Piffle Magazine 2016-02 by Sargent's Piffle

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981 Carnarvon St New Westminster

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LOCALLY PUBLISHED SINCE 2000

CITY SCENE MAGAZINE

FEBRUARY 2016 ISSUE #185

Long term Royal City residents George and Doris Gracey celebrate their 70 years of wedding bliss. Read about their long and happy marriage and their loving life together. Story by Melanie Dixon on p12.

DIFFERENT LINES OF DRAFT NOW ON TAP T

www.RoveenKandola.com Roveen Kandola & Associates

Restaurant & Public House SEE OUR SPECIALS ON P3!

2014

604-644-SOLD (7653)

roveenkandola@remax.net

Re/Max Real Estate Services Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave

Clean, Private, Service Oriented Fitness... For Men and Women Clean, Private, Service

Oriented Fitness… For Men and Women

SEE OUR AD INSIDE

Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby

Serving Our Community

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office:

7615 Sixth Street, Burnaby, BC V3N 3M6 Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca

WORD SEARCH E K E O E X S Q I G U C C M G L N L F Y

J C W Q R C C V O W O X U Z W A K M E L

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T O G E T H E R E A N Z F X U N D S C P

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U K P V V B I B J D C R U H T X K P M M

Y A N L J I Y O J O D U N Q C P V L J L

WEDDING LOVE HEART MARRAGE FOREVER HAPPINESS SOULMATES HOME FAMILY CHILDREN

EVERYTHINGS JUST FINE I asked a guy from North Korea how things were. He told me, “I can’t complain!” SLEPT FINE I sleep in my fireplace. I slept like a log! A DOG THAT COUNTS A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to the farmer. The farmer says, “How many?” The dog says, “40.” The farmer is surprised and says, “How can there be 40 – I only bought 38!” The dog says, “I rounded them up.”

PICKETFENCE TOGETHER

GOD’S GIFT Caffeine is proof that God loves us and wants us to pay attention.

Serving the Community of New Westminster Our office can assist with provincial government issues such as MSP, income assistance and provincial disability, WorkSafe, and ICBC.

Judy Darcy, MLA EMAIL

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca PHONE 604-775-2101

Judy Darcy’s Constituency Office is located at 737 Sixth St, New Westminster, V3L 3C6

February 2016

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$5 BREAKFAST SATURDAY & SUNDAY UNTIL 2PM

CUMBERLAND ST

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The Castle Neighbourhood Grill

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101 - 319 Governors Crt New Westminster

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BURGER AND BEER SPECIAL! Drink purchase required

BREAKFAST SPECIAL Drink purchase required

HOUR HAPPY N MO FRI!! PM N -- FRI

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BOOK YOUR VALENTINE’S DINNER FEBRUARY 14TH

MONDAY: All-You-Can-Eat-Pasta.........$10 TUESDAY: Burger & Fries .................... $7 WEDNESDAY: Wings ..........................39¢ THURSDAY: Steak Sandwich ............... $9 FRIDAY: Fish & Chips .......................... $9 FRIDAY: Prime Rib after 5pm, until sold out ......$17 SATURDAY: All Rib Special................... $9 SUNDAY: Roast Beef Dinner...............$14

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Restaurant & Public House

OPEN Mon-Fri 11am-Midnight • Sat & Sun 8am-Midnight

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CALL

604-520-6171

Inquire about our

SENIORS’

DISCOUNT 426-604 Columbia St, New Westminster

“I am too lazy to be lazy.” — Anonymous

Locally Published Since 2000 Fourth ﬂoor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

Chris Sargent 604-525-9027 Owner & Publisher Email: chrissargent@piﬄe.ca

John Ashdown 604-657-5600 Verne Siebert 604-763-6304 Email: sales@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca

piﬄe.ca

Sargent’s Word Search ��2 Imperial Pharmacy Community Page ��7 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #19 �� 12 A-Maze-In �� 12 Feature: 70 Year Journey of Love �� 12 MLA’s Report by Judy Darcy �� 17 Sargent’s Math Madness �� 18 Sargent’s Number Blocks �� 18 Ask An Expert: Dynamic Health and Fitness �� 20–21 ACNW Update: 5 Ways to Support New West Art this Month �� 23 Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen �� 23 Horoscopes by Liza ��24 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah �� 26 Piffle Quiz �� 26 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #18 Solution ��29 Math Madness Solution ��30 Number Blocks Solution ��30 New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services �� 32 Piffle Quiz Answer ��35 Piffle Business Directory ��36

Harmony Court Estate, Burnaby BC

NAVIGATING SENIOR HOUSING & CARE OPTIONS with Johanne Fata, Licensed Practical Nurse

Join us as our Resident Services Manager and in-house expert Johanne Fata (LPN) guides us through the maze of senior housing, care and support services available to seniors living in BC. Bring your questions that you would like answered. Hope to see you there!

March 12th at 2:30PM

Light refreshments served, prizes and tours.

HARMONY COURT ESTATE

7197 Canada Way, Burnaby BC www.agecare.ca/HarmonyBC February 2016

SPACE IS LIMITED! RSVP BY MARCH 10TH

604-527-3323 www.agecare.ca/Talk

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5 MAKING GLASSES The eyeglass technician got his tie caught in the machine and he made a spectacle of himself. IT’S NOT WORKING I’ve got some Carefree gum, but it hasn’t kicked in yet. I’m worried. WILD PIG If you’re killed by a wild pig, does that mean you were boared to death? STRANGE It’s always I before E. Isn’t that weird?

SAVE THE DATE FOR

HONEYMOON I ordered a honeymoon salad. It’s lettuce, alone.

7-10 PM

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 14

Includes 3 Course Dinner with choice of Starter, Entrée & Dessert!

TIME If you want more time, wear more watches. MIND If you give someone a piece of your mind, are you left with peace of mind?

www.VancouverPaddlewheeler.com

Wondering what your home is worth?

www.sellvancouverhomes.com

Roveen Kandola & Associates Re/Max Real Estate Services • Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410 – 650 West 41st Ave

“I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.” — Anonymous

Serving New Westminster since 2003. We thank all of you for your continued support over the years!

YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE

Review Us on

✔ FREE In-Store Blood Pressure Monitoring ✔ FREE Blister Packing Most Extended Health Plans accepted. Easy transfer of prescriptions.

PHOTO: Gabor Gasztonyi

NO WE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH TOBACCO WE CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS HEALTH WE ARE PROUD TO NOT SELL TOBACCO

More Space + More Products + More Services HOURS: MON TO FRI 9AM–6PM SAT 9AM–2:30PM • SUN 9AM–1:30PM

981 Carnarvon St, New Westminster

604.523.6767

February 2016

sue? Missing an is ACY RM A PH L IM PE RIA y rr ca is pleased to sues -is ck ba e th many of year. from the past

Visit us ONLINE at ImperialPharmacy.ca

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EAGLES CHARITY FUNDRAISER Monday, February 8th at 6:00 p.m. Chan’s Garden, 441 E Columbia St, Sapperton, New Westminster • DOOR PRIZE • 50/50 • SILENT AUCTION The Fraternal Order of Eagles Aerie #20 New Westminster will be hosting a dinner to raise funds for the Royal Columbian Hospital Cardiology Ward. Chan’s Garden is catering this Dinner and has planned an extensive Buffet Menu. The total price is $30.00 per ticket, which includes Tax, Gratuity & $10.00 donation to the charity. F or ticket s, call John A shdown 6 04- 6 57-5 6 0 0 or email ashdowneagle@shaw.ca.

OPENING RECEPTION OF HAPPENSTANCE: A SOLO EXHIBITION BY ARTIST ROBERT FEE

February 3 to 28, 1:00 p.m.–8:00 p.m. Wednesday, 1:00 p.m.–5:00 p.m. Thursday to Sunday Opening Reception: Wednesday February 3, 6:00 p.m.–8:00 p.m. The Gallery at Queen’s Park, Centennial Lodge, Queen’s Park The Arts Council presents “Happenstance” by New Westminster artist Robert Fee www.robertfee.com In the gallery, Rob will be performing three Sunday Concerts on saxophone with the following jazz artists: Jodi Proznick: February 7, 2:00 p.m.–3:00 p.m. Bill Coon: February 14, 2:00 p.m.–3:00 p.m. Mike Allen: February 21, 2:00 p.m.–3:00 p.m.

YOUR FUTURE NEIGHBOURHOOD

February 6, 11:30 a.m.–2:30 p.m. Richard McBride Elementary School, 331 Richmond St, New Westminster February 13, 11:30 a.m.–2:30 p.m. Connaught Heights School gym, 2201 London St, New Westminster A drop-in workshops that will discuss growth and housing. Neighbourhoods discussed in this workshop are: McBride — Sapperton and Massey Victory Heights. Your feedback will help guide the future of your neighbourhood! All of the information gathered will inform the new Official Community Plan — the document that guides growth in the city. Call 604-527-4532 to register.

CHARLOTTE DIAMOND AT MASSEY THEATRE Massey Theatre, 735 Eighth Ave, New Westminster. February 7, 2:00 p.m.–4:00 p.m. Phone: 604-521-5050 Charlotte Diamond returns to Massey Theatre with her CD release celebration concert Diamonds by the Sea. You will never outgrow Charlotte Diamond. A concert for all ages. Seniors 65 Child tickets 5 and under.

CHARLOTTE DIAMOND: OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS By Joe DiPietro, Directed by Rob Larsen February 4–27 (Gala Night February 6) Thursday to Saturday at 8:00 p.m. and Sunday at 2:00 p.m. Nick is a single, Italian-American guy from New Jersey. His parents retired and moved to Florida. That doesn’t mean his family isn’t still in Jersey. In fact, he sees both sets of his grandparents every Sunday for dinner. This is routine until he has to tell them that he’s been offered a dream job. The job he’s been waiting for — marketing executive — would take him away from his beloved, but annoying, grandparents. He tells them. The news doesn’t sit so well. Thus begins a series of schemes to keep Nick around. How could he betray his family’s love to move to Seattle, for a job, wonder his grandparents? Well, Frank, Aida, Nunzio, and Emma do their level best, and that includes bringing to dinner the lovely — and single — Caitlin O’Hare as bait. Cast: William Valenzuela .... Nick Cristano Mary Adams .................Aida Gianelli Andrew Wood .............Frank Gianelli Diana Sandberg ...... Emma Cristano Robert Bowes ......... Nunzio Cristano Kimmie Kidd ...............Caitlin O’Hare

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM

“I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.” — W.C. Fields

8 THE SPEED OF LIGHT Light travels faster than sound, that’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. BASS How does a bass player make his car go faster? He takes the Domino’s Pizza sign off the top. LUCKY I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire. (Thanks to Charley!)

Prescriptions & Compounding At Longevity Compounding Pharmacy, we truly care for our patients. We are dedicated to deliver the highest quality of Pharmaceutical care possible. We are dedicated to serving the special needs of physicians and their patients through custom prescription compounding.

www.longevitypharmacy.ca

604.544.7760 711 Columbia Street New Westminster, BC - V3M 1B2

Fredric T. Samorodin Registered Physiotherapist

Integrated Craniosacral & Jaw Physiotherapy Services Helping patients with chronic pain offering gentle, osteopathically-based physical therapy & acupuncture.

Russian & French spoken!

AT THE ZOO A cheetah clone was found slain at the city zoo. Police suspect a copycat killer. PSYCHIC I know what people are thinking as soon as I tell them that I’m psychic. THAT’S POOR When I was a kid, I was so poor we would go to KFC and lick other people’s fingers. WE WILL If we ever figure out how to preserve people, we’ll really be in a jam. FALLEN What did the horse say when he fell? “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

15 minute free consultations available!

102-609 Bent Court (UpTown) New Westminster

604-732-6323

www.integratedphysio.com

ROMAN NUMERALS My girlfriend has just left me saying I spend too much time devoted to my studies of Roman Numerals. I’m L I V I D.

w w w. b uy va n co uve rh o m es .c a Roveen Kandola & Associates Re/Max Real Estate Services • Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410 – 650 West 41st Ave

February 2016

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FRONT STREET: Closed for cars, open for people! Front Street businesses are open during construction.

“I’m not frowning, I’m just smiling upside down.” — Anonymous

MOON CONSTRUCTION & BUILDING SERVICES • Seismic upgrading • Detail structural • Concrete forming • Retaining walls • Framing • Wood and steel frames • Trusses • Finishing • Siding • Crews available

Cell 604-218-3064 Commercial 604-524-5494 Email patrickmoon@telus.net

nw URC

New Westminster

UNITED REFORMED CHURCH

PREACHING

grace for sinners from God’s word

WORSHIP

a heartfelt offering to God

COMMUNITY

a family that walks with you Join us at New Westminster United Reformed Church 701 Sixth St. newwesturc.org

February 2016

OXYMORONS Words that probably shouldn’t go together: • Logical Guess • American Cheese • Closet Claustrophobic • Restless Sleep • Clear As Mud • Friendly Fire • First Annual Awards • Hamburger Steak • Diet Muffin • Extreme Mediocrity • Everyone Stereotypes • Authentic Reproduction • Partial Cease-fire • Limited Lifetime Guarantee • Self-help Group • Civil War • Mandatory Options • Uninvited Guest • Open Secret • Dry Lake • Live recording • Non-Stop Flight • Original Copy • Act naturally • Found missing • True replica • Resident Alien • Advanced BASIC • Genuine Imitation • Good grief • Same Difference • Sanitary Landfill • Living Dead • Small Crowd • Black Light • Hot Chili • Definite Maybe • Jumbo Shrimp • Never Generalize • Plastic Glasses • Sweet Sorrow • Highly Depressed • Soft Rock • Butt Head • New Classic • Childproof | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

11 • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

“Now, then…” Synthetic Natural Gas Passive Aggressive Taped Live Clearly Misunderstood Peace Force Extinct Life Temporary Tax Increase Computer Jock Computer Security Political Science Tight Slacks Pretty Ugly Twelve-ounce Pound Cake Diet Ice Cream Rap Music Working Vacation Exact Estimate Religious Tolerance Freezer Burn

Saturday, February 20 11AM - 4PM Scottish Cultural Centre

8886 Hudson St, Vancouver

P OP CULTURE SWAP MEET! IS ADM

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SPELLS Patient: “Doc, you have to help me. Some days I think I’m Mickey Mouse, some days I think I’m Donald Duck.” Doctor: “How long have you had these Disney spells?”

FREE SUPER HERO CARDS TO THE

FIRST

SPELL CHECK Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. MERMAID Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? KENNY G Q: What did Kenny G say when he got into the elevator? A: Wow, this place rocks!

NEW WESTMINSTER COUNCIL OF WOMEN

100 GUESTS! • action ﬁgures • boardgames • cameras • canucks memorabilia • CDs/DVDs/ VHS

• graphic novels • hardware • Hot Wheels • jewellery • magazines • manga • monitors • parts

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records software Star Wars toys & collectibles • video games • vintage comics • wrestling

…and lots more all at great prices!

Serving in the community for 117 years.

DEALER INFORMATION 8' tables $40 each, or 2 for $70!

Lobbies government on issues affecting women and families such as Health, Safety, Environment, Education, Seniors, and more.

604-521-6304 funpromo@shaw.ca

For more information, contact Florence Erwin, erwinf@shaw.ca.

www.funpromo.ca

“In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” — Charlie Brown

PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD

PUZZLE #19

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “THE UGLY DUCKING”

5 5

Photographs of George and Family on mantlepiece.

70 YEAR JOURNEY OF LOVE

2 3 2

Photo and Story by Melanie Dixon eorge and Doris Gracey are long-term residents of New Westminster who not only have weathered the ups and downs of marriage but celebrated 70 years of wedded bliss on January 19th. While they’re both originally from England, George had been a Canadian citizen for most of his life when they first met. This couple is proof that not only was a long happy marriage possible in the past, but through modern times and beyond. Doris talked about how they first met during WWII. “We met and then married. George was stationed overseas for five years. I met him in 1943. We had a couple of dates, then we corresponded for a while and then George and I married three years later, in 1946.” Doris adds humorously, “I was a war bride. It was a free trip over you could say.” Doris explained how they both returned to Canada together, despite both being born in England. “George was actually a Canadian who was sent overseas during WWII, and that’s when we met. George was born in England but at six months of age he came over with his family. He spent most of his life here in New Westminster, except for a short time we lived in Burnaby. Our first house was in Burnaby. I didn’t like it there at all. There’s something about New Westminster that is likeable.” “We married in England. I took the Aquitania to Halifax, then from Halifax to here on the train. George was already here. He was de-mobbed from the army.” Demobbed meant that he was demobilized from the army, or fully discharged from the military.

Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle.

PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

continued on page 18 February 2016

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13 SPORTS FAN I’m a big sports fan. I keep the athletes cool while they’re playing. HE RETAINS WATER My friend is dieting. He says weight gain is due to water retention. My weight gain is due to ice cream retention. THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION How do they get the “Keep off the grass” sign on the grass? THE WAITING ROOM “Doctor, I think I’m a deck of cards!” The doctor says, “Sit in the waiting room, I’ll deal with you later.”

PLANNING A REUNION? THE WAFFLE MAY BE THE VENUE YOUR LOOKING FOR!

A GOOD RUN I ran five miles today. Finally, I had to say, “OK Lady, here’s your purse back.” HOT DOG A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and asks, “Make me one with everything!” TO LATE You never know what real happiness is until you get married, and then it is too late. THE POUNDS Overweight is something that just snacks up on you. IT’S UP TO YOU If the grass is greener on the other side — water your grass! PUT A RING ON IT Saturn is the richest planet, you can tell by all the rings. EXCUSEZ-MOI When French people swear, do they say “Pardon my English”? HE’S EMPTY When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. I’M OLD I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

CALL ROBERT FOR MORE INFORMATION

604-524-8118

636 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER

Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers

604.619.8455 Do you remember Lorraine Cunningham, a 1959 Lester Pearson Grad? If so contact us.

#360-729 6th St, New Westminster, BC V3L 3C5

BUDGET BUILDING MAINTENANCE • Office Cleaning • Apartment Cleaning & Caretaker Services • Residential & Commercial Cleaning • Bonded & Insured • Free Estimates

For complete janitorial services call Ram Bali, Manager 604-603-4464

“Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.” — Albert King

14 WHAT? What would you say if Jesus sneezed in front of you?

THE DOCTOR SAYS… The way to a man’s heart is to saw his breastplate open.

TWO PARROTS Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, “Do you smell fish?”

POKER I’m wondering if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

LEAD ME NOT Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

THAT’S NOT WHAT IT’S FOR I just bought a new toilet brush. I still prefer paper, though.

WILLIE Willie Nelson got hit by a car yesterday. He was playing “On the Road Again”.

BUSH Donald Rumsfeld briefed President Bush this morning. He told Bush that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today. The color ran from Bush’s face, and he was visibly shaken. Bush composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, “Just exactly how many is a brazillion?”

I’M SHRINKING Patient: “Doctor, something is wrong! I’m shrinking!” Doctor: “Now, now — you’ll have to be a little patient!” THE CATCHER I had to catch a train, so I got a really big mitt. YOU WANT TO GO IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

CANINE EMAIL Two dogs are walking down the street, one says, “Wait a minute” and then crosses the road. He sniffs around a fire hydrant and returns. The other dog says, “What was that all about?” The first dog replies, “Just checking my messages!”

YOUR TROPIC SNORKELLING CENTRE!

WORKING FOR YOU

For Over 31 Years

Over 40 Years Serving the Snorkeling & Scuba Community

604.524.1188

825 McBride Blvd, New Westminster www.diveandsea.com

604-644-0141

www.EdGoss.com edjgoss@gmail.com Ed Goss

Associate Broker MLS Master Medallion February 2016

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15 TIN CAN Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

ALPHABETICAL OBSESSION I have CDO. It’s like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but in alphabetical order as it should be.

SOUP Customer: Waiter! There is a fly in my soup. Waiter: That could very well be, sir, the cook used to be a tailor.

THAT’S THE TIME It’s always darkest before dawn. If you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that the time to do it.

IT DOESN’T ADD UP Math illiteracy affects 7 out of every 5 people. NOT JUST TIME Money flies when you’re having fun. MAGIC My wife said to bring the magic back in our relationship. So I disappeared! GETTING ALONG I know a guy who has a new book coming out. It’s one of those self-help books. It’s called “How To Get Along With Everybody.” I read it and it works! He wrote it with some other stupid jerk.

FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “take two aspirin” and “keep away from children.” WINTER SPIRTS I know a guy who can’t hold his liquor during the winter months. It’s probably the mittens. THE BUTCHER Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work. MOSES TOLD HIM TO Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: You send down four skin divers.

Live

DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS!

Search us on Facebook “Legion 83”

Find us off Royal Oak Ave ROYAL OAK AVE

Seating for 100 people For all your special occassions $5.99 Buffet every second Tuesday at 6:30pm Music Bingo every second Friday at 6:30pm Karaokee every Wednesday at 7:00pm

entertainment with Cal!

SW AY

GRIMMER ST

Royal Canadian Legion No.83 | 5289 Grimmer St, Burnaby 604-568-2912 | www.rclbr83.ca | secretary@rclbr83.ca “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” — Milton Berle

16 Open for Lunch (Fridays & Saturdays)

MAYBE Can you find buck teeth at the dollar store? THEY DO Do pyromaniacs wear blazers? TWINS Q: What do you call twin babies waiting to be born? A: Wombmates.

No one makes pizza as fresh, as tasty, as hot, as cheesy or deliver it as fast as It’s all for you! We want to be

your favourite pizza…

Mon-Thur 4pm-12am Fri-Sat 11am-2am Sun 4pm-12am

Please order 1/2 hour before closing.

SPECIAL #1 SPECIAL #2 Mon-Tues

1 LARGE PIZZA (2 TOPPINGS)

799

Must present coupon. Pick up only.

+TAX

2 LARGE PIZZAS

(3 TOPPINGS EACH)

Must present coupon. Add $2.99 for delivery.

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SPECIAL #3 SPECIAL #4 2 MEDIUM PIZZAS

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(3 TOPPINGS EACH)

$ 2999 17 604.540.4444 $

Must present coupon. Add $2.99 for delivery.

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7898 6th St, Burnaby

BREAKFAST • LUNCH • DINNER • DAILY SPECIALS

604-524-8118 Open 7 days a week!

636 Sixth Street Mon to Sat 7am – 8pm New Westminster Sun/Holidays 8am – 3:30pm

wafflehouserestaurant.com

February 2016

VERY HELPFUL Q: Why do fire departments have Dalmatians? A: So they can find the hydrants. CONTIMPLATING PRODUCTIVITY I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing. WE’RE NOT WORTHY The meek may inherit the earth, but they’ll be too humble to accept it. ALMOST I almost fell in love with a psychic, but she left me before we met. THE KIDS The Invisible Man married the Invisible Woman, but their kids aren’t much to look at. GODS WORK God was talking to one of the angels, and said, “I’ve just created this spinning earth, which creates, in a 24 hour period, alternating light and darkness!” The angel said, “What are you going to do now?” God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.” AND GAVE HIM A PINCH The cannibal passed his neighbour in the woods. IN THE FOREST If a woman is in the forest and there is no man around, is she still wrong? DO NOT EAT I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it “Do not eat if seal is broken.” So I opened up the box, and sure enough… | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

17 MLA’S REPORT By Judy Darcy

he beginning of a new year always feels like a fresh start! It’s a wonderful time for reflection — and for making plans. It was an honour to work on so many issues on your behalf in 2015 — and a joy to join you at so many community events. As I often say in the legislature, New Westminster is a city like no other, with non-stop exceptional community festivals! I thoroughly enjoyed taking part in a somewhat soggy, but well-attended Christmas Parade as well as many other seasonal events. And one of the highlights of the year was my packed Holiday Open House on December 10. Kids decorated crafts, we broke bread together, and joined in festive cheer — and collected a full truck-load of toys to donate to the local Salvation Army. In December, I was very pleased that Education Minister Bernier accepted my invitation to tour NWSS to see for himself why we Urgently need a new high school. NWSS Principal Cookson, SD40 Chair Jonina Campbell and school trustees did a wonderful job of highlighting why this school should be at the top of the government’s priority list for 2016. On November 29, I hosted a Welcoming Refugees Town Hall together with New Westminster-Burnaby Member of Parliament Peter Julian — and we were simply overwhelmed by the generosity of New West residents! Over 200 people attended representing a broad cross-section of the community — from businesses to

I DID WELL I used to sell “No Soliciting” signs door to door. THE LAWYER I dated a lawyer until she said, “Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!” BEING CHARITABLE A man thinks he’ll be charitable and says to a homeless man, “Paint my porch out back, and I’ll give you $100”. Later in the day, the homeless guy knocks on the

faith organizations, seniors, youth, community agencies, trade unions, Mayor and Councilors, school trustees, and so many more. Everyone was there to learn how they could support the refugees who will be settling here in the coming months. To find out more about how you can support newcomers, please keep an eye on my website at www.judydarcy.ca where I will post updates as we learn more information. On February 6, we will celebrate the Lunar New Year at the Royal City Centre. Join Peter Julian and me to celebrate the Year of the Monkey, share some traditional treats, and receive one of our “red pockets” for good luck! We will be in the food court area from 2:00–4:00 p.m. I hope to see you there! The Legislature resumes sitting on February 9th, beginning with the Speech from the Throne, followed by the Provincial Budget. I will have the opportunity to respond at length to the Budget on your behalf — and I would love to hear from people in our community about what you think the government’s priorities should be for the coming year. Please get in touch and let me know! I look forward to continuing to serve you as your Member of the Legislative Assembly. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to call us at 604-775-2101, email me at judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca or drop by my office at 737 Sixth Street in Uptown. Our office is open Monday to Thursday, 10:00 a.m.–4:30 p.m. and Friday by appointment only. I wish you and your loved ones a healthy and happy 2016!

door and says, “I’m all done. By the way, it’s a Mercedes.”

ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was great.

SO YOU WANT YOUR MONEY’S WORTH A guy says to a dentist, “$90 to pull a tooth? That’s only about one minute’s work!” The dentist says, “I can make it last longer if you’d like.”

FOR SURE Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “I’m positive.”

TWO ANTENNAS Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The

THE LADIES SHOWED FOR THIS SALE There is a sale in the men’s department. All pants are half off.

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — George Burns

18 continued from page 12

MATH MADNESS

Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!

NUMBER BLOCKS

Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!

February 2016

Doris explained how George had numerous jobs after a successful end to his military career. “George worked at numerous places. Mainly Woodlands School, BC Pen, and he worked for a time at the New West Pound. He worked for the City of New Westminster as a city parking officer too. That’s where he retired from. He began by writing tickets. He also repaired clocks in the meters.” Doris enjoyed a successful career in BC too. “I worked in BC Tel, BC Provincial Government, different departments, for Mental Health and the Department of Labour.” Doris enjoyed talking about her three boys. “We have three boys total. Garry is the middle one, a notary public. Gerry was a fireman, he’s retired now. Keith is 12 years younger than Garry and he owns his own business.” After musing about her life in New West, Doris continued her story about falling in love with George in England. “We got married in Brighton, England at St. Peter’s Church.” In their wedding photo Doris is wearing a traditional long white chiffon wedding gown with heart shaped tiara with veil, while George is wearing his military uniform from the Royal New Westminster Regiment. The couple have been living in their townhome location for the past twenty years. Doris chatted about how they usually spend their wedding anniversary. “He’s currently in the hospital, 95 years old. Normally we celebrate the usual way with a dinner. We used to celebrate more on holiday. We’d take a six week trip to England and go to friends and relatives. We haven’t done anything this year with George in the hospital. He should be coming home soon.” Doris talked about what goes into a long and successful marriage, including looking after yourself. “We’ve been lucky that we have’t had any major health issues up to this point. Health and a long marriage go together.” Doris mused about the past. I don’t know where time has gone. Of course there have been ups and downs. A lot of love on both sides.” Doris said that if George had been here to chat about their 70 years of marriage he would say, “I’m proud of it.” ABOUT MELANIE DIXON: Like most residents to New West, Melanie moved in and never left. She assists businesses with website content, blogs, and articles. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

19 2016

Doris talked about George’s p er s on a l it y. “He’s easy to k n o w, w i t h varied knowledge. He’s in touch w ith people.” Doris shared how the entire family moved from England. “George’s parents lived in New WestminDoris Gracey muses about her ster too. The life in New Westminster. whole fa m i ly came over. His sister and brothers are in New Westminster. He’s been here since he was 6 months old.” Doris looks forward to George coming home from the hospital. Piffle Magazine wishes them many happy years to come!

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Much of the fat from adipose tissue (which is primarily used during exercise) is lost in the hours following exercise. The amount of fat lost after a workout depends on the exercise intensity during the workout. Interval training (exercise at a moderate to high intensity with short rests in between sets)

It is often assumed and maybe a myth that low-intensity exercises such as yoga and walking are good for burning fat. However, since the number of calories used per minute is much greater at a moderate to high intensity exercises than at a lower intensity exercises, the total number of fat calories expended during a moderate- to high-intensity workout is much greater than it is during a low-intensity workout of the same duration!

Exercises that incorporate multiple muscle groups and are weight bearing (functional training) burn more calories per minute and are therefore better suited for fat loss than nonweight-bearing activities such as yoga and walking that do not use many muscles.

his is probably one of the most popular questions we get day in and day out, month in and month out ― you get the point! There is not one “best way” to lose fat. Each person responds differently to different training programs and different scenarios, however personal trainers can apply different principles and techniques when designing their clients’ programs.

2. EATING MORE PROTEIN HELPS TO REDUCE BELLY FAT! Protein is the most important macronutrient when it comes to losing weight ― bar none! It has been shown to reduce food cravings by up to 60% and boost your metabolism by 80-100 calories per day, as well you eat up to 400-500 fewer calories per day!! If your goal is to lose weight or “belly fat” then adding protein to your meals is the single most eﬀective change you can do. Not only will protein help you lose weight but it can also help you avoid re-gaining the weight you have lost if you ever decide to abandon your weight loss eﬀorts!

1. DON’T EAT (ADDED) SUGAR AND AVOID SUGAR-SWEETENED BEVERAGES! Added sugar in anything is extremely unhealthy! Sugar is half glucose, half fructose… and fructose can only be metabolized by the liver in any significant amount. When you eat a lot of refined sugar, the liver gets flooded with fructose, and is forced to turn it all into fat. Studies have shown that excess sugar, mostly due to the large amounts of fructose can lead to increased accumulation of fat in the belly Liquid sugar (soda pop) is even worse in this regard. Liquid calories do not make you full in the same way as eating something, so when you drink sugar-sweetened beverages, you end up eating way more total calories then what you would eat! An alarming thing is studies show that sugar-sweetened beverages are linked to a 60% increased risk of obesity in children ― so please remember this the next time your child asks for a pop!

My top 6 (evidence-based) ways to lose belly fat:

There are actually a few proven strategies that have been shown to target the fat in the belly area more than other areas of the body.

Overweight does not necessarily equal unhealthy. There are actually plenty of overweight people who are in excellent health! However it’s the fat in the abdominal cavity, the belly fat, that causes the biggest issues. If you have a lot of excess fat around your waistline, even if you’re not very heavy or overweight then you should take some steps to get rid of it.

and strength training results in more fat loss than either exercise done alone.

6. TRACK YOUR FOODS — WHAT AND HOW MUCH ARE YOU REALLY EATING? What is the saying “You are What You Eat!” Unfortunately most people do not have a clue what they are really eating! People always tend to think they are eating healthy ― “high protein”, “low fat” ― whatever, generally speaking people always tend to over- or underestimate. what they are actually

5. AEROBIC EXERCISE IS (VERY) EFFECTIVE AT REDUCING BELLY FAT Aerobic exercise is important for various reasons and obviously there is a ton of health beneﬁts linked to aerobic exercise, however it may be the best for reducing “belly fat!” However… keep in mind that I’m not talking about abdominal exercises here. Spot reduction (losing fat in one spot) or doing endless amount of sit-ups is not possible and will not make you lose fat from the belly. Aerobic exercise has been shown to cause major reductions in belly fat in numerous studies. (see above)

This gel can dramatically slow down the movement of food through your stomach and slow down the digestion and absorption of nutrients which results in a feeling of fullness and reduced appetite. By just adding an additional 10–14 grams of fiber per day to your diet you may decrease your calorie intake up to 10% which could lead to 5lbs lost over a few months! As well eating an extra 10 grams of soluble fiber per day may lead to reducing harmful “belly fat”. The best way to get more fiber in your diet is to eat a lot of plant foods like vegetables and fruit. Many different beans or legumes are also a good source, as well as some cereals like oats (without the added sugar!).

4. EAT FOODS HIGH IN FIBER! It is often claimed that eating plenty of fiber can help with weight loss. This is very true, however it’s important to keep in mind that not all fiber is created equal! Viscous fibers (fibers that bind water and form a thick gel that “sits” in the gut) can have an effect on your weight loss.

are also numerous studies comparing low-carb and low-fat diets, showing that low-carb diets speciﬁcally target the fat in the belly and around the organs and liver which obviously is very important (see above).

What Is the Best Way to Lose Body Fat?

3. CUT (REFINED) CARBS FROM YOUR DIET Carbohydrate restriction is a very effective way to lose fat! Simply put when people cut carbs, their appetite goes down and over time studies have now shown that low-carb diets lead to 2-3 times more weight loss than low-fat diets. Just avoiding the refined carbs (white breads, pastas, etc) should be sufficient, especially if you keep your protein high. There eating or the amount of what they are eating. If anyone is really looking to lose weight or re-vamp their diet, tracking what they are eating is essential and it does not have to be forever it will just give you a realistic idea of what and how much you are really eating on a daily basis and then you can make changes or adjustments accordingly to reach your dietary goals.

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Both strength training (weights, machines) and endurance/ aerobic training (running) have been shown to decrease body fat percentage, however aerobic training (swimming, walking, running) have a greater impact on fat loss than strength training alone but a combination of endurance

is a great way to decrease overall body fat.

22 INTELLECTUAL NUDISTS At a nudist colony for intellectuals in England: Two old men are sitting on the front porch. One turns to the other and says, “I say, old boy, have you read Marx?” The other says, “Yes, it’s these wicker chairs.” SECURITY I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. GIVE IT A TRY “Dad, can you do my homework for me?” “No, I’m sorry, it just wouldn’t be right.” “Well, maybe not, but give it a try anyway!” NUTS Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night. One was assaulted. PAY THE MAN If you don’t pay your exorcist, you may get repossessed. LEMONS If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. ROIDS Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? A: Polaroids. HUNGRY? If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

O LORD How many quarters does it take to play the new Lord of the Rings pinball game? None. It only takes Tolkiens. COMPUTERS 101 Smash forehead on keyboard to continue… CANNIBALS Cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny. TO ERR To err is human, to moo bovine. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE You can say anything foolish to a dog and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God! You’re right! I would have never thought of that!” WORDS I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. HE NEEDS A CRESCENDO The constipated composer couldn’t finish his last movement. THE CREW There was a ship that ran aground; it was filled with red paint. The crew was marooned! TWO COWS Two cows were talking to one another. One says to the other, “What do you think about this mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “What do I care, I’m a helicopter!”

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23 5 WAYS TO SUPPORT NEW WEST ART THIS MONTH

POET’S CORNER with

he Arts Council of New Westminster has another busy month with lots of events coming up. Here are just five inspiring ways you can connect with the arts in our city: Take in an exhibit. Enjoy the latest featured artist at the Gallery in Queen’s Park. New Westminster artist Robert Fee showcases “Happenstance”, February 3–28. You can meet the artist at the artist reception on February 3 from 6:00 p.m.–8:00 p.m. It’s a great opportunity to meet other community art-lovers and enjoy an evening out in the Park. Get jazzy. Listen to free Sunday jazz concerts at the Gallery in Queen’s Park February 7, 14 and 21 from 2:00 p.m.–3:00 p.m. Connect with others. Help bring community together through the arts at the New Westminster Cultural Roundtable. February 10, 7:00pm-8:30pm. Admission is free, but pre-registration is required. Catch a flick. Join the Arts Council for Last Monday at the Movies February 29, featuring a showing of “Grandma” for your viewing pleasure. At the Massey Theatre, 7:30pm. Go all in. Come by Match Eatery at Starlight Casino and get a beer and a burger for $25, with proceeds going to the Arts Council of New Westminster. Royal Flush: Let’s go all in for the Arts! February 23, 6:00 p.m.–10:00 p.m. You can find out more details about these and other arts events in New West at www.artscouncilnewwest.org.

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

Fraser Cemetery

New Westminster breathes in mindfully, Love emanates from every tree branch tendril. The monumental stones surrounding earth, a quilt for bones returning to Source.

Once upon a solid bench, I stand to greet the stone philosopher who holds both key and scroll.

I, the spellbound observer exhale.

THEY WILL HAVE FLUSH OUT THIEF All the toilets were stolen out of the police station. The police have nothing to go on. ARRESTED There was a cowboy dressed completely in brown paper. He was arrested for rustling. BUT THE FOOD’S GOOD The first restaurant on the moon isn’t doing very well. It’s got great food, but no atmosphere. A LITTLE PICK ME UP I am a kleptomaniac, but when it gets really bad I take something for it.

Tracy Carruthers (aka Veganpoetess) has completed the academic portion of her writing journey. She continues to study the world, written and otherwise, in her daily life. She has been published in One Cool Word, Unders torey Magazine, and Pearls Anthology. She is so grateful for her son, and the ability to touch the lives of many beautiful people in her career and with her writing.

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.poeticjusticenewwest.org and www.rclas.com for all the latest events.

“You can’t have everything… where would you put it?” — Steven Alexander Wright

24 IS THIS THE TIME YOU MEET THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE?

THE CHICKEN A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

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SYNDROME “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” The Doc replies, “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” The Doc says, “It’s Not Unusual.”

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ARIES: If you feel emotionally upset during this time, don’t rely on those self defeating acts. Instead, confront yourself and you will have a better way of dealing with issues. TAURUS: Formulate those goals and go after them with gusto. Just be sure to balance your needs with the needs of the group and all will be well. GEMINI: You have ambition to achieve this month and so you will. You will work extremely hard to get the job done. Watch for conflict with authority figures. CANCER: Your beliefs and opinions are a strong theme during this time. Just don’t force your view on others and learn to listen to what others have to say. LEO: Your values and others people money comes into play during this time. There may be a conflict over possessions. Don’t forget to share. VIRGO: Cooperation with business and marital partners will be a strong theme. Work with them and not against and all will be good during this time. LIBRA: Your daily life really picks up speed. Your able to take pride in all the work you are able to accomplish. Health issues may arise due to your temper. SCORPIO: Your competitiveness and agressive side comes out to play during this time. Everything fun will be more intense. Enjoy the ride.

AT THE VET A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?” The vet says, “Well, let’s have a look at him.” So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Just because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really, really heavy.” GOD WILL HELP A very religious man fell into the quicksand. Firefighters come by and offer to help, but he says,

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SAGITTARIUS: The action revolves around your home. You should be making serious headway if you work from home. Use this energy wisely. CAPRICORN: Beware of imposing your ideas on others or conflicts will arise. However, selling the idea on the job front works quite well. AQUARIUS: Do you own money or does it own you? Money can easily slip through your fingers. Keep credit cards at home this month. P I S C E S : A great time to fur ther your own interests and start that physical fitness routine. You’ve got mind and body energy to burn. Put it to good use.

February 2016

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25 “No, God will help me.” Next come the police, they offer to help. Again the man says, “No, God will help me.” He then sinks in the quicksand to his death. In heaven, he asks God why he didn’t save him. God says, “What about the firemen and police I sent?” AT THE PHARMACY A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?” The pharmacist asks, “You mean aspirin?” “That’s it, I can never remember the word.” ROCKEY THE DOG Man to Veterinarian: “Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner.” Veterinarian: “That’s OK, he’s a boxer.” IN SHAPE I’m in shape. Round is a shape. START SMALL If you’re going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

CHICKENS AND SQUIRRELS Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To prove to the squirrels it could be done. INVISIBLE “Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.” The doctor says, “Tell him I can’t see him!” IT SHOULD BE Why isn’t palindrome spelled the same way backwards? BETTER NOW Did you hear about the man who fell into the reupholstery machine? He’s fully recovered now. BERT AND ERNIE Q: What did Ernie say when his best friend asked him if he wanted some ice cream? A: “Sure, Bert!” SORRY I sat in line at the drive through window. The plump employee opens the window and says, “Sorry about the weight!”

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Q: What does the sith eat for breakfast? A: Wookies and milk.

Q: What do you call a very small Valentine? A: A Valentiny!

Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day? A: Ughs and kisses!

Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day? A: Owl be yours!

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day? A: I Love Ewe! Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m stuck on you!

Q: What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m nuts about you! Knock knock! Who’s there? Sherwood Sherwood who? Sherwood like to be your valentine!

Knock knock! Who’e there? Frank Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!

Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day? A: You’re nuts so bad yourself!

Knock knock! Who’s there? Howard Howard who? Howard you like a big kiss?

Knock, knock Who’s there? Pooch Pooch who? Pooch your arms around me, baby!

Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day? A: Cauliflowers!

Q: What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear.

February 2016

FUNNY MEANINGS • Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. • Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. • Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes. • Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. • Aromatic: An automatic crossbow. • Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. • Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do. • Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline. • Barbecue: A line of people waiting for a haircut. • Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye. • Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. • Bouyant: A male insect. • Burglarize: What a crook sees with. • Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes tighter every night. • Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people. • Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. • Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating. • Circumvent: The opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by snipped men. • Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus. • Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. • Cobra: A brasseire for conjoined twins.

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27 • Coffee: The person on whom one coughs. • Control: A short, bearded prison inmate. • Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. • Debate: What lures de fishes. • Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. • Depart: De white line down de middle of de hair. • Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your way. • Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living. • Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk. • Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. • Flatulence: Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. • Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when one dies, the soul flies up to the roof and gets stuck there. • Gargoyle: Olive flavor mouthwash. • Glibido: All talk and no action. • Heroes: What a guy in a boat does. • Instigator: What you add water to when you want an alligator. • Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. • Left Bank: What the robber did after his bag was full of loot. • Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better. • Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato. • Myth: A female moth. • Negligent: Absent-mindedly answering the door wearing only a nightgown. • Octopus: An eight-sided cat. • Out of Bounds: An exhausted kangaroo.

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OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK 11:00am – 10:00pm Closed Tuesdays

“All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.” — Anonymous

28 February Exhibition at The Gallery at Queen's Park Robert Fee “Happenstance” February 3rd - 28th Artist Reception Feb 3rd 6 - 8pm . Free improve jazz

New Westminster Cultural Roundtable February 10 7:-8:30pm at The Gallery at Queen's Park

artscouncilnewwest.org 604.525.3244

New West Craft at River Market February 6th & 20th 11am-4pm

Last Monday at the Movies

MASSEY THEATRE New Westminster Tickets $10 & $8 for Seniors/students

Gallery Sessions Live Music at the Gallery at Queen’s Park February 24 7 - 8:30 pm

Off

“Grandma” with Lily Tomlin February 29, 2016 7:30 pm

AUTO WASH STARTING AT

February 2016

MORE FUNNY MEANINGS • Oyster: A person who sprinkles his conversations with Yiddishisms. • Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. • Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again. • Phonecrastinate: To put off answering the phone until caller ID identifies the caller. • Pokemon: A Rastafarian proctologist. • Polarize: What penguins see with. • Porcupine: A craving for bacon. • Posse: A Wild West cat. • Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV. • Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife. • Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size six. • Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. • Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does. • Stalemate: An old spouse. • Subdued: Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man. • Sudafed: Bringing litigation against a government official. • Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. • Syntax: Money in the collection plate. • Testicle: A funny question on an examination. • Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. • Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction. • Vocabularian: A person who makes up new words. • Willy-nilly: Impotent. TESTING Animal testing is a bad idea. They get all the answers wrong. MOON Never moon a werewolf. FOURTH ARREST Police recently arrested a man who was selling pills that would give you eternal youth. Police discovered that it was the fourth time this man was arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

29 I’M A DOG Man: “Doctor, I think I’m a dog.” Psychiatrist: “Mmmm. Interesting. Please lie down on the couch.” Man: “I’m not allowed on the couch!” IT’S A WEAPON Q: What do you get when you bake beans and onions together? A: Tear gas. ONE-LINERS • Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf. • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. • A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. • You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. • Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. • He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key. • A calendar’s days are numbered. • A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine. • A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. • He had a photographic memory, which was never developed. • There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

SOLUTION TO PUZZLE #18 PICTOGRAPH B Y R O S S H O O D 1 1

1 10

15 14 13 12 11

1 2

7 13 15 11 10 8

“Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.” — Anonymous

30 2016 Black History Month Celebration at Open Bible Chapel

Special Guests Performing Music & Spoken Word

Saturday, February 20 #300-2520 Ontario St, Vancouver For more info or to get involved, contact Phyliss at 604-255-9742

We are coninuing the tradition of asking for donation of NON perishble goods for the food bank. Please feel free to bring snacks/side dishes. Fellowship folling program

FUN FACTS AND FUNNY MARRIAGE TRIVIA MARRIAGE CONTRACT 1. ‘Diamonds are a girl’s best friend’ but did you know that until the 15th century, only kings wore diamonds, as a symbol of strength, courage, and invincibility. In India, where the diamond was first discovered , it was valued more for its magic than its beauty and was believed to protect the wearer from fire, snakes, illnesses, thieves, and great evil. 2. Wearing a wedding ring on the fourth finger of the left hand dates back to ancient Egypt, where it was believed that the vein of love ran from this finger directly to the heart. 3. The youngest couple ever to marry was an eleven month old boy and a three month old girl who were married in Bangladesh in 1986. The marriage was arranged in order to settle a twenty year feud over a disputed piece of farmland. 4. The most fantastic gift of love is the Taj Mahal in India. It was built by Mughal Emperor Shahjahan as a memorial to his wife, who died in childbirth. Work on the Taj began in 1634 and continued for almost 22 years. required the labour of 20,000 workers from all over India and Central Asia.

Piffle’s MATH MADNESS

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February 2016

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

APARTMENT / MULTI-RESIDENTIAL PREMISES

The New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services works diligently to advance the cause of fire safety in our community. Preventing fires takes a serious commitment to fire and life safety inspections from both the fire department and the owner/managers of residential apartment buildings. This proactive approach has proven successful from a public safety viewpoint. We would like to remind apartment tenants and owners not to disconnect or alter their smoke alarms and fire safety equipment. This can put you and the other residents of the building at great risk. It is also considered a criminal violation pursuant to the Criminal Code of Canada. According to the BC Building Code, every owner of a rental unit including apartments, strata, and sleeping units in rooming houses is required to supply a smoke alarm for each suite or living unit. Tenants are encouraged to call the New Westminster Fire Rescue Services if they do not have a smoke alarm or the existing alarm is not working. Owners and tenants should be aware that not all alarms are monitored so when an alarm rings, call 9-1-1. Practice fire safety — plan your escape in case of fire. For more information on apartment safety and/or the False Alarm Program, please contact the Public Safety and Prevention Division at 604-519-1004. New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services Fire Prevention Office, 1 East 6th Avenue, New Westminster, BC V3L 4G6

www.newwestcity.ca

February 2016

WILL ROGERS QUOTES A great humorist. Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages the US has ever known. Here are some of his best quotes: • “Never squat while wearing your spurs.” • “Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.” • “Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.” • “There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.” • “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” • “Always drink upstream from the herd.” • “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” • “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.” • “There are three kinds of men: the ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.” • “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” • “If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.” • “Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.” • After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” • “Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” • “The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.” • “Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.” • “When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.” • “You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.” • “I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.” • “One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.” • “One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

33 • “Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.” • “Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it’s called golf.” • “If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.” TEN CLASSIC VALENTINES SAYINGS 1. “Love is friendship set on fire.” — Jeremy Taylor 2. “Love is a game that two can play and both win.” — Eva Gabor 3. “Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.” — Jerome K. Jerome 4. “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.” — Elizabeth Barrett Browning 5. “Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man.” — Anonymous 6. “For twas not into my ear you whispered, But into my heart, Twas not my lips you kissed, But my soul.” — Judy Garland 7. “Love is the heart of the soul.” — Robert Paul 8. “A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you.” — Anon 9. “My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.” — Emo Philips 10. “I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.” — Anonymous LOVE AND MARRIAGE: PROVERBS, MAXIMS AND APHORISMS • A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. Valentine’s Day Jokes • Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. • The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. • When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. • Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

nwspartans.org

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Massage............ $50 Facial ........$45 & Up Pedicure ............ $30 Manicure ........... $20 Brow ................... $5 Lash .................. $10 30 Minute Infrared Sauna................ $15

Gift Certificates available

“Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.” — Anonymous

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Call Steve at 604-724-3670 stormworks@stormworks.ca

www.stormworks.ca

Signs & Printing

High Quality Namebadges to Promote Your Brand and Identity.

We have many styles available and can even produce custom shapes and sizes. A wide variety of colours and materials are available. Durable inks for imprinting your logo. We have a wide range of colour options available Traditional Finish - Metallic Finish. Laser Cut / Engraved Room Numbers/Identification Signs A variety of colours, typestyles and sizes available. Including 3D lettering.

Fire Door and Stairwell Signs

Signage to meet any guidelines and building codes.

Evacuation Plans

Full colour plans on metallic, white or clear backgrounds, with or without protective acrylic sheets.

Door Sliders

A variety of colours, typestyles and holder ﬁnishes available

Washroom Signs

A variety of colours and sizes available all conforming to pictogram standards.

Direction Signs

We create custom signs on all kinds of materials; Sintra, Lamicoid, plywood, coroplast.

604 521-1295 Email: info@canengrave.com 601 Queens Avenue New Westminster, BC www.canengrave.com February 2016

(MOSTLY) ROMANTIC QUOTES • “I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.” — Dorothy Parker • “Women are cursed, and men are the proof.” — Rosanne Barr • “Women with pasts interest men… they hope history will repeat itself.” — Mae West • “Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.” — Mickey Rooney • “My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.” — Rita Rudner • “The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.” — Ann Landers • “I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that, they just about throw up.” — Barbara Bush • “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” — Groucho Marx • “Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.” — Thomas Szasz • “The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.” — J. Krishnamurti • “All you need is love.” — John Lennon • “Love sought is good, but giv’n unsought is better.” — William Shakespeare in Twelfth Night • “One makes mistakes; that is life. But it is never a mistake to have loved.” — Romain Rolland • “Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” — Lynda Barry • “Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” — Thomas Robert Dewar • “A heart that loves is always young.” — Greek Proverb • “But I have seen thee and thou art enough.” — G. Moore • “Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.” — Sarah Bernhardt • “Friendship is one mind in two bodies.” — Mencius • "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” — Winnie the Pooh | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

35 LOVE Q & A Q: What do single people call Valentine’s Day? A: Happy Independence Day. Q: What is the difference between a calendar and you? A: A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day. Q: What’s the best part about Valentines Day? A: The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale. Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? A: It was Valenswine’s Day! Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? A: Sure, they’re very scent-imental! Q: What is another way of saying Happy Valentine’s day? A: S.A.D, Singles Awareness Day! Q: What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse? A: “I’ve got a crutch on you!” Q: Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank? A: It was a case of guppy love. Q: What do you call two birds in love? A: Tweethearts! Q: What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love? A: A stupid cupid! Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valentiny! Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: “I’m sweet on you!” Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet? A: “I find you very attractive.” Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m stuck on you! Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A: A stamp. Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A: Because it’s all heart. Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? A: Forget-me-nuts. Q: What is a vampire’s sweetheart called? A: His ghoul-friend. Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn’t get a date. Q: What happens when you fall in love with a french chef? A: You get buttered up.

Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day? A: Ughs and kisses! Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet? A: I find you very attractive. Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: I love you a ton! Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: You mean a great dill to me. Q: What do you call a very small Valentine? A: A Valentiny! Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch? A: You turn me on. Q. What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine’s Day? A. Let me call you Tweet heart! Q. What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day? A. You’re purrr-fect for me! Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

604-517-1230

oktirenw@shaw.ca 325A 12th Street New Westminster

Check out our seasonal specials! ANDREW LOCHHEAD, GM

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“The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” — Walter Bagehot

36 THIS IS YOUR I N V I TAT I O N !

B U S I N E S S D I R E C T O R Y

/issue

Phone John today!

604-657-5600 Email

johnashdown@piffle.ca

New Westminster Join Us Sundays: 4:00 pm

726 12th Street (Near 8th Avenue)

Mount Calvary Lutheran Church 701 - 6th St, New Westminster Divine Service & Sunday School: 11:00 am Sundays

604.299.9538 info@lhohcf.ca lhohcf.ca We are a multi-cultural community church where everyone is welcome— AND WE REALLY MEAN IT!

106-310 8th St, New West

en Pejvack Book Launch Amity y’s Stories

604.562.4637 laramoving.ca

43 6th St,

New Westminster

WED, FEB 17 @ 7PM

2016 Renaissance Variety Open Mic 604.525.4566

renbooks@telus.net renaissancebookstore.com

February 2016

SERVING YOUR COMMUNITY 325 6th Street New Westminster, BC Tel: 604-521-0363 See you at church!

Tel: 604-521-2007

“Good clean cars, reasonably priced!”

301-12th St, New West

604-377-5889 MOON CONSTRUCTION

• Honest & Reliable • Careful & Efficient • Fully Equip 3 or 5 Ton Truck • Reasonable Rates

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Knox Presbyterian Church

403 E Columbia St, New West

604.524.6712

The Rev. Richard Watson, Minster

Regular Sunday Service at 11am

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| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

37 BONUS LOVE Q & A Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn’t get a date. Q: What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear. Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her? A: Antelope. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Hogs and Kisses! Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? A: Sure, they’re very scent-imental! Q: Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration? A: Because you can really party hearty! Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: “I’m sweet on you!” Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend? A: “I love you with all my art!” Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day? A: Cauliflowers! Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day? A: Owl be yours! Q: What did one light bulb say to the other? A: I love you a whole watt! Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend? A: You’re fun to hang around with. Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: I’m sweet on you! Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: You mean a great dill to me. Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m nuts about you! Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day? A: My heart beats for you! Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Be my Valenslime! Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day? A: You can count on me! Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Be my Valenstein! “I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.” — Anonymous

Obtain a TD Canada Trust Mortgage Pre-approval and Shop with Confidence Pre-approvals are one of the easiest ways to start off the home buying process on the right foot1. There are many benefits of getting a pre-approval for your mortgage! Helps you establish a limit when looking for your dream home before you start house hunting, so you know what price range to target! Many homebuyers aim too high, bidding on a home outside of their budget. Later they learn the home is beyond their means due to other financial factors. Having a pre-approval eliminates the stress of not knowing what you can afford and what your payments will be. Receive a committed interest rate for 120 days!1 In todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rising interest rate environment, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s smart to protect yourself from rising rates down the road. TD Canada Trust will commit to the interest rate for 120 days from the date of the pre-approval. Eliminate the guesswork!

When obtaining a pre-approval your TD Mobile Mortgage Specialist will discuss the full range of mortgage options available to you, and help to eliminate any assumptions you may have about mortgages and buying a home, especially if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a first time homebuyer. May allow the approval of your new mortgage to occur more smoothly! The pre-approval process involves reviewing your existing payment obligations and assets, verification of your employment and reviewing your credit history. These are some of the steps as applying for an actual mortgage, so completing them upfront may save you time later.

Call me for a pre-approval or consultation: Jahan Siddiqui Manager, Mobile Mortgage Specialist Tel: 604 727 7599 Fax: 604 909 1977 E: jahangir.siddiqui@td.com mms.tdcanadatrust.com/jahangir.siddiqui/ 1

Some conditions apply.

“Let’s Get Ahead Together”

he market is screaming HOT right NOW! With historically LOW inventory, interest rates, and all time HIGH DEMAND have created the perfect storm. If you have been thinking of SELLING now is the time to act!! Give me a call and I would be more than happy to provide a no obligation FREE market evaluation report. When I work for my SELLERS I have a LEGAL obligation to make sure that they get the best VALUE for their properties. Your home may be the most VALUABLE ASSET in your life, DO NOT

engage in negotiations with people who may NOT have your best interests at heart. It does not cost you anything but your time to talk to me over the phone or invite me into your home for twenty minutes. I promise you that the FREE consultation will be INVALUABLE. Do not hesitate to call a familiar face and a name that you know you can trust. Sincerely,

Roveen Kandola

This Month’s Feature Listing 356 Pembina St, New Westminster

Approximately 4000sqft Custom built 7 bdrm 6 bath on a 6500sqft lot. With luxury features including exterior natural, cedar/hardie finishing, pine soffits, HRV and AC with 4 ton unit, radiant floor heating (6zones), Extensive lighting, high end finishings, floor to ceiling Himalayan stone interior, glass railings, sunken living room w/high sloped ceiling, 2 fireplaces, 3 skylights, 2 master bedroooms with rain head showers ensuite, chefs style kitchen w/island & spice kitchen, wine Cooler, S/S appliances, quar tz counter tops, undermounted sinks, and lots of help for the mortgage.

$1,325,000

www.RoveenKandola.com Roveen Kandola & Associates 2014

604-644-SOLD (7653)

roveenkandola@remax.net

Re/Max Real Estate Services Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave, Vancouver, BC V5Z 2M9

“Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.” — BF Skinner

“Let’s Get Ahead Together”

STOP!

What is going on with our Real Estate?

THINK

Why is my assessment SO high?!? How can we benefit from this market? When is the right time to make a move? Where would I even GO?!?

ASK

Get my opinion for FREE!! I have ten years of Real Estate Experience and would be more than happy to sit down and help you plan out a Real Estate Plan that is best suited for you. This doesn’t mean that you have to BUY or SELL today, but it will mean that you may be better suited to at least make the right decision tomorrow. The best part is that its free!! In fact if you would rather meet me in a coffee shop than your own home I will buy you coffee and I wouldn’t take up more than half an hour of your time. “Our goal is to provide a stress-free, Informative, nonpressured real estate experience that surpasses any kind of service that you have ever experienced before.”

www.RoveenKandola.com Roveen Kandola & Associates 2014

604-644-SOLD (7653)

roveenkandola@remax.net

Re/Max Real Estate Services Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave, Vancouver, BC V5Z 2M9