older. Be careful with your motives. SCORPIO: You will be attracted to new people and new experiences during this time. A good time for any pleasure trip that involves new ideas and philosophies. SAGITTARIUS: All relationships will play out with greater intensity during this time. If you require a loan or money from other resources; it will come easy to you now. CAPRICORN: Love will seek you out this month if your not currently in a relationship. If your in conflict with someone now it is a good time to make peace and reconcile. AQUARIUS: All matters pertaining to your work and daily life come with ease during this time. Deal with the real world and not the fantasies in your mind. PISCES: It’s all about having a good time during this month. Friends and lovers want your attention. There is no need to pretend what you are not.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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August 2014
BE PART OF CHANGING A CHILD’S LIFE WITH MUSIC! The New Westminster Citadel Corps of the Salvation Army is looking for sponsors to send kids to their Music and Performing Arts Camp in Gibsons, BC. Service Clubs, Corporation, and individuals are encouraged to help. For more information, please contact: Sharon Tidd, MDiv Lieutenant Corps Officer / Pastor Church Line
Great truths that little children have learned: 1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats. 2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair. 3. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 4. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food. Great truths that adults have learned: 1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2. Wrinkles don’t hurt. 3. Families are like fudge… mostly sweet,
604-521-0363
with a few nuts.
Cell
4. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut
604-644-5271
that held its ground.
The Salvation Army New Westminster Citadel Corps 325 Sixth St, New Westminster
5. Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside. Great truths about growing old: 1.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. No one other than your contemporaries care how it used to be. 3. Time may be a great healer! But it’s a
How many times is British Columbia larger than Great Britain?
lousy beautician. 4. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. 5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
MEET THE JONES’ By Glenn Jones
#26-8720 Forest Grove Drive, Burnaby BC V5A 4C9 | 604-433-3986 | E-mail: glenn-jones@shaw.ca
To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!
August 2014
17
HAPPY BC DAY!
LEGION NO.2 631 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER
MEAT BINGO & KARAOKE THURSDAYS 8–11PM WITH CAL DONNELLY MEAT DRAWS $50/50 DRAWS FRIDAY & SATURDAYS
AUGUST ENTERTAINMENT
AUGUST 1 & 2 BOB MARLOW AUGUST 8 & 9
S LONE STRANGER
AUGUST 15 & 16
KARAOKE WITH CAL DONNELLY AUGUST 22 & 23 LONE STRANGERS
AUGUST 29 & 30
JAMES BURTON Royal Canadian Legion No.2, 604-522-4522
MEMBERS & GUESTS WELCOME! We can’t wait to host your next event.
Sapperton Pensioners’ Hall
can accommodate up to 275 people and is perfect for weddings, dances, dinners, fundraisers, birthday parties, lunches, reunions, memorials, craft markets, filming, meetings, and displays.
• 14' x 25' stage, P/A system, upright piano • 3,500 sq. ft. of open area upstairs with a hardwood floor
• Downstairs has 3,500 sq. ft., linoleum floor, kitchen facilities
• Parking for 30 cars, close to Sapperton SkyTrain Station
• Less than 5 minutes from Pattullo Bridge or Hwy #1 exit
S A PPERTON P ENSIONERS ’ H A LL
318 Keary St, New Westminster • Call 604-522-0280 to book your space today Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
Colu m b ia Squar e PLA ZA MERCHANTS the Merchants of
Columbia Square PlaZa WELCOMES SAVE-ON-FOODS Bank of Montreal Bosley’s Pet Store Boston Pizza Burger King Chronic Tacos Cockney Kings Columbia Square Medical Clinic Columbia Square Animal Hospital Credit Counselling Crystal Nails
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My Dentist New West Cleaners Oxygen Yoga & Fitness Pharmasave Rona Save-On-Foods Starbucks Subway TD Bank The UPS Store
I
n March 1915, the first Overwaitea Food Group
(OFG) store opened on Columbia Street in New Westminster, BC. Since then, OFG has grown to become Canada’s largest western-based food store chain. Nearly a century later, OFG stays true to its roots by stay-
PHOTOS CREDIT: NWPL
ing close to customers and community, leading the way in the West with innovation and local value — that’s the OFG tradition. Today, OFG operates more than 120 stores under the Save-On-Foods, Overwaitea
Columbia Square PlaZa
Foods, Urban Fare, Cooper’s Foods, PriceSmart Foods and Bulkley Valley Wholesale
“Your Columbia Square Eye Doctors — Caring for Your Eyes, Your Vision and Your Health.”
GLASSES • CONTACTS COMPREHENSIVE EYE EXAMS w w w.ne w w e s t min s t er op t ome t r y.com
201-88 10th Street New Westminster Columbia Square
604-525-1411
To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!
19 TOP: Street view circa 1947 Columbia St with market just ahead of the bus. BOTTOM: Columbia St store with Overwaitea sign circa 1915. The original Overwaitea store was located at Kidd Market in 700 block, Columbia St, south side near Windsor Hotel. A self-serve frozen yogurt bar with rotating flavours and over 60 toppings! We also offer waffle bowls, sodas, merchandise, gift cards, prepacks, group fundraising and catering.
Meet the New Westminster Hyack Ambassadors August 2nd, 12–1pm
new westminster 101-1015 columbia street (columbia square plaza)
Find us on Facebook for updates, and chances to win prizes! MenchiesNewWestminster
@menchiesnw
menchiesnw
menchies.ca
banners — proudly local stores designed to match
www.cockneykings.ca
the communities they serve.
All You Can Eat
2 Haddock Dinners $18.95
Mon • Tues • Wed
Includes one piece of fish, chips, coleslaw, roll and beverage (coffee, tea or soft drink)
FISH & CHIPS
$9.95 includes pop No substitutions. Dine in only. EXPIRES AUG 31, 2014 66 10th Street Columbia Square New Westminster 604-522-6099
2 Cod Dinners $17.95
No substitutions. Dine in only. EXPIRES AUG 31, 2014 6575 E Hastings Kensington Plaza Burnaby 604-291-1323
Style your life. 1015 Columbia St, New Westminster
(in Columbia Square)
604-525-0074 www.fabriclandwest.com
To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!
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August 2014 ACTUAL LINES FROM RESUMES • I am very detail-oreinted. • My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable. • Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty! • Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume. • I am sicking and entry-level position. • It’s best for employers that I not work with people. • Here are my qualifications for
Everything you need for tonight
you to overlook. • I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated. • If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope. • My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.
• Fresh organic produce • Prime selection of organic meats • Healthy snacks • Health and vitamin products
Lowest prices in town Guaranteed!
• You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding
What’s Organic?
candidate! • I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a
or·gan·ic (adjective) \or-ga-nik\
screeching halt.
Involving the use of food produced with the use of feed or fertilizer of plant or animal origin without employment of chemically formulated fertilizers, growth stimulants, antibiotics, or pesticides.
If you find our products at a lower price, bring in the proof and we’ll beat it by 5%.
• Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity. • Please disregard the attached resume—it is terribly out of date. • Seek challenges that test my
Meat, fruit, produce, dry goods and so much more...
mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable. • Reason for leaving last job:
421 Sixth Street, New Westminster 604-553-3421 www.newwestorganic.ca PICK UP
The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to HERE!
elaborate privately.
To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!
August 2014
21
• Previous experience: Self-employed… a fiasco. • Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business. • My experience in horticulture is well-rooted. • Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years. • I am a rabid typist. • Education: College, August 1880 to May 1984. • I have a bachelorette degree in computers. • Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math. • Graduated in the top 66% of my class. • Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school. • Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer. • Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes. • I worked as a Corporate Lesion. • Special Skills: Speak English. • Served as assistant sore manager. • Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job. • Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel. • Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
BE PART OF PIFFLE’S NEW BUSINESS DIRECTORY! Get your message out to the community all year round for as little as
25
$
/mo
Contact John Ashdown
604-657-5600 johnashdown@piffle.ca
Tony’s Used Building Materials
• DOORS… INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR • APPLIANCES • KITCHEN • HOT WATER CABINETS TANKS • TOILETS • GAS FURNACES • SINKS • VANITIES
…AND A LOT MORE INSIDE!
823 12TH ST, NEW WEST
778-839-9127
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
22
August 2014
Piffle’s MATH MADNESS Solution from THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE
WIT AND INTELLIGENCE A customer at Morris’ Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?” “I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear, “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”
PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD
“You sell them here,” the customer asks. “Only $4 apiece,” says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later,
Puzzle #10
he’s back in the store complaining that the
The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover
fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any
a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded
smarter.
in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating
“You didn’t eat enough, “ says Morris.
the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.
The customer goes home with 20 more fish
THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “bow, wow”
heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry. “Hey, Morris,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!” “You see,” says Morris. “You’re smarter already.”
CAN’T STAND A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two tired.
Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle. Solution to July 2014 | P u z z l e
PICTOGRAPH
#9
BY ROSS HOOD
Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS Solution from THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE
To advertise, call 604-525-9027 or email sales@piffle.ca today!
23
Open Mon–Sat • Closed Sun
“I am Never too Busy for your Referrals.”
Marge Ashdown (604) 838-2675
Email: marjorieam@shaw.ca
www.homehuntersbc.com
SALES • SERVICE • REPAIRS
LAPTOPS • DESKTOPS • TONER • INK PRINTERS • PHONES • CABLES & MORE! Monday-Friday 9–6pm • Saturday 10-5pm 7882 6th St, Burnaby, BC We recycle computers!
604-524-0500
www.eastridgecomputer.ca
NEW WESTMINSTER CLEAN-UP & RECYCLING PROGRAM
Helping to keep our City clean!
HAPPY BC DAY!
• COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL • YARD MAINTENANCE • PRESSURE WASHING • SNOW REMOVAL • RUBBISH REMOVAL • DEMOLITION • CONCRETE/ASPHALT COATING
JAMES 604-544-0391
ANDREW 778-387-4460
NEWWESTCLEANUP.CA FREE ESTIMATES SAME DAY SERVICE SENIOR DISCOUNT
Lunch Specials EVERYDAY (both Chinese and W estern dishes)
441 East Columbia Street New Westminster, BC
Honestly driven.
604-521-1871
10% OFF
604-517-1230
for pick-up orders over $15.00
325A 12th Street New Westminster
FREE DELIVERY
Check out our seasonal specials!
(within a 5km distance & a minimum order of $18.00)
oktirenw@shaw.ca
ANDREW LOCHHEAD, GM
Four times, mate.
everyday starting at 4:30pm
OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK 11:00am – 10:00pm Closed Tuesdays