1
YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE
WE ARE OPEN Mon to Fri 9am – 6pm Sat 9am – 2:30pm Sun 9am – 1:30pm
981 Carnarvon St New Westminster
604-523-6767
LOCALLY PUBLISHED SINCE 2000
CITY SCENE MAGAZINE
October 2015 Issue #181
Piffle celebrates its 15th anniversary: Pg 23 Roveen Kandola
“Good clean cars, reasonably priced!” 301-12th St, New West
604-377-5889
Real Estate Transaction Specialist
“Let’s Get Ahead Together”
604-644-7653 (SOLD)
20
DIFFERENT LINES OF DRAFT NOW ON TAP
Restaurant & Public House SEE OUR SPECIALS ON P3!
2 Serving the Community of New Westminster Our office can assist with provincial government issues such as MSP, income assistance and provincial disability, WorkSafe, and ICBC.
Judy Darcy, MLA
judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca PHONE 604-775-2101
Judy Darcy’s Constituency Office is located at 737 Sixth St, New Westminster, V3L 3C6
WORD SEARCH D J Q L A Q P H G R Y P T D T
B E G V O F L W C K S H U O H
L J G N I H S I F B I G X S A
D B X N N K R V E N B Y Z V N
T Q I Z G U O P S B P D A Z K
S Q T B F G F E S T I V A L S
E I M D N A Q K L F H R U K T
V N S I P D M Z N F I L V U Y
R R K R N G T I X I L B R B T
A I J P T L X O L A K K V H N
H P H I G P S H B Y E P Z G U
A R Y C R I R T T Y C Q M U O
B B H N I A O S D T P U W U B
Y J C E O O D V Z Q D A A S P
J S A M F D Q S E A U T U M N
AUTUMN BOUNTY FAMILY FESTIVALS FISHING FOOTBALL
@cityofnew westminster
HARVEST HIKING PUMPKIN THANKS TURKEY
Struggling with your Weight? Let me show YOU how to Lose Weight, Cleanse Safely and Gain Energy with Nutritional Food!
I lost 26.2 lbs + 48" from July 2013 to Feb 2014 *
* Results may vary.
604.838.0312 October 2015
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
3
$ 4 S L E E V E S P E C I A L S E V E R Y D AY !
CUMBERLAND ST
GO
ER
T RS
The Castle Neighbourhood Grill
FRASER
RIVER
E COLUMB IA ST
M
RICHMOND ST
R S CR T
I
NO
NE
V
101 - 319 Governors Crt New Westminster
604-544-5020
BURGER AND BEER SPECIAL! Drink purchase required
BREAKFAST SPECIAL Drink purchase required
12
HOUR HAPPY N MO FRI!! PM N -- FRI
$
EXP OCT 31/15
3-5 3-5PM MO
$5 PINTS!
2for1
SATURDAY & SUNDAY 8am-11am EXP OCT 31/15
$2.00 OFF BBQ
$12
EXP OCT 31/15
TURKEY DINNER WITH ALL THE TRIMMINGS!
$20+tax
Come in Monday night for your chance to win a NFL jersey
FREE PLATE OF WINGS
1 per person, no cash value, valid when BBQ is offered
THANKSGIVING
WEEKEND
M O N D AY N I G H T F O O T B A L L !
FREE DESSERT
with chicken pot pie & beverage purchase. EXP OCT 31/15
20
DIFFERENT LINES OF DRAFT NOW ON TAP
FREE PARKING!
with 3 jug purhcase. EXP OCT 31/15
Restaurant & Public House
BURGER & BEER SPECIAL
OPEN Mon-Fri 11am-Midnight • Sat & Sun 8am-Midnight
www.thecastleneighbourhoodgrill.ca
NOBODY I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This. HOT DOGS Two new Canadians have just arrived from their homeland and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs. Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in Canada, we might as well do as the Canadians do.” Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points
to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. “Two dogs, please,” she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their “dogs.” One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, “What part did you get?” IT’S NOT THE SAME Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their behind with an iPad.
Inquire about our
CALL
604-520-6171
SENIORS’
DISCOUNT 426-604 Columbia St, New Westminster The early worm gets eaten!
Locally Published Since 2000 Fourth floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5
Chris Sargent 604-525-9027 Owner & Publisher Email: chrissargent@piffle.ca
John Ashdown 604-657-5600 Verne Siebert 604-763-6304 Email: sales@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca Photography: Gabor Gasztonyi
piffle.ca
Sargent’s Word Search ����������������������������������������������2 Imperial Pharmacy Community Page ������������������������7 MLA’s Report By Judy Darcy ������������������������������������11 Sargent’s Math Madness ���������������������������������������� 17 Sargent’s Number Blocks ��������������������������������������� 17 New Westminster Senior’s Festival for 2015: Mind, Body and Soul �������������������������������� 18 Piffle Quiz ���������������������������������������������������������������� 18 Derek Neilson: Dynamic Health and Fitness ��������� 20 Feature Story: The Piffle is into its 15th Year! ������� 23 Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen ����������������������� 23 Horoscopes by Liza ������������������������������������������������� 24 Math Madness September Solution ���������������������� 24 A-Maze-In ���������������������������������������������������������������� 24 Number Blocks September Solution ��������������������� 29 Enjoy Local Art in The Gallery at Queen’s Park ������������������������������������������������������� 30 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah ������������������������������������������ 34 Piffle Quiz Answer ��������������������������������������������������� 35 Piffle Business Directory ���������������������������������������� 37
Choosing the right Realtor does make a difference. Monica Raynolds is the difference.
Monica Raynolds Licensed Real Estate Agent
Dexter Associates Realty
604-537-5204
raynolds@dexterrealty.com
Ladies Auxiliary Fun(d) Raiser
Spin and Win at Royal City Centre • Tasty hot dogs • Wheel of chance • Proceeds to Rick Hansen Foundation “Having Fun... Fund Raising... People Helping People.”
Saturday, Oct 10th 11:00 am – 3:00 pm October 2015
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
5 THREE LEGGED CHICKENS One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house. The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen. The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken. “That’s the most fantastic thing I’ve ever heard,” said the salesman. “How do they taste?” “I don’t know,” said the farmer. “We’ve never caught one.” GOD’S WATCHING The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.” TALKING ARM A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please,” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “A-ha!” says the doctor, “I see the problem. Your arm is broke!” AN EARLY START A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says, “Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning.” The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, “Why are you sleeping?” The horse, half asleep says, “I have to get up at three in the morning.”
PLANNING A REUNION? THE WAFFLE MAY BE THE VENUE YOUR LOOKING FOR!
CALL ROBERT FOR MORE INFORMATION
604-524-8118
636 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER
Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers
604.619.8455 Do you remember Lorraine Cunningham, a 1959 Lester Pearson Grad? If so contact us.
#360-729 6th St, New Westminster, BC V3L 3C5
THE THE
GUYS GRAB BAR GUYS
Local Installer Local Installer Phone: Phone: 778-389-0250 778-389-0250 Prevent Prevent Falls Falls • • Be Be Safe Safe • • Take Take Action Action • • Call Call Today! Today!
www.thegrabbarguys.ca www.thegrabbarguys.ca Safety for Seniors!
To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
6
Serving New Westminster since 2003. We thank all of you for your continued support of the last nine years!
YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE
Review Us on
✔ FREE In-Store Blood Pressure Monitoring ✔ FREE Blister Packing
Most Extended Health Plans accepted. Easy transfer of prescriptions. NO WE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH TOBACCO WE CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS HEALTH WE ARE PROUD TO NOT SELL TOBACCO
More Space + More Products + More Services HOURS: MON TO FRI 9AM–6PM SAT 9AM–2:30PM • SUN 9AM–1:30PM
981 Carnarvon St, New Westminster
604.523.6767 October 2015
ue? Missing an iss ACY RM A PH L IM PE RIA y rr ca is pleased to sues -is ck ba e th many of year. from the past
Visit us ONLINE at ImperialPharmacy.ca
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
7
OTHER DESERT CITIES PRESENTED BY THE VAGABOND PLAYERS
Vagabond Players presents Other Deser t Cities, running from Oct 1-24, Thursday-Saturday at 8:00 p.m. and Sunday at 2:00 p.m., at The Bernie Legge Theatre, Queen’s Park, New Westminster. This powerful drama of politics, passion, and family secrets was a fi nalist for the 2012 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. Vagabond Players is proud to be opening the 2015-2016 season with this exciting play — a riveting tale full of razor-sharp dialogue, unexpected turns, and surprising revelations. Call 604-521-0412 or email reservations@vagabondplayers.ca to book your tickets today!
Please call 604-519-1000 or email fi re@newwestcity.ca for more information.
WORLD WAR II CAFE (10+ YEARS) Oct 10, 12:30 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Meet “human books” and hear about WWII air raids, children’s evacuations, the war effort on the home front and other fascinating stories. Presented by Century House and the Museum and Archives, visitors sit down for a cup of tea with someone who lived through WWII for a 20-minute conversation. Registration required. Saturday, October 10, 12:30-2:30 p.m., Anvil Centre Studio 411, 604-527-4640, registration fee by donation.
75TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE WAIT FOR ME DADDY PHOTO
NEW WEST CRAFT
Saturday, Oct 3 at 1:00 p.m. in Hyack Square In conjunction with the event in Hyack Square, there will be performances at Anvil Centre free to the public.
THE DICHOTOMY OF CHANGE
Oct 3, 1:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. Join Mayor and Council to commemorate the 75th Anniversary of the day the Wait for Me Daddy photo was taken. The program will include the unveiling of the offi cial dedication plaque, an interpretive panel and the donor halo recognizing the generous donors who helped fund the project.
Join us at Anvil Theatre for three exhilarating performances that honor the Wait for Me, Daddy photograph with a contemporary spin. The event will feature composer Brian Garbett and the University of Calgary Wind Ensemble, a community-engaged theatre work by Jan Derbyshire, and a collection of interdisciplinary fi lms and performances curated by Brief Encounters. Not to be missed! Saturday, Oct 3 at 2:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. in Anvil Centre RSVP for these free performances at 604-527-4640.
NEW WESTMINSTER FIRE & RESCUE SERVICES 2015 OPEN HOUSE
Oct 4, 10:00 a.m.-2:00 p.m., Glenbrook Fire Hall Free admission! This is an exciting opportunity for the citizens of New Westminster to join us for an interactive, behind the scenes look at the services we provide for the community, the agencies that we work with, and more information on home safety including home smoke alarms. There will be live demos, equipment displays, Sparky the Fire Dog and the New West Firefi ghters’ Charitable BBQ by donation.
Oct 3, 11:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m., River Market at Westminster Quay The Arts Council of New Westminster presents the New West Artisans Fair, a bi-monthly event celebrating the art of making. Jewelers and knitters and crafters abound to bring you the best they have to offer. The perfect place to fi nd that little something for the one you love made by your friendly neighbourhood artisan.
Sept 28-Nov 27, Opening Reception: Oct 8, 5:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. Community Art Space, Anvil Centre, 604-527-4640 The Dichotomy of Change is a group exhibition featuring works by members of 100 Braid St Studios. The artists refl ect on the continuous changes in our social, environmental and physical spaces through variety of mediums. Artists featured in the exhibition are: Cliff Blank, Judith Copland, Ginger Deverell, Tony Durke, Omanie Elias, Susan L. Greig, Corinn Howes, Karen Justice, Victoria Klassen, Mardell Rampton, John B. Salterio, Fiona Tang, Terra Varey, Judy Villett, Gillian Wright.
COUNCIL OF WOMEN MEET The New Westminster Council of Women has been serving the community for 117 years. They lobby all levels government on issues affecting women and families — health, safety, environment, education, and seniors The next meeting will be held at the New Westminster Public Library, on Wednesday, Oct 28, 11:30 a.m.1:30 p.m. Contact Florence Erwin, erwinf@shaw.ca.
MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
8
BUDGET BUILDING MAINTENANCE • Office Cleaning • Apartment Cleaning & Caretaker Services • Residential & Commercial Cleaning • Bonded & Insured • Free Estimates For complete janitorial services call Ram Bali, Manager 604-603-4464
INDECISIVE Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road? To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… darn it! ANYTHING? A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. “I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “ I would do… anything.” He returns her gaze. “Anything?” Anything.” His voice softens. “Anything?” “Absolutely anything.” His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you… study?” KNITTING AND DRIVING A senior lady was speeding down the highway while she was knitting. A cop sees this and speeds up alongside her vehicle. “Pullover!” the cop says. “No!” the woman replied, “They’re mittens!”
We can’t wait to host your next event.
Sapperton Pensioners’ Hall
can accommodate up to 275 people and is perfect for weddings, dances, dinners, fundraisers, birthday parties, lunches, reunions, memorials, craft markets, filming, meetings, and displays.
• 14' x 25' stage, P/A system, upright piano • 3,500 sq. ft. of open area upstairs with a hardwood floor
• Downstairs has 3,500 sq. ft., linoleum floor, kitchen facilities
• Parking for 30 cars, close to Sapperton SkyTrain Station
• Less than 5 minutes from Pattullo Bridge or Hwy #1 exit
S A PPERTON P ENSIONERS ’ H A LL
318 Keary St, New Westminster • Call 604-522-0280 to book your space today October 2015
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
9
Presented by
Sponsored by
Seniors’ Day Mind, Body and Soul...
Saturday, October 17th • 11am to 3pm Century House, 620 Eighth St, New Westminster
Featuring Guest Speaker: Isobel Mackenzie, Canada’s first Seniors Advocate Workshops include:
• Service Canada –Canada Pension Plan, Old Age Security & Guaranteed Income Supplement • Translink-learn about Handy Dart and Compass Cards • Technology Help-bring your ipad, smart phone or other device • “Souping” for Health Demonstration • BC Law Society
Drop-In Activities:
• Nordic Walking • Meet with Registered Acupuncturist, TCM Herbalist • How to use the Fitness Centre equipment • Watercolour painting • Zumba Gold class • Fun Pickleball “Celebrity” Game
An information Resource Fair including 40 plus service organizations and businesses! And much more! Complimentary Coffee, tea and cookies sponsored by Queen’s Park Healthcare Foundation
Lunch service will be available for purchase For more information, call 604-519-1066 • www.newwestcity.ca
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
10
WE CARRY THE LARGEST SELECTION
OF ITEMS FOR
811 Carnarvon St New Westminster (Opposite of The Old Spaghetti Factory)
www.dollarstore.ca
Royal City Shopping Centre 610 6th Street, New Westminster 778-229-BAKE(2252) www.RussianSpoon.com
Every Tuesday – Seniors Day discount
Russian Cuisine at the Food Court
Homemade Meals, Comfort Food, Unique Desserts & Baked Goods.
Made with Russian love
October 2015
10% OFF Your Next Purchase
Limit one coupon per customer. Cannot be combined with other offers or promotions. Expires October 31, 2015.
PICNIC AN A PARTY Five friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to College until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to an Old age home in the nearest town to spend some time with aged people for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was the easiest question in their entire syllabus. “Cool,” they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. “This is going to be easy.” Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire? IT’S OK, DAD A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. “Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!” the man said. “It’s okay, Dad,” the boy said, “The police car right behind us did the same thing.” IS THERE A PROBLEM OFFICER? A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding… Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer : Don’t have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer : I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
11 Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO HEAR Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, “When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first guy says, “I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.” The second guy says, “I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.” The last guy replies, “I’d like to hear them say… look at him, he’s moving!” CALL HOME Q: Why does ET have such big eyes? A: He saw the phone bill.
MLA’S REPORT By Judy Darcy September means a return to school for elementary, secondary and post-secondary students and for me, a return to the BC Legislature at the end of the month! The last month has been chock-full of meetings with constituents and community events. But I did manage to steal away to my birthplace of Denmark for a family reunion — and to learn more about their healthcare and social programs. It was a whirlwind week that left me with very special memories of my relatives and the beautiful scenery of Denmark. If you’re interested in following me on Facebook you can find me at www.facebook.com/judy.darcy.3. When the House returns for a fall session, I have the opportunity to raise issues that affect residents of New Westminster. As your MLA, I want to know what issues matter most to you. Last week, I met with a single mother of two children who, after completing her Early Childhood Education diploma and obtaining work in her field, is faced with the crushing burden of a $36,000 student loan. Unfortunately she’s not the only one facing overwhelming debt after graduating from a post-secondary institution. This month my office was also busy helping people apply for Temporary Premium Assistance for MSP, following up on applications for Income Assistance, helping constituents to access the mental health resources available to them in the city… and much much more. My Constituency Office at 737 Sixth Street is here to help you with Provincial programs and services. Please send an email to judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca, give the office a call at 604-775-2101, or pop in if you are in need of assistance or want to share your concerns. You can also visit my website at www.judydarcy.ca and see what issues I’m speaking out on in the Legislature and in the media.
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 7 11AM-4PM
SCOTTISH
CULTURAL CENTRE 8886 Hudson St, Vancouver
• • • • •
Boardgames CDs Collectibles Comics Computer Hardware • Computer Software • DVDs • Hot Wheels
• • • • • • • • • •
Jewellery Magazines Manga Records Star wars Toys VHS Video Games Vintage Comics Wrestling
… AND LOTS MORE ALL AT GREAT PRICES!
October 2015
BENEFITS I’m going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits. SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.” BILLY-BOB THE REDNECK Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.” The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?” “Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.” “Why is he smiling then,” inquires the Inspector. “Thought he was having his picture taken. PRETTY POODLE Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
13 Contact Your Dodge Specialist Joanie Von Schribar
604-299-9181
S P E C I A L $250 FREE GAS Please present this coupon.
with any vehicle purchase!
to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm… I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says… “Liver alone. Cheese mine.” A COLD FACT Facebook is like a fridge. Even when you know there’s nothing new going on, you still go on and check it every 10 minute. THE OBJECT Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object? Student: You are pretty. Teacher: What’s the direct object? Student: A good report card.
New and Used Vehicles and Trucks 4650 Lougheed Highway, Burnaby 10 MOST WANTED An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says “ He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!” Officer says “Yes.” Little Boy asks “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture. LEARNING Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet! WHO’S THE BOSS Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking!
“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.” ~ Oscar Wilde
www.longevitypharmacy.ca
604.544.7760 711 Columbia Street New Westminster, BC - V3M 1B2
Royal
City
CHIROPR ACTIC Dr. P.G. Campbell D.C.
Suite
110-846 20th St.
Ca rin comg for for your t! October 2015
Design With Confidence
We make your home beautiful!
Prescriptions & Compounding At Longevity Compounding Pharmacy, we truly care for our patients. We are dedicated to deliver the highest quality of Pharmaceutical care possible. We are dedicated to serving the special needs of physicians and their patients through custom prescription compounding.
THE FROG A man was crossing Burnette Ave one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The man said, “Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”
Consultations and design services Renovations — kitchen and bathroom remodels Blinds, shutters and custom drapery Para Paint, wallpaper Flooring — hardwood, engineered and laminate Tiles — backsplash, showers, floors Fabrics and upholstery Custom cabinets and closets
Your one stop design shop! 950 12th Street, New Westminster BC 604-553-0484
15 THE BARTENDER CURE Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy. “Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the psychiatrist. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.” “How much do you charge?” “Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor. “I’ll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,” I said. Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having,” he asked. “Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV.” “Is that so!” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?” “He told me to cut the legs off the bed… ain’t nobody under there now!”
Open for Lunch (Fridays & Saturdays)
WORKING FOR YOU
For Over 31 Years
604-644-0141
www.EdGoss.com edjgoss@gmail.com Ed Goss
Associate Broker MLS Master Medallion
BRANCH 83
ROYAL CANADIAN LEGION
No one makes pizza as fresh, as tasty, Mon-Thur as hot, as cheesy or liver it as fast as 4pm-12am It’s all for you! We want to be your favourite pizza…
Fri-Sat 11am-2am Sun 4pm-12am
Please order 1/2hr before closing.
604.540.4444 7898 6th St, Burnaby
FOR ALL YOUR SPECIAL OCCASIONS SEATING FOR 100 PEOPLE—DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS BUFFET EVERY SECOND TUESDAY 6:30 PM ($5.99) MUSIC BINGO EVERY SECOND FRIDAY 6:30 PM KARAOKE EVERY WEDNESDAY 7:00 PM
Remembrance Parade Imperial & Nelson
www.rclbr83.ca
5289 Grimmer St. Burnaby, B.C. email: secretary@rclbr83.ca See Burnaby Legion 83 on Facebook
604-568-2912
I stayed up all night playing Texas Hold’em with a deck of tarot cards. I got a royal flush and five people died.
16
Intimate In-Home Parties. Host a party and receive a free gift! Your friends will thank you! Creams Enhancers Lubes Adult Toys Accessores Games and much more!
Passion by Holly Holly Mitton
www.passionbyholly.com
778.709.9917
info@passionbyholly.com
Love My Dad
FROZEN WINDOW A wife send her husband an SMS on a cold winter evening: “Windows frozen”. The husband send answer back: “Pour some warm water over them”. Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: “The computer is completely ruined now”. HE DOESN’T LIKE THE 4 LETTER WORD Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say,” asked the nurse. “OOPS!” AMEN In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, “Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!” The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, “Thank you, God, for the food I’m about to receive…” CAN’T SLEEP Teacher: “You know you can’t sleep in my class.” Boy: “I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.”
406-A East Columbia St, New Westminster, BC 604-897-0045 • royalcitytattoo@hotmail.com
www.royalcitytattoo.com October 2015
ONLY ONE SEAT PLEASE A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.” Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the
17 aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?” “Sam,” the man moaned. “Where ya from, Sam?” With pain in his voice Sam replied “…the balcony.” NOT TO WORRY Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!” Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?” “No, sweetheart,” she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet? Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says. “One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks. “Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther. “I didn’t send that one, either.” Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, “What was that for?” Abe answers, “They’ll find us!”
MATH MADNESS
Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!
NUMBER BLOCKS
WATER Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Ramu: “HIJKLMNO”!! Teacher: What are you talking about? Ramu: Yesterday you said it’s H to O! THESE TIMES The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
18 NEW WESTMINSTER SENIOR’S FESTIVAL FOR 2015: MIND, BODY AND SOUL By Vance McFadyen, Chairperson, 2015 Seniors Festival
W
e are pleased to announce that the New Westminster Senior’s Festival for 2015 to be held on October 17th is returning to one of Canada’s finest and most progressive senior’s recreation centres; Century House at 620-8th Street located in beautiful Moody Park. The theme of this year’s festival is Mind, Body and Soul and with over 40 service and business organizations’ participating it is sure to have something for everyone. Also included will be workshops and participatory events from Nordic Walking to valuable information provided by Services Canada to Pickle Ball introduction and a host of others. We are excited to advise that our premier speaker will be Ms. Isobel Mackenzie, Seniors Advocate for the province of British Columbia. Ms. MacKenzie will be speaking at 2:00 p.m. on issues ranging from housing, health and benefits available to seniors of our province. An excellent and knowledgeable speaker this promises to be an “at capacity” event so be sure to be there early. Our “Feature Sponsor” this year is Sunquest Mobility located at 516–6th Street who specializes in all products for independent living. Also providing sponsorship is the Queen’s Park Hospital Foundation who will offer all attendees free refreshments and sweets. The city of New Westminster also provides funding. So save the date and don’t miss this great event for seniors, those who support seniors and all who respect the values that seniors have in our lives and community. It’s going to be a great day filled with wonderful activities, information and fellowship designed to sustain and improve Mind, Body and Soul.
How many points did Wayne Gretzky score in his career? a) 1,876 b) 2,295 October 2015
c) 2,857 d) 3,204
INCORRECT I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”. SPELLING CHALANGED Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario. As they were writing up the ticket, one officer turned to the other and said: “How do you spell Mississauga?” The other one replied: “I don’t know.” So the first one said: “Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed.” The second officer said: “Why don’t we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto? THE TRAFFIC STOP A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. “What are those for,” she asked suspiciously. “I’m a juggler,” the man replied. “I use those in my act.” “Well, show me,” the officer demanded. So he got out the machetes and started juggling them,
New Westminster Corps of The Salvation Army
Annual ar a z a B l l Fa Saturday, October 24 10am – 3pm 325 Sixth Street, New Westminster Supporting the programs of The Salvation Army in New Westminster.
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
19 first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, “My God. I’ve got to give up drinking! Look at the test they’re giving now.” I DIDN’T DO IT Jimmy: Would you punish me for some thing I didn’t do? Teacher: no, of course not. Jimmy: good, because I didn’t do my homework. SCHOOL ZONE A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.” THE PROOF A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbour owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”
“Do you have any proof he owes you the money,” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!” A DOG WITH SKILLS A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, “Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please”. The barman says, “Wow, that’s amazing! You should join the circus!” The dog replies, “Why? Do they need electricians?” THE SALES JOB I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, “I want you to try and sell this to me.” So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, “Bring it back here right now!” I said, “$500 and it’s yours.”
Hyack Square Commemorative Bricks Commemorative bricks are available for public purchase for $200, and can be inscribed with two lines of text. Commemorative bricks are on sale until January 6, 2016. Those interested in ordering a brick can find the order form at City Hall, any recreational facility, or by emailing pcr@newwestcity.ca. Questions can be directed to 604-515-3827.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
H
One thing that definitely has helped was the Dynamic Fitness staff, the knowledgeable personal trainers and the encouragement ! Each and every day I come in the staff are cheerful, friendly and even ask what type of workout I was doing that day. The staff has helped me learn new exercises as well improving some classics. They have got to know me and my daily routines, we have a
It started with my diet, being a manager at the Columbia Square Boston Pizza I was tempted all the time with great food and pizza and believe me when I say this, tempted is an understatement when you see those great smelling and tasting pizza’s coming out of the oven how could I resist? However I’ve always believed everything is fine in moderation (even Boston Pizza), I started to watch my sugar intake, no empty calories or junk food, lower fat meals and one of the most important factors is smaller portions not seconds or thirds filling me up, as well I started a slow and steady exercise/workout regiment which is also half the battle. I’m not new to fitness or the gym at all, growing up surrounded by sports and athletes, (it had just been a few years) so I am very aware of what I needed to do, as well what works and generally speaking how to do it.
I joined Dynamic Health and Fitness June 1st, 2015 and began my weight loss/ feel good journey and this has turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time for myself!
aving grown up being an athlete I had always been involved in athletics on a junior and then a varsity level, however as I started to age my body started slowing down and the weight started to slowly but surely pack on. As of May of this year (2015) I hit a new low — I was terribly out of shape as I had put on over 40lbs in the last 2 years. I finally decided something had to change, I was not used to being so overweight, I was miserable, I hated the way I looked and I needed to do something about it now before I gained another 10 lbs and another year of my life — no more procrastinating any longer. Now all I needed to do was to make a plan on how I could shed the weight and just do it!
Name: DEREK NEILSON Age: 40 Active Member Since: JUNE 1, 2015
~ Derek Neilson
I look forward to seeing what I can accomplish in another 3 months and with an amazing amount of support from Dynamic Health and Fitness, my friends, coworkers and family… thank you — with hard work and commitment — “Anything is possible!!” Good luck to anyone and everyone starting a weight loss/feel good journey like myself!
The one thing I will stress is there is no magic bullet, magic diet, magic potion for losing weight, what you put into it is what you will get out of it and more. To say it has been easy would not be true at all if it was easy everyone would be doing it! There were many times in the last 3.5 months that I felt like not going to the gym but I had a goal in mind and stuck to it — which is the hardest thing to do — stick to it! I knew inside me that just needed to commit the time and energy and I knew it would eventually happen and it has!! As of September 15th, 2015, I’ve been coming in regularly to do some sort of exercise, so for the last 12+ weeks straight I have slowly dropped 40 lbs and gone from an embarrassing 245 lbs down to 205 lbs… and counting!
fitness levels in regards to weight training, cardio machines and a multitude of classes — getting bored with a routine hasn’t been possible.
Send your health, nutrition and fitness questions to Dynamic Health and Fitness or Luke Ramnath via Facebook. If your question appears here, you can win great Dynamic Health and Fitness gear!
604-521-TRIM
(8746)
(New Westminster Skytrain Station)
2 Hou rs FREE Parkin g
FIRST TIME VISITORS ONLY. Call for an appointment. Must be 18 years or older. Not valid with other offers. Expires October 31/15.
WITH THIS AD
10 DAYS $ 00 for 10
Ask about our “ONE ON ONE PERSONAL TRAINING SPECIAL”
www.dynamichealthandfitness.ca
New Location
• YOGA • ZUMBA • SPINNING
#335 - 800 Carnarvon St., New Westminster
• AEROBICS • INFRARED SAUNA • PERSONAL TRAINING
Clean, Private, Service Oriented Fitness... For Men and Women
The Only Co-ed and Ladies Only Fitness in New Westminster
mutual respect for each other which I appreciate since most gyms do not care about the client like I have witnessed at Dynamic! I look forward to seeing them each and every day I’m there. The club offers so many options for all different age groups and
THE EDUCATOR A private school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lip stick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers… and then there are educators. HOW TO SCREW A manufacturing plant was in full swing one day. The company’s massive machine was humming along, taking in the raw materials at one end and churning out the finished product at the other. All of a sudden, the machine stopped and ground to a halt. Workers climbed all over it like ants to get it started again. The plant’s manager stormed out of his office to find out why his multi-million- dollar machine wasn’t making him any money. He listened to his people saying they couldn’t figure it out, and he told them to call a technician. Soon a tech arrived, and the manager frantically explained to him that he needed his machine back as soon as possible. The technician listened patiently, took one look at the massive hulk of motionless metal, and immediately walked over to a small panel, opening a tiny door inside to see a screw. The technician took a screwdriver and turned the screw one-quarter turn to the right, and the machine suddenly came back to life as if nothing was wrong. The manager hurried over to thank the technician, shook his hand, and asked what he owed him for saving his company. The technician answered, “$100,000.00”. The manager looked at him and said, “You were here less than two minutes and just turned one screw. How can you charge so much? Give me an itemized bill.” The technician calmly wrote out on a piece of paper: -Turning of one screw: $1.00. -Knowing which screw to turn: $99,999.00. October 2015
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
23
PIFFLE’S 15TH ANNIVERSARY
By Lori Pappajohn appy Birthday Piffle! That’s right, this spiffy Piffle magazine just celebrated its 15th anniversary. And that’s pretty darn good for an independent publication swimming in a sea of corporately-owned publications. The Piffle was started in 2000 by New Westminster resident Ron Loftus, a former Salmonbellies lacrosse player (“Pogo”) who won two Mann Cups. Ron loved the newspaper business. He’d worked at the old Columbian newspaper (starting in 1957) and then was assistant sports editor at the Vancouver Sun for 35 years. In the early 1980s, while still at the Sun, Ron founded The Royal City Record — that’s how badly he wanted his hometown to have its own voice. Later, during his retirement years, Ron got the itch to get back in the media biz, so he started the Piffle. Why a name that means ‘nonsense and trivial talk’? “I don’t know — it just came to me — hit me like a bolt of lightening,” laughs Ron who is now 77 and lives in New Westminster with his wife Darlene. “I just wanted to create something that was easy to read, had some jokes and would give people a laugh. It was for laughs — not for any great knowledge. “The reaction to the Piffle was unbelievable. I didn’t think I’d get that many fans right away. But every time the magazine came out, people were waiting for it.” Local realtor Ed Goss has been a Piffle advertiser since the first edition. “Ron is just a nice genuine guy. When I earned my Real Estate licence, Ron sent some business my way, so when he started Piffle, I supported him as an advertiser”, said Ed. Other first-publication advertisers were realtor Lowell Quesnel, The Waffle House, Sweetie’s Gourmet Food, and Essence Boutique & Beauty Salon. Ron sold the Piffle in 2004 to Chris Sargent who published his first issue in October of that year. Chris, too, had worked at the Columbian newspaper back in the good old days. Then he’d been one of Ron’s first reporters at The Royal City Record. Later, he sold Piffle ads for Ron. So when the Piffle came up for sale, Chris figured he might as well buy it. “At first I wasn’t interested, but Ron applied his Irish charm with a promise to teach me how to be a publisher,” said Chris. So the two Sapperton boys made the deal. At the time Ron noted of the sale price: “The money kept me in coffee for at least a week.” cont on p24
H
Join us for “Poetic Justice” at The Heritage Grill, Back Room, most Sundays, 3-5 p.m. Visit www.poeticjustice.ca for all the latest events.
October in New Westminster! © Ariadne Sawyer Brilliant leaves released from the grip of trees Orange, yellow, red, creating a symphony of visual delights As we walk, they crunch under foot. Heralding the promise of winter Enjoying the wondrous harvest at the Farmer’s Market Tart apples, colourful displays, smells, tastes Friendly vendors showcasing nature’s bounty At Halloween, ghosts, goblins, spooky forms of mystery Figments of man’s imagination abound Ready to scare, surprise and create wonder Walks along the Quay A fall brisk wind massaging our hair as it ripples in the breeze Sharing the smiles of the walkers. A Mosaic of New Westminster
Ariadne Sawyer, MA, CC is an award winner, author of three books, a speaker, and radio host and producer. She currently is creating programs for a film school and other projects. Winner of the $5,000 prestigious MacLean Hunter award for programs of excellence. Ariadne is the president of the World Poetry Reading Series Society, co-host and co-founder of World Poetry (www.worldpoetry.ca) Founder and organizer of World Poetry Canada International. Her upcoming book is Love Poems to the World. www.ariadnepeakperformanceplus.net
POET’S CORNER with
JANET KVAMMEN DIRECTOR, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems for this column by emailing Janet: janetkvammen@rclas.com
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
24
Call Liza for a personalized reading today!
778-898-2146
HOROSCOPES by LIZA
OCT 2015
ARIES: You know you are right, just don’t beat people over the head to believe in your views. Expand your mind and open up new dimensions for yourself. TAU R U S : Te nsions may a rise in re ga rds to values and objects such as proper t y or possessions. There will be a death of the old and a birth of the new. GEMINI: Compromise is important within all relationships. Fights with partners may come to play during this time. Avoid all needless controversy.
Chris’ first edition was eight pages with a press run of 3,500. Now the Piffle is 40 pages with a press run of 9,000. “I think the reason for the growth is that I offer affordable advertising rates and a product that folks look forward to picking up each month,” says Chris. “It hasn’t been easy being up against publishing giants in competition for advertising dollars. But I believe in small business — and I think that passion shines through in my dealings with other small businesses in our city.” Meanwhile, it’s onwards and upwards for a publication developed by the two Sapperton boys. Happy Anniversary Piffle! cont from p23
Piffle’s MATH MADNESS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE
CANCER: Your daily life really picks up speed. Share what you feel instead of bottling it all up. Do something physical in order to avoid health problems. LEO: All love relationships grow more intense. Let your energies roam where they may before you settle into a plan of action. Children play a significant role. VIRGO: Working hard around your home will reap benefits in the future. However, controversies within the home may arise. Avoid fights with your mate. LIBRA: Neighbors and relatives may get on your nerves during this time. Try not defending your ideas but incorporating them with others ideas. Your mind is active.
PIFFLE’S
HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?
SCORPIO: Your financial position is not a sign of your personal wealth. Disputes over property may arise. Don’t shove your beliefs down other peoples throats. SAGITTARIUS: You now have the chance to show the world what you can do. You may have to fight for your rights. If so, do it diplomatically. C A P R I C O R N : Ta ke a l o o k a t yo u r p a s t behaviors and make note what has not worked for you. A good time to work alone or in a social field helping others. AQUARIUS: A time to formulate your goals and go after them with gusto. All group activities will work in your benefi t. Problems with friends may arise. PISCES: Authority figures may try to block you during this time. Stand down to any arguments or flare ups. It’s not worth the battle at all.
October 2015
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
25 THE AUCTION Ronnie spots a parrot and decides to bid for it and so Ronnie starts off with 50 Dollars. Auctioneer: 50 Dollars Voice: 100 Dollars Ronnie: 200 Dollars Voice: 300 Dollars Ronnie: 400 Dollars Voice: 750 Dollars Ronnie: 800 Dollars Auctioneer 800 going once, twice and the parrot is sold. Ronnie to the Auctioneer “I hope this Parrot can speak as I have spent a lot of money on it.” Auctioneer Laughing: “Who do you think was Bidding against you. LOCKED Caller: Hey, can you help me? My computer has locked up, and no matter how many times I type eleven, it won’t unfreeze. Agent: What do you mean, “type eleven?” Caller: The message on my screen says, “Error Type 11!”
THE FLAT One night 4 MBA students were outing till late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the dean. The dean said that this was a special condition test. All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks: Q.1. Write down your name – (2 marks) Q.2. Which tyre burst? — (98 marks) TIRED Q: Why was the computer tired when he got home? A: Because he had a hard drive.
gabor gasztonyi Classic Portraits Studio & Gallery
Professional Photographers of Canada Member
PHOTOGRAPHY
778-397-1449
studio portraits • event photography • photo restoration • commercial • custom picture framing
730 – 12th St, New Westminster | www.gaborphotography.com The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
26
?
Discover, explore, and satisfy your curiosity at the Curious Flea. This isn’t your grandmother’s flea market. Retro chic, mid centry modern, 50’s kitsch, up-cycled treasures, steampunk finds, and everything in between grace our curious halls. An appraiser is available onsite to help you figure out what fabulously curious treasures you may have! Now organized by Bits and Keys. This season’s flea promises to be even bigger and better! There’s always something to discover at the Curious Flea!
Saturday, Oct 10th Saturday & Sunday Nov 14 th & 15th Saturday, Dec 12th SATURDAY 10am - 5pm
SUNDAY 11am - 4pm
FREE GENERAL ADMISSION For more info visit:
river market.ca/events
@curiousflea
@rivermrkt
810 Quayside Drive, New Westminster, BC 604.520.3881 so are you curious enough to check it out? October 2015
THE MAGICIAN A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the captain’s parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it… with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day… and then 2 days and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said… “OK, I give up. Where’s the ship?” CITY FOLKS “Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns,” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ‘em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.” NOT ENOUGH The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother: “What did you learn today?” Kid: “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.” THE NATURE OF GOD A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time, and the Universe. He asks God, “How long is a billion years to you?” God says, “A billion years is like a second to me.” The man asks, “Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
27 God says, “A billion dollars is like a penny to me.” So the man says, “God, can I have a penny?” And God replies, “In a sec.” THAT’S MY DAD Teacher: Johnny, if you had $5 and you asked your father for $3 more, how many dollars would you have? Johnny: I would have five dollars… Teacher: You don’t know your arithmetic, Johnny… Johnny: You don’t know my father, Mrs. Mutch… JUST FOR THE SCOTS Q: What do you call a Scottish iPhone? A: An AyePhone. IT’S NOT YOUR FACE A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”
Lunch Specials EVERYDAY (both Chinese and W estern dishes)
441 East Columbia Street New Westminster, BC
Ladies Auxiliary Fun(d) Raiser Thursday, October 29th, 2015 6:00 PM Buffet at Chan’s Garden 441 E. Columbia, New West • Door Prize • 50/50 • Silent Auction • Proceeds to Rick Hansen Foundation
604-521-1871
10% OFF for pick-up orders over $15.00
FREE DELIVERY everyday starting at 4:30pm (within a 5km distance & a minimum order of $18.00)
“Having Fun... Fund Raising... People Helping People.”
Call Joan for Tickets
604-521-2391
OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK 11:00am – 10:00pm Closed Tuesdays
cont on p27
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
28 THE 7 YEAR OLD I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today. We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It’s a frickin’ Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. “What did you just call it?” I asked. “It’s a frickin’ Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant. COMMUNICATION “HEAD” QUARTERS A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife, “Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!! What happened, did you run out of toilet paper? No, restart the router, please!
AUTO WASH STARTING AT
$6
Seniors Welcome!
Sylvia Jordi
LPN, BBA Foot Care Nurse
House Calls • Care Homes • Hospitals
604 341 4378 Info@FootCareHomeCall.com
FootCareHomeCall.com
IT’S WHAT YOU SAID The teacher said to Danny: “Why are you in the floor?” Danny said: “Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables.” A TWO BIT FIGHT One night, Loftus the Irishman was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Loftus and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Loftus put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Loftus’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Loftus was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Loftus why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents. “Was that all you wanted?” Loftus replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in me shoe!” F5 I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing. GONE Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
“SENIORS WELCOME” WEEKLY ROLLER SETS & PERMS AVAILABLE
CALL TERESA 604-522-9633
October 2015
THE PSYCHIATRIST VIEW A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly, the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, “And what do we have here, a little snake? | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
29 Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake…” The man shook his head. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice your legs. You’re a dragon, right?” The man shook his head again angrily. “Sorry… a worm?” The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. “I’m the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!” SUPPORT Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.” Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?” Customer: “Netscape.” Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?” Customer: “Uhhh… Hewlett Packard?” Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.” Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!” THE ROBBERS Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!” The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!” The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.” THE SNAIL A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can’t help laughing and eventually says “Don’t you know there aren’t any apples on the tree yet?” “Yes,” said the snail, “but there will be by the time I get up there.”
Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
30 ENJOY LOCAL ART IN THE GALLERY AT QUEEN’S PARK
D
The Gallery at Queen’s Park at Centennial Lodge
Tues - Sun 1pm - 5pm 604 525 3244
MICROSOFT AND THE MIDDLE EAST Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “I have been trapped for 1000 years. As a reward you can make a wish.” Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage. Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of the Middle East. “This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years. What I wish for is peace in the Middle East.” The Genie replies, “I don’t know I can do a lot, but this? Don’t you have another wish?” Bill Gates thinks and finally says, OK. The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes. I wish you would make everybody love us. The Genie says, “Let me see that map again.” WORK WITH ME JOE A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God October 2015
on’t miss the end of the Bill Edmond’s exhibition on until October 7th at The Gallery at Queen’s Park. October continues with a Pop-up exhibition by Queensborough’s Artist in the Boro. Their exhibition “Across the River” is on display on October 10th and 11th from 11:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. An artist reception will be held on Saturday from 1:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. 16 Queensborough artists will have their works on display a part of this group exhibition. New Westminster photographer Adam Gibbs displays his works October 13th through to November 6th. Be sure to meet him in person at his artist reception on October 18th from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. Adam’s photography has been displayed in Gardens West, “Planet Earth” published by the BBC, Nature’s Best and Outdoor Photographer.
The Gallery at Queen’s Park is open Tuesday-Sunday 1:00-5:00 p.m. Visit www.artscouncilnewwest.org for details.
for help. He begins to pray... “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.” Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays... “God, please let me win the lottery! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.” Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck. Once again, he prays... “My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.” Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.” PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. “You should give that money to charity,” said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, “No, I’ll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity.” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
31
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
32
An exciting opportunity for the residents of New Westminster to learn about your emergency services, your community safety agencies, and fire safety!
• Live Demonstrations • Equipment Displays
• Fire Safety House • Sparky the Fire Dog
New West Firefighters’ Charitable BBQ – by donation (all proceeds to New Westminster Firefighters’ Charitable Society)
TWO PROGRAMMERS Two programmers after work, talking in a pub. “You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar.” “And what did you do?” “I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her.” “Are you kidding me? And what did you do then?” “I got her blouse and her dress off and then I got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop.” “Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?” RESULTS A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven. Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.” The preacher is shocked and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!” St. Peter responds matterof-factly, “This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.” THE CENTIPEDE A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!”
FREE ADMISSION!
Say Hi to Sparky! October 2015
BYLAW SNIPPET YOU SHOULD KNOW…
FIRE PROTECTION BYLAW (6940 – 26.1, 26.1.1)
No person shall at any time, offer for sale or sell Low Hazard Fireworks anywhere within the City of New Westminster.
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
33 The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.” He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He’s absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.” The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later… no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede. 30 minutes later… no centipede.
By this point the man is wondering what’s going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later… still no centipede! He can’t imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front door, opens it… and there’s the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What’s the matter?!” The centipede says, “I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!” THE BANK Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. “Suppose we open a savings account for you,” mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.” Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for ‘Name of your former bank.’ After a slight hesitation, she put down ‘Piggy.’
LEGION NO.2 MEAT BINGO THURS AT 6PM
FRI IS FREE SNACK NIGHT!
631 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER
BOB MARLOW FRI & SAT OCT 30 & 31
MIKE FROM LONE STRANGER
SATURDAY, OCT 10
KARAOKE WITH CAL DONNELLY THURS & FRI AT 6:30PM Except Oct 30 & 31
MEAT DRAWS: FRI 5PM, 6PM & 6:45PM SAT 4:30PM, 5:30PM, 6:30PM Royal Canadian Legion No.2, 604-522-4522
MEMBERS & GUESTS WELCOME! A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
34
KID’S CORNER with
ISAIAH
Q: What do you call a single vampire? A: A bat-chelor. Q: When is it bad luck to meet a black cat? A: When you are a mouse. Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? A: You sure are Boo-tiful! Q: Why are vampires tough to get along with? A: Because they can be pains in the neck! Q: What do you get when you plant kisses? A: Two lips. Q: What did one toilet say to the other? A: You look a bit flushed. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel. Q: We’re you long in the hospital? A: No, I was the same size I am now! October 2015
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator? A: I think I’m coming down with something! Q: Which hand is it better to write with? A: Neither, it’s best to write with a pen! Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? A: Because then it would be a foot! Q: What makes the calendar seem so popular? A: Because it has a lot of dates! Q: How do you cure a headache? A: Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear! Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck! Q: What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive? A: A minnie van!
THE TROOPER GRANTED HIS WISH A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding. When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says “What’s the problem, sir?” The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying “You don’t speak to a state trooper unless you’re spoken to.” The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds “Thanks a lot.” The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says, “When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir.” He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight. The kid says “What was that for, sir?” The trooper says “I was just fulfilling your wish. Y’all wouldn’t have gotten 100 yards down this road before you’d have said to your friend, ‘I wish he’d have hit me with that flashlight’, so I fulfilled your wish.” WANTED A man walks into the sheriff’s office… “I want to become a deputy!”
Signs & Printing
High Quality Namebadges to Promote Your Brand and Identity.
We have many styles available and can even produce custom shapes and sizes. A wide variety of colours and materials are available. Durable inks for imprinting your logo. We have a wide range of colour options available Traditional Finish - Metallic Finish. Laser Cut / Engraved Room Numbers/Identification Signs A variety of colours, typestyles and sizes available. Including 3D lettering.
Fire Door and Stairwell Signs
Signage to meet any guidelines and building codes.
Evacuation Plans
Full colour plans on metallic, white or clear backgrounds, with or without protective acrylic sheets.
Door Sliders
A variety of colours, typestyles and holder finishes available
Washroom Signs
A variety of colours and sizes available all conforming to pictogram standards.
Direction Signs
We create custom signs on all kinds of materials; Sintra, Lamicoid, plywood, coroplast.
604 521-1295 Email: info@canengrave.com 601 Queens Avenue New Westminster, BC www.canengrave.com | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
35 “Good, I want to you to catch this man” says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster. The poster reads: ‘Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.’ “What’s he wanted for,” asked the hopeful young man. “Rustling.” THE CHURCH PROJECT There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.” SAVE MONEY Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won’t wear my shoes out so fast. WE ALL ARE We’re all self-made but only the rich and successful like to admit it.
OIL TANK REMOVAL
• Serving the Lower Mainland since 2003 • A+ Rating with the Better Business Bureau of Mainland BC • Fair prices, references, fully insured • Free written estimates
Call Steve at 604-724-3670 stormworks@stormworks.ca
www.stormworks.ca
2016
Nevada Vancouver-Laughlin 13 Day Casino Tour Single $789.00 - Double $689.00 - Triple $589.00 - Quad $489.00
March 13 & October 16, 2016
* 2 Nights in La Grande, Oregon * 4 Nights in Wendover, Nevada * 6 Nights in Laughlin, Nevada * 9 Free Buffets * 4 Free Coupon Books + Points * 1 Grand Canyon Side Tour * 1 Free Las Vegas Day Side Tour * Oatman & Lake Havasu, Arizona * Bullhead City, Arizona New Reno 7 Days - April 2 & Sept 24, 2016 - $409.00 pp. Wendover 7 Days - June 12 & Sept 11, 2016 - $339.00 pp. * Discounts Available *
Let’s Go!
Toll Free 1.855.764.8500
www.tourhero.ca
Honestly driven. 604-517-1230 oktirenw@shaw.ca 325A 12th Street New Westminster
Check out our seasonal specials! ANDREW LOCHHEAD, GM
c) Wayne Gretzky holds the record for most career points in the NHL. He scored 2,857 points in 20 years.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
36 BANK ROBBERY The RCMP was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit: “Did you notice anything special about the man,” asks the Mountie. “Yes,” replied the teller. “He was better dressed each time.” A POLICEMAN’S BELLY BUTTON What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest!
YOUR TROPIC SNORKELLING CENTRE!
Over 40 Years Serving the Snorkeling & Scuba Community
604.524.1188
825 McBride Blvd, New Westminster www.diveandsea.com
BREAKFAST • LUNCH • DINNER • DAILY SPECIALS
604-524-8118 Open 7 days a week!
636 Sixth Street Mon to Sat 7am – 8pm New Westminster Sun/Holidays 8am – 8pm
wafflehouserestaurant.com
Dan Murphy
OWNER / PERSONAL TRAINER m. 604-349-8042 e. danmurphyfitness@gmail.com w. www.danmurphyfitness.ca 2020 Haro Street Vancouver, BC V 6G 1J3
October 2015
ASK THE BRANCH MANAGER If money doesn’t grow on trees why do banks have branches? HEALTH & MONEY My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. GLASSES A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.” The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.” The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!” IT’S A DEAL Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun. BORROWING Never borrow money from optimists… they always expect to get it back. SERVICE WAS POOR I’m not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned over and pushed me. FAMILY Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
HOUSEKEEPERS NEEDED!
B U S I N E S S D I R E C T O R Y
25
$
/issue
Phone John today!
604-657-5600 Email
johnashdown@piffle.ca
Yo like a “Mr
Pro!
Yoyo Th r
ower ” on Yo
MOON CONSTRUCTION
be uTu
Lessons,
Birthday Parties, Yoyo Performances!
778-789-1117 mryoyothrower@gmail.com
www.mryoyothrower.com
Merry Maids is a growing business and needs hard working, trustworthy, and dedicated friendly staff. Completive wages offered. Apply at #426-604 Columbia St, New West
Additions • Renovations New Construction
Specializing In
• Concrete • Forming • Framing • Siding
604-218-3064
All your carpentry & handyman needs
Freedomfire Full Gospel International Ministries ❖ International Ministries ❖ Youth and Children’s Sunday School ❖ School of Leaders / G12 Vision / Encounter God Retreats ❖ Weekly Home Cell Meetings 64 8th St New Westminster Email: freedomfireband@telus.net revival@telus.net Office: 604-558-5824 Cell: 604-877-0662
BE PART OF PIFFLE’S NEW BUSINESS DIRECTORY!
• Honest & Reliable • Careful & Efficient • Fully Equip 3 or 5 Ton Truck • Reasonable Rates
604.562.4637 laramoving.ca
Get your message out to the community all year round for as little as
25
$
/mo
Contact John Ashdown
604-657-5600 johnashdown@piffle.ca
New Westminster
Senior Helper Laundry & Light House Keeping
$20 hr Call Karen
778-789-3659
Mount Calvary Lutheran Church 701 - 6th St, New Westminster Divine Service & Sunday School: 11:00 am Sundays
Rev. James K. Kim
Tel: 604-521-2007
“Good clean cars, reasonably priced!”
301-12th St, New West
Safety for Seniors!
604-377-5889
43 6th St,
New Westminster OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 9:30AM – 6:30PM
604.525.4566
renbooks@telus.net renaissancebookstore.com
Knox Presbyterian Church
403 E Columbia St, New West
604.524.6712
The Rev. Richard Watson, Minster
Regular Sunday Service at 11am
38 THE ROOKIE A Sergeant bawled out a rookie. “Did you watch all of the exits like I told you?” “Yep,” the rookie answered. “I think he must have left by one of the entrances! THE LOAN ARANGER Ted said to his friend, “can you lend me $10?” “But I only have $8,” his friend replied. “That’s OK, you can always owe me the other $2!”
on the Fraser Cruise
Give a memorable gift of adventure!
Gift certificates available. Includes
champagne at SPACE IS LIMITED, BOOK YOUR HOLIDAY CRUISE TODAY! midnight, party favours,
604-525-4465 or email info@vancouverpaddlewheeler.com hors d’oeuvres Westminster Quay • 780 Quayside Dr, New Westminster
Visit www.VancouverPaddlewheeler.com for more cruises!
“Let’s Get Ahead Together”
Roveen Kandola Real Estate Transaction Specialist
604-644-7653(SOLD) October 2015
CRYING OUTSIDE William: May I have some money for the man crying outside? Mum: What crying man ? William: The one that’s crying, ‘Ice cream! Ice Cream!’ MONEY’S HANDY “Money frees you from doing things you dislike, since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.” Groucho Marx THE STOCKBROKER A stockbroker opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the stockbroker was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You stockbrokers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!”, retorted the officer. “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!” “Oh no!”, replied the stockbroker, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. “Where’s my Rolex???!!!” SHIRTS Don’t spend money having your shirts laundered. Donate them to a charity shop, then when they’ve cleaned them, buy them back. WE CAN TALK ANOTHER TIME The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?” “Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
39
“Let’s Get Ahead Together”
NEW HOME H
ello, my name is Roveen Kandola and although I was born in Williams Lake, BC, my family and I have been proud residents of New Westminster since 1992. Along with completing my education through Queen Elizabeth Elementary School, New Westminster Secondary School, and Douglas College, I was also very involved in sports. At the age of six, I started playing for the Royal City Soccer Club, where my father’s love for the sport inspired him to become a coach for our team. When I took up wrestling in high school, my father was again there to help guide me through a sport he knew very intimately. As I prepared for college my father found a new muse in my youngest sister, who was the provincial champion in the high jump for NWSS in 2012. Again, my father has found another coaching position, but this time with the New West Spartans Track and Field Club. My positive experiences with sports in the local community compelled me to become more actively involved in many community projects throughout the Lower Mainland. I volunteer with a society that provides free meals for the hungry, toys and school supplies for underprivileged kids, support programs for youth and women in shelters, collecting food for our local food banks, and providing support to seniors. Additionally, I am a proud contributor to the United Way, a recognizable organization that strives to better the quality of life for all of those who need support within our community.
s e u MADNESScontin “Let’s Get Ahead Together”
530 Richmond Street, New Westminster
My curiosity for real estate developed at the age of 13, when I observed my father build and sell a house for the first time. It was fascinating to physically see the results of a hard day’s work. A crew could walk onto a building site where there was nothing and by the end of the day the framework was complete. Suddenly, as if magically, these raw resources had transformed into a place that could be called home. After graduating high school I explored many trades associated with construction, and these gave me better understanding and respect for the development and building process. Now when I walk through a house I know which details to pay more attention to prior to asking my clients to arrange for a building inspection. With my increasing knowledge and involvement with the construction industry, I can generally speculate what the costs for renovations or new construction may be.
E
N
A BR
W
E N D
M HO
• Custom built• 6 bdrms, 2 kitchens, 4.5 baths • 3300sq ft home on a 6000 sq ft lot with stunning Real estate is engaging for me because I essentially do what cupid does; I match the right home with the right views buyer. I love meeting new people and helping them make major decisions through investment real estate to achieve financial security. For nine out of the ten years that I have worked as a realtor with Re/Max Real Estate Services, I have been in the top 10% of all realtors in the Greater Vancouver area. I have sold overwarranty hundreds ofincluded homes throughout the • 2-5-10 Lower Mainland and a handful of commercial properties too. I am an accredited Senior Real Estate Specialist, and am working towards my CCIM designation, which is an internationally recognized commercial real estate designation. Moreover, I am currently building a team of professionals to assist me in my practice.
This 3 storey home features include ac, radiant floor heating, HRV, stainless steel appliances, 2 ca My goal is to provide a stress-free, informative, and non-pressured real estate experience that surpasses any kind of service that you have ever been provided with before. So the detached garage with 2 piece washroom and sep next time you have questions regarding real estate, feel free to give me a call. I am always happy to take your calls and provide you with invaluable guidance. I bring technical skills electric panel, 2 car attached garage, long private and an honest approach to what is one of the most significant investments of your life. Do not hesitate to call a familiar face and a name you know you can driveway trust. through lane access with remote control +GST Sincerely, motorized gate for privacy, 2 indoor fireplaces, 1 outdoor fireplace, 2 master bedrooms, open con tchen and living area backing onto outdoor living space (perfect for entertaining with fantastic views to the east, Roveen Kandola uartz countertops, 2 bdrm legal suite with theatre room on basement level, built in gutters, concrete window wells taining walls, extensive drops and finishing work, fancy light fixtures and rope lighting, will be nicely landscaped a ivate yard, cameras and security rough RealinEstate Services
$1,425,000
Independently Owned and Operated
you would like a preview of this new home before it hits the market please give us a call so that we can Roveen rrange a private showing for you atKandola your convenience. Otherwise please look forward to our first Open Hou Real Estate Transaction Specialist n Oct 4, 2015, 2-4pm. Refreshments will be provided. Cell: 604-644-7653 (SOLD) roveenkandola@remax.net Proud sponsor of
2014
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
Real Estate Services
#410 North Tower 650 West 41st Ave. Vancouver, BC V5Z 2
“Let’s Get Ahead Together”
NEW HOME
s e u n i MADNESScont EW DN
530 Richmond Street, New Westminster
E OM
H
• Custom built• 6 bdrms, 2 kitchens, 4.5 baths • 3300sq ft home on a 6000 sq ft lot with stunning B views • 2-5-10 warranty included This 3 storey home features include ac, radiant floor heating, HRV, stainless steel appliances, 2 car detached garage with 2 piece washroom and separate electric panel, 2 car attached garage, long private driveway through lane access with remote control +GST motorized gate for privacy, 2 indoor fireplaces, 1 outdoor fireplace, 2 master bedrooms, open concept kitchen and living area backing onto outdoor living space (perfect for entertaining with fantastic views to the east, quartz countertops, 2 bdrm legal suite with theatre room on basement level, built in gutters, concrete window wells and retaining walls, extensive drops and finishing work, fancy light fixtures and rope lighting, will be nicely landscaped and private yard, cameras and security rough in
RAN
$1,425,000
If you would like a preview of this new home before it hits the market please give us a call so that we can arrange a private showing for you at your convenience. Otherwise please look forward to our first Open House on Oct 4, 2015, 2-4pm. Refreshments will be provided.
Real Estate Services Independently Owned and Operated
#410 North Tower 650 West 41st Ave. Vancouver, BC V5Z 2M9
Roveen Kandola Real Estate Transaction Specialist Cell:
Proud sponsor of
2014
604-644-7653 (SOLD)
roveenkandola@remax.net
Introducing WAVES to Uptown New West.
2 for1
We like making delicious, handcrafted beverages so much that we wanted to make you two!
valid at
Buy one drink and get a second drink of equal or lesser value for free. Expires October 15, 2015.
www.wavescoffee.com
all Waves Coffee locations.
6th and 6th, Uptown New Westminster