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December 2015 Issue #183
The Castle Pub Friendly Staff Tasha & Tyra Welcomes You: P9
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Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a joyous New Year!
Please join me at my Annual Christmas Party
Saturday, December 12th 2:00PM – 4:00PM
Second Street Community School 7502 2nd St (at 16th Ave) Burnaby A donation of non-perishable food would be appreciated.
Peter Julian’s Community Office: 7615 Sixth St, Burnaby, BC V3N 3M6
For more information:
604-775-5707
Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca
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Please join me to celebrate the festive season at my annual Holiday Open House There will be refreshments, music, and holiday crafts and activities for kids. Bring your family and friends!
Thursday, December 10th, 4 pm to 7 pm Judy Darcy’s Constituency Office, 737 Sixth St, New Westminster
Judy Darcy, MLA
EMAIL December 2015
judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca PHONE 604-775-2101 | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
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We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
Sargent’s Word Search ������������������������������������������������������������ 2 Imperial Pharmacy Community Page ������������������������������������� 7 Locally Published Since 2000 Fourth floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5
The Castle: Your Friendly Neighbourhood Grill ����������� 9 & 11 Winter Harp Returns to Massey Theatre ����������������������������� 10
Chris Sargent 604-525-9027
ACNW Update: Time to put some Art on Your List! ��������������17
Owner & Publisher Email: chrissargent@piffle.ca
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John Ashdown 604-657-5600 Verne Siebert 604-763-6304 Email: sales@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca
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Sargent’s Math Madness ����������������������������������������������������� 18 A-Maze-In ������������������������������������������������������������������������������ 18 Ask An Expert: Dynamic Health and Fitness ����������� 20 & 21 Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen ������������������������������������� 23 Horoscopes by Liza ��������������������������������������������������������������� 24 Piffle Quiz ������������������������������������������������������������������������������ 24 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah �������������������������������������������������������� 30 Piffle Quiz Answer ����������������������������������������������������������������� 35 Piffle Business Directory ������������������������������������������������������ 36
Happy Holidays FROM MAYOR AND COUNCIL
December 2015
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5 LECTURE TOUR WITH A DIFFERENCE On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?” asked the police officer. “I’m on my way to a lecture,” answered Roger. “And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?” enquired the constable sarcastically. “My wife,” slurred Daniel grimly.
PLANNING A REUNION? THE WAFFLE MAY BE THE VENUE YOUR LOOKING FOR!
CALL ROBERT FOR MORE INFORMATION
604-524-8118
636 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER
A NEW YEAR PRAYER FOR THE ELDERLY God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones that I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference. MODERN TIMES As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”
Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers
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Here Comes Santa, Here Comes Santa, Right up...
“The Eagles Lane”
The Fraternal Order of Eagles #20 Christmas for Kids (up to 10 years)
Friday, December 11 3:00 PM – 6:00 PM
707 12th St, New Westminster
Must Register 604-838-2675 marjorieam@shaw.ca
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When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
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December 2015
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SLIDE SHOW: STORIES OF NEW WEST
December 9, 7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. Free for 43 years the New Westminster Public Library has presented travelogues from around the world by local photographers in its popular Travel Slide Show series. But some of the best stories happen right in our own backyard. For 24 years, New Westminster photojournalist Mario Bartel used his camera to tell the city’s stories, introduce residents to the city’s characters, from the political hoi-polloi to workers trying to make life better for people living on the streets. He chronicled New Westminster’s transformation from SkyTrain stops most people avoided to vibrant waterfront city that is recapturing some its former glory as British Columbia’s fi rst capital. In his presentation, to be given Wednesday, December 2, 2:00 p.m. and again December 9, 7:00 p.m., Bartel will explore how community photojournalism forges connections and helps a community realize its identity. He’ll share some of the stories he told with his camera as well as some of the stories behind the stories. Bartel’s presentation launches the new season of Travel Slide Shows, which will run bi-monthly with an afternoon show the first Wednesday of the month and an evening presentation the following Wednesday. The Library is working with community member Rick Carswell to produce an important series that will alternate travelogues with presentations which will investigate local current events and topics.
2015 SANTA CLAUS PARADE December 5, 11:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. Columbia St, Downtown New West
HOMES FOR THE HOLIDAYS
December 6, 4:30 p.m. – 6:30 p.m. The Queen’s Park Healthcare Volunteer Society is hosting its third annual Homes for the Holidays fundraiser. Tickets remain $20 per person and will go on sale soon at various locations and online at www.qphf.org. A limited number of tickets are available.
Tour some of your f avour i te her i t age homes beautifully decorated for Christmas and aglow in seasonal splendour. It’s a wonderful opportunity to mix heritage and retail therapy. Items from Quintessential, the popular gift shop at Queen’s Park Care Centre, will be available for sale at several venues. All proceeds go to enhance the lives who call QPCC and adjacent William Rudd House home and also for those who visit for shortterms stays and rehabilitation programs.
A CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE
December 6, 2:00 p.m. – 4:30 p.m. 333 6th St, New Westminster “A Christmas Adventure” will entail crafts, stories about Christmas, music, games and prizes. It’s a free event, however preregistration is required. Contact Angelique 778-384-7656.
A CAELESTRA CHRISTMAS: CELTIC CHRISTMAS CHARITY CONCERT
Sunday, December 13, 7:30 p.m. (doors open at 7:00 p.m.) Queens Ave United Church, 529 Queens Ave, New Westminster 50% of every ticket sold, goes to Queens Ave United Church Fundraising! This Christmas season, join Caelestra for an evening of beautiful Yuletide music both old and new. Featuring the heavenly voice of Lyric Soprano Lambroula Maria Pappas, the Celtic fl ute of Michelle Carlisle, and the songs of Fantasy-Folk Songwriter Britta Curkovic, Caelestra will take you on a journey back in time and around the globe. With the five talented musicians performing in full medieval costume, rich vocal harmonies, and music played on flute, harp, guitars, hand drums and cello, this concer t will keep you captivated from beginning to end. Caelestra will entertain you with jigs and reels, soul-stirring ballads, sprightly renaissance tunes, and traditional Celtic and Christmas music. Don’t miss this musical holiday experience! Let Caelestra’s soaring
Celtic melodies and tribal rhythms, wrap you in joyful tales of fantasy, and the hope of the festive season! Ticket Prices: 20 Adults, $15 Seniors/ Students, $10 Children Purchase Tickets: Online, at www.caelestra.com, or at the door
ROBBIE BURNS GALA
The Royal City Robbie Burns Gala will take place at the Anvil Centre on Saturday, January 30, 2016. Doors open at 6:00 p.m. Dinner at 7:00 p.m. Tickets are $75.00 per person and include a formal dinner, show and silent auction. Performances by the Dowco Triumph Street Pipe Band, seven times finalist at the World Pipe Band Championships in Scotland and ranked second in North America, consecutively. This 30+ pipe band will be joined by the Michele Christie Vonge Highland Dancers. You won’t want to miss celebrating the Bard in such a grand fashion. Presented by Friendship Chapter #75 O.E.S., the Dowco Triumph Street Pipe Band and the Anvil Centre.
MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
8 IN LIEU OF GIFTS This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I’ve decided to give everyone my opinion. THE SONG SAID TO A song told me to Deck the Halls… so I did. Mr. and Mrs. Hall are not very happy.
YOUR TROPIC SNORKELLING CENTRE!
Over 40 Years Serving the Snorkeling & Scuba Community
604.524.1188
825 McBride Blvd, New Westminster www.diveandsea.com
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU HAVE NO CHANCE AT KEEPING When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL, LMAO, or ROTFLMAO!” Start using Facebook for something other than and stupid quizzes. I will stop using, “So, what’s your URL?” as a pickup line. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet. Spend less than $1000 for coffee at Starbucks this year. Stop repeating myself again, and again, and again. I will think of a password other than “password”. KEEP BELIEVING When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas! CHRISTMAS PARTIES What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day.
nw URC
New Westminster
UNITED REFORMED CHURCH
PREACHING
grace for sinners from God’s word
WORSHIP
a heartfelt offering to God
COMMUNITY
a family that walks with you Join us at New Westminster United Reformed Church newwesturc.org
December 2015
RESOLUTIONS A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN ACTUALLY KEEP Read less. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. Stop exercising. Waste of time. Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff. Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser. Procrastinate more. PEOPLE My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions. WERE YOU BORN IN SEPTEMBER? If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang! | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
THE CASTLE: YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD GRILL Story and photos by Melanie Dixon
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ocated on the site of the former BC Penitentiary, The Castle is nestled within its friendly New West neighbourhood. The last restaurant in the old gatehouse building closed in June 2014, leaving neighbours without a gathering spot. Henry Toor, owner of Oscar’s Pub in Burnaby, and full-time bus driver, came to the rescue. Its doors reopened on August 29, 2014, just in time for customers to enjoy the last few weeks of summer on the large outdoor patio. Owner Harry Toor has a lot on his plate with ownership of two restaurants and a full-time job. He relies on staff to help him out. Most of the staff have been here from the beginning, including servers Tasha and Tyra, who both used to work at the Paddlewheeler Pub. Tyra had known that something was up. She had worked at Oscar’s Pub in Burnaby for years. “I knew he was buying a place, but I didn’t know for sure until mid-August that they had purchased this place.” Tasha acknowledges, “He saw the perfect opportunity.” Many restaurants slow down in summer, but fortunately that’s not the case at the Castle. Last summer the staff were busy. Tyra believes it may be the great patio, which is the largest of its kind in New Westminster. In the winter it has a dedicated space that lights up at night, and is heated for guest’s comfort. “The covered section we make available to people if they want to sit there.” She mentioned one of Harry’s favourite quotes, “It’s the best patio in town.”
Tasha talks about how great weather was this year. “We opened our patio this year in February, I think? We had a great summer. We just shut one side down last week.” With a lot of competition around New West, a restaurant must not only have friendly staff, and a great location, but good food too. Tyra says, “The specials are awesome. You can get a pub special but you are welcome to bring your family. It’s great for the budget and your kids can come with you.” Tasha explains how the Castle is like one big family. “The staff already know what the regulars want to eat. But hopefully we leave an impression on new people.” The food is created by chefs Hercules and Fay, with cooks assisting. There is also an outdoor BBQ offering delicious grilled food during seasonal times. Tasha says, “All our burgers are homemade and a lot of our sauces our chef makes too. Our apple crumble and bread pudding is awesome.” Tyra adds, “Desserts are homemade. In the summer Fay was doing lemon meringue pies, but the best one is caramel ginger cake. Daily soups and sandwiches are made in-house. The individual blueberry pies were a hit.” Apparently Harry is fond of saying, “We have the best lamb burger in the lower mainland!” To contrast with the friendly environment, the Castle is located on the site of the former BC Penitentiary, which operated from 1878 to 1980. cont on p11
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
“ With its medieval instruments, period costumes, and centuries-old melodies, Winter Harp has the ability to transport audience members to another time and place.” ~ Shawn Conner, Vancouver Sun, 2014
WINTER HARP RETURNS TO MASSEY THEATRE
W
inter Harp brings its magic to Massey Theatre Sunday, December 6 with the Vancouver Welsh Men’s Choir. This acclaimed 80-voice choir joins with harps, flutes, percussion and rare medieval instruments for an enchanting afternoon of Christmas music. Don’t miss this — the city’s most popular Christmas concert. Tickets at 604-878-1190 (no service charge) or www.vwmc.ca or Massey Ticket Centre 604-521-5050. You can also see Winter Harp (without the choir) Dec. 16 or 17 at BlueShore Financial Theatre at Capilano University or Dec. 19 in the beautiful St. Andrew’s-Wesley United Church in Vancouver. Winter Harp is a Christmas masterpiece. Velvet gowns, golden instruments, candles, and backdrops of cathedrals and snow combine to transport you to another time and place. Says director Lori Pappajohn: “Classical and Celtic harps, flutes and rare medieval instruments, percus-
LEFT TO RIGHT: Jeff Pelletier, Lauri Lyster, Janelle Nadeau, Lori Pappajohn and Joaquin Ayala.
sion, poetry and song envelop you in the silken cloak of Christmas. Familiar carols, along with songs ancient and rare, celebrate the season and set your heart singing.” In celebration of entering its 23rd year of touring, the ensemble has released a new CD: Winter Harp Live Vol. 2. And this year Winter Harp welcomes acclaimed singer and New Westminster resident Krista Gibbard who joins the ensemble for the first time. Don’t miss this journey of pure magic — Winter Harp — where Christmas begins. Ticket information at Krista Gibbard joins the Winter Harp ensemble. www.winterharp.com.
Joanie Von Schribar
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WANTS & NEEDS I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year! THE NEW YEAR In 2016, may your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you, and heaven accept you. THEY WON’T LAST LONG May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions. FIND THE HIDDEN SONG Q: What Christmas song is hidden in the alphabet: “A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z”? A: Noel (No “L”) FAT & THIN Dear God, my prayer for 2016 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don’t mix it up like you did this year. FREE RIDE Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? A: Nothing, it was on the house! IPAD Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A: A pineapple! JUST LIKE WORK Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit! SANTA’S NATIONALITY Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish. WEATHERMAN Q: What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May? A: A puddle! A DOWNPOUR Santa Claus: What’s that terrible racket outside? Mrs. Claus: It’s rain deer.
Tasha explains, “There’s a ton of history and people like to go up front and read about it. There used to be a tunnel to the water, but down there now it’s all concrete, storage rooms, and ghosts. The building the restaurant is located in used to be the gatehouse, with a tunnel leading from the Fraser River to here where prisoners had their intake.” The Castle shares the old BC Pen building with other businesses now, but has additional space for a banquet room. Tyra says that they make event planning as simple as they can for guests. “It’s set up for 20 to 50 people. They can pick the buffet they want and discuss with the chef within their price range.” Tasha adds, “The chef is good about getting them what they want. The client is very involved in the buffet making.” There are plenty of exciting activities planned throughout the month. For Monday night football there is a chance to win an NFL football jersey. There are burger and drink specials throughout the week, and Monday to Friday Happy Hour drinks. For locals who don’t want to go to the trouble of cooking Christmas dinner, the Castle will open on December 25th. Tasha tells how the Christmas event was extremely popular last year. “We were open last year for Christmas and it was successful. The customer’s kids visit from other places and they can bring them here for a nice dinner.” Tyra says, “People want to go out for breakfast. They were surprised that we were open.” The Castle is not only on a historical site, but has become a friendly landmark for the residents of New West. Exciting activities will continue into the New Year. Celebrate New Year’s Eve with a champagne dinner. Tasha and Tyra advise that you book party reservations early to avoid disappointment. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Like most residents to New West, Melanie moved in and never left. She assists businesses with website content, blogs, and articles.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
12 GIVE IT TIME There were 2 cats looking into a green canary’s cage. The first cat said to the second cat, “That’s not a canary, it’s green!” The second cat said, “I don’t know, maybe it’s not ripe yet!” CHRISTMAS SEALS Husband: Why don’t you buy Christmas seals? Wife: I really don’t know how I’d feed them! HANNA Knock Knock, Who’s there? Hanna! Hanna who? Hanna partridge in a pear tree! THE STOCKINGS T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They’d been worn all week and needed the air. 12 REINDEER Did you know that according to the song, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, Santa has twelve reindeer? Sure, in the introduction it goes “There’s Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen…” That makes eight reindeer. Then there’s Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine. Then there’s Olive. You know, “Olive the other reindeer used to laugh…” That makes ten. The eleventh is Howe. You know, “Then Howe the reindeer loved him…” Eleven reindeer. Oh, and number
NEW WESTMINSTER COUNCIL OF WOMEN Serving in the community for 117 years. Lobbies government on issues affecting women and families such as Health, Safety, Environment, Education, Seniors, and more. For more information, contact Florence Erwin, erwinf@shaw.ca. December 2015
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13 12? That’s Andy! “Andy shouted out with glee.” The proof is in the song! A HAND, PLEASE Father Christmas’ sleigh broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, “Can you give me a hand?” “Sorry,” the motorist replied. “I’m not a mechanic, I’m a chiropodist.” “Well, can you give me a toe?” OLIVE The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa’s reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, “Rudolph and Olive!”. The host asked the contestant, “We’ll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?” The man looked at the host and said, “You know, ‘Olive,’ the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names…”. FULL The pillow asks the teddy bear, “Do you want an ice cream sundae?” The bear says, “No thanks, I’m stuffed!” THE CHICKEN FARM A man decided to start a chicken farm and brought 24 to get started. A week later he bought another 24 and another 24 the week after that. When his friend asked how his chicken farm was coming along the man replied, “Not one of them has grown yet. I wonder if I’m planting them too deep?” MY PET’S MISSING Lisa: I lost my pet dinosaur. Danny: Why don’t you put an ad in the newspaper? Lisa: What good would that do, she can’t read! SHOP EARLY It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant. “That’s no offence,” said the judge. “It is if you do it before the shops are open,” countered the prosecutor.
Your downtown New West CHRISTMAS STORE Come and SHOP IN COMFORT! From Christmas decorations, baking accessories, stocking stuffers for all ages to gift wrap and UNIQUE GIFT ITEMS We are a LOCAL COMMUNITY STORE that offer a unique shopping experience that you will enjoy shopping with us
811 Carnarvon St, New Westminster (Opposite of The Old Spaghetti Factory)
www.dollarstore.ca
BUDGET BUILDING MAINTENANCE • Office Cleaning • Apartment Cleaning & Caretaker Services • Residential & Commercial Cleaning • Bonded & Insured • Free Estimates
For complete janitorial services call Ram Bali, Manager 604-603-4464
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
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NYE ON THE FRASER Thursday, Dec 31 8:30pm-12:20am
2016
• Christmas Dinner Cruise • Christmas Carol Cruise • New Years Eve Cruise • Plus more!
Give a memorable experience of adventure… Gift certificates available!
LAST CHANCE… TO BOOK FOR 2016 CRUISES WITH 2015 RATES AND DISCOUNTS!
604-525-4465 or email info@vancouverpaddlewheeler.com Westminster Quay • 780 Quayside Dr, New Westminster Visit www.VancouverPaddlewheeler.com for more cruises!
WORKING FOR YOU
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604-644-0141
www.EdGoss.com edjgoss@gmail.com Ed Goss
Associate Broker MLS Master Medallion December 2015
Prescriptions & Compounding At Longevity Compounding Pharmacy, we truly care for our patients. We are dedicated to deliver the highest quality of Pharmaceutical care possible. We are dedicated to serving the special needs of physicians and their patients through custom prescription compounding.
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www.rclbr83.ca
5289 Grimmer St. Burnaby, B.C. email: secretary@rclbr83.ca See Burnaby Legion 83 on Facebook
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RM 1 QUAYSIDE DR
DEPARTURE TIMES (THURSDAY TO SUNDAY 11AM - 4PM)
Donald’s Market at River Market
11:00 AM 11:30 AM 12:00 PM 12:30 PM 1:00 PM 1:30 PM 2:00 PM 2:30 PM 3:00 PM 3:30 PM
309 - 6th St. (between 3rd & 4th Ave)
11:05 AM 11:35 AM 12:05 PM 12:35 PM 1:05 PM 1:35 PM 2:05 PM 2:35 PM 3:05 PM 3:35 PM
611 - 6th St. (between 6th and 7th Ave)
11:07 AM 11:37 AM 12:07 PM 12:37 PM 1:07 PM 1:37 PM 2:07 PM 2:37 PM 3:07 PM 3:37 PM
620 - 8th St. (Driveway at Century House) 11:10 AM 11:40 AM 12:10 PM 12:40 PM 1:10 PM 1:40 PM 2:10 PM 2:40 PM 3:10 PM 3:40 PM 520 - 12th St. (between 5th & 6th Ave)
11:15 AM 11:45 AM 12:15 PM 12:45 PM 1:15 PM 1:45 PM 2:15 PM 2:45 PM 3:15 PM 3:45 PM
Quayside Dr. at Renaissance Sq
11:20 AM 11:50 AM 12:20 PM 12:50 PM 1:20 PM 1:50 PM 2:20 PM 2:50 PM 3:20 PM 3:50 PM
Quayside Dr. and Reliance Court
11:22 AM 11:52 AM 12:22 PM 12:52 PM 1:22 PM 1:52 PM 2:22 PM 2:52 PM 3:22 PM 3:52 PM
Donald’s Market at River Market
11:25 AM 11:55 AM 12:25 PM 12:55 PM 1:25 PM 1:55 PM 2:25 PM 2:55 PM 3:25 PM 3:55 PM
HOW’S THE DUC? SUGGESTIONS?
VISIT RIVERMARKET.CA/DUC
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
16 GIVE YOUR LOVE A GIFT THAT LASTS!
THE ELEPHANT AND THE GRAPE Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him? A: Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
GIFT CERTIFICATES
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PUT THAT ON THE BUCKET LIST Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a centipede? A: Drumsticks for everyone!
Wishing You a Merry Christmas & a Very Happy New Year! 406-A East Columbia St, New Westminster, BC 604-897-0045 • royalcitytattoo@hotmail.com
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MY DOG Teacher: Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, sir. It’s the same dog. THE END OF THE JOURNEY A minister was going to a funeral. After 2 hours on the highway, he reaches the funeral. When he gets there, he gets out of the car, puts his phone in his pocket but forgets to turn it off the GPS. Once he had read all the prayers, the coffin was in place to be buried. With all the relatives standing around, the GPS announced, “You have reached your final destination!
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December 2015
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17 TIME TO PUT SOME ART ON YOUR LIST!
T
he Arts Council of New Westminster is your hub for the arts, artists and community members in our city. The Council runs events throughout the city, curates the Gallery at Queen’s Park and is engaged in ensuring that New Westminster’s arts community is the most vibrant it can be. December marks the return of The Treasure Room. It has evolved to a new location at River Market and is being presented by New West Craft on December 5 and December 19 from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. On the evening of December 5, New West Craft will be hosting an evening market with beer and wine service from Steel and Oak and Pacific Breeze from 6:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m., also
THE LION There was a man and he was walking a lion on the side of the street when a policeman came and said, “Sir please don’t walk your lion on the side of the street because its very dangerous. Why don’t you take him to the zoo?!” The man agreed with him and took his lion to the zoo. The next day the policeman saw the man walking his lion again and told him the same thing but the man said, “I already took him to the zoo and he liked it a lot, now I’m going to take him to the movies.” MAD COWS There were two cows standing in a field talking to each other. They were talking about Mr. Brown’s cows having Mad Cow Disease, when one of the cows said, “It’s a good thing we’re chickens.” THE PANDA A man walked into a pub and bought a sandwich, then a panda walked into the pub and stole the sandwich, ate it, shoots the barman and leaves. So the man
at River Market. ReUp BBQ will be staying open late so buy dinner and shop to your heart’s content. If you haven’t had a chance to check out the Pepe Hidalgo Exhibition at the Gallery in Queen’s Park, now is the time. Pepe is an internationally renowned Spanish artist who is doing is first showing in Canada at the gallery. His show will be running until December 13th. The Gallery will be closed from December 14 to January 1 to allow our hard working staff the chance to get ready for a truly spectacular 2016. Also, a pleasant reminder that now is the time to renew your membership with the Arts Council as it expires on December 31, perhaps get a gift membership for the art lover in your life?
goes out and says to the panda, “Why did you eat my sandwich, shoot the barman and then just leave?” The panda says, “Look panda up in the dictionary.” So he looked Panda up and read: Eats shoots and leaves. WORLD WIDE SPIDERS Q: Why can you never trust spiders? A: Because they post stuff on the web. HOW TO REACH YOUR SON IN THESE HIGHTECH TIMES Dad writes on son’s Facebook wall: “Dear Son, How are you? All is fine here. We miss you a lot. Please turn off your computer and come down for dinner. Love Dad” IT’S WHAT JESUS DID A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired.
up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.” After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!” The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair…” To which his father replied… ”Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!” REMEMBER PETER SELLERS? Q: What did the Pink Panther say after he stepped on the ant? A: “Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant!” WHILE I’LL BEE Q: What do you call a bee’s back? A: It’s bee-hind!
18
MATH MADNESS
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A NAKED MAN A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!” I’M BACK Q: What did the bee say when he returned to the hive? A: “Honey, I’m home!”
Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!
JEDI FOOD Q: What Jedi can you eat? A: Obi Wan Cannoli! BEETHOVEN Q: What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A: Ban-ana-na!
PIFFLE’S
NUMBER BLOCKS HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?
Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!
December 2015
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19
SPECIAL EVENTS FOR ALL NEW WEST RESIDENTS
Dance For Fun at The Swing & Country Club Sapperton Pensioners Hall 318 Keary St, New Westminster West Coast Swing, Night Club 2, Cha Cha, Country 2 Step, Waltz & Jive Register Now, Pay $12/event at the door
ByronStarr@telus.net • 778 709 8880 It’s OK to buy a $12 pass for your teen age kids (accompanied by parents)
DECEMBER 16 CHRISTMAS DANCE PARTY
DECEMBER 30 CRAZY PRE NEW YEAR’S DANCE
Pot Luck Snacks — Please Bring Something Pot Luck Snacks — Please Bring Something Enjoy Coffee, Tea and Ice Cold Water Enjoy Coffee, Tea and Ice Cold Water 6:30 7:15 ................... SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROLS 6:30 7:15 ......... #1 LIVE SHOW: Tribute to Rock & Roll 7:15 8:15.........West Coast Swing Lesson ( All levels) 7:15 8:00 ........West Coast Swing Lesson (All levels) 8:00 11:00.. DeeJay Starr: Best Dance Music In Town 8:00 8:45 ..... DeeJay Starr: Best Dance Music In Town 8:45 9:30 .........#2 LIVE SHOW: Top Country Tunes This is our 18th Annual Christmas Party 9:30 11:00 ... DeeJay Starr: Best Dance Music In Town It’s OK to bring a friend or two: Pre register Get your name on the door list: Register Now Get your name on the door list: Register Now
We can’t wait to host your next event.
Sapperton Pensioners’ Hall
can accommodate up to 275 people and is perfect for weddings, dances, dinners, fundraisers, birthday parties, lunches, reunions, memorials, craft markets, filming, meetings, and displays.
• 14' x 25' stage, P/A system, upright piano • 3,500 sq. ft. of open area upstairs with a hardwood floor
• Downstairs has 3,500 sq. ft., linoleum floor, kitchen facilities
• Parking for 30 cars, close to Sapperton SkyTrain Station
• Less than 5 minutes from Pattullo Bridge or Hwy #1 exit
S A PPERTON P ENSIONERS ’ H A LL
318 Keary St, New Westminster • Call 604-522-0280 to book your space today A will is a dead giveaway.
How do I stay on track with my fitness goals I set in the New Year?
drinking). Get a jump on that “filling time” of year and make it easier to hold yourself accountable during the holiday period.
As always the staff at Dynamic Fitness and myself are happy to help you get started and reach your goals. Seriously consider a consultation or booking some personal
A.
into 2016! – Luke Ramnath and the
Be awesome and all the best now and
2) WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN: Why That is a great question that are you doing this? That’s a question I get asked this time every I ask all my clients, not just what are year from my clients and you goals but what are your reasons for members alike. Here are my top 5 tips these particular goals. Be honest and to staying on track in the New Year’s: attach some emotion to your goals, it will mean more to you if you do. 1) DON’T WAIT UNTIL 2016: Start right now, a good plan starts today, 3) TELL SOCIAL MEDIA: Everyone not tomorrow! With that busy Christ- loves Facebook, Twitter, Instagram mas/New Years schedule (eating and and Snapchat, let them know all about
Q.
Luke Ramnath
Can-fit pro personal trainer, AUT certified trainer, AUT certified instructor, REP’s certified trainer, Body/Mind and Nutritional Diploma
by
Dynamic Health and Fitness
ASK AN EXPERT:
5) MAKE IT YOUR NEW LIFE: I mean this should be part of a lifestyle change, although we set short term realistic goals you should also consider the future too. Once you reach your goals set new ones play a sport, run a marathon, climb a mountain. The sky’s the limit!
4) GIVE IT TIME: We’ve all heard the saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. That goes for your goals too. I see a lot of people give up way to soon because they didn’t see results right away. I’ve got news for you it takes time and hard work, you didn’t get where you are right now over night nor will you fulfill your desired goals after 1 week in the gym. Stick with it and you will start to see results. One step at a time!
your goals. It will be harder to break the habit when you know friends will be asking you about you progress. Do a weekly or even daily post, even try adding some pictures.
Dynamic Health & Fitness Team
604-521-TRIM
(8746)
(New Westminster Skytrain Station)
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FIRST TIME VISITORS ONLY. Call for an appointment. Must be 18 years or older. Not valid with other offers. Expires December 31/15.
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22 Open for Lunch (Fridays & Saturdays)
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GET A HOT MAMA Herm is 85 years old and retired. He gets a checkup with his physician. A week or so afterward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female. The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?” Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful.” The physician exclaims, “Herm, that’s not what I told you! I said, ‘Your heart’s got a murmur. Be careful.’” THE POODLE Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words ‘liver’
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Dan Murphy
OWNER / PERSONAL TRAINER
604-349-8042 danmurphyfitness@gmail.com www.danmurphyfitness.ca
December 2015
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23 and ‘cheese’ together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm… I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says… “Liver alone. Cheese mine.” LECTURE TOUR WITH A DIFFERENCE On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?” asked the police officer. “I’m on my way to a lecture,” answered Roger. “And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?” enquired the constable sarcastically. “My wife,” slurred Daniel grimly. A NEW YEAR PRAYER FOR THE ELDERLY God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones that I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference. FLIES A wife walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a flyswatter. “What are you doing,” she asked “Hunting flies,” he responded. “Killing any,” she asked. “Yep. Three males, two females,” he replied. She was astounded and asked, “How can you tell?” He said, “Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone!”
POET’S CORNER with
JANET KVAMMEN DIRECTOR, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY Monday, December 21, 2015 8:49 PM © Gail Norcross Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas special days abound but we all have something to celebrate when the Solstice comes around. The Sun is on the rise November in the past; daylight is increasing shorter nights, at last! And if snow falls in February and cold March winds do chill think about the Crocus and the trusting Daffodil; they don’t wait underground till conditions prove just right they push their heads up through the muck for they have seen the light. So Happy Solstice, New Westminster the battle has been won; raise a glass to longer days and welcome back the Sun! Gail Norcross lives in New Westminster. She is currently involved in a project which would see the redistribution of, or, if necessary, the elimination of, those thirty long dreary days that make up that long dreary month known as November. People whose birthdays fall in November, and who find the proposed changes threatening to their psychological well-being, will be able to choose an equally grey depressing month in which to celebrate their special day.
Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.poeticjustice.ca and www.rclas.com for all the latest events.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
24
Call Liza for a personalized reading today!
778-898-2146
HOROSCOPES by LIZA
DEC 2015
ARIES: Authority figures see you in a good light during this time. If your thinking about that raise, now is the time to ask for it. Favorable aspects in that area. TAURUS: If travel is in your plans, all should go well. Higher education benefits you during this time. However travel always brings fantastic learning experiences. GEMINI: Any love relationship started during this time will have intensifying effects. Think deep and hard before setting the stage for love. CANCER: Business and marital relationships go smoothly during this time. Expressing your affections comes easily in December. LEO: Authority figures and co-workers see you in a good light. This is a good time to start that health regime you have been thinking about. VIRGO: Friends and social gatherings are the name of the game this month. Much entertaining taking place. Love is on the rise. LIB R A : If thinking of doing those home renovations now is a good time. You want to make your home a more cozy place to be. Insight comes through your dreams. SCORPIO: All communications take on a lighter note during this time. Friends and neighbors lend a helping hand. You realize just how much love you have in your life. SAGITTARIUS: Travel is on your mind during this month. Just remember to keep those credit cards in check. You feel like spending and those you love.
LEMONADE There was a businessman driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand. It being hot and him being thirsty, he decided to stop. Once he got up to the little boy’s stand, he noticed a sign that said “All you can drink 10 cents,” and a single, very small glass. Well, he thought that it was an awful small glass, but since it was only 10 cents for all you can drink, he decided to get some anyway. He gave the boy a dime, and shot down the whole glass in one swig. He slapped the glass back onto the table and said, “fill ‘er up.” The kid replies, “Sure thing, that’ll be 10 cents.” To this the business man said, “But your sign says all you can drink for a dime.” “It is,” the little boy replies, “That’s all you can drink for a dime.” HERE’S A TIP Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.” “Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?” “A circumcision. Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.” Q: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A: Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
CAPRICORN: Your looking good this month dear Capricorn and others are attracted to your good nature. Just be sure not to let others take advantage. Love is in the stars. AQUARIUS: Dreams and insights are the theme for this month. Write down some of those dreams as they may come to fruition in the near future. PISCES: Many social activities take up your time in December. This is a good time to make that wish as it just may come true in the New Year.
December 2015
Paul is six feet tall. He is an assistant in a butcher shop. He wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh? | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
Experience the TD Canada Trust difference. TD Mobile Mortgage Specialists work around your schedule. Our TD Mobile Mortgage Specialists work outside of regular business hours and can meet with you at a time and location of your choice. At TD Canada Trust, we pride ourselves on providing professional home financing advice and exceptional customer service. TD Ranked “Highest in Customer Satisfaction among the Big Five Retail Banks, Ten Years in a Row� by J.D. Power and Associates.1 J.D. Power and Associates 2015 Canadian Retail Banking Customer Satisfaction Study SM
Ask me how Jahan Siddiqui Manager, Mobile Mortgage Specialist Tel: 604 727 7599 Fax: 604 909 1977 E: jahangir.siddiqui@td.com mms.tdcanadatrust.com/jahangir.siddiqui/ 1 TD Canada Trust received the highest numerical score among the big five retail banks in the proprietary J.D. Power and Associates 2006-2015 Canadian Retail Banking Customer Satisfaction Studies SM. 2015 study based 14,583 total responses. Proprietary study results are based on experiences and perceptions of consumers surveyed in March-May 2015. Your experiences may vary. Visit www.jdpower.com.
FLY SFP01.indd 1
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26 TRAINED PROFESSIONAL I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me, “Has your plane arrived yet?”
?
SEASONAL Q & A Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: A wrapper!
Discover, explore, and satisfy your curiosity at the Curious Flea. This isn’t your grandmother’s flea market. Retro chic, mid centry modern, 50’s kitsch, up-cycled treasures, steampunk finds, and everything in between grace our curious halls. An appraiser is available onsite to help you figure out what fabulously curious treasures you may have! Now organized by Bits and Keys. This season’s flea promises to be even bigger and better! There’s always something to discover at the Curious Flea!
Saturday, Dec 12th Sat, Feb 13th, 2016 Sat, Mar 12th, 2016 SATURDAY 10am - 5pm
SUNDAY 11am - 4pm
FREE GENERAL ADMISSION For more info visit:
river market.ca/events
@curiousflea
@rivermrkt
810 Quayside Drive, New Westminster, BC 604.520.3881 so are you curious enough to check it out? December 2015
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus. Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. Q: What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel. Q: Why is Santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem. Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic. Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem. Q: What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat? A: A Merry Can (American). Q: What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? A: RUDEolph. Q: What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A: A rebel without a Claus. Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers? A: Subordinate clauses. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
27 THE 4 STAGES OF LIFE
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
1. You believe in Santa Claus. 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3. You dress up as Santa Claus. 4. You look like Santa Claus. MODERN TIMES As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, “Didn’t you get my E-mail?” IN LIEU OF GIFTS This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I’ve decided to give everyone my opinion.
Lunch Specials EVERYDAY (both Chinese and Wes
SNOW Q & A Q: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? A: Owlgebra.
tern dishes)
Q: What is the difference between a snowboard instructor and a snowboard student?
Open Christmas & Boxing Day New Year’s Day Specials
A: 3 days.
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A backward poet writes inverse.
28 NAME THAT CHRISTMAS CAROL CLUES: 1. Bleached Yule 2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration 3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors 4. Righteous Darkness 5. Arrival Time 24:00 hrs – Weather-Cloudless 6. Loyal Followers Advance 7. Far Off in a Feeder 8. Array the Corridor 9. Bantam Male Percussionist 10. Monarchial Triad 11. Nocturnal Noiselessness 12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers 13. Red Man En Route to Borough 14. Frozen Precipitation Commence 15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle 16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis 17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant 18. Delight for this Planet 19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings 20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals Answers on page 34.
Sugar Shack Thrift Shop Opening December 1st
630 12th St, New Westminster Open 9am-4:00pm 7 days a week Come on in and meet Cora
Accepting donations in support of the Holy Spirit Pentecostal Church
AUTO WASH STARTING AT
$6
Merry Christmas to All!
Marjorie A. Ashdown Realtor Since 1991 ®
Not intended to solicit properties already listed for sale.
marjorieam@shaw.ca
604.838.2675 December 2015
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29 RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER CHRISTMAS PRESENT A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain, he said.” Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. “Let’s not fight about it,” the man said, “let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing.” As the official approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?” “It’s raining, of course,” he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like snow!” To which the man quietly replied: “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!” FIRST CHRISTMAS Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
THE SALVATION ARMY
WANTS YOU!
One of the best gifts you can give this Christmas… is the gift of your time. The Salvation Army is looking for enthusiastic, responsible individuals to assist with their 2015 Christmas Fundraising activities in New Westminster, Coquitlam, Port Moody and Port Coquitlam. Volunteer as a family-Volunteer with a friend-Volunteer as a staff team-Volunteer as a community group. Give 2 hours, 4 hours, a day, or join up for several shifts throughout the campaign.
Contact Captain Eva Galvez at 604-521-2421 or email newwest_kettles@shaw.ca for more information. The Christmas Kettle Campaign runs November 15th to December 24th
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
30
KID’S CORNER with
ISAIAH
Knock Knock Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery merry Christmas!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Oakham. Oakham who? Oakham all ye faithfull…!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open ’til Christmas!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Rabbit. Rabbit who? Rabbit up carefully, it’s a present!
Knock Knock Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas !
Knock Knock Who’s there? Centipede. Centipede who? Centipede on the Christmas tree. Knock Knock Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow business like show business! Knock Knock Who’s there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne in a manger…! December 2015
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic. Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho. Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: A Wrapper! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Ice Crispies.
SANTA HATES YOUR KID 1. Kid’s letter to north pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, Chester!” 2. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes 3. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling. 4. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing. 5. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed. 6. Instead of “Naughty” or “Nice”, Santa has him on the stupid list 7. Labels on all your kid’s toys read “Straight from Craptown.” 8. Four words: “Off my lap, Tubby!” Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar Santa drives a rusty car Press the starter Press the choke Off he goes in a cloud of smoke! Q: Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas? A: Because they both have “Sandy claws”!
subscription Form Name Address City Province Phone Email
Postal
❑ 1 Year ($50 + $2.50 TAX)* ❑ New ❑ Renewal ❑ Send me the FREE digital version too! Subscription Start M M / Y Y Y Y Make payments to “Sargent’s Publishing” Piffle Subscription Manager 4th Floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5 *Subscription rate has increased due to Canada Post’s announced increase in stamp prices.
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OVER 200 MEDICATIONS CAN
CAUSE HEARING LOSS ARE YOU TAKING ONE OF THEM? Approximately 200 prescription and over-the-counter medications are known to be ototoxic — which, quite literally, means “poisonous to the ears.”
What medications are ototoxic?
It’s difficult to make a precise list, especially with new medications. Many drugs have been tested, and the list of known ototoxic drugs includes: • Aspirin • Quinine • Certain antibiotics • Some anticancer drugs
Symptoms of ototoxicity
If you’re taking a known or suspected ototoxic drug and begin to notice any of the following symptoms, consult with your healthcare professional right away: • Mild tinnitus or ringing in the ears • Noticeable hearing loss • Issues with balance IMPORTANT: You are strongly advised to NOT stop taking any prescribed medication without consulting with your prescribing doctor.
For a complied list of ototoxic drugs, visit www.simplehearing.ca/drugs
What Can You Do? Get a hearing screening
Before receiving treatment for any condition that involves known or suspected ototoxic drugs (both prescribed or over-the-counter), you should get a hearing screening taken by a hearing professional.
Listen for any changes
A pre-treatment hearing screening will set a baseline for your hearing that can be used to measure against during the course of your treatment. Then, regular hearing tests throughout treatment can help detect any changes. These could be shared with your healthcare professional.
FREE HEARING SCREENINGS We offer free hearing screenings for area residents who think they may have a hearing loss. Call us today to schedule yours.
Schedule a Free Hearing Screening! Call Today. 604-634-3635 We’ve been helping our neighbours hear better since 2009. - Jamie Larsen (owner)
Call Us Today at: 604-634-3635
#108 - 7885 6th Street Burnaby, BC www.simplehearing.ca
32 THE STRANGE CHRISTMAS SCENE In a small southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. Snowman The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.
FIRE HYDRANTS
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!” I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise man came from afar.’” ADDICTED TO THE WEB (Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)
Water from the hydrant will cool and extinguish a fire however the hydrant must be visible and properly maintained to ensure correct operation. Private hydrants must be serviced annually and after each use. New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services is currently updating private hydrant inventory and ensure service records are complete.
Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’, From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’, I’m happy — although My boss let me go -Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There’s beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week,
BYLAW SNIPPET YOU SHOULD KNOW…
Happily addicted to the Web!
Fire Hydrants and Standpipes Every occupier of property upon which a fire hydrant or standpipe is located, shall maintain a clear and unobstructed area having a radius of 1 metre around each fire hydrant and standpipe.
Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, “Yo, man!
FIRE PROTECTION BYLAW 6940,2004 23.1)
New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services Fire Prevention Office, 1 East 6th Avenue, New Westminster, BC V3L 4G6
www.newwestcity.ca
December 2015
Don’t you know tonight’s the senior prom?” With a listless shrug, I mutter “No, man; I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!” I don’t phone, don’t send faxes, Don’t go out, don’t pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I’m happily addicted to the Web! Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!) | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
33
WAYS you can show 3 SENIORS that you care THIS CHRISTMAS
HARMONY COURT ESTATE
* * *
AgeCare Harmony Court Estate Invites you to make this a Christmas to Remember for Burnaby & New Westminster Seniors
1 REGISTER A SENIOR IN NEED 2 BECOME A SECRET SANTA 3 VOLUNTEER TO WRAP & DELIVER (604) 527-3323 CareThisChristmas.com
A Christmas to Remember is a Secret Santa program started by AgeCare Harmony Court Estate with the hope of spreading holiday cheer to lonely and/or financially-challenged seniors.
LEGION NO.2 MEAT BINGO THURS AT 6PM
FRI IS FREE SNACK NIGHT!
631 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER
KARAOKE WITH
CAL DONNELLY DEC 3, 4, 10, 11, 17, 18 & 24 • 3-6PM
BOB MARLOW BOXING DAY, DEC 26 &
NEW YEAR’S EVE, DEC 31
CLOSED CHRISTMAS DAY
Royal Canadian Legion No.2, 604-522-4522
MEMBERS & GUESTS WELCOME! The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
34 2016
Nevada Vancouver-Laughlin 13 Day Casino Tour Single $789.00 - Double $689.00 - Triple $589.00 - Quad $489.00
March 13 & October 16, 2016
* 2 Nights in La Grande, Oregon * 4 Nights in Wendover, Nevada * 6 Nights in Laughlin, Nevada * 9 Free Buffets * 4 Free Coupon Books + Points * 1 Grand Canyon Side Tour * 1 Free Las Vegas Day Side Tour * Oatman & Lake Havasu, Arizona * Bullhead City, Arizona New Reno 7 Days - April 2 & Sept 24, 2016 - $409.00 pp. Wendover 7 Days - June 12 & Sept 11, 2016 - $339.00 pp. * Discounts Available *
Toll Free 1.855.764.8500
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS ON PAGE 28: 1. White Christmas 2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire 3. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth 4. O Holy Night 5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear 6. O Come, All Ye Faithful 7. Away in a Manger 8. Deck the Hall 9. Little Drummer Boy 10. We Three Kings 11. Silent Night 12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen 13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town 14. Let it Snow 15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain
Let’s Go!
16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer
www.tourhero.ca
19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
17. What Child is This? 18. Joy to the World 20. The Twelve Days of Christmas
OIL TANK REMOVAL Signs & Printing
High Quality Namebadges to Promote Your Brand and Identity.
We have many styles available and can even produce custom shapes and sizes. A wide variety of colours and materials are available. Durable inks for imprinting your logo. We have a wide range of colour options available Traditional Finish - Metallic Finish. Laser Cut / Engraved Room Numbers/Identification Signs A variety of colours, typestyles and sizes available. Including 3D lettering.
Fire Door and Stairwell Signs
Signage to meet any guidelines and building codes.
Evacuation Plans
Full colour plans on metallic, white or clear backgrounds, with or without protective acrylic sheets.
Door Sliders
A variety of colours, typestyles and holder finishes available
Washroom Signs
A variety of colours and sizes available all conforming to pictogram standards.
Direction Signs
We create custom signs on all kinds of materials; Sintra, Lamicoid, plywood, coroplast.
604 521-1295 Email: info@canengrave.com 601 Queens Avenue New Westminster, BC www.canengrave.com December 2015
• Serving the Lower Mainland since 2003 • A+ Rating with the Better Business Bureau of Mainland BC • Fair prices, references, fully insured • Free written estimates
Call Steve at 604-724-3670 stormworks@stormworks.ca
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35 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU’RE A NERD 1. I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, offline work done, too! 2. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. 3. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!” 4. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. 5. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. 6. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate. 7. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk. 8. I resolve to work with neglected children… my own. 9. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail. 10. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it. 11. I will stop using, “So, what’s your URL?” as a pickup line. 12. No more downloads from alt.binaries.* 13. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily… well, once a week… monthly, perhaps… 14. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet. 15. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items. 16. I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it. COOKIE THE CAT’S RESOLUTIONS 1. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in and visa versa. 2. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad. 3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I’m in a bad mood). 4. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally). 5. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day. Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet! Q: Where do polar bears vote? A: The North Poll.
“Let’s Get Ahead Together”
Roveen Kandola Real Estate Transaction Specialist
604-644-7653(SOLD)
Honestly driven. 604-517-1230 oktirenw@shaw.ca 325A 12th Street New Westminster
Check out our seasonal specials! ANDREW LOCHHEAD, GM
Meat.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
36
B U S I N E S S D I R E C T O R Y
25
$
/issue
Phone John today!
604-657-5600 Email
johnashdown@piffle.ca MOON CONSTRUCTION
Additions • Renovations New Construction
Specializing In
• Concrete • Forming • Framing • Siding
en Pejvack Book Launch Amity 604-218-3064 y’s StoriesAll your carpentry & handyman needs
• Honest & Reliable • Careful & Efficient • Fully Equip 3 or 5 Ton Truck • Reasonable Rates
604.562.4637 laramoving.ca
“Good clean cars, reasonably priced!”
301-12th St, New West
604-377-5889
Mount Calvary Lutheran Church 701 - 6th St, New Westminster Divine Service & Sunday School: 11:00 am Sundays
Rev. James K. Kim
Tel: 604-521-2007
HOUSEKEEPERS NEEDED! Merry Maids is a growing business and needs hard working, trustworthy, and dedicated friendly staff. Completive wages offered. Apply at #426-604 Columbia St, New West
Knox Presbyterian Church
403 E Columbia St, New West
604.524.6712
The Rev. Richard Watson, Minster
Regular Sunday Service at 11am
Freedomfire Full Gospel International Ministries ❖ International Ministries ❖ Youth and Children’s Sunday School ❖ School of Leaders / G12 Vision / Encounter God Retreats ❖ Weekly Home Cell Meetings 64 8th St New Westminster Email: freedomfireband@telus.net revival@telus.net Office: 604-558-5824 Cell: 604-877-0662
Yo like a “Mr
Pro!
Yoyo Th r
ower ” on Yo
be uTu
Lessons,
Birthday Parties, Yoyo Performances!
778-789-1117 mryoyothrower@gmail.com
www.mryoyothrower.com
THIS IS YOUR I N V I TAT I O N ! 43 6th St,
New Westminster
WED, DEC 16 @ 7PM OPEN MIC FEATURING NASREEN PEJVACK’S BOOK LAUNCH “AMITY” & EVELYN SANGSTER BENSON “ONE FAMILY’S STORIES”
604.525.4566
renbooks@telus.net renaissancebookstore.com
December 2015
New Westminster Join Us Sundays: 4:00 pm
726 12th Street (Near 8th Avenue)
E
604.299.9538 info@lhohcf.ca lhohcf.ca We are a multi-cultural community church where everyone is welcome— AND WE REALLY MEAN IT!
SERVING YOUR COMMUNITY 325 6th Street New Westminster, BC Tel: 604-521-0363 See you at church!
Safety for Seniors!
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37
The Perfect Gift! For Royal City Folks And Those Who Wish They Were This Award-winning book about old New Westminster, A CENTURY IN A SMALL TOWN – One Family’s Stories, will transport the reader through 100 years in the everyday lives of ordinary people – young and old! Available at Black Bond Books
Evelyn Sangster Benson
What Readers Say About Evelyn Benson’s “A Century In A Small Town...”
“...Only in New West would one family have lived long enough in one pioneering town to have so many delightful stories to tell. Only in New West would the community embrace its history with such wholeheartedness!” - The Record “...Best little bedside book! I love it!” - Councilor Puchmayr “...What a great way to teach kids about the ‘Old Days’! My two little boys love me to read it to them. Especially ‘Skating On the River!” - C. Bryant, Editor, NewsLeader “...A ‘must-read’ for anyone curious about life as it was in New Westminster – the past in vivid detail and oral history at its best!” - B. Fryer, City Hall
Only $19.95
Learn more at www.westminsterpublishing.ca
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Jahan Siddiqui Manager, Mobile Mortgage Specialist Tel: 604 727 7599 Fax: 604 909 1977 E: jahangir.siddiqui@td.com
39
“Let’s Get Ahead Together” financial state of Canada, but also how it compares to the rest of the world. In the business world Canada is seen as a relatively safe place to invest because of its solid financial policies, our rates have to compete with the rates of the other developed countries or we will start to lose our investment money. Rates will slowly increase as the financial stability in the US, Europe and China start to get better, but that is still far away. I do not expect our lending rates to go higher than 3% in this next coming year and in my opinion this will only slow our markets ever so marginally. CANADIAN DOLL AR — The weakening of the Canadian dollar actually creates a discounted price on our real estate for foreign buyers. Anyone sit ting abroad watching and waiting for the timing for buying Canadian properties have probably found the perfect moment. With our low interest rates and weak dollar, it has created a buying haven for anyone abroad. For example a person living in china wanting to buy a $1,000,000.00 property here in Canada last year (mid 2014) would have had to come up with approx 5,800,000.00 Chinese Yuan. This year that same property, despite the appreciation for arguments sake is $1,100,000.00 it would cost approx 5,280,000.00. T h a t ’s $ 5 8 0 , 0 0 0 . 0 0 C h i n e s e Yuan cheaper to buy despite the property value going up by $100k. I don’t expect our dollar to get stronger for a little while as it is directly correlated to the oil prices. LIMITED LAND — We here in the Lower Mainland are land locked. There is a limited amount of land around us and we are running out of it. Municipalities as far as Chilliwack and Mission are finding themselves flooded with development applications to rezone land to higher
densities, and cut more single family home lots. This growth in our corner of the world is unprecedented but was just a matter of time. Our population cannot move further North because of the mountains, we cannot go further West because of the Ocean, or go South because of the border. The only direction that we can grow is towards the East and we slowly are inching our way out there. From the West going East we have some of the most desirable land in the world. Everyone wants to live in the Lower Mainland, everyone wants a piece of our beautiful land it is in my opinion one of the best places on earth to live. Our political and geographical climate, coupled by our caring culture has put the Lower Mainland in the sights of people, with and without money all over the world. I first handedly know that when people want to move from developing countries that this is where they desire to come. That being said, the Lower Mainland is on the world map and everyone wants a piece of it. That type of demand cannot be kept bottled up. Our prices are going to keep going up as demand stays steady and supply keeps low. If you have any questions or would like to talk to further discuss anything I have just stated or anything else real estate related, please do not hesitate to call. If you’re wondering if this is a good time to buy or sell, lets sit down and talk. I can give you honest advice and help you on what your best decision may be. Sincerely,
“Let’s Get Ahead Together”
A
ll too often throughout the course of my business I am asked this ver y common question; if I think that the prices will ever come down in the Lower Mainland? Quite frankly speaking, I do not think that the values will come down and here are some of the reasons as to why I think so: LOW INTEREST RATES — with borrowing rates the lowest they have ever been before it makes these unprecedented prices much more affordable than before. We may find it hard to believe that the house down the street has just sold for $50k-$100k over the asking price, but the reality of it is that if people are borrowing with rates as low as 2%, their payment only goes up $139-$277 per month. In terms of a family buying their dream home or investment it’s a reasonably small amount extra to pay to get what they really want. That being said, it is no secret that the interest rate will eventually start going back up. However; The Bank of Canada has to keep in mind not only the
Roveen Kandola
Real Estate Services Independently Owned and Operated
Roveen Kandola Real Estate Transaction Specialist Cell:
604-644-7653 (SOLD)
Proud sponsor of
2014
roveenkandola@remax.net
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
“Let’s Get Ahead Together”
“Let’s Get Ahead Together”
20 ACRE ORCHARD Worried about the high Lower Mainland prices? Move to the sunny Wine Capital of Canada! 4427 Ryegrass Rd, Oliver, BC
20 acre profitable mixed fruit orchard with more than half replanted. Great location, slope exposure and soil. OKANAGAN LIVING! Property located next to high Crop (in production): Peaches – 1 acre, quality wineries and would Apricots – 2 acres, Nectarines – 2 acres, make an excellent location for a Apples – .5 acre, Cherries – 1.5 acres winery! Beautiful 3,000 + sq ft home Crop (replanted, producing in 2018): Peaches – 9 acres, Prunes – 2 acres, Cherries – 2 acres. with updates and 3 suites.
$1,225,000
Included equipment: 2 tractors, 2 mowers and 2 sprayers, ATV.
Real Estate Services Independently Owned and Operated
Roveen Kandola Real Estate Transaction Specialist Cell:
604-644-7653 (SOLD)
Proud sponsor of
2014
roveenkandola@remax.net
Try our NEW Chai Nog Latté, Peppermint Hot Chocolate, or the truly exceptional Macaroon Mocha! Now through December 31, 2015!